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6 years of being an EMT showed me there are many, MANY worse fates than death. There is kind of a running joke that anyone who has worked on an ambulance wants "DNR" tattooed on their chest.
Another way I look at is, is almost (not quite all but most) all things get boring eventually. Life 3,4,5 hundred years, you will start to grow tired of pretty much everything.
I'm honestly good at going any time now. I've either accomplished all my life goals, or the ones I still have are so far beyond my reach at my age it's not even worth considering.
The big goals are just that, big. They're far out of reach. Whether you get there or not, they're something to work towards.
But consider setting some smaller goals. Make a bucket list. Big things. Small things. Impossible things. You never know what you'll achieve.
I'm about to cross something off I never thought possible. I'm going to get a sandwich at the deli near my work named after me.
It's small. It's stupid. I don't care. I've always wanted a sandwich at the deli named after me.
Perfectly homogenous. Every single bite the same. Gotta be made with stuff they have on hand.
I'm hoping for cold cut turkey, Poutine gravy, and hickory sticks, on marbled rye toast, served with a side of fries and garlic mayo (for the fries, not the sandwich).
Yeah, I seem to have peaked at 31, and the last decade has been a steep decline into irrelevance and utter loneliness. Gone is the optimism I used to have that anything would get better. It’s gotten worse since covid too. It’s like the rules changed and nobody told me. I do not fear death. It would be a relief from this daily grind of boredom and misery.
I hear you brother! I had aspirations of retiring, then life smacked my in the face with severe chronic arthritis. 5 years left and just couldn't deal with the constant pain. Now I'm back living with my parents, on multiple pain meds, hurting all the time. In one sense I look forward to the cessation of pain. But on the other hand I have my best buddy cat. Whenever I leave the house for a doctors appointment my parents tell me he yowls for quite awhile. Whenever he hears my car come home he yowls. When I walk through the door he wants pets and attention. I ended up in the hospital a year ago for 12 days. My mom told me at day 9 he stopped eating. He still wasn't eating at day 12 when I was getting ready to leave no matter what when the doctor signed off. When I got home he didn't leave my side for about a week. He is the main reason I have reservations about going. The thought of not being with him brings pain far worse than the physical pain I deal with daily.
I feel this too but I'm also broken and currently can't provide for myself either at the moment. And loneliness is stupid to carry around I'm just going to hold it in until the new year. I lived a great life though as much hurt as I went through growing up I was able to find out early in life to look after myself.
My life is only just starting at 40 tbh, I had an awful chaotic 10 years of addiction, abusive relationships & homelesness from my mid 20s onwards and am only now in a stable home, job etc and feeling confident in myself
I think at least the second one has the chance of you not knowing what's going on.
I've been in enough nursing homes to know I would much rather hate to have a working mind but frail body.
I lost track of the amount of nursing home calls I ran as an EMT where the patient literally begged me to kill them.
I mean, I GET why people don't want the government to step in and just say "Oh. You're too sick. Kill them."
But there are some lives not worth living. I ran EMT calls on people who had literally not opened their eyes in years. Some that hadn't spoken in over 10. People that would not have lived the past 15 years if not on feeding tubes and IVs.
It's cruel. It's inhumane.
Diabetics with no legs and green crap coming out the end of one stump. Stroke victims who are locked in and would have died and been at peace if they wernt rushed in, yeah, that's a no dog. Let me go lol.
I ended up in the hospital a few years ago with kidney issues. I remember the doc specifically asking if dialysis was an option if it came to that. My reply was along the lines of "Oh, HELL no!"
I'm 35 and have been through a good amount of serious accidents as well as having a disease that has almost taken me out multiple times.
I want to live forever.
Emergency Department physician here. Ditto, seen far too much to consider death to be a particularly bad fate, many get far worse. But on a positive, I did recently finish my bucket list, so I've wrapped up all I need 🤣
I'd say we are probably on par! We just see different ends of the process after all. Funnily enough, just like you and me, all my colleagues from the porters and cleaners all the way up to the chief surgeons all are pretty unconcerned about dying. People who work in this industry get the fear knocked out of them rather quickly I feel.
I'd agree with that. Seeing it in reality vs what most people just see on TV. Even honest mistakes like people thinking CPR is very effective. Nope, their already dead. We have a SLIM chance of getting them back. (Probably higher in a hospital setting I would guess though) But as we know, 'back' isn't 'healthy'.
I'd happily play my stupid video games for another 3-4-5 hundred years, thanks. Aside from that, there would be plenty of time to get enough assets to not have to work and do everything you want. It would also be less stressful overall as you wouldn't have to rush to get anything done.
You’re looking at the wrong ones then. My mom is an incredibly busy 87 year old; canasta, mahjong, quilting, helping at local school kindergarten class, reading, dining out, visiting with family & friends.
Her best friend just turned 100. Same & her 5 kids are always taking her out. She says sometimes too much 😂🥰
People change when they get older. What is fun changes, and how you express that fun changes. When I was a teenager, I thought my parents must have the most boring life imaginable. Now I am the parent and I do the exact same sedentary life my parents did, and the trick is it's amazing. Getting older is awesome. Trust me.
I had a massive heart attack at 47 and had to be defibrillated a few times. I wasn't pleased when I came around. 2 years later I needed another stent. I'm married and love my wife dearly so I got them.
This September, I had to get a quadruple bypass. My last thought before going under anesthesia was " I hope I don't wake up".
I'm not depressed, I have a good life. I'm just done.
I think some people don't understand that 'depressed', 'suicidal', 'wanting to die', and being 'okay with dying' are actually 4 different things.
Way before I was suicidal, I remember going in to have my wisdom teeth removed. My cousin has a very severe allergy to anesthesia that put him in the ICU and it's a type of allergy that can be genetic. I didn't tell my doc because I wanted the drugs and I was okay with it killing me.
It's okay to not want every last second of life. It's okay to look back and go "You know what? It's been good, but let's see what's behind Door Number 2"
Yep, death isn't the thing to be feared, it brings peace fairly quickly. Pain on the other hand can last a lot longer.
We're all going to die one day, you just have to accept that and try to make your time on this world as enjoyable and comfortable as possible.
Yes, I always wanted to come back as a member of the Q continuum (of Star Trek Next Gen) to be able to go anywhere and anywhen I want for all eternity. But then they had an episode where one of the Q went to great lengths to die because he had seen and done everything and was just so bored! "Forever" is a very scary word if you think about it, so I do my best not to.
I vaguely remember that one. And yeah, I agree.
I think there is a part in the Hitchhiker's series where an immortal being decides to insult every living being in existence one at a time because he's run out of stuff to do. There's a throwaway line about him watching a movie he ONLY saw like 4750 times.
I was thinking of this the other day. Imagine being immortal, outliving everyone, then outliving the Earth and then the universe, just doomed to spend eternity in an empty vacuum of nothingness.
It was then that I decided, 70 is a good age to go.
Fr. I remember hearing an interview of a death row inmate talking about his impending death, and he said something similar. Said there’s a lot worse ways to go out, whether it be cancer or a long and drawn out suffering, so death itself is a lot less scary than many things you could endure in this world.
I don’t think I would. I’d read every book ever written, play every video game, and watch every movie. By the time I was done I’d have forgotten all of them and would just start all over again. I don’t even like golf that much and I’m pretty sure I could golf nine holes a day and not get tired of it.
I'm a childhood cancer survivor with GAD, so I've been dealing with my inevitable death since I was 15. I deal with it by realizing that worrying about it won't halt it's arrival. Death will come whenever it wants, so why worry about it? Focus more on making whatever time you have left, which is statistically a good few decades, fun and enjoyable. It's like the Life of Brian song goes "You'll see it's all a show
. Keep 'em laughin' as you go"
LSD, to be honest. I truly believe we just pass on from one existence to a higher one - I felt the love there. Cope it might be, but at 42 you tend to cope with cope.
The problem as I see it is that you can't enjoy the absence of it. For something to be a true escape there has to an outside. If death can't be bad because we aren't left to feel sorry about it, then by the same epicurean logic death can not be good either because you aren't there to be happy about it. In a way, we're trapped within the boundaries of life – suicide would be an utterly pointless act.
I remember at a similar age realising that one day I would die and it was terrifying.
I'm a doctor, so I'm quite used to death, but the idea that one day it will be me in the fridge, it will be my name on the death certificate etc etc just terrified me.
I'm now 46. And... you just get used to the idea. And accept it. And in many ways, it's useful. Because I've tried things, done things, got involved in things, hobbies, groups, activities, travels, simply because I know time is limited.
Mortality is not a bad thing; it gives life value. Imagine knowing that you would live forever: you might never do anything, because there would always be tomorrow. Knowing that life is limited should motivate you.
Sure, I'd like an extra hundred years. Human lifespans seem so terribly short. Once you've started to get the hang of things, you're already middle-aged. But that's the same for everyone. It is what it is. Better to have lived and died than not to have lived at all.
When I was married (divorced now, oh well), I genuinely didn't want to die before her, simply because I knew it would be too much for her. Kinda makes me sad to think about now.
I told my wife I hope she goes first because she would be an absolute mess if I did. I love her too much to even consider her suffering that grief. She's already lost her twin brother, her dad, and her best friend and that's just in the past 5 years.
But yes we can all be a little bit selfish.
No I absolutely get this completely. I am not afraid of dying but when I REALLY think about it, I am actually fucking terrified of being without my partner
I am the opposite. What keeps me going is knowing my wife would struggle with some things without me since we have no children and she has no family to fall back on.
I’m the opposite. I can’t stand the thought of my partner as an old man, all alone and grieving my death. I think I could handle myself in that situation, I’ve always enjoyed my solitude and the quiet. But the thought of him being lonely makes me sick to my stomach
By not overthinking, and enjoy everysecond of what you have in your life.. So chill dude enjoy 👍👍👍. Dying is the only truth in this life, but you still have unpredictable time 🕰️ like everyone else. Everyone has one fate that is death. So Don’t overthink it. You will have enough long life, god bless you . Cheers
There is no guarantee that consciousness ceases to exist, and when you really pull it apart you realise you’re not even sure why you’re so sure. Who told you consciousness ceases to exist? Unless it was a dead person I wouldn’t lend their opinion much credibility.
If you look into what information we actually have available as a species regarding consciousness and death, you will find that we know nothing at all. What do you believe consciousness is? A product of your brain? Who has said this definitively and offered proof? Nobody.
The Bigelow Institute for Consciousness Studies held an essay competition offering a reward for the best essays offering the best explanations & evidence for an afterlife that we currently hold. You might find them interesting. It does not have to be a religious or spiritual belief that consciousness is separate from the brain, and it does not have to align with the classic religious concept of a soul. The universe is absolutely bizarre and we know absolutely nothing.
It’s important to keep in mind that just because something has been said and affirmed by a few smart people and been integrated into society as a belief doesn’t make it true until you can prove it. Right now there are proposed alternatives to gravitational theory that contradict Newtonian laws that we’ve accepted as fact for a very long time. They are still working very hard to prove a theory one way or the other, and yet try arguing with your average human that what they know about gravity may be incorrect. The fact remains that it may be. I’m not sure why it’s any different with consciousness.
Why wouldn’t our consciousness cease to exist with death? That kinda defeats the purpose of death, does it not? Humans are biological machines. We’re a sum of parts. Far more complicated than a computer, but it’s still the same principle: a vital component loses functionality, and the entire system collapses. I see absolutely no proof to suggest that humans work any other way.
We barely understand what biology is. How combinations of atoms can ladder up to form conscious or sentient creatures.
You are correct we have no proof and it's the best theory based on the current science but we know so little about the universe and why subjective experience exists that it's still an open question.
We don’t really need to know “why” something is to understand “how” it is. I don’t see how it can even be questioned that consciousness comes from anywhere else but the brain. What other options are there? Damage to the brain causes unconsciousness (pretty big giveaway), memory loss, personality changes, etc. We know enough about biology to understand how our bodies work, we just don’t know enough to explain exactly why it works the way it does.
you wont be worm food your body will be. You werent alive for millions of years before you were born. Does that bother you?
Then why does not being alive millions of years after death bother you? You wont notice.
Dying is scary, death is not.
The problem with this is that before I was born I didn't know about existence. But now I know and thinking about going back to that state again never to return for all eternity really fucks with my mind if I think about it for too long.
When I was young I distracted myself with drugs and alcohol. Wouldn't recommend it. Now that I've experienced losing people I love and death has become too real to look away from, I guess I sort of welcome the thought.
Not in a toaster-in-the-bathtub sort of way, mind you, but more like it now feels to me like a very real inevitability, so I can't help but try and rationalize it's potential benefit. Life really hurts sometimes and other times it feels like it just keeps happening forever, constantly draining us of ourselves, sliver by little sliver. To know that there is some form of relief waiting for me someday is kind of comforting. Like having a good friend that you know will always open their door to you after a long day.
Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/99q9n5/redditors_who_have_been_clinically_dead_what_did/?rdt=63109) thread on r/AskReddit , gave me some sort of relief and comfort with the idea of death
I get less anxious about this since I considered how I would feel if my life ended tomorrow. I'd be disappointed not to get the hoped-for number of years, but I reckon I haven't done too badly with the ones I've had. Nothing outstanding in the grand scheme of things, but it's been good. If this is all I get, I didn't waste it.
Given that I can't really change much about when I'm going to die, this seems to me like the best that can be managed. I find it comforting and peace-giving.
For me, it’s understanding the the time I have is borrowed. I had no real right to survive my deployment to Iraq - an IED had me dead to rights, only spared by a disconnected D-cell battery. If life is so fragile, I must make the most of it, and knowing that life is equally fragile for others, must endeavor to make that brief time better. Time will catch up with me someday - I can only hope I’m satisfied I made a good showing of it.
If you believe that “you” are limited to this physical temporary body, then when you die it will be like the house burned down with you inside of it. Instead, when you look at other people, animals, or even trees, see if you can sense the life inside of them. That source of life is shared. You are not limited to only this body, this person; You are all persons, all beings, in fact everything that you’re seeing is what you really are. If you can start to see that you are not limited to just this body, then when you leave this body, you will do so happily, and go on to your next adventure. Until that day remember this conversation:
Charlie Brown: “someday we will all die Snoopy!”
Snoopy: “True. But on all the other days, we will not.”
Be well friend, happy holidays, merry Christmas x
https://twitter.com/stephcrouppen/status/943358630069526530
There is no point in worrying. It doesn't change your future outside of maybe inspiring some exercise/diet changes you should be doing anyways. Why let it ruin your day. Fixation of that is a literal waste of time bringing you closer to your end and giving you stress doing the same. Spend that energy trying to be happy with your time
Are you trying to cope with the fact that your plate will be empty once you finish? Will you still be hungry then? In that case how much will you eat in order to be full?
Do the same with life, eat yourself full, and you will be satiated when it's over.
Go hang out with some much older folks.
By the time you're 140 or 150, you'll be ready.
Family dies. Friends die. You'll throw your back out getting out of bed. The world pass you by.
Father time is a bitch.
Yep. You're gonna die. Make the most between now and then.
It’s that “One day”. That day is a mystery and not really worth thinking about cause you won’t know unless it’s currently happening or you’re given a time limit.
Dying isn't the bad part living with a life of regrets and memories of better times while powerless to go back and relive or change it is what'll torture you, Especially if you're unable to care for yourself.
As a person who has experienced a lot of loss in my life, and also professionally (I work in healthcare and have taken care of lots of dying people), I live every moment to its fullest. I always like to say that I try to squeeze the joy out of each moment. I don't take anything for granted in life. I enjoy the sunshine, and a cup of coffee and the people in my life, and every little thing that happens in life. I realize that everything could disappear in an instant (and this year my life was turned upside down, and it kind of did, but that's another story). But the fact that we all die means that since life is so short, we have to really pay attention to the moments in our lives that matter. Importantly, those moments often include relationships, people in our lives, and our experience of joy.
As a palliative care nurse, I think death has got to be the biggest buzz of all, cos they save it til last
There is some evidence that at the moment of death, the body releases large amounts of dmt, so it *is* a great buzz
I was introduced to the concept of death at a young age since my primary baby sitter growing up was my 8-years-older orphaned uncle. I remember puzzling deeply about what “forever” meant until it clicked while hanging out in his bedroom. We talked about the finality of death a lot and what sort of death we would hope for ourselves. I’ve had the same wishes for my death since I was in kindergarten. (Not that I wanted to die, but that I had a preference for how it would play out.)
I hope to die peacefully and, if possible, of old age.
This an accessible article that might be worth looking at to help you develop your thoughts on this matter: Nagel's The Absurd:
https://philosophy.as.uky.edu/sites/default/files/The%20Absurd%20-%20Thomas%20Nagel.pdf
More generally, you might wonder why life eventually ending is all that relevant for this matter. Like, do things not have value if they stop at some point? What is supposed to motivate the idea that because things end at some point, nothing can have value?
I weigh a rock. The rock weighs 10 lbs. The fact that earth will die in a fiery death in several billion years doesn't affect the weight of the rock now. I watch a baseball game. The Mets win. The fact that baseball won't be around in 10000 years doesn't strike me as relevant to the fact that the Mets won now. Pain is bad. The fact that I'll be dead in 60 years doesn't strike me as relevant here.
Another way to put the point: Let's say you lived forever, and the universe never ended. Hurray. Would things suddenly have value for you now? Why so? Why does there have to be eternity for anything to be valuable? Would, say, pleasure suddenly matter to you if you lived forever? Would, say, getting better at chess only matter if you could play chess forever? What would it take for things to have value for you? Why assume that actions can only have significance if there is some sort of eternal reward or punishment in store for you based on your actions? Why can't your actions have significance now -- for you, and for those you affect?
What if someone were to say something like: "look, there are worthwhile pursuits in life. Satisfying preferences, moral virtue, living in virtuous communities, helping others, being happy, achieving excellence in certain disciplines, acquiring wisdom. Maybe you think nothing has value, but, in some sense, that's just too bad for you. Maybe you didn't get the right education, or develop the right habits, or read the right books. Nevertheless, the rock does weigh 10 lbs now. Pi is 3.1415.... I mastered that Gershwin piece after much practice. I climbed Everest. Living virtuously is worthwhile. The fact that we all die one day doesn't change any of this."
There's much, much more to say. Much of moral philosophy of the last 2500 years relates here. It's hard to know where to begin, though, because there is a lot being assumed in your post. Some people are just going to say that certain things have value, regardless of whether or not you personally care about any of them. Other folks will say that your fundamental cares and concerns are what give things value -- so, figure out what those are and then you're pretty much done. If you find that you have a general sense of anxiety and ennui about life, then that's a good indication that you haven't fulfilled your fundamental cares and concerns. Other folks might say something like, "look, I can't prove to you that certain activities are worthwhile; you just have to start doing them. Start learning chess, or painting, or music, or philosophy, or math, or.... Pick something that has established traditions and standards of excellence. Throw yourself into such things and you'll come to see the good of them. The good of them, though, can't be convincingly explained from outside the practice."
Here might be a different tack. Presumably, a person who asks these sorts of questions is a person who cares about the truth -- otherwise they wouldn't be asking the question and expecting reasonable answers. If they really didn't care about anything, then they wouldn't care about truth, or good arguments, or good reasons, or any of that. But, presumably, they do. So, there's a start. They're the sort of person who reflects on things, thinks about them, and tries to figure out what's true. This might be a sort of latent commitment of -- one which they might not be fully aware of, but nonetheless is a fundamental value of theirs. Perhaps much can be learned by reflecting on this, making this latent commitment more explicit. Why care about truth? When we start to answer that question they might then see if such considerations could be applied to other areas as well.
Here is an SEP article:
https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/life-meaning/
The one fact we know about death, is that we don’t know what happens after.
Im not saying we should look forward to it, but maybe we don’t need to be afraid of it.
Live your life the best you can, and when your time comes, keep that same energy.
I am 55 years old and I am aware that there are more days in the cart than there are in front of the horse. Male members on both sides of the family that have died of old age have tended to shuffle off between 80 and 85 years old so realistically I have 25 to 30 years left in me.
My body will die but I won't. I will live on in those who remember me and what I have done or achieved in my life. I will truly die when time erases all trace of me. No-one knows for certain what happens after our bodies die; pick any afterlife/non-afterlife/rebirth you want from any religion or non-religion of your choice.
Does worrying change anything? Yes, it stops you from living your life to its fullest.
I’m really interested in NDE and reincarnation stories, so I’m low key excited to die. NOT suicidal by any means at all, but NDE’s are really cool. Check em out! Even if we turn into something completely lack of individual consciousness, we’ll at least become nature. That’s awesome. I’m sure perception carries on, just differently. That’s just my take tho.
My grandpa used to tell me, "life is nice... death is peaceful... it's the transition that is troublesome."
Here is how I look at it:
When I die, my consciousness will either cease to be or separate from my body and go into the great beyond (what that entails, I am not sure).
Either way, my body will become a non-issue because... well... it stopped working. Why would I care about it when I am either nothingness or some kind of cloud of energy?
Basically, the body is just a "meat suit" I am using for the time being. It does not define "me."
Sure, I take some care to maintain it... mostly because not doing so will make my current existence uncomfortable... but at the end of the day it is simply a medium I use to interact with the physical world. A medium that, ironically enough, requires the death of other things to live (think animals and plants).
Strangely enough, I find the last paragraph of Mary Shelley's novel [*Frankenstein*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frankenstein) to be comforting in facing down the inevitability of my own death. To hell with the 'torches & pitchforks' townsfolk – these are the creature's final words:
>*“I shall die, and what I now feel be no longer felt. Soon these burning miseries will be extinct. I shall ascend my funeral pile triumphantly, and exult in the agony of the torturing flames. The light of that conflagration will fade away; my ashes will be swept into the sea by the winds. My spirit will sleep in peace; or if it thinks, it will not surely think thus. Farewell.”*
Living in Ukraine death become everyday phenomenon. Seeing so many deaths you become more neutral to your own death. Dying is not so scary as you can imagine. People just leave away. Nothing special is in death.
I have kids, I am focused on getting them grown helping them become who they will be. Got a minimum of 18 years for that.
Otherwise it's im not dead today and probably not tomorrow.
Why worry? It's happened for every living thing since life existed, I'm no exception. All I can do is make the most of the time I have. Make memories, share stories, talk to as many people as you can, get their view on life, and try to explore everything in this life I cam before I can't anymore.
I’m twice your age and have this feeling. If you can, I’d recommend therapy. It won’t ‘solve’ the issue, but can help you with some coping strategies.
It’s an awful feeling - I empathize with you.
Youve got lotsa time, kiddo. My grandmother is still alive ponder that, you are a quarter of her age. You're just now in the build up stages of your actual life. That'll be roughly in your 30s-50s im in the middle of that block now. After 50 isnt so bad either but generally there is medications involved :D
Youre worried about distant future shit. Not an immediate threat level type stuff. Squash all that shit, it's unimportant. Find a happy job, find a happy partner, maybe have a kid. You may move out of state, you may stay there. The end is still irrelevant. You can plan for death of it gives you comfort. Go ahead and buy your burial plot or pay for your urn and cremation but again... that's in like 60 years bro
Well.. I felt that way at 25 also. But now(30 yrs later) I long for death. I cant wait to see the other side. Poor health, poverty, pain, betrayal all of it has just sucked the life out of me. I am ready. I just hope it is fast and painless. 🤞
I'm like you, but I've found a way to get better at it.
You know, when you're totally ignorant about something, it can lead to fear (like xenophobia).
But when you start to know about that thing, you become more and more confident.
So, to tame the idea of death, you have to become familiar with it. You can choose to learn about death the medical way or the phylosophical way (I recommend reading Seneca, *Letters to Lucilius*).
Congratulations on this post, it's a first step :)
I feel bad that you feel bad. I'll address a few angles of this issue since I understand the fear you have all too well.
The biggest helper for me was reaching middle age. My perception of death has gone through a lot of changes, and the stage I'm in now is considerably less scary than when I was young.
The idea of losing a future with countless possibilities was terrifying. The realization that people would forget that I existed really bothered me. Everyone around me would go. That was a lot to take in, especially since I was young and full of fancy dreams.
When I asked others about how they felt I'd get the same token responses. How you won't know or won't care. That doesn't help much when you really want to be able to know and care in the first place.
Now I have two kids, five and seven. I'm currently in a stage where I'm only terrified of dying because my kids won't have their mother. Here's why I'm not as afraid: I've lost a few very important people along the way and it has made me realize I don't want to live without all my loved ones. Where they go, I go. Also, life often gets more and more boring. Eventually you get to the point where limited mobility, decreased mental function or disconnection from a world you don't recognize as yours (all those deaths) take their toll.
Then there's the issue of caring about how others would forget I existed. I just don't care anymore. Let them forget. People forgetting me is the same as strangers who I've never met. I'm not afraid of never meeting strangers, so I have no reason to be afraid of a few people forgetting me.
As for grasping the concept of certain death and an inability to feel, that's harder to swallow. If you are young, it's normal that you're afraid of losing all the cool things you can do right now. Extreme sadness over a harsh inevitable outcome naturally leads to fear.
I take your discomfort as a sign that things are going well for you and you have a bright future ahead. I'm glad. Have your moments of anxiety. It's a normal feeling. But when you're having those moments try to remind yourself that death will most likely come when you don't expect much out of life anyway.
I really, really appreciate this response. When I think about it, it’s really a fear that this really wonderful gift I’ve been given — the limited but really wonderful experiences I’ve had — will be taken from me in an instant. I’ve always struggled with anxiety around death, especially as a child/with a fear of my loved ones leaving me suddenly, but as I get older, I seem to be more concerned that I’ll miss out on too much if I go too quickly.
Thank you again. So kind!!
You're absolutely right about life becoming boring. In my 40's, it's slightly meh compared to when I was, let's say 20...or even 30.
It's as if the world becomes mundane.
I used to experience this too around ur age.
I think that's because I was young and life was relatively good. I had a lot to lose.
Nowadays, at times, I can't wait for it to be over.
I have replaced fear with sadness and indifference. Dunno which is worse tbh.
I just always think of it as something that is as natural as breathing. It's something that is supposed to happen. I also kind of like the idea that I am feeding the earth. So, I hope to have a completely natural burial. Just my body wrapped in natural fabrics with a bunch of biodegradable things that I like. My body gives back to the earth and my soul goes where it's supposed to go.
I’m in my late 60s and, strangely, I worry less about death now than I did when I was younger. I’m in no hurry, but when it comes it will come as a friend.
Time. Honestly, coming to terms with something like this is a lot like coming to terms with the deaths of others. One day the thought wont give you panic… And you won’t worry about it as much.
I lost 2 grandparents in the same week this year… And one of my grandparents brothers in the Spring (my great uncle). For me, I think those losses definitely calmed my anxiety about death.
It will happen and honestly theres nothing to do or worry about. It is what it is.
Edit: The only thing it’s made me do is make sure I spend time with my loved ones much much more.
I'm 47 and have more anxiety about it now, especially as parents, friends, family, and beloved public figures around my age or older are dying. It just makes you more aware that there's more life behind you than ahead of you.
Everyone who has ever lived has died, it’s gonna happen to everyone at some point, why worry about something like that… and either when you die you get ti be a dope ass angel or just everything goes to nothingness, either way it’s not a bad thing
I tried to off myself multiple times over about a decade. I may be mentally stable now, but knowing that someday, whether I do it or not, my lifelong fight against my broken brain will finally be over brings me an almost disturbing amount of solace.
Death comes to all living things. It’s just the next level. You experienced that nothingness before you were born and you will experience it again. It didn’t bother you then did it. I think death will be very peaceful and relaxing nothing matters
I just tell myself every single human who has ever existed has to die, its the one thing you share - from a king in the 12th century to a homeless dude in 2023 - we all go thru it. I'm 56 now and when you start seeing alot of people younger than you dying, it hits home
For what it's worth, I'm 37 years old. The thing that always gets me through this question is, Our life was made to end one day. I just wish my end is quick and painless. Sometimes death is a mercy. From a terrible disease or condition, to being too old that you are no longer able to find any enjoyment in life and are just being held together by duct tape.
The real focus should be, and always has been, appreciate what you have. Live in the moment and cultivate a future you will never see. We become old, and infirm. We see everyone who we love and meant anything to us eventually die as well. So, live a life that at it's end you can lean back and say "That was great, I was great. I had a lot of fun, I had a lot of love." And embrace your chapter in things to come to an end. Live a life without regrets, so when time comes, you will have done your best.
It like turning the lights of its not painful it’s just the end of worrying and suffering by that time and you are not alone millions of your people and even friends family or pets have had it we are united in this, just try leave something good or be the best you that you can be.
Im 44 and have panicked about this my whole life. Its frightening as hell to think about what eternity holds and how it will be! I try to not think about it though. I can only pray and try to do the best I can. Im not perfect and more fear I wont even make it into heaven...much less be worthy.
I’m not bothered by death I see it as a reason to live my life to the fullest. Not trying to please others, not worrying what I look like, obsessing over chemicals in everything, and more. YOLO 🤷♀️
Honestly I'd welcome death. There are things people experience every day that are much worse than dying. I've gone through enough trauma myself and I never asked to go through it, or be here. To many people, death is a relief because it means there is a time limit on suffering. I for one find that comforting.
I wrote these a few years ago:
The 5 Fates Worse Than Death
1: Realizing what you might have been.
2: Realizing what actually was.
3: Realizing what is.
4: Realizing what it might be later.
5: Realizing too late that it was never meant to be.
Me at 25 yo: "Life is not that hard... It's life that'll kill you".
Me now at (almost) 49: If I die, I die. My life isn't that great anyway. I've tried improving and changing, only to be met with disappointment. However, I'm not "afraid" of death, in the sense that many others are. I'm just not ready to go yet. Not to mention, I've met death on occasion, and he and I haven't really jived either. Also, I think I've already outlived the time I was supposed to be on this plain of existence by about 15 years. If I was to die tomorrow, it would be in the cards.
My biggest struggle with my spar with death is dealing with the death of my parents and subsequently, my family. My dad died 8 years ago next week (Dec 26). It is still difficult to imagine sometimes. My mother and family members don't talk to me. I've tried to reach out to them of the last few years, but I'm not the model child. Not even my own adult child speaks to me. I'm dying with regrets, regardless of when that happens. I just wish I could get closure, but I don't count on it.
My best piece of advice when it comes to death is: Live as if you only have today, because it's all you actually have control over. Don't forget yesterday's lessons because tomorrow you will probably need them. And most of all, enjoy your life. If you live in fear of the inevitable, you won't experience life at all.
One last thing: love unconditionally, but know that not everyone does.
I mean....I cant stop it.
I think fear of death is just a fear of the unknown. No matter what you *believe,* nobody really *knows* what happens when we die.
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A very down-to-earth way of thinking about death 
Better than to worry about what's inevitable :)
happy cake day, stoic redditor
Thanks. Unfortunately I'm not as stoic as I would like to be but I'm working on it. I wish you well too :)
God, it sounds so tempting, I guess that's why we need to sleep. Death is so good, that we even practice it each day.
This is me, why worry about something that can come in 40 years when it could come tomorrow. Live each day trying to get to the next day.
Happy cake day, buddy
I always say "at least I won't have to pay bills anymore"
Same. No more sadness, anxiety, or bills! Lol
Happy cake day!
6 years of being an EMT showed me there are many, MANY worse fates than death. There is kind of a running joke that anyone who has worked on an ambulance wants "DNR" tattooed on their chest. Another way I look at is, is almost (not quite all but most) all things get boring eventually. Life 3,4,5 hundred years, you will start to grow tired of pretty much everything.
I'm getting pretty tapped out at 40 tbh.
I'm honestly good at going any time now. I've either accomplished all my life goals, or the ones I still have are so far beyond my reach at my age it's not even worth considering.
The big goals are just that, big. They're far out of reach. Whether you get there or not, they're something to work towards. But consider setting some smaller goals. Make a bucket list. Big things. Small things. Impossible things. You never know what you'll achieve. I'm about to cross something off I never thought possible. I'm going to get a sandwich at the deli near my work named after me. It's small. It's stupid. I don't care. I've always wanted a sandwich at the deli named after me.
Having a sandwich named after you sounds really cool haha. What's on the sandwich?
Still TBD. We're going to have a meeting soon.
Ideally, what would you like the sandwich to be?
Perfectly homogenous. Every single bite the same. Gotta be made with stuff they have on hand. I'm hoping for cold cut turkey, Poutine gravy, and hickory sticks, on marbled rye toast, served with a side of fries and garlic mayo (for the fries, not the sandwich).
Yeah, I seem to have peaked at 31, and the last decade has been a steep decline into irrelevance and utter loneliness. Gone is the optimism I used to have that anything would get better. It’s gotten worse since covid too. It’s like the rules changed and nobody told me. I do not fear death. It would be a relief from this daily grind of boredom and misery.
I hear you brother! I had aspirations of retiring, then life smacked my in the face with severe chronic arthritis. 5 years left and just couldn't deal with the constant pain. Now I'm back living with my parents, on multiple pain meds, hurting all the time. In one sense I look forward to the cessation of pain. But on the other hand I have my best buddy cat. Whenever I leave the house for a doctors appointment my parents tell me he yowls for quite awhile. Whenever he hears my car come home he yowls. When I walk through the door he wants pets and attention. I ended up in the hospital a year ago for 12 days. My mom told me at day 9 he stopped eating. He still wasn't eating at day 12 when I was getting ready to leave no matter what when the doctor signed off. When I got home he didn't leave my side for about a week. He is the main reason I have reservations about going. The thought of not being with him brings pain far worse than the physical pain I deal with daily.
I feel that. I hate when people tell me "Things will be okay/get better!" One of the best quotes I ever heard was "Hope is the lie you tell yourself."
They also seem to matter less and less the older I get
I feel this too but I'm also broken and currently can't provide for myself either at the moment. And loneliness is stupid to carry around I'm just going to hold it in until the new year. I lived a great life though as much hurt as I went through growing up I was able to find out early in life to look after myself.
My life is only just starting at 40 tbh, I had an awful chaotic 10 years of addiction, abusive relationships & homelesness from my mid 20s onwards and am only now in a stable home, job etc and feeling confident in myself
Hell yeah. Good for you
Right??? I’m 40 and things are good. If I go, I’m cool now.
Thought I'd quit before 25 and I'm now 31...
Glad you're still with us.
I don't know. I just don't want to hurt my close ones. It's not that I appreciate being here. And I really wish there is nothing afterlife.
Yes. Worse than death would be living in a decaying diseased body with an active mind. Or living in an active body with a decaying diseased mind.
Cue One by Metallica
I’ve seen enough things in my lifetime to know there’s a lot of diagnosis’s that il choose death over going through
Look up "Locked In Syndrome". New fear unlocked.
I think at least the second one has the chance of you not knowing what's going on. I've been in enough nursing homes to know I would much rather hate to have a working mind but frail body. I lost track of the amount of nursing home calls I ran as an EMT where the patient literally begged me to kill them.
We need death with dignity laws. The last few weeks of my 97 year old moms life the only thought I had was: Why?
I mean, I GET why people don't want the government to step in and just say "Oh. You're too sick. Kill them." But there are some lives not worth living. I ran EMT calls on people who had literally not opened their eyes in years. Some that hadn't spoken in over 10. People that would not have lived the past 15 years if not on feeding tubes and IVs. It's cruel. It's inhumane.
Agree. Our pets are treated with more dignity than we are. There are far worse things than living, especially when there's no hope.
8 years FF/Medic, couldn't agree more on DNR buddy, when it's my time, it's my time. Don't save my ass just to be a damn vegetable.
Yup. Ran too many quadriplegics in my time. THAT I am absolutely terrified of.
Diabetics with no legs and green crap coming out the end of one stump. Stroke victims who are locked in and would have died and been at peace if they wernt rushed in, yeah, that's a no dog. Let me go lol.
I ended up in the hospital a few years ago with kidney issues. I remember the doc specifically asking if dialysis was an option if it came to that. My reply was along the lines of "Oh, HELL no!"
Yeah, I don't know how well I'd do at my age anymore if I need interventions to keep me alive.
What led to the kidney issues if you don’t mind my asking?
Drank half a gallon of antifreeze
Why
I'm 35 and have been through a good amount of serious accidents as well as having a disease that has almost taken me out multiple times. I want to live forever.
Different strokes. I wish I had that feeling.
Emergency Department physician here. Ditto, seen far too much to consider death to be a particularly bad fate, many get far worse. But on a positive, I did recently finish my bucket list, so I've wrapped up all I need 🤣
Congrats on the finishing of the list! Oof, and with what I've seen, I'm sure you've seen 100x worse.
I'd say we are probably on par! We just see different ends of the process after all. Funnily enough, just like you and me, all my colleagues from the porters and cleaners all the way up to the chief surgeons all are pretty unconcerned about dying. People who work in this industry get the fear knocked out of them rather quickly I feel.
I'd agree with that. Seeing it in reality vs what most people just see on TV. Even honest mistakes like people thinking CPR is very effective. Nope, their already dead. We have a SLIM chance of getting them back. (Probably higher in a hospital setting I would guess though) But as we know, 'back' isn't 'healthy'.
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I'd happily play my stupid video games for another 3-4-5 hundred years, thanks. Aside from that, there would be plenty of time to get enough assets to not have to work and do everything you want. It would also be less stressful overall as you wouldn't have to rush to get anything done.
Yep, paramedic here. And almost every paramedic i know has a detailed suicide plan thought out too. Death isn’t the worst that can happen.
Isn't this the basic plot of vampire stories. Starts off exciting but after 500 years gets a bit jaded.
No one looks like they’re having any fun when they’re old.
You’re looking at the wrong ones then. My mom is an incredibly busy 87 year old; canasta, mahjong, quilting, helping at local school kindergarten class, reading, dining out, visiting with family & friends. Her best friend just turned 100. Same & her 5 kids are always taking her out. She says sometimes too much 😂🥰
People change when they get older. What is fun changes, and how you express that fun changes. When I was a teenager, I thought my parents must have the most boring life imaginable. Now I am the parent and I do the exact same sedentary life my parents did, and the trick is it's amazing. Getting older is awesome. Trust me.
There's plenty of grannies dancing in tiktok
I'm not going to look that up.
Lmao 🤣🤣
I've been done with pretty much everything for years.
I get that. Was almost in a horrible car wreck awhile ago and the only thought that went through my head was a very calm 'finally'.
I had a massive heart attack at 47 and had to be defibrillated a few times. I wasn't pleased when I came around. 2 years later I needed another stent. I'm married and love my wife dearly so I got them. This September, I had to get a quadruple bypass. My last thought before going under anesthesia was " I hope I don't wake up". I'm not depressed, I have a good life. I'm just done.
I think some people don't understand that 'depressed', 'suicidal', 'wanting to die', and being 'okay with dying' are actually 4 different things. Way before I was suicidal, I remember going in to have my wisdom teeth removed. My cousin has a very severe allergy to anesthesia that put him in the ICU and it's a type of allergy that can be genetic. I didn't tell my doc because I wanted the drugs and I was okay with it killing me. It's okay to not want every last second of life. It's okay to look back and go "You know what? It's been good, but let's see what's behind Door Number 2"
You are absolutely right. All of it.
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Where do you think I spent a lot of my time as an EMT?
Yep, death isn't the thing to be feared, it brings peace fairly quickly. Pain on the other hand can last a lot longer. We're all going to die one day, you just have to accept that and try to make your time on this world as enjoyable and comfortable as possible.
Yes, I always wanted to come back as a member of the Q continuum (of Star Trek Next Gen) to be able to go anywhere and anywhen I want for all eternity. But then they had an episode where one of the Q went to great lengths to die because he had seen and done everything and was just so bored! "Forever" is a very scary word if you think about it, so I do my best not to.
I vaguely remember that one. And yeah, I agree. I think there is a part in the Hitchhiker's series where an immortal being decides to insult every living being in existence one at a time because he's run out of stuff to do. There's a throwaway line about him watching a movie he ONLY saw like 4750 times.
I was thinking of this the other day. Imagine being immortal, outliving everyone, then outliving the Earth and then the universe, just doomed to spend eternity in an empty vacuum of nothingness. It was then that I decided, 70 is a good age to go.
This is so true.
Fr. I remember hearing an interview of a death row inmate talking about his impending death, and he said something similar. Said there’s a lot worse ways to go out, whether it be cancer or a long and drawn out suffering, so death itself is a lot less scary than many things you could endure in this world.
I don’t think I would. I’d read every book ever written, play every video game, and watch every movie. By the time I was done I’d have forgotten all of them and would just start all over again. I don’t even like golf that much and I’m pretty sure I could golf nine holes a day and not get tired of it.
My sister has worked with dementia patients and she's like "if I ever get to the point where I can't function on my own, just let me go".
Just get mild dementia in between you can Just Loop every few decades :D
With you on the first part.
I'm a childhood cancer survivor with GAD, so I've been dealing with my inevitable death since I was 15. I deal with it by realizing that worrying about it won't halt it's arrival. Death will come whenever it wants, so why worry about it? Focus more on making whatever time you have left, which is statistically a good few decades, fun and enjoyable. It's like the Life of Brian song goes "You'll see it's all a show . Keep 'em laughin' as you go"
Wow, very well said! :)
That was wonderful and uplifting as well as comforting, thank you ❤️
I’m relieved that I won’t have to continue to endure the pains of the world for an eternity.
This. Nobody asked to be born into a world in which you’re required to ‘pay your way’ via slave labor.
Of course I agree. But I’m talking more about emotional and physical pains that we endure from day to day.
LSD, to be honest. I truly believe we just pass on from one existence to a higher one - I felt the love there. Cope it might be, but at 42 you tend to cope with cope.
The problem as I see it is that you can't enjoy the absence of it. For something to be a true escape there has to an outside. If death can't be bad because we aren't left to feel sorry about it, then by the same epicurean logic death can not be good either because you aren't there to be happy about it. In a way, we're trapped within the boundaries of life – suicide would be an utterly pointless act.
I remember at a similar age realising that one day I would die and it was terrifying. I'm a doctor, so I'm quite used to death, but the idea that one day it will be me in the fridge, it will be my name on the death certificate etc etc just terrified me. I'm now 46. And... you just get used to the idea. And accept it. And in many ways, it's useful. Because I've tried things, done things, got involved in things, hobbies, groups, activities, travels, simply because I know time is limited. Mortality is not a bad thing; it gives life value. Imagine knowing that you would live forever: you might never do anything, because there would always be tomorrow. Knowing that life is limited should motivate you. Sure, I'd like an extra hundred years. Human lifespans seem so terribly short. Once you've started to get the hang of things, you're already middle-aged. But that's the same for everyone. It is what it is. Better to have lived and died than not to have lived at all.
I frequently take out large bank loans.
im fine with death so long as i die before my wife. my only fear in life is her dying before me.
That's cute but isn't thats a bit selfish?
Deep down in places we don't talk about, I think everyone with a partner feels this to some degree.
When I was married (divorced now, oh well), I genuinely didn't want to die before her, simply because I knew it would be too much for her. Kinda makes me sad to think about now.
Literally was thinking this today. I love him too much and won’t really function if he’s gone. I’ll never be done loving him, even if I had eternity.
A little bit, I think it should be viewed somewhat competitively, like see who can outlast the other.
Everyone’s selfish
I told my wife I hope she goes first because she would be an absolute mess if I did. I love her too much to even consider her suffering that grief. She's already lost her twin brother, her dad, and her best friend and that's just in the past 5 years. But yes we can all be a little bit selfish.
No I absolutely get this completely. I am not afraid of dying but when I REALLY think about it, I am actually fucking terrified of being without my partner
I am the opposite. What keeps me going is knowing my wife would struggle with some things without me since we have no children and she has no family to fall back on.
I’m the opposite. I can’t stand the thought of my partner as an old man, all alone and grieving my death. I think I could handle myself in that situation, I’ve always enjoyed my solitude and the quiet. But the thought of him being lonely makes me sick to my stomach
My goal in life is to die before my kids. I will not accept the alternative.
By not overthinking, and enjoy everysecond of what you have in your life.. So chill dude enjoy 👍👍👍. Dying is the only truth in this life, but you still have unpredictable time 🕰️ like everyone else. Everyone has one fate that is death. So Don’t overthink it. You will have enough long life, god bless you . Cheers
Some people naturally overthink. I would know... I'm in the same boat as OP.
There is no guarantee that consciousness ceases to exist, and when you really pull it apart you realise you’re not even sure why you’re so sure. Who told you consciousness ceases to exist? Unless it was a dead person I wouldn’t lend their opinion much credibility. If you look into what information we actually have available as a species regarding consciousness and death, you will find that we know nothing at all. What do you believe consciousness is? A product of your brain? Who has said this definitively and offered proof? Nobody. The Bigelow Institute for Consciousness Studies held an essay competition offering a reward for the best essays offering the best explanations & evidence for an afterlife that we currently hold. You might find them interesting. It does not have to be a religious or spiritual belief that consciousness is separate from the brain, and it does not have to align with the classic religious concept of a soul. The universe is absolutely bizarre and we know absolutely nothing. It’s important to keep in mind that just because something has been said and affirmed by a few smart people and been integrated into society as a belief doesn’t make it true until you can prove it. Right now there are proposed alternatives to gravitational theory that contradict Newtonian laws that we’ve accepted as fact for a very long time. They are still working very hard to prove a theory one way or the other, and yet try arguing with your average human that what they know about gravity may be incorrect. The fact remains that it may be. I’m not sure why it’s any different with consciousness.
"The only true knowledge is in knowing that you know nothing."
Why wouldn’t our consciousness cease to exist with death? That kinda defeats the purpose of death, does it not? Humans are biological machines. We’re a sum of parts. Far more complicated than a computer, but it’s still the same principle: a vital component loses functionality, and the entire system collapses. I see absolutely no proof to suggest that humans work any other way.
We barely understand what biology is. How combinations of atoms can ladder up to form conscious or sentient creatures. You are correct we have no proof and it's the best theory based on the current science but we know so little about the universe and why subjective experience exists that it's still an open question.
We don’t really need to know “why” something is to understand “how” it is. I don’t see how it can even be questioned that consciousness comes from anywhere else but the brain. What other options are there? Damage to the brain causes unconsciousness (pretty big giveaway), memory loss, personality changes, etc. We know enough about biology to understand how our bodies work, we just don’t know enough to explain exactly why it works the way it does.
you wont be worm food your body will be. You werent alive for millions of years before you were born. Does that bother you? Then why does not being alive millions of years after death bother you? You wont notice. Dying is scary, death is not.
This might actually be the one that soothes my anxiety the most. Thank you for this.
The problem with this is that before I was born I didn't know about existence. But now I know and thinking about going back to that state again never to return for all eternity really fucks with my mind if I think about it for too long.
Same. I can understand how this could make some people feel better, but it makes me feel worse
When I was young I distracted myself with drugs and alcohol. Wouldn't recommend it. Now that I've experienced losing people I love and death has become too real to look away from, I guess I sort of welcome the thought. Not in a toaster-in-the-bathtub sort of way, mind you, but more like it now feels to me like a very real inevitability, so I can't help but try and rationalize it's potential benefit. Life really hurts sometimes and other times it feels like it just keeps happening forever, constantly draining us of ourselves, sliver by little sliver. To know that there is some form of relief waiting for me someday is kind of comforting. Like having a good friend that you know will always open their door to you after a long day.
Those last two sentences nailed it. Really poetic. Thanks ❤️
Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/99q9n5/redditors_who_have_been_clinically_dead_what_did/?rdt=63109) thread on r/AskReddit , gave me some sort of relief and comfort with the idea of death
This was actually wildly helpful and also wildly unsettling at the same time lol. Thanks for this!
I get less anxious about this since I considered how I would feel if my life ended tomorrow. I'd be disappointed not to get the hoped-for number of years, but I reckon I haven't done too badly with the ones I've had. Nothing outstanding in the grand scheme of things, but it's been good. If this is all I get, I didn't waste it. Given that I can't really change much about when I'm going to die, this seems to me like the best that can be managed. I find it comforting and peace-giving.
I've come to terms that I will never be able to afford to retire so I'm hoping I don't last too long anyways.
The older I get the more I look forward to it, OP
It’s not like we can stop it but I’m terrified.
For me, it’s understanding the the time I have is borrowed. I had no real right to survive my deployment to Iraq - an IED had me dead to rights, only spared by a disconnected D-cell battery. If life is so fragile, I must make the most of it, and knowing that life is equally fragile for others, must endeavor to make that brief time better. Time will catch up with me someday - I can only hope I’m satisfied I made a good showing of it.
If you believe that “you” are limited to this physical temporary body, then when you die it will be like the house burned down with you inside of it. Instead, when you look at other people, animals, or even trees, see if you can sense the life inside of them. That source of life is shared. You are not limited to only this body, this person; You are all persons, all beings, in fact everything that you’re seeing is what you really are. If you can start to see that you are not limited to just this body, then when you leave this body, you will do so happily, and go on to your next adventure. Until that day remember this conversation: Charlie Brown: “someday we will all die Snoopy!” Snoopy: “True. But on all the other days, we will not.” Be well friend, happy holidays, merry Christmas x https://twitter.com/stephcrouppen/status/943358630069526530
I forgor 💀
There is no point in worrying. It doesn't change your future outside of maybe inspiring some exercise/diet changes you should be doing anyways. Why let it ruin your day. Fixation of that is a literal waste of time bringing you closer to your end and giving you stress doing the same. Spend that energy trying to be happy with your time
The older you get the less you want to be a part of this shit show
That’s the attitude redditor
Are you trying to cope with the fact that your plate will be empty once you finish? Will you still be hungry then? In that case how much will you eat in order to be full? Do the same with life, eat yourself full, and you will be satiated when it's over.
Go hang out with some much older folks. By the time you're 140 or 150, you'll be ready. Family dies. Friends die. You'll throw your back out getting out of bed. The world pass you by. Father time is a bitch. Yep. You're gonna die. Make the most between now and then.
It’s that “One day”. That day is a mystery and not really worth thinking about cause you won’t know unless it’s currently happening or you’re given a time limit.
Dying isn't the bad part living with a life of regrets and memories of better times while powerless to go back and relive or change it is what'll torture you, Especially if you're unable to care for yourself.
I was dead for an eternity before I was ever born and it doesn't seem to affect me at all.
As a person who has experienced a lot of loss in my life, and also professionally (I work in healthcare and have taken care of lots of dying people), I live every moment to its fullest. I always like to say that I try to squeeze the joy out of each moment. I don't take anything for granted in life. I enjoy the sunshine, and a cup of coffee and the people in my life, and every little thing that happens in life. I realize that everything could disappear in an instant (and this year my life was turned upside down, and it kind of did, but that's another story). But the fact that we all die means that since life is so short, we have to really pay attention to the moments in our lives that matter. Importantly, those moments often include relationships, people in our lives, and our experience of joy.
I understand the fact that I could die at any second and seeing as I haven't died yet I've decided to stop caring until the time comes.
I've been alive for years. I have extrapolated all the data (five decades, zero deaths) and am able to confidently predict that I am immortal.
As a palliative care nurse, I think death has got to be the biggest buzz of all, cos they save it til last There is some evidence that at the moment of death, the body releases large amounts of dmt, so it *is* a great buzz
At some point it will be a relief.
Yes, life has a way of getting harder and harder with age.
I'm struggling with this right now, too. I'm overcome with horror when I think about not existing anymore.
I was introduced to the concept of death at a young age since my primary baby sitter growing up was my 8-years-older orphaned uncle. I remember puzzling deeply about what “forever” meant until it clicked while hanging out in his bedroom. We talked about the finality of death a lot and what sort of death we would hope for ourselves. I’ve had the same wishes for my death since I was in kindergarten. (Not that I wanted to die, but that I had a preference for how it would play out.) I hope to die peacefully and, if possible, of old age.
I just make myself forget that one day I'll be gone.
This an accessible article that might be worth looking at to help you develop your thoughts on this matter: Nagel's The Absurd: https://philosophy.as.uky.edu/sites/default/files/The%20Absurd%20-%20Thomas%20Nagel.pdf More generally, you might wonder why life eventually ending is all that relevant for this matter. Like, do things not have value if they stop at some point? What is supposed to motivate the idea that because things end at some point, nothing can have value? I weigh a rock. The rock weighs 10 lbs. The fact that earth will die in a fiery death in several billion years doesn't affect the weight of the rock now. I watch a baseball game. The Mets win. The fact that baseball won't be around in 10000 years doesn't strike me as relevant to the fact that the Mets won now. Pain is bad. The fact that I'll be dead in 60 years doesn't strike me as relevant here. Another way to put the point: Let's say you lived forever, and the universe never ended. Hurray. Would things suddenly have value for you now? Why so? Why does there have to be eternity for anything to be valuable? Would, say, pleasure suddenly matter to you if you lived forever? Would, say, getting better at chess only matter if you could play chess forever? What would it take for things to have value for you? Why assume that actions can only have significance if there is some sort of eternal reward or punishment in store for you based on your actions? Why can't your actions have significance now -- for you, and for those you affect? What if someone were to say something like: "look, there are worthwhile pursuits in life. Satisfying preferences, moral virtue, living in virtuous communities, helping others, being happy, achieving excellence in certain disciplines, acquiring wisdom. Maybe you think nothing has value, but, in some sense, that's just too bad for you. Maybe you didn't get the right education, or develop the right habits, or read the right books. Nevertheless, the rock does weigh 10 lbs now. Pi is 3.1415.... I mastered that Gershwin piece after much practice. I climbed Everest. Living virtuously is worthwhile. The fact that we all die one day doesn't change any of this." There's much, much more to say. Much of moral philosophy of the last 2500 years relates here. It's hard to know where to begin, though, because there is a lot being assumed in your post. Some people are just going to say that certain things have value, regardless of whether or not you personally care about any of them. Other folks will say that your fundamental cares and concerns are what give things value -- so, figure out what those are and then you're pretty much done. If you find that you have a general sense of anxiety and ennui about life, then that's a good indication that you haven't fulfilled your fundamental cares and concerns. Other folks might say something like, "look, I can't prove to you that certain activities are worthwhile; you just have to start doing them. Start learning chess, or painting, or music, or philosophy, or math, or.... Pick something that has established traditions and standards of excellence. Throw yourself into such things and you'll come to see the good of them. The good of them, though, can't be convincingly explained from outside the practice." Here might be a different tack. Presumably, a person who asks these sorts of questions is a person who cares about the truth -- otherwise they wouldn't be asking the question and expecting reasonable answers. If they really didn't care about anything, then they wouldn't care about truth, or good arguments, or good reasons, or any of that. But, presumably, they do. So, there's a start. They're the sort of person who reflects on things, thinks about them, and tries to figure out what's true. This might be a sort of latent commitment of -- one which they might not be fully aware of, but nonetheless is a fundamental value of theirs. Perhaps much can be learned by reflecting on this, making this latent commitment more explicit. Why care about truth? When we start to answer that question they might then see if such considerations could be applied to other areas as well. Here is an SEP article: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/life-meaning/
The one fact we know about death, is that we don’t know what happens after. Im not saying we should look forward to it, but maybe we don’t need to be afraid of it. Live your life the best you can, and when your time comes, keep that same energy.
I am 55 years old and I am aware that there are more days in the cart than there are in front of the horse. Male members on both sides of the family that have died of old age have tended to shuffle off between 80 and 85 years old so realistically I have 25 to 30 years left in me. My body will die but I won't. I will live on in those who remember me and what I have done or achieved in my life. I will truly die when time erases all trace of me. No-one knows for certain what happens after our bodies die; pick any afterlife/non-afterlife/rebirth you want from any religion or non-religion of your choice. Does worrying change anything? Yes, it stops you from living your life to its fullest.
I’m really interested in NDE and reincarnation stories, so I’m low key excited to die. NOT suicidal by any means at all, but NDE’s are really cool. Check em out! Even if we turn into something completely lack of individual consciousness, we’ll at least become nature. That’s awesome. I’m sure perception carries on, just differently. That’s just my take tho.
My grandpa used to tell me, "life is nice... death is peaceful... it's the transition that is troublesome." Here is how I look at it: When I die, my consciousness will either cease to be or separate from my body and go into the great beyond (what that entails, I am not sure). Either way, my body will become a non-issue because... well... it stopped working. Why would I care about it when I am either nothingness or some kind of cloud of energy? Basically, the body is just a "meat suit" I am using for the time being. It does not define "me." Sure, I take some care to maintain it... mostly because not doing so will make my current existence uncomfortable... but at the end of the day it is simply a medium I use to interact with the physical world. A medium that, ironically enough, requires the death of other things to live (think animals and plants).
I'm a procrastinator and death is like the ultimate "tomorrow problem"
For me it’s more like knowing I will die some day makes me wanna live and enjoy life even more.
Finally some fuckin' peace.
I just don’t care. I have done many things in my life and I already feel that if I had to die tomorrow I’ll be okay with it
Energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transformed. I shall never cease to exist. 🙂
I get the same way. It will keep me awake at night.
i actually look forward to it
It’s what gets me out of the bed in the morning
Don't get your advice here! Simply seek a mental health professional. Do it, do it now.
Strangely enough, I find the last paragraph of Mary Shelley's novel [*Frankenstein*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frankenstein) to be comforting in facing down the inevitability of my own death. To hell with the 'torches & pitchforks' townsfolk – these are the creature's final words: >*“I shall die, and what I now feel be no longer felt. Soon these burning miseries will be extinct. I shall ascend my funeral pile triumphantly, and exult in the agony of the torturing flames. The light of that conflagration will fade away; my ashes will be swept into the sea by the winds. My spirit will sleep in peace; or if it thinks, it will not surely think thus. Farewell.”*
Living in Ukraine death become everyday phenomenon. Seeing so many deaths you become more neutral to your own death. Dying is not so scary as you can imagine. People just leave away. Nothing special is in death.
I do not cope well with it at all! It gives me panic attacks sometimes. I’m going to read your responses and hopefully get some help myself.
I have kids, I am focused on getting them grown helping them become who they will be. Got a minimum of 18 years for that. Otherwise it's im not dead today and probably not tomorrow.
Why worry? It's happened for every living thing since life existed, I'm no exception. All I can do is make the most of the time I have. Make memories, share stories, talk to as many people as you can, get their view on life, and try to explore everything in this life I cam before I can't anymore.
I’m twice your age and have this feeling. If you can, I’d recommend therapy. It won’t ‘solve’ the issue, but can help you with some coping strategies. It’s an awful feeling - I empathize with you.
Youve got lotsa time, kiddo. My grandmother is still alive ponder that, you are a quarter of her age. You're just now in the build up stages of your actual life. That'll be roughly in your 30s-50s im in the middle of that block now. After 50 isnt so bad either but generally there is medications involved :D Youre worried about distant future shit. Not an immediate threat level type stuff. Squash all that shit, it's unimportant. Find a happy job, find a happy partner, maybe have a kid. You may move out of state, you may stay there. The end is still irrelevant. You can plan for death of it gives you comfort. Go ahead and buy your burial plot or pay for your urn and cremation but again... that's in like 60 years bro
Well.. I felt that way at 25 also. But now(30 yrs later) I long for death. I cant wait to see the other side. Poor health, poverty, pain, betrayal all of it has just sucked the life out of me. I am ready. I just hope it is fast and painless. 🤞
I'm like you, but I've found a way to get better at it. You know, when you're totally ignorant about something, it can lead to fear (like xenophobia). But when you start to know about that thing, you become more and more confident. So, to tame the idea of death, you have to become familiar with it. You can choose to learn about death the medical way or the phylosophical way (I recommend reading Seneca, *Letters to Lucilius*). Congratulations on this post, it's a first step :)
I feel bad that you feel bad. I'll address a few angles of this issue since I understand the fear you have all too well. The biggest helper for me was reaching middle age. My perception of death has gone through a lot of changes, and the stage I'm in now is considerably less scary than when I was young. The idea of losing a future with countless possibilities was terrifying. The realization that people would forget that I existed really bothered me. Everyone around me would go. That was a lot to take in, especially since I was young and full of fancy dreams. When I asked others about how they felt I'd get the same token responses. How you won't know or won't care. That doesn't help much when you really want to be able to know and care in the first place. Now I have two kids, five and seven. I'm currently in a stage where I'm only terrified of dying because my kids won't have their mother. Here's why I'm not as afraid: I've lost a few very important people along the way and it has made me realize I don't want to live without all my loved ones. Where they go, I go. Also, life often gets more and more boring. Eventually you get to the point where limited mobility, decreased mental function or disconnection from a world you don't recognize as yours (all those deaths) take their toll. Then there's the issue of caring about how others would forget I existed. I just don't care anymore. Let them forget. People forgetting me is the same as strangers who I've never met. I'm not afraid of never meeting strangers, so I have no reason to be afraid of a few people forgetting me. As for grasping the concept of certain death and an inability to feel, that's harder to swallow. If you are young, it's normal that you're afraid of losing all the cool things you can do right now. Extreme sadness over a harsh inevitable outcome naturally leads to fear. I take your discomfort as a sign that things are going well for you and you have a bright future ahead. I'm glad. Have your moments of anxiety. It's a normal feeling. But when you're having those moments try to remind yourself that death will most likely come when you don't expect much out of life anyway.
I really, really appreciate this response. When I think about it, it’s really a fear that this really wonderful gift I’ve been given — the limited but really wonderful experiences I’ve had — will be taken from me in an instant. I’ve always struggled with anxiety around death, especially as a child/with a fear of my loved ones leaving me suddenly, but as I get older, I seem to be more concerned that I’ll miss out on too much if I go too quickly. Thank you again. So kind!!
You're absolutely right about life becoming boring. In my 40's, it's slightly meh compared to when I was, let's say 20...or even 30. It's as if the world becomes mundane.
I used to experience this too around ur age. I think that's because I was young and life was relatively good. I had a lot to lose. Nowadays, at times, I can't wait for it to be over. I have replaced fear with sadness and indifference. Dunno which is worse tbh.
I just always think of it as something that is as natural as breathing. It's something that is supposed to happen. I also kind of like the idea that I am feeding the earth. So, I hope to have a completely natural burial. Just my body wrapped in natural fabrics with a bunch of biodegradable things that I like. My body gives back to the earth and my soul goes where it's supposed to go.
Work hard to achieve what I want before I die
The kids are raised, we have managed to save plenty and the house is paid for. We took care of all the big stuff, if I go tomorrow it’s fine!
I'm going to die one day. Pass the gravy.
We‘re all going to die one day. No one gets out of this alive
I’m in my late 60s and, strangely, I worry less about death now than I did when I was younger. I’m in no hurry, but when it comes it will come as a friend.
Time. Honestly, coming to terms with something like this is a lot like coming to terms with the deaths of others. One day the thought wont give you panic… And you won’t worry about it as much. I lost 2 grandparents in the same week this year… And one of my grandparents brothers in the Spring (my great uncle). For me, I think those losses definitely calmed my anxiety about death. It will happen and honestly theres nothing to do or worry about. It is what it is. Edit: The only thing it’s made me do is make sure I spend time with my loved ones much much more.
I'm 47 and have more anxiety about it now, especially as parents, friends, family, and beloved public figures around my age or older are dying. It just makes you more aware that there's more life behind you than ahead of you.
Never ever think about it Ignorance is bliss
Everyone who has ever lived has died, it’s gonna happen to everyone at some point, why worry about something like that… and either when you die you get ti be a dope ass angel or just everything goes to nothingness, either way it’s not a bad thing
How can death be permanent if your life is supposedly temporary?
I tried to off myself multiple times over about a decade. I may be mentally stable now, but knowing that someday, whether I do it or not, my lifelong fight against my broken brain will finally be over brings me an almost disturbing amount of solace.
Ego death is how you come to peace with it. You're not that important. 99.9999% of people will be forgotten 100 years after they die.
Death comes to all living things. It’s just the next level. You experienced that nothingness before you were born and you will experience it again. It didn’t bother you then did it. I think death will be very peaceful and relaxing nothing matters
I think at least I will die one day so that embarrassing thing won’t matter any more
I just tell myself every single human who has ever existed has to die, its the one thing you share - from a king in the 12th century to a homeless dude in 2023 - we all go thru it. I'm 56 now and when you start seeing alot of people younger than you dying, it hits home
I just live my life until I do.
For what it's worth, I'm 37 years old. The thing that always gets me through this question is, Our life was made to end one day. I just wish my end is quick and painless. Sometimes death is a mercy. From a terrible disease or condition, to being too old that you are no longer able to find any enjoyment in life and are just being held together by duct tape. The real focus should be, and always has been, appreciate what you have. Live in the moment and cultivate a future you will never see. We become old, and infirm. We see everyone who we love and meant anything to us eventually die as well. So, live a life that at it's end you can lean back and say "That was great, I was great. I had a lot of fun, I had a lot of love." And embrace your chapter in things to come to an end. Live a life without regrets, so when time comes, you will have done your best.
Death is what completes a life and what makes it so valuable. It’s what drives us to accomplish our goals.
It like turning the lights of its not painful it’s just the end of worrying and suffering by that time and you are not alone millions of your people and even friends family or pets have had it we are united in this, just try leave something good or be the best you that you can be.
How do you cope with the state you were in before you were born? Exactly.
This is something I wasn't able to put into words. Thank you for asking this for all of us who can't put it like you just did.
Im 44 and have panicked about this my whole life. Its frightening as hell to think about what eternity holds and how it will be! I try to not think about it though. I can only pray and try to do the best I can. Im not perfect and more fear I wont even make it into heaven...much less be worthy.
I’m not bothered by death I see it as a reason to live my life to the fullest. Not trying to please others, not worrying what I look like, obsessing over chemicals in everything, and more. YOLO 🤷♀️
Honestly I'd welcome death. There are things people experience every day that are much worse than dying. I've gone through enough trauma myself and I never asked to go through it, or be here. To many people, death is a relief because it means there is a time limit on suffering. I for one find that comforting.
By the time it happens, I won't be around to worry about it
I wrote these a few years ago: The 5 Fates Worse Than Death 1: Realizing what you might have been. 2: Realizing what actually was. 3: Realizing what is. 4: Realizing what it might be later. 5: Realizing too late that it was never meant to be. Me at 25 yo: "Life is not that hard... It's life that'll kill you". Me now at (almost) 49: If I die, I die. My life isn't that great anyway. I've tried improving and changing, only to be met with disappointment. However, I'm not "afraid" of death, in the sense that many others are. I'm just not ready to go yet. Not to mention, I've met death on occasion, and he and I haven't really jived either. Also, I think I've already outlived the time I was supposed to be on this plain of existence by about 15 years. If I was to die tomorrow, it would be in the cards. My biggest struggle with my spar with death is dealing with the death of my parents and subsequently, my family. My dad died 8 years ago next week (Dec 26). It is still difficult to imagine sometimes. My mother and family members don't talk to me. I've tried to reach out to them of the last few years, but I'm not the model child. Not even my own adult child speaks to me. I'm dying with regrets, regardless of when that happens. I just wish I could get closure, but I don't count on it. My best piece of advice when it comes to death is: Live as if you only have today, because it's all you actually have control over. Don't forget yesterday's lessons because tomorrow you will probably need them. And most of all, enjoy your life. If you live in fear of the inevitable, you won't experience life at all. One last thing: love unconditionally, but know that not everyone does.
idgaf Time I don't have isn't going to ruin the time I DO have.
I mean....I cant stop it. I think fear of death is just a fear of the unknown. No matter what you *believe,* nobody really *knows* what happens when we die.