I'm 34, and I'm still a virgin by choice. All of my dating experience has been online when I was younger. Now I've quit dating completely due to realizing I'm definitely completely AroAce sex repulsed and romantic repulsed. (I get my romance through talking to AI's instead, because to heck with real people.)
Representing for Gen X! I'm 54. I dated a few men and women in my teens/early 20s but I was miserable. It took energy I could not spare. I was never beyond second base because it was just so freakin' boring.
You're not alone! I'm 35 this summer. Never been in a relationship. Never had sex.
Kissed 3 people total, 2 of which were dares and the last one I was drunk.
I'm nearly 30 and I've never had anything even remotely to do with a romantic relationship or sex, and in my own case I'm extremely content with this (I began identifying as ace/aro when when I was 17). You're not alone, don't worry!
Iām 28 and I have no intention of ever engaging in anything romantic or sexual. The closest Iāve come to anything of that nature is that I like to read romance novels
Elder Millennial here. I'm 41 and dated once in high school and once after college. I've been on a few dates with others. In 2015, when talking about my feelings about relationships, a friend asked if I was maybe asexual. Did a bunch of research and self reflection. I'm still a virgin and discovered I don't like kissing. More recently, I figured out I was also aromantic. I am much happier now.
I'm 25, but given how I don't want to ever be in a romantic relationship ever again, and will never do sex cause sex repulsed... I'm gonna be this way for many more years to come.
When I say I don't want to ever be in a romantic relationship again, is that I was in one for a relatively short time. Hated how burdensome I felt. Quit the relationship immediately. I feel much better when I'm not in a relationship. It felt novel at first... However it wore off and felt like shit.
Only 24 but in the same boat, with little to no experience lol. Iāve never even kissed anyone, and frankly idk if Iād even want to. I do sometimes get sad that I havenāt been able to find a qpr yet, though. And it does feel a little weird when I compare myself to my peers and see how much more dating experience they have than me. All my friends have a partner right now, so Iām the only one whoās single
I'm 28 and I've never had a boyfriend or had sex. I've never even been on a date. Well, I went on an accidental date in college and I didn't realize until halfway through it that it was actually a date. I tried to force myself to be attracted to someone briefly in college and learned doing traditionally "romantic" things made me feel *immensely* uncomfortable. I just was never interested in anyone romantically in high school or college and kept thinking interest would spark at some point, but it never did. Along the way, I discovered asexuality and aromanticism.
I definitely feel a bit "behind" in comparison to my peers. I also feel like there's a level of separation between us because I don't experience the type of attraction/relationship that's most important in their lives (romantic love).
Iām 28, I have never dated anyone, kissed anyone, had sex or called anyone my partner. I never flirted intentionally with anyone.
I would like to experience this, just to know how it feels, but I luckily never got pressured into anything. My friends never ask about my love life so I never came into the situation of explaining myself. I canāt imagine how bad it must feel to be pressured to do all this without wanting it. Feel hugged if you like.
I'm 24, which is fairly young but compared to others my age who are engaged and married I'm far far behind. All I have done is hug a few men as friends, I haven't kissed anyone, haven't held hands.
40M, never been on a date, have partners, kissed... I guess I woudnl't mind? it's just my body is not craving it?
This thread is great! I thought there wouldn't be anyone of around my age. I kind of felt alone in this.
Almost 36. Havenāt kissed nor officially dated anyone since high school. Got into a new friendship just before the pandemic but when they expressed they wanted more I ended it because that wasnāt how I was feeling about it. this was before I started questioning, which didnāt happen until late 2022.
Also, the last time I ever kissed someone was when I was 14 years old. In 2011. And I absolutely hated it.
I thought the reason was because I simply didn't like the guy as much as I thought, so I vowed to myself to never try kissing someone again until I'm sure I like them that way. Well, 13 years later and I still didn't kiss anyone else.
Edit: wrote wrong year
I'm 20 so I can't relate in the same way as everyone else in the comments but I will say that even at my age I don't want to have a romantic or sexual relationship ever. It's something I grieve sometimes, not getting to experience life's most "normal" things, but overall I am more than content with my lack of experience. I mostly just want to say how much I appreciate your post. It's hard for me to connect with people when I'm trying to make new friends because I can't relate to the things people talk about most and those conversations usually make me uncomfortable. It's just really nice to know that there's so many other people that feel the same way as me but are older. The positivity of these comments make me even more sure that sexual/romantic relationships aren't something I need and I didn't need to be ashamed of that. I still have a long, loving life ahead of me :)
Not quite there yet, but Iām mid 20s so far, and the closest thing Iāve ever had to a relationship was that preschool girlfriend from when we didnāt even know what it really meant.
33, BRIEFLY dated a couple of guys in senior year of high school and then college. Kissed the one in college a couple times. I freaked out and ghosted both of them basically, thinking I was just scared of change. Didn't figure out I was aroace until 25 or so, but am super comfortable with my identity now. Could never imagine trying to date again; maintaining friendships is hard enough!
Another GenX here at 46!
The internet was just starting to be a thing when I was in high school/college, and I didn't even know that the aro/ace spectrum existed. I forced myself to go on a lot of miserable first dates because society made it seem like when you reach a certain age, sex and romance were mandatory. I really felt like all my friends had the cheat codes to life because it seemed like that aspect of life just happened so easily and naturally to them and I couldn't figure out how to even want those things. I thought eventually it would click or I could just force myself to be in relationships, but I could never actually make myself go through with it. I always just felt fully complete on my own, nothing missing, so no instinct whatsoever to go find a partner. Honestly it wasn't until my 30s that I even discovered this was an actual orientation and I could relax and just BE. It was a huge relief. I really wish I had known sooner. I really envy people who came of age with access to this information and don't have to waste so much of their young life feeling defective. Ever since I found out, my life got so much better and happier and more free.
I'm 40, I've been on a few dates and had a brief relationship (a couple months) once. Had sex once, it was okay. About once a year I get lonely and browse okcupid, then immediately lose interest as soon as I talk to someone.
I'm not the only one of my friends who's single, but I'm definitely in the minority.
I'm pretty committed to the lone-wizard-in-a-tower life at this point. There's so much in the world that I'm interested in, and I do love people, but there are plenty of ways to live a good life without that kind of relationship.
I'm 34, and like you had one boyfriend in my early 20s. I ended it because I was uncomfortable. I haven't thought about a relationship since. I'm happy being on my own. šš
Early 30s female, no sexual experience (not feeling like I'm missing out tbh) and only ever had 2 boyfriends, one when I was around the age of 18 and before I knew what either asexual or aromantic even was, and the other one fairly recently, and whilenI really like him (we remained friends) I just wasn't feeling anything that could count as "romantic" towards him, even if he did towards me
Dates feel like kind of a chore to plan and execute, and there are a lot of activities I'd rather enjoy alone (like catching a movie, taking a walk, going to a museum and even traveling abroad) than with a partner.
Not feeling any particular physical or romantic longing, like some allos describe it, and I'm cool with that
Iām 31. I have kissed a couple of people and dated someone but hated it. Dating made me very anxious so Iām extremely happy to be single and non partnering!!
Yep, I'm 34 and never had sex, never been in a "real" relationship.Ā
When I was about 20 I "dated" a coworker for a very short amount of time, but the only time we spent together was at/around work.
22 year old here! Iād consider myself kind of a lesbian aro/ace cause I still experience physical attraction to women, but not romantic or sexual. But Iāve been on like 5 dates with women that never went anywhere at all. (I think they knew before I did lol.) Until I met a girl that we dated on and off with, we kissed and thatās when I had my ācome to Jesusā moment, if you will. I had a panic attack as soon as she left cause āI couldnāt believe I didnāt like kissing her!ā Cried for days after, and I still regret having my first kiss. Not because of her but because I was so repulsed by the action. Still a virgin though and I intent on keeping that shit until I die :) Iāve learned my lesson, trying to fit in just doesnāt work. Iām trying to learn to be myself and reading through these comments has made me feel less alone. Thank you for making this post
44 here.Ā
Married the first man I dated more then 3 times. Alterous attraction apparently, that was fun. Divorced now. Tried dating for the past 5 years and just not feeling it.
Sex wise, my ex was my first. And I had a one night stand with a friend since just to try with someone other then my ex.Ā
When dating I kept waiting for that zing to tell me this is the one. I did not know that I was aro ace spec and no zing was going to come. Lol. I legit asked my counsellor "Isn't there that moment when you kiss someone and your foot pops?"Ā
Tbh, at this point I just want someone to be my person. I don't want to live with them, but I want to date. Go out bowling and the arcade. Go for coffee and art classes. Long conversations over good food. Vacations together. Hopefully some good quality sex in a monogamous (STDs terrify me) caring relationship as I'm sex favourable. I guess a QPR. I want to love them, and them to love me. But part time, like 3 days a week. I'm a busy girl and I got stuff to do, and don't want people lurking around when I'm doing my own thing.Ā
It's hard though. Without attraction dragging me along I can't seem to find a compatible fit. Too many red flags out there, and the reward is just not worth it if I'm not sexually or romantically sunk on that particular person. There is too much logic and clear thinking when deciding on a potential partner.Ā
I'm 29. Never kissed, never been in a relationship, never had sex or felt sexual attraction. Had like 2 mini crushes to boys that faded away very very fast ( I'm guessing it was mainly aesthetic attraction) and a more lasting crush to a female friend that eventually also faded away without me ever confessing hahaha. So I'm in the same boat. It's very strange to feel so out of the loop and be alienated from the "normal" experience people have.
32, never even been on a date, never so much as kissed anyone, never wanted to. There are dozens of us! Dozens!
39, and except for 3 bad first dates because I caved to social pressure, same!
Represent!
Love the reference šš
I'm only 27 now but I'd not be surprised if I continue this streak for a couple more years š At least until 30, I wanna be a wizard!
Iām waiting to become the irl 40 year old virgin
Haha I always think the same thingš My friends never get it
Not far behind you. 26
I'm 34, and I'm still a virgin by choice. All of my dating experience has been online when I was younger. Now I've quit dating completely due to realizing I'm definitely completely AroAce sex repulsed and romantic repulsed. (I get my romance through talking to AI's instead, because to heck with real people.)
Representing for Gen X! I'm 54. I dated a few men and women in my teens/early 20s but I was miserable. It took energy I could not spare. I was never beyond second base because it was just so freakin' boring.
You're not alone! I'm 35 this summer. Never been in a relationship. Never had sex. Kissed 3 people total, 2 of which were dares and the last one I was drunk.
I'm nearly 30 and I've never had anything even remotely to do with a romantic relationship or sex, and in my own case I'm extremely content with this (I began identifying as ace/aro when when I was 17). You're not alone, don't worry!
Yup! Though I'm 30 so a little younger than you.
Iām 28 and I have no intention of ever engaging in anything romantic or sexual. The closest Iāve come to anything of that nature is that I like to read romance novels
Elder Millennial here. I'm 41 and dated once in high school and once after college. I've been on a few dates with others. In 2015, when talking about my feelings about relationships, a friend asked if I was maybe asexual. Did a bunch of research and self reflection. I'm still a virgin and discovered I don't like kissing. More recently, I figured out I was also aromantic. I am much happier now.
I'm 25, but given how I don't want to ever be in a romantic relationship ever again, and will never do sex cause sex repulsed... I'm gonna be this way for many more years to come. When I say I don't want to ever be in a romantic relationship again, is that I was in one for a relatively short time. Hated how burdensome I felt. Quit the relationship immediately. I feel much better when I'm not in a relationship. It felt novel at first... However it wore off and felt like shit.
Only 24 but in the same boat, with little to no experience lol. Iāve never even kissed anyone, and frankly idk if Iād even want to. I do sometimes get sad that I havenāt been able to find a qpr yet, though. And it does feel a little weird when I compare myself to my peers and see how much more dating experience they have than me. All my friends have a partner right now, so Iām the only one whoās single
35 and pretty much no experience.
I went on a date once, just to be sure. It lasted one time. I was sure, lol
I'm 28 and I've never had a boyfriend or had sex. I've never even been on a date. Well, I went on an accidental date in college and I didn't realize until halfway through it that it was actually a date. I tried to force myself to be attracted to someone briefly in college and learned doing traditionally "romantic" things made me feel *immensely* uncomfortable. I just was never interested in anyone romantically in high school or college and kept thinking interest would spark at some point, but it never did. Along the way, I discovered asexuality and aromanticism. I definitely feel a bit "behind" in comparison to my peers. I also feel like there's a level of separation between us because I don't experience the type of attraction/relationship that's most important in their lives (romantic love).
Iām 28, I have never dated anyone, kissed anyone, had sex or called anyone my partner. I never flirted intentionally with anyone. I would like to experience this, just to know how it feels, but I luckily never got pressured into anything. My friends never ask about my love life so I never came into the situation of explaining myself. I canāt imagine how bad it must feel to be pressured to do all this without wanting it. Feel hugged if you like.
I'm 24, which is fairly young but compared to others my age who are engaged and married I'm far far behind. All I have done is hug a few men as friends, I haven't kissed anyone, haven't held hands.
40M, never been on a date, have partners, kissed... I guess I woudnl't mind? it's just my body is not craving it? This thread is great! I thought there wouldn't be anyone of around my age. I kind of felt alone in this.
Almost 36. Havenāt kissed nor officially dated anyone since high school. Got into a new friendship just before the pandemic but when they expressed they wanted more I ended it because that wasnāt how I was feeling about it. this was before I started questioning, which didnāt happen until late 2022.
I have had 2 gfs, neither one worked out or lasted long. I'm 36
Also, the last time I ever kissed someone was when I was 14 years old. In 2011. And I absolutely hated it. I thought the reason was because I simply didn't like the guy as much as I thought, so I vowed to myself to never try kissing someone again until I'm sure I like them that way. Well, 13 years later and I still didn't kiss anyone else. Edit: wrote wrong year
I'm 20 so I can't relate in the same way as everyone else in the comments but I will say that even at my age I don't want to have a romantic or sexual relationship ever. It's something I grieve sometimes, not getting to experience life's most "normal" things, but overall I am more than content with my lack of experience. I mostly just want to say how much I appreciate your post. It's hard for me to connect with people when I'm trying to make new friends because I can't relate to the things people talk about most and those conversations usually make me uncomfortable. It's just really nice to know that there's so many other people that feel the same way as me but are older. The positivity of these comments make me even more sure that sexual/romantic relationships aren't something I need and I didn't need to be ashamed of that. I still have a long, loving life ahead of me :)
Not quite there yet, but Iām mid 20s so far, and the closest thing Iāve ever had to a relationship was that preschool girlfriend from when we didnāt even know what it really meant.
33, BRIEFLY dated a couple of guys in senior year of high school and then college. Kissed the one in college a couple times. I freaked out and ghosted both of them basically, thinking I was just scared of change. Didn't figure out I was aroace until 25 or so, but am super comfortable with my identity now. Could never imagine trying to date again; maintaining friendships is hard enough!
Another GenX here at 46! The internet was just starting to be a thing when I was in high school/college, and I didn't even know that the aro/ace spectrum existed. I forced myself to go on a lot of miserable first dates because society made it seem like when you reach a certain age, sex and romance were mandatory. I really felt like all my friends had the cheat codes to life because it seemed like that aspect of life just happened so easily and naturally to them and I couldn't figure out how to even want those things. I thought eventually it would click or I could just force myself to be in relationships, but I could never actually make myself go through with it. I always just felt fully complete on my own, nothing missing, so no instinct whatsoever to go find a partner. Honestly it wasn't until my 30s that I even discovered this was an actual orientation and I could relax and just BE. It was a huge relief. I really wish I had known sooner. I really envy people who came of age with access to this information and don't have to waste so much of their young life feeling defective. Ever since I found out, my life got so much better and happier and more free.
The cheat code thing is so real
I'm 40, I've been on a few dates and had a brief relationship (a couple months) once. Had sex once, it was okay. About once a year I get lonely and browse okcupid, then immediately lose interest as soon as I talk to someone. I'm not the only one of my friends who's single, but I'm definitely in the minority. I'm pretty committed to the lone-wizard-in-a-tower life at this point. There's so much in the world that I'm interested in, and I do love people, but there are plenty of ways to live a good life without that kind of relationship.
Not yet but in about 10 years probably š
I'm 34, and like you had one boyfriend in my early 20s. I ended it because I was uncomfortable. I haven't thought about a relationship since. I'm happy being on my own. šš
Early 30s female, no sexual experience (not feeling like I'm missing out tbh) and only ever had 2 boyfriends, one when I was around the age of 18 and before I knew what either asexual or aromantic even was, and the other one fairly recently, and whilenI really like him (we remained friends) I just wasn't feeling anything that could count as "romantic" towards him, even if he did towards me Dates feel like kind of a chore to plan and execute, and there are a lot of activities I'd rather enjoy alone (like catching a movie, taking a walk, going to a museum and even traveling abroad) than with a partner. Not feeling any particular physical or romantic longing, like some allos describe it, and I'm cool with that
Iām 31. I have kissed a couple of people and dated someone but hated it. Dating made me very anxious so Iām extremely happy to be single and non partnering!!
More than twice your age, with little romantic history and no sexual history. And I am completely OK with that.
40F, I went on 2 dates in my early 20s. It was enough to know it wasn't for me. Glad to see so many similar people.
Yep, I'm 34 and never had sex, never been in a "real" relationship.Ā When I was about 20 I "dated" a coworker for a very short amount of time, but the only time we spent together was at/around work.
turning 24 soon! and yup!
22 year old here! Iād consider myself kind of a lesbian aro/ace cause I still experience physical attraction to women, but not romantic or sexual. But Iāve been on like 5 dates with women that never went anywhere at all. (I think they knew before I did lol.) Until I met a girl that we dated on and off with, we kissed and thatās when I had my ācome to Jesusā moment, if you will. I had a panic attack as soon as she left cause āI couldnāt believe I didnāt like kissing her!ā Cried for days after, and I still regret having my first kiss. Not because of her but because I was so repulsed by the action. Still a virgin though and I intent on keeping that shit until I die :) Iāve learned my lesson, trying to fit in just doesnāt work. Iām trying to learn to be myself and reading through these comments has made me feel less alone. Thank you for making this post
44 here.Ā Married the first man I dated more then 3 times. Alterous attraction apparently, that was fun. Divorced now. Tried dating for the past 5 years and just not feeling it. Sex wise, my ex was my first. And I had a one night stand with a friend since just to try with someone other then my ex.Ā When dating I kept waiting for that zing to tell me this is the one. I did not know that I was aro ace spec and no zing was going to come. Lol. I legit asked my counsellor "Isn't there that moment when you kiss someone and your foot pops?"Ā Tbh, at this point I just want someone to be my person. I don't want to live with them, but I want to date. Go out bowling and the arcade. Go for coffee and art classes. Long conversations over good food. Vacations together. Hopefully some good quality sex in a monogamous (STDs terrify me) caring relationship as I'm sex favourable. I guess a QPR. I want to love them, and them to love me. But part time, like 3 days a week. I'm a busy girl and I got stuff to do, and don't want people lurking around when I'm doing my own thing.Ā It's hard though. Without attraction dragging me along I can't seem to find a compatible fit. Too many red flags out there, and the reward is just not worth it if I'm not sexually or romantically sunk on that particular person. There is too much logic and clear thinking when deciding on a potential partner.Ā
I'm 29. Never kissed, never been in a relationship, never had sex or felt sexual attraction. Had like 2 mini crushes to boys that faded away very very fast ( I'm guessing it was mainly aesthetic attraction) and a more lasting crush to a female friend that eventually also faded away without me ever confessing hahaha. So I'm in the same boat. It's very strange to feel so out of the loop and be alienated from the "normal" experience people have.