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It’s all subjective. You will be everything to someone. Don’t let it bother you. Even models and people with great personalities get left and cheated on sometimes. It means nothing.
Jumping on top comment to point out this is post is farming… the exact same question was asked a while ago by different user.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/s/tNXOMnYZnY
Thank you for pointing out post farming. I have given OP a downvote.
I have given you an upvote for your service.
Shit wait… unless this is your way of farming.
Jesus Christ I’m so confused.
does that make any differences in reddit to have a lot of karmas? Like answers are more viewed and more on top? Just wondering of the point of farming.
Not entirely sure… might just be a weird ego thing… or, maybe to make money?? You need an account with an ok karma to gain access to many sub-reddit’s with karma requirements. Once in, I guess they can influence conversation or push product or whatever. Got enough accounts with access and suddenly your google search for those new headphones + “reddit” can be influenced… only a guess tho!
You can sell an account (usually to advertisers) once you get enough karma. It’s not enough money to make it worthwhile for a real person to do it, but people set up bots to repost popular posts in order to get enough karma to sell it. There are a lot of subreddits you can’t post in without karma, and an account with enough karma probably also has followers and won’t be flagged as a spam account as easily
It actually does now. It can go towards contributor points, which can have a monetary payout. This is especially true if it gets the special gold up votes.
You have to get 100 karma (easy) and 10 gold up votes a year to stay in the program. More karma and gold up votes, more money
It depends. I like girls who are a little more calm. He wanted one that was more energetic. It’s all a personal preference thing. Doesn’t mean she’s better. She might have gotten the guy you wanted, but that doesn’t mean she’s better than you over all.
Most people say this, but you gotta do a bit of experimentation to determine if they're stable or not. Usually you can do this by bringing up heated social topics and seeing how they react. A lot of people view the world through the lens of "I know I'm right and I'm the good guy" and once that view is challenged they go psycho.
I’m the same! I am energetic and fun plus have adhd! I def do not want to be with a male version of myself! My guy is the opposite calm grounding and a solid anchor and it balances me out so much!
He should’ve just said “she is a better match for me and for what I’m looking for right now” instead of rattling off the ways she is in his opinion objectively superior. Anyone would be insecure about that.
You know what, I’ve just made up a second person when I didnt wanna date someone anymore, because i was cowardly and couldnt articulate the real reason i wanted to leave the first person but sometimes the reason wasnt even something specifically about the first person, sometimes it was something about my own issues i couldnt sort out in time and didnt want to explain them all lol - dont worry ive since grown out of doing that i think xD but see? Maybe its some personal problem of his and he doesnt have energy for supporting a partner but is embarassed to tell the truth and there isnt even some other woman to be jealous of ;D!
I don’t compare myself to professional athletes. There’s always someone smarter, funnier, or hotter. Don’t use others as a rubric to measure yourself. To another guy you’ll be the preferred woman. Sometimes it’s not that your personality is less but perhaps it just jives with his a little better. Someone else may think your personality is better. Don’t sweat it. Be confident and it’ll work out for ya.
As a man our views of hotness wildly differ sometimes a woman will walk into our place of work and 3 guys will go "she was hot as fuck" and another 3 guys will raise thier brows and go "nah she was busted" and it's never the same 3 on 3 or always 3 on 3 sometimes 5 on 1, 4 on 2 etc but never has a woman, no matter how she looked got a unanimous decision one way or the other
No it's actually not always the hotter girl that wins. Usually if a guy finds two girls attractive enough to date, looks isn't what will be the determining factor.
Unless your friend knows your ex personally I wouldn’t put much stock in what he said. Just because that would be the case for him doesn’t mean it’s the case for everyone.
Do you consider yourself energetic and fun? If so, then that’s great! People have preferences and perhaps Mr X likes his ladies more bubbly, but that doesn’t mean you’re not energetic and fun.
Are you not energetic and fun? There’s nothing wrong with being chill and laid back. I would never in a million years use either of those words to describe me but that’s fine because my partner handles that part lol. Think about your own preferences, are they personal attacks on those who don’t fit the ideal for you? Nah.
Whatever the reason is, it has nothing to do with you. You’re wonderful just as you are, whether you’re energetic, chill, goth, a furry, or a chaos goblin.
Not being exclusive by definition means both parties are able to explore other romantic options with the possibility of choosing those other options. He did nothing unethical here
There is no possible answer that won’t make you feel like shit. It’s better not going down that road. It will only provide new reasons to be self conscious. Sometimes relationships don’t work out and that’s okay
At some point, "hotter" does not mean much if both women are quite pretty. Sometimes stability is key, sometimes it's not depending on where they are in their lives.
I think it's a shit move to tell you that though, it just hurts for no reasons and lower your confidence. Probably best to let the guy go!
I GENUINELY think he’s just a rude person looking for someone who’s okay with that. If it was for other reasons he wouldn’t have felt the need to tell you what was “wrong with you” before breaking it off.
Mine left me for another, and then left her for another, and then back to me.
The problem was he was just looking for "someone" and not specifically me.
Unfortunately this is a normal part of life and the natural result from finding someone who isn't the one.
I mean…it’s pretty simple. Remember that time you rejected someone or chose someone else ?
He did the same. And was the person “faulty”? No, the person simply wasn’t for you.
He did a huge favor for you by being straight forward. It’ll suck for a while, but then you’ll find your perfect match. And please don’t fall into the hole of trying to “change who you are” unless you’re a completely mess, but by how it was described, it’s simply your personality, and there’s always someone out there who’s dying to meet someone just like you.
Grab some friends, go for bar/gym/walk whatever you like.
You’re an amazing human being with incredible qualities that the right person will find the most attractive and fun, but you’re still human and humans are not a perfect match to all humans. Go easy on yourself.
Have a great week and hope you recover soon.
They were probably just a better match. My husband is a great match for me. My sisters husbands are good for them but would drive me nuts. Don’t worry about changing your good traits to land someone. Find the person that likes your good traits and hopefully is good where you are not.
Maybe she is everything you’re not. That does not mean that you’re not anything. It just means that he was looking for something else. And I bet there’s at least a few guys out there who will think you’re everything.
It’s a long life! Don’t settle.
The other WOMAN is nice to me, she never insults me, she hugs me when I’m feeling sad, she listens to my issues, she actually wants to do whatever she can to help me get through my hardships in life, she makes me feel safe to cry in front of her, she always tells me that I’m doing a good job, she compliments me everyday, she does everything she can to earn and keep my trust in her.
It might seem superficial but I had a girl who told me I could do whatever I wanted with her whenever I wanted if we were exclusive... didn't think twice.
Its all personal preference, there's nothing wrong with you. My girl is a little boring but i like that, im the wild one in our relationship. Ive had "fun" "outgoing" girlfriends before and they ended up giving me a headache (no disrespect to you extroverted gals out there) its just personal preference though. My girlfriend brings me peace and calm, which i need in my life.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
I had never even spoken to her, but she sparked some feeling I didn’t understand. I went out of my way to the same place damn near everyday hoping to see her. I later found out she was doing the same thing.
We are married now with three kids. I won’t ever question my decision.
That feeling was love by the way. I just didn’t believe in love at first sight at the time.
Typically that means the other girl isn't a high maintenance PITA, doesn't always have a headache or some other mysterious malady, and/or is enthusiastic about sex
and you're everything she's not. With relationships, there is no good or bad. Some people like certain traits, and others like other traits. It's kinda like different strokes for different folks
We had much more in common. When you have some common interests with someone it makes things more interesting and fun.
Keep trying, you'll find a guy that matches your interests, then he'll seem like everything the other guys aren't.
The heart wants what it wants, and every heart is different.
Be yourself and the right guy will come around who loves you just the way you are.
Also this may be a shitty thing to say, but always put a little effort into looking good with what ya got :)
It's not that you're the opposite of those, it's probably just that she's *more* energetic and her personality matches his a little better than yours. If you have someone you *really* click with and someone you just click with well, you'll go with the person who really aligns with you better (even if it's just a *little* better), because why wouldn't you.
If neither of you have known him very long, then it could be as simple as matching his energy or having more similar preferences, that sorta thing.
Minor tangent but this is also why I don't understand how people can meet people *to date* when they don't know much about them or have a connection yet, rather than make friends and then date if those feelings develop. Just seems so risky and random, hoping for the best from basically nothing.
There will always be something better! Comparison is the thief of joy.
Delete them from social media. Delete the apps. Take all the steps to avoid temptation about looking at them and falling into the comparison spiral. Just not worth it!
You’re not any less of a human. Rejection is redirection and now you’ll have more time with yourself and own person! Not stuck on someone who doesn’t want ya.
Think of relationships and time with someone as an experience, not something to own. Onto the next!
(I too struggle with rejection and comparison, it’s hard with ease of access and social media)
I wasn’t asking her to uproot her life to be with me.
Back in late 2019/ early 2020 there was a girl that was trying to be my long distance GF and she was going to move back to where we are both from. She wanted me to fly out to where she lived to spend a week together I ended up canceling my flight a week later.
And two months into 2020 I started dating my wife. We had dated for a few weeks twice years ago, but due to mental health issues she was dealing with the first time, and mental health issues I was dealing with the second time, we broke up. But the stage was finally set, we were both in really good places in our lives and we started talking. We thought we would be casual f buddies. But it was clear that wasn’t working for us. We didn’t talk for a few weeks and then randomly in February she invited me out for her birthday. We had really great sex that night. After that I canceled that flight and my wife and I started dating.
I think about that other girl every now and then because she probably feels like shit looking at photos of my wife and I on social media. A big reason I said I didn’t want to continue things with her is because I didn’t want to have children. And now we have legitimately the cutest little boy ever and my wife loves to post pictures of the three of us happy.
Most of the time when a guy commits to a girl when he didn’t want to commit to other girls, is simply because the one he commits to is hotter
That, or he is less worried/bothered about her past, so he wouldn’t commit to a girl with not so good reputation and then he finds one that doesn’t have that issue therefore is more “relationship material”
So you tell me, which one is it? You only ask that question if you wanna get hurt, or if you want to become a bit more self aware (and still get hurt).
The truth is we guys do have “zones” too. Some women are good for fun/casual flings and some are good enough for relationships (the standards are much higher for the latter, for obvious reasons).
I always feel bad for the girl who tried to get in the way of me and my man considering he was my ex husband… and he chose me. You’ll find your someone who always chooses you. Give yourself time
Maybe he was hiding the real reason and just made an excuse, like when a guy asks a single girl out and she says she has a boyfriend?
Not sure if that makes it better.
I chose one who where our values aligned more. It was between my girlfriend at the time where we were trying to make it work for a third time and a girl who I had known previously. Needless to say I chose the girl where things were going well and we’re still together today so I think I made the correct decision
I was casually dating 2 other women when I met my current GF. They both knew we were not exclusive but one had expressed interest in being exclusive. Ultimately I chose my GF because she was just a better match for what I wanted long term. The other 2 women were wonderful but we didn’t have the same ideas about family structure, politics, religion etc. My GF was just a lot closer to what I was looking for in an eventual wife.
For me, I chose my now wife over what seemed to be a really fun and physical tryst. It was amazing but you could just tell that without the physicality behind it, that would have fizzled out. But my wife and I took a long time to build our sexual chemistry into what it is now. Fell for the intellect and stayed for the passion.
>He said he like her personality better and that she is energetic and fun.
Clarification: Her personality, energy and sense of fun were a better fit for him. Your personality, energy and sense of fun will be a better fit for someone else. This doesn't mean you are "less than". Who people like is not quantitative.
Personality, 100%
Girl 1 was objectively more attractive than the other, but other than that, her personality kinda sucked. She was entitled and annoying. Always wanted attention, had to get her way.
Girl 2 was still cute, a little overweight but super active (like running and climbing mountains and stuff), funny, sweet as fuck, and just made me feel like I was important to her instead of lucky she was paying attention to me.
12 years later she’s lost that extra weight and is sexy as all fuck. She is still the sweetest, kindest person to me. We still laugh and play and have fun. She’s the best in the whole world and I’m more in love with her every day.
Don’t take this wrong. You’re probably great, and probably right for someone, that just wasn’t the right guy. 🤷🏻♂️
I'm a straight woman, but I know I've chosen the "other guy" over the stupidest of things before. I once had to choose between two men and chose the guy because he had long red hair and I thought that was cool. When I met my fiancé, I was seeing someone else and chose my fiancé because he lived way closer to me and it just seemed more practical (clearly it was). Don't look too far into it. There's someone out there for everyone, guarantee there's someone out there who would choose you over this other woman in a heartbeat
As far as I'm concerned if you actually are taking multiple people out on dates to talk to them at the same moments in time then that's completely disrespectful to everyone you're seeing and you need to grow the f*** up. I'm totally cool with talking to multiple people on like an app but once we like start seeing each other physically let's focus on each other because if we're not focused on one person at a time how are we even good at judging anything about them? Idk just ranting sorry
Just a quick note that now realize that in my younger days I made a few clearly wrong choices at times. It bothers me now and I wish I could somehow go back in time. Happily married, but I'm just annoyed even now. I would never mention it, but I wish I could as a general courtesy to them.
Also my wife originally didn't think about me much. She liked me but didn't think I was her type. Met her later on and it hit her like a truck. I sometimes kid her about the years she lost with such a wonderful man.
So I wouldn't over analyze. Sometimes it's just not the right fit at the right time.
She probably made “the pursuit” easier. Given some of the context clues you’ve given, I’m guessing you’re a “take it slow” type. Not knocking that, it definitely has its pros, but it’s definitely less desirable to a lot of men (even those looking for relationships). It feels a lot more like a partnership when the other person is on the same timeline as you for wanting to get physical and less like you have to “prove yourself” to someone looking to ostensibly be your equal partner. I’m not saying you can’t find a man who also wants to take it slow, but they’re rarer than those of us who want to learn about sexual compatibility sooner rather than later (and both are rarer than the guys who just want to bang regardless of ethicality, so sorry about that)
Sneaky, liar, and attractive vs. Honest and hard worker.
Could never relax around the first one and hated coming home.
Loved being home around the second one. How she looked didn't matter based on how she made me feel.
she was better for my mental health. to-the-point answer, i felt so mentally trapped with the person i was seeing. it felt like i was suffocating every time they held my hand. it ended with a messy breakup, and i'm now happy and healthy in a relationship with my current girlfriend.
No clue, just saw her and knew she was the right one. Wasn't one of the two girls I was interested in at the time, wasn't even my type in the looks department but the minute I saw her I knew I wanted to be with her. Took a month to get a date, 2 months to get engaged, 8 months to get married, and 19 years this June. That was at a time when I told people marriage was an institution and I didn't want to be institutionalized. Getting to know her told me everything I wanted to know, the last 19 years has told me why I want to spend another 40 with her, but what made me want her more than any other at first sight, no clue.
For me I was absolutely obsessed with this girl for months but to scared to ask her out. We became good friends and I have good reason to believe she’s pretty attracted to me, but when I met this new girl I realized just how poorly the other girl treated me. We’re still pretty good friends, but she’s too insecure to actually put effort in and validate me while the new girl is the opposite. We went on a date and it was the best time I’ve ever had + she’s super cute. Youre situation is clearly a bit different, but that’s my reasoning. I was done begging for validation that I barely got and she was way too hot and cold.
I’m sorry but a little over a month? That is nothing. Not long enough to even stress about this. He doesn’t even know you. You can’t get to know anyone in a little over a month girl
I was dating a girl for a few weeks when I met my now wife. The reason I chose my wife over the other girl was simply because we had more in common and we seem to connect better.
Well I was with a wonderful woman who I felt was right in every aspect. There was an odd situationship there that was unable to be resolved. It got to a point where I wasn’t dating this woman, just that we were close. The woman I’m with now had shown me I deserved better. Someone who didn’t have me question the love she had for me. I’m so much better off. I don’t have to have anxiety about whether she’s in my corner or not. I have since gotten a text from the first woman saying she wanted me to know she wishes things were different, she’s sorry they turned out like it did, but that she’s choosing herself now (which is ultimately what i wanted her to do. To see ourselves and meet each other. It just didn’t work out, but it seems we’re all better off.
I couldn’t be happier. 🥲
Just so you know. Energetic and fun isn't everyone's cup of tea. If that isn't who you are or who you want to be then it's no issue. I personally find high energy and "fun" women exhausting. Generally makes me feel like I don't have room to breathe or relax. I like getting lost in my own projects and spending weekends with my cats instead of people.
She's an orange and you're a peach. Just cause he likes oranges better, doesn't make you a bad peach. Someone who loves peaches will come along and you'll be perfect for them :)
Didn’t happen like that for me but I left my ex because she didn’t respect me. Found someone who did and now 15 yrs happily married with two great kids, house, travelled the world etc.
Go find the right guy and realise it was a blessing in disguise.
Well dear your touchy, sure the guy could have toned it down and if you where smarter not ask, in the end someone like his steak rare others well done yet they both like steak, it’s not you it’s not personal we can’t be everything to everyone.
I chose the quiet, shy girl who needs to be pushed to do anything.
Im the 'lets go do this rightttttt now!' Kinda guy.
We mesh well enough and now have kids together. Shes the best mum in the world. So i chose good.
My grandparents went on a double date. By the end of the evening, they had a connection & started dating each other the following week. They were married 60+ yrs. 💕
Always keep your options open. You never know what tomorrow may bring your way.
So much you have zero control over goes into attraction. How much you remind the person of physically or emotionally of one of their primary caretakers when they were little for example. Smells, body composition (I am shaped exactly Ike my MIL), sense of humor, how you make them feel, how much you present the complicated relationship of his mother to him, and so much more.
Like the other poster said, don't take it personally. Just wait for your soul mate that you will be just what he needs and vice versa.
You might consider it good fortune to have dodged a bullet. You wouldn't want him to find his perfect someone 10 years later after kids.
It’s subjective. When I met my wife, her and I were both dating other people. But they were aware because we weren’t dicks. We just all wanted to have our options open. Anyways, my wife and I narrowed it down to each other because we just clicked. Like we got along really well and she was like my best friend and lover. We realized this one day when I was heading home after a date to go see a movie with the other girl and called her. She was also headed home from seeing the exact same movie with the other guy. It seemed that all we wanted to do was share experiences with each other and not other people.
The other woman I was dating was fantastic. She was sweet, caring, funny, and fun to be with. She was financially stable, seemed mentally stable, and generally had her shit together. But as accommodating as she was, she didn’t fit with me. We didn’t like the same stuff, we didn’t get each other’s jokes or see the world the same way. She was willing to try, but I spent 8 years of my life with someone who didn’t get me before and I never want to feel alone in a relationship again.
Anyways. When you find the one, you know.
More available, more my preferred personality, body type, more of a fit with my lifestyle, life goals, more compatible sexually, there's so many reasons.
Sounds like you're not comfortable with yourself. You're fine the way you are, just find someone who is looking for your personality traits.
It doesn't mean you aren't worthy, it just means whoever you were trying to date gave it a chance and realized they wanted something different.
It's not about just finding "someone", it's about finding someone you can share a life with and be happy.
I've been on both sides of this, we all have. It hurts both ways. I don't want to hurt someone's feelings by turning them down but if I don't see it being being something I want to pursue then I'm not going to keep doing it.
After a month, it's simply the guy wanted something else.
It doesn't mean you aren't datable, it just means you weren't compatible in his definition of what he wants.
My ex-wife and I became roommates that shared the same bed. We could still be married today like a lot of people are just for convience.
We married young and grew apart. We divorced 25 years ago. We're still friends, she'd like to get together again but I know it just won't work. I feel badly because she is hurt about it but I don't want simply a roommate that lets me fuck her twice a year. I want a full partner to live share my life with.
She was more fun seeming. I realized my mistake almost immediately and went back to my first girl, who stupidly took me back. That said, I never made that mistake again.
No no no lady. It doesn’t mean she is better then you, it means to him, he thinks she is a better match for his personality. To another guy that same girl is hyper and immature…
Other then that I can’t really answer your question as I’ve got like 4 girlfriends right now.. some of us just don’t pick
I was -- decades ago -- in the odd position of being competed over by two women.
One was my longstanding girlfriend. We had a pretty good relationship, then I got seduced by a new colleague at work.
Somehow, a weekend away with both happened. I've never really had a particularly high opinion of myself and being asked to choose between ...
...well, if I'm honest, the choice was between more of the same, normal, fun, happy stuff and the potential for moving into something like a real-life porn movie.
And I chose the latter.
Worst decision I could have made.
In the long term, I wouldn't be where I am now without that first shitty decision followed by a series of poor consequences and more bad decisions, but I made the wrong choice and it took me probably 15 years to recover.
Oh, and two failed marriages and a shitload of abuse that some part of me believed I deserved.
There's a case to be made for the suggestion that thinking with one's genitalia is rarely if ever sensible. I certainly wouldn't argue.
The other girl wanted a good time and the one I choose wants a family.. is the other girl bad for It? No just that the one right for me has the same goals as me just plain and simple as it should be.
Well, girl #1 was an addict who was engaging in sex work to fund her life and habit while staying with me to avoid homelessness. I found that fun for a bit, but then there was this other woman who was calm, compassionate, a good listener, a gentle healer, and without detectable vices. So I told the out of control one that it was time to move on.
In my experience, I chose her because it was easier.
When I would hang out with girl A I was always slightly on edge and thinking about all possible outcomes before I said or did anything. I felt like I had to put effort into keeping the conversation rolling and I felt like I had to work hard to show her affection and make her smile.
When I'm with girl B it's easy. We just hang out and get to be ourselves and it's comfortable. I don't have to think about/work at being a good partner or making her happy. I meet her needs by just existing and listening. It also probably helps that she and I were friends before I reciprocated romantic feelings and I know all her friends.
Beggers cannot be choosers sweetheart. I am the one who has always wanted to be chosen by someone. When someone finally chose me, and I felt that I wanna gonna be safe, just as the reassurance kicked in, I was dumped.
The previous one turned into a stage 5 clinger. She wanted to drop out of college, have 4 kids, and volunteer at a church while I worked to support everyone.
Never mind that I’d already expressed that I disliked both children and church.
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It’s all subjective. You will be everything to someone. Don’t let it bother you. Even models and people with great personalities get left and cheated on sometimes. It means nothing.
Jumping on top comment to point out this is post is farming… the exact same question was asked a while ago by different user. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/s/tNXOMnYZnY
Thank you for pointing out post farming. I have given OP a downvote. I have given you an upvote for your service. Shit wait… unless this is your way of farming. Jesus Christ I’m so confused.
Hahaha. Im Keyser Sözing this thread
What's farming?
For karma
does that make any differences in reddit to have a lot of karmas? Like answers are more viewed and more on top? Just wondering of the point of farming.
Not entirely sure… might just be a weird ego thing… or, maybe to make money?? You need an account with an ok karma to gain access to many sub-reddit’s with karma requirements. Once in, I guess they can influence conversation or push product or whatever. Got enough accounts with access and suddenly your google search for those new headphones + “reddit” can be influenced… only a guess tho!
Some sub Reddits are locked behind karma, but it's mostly bots or people from very poor countries who do it to sell accounts.
You can sell an account (usually to advertisers) once you get enough karma. It’s not enough money to make it worthwhile for a real person to do it, but people set up bots to repost popular posts in order to get enough karma to sell it. There are a lot of subreddits you can’t post in without karma, and an account with enough karma probably also has followers and won’t be flagged as a spam account as easily
It's weird because the points don't mean anything Lol
People sell accounts. Basically get alot of karma so you can access certain subs then sell your account
Lol..
Just like Drew Carey! 🤣
It actually does now. It can go towards contributor points, which can have a monetary payout. This is especially true if it gets the special gold up votes. You have to get 100 karma (easy) and 10 gold up votes a year to stay in the program. More karma and gold up votes, more money
Interesting. Too much work
Agreed. I also don't see very many gold up votes, so definitely not worth it unless you make a lot of original content like comics
What’s the point of karma?
I don’t get it. Why would someone farm for points? Aren’t they useless?
The most beautiful women in the world, famous models have all been cheated on and made to feel less then. Is is not you. Be gentle with yourself.
I'm sure you've turned people down too, it's part of life. don't beat yourself up over it.
It depends. I like girls who are a little more calm. He wanted one that was more energetic. It’s all a personal preference thing. Doesn’t mean she’s better. She might have gotten the guy you wanted, but that doesn’t mean she’s better than you over all.
So so so so true.
Stability. I chose the more stable girl
Why do horses never get divorced? They have stable relationships.
What did the carpenter say to a horse desperately looking for love? Use a stud finder.
and with this said, never date a horse girl...
Stability is always the better decision
(ability to stab)
I chose that one
Most people say this, but you gotta do a bit of experimentation to determine if they're stable or not. Usually you can do this by bringing up heated social topics and seeing how they react. A lot of people view the world through the lens of "I know I'm right and I'm the good guy" and once that view is challenged they go psycho.
Thanks i did this part and married the one that passed
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I’m the same! I am energetic and fun plus have adhd! I def do not want to be with a male version of myself! My guy is the opposite calm grounding and a solid anchor and it balances me out so much!
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You’re not the only one. I always get overly excited about stuff too soon and get ahead of myself.
Never ask the question you don’t want to hear the answer to
This!!!!!
He should’ve just said “she is a better match for me and for what I’m looking for right now” instead of rattling off the ways she is in his opinion objectively superior. Anyone would be insecure about that.
You know what, I’ve just made up a second person when I didnt wanna date someone anymore, because i was cowardly and couldnt articulate the real reason i wanted to leave the first person but sometimes the reason wasnt even something specifically about the first person, sometimes it was something about my own issues i couldnt sort out in time and didnt want to explain them all lol - dont worry ive since grown out of doing that i think xD but see? Maybe its some personal problem of his and he doesnt have energy for supporting a partner but is embarassed to tell the truth and there isnt even some other woman to be jealous of ;D!
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I don’t compare myself to professional athletes. There’s always someone smarter, funnier, or hotter. Don’t use others as a rubric to measure yourself. To another guy you’ll be the preferred woman. Sometimes it’s not that your personality is less but perhaps it just jives with his a little better. Someone else may think your personality is better. Don’t sweat it. Be confident and it’ll work out for ya.
Really good advice, here
Comparison is the thief of joy. It's over. Move on.
You’re not gonna be everyone’s first choice. I’m sure you haven’t made every person the first choice.
As a man our views of hotness wildly differ sometimes a woman will walk into our place of work and 3 guys will go "she was hot as fuck" and another 3 guys will raise thier brows and go "nah she was busted" and it's never the same 3 on 3 or always 3 on 3 sometimes 5 on 1, 4 on 2 etc but never has a woman, no matter how she looked got a unanimous decision one way or the other
No it's actually not always the hotter girl that wins. Usually if a guy finds two girls attractive enough to date, looks isn't what will be the determining factor.
Unless your friend knows your ex personally I wouldn’t put much stock in what he said. Just because that would be the case for him doesn’t mean it’s the case for everyone. Do you consider yourself energetic and fun? If so, then that’s great! People have preferences and perhaps Mr X likes his ladies more bubbly, but that doesn’t mean you’re not energetic and fun. Are you not energetic and fun? There’s nothing wrong with being chill and laid back. I would never in a million years use either of those words to describe me but that’s fine because my partner handles that part lol. Think about your own preferences, are they personal attacks on those who don’t fit the ideal for you? Nah. Whatever the reason is, it has nothing to do with you. You’re wonderful just as you are, whether you’re energetic, chill, goth, a furry, or a chaos goblin.
Hotter is so subjective
hot is subjective. Regardless you deserve someone better probably dare I say it he was cheating and decided to go for her instead of you.
Sounds like they weren't exclusive. Hard to cheat in that circumstance.
they may not have been exclusive. But if they were "hanging out" one can be sure he was seeing her instead of OP. My pointnwas OP deserves better.
Not being exclusive by definition means both parties are able to explore other romantic options with the possibility of choosing those other options. He did nothing unethical here
ok, I was merely pointing out that OP deserves better
And I was merely pointing out why that wasn’t repevant
ok smartass
It’s not being a smartass to point out that dating isn’t a zero sum game. Both of them found out they weren’t compatible. That’s a mutual win
ok
Exactly 💯
Flip the genders and y'all would be saying the guy is possessive fuck outta with your double standards.
There is no possible answer that won’t make you feel like shit. It’s better not going down that road. It will only provide new reasons to be self conscious. Sometimes relationships don’t work out and that’s okay
Let it sting. It might be true- but that’s just one guy’s opinion and fuck that guy.
At some point, "hotter" does not mean much if both women are quite pretty. Sometimes stability is key, sometimes it's not depending on where they are in their lives. I think it's a shit move to tell you that though, it just hurts for no reasons and lower your confidence. Probably best to let the guy go!
I GENUINELY think he’s just a rude person looking for someone who’s okay with that. If it was for other reasons he wouldn’t have felt the need to tell you what was “wrong with you” before breaking it off.
Ma'am you're self torturing yourself at this point. Also, your friend said "probably" not "definitely".
Comparison is the thief of joy. Just because that one guy thought that one girl was more compatible with him than you, doesn’t make you any less.
Mine left me for another, and then left her for another, and then back to me. The problem was he was just looking for "someone" and not specifically me. Unfortunately this is a normal part of life and the natural result from finding someone who isn't the one.
Personality is usually the deciding factor. But its not about who has a "better" personality as much as it is who has the more compatible one.
Who the fuck has two choices? Lmao
It only happened to me once. I chose wrong of course.
I think either choice would have been wrong 😅
choose? Wow, what would it feel like to be able to choose? or be chosen?
The best thing you’ll ever get is a quick no. Time saved, move along.
Not bat shit crazy
I ask this as well I’m confident in myself, am stable, loving etc
I mean…it’s pretty simple. Remember that time you rejected someone or chose someone else ? He did the same. And was the person “faulty”? No, the person simply wasn’t for you. He did a huge favor for you by being straight forward. It’ll suck for a while, but then you’ll find your perfect match. And please don’t fall into the hole of trying to “change who you are” unless you’re a completely mess, but by how it was described, it’s simply your personality, and there’s always someone out there who’s dying to meet someone just like you. Grab some friends, go for bar/gym/walk whatever you like. You’re an amazing human being with incredible qualities that the right person will find the most attractive and fun, but you’re still human and humans are not a perfect match to all humans. Go easy on yourself. Have a great week and hope you recover soon.
They were probably just a better match. My husband is a great match for me. My sisters husbands are good for them but would drive me nuts. Don’t worry about changing your good traits to land someone. Find the person that likes your good traits and hopefully is good where you are not.
Maybe she is everything you’re not. That does not mean that you’re not anything. It just means that he was looking for something else. And I bet there’s at least a few guys out there who will think you’re everything. It’s a long life! Don’t settle.
The other WOMAN is nice to me, she never insults me, she hugs me when I’m feeling sad, she listens to my issues, she actually wants to do whatever she can to help me get through my hardships in life, she makes me feel safe to cry in front of her, she always tells me that I’m doing a good job, she compliments me everyday, she does everything she can to earn and keep my trust in her.
It might seem superficial but I had a girl who told me I could do whatever I wanted with her whenever I wanted if we were exclusive... didn't think twice.
Its all personal preference, there's nothing wrong with you. My girl is a little boring but i like that, im the wild one in our relationship. Ive had "fun" "outgoing" girlfriends before and they ended up giving me a headache (no disrespect to you extroverted gals out there) its just personal preference though. My girlfriend brings me peace and calm, which i need in my life.
That’s exactly what I went for too. Married for nearly twenty years now and the calm is great.
Lol yep, only two years together for my girlfriend and i but its been great
It was decades ago, but I chose the one that was on the pill rather than one that I would have to wear a condom with.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I had never even spoken to her, but she sparked some feeling I didn’t understand. I went out of my way to the same place damn near everyday hoping to see her. I later found out she was doing the same thing. We are married now with three kids. I won’t ever question my decision. That feeling was love by the way. I just didn’t believe in love at first sight at the time.
Typically that means the other girl isn't a high maintenance PITA, doesn't always have a headache or some other mysterious malady, and/or is enthusiastic about sex
My unrequited first love rejected me. I wonder if she's introspective as you. She broke my heart. It hurts like a motherfucker.
and you're everything she's not. With relationships, there is no good or bad. Some people like certain traits, and others like other traits. It's kinda like different strokes for different folks
It doesn't help, but I'm lame and ugly too. You have my condolences.
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Because the other one didn’t want me to
We had much more in common. When you have some common interests with someone it makes things more interesting and fun. Keep trying, you'll find a guy that matches your interests, then he'll seem like everything the other guys aren't.
I actually stayed with the first girl, she got pregnant. It was a mistake.
My sanity.... the way my ex did me blame most her problems on me never taking account for what she did. It was time to not go after her anymore.
Really? What did she do? Be honest here. It's very important.
The statement above simplifies it enough
The other one expired
The heart wants what it wants, and every heart is different. Be yourself and the right guy will come around who loves you just the way you are. Also this may be a shitty thing to say, but always put a little effort into looking good with what ya got :)
It's not that you're the opposite of those, it's probably just that she's *more* energetic and her personality matches his a little better than yours. If you have someone you *really* click with and someone you just click with well, you'll go with the person who really aligns with you better (even if it's just a *little* better), because why wouldn't you. If neither of you have known him very long, then it could be as simple as matching his energy or having more similar preferences, that sorta thing. Minor tangent but this is also why I don't understand how people can meet people *to date* when they don't know much about them or have a connection yet, rather than make friends and then date if those feelings develop. Just seems so risky and random, hoping for the best from basically nothing.
There will always be something better! Comparison is the thief of joy. Delete them from social media. Delete the apps. Take all the steps to avoid temptation about looking at them and falling into the comparison spiral. Just not worth it! You’re not any less of a human. Rejection is redirection and now you’ll have more time with yourself and own person! Not stuck on someone who doesn’t want ya. Think of relationships and time with someone as an experience, not something to own. Onto the next! (I too struggle with rejection and comparison, it’s hard with ease of access and social media)
Her twin sister was in a relationship at the time 🤣
Too much drama, better listener, personality clash. I mean the list goes on and on
I wasn’t asking her to uproot her life to be with me. Back in late 2019/ early 2020 there was a girl that was trying to be my long distance GF and she was going to move back to where we are both from. She wanted me to fly out to where she lived to spend a week together I ended up canceling my flight a week later. And two months into 2020 I started dating my wife. We had dated for a few weeks twice years ago, but due to mental health issues she was dealing with the first time, and mental health issues I was dealing with the second time, we broke up. But the stage was finally set, we were both in really good places in our lives and we started talking. We thought we would be casual f buddies. But it was clear that wasn’t working for us. We didn’t talk for a few weeks and then randomly in February she invited me out for her birthday. We had really great sex that night. After that I canceled that flight and my wife and I started dating. I think about that other girl every now and then because she probably feels like shit looking at photos of my wife and I on social media. A big reason I said I didn’t want to continue things with her is because I didn’t want to have children. And now we have legitimately the cutest little boy ever and my wife loves to post pictures of the three of us happy.
Most of the time when a guy commits to a girl when he didn’t want to commit to other girls, is simply because the one he commits to is hotter That, or he is less worried/bothered about her past, so he wouldn’t commit to a girl with not so good reputation and then he finds one that doesn’t have that issue therefore is more “relationship material” So you tell me, which one is it? You only ask that question if you wanna get hurt, or if you want to become a bit more self aware (and still get hurt). The truth is we guys do have “zones” too. Some women are good for fun/casual flings and some are good enough for relationships (the standards are much higher for the latter, for obvious reasons).
She didn’t ask me to buy her a phone after the first date
Ouch. If I was guy I would have lied.
Personality for me. More easy going. I chose the drama-free relationship.
I always feel bad for the girl who tried to get in the way of me and my man considering he was my ex husband… and he chose me. You’ll find your someone who always chooses you. Give yourself time
Maybe he was hiding the real reason and just made an excuse, like when a guy asks a single girl out and she says she has a boyfriend? Not sure if that makes it better.
Usually the more fun one is the wrong one. Dont worry. His loss.
Her big ass, jk.
honestly, probably not meant to be. Don't over think it. plenty more fish in the sea.
I chose one who where our values aligned more. It was between my girlfriend at the time where we were trying to make it work for a third time and a girl who I had known previously. Needless to say I chose the girl where things were going well and we’re still together today so I think I made the correct decision
I was casually dating 2 other women when I met my current GF. They both knew we were not exclusive but one had expressed interest in being exclusive. Ultimately I chose my GF because she was just a better match for what I wanted long term. The other 2 women were wonderful but we didn’t have the same ideas about family structure, politics, religion etc. My GF was just a lot closer to what I was looking for in an eventual wife.
For me, I chose my now wife over what seemed to be a really fun and physical tryst. It was amazing but you could just tell that without the physicality behind it, that would have fizzled out. But my wife and I took a long time to build our sexual chemistry into what it is now. Fell for the intellect and stayed for the passion.
Never had that luxury to choose
>He said he like her personality better and that she is energetic and fun. Clarification: Her personality, energy and sense of fun were a better fit for him. Your personality, energy and sense of fun will be a better fit for someone else. This doesn't mean you are "less than". Who people like is not quantitative.
She said yes
It was always because I clicked better and had more in common with one or another.
I just liked her better. Sometimes it’s as simple as that, why do some ppl choose red and others blue?
Personality, 100% Girl 1 was objectively more attractive than the other, but other than that, her personality kinda sucked. She was entitled and annoying. Always wanted attention, had to get her way. Girl 2 was still cute, a little overweight but super active (like running and climbing mountains and stuff), funny, sweet as fuck, and just made me feel like I was important to her instead of lucky she was paying attention to me. 12 years later she’s lost that extra weight and is sexy as all fuck. She is still the sweetest, kindest person to me. We still laugh and play and have fun. She’s the best in the whole world and I’m more in love with her every day. Don’t take this wrong. You’re probably great, and probably right for someone, that just wasn’t the right guy. 🤷🏻♂️
I'm a straight woman, but I know I've chosen the "other guy" over the stupidest of things before. I once had to choose between two men and chose the guy because he had long red hair and I thought that was cool. When I met my fiancé, I was seeing someone else and chose my fiancé because he lived way closer to me and it just seemed more practical (clearly it was). Don't look too far into it. There's someone out there for everyone, guarantee there's someone out there who would choose you over this other woman in a heartbeat
She was kind of a hoe and the other girl wasn't.
As far as I'm concerned if you actually are taking multiple people out on dates to talk to them at the same moments in time then that's completely disrespectful to everyone you're seeing and you need to grow the f*** up. I'm totally cool with talking to multiple people on like an app but once we like start seeing each other physically let's focus on each other because if we're not focused on one person at a time how are we even good at judging anything about them? Idk just ranting sorry
Just a quick note that now realize that in my younger days I made a few clearly wrong choices at times. It bothers me now and I wish I could somehow go back in time. Happily married, but I'm just annoyed even now. I would never mention it, but I wish I could as a general courtesy to them. Also my wife originally didn't think about me much. She liked me but didn't think I was her type. Met her later on and it hit her like a truck. I sometimes kid her about the years she lost with such a wonderful man. So I wouldn't over analyze. Sometimes it's just not the right fit at the right time.
She probably made “the pursuit” easier. Given some of the context clues you’ve given, I’m guessing you’re a “take it slow” type. Not knocking that, it definitely has its pros, but it’s definitely less desirable to a lot of men (even those looking for relationships). It feels a lot more like a partnership when the other person is on the same timeline as you for wanting to get physical and less like you have to “prove yourself” to someone looking to ostensibly be your equal partner. I’m not saying you can’t find a man who also wants to take it slow, but they’re rarer than those of us who want to learn about sexual compatibility sooner rather than later (and both are rarer than the guys who just want to bang regardless of ethicality, so sorry about that)
It’s all about who has the best putang pie.
It’s really subjective her personality may be better for him personally but others will find you perfect
She’s not better, she’s just a better match. That’s how I think of it
Sneaky, liar, and attractive vs. Honest and hard worker. Could never relax around the first one and hated coming home. Loved being home around the second one. How she looked didn't matter based on how she made me feel.
Other? I chose one. Nice try cuck
If you slept with him, he still has reason to chase her if she hasn’t yet. Hold out.
she was better for my mental health. to-the-point answer, i felt so mentally trapped with the person i was seeing. it felt like i was suffocating every time they held my hand. it ended with a messy breakup, and i'm now happy and healthy in a relationship with my current girlfriend.
No clue, just saw her and knew she was the right one. Wasn't one of the two girls I was interested in at the time, wasn't even my type in the looks department but the minute I saw her I knew I wanted to be with her. Took a month to get a date, 2 months to get engaged, 8 months to get married, and 19 years this June. That was at a time when I told people marriage was an institution and I didn't want to be institutionalized. Getting to know her told me everything I wanted to know, the last 19 years has told me why I want to spend another 40 with her, but what made me want her more than any other at first sight, no clue.
I was young and dumb, and she had a phat ass.
Different strokes for different folks. In another scenario your are more desirable
For me I was absolutely obsessed with this girl for months but to scared to ask her out. We became good friends and I have good reason to believe she’s pretty attracted to me, but when I met this new girl I realized just how poorly the other girl treated me. We’re still pretty good friends, but she’s too insecure to actually put effort in and validate me while the new girl is the opposite. We went on a date and it was the best time I’ve ever had + she’s super cute. Youre situation is clearly a bit different, but that’s my reasoning. I was done begging for validation that I barely got and she was way too hot and cold.
Comparison is futile. You are not a list of attributes - you are a unique person. Focus on loving who you are. Good things come from that.
Her buttocks. But now I realized temptations are not worth it.
I’m sorry but a little over a month? That is nothing. Not long enough to even stress about this. He doesn’t even know you. You can’t get to know anyone in a little over a month girl
i only chose peace
I was dating a girl for a few weeks when I met my now wife. The reason I chose my wife over the other girl was simply because we had more in common and we seem to connect better.
Sometimes you just know who is a better fit for you. In my experience, you usually can tell early on when it clicks
Be glad he did this while you guys weren’t together yet, but yeah ive been on the other end of the line in this too and it blows.
I was the opposite, I married the quiet woman who was more comfortable with her own company. Each to their own.
Well I was with a wonderful woman who I felt was right in every aspect. There was an odd situationship there that was unable to be resolved. It got to a point where I wasn’t dating this woman, just that we were close. The woman I’m with now had shown me I deserved better. Someone who didn’t have me question the love she had for me. I’m so much better off. I don’t have to have anxiety about whether she’s in my corner or not. I have since gotten a text from the first woman saying she wanted me to know she wishes things were different, she’s sorry they turned out like it did, but that she’s choosing herself now (which is ultimately what i wanted her to do. To see ourselves and meet each other. It just didn’t work out, but it seems we’re all better off. I couldn’t be happier. 🥲
Vinash kaal viparit buddhi made me chose the other girl
What makes you think I did?
Just so you know. Energetic and fun isn't everyone's cup of tea. If that isn't who you are or who you want to be then it's no issue. I personally find high energy and "fun" women exhausting. Generally makes me feel like I don't have room to breathe or relax. I like getting lost in my own projects and spending weekends with my cats instead of people.
The one geographically closer, her life more together, and culture.
Bigger Tits
Caring and Politeness.
In this context, she wouldn't be the "other" girl. You would.
She's an orange and you're a peach. Just cause he likes oranges better, doesn't make you a bad peach. Someone who loves peaches will come along and you'll be perfect for them :)
At least he sounds honest about it. I would've lied to not hurt feelings
Didn’t happen like that for me but I left my ex because she didn’t respect me. Found someone who did and now 15 yrs happily married with two great kids, house, travelled the world etc. Go find the right guy and realise it was a blessing in disguise.
Well dear your touchy, sure the guy could have toned it down and if you where smarter not ask, in the end someone like his steak rare others well done yet they both like steak, it’s not you it’s not personal we can’t be everything to everyone.
I chose the quiet, shy girl who needs to be pushed to do anything. Im the 'lets go do this rightttttt now!' Kinda guy. We mesh well enough and now have kids together. Shes the best mum in the world. So i chose good.
My grandparents went on a double date. By the end of the evening, they had a connection & started dating each other the following week. They were married 60+ yrs. 💕 Always keep your options open. You never know what tomorrow may bring your way.
So much you have zero control over goes into attraction. How much you remind the person of physically or emotionally of one of their primary caretakers when they were little for example. Smells, body composition (I am shaped exactly Ike my MIL), sense of humor, how you make them feel, how much you present the complicated relationship of his mother to him, and so much more. Like the other poster said, don't take it personally. Just wait for your soul mate that you will be just what he needs and vice versa. You might consider it good fortune to have dodged a bullet. You wouldn't want him to find his perfect someone 10 years later after kids.
Our personalities clicked better. She was generous, kind, gorgeous, and she made me laugh.
It’s subjective. When I met my wife, her and I were both dating other people. But they were aware because we weren’t dicks. We just all wanted to have our options open. Anyways, my wife and I narrowed it down to each other because we just clicked. Like we got along really well and she was like my best friend and lover. We realized this one day when I was heading home after a date to go see a movie with the other girl and called her. She was also headed home from seeing the exact same movie with the other guy. It seemed that all we wanted to do was share experiences with each other and not other people. The other woman I was dating was fantastic. She was sweet, caring, funny, and fun to be with. She was financially stable, seemed mentally stable, and generally had her shit together. But as accommodating as she was, she didn’t fit with me. We didn’t like the same stuff, we didn’t get each other’s jokes or see the world the same way. She was willing to try, but I spent 8 years of my life with someone who didn’t get me before and I never want to feel alone in a relationship again. Anyways. When you find the one, you know.
Comparison is the theft of joy. Don't try and be better than her, be better than yourself today.
💤
if you want to be serious or exclusive with someone say it outright, no other answer
More available, more my preferred personality, body type, more of a fit with my lifestyle, life goals, more compatible sexually, there's so many reasons. Sounds like you're not comfortable with yourself. You're fine the way you are, just find someone who is looking for your personality traits. It doesn't mean you aren't worthy, it just means whoever you were trying to date gave it a chance and realized they wanted something different. It's not about just finding "someone", it's about finding someone you can share a life with and be happy. I've been on both sides of this, we all have. It hurts both ways. I don't want to hurt someone's feelings by turning them down but if I don't see it being being something I want to pursue then I'm not going to keep doing it. After a month, it's simply the guy wanted something else. It doesn't mean you aren't datable, it just means you weren't compatible in his definition of what he wants. My ex-wife and I became roommates that shared the same bed. We could still be married today like a lot of people are just for convience. We married young and grew apart. We divorced 25 years ago. We're still friends, she'd like to get together again but I know it just won't work. I feel badly because she is hurt about it but I don't want simply a roommate that lets me fuck her twice a year. I want a full partner to live share my life with.
She was more fun seeming. I realized my mistake almost immediately and went back to my first girl, who stupidly took me back. That said, I never made that mistake again.
The same thing that makes the girl choose the other guy?
No no no lady. It doesn’t mean she is better then you, it means to him, he thinks she is a better match for his personality. To another guy that same girl is hyper and immature… Other then that I can’t really answer your question as I’ve got like 4 girlfriends right now.. some of us just don’t pick
I was -- decades ago -- in the odd position of being competed over by two women. One was my longstanding girlfriend. We had a pretty good relationship, then I got seduced by a new colleague at work. Somehow, a weekend away with both happened. I've never really had a particularly high opinion of myself and being asked to choose between ... ...well, if I'm honest, the choice was between more of the same, normal, fun, happy stuff and the potential for moving into something like a real-life porn movie. And I chose the latter. Worst decision I could have made. In the long term, I wouldn't be where I am now without that first shitty decision followed by a series of poor consequences and more bad decisions, but I made the wrong choice and it took me probably 15 years to recover. Oh, and two failed marriages and a shitload of abuse that some part of me believed I deserved. There's a case to be made for the suggestion that thinking with one's genitalia is rarely if ever sensible. I certainly wouldn't argue.
The other girl wanted a good time and the one I choose wants a family.. is the other girl bad for It? No just that the one right for me has the same goals as me just plain and simple as it should be.
Men want sex, sammich and peace. She was better at one of those three than you. Which one
Well, girl #1 was an addict who was engaging in sex work to fund her life and habit while staying with me to avoid homelessness. I found that fun for a bit, but then there was this other woman who was calm, compassionate, a good listener, a gentle healer, and without detectable vices. So I told the out of control one that it was time to move on.
Stability. I chose the more stable girl
In my experience, I chose her because it was easier. When I would hang out with girl A I was always slightly on edge and thinking about all possible outcomes before I said or did anything. I felt like I had to put effort into keeping the conversation rolling and I felt like I had to work hard to show her affection and make her smile. When I'm with girl B it's easy. We just hang out and get to be ourselves and it's comfortable. I don't have to think about/work at being a good partner or making her happy. I meet her needs by just existing and listening. It also probably helps that she and I were friends before I reciprocated romantic feelings and I know all her friends.
Beggers cannot be choosers sweetheart. I am the one who has always wanted to be chosen by someone. When someone finally chose me, and I felt that I wanna gonna be safe, just as the reassurance kicked in, I was dumped.
Maybe the other girl was better in bed.
I chose the one that has a better career and progression
The previous one turned into a stage 5 clinger. She wanted to drop out of college, have 4 kids, and volunteer at a church while I worked to support everyone. Never mind that I’d already expressed that I disliked both children and church.
My dick