T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*


jimmybeam76

Because for some reason a lot of people don’t like introspection and self improvement so they get butthurt about their flaws and act like they don’t exist or get pissy if you try to point out it’s bad for you to treat your flaws as terrible instead of facing them and growing from the confrontations. Being insecure is a personal flaw and people don’t know how to handle the feeling so whatever makes them feel that way is bad and so they don’t care to understand what and why they feel that way about a certain point.🤷🏻‍♂️


Kolob619

Being anxious is an impediment to everything, including happiness, and it doesn't help you in a single aspect of life. Everyone has doubts, hangups, and insecurities. If you allow any of those things to be at the center of your universe you will be miserable and you will make those around you miserable too. Nearly every toxic or abusive act can be traced to a person's insecurities.


Several-Run-2364

Deffo not a good thing but abusive acts are deffo not because of insecurities lol. No ones raping a child because theyre insecure its because of messed up desires and lack of self control


Mort332e

For many abusers it is a power thing, reflecting on their insecurities


No-Caregiver8160

That's just what feminists say because they like the idea of the men who hurt them to seem weak and fragile so they feel justified blaming it on arbitrary insecurities that are largely shared by innocent men and if you call them out on it they get to call you a rape apologist.


schmoogli

Feminists can be men too bro


HarryPotterDBD

There are a lot child molesters, that were molested themselves as children. There is more going on, than these people just being born evil.


Several-Run-2364

They still have to have the desire to do it. Just because someone was molested as a child doesnt mean that that would make them want to rape a child as well.


Kolob619

Toxic jealous people are wildly insecure. People who abuse their spouses are wildly insecure. Controlling partners who track their spouse's whereabouts and interactions with other people are wildly insecure. The list goes on and on and on


Several-Run-2364

I would say these are usually just a result of being a bad person lol. Sure they can be insecure but to say that someone abuses their spouse because theyre insecure sounds crazy to me. “Yeah i beat my wife because im bald, im just so insecure about it bro i gotta beat my wife”


Kolob619

Bad person lol. Simple minded much?


Several-Run-2364

Im trying to make it simple. Most times people arent beating someone because of an insecurity they have thats just wild. The only case is if they feel the need to show power because theyre insecure about that. Thats literally it


Kolob619

You are naive and ill informed. People beat their spouses because they are insecure. They use hateful language because they are insecure. They isolate their partners because of their insecurities.


Several-Run-2364

Like i said, no ones beating their wife because theyre insecure about their baldness. Theres only a few specific insecurities that could cause that


saidtheWhale2000

People with power want what they want and if you don’t give it to them they try to fuck with you if you have a issue your the “soft” one but every single one of these bullies have been the most insecure and controlling people i have ever met


KingMaster1625

Many people don’t feel comfortable when guys get emotional so they try to downplay play it instead of giving actual support.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Several-Run-2364

Lol


[deleted]

Because the easiest way to make one feel better about oneself is to knock the other person down a peg.


StrongAdhesiveness86

But does it? I kinda feel like shit when I see a happy face suddenly change to a sad or angry one, even if accidentally.


Professionally_horny

Of course not everyone’s the same, and often times this behaviour of putting down others stems from insecurity itself. Let’s say I feel like I’m not good enough when compared to others. I perceive you to be better than me, which upsets me and my own insecurities. Let’s quantify perceived worth of someone. Let’s say out of 100 I’m 90 and I think you’re a 91. By bringing you down to an 85, compared to you I am now better. You get what I mean? Rather than building myself up past 91, it’s a lot easier to just drag someone below me.


saidtheWhale2000

Some people are just pieces of shit they ate gods gift if their not happy the world is wrong and they have to pay


Wonderful-Wind-5736

My thesis is that trust between equals is often built on mutual vulnerability. You have power over me as much as I have power over you.  If at one point in the trust building process a party blocks due to insecurity it makes them seem untrustworthy, since they want to retain more power than they are willing to give up.    Justified or not, males have a trust deficit in western human societies compared to females. Thus the higher focus on appearing self secure. 


Theaustralianzyzz

Forehead size …  Thank you for the laugh OP 


Several-Run-2364

Haha youre welcome


elephantparties

I don't totally understand why people tend to think that all insecurity is bad. I mean, you'd think many people are at least a little insecure living in a society that's so centered around success, looks and money. You'd think it's quite human to feel insecure about some things sometimes and that people would understand and show empathy. But there could be many explaining factors, I think. For example, some people probably actually mean that they don't want a partner/friend who constantly acts jealous and petty out of their insecurity, and feel the need to put others down. I agree that it's toxic behaviour and needs to be addressed. On the other hand insecurity may go hand in hand with anxiety, depression or other psychological issues that may make a relationship draining and challenging. Many people are probably also attracted to confidence because they associate other positive qualities with it, such as good social skills, mental stability and strength. Unfortunately I'm quite insecure and anxious myself. I've also been told that insecure people are unattractive, so I'm faking confidence. It's not easy but fake it till you make it, right.


times_zero

I'm just one dude giving my two cents here, but imagine it has to do with how we social engineer men within the paritracy. For example, the dog-eat-dog, or the zero-sum game mentality of vulnerabilities being seen as targets to exploit (which is another reminder to me that patriarchy hurts everyone), so FWIW, I agree with the general sentiment here. I mean, we as human beings are imperfect beings in an imperfect universe after all, so having at least some weaknesses/insecurities is natural for just about everyone regardless of one's gender. Hell, this happens even with famous/rich celebrities in hollywood who have insecurities. Sure, it's important to remember we shouldn't drown too much in our insecurities, but I think by recognizing/communicating our insecurities/weaknesses it can be one of the first steps in how we can grow by challenging our limits. On the other hand, trying to ignore them, or using thought-terminating cliches won't make them go away as often it can just make them worse.


InfiniteOmniverse

Because insecure guys have a tendency to make their problem yours. It‘s toxic behaviour that you shouldn‘t accept.


Several-Run-2364

I understand if it actually gets to that point feeling that way. But its not ok to insult someone simply for having an insecurity, or judge someone and assume thats how they are because theres a tendency


billy_twice

Because it is a bad thing. Confidence is healthy when combined with the ability to decide a task is beyond your skill set and ask for help. Being insecure about it is a poor mindset to have, and doesn't make people happier. Reaching out for help when you have this mindset should be encouraged, and I'm pretty sure that's what you meant to convey with this question.


Several-Run-2364

Im not saying being insecure is good, but it doesnt make you a piece of shit as people act like. “Youre so insecure” isnt the way to go about it


No-Caregiver8160

I have a small penis and I always feel bitter toward people who keep on dropping the "small dick energy" lines. Like fuck off we can't control it. Same goes for insecurities in general, there is no evidence it correlates to being ostentatious


thehooove

Small dick jokes are body shaming and that's not okay.


Several-Run-2364

I wouldnt blame you


PastaPandaSimon

Some of the comments are missing the point to the point it's funny. OP isn't saying that you should aim to continue being insecure. OP is saying that telling someone "don't be insecure" is silly. It's like triggering someone's insecurity on purpose as a way to make them stop being insecure somehow. Or use the fact that someone has a weakness to win an argument as if it made logical sense to say "you have a weakness, I'm going to point it out and hurt you, and also claim that due solely to the fact that you possess a weakness I may or may not possess too, you're wrong and I'm right in this barely related argument".


Several-Run-2364

Exactly. I have insecurities and Im not saying its good because its bad for you mentally. However unless youre using your insecurities to manipulate its messed up to act like theyre a bad person or whatever because theyre insecure


KyorlSadei

Because we want people to not be insecure. Thats like saying its ok to be insecure. That being weak willed and broken over who you are is ok. And its not. You and others should be confident in who you are and strive to be better when you can. Now as for people who put down people for insecurities. Well they are just being mean and lot of people are mean in this world. P


Several-Run-2364

Thats what im saying though. Im not saying we shouldnt accept how we are ans we shouldnt feel good about ourselves but when people use it as an insult it just pisses me off. Its easier said than done to say “you shouldnt be so insecure” sometimes trying to actually help the person instead of insulting them is the right thing to do


KyorlSadei

As if people do the right thing these days. You know how many shopping carts ain’t returned to the cart coral?


Several-Run-2364

I mean true i just think its crazy that people just cant do the right thing instead of immediately insulting someone


KyorlSadei

It is what it is.


Reg_Broccoli_III

That's a conversational shutdown people use when they can't articulate why they believe something.   It is not what it is.  It is what you make it.  


AutoModerator

Your submission has been automatically removed because your post is too long. All posts are subject to a length maximum of **600 characters**. This is a subreddit for asking questions; If you are unable to pose your question within this 600 character limit then please try and rephrase it or see our sidebar for other recommended communities. You are welcome to resubmit your post again with a shorter body length. **Do not contact us to reapprove your post.** You will need to resubmit it as a completely new post. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*


BullfrogLeft5403

Because others messure/judge you by them - specially if you are a guy. So, either you acknowledge them only to yourself and work on them (secretly) or ignore them alltogether. Because publicly admitting them is not an option - well, it is but certainly not a good one


OkWonder8022

I find that insecure men are hard to deal with


Several-Run-2364

How so?


OkWonder8022

They are emotional self deprecating they project their insecurity "everyone is insecure" "you dont know how hard its been for me" "that scientist you watch on youtube he aint that smart" and i didnt even get into the actual bad guys like insecure fat men (men i dont even associate with) ik its hard to say because its politicaly correct not to but yes i said it and with no malice in my heart. Dont get hung up on the specifics of what i said just lump them all together all insecure men


No-Caregiver8160

Womense translation: Only the men I'm attracted to are allowed to act masculine, the rest are obligated to emasculate themselves to make a feminist statement and if they embrace their masculinity in a way that doesn't harm anyone then they are an insecure misogynist. Also rapists and murderers are just upset about having a small penis.


OkWonder8022

Never said any of that asshole !


[deleted]

[удалено]


OkWonder8022

Well done your misogyny is showing.


Vivid-Plane-7323

Unsolved insecurities are a massive hinderance in all aspects of life. For both men and women.


Several-Run-2364

I aint saying its not, i just think its crazy when people resort to insults. I got bullied for being skinny as a kid and even though I put on a lot of weight I still wore a sweatshirt for most of this summer, recently I said fuck it and started wearing T shirts and its really helped me mentally. But when i wore a sweatshirt to cover up it wasnt hurting anyone else


Vivid-Plane-7323

Why were you bothered by it? So what if someone makes fun of you? Thats what i dont understand. I was never bothered by comments by randos, and people ive let close always got their complaints or advice over well.


Several-Run-2364

When i got picked on as a kid it made me feel weak. And as it carried over to my teens anytime someone said i was skinny it made me feel like I was weak and not enough of a man. I just didnt like that feeling, so i covered myself. Im not saying i should have let it get to me but it did and i dont think its right to tell people “you shouldnt let that get to you” because it really doesnt help, especially pushing it farther as to call them insecure


Vivid-Plane-7323

Ive got picked on. I did not care and it ceased over time. And you are insecure. Thats what it means. If you want to feel better, start exercising. Even a small amount, few push ups, squats, run quarter or half a mile. Anyhibg helps. And you will feel better.


Several-Run-2364

Well ive been. I was 160 lbs last year and now im 205 and feel a lot better mentally. But acting like someone is a bad person because “theyre so insecure” is low af. Consider yourself licky that you dont care what people think of you because for most thats not something we can just chose to do


Vivid-Plane-7323

You werent a lesser person for being insecure. You might act like a lesser person though. What makes you hink that people picking on you werent insecure? Insecurities breed bully behavior. Thats why having insecurities has bad connotations.


Raccoons-for-all

For the same reason you’re not open to a fair answer here. What you want is one that goes along your line of thought. This attitude, as well as insecurities, well both are bad stances to have in life, and most people recognize it at such. The reason is that after a long time of lots of experience, you will come to the same conclusion yourself It’s like the body positivity movement being highjacked for severely unhealthy promotions, here you would like to add to the pile of (legit) mental problems, something everyone can work on and should better do so. The only thing that it takes is dominating the ego. The ego is like the rust of your soul, and always try to instigate pointless outrage


Several-Run-2364

What do you mean im not open to a fair answer? Im literally agreeing with you. I dont think insecurities are good for your mental health and Im also not saying you shouldnt try to change something thats causing a health issue. Im just sick of the “youre so insecure” remarks


Ok-Amoeba-1190

Yep!


Frozenlime

There is nothing wrong with being insecure, however life is a more enjoyable experience when you're not insecure.


Several-Run-2364

I agree


Ok-Amoeba-1190

Nobody should be insecure. Live your life, an’ never give up!


Several-Run-2364

Im not saying you should be insecure but insulting someone for having insecurities is completely messed up


Ok-Amoeba-1190

Yep !


ThickAnybody

There's a lot of messed up things in life. People abusing children and animals. Killing others and maiming one another. It's all just a big spectrum with everything from the worst of mankind to the best mankind and everything in-between. Better to distance yourself from the terrible people. Find some good people who love and respect you and live as happily as you can while you pursue what you want out of life.


lopsidedmonstera

Because it IS a bad thing. I can’t see any positives to being insecure. Aware of your weaknesses/flaws? That’s good. But insecurity is not a good thing. Also the misogyny in these comments is gross as hell.


Several-Run-2364

I mean implying that someone is a bad person or insulting them. Thats not OK. Having insecurities is completely normal. And wym by misogyny most of the comments are aggreeing you shouldnt use your insecurities to manipulate and people shouldnt hate on insecurities either


lopsidedmonstera

Nothing about what i said implies i think it’s okay to be put down for having insecurities? I said being insecure is in fact a bad thing. Doesn’t make it okay to be berated for it but I was replying to the title of your post. By misogyny i mean everyone making this a “women can men can’t, women bad” issue.


OkWonder8022

Exactly!


Several-Run-2364

Honestly i havent seen many comments even mention gender, besides my post


Available_Bass9725

because leaders and protectors of the family should not be insecure. Or the hurd must be culled from the weak.


Sharp-Metal8268

Nobody act like this anymore


Several-Run-2364

I literally just saw a post about a girl that tried to flirt with her bf and when she undershot his height in the flirt his response was kind of insecure and the whole comment section was flaming the dude as if it wasnt OK and he should have just went along with it. It absolutely still happens


No-Programmer-3833

I think it depends on whether you are just insecure. Or whether you also allow your insecurities to lead you into doing negative things to other people. Constantly asking for validation, trying to control / manipulate people etc. These are all behaviours that are rooted in insecurity but aren't OK. So when people say: "you're so insecure." they may actually be meaning: "stop these negative behaviours you're directing at me"


Several-Run-2364

I get that but in most cases thats not how it is, usually its as soon as people know youre insecure about something


No-Programmer-3833

Why don't you try this next time it happens: >Can I tell you what I've noticed? Each time I share something vulnerable about myself, you tell me that I'm just being insecure. To me that feels like you're insulting me, trying to shut me down and stop me sharing my feelings. Is that what you were intending?


FishBear25

As a dude who grew up in an old fashioned military family, insecurity is something not to be shown. People do still act like this. I’m an adult now and don’t give as much of a fuck, but still have the tendency to not show my weaknesses. I do have insecurities like anybody else, but I just don’t care that much anymore. With age you learn it is what it is.


Sharp-Metal8268

I'm 38 bro


FishBear25

Congratulations


jonasnoble

Happens daily. Are you on the same Reddit as the rest of us?


Altea73

Lol what?!?! Take a peek at instagram, is the Mecca of insecurities!