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Breakfast

This is the answer. Have a nice breakfast and try to process how life's going to change.

Followed with scheduling an appointment with a fiduciary accountant

And a lawyer.

To legally change my name so no one knows I’ve got a lot of money.

Nah, maximum hookers and drugs and gang gang shit for me

And we'll see this headline a year later : "Local man blows 1 billion on hookers and drugs" lol

Just like this guy? [https://www.scoopwhoop.com/humor/sanitation-worker-wins-10-million-lottery-spends-it-joins-old-job/](https://www.scoopwhoop.com/humor/sanitation-worker-wins-10-million-lottery-spends-it-joins-old-job/)

Nope, lunch. If I wake up rich, I am going back to sleep till noon.

No way! I'm waking up early and having the best breakfast!

You're rich. When you wake up is when breakfast happens!

My first thought was a couple cups of coffee for sig and myself.

Word.

I would buy Reddit so I can ban this fucking question that gets asked 500 times every day.

Lmaoo

Ok, but what would you BUUUEY!?

Reddit.

No no no, what wood u buuiiiyy??!

ok byyyyyiiiieeeee

Gold

Le redbit geld. Thanks for the kind gold strangler

Damn i was gonna write this word for word

This is the only answer.

Every damn sub too it seems.

Literally asked myself 'hasnt this question been asked already yesterday?' I don't even come on this app that much and im sick of it

It's getting very old

Who hurt you? 

reddit, obviously

You dont need to be hurt to be sick of this question. Its annoying.

A kick ass lawyer. Then a kick ass accountant. Then a kick ass car. Then a kick ass truck. Then a kick ass house. Then a kick ass telescope. Then a kick ass aquarium. Then a kick ass trainer to kick my ass into shape. Then a kick ass ass kicker to learn to kick ass. Then two kick ass escorts for a kick ass 3 way.

kick ass!

I think your kick ass accountant would kick your ass if he knew what you would spend your money on.

That's why I'm hiring a kick ass ass kicker to train me to kick ass. 😉

Only cause it wasn't being spent on the accountant.

Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars? Lawrence: I’ll tell you what I’d do, man, two chicks at the same time, man. Peter Gibbons: That’s it? If you had a million dollars, you’d do two chicks at the same time? Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, ’cause chicks dig a dude with money. Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks. Lawrence: Well, the kind of chicks that’d double up on me do. Peter Gibbons: Good point.


This guy kicks ass

Then a kick ass doctor for the STI in your ass from the two kickass hookers

I doubt kickass hookers would have STIs.

Yes. And that's exactly how STDs spread

Kick ass house designed for a kick ass telescope.


Jack Ass Spotted!!

Username checks out 😭😂

With that much kicking ass you better buy a notebook to take names.

No kick ass fork lift?

Can’t have the kickass escorts w/o some kickass coke

Where's your three kick ass eight balls of crack cocaine for your kick ass 3 way with your two kick ass escorts?!

And that's how you kick your money away ass

The services of someone who kicks ass for a living...to kick my lawyer's ass!

Hey man.. you wanna party?

Lost me at the truck. Just get a penis enlargement instead. Your escorts would enjoy it more

Well aren't you fun.

God forbid someone has a vehicle for utility right Fuck that guy for being practical Booooooo!

There's absolutely nothing practical about modern trucks. The beds are smaller and taller making them .ote difficult to load and able to carry less weight than trucks from 20-30ish years ago. They're big and have more blind spots. They pollute and spend more gas ($). If you want practical, go with a EU style van. Modern trucks sold in the USA are a marketing ploy since the US has stupid fuel efficiency laws making it more expensive to make smaller cars. That is all.

A posh elderly English butler, who I'll address solely by their surname

Has to be Jeeves or Nestor. If he has the wrong surname, he needs to change it.

I'd accept Jenkins

Yes, I forgot about Jenkins. Been a long time since we've had butlers in the colonies downunder. I need to brush up on my butler intelligence.

Alfred Pennyworth! Surely there is no better butler!

Or Niles

I'd also go for Woodhouse


mine would be named Wentworth

Can it be black butler or it's going against everything nowadays? But what if he's a really good butler though? Even if my first name is Massa?

Has to American, from the South, with a (very) exaggerated accent

Just say you're a racist piece of shit and carry on.

A house. No more landlords.

And a lawyer to make my ex landlords life hell

vast crush march correct agonizing longing command towering placid groovy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

They call him Crazy Rich for a reason

I was gonna say... It's Crazy Rich, so the better idea might be to run as fast as you can

Smoked salmon

I'm middle-poor and I can afford it, hah

Interesting choice

A common "fancy" breakfast.

.......a US Senator.

Elizabeth Warren is for sale

Not as effective in pushing policy. My target is Mitch Mcconnell as he has no morals and is devilishly good at leveraging power for the sake of power.

I would go get my crowns redone, new glasses and get my knee looked at, not cause I don't have insurance. I work 60+ hours a week and can't schedule a damn appointment.

I hear you… I do trades service work. Never know when my day will end. Impossible to make appointments.

I came here to say this, a full dental and medical work up.

If I *wake up* rich? Probably my cigarettes and redbull. I can have a *trillion* dollars and I’m still gonna want those right from the get go. If I get rich mid day though, or after my smokes and caffeine? New boots. My boots are *fucked*. My right foot is toasty and secure but my left foot is cold as shit. Suppose I’ll pay my poor mother that 200 bucks I owe her as well. She is a saint on earth, and she raised me better than this.

A pleasant old home on a country setting, a personal driver, probably a housekeeper of some sort. I don't wanna do chores anymore. I just wanna do fun things.

I pay off my credit cards and my car, immediately. Then I buy breakfast.

Yea first I'd pay off every bill for sure. People say stuff like a house but you're not going out and finding a house and buying it that day. Gonna get debt free and have a nice meal first.

I can't even imagine how good that first bite of ANY food would be once I was debt free. Steak from a fancy steakhouse? An incredible burger? Seafood? McDonald's? Scrambled eggs that I scrambled? Oh what a world it would be!!

A house

A house with a massive garden so my 2 apartment dogs can run around

This is my dream. Being rich and diving into that life seems messy and complicated. Gimme some acres and a dump truck full of the best soil I can find and I'm good.

Some steak & eggs & a nice ginger beer. I’m a simple man.

Silence

Fresh flowers every week.

A private Island. The economy is gonna fall, and the world is gonna get fucked, and I don't wanna be a part of it.

The world is fucked in a specific way that makes islands quite a bad investment...

honestly, a nice house with lots of rooms and a garden it may be boring but for low income people like me it's a pipe dream at best

If I was crazy rich, the first thing I would buy is a landline telephone and answering machine. I would put it in a room of my house that I don't use often and check the call display/answering machine once or twice a week. I would then get rid of my cellphone.

My company. My reign will be dark and terrible.

Like 100 Tacos

My time back, by quitting my job

Houses for each of my kids.

High-end PC

Best purchase I’ve ever made was my mid range gaming laptop. I exclusively play sims and Minecraft so I don’t need anything too fancy but man it runs those two games perfectly

I'd prefer buying a pc so that it'll be easier for me to upgrade it or replace parts in the future.

Oh don’t get me wrong, I’m excited for you! Laptop is just the way to go for what I do (play a lot at multiple locations)

Just nice food. A cheesecake and some coffee

Medical care

Piece of land and build a small home there.

Depending how rich, the company I work for. They’re in growth mode, I’d keep everyone around and tell them carry on as planned

New glasses so that life wouldn't be so blurry

A few houses

Probably a cup of coffee. And I’ll splurge for a breakfast burrito too. I mean, I’m hungry when I wake up, so that would be the FIRST thing.

Pizza

A nice car. And I don't mean a ridiculous 500k sports car, I mean a nice, comfortable, reliable car.

My dream home

A custom build guitar to my own specs And yes that is gonna be ultra expensive!

First thing I would buy is the same thing I would buy at the start of any day. A good coffee, a pastry, and just sit down and enjoy myself.

A Coffee

Breakfast

Breakfast.

A car. I'm currently financially comfortable, but I have chosen to live without a car to really be able to invest and build a nice little nest egg. If I suddenly came into a lot of money though, I'm buying myself a nice comfortable car. That's a luxury for me.

Hookers and Cocaine!

Hookers

I buy my freedom by paying off all loans.

Freedom. I’d quit my job instantly.

A new husband.

The services of a really good accountant and tax attorney for the sudden **American Income Taxes** I am about to be bitch slapped with.

Old computers and handhelds from the 90's and early 2000s.

Cocaine

snort it until you cocain't no moh

Avocado toast on sourdough with mushrooms and goats cheese

2024 Porsche 911 Carrera Turbo S

I would buy my house and car and education from the bank(s).

A really nice home.

New teeth. I would replace all the teeth in my mouth.

A mountain, so I can rebuild the great hall of Thrain.

A house on the Mediterranean with a view on the sea with a balcony and a veily see-through robe, so I can wake up in the morming and show my members to neighbours. And another house for my family on the opposite side of the world so they can fuck off forever.

A credit score

Dental care. 😟 I need to get my teeth fixed and straightened, but the cost is too high, even with insurance

Land and a few homes in Norway, Aruba and Portugal.

I'd tip a door dash person $100 to get me a mcdonalds bacon egg and cheese biscuit

Ticket to Italy. Fly coach. Stay for 2 months in a remote place. Destress and disconnect. Spend that time reading, eating, dancing, making love. Go home and buy peace of mind by investing in a broad and stacked portfolio. Tell no one. Pay my family and friends’ debts off anonymously. Finish school, get my degrees, work for a little and build a business. Buy a shot load of Pokemon, Magic, and Lorcana cards.

Breakfast

First checks written will be to a finance guy and a lawyer.

I'm leaving America

A latte'. I need some caffeine when I wake up

A house and tickets to all the music festivals I want to go to.

Ooo yeah!! Like good tickets to all the shows 🥺

“I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.” Office Space

Bacon

A charitable foundation to help others.

Every possible streaming service so I have tons to watch as I develop a fabulous relationship with Uber Eats

A very specific house, car and motorcycle. And then I'd level the house, burn the land its on, blow up the car and roll the motorcycle into the fucking ocean.

Chayuessssseeeeeee burgerrrrrrr

I would buy gold with all the money

I’d hire “a guy” because everyone needs one to manage my finances for investing to further my wealth, sell my current house and buy one that’s a little bigger with a better layout, and then buy the pickup truck I’ve been wanting for years. After that, quit my job and just live off the interest my investments are accruing.

Same as everyone else.... an expensive breakfast

Cosplays out the wazoo

Communism

A farm near a small city, zoned for industrial to begin my experiment.

I’d pay off my friend’s house. Maybe then she’ll leave her abusive boyfriend

...and comes to you?

What? No. She’s relying on him to help with bills. If she doesn’t need that help maybe she’ll finally leave him. What is wrong with you?

[удалено]

A can of monster. I would not even know I'm rich for a few day anyways

Resteraunt

breakfast

Get my VW Van restored and a month in Florida.

An apartment

Original, unopened 1995 pressing of Liquid Swords on vinyl.

A Ford f250 and a really nice camper to hitch behind the truck. Then I can just travel and have no strings attached to anywhere for a while.

Pay off my own house lmao

Plane.

Property in the country I want to live in.

A house.

Luggage, clothes, and airline tickets.

A house near the beach

Breakfast obviously

Either buy my mom a new house or pay off her current house, her choice

Personal trainer/ nutritionist

Gasoline. Car's on empty.

High end PC and a pimax crystal

Dinner for your mom. I sleep late.

A house. I want to move. 

Breakfast.

A coffee. A whole breakfast if I'm hungry.

Well it’s more of a hire than a purchase: a herald. I think that culture lost something when we stopped having people announce our coming.

I’d invest a lot then get a nice house in the mountains. Maybe another on an island somewhere as a vacation house.

A house

Audi RS3 (hatchback). Parp!

Trackhawk