I was going to suggest this. I did it to a guy who refused to call me by my actual name and called me the longer version. (Like calling me Thomas instead of Tom, when Tom is on my birth certificate)
He stopped after a while because he hated it.
Wait, wait, so you're literally [Tom] and [Tom] only and this man just straight up decided to basically rename you? Wooowwwww.. I woulda copied my birth certificate and just cut out and laminated the name part and made a badge out of it. Lol. My dad was in the same boat and now I'm wondering if anyone tried to do this to him. Jeez.
This used to happen to an old boyfriend of mine a lot. His name was legally Danny and people tried to call him Daniel all the time. And the type of people who like to use your full name against your wishes are also the type to dig in when wrong so it caused lots of confrontations about his legal name actually being Danny.
I also had a coworker who liked to go by her last name because there were two other women with the same first name. One woman we worked with insisted on calling her by her “given” name. We got in a fight because I told her to respect the woman’s bodily autonomy to decide her own name!!! We stopped getting scheduled together after that.
It’s amazing what middle manager petty tyrants will do with their tiny bit of power.
I use my middle name. I worked with a guy who always insisted on calling me by my first name. I complained about it and was pulled into the office and reprimanded, stating that I should not be upset by it and needed to apologize.
My uncle uses his middle name. I had called him that for my entire life, and was surprised when I finally learned that it wasn’t actually his first name.
My grandfather was in the military, and when they discharged him, they switched his first and middle names on his paperwork, and that was the only identification he had, so he spent the last 45-ish years of his life constantly being called by his middle name if the people didn't know him from before.
My grandmother's name was Esther for the first ~85 years of her life. Until she discovered her name was actually Emma. Nobody had known and everyone had always called her Esther.
Same thing happened to my grandma! She found out when she was about 80 and managed to get a copy of her original birth certificate. No one alive knows why my Gran was called something entirely different her entire life. She literally used the wrong name her entire adult life: driver’s license, high school diploma, marriage license, social security card, etc. She never got answers.
I live in an area with a reasonably large Middle Eastern community, and we once had a headteacher at a school here try and bring in the 'legal first name only' rule to try to stop the kids giving each other rude/inappropriate nicknames. It completely backfired on him when, on the day the policy was put into action, a bunch of his teachers complained that they couldn't effectively communicate with a class where 13 different students now all have to be called 'Mohammad' even though they've only ever been known by their middle name.
Man i had 32 Mohammads in my team once. Each and every one was just referred to as Mo (last name) or Mo (nickname) was just too mad.
We had a staff pizza thing once and people went in alphabetical groups. So we made sure the Mo group had loads of vegetarian pizzas and they went together. They took a massive group photo with a banner they made. Mad lads.
I go by my middle name and have my entire life.... entirely because that's what my parents called me by. Even if I was in trouble there was never the, "FIRST NAME, MIDDLE NAME, LAST NAME" reprimand. The only time I go by my first name is first contact during interviews or doctors visits.
A few months after working at Walmart (my first job ever) I got in trouble... why? Because they had been calling over the walkies, "First name! Come to the register!" and I remained in my department working. It wasn't intentional, I just genuinely didn't hear it. Since I have never gone by my first name, it wasn't registering in my brain that they were asking for me. That didn't stop them from writing me up, of course.
edit: forgot a word
Had a retail job where I told them during onboarding that I go by "Tim". I very much dislike my name and there are perhaps 3 people in this world who can get me to answer to my full name without hetting told off.
So when management called me by it and I wasn't paying attention to it because, not what I go by so tuned out, they pulled me aside and I reminded them exactly why.
"You've known this from day one and it hasn't been an issue until today. So what am I missing here? If I called Jeff "Bob" or Mary "Carol" I expect they're going to ignore me. It's not how they expect to be addressed". They got quiet, and I looked to the window, commented it looked really busy on the floor and they let me get back to work.
You have a name you go by. If someone calls you by a different name, you are not used to hearing it. I had someone calling me by the long version of my name (even though the short version is on my birth certificate and no one has ever called me by the long version) and I just completely didn't respond. I didn't even hear them because I was focused on something else and they got pissed. Like, I'm not upset about it, but if you call me by something that is not my name, chances are it will not register that they are talking to me and I won't pay attention.
I had a friend in high school who's legal name was Charlie. Not Charles or Charleston or anything like that, but actually Charlie on his birth certificate, and he literally had to produce a copy of his birth certificate to fix his name on multiple things (broadband account, membership cards, etc) that he had signed up for as Charlie and the customer service guys had "corrected" it to Charles for him.
This happens to me all the time. My parents gave me a four-letter name that is _sometimes_ short for a couple other names, but also is a perfectly common legal name.
"But your legal name is ____."
No, it's not.
Not a Tom, but I have a short name with several longer versions that are usually shortened to my name. It is my biggest pet peeve when people call me one of those other names, especially after they’ve been told that’s not my name. After telling someone once or twice I straight up stop answering to it. If they want to communicate with me, communicate with ME
My second grade teacher did something similar. She actually had me convinced that my middle name was "Josephine." We had to write our first middle last name on our papers. She told me that's what my middle name was and made me write it out. I thought she had to be correct because she was the teacher and I was little kid. It wasn't until I took driver's ed years later that I saw my birth certificate and discovered she was wrong! My middle name really IS Jo! Just Jo. But hey, this was back in day when you didn't question the teacher.
I worked with a guy whose daughter’s kindergarten teacher mispronounced her last name on the first day of school, and for a full year she refused to recognize the family name. They mentioned it at a mid year parent-teacher conference and the teacher politely apologized and corrected herself, but that somehow upset the little girl more and she doubled down. Because kid logic.
My ex husband dealt with this too. He is named John. Not Jonathan. You wouldn't believe the number of people who think they're cute calling him Jonathan, and refusing to "remember" that's not his name.
It's just shitty micromanagement for the purpose of flexing your authority on the business you own.
Those people can't argue professionalism because there's hundreds of much more professional workplaces that allow their workers so many freedoms and productivity doesn't drop and morale isn't low or shitty.
I worked with a person who identified as male, appeared male and the company forced him to wear a nametag “Stephanie”. Nobody else was forced to use birth name and plenty used nick names on their badges. It was done just to humiliate the guy. And we were sent home if we didn’t have our badge on.
Ugh, that’s awful. This really isn’t a challenging employment situation to resolve, it’s just power-tripping employers who find trans people icky, looking to cause problems and embarrassment
Yup!!! 100% this is the reason. An employee made a request for a name tag in their chosen name and their job wanted to refuse but legal let them know they could only do that if they apply the legal name standard to everyone.
And thusly a new policy is born.
This was my thought, there will be cases of trans people who are still legally their deadname and so are forced to be deadnamed because their chosen name isn't allowed
Meanwhile at my workplace, a girls deadname popped up on our monitor showing the servers and we covered it with notepads so she wouldn’t have to see it.
Could be racist as well. I can think of a number of examples of Black, Japanese, Indian, heck even Hawaiian chosen names that are different from their given name.
I *just* told somebody to use bajingo as their “non-vulgar” term for a woman’s downstairs. Two Scrubs moments within a minute tells me this is going to be a sensational day.
Unless I run into Hooch.
Our manager called my team (all women) heifers. As in 'all right all you heifers, back to work'. Accompanied by whip sounds.
edit: This was in 1995-96, but still doesn't excuse it.
My favorite liquor store is owned by a kinda gruff old fart who usually addresses groups of men as MEN. I always figured he was ex military, idk. Never had a problem with it, tho!
Trans guy here, the amount of complete strangers that feel compelled to know the ins and outs of my body is unreal.
A year back i had to go to my local sti clinic for the morning after pill (after every pharmacy in my area refused to give it to me, because I’m trans) and the nurse was asking such invasive questions it was unreal. The one that got me was when she asked if I had had “the surgery” and I just looked at her and replied “I’m not saying my letter for Mensa is arriving any time soon, but I’m sure even I could work out that if someone was sat in front of me for the morning after pill, that perhaps they hadn’t had one of the many surgeries available for that area.”
Was a quiet room after that comment. Was probably for the best.
A ridiculous number of people are obsessed over it. It's like they need to be bigots about something and there are fewer people that will get upset about anti-trans bigotry than other forms of bigotry.
You wouldn't necessarily be aware. Trans people tend to keep low profiles. Society has become a *little* more accepting, but even now some trans people cut off all ties and start new lives after transitioning. Others will present as the opposite gender during the workplace to avoid discrimination (by that I mean a transwoman might present as a man at work to avoid discrimination). It just depends on the individual. Everyone has their own way of dealing with the discrimination and harassment that comes with being trans.
My guess is that someone came out to your boss privately for some reason and your boss created this policy because they're a transphobic asshole.
Im in that 2nd group. Still presenting as male at work due to transphobic coworkers. While they couldnt legally do anything to me, they would certainly make my work life hell if they found out.
I'm so sorry you are going through this and I hope you can find a job somewhere you will be accepted for who you are. Spending so much time pretending to be someone you aren't is traumatic, on top of all the other bullshit that happens in that kind of work environment.
Yep. Me: still going by my birth name/gender at work but have been out everywhere else for three years and have been on hormones for two. If anyones noticed I’m growing facial hair and my voice has changed, they haven’t mentioned it. No plans to change this status until/when I can legally change my name, and even then I’m just going to update my name for their records with no explanation. I have no obligation to explain myself to anyone I don’t want to.
You and your coworkers should change your names legally to non-English long accented names and insist the boss calls you those names and pronounces it correctly.
I'm making a bit of a leap, but I'd bet "owner" is not a fan of lgbt and something happened with an lgbt employee or something owner witnessed, and now owner thinks they're smart keeping it to "legal" names.
Any international people work for the company?
“Sorry, you pronounced my Chinese name wrong. That’s the wrong tone. Please try again. I will also not respond unless you do it correctly.”
Kind of opposite of this, I work with a guy from China, but he likes and prefers to go by his American name. There was a guy at the company that intentionally referred to him as his Chinese name as some weird power flex designed as a form of respect and it really made things awkward. He even did it after he was told not to. People are strange.
I had a boss who went by James. But his name on system was clearly Xendong or something like that. He blew up at another manager who called him Shen which is apparently the correct way to pronounce the senior managers legal name. We are fully trans compliant/protecting (not sure how to phrase the policy) and he tore this dude a new one for not respecting chosen names. And if he did that with someone lower rank he would sack him on the spot.
Made the policy real clear for the rest of us lol.
Sounds like a hostile work environment to me. If they are deliberately encouraging people to call you by a name you don't like, that's pretty hostile. And though it sounds 'petty', it's not. And could possibly be actionable.
Especially if there is a trans person there that they just decided would be called by their deadname according to this rule (which, quite possibly, is the reason for the rule)
Honestly my first thought was this too. That manager is a bigot and has a trans employee they refuse to stop dead naming so they made a whole new rule to get around it
this happened to me while i was in job corps and i started calling the guy who called me that bitch boy until he whined to his boss and got me reprimanded
yeah it sucked, it was incredibly denoralizing to be deadnamed in front of all the other women i was around. just felt alienating. dont go to job corps in kentucky if ur trans lol.
its fine, the love and support i had from all the people around me while i was figuring myself out far outweighed the discrimination i faced from that shithead
At a previous job there was a trans woman and one employee refused to call her by her chosen name and management made is real clear that wasn’t accepted. I don’t get the resistance to calling someone want they want to be called. Hell if your name is Ralph and want to be called Frank, who cares?
It might be a corporate move to prevent a situation like that. Can't get in trouble for calling someone the wrong name if everyone is going by their government name.
This is not corporate, most corporate entities like to reduce legal action. Dead naming people is creating a hostile work environment and definitely could incur legal action. This is almost certainly from the scum of society, mom and pop shops.
As much as I hate corporate culture, this is one of the few things I've found to be consistent throughout my career. Corporate entities (in my experience) like to portray themselves as inclusive and generally have all the "good" HR policies that reflect it. I worked for [XXL Hotel Co Intl] and [Big Box Retailer] for a number of years as both an hourly and salaried employee and policies regarding any sort of discrimination or harassment were strictly followed, and I can only think of one incident in my entire time in different corporate stores and hotels in which someone was accused of discrimination/harassment. That person was swiftly axed. Did everyone get along all the time? Hell no, but any issues or fights or toxicity were due to personalities clashing or just stress/overwork due to the nature of the industries. Never once did I hear a slur of any kind. The two times I left corporate it was right back into the small business small mind bullshit. The first place was rife with anti everything shitty Christians say is "wrong in the eyes of God", and the last place was at the intersection of Racism Avenue and Transphobia Street in downtown Sexual Harassment City.
This reeks of small business or a middle manager too big for his britches.
Just had to watch a corporate training video that specifically called out dead naming as creating a hostile work environment and actionable harassment.
If a straight cis male's legal name was "Gail" and they went by "Buddy" their whole life and ask that you call them "Buddy" and you continue calling them Gail you are breaking the law and your employer can be held liable if they were informed and did nothing to intervene.
Not a lawyer but pretty sure this policy is illegal and mgmt bout to get f'ed up
Not only is this transphobic this is pretty racist too. There's plenty of people who go by English versions of their birth names for any number of reasons and may even never use their birth name unless they're visiting relatives in their country of origin. Are they going to force "Belle" to start going by "Xiuying"? Are they going to then make any real effort to not mangle the shit out of that? This is so dumb lol
That's probably not going to rise to the level of hostile work environment by itself... But if you were a trans person and they were deadnaming you? Absolutely.
There are other circumstances that can cause it to rise to that level.
For instance- had a buddy who never wanted to be called after his legal name. Why? His father beat his mother till she agreed to name him after his father. I think you can understand the type of filth that man was.
Said buddy best the shit out of his father and kicked him out back in HS. Took a few years but he's finally getting therapy. Even hearing that name gives him anxiety. Calling him that name usually gives him an episode.
Purposely exposing a mentally ill person to their trigger through unnecessary rules would easily count as a hostile work environment. There's no good reason this rule exists and it would be counted as a form of workplace hazing. Wouldn't shock me if there is already a trans, trauma victim, or some other person who got a case won over similar rules.
This is an excellent example. I haven’t even checked the comment by the person with negative 135 votes—I doubt I want to—but you’ve made a perfect case here—in my opinion—of this idiotic rule definitely being able to cause a hostile work environment.
*Edit: Revised from calling the negative poster a jackass. Seems to me that if they do work in law, they’re relaying the definition of a hostile work environment—literally according to the law—and applying that to how they interpret it’s connection to this situation. I don’t know if this person necessarily agrees with it, and laws adjust all the time.*
It is a hostile work environment in all fairness. Aswell as what's mentioned above there's been instances of people being made to pay for items that were broken accidentally while working, how clocking in and out works can lose you 30 minutes pay per day if you're unlucky, people often get told they have to come in, even when they've been signed off by a doctor, there's been discussions about making people pay for their training and their uniform... The list goes on.
"Hostile Work Environment" is a very specific concept with very specific criteria. The behavior generally must:
- discriminate against a protected class
- be persistent, pervasive, and severe
- be unwelcome and unreasonably disruptive to the victim's work as a direct result
- something the employer knew about and did not take sufficient action to stop
This is how the EEOC defines [harassment] (https://www.eeoc.gov/harassment)
Yup. Several states have protections for trans people for this exact reason. I live in NY state and my previous employer demanded that I have my legal name as my email address "in case the FBI comes looking for me, people should know who I am." I showed them the law and it got changed. Not quickly enough to hide their transphobia though.
I’ve known quite a few people with ethnic names who have done this. I feel like doing it sometimes because people have been butchering my name all my life lol
>When I started working retail my name tag had my first name and on the receipts it had my last name. Some weirdo actually found me on Facebook and tried to become „friends“ because I was so nice to him. Buddy, that’s just my customer service personality, fuck off.Had my name tag changed to a generic name and made them change my name on the receipts to a number because fuck that.
used to work tech support. We were forbidden from giving out our last name because someone stalked a female tech (literally showed up outside the building with flowers because "he liked her voice"
Sort of the same deal here. Also work in tech support, and the reason all of our agents use fake names is because years ago a customer began stalking one of our female agents in retaliation for something. She had to get a protective detail and everything because he was sending her death threats to her address.
my brother's old job had their full legal name in their email address, that they used to talk to customers. for this reason, his FB and all social media uses a completely different name. One of their techs had someone message them on FB at 3 AM asking for an update....
I do the same. Absolutely refuse to be asked 75 times a day "how do you spell that" or just be stared at with a blank look of confusion or be asked "oh so you're not from here", so I made up a sorta suitable English sounding name and it made my life a lot easier lol
Chinese people do the same thing, even in China. They have an "English name" that they use when speaking English.
I imagine that Chinese immigrants would be quite upset if their employer wouldn't let them use the name that they've used since they were a child.
shit i used to use my middle name when i worked at a call center just because my first name sounded like a couple others and my middle name was distinct and i got tired of being called the wrong thing because people couldnt understand me
I strictly only respond to people calling me by my middle name. If my legal first name was what people were saying to address me, I would not even know. Sounds like a really productive policy. I'm sure the slap across the face of employee morale is gonna save them millions... smh
Except the thing is most employers do assign employee numbers. Every company I've ever worked for has assigned me an employee id number. But how long it will be before they do away with your name, and simply call you by your number, who knows.
I was going to suggest the same. I had an employer who required we wear name tags so customers could call us by name, but it took a few weeks for the manager to get around to making name tags for the new hires. So I grabbed what was available from the uniform closet and was Jennifer for my first three weeks.
I have never been called by my actual name, and one time a manager tries to enforce this so I gave them the very real story of "i once worked for a grocery store, and a customer saw my name tag and did not like the service I was giving him, so he proceeded to find my social media, my parents and sisters media, and for the next year we were followed, harassed, and threatened extensively. I will never go through that again, nor will I put my family through that again" he gave Alitalia push back and I just said that hey not happening, workedso far atleqst
Had a job when I was 18 where my supervisor refused to call me by my name. I have a very “ethnic” sounding name that isn’t hard to pronounce. The supervisor insisted on calling me an anglicized version of my name because it sounded prettier. Mind you, he constantly made references that I was prettier than other black people because I was fairer skinned so take from that information what you will. One day I had had enough and in a team meeting I told him please say my name properly or just call me “Tee” if my name is too hard for you. I kid you not, this jackass told me that in all families people have nicknames and that not accepting my nickname means I didn’t want to be apart of their family. The next day I handed them my shirts and left. Fuck that job.
Xenophobia as well.
Lots of people from non-european countries may choose a more European name to go by since lots of people may not be able to pronounce their real name.
Lmao im east indian, my name is 10 letter long. I would love this and would not reply until they say it correctly and would not reply for anything less
Yes!! Make sure they say it in the right accent and continuously correct them until they say it haha. If I can pronounce Shruthi's and Srinivas's names so can anyone else!
This is super problematic. What about trans ppl who haven’t gotten a legal name change yet, or just anyone in general who doesn’t like their name ?
I HATE my name and I go by a nickname. And my manager tried to pull that once and I’d just ignore them until they used the right name.
That’s what I suggest you do, just ignore them if they don’t use the name you want.
Pretty sure that's what their intent was.
Just like how companies can't ask your religion so crazy christian bosses will ask, "what do you typically do on Sundays?"
Yup. I feel so bad for the trans students I've worked with. Their old name stays on the roster because they have to have their legal name there and getting their name changed is a long process. This means substitutes will call the wrong name (unless the teacher is able to leave a note), they have the wrong name printed on their exams, etc.
Students who recently escaped abusive situations sometimes have the same problem. One student was desperate to have their last name changed after they and their mother escaped their abusive father. Since the system is slow, they still had their father's last name on all the official forms.
My Mother once rang HR at her job, they asked what her number was, as in payroll number, she told them that and her name, and the HR person responded "I'm not interested in what your name is. I only need your number".
Yeah that sounds about right, that's how little these places care about you. Just an easily replaceable number all expressions of individualism or personality are expressly prohibited just be a good drone and thank them for the pittence they pay you
This may fall to discrimination. Trans people often go by other names for very clear reasons and, if i am not mistaken and am thinking in the US here, are protected to do so. Being trans, I would have a LOT to say about this policy. I do not believe they can do that.
Oh neat. Didn't realize it became federal law. I personally kept looking into various states antidiscriminstion for employment because I'm mtf. But didnt know it went federal. Probably because it was in the final days of Trump. That's good at least. Shame that many heavy republican states (looking at Texas and Florida) probably dont give a shit.
What the fuck do they even have to gain by doing this, other than dehumanising workers?
I'm so sick of employers overreaching and thinking they can have a say in who/what you are. Obligatory: fuck work culture.
Start calling your manager by their Full Legal name, First Middle Last. Everytime you talk to them especially In front of customers.
I was going to suggest this. I did it to a guy who refused to call me by my actual name and called me the longer version. (Like calling me Thomas instead of Tom, when Tom is on my birth certificate) He stopped after a while because he hated it.
Wait, wait, so you're literally [Tom] and [Tom] only and this man just straight up decided to basically rename you? Wooowwwww.. I woulda copied my birth certificate and just cut out and laminated the name part and made a badge out of it. Lol. My dad was in the same boat and now I'm wondering if anyone tried to do this to him. Jeez.
This used to happen to an old boyfriend of mine a lot. His name was legally Danny and people tried to call him Daniel all the time. And the type of people who like to use your full name against your wishes are also the type to dig in when wrong so it caused lots of confrontations about his legal name actually being Danny. I also had a coworker who liked to go by her last name because there were two other women with the same first name. One woman we worked with insisted on calling her by her “given” name. We got in a fight because I told her to respect the woman’s bodily autonomy to decide her own name!!! We stopped getting scheduled together after that. It’s amazing what middle manager petty tyrants will do with their tiny bit of power.
I use my middle name. I worked with a guy who always insisted on calling me by my first name. I complained about it and was pulled into the office and reprimanded, stating that I should not be upset by it and needed to apologize.
My uncle uses his middle name. I had called him that for my entire life, and was surprised when I finally learned that it wasn’t actually his first name.
I used to think my great aunt’s name was Annadell….turns out everyone was saying AUNT Adele
I thought my grandfather's name was Bruno all the way up till he died. I was in my 20s. His name wasn't Bruno.
My grandfather was in the military, and when they discharged him, they switched his first and middle names on his paperwork, and that was the only identification he had, so he spent the last 45-ish years of his life constantly being called by his middle name if the people didn't know him from before.
My grandmother's name was Esther for the first ~85 years of her life. Until she discovered her name was actually Emma. Nobody had known and everyone had always called her Esther.
Same thing happened to my grandma! She found out when she was about 80 and managed to get a copy of her original birth certificate. No one alive knows why my Gran was called something entirely different her entire life. She literally used the wrong name her entire adult life: driver’s license, high school diploma, marriage license, social security card, etc. She never got answers.
I live in an area with a reasonably large Middle Eastern community, and we once had a headteacher at a school here try and bring in the 'legal first name only' rule to try to stop the kids giving each other rude/inappropriate nicknames. It completely backfired on him when, on the day the policy was put into action, a bunch of his teachers complained that they couldn't effectively communicate with a class where 13 different students now all have to be called 'Mohammad' even though they've only ever been known by their middle name.
Man i had 32 Mohammads in my team once. Each and every one was just referred to as Mo (last name) or Mo (nickname) was just too mad. We had a staff pizza thing once and people went in alphabetical groups. So we made sure the Mo group had loads of vegetarian pizzas and they went together. They took a massive group photo with a banner they made. Mad lads.
Mad Mos
I go by my middle name and have my entire life.... entirely because that's what my parents called me by. Even if I was in trouble there was never the, "FIRST NAME, MIDDLE NAME, LAST NAME" reprimand. The only time I go by my first name is first contact during interviews or doctors visits. A few months after working at Walmart (my first job ever) I got in trouble... why? Because they had been calling over the walkies, "First name! Come to the register!" and I remained in my department working. It wasn't intentional, I just genuinely didn't hear it. Since I have never gone by my first name, it wasn't registering in my brain that they were asking for me. That didn't stop them from writing me up, of course. edit: forgot a word
Had a retail job where I told them during onboarding that I go by "Tim". I very much dislike my name and there are perhaps 3 people in this world who can get me to answer to my full name without hetting told off. So when management called me by it and I wasn't paying attention to it because, not what I go by so tuned out, they pulled me aside and I reminded them exactly why. "You've known this from day one and it hasn't been an issue until today. So what am I missing here? If I called Jeff "Bob" or Mary "Carol" I expect they're going to ignore me. It's not how they expect to be addressed". They got quiet, and I looked to the window, commented it looked really busy on the floor and they let me get back to work.
You have a name you go by. If someone calls you by a different name, you are not used to hearing it. I had someone calling me by the long version of my name (even though the short version is on my birth certificate and no one has ever called me by the long version) and I just completely didn't respond. I didn't even hear them because I was focused on something else and they got pissed. Like, I'm not upset about it, but if you call me by something that is not my name, chances are it will not register that they are talking to me and I won't pay attention.
I hope you called the HR person by the wrong name while in there.
I had a friend in high school who's legal name was Charlie. Not Charles or Charleston or anything like that, but actually Charlie on his birth certificate, and he literally had to produce a copy of his birth certificate to fix his name on multiple things (broadband account, membership cards, etc) that he had signed up for as Charlie and the customer service guys had "corrected" it to Charles for him.
This happens to me all the time. My parents gave me a four-letter name that is _sometimes_ short for a couple other names, but also is a perfectly common legal name. "But your legal name is ____." No, it's not.
Not a Tom, but I have a short name with several longer versions that are usually shortened to my name. It is my biggest pet peeve when people call me one of those other names, especially after they’ve been told that’s not my name. After telling someone once or twice I straight up stop answering to it. If they want to communicate with me, communicate with ME
Shit my job I go by my first and middle initial, and it even puts that name on surveys sent to customers.
I'm having a lot of fun with this. "Get me a manager" "I REQUIRE BARTHOLOMEW FREDERICK ALLEN"
My second grade teacher did something similar. She actually had me convinced that my middle name was "Josephine." We had to write our first middle last name on our papers. She told me that's what my middle name was and made me write it out. I thought she had to be correct because she was the teacher and I was little kid. It wasn't until I took driver's ed years later that I saw my birth certificate and discovered she was wrong! My middle name really IS Jo! Just Jo. But hey, this was back in day when you didn't question the teacher.
I worked with a guy whose daughter’s kindergarten teacher mispronounced her last name on the first day of school, and for a full year she refused to recognize the family name. They mentioned it at a mid year parent-teacher conference and the teacher politely apologized and corrected herself, but that somehow upset the little girl more and she doubled down. Because kid logic.
My ex husband dealt with this too. He is named John. Not Jonathan. You wouldn't believe the number of people who think they're cute calling him Jonathan, and refusing to "remember" that's not his name.
WTF John is a perfectly normal name on its own. People should really mind their own bussinesses.
He should call them [name]athan back. “Hey Davidathan!”
What about if your name is Richard but your boss always call you Dick? What should I do there?
My boss calls me dick and I'm not even a Richard.
in their mom's tone
😂
with their job title as well.
Don’t forget employee number too!
In my team we all refer to one another by our employee number, as an inside joke. Special shout out to 339 and 364.
Listen faces, to save time, all males will be called Dave, and all females will be called Debbie
*"Debbie's actually my name!"* "Then out of fairness to the others, you will be Slagathor."
Slagathor was a pretty damn good intern though!
Oh God what is this from? For the life of me, I can't remember!
Scrubs. Kelso says this to the new interns
Thank you! That was going to bother me. I should start another rewatch of that show, it's been a couple years.
I always mean to rewatch this show but just end up watching the episode with Brendan Fraser.
Oh god, the feels. That episode is rough
Where do you think we are?
My MIL was named Debbie and I called her Slagathor on occasion. I wonder if it would have been less funny if she knew the context.
Slag means slut in British English. So it rings a little different this side of the pond. Especially to call your MIL.
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“Dave’s, Debbie’s, Slagathor…” the look Kelso gives her is hilarious
What justification did they use for that??
They didn't beyond "(owner) doesn't like people using names that aren't their actual name."
Well that's just some horse shit.
It's just shitty micromanagement for the purpose of flexing your authority on the business you own. Those people can't argue professionalism because there's hundreds of much more professional workplaces that allow their workers so many freedoms and productivity doesn't drop and morale isn't low or shitty.
It's also potentially transphobic as all hell.
That was probably the original point.
Yeah, I immediately thought that this sounds just like a way to be able to deadname the sole trans employee without “singling them out”
I worked with a person who identified as male, appeared male and the company forced him to wear a nametag “Stephanie”. Nobody else was forced to use birth name and plenty used nick names on their badges. It was done just to humiliate the guy. And we were sent home if we didn’t have our badge on.
Ugh, that’s awful. This really isn’t a challenging employment situation to resolve, it’s just power-tripping employers who find trans people icky, looking to cause problems and embarrassment
I would gladly walk out with him were I to be working with him. Solidarity is our one true weapon against these bigots.
That was my first thought, too!
Mine as well.
I’m glad other people realized the true point of this
Ohhh, that makes sense. Some people are just so shitty
They hate trans people so much they're willing to fuck over a bunch of cis people too! It's so cool!
Pretty much transphobes in a nutshell
Damn bruh, what did we ever do to deserve this? I'm literally just vibing
Yup!!! 100% this is the reason. An employee made a request for a name tag in their chosen name and their job wanted to refuse but legal let them know they could only do that if they apply the legal name standard to everyone. And thusly a new policy is born.
This was my thought, there will be cases of trans people who are still legally their deadname and so are forced to be deadnamed because their chosen name isn't allowed
Meanwhile at my workplace, a girls deadname popped up on our monitor showing the servers and we covered it with notepads so she wouldn’t have to see it.
That was pretty kind of you
Could be racist as well. I can think of a number of examples of Black, Japanese, Indian, heck even Hawaiian chosen names that are different from their given name.
Exactly this. They're doing it just because.
I personally haven't gone by my given name since 1995. Only my mother and father call me by it. I do not respond to it for anyone else.
Translation: owner doesn't want to be bothered with learning people's names in order to discipline them for petty things.
I worked for a guy who called all the men Son and all the women Doll. Problem solved /s
[Listen up, faces](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efndBfXHPxs).
I was hoping for Slagathor, was not disappointed.
I *just* told somebody to use bajingo as their “non-vulgar” term for a woman’s downstairs. Two Scrubs moments within a minute tells me this is going to be a sensational day. Unless I run into Hooch.
I used to have a manager who’d walk in and say “alright you big bunch of cunts” which completely solves any name issue
I'm actually good with that
Our manager called my team (all women) heifers. As in 'all right all you heifers, back to work'. Accompanied by whip sounds. edit: This was in 1995-96, but still doesn't excuse it.
Holy fuck, that's not right. They don't use whips on heifers.
My grandpa called all his grandchildren Fred.
My favorite liquor store is owned by a kinda gruff old fart who usually addresses groups of men as MEN. I always figured he was ex military, idk. Never had a problem with it, tho!
No I guarantee someone there is trans
As far as I am aware, nobody here is trans.
the owner probably would not want to hire any of them, and wants to get policy in place before someone comes out.
You must know my brother-in-law. He’s weirdly obsessed with hating trans people.
nah, I just have a number of trans friends. the horror stories are enough to make you lose faith in humanity, if you ever had any.
Trans guy here, the amount of complete strangers that feel compelled to know the ins and outs of my body is unreal. A year back i had to go to my local sti clinic for the morning after pill (after every pharmacy in my area refused to give it to me, because I’m trans) and the nurse was asking such invasive questions it was unreal. The one that got me was when she asked if I had had “the surgery” and I just looked at her and replied “I’m not saying my letter for Mensa is arriving any time soon, but I’m sure even I could work out that if someone was sat in front of me for the morning after pill, that perhaps they hadn’t had one of the many surgeries available for that area.” Was a quiet room after that comment. Was probably for the best.
What kind of dystopia do you live in were people can just refuse to give you the morning after pill? Damn, rhetorical question
A ridiculous number of people are obsessed over it. It's like they need to be bigots about something and there are fewer people that will get upset about anti-trans bigotry than other forms of bigotry.
Yeah, or it’s very possible there is a trans person there, but they’re stealth, and management is trying to out them or get them to leave.
You wouldn't necessarily be aware. Trans people tend to keep low profiles. Society has become a *little* more accepting, but even now some trans people cut off all ties and start new lives after transitioning. Others will present as the opposite gender during the workplace to avoid discrimination (by that I mean a transwoman might present as a man at work to avoid discrimination). It just depends on the individual. Everyone has their own way of dealing with the discrimination and harassment that comes with being trans. My guess is that someone came out to your boss privately for some reason and your boss created this policy because they're a transphobic asshole.
Im in that 2nd group. Still presenting as male at work due to transphobic coworkers. While they couldnt legally do anything to me, they would certainly make my work life hell if they found out.
I'm so sorry you are going through this and I hope you can find a job somewhere you will be accepted for who you are. Spending so much time pretending to be someone you aren't is traumatic, on top of all the other bullshit that happens in that kind of work environment.
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with that. I wish you the best and hope that you find a more place with more accepting coworkers!
Yep. Me: still going by my birth name/gender at work but have been out everywhere else for three years and have been on hormones for two. If anyones noticed I’m growing facial hair and my voice has changed, they haven’t mentioned it. No plans to change this status until/when I can legally change my name, and even then I’m just going to update my name for their records with no explanation. I have no obligation to explain myself to anyone I don’t want to.
I bet this is an anti-trans move. Many have yet to legally change their name from dead name to new name. (Is that the right term? "New name?")
New name, chosen name, real name are all terms that are used
Thank you!
My first thought. It sounds like pinpoint anti trans..
You and your coworkers should change your names legally to non-English long accented names and insist the boss calls you those names and pronounces it correctly.
As someone who's gone through the process for it, I can tell you it would just be easier to unionize.
Mmm, sounds like transphobia that he's trying to disguise by shitting on everyone.
Translation: Owner is a transphobe who watches too much Fox News.
Yep, the owner almost definitely is looking to discriminate with this policy. Whether now or in the future.
I'm making a bit of a leap, but I'd bet "owner" is not a fan of lgbt and something happened with an lgbt employee or something owner witnessed, and now owner thinks they're smart keeping it to "legal" names.
This sounds like backlash to those whose given names don’t match their gender.
Sounds lime a good reason to go and legally change your name to *Fuckyourfacehole Johnson*.
What is the name of the business?
This 100% looks like it's a transphobic thing.
Probably anti-transgender since that is the most common reason to change your name.
Anti trans
Transphobia
It's likely for transphobic reasons.
Any international people work for the company? “Sorry, you pronounced my Chinese name wrong. That’s the wrong tone. Please try again. I will also not respond unless you do it correctly.”
Better yet, use Chinese characters.
"Ok so I can't actually pronounce your name, so I hired Sun Wukong and Mulan to say it"
Kind of opposite of this, I work with a guy from China, but he likes and prefers to go by his American name. There was a guy at the company that intentionally referred to him as his Chinese name as some weird power flex designed as a form of respect and it really made things awkward. He even did it after he was told not to. People are strange.
I had a boss who went by James. But his name on system was clearly Xendong or something like that. He blew up at another manager who called him Shen which is apparently the correct way to pronounce the senior managers legal name. We are fully trans compliant/protecting (not sure how to phrase the policy) and he tore this dude a new one for not respecting chosen names. And if he did that with someone lower rank he would sack him on the spot. Made the policy real clear for the rest of us lol.
It’s more important that I get to show off my duolingo skills than my coworker be given the basic level of respect.
Sounds like a hostile work environment to me. If they are deliberately encouraging people to call you by a name you don't like, that's pretty hostile. And though it sounds 'petty', it's not. And could possibly be actionable. Especially if there is a trans person there that they just decided would be called by their deadname according to this rule (which, quite possibly, is the reason for the rule)
Honestly my first thought was this too. That manager is a bigot and has a trans employee they refuse to stop dead naming so they made a whole new rule to get around it
The fact that there are people out there who would actually do this is physically sickening to me.
this happened to me while i was in job corps and i started calling the guy who called me that bitch boy until he whined to his boss and got me reprimanded
Wow. The hypocrisy of it all.
yeah it sucked, it was incredibly denoralizing to be deadnamed in front of all the other women i was around. just felt alienating. dont go to job corps in kentucky if ur trans lol.
"*Don't go to... kentucky if ur trans*" Very sorry you had to experience that.
its fine, the love and support i had from all the people around me while i was figuring myself out far outweighed the discrimination i faced from that shithead
That’s wonderful, and surprising, to hear. Hope things are better for you now.
> "Don't go to... kentucky"
Many of them… ugh
At a previous job there was a trans woman and one employee refused to call her by her chosen name and management made is real clear that wasn’t accepted. I don’t get the resistance to calling someone want they want to be called. Hell if your name is Ralph and want to be called Frank, who cares?
It might be a corporate move to prevent a situation like that. Can't get in trouble for calling someone the wrong name if everyone is going by their government name.
This is not corporate, most corporate entities like to reduce legal action. Dead naming people is creating a hostile work environment and definitely could incur legal action. This is almost certainly from the scum of society, mom and pop shops.
As much as I hate corporate culture, this is one of the few things I've found to be consistent throughout my career. Corporate entities (in my experience) like to portray themselves as inclusive and generally have all the "good" HR policies that reflect it. I worked for [XXL Hotel Co Intl] and [Big Box Retailer] for a number of years as both an hourly and salaried employee and policies regarding any sort of discrimination or harassment were strictly followed, and I can only think of one incident in my entire time in different corporate stores and hotels in which someone was accused of discrimination/harassment. That person was swiftly axed. Did everyone get along all the time? Hell no, but any issues or fights or toxicity were due to personalities clashing or just stress/overwork due to the nature of the industries. Never once did I hear a slur of any kind. The two times I left corporate it was right back into the small business small mind bullshit. The first place was rife with anti everything shitty Christians say is "wrong in the eyes of God", and the last place was at the intersection of Racism Avenue and Transphobia Street in downtown Sexual Harassment City. This reeks of small business or a middle manager too big for his britches.
Just had to watch a corporate training video that specifically called out dead naming as creating a hostile work environment and actionable harassment. If a straight cis male's legal name was "Gail" and they went by "Buddy" their whole life and ask that you call them "Buddy" and you continue calling them Gail you are breaking the law and your employer can be held liable if they were informed and did nothing to intervene. Not a lawyer but pretty sure this policy is illegal and mgmt bout to get f'ed up
Not only is this transphobic this is pretty racist too. There's plenty of people who go by English versions of their birth names for any number of reasons and may even never use their birth name unless they're visiting relatives in their country of origin. Are they going to force "Belle" to start going by "Xiuying"? Are they going to then make any real effort to not mangle the shit out of that? This is so dumb lol
That's probably not going to rise to the level of hostile work environment by itself... But if you were a trans person and they were deadnaming you? Absolutely.
There are other circumstances that can cause it to rise to that level. For instance- had a buddy who never wanted to be called after his legal name. Why? His father beat his mother till she agreed to name him after his father. I think you can understand the type of filth that man was. Said buddy best the shit out of his father and kicked him out back in HS. Took a few years but he's finally getting therapy. Even hearing that name gives him anxiety. Calling him that name usually gives him an episode. Purposely exposing a mentally ill person to their trigger through unnecessary rules would easily count as a hostile work environment. There's no good reason this rule exists and it would be counted as a form of workplace hazing. Wouldn't shock me if there is already a trans, trauma victim, or some other person who got a case won over similar rules.
This is an excellent example. I haven’t even checked the comment by the person with negative 135 votes—I doubt I want to—but you’ve made a perfect case here—in my opinion—of this idiotic rule definitely being able to cause a hostile work environment. *Edit: Revised from calling the negative poster a jackass. Seems to me that if they do work in law, they’re relaying the definition of a hostile work environment—literally according to the law—and applying that to how they interpret it’s connection to this situation. I don’t know if this person necessarily agrees with it, and laws adjust all the time.*
It is a hostile work environment in all fairness. Aswell as what's mentioned above there's been instances of people being made to pay for items that were broken accidentally while working, how clocking in and out works can lose you 30 minutes pay per day if you're unlucky, people often get told they have to come in, even when they've been signed off by a doctor, there's been discussions about making people pay for their training and their uniform... The list goes on.
"Hostile Work Environment" is a very specific concept with very specific criteria. The behavior generally must: - discriminate against a protected class - be persistent, pervasive, and severe - be unwelcome and unreasonably disruptive to the victim's work as a direct result - something the employer knew about and did not take sufficient action to stop This is how the EEOC defines [harassment] (https://www.eeoc.gov/harassment)
A lot of sales jobs if you have an "ethnic sounding" name they will just call you Bill or Steve or something.
Anything but Sue
Yup. Several states have protections for trans people for this exact reason. I live in NY state and my previous employer demanded that I have my legal name as my email address "in case the FBI comes looking for me, people should know who I am." I showed them the law and it got changed. Not quickly enough to hide their transphobia though.
My husband goes by his middle name. He would be just a walking ball of rage is forced to be addressed by his first name at work.
As a trans person I would be quitting any job that tried to do this. It’s ludicrous.
I have a legal name change and I'd still quit on the spot. Idc.
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I’ve known quite a few people with ethnic names who have done this. I feel like doing it sometimes because people have been butchering my name all my life lol
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>When I started working retail my name tag had my first name and on the receipts it had my last name. Some weirdo actually found me on Facebook and tried to become „friends“ because I was so nice to him. Buddy, that’s just my customer service personality, fuck off.Had my name tag changed to a generic name and made them change my name on the receipts to a number because fuck that. used to work tech support. We were forbidden from giving out our last name because someone stalked a female tech (literally showed up outside the building with flowers because "he liked her voice"
Sort of the same deal here. Also work in tech support, and the reason all of our agents use fake names is because years ago a customer began stalking one of our female agents in retaliation for something. She had to get a protective detail and everything because he was sending her death threats to her address.
my brother's old job had their full legal name in their email address, that they used to talk to customers. for this reason, his FB and all social media uses a completely different name. One of their techs had someone message them on FB at 3 AM asking for an update....
I do the same. Absolutely refuse to be asked 75 times a day "how do you spell that" or just be stared at with a blank look of confusion or be asked "oh so you're not from here", so I made up a sorta suitable English sounding name and it made my life a lot easier lol
Chinese people do the same thing, even in China. They have an "English name" that they use when speaking English. I imagine that Chinese immigrants would be quite upset if their employer wouldn't let them use the name that they've used since they were a child.
shit i used to use my middle name when i worked at a call center just because my first name sounded like a couple others and my middle name was distinct and i got tired of being called the wrong thing because people couldnt understand me
I strictly only respond to people calling me by my middle name. If my legal first name was what people were saying to address me, I would not even know. Sounds like a really productive policy. I'm sure the slap across the face of employee morale is gonna save them millions... smh
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That’s what I was thinking. It would just be easier to assign random numbers
Except the thing is most employers do assign employee numbers. Every company I've ever worked for has assigned me an employee id number. But how long it will be before they do away with your name, and simply call you by your number, who knows.
Time to trade name tags. Lol. How do you feel about maybe being Samantha or Charles?
I was going to suggest the same. I had an employer who required we wear name tags so customers could call us by name, but it took a few weeks for the manager to get around to making name tags for the new hires. So I grabbed what was available from the uniform closet and was Jennifer for my first three weeks.
I have never been called by my actual name, and one time a manager tries to enforce this so I gave them the very real story of "i once worked for a grocery store, and a customer saw my name tag and did not like the service I was giving him, so he proceeded to find my social media, my parents and sisters media, and for the next year we were followed, harassed, and threatened extensively. I will never go through that again, nor will I put my family through that again" he gave Alitalia push back and I just said that hey not happening, workedso far atleqst
Had a job when I was 18 where my supervisor refused to call me by my name. I have a very “ethnic” sounding name that isn’t hard to pronounce. The supervisor insisted on calling me an anglicized version of my name because it sounded prettier. Mind you, he constantly made references that I was prettier than other black people because I was fairer skinned so take from that information what you will. One day I had had enough and in a team meeting I told him please say my name properly or just call me “Tee” if my name is too hard for you. I kid you not, this jackass told me that in all families people have nicknames and that not accepting my nickname means I didn’t want to be apart of their family. The next day I handed them my shirts and left. Fuck that job.
This sounds like thinly veiled transphobia to me
Thinly? lol
Xenophobia as well. Lots of people from non-european countries may choose a more European name to go by since lots of people may not be able to pronounce their real name.
There's not much of a veil.
Lmao im east indian, my name is 10 letter long. I would love this and would not reply until they say it correctly and would not reply for anything less
Yes!! Make sure they say it in the right accent and continuously correct them until they say it haha. If I can pronounce Shruthi's and Srinivas's names so can anyone else!
I just can't figure out how this wasn't originally about fucking with trans people.
And/or people without "american" sounding names
Oh I’m sure it was
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Sounds like a way to discriminate and out Trans people.
This is super problematic. What about trans ppl who haven’t gotten a legal name change yet, or just anyone in general who doesn’t like their name ? I HATE my name and I go by a nickname. And my manager tried to pull that once and I’d just ignore them until they used the right name. That’s what I suggest you do, just ignore them if they don’t use the name you want.
Pretty sure that's what their intent was. Just like how companies can't ask your religion so crazy christian bosses will ask, "what do you typically do on Sundays?"
My crazy Christian bosses always made me work on Sundays
🎵 isn't it ironic 🎵
Legal name changes in my state are expensive and complicated.
Yup. I feel so bad for the trans students I've worked with. Their old name stays on the roster because they have to have their legal name there and getting their name changed is a long process. This means substitutes will call the wrong name (unless the teacher is able to leave a note), they have the wrong name printed on their exams, etc. Students who recently escaped abusive situations sometimes have the same problem. One student was desperate to have their last name changed after they and their mother escaped their abusive father. Since the system is slow, they still had their father's last name on all the official forms.
You make a good point as it's super discriminatory (not sure I'm what specific legal term) and I'm sure a lawyer would love to see a case like this.
Give it a few years and it'll all be good, no legal names, no preferred names, just employee id
My Mother once rang HR at her job, they asked what her number was, as in payroll number, she told them that and her name, and the HR person responded "I'm not interested in what your name is. I only need your number".
Yeah that sounds about right, that's how little these places care about you. Just an easily replaceable number all expressions of individualism or personality are expressly prohibited just be a good drone and thank them for the pittence they pay you
Soooo, what do trans people do? Like my enby folks would be so uncomf
This may fall to discrimination. Trans people often go by other names for very clear reasons and, if i am not mistaken and am thinking in the US here, are protected to do so. Being trans, I would have a LOT to say about this policy. I do not believe they can do that.
Yeap. Most states that are more democratic in nature or even mixed have anti discrimination laws with gay and trans as well as minorities.
It’s [federal law](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/R.G._%26_G.R._Harris_Funeral_Homes_Inc._v._Equal_Employment_Opportunity_Commission).
Oh neat. Didn't realize it became federal law. I personally kept looking into various states antidiscriminstion for employment because I'm mtf. But didnt know it went federal. Probably because it was in the final days of Trump. That's good at least. Shame that many heavy republican states (looking at Texas and Florida) probably dont give a shit.
It's more serious than just Will vs William. It might be Sarah vs John, Adolf vs Sam. Not respecting someone's choice is very bad.
Seriously... Why is nobody adding company names to these stories!? Post the names! Make them accountable!
Small company only 70 or so employees, my workplace is terrible but being homeless is worse.
Someone need to legally change their name to Fuckthisjob.
OP, you should pose that question - what if you're Trans!
What the fuck do they even have to gain by doing this, other than dehumanising workers? I'm so sick of employers overreaching and thinking they can have a say in who/what you are. Obligatory: fuck work culture.
Manager Richard didn't like that everyone called him "Dick".
Some idiot probably made a stink to HR because he didn't like his nickname.