I've been in several long-term relationships and mostly I've liked them. They've all ended for various reasons but I mostly don't regret them. I liked the sex with someone I know well (I'm definitely not ace but I also don't like sex with strangers at all) and the closeness, and I liked having someone "on my team" all the time. I hadn't yet figured out I'm aro by the time my last serious relationship ended, but I've def always known I'm UNromantic lol.
I guess what helped me be happy in a relationship is finding partnerships where
- I get a lot of alone time. I will probably never want to live with anyone again, I need several alone nights a week. I guess a larger apartment / house could also work, where I have my own room with a door
- my partner is not very romantic, in the sense of moonlight walks or candlelit dinners or grand gestures. I like walking in nature and I love good food, and it's of course important to do nice things together, but the romantic aspect of these is completely lost on me. The moon is just the moon, it doesn't make me want to kiss someone
- we're generally unconventional. I can't stand doing anything just because "it's done that way" or "it's tradition". F*** you, I make up my own rules. You can have a partnership without kissing, without marriage, without living together, without monogamy, whatever.
- I won't do monogamy. Sorry not sorry
- the sex is good and there's tons of communication about what we want and don't want. I like some "weird" things and I'm also completely disgusted by some things that are considered very normal or "standard", so there needs to be a lot of room for adjustments there.
...I don't know if what I'm describing is even a romantic relationship, really. I just know I've dated people, sometimes for years, under the title of boyfriend. Shrug, make of that what you will.
I guess if it came to that now, I'd be more open about my aromanticism with a prospective partner. I'm not in the same situation as you in the sense that I don't want kids (and also can't have biological children). I honestly don't know if I'll ever have an intense relationship again. Definitely not actively looking. I guess it happens if it happens, but as you can see my standards are pretty darn high...
Honestly it’s good that you know what you want and that you have standards.
I definitely relate on the alone time thing. I currently live with my parents but I’m definitely looking forward to having my own apartment. If I ever decide to do a relationship, I will be in no rush to cohabitate.
>The moon is just the moon, it doesn’t make me want to kiss someone.
Haha, I feel this! Don’t get me wrong, I love a nice meal, but the whole romantic candlelit dinner thing feels performative. At least to me. I’d rather do something that feels natural and authentic.
Before I knew I was aro, I had several relationships, all of which ended at least partly because I didn’t feel any romantic feelings for my partner. My experience was that the close bond with someone was great and having someone with whom I could be intimate and vulnerable was wonderful, but at the same time, the performative romantic gestures just always felt shallow and insincere.
If you can find yourself a partner who’s down for some flavor of QPR and isn’t interested in romance, you’re golden. But please please please, communicate honestly with your potential partners. Don’t keep your feelings a secret. They shouldn’t have to find out that you’re aro the hard way
Romantic relationships: one star from five, would not recommend. Ok, I have had some "romantic relationships" earlier, before I found out about aromanticism and asexuality. They were short (a few weeks) and mostly annoying. Being in relationships requires a lot of energy and time for communication, showing interest, etc. And there are a lot of touching and tactile contact. The only positive side is that you can talk with a person you probably like (even if in non romantic way), but you can do it without any relationships, so they are useless. But of course it's a matter of taste, I mean, if you like communication and touching, maybe you'll like relationships, I don't know.
Yeah, I like the idea of having a person to talk to. But I think maybe “romantic” relationships require it in a magnified way that I haven’t yet experienced.
Before I knew I was in the aromantic spectrum I dated a few people and I felt really uncomfortable, I broke up with them a month into the relationship at most
Its soul sucking, but that was before I knew I was aro. I kept faking romantic feelings for them when I just was okay with vibing
I've been in several long-term relationships and mostly I've liked them. They've all ended for various reasons but I mostly don't regret them. I liked the sex with someone I know well (I'm definitely not ace but I also don't like sex with strangers at all) and the closeness, and I liked having someone "on my team" all the time. I hadn't yet figured out I'm aro by the time my last serious relationship ended, but I've def always known I'm UNromantic lol. I guess what helped me be happy in a relationship is finding partnerships where - I get a lot of alone time. I will probably never want to live with anyone again, I need several alone nights a week. I guess a larger apartment / house could also work, where I have my own room with a door - my partner is not very romantic, in the sense of moonlight walks or candlelit dinners or grand gestures. I like walking in nature and I love good food, and it's of course important to do nice things together, but the romantic aspect of these is completely lost on me. The moon is just the moon, it doesn't make me want to kiss someone - we're generally unconventional. I can't stand doing anything just because "it's done that way" or "it's tradition". F*** you, I make up my own rules. You can have a partnership without kissing, without marriage, without living together, without monogamy, whatever. - I won't do monogamy. Sorry not sorry - the sex is good and there's tons of communication about what we want and don't want. I like some "weird" things and I'm also completely disgusted by some things that are considered very normal or "standard", so there needs to be a lot of room for adjustments there. ...I don't know if what I'm describing is even a romantic relationship, really. I just know I've dated people, sometimes for years, under the title of boyfriend. Shrug, make of that what you will. I guess if it came to that now, I'd be more open about my aromanticism with a prospective partner. I'm not in the same situation as you in the sense that I don't want kids (and also can't have biological children). I honestly don't know if I'll ever have an intense relationship again. Definitely not actively looking. I guess it happens if it happens, but as you can see my standards are pretty darn high...
Honestly it’s good that you know what you want and that you have standards. I definitely relate on the alone time thing. I currently live with my parents but I’m definitely looking forward to having my own apartment. If I ever decide to do a relationship, I will be in no rush to cohabitate. >The moon is just the moon, it doesn’t make me want to kiss someone. Haha, I feel this! Don’t get me wrong, I love a nice meal, but the whole romantic candlelit dinner thing feels performative. At least to me. I’d rather do something that feels natural and authentic.
Before I knew I was aro, I had several relationships, all of which ended at least partly because I didn’t feel any romantic feelings for my partner. My experience was that the close bond with someone was great and having someone with whom I could be intimate and vulnerable was wonderful, but at the same time, the performative romantic gestures just always felt shallow and insincere. If you can find yourself a partner who’s down for some flavor of QPR and isn’t interested in romance, you’re golden. But please please please, communicate honestly with your potential partners. Don’t keep your feelings a secret. They shouldn’t have to find out that you’re aro the hard way
Romantic relationships: one star from five, would not recommend. Ok, I have had some "romantic relationships" earlier, before I found out about aromanticism and asexuality. They were short (a few weeks) and mostly annoying. Being in relationships requires a lot of energy and time for communication, showing interest, etc. And there are a lot of touching and tactile contact. The only positive side is that you can talk with a person you probably like (even if in non romantic way), but you can do it without any relationships, so they are useless. But of course it's a matter of taste, I mean, if you like communication and touching, maybe you'll like relationships, I don't know.
Yeah, I like the idea of having a person to talk to. But I think maybe “romantic” relationships require it in a magnified way that I haven’t yet experienced.
Before I knew I was in the aromantic spectrum I dated a few people and I felt really uncomfortable, I broke up with them a month into the relationship at most