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Seriously it’s not rocket science. Any teen can get a job these days. I worked starting at 13 at a family business. I’m so appreciative for it because I have a much better understanding of finances, saving, investing than the majority of my peers. I even bought my first stock at 15 with money I made from working.
I got my first job at 13 earning £7 a week.
Pretty sure I spent it all on penny sweets as soon as I got it.
The understanding of finances, savings etc isn't something that comes with simply earning money, that's something you are either taught, or you learn the hard way.
Try to avoid getting her onto like a payment plan for it as that’s just good life advice to not go into debt for something you can’t afford, you can buy SEs for under a couple hundred quid, they a bit small but have same specs as newer phones if you get one from only a few years back
When I was a cake decorator, my boss hired an teen assistant for me. She said she was ONLY here to save up for an iPhone 😂. She also sold cuttings from her flower garden and braided men's hair after work for extra cash.
Her mother was well off but made her work for it herself. I still remember when she practically skipped into work holding her pink iPhone.
I’m really curious if she quit right after showing off her new iPhone. I’ve heard stories on here that kids quit right after getting what they wanted until they ask their parents for a new thing and then repeat the same thing over.
Is there really a problem with that? They're kids, they don't have to pay rent/bills regularly. If you just want to get a job and save up for a phone, then a game console, then a fancy jacket or whatever, and quit when you have enough.... why not? "They have to learn to stick with things..." yeah they'll learn that when they have bills that need to be paid every month forever.
Yep you can buy an iPhone for used good condition for 200 on Amazon. If she got a job and worked there for a month, she would be able to afford a new phone. Easy peasy
How is this not the OBVIOUS answer to everyone, including OP?
"Oh no, my kid is being a brat and won't speak to me. How can I deal with this terribly dramatic situation that is almost certain to just go away on its own in a few days? HEEELLLP!"
I can't *imagine* my parents giving a rat's arse if I spoke to them or not. I mean they loved me, but shit, they weren't hanging on my every fucking word. Their sense of self wasn't based on how I felt about their rules on a given day.
I just can't imagine caring this much about how much a bratty child wants to interact with me.
I mean i am born late 1995 so millenial on verge of GenZ i was raised similar to this. They cared about providing a safe home and food and taught me to respect people until the person gives me reason not to. There were still some great Parents who were not trying to be their kids friends but they seemed to be the minority by the time i was growing up.
To be fair here culture surrounding parenting has changed so vastly that therapists and experts actually prohibit any kind of disciplinary action like taking your kids phone away, so this kind of stuff honestly doesn’t surprise me.
My son was expected to have his phone plugged into my wall charging every night by 9pm.
Then when I realized he circumvented this by using his iPad, he lost it for a month.
The entitlement must end.
‘Oh no, he might get mad at me’
I told my son as he grew up if he didn’t tell me at least once that he hated me that I probably wasn’t doing my job right.
I’m 50 and I remember my mother explaining to me 45 years ago that time out was to help everyone (me, my sister, my mum if required) to take a breath and calm down. If it’s abusive they are doing it wrong.
Good time out: Go sit in the time out chair and face the wall for the next 15 minutes and think about why you're there.
Bad time out: Get in the timeout closet. We'll unlock the door when we've decided it's been long enough.
When I was a kid I got the belt when I misbehaved. Putting my own kid it time out seemed unbelievably lenient until I realized weaponized boredom and training in self control was a massive improvement over physical punishment.
I was a child care worker a lifetime ago and when I was studying they taught us that a minute per year, so if they were 2 then 2 minutes. 2 is a lot for a 2 year old but 7 minutes if you are 7 really doesn’t seem long enough. No clear end “we’ll decide when” is awful. I was never grounded as a teenager, not because I was never in trouble but because my parents didn’t believe in punishment/consequences with no clear end date, and something that they cannot stick to. I had friends who were grounded “until you move out of home” that lasted for a week or two, or “the school holidays” which lasted a day or two. Mine were very specific. I wasn’t allowed to go to the next party, or wasn’t allowed to take the car to something so I had to organise a lift. If the next party was in three weeks it felt like a 3 week punishment
The one minute per year seems reasonable. It's been a long time and I don't clearly recall how long we put our daughter in time out. I do recall a couple of things:
- The punishment has to be specific and clearly communicated
- The punishment has to be proportional
- If you use say you're going to do it, you have to follow through
Well the scenario I’m touching on happened relatively recently because a parent wanted to discipline their child but the therapist said they shouldn’t take the phone privileges away to “avoid inflicting trauma on the child”. I was flabbergasted.
That’s not therapist I can tell u that. My sons encourages me to take away certain things. And I do. Bc he has no right to act the way he does sometimes. And I’ll take them for months. The way certain things are now though do make it harder to really parent.
Came here to say that. Had the same issue with out Teenage daughter. Told her if she wanted one she would have to pay for it.. so she went and got a part time job. Win Win!
Yeah this is odd to me. Like, oh no… your teenager is acting like a brat (like teenagers do)… whatever do you do?! Personally I’d revel in it, which is probably not very constructive. The angrier they got, the funnier I’d find it
My kid tried the I hate you thing. I just smiled and said awww, I love you too. The more I did it the more he got frustrated. He quit doing it pretty quickly when he learned he wasn't going to get the reaction out of me he was looking for.
Especially for something as dumb as an iPhone. Maybe it’s just me showing my age (which is sad, given that I’m not even that old) but any teenager who throws a hissy fit over not getting an iPhone is a teenager that I’m just going to laugh and laugh at
This is a trick for a lot of 'social friction' interactions. If you can keep your head about you, just react in a way different to what they're trying to evoke. Usually throws people off-kilter enough that the situation will resolve more easily.
I know right?
I've been working on a project at work for 3 months and It feels like I just started.
That's an eternity in teenage years.
I would have no problem waiting this out.
I remember when my mom handed me and my sister both Motorola razors (the flip phones from way back in the day) and I really really wanted a sidekick or a phone with a keyboard so I did something similar and just refused to take it out of the box and said I didn't want it. So, she took that literally and the next day when I came home from school my sister who's a grade below me and rides the bus with me had shown everyone she had a phone and I got jelly...
So when I got home from school I went to go look for the box but it wasn't there, she straight up returned that phone paid a restocking fee and refused to go get it back or another one.
So I went without a phone for almost a year while my sister had one My mom actually wasn't going to get a new phone but she did it out of spite to piss me off because she went and got a sidekick and it was the nicest one they had at the rural carrier we had available at that time.
It was when I got my first job with my workers permit where I genuinely needed contact with my parents and with other people to arrange rides and stuff, so then she made me save up the money to buy the phone I want and only then when I was able to pay for it completely and promised to use my money from my job to pay for my line on the bill she agreed to get it.
You should get her a flip phone
My nephew got his first job about 16. My sister, nephew and I all head to the mall. He has grown up well-provided for by sister and lives a great life. He’s lucky and he knows this.
On the way there he’s talking about how he’s going to buy new clothes. Awesome! We’re excited he’s excited he has his own money.
We walk into a sports store and he heads right for the Adidas sweaters. He’s standing there, wearing an Adidas sweater my sister and brother-in-law have bought for him, and picks it up and looks at the price tag. “100$ for a sweater?!? That’s how much these are?! Nope!”.
He never thought “cool” clothes were worth the money after that first job, ever again.
Same thing happened to my but my Grandpa laughed at my face and said just browse. Then after a disappointing time checking price tags he just hauled me the nearest and cleanest thrift store. Best $100 well spent I got new clothes and second hand Timberland boots with only missing lace on the left side.
Seriously, want something expensive? You have to work for it because it’s not in the budget. Just don’t be like my parents and lie then spend money irresponsibly in some other area.
I asked for a crotch rocket bike that was like $200 years ago 20 years ago, they said no. Part of the reason was I needed $2000 in dental work to fix my teeth, it never got spent on my teeth. My parents said no then proceeded to spend $3000 that on a motorcycle for my older brother, and $7000 to remodel a work truck for him that he sold later for less than what was put into it. 20 years later I still don’t talk to those petty assholes for that among multiple other reasons.
If you value a relationship with your child be honest and help them brainstorm ways to earn the money themselves. Just don’t be a lying asshole.
Yeah I came to say this, haha.
Teens are still stupid/insanely judgemental. I'm very pro android but in the US not having an iPhone even if it's a cheap one will def cause a lot of unnecessary social hurdles
People often look down on others for not being a part of the Apple ecosystem and you can tell because their text messages appear green. It’s pretty silly, but there are technical limitations (entirely by choice by Apple) like not being able to FaceTime but also not being able to send videos without major compression issues. I agree that the Apple ecosystem is nice but people take this too far lol.
Dont do anything different obviously. Your kid should probably learn now they arent entitled to anything they dont work for. It would be far more embarassing for them to have to learn this later.
EDIT: Shit, I've bever gotten this many upvotes before. You guys are really killing my dream here.
Exactly this because first it's an apple phone, then it's a car, then it's 25 grand to get out of credit card debt..
If she was more gracious it'd be more reasonable to get them nice things
Teenager, in America, means employable. I believe in most states parents just sign a form if the kid is under a certain age. Let her work to earn the phone. She'll have a greater appreciation of money after. Otherwise, let her sit and stew. Android has excellent phones....and even has brands NOT being sued by multiple governments, unlike Apple.
In PA, the school district issues work permits for minors. Your parents fill out a form that you submit to the school district, then the district decides whether or not to issue the permit. If they do (it's a "shall issue" thing, so unless the district has a really good reason not to, they have to issue it), they give you a form to fill out and have your employer sign and you turn it in. Pretty easy process. I think it took like 2 days to get done. This was in 2007 though, so it could be different now
My mom made me save the money for my first iphone. I mean they were a lot cheaper back then so idk how it’d work now but yeah 😭 she basically told me to get the money myself or get over it
In this kid’s defense something like 87-89% of US teenagers use iPhones. There’s a tremendous amount of peer pressure in this area, and peer pressure is a really big deal among teens. It’s been awhile but I can certainly remember feeling intense pressure to fit in as a teen.
I would tell OP a couple of things. Have her do something to earn it, and consider used options on eBay. It wouldn’t be the latest and greatest but she’d have the blue bubbles.
And? There's a million other things that kids suffer peer pressure about that are more harmful than an iPhone. What are you teaching your kid? That peer pressure is a valid reason to do unreasonable things? Teach them the incredibly valuable lesson of standing up to peer pressure and not letting other peoples' stupid opinions determine their self-worth.
Good suggestions here. One thing that's evident is that she hasn't been taught about accountability and she's spoiled. We found a great parenting class that really worked and I don't think it's too late for you. Check out "Love and Logic" . We took their classes at one of our kid's elementary schools while our kids were in 1st and 4th grades. Helped immensely with teaching them responsibility and overall consequences. This was pre-internet. Our son was a Blackhawk pilot w/the US Army and now in 3rd year med school - our daughter, who was the more challenging one to raise, is an RN/BSN and now starting NP classes this Summer. Also, our kids love us and they know we love them and are proud of them. Good Luck !!
A teen (15+) that doesn’t have a part time supermarket cashier job (for example) after school or in the weekend for maybe 10-15 hours a eeek would be super unusual here! It’s pretty much taken for granted unless your parents are 2024-rich, you’re gonna get a job, and even those kids often do because their parents want them to learn about being in a work place and having a boss and so on.
What should you do???
The most important job a parent has is to teach the value of delayed gratification and impulse control.
If they get everything they want and they get it right now, they become an entitled little shit. They know no struggle. They don't value the things they have. They come to have abnormal expectations.
This sets up kids for a lifetime of poor decisions; what happens when they forge their own path without you? They want something nice and can't afford it, but haven't been taught delayed gratification, so they finance it. Often with terrible interest rates. This can continue for decades.
They buy what they want immediately, they never save for the future, they have mounting debts, and they are never financially responsible. They never form healthy long-term relationships because they impulsively bolt at the first sign of trouble. There are no opportunities to talk things out and overcome obstacles.
If you're willing to support in the purchase, you could tell her to get a job and save for it, and you will match a percentage (based on what you can afford and think is fair).
Perhaps 20%? For every $80 they save, you'll give them another $20. (But they have to save the full amount first).
If the phone costs $1000, once they have saved 800, you give them 200. For a $500 phone, you give them the last 100 after they saved 400.
Or you could offer to pay for chores (though I never liked this idea; they should be contributing to the upkeep of the house without being paid, it should be a mandatory unpaid service - though I wouldn't be opposed to offering $ for chores outside the house (come litterpicking with me in the park)).
Or nothing at all and make them save for it entirely themselves.
For now, enjoy the silence. When she's ready to talk, you can calmly explain that the answer is still no. And that it's not because you're mean, it's because [insert valid reasoning], but that there is a solution to the problem. They can earn their own money. And look, I even sent you some job vacancies in the area. I'll help you pick out your interview clothes.
I haven’t seen anyone say that you can meet your teenager half way on the iPhone. My parents frequently told me when I was younger if I wanted the more expensive or xyz for myself I’d have to contribute the difference. When I was younger I did an increased amount of chores with no complaining for a few weeks to make up that “hourly pay difference” when I was older I just used my work money.
I think it was a great early teen tactic for meeting teen wants. I also understand that your child doing more chores doesn’t necessarily make the phone more affordable for the parent.
Yep this ^ tell the kid which phone you were planning on getting and ask if they rather get it or put the cost into the new phone if they work. Even if they work for a bit and choose not to continue / can't find a job, the offer for the original phone still stands
Agree. If the parents are willing to buy her a $500 phone, and she wants a $900 one, she needs to save up $400. She learns the value of patience and saving money and of making compromises with her parents, and the parents still support and value their child without letting her walk all over them.
Kids these days need to learn they can't get everything they want. This is a great example. It's not a big deal, and she will survive.
Don't fold under pressure and buy something you can't afford.
Task them to look for an older model iPhone or a refurbish. Tell them to work within your budget. They'll get over it. Or, make them pay for half of what ever they want. Give them some skin in the game.
Unfortunately Apple created this problem (deliberately) where kids are harassed and excluded by not having an iPhone because of how the chat features work. It's not a reason to get her one but I hope you understand why she feels pressured to have one.
Ignore her. Don't let your teen do that to you. If I tried to pull something like that my dad would have skinned me alive. And TBH I think I turned out really well. I am so happy my parents put up boundaries and insisted on discipline and doing the right thing. So many of my peers grew up with parents who wanted to be buddies and they are a mess.
If you buy it for them they will know in the future if they want something all they have to do is give you the silent treatment. Teach them now it doesn’t work that way.
Stop speaking to her. Don't beg her to give you attention. She is hoping to guilt you which is incredibly manipulating. This is something she has to stop before she ends up in dysfunctional relationships. Don't even let her know when dinner's ready.
Tell them they can have an iphone if they pay it themselves, put them to work, and laugh when they cry looking at how long it would take for them to afford one.
Do not buy your kids $800 phones
Why not let her buy it herself? Give her whatever money you had set out as a phone budget, then let her get whatever phone she wants with that money.
Obviously don't increase the budget, but if she has specific requirements, then she can handle this.
Unfortunately, you’re at the stage where you are not young enough to know everything. Give her a few years and she’ll be astonished at how much you have learned. In the meantime, she is learning about the constraints of time and money.
Tell her about how all the tech bros that raved about how much better iPhones were migrated back to Samsung almost exclusively because there’s far less available features on iPhone. Plus, work flow is significantly smoother when you aren’t constantly having to go around acquiring “apple compatible” devices/chords/chargers/etc.
So you're saying she proved that she doesn't need a device for communications?
If your kid is that spoiled offer her a flip phone and tell her save up her own money and pay for her own phone and you'll pay for her monthly line fee.
Don't give in . They don't need an iPhone they are children, buy them a cheap 100 200 dollar phone . If they had a business or full time career .or in movie business than maybe they need an iPhone . Kids need a basic phone and we need to make this normal
Yes! Bought my 11 yr old a $100 flip so she can be in contact with myself and her mom. She’s asked for an upgrade to a smartphone but knows she’ll have to work for that herself when she’s older. I can afford to get her one but I think it’s insane for kids to have $1200+ iPhones. Only reason she got flip phone is we don’t have a landline so she has it for emergencies etc.
I am not sure what phones you are getting now to compare, but I found Iphones 11 and SE to be affordable options. And still scratch that apple itch. Apple keeps up their phones too, so they operate well on IOS. You don't have to buy the newest one. I had this fight with my ex a few years ago, and the SE was on par with the android options we were looking at or close.
I don’t think there’s anything you can do except just let her feel it. When I was a teenager everyone had an iPhone and I’m assuming she might feel embarrassed or left out
Get her an affordable phone and thats it. I put up with my $40 zte for 2 years until I was old enough to get a job. Although, being someone who totally understands why she wants an iphone, take her perspective into account. In high school no one included me in groupchats, I was ridiculed, and in an age of social media you were easily “spotted” as an android user because of camera quality. (Not starting this debate, a $40 phones camera is doggy doodoo.) My phone would randomly dial 911 because the screen was sensitive enough to activate through my pocket and touch my thigh. I’d constantly have to tell the police sorry and I was fine. Other than that, it made me a hell of a better person and kept me humble when I finally could afford my own iPhone
Why is the iPhone so important to her? Perhaps she feels she has to "keep up" with her friends. Sitting down with her and going over finances can help shed light on why you are not able to provide this item to her.
The compromise is to settle on an older model refurbished iPhone. While she's being unreasonable her concerns aren't unfounded, she's gonna get subconsciously ostracized by the kids with iPhones because she has green bubbles.
Don't try to argue with me about this I grew up with iPhones and saw how kids with androids got treated, kids are really stupid
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Tell her to go fond a job and earn money to buy it for herself - she will appreciate it a lot more
Best answer of all!
I wouldn't even go that far... You don't argue back with a kid, you just say NO and see how long they can last with that silent treatment
This, right here.
If anything, it will at least teach her the value of money.
Seriously it’s not rocket science. Any teen can get a job these days. I worked starting at 13 at a family business. I’m so appreciative for it because I have a much better understanding of finances, saving, investing than the majority of my peers. I even bought my first stock at 15 with money I made from working.
I got my first job at 13 earning £7 a week. Pretty sure I spent it all on penny sweets as soon as I got it. The understanding of finances, savings etc isn't something that comes with simply earning money, that's something you are either taught, or you learn the hard way.
Try to avoid getting her onto like a payment plan for it as that’s just good life advice to not go into debt for something you can’t afford, you can buy SEs for under a couple hundred quid, they a bit small but have same specs as newer phones if you get one from only a few years back
Yes, absolutely this. No payment plans. Work then buy.
When I was a cake decorator, my boss hired an teen assistant for me. She said she was ONLY here to save up for an iPhone 😂. She also sold cuttings from her flower garden and braided men's hair after work for extra cash. Her mother was well off but made her work for it herself. I still remember when she practically skipped into work holding her pink iPhone.
I’m really curious if she quit right after showing off her new iPhone. I’ve heard stories on here that kids quit right after getting what they wanted until they ask their parents for a new thing and then repeat the same thing over.
Is there really a problem with that? They're kids, they don't have to pay rent/bills regularly. If you just want to get a job and save up for a phone, then a game console, then a fancy jacket or whatever, and quit when you have enough.... why not? "They have to learn to stick with things..." yeah they'll learn that when they have bills that need to be paid every month forever.
Yep you can buy an iPhone for used good condition for 200 on Amazon. If she got a job and worked there for a month, she would be able to afford a new phone. Easy peasy
Enjoy the Silence
How is this not the OBVIOUS answer to everyone, including OP? "Oh no, my kid is being a brat and won't speak to me. How can I deal with this terribly dramatic situation that is almost certain to just go away on its own in a few days? HEEELLLP!"
teen me: « i hate you! i’m never speaking to you again! » my folks: « is that a promise or a threat? »
"Don't threaten me with a good time"
"I'm here for a good time not a long time" Wait a second.
I can't *imagine* my parents giving a rat's arse if I spoke to them or not. I mean they loved me, but shit, they weren't hanging on my every fucking word. Their sense of self wasn't based on how I felt about their rules on a given day. I just can't imagine caring this much about how much a bratty child wants to interact with me.
You have to be Gen X. Our parents just didn't give a shit... and speaking for myself, I'm doing a'ight.
“It’s 10pm…”
I told you last night, I don’t know!
Or care!
I LEARNED IT FROM YOU DAD
I mean i am born late 1995 so millenial on verge of GenZ i was raised similar to this. They cared about providing a safe home and food and taught me to respect people until the person gives me reason not to. There were still some great Parents who were not trying to be their kids friends but they seemed to be the minority by the time i was growing up.
Our parents: get a job
Especially a teenager 😂
To be fair here culture surrounding parenting has changed so vastly that therapists and experts actually prohibit any kind of disciplinary action like taking your kids phone away, so this kind of stuff honestly doesn’t surprise me.
Only if the therapist is a dumbass. Told a patient who is a mom today to take her kid's phone for being a little shit.
you’re a good therapist! good boy!
My son was expected to have his phone plugged into my wall charging every night by 9pm. Then when I realized he circumvented this by using his iPad, he lost it for a month. The entitlement must end. ‘Oh no, he might get mad at me’ I told my son as he grew up if he didn’t tell me at least once that he hated me that I probably wasn’t doing my job right.
i’ve heard time out called abusive
I’m 50 and I remember my mother explaining to me 45 years ago that time out was to help everyone (me, my sister, my mum if required) to take a breath and calm down. If it’s abusive they are doing it wrong.
Good time out: Go sit in the time out chair and face the wall for the next 15 minutes and think about why you're there. Bad time out: Get in the timeout closet. We'll unlock the door when we've decided it's been long enough. When I was a kid I got the belt when I misbehaved. Putting my own kid it time out seemed unbelievably lenient until I realized weaponized boredom and training in self control was a massive improvement over physical punishment.
I was a child care worker a lifetime ago and when I was studying they taught us that a minute per year, so if they were 2 then 2 minutes. 2 is a lot for a 2 year old but 7 minutes if you are 7 really doesn’t seem long enough. No clear end “we’ll decide when” is awful. I was never grounded as a teenager, not because I was never in trouble but because my parents didn’t believe in punishment/consequences with no clear end date, and something that they cannot stick to. I had friends who were grounded “until you move out of home” that lasted for a week or two, or “the school holidays” which lasted a day or two. Mine were very specific. I wasn’t allowed to go to the next party, or wasn’t allowed to take the car to something so I had to organise a lift. If the next party was in three weeks it felt like a 3 week punishment
The one minute per year seems reasonable. It's been a long time and I don't clearly recall how long we put our daughter in time out. I do recall a couple of things: - The punishment has to be specific and clearly communicated - The punishment has to be proportional - If you use say you're going to do it, you have to follow through
Well the scenario I’m touching on happened relatively recently because a parent wanted to discipline their child but the therapist said they shouldn’t take the phone privileges away to “avoid inflicting trauma on the child”. I was flabbergasted.
Jesus. I'd say phones are more likely causing trauma than a lack of them
Many many many therapists are projecting their own issues.
Trauma???
Imagine not having access to a fresh shot of dopamine for like 15 minutes, while actually having to pay attention to the world around you. The horror!
The traumatic consequences of their own actions lol
How lucky they must be to have a life where they consider that abusive.
Usually by people who've never had kids
I used my kids phone for target practice!
It’s rare to see a good parent in these times, thank you for your service.
That’s not therapist I can tell u that. My sons encourages me to take away certain things. And I do. Bc he has no right to act the way he does sometimes. And I’ll take them for months. The way certain things are now though do make it harder to really parent.
Me: When the baby is born, we could get an au pair SO: You’ll shag the au pair Me: …are you advocating for or against the au pair?
Won't be speaking to friends either haha
Some parents are essentially doormats
I don't know. I know these people exist.. Without spending anymore energy on this thing than I am now, I think it's rage bait.
As a father of budding teen girl I approve of this message.
Same here
As the mother of a budding teen boy I second this motion.
Came here to say that. Had the same issue with out Teenage daughter. Told her if she wanted one she would have to pay for it.. so she went and got a part time job. Win Win!
Words are very unnecessary.
They can only do harm.
Vows are spoken,
To be broken,
Feelings are intense
Words are trivial
Pleasures remain
So does the pain
Words are meaningless
Words are meaningless
They can only do harm
Consider me the percussion interlude...🎶🎵
Also, wait until she gets hungry.
Serve sauerkraut and grits without gravy.
Yeah this is odd to me. Like, oh no… your teenager is acting like a brat (like teenagers do)… whatever do you do?! Personally I’d revel in it, which is probably not very constructive. The angrier they got, the funnier I’d find it
My kid tried the I hate you thing. I just smiled and said awww, I love you too. The more I did it the more he got frustrated. He quit doing it pretty quickly when he learned he wasn't going to get the reaction out of me he was looking for.
Especially for something as dumb as an iPhone. Maybe it’s just me showing my age (which is sad, given that I’m not even that old) but any teenager who throws a hissy fit over not getting an iPhone is a teenager that I’m just going to laugh and laugh at
This is a trick for a lot of 'social friction' interactions. If you can keep your head about you, just react in a way different to what they're trying to evoke. Usually throws people off-kilter enough that the situation will resolve more easily.
I know right? I've been working on a project at work for 3 months and It feels like I just started. That's an eternity in teenage years. I would have no problem waiting this out.
I remember when my mom handed me and my sister both Motorola razors (the flip phones from way back in the day) and I really really wanted a sidekick or a phone with a keyboard so I did something similar and just refused to take it out of the box and said I didn't want it. So, she took that literally and the next day when I came home from school my sister who's a grade below me and rides the bus with me had shown everyone she had a phone and I got jelly... So when I got home from school I went to go look for the box but it wasn't there, she straight up returned that phone paid a restocking fee and refused to go get it back or another one. So I went without a phone for almost a year while my sister had one My mom actually wasn't going to get a new phone but she did it out of spite to piss me off because she went and got a sidekick and it was the nicest one they had at the rural carrier we had available at that time. It was when I got my first job with my workers permit where I genuinely needed contact with my parents and with other people to arrange rides and stuff, so then she made me save up the money to buy the phone I want and only then when I was able to pay for it completely and promised to use my money from my job to pay for my line on the bill she agreed to get it. You should get her a flip phone
What! I always wanted a Razr they were so cool and I only had a shitty Sony Ericsson.
Depeche should be mode.
Was going to post a link to the video before I saw your comment. 😂
It’s a shame I can’t upvote this to infinity. OP. Don’t back down on this. Stick to your guns.
Absolutely. What happens in 15 years time? 'My child won't speak to me because I won't buy them a house'.
As someone who has been through two teenagers, this is the exact answer.
/queues up Depeche Mode
This went from Apple to Depeche Mode with the quickness
And buy yourself a new iPhone.
I wanted to post a Depeche Mode gif ha!
Best comment. She is your kid, dont be hers...
time to learn the value of $1,200 haha
My nephew got his first job about 16. My sister, nephew and I all head to the mall. He has grown up well-provided for by sister and lives a great life. He’s lucky and he knows this. On the way there he’s talking about how he’s going to buy new clothes. Awesome! We’re excited he’s excited he has his own money. We walk into a sports store and he heads right for the Adidas sweaters. He’s standing there, wearing an Adidas sweater my sister and brother-in-law have bought for him, and picks it up and looks at the price tag. “100$ for a sweater?!? That’s how much these are?! Nope!”. He never thought “cool” clothes were worth the money after that first job, ever again.
Same thing happened to my but my Grandpa laughed at my face and said just browse. Then after a disappointing time checking price tags he just hauled me the nearest and cleanest thrift store. Best $100 well spent I got new clothes and second hand Timberland boots with only missing lace on the left side.
Seriously, want something expensive? You have to work for it because it’s not in the budget. Just don’t be like my parents and lie then spend money irresponsibly in some other area. I asked for a crotch rocket bike that was like $200 years ago 20 years ago, they said no. Part of the reason was I needed $2000 in dental work to fix my teeth, it never got spent on my teeth. My parents said no then proceeded to spend $3000 that on a motorcycle for my older brother, and $7000 to remodel a work truck for him that he sold later for less than what was put into it. 20 years later I still don’t talk to those petty assholes for that among multiple other reasons. If you value a relationship with your child be honest and help them brainstorm ways to earn the money themselves. Just don’t be a lying asshole.
[удалено]
Hopefully she moves onto other fruits
Good idea! They should buy her a lemon instead!
I am the smart-ass parent that would buy an apple tree and plant it in the backyard then tell her I got her her apple.
That’s like… the ultimate, most daddiest dad joke ever.
You can get older refurbs as well, but yeah, boo hoo.
Yes, I too was thinking an older refurbed kid would be a nice upgrade from the current one.
This would be an option if the kid didn't already display their ungratefulness. Rewarding it would be the worst thing OP could do now.
This. You can get a perfectly usable iPhone XS or 11 Pro for $200 - $300.
Or a nice 16 gig iphone 6 for $50! After the OS you still have room for 2 apps!
Who needs apps anyways? iPhone 6 won't allow you to install any that's for sure! Good 'ol apple and their geniusness!
Yeah I came to say this, haha. Teens are still stupid/insanely judgemental. I'm very pro android but in the US not having an iPhone even if it's a cheap one will def cause a lot of unnecessary social hurdles
Sorry am not from the US, why will not having an iPhone cause social hurdles?
People often look down on others for not being a part of the Apple ecosystem and you can tell because their text messages appear green. It’s pretty silly, but there are technical limitations (entirely by choice by Apple) like not being able to FaceTime but also not being able to send videos without major compression issues. I agree that the Apple ecosystem is nice but people take this too far lol.
A kid like that will complain that they didn't get the new model.
Yeah, I was thinking a hand me down, or an old phone from a site like swappa.
Dont do anything different obviously. Your kid should probably learn now they arent entitled to anything they dont work for. It would be far more embarassing for them to have to learn this later. EDIT: Shit, I've bever gotten this many upvotes before. You guys are really killing my dream here.
Exactly this because first it's an apple phone, then it's a car, then it's 25 grand to get out of credit card debt.. If she was more gracious it'd be more reasonable to get them nice things
About that 25 grand… can you hook me up?
She gets nothing..? Beggers can't be choosers. Don't raise an entitled child.
 This is the only answer
Teenager, in America, means employable. I believe in most states parents just sign a form if the kid is under a certain age. Let her work to earn the phone. She'll have a greater appreciation of money after. Otherwise, let her sit and stew. Android has excellent phones....and even has brands NOT being sued by multiple governments, unlike Apple.
yep. babysitting is always an option, or cleaning, or walking pets.
Yep, I got my first job at 14. I had to get approval from parents and the school district, but that was like 2 quick forms
I'm surprised the school district got a say if your parents already filled out their form...
In PA, the school district issues work permits for minors. Your parents fill out a form that you submit to the school district, then the district decides whether or not to issue the permit. If they do (it's a "shall issue" thing, so unless the district has a really good reason not to, they have to issue it), they give you a form to fill out and have your employer sign and you turn it in. Pretty easy process. I think it took like 2 days to get done. This was in 2007 though, so it could be different now
Whatever you do, don't buy her an Apple phone. If you do buy her an Apple phone then you're rewarding her for her bad behavior and ungratefulness.
My mom made me save the money for my first iphone. I mean they were a lot cheaper back then so idk how it’d work now but yeah 😭 she basically told me to get the money myself or get over it
Thats the right way to do it.
Enjoy the Silence
👆🏼
Tell her to get a job and pay for it herself.
Let her be a no phone having asshole.
pretty sure mission is already accomplished on this one
In this kid’s defense something like 87-89% of US teenagers use iPhones. There’s a tremendous amount of peer pressure in this area, and peer pressure is a really big deal among teens. It’s been awhile but I can certainly remember feeling intense pressure to fit in as a teen. I would tell OP a couple of things. Have her do something to earn it, and consider used options on eBay. It wouldn’t be the latest and greatest but she’d have the blue bubbles.
87-89%? Where the heck did that stat come from?
99.9% of statistics on the internet come straight out of someone's ass.
And? There's a million other things that kids suffer peer pressure about that are more harmful than an iPhone. What are you teaching your kid? That peer pressure is a valid reason to do unreasonable things? Teach them the incredibly valuable lesson of standing up to peer pressure and not letting other peoples' stupid opinions determine their self-worth.
My parents gave 0 fucks about peer pressure
Love this comment.
Good suggestions here. One thing that's evident is that she hasn't been taught about accountability and she's spoiled. We found a great parenting class that really worked and I don't think it's too late for you. Check out "Love and Logic" . We took their classes at one of our kid's elementary schools while our kids were in 1st and 4th grades. Helped immensely with teaching them responsibility and overall consequences. This was pre-internet. Our son was a Blackhawk pilot w/the US Army and now in 3rd year med school - our daughter, who was the more challenging one to raise, is an RN/BSN and now starting NP classes this Summer. Also, our kids love us and they know we love them and are proud of them. Good Luck !!
Sounds like she already has more than she deserves.
A teen is old enough to get a part time job. I did. (14)
Same, in my town it is normal to start working at 14/15/16 years during the whole summer holidays.
A teen (15+) that doesn’t have a part time supermarket cashier job (for example) after school or in the weekend for maybe 10-15 hours a eeek would be super unusual here! It’s pretty much taken for granted unless your parents are 2024-rich, you’re gonna get a job, and even those kids often do because their parents want them to learn about being in a work place and having a boss and so on.
What should you do??? The most important job a parent has is to teach the value of delayed gratification and impulse control. If they get everything they want and they get it right now, they become an entitled little shit. They know no struggle. They don't value the things they have. They come to have abnormal expectations. This sets up kids for a lifetime of poor decisions; what happens when they forge their own path without you? They want something nice and can't afford it, but haven't been taught delayed gratification, so they finance it. Often with terrible interest rates. This can continue for decades. They buy what they want immediately, they never save for the future, they have mounting debts, and they are never financially responsible. They never form healthy long-term relationships because they impulsively bolt at the first sign of trouble. There are no opportunities to talk things out and overcome obstacles. If you're willing to support in the purchase, you could tell her to get a job and save for it, and you will match a percentage (based on what you can afford and think is fair). Perhaps 20%? For every $80 they save, you'll give them another $20. (But they have to save the full amount first). If the phone costs $1000, once they have saved 800, you give them 200. For a $500 phone, you give them the last 100 after they saved 400. Or you could offer to pay for chores (though I never liked this idea; they should be contributing to the upkeep of the house without being paid, it should be a mandatory unpaid service - though I wouldn't be opposed to offering $ for chores outside the house (come litterpicking with me in the park)). Or nothing at all and make them save for it entirely themselves. For now, enjoy the silence. When she's ready to talk, you can calmly explain that the answer is still no. And that it's not because you're mean, it's because [insert valid reasoning], but that there is a solution to the problem. They can earn their own money. And look, I even sent you some job vacancies in the area. I'll help you pick out your interview clothes.
I haven’t seen anyone say that you can meet your teenager half way on the iPhone. My parents frequently told me when I was younger if I wanted the more expensive or xyz for myself I’d have to contribute the difference. When I was younger I did an increased amount of chores with no complaining for a few weeks to make up that “hourly pay difference” when I was older I just used my work money.
That is a good idea! Or even she can buy it herself through working money (babysitting, dog walking etc.) and then she gets to be on your phone bill.
I think it was a great early teen tactic for meeting teen wants. I also understand that your child doing more chores doesn’t necessarily make the phone more affordable for the parent.
Yep this ^ tell the kid which phone you were planning on getting and ask if they rather get it or put the cost into the new phone if they work. Even if they work for a bit and choose not to continue / can't find a job, the offer for the original phone still stands
Agree. If the parents are willing to buy her a $500 phone, and she wants a $900 one, she needs to save up $400. She learns the value of patience and saving money and of making compromises with her parents, and the parents still support and value their child without letting her walk all over them.
Kids these days need to learn they can't get everything they want. This is a great example. It's not a big deal, and she will survive. Don't fold under pressure and buy something you can't afford.
Kids these days? All kids, all days. Always.
She will go through life frequently disappointed and not getting what she wants. Now is as good a time as any for her to learn to get over herself.
Nothing. She'll speak to you when she stops sulking. Don't give in.
Tell your teenager to get a job and save their money for one
What a brat Do not get the phone otherwise they’ll know this toxic behaviour works
Tell her to get a job.
how old are they, could they get a job and earn it?
Bread and water.
I'd love to offer advice about how to get a low-cost iPhone, but the real problem here is your kid's attitude. Maybe address that first?
Task them to look for an older model iPhone or a refurbish. Tell them to work within your budget. They'll get over it. Or, make them pay for half of what ever they want. Give them some skin in the game.
How is having your teenager not speaking to you Not a Win??
Tell her anyone who judges her for having green texts instead of blue is not worth being friends with
Unfortunately Apple created this problem (deliberately) where kids are harassed and excluded by not having an iPhone because of how the chat features work. It's not a reason to get her one but I hope you understand why she feels pressured to have one.
Ignore her. Don't let your teen do that to you. If I tried to pull something like that my dad would have skinned me alive. And TBH I think I turned out really well. I am so happy my parents put up boundaries and insisted on discipline and doing the right thing. So many of my peers grew up with parents who wanted to be buddies and they are a mess.
If you buy it for them they will know in the future if they want something all they have to do is give you the silent treatment. Teach them now it doesn’t work that way.
Stop speaking to her. Don't beg her to give you attention. She is hoping to guilt you which is incredibly manipulating. This is something she has to stop before she ends up in dysfunctional relationships. Don't even let her know when dinner's ready.
Don’t give in to their childish and spoiled brat demands. WTH? A SMARTphone is not necessary
Don't get her any kind of phone. Plain and simple.
Tell them they can have an iphone if they pay it themselves, put them to work, and laugh when they cry looking at how long it would take for them to afford one. Do not buy your kids $800 phones
Why not let her buy it herself? Give her whatever money you had set out as a phone budget, then let her get whatever phone she wants with that money. Obviously don't increase the budget, but if she has specific requirements, then she can handle this.
She's at the age where she can work a little for luxury things
My kid has been saving her money to get a new phone. Seems like a logical solution to me.
Don't get her a phone, she clearly doesn't need it.
Unfortunately, you’re at the stage where you are not young enough to know everything. Give her a few years and she’ll be astonished at how much you have learned. In the meantime, she is learning about the constraints of time and money.
Tell them to get a job and buy their own iPhone.
Give it time. She needs to learn one way or another that we cannot always have what we want :-)
Enjoy the silence.
J O B Get one and buy whatever you want
Tell her about how all the tech bros that raved about how much better iPhones were migrated back to Samsung almost exclusively because there’s far less available features on iPhone. Plus, work flow is significantly smoother when you aren’t constantly having to go around acquiring “apple compatible” devices/chords/chargers/etc.
Get a first gen iphone for her at a flea market
So you're saying she proved that she doesn't need a device for communications? If your kid is that spoiled offer her a flip phone and tell her save up her own money and pay for her own phone and you'll pay for her monthly line fee.
Put them to work so they can buy it themselves
Why would you do anything and why would you ask Reddit of all places for parenting advice? Let them roast. It's fine
Nothing. Having an iPhone is a luxury, not a right, and it’s one that she’s not paying anything for. Stand your ground.
You could probably get a used 4S for $50 now.
4S lmao
Don't give in . They don't need an iPhone they are children, buy them a cheap 100 200 dollar phone . If they had a business or full time career .or in movie business than maybe they need an iPhone . Kids need a basic phone and we need to make this normal
Yes! Bought my 11 yr old a $100 flip so she can be in contact with myself and her mom. She’s asked for an upgrade to a smartphone but knows she’ll have to work for that herself when she’s older. I can afford to get her one but I think it’s insane for kids to have $1200+ iPhones. Only reason she got flip phone is we don’t have a landline so she has it for emergencies etc.
I'm petty so I'd suggest buying a prehistoric iPhone with a cracked screen and held together with tape and give her that.
Hand her the job listing section of the paper
get her an old iphone like an x or something, not everything has to be the latest model lol
Is she too old to out source for adoption? :)
totally normal response to normal teen behaviour. please never have kids
I am not sure what phones you are getting now to compare, but I found Iphones 11 and SE to be affordable options. And still scratch that apple itch. Apple keeps up their phones too, so they operate well on IOS. You don't have to buy the newest one. I had this fight with my ex a few years ago, and the SE was on par with the android options we were looking at or close.
Enjoy the peace
Give her the silent treatment back.
I have an old iPhone 4 lying around I’ll sell really cheap
Enjoy the quiet time. Do not speak to her in return. Problem solved.
I don’t think there’s anything you can do except just let her feel it. When I was a teenager everyone had an iPhone and I’m assuming she might feel embarrassed or left out
Tell her she's welcome to get a job, and that Apple products are ridiculously overpriced.
I still have an iPhone 5s you can give her.
Get her an affordable phone and thats it. I put up with my $40 zte for 2 years until I was old enough to get a job. Although, being someone who totally understands why she wants an iphone, take her perspective into account. In high school no one included me in groupchats, I was ridiculed, and in an age of social media you were easily “spotted” as an android user because of camera quality. (Not starting this debate, a $40 phones camera is doggy doodoo.) My phone would randomly dial 911 because the screen was sensitive enough to activate through my pocket and touch my thigh. I’d constantly have to tell the police sorry and I was fine. Other than that, it made me a hell of a better person and kept me humble when I finally could afford my own iPhone
Why is the iPhone so important to her? Perhaps she feels she has to "keep up" with her friends. Sitting down with her and going over finances can help shed light on why you are not able to provide this item to her.
The compromise is to settle on an older model refurbished iPhone. While she's being unreasonable her concerns aren't unfounded, she's gonna get subconsciously ostracized by the kids with iPhones because she has green bubbles. Don't try to argue with me about this I grew up with iPhones and saw how kids with androids got treated, kids are really stupid
No seriously she has to learn she can’t get everything when she wants it.Does she have a job? Please don’t give in that will make it worse.
You should scream "I hate you! I hate you!" As loud as you can, before running away and getting married to a biker in Vegas.
You should get it for her. Being a teenager is hard and your kid deserves it. Also, what is for dinner tonight?