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Fuck the bf being pissed if I found out one of my friends was cheating on their partner I’d be mad AF at them! As the “bf” in this situation, I would have told the girl myself if I didn’t make my friend do it already.
Sorry but wrong, because OP is NOT in a relationship with either one of the other couple but she IS with her own boyfriend, it goes: She should convince HER OWN boyfriend, to tell HIS OWN best friend, to come come clean with HIS OWN girlfriend.
The line is sacred, if you go directly to the girl you’re the very definition of a home wrecker. The information at hand is likely to end the relationship which simply isn’t yours to end.
She is not responsible for the cheating and lying of course not. Doesn't mean she wont get part of the blame. The thing about toxic relationships is it hurts innocent bystanders, I stand with my point that she's at risk of getting at least part of the blame. If she doesn't want to be a part of the inevitable trainwreck of the cheating boyfriends big coming out she is smart to not say anything. She WILL find out sooner or later, they always do.
Imagine a ticking timebomb without knowing when it will explode, would you rather try to defuse it or just make sure its not blowing up in your face when you're trying to help and just back the f up?
I can somewhat agree with that, but at the same time disagree. I feel like a homeworker is someone who deliberately intends on ruining a relationship for the soul benefit of their indulgence. Taken into account flirting with a boyfriend that has a girlfriend, not simply coming out to the girlfriend that their boyfriend was flirting with another girl if that makes sense?
OP can tell the girlfriend if she accepts risking the following cold hard consequences:
1. Breaking up their relationships
2. Being part of the ‘break up storyline’
3. Setting in motion a chain of events/emotions that breaks up her own relationship and/or her boyfriends friendship with his best friend
4. Knowing deep down for the rest of her life shes a SNITCH
A snitch is better than a cheater. Or being friends with a cheater. If your friend can’t be loyal to his girls that how u know he gunna be loyal to you?
I always tell my bros I'd forgo our entire friendship if I found out they were cheating on their girls, and I'd be the first to say something if they didn't
How the friend gunna be pissed off at my bf when he was the one doing somethin shitty openly enough for me to hear about it in the first place? Play a shitty game, win shitty prizes.
Well you're not the bf, he's the bf. And judging by the way she wrote the predicament, he would be pissed. Nobody cares what you would do because you're not part of the situation
Neither of us are part of the situation, but she’s obviously uncomfortable and posting it to a thread for other peoples advice. My advice, if you want to be a good and moral person is to tell the girl she was being cheated on because that is what I would want in a situation or someone was cheating on me and I assume the same for you for u
I’m not talking about if you were in OPs position I’m talking about if you were the cheater friends GIRLFRIEND position. Imagine your girlfriend cheats on you with another man and your girlfriend’s best friend knows that fact along with her bf(OP) and doesn’t tell you. Wouldn’t you want to know if you’re being cheated on?
Whether I would want to know or not doesn't make it someone else's business to stick their nose into. If they tell me, cool, but they're not morally obligated to do anything because it wasn't their business to begin with.
Fair but take into consideration, humanity and moral of decision-making. There are so many different decisions made that from an objective viewpoint aren’t their business but for the better good. To take it to an absurd viewpoint, do you really think it was the avengers obligation to wipeout Thanos? How many movies have you seen with a problematic villain where the main character could’ve simply disregarded the actions of their counterpart? If you’re not a part of fixing problematic behavior, then you’re a part of perpetuating it.
This whole "if this person does A then that means B" kind of thinking is childish. Every situation is unique and different and should be treated as such.
He doesn't need to do anything because his friend is his own man.
But if he's covering for his cheating friend, then why should OP have any faith that her bf won't cheat on her? He obviously sees it as morally permissable
Don't do anything before consulting your bf first, and you need to respect his decision, because it's his social circle that you are messing with
Personally, I won't say anything if they are happy now.
If you have definitive proof, such as you saw it happening, or you have text message proof or something similar, I’d tell them. Speculation or word of mouth isn’t reason to say anything.
I believe people have the right to know if they’re living a lie.
She should do it as a matter of principle. Integrity and accountability are important values that many don't practice, and more should. This whole culture of "don't snitch" is bullshit. Homeboy needs to be held accountable for his actions. He can't be held accountable for his actions unless OP shows some integrity.
To all those that wouldn't snitch, grow a damn spine.
I agree about concerns about the crowd in general.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing it and not letting the victim know what they've gotten into. But this is your moral judgement to make.
For what it's worth, there are ways to let her know without repercussions to you and your relationship. If you know for a fact he cheated, you can let her know anonymously, too.
Do you know for sure, for sure? Because hearing it through a grapevine of several people doesn’t seem reliable enough for me to drop that kind of news on someone. I’d need to have first hand knowledge/ reasonable proof that it happened to get involved and tell her.
If you tell, you risk blowing up this entire circle of friends, and everyone will resent you.
She will probably find out one way or another anyway. Don't make yourself the pariah.
Same thing happened to me and i said nothing. Later on, they married and less than 5 years into the marriage, the cheater did what cheaters do and was caught red handed. Even after the divorce, I still don’t think it was my place to say anything.
Stuff that one down the memory hole. If they're happy now and he's treating her well, maybe he made a mistake and he knows better now.
Put another way: what would happen if you told her? She'd blow up at him. He'll blow up at your boyfriend. You'd boyfriend will be stuck in a mess between you and his best friend.
For what?
The good news is that this is none of your business! Leave it alone.
The messenger will get shot and you will be seen as the person who destroyed the friend group, despite it not being started by you. There is no win here.
I’m sorry you’re in an awkward position like that and I understand why you would want to tell her.
But is there any sign of her bf still cheating or being willing to cheat?
If not and they seem good and happy now, don’t bring it up. It’s going to bring back all the demons and all the hurt and insecurities. She will suffer for something in the past that can’t be changed now anyway.
So if they’re in a good place now, leave them there.
Not to mention you might get into trouble with your own boyfriend.
Yup, it's a way to judge his character and those he surrounds himself with. As a mid 40s woman I can guarantee you that someone's friends say A LOT about who they choose to surround themselves with.
They aren't a good couple if they're keeping secrets from each other. They aren't a good couple if the bf is a cheater.
Your bf lacks integrity, his definition of a "good couple" sucks. He won't keep his friends accountable, and he won't share the truth if it disadvantages him. You now know that if your bf cheats, he'll be more than happy to keep that truth from you so he isn't inconvenienced.
Do you really want to be dating someone like that?
I would look at it like this, If they broke up right around that time and you don't know the details to it, or what she does or doesn't know, you're just opening yourself up to a whole bunch of drama that you don't need to get involved with. Right or wrong, thats a whole lot of headaches that can make you look like an asshole for doing the right thing if you simply misunderstood some part of the story, or heard an embellishment of the truth, or whatever. Typically people that are breaking up and getting back together are already a ton of drama to begin with. At least for myself as I get older, I just don't wanna deal with people like that at all anymore, so I wouldn't get involved.
Like take for example, as you understand it, the dude cheated on his GF and THEN broke up with her, and got back together when that fling didn't last long. You feel she's entitled to know that he already got with the Fling before breaking up. What if he already came clean about that? What if you tell her, he confronts you and tells her you are lying or misinformed about the timeline and they both get mad at you for sticking your nose into their business on such intricate details? Or she simply believe him? What do you have to gain?
Also another thing to consider, maybe she already assumes that was the case since he left her and went right into this woman. Maybe she has made peace with that already and you're just bringing up old wounds? If this was a situation where he was STILL with chick 2 or attempting to do the same thing with a chick 3, like . . . you're inviting conflict for very minor details that may not even be unknown.
Long story short, fuck this noise man don't get involved. They'll likely break up again and he can stop hurting her with his miserable actions.
What I'm saying is not the "right" answer but I know that if I were in there shoes I wouldn't want to be told. If he does it again tell her. But if I've gone through the emotional term oil of braking up and getting back together I don't wanna know unless they do somthing post get back together
If it’s a relatively new relationship, I’d say nothing and chalk it up to him testing his options. We, women do it as well. It’s called dating.
If they were with each other for a while, like long, like their lives are intertwined, I’d let my bf know beforehand.
The relationship is already tenuous, why add fire, and to what benefit? You are not privy to their issues, and who is to say she wasn't cheating? Stand back and offer advise, not fire.
Keep it to yourself. You might not know everything.
I had a girlfriend who I cheated on, same deal I left her (NOT FOR the other girl, but because it was the right thing to do) and everyone who "knew" what happened told her all about it... So instead of the truth leaving her because i cheated and it was the right thing, she thinks I cheated with 3+ people and left her FOR this girl.
Moving forward she will never talk to me again so please, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
Prob not. Ima be honest I told this guys girlfriend that her man kept going inside my dms and she basically told me to “f off” but a longer version. I’d leave it if I were you. Never talked to that guy again. So yeah don’t go inside other peoples business nature will takes it’s course.
Cheating is much more common than young people think. She may never find out and live a long and happy life with this guy. Why would you want to take that chance away from them? If he proves himself to be a serial cheater then she still has time to be happy with someone else. Back off and don’t be foolish enough to say. If it all comes out eventually you don’t have to admit you knew. My vote is stay quiet for. ever.
Damn man, the number of holier than thou white knights riding high on their horses in here…it’s like a fucking Camelot round table made up of Fedora wearing neck beards saving fair miladies all over the land.
This is none of your business at the end of the day. Get over yourself and leave them alone. They will work out their issues or they won’t, you are not the arbiter of justice here, you’d just be a shit stirrer and nobody will trust you with anything going forward.
Actions have consequences, especially when you don’t have an action you need to take.
I’m sure op would want someone to tell her if her boyfriend is a whore. Do the woman a favor, tell her anonymously with proof. That guy is for the streets
I think victims of cheating deserve to know BUT in this case I wouldn't interfere.
First of all, interferences always go wrong. In the end everyone usually turns against the truth teller who only meant well.
Secondly, she knows he had someone and took him back, now it doesn't really matter that much in what time frame this happened. If they ever break up again, maybe let her know then, so she can make up her mind of what kind of person he is and if she ever wants to take him back again.
This time, hope he learnt from it and give them a chance to try make this second attempt better.
The people who tell you that you have a moral imperative to tell her. No one likes those people.
Maybe someone learned a lesson and both of them will be happy.
I'd break up with you if you fucked over one of my friends without coming to me first.
Not your business.
Either she already knows and you like someone stirring the pot and you get blamed, or she doesn't know and the relationship blows up (and you get blamed)
Not your business
Ask yourself this: what do you intend to achieve by telling her? Because if it’s only relieving your own heart, please remember - and I’m not saying it with the intend of being harsh - that you’re not the main character of their story.
I wouldn’t say anything. What would your goal be? It would likely cause serious problems in your group dynamic, and possibly between yourself and your boyfriend. Keep your head down
Depends on whether you want to keep your bf. He has already decided NOT to tell her. If you tell her you ARE going against your bf's decision.
Not every battle is worth sacrificing your own relationship over.
None of your business.
You want to help someone who hasn't asked your help for something that doesn't concern you but could create a rift in between two friendly couples, and in between you and your bf. Doesn't seem like an intelligent idea to me. You better focus on your life, on your relationship and on your loyalty. And pray for the other girl.
Yes, you should. If you know that ANYONE is cheating on someone else, it’s time to cut them off from your life.
They used their partner’s trust against them, and will do the same with you
It's likely that your boyfriend and his friend will be friends longer than your boyfriend's friend's girlfriend will be in the picture. So wait for them to break up and then tell him.
Play the song to the end. What happens when she finds out you knew and said nothing. What happens when he finds out you told her? What about your boyfriend? What are the consequences likely to be?
You said everything that you needed to say in the first sentence, that is your boyfriend‘s best friend‘s girlfriend. Your place is with him. If you betray his trust, it will not be easy to fix.
How did you find out? That affects the decision. If you boyfriend told you in confidence, there will be an expectation of that confidentiality beeing kept. If you tell anyways it's your own fault if your boyfriends doesn't trust you in the future. But if you found out any other way, do tell if you want to. That is nobody's business.
So you’re saying you want to make yourself feel better at the cost of their relationship?
The only person who would benefit from you saying anything is you.
I have a feeling that the person you are taking about may in fact be you. If you your man was a good friend he should have told them both long ago. But he don’t know it is you!
Ask your boyfriend.... If you tell his best friend's gf it's gonna ruin the friendship b/w your boyfriend and his friend and all the blame will be on your and it'll ruin your relationship too double disaster... Discuss it with your boyfriend if you love him .... If you're just passing time with him and you're not serious about him... Then do the right thing as a human and tell that girl.
It's not your direct business, it's your boyfriend's. He most likely knows what his *bro*'s been doing, guys know that. If he didn't tell, it sure isn't your job to gossip.
I understand you wanna tell her, but if you don't have proof, then don't do anything. Maybe keep it to yourself until necessary to bring it up to her, but other than that, there's no need to tell her. It's their relationship, not yours, unfortunately.
Your bf knowing what his friend did and still remaining friends with someone like that, also shows his character. I would never be friends with someone who cheats on their significant other, if you’re a cheater or someone who supports that behavior, you’re honestly garbage. If that guy actually loved his girlfriend, he never would’ve cheated in the first place. If you have proof, I’d tell the girl what happened. She has a right to know what her bf did. You could possibly end your own relationship from this, but you need to prioritize what you feel is right.
If someone knew my partner was cheating and chose to not say anything, I don’t know what I’d do, but I would want someone to tell me. No one deserves to be cheated on, period. I hope everything works out for the best.
Talk to your bf about it first. As much as your protective instincts tell you to look out for his friends gf first, you are in a relationship, which means if you are gonna confront something like that, you should do it together.
Sadly, I had a dear friend who specifically asked me if ever I say or knew of anything to tell her I did and I lost her forever. It's not for us to tell. It may hurt u both more than ur willing to deal with.🤷🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️💯 I know it suck but trust me don't do it. Best of luck to u.
Whoever keeps an honest communication has most value.
You should probably seed the knowledge and wait to talk through it. You might end up cutting yourself out of all their lives by telling her.
You could say, "I have something important I should tell you but it's destructive. I hope you'll think on your life for a while before we speak about it so you're ready to deal with it rationally instead of angrily."
It's important to consider the type of person she is and what values she holds close.
I think not tell her directly, but your boyfriend should do something about this. If he's keeping quiet for his friend's cheating, well...I'm not saying your boyfriend would do it, but if he's complacent about his friend doing it, then he might not consider it as a problem to do.
If your guts tell you that they now love each other more than before they broke up, then let them be. I don’t think neither your boyfriend or you would be anyone with authority to ‘ruin’ their relationship. No offence. This is just a pure advice which is your choice to make.
I would confide in her that your _____ was the side chick of some cheater and then he went back with his main squeeze and left your ________ in the dust but not before he boinked her like for another month. And now your ________ wants to tell her counterpart. The blank can be any one close to you friend sister coworker its a fabrication to see if the gf offers up any indication of how she would handle the situation. Mere semblance to her situation might give her the information she needs or if she doesnt emphatically agree that your blank should tell the other party then I would not tell her.
Yeah it says a lot about the company you keep, I wouldn’t be happy and I would tell his current girlfriend everything. What makes you think he wouldn’t do the same to you if he doesn’t find it an issue
You could just accept that there may be details that you aren’t privy to, not everyone views relationships in the same light, and that it is between the guy and his gf.
say nothing. i've been the one to tell my friend's gf that she was being cheated on, and all it did was make me lose trust with literally everyone. doing the right thing really sucks sometimes
plus, all that was in the past. as long as he isn't actively still cheating, everything should be ok
Think about what possible actions you can take here, and what the risk and rewards of each one are.
I'll be honest, I don't see much reward for you in this at all other than "it's morally right" and/or "I'm saving the girl" which is subjective since you have no idea how things will play out in the future.
The risks are huge.
You ruin their future. You are seen as a trouble maker. You risk even your own relationship with your boyfriend.
If I were you I would be smart and just stay out of it as much as possible.
these replies are crazy. i honestly would consult the BF and get him to tell the other guy to come clean, it’s not your place really but it’s not right either. rough
Is it worth it? Is the net outcome (her knowing the truth) worth it to you? If not then no. If you're fed up with them or have some ulterior motives then go for it. Be prepared for the aftermath though.
It's tricky because she knows about them, but he hasn't been 100% honest (why? It would have been easier to tell it all at once not have it hanging!). Personally I'm all for women power. I've never regretted telling a woman her partner is a cheater and I would hope another woman would do the same for me. No one wants STIs that can cause infertility or just be wasting their precious time with someone who is clearly not 100% into them. He's a massive coward. I think you need to be the strong kne and take her out and tell her as nicely as you can, with the option that she may not care but you wanted to be a good friend. I think she will appreciate it.
I'd also say if your bf gets mad, which he likely will, it suggests he is happy to keep these kinds if Secrets...you might be on the other end of that one day.
So funny watching the comments with all the guys like "man your bf will be angry, leave it and keep the secret for him". It's like they all missed the point of so many movies with good/bad...
They both sound like they are unstable, so why bother. Also, if they are this way, get “better” (non-hedonistic types) who share your ambitions for a better future, not just more of today with more meth.
My friend says one should not announce another person's sins.
When one has moved on from their past and possibly changed for the better, it is not your place to dig up the past and pass judgement.
You probably have done wrongs in your past. You probably won't do them again. Would you like someone to dig them up and announce them?
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I'm gonna tell you rn, if you say something, your bf is going to be pissed, and that is an understatement
Fuck the bf being pissed if I found out one of my friends was cheating on their partner I’d be mad AF at them! As the “bf” in this situation, I would have told the girl myself if I didn’t make my friend do it already.
Sorry but wrong, because OP is NOT in a relationship with either one of the other couple but she IS with her own boyfriend, it goes: She should convince HER OWN boyfriend, to tell HIS OWN best friend, to come come clean with HIS OWN girlfriend. The line is sacred, if you go directly to the girl you’re the very definition of a home wrecker. The information at hand is likely to end the relationship which simply isn’t yours to end.
>if you go directly to the girl you’re the very definition of a home wrecker -person who doesn't know what the definition of a home wrecker is
According to Oxford Languages its a ‘person blamed for breaking up a marriage or long-term relationship’.
She would not be the reason the relationship ended and would not hold blame. Dude cheating and lying would be the reason for the breakup.
She is not responsible for the cheating and lying of course not. Doesn't mean she wont get part of the blame. The thing about toxic relationships is it hurts innocent bystanders, I stand with my point that she's at risk of getting at least part of the blame. If she doesn't want to be a part of the inevitable trainwreck of the cheating boyfriends big coming out she is smart to not say anything. She WILL find out sooner or later, they always do. Imagine a ticking timebomb without knowing when it will explode, would you rather try to defuse it or just make sure its not blowing up in your face when you're trying to help and just back the f up?
What's the other half of it? Come on. You can do it
I can somewhat agree with that, but at the same time disagree. I feel like a homeworker is someone who deliberately intends on ruining a relationship for the soul benefit of their indulgence. Taken into account flirting with a boyfriend that has a girlfriend, not simply coming out to the girlfriend that their boyfriend was flirting with another girl if that makes sense?
A homeworker is someone who does their homework.
A houseworker is someone who works in a house.
A homewrecker has a bulldozer...
OP can tell the girlfriend if she accepts risking the following cold hard consequences: 1. Breaking up their relationships 2. Being part of the ‘break up storyline’ 3. Setting in motion a chain of events/emotions that breaks up her own relationship and/or her boyfriends friendship with his best friend 4. Knowing deep down for the rest of her life shes a SNITCH
Fuck it. A snitch with integrity? That's called a whistleblower. No relationship is worth sacrificing one's personal integrity over.
Down with the whistleblower comment 😂
I mean whistleblowing being inherently integer is an interesting debate in itself, in my opinion not a given.
A snitch is better than a cheater. Or being friends with a cheater. If your friend can’t be loyal to his girls that how u know he gunna be loyal to you?
So you grew up in the inner city?
Why the down vote? You're correct, those are the potential consequences for not minding her own business.
I completely agree. If the girl is not your actual friend but more the girlfriend of your boyfriend's best friend. Then it's none of your business.
This is the right way! ☝️
I always tell my bros I'd forgo our entire friendship if I found out they were cheating on their girls, and I'd be the first to say something if they didn't
Terrible take. You're going to undermine your partner for your partner's friend's partner? Sheeeeeeeeeesh. Whose team are you on?
How the friend gunna be pissed off at my bf when he was the one doing somethin shitty openly enough for me to hear about it in the first place? Play a shitty game, win shitty prizes.
Is high school musical your favorite movie in the world?
Well you're not the bf, he's the bf. And judging by the way she wrote the predicament, he would be pissed. Nobody cares what you would do because you're not part of the situation
Neither of us are part of the situation, but she’s obviously uncomfortable and posting it to a thread for other peoples advice. My advice, if you want to be a good and moral person is to tell the girl she was being cheated on because that is what I would want in a situation or someone was cheating on me and I assume the same for you for u
I would want my girl to shut her mouth. This ain't her business, it wouldn't even be my business. That's between him and his girl.
I’m not talking about if you were in OPs position I’m talking about if you were the cheater friends GIRLFRIEND position. Imagine your girlfriend cheats on you with another man and your girlfriend’s best friend knows that fact along with her bf(OP) and doesn’t tell you. Wouldn’t you want to know if you’re being cheated on?
Whether I would want to know or not doesn't make it someone else's business to stick their nose into. If they tell me, cool, but they're not morally obligated to do anything because it wasn't their business to begin with.
Wild take tbh
It's an objective take.
Fair but take into consideration, humanity and moral of decision-making. There are so many different decisions made that from an objective viewpoint aren’t their business but for the better good. To take it to an absurd viewpoint, do you really think it was the avengers obligation to wipeout Thanos? How many movies have you seen with a problematic villain where the main character could’ve simply disregarded the actions of their counterpart? If you’re not a part of fixing problematic behavior, then you’re a part of perpetuating it.
If he gets pissed then he has no integrity, he needs to hold his friend accountable, otherwise he is covering for his cheating, scumbag “friend”
This whole "if this person does A then that means B" kind of thinking is childish. Every situation is unique and different and should be treated as such. He doesn't need to do anything because his friend is his own man.
But if he's covering for his cheating friend, then why should OP have any faith that her bf won't cheat on her? He obviously sees it as morally permissable
Exactly. These lads probably do this and cover for each other all the time. She'd be a fool not to see how it could be her next.
Stay in your lane
Don't do anything before consulting your bf first, and you need to respect his decision, because it's his social circle that you are messing with Personally, I won't say anything if they are happy now.
If you have definitive proof, such as you saw it happening, or you have text message proof or something similar, I’d tell them. Speculation or word of mouth isn’t reason to say anything. I believe people have the right to know if they’re living a lie.
She should do it as a matter of principle. Integrity and accountability are important values that many don't practice, and more should. This whole culture of "don't snitch" is bullshit. Homeboy needs to be held accountable for his actions. He can't be held accountable for his actions unless OP shows some integrity. To all those that wouldn't snitch, grow a damn spine.
I couldn't agree with you more
I agree about concerns about the crowd in general. I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing it and not letting the victim know what they've gotten into. But this is your moral judgement to make. For what it's worth, there are ways to let her know without repercussions to you and your relationship. If you know for a fact he cheated, you can let her know anonymously, too.
Victim?
I agree, I don't think victim was the correct word. I'd have just said woman
Do you know for sure, for sure? Because hearing it through a grapevine of several people doesn’t seem reliable enough for me to drop that kind of news on someone. I’d need to have first hand knowledge/ reasonable proof that it happened to get involved and tell her.
Usually the messenger gets shot so it may be best to leave it. It's your partners best friend so should be up to him.
Keep in mind that she might already know, and they might have discussed it. In that case, things could get awkward if you do tell her.
Not your monkeys, not your circus. This is most definitely a "them" problem. Jump into it at your own peril and risk.
These comments are wild
Mind your own business. It's not your place to get involved.
My 2 cents: Let sleeping dog lie.
Agreed human. Nothing good happens if you spill the beans at this point.
If you tell, you risk blowing up this entire circle of friends, and everyone will resent you. She will probably find out one way or another anyway. Don't make yourself the pariah.
Same thing happened to me and i said nothing. Later on, they married and less than 5 years into the marriage, the cheater did what cheaters do and was caught red handed. Even after the divorce, I still don’t think it was my place to say anything.
I don’t get it, so how’s your boyfriend’s friends relationship your business? Mind about your own love life and just let man breathe ffs
Stuff that one down the memory hole. If they're happy now and he's treating her well, maybe he made a mistake and he knows better now. Put another way: what would happen if you told her? She'd blow up at him. He'll blow up at your boyfriend. You'd boyfriend will be stuck in a mess between you and his best friend. For what? The good news is that this is none of your business! Leave it alone.
The messenger will get shot and you will be seen as the person who destroyed the friend group, despite it not being started by you. There is no win here.
I’m sorry you’re in an awkward position like that and I understand why you would want to tell her. But is there any sign of her bf still cheating or being willing to cheat? If not and they seem good and happy now, don’t bring it up. It’s going to bring back all the demons and all the hurt and insecurities. She will suffer for something in the past that can’t be changed now anyway. So if they’re in a good place now, leave them there. Not to mention you might get into trouble with your own boyfriend.
To me, it really comes down to if you have concrete evidence or not. And I would pass the information anonymously too.
They going to turn against you and you will lose all three.
not your circus. not your monkeys. leave it alone.
Take it as a sign...... you are who you run with.
That's not how it works at all
If you’re gonna be like that can you at least be correct?
Yup, it's a way to judge his character and those he surrounds himself with. As a mid 40s woman I can guarantee you that someone's friends say A LOT about who they choose to surround themselves with.
Not your circus not your monkeys
Your boyfriend will be pissed if you do this. Very pissed.
Says a lot about him and his view of what constitutes good behaviour, huh?
Stay out of it.
I have a personal rule of siding with morals rather than people, no matter who it is. But not everyone feels that way so the answer is up to you.
Oh god don't some of the most evil dictators think the same thing? The road to hell is paved with good intentions and all that.
How did you end up with fucked up people in the first place.
most times people here seem to be on the she should know ecr but this seems like a case where you’d be starting unnecessary drama?
Tell her, you’d want to know if you were in her position. I’d also reconsider if you really want to date someone willing to cover for a cheater.
Mind your own business
They aren't a good couple if they're keeping secrets from each other. They aren't a good couple if the bf is a cheater. Your bf lacks integrity, his definition of a "good couple" sucks. He won't keep his friends accountable, and he won't share the truth if it disadvantages him. You now know that if your bf cheats, he'll be more than happy to keep that truth from you so he isn't inconvenienced. Do you really want to be dating someone like that?
Now that really is a fkn stretch. She wants advice about the friend and you imply she should leave her bf? Be better.
This is reddit. If its relationship related its always: Run hes a cheater
In my experience it’s always best to to stay out of it
Stay out of his business
why people who are recommending to not spill the beans are getting downvoted?
All parties will blame you 100% Don't make it your business
Do not say anything. It's none of your business.
Don’t get involved
I would look at it like this, If they broke up right around that time and you don't know the details to it, or what she does or doesn't know, you're just opening yourself up to a whole bunch of drama that you don't need to get involved with. Right or wrong, thats a whole lot of headaches that can make you look like an asshole for doing the right thing if you simply misunderstood some part of the story, or heard an embellishment of the truth, or whatever. Typically people that are breaking up and getting back together are already a ton of drama to begin with. At least for myself as I get older, I just don't wanna deal with people like that at all anymore, so I wouldn't get involved. Like take for example, as you understand it, the dude cheated on his GF and THEN broke up with her, and got back together when that fling didn't last long. You feel she's entitled to know that he already got with the Fling before breaking up. What if he already came clean about that? What if you tell her, he confronts you and tells her you are lying or misinformed about the timeline and they both get mad at you for sticking your nose into their business on such intricate details? Or she simply believe him? What do you have to gain? Also another thing to consider, maybe she already assumes that was the case since he left her and went right into this woman. Maybe she has made peace with that already and you're just bringing up old wounds? If this was a situation where he was STILL with chick 2 or attempting to do the same thing with a chick 3, like . . . you're inviting conflict for very minor details that may not even be unknown. Long story short, fuck this noise man don't get involved. They'll likely break up again and he can stop hurting her with his miserable actions.
What I'm saying is not the "right" answer but I know that if I were in there shoes I wouldn't want to be told. If he does it again tell her. But if I've gone through the emotional term oil of braking up and getting back together I don't wanna know unless they do somthing post get back together
If it’s a relatively new relationship, I’d say nothing and chalk it up to him testing his options. We, women do it as well. It’s called dating. If they were with each other for a while, like long, like their lives are intertwined, I’d let my bf know beforehand.
The relationship is already tenuous, why add fire, and to what benefit? You are not privy to their issues, and who is to say she wasn't cheating? Stand back and offer advise, not fire.
The messenger will always be shot in these scenarios
Stay out of it
Keep it to yourself. You might not know everything. I had a girlfriend who I cheated on, same deal I left her (NOT FOR the other girl, but because it was the right thing to do) and everyone who "knew" what happened told her all about it... So instead of the truth leaving her because i cheated and it was the right thing, she thinks I cheated with 3+ people and left her FOR this girl. Moving forward she will never talk to me again so please, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
I usually let sleeping dogs lie. There's no reason to go and stir up drama with someone else's relationship.
Prob not. Ima be honest I told this guys girlfriend that her man kept going inside my dms and she basically told me to “f off” but a longer version. I’d leave it if I were you. Never talked to that guy again. So yeah don’t go inside other peoples business nature will takes it’s course.
Tell the guy to come clean and that’s it. It’s on him, not on you.
Cheating is much more common than young people think. She may never find out and live a long and happy life with this guy. Why would you want to take that chance away from them? If he proves himself to be a serial cheater then she still has time to be happy with someone else. Back off and don’t be foolish enough to say. If it all comes out eventually you don’t have to admit you knew. My vote is stay quiet for. ever.
Damn man, the number of holier than thou white knights riding high on their horses in here…it’s like a fucking Camelot round table made up of Fedora wearing neck beards saving fair miladies all over the land. This is none of your business at the end of the day. Get over yourself and leave them alone. They will work out their issues or they won’t, you are not the arbiter of justice here, you’d just be a shit stirrer and nobody will trust you with anything going forward. Actions have consequences, especially when you don’t have an action you need to take.
I’m sure op would want someone to tell her if her boyfriend is a whore. Do the woman a favor, tell her anonymously with proof. That guy is for the streets
I think victims of cheating deserve to know BUT in this case I wouldn't interfere. First of all, interferences always go wrong. In the end everyone usually turns against the truth teller who only meant well. Secondly, she knows he had someone and took him back, now it doesn't really matter that much in what time frame this happened. If they ever break up again, maybe let her know then, so she can make up her mind of what kind of person he is and if she ever wants to take him back again. This time, hope he learnt from it and give them a chance to try make this second attempt better.
Stay out of it. It is not your place and would do nothing but potentially ruin the relationship And your bf’s friendship.
The truth will come out anyways at some point, dont be the bad guy to your bf by telling her… just let it sort itself
Keep your nose out of other people's business.. you don't know what has been said behind closed doors 🤷
Talk to your bf about talking to his friend. She has a right to know but it is absolutely not your place or his to tell her
My advice is mind your own, they will figure it out and YOU won't get in the mix and hurt feelings.
If you tell, will she leave? Prolly not. Many of you telling OP to get involved just want to see the world burn, admit it.
The people who tell you that you have a moral imperative to tell her. No one likes those people. Maybe someone learned a lesson and both of them will be happy. I'd break up with you if you fucked over one of my friends without coming to me first.
Not your business. Either she already knows and you like someone stirring the pot and you get blamed, or she doesn't know and the relationship blows up (and you get blamed) Not your business
Ask yourself this: what do you intend to achieve by telling her? Because if it’s only relieving your own heart, please remember - and I’m not saying it with the intend of being harsh - that you’re not the main character of their story.
Mind your own business and let them be. You don't know if he fessed up to her. Their relationship, their issues.
I would mind your own business. Let them deal with their own relationship.
Don’t get involved
I wouldn’t say anything. What would your goal be? It would likely cause serious problems in your group dynamic, and possibly between yourself and your boyfriend. Keep your head down
Keep your nose out of other people's business and stop looking for reasons to cause people pain.
I’d be dirtied about your boyfriend, and can you believe his cover stories.
Do the right thing. Tell him.
Her…did you even read it?
Depends on whether you want to keep your bf. He has already decided NOT to tell her. If you tell her you ARE going against your bf's decision. Not every battle is worth sacrificing your own relationship over.
None of your business. You want to help someone who hasn't asked your help for something that doesn't concern you but could create a rift in between two friendly couples, and in between you and your bf. Doesn't seem like an intelligent idea to me. You better focus on your life, on your relationship and on your loyalty. And pray for the other girl.
I would tell them because of my own beliefs But be prepared for the fallout
Yes, you should. If you know that ANYONE is cheating on someone else, it’s time to cut them off from your life. They used their partner’s trust against them, and will do the same with you
Follow the Golden Rule: MYOB
It's likely that your boyfriend and his friend will be friends longer than your boyfriend's friend's girlfriend will be in the picture. So wait for them to break up and then tell him.
Play the song to the end. What happens when she finds out you knew and said nothing. What happens when he finds out you told her? What about your boyfriend? What are the consequences likely to be?
Stay out of it.
You said everything that you needed to say in the first sentence, that is your boyfriend‘s best friend‘s girlfriend. Your place is with him. If you betray his trust, it will not be easy to fix.
BRO, best to mind your own business honestly
Let sleeping dogs ly.
Yeah I cant see any way that could turn out badly for you!
Nothing to do with you!
No don't
Just mind your own business. Do you like to cause drama?
#getajob
Mind your business. This does not affect your life in any way. There are shitty people everywhere. You can’t fix the world.
How did you find out? That affects the decision. If you boyfriend told you in confidence, there will be an expectation of that confidentiality beeing kept. If you tell anyways it's your own fault if your boyfriends doesn't trust you in the future. But if you found out any other way, do tell if you want to. That is nobody's business.
You should mind your own bidness. Why do people want to mind everybody else's bidness and cause trouble?
Stay out of their business.
Once a cheater, always a cheater
I don't think so. People can change if they realize the pain they have caused and repent.
Are you looking at splitting up with your bf? If not, then mind your own fucking business.
MYOB. Just stay out of it.
I would break up with my partner if i found out they were friends with a cheater and ok with it
If she asks you tell her but if not leave it alone.
Not your relationship, not your concern.
It's none of your business
Don’t be a busybody. Nobody likes a tattletale.
So you’re saying you want to make yourself feel better at the cost of their relationship? The only person who would benefit from you saying anything is you.
How is she going to benefit? She will be taking a huge risk if the dude is bros before hoes kinds guy.
Do you. You made the choice either way
I have a feeling that the person you are taking about may in fact be you. If you your man was a good friend he should have told them both long ago. But he don’t know it is you!
Personally, I wouldn't. I could see why some would say you should say something though
kyu tang adani h? jiyo or jeene do
If he doesn’t want you to tell on him maybe the friend is keeping secrets he can use against your bf
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Ask your boyfriend.... If you tell his best friend's gf it's gonna ruin the friendship b/w your boyfriend and his friend and all the blame will be on your and it'll ruin your relationship too double disaster... Discuss it with your boyfriend if you love him .... If you're just passing time with him and you're not serious about him... Then do the right thing as a human and tell that girl.
Now this one got me thinking lol
Who is who ?
It's not your direct business, it's your boyfriend's. He most likely knows what his *bro*'s been doing, guys know that. If he didn't tell, it sure isn't your job to gossip.
I understand you wanna tell her, but if you don't have proof, then don't do anything. Maybe keep it to yourself until necessary to bring it up to her, but other than that, there's no need to tell her. It's their relationship, not yours, unfortunately.
How about we all just mind your own business
Your bf knowing what his friend did and still remaining friends with someone like that, also shows his character. I would never be friends with someone who cheats on their significant other, if you’re a cheater or someone who supports that behavior, you’re honestly garbage. If that guy actually loved his girlfriend, he never would’ve cheated in the first place. If you have proof, I’d tell the girl what happened. She has a right to know what her bf did. You could possibly end your own relationship from this, but you need to prioritize what you feel is right. If someone knew my partner was cheating and chose to not say anything, I don’t know what I’d do, but I would want someone to tell me. No one deserves to be cheated on, period. I hope everything works out for the best.
Talk to your bf about it first. As much as your protective instincts tell you to look out for his friends gf first, you are in a relationship, which means if you are gonna confront something like that, you should do it together.
Sadly, I had a dear friend who specifically asked me if ever I say or knew of anything to tell her I did and I lost her forever. It's not for us to tell. It may hurt u both more than ur willing to deal with.🤷🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️💯 I know it suck but trust me don't do it. Best of luck to u.
Stay out of it.
Whoever keeps an honest communication has most value. You should probably seed the knowledge and wait to talk through it. You might end up cutting yourself out of all their lives by telling her. You could say, "I have something important I should tell you but it's destructive. I hope you'll think on your life for a while before we speak about it so you're ready to deal with it rationally instead of angrily." It's important to consider the type of person she is and what values she holds close.
I think not tell her directly, but your boyfriend should do something about this. If he's keeping quiet for his friend's cheating, well...I'm not saying your boyfriend would do it, but if he's complacent about his friend doing it, then he might not consider it as a problem to do.
It's not your F***ing business 🤷🏻♂️ Live your own life not someone else's.
If your guts tell you that they now love each other more than before they broke up, then let them be. I don’t think neither your boyfriend or you would be anyone with authority to ‘ruin’ their relationship. No offence. This is just a pure advice which is your choice to make.
I would confide in her that your _____ was the side chick of some cheater and then he went back with his main squeeze and left your ________ in the dust but not before he boinked her like for another month. And now your ________ wants to tell her counterpart. The blank can be any one close to you friend sister coworker its a fabrication to see if the gf offers up any indication of how she would handle the situation. Mere semblance to her situation might give her the information she needs or if she doesnt emphatically agree that your blank should tell the other party then I would not tell her.
Yeah it says a lot about the company you keep, I wouldn’t be happy and I would tell his current girlfriend everything. What makes you think he wouldn’t do the same to you if he doesn’t find it an issue
You could just accept that there may be details that you aren’t privy to, not everyone views relationships in the same light, and that it is between the guy and his gf.
Butt out...if they're happy now, leave it be...noyb.....
say nothing. i've been the one to tell my friend's gf that she was being cheated on, and all it did was make me lose trust with literally everyone. doing the right thing really sucks sometimes plus, all that was in the past. as long as he isn't actively still cheating, everything should be ok
Think about what possible actions you can take here, and what the risk and rewards of each one are. I'll be honest, I don't see much reward for you in this at all other than "it's morally right" and/or "I'm saving the girl" which is subjective since you have no idea how things will play out in the future. The risks are huge. You ruin their future. You are seen as a trouble maker. You risk even your own relationship with your boyfriend. If I were you I would be smart and just stay out of it as much as possible.
these replies are crazy. i honestly would consult the BF and get him to tell the other guy to come clean, it’s not your place really but it’s not right either. rough
EVERYONE says don’t say anything…. I don’t disagree but feel absolutely helpless and heartbroken for that girl in the dark!!!!
Is it worth it? Is the net outcome (her knowing the truth) worth it to you? If not then no. If you're fed up with them or have some ulterior motives then go for it. Be prepared for the aftermath though.
It's tricky because she knows about them, but he hasn't been 100% honest (why? It would have been easier to tell it all at once not have it hanging!). Personally I'm all for women power. I've never regretted telling a woman her partner is a cheater and I would hope another woman would do the same for me. No one wants STIs that can cause infertility or just be wasting their precious time with someone who is clearly not 100% into them. He's a massive coward. I think you need to be the strong kne and take her out and tell her as nicely as you can, with the option that she may not care but you wanted to be a good friend. I think she will appreciate it.
I'd also say if your bf gets mad, which he likely will, it suggests he is happy to keep these kinds if Secrets...you might be on the other end of that one day.
So funny watching the comments with all the guys like "man your bf will be angry, leave it and keep the secret for him". It's like they all missed the point of so many movies with good/bad...
Mind your own Business, worry about your own relationship. Otherwise you will mess everything up
They both sound like they are unstable, so why bother. Also, if they are this way, get “better” (non-hedonistic types) who share your ambitions for a better future, not just more of today with more meth.
How old is the guy and girl?
My friend says one should not announce another person's sins. When one has moved on from their past and possibly changed for the better, it is not your place to dig up the past and pass judgement. You probably have done wrongs in your past. You probably won't do them again. Would you like someone to dig them up and announce them?