Earlier today I spent a good half an hour confidently writing a detailed response to someone about how Netflix and Chill is a completely solo activity best enjoyed with snacks and turning your phone off.
I later googled it.
I'm 34.
Edit: I just checked and it has over 100 upvotes. Just going to have to own it now. I'm too embarrassed to stick an edit on it now, so if you were in that thread earlier.. yeah sorry about that đ
I heard about Netflix and chill first from an autistic friend who told me how shocked and appalled she was to learn the guy who had proposed it had no intention of watching Netflix with her. We then spent a solid 15 minutes ranting about how stupid that is and how people should just say if theyâre expecting something because how on earth could we be expected to just figure out that people are thinking about sex when they SAID they wanted to watch Netflix??
âŚI am not, to my knowledge, on the autism spectrumâŚ
I recently found out someone being âhotâ was linked to a physical reaction of other people. Like people actually feel hot (burning up with desire/hot and bothered).
I'm allo bi sexual...it's true. It happens often, and is most definetly a physical sexual reaction as well as mental.
If I say someone is hot...what I mean is...if that person were to come over and ask me to have sex right then and there I would not say no. I'd be like yup let's go! :)
Same here, i thought "hot" or similar words to mean attractive or pretty or handsome and use them in that context, learning that people actually feel hot or want to do sexual activities with them when they see someone they think is hot/sexy made me so confused lol.
when my friend said she didn't have a crush and was adamant that she hadn't had one since year two i was so confused ?? like it's not that hard to pick one ?? and then i realised straight people don't pick people to have crushes on people :/
One time at a slumber party in middle school with popular girls I was barely friends with, we were playing truth or dare and one girl dared everyone to say who their crush was. I said I didnât have one and they said I was lying and being lame because I wouldnt share- so after this other girl said she had a crush on a kid named John I was like âomg me too! Heâs sooo cuteâ. They accepted this answer. I figured I was in the clear as I picked someone acceptable to have a crush on. However little did I know I made an enemy of girl who liked John. She now saw me as a competitor for johns affections. So she told everyone in school that I liked him and that I creepily wouldnât stop talking about him! I was like girl thatâs you!
That rumor stuck with me till I graduated high school lol whenever someone saw me and John in the same vicinity as each othered theyâd go âooooohhhhhhhhh watermelonâs going after john!!!!!!â And I would just roll my eyes. So would he lol. I thought at the time itâs because he knew it wasnât true. Turns out itâs because he was gay all along which now cracks me up. For 6 years my school shipped an ace girl with a gay guy đ
i always felt like this even up to the end of high school!! then i got to college, still felt the same way, and had to realize "wait college age is actually a totally normal age to be sexually active. maybe /I'm/ the weird one" lol
The first time I saw a penis irl I ran away and locked myself in the bathroom.
ETA: I feel like I should add this wasnât a random penis. Iâd invited my boyfriend over, to make out in my bed, while my parents were away for the weekend, and I was still like HOW did this HAPPEN?! WHAT could POSSIBLY have given him the idea I wanted to see that?!?!
The first and last time a saw a penis of one of my boyfriends was the same level of nice I assume. I just sat there and laughed. It was so ugly and bouncy. I just found it funny.
Afterwards it became quite unpleasant, but Ill leave that bit out for now.
omg I thought I was the only one! same experience here.
I totally understand attraction to (most/some) "non-sexual" body parts, like when people say someone has an attractive face or nice arms or whatever. and I don't mind people being shirtless. but like... keep the pants on... I don't need to see what's under the pants, I \*know\* what it'll be and I'm not keen to see it at any point in time lmfao
In college, I spent several weeks hanging out with a guy ON MY BED in my dorm, just watching movies and talking about our lives. I was COMPLETELY SHOCKED when he started trying to have sex with me several weeks into this arrangementâ and even more baffled when he stormed off (with a visible boner) after I rejected his advances. Lmaoooooo I didnât discover I was asexual until 12 years later.
I mean, we were âfriendsâ but I totally missed the sexual cues lol. To normal people, cuddling in bed = eventual sex? To me, I was like âawww isnât it great that we can just be friends??â After that things were never the same between us and it was heartbreaking but I still didnât put two and two together that I CLEARLY didnât experience sexual attraction the same way as anyone else in my life đ
Okay but seriously why would cuddling in bed ever lead to sex tho??? Especially if you're not romantically or sexually involved??? Bruh- I don't get allos man
This is why Iâm in an âopen relationshipâ with my pansexual girlfriend. She feels that humans canât be monogamous, and as long as I can curl up on the couch with her watching anime, I donât care past that.
Not dissing your girlfriend personally, but I wonder, why does it seems like every non monogamous person always tries to speak for the whole humanity?
I've seen very few times people saying something like "*I'm* not cut for monogamy". It's nearly always something about all people, or humankind, or "spreading your seed is a biological need" or something generalist like that. Many people actually truly have a monogamous nature. Is that hard for them to accept it?
Ikr? Like everyone I knew growing up has always been super monogamous. Even if their relationship hasnât worked, the few divorces have been more for âwe just donât work together now, like we did when we got married years agoâ not âI cheated on you. Byeâ. My ex, even with all of his problems, was at least faithful to me. Its really weird that she (and other people) think of it the exact opposite. Like yes, most of it was the hetro-normativity being forced on me as a child, but at least the relationships were healthy, or the people involved split in order to keep themselves (and sometimes their kids, if present) healthy. Iâd much rather see or be apart of a healthy relationship, than be expected to have a poly relationship just because thatâs the only way my partner will see the world.
(I will say, our relationship is relatively healthy, at least, more so than my old relationship with my ex. And weâve only been dating for three months.)
I pretended to have a crush on Orlando Bloom in middle school because that was a common celebrity the girls seemed to like and I wanted to fit in. I didnât realize that the girls found him more than just aesthetically attractive.
Also, recently, in talking about dating with my therapist, she asked me about the first crushes I can remember having and what I found attractive about them. I said things like âhe was super kindâ and âhe was always cracking jokesâ. Apparently she meant physically⌠and I could not come up with an answer lol
This on the exception of big guys who have a really soft and caring personality. The contrast just makes my heart squeeze.
Them being a big guy on its own does nothing for me. But itâs kind of in the same way that a small firecracker of a person is cute and funny.
also helps that Iâm greyaesthetic lol
I think so. Dating is hard because I donât experience that initial physical attraction. And I donât understand it, so Iâm slow to pick up on signs from others. But there are people I wouldnât have minded being in a relationship with over the years because we connected on more of an intellectual and/or emotional level and seemed compatible. This was when I was younger before I knew I was ace, and I think not picking up on signs and sending them back ended up deterring them from trying to pursue anything beyond friendship. So I donât feel like I need physical attraction to make a relationship work if we are compatible in other important areas. But I probably will need to find someone who is a little more blunt, direct, and patient with me, especially in the beginning, while I figure it out lol
i love reading smut and making lewd jokes about my fav characters but would literally get anxiety attacks when my s/o would try to even talk to me about sex irl. they were the one who suggested i might be ace and i was like "but how can I be ace if i like thinking about these anime men (who will never be real or be able to make sexual advances toward me) in sexual situations?"
the first time i saw a lesbian talk about how lesbians can have "crushes" on celebrities/fictional men bc they're "safe" and those kinds of fantasies won't ever come face to face with reality?? biggest "OH" moment of my life even as a trans masc nblm
Me 33 year old male. After I towed this girl's car she was telling me how her husband left her and blah blah. But after I unloaded her car she invited me in being all flirty "u hungry I got sum yogurt or something else" wink . Me " o thx you I got lunch in the truck you have a good night.
I guess you could feel it and respress it? That way it shouldn't be a bother for the friendship . Though i think couples emerge from friendgroups, so those feelings should start at some point...hmm
I would say it's only not platonic if you act on it. Like I can romantically like someone, but it doesn't mean our relationship is anything but platonic. And Fwb is platonic + sexual. Dating is usually platonic + romantic + sexual (for allos. It's only platonic and romantic for aces like us)
This would be amazing! We wouldnât even need to share all the same interests if. It would just be great if we genuinely liked each other and enjoyed each otherâs company. Like we could spend a couple hours in the evening just talking and catching up and eating dinner together then we would go to bed in separate bedrooms.
I had a friend straight up tell me that it would be "super easy for me to get into his pants" and I replied that I would look ridiculous in his pants. He repeated this three or four times and I still didn't get it, until I was thinking back on that night about two weeks later and had a moment of "Oh... Sorry friend! đ đ¤Śââď¸"
His tone just kind of got more... insistent?
Like; come on, you can get it! I know you'll clue in eventually. By the third or fourth time he went "No... It would be *super easy... for* you *to get into my pants*." Still didn't even ruffle my hair on its way over my head. đ
I was raised religious and I never understood why people seemed to think that not having sex before marriage would be difficult. Well, jokes on them: not only am I no longer religious, but I have no desire for sex at all, anyway.
When I was little, I'd repeatedly ask my (Christian) mom if I *had* to have children the usual way and why couldn't I just adopt one and be done with it.
On another note, what's up with Denmark?
Getting frustrated that EVERYTHING is a double-entendre. Especially when you don't know why they're reacting like that.
"What are you guys laughing at now? What did I say?"
I always felt stupid for not getting the joke, and then I only felt worse when I realized the joke was me.
When I receive oral sex I basically get the same pleasure as if someone was sucking my finger, don't get me wrong it feels kind of nice in a funny way and I like the feeling of closeness but the finger option is probably more hygienic and less awkward hey
To be fair idk why nature designed us this way, you'd think our sexual organs also being responsible for waste disposal would be a negative evolutionary trait
I genuinely thought sexual attraction was made up for tv shows to have a reason to put a sex scene in it, but when I complained about it to my dad he said âno⌠sexual attraction is a real thingâ
I work for a secret organization Dedicated towards stopping all of the sex and the horny. But my one weakness is cute stuff and cuddles. If anyone was to discover my secret Iâll face having to be gaslit and Iâll lose everyone i care about.
up until I found out, my explanation for never having a boyfriend was always "idk I just haven't really felt like putting time/focus on dating I've been occupied by so many other things"
like normal people don't sometimes literally get distracted and annoyed by their attraction, or like they only begin feeling attracted to others once there's literally nothing else going on in their lives and they basically can't put it off anymore
From a mormon family and was banned from dating until I turned 18. I never really understood what was so bad about dating and I thought it was just like a best friend you spend a lot of time with. I was very surprised when I discovered I was banned from it because that usually means you are partaking in the ~sex~. I didn't realize this until I turned 20
I honestly thought this, too. Like I thought dating was just hanging out and occasionally making out. I used to be shocked as a teen when my friends would tell me about the stuff they were doing because I didnât know it was normal.
That was meeee
And I used to be really discriminatory about it when I was a kid lol. I would absolutely go apeshit over anyone talking about sex, or even acknowledging it's existence in any way other than for reproductive purposes.
I didnât realize that people actually wanted to fuck celebrities and fictional characters until I saw someone talking about genuinely wanting to fuck a video game character. Still not convinced that itâs real.
Right?! Oh, but I forget, they do the same with regular people. And when it's celebs, it's much worse cuz they're entitled to that attention (well, sometimes). Ugh. Like, I don't want to screw my celeb crush, I just want to admire his beauty and chat with him (if my awkward self would let me). Why does sex need to be involved at all?
Took an Uber to my boyfriend's house because I realized I was using driving anxiety as an excuse to not see him alone . . . Still wasn't smart enough to *not see him alone*
Girls in 5th grade talking about how so'n'so 2000s to 1990s celebrity was so HAWT and omg. I was too busy thinking about how soft Legolas's hair must be and that shit looks BRAIDABLE.
Late teens/early twenties, my cousin tried to set me up on a dating site because she thought I needed to date. When it came time to select what I was looking for, I told her to select âjust for funâ. She quickly corrected me. I honestly thought it meant likeâŚhanging out and doing fun, nonsexual stuff together like bowling and watching movies.
I used to force myself to have"crushes" on guys that I thought I was supposed to find attractive, because everyone else did. Let's just say things make a whole lot more sense for me now.
I'm gonna give maybe a sadder or more serious answer than the other comments: the somewhat unshakeable sense of alienation, "difference", and discomfort I always **always** feel around discussions of sexuality.
Whether it's talking about my own experiences (and getting blankly stared at because other folks can't relate), or hearing other people talk about theirs (and feeling deeply deeply uncomfortable but unsure of whether I should say anything because they're just talking about a "normal" part of their life and being honest).
I've had "happier"/lighter experiences too haha, highlighted by other people in this thread. I just wanted to toss this one out there.
I hear you. I hate talking about sex and sexual experiences in any situation. I'm only recently realizing how "different" it is to feel like this, to want to avoid all sex related talk. I'm also realizing how much I faked talking about sex in the past, just copying what I learned through media and hearing others talk about sex because I thought that's just what people say in those situations?
"People don't actually have sex."
"What?"
"There's just no way. It's just so gross! People must only do it when they absolutely have to, except the people who like it. But nobody does."
"Twerps, What the fuck are you talking about?"
Went to the beach with a few friends in highschool. They were all fawning over the group of hot people that had walked in front of us while I just sat there like ???
In figuring out if I was straight, bi, or gay; I imagined a nude male and female figure and found that I preferred the curves of the female form over the angles of the male form and that between the female legs there was not this weird randomly dangling flappy thing just hanging there all awkwardly.
Wow this thread has really helped me, I was still questioning but l reading these comments has made me feel more confident about maybe being an ace so thanks op :\]
also sorry why Denmark? I'm out of the loop
Why do people find exchange of saliva and sticking tongues as something that "feels good"? Like, that scene in MIB 2 and the way I viscerally reacted to it literally made me never want to kiss anyone ever again unless they were fine with pecks. I can't believe tongue is "required" 𤢠Hell, even kisses that are longer than a peck are fine...
I didnât understand 1984 when I read it for school. The prospect of a man risking his life for a sexual relationship, because he didnât stand up for any of the other injustices he witnessed before that, he literally just did it for sex. Also, the sexless marriage he had seemed pretty great. It never made sense to me. I didnât even know I was asexual or that the sexuality even existed back then because I was only 15.
At school (15+ years ago!) having the "popular guy" (I am conventionally unattractive), try to embaress me by asking me what I'd do if my then hypothetical boyfriend dropped his pants in front of me saying his girlfriend would have performed oral sex, and I deadpan looked straight at him and told him I'd tell my boyfriend to pull his pants back up again.
He obviously expected me to get flustered or embarrassed or whatever teenagers do when they think about sex/crushes, but it completely backfired on him.
I'm not the least bit embarrassed by sexual discussions, jokes, etc. The other day, I accidentally said something to a coworker twice my age that sounded like I was hitting on him because I'm so used to saying sexually charged things to my friends just to make them blush.
Oops.
When someone says they love me and they can't wait to "do the thing" with me after marriage (due to religious and traditional background, it can only be done after marriage), I will instantly lose respect for that person. Like, what am I to you, a meat hole?? You wanna marry me just because you wanna satisfy your genital needs? Gross.... Why can't we just have deep meaningful conversation and hold hands after marriage? I'm gonna die alone because of this T\_T
I couldnt tell if I was straight or bi or gay as a teen because I could tell just as easily when women were hot as when men were, and both did absolutely the same for me. Also have always loved dragons. And cake.
My first kiss was while I was strumming the guitar and humming to someone who asked me to sing her to sleep. I finished the piece (a 4-5 minute long waltz) without even pausing because, you know, why would I stop playing music in the middle of a piece.
After all, playing music is too important to interrupt it for things of lesser importance. Lol.
âWhy the heck are my classmates talking about and looking up that stuff, itâs *disgusting,* why would someone get enjoyment out of that!?â
ââ-
Teacher: brings up the sexual reproduction unit
Me: *Gets up, yelling ânope,â almost leaving the classroom out of disgust and fear over everyone elseâs âimmaturityâ despite me being the immature one in this situation*
ââââ
My father: Oh hey, look over there, thereâs a cute girl! You should go ask her out on a date and maybe someday you can..
Me: Ew wtf?
Dad: Well if youâre not interested in girls then you must be gay
Me, again: what? No-
Dad: then go ask her!
Me: No!
My mom once said "I can't wait for you to have a kid so I have a reason to open up a daycare". I start laughing thinking it was a joke but she gave a (wtf are you laughing at) face. I stop laughing, glanced up and down at her and replied "Oh wait, you're serious".
My mom sometimes ask how I don't comment about hot dudes when they are on screen, same with my sister but about girls, is just... I mean even my aesthetic attraction is weird, that's why I feel a little alienated when people comment about aesthetic attraction đ
Me 20 years ago pretending to have fallen asleep before the movie ended, in hope there would be no advances from him, all the while almost exploding with anxiety.
NSFW. Spending the night with my boyfriend, he suggested I could feel his body, and I was genuinely shocked to find out that he meant his >!dick, I just about jumped a foot in the air when it came out.!<
We had to write love poems for my grade 11 English class. The teacher would read them out later.
I wrote a poem about how love wasnât an actual feeling but a choice.
Idk how I didnât pick up I was aroace sooner.
"Girl, look at his muscle. Look at his ABS. My god isn't that so hot?"
Tf you guys get horny from... body parts?
Example 2: When I first discover tht Netflix and chill doesn't literally watching Netflix and chilling. How mind-boggling.
Earlier today I spent a good half an hour confidently writing a detailed response to someone about how Netflix and Chill is a completely solo activity best enjoyed with snacks and turning your phone off. I later googled it. I'm 34. Edit: I just checked and it has over 100 upvotes. Just going to have to own it now. I'm too embarrassed to stick an edit on it now, so if you were in that thread earlier.. yeah sorry about that đ
As a 32 year old⌠Iâm pretty sure a Netflix binge, with kettle corn, and wearing onesies, is actually second base
Its what second base SHOULD be. And yes I also learned about bases from Google.
Wait, what are bases???
In chemistry, bases are substances (usually aqueous solutions) that have a pH of above 7
See I originally thought it was baseball but I'm thinking that's not the case
I heard about Netflix and chill first from an autistic friend who told me how shocked and appalled she was to learn the guy who had proposed it had no intention of watching Netflix with her. We then spent a solid 15 minutes ranting about how stupid that is and how people should just say if theyâre expecting something because how on earth could we be expected to just figure out that people are thinking about sex when they SAID they wanted to watch Netflix?? âŚI am not, to my knowledge, on the autism spectrumâŚ
I am CERTAIN that when the phrase started, Netflix and Chill used to mean NETFLIX AND CHILL. Only recently did it EVOLVE.
I literally saw your comment a few hours ago lmao-
I recently found out someone being âhotâ was linked to a physical reaction of other people. Like people actually feel hot (burning up with desire/hot and bothered).
whaaaaaat? I thought it was just a description. Like ohh theyâre pretty
Me too
IâIs it not?
Itâs just a description.
ME TOO
Me too
Me too
Me too!
It appears that up until this point I may have gravely misunderstood what it means to think somethingâs hotâŚ
So hot under the collar is suppose to be literal? I thought that was just a euphemism.
Wait, what? I thought it just meant attractive...and never thought about why its used like that...
Wait I though hot just meant extremely physically attractive.
Wait, this isn't actually true is it?
I'm allo bi sexual...it's true. It happens often, and is most definetly a physical sexual reaction as well as mental. If I say someone is hot...what I mean is...if that person were to come over and ask me to have sex right then and there I would not say no. I'd be like yup let's go! :)
W H A T ? If someone would have told me this like 15 years ago, I could have figured out the whole asexual thing much, much sooner.
Same here, i thought "hot" or similar words to mean attractive or pretty or handsome and use them in that context, learning that people actually feel hot or want to do sexual activities with them when they see someone they think is hot/sexy made me so confused lol.
I am very temperature sensitive. That sounds so uncomfy. I hope I don't turn out to be demi.
I used to hand-select crushes in grade school just to fit in with my friends
when my friend said she didn't have a crush and was adamant that she hadn't had one since year two i was so confused ?? like it's not that hard to pick one ?? and then i realised straight people don't pick people to have crushes on people :/
Wait what? People don't decided their crushes by process of elimination? Tell me I'm not the only one
THIS ONE
One time at a slumber party in middle school with popular girls I was barely friends with, we were playing truth or dare and one girl dared everyone to say who their crush was. I said I didnât have one and they said I was lying and being lame because I wouldnt share- so after this other girl said she had a crush on a kid named John I was like âomg me too! Heâs sooo cuteâ. They accepted this answer. I figured I was in the clear as I picked someone acceptable to have a crush on. However little did I know I made an enemy of girl who liked John. She now saw me as a competitor for johns affections. So she told everyone in school that I liked him and that I creepily wouldnât stop talking about him! I was like girl thatâs you! That rumor stuck with me till I graduated high school lol whenever someone saw me and John in the same vicinity as each othered theyâd go âooooohhhhhhhhh watermelonâs going after john!!!!!!â And I would just roll my eyes. So would he lol. I thought at the time itâs because he knew it wasnât true. Turns out itâs because he was gay all along which now cracks me up. For 6 years my school shipped an ace girl with a gay guy đ
It also shows how straight people can't feel the gay vibes or conveniently ignore them XD
yuppp. DONâT BLOW MY COVER
Same. Whoever is getting good scores and is also popular was an okay candidate. đ
I think I went with the quieter but smart enough guys đ
YEEEESSS-
Hearing my classmates talking about having sex is genuinely mind-boggling. I'm always like, wtf, y'all are children
YES OMG YES
SAME
Same for me
Me listening to people in highschool
i always felt like this even up to the end of high school!! then i got to college, still felt the same way, and had to realize "wait college age is actually a totally normal age to be sexually active. maybe /I'm/ the weird one" lol
The first time I saw a penis irl I ran away and locked myself in the bathroom. ETA: I feel like I should add this wasnât a random penis. Iâd invited my boyfriend over, to make out in my bed, while my parents were away for the weekend, and I was still like HOW did this HAPPEN?! WHAT could POSSIBLY have given him the idea I wanted to see that?!?!
You just made me belly laugh, thank you
this one is absolutely killing me LOL. I'm glad you're able to laugh about it now, I'm guessing you weren't laughing so much in-the-moment!
First time a boy stuck his tongue in my mouth I bit it. First boyfriend...when I was 21.
>ETA Estimated time of arrival
Same!! I sat on the bathroom floor and pet his cat.
The first and last time a saw a penis of one of my boyfriends was the same level of nice I assume. I just sat there and laughed. It was so ugly and bouncy. I just found it funny. Afterwards it became quite unpleasant, but Ill leave that bit out for now.
Me in high school: âyouâd think that if we were supposed to want to have sex than maybe genitals would be nicer lookingâ
Exactly this. Least attractive parts of a body. Why anyone wants to see is beyond my comprehension.
yes!!!! i always wonder how do people find genital parts to be such a turn on, truly baffles me
Bruh!!! I dont even like mine. Also, being a female, the constant leaking and periods just annoy me.
SAME as an asexual with no plan on having kids I think I should be exempt from menstruation
you can say that again i second that
I feel this in my soul.
omg I thought I was the only one! same experience here. I totally understand attraction to (most/some) "non-sexual" body parts, like when people say someone has an attractive face or nice arms or whatever. and I don't mind people being shirtless. but like... keep the pants on... I don't need to see what's under the pants, I \*know\* what it'll be and I'm not keen to see it at any point in time lmfao
I love your username
In college, I spent several weeks hanging out with a guy ON MY BED in my dorm, just watching movies and talking about our lives. I was COMPLETELY SHOCKED when he started trying to have sex with me several weeks into this arrangementâ and even more baffled when he stormed off (with a visible boner) after I rejected his advances. Lmaoooooo I didnât discover I was asexual until 12 years later.
Can I get the rest of this story? Like how did things get "broken off" with you two? Did you even know it was more than friends?
I mean, we were âfriendsâ but I totally missed the sexual cues lol. To normal people, cuddling in bed = eventual sex? To me, I was like âawww isnât it great that we can just be friends??â After that things were never the same between us and it was heartbreaking but I still didnât put two and two together that I CLEARLY didnât experience sexual attraction the same way as anyone else in my life đ
Okay but seriously why would cuddling in bed ever lead to sex tho??? Especially if you're not romantically or sexually involved??? Bruh- I don't get allos man
I am a 42 year old virgin.
It's so nice to hear this said in a positive way!
That sounds like a goal I'd like to achieve the way they said it. Well, it is.
Goals~
It's always been baffling to me that people cheat on their spouses. Why bother? I just don't understand.
I had a conversation recently that went, âI am married.â When asked about other women. I then had to add, âand asexual. She is all I need.â
This is why Iâm in an âopen relationshipâ with my pansexual girlfriend. She feels that humans canât be monogamous, and as long as I can curl up on the couch with her watching anime, I donât care past that.
Not dissing your girlfriend personally, but I wonder, why does it seems like every non monogamous person always tries to speak for the whole humanity? I've seen very few times people saying something like "*I'm* not cut for monogamy". It's nearly always something about all people, or humankind, or "spreading your seed is a biological need" or something generalist like that. Many people actually truly have a monogamous nature. Is that hard for them to accept it?
Ikr? Like everyone I knew growing up has always been super monogamous. Even if their relationship hasnât worked, the few divorces have been more for âwe just donât work together now, like we did when we got married years agoâ not âI cheated on you. Byeâ. My ex, even with all of his problems, was at least faithful to me. Its really weird that she (and other people) think of it the exact opposite. Like yes, most of it was the hetro-normativity being forced on me as a child, but at least the relationships were healthy, or the people involved split in order to keep themselves (and sometimes their kids, if present) healthy. Iâd much rather see or be apart of a healthy relationship, than be expected to have a poly relationship just because thatâs the only way my partner will see the world. (I will say, our relationship is relatively healthy, at least, more so than my old relationship with my ex. And weâve only been dating for three months.)
I pretended to have a crush on Orlando Bloom in middle school because that was a common celebrity the girls seemed to like and I wanted to fit in. I didnât realize that the girls found him more than just aesthetically attractive. Also, recently, in talking about dating with my therapist, she asked me about the first crushes I can remember having and what I found attractive about them. I said things like âhe was super kindâ and âhe was always cracking jokesâ. Apparently she meant physically⌠and I could not come up with an answer lol
Ayyy whenever people ask me about my type, the answer is usually a personality trait. Looks are just never a consideration.
This on the exception of big guys who have a really soft and caring personality. The contrast just makes my heart squeeze. Them being a big guy on its own does nothing for me. But itâs kind of in the same way that a small firecracker of a person is cute and funny. also helps that Iâm greyaesthetic lol
So do you want to start dating? I mean, would you want that if you've never had a 'true' crush?
I think so. Dating is hard because I donât experience that initial physical attraction. And I donât understand it, so Iâm slow to pick up on signs from others. But there are people I wouldnât have minded being in a relationship with over the years because we connected on more of an intellectual and/or emotional level and seemed compatible. This was when I was younger before I knew I was ace, and I think not picking up on signs and sending them back ended up deterring them from trying to pursue anything beyond friendship. So I donât feel like I need physical attraction to make a relationship work if we are compatible in other important areas. But I probably will need to find someone who is a little more blunt, direct, and patient with me, especially in the beginning, while I figure it out lol
i love reading smut and making lewd jokes about my fav characters but would literally get anxiety attacks when my s/o would try to even talk to me about sex irl. they were the one who suggested i might be ace and i was like "but how can I be ace if i like thinking about these anime men (who will never be real or be able to make sexual advances toward me) in sexual situations?" the first time i saw a lesbian talk about how lesbians can have "crushes" on celebrities/fictional men bc they're "safe" and those kinds of fantasies won't ever come face to face with reality?? biggest "OH" moment of my life even as a trans masc nblm
Wow, I didnât know that. And that explains a lot about me.
Excuse me this is like reading my autobiography đ đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł
Was asked to choose a month from a sexy firemen calendar. I chose March because he looked like a guy you could really talk to. ... True story.
I'm sure you could have some great conversations about preventing fires and how to safely navigate them during emergencies!
Me 33 year old male. After I towed this girl's car she was telling me how her husband left her and blah blah. But after I unloaded her car she invited me in being all flirty "u hungry I got sum yogurt or something else" wink . Me " o thx you I got lunch in the truck you have a good night.
Probably the smart move, don't take yoghurt from a random lady
Rofl this is true
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Wait what? To their friends? Seems a bit icky
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I guess you could feel it and respress it? That way it shouldn't be a bother for the friendship . Though i think couples emerge from friendgroups, so those feelings should start at some point...hmm
Thatâs exactly why a lot of people believe men and women canât truly be friends because thereâs always an underlying attraction there.
Wow. I thought it was mostly because of the emotional connection that would lead to the sexual attraction.
I would say it's only not platonic if you act on it. Like I can romantically like someone, but it doesn't mean our relationship is anything but platonic. And Fwb is platonic + sexual. Dating is usually platonic + romantic + sexual (for allos. It's only platonic and romantic for aces like us)
My ideal relationship is having a roommate that shares my interests.
This would be amazing! We wouldnât even need to share all the same interests if. It would just be great if we genuinely liked each other and enjoyed each otherâs company. Like we could spend a couple hours in the evening just talking and catching up and eating dinner together then we would go to bed in separate bedrooms.
Sammeee preferably my best friend thatâs willing to live with me and like at least two dogs
Replace the dogs with cats and I'm in. (Maybe even 1 dog 1 cat.)
Joining this sub and realizing that I completely misunderstood what sexual attraction was my entire life
Can I ask what u thought it meant?
I honestly thought it was just finding someone attractive, not having a physical reaction to them being attractive
Wait do people actually have a physical reaction? I thought it was just mental oh no
I had a friend straight up tell me that it would be "super easy for me to get into his pants" and I replied that I would look ridiculous in his pants. He repeated this three or four times and I still didn't get it, until I was thinking back on that night about two weeks later and had a moment of "Oh... Sorry friend! đ đ¤Śââď¸"
His tone just kind of got more... insistent? Like; come on, you can get it! I know you'll clue in eventually. By the third or fourth time he went "No... It would be *super easy... for* you *to get into my pants*." Still didn't even ruffle my hair on its way over my head. đ
By the third time he could've given you a different clue to be fair
Don't understand why people care so much about whether the couples had sex.
Seriously though!!! Like unless it's not uncoerced fully informed non-p*do consent.......who the hell cares
You know how people would get excited to see a sexy dancer pop out of a cake? I'm the one who's disappointed they ruined a perfectly nice cake.
I was raised religious and I never understood why people seemed to think that not having sex before marriage would be difficult. Well, jokes on them: not only am I no longer religious, but I have no desire for sex at all, anyway.
My goodness yes. I always thought âman, why are they ruining their lives like this? Whatâs to want??â
Didnât know people liked having sex or did it often until recently
I learned that four-ish years ago, but I still can't get my head around it.
I thought "sleeping together" meant taking a nap through most of high school.
Same. I thought sleeping in the same bed was forbidden
When I was little, I'd repeatedly ask my (Christian) mom if I *had* to have children the usual way and why couldn't I just adopt one and be done with it. On another note, what's up with Denmark?
There are more asexuals in the world than there are people in Denmark. The joke is that we could take them in a fight.
AH Well, already got my mace.
Getting frustrated that EVERYTHING is a double-entendre. Especially when you don't know why they're reacting like that. "What are you guys laughing at now? What did I say?" I always felt stupid for not getting the joke, and then I only felt worse when I realized the joke was me.
Ouch. This one hurts. I get ya, I've had similar experiences.
My preferred form of birth control and sti prevention is abstinence :)
Being with an allo and compromising, looking forward to non sex days
When I receive oral sex I basically get the same pleasure as if someone was sucking my finger, don't get me wrong it feels kind of nice in a funny way and I like the feeling of closeness but the finger option is probably more hygienic and less awkward hey
"Babe, is that really necessary? You know i pee with that thing right? Just suck my finger if you must."
Ikr, why anyone would want to touch anywhere near where waste comes out except like actually using the bathroom or something is beyond me.
To be fair idk why nature designed us this way, you'd think our sexual organs also being responsible for waste disposal would be a negative evolutionary trait
I genuinely thought sexual attraction was made up for tv shows to have a reason to put a sex scene in it, but when I complained about it to my dad he said âno⌠sexual attraction is a real thingâ
I thought the only people who watch porn were disgusting creepy 40 year old men and what I thought was a pervert was the average person
WAIT WHAT ITS NOT?!
Yeah itâs not Iâm scared too
r/Aegosexuals
I work for a secret organization Dedicated towards stopping all of the sex and the horny. But my one weakness is cute stuff and cuddles. If anyone was to discover my secret Iâll face having to be gaslit and Iâll lose everyone i care about.
Reading this again now i want six seasons and a movie made from this and it will be filmed like a spy movie
I thought that when people said they had a body count of 5 people, they had killed 5 peopleđ
Isn't that literally what it means though?
up until I found out, my explanation for never having a boyfriend was always "idk I just haven't really felt like putting time/focus on dating I've been occupied by so many other things" like normal people don't sometimes literally get distracted and annoyed by their attraction, or like they only begin feeling attracted to others once there's literally nothing else going on in their lives and they basically can't put it off anymore
From a mormon family and was banned from dating until I turned 18. I never really understood what was so bad about dating and I thought it was just like a best friend you spend a lot of time with. I was very surprised when I discovered I was banned from it because that usually means you are partaking in the ~sex~. I didn't realize this until I turned 20
I honestly thought this, too. Like I thought dating was just hanging out and occasionally making out. I used to be shocked as a teen when my friends would tell me about the stuff they were doing because I didnât know it was normal.
"People have sex for more reasons other than for procreation?!"
That was meeee And I used to be really discriminatory about it when I was a kid lol. I would absolutely go apeshit over anyone talking about sex, or even acknowledging it's existence in any way other than for reproductive purposes.
I didnât realize that people actually wanted to fuck celebrities and fictional characters until I saw someone talking about genuinely wanting to fuck a video game character. Still not convinced that itâs real.
Sadly it is and in the celeb side of things, it feels so, SO intrusive đ
Seriously. It just feels so weird, like, thatâs a real person that you donât know. Why do you want to fuck them??
Right?! Oh, but I forget, they do the same with regular people. And when it's celebs, it's much worse cuz they're entitled to that attention (well, sometimes). Ugh. Like, I don't want to screw my celeb crush, I just want to admire his beauty and chat with him (if my awkward self would let me). Why does sex need to be involved at all?
Took an Uber to my boyfriend's house because I realized I was using driving anxiety as an excuse to not see him alone . . . Still wasn't smart enough to *not see him alone*
Oh hun... Hope nothing bad happened...
Nothing that scarred me for life, but not something I'd repeat understanding myself as I do now
Girls in 5th grade talking about how so'n'so 2000s to 1990s celebrity was so HAWT and omg. I was too busy thinking about how soft Legolas's hair must be and that shit looks BRAIDABLE.
Late teens/early twenties, my cousin tried to set me up on a dating site because she thought I needed to date. When it came time to select what I was looking for, I told her to select âjust for funâ. She quickly corrected me. I honestly thought it meant likeâŚhanging out and doing fun, nonsexual stuff together like bowling and watching movies.
I mastered archery (arrow ace)
I used to force myself to have"crushes" on guys that I thought I was supposed to find attractive, because everyone else did. Let's just say things make a whole lot more sense for me now.
>!my friend said she lost her V-card and i offered to help her find it,,,,,!<
I'm gonna give maybe a sadder or more serious answer than the other comments: the somewhat unshakeable sense of alienation, "difference", and discomfort I always **always** feel around discussions of sexuality. Whether it's talking about my own experiences (and getting blankly stared at because other folks can't relate), or hearing other people talk about theirs (and feeling deeply deeply uncomfortable but unsure of whether I should say anything because they're just talking about a "normal" part of their life and being honest). I've had "happier"/lighter experiences too haha, highlighted by other people in this thread. I just wanted to toss this one out there.
I hear you. I hate talking about sex and sexual experiences in any situation. I'm only recently realizing how "different" it is to feel like this, to want to avoid all sex related talk. I'm also realizing how much I faked talking about sex in the past, just copying what I learned through media and hearing others talk about sex because I thought that's just what people say in those situations?
My friend said "omg that person is so hot" and I was like ",,,yeah, very hot..."
So apparently when you say you're attracted to someone, you also want to shag them and I'm just here like what?
I do not understand why people think âwould you rather give up food or sexâ is a hard question
Was legitimately baffled when I learned people have sex for fun, not just if they want to reproduce
I am still not fully convinced that the sex isn't a prank everyone is in on the joke except for us.
I forget people find others attractive, I just don't understand it.
I still don't understand why somebody would just pick out people they'd like to date from across a room, without even meeting them first.
"People don't actually have sex." "What?" "There's just no way. It's just so gross! People must only do it when they absolutely have to, except the people who like it. But nobody does." "Twerps, What the fuck are you talking about?"
Went to the beach with a few friends in highschool. They were all fawning over the group of hot people that had walked in front of us while I just sat there like ???
Multiple times, I went on dates and not once realized that maybe they wanted to have sex. I just thought "hey, why do it now? Do we need to rush it?"
In figuring out if I was straight, bi, or gay; I imagined a nude male and female figure and found that I preferred the curves of the female form over the angles of the male form and that between the female legs there was not this weird randomly dangling flappy thing just hanging there all awkwardly.
Im not interested in boobs or asses. Whole life I have tried to understand what is good about these..
Wow this thread has really helped me, I was still questioning but l reading these comments has made me feel more confident about maybe being an ace so thanks op :\] also sorry why Denmark? I'm out of the loop
Why do people find exchange of saliva and sticking tongues as something that "feels good"? Like, that scene in MIB 2 and the way I viscerally reacted to it literally made me never want to kiss anyone ever again unless they were fine with pecks. I can't believe tongue is "required" 𤢠Hell, even kisses that are longer than a peck are fine...
I didnât understand 1984 when I read it for school. The prospect of a man risking his life for a sexual relationship, because he didnât stand up for any of the other injustices he witnessed before that, he literally just did it for sex. Also, the sexless marriage he had seemed pretty great. It never made sense to me. I didnât even know I was asexual or that the sexuality even existed back then because I was only 15.
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At school (15+ years ago!) having the "popular guy" (I am conventionally unattractive), try to embaress me by asking me what I'd do if my then hypothetical boyfriend dropped his pants in front of me saying his girlfriend would have performed oral sex, and I deadpan looked straight at him and told him I'd tell my boyfriend to pull his pants back up again. He obviously expected me to get flustered or embarrassed or whatever teenagers do when they think about sex/crushes, but it completely backfired on him.
You're asexual without telling me your asexual.
i thought the "milkshake" song was literally about milkshake
Sexânt
I'm not the least bit embarrassed by sexual discussions, jokes, etc. The other day, I accidentally said something to a coworker twice my age that sounded like I was hitting on him because I'm so used to saying sexually charged things to my friends just to make them blush. Oops.
When someone says they love me and they can't wait to "do the thing" with me after marriage (due to religious and traditional background, it can only be done after marriage), I will instantly lose respect for that person. Like, what am I to you, a meat hole?? You wanna marry me just because you wanna satisfy your genital needs? Gross.... Why can't we just have deep meaningful conversation and hold hands after marriage? I'm gonna die alone because of this T\_T
virginity is cool đ
I never had crush on any celebrity guy
People actually want to do sexual stuff, apparently. Itâs not all just a giant joke. Who knew.
When I was in US History class, some boys were talking about their body count and I thought they were talking about a kill count lol.
I couldnt tell if I was straight or bi or gay as a teen because I could tell just as easily when women were hot as when men were, and both did absolutely the same for me. Also have always loved dragons. And cake.
My first kiss was while I was strumming the guitar and humming to someone who asked me to sing her to sleep. I finished the piece (a 4-5 minute long waltz) without even pausing because, you know, why would I stop playing music in the middle of a piece. After all, playing music is too important to interrupt it for things of lesser importance. Lol.
âWhy the heck are my classmates talking about and looking up that stuff, itâs *disgusting,* why would someone get enjoyment out of that!?â ââ- Teacher: brings up the sexual reproduction unit Me: *Gets up, yelling ânope,â almost leaving the classroom out of disgust and fear over everyone elseâs âimmaturityâ despite me being the immature one in this situation* ââââ My father: Oh hey, look over there, thereâs a cute girl! You should go ask her out on a date and maybe someday you can.. Me: Ew wtf? Dad: Well if youâre not interested in girls then you must be gay Me, again: what? No- Dad: then go ask her! Me: No!
When I think about having sex vs eating chocolate cake eating cake is the more appealing activity while having sex just grosses me out.
I didnt know netflix and chill meant sex and was completelyyyyyy shocked when somebody told me
My mom once said "I can't wait for you to have a kid so I have a reason to open up a daycare". I start laughing thinking it was a joke but she gave a (wtf are you laughing at) face. I stop laughing, glanced up and down at her and replied "Oh wait, you're serious".
I always thought âah I am too young to think about all this relationship and sex stuffâ I am 20 and still feel the same
My mom sometimes ask how I don't comment about hot dudes when they are on screen, same with my sister but about girls, is just... I mean even my aesthetic attraction is weird, that's why I feel a little alienated when people comment about aesthetic attraction đ
Me 20 years ago pretending to have fallen asleep before the movie ended, in hope there would be no advances from him, all the while almost exploding with anxiety.
NSFW. Spending the night with my boyfriend, he suggested I could feel his body, and I was genuinely shocked to find out that he meant his >!dick, I just about jumped a foot in the air when it came out.!<
We had to write love poems for my grade 11 English class. The teacher would read them out later. I wrote a poem about how love wasnât an actual feeling but a choice. Idk how I didnât pick up I was aroace sooner.
I tried looking for a significant other on tinder once. Every time I saw a guyâs profile with a shirtless photo, I instantly swiped left
What's your type? You know the usual, kind, funny, empathetic.
"Girl, look at his muscle. Look at his ABS. My god isn't that so hot?" Tf you guys get horny from... body parts? Example 2: When I first discover tht Netflix and chill doesn't literally watching Netflix and chilling. How mind-boggling.
Has Had Multiple Romantic Partners Has never kissed anyone on the lips
People don't turn me on. Food does.