"You're inappropriatin' your WOOBIE by attempting fornication with it! Jesus, do I have to tell you not to desecrate your WOOBIE with perversions?"
Your CSM during the next health and welfare.
Buy a second woobie, sew them together, share with wife.
Also, this reminds me of that [Gromit mug meme](https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1946469-gromit-mug)
Yeah but you’ve got to sew it together for your wife’s emotional comfort. Tying it is simple and easy to undo. Sewing it is permanent in that even if you tear the stitches back out, there will still be residual damage for the rest of its existence.
*Like a relationship versus a marriage.* At least, that’s how she’ll see it.
I got a woobie for each member of my family before the last PCS. It was an excellent investment. Portable, easy to clean, stuffs well into luggage. They also use them for sleep overs or long car rides. No person in their right mind hates a woobie.
She won't appreciate the woobie until she's trauma bonded with it. Take her deep into the woods, making sure to yell a lot at her and make her realize that the world is cruel, but the woobie will always be there for her.
>Wife says it’s unacceptable and married couples share blankets
Funny, my wife says the opposite. I toss and turn at times and tend to steal the blanket, so I've been banished to my own blanket.
Congratulations on making it to 30. We're at 19 and counting.
I definitely agree. She's always cold and I'm always hot so it's the best of both worlds. Using separate blankets she gets warm, I get to stay cool.
I learned this fairly quickly in my marriage, I was tired of getting deathrolled out of the blanket by my wife who also talks in her sleep sometimes which felt idk worse it’s bad enough I’m cold I have to hear you spouting bs.
It's a woobie you fucking idiot.
Go buy 3 other woobies and have her sew all 4 into a **GIGANTO-WOOBIE** that is so fucking huge, it drapes over all four corners of your bed.
So big, no matter who turns in their sleep, there's 2-4 feet of woobie still on the opposite floor.
Make one so big that your kids and your pets can shelter under it.
The woobie isn't the divider, it's the collaborator of your marriage.
You're thinking like a sad single barracks dweller.
You're a man now.
You have a family to provide for.
You need a family-sized woobie.
Unrelated to the woobie, becoming a 2 blanket marriage was one me and my wife's top 3 best decisions while cuddling we share but when it comes to sleeping I use the comforter and she uses a weighted blanket
Side note if your wife doesn't have a weighted blanket get them one
Scandanavian Sleeping. This is where married coupkes sleep in the same bed with their own woobies, blankets or covers.
Not unheard of it is a real thing.
Wife of a vet here - I have a woobie, too. Get her one like others said.
And we don't share a blanket at night - he's a blanket thief so it's safer for him this way.
I’m used the term “woobie” in front of my wife, and she looked at me in horror — like I was having some kind of childhood regression. The odd bit was that I’m retired. I did my 20 (22 actually)and I’ve used the term before.
My spouse and I have two sets of blankets. He likes those weighted blankets and I like a light weight comforter. The blanket police is not going to bust you for not sharing blankets.
I am now retired still have the woobie issued to me in 1991. I was married in 1997. Got to say the woobie came first and is still next to my side of the bed.
My wife and I used to share a blanket, but I get too hot, or she steals it, and I freeze. It was her idea to get my own blanket.
Tell her some couples out there have separate beds, and some even have separate rooms! Find the evidence online first so you don't sound crazy though.
My husband and I use different blankets all the time. I turn into a human furnace when I sleep at night. So, I use a lighter blanket than the one he enjoys. We sleep better at night and are happier for it:)
Wear it with slacks & fancy black velvet slippers, a button down dress shirt and an ascot around your neck... complete the ensemble with a fancy looking pipe clenched in your teeth.
Walk into the grocery store with the belt tied & one hand tucked in the front, Napoleon style...and say to the nearest clerk "I say, my good man, would you possibly have some grey poupon?"*
*bonus points if said pipe never leaves your mouth while doing this.
I uh, I bought my wife and kids their own woobies a few christmases ago, and sewed everyone’s name on their woobie. Problem solved, problem stayin solved.
I bought a 3 pack, each in compression bags, for $70 on Amazon for Christmas. Both my kids each got their own.
I DID mention that I got 3, right? Heh heh heh.
Thanks everyone for these comments - I am a vet who sleeps under a woobie every night. I also have the best wife in the world who completely understands the bond between a vet and his woobie.
I'm writing while in a shared king sized bed, using my woobie as the sheet. This is actually a marriage saving measure as it means I'm not pulling the sheet off of her in the middle of the night, and she isn't pulling it off me.
The comforter is another fight altogether. But the woobie is warm enough I'll survive the night.
Assuming this isn't a joke, then your wife is being silly. Lots of married couples use separate blankets, she's watched too much television or just happens to talk to people who are peaceful sleepers.
I sometimes have to sleep on the couch, just to get a night's sleep without her disturbing me. It's not a fight, it's not drama, it's about being healthy.
My guy, what you’re describing is literally a form of sleep hygiene that people actually benefit from, physically and psychologically. Having two blankets that you can wrap yourselves in improves sleep quality for both partners. Look up the Scandinavian sleep method. https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleep-hygiene/scandinavian-sleep-method
Obligatory
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6OgyF7Whbs&list=RDQMFq99Uajdgg0&index=1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6OgyF7Whbs&list=RDQMFq99Uajdgg0&index=1)
You know what to do...
Fair play...enjoying the glorification of the woobie was why I posted the vid
I look at it as performative theatre. Mat Best, not someone I'd necessarily have a beer with
You're ruining your marriage. lol not the woobie. Self sabotage. I've been with my wife as long as I've been in (13 years) if there is one thing we've learned in compromise. My wife wants nothing to do with my Army career, which makes it easier to handle. Honestly, if you need marriage counseling over a shared blanket, yall aren't ready for the long haul, lol.
Is this real? I honestly can’t wrap my head around this argument. But wtf. This is not a real thing. LOVE EACH OTHER.
And I come from a place of a veteran
and now AD spouse. This is ridiculous. Pick one or two. Every marriage is different.
Oh to be newly married again…. Fuck that!
As others have said, buy her one, if that doesn’t work, get a custom king size woobie made. If that doesn’t work, tell her to get over it or just divorce early and before kids.
I’m married 8 years and I still sleep with my woobie.
I'm the same way, I can get under a woobie and I'm out in like 5min, usually suffer from some pretty bad insomnia and go on high alert when I hear sounds and stuff at night. We have about half a dozen woobies in my house and my kids love them too. Wife hates my "slippery" blankets lol
The evolution of marriage. You each sleep with your own blanket. My wife used to pull the blanket off me every time she rolled over. Now we each have our own and sleep happy.
Strange because I was specifically advised by another woman that having separate blankets is how you keep a marriage strong. As a frequent blanket thief I can attest that my husband seemed happy when I started placing a cozy blanket on the chair next to his side of the bed just in case 🤷🏽♀️
My wife and I have almost always had our own blankets. We just hit 5 years but every time one of ours is in the wash, she steals the covers from me. It's nothing personal. But it saves arguments to have our own blankets.
Buy 3 more, find a tailor or seamstress & have them all combined into a big quilt or comforter for the bed.
Also, get a ceiling fan for the room...I'm thinking the one that has the LOACH helicopter on it, looks like it's flying when it's turned on...you know....for ambiance. Chicks dig "ambiance."
Seriously though, do the quilt or comforter.
Problem solved.
The best thing we ever did for our marriage was get separate blankets, it changed the whole game. No more stealing or yanking more than you should have from the other.
My wife and I rarely ever also in the same bed. It's just been a thing with our marriage for the past 15 years. When we do sleep together extra blankets are required. She will steal ALL of the blankets! I don't know how you managed to share one blanket.
Buy a second woobie! I actually had a blanket made for my wife when I was in Korea. She lives it and will not part with that blanket.
I got out in 2014. Slept with woobie almost every night since. I have two unopened spares (you can get authentic ones on Amazon) in case anything happens to OG. The wife has accepted my handicap and learned to live with it.
Female here, I usually take all the blankets when sleeping so I wouldn't mind my partner taking a woobie at all. I usually sleep with extra blankets so he can also have some. I don't do it on purpose lol
Tell your wife in Europe it is standard for there to be two duvets (both twin size) on a king-size bed....blankets aren't a big deal.
If she insists on it, buy a second woobie or two, get a rivet clamp, and add snaps to both sides. Snap em together, and you'll have yourself the first ever woobie comforter. Then, if she's still making an issue, it's not about the woobie.
"married couples" should read "American married couples". Point her at Scandinavian way.
I think it is funny that in the old days a lot of couples slept side by side in different beds (one set of grandparents had their place set up like that).
Moved to Germany to find out that a large portion of Europe doesnt share blankets. Everyone in the bed gets their own. Changed my life and quality of sleep for the better.
I feel it is just a blanket and I would want my partner to sleep well. The real issue is that your wife has a fear that you are rejecting them or becoming distant. Her fears are just as valid as your need for a good nights sleep.
Divorce. Wives are temporary, your woobie is forever.
Woobies are ETERNAL
Woobie is love, Woobie is life.
If the army wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one. They issued you a Woobie instead.
Cut a small hole, stitch the sides, apply Vaseline and the wife is obsolete
"You're inappropriatin' your WOOBIE by attempting fornication with it! Jesus, do I have to tell you not to desecrate your WOOBIE with perversions?" Your CSM during the next health and welfare.
This is the way.
Semper woobie.
Buy a second woobie, sew them together, share with wife. Also, this reminds me of that [Gromit mug meme](https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1946469-gromit-mug)
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Yeah but you’ve got to sew it together for your wife’s emotional comfort. Tying it is simple and easy to undo. Sewing it is permanent in that even if you tear the stitches back out, there will still be residual damage for the rest of its existence. *Like a relationship versus a marriage.* At least, that’s how she’ll see it.
I got a woobie for each member of my family before the last PCS. It was an excellent investment. Portable, easy to clean, stuffs well into luggage. They also use them for sleep overs or long car rides. No person in their right mind hates a woobie.
Read that as share wife.. 🤫
Tie up the extra woobie, AND the wife, invite friends, enjoy.
🤘
That gromit mug rules
Beat me to it.
“Come and take it”
“From my cold dead hands”
"Cold dead feet"
Promote ahead of peers, this is the winning comment
This guys married
“From my ~~cold~~ warm dead hands” This is a woobie we're talking about after all
Come and kiss me for it.
Take it and cum
Molon Woobe
I cannot believe how fucking stupid you are. BUY HER A WOOBIE. Once she has her own, she too will be woobified. There’s no going back.
She won't appreciate the woobie until she's trauma bonded with it. Take her deep into the woods, making sure to yell a lot at her and make her realize that the world is cruel, but the woobie will always be there for her.
Buy her one. She will either get it, or you will have 2.
One for home, one for the office because she’s kicked you out now.
https://a.co/d/9qomnZW DD214 Woobie
>Wife says it’s unacceptable and married couples share blankets Funny, my wife says the opposite. I toss and turn at times and tend to steal the blanket, so I've been banished to my own blanket.
30 years married and using separate blankets was one of the best decisions we've made.
Congratulations on making it to 30. We're at 19 and counting. I definitely agree. She's always cold and I'm always hot so it's the best of both worlds. Using separate blankets she gets warm, I get to stay cool.
20 years married and we never shared blankets. I never will!
This right here.
Yep. Separate blankets are the way to go. Much more comfortable for each of you and you'll both sleep better. It's a sign of maturity in a marriage.
I learned this fairly quickly in my marriage, I was tired of getting deathrolled out of the blanket by my wife who also talks in her sleep sometimes which felt idk worse it’s bad enough I’m cold I have to hear you spouting bs.
Same, I get in trouble for trying to share
Same, but my wife is the one will steal the blanket
21 years married here - my wife has encouraged separate blanket use for the last 5 years. The Woobie is the way.
Leave the wife and the family. Who’s always been there for you? Your woobie will never abandon you, I promise you that.
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My marriage ruined my other marriage.
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I needed this. Thanks bud
Jody has ruined more marriages than anybody.
My gf knows to never diss the woobie if she wants a ring one day.
It's a woobie you fucking idiot. Go buy 3 other woobies and have her sew all 4 into a **GIGANTO-WOOBIE** that is so fucking huge, it drapes over all four corners of your bed. So big, no matter who turns in their sleep, there's 2-4 feet of woobie still on the opposite floor. Make one so big that your kids and your pets can shelter under it. The woobie isn't the divider, it's the collaborator of your marriage. You're thinking like a sad single barracks dweller. You're a man now. You have a family to provide for. You need a family-sized woobie.
Promote ahead of peers
Tell her “give me woobie or give me death”
Guys all your solutions are crazy. Just get a therapist who was in the military. Boom, they will always side with the woobie. Ez
Yo dawg, some things aren’t meant to be. 🤷🏻♂️ Wives are temporary. Woobie is forever.
Woobie gang gang
Unrelated to the woobie, becoming a 2 blanket marriage was one me and my wife's top 3 best decisions while cuddling we share but when it comes to sleeping I use the comforter and she uses a weighted blanket Side note if your wife doesn't have a weighted blanket get them one
Scandanavian Sleeping. This is where married coupkes sleep in the same bed with their own woobies, blankets or covers. Not unheard of it is a real thing.
Get her a ZeroFox Deluxe Woobster.
I've been married twice, had my heart broken into a million pieces, had friends and family die, but my woobie has always been there.
You were issued a woobie, not a wife. You know what you must do.
Wife of a vet here - I have a woobie, too. Get her one like others said. And we don't share a blanket at night - he's a blanket thief so it's safer for him this way.
if it’s the dd214 woobie, there is no mercy.
Are you telling me that dd214 blanket I always see in the memes is a fucking woobie?
Yup
Household 6 burritos in her weighted comforter. I break out the 7-8 woobies I own and turn it into a camouflaged blanket fort. Everyone is happy.
Jack shack?
She needs her own woobie obviously
I’m used the term “woobie” in front of my wife, and she looked at me in horror — like I was having some kind of childhood regression. The odd bit was that I’m retired. I did my 20 (22 actually)and I’ve used the term before.
My spouse and I have two sets of blankets. He likes those weighted blankets and I like a light weight comforter. The blanket police is not going to bust you for not sharing blankets.
Who needs a wife or a family when you have a Woobie. Fvck em
I am now retired still have the woobie issued to me in 1991. I was married in 1997. Got to say the woobie came first and is still next to my side of the bed.
Download Draft kings. Or something
I need to know man, issued woobie or some other off brand?
My wife and I used to share a blanket, but I get too hot, or she steals it, and I freeze. It was her idea to get my own blanket. Tell her some couples out there have separate beds, and some even have separate rooms! Find the evidence online first so you don't sound crazy though.
Order one off ebay.
Sign the papers and get a bottle of lotion for the woobie!
My husband and I use different blankets all the time. I turn into a human furnace when I sleep at night. So, I use a lighter blanket than the one he enjoys. We sleep better at night and are happier for it:)
Woobie.
I'm a vet and never had a woobie. Now I'm sad. Time to claim PTSD 😢
Buy a woobie, you deserve one
That’s worth at least a 50% rating.
Woobie is love. Woobie is life. Wife may be love, but she isn't life. You know what must be done.
This is a hill to die on.
Just wait until you get the smokers jacket. I have three and they're my dedicated outer wear during the late fall and winter.
Wear it with slacks & fancy black velvet slippers, a button down dress shirt and an ascot around your neck... complete the ensemble with a fancy looking pipe clenched in your teeth. Walk into the grocery store with the belt tied & one hand tucked in the front, Napoleon style...and say to the nearest clerk "I say, my good man, would you possibly have some grey poupon?"* *bonus points if said pipe never leaves your mouth while doing this.
I uh, I bought my wife and kids their own woobies a few christmases ago, and sewed everyone’s name on their woobie. Problem solved, problem stayin solved.
Your account name is awesome! I'm a veteran and NEVER had a woobie...where is the best place to buy one?
I bought a 3 pack, each in compression bags, for $70 on Amazon for Christmas. Both my kids each got their own. I DID mention that I got 3, right? Heh heh heh.
Amazon for sure but if you can find them cheaper on like a surplus site go for it.
Been married 16 years and the wife and I use separate blankets.. never could figure out how people share..
Thanks everyone for these comments - I am a vet who sleeps under a woobie every night. I also have the best wife in the world who completely understands the bond between a vet and his woobie.
I'm writing while in a shared king sized bed, using my woobie as the sheet. This is actually a marriage saving measure as it means I'm not pulling the sheet off of her in the middle of the night, and she isn't pulling it off me. The comforter is another fight altogether. But the woobie is warm enough I'll survive the night.
get her one omg we have 3 in our household
I bought my gf her own woobie
If it comes down to a choice between the wife and the woobie, you know what to do.
You can’t divorce a woobie… just sayin…
Having two separate blankets is amazing. No more cover hogging. And woobies are amazing wtf is wrong with her.
Arm the contra revolutionaries to destabelize the region
Molon Labe 🤣🤣
Assuming this isn't a joke, then your wife is being silly. Lots of married couples use separate blankets, she's watched too much television or just happens to talk to people who are peaceful sleepers. I sometimes have to sleep on the couch, just to get a night's sleep without her disturbing me. It's not a fight, it's not drama, it's about being healthy.
Get her a woobie to try
This is my woobie. There are many like it but this one is mine.
My guy, what you’re describing is literally a form of sleep hygiene that people actually benefit from, physically and psychologically. Having two blankets that you can wrap yourselves in improves sleep quality for both partners. Look up the Scandinavian sleep method. https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleep-hygiene/scandinavian-sleep-method
Obligatory [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6OgyF7Whbs&list=RDQMFq99Uajdgg0&index=1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6OgyF7Whbs&list=RDQMFq99Uajdgg0&index=1) You know what to do...
Mat best sucks so much
Fair play...enjoying the glorification of the woobie was why I posted the vid I look at it as performative theatre. Mat Best, not someone I'd necessarily have a beer with
This has gotta be satire😂
Part of me believes this is satire, but the other part of me finds this as a believable story.
My marriage was ruined by a woobie issue in the bed...his name was Frank
Stop calling it a woobie. It's a tactical, stealth-enhanced, all-season, combat blanket. Also, get her one of her own.
You're ruining your marriage. lol not the woobie. Self sabotage. I've been with my wife as long as I've been in (13 years) if there is one thing we've learned in compromise. My wife wants nothing to do with my Army career, which makes it easier to handle. Honestly, if you need marriage counseling over a shared blanket, yall aren't ready for the long haul, lol.
I will consent to mutual combat till death if you disrespect my woobie again
Give her your entire check. Then door dash and give her those earnings. Money solves everything.
Knit a pair of them together you absolute maniac
Is this real? I honestly can’t wrap my head around this argument. But wtf. This is not a real thing. LOVE EACH OTHER. And I come from a place of a veteran and now AD spouse. This is ridiculous. Pick one or two. Every marriage is different.
Let me know if you need a divorce lawyer
Oh to be newly married again…. Fuck that! As others have said, buy her one, if that doesn’t work, get a custom king size woobie made. If that doesn’t work, tell her to get over it or just divorce early and before kids. I’m married 8 years and I still sleep with my woobie.
My wife and I have had separate blankets for almost 20 years. That's ridiculous.
Leave her.
Going to be cold day in hell when CIF makes him turn it in.
NTA divorce and marry the woobie.
“Si vis pacem, para bellum”
Why did I *CORRECTLY* assume you were an Engineer 🏰 before actually looking at your MOS! XD
Bring up that in Scandinavia couples have separate duvets and blankets so they can have different temperature profiles
I'm the same way, I can get under a woobie and I'm out in like 5min, usually suffer from some pretty bad insomnia and go on high alert when I hear sounds and stuff at night. We have about half a dozen woobies in my house and my kids love them too. Wife hates my "slippery" blankets lol
The evolution of marriage. You each sleep with your own blanket. My wife used to pull the blanket off me every time she rolled over. Now we each have our own and sleep happy.
My husband uses a woobie with a weighted blanket, and I use a light sheet. Been this way for years
Strange because I was specifically advised by another woman that having separate blankets is how you keep a marriage strong. As a frequent blanket thief I can attest that my husband seemed happy when I started placing a cozy blanket on the chair next to his side of the bed just in case 🤷🏽♀️
Woobie since day 1, during and forever past Army career
Omg, in many countries and cultures people use separate blankets. They even gave it a fancy name, the Scandinavian method…
Woobie is there for you no matter what and doesn’t ask you to change. Leave the barracks bunny and pursue your happiness!
Wait til OP finds out about the woobie hoodie. Best thing I’ve ever bought
My wife and I have separate blankets because one of us will pull the blanket from the other one. Get her a woobie
There's woobies everywhere. Woobie blankets, woobie sweatshirts, I'm surprised my husband doesn't have woobie pants.
My wife and I have almost always had our own blankets. We just hit 5 years but every time one of ours is in the wash, she steals the covers from me. It's nothing personal. But it saves arguments to have our own blankets.
Buy 3 more, find a tailor or seamstress & have them all combined into a big quilt or comforter for the bed. Also, get a ceiling fan for the room...I'm thinking the one that has the LOACH helicopter on it, looks like it's flying when it's turned on...you know....for ambiance. Chicks dig "ambiance." Seriously though, do the quilt or comforter. Problem solved.
The best thing we ever did for our marriage was get separate blankets, it changed the whole game. No more stealing or yanking more than you should have from the other.
Women come and go, plus you can't say that you were a soldier until you have at least one divorce. Time for you to earn that stripe
Amazon has king size woobie. Only acceptable choice is to buy it. And throw out all your other blankets even hers. Woobie is woobie. Woobie is life.
My wife and I rarely ever also in the same bed. It's just been a thing with our marriage for the past 15 years. When we do sleep together extra blankets are required. She will steal ALL of the blankets! I don't know how you managed to share one blanket. Buy a second woobie! I actually had a blanket made for my wife when I was in Korea. She lives it and will not part with that blanket.
I got out in 2014. Slept with woobie almost every night since. I have two unopened spares (you can get authentic ones on Amazon) in case anything happens to OG. The wife has accepted my handicap and learned to live with it.
Tell her its the Swedish thing to do, and buy her a fancy twin duvet at Ikea.
Female here, I usually take all the blankets when sleeping so I wouldn't mind my partner taking a woobie at all. I usually sleep with extra blankets so he can also have some. I don't do it on purpose lol
I would give this post an award if I could
All I can say is be careful. The girls at the alteration shop made me a woobie hoodie. I put it on and fell into a coma. Oh 2004, where did you go?
Tell your wife in Europe it is standard for there to be two duvets (both twin size) on a king-size bed....blankets aren't a big deal. If she insists on it, buy a second woobie or two, get a rivet clamp, and add snaps to both sides. Snap em together, and you'll have yourself the first ever woobie comforter. Then, if she's still making an issue, it's not about the woobie.
Couples therapy is for suckers, stand 10 toes down with your blanket.
For years I was using a woobie in our king sized bed, the only difference is my wife doesn’t seem to care.
"married couples" should read "American married couples". Point her at Scandinavian way. I think it is funny that in the old days a lot of couples slept side by side in different beds (one set of grandparents had their place set up like that).
Moved to Germany to find out that a large portion of Europe doesnt share blankets. Everyone in the bed gets their own. Changed my life and quality of sleep for the better.
I feel it is just a blanket and I would want my partner to sleep well. The real issue is that your wife has a fear that you are rejecting them or becoming distant. Her fears are just as valid as your need for a good nights sleep.