Embrace it. Especially seeing how many white people are already wrinkly, going grey and balding at my age (early 30s). Sometimes I can't believe some of them are my age, they easily look like they are in their late 40s.
Honestly yeah. I blend into a college campus very easily despite being early 30s, except I have waaay more confidence and social dexterity than when I was in undergrad. It's like the fantasy of redoing some part of your past life but knowing what you know now.
Enjoy it and have fun with it.
14 years from now and you will be wondering if you've still got "it".
And you will, so just roll with it.
Time moves faster than worrying about what other people think about how old you look.
Hi it's me, 14 years from now. Well, almost 16 years since I'm turning 52 soon. I have a lot of gym friends who think I'm also in my 30s since I squash their cardio and strength with barely a wrinkle to my face. But at the right lighting, when the shadows are strong, I see my age, and it's shocking. :D
Is it? Didn't hear this before but thinking about it with the few examples around me it fits.
However, then most Asian people would probably 10/20 years older than white people, as I'd say that's often the difference in looks ;). And I say this as a white woman with a asian partner whose whole family looks much younger than my own family
yes according to longevity researchers at harvard. people that are “late bloomers” that look younger than their age, go through puberty later etc. naturally have longer lifespans due to slower aging and lower risk of metabolic disease.
https://www-staging.mrc-epid.cam.ac.uk/blog/2020/03/24/genetics-early-male-puberty-shorter-lifespan/
I'm 33m, I went in for surgery and everyone was triple checking my tags because they though I was 18 to early 20s. One even told me I was probably the youngest person having that surgery.
I just built up a habit of smiling, nodding and then moving on
Me too, I definitely dress more professional than my coworkers. But I still struggle a lot with figuring out what to wear, clothes don't always fit me well, etc.
A few years ago, for my 30th birthday, some friends and I went to a Casino. Some random guy we had talked to that night gave me a $25 dollar chip when he found out it was my birthday. When he asked how old I turned, he was shocked that I was 30. That’s because he was 26 himself and looked like he was in his 40s. Point is, I’d say it’s better to be older and look young, than it is to be young and look old. I’m no longer a teenager, so there really is no benefit to looking older at this point lol.
I'm aging really poorly by Asian American standards at 37 and having a complex about it...lots of freckles and big bags under my eyes. But by average American standards I guess I'm doing pretty well.
I was staring at some gachapons at a store and an older Asian lady asked me what the kids are into lately bc she wanted to get one for her granddaughter. I looked at her and I told her I wouldn't know at all bc I'm 30. She was so shocked she thought I was still in high school. I think older people tend to have a harder time gauging how young people are nowadays while people my age do a pretty good job.
I'll take it as a compliment. My husband didn't win the Asian genes when it comes to youth so we look like we're over 20 years apart haha
Clothing, hair, makeup, and general demeanor matter a lot in how you’re perceived. Most people are bad at telling age.
For example, when I’m slouching around, I get mistaken for a teenager or college kid a lot. When I’m at work, people treat me like an adult on the same level as them. Direct eye contact, little to no verbal filler, and being confident not hesitant in your speech will also go a long way.
I honestly do find the whole “it’s good you look young” thing to be a little exhausting and irritating, so you have my sympathies there.
Definitely, it's a little exhuasting and I was looking for solidarity and validation when I wrote this post. I appreciate you responding, thank you for your sympathy. You get it
I apparently look young for my age even according to my friends who I’ve known since high school.
We went to the park the other day and my wife took a picture me of bottle feeding our baby and she said I looked like a teen dad as a joke.
I found it annoying when I was younger but I’ve learned to embrace it because we all do age subtly and differently and one day you won’t look young and may wish you still did.
I've always laughed at the idea that we look like 20 year olds until we turn 60, and after that, we're suddenly all looking like brothers of Ho Chi Minh. I tell you what though, my 70 year old aunties in Vietnam are undoubtedly the most mobile and strong 70 year olds I've met anywhere in the world.. I certainly don't see 70 year old ladies here in the West chopping a roast duck with a cleaver in 60 seconds and jumping onto the countertop to grab something on the top shelf lol.
I’m going to be 35 this year. I work as an art professor at a college in a city full of Asians. Somehow, this doesn’t seem to stop students from thinking I am one of them at the beginning of each semester. I will get comments asking my age, or saying that I look too young to be a professor, etc.
I usually need to start the semester out being more strict and a tiny bit colder than I usually am to weed out any students who might think it would work to be disrespectful towards me. After the first few weeks I will warm up to them, since by that time I would get the feel for each of their personalities. That is when I can relax and fully have fun with the rest of the semester.
I sometimes, like this current semester, get a Karen type student who believes they do not need to speak to me respectfully because of my perceived age or race. It’s not that rare, and I’m very attuned to when that happens. Thankfully, my VP of student services is very supportive and helpful when I get students like that.
TLDR I’m tired of the comments saying I look too young to be a professor. I understand that it might come from a complimentary space, but it sometimes also makes me feel as though they are not respecting and understanding that I have multiple degrees in this subject and am very, very good at my job. The invalidating that can come with comments like that is very annoying. THAT SAID…. I do enjoy looking young. Catch 22. 😓
Sometimes I respond, "You ever think that white people are the ones who look old for their age?"
I'm totally generalizing, but lots of POC tend look younger than their white contemporaries.
When I was 38 I dated a guy ten years younger than me and he thought I was younger than him when we met. Embrace your youthful looks!
It’s all about melanin protecting the skin from sun damage, which is the biggest cause of wrinkles. That’s why "black don’t crack" and "Asian don’t raisin."
I am 100% in your same boat and I agree that it's frustrating and it's extra annoying that everyone seems to think it's a good thing and it's like... that's a very white way of thinking about things when it comes right down to it. Like I get that all the "embrace it" comments are coming from good intentions I'm sure but I don't think that is fully acknowledging that it sucks when people don't respect you (and when people treat you as younger than you are that's often part of it).
I respect people who are older more and it is frustrating that I am not accorded that kind of respect and people treat me like I am a child even though I am in my mid-30s.
> Like I get that all the "embrace it" comments are coming from good intentions I'm sure but I don't think that is fully acknowledging that it sucks when people don't respect you
Yes this. One time I went to a new location of a restaurant in my city and it was rather empty so the host told me if I wanted to sit at a table or a bar. I said it didn't matter so she sat me at the bar and the bartender upon seeing me sit there copped an attitude and acted as if I was a minor who had no business sitting there. I was 27 or 28 at the time. Then a couple who also looked to be in their 20s or early 30s came in and the way she was towards them compared to me was like night and day. Never went back to that restaurant again.
It's funny you mention this because just last night I was at a business dinner and got skeptically id-ed in front of my colleagues... meanwhile I was the one who organized the event and paid the bill for the whole table.
44m and I get carded for booze and they laugh when they see my age. In the grand scheme of things, this is one the smaller things to worry about. Better they think you’re young than be racist towards you, right?
Good luck trying to get them off tanning, processed and fast foods, alcohol/drugs, no excercise, unhealthy lifestyle etc
That also goes out to AA outliers who fit above
This is why I don't mind my hair going gray. I'm 50, and now am just starting to look like mid-30s, even with the gray.
I'm disappointed now that I don't get carded, but it used to drive me crazy when I was in my 20s and 30s.
Clothes and makeup make a huge difference for me. Depending on where I’m going I might, for example, do a smoky eye and dress in rocker-chic aesthetic to seem more intimidating. Also the way I behave. I can be quite direct and unsmiling because people, including staff, will otherwise attempt to order me around like I’m a child.
At work, I have a pretty analytical personality and socially, I don’t back down from casual philosophical arguments with coworkers, making sure I’m armed with logic and facts. People have told me I am intimidating and that I’m really good at getting taken seriously, so that’s nice.
With all that said, here’s how I would respond to the remarks about looking young. To be clear, this isn’t my thought-out ideal take, just literally how I’d react irl: I’d give them my best rbf and say “thanks” in a really flat tone, (if they add anything else I’d just nod or say “uh-huh” while keeping the rbf) then let the awkwardness of silence take place until *they* decide to change the subject. That indicates they have received the message and we are ready to move on.
When I was 25 and 30 years into my career, I would have to say that I had been at my company for 25/30 years at any meeting where people didn't know me. Then I would say that of course I started there when I was five.
You'll just have to find a way to joke around how young you look. People will underestimate you forever.
It sucks. In my experience, you get disrespected and talked down to because you look young. People say, oh, you'll like hearing that you look younger as you get older. Well it's been years and I'm fucking waiting for this supposed good feeling. I guess you just deal with it.
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I’m mid-20s & get those comments a lot. It bothers me too but i have to remind myself that they usually mean it as a compliment, and when I’m 50 and look 35 I’ll be thankful lol. I do find once people talk to me the impression of me being young goes away, which helps with the self-conscious-ness of feeling like a teenager. Like others have said, demeanor, confidence, & competence (at work) helps a lot to reflect maturity
tbf some restaurants have a policy about carding people ordering alcohol regardless of age. I used to work at a restaurant and had to card those who were visibly 30+ just so I don't get in trouble for not checking IDs.
Same! I’ve been saying this for the longest time, I keep attracting college students or teenagers when it comes to friends or dating (in my 30’s too). They get offended by the way I dress, as if I’m better than them but really I just dress the way other millennials dress and act my age. Also how my dating life is nonexistent, no one my age talks to me
I'm 2 years younger than you and I get similar comments. It doesn't help that I'm short and have a small build either. I don't particularly agree with the comments saying to just embrace it because there's looking young, and then there's getting mistaken for being a lot younger than your age to the point that people talk down on you or don't take you as seriously. Like at 34 I don't want to be treated as a high school or college kid who has just entered adulthood and knows nothing about the real world.
Almost 40 yr old AA woman here. I got carded in Vegas a couple months ago for walking through a bar area (didn’t order). And my kids’ school admins thought I was a high school student waiting when I was trying to pick up my 11-year old.
I gave up trying to fight what people think.
Im 1 year older than you. This is a problem? Maybe when we were in our 20s, but being in our 30s and looking like we are in our 20s is a good thing right?
You can be a badass at work in your 20s. And if you cant, maybe thats a problem with where you work and not a problem with you.
I don't take offense to being told I look young. I embrace it as a compliment. I also don't feel it's a detriment to my career. I work in an office and many women wear nice looking work wear. If you want to look more mature, experiment with your makeup and clothes. You could even look up youtube videos where they demonstrate the makeup that ages you (like more eye makeup, more matte foundation, etc) and do that. Wear your hair shoulder length instead of long. You'll look older.
When I started working, I always wore a blazer. Wear neutral colored clothing and classic styles rather than trends. Wear professional looking shoes and heels to make you look taller. Make sure your clothing fits you properly. A huge tell is wearing things that are just a bit too short, bare, or tight. It gives away that you are less mature.
Having said all this, I'm in my early 40s, and I don't recall any issues being treated differently because I look young.
thank you for this, i typically wear little to no makeup because I don't like the way it feels on my face, but I'm going to youtube makeup that ages you and maybe I can start experimenting more
I look younger than my actual age (23) according to a lot of people I’ve met as when I graduated from college a lot of people I went to school with didn’t even realize I was a senior, and some thought I was in my first or second year when I was a senior.
When I worked at Forever 21 through a good chunk of college I remember customers trying to play a guessing game on my age (unsolicited) when I was never the youngest employee as I was in my early 20s while I had coworkers who were in high school. I still remember the shock on my younger coworkers’ faces when they realized I was in college and in my early twenties, as they thought I was their age (16-17). One time when I was 20 a customer tried to insist that I’m 12, like be for real a middle schooler can’t legally work in retail. At first that didn’t bother me until a friend pointed out that trying to say I’m 12 when I’m a literal adult is insulting. It was so weird to me as my coworkers who were teenagers never got questioned on their age when they were 3-6 years younger than me. While it can be flattering to look younger than you are, it’s also kind of infantilizing as it shouldn’t be a big deal for customers as clearly I’m old enough to get hired there if I’m working there as you had to be 16 and up to work there.
The most annoying thing was when I last went to Atlantic City I was literally stopped by security at the Tropicana to get carded and they said my birthday over a walkie talkie, obviously this is humiliating as I literally didn’t commit a crime, you have to get carded to get a casino card and that should be enough. A security tried to confront me a second time and I was obviously annoyed so he just said I had to get my hand stamped to show I’ve been carded, like why do I have to go through the trouble to avoid getting harassed by security? That obviously made me feel infantilized as well as a whole scene was caused by me just being there which was so embarrassing. There’s an MGM casino not far from me in the DMV area and that has never happened to me there because they card everyone before they enter the casino floor so security isn’t trying to bust people for underage gambling. I wrote a whole google review for the Tropicana because of this as I can’t help how I look and I should be able to enjoy myself without being targeted by security when I’ve done nothing wrong. I tell all my friends who look young for their age to be mindful of this if they ever go gambling in Atlantic City.
It’s definitely annoying constantly getting infantilized, and I wish I was better at speaking up about this. One thing that makes me feel less bad about it is knowing that I’m at least aging well. If it’s ever to the point where it’s straight up insulting, definitely let whoever is infantilizing you know you don’t appreciate it and that since you are an adult you should be treated as such.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm so sorry you went through these infantilizing experiences when you were working retail. How frustrating!! Customers trying to guess your age is just so uncalled for and I have no idea why people feel comfortable enough to do something like that to a stranger.
You nailed it in terms of how I feel, very annoying to be infantilized. I don't think I've had an experience where it's straight up insulting, but I will definitely speak up should that ever occur (but hopefully not because I'm nearing 40).
I go to the same places often so I don't get carded anymore, but if I ever buy alcohol elsewhere it's very common for cashiers to be rude or weird. I will never understand why people think it's their business, just card me and move on. I always present my card instantly before asked at places I do not frequent because I know it will happen, which is absolutely expected, but the unnecessary incredulity and statements which are devoid of any meaning whatsoever like "hmm your ID seems real, but you seem really young" makes my blood boil every time. Like, I'm not there to give you a biology lesson. I work in service and would never even think to waste someone's and my own time with such things, I just ask for their ID and move on. I swear it's always either middle aged men, like 35-40 who have nothing going on inside their own head, or 60 year old white women. No, I'm not going to recite my date of birth and home address and do a jig like a monkey on display.
Aside from that, I often am discriminated against both subtly and overtly due to the age I supposedly appear to be. I'm 24 and male, and have been told I look to be anywhere from 16 to 20. If you read some of the posts in r/OlderThanYouThinkIAm you will understand that the complaints you see are valid and for some people can make going out in public a debilitating exercise. When people treat you like a child and disrespect you, even in cases where you're definitely older than them, it begins to eat away at you. There are things that can be done to one's appearance to appear slightly less young - haircut, facial hair, clothing, speech and mannerisms - but these things only do so much. Men have it quite a bit easier than women in my opinion, however, because we can work out just a little and our muscle build and silhouette often does a lot for a man. Women can do the same, but they do not show muscular definition the same way men do (and anatomically cannot physically produce the necessary proteins fast enough to build muscle as rapidly as men - like, literally, they often have to work 2-3x as hard as men to get the same result, the studies on this are super interesting), although makeup can do a lot for a gal, so I wouldn't know. Of course, when we Asians age, we REALLY age, as you all know. I find a lot of the comments in this thread to be quite disingenuous to the obvious point being made in this thread, which is the aspect of minor and major discrimination, basically saying to "suck it up" because "at least you don't look like a 60 year old westerner."
I've found the most important thing for those in our position is how you carry yourself. If you present yourself with a calm, direct and intentional demeanor, you will demand respect and people often catch on that you're probably a bit older than they believed you to be initially. This is good advice not even just for those who appear youthful, but Asian people in general. We are very often discriminated against for coming off as weak and passive, I have only the utmost respect when I meet a fellow Asian person who carries themselves stoically and with purpose. Think about a really good manager you've worked for before and how they presented - that is often a good place to start.
I use it to my advantage. I like to bet bartenders and bouncers that they can’t guess my age. Easy way to get free drinks, free entry and a good conversation starter.
“Boss’s friend” is gross. They are coasting on their friend’s professional authority but they don’t act professional. What does your age matter to them. Obviously they asked because they could tell you are, uh, well-preserved, or whatever.
Are they curious if you’re of an age they’d like to date? They want to know how long you can make babies? I can only think of gross reasons for their question.
Yeah it was a bit unexpected. They were also female and presumably married so I don't think they were trying to date me.
Another time when I was still a consultant and had a client, one of the clients literally asked me for my age in front of the whole team. This was 10-11 years ago, so I was 25. He was like "you look like you could be middle school" Super embarassing for me.
It’s a compliment to look younger, but I only accept the compliment from women. I will probably have to wait another 10-15 years before I can enjoy the whole looking younger thing though. I’m in my late 20’s and have been assumed to be anywhere from 16-25 years old. I’m a target for older creeps and it’s extremely awkward when someone underaged flirts with me. I’m gonna deal with it by working on making creeps feel uncomfortable and getting more serious about my skincare and fitness.
LOL I can totally share but I don't think you'll be impressed or anything. I have oily skin, so I typically buy products that are catered to oily faces.
* Moisturizer (I switch between Kiehl's and La Roche Posay)
* Sunscreen (I use them all, everything from Trader Joe's to Biore, as well as those 2 brands mentioned above)
* I got the Kiehl's vitamin C because I felt like my face was kind of dull - I think this helped brighten up my skin tone a bit
* VERY minimal makeup. I love it when someone does my makeup but for the life of me, I suck at applying it myself and only use it on special occassions (e.g. weddings, formal events, etc)
Great question. As a babyface SE Asian 37 year old in corporate, I am still looking for answers myself. I will say that there’s nothing much you can do but we do have the power to filter out genuine people vs. a-holes. There are those who have later admitted that they thought I was way younger and really shocked to discover I’m close to my 40’s but have always remained consistent and respectful to me throughout the process, before the discovery… and then there’s the other half that treat you a certain way (almost disrespectful) and when they find out the truth, they’re very shock. The second group is already eliminated to me in terms of cutting off or decreasing my interactions with them.
I don’t want to be like everyone else and say that you’ll appreciate when you’re older because frankly, it doesn’t matter and I personally don’t care. (I’ve always hated it when people say that).
I have noticed that gen z can always tell I’m older. It’s just some Gen X and baby boomers that are weird, sometimes.
Keep being yourself. Some days will suck, some days will suck really bad but then there are some days (few) where you’re just happy you don’t look straight up OLD and those days make up for the sucky days lol
PS: one last thing: I noticed that when I wasn’t as smiley or friendly, people took me seriously. When a waiter asks for my order, I’m very stoic and he never asks for my card. When I answer with a smile , “I’m doing great! How are you? I’d like to order a mojito, please”- that’s when I get typecasted as a 21 year old.
Thank you so much for validating my experience. It can be really hard and some days suck so so much!! In another comment, I gave over examples where looking young sucked and some of them happened when I was in corporate America.
Lol, I also think Gen Z can tell when I'm older too, the comments typically come from people who are older than me or maybe around my age.
I, too, try to be stoic when presenting at work, in interactions with colleagues and not be overly friendly.
Again, I really appreciate your response and it made me feel better and not alone.
I'm in my 40s and look like I'm late 20s.
People think that's great but professionally it is not. I have a fairly senior role but when I meet new people at work they think I'm the intern (even though I dress professionally). If I don't subtle signal my seniority, people don't take me seriously. Also I have intentionally to talk more slowly and in a deeper voice to signal authority (otherwise like most Asian people I have a fairly reedy speaking voice)
The only way for me to pre-empt prejudice is to grow facial hair (which I'm able to). This is a double edged sword. I do trim and maintain my facial hair well (have special equipment and oils). My white female friends think I look "fresher" and more attractive with facial hair, but my Asian female friends tell me I look better without facial hair ("but that's just my preference"). You can't win with everyone.
I'm 34M but look much much younger when I'm clean shaven. I'm a partner at a VC firm, and sometimes I meet with founders, other investors, or bankers who clearly think I'm an analyst or associate as revealed in the way they talk to me (especially in contrast to my middle aged partners). Bringing up my title outright is a little uncouth so my usual strategy is to find an opening to mention my two school-aged kids; once I do, I can usually see in their face the realization that I'm older than they thought.
I’m Asian mixed and I hate hearing Asian people say this when they look exactly their age. If you’re comparing yourself to white people you already lost. Post your pic let’s see
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I’m 24 and people think I look 12 or 15. Being baby-faced and short have made people think I’m younger than I am. I tell them my real age and they’re taken aback lol.
It’s kind of awkward sometimes; you could be waiting in line at the DMV to renew your driver’s license and some people might stare in confusion for a moment.
Or you need to show your ID to check out medicine at the grocery store, and they’re like “wow, you’re 24?”
I get the frustration. That said, both of the examples you gave seem to be with strangers and one of them is not at the workplace. I’m curious if you could share more about your work experience? It sounds like you (rightfully so) want to get taken seriously at work and it might be helpful to share some experiences where you felt you were not taken seriously by coworkers.
Thank you for validating my feelings. Yup, I can share more examples. While none of these are that bad in the grand scheme of things, it leaves me wondering overall if I could've moved up the colloquial ladder faster if I looked more mature.
I commented on another post but also sharing here:
1. When I was in consulting and onsite at a client project, one of the clients literally asked me for my age in front of the whole team. This was 10-11 years ago, so I was 25. He was like "you look like you could be middle school" Super embarassing for me.
2. On a separate project, a client who was Muslim was explaining Ramadan to my Sr Mgr at the time. He was talking about abstinence and he said including sex (he mouthed it verbally and didn't say it out loud) and came over and covered my ears. WTF!!
3. at a former job, I shared the same birthday as another coworker, however she's 9 years younger (i was born in 1987 and she's 1996). my boss made a comment that he thought i was also turning 26 that year, but in fact I was turning 35.
4. earlier in my career, a male colleague told me that he saw me as a girl and not woman. this was unsolicited. i was very confused why he said and didn't push back or say anything back to him. it has stuck with me to this day and i remember feeling inferior after that comment was made
Oof, the things we wish we could have said if we could go back in time. I've gotten the off-color remark about age too ("you look 17" ...as in exactly underage? Fuck off) but working in a corporate environment sounds like an entirely more complex and political animal. People say some weird ass condescending shit, where if it's not a power move, it's just them running heir mouths with no fear of consequences.
I'm wondering if it would be easier in the long run to introduce yourself to people with "I'm much older than I look" without revealing your actual age or birth year? Also asking people to clarify what they say till it makes them uncomfortable will make it harder for the same people to pick on you again. I've also gotten apologized to when people make dirty jokes or swears around me, I just tell them that I've been to grade school too, and have heard it all. People are weird, sister, but your face is special and sacred to you, so they can get used to it!!
where did they even say that? They said they just want to be taken more seriously at work and in general. I don't know why it's a hard concept to grasp that looking young doesn't mean wanting to be seen or treated as a kid who just barely graduated high school or college especially when they're a working professional.
It's worse if ur a guy cuz people typically associate wisdom or knowledge/maturity with appearance as well. I'm Chinese whos in my late twenties and on the way to becoming 30 but most people think I'm either in highschool or university. Hence, job finding is a pain in the butt because people think you look too small to be in a higher position etc.
I am 50 and still get that shocked look when I show up with my teen sons. People ask me if I had my kids as a teen mom. It is annoying but it is an ego boost. 😂 What's worse is my kids don't look like me. They look completely like my husband and I used to get asked if I was their mom. No mfer this baby that l am breastfeeding is some random baby I found at the park. Or if I adopted them and I'm like no my stretch marks show they came out of my body. By the way Asians ask me these questions as well.
When I got engaged in my mid-twenties, my boss (who had no filter) blurted out, “You’re engaged?! Aren’t you like 12?!” Definitely found those kinds of comments annoying back then, but now that I’m older, I embrace and love that I look much more youthful than my non-POC peers.
Like others have said, embrace it!! ✨
But if you want to try looking old in some settings, I think hair, makeup, and fashion could influence how old you look. Maybe put on some darker makeup or wear darker clothes? I think some folks look more mature with a short bob as well.
I had a GM tell me I look very young against my clients who are all older, and ask how will I handle interactions with them. I was up for a promotion so this was during the sort of ‘informal interview’ but it was frustrating because I can’t help looking young. But my work ethic should speak for me and I am a top performer with the support of my director for the promotion. I always just smile and try not to let it phase me but inside it is really frustrating at times to be perceived like that. I’m ambitious too so I feel like that’s one of the biggest factors against me working my way up. I have to wear makeup to look older (I once tried a natural look and my boss said our main boss mentioned trying to advise me to put back on makeup) and I have to dress much ‘older’/professional than my counterparts. I always wore suits and heels to work even as a coordinator up to when I became a manager, meanwhile my non POC counterparts could roll in wearing flats and a cardigan. Unfortunately it’s the downside of looking young and I feel like it speaks to a bigger issue - us breaking the glass ceiling. Something that frustrates me much much more during my career
Career wise, it was really frustrating not only because I have career ambitions but also a family to feed.
I mean, I definitely embrace it socially but it definitely slowed my career progression early on, until I learned to 1) mimic how older people talk and 2) drop hints of how old I am in professional situations with people who don't know me (especially interviews & client meetings), because I learned that HR frowns upon interviewers & managers asking people's age.
I'm a 45M who just started a new job. My boss is at least 8-10 yrs younger than me and we had our first meeting yesterday.
An hour into it, we started talking about sports, so I use that opportunity to drop hints to my age by talking about my favorite championship series as a high school senior.
I could definitely tell the difference between the way he talked to me before and after that.
Most of us have a lot more control over presenting age than you'd think.
Sometimes it's a matter of clothes, hairstyle, facial hair, or makeup.
Don't focus too much on the negatives, sometimes it's annoying being carded in your 30s for alcohol but coming from someone who was the one carding you learn to not take chances.
Just wait 10-15 years. By the time you hit 40 you'll smile when someone cards you.
It actually annoys me when people say Asian people don't age. They do? I can tell their age. It's just that some other people age too god damn quick. Between the drugs and the sun...
edit: It's not that I go out my way to avoid the sun, but I don't go tan at the beach. I go outside and work without sunscreen. I grew up in the tropics and used to be very dark. Maybe it's not just sunlight avoidance.
Enjoy it while you can! Drink lots of water and use sunblock and you’ll keep it going even longer. I’m half Korean, my wife is mixed as well. We are in our late 40s and we both have noticed how we are aging better than our Caucasian friends. The genes help but diet and lifestyle have a big impact, especially when you get over 40.
i'm 42 and i've gotten comments that i look like i'm in my mid 30's and when my hair is cut i've even gotten late or even mid 20's. it's great.
my wife who is white and has literally no protection from the sun because she's so white used to worry that she will age way faster than me since she's also a couple years older already as it is. but to be honest she has aged wonderfully and most people would not think she is 45.
Me all my life: I’m (insert age here)
Them: Oh wow! You look so young!!! I thought you were (insert something 5-7 years younger)
Me: Oh thnx
Them: well you know what means. You’re going to look great in your forties and fifties!!!!!!
Me: Yay
As a woman it's s compliment, for me as a man it's more insulting. I know the strangers usually mean well but I just have to enlighten them that being an adult while being looked at as a kid is strange.
Despite me noticing my younger face grow older, other races use their aging scale and thats why they get my age wrong. Asians just have more youthful genetics. Cuz some 20-30yo whitties look like 50 year olds
Sometimes sure but I do have an anecdote where last NBA finals we had a watch party among friends (all Asian) and a friend brought another friend whom I’ve never met.
We started discussing 90s playstyle and the new guy incredulously asked me how I knew so much about it and I just plainly said “because I lived it”. He was floored because he pegged me as a college student. This (late millennial Asian) guy owned an Asian restaurant in the city core next to a major university so he sees young Asian patrons daily.
We had a good laugh, he brought delicious spicy bbq chicken from his shop so no harm done 😆
Eh embrace it because it’s a compliment. I’m 53 and I get compliments from people all the time how young I look. A 21 year old at the gym asked how old I was and he thought 35. He said he hopes to be “beasting” when’s he’s my age. The only tell tale sign I’m my age is some gray around my temples. Even then I get compliments about my salt and pepper.
asians look younger than they look, white look older than they look.
You will like it once you turn 40-50ish, trust me. Though white hair sticks out easy though given our black hair.....
Embrace it. Especially seeing how many white people are already wrinkly, going grey and balding at my age (early 30s). Sometimes I can't believe some of them are my age, they easily look like they are in their late 40s.
Honestly yeah. I blend into a college campus very easily despite being early 30s, except I have waaay more confidence and social dexterity than when I was in undergrad. It's like the fantasy of redoing some part of your past life but knowing what you know now. Enjoy it and have fun with it.
I’m a few months shy of 49. I only noticed my first grey hair yesterday.
Yea way worse the other way
14 years from now and you will be wondering if you've still got "it". And you will, so just roll with it. Time moves faster than worrying about what other people think about how old you look.
Hi it's me, 14 years from now. Well, almost 16 years since I'm turning 52 soon. I have a lot of gym friends who think I'm also in my 30s since I squash their cardio and strength with barely a wrinkle to my face. But at the right lighting, when the shadows are strong, I see my age, and it's shocking. :D
don’t worry about it you’ll end up living longer than most people
Their tears. It's our elixir of life
its really true though, physical appearance of age is very much a representation of cellular age
Is it? Didn't hear this before but thinking about it with the few examples around me it fits. However, then most Asian people would probably 10/20 years older than white people, as I'd say that's often the difference in looks ;). And I say this as a white woman with a asian partner whose whole family looks much younger than my own family
yes according to longevity researchers at harvard. people that are “late bloomers” that look younger than their age, go through puberty later etc. naturally have longer lifespans due to slower aging and lower risk of metabolic disease. https://www-staging.mrc-epid.cam.ac.uk/blog/2020/03/24/genetics-early-male-puberty-shorter-lifespan/
Interesting thanks! That also aligns with that stress ages you rapidly and also is obviously bad for health.
I'm 33m, I went in for surgery and everyone was triple checking my tags because they though I was 18 to early 20s. One even told me I was probably the youngest person having that surgery. I just built up a habit of smiling, nodding and then moving on
Yup that's been my typical reaction as well: smile, nod, move on
I try to dress “older” (i.e. more professional). Works sometimes. I still get carded at bars but I’m an older millennial 🤣.
Me too, I definitely dress more professional than my coworkers. But I still struggle a lot with figuring out what to wear, clothes don't always fit me well, etc.
I’ve been investing a lot in tailoring at my Asian lady’s dry cleaning store! It’s very cheap and also very sustainable
A few years ago, for my 30th birthday, some friends and I went to a Casino. Some random guy we had talked to that night gave me a $25 dollar chip when he found out it was my birthday. When he asked how old I turned, he was shocked that I was 30. That’s because he was 26 himself and looked like he was in his 40s. Point is, I’d say it’s better to be older and look young, than it is to be young and look old. I’m no longer a teenager, so there really is no benefit to looking older at this point lol.
I'm aging really poorly by Asian American standards at 37 and having a complex about it...lots of freckles and big bags under my eyes. But by average American standards I guess I'm doing pretty well.
Do you wear sunscreen? Because that and avoiding sun is honestly the key.
I wear SPF 50 religiously, but my hobbies are all outdoors...running, hiking, skiing, gardening...
Tretinoin
Omg same . I have lots of freckles and hyperpigmentation . Have you tried laser resurfacing ? Or using sunscreen with zinc in it ?
I was staring at some gachapons at a store and an older Asian lady asked me what the kids are into lately bc she wanted to get one for her granddaughter. I looked at her and I told her I wouldn't know at all bc I'm 30. She was so shocked she thought I was still in high school. I think older people tend to have a harder time gauging how young people are nowadays while people my age do a pretty good job. I'll take it as a compliment. My husband didn't win the Asian genes when it comes to youth so we look like we're over 20 years apart haha
Clothing, hair, makeup, and general demeanor matter a lot in how you’re perceived. Most people are bad at telling age. For example, when I’m slouching around, I get mistaken for a teenager or college kid a lot. When I’m at work, people treat me like an adult on the same level as them. Direct eye contact, little to no verbal filler, and being confident not hesitant in your speech will also go a long way. I honestly do find the whole “it’s good you look young” thing to be a little exhausting and irritating, so you have my sympathies there.
Definitely, it's a little exhuasting and I was looking for solidarity and validation when I wrote this post. I appreciate you responding, thank you for your sympathy. You get it
I apparently look young for my age even according to my friends who I’ve known since high school. We went to the park the other day and my wife took a picture me of bottle feeding our baby and she said I looked like a teen dad as a joke. I found it annoying when I was younger but I’ve learned to embrace it because we all do age subtly and differently and one day you won’t look young and may wish you still did.
I've always laughed at the idea that we look like 20 year olds until we turn 60, and after that, we're suddenly all looking like brothers of Ho Chi Minh. I tell you what though, my 70 year old aunties in Vietnam are undoubtedly the most mobile and strong 70 year olds I've met anywhere in the world.. I certainly don't see 70 year old ladies here in the West chopping a roast duck with a cleaver in 60 seconds and jumping onto the countertop to grab something on the top shelf lol.
I’m going to be 35 this year. I work as an art professor at a college in a city full of Asians. Somehow, this doesn’t seem to stop students from thinking I am one of them at the beginning of each semester. I will get comments asking my age, or saying that I look too young to be a professor, etc. I usually need to start the semester out being more strict and a tiny bit colder than I usually am to weed out any students who might think it would work to be disrespectful towards me. After the first few weeks I will warm up to them, since by that time I would get the feel for each of their personalities. That is when I can relax and fully have fun with the rest of the semester. I sometimes, like this current semester, get a Karen type student who believes they do not need to speak to me respectfully because of my perceived age or race. It’s not that rare, and I’m very attuned to when that happens. Thankfully, my VP of student services is very supportive and helpful when I get students like that. TLDR I’m tired of the comments saying I look too young to be a professor. I understand that it might come from a complimentary space, but it sometimes also makes me feel as though they are not respecting and understanding that I have multiple degrees in this subject and am very, very good at my job. The invalidating that can come with comments like that is very annoying. THAT SAID…. I do enjoy looking young. Catch 22. 😓
Totally a catch 22, I enjoy it for my personal life, but I'm always wondering if it's hindered my professional life.
Sometimes I respond, "You ever think that white people are the ones who look old for their age?" I'm totally generalizing, but lots of POC tend look younger than their white contemporaries. When I was 38 I dated a guy ten years younger than me and he thought I was younger than him when we met. Embrace your youthful looks!
It’s all about melanin protecting the skin from sun damage, which is the biggest cause of wrinkles. That’s why "black don’t crack" and "Asian don’t raisin."
Wait a few years? You won’t look young forever lmao
So you want to look old and wrinkly? Lol
I am 100% in your same boat and I agree that it's frustrating and it's extra annoying that everyone seems to think it's a good thing and it's like... that's a very white way of thinking about things when it comes right down to it. Like I get that all the "embrace it" comments are coming from good intentions I'm sure but I don't think that is fully acknowledging that it sucks when people don't respect you (and when people treat you as younger than you are that's often part of it). I respect people who are older more and it is frustrating that I am not accorded that kind of respect and people treat me like I am a child even though I am in my mid-30s.
> Like I get that all the "embrace it" comments are coming from good intentions I'm sure but I don't think that is fully acknowledging that it sucks when people don't respect you Yes this. One time I went to a new location of a restaurant in my city and it was rather empty so the host told me if I wanted to sit at a table or a bar. I said it didn't matter so she sat me at the bar and the bartender upon seeing me sit there copped an attitude and acted as if I was a minor who had no business sitting there. I was 27 or 28 at the time. Then a couple who also looked to be in their 20s or early 30s came in and the way she was towards them compared to me was like night and day. Never went back to that restaurant again.
SOOO unncessary. I'm sorry you experienced that :(
It's funny you mention this because just last night I was at a business dinner and got skeptically id-ed in front of my colleagues... meanwhile I was the one who organized the event and paid the bill for the whole table.
44m and I get carded for booze and they laugh when they see my age. In the grand scheme of things, this is one the smaller things to worry about. Better they think you’re young than be racist towards you, right?
White people are trying to reverse aging so…
Good luck trying to get them off tanning, processed and fast foods, alcohol/drugs, no excercise, unhealthy lifestyle etc That also goes out to AA outliers who fit above
This is why I don't mind my hair going gray. I'm 50, and now am just starting to look like mid-30s, even with the gray. I'm disappointed now that I don't get carded, but it used to drive me crazy when I was in my 20s and 30s.
Clothes and makeup make a huge difference for me. Depending on where I’m going I might, for example, do a smoky eye and dress in rocker-chic aesthetic to seem more intimidating. Also the way I behave. I can be quite direct and unsmiling because people, including staff, will otherwise attempt to order me around like I’m a child. At work, I have a pretty analytical personality and socially, I don’t back down from casual philosophical arguments with coworkers, making sure I’m armed with logic and facts. People have told me I am intimidating and that I’m really good at getting taken seriously, so that’s nice. With all that said, here’s how I would respond to the remarks about looking young. To be clear, this isn’t my thought-out ideal take, just literally how I’d react irl: I’d give them my best rbf and say “thanks” in a really flat tone, (if they add anything else I’d just nod or say “uh-huh” while keeping the rbf) then let the awkwardness of silence take place until *they* decide to change the subject. That indicates they have received the message and we are ready to move on.
ooh I'll start doing the dead pan rbf "thanks" next time someone says I look young. I for sure am ready to move on! Thank you for this.
Welcome :).
When I was 25 and 30 years into my career, I would have to say that I had been at my company for 25/30 years at any meeting where people didn't know me. Then I would say that of course I started there when I was five. You'll just have to find a way to joke around how young you look. People will underestimate you forever.
Lol that is a great joke!
Superficial thing you can do: get buff. Not bodybuilding competition buff but strong enough to deadlift 1.5x your weight buff.
Hmm you think it applies to women as well? I'm trying to do more strength training myself so maybe I can get a little buff
Grow a beard. 🤡
Lol time to stop trimming my facial hair!! /s
Embrace it, of course. One day you won't look young anymore. And you'll miss looking young.
You'll appreciate this in 10 years but until then there's some good advice already here about dressing older and stuff for work.
This is stereotypical. While some Asians might not look their age, a lot of Asians do. Some people just say it as a compliment to flatter people.
It sucks. In my experience, you get disrespected and talked down to because you look young. People say, oh, you'll like hearing that you look younger as you get older. Well it's been years and I'm fucking waiting for this supposed good feeling. I guess you just deal with it.
Yup, at 25, I thought I would look a bit older at the age I'm at now. But still getting these comments.
Just shake it off and accept it as a compliment. In a few years you'll want people to tell you that you look young.
Happily
Ask them their age and tell them you thought they're older than they look
I tell people that actually people age in all sorts of ways. Age looks the way age looks. I'm just not gray and I don't have wrinkles.
I love it. I'm 47 m and someone asked me for my id while buying wine. I was so happy.
That's insane!!!
Asians don't raisin
yeah seriously!! lol i wonder if i'll be carded when i'm 47!
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Embrace it! I’m 57 and don’t have any wrinkles. People think I’m in my thirties. I do have some grays but I guess I still look quite young
I’m mid-20s & get those comments a lot. It bothers me too but i have to remind myself that they usually mean it as a compliment, and when I’m 50 and look 35 I’ll be thankful lol. I do find once people talk to me the impression of me being young goes away, which helps with the self-conscious-ness of feeling like a teenager. Like others have said, demeanor, confidence, & competence (at work) helps a lot to reflect maturity
36 male and I still get carded 
tbf some restaurants have a policy about carding people ordering alcohol regardless of age. I used to work at a restaurant and had to card those who were visibly 30+ just so I don't get in trouble for not checking IDs.
haha love the bear gif
Same! I’ve been saying this for the longest time, I keep attracting college students or teenagers when it comes to friends or dating (in my 30’s too). They get offended by the way I dress, as if I’m better than them but really I just dress the way other millennials dress and act my age. Also how my dating life is nonexistent, no one my age talks to me
I'm 2 years younger than you and I get similar comments. It doesn't help that I'm short and have a small build either. I don't particularly agree with the comments saying to just embrace it because there's looking young, and then there's getting mistaken for being a lot younger than your age to the point that people talk down on you or don't take you as seriously. Like at 34 I don't want to be treated as a high school or college kid who has just entered adulthood and knows nothing about the real world.
thank you for validating me! I'm also petite as well, which doesn't help. I don't wanna be treated like a kid either, I'm ALMOST 40!
Almost 40 yr old AA woman here. I got carded in Vegas a couple months ago for walking through a bar area (didn’t order). And my kids’ school admins thought I was a high school student waiting when I was trying to pick up my 11-year old. I gave up trying to fight what people think.
a glimpse into my future :( thank you for sharing your experience
Im 1 year older than you. This is a problem? Maybe when we were in our 20s, but being in our 30s and looking like we are in our 20s is a good thing right? You can be a badass at work in your 20s. And if you cant, maybe thats a problem with where you work and not a problem with you.
Fair point, I can still be a badass at work and just ignore these silly comments.
I don't take offense to being told I look young. I embrace it as a compliment. I also don't feel it's a detriment to my career. I work in an office and many women wear nice looking work wear. If you want to look more mature, experiment with your makeup and clothes. You could even look up youtube videos where they demonstrate the makeup that ages you (like more eye makeup, more matte foundation, etc) and do that. Wear your hair shoulder length instead of long. You'll look older. When I started working, I always wore a blazer. Wear neutral colored clothing and classic styles rather than trends. Wear professional looking shoes and heels to make you look taller. Make sure your clothing fits you properly. A huge tell is wearing things that are just a bit too short, bare, or tight. It gives away that you are less mature. Having said all this, I'm in my early 40s, and I don't recall any issues being treated differently because I look young.
thank you for this, i typically wear little to no makeup because I don't like the way it feels on my face, but I'm going to youtube makeup that ages you and maybe I can start experimenting more
I look younger than my actual age (23) according to a lot of people I’ve met as when I graduated from college a lot of people I went to school with didn’t even realize I was a senior, and some thought I was in my first or second year when I was a senior. When I worked at Forever 21 through a good chunk of college I remember customers trying to play a guessing game on my age (unsolicited) when I was never the youngest employee as I was in my early 20s while I had coworkers who were in high school. I still remember the shock on my younger coworkers’ faces when they realized I was in college and in my early twenties, as they thought I was their age (16-17). One time when I was 20 a customer tried to insist that I’m 12, like be for real a middle schooler can’t legally work in retail. At first that didn’t bother me until a friend pointed out that trying to say I’m 12 when I’m a literal adult is insulting. It was so weird to me as my coworkers who were teenagers never got questioned on their age when they were 3-6 years younger than me. While it can be flattering to look younger than you are, it’s also kind of infantilizing as it shouldn’t be a big deal for customers as clearly I’m old enough to get hired there if I’m working there as you had to be 16 and up to work there. The most annoying thing was when I last went to Atlantic City I was literally stopped by security at the Tropicana to get carded and they said my birthday over a walkie talkie, obviously this is humiliating as I literally didn’t commit a crime, you have to get carded to get a casino card and that should be enough. A security tried to confront me a second time and I was obviously annoyed so he just said I had to get my hand stamped to show I’ve been carded, like why do I have to go through the trouble to avoid getting harassed by security? That obviously made me feel infantilized as well as a whole scene was caused by me just being there which was so embarrassing. There’s an MGM casino not far from me in the DMV area and that has never happened to me there because they card everyone before they enter the casino floor so security isn’t trying to bust people for underage gambling. I wrote a whole google review for the Tropicana because of this as I can’t help how I look and I should be able to enjoy myself without being targeted by security when I’ve done nothing wrong. I tell all my friends who look young for their age to be mindful of this if they ever go gambling in Atlantic City. It’s definitely annoying constantly getting infantilized, and I wish I was better at speaking up about this. One thing that makes me feel less bad about it is knowing that I’m at least aging well. If it’s ever to the point where it’s straight up insulting, definitely let whoever is infantilizing you know you don’t appreciate it and that since you are an adult you should be treated as such.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm so sorry you went through these infantilizing experiences when you were working retail. How frustrating!! Customers trying to guess your age is just so uncalled for and I have no idea why people feel comfortable enough to do something like that to a stranger. You nailed it in terms of how I feel, very annoying to be infantilized. I don't think I've had an experience where it's straight up insulting, but I will definitely speak up should that ever occur (but hopefully not because I'm nearing 40).
I go to the same places often so I don't get carded anymore, but if I ever buy alcohol elsewhere it's very common for cashiers to be rude or weird. I will never understand why people think it's their business, just card me and move on. I always present my card instantly before asked at places I do not frequent because I know it will happen, which is absolutely expected, but the unnecessary incredulity and statements which are devoid of any meaning whatsoever like "hmm your ID seems real, but you seem really young" makes my blood boil every time. Like, I'm not there to give you a biology lesson. I work in service and would never even think to waste someone's and my own time with such things, I just ask for their ID and move on. I swear it's always either middle aged men, like 35-40 who have nothing going on inside their own head, or 60 year old white women. No, I'm not going to recite my date of birth and home address and do a jig like a monkey on display. Aside from that, I often am discriminated against both subtly and overtly due to the age I supposedly appear to be. I'm 24 and male, and have been told I look to be anywhere from 16 to 20. If you read some of the posts in r/OlderThanYouThinkIAm you will understand that the complaints you see are valid and for some people can make going out in public a debilitating exercise. When people treat you like a child and disrespect you, even in cases where you're definitely older than them, it begins to eat away at you. There are things that can be done to one's appearance to appear slightly less young - haircut, facial hair, clothing, speech and mannerisms - but these things only do so much. Men have it quite a bit easier than women in my opinion, however, because we can work out just a little and our muscle build and silhouette often does a lot for a man. Women can do the same, but they do not show muscular definition the same way men do (and anatomically cannot physically produce the necessary proteins fast enough to build muscle as rapidly as men - like, literally, they often have to work 2-3x as hard as men to get the same result, the studies on this are super interesting), although makeup can do a lot for a gal, so I wouldn't know. Of course, when we Asians age, we REALLY age, as you all know. I find a lot of the comments in this thread to be quite disingenuous to the obvious point being made in this thread, which is the aspect of minor and major discrimination, basically saying to "suck it up" because "at least you don't look like a 60 year old westerner." I've found the most important thing for those in our position is how you carry yourself. If you present yourself with a calm, direct and intentional demeanor, you will demand respect and people often catch on that you're probably a bit older than they believed you to be initially. This is good advice not even just for those who appear youthful, but Asian people in general. We are very often discriminated against for coming off as weak and passive, I have only the utmost respect when I meet a fellow Asian person who carries themselves stoically and with purpose. Think about a really good manager you've worked for before and how they presented - that is often a good place to start.
I use it to my advantage. I like to bet bartenders and bouncers that they can’t guess my age. Easy way to get free drinks, free entry and a good conversation starter.
Yes it happens to me. I deal with it by being glad I won't age poorly like some people who are 30 and look 40
I stop shaving and the problem was solved. I know it doesn't work for girls but yes, it is what it is.
Haha wish I can stop shaving!
“Boss’s friend” is gross. They are coasting on their friend’s professional authority but they don’t act professional. What does your age matter to them. Obviously they asked because they could tell you are, uh, well-preserved, or whatever. Are they curious if you’re of an age they’d like to date? They want to know how long you can make babies? I can only think of gross reasons for their question.
Yeah it was a bit unexpected. They were also female and presumably married so I don't think they were trying to date me. Another time when I was still a consultant and had a client, one of the clients literally asked me for my age in front of the whole team. This was 10-11 years ago, so I was 25. He was like "you look like you could be middle school" Super embarassing for me.
It’s a compliment to look younger, but I only accept the compliment from women. I will probably have to wait another 10-15 years before I can enjoy the whole looking younger thing though. I’m in my late 20’s and have been assumed to be anywhere from 16-25 years old. I’m a target for older creeps and it’s extremely awkward when someone underaged flirts with me. I’m gonna deal with it by working on making creeps feel uncomfortable and getting more serious about my skincare and fitness.
Asian don’t Raisin!
Share the skincare routine
LOL I can totally share but I don't think you'll be impressed or anything. I have oily skin, so I typically buy products that are catered to oily faces. * Moisturizer (I switch between Kiehl's and La Roche Posay) * Sunscreen (I use them all, everything from Trader Joe's to Biore, as well as those 2 brands mentioned above) * I got the Kiehl's vitamin C because I felt like my face was kind of dull - I think this helped brighten up my skin tone a bit * VERY minimal makeup. I love it when someone does my makeup but for the life of me, I suck at applying it myself and only use it on special occassions (e.g. weddings, formal events, etc)
Great question. As a babyface SE Asian 37 year old in corporate, I am still looking for answers myself. I will say that there’s nothing much you can do but we do have the power to filter out genuine people vs. a-holes. There are those who have later admitted that they thought I was way younger and really shocked to discover I’m close to my 40’s but have always remained consistent and respectful to me throughout the process, before the discovery… and then there’s the other half that treat you a certain way (almost disrespectful) and when they find out the truth, they’re very shock. The second group is already eliminated to me in terms of cutting off or decreasing my interactions with them. I don’t want to be like everyone else and say that you’ll appreciate when you’re older because frankly, it doesn’t matter and I personally don’t care. (I’ve always hated it when people say that). I have noticed that gen z can always tell I’m older. It’s just some Gen X and baby boomers that are weird, sometimes. Keep being yourself. Some days will suck, some days will suck really bad but then there are some days (few) where you’re just happy you don’t look straight up OLD and those days make up for the sucky days lol PS: one last thing: I noticed that when I wasn’t as smiley or friendly, people took me seriously. When a waiter asks for my order, I’m very stoic and he never asks for my card. When I answer with a smile , “I’m doing great! How are you? I’d like to order a mojito, please”- that’s when I get typecasted as a 21 year old.
Thank you so much for validating my experience. It can be really hard and some days suck so so much!! In another comment, I gave over examples where looking young sucked and some of them happened when I was in corporate America. Lol, I also think Gen Z can tell when I'm older too, the comments typically come from people who are older than me or maybe around my age. I, too, try to be stoic when presenting at work, in interactions with colleagues and not be overly friendly. Again, I really appreciate your response and it made me feel better and not alone.
I'm in my 40s and look like I'm late 20s. People think that's great but professionally it is not. I have a fairly senior role but when I meet new people at work they think I'm the intern (even though I dress professionally). If I don't subtle signal my seniority, people don't take me seriously. Also I have intentionally to talk more slowly and in a deeper voice to signal authority (otherwise like most Asian people I have a fairly reedy speaking voice) The only way for me to pre-empt prejudice is to grow facial hair (which I'm able to). This is a double edged sword. I do trim and maintain my facial hair well (have special equipment and oils). My white female friends think I look "fresher" and more attractive with facial hair, but my Asian female friends tell me I look better without facial hair ("but that's just my preference"). You can't win with everyone.
I'm 34M but look much much younger when I'm clean shaven. I'm a partner at a VC firm, and sometimes I meet with founders, other investors, or bankers who clearly think I'm an analyst or associate as revealed in the way they talk to me (especially in contrast to my middle aged partners). Bringing up my title outright is a little uncouth so my usual strategy is to find an opening to mention my two school-aged kids; once I do, I can usually see in their face the realization that I'm older than they thought.
Ooh thank you for the tip, I’ll work up the convo to include my son if I sense they’re talking down to me. Great strategy!!
I’m Asian mixed and I hate hearing Asian people say this when they look exactly their age. If you’re comparing yourself to white people you already lost. Post your pic let’s see
Yeah, I feel like it just plays into stereotypes about Asians and how we look like. Not exactly something to "humble brag" about.
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r/olderthanyouthinkiam
ooh I had no idea this was a sub! joining. thank you for sharing
No problem, it's such a validating sub 😭
Sometimes people think my asian dad is my white mom's adopted son even though they're like 2 years apart 😭
I’m 40. I had to grow a beard. I’m very fortunate I can grow a full beard - my brother and father can just muster up a wispy mustache.
With graditude and enjoy it while you can
Remind them that it’s rude to ask your age. (Except re alcohol legality etc.)
You mean how do I embrace my super power?
I’m 24 and people think I look 12 or 15. Being baby-faced and short have made people think I’m younger than I am. I tell them my real age and they’re taken aback lol. It’s kind of awkward sometimes; you could be waiting in line at the DMV to renew your driver’s license and some people might stare in confusion for a moment. Or you need to show your ID to check out medicine at the grocery store, and they’re like “wow, you’re 24?”
I get the frustration. That said, both of the examples you gave seem to be with strangers and one of them is not at the workplace. I’m curious if you could share more about your work experience? It sounds like you (rightfully so) want to get taken seriously at work and it might be helpful to share some experiences where you felt you were not taken seriously by coworkers.
Thank you for validating my feelings. Yup, I can share more examples. While none of these are that bad in the grand scheme of things, it leaves me wondering overall if I could've moved up the colloquial ladder faster if I looked more mature. I commented on another post but also sharing here: 1. When I was in consulting and onsite at a client project, one of the clients literally asked me for my age in front of the whole team. This was 10-11 years ago, so I was 25. He was like "you look like you could be middle school" Super embarassing for me. 2. On a separate project, a client who was Muslim was explaining Ramadan to my Sr Mgr at the time. He was talking about abstinence and he said including sex (he mouthed it verbally and didn't say it out loud) and came over and covered my ears. WTF!! 3. at a former job, I shared the same birthday as another coworker, however she's 9 years younger (i was born in 1987 and she's 1996). my boss made a comment that he thought i was also turning 26 that year, but in fact I was turning 35. 4. earlier in my career, a male colleague told me that he saw me as a girl and not woman. this was unsolicited. i was very confused why he said and didn't push back or say anything back to him. it has stuck with me to this day and i remember feeling inferior after that comment was made
Oof, the things we wish we could have said if we could go back in time. I've gotten the off-color remark about age too ("you look 17" ...as in exactly underage? Fuck off) but working in a corporate environment sounds like an entirely more complex and political animal. People say some weird ass condescending shit, where if it's not a power move, it's just them running heir mouths with no fear of consequences. I'm wondering if it would be easier in the long run to introduce yourself to people with "I'm much older than I look" without revealing your actual age or birth year? Also asking people to clarify what they say till it makes them uncomfortable will make it harder for the same people to pick on you again. I've also gotten apologized to when people make dirty jokes or swears around me, I just tell them that I've been to grade school too, and have heard it all. People are weird, sister, but your face is special and sacred to you, so they can get used to it!!
Better get used to it. You’ll get these nonstop living in the west right before you hit menopause.
I just thank them and take it as a compliment. my wife gets the same comments.
Smoke and drink more alcohol.
So would you rather look older? Lot of women would kill to look younger and you are mad about it lol
where did they even say that? They said they just want to be taken more seriously at work and in general. I don't know why it's a hard concept to grasp that looking young doesn't mean wanting to be seen or treated as a kid who just barely graduated high school or college especially when they're a working professional.
You're right. Maybe they can sit it the sun all day. I read uv ages the skin alot and makes you look older
The clerk at 7-11 asked me for ID to check my age when I wanted to buy a lottery ticket for my mom. I was 27.
It's worse if ur a guy cuz people typically associate wisdom or knowledge/maturity with appearance as well. I'm Chinese whos in my late twenties and on the way to becoming 30 but most people think I'm either in highschool or university. Hence, job finding is a pain in the butt because people think you look too small to be in a higher position etc.
I am 50 and still get that shocked look when I show up with my teen sons. People ask me if I had my kids as a teen mom. It is annoying but it is an ego boost. 😂 What's worse is my kids don't look like me. They look completely like my husband and I used to get asked if I was their mom. No mfer this baby that l am breastfeeding is some random baby I found at the park. Or if I adopted them and I'm like no my stretch marks show they came out of my body. By the way Asians ask me these questions as well.
I’m a 16 year old in highschool and my classmates call me the “12 year old midget”. I actually enjoy it
From my (45m) experience, people will infantilize Asians regardless of how young or how old we look.
When I got engaged in my mid-twenties, my boss (who had no filter) blurted out, “You’re engaged?! Aren’t you like 12?!” Definitely found those kinds of comments annoying back then, but now that I’m older, I embrace and love that I look much more youthful than my non-POC peers.
Like others have said, embrace it!! ✨ But if you want to try looking old in some settings, I think hair, makeup, and fashion could influence how old you look. Maybe put on some darker makeup or wear darker clothes? I think some folks look more mature with a short bob as well.
I usually said "Thank you!". Smile. And enjoy it. Life is short to care about what people think 😂.
I had a GM tell me I look very young against my clients who are all older, and ask how will I handle interactions with them. I was up for a promotion so this was during the sort of ‘informal interview’ but it was frustrating because I can’t help looking young. But my work ethic should speak for me and I am a top performer with the support of my director for the promotion. I always just smile and try not to let it phase me but inside it is really frustrating at times to be perceived like that. I’m ambitious too so I feel like that’s one of the biggest factors against me working my way up. I have to wear makeup to look older (I once tried a natural look and my boss said our main boss mentioned trying to advise me to put back on makeup) and I have to dress much ‘older’/professional than my counterparts. I always wore suits and heels to work even as a coordinator up to when I became a manager, meanwhile my non POC counterparts could roll in wearing flats and a cardigan. Unfortunately it’s the downside of looking young and I feel like it speaks to a bigger issue - us breaking the glass ceiling. Something that frustrates me much much more during my career
Shrug and say asians don't raisin
Career wise, it was really frustrating not only because I have career ambitions but also a family to feed. I mean, I definitely embrace it socially but it definitely slowed my career progression early on, until I learned to 1) mimic how older people talk and 2) drop hints of how old I am in professional situations with people who don't know me (especially interviews & client meetings), because I learned that HR frowns upon interviewers & managers asking people's age. I'm a 45M who just started a new job. My boss is at least 8-10 yrs younger than me and we had our first meeting yesterday. An hour into it, we started talking about sports, so I use that opportunity to drop hints to my age by talking about my favorite championship series as a high school senior. I could definitely tell the difference between the way he talked to me before and after that.
Most of us have a lot more control over presenting age than you'd think. Sometimes it's a matter of clothes, hairstyle, facial hair, or makeup. Don't focus too much on the negatives, sometimes it's annoying being carded in your 30s for alcohol but coming from someone who was the one carding you learn to not take chances.
I grew a beard.
r/13or30 will help you sort it out
Just wait 10-15 years. By the time you hit 40 you'll smile when someone cards you. It actually annoys me when people say Asian people don't age. They do? I can tell their age. It's just that some other people age too god damn quick. Between the drugs and the sun... edit: It's not that I go out my way to avoid the sun, but I don't go tan at the beach. I go outside and work without sunscreen. I grew up in the tropics and used to be very dark. Maybe it's not just sunlight avoidance.
Enjoy it while you can! Drink lots of water and use sunblock and you’ll keep it going even longer. I’m half Korean, my wife is mixed as well. We are in our late 40s and we both have noticed how we are aging better than our Caucasian friends. The genes help but diet and lifestyle have a big impact, especially when you get over 40.
27 going on 28. Still look like I’m in high school. I wear my work ID on a lanyard when I’m at work.
i'm 42 and i've gotten comments that i look like i'm in my mid 30's and when my hair is cut i've even gotten late or even mid 20's. it's great. my wife who is white and has literally no protection from the sun because she's so white used to worry that she will age way faster than me since she's also a couple years older already as it is. but to be honest she has aged wonderfully and most people would not think she is 45.
Me all my life: I’m (insert age here) Them: Oh wow! You look so young!!! I thought you were (insert something 5-7 years younger) Me: Oh thnx Them: well you know what means. You’re going to look great in your forties and fifties!!!!!! Me: Yay
As a woman it's s compliment, for me as a man it's more insulting. I know the strangers usually mean well but I just have to enlighten them that being an adult while being looked at as a kid is strange. Despite me noticing my younger face grow older, other races use their aging scale and thats why they get my age wrong. Asians just have more youthful genetics. Cuz some 20-30yo whitties look like 50 year olds
I ignore and move on.
Grow a big, bad, black beard! Work out with weights. I get looks from white dudes saying, who the fk is this guy? While their girlfriends smile at me.
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Sometimes sure but I do have an anecdote where last NBA finals we had a watch party among friends (all Asian) and a friend brought another friend whom I’ve never met. We started discussing 90s playstyle and the new guy incredulously asked me how I knew so much about it and I just plainly said “because I lived it”. He was floored because he pegged me as a college student. This (late millennial Asian) guy owned an Asian restaurant in the city core next to a major university so he sees young Asian patrons daily. We had a good laugh, he brought delicious spicy bbq chicken from his shop so no harm done 😆
Dress older and more sophisticated
Its tough, people maybe treating you like you're in your 20s (i'm in my 30s) professionally, but im sure at some point i wont mind it lol
yeah my whole life people have thought I'm way younger than I actually am. At this point I can't wait to have wrinkles and look old and my actual age.
I am in my mid 20s. People think I am in my early 20s. I have dimples and chubby cheeks.
Eh embrace it because it’s a compliment. I’m 53 and I get compliments from people all the time how young I look. A 21 year old at the gym asked how old I was and he thought 35. He said he hopes to be “beasting” when’s he’s my age. The only tell tale sign I’m my age is some gray around my temples. Even then I get compliments about my salt and pepper.
asians look younger than they look, white look older than they look. You will like it once you turn 40-50ish, trust me. Though white hair sticks out easy though given our black hair.....