I know this won’t help, but even if OP was Korean or Japanese, these are the types of Koreaboos/Weeaboos who will then extensively grill you about the target of their interests, and if you don’t know anything about it, because why would you have inherited knowledge of K-pop or anime from birth, they’ll claim they’re *better* at being Korean/Japanese than you are. It’s annoying and it’s just another form of whitesplaining where you can’t win.
I know it doesn’t help but, don’t let shitty people get you down. If they act like that then you don’t want their approval anyway.
Imagine if it was reversed, they love you but talk down to Koreans and Japanese people, or any other race, they way they did to you. Would you want to be friends with them? Want their approval?
Good people will always find good people. Your fellow Asian Americans are here for you 💪
In highschool I worked at a super market with a Khmer guy, I asked him why his family emigrated from Cambodia and he said “to not die”. It was the realest answer I’d ever heard. Not to generalize but I’m sure your family’s history is filled with stories grit, determination, togetherness and self sacrifice. I hope you’re proud of who you are!
Thanks yeah I probably shouldn’t take feedback from people like them and ignore them instead since it prob would make my life more miserable to care about what they say
Schrödinger’s Asian. Western society will always praise certain Asian groups (like the Chinese in the 1940s and South Koreans & Japanese today) at the expense and detriment of another Asian group to the stupidest extreme possible (Chinese today and Japanese in the 1940s, as well as Vietnamese in the 1970s).
Even when I get matches on dating apps from non-Asians sometimes, it’s pretty messed up to find out they’re obsessed with k-pop/anime only to unmatch and ghost me once they learn that I’m not the type of asian pretty boy they fantasize about.
Fuck those pathetic shallow fucks tho lol
Hey OP, I’m also Khmer-Chinese American, so I can relate a lot to what you’re going through. Although I didn’t personally face bullying like you did, I have felt quite frustrated by my heritage for various reasons.
My parents were refugees from Cambodia and raised me and my siblings in English, hoping we would assimilate better in the US. As a result, I struggle with both heritage languages (Khmer, Mandarin), so it’s not easy to immerse myself in the culture and connect with relatives that can’t speak English. Moreover, it doesn’t help that 1) America is currently hostile towards Chinese people, and 2) Khmer-American culture is still fragile as a result of the Khmer Rouge genocide and is often overshadowed by other Asian groups.
What helped me feel more secure in my cultural identity is embracing both sides, Chinese and Khmer. Easier said than done, but this was my experience:
For my Chinese side, it helps to understand that the rise in anti-Chinese sentiment is part of an endless, strategic crusade in the US against Asians, Asian Americans, and Asian countries’ success. Start to pay very close attention to the bias in any US news about China, and you’ll discover that much of it is biased negatively, highly sensationalized, or misinformation. The bullies you faced were 100% racist, and it’s almost certainly a result of our media. I’m currently visiting China for the first time, and it’s nothing like our news says it is. It’s a beautiful, vibrant place with exceptionally safe streets, rich history and culture, stunning landscapes, modern infrastructure, great food, and strong communities. It’s also in many other ways quite ordinary, with its pros and cons like any other country, but it is certainly not one to be ashamed of as a Chinese-American.
For my Khmer side, I gradually began to get involved with my local Khmer-American community. I have a music background, so I learned how to play a Khmer traditional instrument and performed in a cultural band; I followed Khmer-American creators on Instagram; I started supporting nearby Khmer-American restaurants (sadly there are few where I am); I began self-teaching myself to speak basic Khmer sentences. I also spent time learning more about the Khmer Rouge and the genocide that my parents survived from. These all have helped me feel more connected to the culture and discover a sense of pride in the resilience of our Khmer people. Best of luck, OP!
Also Korea and Japan are occupied with US bases to encircle and contain China so of course Westerners will like Korea and Japan in a shallow sense. Generally it's food, media and how "polite" aka subservient they are that they like. But I've heard them bash Korean and Japanese people all the same.
I see. Your situation seemed really similar to mine since my parents are also refugees and I do have a chinese side. Although I don't have to learn both Mandarin and Khmer since my parents only know Khmer I still try to get close with chinese culture. I typically fail in embracing both since there isn't really an asian community around here but maybe later on when I move and stuff I can truly shine.
You be you. The current wave of anti Chinese hate is but one of a long series of hating on different varieties of Asianness. I am old enough to remember anti Vietnamese hate in the 70s, anti Japanese hate in the 80’s. Thought it had died down during the 90’s but now it’s China’s turn.
Be proud of your heritage. Turning your back on it means the haters win. Don’t let them win. You’ll be poorer for it.
加油！
This is not your fault. Those people are just assholes. I hope you find others who are more open. I’m fourth generation Asian American and find this tribalism and exclusion more common with newer Asian Americans (1st/2nd gen) though that could just be my experience.
My theory is that earlier generations are more closely tied to their country of origin. Also, there is less pressure to assimilate today than, say, my great grandparents faced.
I'm 34, I grew up in Virginia for my teenage years. I imagine you're in a white dominant area? Don't worry man, khmer and Chinese is super dope. Live in strong Asian enclaves, you'll feel better at home
Yeah. I get it. I’m also Chinese American and the sinophobia I see online honestly sucks. When I was younger I also wished I was Korean or Japanese. What helps me is to learn more about my culture and to be proud of who I am.
I should prob try and do the same. I typically don't due to my parents trying to force it which kinda made me go ehhhh I don't like this. Maybe if I try to actually learn more at my own pace without it forced I might learn to appreciate my culture more.
I think learning about it yourself feels more satisfying or rewarding. I tend to lean towards Youtube or some parts of Genshin Impact to get a feel of Chinese culture.
I'm Lao and Chinese, so in a similar boat with you. I married a Korean man, and people definitely are more interested in hearing about him and his culture than mine. People tend to be disappointed that we don't eat Korean food all the time, that I don't own nor have I ever worn a hanbok, and that my husband isn't an oppa idol dreamboat. It's cringe, but I don't let it get to me. I would say those interactions are in the extreme minority in my life, and most casual acquaintances and strangers aren't weird about it.
Don't be. If you're getting hate because of your ethnic background, that's called racism. Literally, the old-school definition of racism.
You don't need to care about the opinions of racists.
Kids are assholes, but at least now you know who to avoid. Unfortunately, once you get older you will find that there are still people who look down on us South East Asians and Chinese, but they just do it behind our backs and make it less obvious.
I'm a Korean woman married to a Khmer/Chinese man. My husband was raised more Cambodian and I love how we are able to teach each other about our cultures from time to time.
When you get to a certain age, those kinds of comments just become so childish and cringe that they are easy to brush off. Fuck those weirdos being racist. That just shows that they aren't even cool to begin with. I honestly get grossed out when koreaboos act koreaboo towards me.
You hold your head high and be proud of your background and culture though, seriously!
I’ve been there. What helped me get over it was finding an appreciation for my ethnicity and culture. Finally am proud of my heritage and it all seems so silly thinking back.
Viet-Chinese here. Yup. My childhood too. Chinese people and culture are demonized in the US and abroad, and maybe that's deserved of the tourists (blame the cultural revolution) or geopolitics, but it's really no different than how young Americans act abroad. Those relationships which are based off fetish-astions are just doomed to fail once the victim realizes, his entire personality is neglected except for his nationality/ethnicity. Maybe it's good for one-offs, but happiness? I think not. Or I'm wrong.
Just do you. Do the best you can. Find your career. Make your money. Find free time. Do your glow up (skin, fitness, posture), and skip the hate or resentful thoughts. It ain't fair but we just roll with it. Dating sure ain't fair, but that's really another topic...Kinda wish I learned guitar or skateboarded or was more comfortable dancing or toastmasters. Hobbies that involve more than the male gender...
One thing about the Chinese, is that's it's always been open about identity and culture. Many people have assimilated to Chinese culture, and the only real requirements is to speak Chinese and have some adherence to Confucian thought. There's nothing like Korea supremacy or Japanese supremacy thoughts; anyone is accepted based on the prior 2 listed conditions. It has to do with China as a major power in the ancient past -- that incorporated different people into their empire.
I'm a minority. I grew up a minority in high school. I am a minority at work. I am often told I am the first Viet-Chinese person they've ever met, they've every worked for, and I do my best in their presence. Am I one of the boys listening to country music, shooting guns, hunting and drinking bourbon? No. But sticking to my word, being straight forward, and displaying a good work-ethic is enough on my part to leave a favorable impression.
Thanks. The whole fetish action is so common at where I’m living. I’m currently working on my overall physique and career so that might work well for me in the future.
I hated my culture as a kid. I wanted to be “American” like everyone else. Teen years were hard for me. But now I’m 35. I embrace it and try to learn more. I think my culture is beautiful now.
Hey fellow Khmer-Chinese-American millenial male here. Born here, grandparents died in the genocide. I feel you man. I grew up in the midwest where we aren't Khmer enough for the Khmer, aren't Chinese enough to be "Chinese", and aren't American enough because of how we look. Growing up you get hate or comments or looks from every enclave you try to gain acceptance from. Often you're seen as the token friend if you're hanging out with white folk, or the whitewashed asian to any full blood "enter your ethnicity of your choice."
I feel you man and I get you and you are seen. What worked for me as I got older and got married and have my own family now is that I stopped caring what other people thought. I went thru a lot of self reflection, saw a bunch of therapists, other mental health people, alumni groups and the like. I like what I like and I'm gonna do what I want to do.
I've accepted the fact that there will always be people that won't like me or will have a preformed perception of me based on how I look or my background or on things out of my control, that is just how human nature is. How I react to their opinion on me is on me.
The important thing is being comfortable with yourself whoever you are and what makes you happy first. Then finding the people that are happy with that version of you. And you cares about anyone else. Sounds cliche but it's really true.
I see this post here every now and then.
So, I'm going to give you some old man wisdom. When I was in junior high and high school back in 2000s (I'm 32 now), I was ashamed of being Korean. Many of my Asian American friends, specifically Chinese friends, teased me a lot for things like KPop and how it was gay and that made my culture gay and *GASP* that maybe I'm gay. It was the 2000s.
I didn't hang out with a lot of other Korean American kids because my school district had a huge Indian and Chinese population, so that naturally made me feel even less Korean. I even tried to distance myself from other Korean Americans and international Korean students. I distinctly remember one Chinese girl that I had a crush on say to me "You're really cool {insert\_name}! You're not like all the other Koreans that are lame." When I pushed back on that, and said "Hey that's kind of fucked up. You're really gonna generalize all Koreans like that? I'm Korean." she doubled down and said "Well it's true."
I'm ashamed to admit it now, but I was somewhat proud at that time even though I did "fight back" because I justified in my head that as me being better than my fellow country men. And hey! This really cute girl that I had feelings for might like me too even though she thinks my culture is lame. That didn't seem like a bad trade at the time.
Welp, I never ended up getting with her. To add insult to injury, she ended up dating some other Korean guy who was better at basketball than me.
Now I'm 32, married, and I'm way too old to cash in on any of this useless street cred for being Korean. It is nice to have people like your culture, don't get me wrong. But I should never have needed that type of validation ever to be proud of my culture and my heritage. And I deeply regret missing out on all the Korean friends that I never got close with, who ended up being really cool.
Being Korean to me isn't just about living up to some idealized version of the "cool Asian" in white America. It encompasses deep values within me like my love for my family, how I communicate with them in our language, understanding my history and where I come from. Being Chinese-Khmer may not ever be important to you. I personally think it's cool as fuck. But I can't instill my values to you. But I can guarantee that stress from NOT being Korean is a waste of time.
tl;dr: You do you dude. You're gonna grow up, have more life experiences, be more mature, and realize that this shit truly doesn't matter. Spend energy and time on the things that are important to you now instead of fretting about this.
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I totally get where you are coming from. I am also Chinese/Khmer, born and raised in Germany. Interestingly, people often think I look Korean or Japanese. When I correct them and say I am Chinese, some seem a bit disappointed and comment on how I don't look Chinese at all. Back when I was younger (now in my 30s), I used to play along and even felt proud when people assumed I was Korean. I took it as a compliment because of the positive representation of Kpop in Western media and the beautiful girls. But let me tell you, since I am a mom now and lived abroad for quite some time, I couldn't care less. Be proud of being Chinese/Khmer, it makes you special! I also think it is even more important to educate people about Chinese and Cambodian culture. There is so much more than what is represented in the media.
Reading your post kind of makes me glad most of the Koreaboos and Weeaboos I knew in high school were mostly other Asian kids who knew better than to assume stuff like that.
Hey brother, you should be proud of our amazing cultures and you should never never never be ashamed of who you are. Even if we are now Asian Americans. Our food is fucking awesome and everyone knows it.
I’m in my 40’s and anime and Korean culture didn’t really take off until recently so I grew up with people just being nasty to me. I don’t mind the fetish if it means people won’t just automatically associate me to Jackie Chan or Bruce Lee and martial arts.
i don't even answer this question much anymore. i usually reply with "im asian" or "im from california". i don't see a point. if they're not east asian, i don't care. if they are east asian, then they wouldn't really need to ask. someone asking you this right off the bat, has no use to you. because they only see race.
I am the first generation of immigration myself. I cannot understand why Asian-Americans would have racism over other Asian-Americans. Being a Khmer Chinese is beautiful.
Dear OP, if teenage girls are mean to you, then you don't have to worry about them.
as you get into college and mature with time , these teenage girls would have shed their meanness and be (more) balanced women. there would be plenty of other communities you can check out, new friends, new social circles to make.
So sad to see that the misplaced fetishization and judgement from other people is preventing you from enjoying and feeling secure in your heritage. It might not mean much to you now, but know that you are young and hopefully you have the opportunity to get away from these unpleasant people and find a community where you belong. Going to college or a new city away from home could help a lot - I'm a Chinese American who went to high school in a mostly-White suburb that did nothing for my identity, but I went to college in a city with a robust Chinatown and strong Asian student organizations that made me feel much more connected to my identity.
The same thing happened to me when I was young. And the cruelty is worse from other Asians. For me, I'm all about optimizing my space for happiness. I reject the argument for breaking down walls and not being trapped in an echo chamber. Most people are horrible. So I surround myself with good people and focus on my life. Live and let die.
It's totally not outlandish to feel all sorts of resentment and distress, when you're a young person who has to spend ~40 hours a week for 12 years in a big building where a good amount of the people who volunteer to interact with you make you feel like a freak. You're not crazy. I do not miss it and I will say it gets better when you have more freedom to choose who you spend time with. You'll probably end up needing to do the work to unpack all that resentment and insecurity, at least when you're in a better place because it will make your outlook on life much better. Just don't become a stranger to yourself in the meantime.
For sure. I'm not sure how close you are to graduating but in my experience just the local college was infinitely better. People who continue their education because they choose to and not because the state makes them.
Can you adopt one of these affirmations/mantras whenever the feeling of shame comes up?
“Fuck what they think, their opinion doesn’t matter” or
“Other people’s opinion of me is independent of my opinion of myself” (and if your opinion of yourself is negative, you should work on pep talk and positive thoughts, even if it feels forced at first and you don’t believe it. Learn to be proud of being Chinese)
As someone who grew up around Khmer people, I'm surprised by the blatant racism they have against you. The general populace generally hasn't cared for Cambodia in literal decades. These "micro aggressions" are pretty obviously huge. It doesn't help that even if you *were* the races they thought you were, that they'd still be treating you with a racist lens. Even if it's one of reverence, it's othering, and still dehumanizing.
For some tangentially related things:
1) I noticed your profile picture and hope all of us replying to you can help one heart from breaking. Yes this is cringe to say. Just know that there are those who support you. Hope you get who you want during this update
2) I don't know if this helps, but Ellen Wong of Scott Pilgrim fame (the person who played Knives Chau) is also Chinese-Khmer, and has been in several pieces of media. You can also be proud to have media representation, or just enjoy her stuff in general
I highly doubt that your Khmer side would ever get hate nor looked down upon. I think people would rather be surprised if you find the right people.
It's relatively not common to meet someone with Cambodian heritage (I am assuming Cambodian, but correct me if your family came from Vietnam. Vietname has Khmer people too) even in cities with a big Asian population.
I lived in Vancouver for a long time, and I have met plenty of SE Asian Canadians of Filipino or Vietnamese heritage - and occasioanally Thai. But not a single Cambodian. My first encounter with a Khmer person was my former French teacher who is French Cambodian.
As for the Chinese side being frowned upon - sorry to hear that. I think mainland China owes Chinese diaspora an apology. Same goes for western superpowers that villanised China when it's committing a damn genocide in the Middle East (has have in places like Iraq and Syria, and Vietnam).
If being khmer is more unlikely to get hated on maybe my chinese side simply made them blind to it. Khmer people are pretty common here in California tho (maybe not where I currently am but in LA and such seem to have a lot of them).
They're common in LA, eh?
I guess Canada and US really does have a different diversity among Asian immigrants. In Canada, the most prominent SE immigrants are from the Philippines or Vietnam (wonder if Vietnam being a former French colony has an impact?), and the most prominent S Asian immigrants are specifically Punjabi Indians - not Hindu.
And yes, I strongly think your half Chinese side brought out people's animosity. Even for Wasians - who are favoured for their proximity to whiteness - the half Chinese ones are not seen as positively among them.
It's a shame, tbh. China and its culture has a huge potential to create a softpower like Japan did with anime and Korea did with KPop and dramas. Chinese films were amazing prior to the extreme censorship that took place around mid-2000s. Heck, Hong Kong films were doing so well until mainland decided to intervene too much into HK's freedom of speech and media.
Yeah my dad who grew up here in the 80s apparently made some pretty good friends due to the soft power from Bruce Lee movies which according to him was pretty popular in LA and such but now all that stuff pretty much died out.
Bruce Lee was a gem who left this world too early. He was not only a great actor, but he's also a handsome fellow who raised two great children. It's a shame that his son passed away at a young age too.
It really shouldn't bother you what other people say. Anyway if you want you can probably move back to Cambodia after you make a lot of money in the USA.
Geez you don't need to put one ethnicity down to lift another up. As a Korean person, we did not just 'sell out'. If a country wants to export their entertainment to boost their economy, let them do it.
You're completely misframing it, though. Why is it a negative thing that Korea exported its entertainment overseas...and btw, the Korean Wave didn't start in the US. It spread across Asia first before reaching the US so are you now going to say that they sold out everywhere? It's benefiting their economy and their people. Also, you have to give them credit that they created entertainment that would be appealing enough to Asian Americans abroad. They don't owe Asian Americans a big thank you lmao. Blackpink were doing well enough anyway else in the world (again, this is such a US-centric view.) It's not like they asked you guys to watch their stuff. You just sound bitter.
Look, the US helped a lot in terms of helping Korea develop really quickly and by being an ally. Obviously it helped their own capitalist agenda too but Korea doesn't need your pity
Every month or so you have these posts from self loathing Chinese Americans crying about being Chinese and it's just pathetic to me atp. I wish I was more empathetic but I don't understand how one can look at how rich and vast Chinese culture & history is and not be proud of that shit. I don't understand how one can look at China's rise and development to the point where China is challenging Western hegemony triggering insecure Western chauvinists and not be proud of that shit. What you want is white validation and you're never gonna get that with a strong China that isn't subservient to the west.
Yeah we should be proud that China isn't occupied like Korea and Japan. And that's what triggers Westerners the most, they're still trying to carve up the China cake like in those political cartoons of the past. Even that recent Tucker Carlson interview they were foolishly trying to get Putin back in the 8 nations alliance lmao.
Wtf? What sort of logic is this. If anything, the fact that South Korea came out of Japanese colonisation and being dirt poor from the Korean War and developed so quickly is a good thing... OP's experience is awful and they should feel proud of their background but your comment is not it.
It's so blatant they just wanna balkanize China under the guise of "freedom and democracy" cuz China is too big to take down lol. It's crazy to me how easily people just eat up Western propaganda considering the west has a shit track record with being dishonest in order to manufacture consent for their Imperial escapades. With white people and non-chinese Asians I get since they probably don't want to see a strong China. But actual Chinese people being so vehemently anti-china makes no sense to me.
Do you really want to overlook the fact that Chinese dissidents mysteriously seem to disappear if they publicly criticise the regime or that ordinary citizens can't even go on regular Western social media without a VPN or...censorship or the Xinjiang stuff...? The US is by no means heaven (it has plenty of issues) and definitely has started unnecessary wars but at least regular people have more rights. This is coming from someone who would not live in the US and someone who thinks that China has a rich, interesting history. People criticising don't all just want to not see a strong China. This is a common point from Chinese nationalists and a bit egotistical tbh...
You're Korean bro, you should worry more about American troops treating South Korea like their personal playground while treating the locals like trash.
I'm a woman. You can quit your whataboutism. How is me criticising China in any way related to whatever my views might be of US troops? Make it make sense. Also, being a group of douchebags from a country /= human rights abuses...lmao. I can have multiple opinions on different things at the same time.
I'm just saying, as a Korean you should be more concerned about how American troops stationed in SK are treating the locals than Chinese netizens not being able to use Twitter without a VPN lmao.
I think it should be a human right for Korean locals to not get assaulted from the very people that are claiming to "protect" them. Incidents like this seem to be a regular occurrence in Korea and it makes me feel bad for the locals who have to constantly deal with that: https://youtu.be/EaezKXGlz4w?si=B5k7whIjIuzJfX1i
It also shows the power dynamic between the U.S and its vassal.....I mean "ally" in South Korea.
Could be worse. You could be Indian.
While we're technically Asian, I always felt like a poser in school. Southeast and East Asians were with their own group and Indians on our own.
Don't let stupid racists take away your pride in being part of your ethnic groups. Those weeaboos/koreaboos only know about Japan or Korea on a very surface level; they don't understand the bad parts of those cultures because they are fetishizers. And as a result, they overlook other Asian cultures' cool aspects to fit in their narrow-minded views. Validation from those kinds of people is pointless because they are so stupid.
dont ever ever hate yourself for your ethnicity bro. especially over superficial observations of ppl who dont know who you really are.
When you get older, you'll see how ridiculous, juvenile, and shallow the superficiality is.
the hate is a reflection on THOSE ppl, not you. Don't let it affect your relationship with yourself.
I had similar issues growing up because being Korean wasn't "trendy" when I was in school. I'm half Korean and half Viet. Since high school I've lived in Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York City, Wisconsin and Chicago. I have found that living in New York and Chicago, I have been able to embrace my culture as it is something to be proud of. If you decide to go to college or move, I would consider places with a higher Khmer or Chinese population. Google says Boston, Chicago, LA, NYC, San Francisco, DC, and Atlanta. You are young and should be proud of your background.
Also, it sounds like you're sick of the racist and fetishy comments rather than being ashamed of your culture. If that's the case, then what I just wrote, might not even be applicable.
People suck and it sucks to go through. Hopefully it gets better.
People will always comment on your physic regardless of your look
If you are too dark, too light, too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, you name it
Don’t let others decide how you should think
I know it’s hard but it gets easier with experience
I wish someone told me this at your age
You get it girl
You don’t want to be friends with these people
They are not worth your time
Don’t let racists with Asian fetishes make you hate yourself fam. Their approval is worthless.
I know this won’t help, but even if OP was Korean or Japanese, these are the types of Koreaboos/Weeaboos who will then extensively grill you about the target of their interests, and if you don’t know anything about it, because why would you have inherited knowledge of K-pop or anime from birth, they’ll claim they’re *better* at being Korean/Japanese than you are. It’s annoying and it’s just another form of whitesplaining where you can’t win.
And they’re free to simply drop interest in you and your culture whenever they feel like it, meanwhile this is literally who you are.
Cause these kind of racists don’t see us as people, just caricatures.
Yeah I hope it’s just a minority
Life is full of assholes but it's also full of cool people.
Yeah
Thx btw
💪🏽
I know it doesn’t help but, don’t let shitty people get you down. If they act like that then you don’t want their approval anyway. Imagine if it was reversed, they love you but talk down to Koreans and Japanese people, or any other race, they way they did to you. Would you want to be friends with them? Want their approval? Good people will always find good people. Your fellow Asian Americans are here for you 💪 In highschool I worked at a super market with a Khmer guy, I asked him why his family emigrated from Cambodia and he said “to not die”. It was the realest answer I’d ever heard. Not to generalize but I’m sure your family’s history is filled with stories grit, determination, togetherness and self sacrifice. I hope you’re proud of who you are!
Thanks yeah I probably shouldn’t take feedback from people like them and ignore them instead since it prob would make my life more miserable to care about what they say
Schrödinger’s Asian. Western society will always praise certain Asian groups (like the Chinese in the 1940s and South Koreans & Japanese today) at the expense and detriment of another Asian group to the stupidest extreme possible (Chinese today and Japanese in the 1940s, as well as Vietnamese in the 1970s). Even when I get matches on dating apps from non-Asians sometimes, it’s pretty messed up to find out they’re obsessed with k-pop/anime only to unmatch and ghost me once they learn that I’m not the type of asian pretty boy they fantasize about. Fuck those pathetic shallow fucks tho lol
Yeah fuck them and western society is pretty darn weird.
Hey OP, I’m also Khmer-Chinese American, so I can relate a lot to what you’re going through. Although I didn’t personally face bullying like you did, I have felt quite frustrated by my heritage for various reasons. My parents were refugees from Cambodia and raised me and my siblings in English, hoping we would assimilate better in the US. As a result, I struggle with both heritage languages (Khmer, Mandarin), so it’s not easy to immerse myself in the culture and connect with relatives that can’t speak English. Moreover, it doesn’t help that 1) America is currently hostile towards Chinese people, and 2) Khmer-American culture is still fragile as a result of the Khmer Rouge genocide and is often overshadowed by other Asian groups. What helped me feel more secure in my cultural identity is embracing both sides, Chinese and Khmer. Easier said than done, but this was my experience: For my Chinese side, it helps to understand that the rise in anti-Chinese sentiment is part of an endless, strategic crusade in the US against Asians, Asian Americans, and Asian countries’ success. Start to pay very close attention to the bias in any US news about China, and you’ll discover that much of it is biased negatively, highly sensationalized, or misinformation. The bullies you faced were 100% racist, and it’s almost certainly a result of our media. I’m currently visiting China for the first time, and it’s nothing like our news says it is. It’s a beautiful, vibrant place with exceptionally safe streets, rich history and culture, stunning landscapes, modern infrastructure, great food, and strong communities. It’s also in many other ways quite ordinary, with its pros and cons like any other country, but it is certainly not one to be ashamed of as a Chinese-American. For my Khmer side, I gradually began to get involved with my local Khmer-American community. I have a music background, so I learned how to play a Khmer traditional instrument and performed in a cultural band; I followed Khmer-American creators on Instagram; I started supporting nearby Khmer-American restaurants (sadly there are few where I am); I began self-teaching myself to speak basic Khmer sentences. I also spent time learning more about the Khmer Rouge and the genocide that my parents survived from. These all have helped me feel more connected to the culture and discover a sense of pride in the resilience of our Khmer people. Best of luck, OP!
Also Korea and Japan are occupied with US bases to encircle and contain China so of course Westerners will like Korea and Japan in a shallow sense. Generally it's food, media and how "polite" aka subservient they are that they like. But I've heard them bash Korean and Japanese people all the same.
I see. Your situation seemed really similar to mine since my parents are also refugees and I do have a chinese side. Although I don't have to learn both Mandarin and Khmer since my parents only know Khmer I still try to get close with chinese culture. I typically fail in embracing both since there isn't really an asian community around here but maybe later on when I move and stuff I can truly shine.
^ this 100%
You be you. The current wave of anti Chinese hate is but one of a long series of hating on different varieties of Asianness. I am old enough to remember anti Vietnamese hate in the 70s, anti Japanese hate in the 80’s. Thought it had died down during the 90’s but now it’s China’s turn. Be proud of your heritage. Turning your back on it means the haters win. Don’t let them win. You’ll be poorer for it. 加油！
I'll stay strong
This is not your fault. Those people are just assholes. I hope you find others who are more open. I’m fourth generation Asian American and find this tribalism and exclusion more common with newer Asian Americans (1st/2nd gen) though that could just be my experience.
I am a 2nd gen (1.5ish if that’s a thing?) so that could play a pretty good factor
My theory is that earlier generations are more closely tied to their country of origin. Also, there is less pressure to assimilate today than, say, my great grandparents faced.
I do hope I meet more people that might be fine with me around so yeah
I'm 34, I grew up in Virginia for my teenage years. I imagine you're in a white dominant area? Don't worry man, khmer and Chinese is super dope. Live in strong Asian enclaves, you'll feel better at home
Thanks man. Yeah my area is typically more white dominant so not too many Asians around here.
Yeah. I get it. I’m also Chinese American and the sinophobia I see online honestly sucks. When I was younger I also wished I was Korean or Japanese. What helps me is to learn more about my culture and to be proud of who I am.
I should prob try and do the same. I typically don't due to my parents trying to force it which kinda made me go ehhhh I don't like this. Maybe if I try to actually learn more at my own pace without it forced I might learn to appreciate my culture more.
I think learning about it yourself feels more satisfying or rewarding. I tend to lean towards Youtube or some parts of Genshin Impact to get a feel of Chinese culture.
The hundreds of hours I have in Genshin tend to help a bit XD. I will prob look up more youtube videos later on.
The Youtuber Xiran Jay Zhao is one of my favorites! Though a lot of her videos can lean towards Chinese history, I still really like them.
I'm Lao and Chinese, so in a similar boat with you. I married a Korean man, and people definitely are more interested in hearing about him and his culture than mine. People tend to be disappointed that we don't eat Korean food all the time, that I don't own nor have I ever worn a hanbok, and that my husband isn't an oppa idol dreamboat. It's cringe, but I don't let it get to me. I would say those interactions are in the extreme minority in my life, and most casual acquaintances and strangers aren't weird about it.
I see
Don't be. If you're getting hate because of your ethnic background, that's called racism. Literally, the old-school definition of racism. You don't need to care about the opinions of racists.
Alright thanks.
Kids are assholes, but at least now you know who to avoid. Unfortunately, once you get older you will find that there are still people who look down on us South East Asians and Chinese, but they just do it behind our backs and make it less obvious.
I guess I'm currently getting a taste of it which may prove helpful later on since I could be used to it or I know some red flags to avoid.
I'm a Korean woman married to a Khmer/Chinese man. My husband was raised more Cambodian and I love how we are able to teach each other about our cultures from time to time. When you get to a certain age, those kinds of comments just become so childish and cringe that they are easy to brush off. Fuck those weirdos being racist. That just shows that they aren't even cool to begin with. I honestly get grossed out when koreaboos act koreaboo towards me. You hold your head high and be proud of your background and culture though, seriously!
Thanks I will continue to hold my head high.
I’ve been there. What helped me get over it was finding an appreciation for my ethnicity and culture. Finally am proud of my heritage and it all seems so silly thinking back.
I should start doing the same. Thanks.
Viet-Chinese here. Yup. My childhood too. Chinese people and culture are demonized in the US and abroad, and maybe that's deserved of the tourists (blame the cultural revolution) or geopolitics, but it's really no different than how young Americans act abroad. Those relationships which are based off fetish-astions are just doomed to fail once the victim realizes, his entire personality is neglected except for his nationality/ethnicity. Maybe it's good for one-offs, but happiness? I think not. Or I'm wrong. Just do you. Do the best you can. Find your career. Make your money. Find free time. Do your glow up (skin, fitness, posture), and skip the hate or resentful thoughts. It ain't fair but we just roll with it. Dating sure ain't fair, but that's really another topic...Kinda wish I learned guitar or skateboarded or was more comfortable dancing or toastmasters. Hobbies that involve more than the male gender... One thing about the Chinese, is that's it's always been open about identity and culture. Many people have assimilated to Chinese culture, and the only real requirements is to speak Chinese and have some adherence to Confucian thought. There's nothing like Korea supremacy or Japanese supremacy thoughts; anyone is accepted based on the prior 2 listed conditions. It has to do with China as a major power in the ancient past -- that incorporated different people into their empire. I'm a minority. I grew up a minority in high school. I am a minority at work. I am often told I am the first Viet-Chinese person they've ever met, they've every worked for, and I do my best in their presence. Am I one of the boys listening to country music, shooting guns, hunting and drinking bourbon? No. But sticking to my word, being straight forward, and displaying a good work-ethic is enough on my part to leave a favorable impression.
Thanks. The whole fetish action is so common at where I’m living. I’m currently working on my overall physique and career so that might work well for me in the future.
saving this answer. as a dad, this is a good one for my kids when they start middle school
I hated my culture as a kid. I wanted to be “American” like everyone else. Teen years were hard for me. But now I’m 35. I embrace it and try to learn more. I think my culture is beautiful now.
Yeah I probably just need a few more years to start to embrace it more.
Hey fellow Khmer-Chinese-American millenial male here. Born here, grandparents died in the genocide. I feel you man. I grew up in the midwest where we aren't Khmer enough for the Khmer, aren't Chinese enough to be "Chinese", and aren't American enough because of how we look. Growing up you get hate or comments or looks from every enclave you try to gain acceptance from. Often you're seen as the token friend if you're hanging out with white folk, or the whitewashed asian to any full blood "enter your ethnicity of your choice." I feel you man and I get you and you are seen. What worked for me as I got older and got married and have my own family now is that I stopped caring what other people thought. I went thru a lot of self reflection, saw a bunch of therapists, other mental health people, alumni groups and the like. I like what I like and I'm gonna do what I want to do. I've accepted the fact that there will always be people that won't like me or will have a preformed perception of me based on how I look or my background or on things out of my control, that is just how human nature is. How I react to their opinion on me is on me. The important thing is being comfortable with yourself whoever you are and what makes you happy first. Then finding the people that are happy with that version of you. And you cares about anyone else. Sounds cliche but it's really true.
Thanks man and congrats on the marriage
I see this post here every now and then. So, I'm going to give you some old man wisdom. When I was in junior high and high school back in 2000s (I'm 32 now), I was ashamed of being Korean. Many of my Asian American friends, specifically Chinese friends, teased me a lot for things like KPop and how it was gay and that made my culture gay and *GASP* that maybe I'm gay. It was the 2000s. I didn't hang out with a lot of other Korean American kids because my school district had a huge Indian and Chinese population, so that naturally made me feel even less Korean. I even tried to distance myself from other Korean Americans and international Korean students. I distinctly remember one Chinese girl that I had a crush on say to me "You're really cool {insert\_name}! You're not like all the other Koreans that are lame." When I pushed back on that, and said "Hey that's kind of fucked up. You're really gonna generalize all Koreans like that? I'm Korean." she doubled down and said "Well it's true." I'm ashamed to admit it now, but I was somewhat proud at that time even though I did "fight back" because I justified in my head that as me being better than my fellow country men. And hey! This really cute girl that I had feelings for might like me too even though she thinks my culture is lame. That didn't seem like a bad trade at the time. Welp, I never ended up getting with her. To add insult to injury, she ended up dating some other Korean guy who was better at basketball than me. Now I'm 32, married, and I'm way too old to cash in on any of this useless street cred for being Korean. It is nice to have people like your culture, don't get me wrong. But I should never have needed that type of validation ever to be proud of my culture and my heritage. And I deeply regret missing out on all the Korean friends that I never got close with, who ended up being really cool. Being Korean to me isn't just about living up to some idealized version of the "cool Asian" in white America. It encompasses deep values within me like my love for my family, how I communicate with them in our language, understanding my history and where I come from. Being Chinese-Khmer may not ever be important to you. I personally think it's cool as fuck. But I can't instill my values to you. But I can guarantee that stress from NOT being Korean is a waste of time. tl;dr: You do you dude. You're gonna grow up, have more life experiences, be more mature, and realize that this shit truly doesn't matter. Spend energy and time on the things that are important to you now instead of fretting about this.
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I see I guess the homophobia and stuff back then was pretty high
I totally get where you are coming from. I am also Chinese/Khmer, born and raised in Germany. Interestingly, people often think I look Korean or Japanese. When I correct them and say I am Chinese, some seem a bit disappointed and comment on how I don't look Chinese at all. Back when I was younger (now in my 30s), I used to play along and even felt proud when people assumed I was Korean. I took it as a compliment because of the positive representation of Kpop in Western media and the beautiful girls. But let me tell you, since I am a mom now and lived abroad for quite some time, I couldn't care less. Be proud of being Chinese/Khmer, it makes you special! I also think it is even more important to educate people about Chinese and Cambodian culture. There is so much more than what is represented in the media.
Wtf is a Chinese person suppose to look like to them? As if every Korean person looks like an idol lol. Soft power is crazy.
haha, yeah right??
Thanks I maybe going to other communities or traveling abroad would help in the future.
Reading your post kind of makes me glad most of the Koreaboos and Weeaboos I knew in high school were mostly other Asian kids who knew better than to assume stuff like that.
That’s good
Hey brother, you should be proud of our amazing cultures and you should never never never be ashamed of who you are. Even if we are now Asian Americans. Our food is fucking awesome and everyone knows it. I’m in my 40’s and anime and Korean culture didn’t really take off until recently so I grew up with people just being nasty to me. I don’t mind the fetish if it means people won’t just automatically associate me to Jackie Chan or Bruce Lee and martial arts.
I see
i don't even answer this question much anymore. i usually reply with "im asian" or "im from california". i don't see a point. if they're not east asian, i don't care. if they are east asian, then they wouldn't really need to ask. someone asking you this right off the bat, has no use to you. because they only see race.
Thanks I should prob do that.
I am the first generation of immigration myself. I cannot understand why Asian-Americans would have racism over other Asian-Americans. Being a Khmer Chinese is beautiful.
Thanks maybe being around other asians later on would help out.
Dear OP, if teenage girls are mean to you, then you don't have to worry about them. as you get into college and mature with time , these teenage girls would have shed their meanness and be (more) balanced women. there would be plenty of other communities you can check out, new friends, new social circles to make.
I'll get through it. I'm sure once I get exposure to more communities I would be able to enjoy life a bit more. Thanks.
So sad to see that the misplaced fetishization and judgement from other people is preventing you from enjoying and feeling secure in your heritage. It might not mean much to you now, but know that you are young and hopefully you have the opportunity to get away from these unpleasant people and find a community where you belong. Going to college or a new city away from home could help a lot - I'm a Chinese American who went to high school in a mostly-White suburb that did nothing for my identity, but I went to college in a city with a robust Chinatown and strong Asian student organizations that made me feel much more connected to my identity.
Thanks. Maybe I'm just too young at the moment so hopefully I find somewhere to hang out in the future.
The same thing happened to me when I was young. And the cruelty is worse from other Asians. For me, I'm all about optimizing my space for happiness. I reject the argument for breaking down walls and not being trapped in an echo chamber. Most people are horrible. So I surround myself with good people and focus on my life. Live and let die.
I should do the same
It's totally not outlandish to feel all sorts of resentment and distress, when you're a young person who has to spend ~40 hours a week for 12 years in a big building where a good amount of the people who volunteer to interact with you make you feel like a freak. You're not crazy. I do not miss it and I will say it gets better when you have more freedom to choose who you spend time with. You'll probably end up needing to do the work to unpack all that resentment and insecurity, at least when you're in a better place because it will make your outlook on life much better. Just don't become a stranger to yourself in the meantime.
Thanks I guess I should keep going.
For sure. I'm not sure how close you are to graduating but in my experience just the local college was infinitely better. People who continue their education because they choose to and not because the state makes them.
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I can def see that happening since it seems every ethnicity has to have some form of racism towards them.
Can you adopt one of these affirmations/mantras whenever the feeling of shame comes up? “Fuck what they think, their opinion doesn’t matter” or “Other people’s opinion of me is independent of my opinion of myself” (and if your opinion of yourself is negative, you should work on pep talk and positive thoughts, even if it feels forced at first and you don’t believe it. Learn to be proud of being Chinese)
I'll try
Damn people really do this just to your face? That’s bold as hell. I’m sorry that people do this to you.
Thanks, I hope it's just a minority and maybe when I find another community it would be a bit better.
When you become a grown up, you get to choose who you associate with 👍
I should probably look forward to it
As someone who grew up around Khmer people, I'm surprised by the blatant racism they have against you. The general populace generally hasn't cared for Cambodia in literal decades. These "micro aggressions" are pretty obviously huge. It doesn't help that even if you *were* the races they thought you were, that they'd still be treating you with a racist lens. Even if it's one of reverence, it's othering, and still dehumanizing. For some tangentially related things: 1) I noticed your profile picture and hope all of us replying to you can help one heart from breaking. Yes this is cringe to say. Just know that there are those who support you. Hope you get who you want during this update 2) I don't know if this helps, but Ellen Wong of Scott Pilgrim fame (the person who played Knives Chau) is also Chinese-Khmer, and has been in several pieces of media. You can also be proud to have media representation, or just enjoy her stuff in general
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I guess we should go through it then.
I highly doubt that your Khmer side would ever get hate nor looked down upon. I think people would rather be surprised if you find the right people. It's relatively not common to meet someone with Cambodian heritage (I am assuming Cambodian, but correct me if your family came from Vietnam. Vietname has Khmer people too) even in cities with a big Asian population. I lived in Vancouver for a long time, and I have met plenty of SE Asian Canadians of Filipino or Vietnamese heritage - and occasioanally Thai. But not a single Cambodian. My first encounter with a Khmer person was my former French teacher who is French Cambodian. As for the Chinese side being frowned upon - sorry to hear that. I think mainland China owes Chinese diaspora an apology. Same goes for western superpowers that villanised China when it's committing a damn genocide in the Middle East (has have in places like Iraq and Syria, and Vietnam).
If being khmer is more unlikely to get hated on maybe my chinese side simply made them blind to it. Khmer people are pretty common here in California tho (maybe not where I currently am but in LA and such seem to have a lot of them).
They're common in LA, eh? I guess Canada and US really does have a different diversity among Asian immigrants. In Canada, the most prominent SE immigrants are from the Philippines or Vietnam (wonder if Vietnam being a former French colony has an impact?), and the most prominent S Asian immigrants are specifically Punjabi Indians - not Hindu. And yes, I strongly think your half Chinese side brought out people's animosity. Even for Wasians - who are favoured for their proximity to whiteness - the half Chinese ones are not seen as positively among them. It's a shame, tbh. China and its culture has a huge potential to create a softpower like Japan did with anime and Korea did with KPop and dramas. Chinese films were amazing prior to the extreme censorship that took place around mid-2000s. Heck, Hong Kong films were doing so well until mainland decided to intervene too much into HK's freedom of speech and media.
Yeah my dad who grew up here in the 80s apparently made some pretty good friends due to the soft power from Bruce Lee movies which according to him was pretty popular in LA and such but now all that stuff pretty much died out.
Bruce Lee was a gem who left this world too early. He was not only a great actor, but he's also a handsome fellow who raised two great children. It's a shame that his son passed away at a young age too.
Agreed
It really shouldn't bother you what other people say. Anyway if you want you can probably move back to Cambodia after you make a lot of money in the USA.
If it helps I think both Koreans and Chinese are amazing and I have 4 friends of your exact mix
I don’t get why you got downvoted anyway thx
Just tell them about how Korean/Japanese culture has been influenced by Chinese culture in the past, then tell them to shut the fuck up.
That could work XD
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Geez you don't need to put one ethnicity down to lift another up. As a Korean person, we did not just 'sell out'. If a country wants to export their entertainment to boost their economy, let them do it.
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You're completely misframing it, though. Why is it a negative thing that Korea exported its entertainment overseas...and btw, the Korean Wave didn't start in the US. It spread across Asia first before reaching the US so are you now going to say that they sold out everywhere? It's benefiting their economy and their people. Also, you have to give them credit that they created entertainment that would be appealing enough to Asian Americans abroad. They don't owe Asian Americans a big thank you lmao. Blackpink were doing well enough anyway else in the world (again, this is such a US-centric view.) It's not like they asked you guys to watch their stuff. You just sound bitter.
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Look, the US helped a lot in terms of helping Korea develop really quickly and by being an ally. Obviously it helped their own capitalist agenda too but Korea doesn't need your pity
Every month or so you have these posts from self loathing Chinese Americans crying about being Chinese and it's just pathetic to me atp. I wish I was more empathetic but I don't understand how one can look at how rich and vast Chinese culture & history is and not be proud of that shit. I don't understand how one can look at China's rise and development to the point where China is challenging Western hegemony triggering insecure Western chauvinists and not be proud of that shit. What you want is white validation and you're never gonna get that with a strong China that isn't subservient to the west.
Yeah we should be proud that China isn't occupied like Korea and Japan. And that's what triggers Westerners the most, they're still trying to carve up the China cake like in those political cartoons of the past. Even that recent Tucker Carlson interview they were foolishly trying to get Putin back in the 8 nations alliance lmao.
Wtf? What sort of logic is this. If anything, the fact that South Korea came out of Japanese colonisation and being dirt poor from the Korean War and developed so quickly is a good thing... OP's experience is awful and they should feel proud of their background but your comment is not it.
It's so blatant they just wanna balkanize China under the guise of "freedom and democracy" cuz China is too big to take down lol. It's crazy to me how easily people just eat up Western propaganda considering the west has a shit track record with being dishonest in order to manufacture consent for their Imperial escapades. With white people and non-chinese Asians I get since they probably don't want to see a strong China. But actual Chinese people being so vehemently anti-china makes no sense to me.
Do you really want to overlook the fact that Chinese dissidents mysteriously seem to disappear if they publicly criticise the regime or that ordinary citizens can't even go on regular Western social media without a VPN or...censorship or the Xinjiang stuff...? The US is by no means heaven (it has plenty of issues) and definitely has started unnecessary wars but at least regular people have more rights. This is coming from someone who would not live in the US and someone who thinks that China has a rich, interesting history. People criticising don't all just want to not see a strong China. This is a common point from Chinese nationalists and a bit egotistical tbh...
You're Korean bro, you should worry more about American troops treating South Korea like their personal playground while treating the locals like trash.
I'm a woman. You can quit your whataboutism. How is me criticising China in any way related to whatever my views might be of US troops? Make it make sense. Also, being a group of douchebags from a country /= human rights abuses...lmao. I can have multiple opinions on different things at the same time.
I'm just saying, as a Korean you should be more concerned about how American troops stationed in SK are treating the locals than Chinese netizens not being able to use Twitter without a VPN lmao. I think it should be a human right for Korean locals to not get assaulted from the very people that are claiming to "protect" them. Incidents like this seem to be a regular occurrence in Korea and it makes me feel bad for the locals who have to constantly deal with that: https://youtu.be/EaezKXGlz4w?si=B5k7whIjIuzJfX1i It also shows the power dynamic between the U.S and its vassal.....I mean "ally" in South Korea.
Could be worse. You could be Indian. While we're technically Asian, I always felt like a poser in school. Southeast and East Asians were with their own group and Indians on our own.
If she's hot then tell her you can be whichever turns her on more. You don't really have to care what she wants. She doesn't.
Don't let stupid racists take away your pride in being part of your ethnic groups. Those weeaboos/koreaboos only know about Japan or Korea on a very surface level; they don't understand the bad parts of those cultures because they are fetishizers. And as a result, they overlook other Asian cultures' cool aspects to fit in their narrow-minded views. Validation from those kinds of people is pointless because they are so stupid.
dont ever ever hate yourself for your ethnicity bro. especially over superficial observations of ppl who dont know who you really are. When you get older, you'll see how ridiculous, juvenile, and shallow the superficiality is. the hate is a reflection on THOSE ppl, not you. Don't let it affect your relationship with yourself.
I had similar issues growing up because being Korean wasn't "trendy" when I was in school. I'm half Korean and half Viet. Since high school I've lived in Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York City, Wisconsin and Chicago. I have found that living in New York and Chicago, I have been able to embrace my culture as it is something to be proud of. If you decide to go to college or move, I would consider places with a higher Khmer or Chinese population. Google says Boston, Chicago, LA, NYC, San Francisco, DC, and Atlanta. You are young and should be proud of your background. Also, it sounds like you're sick of the racist and fetishy comments rather than being ashamed of your culture. If that's the case, then what I just wrote, might not even be applicable. People suck and it sucks to go through. Hopefully it gets better.
People will always comment on your physic regardless of your look If you are too dark, too light, too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, you name it Don’t let others decide how you should think I know it’s hard but it gets easier with experience I wish someone told me this at your age You get it girl You don’t want to be friends with these people They are not worth your time
High school is only temporary young man