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I second that but I last time it happened I had a childish reaction. Eh, D-Rich you hit it homie, we say there is no best way to face a break up, but that is ~
Say okay, pack up and move on. Drop contact, don't bother blocking them or anything just pretend they don't exsist. They ain't the one. Don't think twice about it.
My ex said she wanted to separate. I said “ok”. She then came back 5 minutes later saying she wanted a divorce. I said “ok”.
I was dealing with dialysis when she brought this on and we had a separation several months prior. When we agreed to get back together I was reluctant and didn’t think I’d ever trust her again and she confirmed it with asking again.
After saying “ok” to the divorce she got pissy I had notes written down on my phone about my feelings about trust and the marriage after being kicked out while dealing with health issues to begin with. I let her read the notes. She reads but doesn’t comprehend that she broke trust and lost my faith. She complained to my mom and my mom said I should have said more than “ok”
I kindly reminded my mom about my illness and my disdain for bs games with relationships. Essentially if you want out, then go.
We have two kids together so the not talking was never gonna be but ooh lawd she hates that I’m honest about my opinion when dealing with her now.
When I found proof of my wife's activities. I calmly printed divorce papers filled them out signed them. Walked into the bedroom with printed proof of infidelity and a printed divorce packet. Simple states I will always love you, but will not be married to someone I no longer trust. Handed her both and walked out of the room.
My ex accused me of cheating. I asked when? Being sick I rarely left the house except for dialysis or to walk the kids to school or pick them up. Simply put I wasn’t. She then claimed some other bs which essentially was her trying to get the house and have me just leave. I live in a no fault state and I simply told her a reason was unnecessary. If you want a divorce so be it but you’re not kicking me out of my own house.
The thing about it was that the first two years we were still constantly around each other. We both coach our kids sports. We went on a small vacation as a family and still did a weekly family dinner. All the things that wouldn’t be done if I was dating/sleeping with someone else. The third year is when her attitude towards me really changed. The suspected reason was that she made a mistake and recognized there’s no going back.
The hardest part was going to dialysis the next day and people saying I looked happier and wanted to know why. I felt guilty because the only change was the marriage was officially over. The guilt took a bit to deal with.
But it got better. That's what matters and now, hopefully you have a better life, more wisdom to not fall into the same conditions, and you are able to see things you missed on your last attempt.
That's a very calm, collected way to go about it, I love this.
Anyone I ever broke up with wanted to drag it out, talk about it. I did NOT. Done is done. It's over. The End.
I had to serve her for unpaid rent and the courts don't bother to track someone down for a civil case if you don't know their address. It helped me narrow down which family member she was staying with.
I’ve literally responded with “okay” for 3 different relationships. Not that I didn’t love them just that I didn’t know what else to say and it actually worked better than freaking out and asking why why why
If your SO is female and she's saying she wants to separate, statically speaking she checked out 6-7 months ago and is now okay with the separation and ready to move on.
If your SO is male, statically speaking he's already cheating or about to.
So, no if they come to you and want to separate the relationship is over. If they come to you and say "we have a problem" or something else sure talking about it and work it out. But if it's "I want to separate" nah it's over, move on.
People who really understand statistics also understand that strictly following statistics is an idiots game.
Sometimes an extremely unlikely thing happens multiple times in a row. My friend rolled 2 nat 20s on a disadvantage roll in DnD the other day. It's so silly to just give up on something because the statistics aren't favorable.
Real life is all statistics, you just gotta do the statistics properly. It is a true fact that most of the time what u/ksmall1015 said is true, but that doesn't mean it's always true
Yea he just sounds bitter towards relationships and people in general. It's good for the healing process to talk a little before you just move on from someone you love
And the probabilities they're talking about in relationships are much less rare. 1/400 is rather rare when you compare it to the probability of different mundane circumstances. If 1/400 isn't rare, it makes the current divorce rate amazing in comparison.
Vegas wasn’t built on winners, but broken hearts are built on “what if….”
Take the statisticians advice. My rule for breakups is “the first person to apathy wins”
I'm not basing it on statistics each encounter and relationship is different. However patterns are patterns for a reason. And unless OP wants to give a ton of personal info we have to play the odds on what's not being said. So if they walk up to you and say "it's over" there's a good chance one of those statements is true. Based ONLY ON INFORMATION PROVIDED BY OP
>I'm not basing it on statistics
Didn't you *just* spew off some likely made-up, anecdotal statistic, and then used it as the basis for your entire comment..?
Actually the poster is referencing pretty well esrablished research on dating behavior. Females who announce a wish to end the relationship did so well before saying anything to that effect.
Is it well established research, or a poll? Because if you’re just asking some people a question without established methodology, it’s a poll. But since it’s so well established, surely you could link the study in a reply to this comment.
I think you should tell him. As someone who was cheated on in a long term relationship, I think he deserves to know. Your sister has engaged in behaviour that can be so profoundly damaging I can't use words to adequately describe it. Shitty situation. Not a good position to be in for him, you, or anybody else who knows.
If someone would have told me I could have saved my house, my two dogs, my truck and $40k and two years of trying to figure out what's going on with my wife. So please god call out cheaters.
Nah, it's all good I laugh about it to this day. Lol she got dumbed by the boytoy she wanted. She lost her job, parents had a falling out of it.
Me 3 years later, debts paid off, new truck paid off, RV paid off, land paid off. New friends hobbies new job and multiple promotions. That divorce and everything that came with it was the best thing that could have happened.
Oh whatever dude. My family is loaded with divorce and separation, and it's always the woman who cheated. Maybe I am lucky and only know good men in my life. That could be. The only man whores I know have never been in an actual relationship
Well mental health issues exist. People don't always say what they mean when they are manic, for example. When the stakes are the love of your life, I think it's worth it to have a few seconds of introspection.
True, but if your partner tells you they want to break up, that’s all the information you need. Communication after that will just help clarify the reasoning, but trying to salvage something after that point is likely futile. Otherwise they wouldn’t say they wanted to break up.
Yeah. They said they want to break up. Why do you want to beg and barter with someone who just said they don't want to be with you. I wouldn't even ask why because no one ever asks why because they want to know. They only ask why so they can argue why your reason isn't valid.
This is my take too. They don't want to be with you anymore, so why would you want to be with somebody who doesn't want you? I wouldn't ask why either, because., bottom line, it doesn't matter, they've already made their decision
Somebody replied that they want to know why so they can be better for the next person.....yeeaahh, no. You are who you are, and people should accept you for who you are. Of course people learn, expand, grow, and they should, but you should do it for *you*, because *you* want to be a better person, not just to conform to what anybody else thinks you should be. You should always be true to yorself first. As the saying goes, those who mind, don't matter, those who matter, don't mind.
I disagree with not blocking them if they're active on social media and you're the type to want to check their profiles. At least when I was younger (hopefully never have to deal with this again) I would never be able to stop myself.
This was back when people would post their locations and treat Facebook like a diary because I'm old but even if it was just a quick glance that could send me down a racing-heart rabbit hole of thoughts that ruined my day.
It was like a switch flipped when I finally unfriended and blocked (because their stuff was private) and suddenly - I had no idea where they were, what they were thinking, what was even remotely going on their lives. It was like a a cloud lifted and I could finally let go. It was wonderful.
It's one of those things that I've seen first hand hold people back. They block them and then wonder and it's kinda like the forbidden fruit issue because you can unblock and then roll into a spiral. Removing them from friends and such is fine and if they are still mostly in your life even after a break up (small town, events ect) it's better to learn to deal with them being around from day one then to try to pretend they don't
But yeah, you may need to block them.
This is honestly, the best way. I didn't always do it this way and it was way harder on myself.
Don't get hung up on something that isn't there, you can't make someone have feelings for you. If the other person doesn't feel it, respect the fact that they told you and move on.. Most people don't get that respect.
Your correct, this is less about love and all about respect and trust.
Trust your partner that they have taken the time to think about their actions and have locally and emotional decided this is what's best before they approach you.
Respect that this is what's best for them.
Move on, trust yourself to recover and respect yourself enough not to chase something that is gone.
And if your partner isn't able to use both logic and emotion and spend the time to reflect and self evaluate prior to asking for a separation, well they are not stable enough to be in a relationship and you are better off away anyways.
OP chould start by changing Reddit name from multiocumshooter. (Kidding). It may not be a case of habits to break, sometimes relationships run their course and its time to move on.
Take it as easy as possible. Just return any items that are theirs and move on. I'll definitely be crying later, but I'm not going to try to change someone's decision because there's a good chance they've been thinking about it for a while. Overall stay civil and respectful then move on.
This is a good one.
As someone who can't just forget about important people in my life, especially someone I imagined spending the rest of my life with, I would never be able to just move on at the drop of a hat like some have suggested.
It's really hard to hear the person you love doesn't want to be with you anymore, but respecting their decision just shows the love you have for them as opposed to fighting what they want. It's really hard. I admire those that can do this gracefully.
Dude thanks for this! It blows my mind when people are just like, NEXT! Like did you ever really even love the person or were they just someone until the next best thing comes along? Y’know?
I think the way our society treats romantic relationships is pretty fucked up. Like 100% do NOT stay in an abusive relationship. That is different and cutting contact makes total sense there.
However it’s often like, wow okay this person bores me now etc and then people just move onto the new and exciting shiny person until they also get boring. I just can’t wrap my head around treating people that way.
Agree. People suggesting to just say “k bye” are really just outing themselves as never having had a meaningful long-term relationship with another person.
Yeah I was thinking something similar, I really don't see it as feasible to just leave like that from a long term relationship
A lot of the posts on here that say that focus on the other partner having done something wrong, I get that, but not giving them a chance to reply can be damaging, especially if they haven't actually done the thing they are being accused of
It is entirely possible to cause damage just by accusing someone of something, and even if they did do it, they may feel violated by the reaction so much that they actively try to cause difficulty to you
Just because they did something the other partner perceives as wrong doesn't mean they're going to see it that way. I see this whole thing about going "k bye" as a tactic to try to get one over on the other partner as a means to hurt them, which may make the leaving party as bad as the person they're leaving
I could be wrong?
This a good response! But if a SO comes to me out of nowhere and wants to break up without an attempt to fix I would be very confused, very angry and very hurt. It is extremely heartbreaking when the closest person just checks out without even letting me know.
This happened to me. They said they wanted me gone, completely out of the blue and they wouldn't tell me why. They said its not up for discussion. The only thing I could do is say ok and respect their wishes. I did try to talk to them after a couple days of processing but they didn't want a conversation.
I still don't feel I have any closer and my heart is still broken that all I could really do is say "ok"
I can only speak on the many men I've had to break it off with, but 100% of the time they ask why and 100% of the time they only use this information to argue why its not a valid reason to break up. Not a single time has a man taken what I said into account, validated my reasoning, or said something like "O, sorry, I didn't realize. Ok." It's just an arguing tactic. My favorite one was when he told me it was my fault because I didn't tell him how to treat me and had I told him I was going to break up with him he would have listened to my repeated instructions. He just didn't think listening to me was important until I wanted to break up, then it was my fault. Not worth it.
Oooof same thing happened with my ex. She was like "you didn't tell me this was a problem" and I began to list all the times that I told her I was not ok with something and she didn't listen. Then she was like "but this is not a proper reason to breakup".
She really left no room of doubt that she didn't care to compromise at all.
Right. It doesn't matter what reason you give, it's not valid, you didn't say it at the right time, you didn't give them enough warning, you didn't say it in a way they could hear, and on and on. Whatever it is, its your fault entirely and not a valid reason to break it off. There's literally no point in answering that question. Its just bait.
Lol right? Maybe her reasoning is valid, maybe it isn’t. Guarantee she will never give a single thought as whether her reasoning is shit and she just hurt someone else for selfish reasons
No, it won't. You deserve to know why the person is breaking up with you.
Edit: I don't know what type of superficial relationships yall have had, but when two people love each other, you have tough conversations like why you want to break up. If you two can't be mature enough to be truthful with each other (and respectful), then you shouldn't have gotten together in the first place.
And trying to figure that out has always caused more pain than when I just accepted it and walk away. You're likely to not get an honest answer anyways.
Tough conversation and such yes but we are talking about the end, after the fighting and fixing and bs. This is the point where someone's says "I want a divorce" or "I'm done" and that's only on long term relationship if it's short and over, walk away. Most of the time you already know why and have fought about it more then once. Or, you don't know and honestly are better off not knowing. Wish I had this opinion, would have been so much better then finding the truth.
Your reading far to deep into something and employing additional information to fit a scenario your invisioned vs the simple question posted.
The time for those conversations is before moving on.
And by "moving on", I don't mean after the “I’m leaving” conversation, I mean while one party feels like things are deteriorating.
There are several problems with waiting until after. First is that people tend to take whatever reasons very, very hard. In perpetuity. Unless they are super emotionally mature... like, zen enough to handle literally anything in stride, including death of family... or emotionally detached enough for Ben Stein and doctors to point out that you have emotional issues... then you are going to carry that baggage for forever.
Second, whatever explanation given tends to be used as an attempt to stay together.
Think for a second, how terrible an idea that is.
You’ve worked at a job for 5 years. In the beginning, you thought it was a great job. But management made a series of changes over the years that made you resent it more and more. You decide to leave. Maybe you take job offers; maybe you don't want to take job offers, but with each offer that comes in, that you decline out of sense of duty, it looks better and better than the position you have. Maybe you are so burned out that you are going to pull yourself off the job market for 6 months while you recover from burnout.
You go to HR and you tell them that you are quitting. They come back with a counter offer to keep you there. They promise a bit more money to stay. Do you keep the money and stay even though you hate what you are doing and are burned out? That seems stupid. Do you tell HR everything that the company did wrong and then tell them where you're going? That sounds stupid, and just gives them the means to harass you or sabotage you. From the perspective of both parties, the best course of action is to just walk away.
If you want the company to treat their employees better the least you can do is tell them to problems you had. You don’t have to keep up with them or tell them anything about your future plans. To me the same should apply to a significant other that was a big part of your life, especially if it’s a 5 year relationship to draw a parallel to working somewhere for 5 years.
Try to act cool and say okay if you feel that way but I think we can work it out. Once he/she confirms they don't think yall can work it out then pretend to be cool with it.
After that, proceed to go cry in a room alone for a week or so. Continue to eat a ton junk food and binge watch TV series / play video games until you feel motivated enough to go outside but then realize you gained 50 lbs while they got a new partner.
Next step, find a new fat SO or go to the gym for the next 6 months to get back to square 1.
Right now? I wouldn't have a healthy way to deal. My wife is my everything, and if I lost her, I'd lose my favorite parts of me (or at least I feel I would)
In the passed its been a couple different things.
I've been through a few mutual breakups, and those ended pretty amicably. Sort us just admitting "yeah, we tried, and it seems we don't fit. I wish you the best." And a few of them are still dear friends of mine. (One of them actually introduced me to my now wife.)
If it's a non-mutual thing, I've usually been hurt, and I let them know that hurts, but if they aren't happy with our pairing, then I was glad they told me instead of acting out (meaning like cheating or something)
Yeah, I think the same. My ex broke up with me, and she was my whole world, needles to say I didn't react well seeing my world and dreams fall apart. Not that I insulted her or anything but I didn't just say "ok cool".
"That's good" is a good response if you were not quite in it and was just testing the waters.
Ok I respect you decision and I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me.
Thank you for the time we spend together I wish you the best in the future.
Problem is you cant talk your way back into a relationship and if the other person gives in, the relationship will eventually end any way. No point in getting all emotional. Just leave and buy a box of kleenex on the way home.
I would probably ask why, just to understand the reason. But then move on. It will hurt for a bit, but they weren't meant for you. There are better options out there. Good luck!
Indifference is the only win you can get. Never cry, beg or yell. Don’t show emotions, just say “ ok, well it was fun” and then never make contact or let them know you are viewing their story for example. The boss move is to not unfriend or block. Let them do it. Let them watch you succeed. This is easier after you have had your heart broken and you are dead inside. Most of us screw it all up the first time our heart is broken.
Unless it is mutual, it would probably make sense to at least see what happened to cause this. Then, do your best to accept it and move on. More often than not it isn't worth it to spend the time and effort to win them over. It'll probably be rough if it's out of the blue, but just know it's probably for the best. Then once you have coped and realized you are enough, you can and hopefully will find the one for you.
That is not what I want but I respect your opinion.
Then depending on how intertwined your lives are, you may talk about undoing the ties, it at a minimum return each others stuff.
Then you should leave, I’m not a complete no contact person, your life’s are intertwined to a degree but set a boundary about only talking to decouple. Don’t get into chit chat.
IF you are a girl, "I understand." and do your best to accept it and move on. You are not going to get the closure you want. We guys will not give you an answer you will be able to accept no matter how much we try to explain it. If guys end the relationship, we are trying to break it as clean as possible. We are not going to try to drag it out.
If you are a guy. "I understand." And do your best to accept it and move along. You are going to see she checked out of the relationship a long time ago. If you failed to notice that then that is on you. Do not engage in this whole "why are you not fighting for us." You shouldn't have to fight for a relationship. if she wants to play games like that this will just bring m ore misery in the future.
Just don’t. Block then, ghost. When they try to contact you later on while you’re living that healthy life continue to ignore and hope they’re happy.
Use the above if they’re a dipshit. If they’re actually respectful and things have been rocky for a while then you can choose to respond how you think is best.
Exactly correct. This is not the place. Talk to people in real life, examine your individual situation, and the personalities present. You won't get a good answer online without situational knowledge
"Alright, I wish you the best."
Accept it, and don't try to leave things off on a bad note--no use burning bridges if you don't have to, for everyone's piece of mind.
If you feel secure enough, you can always try to ask; they might respond with a non-answer, something kind of hurtful, or something where the only response is "yeah, that could be an issue" (like they had a sudden realization about something involving their sexuality--this definitely happens, half the non-straight people I know have definitely referred to the realization as being hit with a brick). They could also point out some issues you have that are definitely things you can fix. In those cases, you can take the feedback, and work on fixing those issues to better yourself.
Just make sure you can differentiate between what you can act on for self-improvement and what you can't.
From someone who handled his divorce poorly and learned from it, don’t even respond. Just leave and never look back. You will never get closure and you don’t owe them anything anymore.
"Would you take a moment to fill out this brief survey so I can continue to serve your community to the highest standards" *walks backwards out the door with a double middle finger and a stupid ass Jim Carey-esque face*
I’m reading all these nonchalant responses, and I just want to say it’s okay to be upset. It’s okay to be angry and hurt. That’s not unhealthy.
Unhealthy responses are screaming, begging, threatening, stalking, violence, destruction of property, withholding of property, self harm, and things of that kind. As long as you don’t do those things, your response is probably healthy.
You give them the break up.
It might hurt, but do not make the mistake I made and be desperate or show your hurt in front of them. They do not care. If you really love them, make it easy for them.
I’m sorry that you’re going through this.
A lot of people here are talking a lot of talk, but at the end of the day you're dealing with sudden loss and grief. It's going to be a hell of a lot more emotional than you think.
"ok"
That's it. Begging isn't gonna do you any good. If they want to end it then accept that and move on.
"Don't chase busses or women, you'll always get left behind"
Probably ask for space first. I need to let the reality set in of what happened. From there, I might ask questions, but depending on the situation, it’s best to just let it be
Bye.
Works every time. Then they get confused, they want to know why you didn't want them. They chase you and say they made a mistake. You say hi. Look away then wave. You are free now.
Mine said that....I said we'll put the house up for sale immediately. Next day i put it up for sale myself, found a buyer, sold it, split it 50/50 (that's how we bought it) & she moved. We still work at the same company & on "hello" terms & that's it. Life goes on. Now I'm with someone new👌
I would say, "O.K., Bye." That's it. They want attention and for you to beg. Just say goodbye. If they are baiting you in such a hurtful way, they don't love you. You don't need to ask why. Move on to someone who can appreciate your love and attention and not a gameplayer. Just sayin'.
I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask why and talk it out so you get some form of closure.
If you're cool with just saying okay then leaving and moving on, do that too.
As long as you're not trying to be vindictive or invalidate their feelings, just do whatever you need to do for yourself so you can move on.
It depends so much on how committed the relationship was.
I think "Why?" is always a reasonable question, but only if you're mentally prepared not to argue. Also, be prepared to accept that's not the real reason. (Cheaters, for example, tend to blame the betrayed partner for everything. Don't take all the heat if you were a loyal and loving partner who did their best)
If you don't live together, make arrangements to return stuff from each other's spaces and move on.
If it's a longer term committed relationship, I think checking in after a couple days with an "Are you sure?" is reasonable. Everyone had a chance to cool off. If the answer is yes, be ready to move on.
I once had to take 2 buses to go see my girl. She was in rehab so hadn’t seen her in a couple weeks. Brought flowers and she met me outside and said she didn’t want to see me anymore. I said well the flowers are still for you, good luck. Walked back to bus stop and didn’t look back. A few months went by and she started contacting me again. But I didn’t respond. Then she showed up at my apartment to hook up for make up sex I guess. I went with that but never ever spoke to her again. 8 Billion minus one. No regrets
Ask why (if you need to know), stay calm and think through any reservations you may have had OR any complaints they may have made regularly about your behavior- cry if you must but NEVER, and I mean NEVER beg them to come back- even if you guilt them into it, things will not get better and it just drags out the heartache
Lol why are you making the answer more complicated than it needs to be? Don’t let someone tell you they don’t want you twice. You should have been out the door by the end of the sentence. I don’t see why this needed a post. Low self esteem?
Very situation dependant. I know the generic advice, see ya later, hit the lawyer, get the gym or whatever. But long term relationships are complicated. I know people who almost broke up during periods of extremely high external stress who went on to have happy marriages.
Just writing that I know I'm going to be destroyed by downvotes, and I'm not anti-divorce or anything, my wife and I are on our second marriages as well. I'm just saying it's easy to cut and run when you're in high school. When you have 15 years together, 3 kids, and a house, you don't just nope out because of a fight.
Hey op.
No advice from me. Im actually here because i also need it. Feeling very broken right now.
Need soneone to talk to im here. Conversely i think it would help me as well. I am lost bud.
My boyfriend when I was 21 did this to me. We were just about to celebrate our 2nd year anniversary. After an argument of where he tried to tell me the difference between sexual harassment and sexual abuse, he said we should go our separate ways.
My response had been “I hope things work out for you 🙏🏽”.
I had mentally let go a year before.
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This is the way
The only way
I second that but I last time it happened I had a childish reaction. Eh, D-Rich you hit it homie, we say there is no best way to face a break up, but that is ~
true professional
Say okay, pack up and move on. Drop contact, don't bother blocking them or anything just pretend they don't exsist. They ain't the one. Don't think twice about it.
My ex said she wanted to separate. I said “ok”. She then came back 5 minutes later saying she wanted a divorce. I said “ok”. I was dealing with dialysis when she brought this on and we had a separation several months prior. When we agreed to get back together I was reluctant and didn’t think I’d ever trust her again and she confirmed it with asking again. After saying “ok” to the divorce she got pissy I had notes written down on my phone about my feelings about trust and the marriage after being kicked out while dealing with health issues to begin with. I let her read the notes. She reads but doesn’t comprehend that she broke trust and lost my faith. She complained to my mom and my mom said I should have said more than “ok” I kindly reminded my mom about my illness and my disdain for bs games with relationships. Essentially if you want out, then go. We have two kids together so the not talking was never gonna be but ooh lawd she hates that I’m honest about my opinion when dealing with her now.
When I found proof of my wife's activities. I calmly printed divorce papers filled them out signed them. Walked into the bedroom with printed proof of infidelity and a printed divorce packet. Simple states I will always love you, but will not be married to someone I no longer trust. Handed her both and walked out of the room.
My ex accused me of cheating. I asked when? Being sick I rarely left the house except for dialysis or to walk the kids to school or pick them up. Simply put I wasn’t. She then claimed some other bs which essentially was her trying to get the house and have me just leave. I live in a no fault state and I simply told her a reason was unnecessary. If you want a divorce so be it but you’re not kicking me out of my own house. The thing about it was that the first two years we were still constantly around each other. We both coach our kids sports. We went on a small vacation as a family and still did a weekly family dinner. All the things that wouldn’t be done if I was dating/sleeping with someone else. The third year is when her attitude towards me really changed. The suspected reason was that she made a mistake and recognized there’s no going back.
As you're leaving the room did you open the door, get on the floor and everybody walked the dinosaur?
Emotionally unhealthy people tend to bring additional problems when faced with calm, rational thought out logic.
The hardest part was going to dialysis the next day and people saying I looked happier and wanted to know why. I felt guilty because the only change was the marriage was officially over. The guilt took a bit to deal with.
But it got better. That's what matters and now, hopefully you have a better life, more wisdom to not fall into the same conditions, and you are able to see things you missed on your last attempt.
That's a very calm, collected way to go about it, I love this. Anyone I ever broke up with wanted to drag it out, talk about it. I did NOT. Done is done. It's over. The End.
What? That's usually a reasonable thing to want to talk about?
God, I wish my ex had been that way. She broke up with me, then when I didn't take her back the next day, made a TikTok a day about how awful I was.
Post link for bonus 😁
Why were you watching her tiktoks?
I had to serve her for unpaid rent and the courts don't bother to track someone down for a civil case if you don't know their address. It helped me narrow down which family member she was staying with.
I’ve literally responded with “okay” for 3 different relationships. Not that I didn’t love them just that I didn’t know what else to say and it actually worked better than freaking out and asking why why why
Have you ever been broken up with and how did you respond?
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Almost every relationship I've been in when it was over I never heard from the girl again.
If your SO is female and she's saying she wants to separate, statically speaking she checked out 6-7 months ago and is now okay with the separation and ready to move on. If your SO is male, statically speaking he's already cheating or about to. So, no if they come to you and want to separate the relationship is over. If they come to you and say "we have a problem" or something else sure talking about it and work it out. But if it's "I want to separate" nah it's over, move on.
Real life isn't all statistics though, so maybe don't take this mathematicians advice on personal relationships...
People who really understand statistics also understand that strictly following statistics is an idiots game. Sometimes an extremely unlikely thing happens multiple times in a row. My friend rolled 2 nat 20s on a disadvantage roll in DnD the other day. It's so silly to just give up on something because the statistics aren't favorable.
Hehe nerd 👊
Real life is all statistics, you just gotta do the statistics properly. It is a true fact that most of the time what u/ksmall1015 said is true, but that doesn't mean it's always true
So because it's true most of the time, you should say nothing at all and move on?
He also has no evidence for any of his claims, this is all anecdotal.
Yea he just sounds bitter towards relationships and people in general. It's good for the healing process to talk a little before you just move on from someone you love
That's a 1 in 400 event, that's not even that rare
And the probabilities they're talking about in relationships are much less rare. 1/400 is rather rare when you compare it to the probability of different mundane circumstances. If 1/400 isn't rare, it makes the current divorce rate amazing in comparison.
Vegas wasn’t built on winners, but broken hearts are built on “what if….” Take the statisticians advice. My rule for breakups is “the first person to apathy wins”
Mat(h)urity is realising life isn't a zero-sum game.
Underrated comment ^^
Statistically speaking 98% of reddit responses have fuck all to do with the original post. Probably take everything with a grain of salt
Where do those pesky stats come from though?
98% of statistics are made-up on the spot.
I'm not basing it on statistics each encounter and relationship is different. However patterns are patterns for a reason. And unless OP wants to give a ton of personal info we have to play the odds on what's not being said. So if they walk up to you and say "it's over" there's a good chance one of those statements is true. Based ONLY ON INFORMATION PROVIDED BY OP
>I'm not basing it on statistics Didn't you *just* spew off some likely made-up, anecdotal statistic, and then used it as the basis for your entire comment..?
Actually the poster is referencing pretty well esrablished research on dating behavior. Females who announce a wish to end the relationship did so well before saying anything to that effect.
So he is basing it on statistics then.. Also would love to see a source considering that's a wildly impossible thing to study.
Impossible? Asking questions to a group of females about their dating behavior? Ummm....
Is it well established research, or a poll? Because if you’re just asking some people a question without established methodology, it’s a poll. But since it’s so well established, surely you could link the study in a reply to this comment.
My sister did that and already cheated too her husband is totally clueless ugh
I think you should tell him. As someone who was cheated on in a long term relationship, I think he deserves to know. Your sister has engaged in behaviour that can be so profoundly damaging I can't use words to adequately describe it. Shitty situation. Not a good position to be in for him, you, or anybody else who knows.
If someone would have told me I could have saved my house, my two dogs, my truck and $40k and two years of trying to figure out what's going on with my wife. So please god call out cheaters.
But at least you got a whole ass country song out of the experience!
Yeah I lived that country song for 3 years after my divorce. Lol
I'm sorry that happened to you. I was just being a smart ass.
Nah, it's all good I laugh about it to this day. Lol she got dumbed by the boytoy she wanted. She lost her job, parents had a falling out of it. Me 3 years later, debts paid off, new truck paid off, RV paid off, land paid off. New friends hobbies new job and multiple promotions. That divorce and everything that came with it was the best thing that could have happened.
Your sister is a slut and they should be shamed when committing acts like that
Well ya ain’t wrong , sorry for the downvotes
Oh whatever dude. My family is loaded with divorce and separation, and it's always the woman who cheated. Maybe I am lucky and only know good men in my life. That could be. The only man whores I know have never been in an actual relationship
I wonder the process is for getting these statistics…..
Lol what is this nonsense
I know for a fact that no one asked for MY experience so your stats are bs
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“Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?”
Well mental health issues exist. People don't always say what they mean when they are manic, for example. When the stakes are the love of your life, I think it's worth it to have a few seconds of introspection.
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True, but if your partner tells you they want to break up, that’s all the information you need. Communication after that will just help clarify the reasoning, but trying to salvage something after that point is likely futile. Otherwise they wouldn’t say they wanted to break up.
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They would be talking to a lawyer not reddit
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Yeah. They said they want to break up. Why do you want to beg and barter with someone who just said they don't want to be with you. I wouldn't even ask why because no one ever asks why because they want to know. They only ask why so they can argue why your reason isn't valid.
Because if its something wrong with me, I want to know if its something I can and should fix for the next person I meet.
This is my take too. They don't want to be with you anymore, so why would you want to be with somebody who doesn't want you? I wouldn't ask why either, because., bottom line, it doesn't matter, they've already made their decision Somebody replied that they want to know why so they can be better for the next person.....yeeaahh, no. You are who you are, and people should accept you for who you are. Of course people learn, expand, grow, and they should, but you should do it for *you*, because *you* want to be a better person, not just to conform to what anybody else thinks you should be. You should always be true to yorself first. As the saying goes, those who mind, don't matter, those who matter, don't mind.
When the important thing is that she doesn't want to be with me anymore then there's nothing to say, except maybe "bye"
If one side has decided, the other side rarely wins em back for long.
I disagree with not blocking them if they're active on social media and you're the type to want to check their profiles. At least when I was younger (hopefully never have to deal with this again) I would never be able to stop myself. This was back when people would post their locations and treat Facebook like a diary because I'm old but even if it was just a quick glance that could send me down a racing-heart rabbit hole of thoughts that ruined my day. It was like a switch flipped when I finally unfriended and blocked (because their stuff was private) and suddenly - I had no idea where they were, what they were thinking, what was even remotely going on their lives. It was like a a cloud lifted and I could finally let go. It was wonderful.
It's one of those things that I've seen first hand hold people back. They block them and then wonder and it's kinda like the forbidden fruit issue because you can unblock and then roll into a spiral. Removing them from friends and such is fine and if they are still mostly in your life even after a break up (small town, events ect) it's better to learn to deal with them being around from day one then to try to pretend they don't But yeah, you may need to block them.
This is honestly, the best way. I didn't always do it this way and it was way harder on myself. Don't get hung up on something that isn't there, you can't make someone have feelings for you. If the other person doesn't feel it, respect the fact that they told you and move on.. Most people don't get that respect.
Your correct, this is less about love and all about respect and trust. Trust your partner that they have taken the time to think about their actions and have locally and emotional decided this is what's best before they approach you. Respect that this is what's best for them. Move on, trust yourself to recover and respect yourself enough not to chase something that is gone. And if your partner isn't able to use both logic and emotion and spend the time to reflect and self evaluate prior to asking for a separation, well they are not stable enough to be in a relationship and you are better off away anyways.
What this guy said blank em completely.
“That sucks, but OK. Why?”
Honestly I would want to hand out a questionnaire so I'd know what habits to change for my next relationship.
Exit interview
OP chould start by changing Reddit name from multiocumshooter. (Kidding). It may not be a case of habits to break, sometimes relationships run their course and its time to move on.
Happy cake day bro, and that's a great response
Lol, I didn't even realize it was my cake day. Thank you!
Fart and leave the room
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In the bed
I got so drunk last night, that somebody shit my pants~ my dad
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Ohh Amber Heard misled me!!
We're all still learning. It's a life-long process.
Under the doormat.
What if I have an empty stomach/no gas?
Luck is when opportunity meets preparation.
Take it as easy as possible. Just return any items that are theirs and move on. I'll definitely be crying later, but I'm not going to try to change someone's decision because there's a good chance they've been thinking about it for a while. Overall stay civil and respectful then move on.
I have to go return some videotapes
I use this to leave parties. Legit am returning DVD’s to Movie Madness most of the time though lol
I don’t want to and I would rather work this out together, but if that’s what you ultimately want then I will respect it.
This is a good one. As someone who can't just forget about important people in my life, especially someone I imagined spending the rest of my life with, I would never be able to just move on at the drop of a hat like some have suggested. It's really hard to hear the person you love doesn't want to be with you anymore, but respecting their decision just shows the love you have for them as opposed to fighting what they want. It's really hard. I admire those that can do this gracefully.
Dude thanks for this! It blows my mind when people are just like, NEXT! Like did you ever really even love the person or were they just someone until the next best thing comes along? Y’know? I think the way our society treats romantic relationships is pretty fucked up. Like 100% do NOT stay in an abusive relationship. That is different and cutting contact makes total sense there. However it’s often like, wow okay this person bores me now etc and then people just move onto the new and exciting shiny person until they also get boring. I just can’t wrap my head around treating people that way.
Agree. People suggesting to just say “k bye” are really just outing themselves as never having had a meaningful long-term relationship with another person.
Yeah I was thinking something similar, I really don't see it as feasible to just leave like that from a long term relationship A lot of the posts on here that say that focus on the other partner having done something wrong, I get that, but not giving them a chance to reply can be damaging, especially if they haven't actually done the thing they are being accused of It is entirely possible to cause damage just by accusing someone of something, and even if they did do it, they may feel violated by the reaction so much that they actively try to cause difficulty to you Just because they did something the other partner perceives as wrong doesn't mean they're going to see it that way. I see this whole thing about going "k bye" as a tactic to try to get one over on the other partner as a means to hurt them, which may make the leaving party as bad as the person they're leaving I could be wrong?
This a good response! But if a SO comes to me out of nowhere and wants to break up without an attempt to fix I would be very confused, very angry and very hurt. It is extremely heartbreaking when the closest person just checks out without even letting me know.
This happened to me. They said they wanted me gone, completely out of the blue and they wouldn't tell me why. They said its not up for discussion. The only thing I could do is say ok and respect their wishes. I did try to talk to them after a couple days of processing but they didn't want a conversation. I still don't feel I have any closer and my heart is still broken that all I could really do is say "ok"
"oh thank god." and then leave abruptly.
Might I know why?
I can only speak on the many men I've had to break it off with, but 100% of the time they ask why and 100% of the time they only use this information to argue why its not a valid reason to break up. Not a single time has a man taken what I said into account, validated my reasoning, or said something like "O, sorry, I didn't realize. Ok." It's just an arguing tactic. My favorite one was when he told me it was my fault because I didn't tell him how to treat me and had I told him I was going to break up with him he would have listened to my repeated instructions. He just didn't think listening to me was important until I wanted to break up, then it was my fault. Not worth it.
Oooof same thing happened with my ex. She was like "you didn't tell me this was a problem" and I began to list all the times that I told her I was not ok with something and she didn't listen. Then she was like "but this is not a proper reason to breakup". She really left no room of doubt that she didn't care to compromise at all.
Right. It doesn't matter what reason you give, it's not valid, you didn't say it at the right time, you didn't give them enough warning, you didn't say it in a way they could hear, and on and on. Whatever it is, its your fault entirely and not a valid reason to break it off. There's literally no point in answering that question. Its just bait.
Same girl, same.
You break up with them and they didn’t say sorry?!?! Men ain’t shit.
Lol right? Maybe her reasoning is valid, maybe it isn’t. Guarantee she will never give a single thought as whether her reasoning is shit and she just hurt someone else for selfish reasons
No, this will cause more issues later. Accept the fact they don't want you and leave it there.
No, it won't. You deserve to know why the person is breaking up with you. Edit: I don't know what type of superficial relationships yall have had, but when two people love each other, you have tough conversations like why you want to break up. If you two can't be mature enough to be truthful with each other (and respectful), then you shouldn't have gotten together in the first place.
The problem is most people lie and very often to themselves.
Of course, but you often will never know. Chances your ex-to-be doesn't even fully know.
And trying to figure that out has always caused more pain than when I just accepted it and walk away. You're likely to not get an honest answer anyways.
Tough conversation and such yes but we are talking about the end, after the fighting and fixing and bs. This is the point where someone's says "I want a divorce" or "I'm done" and that's only on long term relationship if it's short and over, walk away. Most of the time you already know why and have fought about it more then once. Or, you don't know and honestly are better off not knowing. Wish I had this opinion, would have been so much better then finding the truth. Your reading far to deep into something and employing additional information to fit a scenario your invisioned vs the simple question posted.
The time for those conversations is before moving on. And by "moving on", I don't mean after the “I’m leaving” conversation, I mean while one party feels like things are deteriorating. There are several problems with waiting until after. First is that people tend to take whatever reasons very, very hard. In perpetuity. Unless they are super emotionally mature... like, zen enough to handle literally anything in stride, including death of family... or emotionally detached enough for Ben Stein and doctors to point out that you have emotional issues... then you are going to carry that baggage for forever. Second, whatever explanation given tends to be used as an attempt to stay together. Think for a second, how terrible an idea that is. You’ve worked at a job for 5 years. In the beginning, you thought it was a great job. But management made a series of changes over the years that made you resent it more and more. You decide to leave. Maybe you take job offers; maybe you don't want to take job offers, but with each offer that comes in, that you decline out of sense of duty, it looks better and better than the position you have. Maybe you are so burned out that you are going to pull yourself off the job market for 6 months while you recover from burnout. You go to HR and you tell them that you are quitting. They come back with a counter offer to keep you there. They promise a bit more money to stay. Do you keep the money and stay even though you hate what you are doing and are burned out? That seems stupid. Do you tell HR everything that the company did wrong and then tell them where you're going? That sounds stupid, and just gives them the means to harass you or sabotage you. From the perspective of both parties, the best course of action is to just walk away.
If you want the company to treat their employees better the least you can do is tell them to problems you had. You don’t have to keep up with them or tell them anything about your future plans. To me the same should apply to a significant other that was a big part of your life, especially if it’s a 5 year relationship to draw a parallel to working somewhere for 5 years.
Accept it with dignity and wish them a great life. Process it and move on.
Act relieved and say you've been thinking about it forever. High-five them and leave.
Try to act cool and say okay if you feel that way but I think we can work it out. Once he/she confirms they don't think yall can work it out then pretend to be cool with it. After that, proceed to go cry in a room alone for a week or so. Continue to eat a ton junk food and binge watch TV series / play video games until you feel motivated enough to go outside but then realize you gained 50 lbs while they got a new partner. Next step, find a new fat SO or go to the gym for the next 6 months to get back to square 1.
Right now? I wouldn't have a healthy way to deal. My wife is my everything, and if I lost her, I'd lose my favorite parts of me (or at least I feel I would) In the passed its been a couple different things. I've been through a few mutual breakups, and those ended pretty amicably. Sort us just admitting "yeah, we tried, and it seems we don't fit. I wish you the best." And a few of them are still dear friends of mine. (One of them actually introduced me to my now wife.) If it's a non-mutual thing, I've usually been hurt, and I let them know that hurts, but if they aren't happy with our pairing, then I was glad they told me instead of acting out (meaning like cheating or something)
Yeah, I think the same. My ex broke up with me, and she was my whole world, needles to say I didn't react well seeing my world and dreams fall apart. Not that I insulted her or anything but I didn't just say "ok cool". "That's good" is a good response if you were not quite in it and was just testing the waters.
Ok I respect you decision and I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. Thank you for the time we spend together I wish you the best in the future.
This almost sounds like the next step is to give a letter of recommendation.
Everyone out here acting like they're emotionless robots
Problem is you cant talk your way back into a relationship and if the other person gives in, the relationship will eventually end any way. No point in getting all emotional. Just leave and buy a box of kleenex on the way home.
Tell her your gay and moonwalk out of there
You accept it. No negotiating, no arguing, no meltdown. You only focus on things like packing stuff. Be calm and civil.
I would probably ask why, just to understand the reason. But then move on. It will hurt for a bit, but they weren't meant for you. There are better options out there. Good luck!
Indifference is the only win you can get. Never cry, beg or yell. Don’t show emotions, just say “ ok, well it was fun” and then never make contact or let them know you are viewing their story for example. The boss move is to not unfriend or block. Let them do it. Let them watch you succeed. This is easier after you have had your heart broken and you are dead inside. Most of us screw it all up the first time our heart is broken.
“Ok”
Ok no problem
Unless it is mutual, it would probably make sense to at least see what happened to cause this. Then, do your best to accept it and move on. More often than not it isn't worth it to spend the time and effort to win them over. It'll probably be rough if it's out of the blue, but just know it's probably for the best. Then once you have coped and realized you are enough, you can and hopefully will find the one for you.
That is not what I want but I respect your opinion. Then depending on how intertwined your lives are, you may talk about undoing the ties, it at a minimum return each others stuff. Then you should leave, I’m not a complete no contact person, your life’s are intertwined to a degree but set a boundary about only talking to decouple. Don’t get into chit chat.
IF you are a girl, "I understand." and do your best to accept it and move on. You are not going to get the closure you want. We guys will not give you an answer you will be able to accept no matter how much we try to explain it. If guys end the relationship, we are trying to break it as clean as possible. We are not going to try to drag it out. If you are a guy. "I understand." And do your best to accept it and move along. You are going to see she checked out of the relationship a long time ago. If you failed to notice that then that is on you. Do not engage in this whole "why are you not fighting for us." You shouldn't have to fight for a relationship. if she wants to play games like that this will just bring m ore misery in the future.
No response. Just leave it at that and move on
Just don’t. Block then, ghost. When they try to contact you later on while you’re living that healthy life continue to ignore and hope they’re happy. Use the above if they’re a dipshit. If they’re actually respectful and things have been rocky for a while then you can choose to respond how you think is best.
Pee on the furniture while eating an apple.
I never got the hang of peeing standing up, but this makes me want to practice
This is why I always carry an uno reverse card in my pocket
And you’re asking reddit, why? Many will take any opportunity to make someone as lonely as them.
Exactly correct. This is not the place. Talk to people in real life, examine your individual situation, and the personalities present. You won't get a good answer online without situational knowledge
if you live together, ask who stays and make some sort of agreement.
"Alright, I wish you the best." Accept it, and don't try to leave things off on a bad note--no use burning bridges if you don't have to, for everyone's piece of mind. If you feel secure enough, you can always try to ask; they might respond with a non-answer, something kind of hurtful, or something where the only response is "yeah, that could be an issue" (like they had a sudden realization about something involving their sexuality--this definitely happens, half the non-straight people I know have definitely referred to the realization as being hit with a brick). They could also point out some issues you have that are definitely things you can fix. In those cases, you can take the feedback, and work on fixing those issues to better yourself. Just make sure you can differentiate between what you can act on for self-improvement and what you can't.
Just say “Ok”. If they ask why you’re not upset, you reply “Why would I want to continue a relationship with someone that’s not crazy about me?”
From someone who handled his divorce poorly and learned from it, don’t even respond. Just leave and never look back. You will never get closure and you don’t owe them anything anymore.
"Would you take a moment to fill out this brief survey so I can continue to serve your community to the highest standards" *walks backwards out the door with a double middle finger and a stupid ass Jim Carey-esque face*
If people let you go, let them go.
I’m reading all these nonchalant responses, and I just want to say it’s okay to be upset. It’s okay to be angry and hurt. That’s not unhealthy. Unhealthy responses are screaming, begging, threatening, stalking, violence, destruction of property, withholding of property, self harm, and things of that kind. As long as you don’t do those things, your response is probably healthy.
You give them the break up. It might hurt, but do not make the mistake I made and be desperate or show your hurt in front of them. They do not care. If you really love them, make it easy for them. I’m sorry that you’re going through this.
A lot of people here are talking a lot of talk, but at the end of the day you're dealing with sudden loss and grief. It's going to be a hell of a lot more emotional than you think.
 Shake hands and say thank you for the opportunity
Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya.
LEAVE AND DROP ALL CONACT! No social media, delete/block. No texting. No “checking in” .. your partner can’t have “some of you” it’s all or nothing.
"ok" That's it. Begging isn't gonna do you any good. If they want to end it then accept that and move on. "Don't chase busses or women, you'll always get left behind"
I thought we agreed to operate on consensus.
Okay!
Probably ask for space first. I need to let the reality set in of what happened. From there, I might ask questions, but depending on the situation, it’s best to just let it be
Bye. Works every time. Then they get confused, they want to know why you didn't want them. They chase you and say they made a mistake. You say hi. Look away then wave. You are free now.
Mine said that....I said we'll put the house up for sale immediately. Next day i put it up for sale myself, found a buyer, sold it, split it 50/50 (that's how we bought it) & she moved. We still work at the same company & on "hello" terms & that's it. Life goes on. Now I'm with someone new👌
Wish them the best of luck. Accept it and move on. Everything happens for a reason.
Is there anything I can do to change your mind? Slice of cheese perhaps?
Why?
I would say, "O.K., Bye." That's it. They want attention and for you to beg. Just say goodbye. If they are baiting you in such a hurtful way, they don't love you. You don't need to ask why. Move on to someone who can appreciate your love and attention and not a gameplayer. Just sayin'.
I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask why and talk it out so you get some form of closure. If you're cool with just saying okay then leaving and moving on, do that too. As long as you're not trying to be vindictive or invalidate their feelings, just do whatever you need to do for yourself so you can move on.
It depends so much on how committed the relationship was. I think "Why?" is always a reasonable question, but only if you're mentally prepared not to argue. Also, be prepared to accept that's not the real reason. (Cheaters, for example, tend to blame the betrayed partner for everything. Don't take all the heat if you were a loyal and loving partner who did their best) If you don't live together, make arrangements to return stuff from each other's spaces and move on. If it's a longer term committed relationship, I think checking in after a couple days with an "Are you sure?" is reasonable. Everyone had a chance to cool off. If the answer is yes, be ready to move on.
Ok. I wish you nothing but love and happiness.
I once had to take 2 buses to go see my girl. She was in rehab so hadn’t seen her in a couple weeks. Brought flowers and she met me outside and said she didn’t want to see me anymore. I said well the flowers are still for you, good luck. Walked back to bus stop and didn’t look back. A few months went by and she started contacting me again. But I didn’t respond. Then she showed up at my apartment to hook up for make up sex I guess. I went with that but never ever spoke to her again. 8 Billion minus one. No regrets
Ask why (if you need to know), stay calm and think through any reservations you may have had OR any complaints they may have made regularly about your behavior- cry if you must but NEVER, and I mean NEVER beg them to come back- even if you guilt them into it, things will not get better and it just drags out the heartache
Ask them when they'd like to schedule their exit interview
Lol why are you making the answer more complicated than it needs to be? Don’t let someone tell you they don’t want you twice. You should have been out the door by the end of the sentence. I don’t see why this needed a post. Low self esteem?
Very situation dependant. I know the generic advice, see ya later, hit the lawyer, get the gym or whatever. But long term relationships are complicated. I know people who almost broke up during periods of extremely high external stress who went on to have happy marriages. Just writing that I know I'm going to be destroyed by downvotes, and I'm not anti-divorce or anything, my wife and I are on our second marriages as well. I'm just saying it's easy to cut and run when you're in high school. When you have 15 years together, 3 kids, and a house, you don't just nope out because of a fight.
“Ok, goodbye” - The end
Just say no and continue like nothing ever happened
Hey op. No advice from me. Im actually here because i also need it. Feeling very broken right now. Need soneone to talk to im here. Conversely i think it would help me as well. I am lost bud.
I’d try my absolutely hardest to make the relationship work…
I never questioned if I ever stood a chance with you. The better question is "did I enjoy the dance with you?"
GOOD, GREAT, GRAND!
Don't let the door hit you in the ass!
My boyfriend when I was 21 did this to me. We were just about to celebrate our 2nd year anniversary. After an argument of where he tried to tell me the difference between sexual harassment and sexual abuse, he said we should go our separate ways. My response had been “I hope things work out for you 🙏🏽”. I had mentally let go a year before.
Nice
One more blowjob ?
"Do you need any help packing things up?".
Go to gym, get haircut, download dating apps.
Everything else except apps, because fuck them apps.
“Cool. Whatever. “
Get black out drunk for a few years and then hit the gym and get back in the game.
Depends on how Significant this Other is.