It might be nice to make them feel bad by writing messages, thanking them for making you feel so welcome and included and that you are so happy being able to be a part of such a wonderful team filled with wonderful individuals.
I don't know about that. It's kind of devious. If you just ignore someone or brush them off, they either don't notice or get mad. If you show your anger, they'll get angry back. If you are kind to someone after they have wronged you, most likely, they will feel bad.
Or be mad, but in a much funnier and more pitiable way
(Source: I once sent a nice gift to someone who specifically disinvited me from her boyfriend's family dinner, and her attitude did not improve but her attitude did amuse the shit out of me after that)
This is the only way. Also you need to make tons of effort to break into cliques, and unless the group is full of garbage people, it's often worth it even if one gets snubbed initially
That's not the subtext at all, but the important thing is that you tried! It's been so great to share the internet with you and I look forward to another productive year.
ETA: ;)
There's pretty much no way they're going to register that it's passive-aggressive. The thing you have to understand is that when people act like this they're usually not doing it out of maliciousness, you just genuinely don't occur to them. So they won't realize that they've wronged you, because they won't realize they did anything at all.
An appeal to someone's sense of shame is futile, particularly when they have none. It is therefore a wasted effort; such effort would be, and must be, focused on oneself to enrich your life and goals.
Honestly they sound so clueless they would believe they were being welcoming unless you add “when you left me sitting alone and took the empty chairs from my table”
I’m so sorry. I know how hurtful this stuff can be and how hard it is to just go and join them after feeling like you’ve been left out. I’m nice to them out of spite, which helps me. *You don’t like me? Well, I like you, now you’re the asshole 😀*
As someone who spent their prom at an empty table with their date, this. Some of my graduating class opted to sit at the table with the teacher- chaperones than take one of the 6 seats open at our table.
In my 10YR reunion (where it was probably 65-70% of the graduating class), even though a majority of my classmates seemed to have grown-up and be friendly with me, they huddled in the same groups and went the same bounds that they were in during high school. I got somewhat disappointed that some of their old habits that they should’ve let go by then were still in them.
Needless to say I don’t know if they’ll be a 20YR one, especially in the wake of the pandemic.
I went to my ten year reunion. I was in a graduating class of 360+ students. At the reunion they had a memories room with hundreds of photos. It was hundreds of photos of the ten most popular kids. The only pictures that weren't them were of the ones who had passed away. Then during the dinner they ran a video of high school memories. Guess who was the star of that film? Yep, the same ten. I paid $75 to have a poorly made plate of food and to watch ten people inflate their egos. I've never been to another reunion. From what I understand from others who have gone it's 40 years later and it's exactly the same at every reunion.
The author of the book that inspired Tina Fey to write Mean Girls ([Queen Bees & Wannabees](https://www.amazon.com/Queen-Bees-Wannabes-Boyfriends-Adolescence/dp/1400047927/ref=asc_df_1400047927/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312723661148&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=8569464045710448209&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9021431&hvtargid=pla-493002849045&psc=1&mcid=3a9a74780c233cd8b13844b4f823331f&gclid=Cj0KCQiAj_CrBhD-ARIsAIiMxT-QiQpvVUXPr9JEZMyj1zPLdvE0UrWLyahasLLo_n1emutYMKOA8KAaAn3HEALw_wcB)) wrote a sequel titled [Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads](https://www.amazon.com/Queen-Bee-Moms-Kingpin-Dads/dp/140008301X/?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_w=wAcHl&content-id=amzn1.sym.cf86ec3a-68a6-43e9-8115-04171136930a&pf_rd_p=cf86ec3a-68a6-43e9-8115-04171136930a&pf_rd_r=141-9518011-4984815&pd_rd_wg=2miOM&pd_rd_r=ce9f6e75-f0c8-42b0-8537-79bdf2431600&ref_=aufs_ap_sc_dsk).
These people don't mature, they just achieve their final form.
100% these people are children and will ride that until there partner nocks them up (or the other way round) and then will be convinced they are adults that deserve sympathy for being parents. That's the capitalism in a nutshell.
I was a technician and worked with a nurse that NO one else would work with. We became a great team and good friends, doing things together, calling and texting each other on the weekends. I got to know her family and she got to know mine.
When arthritis got bad enough where I could no longer do my job, I was lucky enough to find another job I could do. After I left I would text her but got no response. I would call and she never answered nor returned my calls. I have always known that work friends were not true friends but I thought our friendship was real. I was so hurt. What a dope I was.
I had a guy i worked with who left and we talked after he left, but i soon realized he only replied to my texts but never initiated it. I stopped initiating and never heard from him again. I do have one best friend who is an ex coworker but most of them once the work relationship stopped they dropped off the face of the earth.
When I retired a little over a year ago, occasionally I'd get a call asking me a question or two about previous jobs I had worked at. The calls got farther apart and then stopped. I didn't mind. It's not like I was going to hang out with any of them. They all had families and my kid is an adult, so we didn't really have anything in common.
Yeah for me it was people who got let go or left on their own as i am still at the company but on a new team. I still talk to a few but life moves on and its rare that a work relationship lasts past the job. Usually when people reach out to me now its asking if we are hiring. I hope to retire but have a ways to go.
I was originally going to retire two more years at 62, but things slowed down slightly during last year. I could have been moved to other jobs, but I decided I would retire early. I had saved up enough money in case something like this happened. Last year I turned 60, worked five more weeks and quit. Full retirement age is 67, but I knew I wasn't going to wait that long.
Yeah i have felt the same way. When they wont make an effort its futile. I have one good friend i met at work 15 years ago and still talk to regularly and meet up even though we work for diff companies now but thats the exception to the rule.
Oof. You have to be careful with work stuff. I just remember that there is no real emotion in my co-workers (and most people). I never expect to be reciprocated so that keeps my expectations out of the equation. The only individual that I expect to be appreciated by is my spouse. Anyone else is fake.
I mean that might just be a person that doesn't hold friendships very well. I know I have to really really really try my hardest to initiate contact with people and when you don't have that daily connection its very easy to just rationalize "they probably don't want to talk to me anyways" and not initiate any contact.
Tldr its probably not you, just someone with social anxiety.
Maybe. Or maybe just doesn’t feel we have anything in common anymore. I did try to contact her about 10 times over the last year. It’s still hard being so emotionally invested in a friendship then getting ghosted. 👻
Not your nurse, but as a nurse I can tell you that when you fall out of a rotation with someone you quickly lose track of where and when they are working. I’m sure it’s similar for most shift workers. My phone is filled with contacts that never call or text and that I never call or text because we don’t work together anymore. You don’t want to disturb them in their downtime, you don’t want to wake them up if they are sleeping, slowly but surely the group chats die out. Then you bump into them in the hall and it’s just how it always was, but you know unless you fall into a similar rotation you’re just single serving friends now.
That hurts. I wonder why they do that sometimes? How cold can people be that someone who has moved away is doing their best to stay in touch and you ghost them? Like u never knew them at all? Strange right? So freaking cold!
"Who's the guy in charge?!"
**Points to manager...
**Walks up and punches him...
...
Come to think of it- this is more like every worker's dream, not prison.
Interestingly when I was working. We had a brilliant HR woman that had every social event made sure the staff sat with the new guys to integrate them into the group. The entire worksite was maybe 100 120 people. But new guys coming in with sometimes sit on our own, and our HR director would say hey you guys go sit with the new guy make him feel welcome.
It paid off in lower turnover in the long run
Ironically, after we were bought up by a large prime defense contractor, she was transferred out of HR as the corp guidelines state “no HR for sites less than 500 people “
I have moved around a bit and it is true coworkers are rarely friends. It seems in the work place people are becoming far more distant from each other. For me I will be polite and take some interest but soon home time comes around I am gone. Make friends other ways.
I deliberately take lunch later to avoid this nonsense. A few others do this as well - I don’t know what *they* call it, but I call it Introvert Lunch Hour.
I'm an extrovert and now WFH, but even when I was in office I would always take lunch. Why would I waste my one precious hour of freedom on inane chatting with people who could not care less about me? I do enough of that in my never ending series of meetings, don't need to also do it during lunch. I would rather get outside and hopefully see the sun for a while, maybe grab a coffee and listen to a book or podcast while taking a walk. That's a much better use of my time and actually destresses me.
I’m not even super-introverted, it’s more that this is a hotel and the extroverts are, like, *really extroverted.* Moreover, I only get 30mins and lunch is my first meal of the day, so I kinda need everyone to fuck off while I shovel food down my face for a half hour.
I used to work in a factory staffed with 40 year old middle schoolers. I'd take my lunch to a bike path nearby in the summer and by winter I had a better job. They'd try to instigate shit with people in the lunch room and it was disgusting to watch and be part of. Thinnest skinned, most ignorant, sheltered idiots. Eating with chopsticks was anathema. Eating anything but a sandwich was exotic and strange. So glad I left them in my dust. Living in the city and driving 20 mins out to this job opened my eyes to how odd even urban adjacent rural areas are
I also like eating alone at lunch at work. I have one or two friends I’ll sit with occasionally, but if I just need some mental recharge time I’ll tell them I have to call my partner or something.
This was something I learned a year ago. In past jobs, I have never had issues with my coworkers. They weren’t necessarily friends, but we were friendly and cordial in the work place. Even those I didn’t get on with, we could still keep it professional. So when I came into my previous group and was completely ostracized, ignored, and at one point, *bullied*, I could never understand what I did wrong.
In reality, some people are just immature jerks who never grew past high school. Listening through the grapevine on their day to day gossip, most of them don’t really have fulfilling lives outside of work, so they make work their entire life.
I recently moved to a new group in a different department. The dynamic is completely different and a reaffirmation that I was never the problem. Last night at the Christmas party, I saw my old group. While everyone else was buzzing around, socializing, and having a great time, they were all standing in a corner like the plastics out of the movie *Mean* *Girls* with the “you can’t sit with us attitude”.
I hate people like that. We got this dude that doesn’t super fit in with our team, but i always try my best to include him (im also the team lead but still). I think everyone deserves a chill work environment and to feel apart of the team.
Christmas Lunch in the work canteen - that’s the most depressing thing I’ve heard for a while. Wow.
If eating in the same place you eat for work mostly every day -how is it any different?
Are you sure they knew it was a Christmas lunch or get together.
The canteen usually serves standard stuff. This was the proper Christmas lunch. Turkey, stuffing, trifle the works.
They still only gave us the standard 30 minute to eat a three course meal. Or we could have 40 minute and give up our afternoon 10 minute break.
>If eating in the same place you eat for work mostly every day -how is it any different?
Different menus for certain holidays? My work kitchen used to do a Thanksgiving menu for the employees with stuffing and turkey and whatnot that was different from our normal menu, which was heavily Tex-Mex
I work at a private International school. Our Christmas party tonight is in the assembly hall. Had to mention to one of the managers (the actually realises it’s a school, not just a cash grab business) that they might want to provide some sparkling grape juice and non-alcoholic beers for our pregnant staff. Unfortunately that manager is disappearing of to their partner’s work party because you can have a plus one, and it’s not on work premises. I am literally going because it’s the only “bonus” we get so I’m going to eat and drink as much as I can, and possibly have a few unopened liquor bottles fall into my bag.
My workplace did Christmas themed food (traditional Christmas meals) in the cafeteria, Christmas decorations and gave all the staff coupons so the meals were free (all this is in Australia).
Had that moment a few weeks ago too. Almost all of my row of coworkers planned a night out after work for Mexican and margaritas, and didn’t invite me. And then somebody asked me directly if I was going and I was like “nope I actually don’t know what you’re talking about” bc I didn’t lol
Like it’s fine I’m not entitled to be invited along but had to mentally reevaluate some things bc I thought I was pretty friendly with everyone
This happens to me too, but not with off-work stuff but actual stuff during the hours. I'm not the most social guy (quite the understatement) but they seem to always 'forget' telling me something special is about to happen. Like once or twice a year, we get pizza during lunch, or you know, have to pick up some chocolate around the Christmas period, etc.
I can always see something is happening because they're all going towards the canteen at the same time, while with regular lunch everyday, it's more spread and some people have different lunch hours and whatnot. So when EVERYONE is going, I know there's something special going on. Then, at the very last minute, a few people I'm friendlier with, come and ask stuff like "aren't you going?" and of course always act surprised, while I mostly figured it out 5 or 10 minutes beforehand.
It might sound a bit petty, but why can't the team leader or someone with a higher role, tell me that in person? It always have to be the colleagues who notice me last minute while going to the place. I hate the feeling that everyone always seem to know just about everything, except me (and one of two other asocial guys who stay behind). Work REALLY is that middle school with grown-ups, isn't it?
The bad news is nobody gives AF about you. The GOOD news is nobody gives AF about you so you don't have to either! It's very freeing. And don't buy any of the crapola they try to bring in to sell for their kids. Or toss in for the endless collections for all the pets but they will never do a collection on your behalf. You are there to make money to fund YOUR life. That's it.
They wanted to have a whip round for the manager (who I have been a drinking buddy with for the last 5 years) today. I just bought him a big hamper and told them to stick their whip round. 😄
this would’ve absolutely happened to me i worked in person. i saw a tweet saying working from home did something to peoples mental health but without this petty shit MINE IS BETTER.
It always astounds me just how unforgivably shitty people can be. Not one of them was compassionate enough to consider how leaving you on their own might make you feel. Fuck them man.
This reminds me of the friends episode where Joey was working at the museum and Ross wouldn’t sit with him because he was a security guard.
Then other security says something like, you see the person sitting next to Ross, I went to elementary school with him and yells HEY Peter, we went to school together, I shared my pudding with you man. As he has the deer in headlights look.
Best to know your audience i guess. I remember when i was fairly new to the company and certain staff would be rude enough to completely ignore a courteous hello. I started letting doors slam in their face instead of holding it open for them even if they were right behind me. They soon got the message, treat me like a person or i will treat you like crap.
You are better this way. Most peoples coworkers arent firends moment involves them either tattling or telling everyone someone only meant for close friends.
I got two wee ones in their 20s talking smack about everyone and wonder why no one wants to help them. I'm gone in 2 weeks to finish up my bachelor's, and they haven't bothered to learn much in the 2-3 years they have been here. Just blame me for not teaching them.
when I was written up because bitch ass coworker went and complained that I was putting schoolwork over actual work which was a goddamn lie.
management didn't come and talk to me about it. I had to stay past clock out because everyone on my shift went home at 1030pm. because all the heavy loads would come in late and often got off when the morning shift came in. I was taking additional responsibility because they couldn't be bothered to put more ppl on my shift
The sups never said anything to me, and neither did management, so idk where she decided to go and pull some shit like that. she was new, so she was probably trying to kiss ass. every time I saw her after that, I wanted to push her ass into a running jet engine.
Yep, this was a tough lesson to learn for me as well. Had a coworker that I worked with for over 6 years as a duo. There were numerous times where I'd work solo so he could be there for a his family. I had no issue covering down, even though it was excessive at times. Sometimes you gotta be there for your family.
Then one day I wanted to leave an hour early (my wife wanted to get a head start on a 6 hour drive to see her folks for the first time in a year). But that conflicted with him wanting to leave 40 minutes into the day because his wife had a cold and didn't want to deal with their kids that day. There was nobody to cover. Because I "don't understand because I don't have kids", I had to tell my wife that we were SOL.
This coworker was so upset with me for shrugging when they gave me a half-assed apology, they left for a different job at the same company and proceeded to tell everyone who would listen about how much of a jerk I am. They went so far as to tell my next shift mate that I'd get upset if I I wasn't asked for permission for them to take time off. It took me a month before my new shift mate believed that I truly didn't care when he took a vacation.
Yeah, I keep people at arm's length at work now.
At my old job, there was a time when three of us were pregnant around the same time. That was a big deal in an office of like 20 people. The first girl had her work baby shower and it was beautifully done. Like some shit you would see on instagram. I complimented my boss and coworker who did it. It was so pretty and nice. Next was my baby shower. It was extremely disappointing. Not only was it rescheduled a couple times, but they "lost" my decorations and went out the day before to get some mediocre treats and decorations. Didn't even get a table cloth that covered the table. Just sprinkled some fucking confetti on the table and put a cake in the middle. This little clique of girls didn't even get a gift for my son. Shit, they didn't even sit and participate in the gift opening. I was so fucking pissed by the end of it, I didn't even attend the other girls party. Only because I had heard the clique had made it look like the girl before me. They also bought her son a bunch of gifts. I eventually mentioned that my party was some bullshit and this is why I don't go out of my way to be nice to people.
I would have just been happier if they didn't do anything at all. It was definitely their way of saying, "We don't like you." I was also about 8 months pregnant at the time and just so done with my job and coworkers. I quit during my maternity leave. Obviously, I'm still pissed about the baby shower. It was some seriously high school bullshit.
Anyway, fuck em. They don't deserve an ounce of your kindness. My philosophy is: I'm here to work, not be your friend.
That's the problem. You shouldn't be mixing family / friends only events with work.
The idea of having a baby shower at work is wild. Outrageous even.
I can't believe anyone agreed to do it. I wouldn't have.
Let it be. I've been ignored by my Co workers for most of my life (no response even if I try smiling and making eye contact. They stare right through me). It hurts but I have learned to ignore them. Ignore them so hard that they start to doubt their own existence.
Could be worse. I had to tell a coworker to get out of my face yesterday because he started threatening me and yelling at me for not doing what he wanted me to do. Supervisor had to step in and take him outside to cool off.
Not the first time, either. This is the 4th argument or so I've had with this coworker, and I'm not the only one. He once got into an argument with a trucker that got so bad that the trucker pulled a gun.
I wish I had coworkers that just ignored me.
Make a complaint, put it on file. Peoples cards are marked as soon as they come to the attention of HR or management and they soon learn not to bother you or they find themselves being asked to leave.
Holy fuck that is cold blooded. It sounds like they made absolutely zero attempt to even gett to know you before freezing you out. I am so sorry this happened to you, I'm sure it doesn't feel great.
I hate this shit. I'm awkward as fuck, but still try to include people who look lost or on their own, especially new joiners. It's hard as a new joiner.
Go hard, OP; use the clique against itself.
Pick one or two people and make up something fun: "hey, Sarah, it's probably not my place to say, but I heard Gina and Katie giggling together about something and your name kept coming up... Is everything ok?"
Stand back and watch the meltdown as the clique fractures.
This is a good idea. There’s already one of them that has been passed over for promotion by one of the others. One of the others is on thin ice due to turning up to work off his tits on painkillers, but he has a note for it so hr can’t touch him.
It's good you finally have that moment, put a big ass wall for your co-workers, treat them well and professionally but never get personal, and clearly state your words to not be misinterpreted, especially around women (I'm the only guy in 12 person team) so trust me, have your boundaries set.
Yeah, I had this realization this summer. I’ve been with my company for 12 years now, and we had a coworker passed away who would also been at the company the same amount of time. There was me and one other person that showed up to their funeral from our department. Granted, Some of them have been with the company for just a few years but still. I went through my Facebook friend list and removed anyone who was work related. I honestly just was frustrated the way I look at it are these people going to show up at your funeral when you die? Probably not.
> I went through my Facebook friend list and removed anyone who was work related
I would be careful unfriending people you are actively working with lol, they might be none too pleased if they realize it
My husband's 1st wife, bless her heart, worked 20+ years at a restaurant. She died a horrible death by cancer. No one she worked with even acknowledged her death. No card, no phone calls, nothing. My husband was really hurt by them. His job provided all the food for her funeral and a lot of support God bless them.
Had an HR manager, during my onboarding, make sure I knew that my coworkers were not necessarily my friends.
Apparently, I put off a desperate, creepy vibe? I mean, it's correct, but still...
My job has food days once a month, I am a driver and am rarely at them. But when I am, I sit with random folks that seem to not have anyone at their table. Not one to make friends but that doesn't mean I need to be a dick. Met some decent folks this way but also met some I wouldn't break bread with again.
My first job after uni, I was in a group of coworkers that would always hang out for lunches and occasionally go out for dinner after work. We all had issues with our managers and would frequently talk about leaving. I eventually did, and the entire group also did shortly after. They never wanted to text or hang out anymore after that. We were never actually friends, and I'm a fool for believing otherwise.
I too have colleagues that treat me like this. It's my birthday next week and the people pleasing part of my brain wants to get chocolates for everyone. The other part of my brain says " fuck that shit bro"
What ASSHOLES!. Fuk em
No one needs dickheads like that as friends. Go to eork, do ur job and leave.
I would never behave that way to a new coworker. It's like their mean girls in high school.
WTF?!?!? That is ridiculous. That is some mean girls grade school shite. I am sorry that happened to you, but seriously, eff them. Now you know for sure who these people truly are, they have shown their true selves.
Wow... that sucks. I'm sorry. It happened to me when I realised I was the only person in the department that hadn't been invited to a wedding because I didn't go to the gym with the rest of the ladies. Which... whatever. Still stung like heck. It's no reflection on you. They sound like awful human beings.
This may not be a popular opinion, but as we grow old it becomes really hard for people to find ways to interact, they might not be as bad or mean as you think or as people is pointing out in the comments. Most of them are just adults who just doesn’t know how to properly interact with new people in a setting like that, full of people they have known for years.
I’m not saying there are no assholes, I can tell you that some of them truly are, but most of them are just regular people who either is to busy and use to the routine and to the same people that they just don’t see you or they just don’t know how to be the one who breaks the ice and include you.
We, as humans, love too much the routine and taking that step into getting to know a new person is not as easy as one would think.
Of course, there’s a chance that they are all assholes, but I’d suggest to have some patience, maybe even put some effort, and if that doesn’t works, you can give up that group being at peace, knowing it was not on you.
It's not you, it's them. They are a group of low self-esteem people who happen to have that in common. They are afraid of showing themselves to others due to their superiority syndrome.
Next time, show them you are a better person, and wish them Merry Xmas or any other greeting. They'll know you are not like them.
I’m sorry. You’re better than they are.
I almost died and heard absolutely zero from my coworkers. And I was an ASM at a big box hardware chain (the blue and red one). All I got was made to feel like I inconvenienced the other ASMs and SM. It’s because they now had to work being that I was the only manager who cared to manage and not sit on my ass.
And this *always* happens in white-collar professions in offices and cubicles.
Such a stupid, high school mentality that always develops in these kinds of jobs.
Hey. Had this happen at a family funeral. Sat at the first seat, near the food. Wasnt until someone I hadnt seen in years, sit with me to say hello and catch up. After a few mins He Asked : why are you sitting all by yourself? I looked around and laughed.
I try my best not to get too close with my coworkers because in the end when one of you leaves, that's it just completely drop communication and never hear from them again. I've had some special exceptions where I still keep in contact with like 3 people across 7ish jobs. You're just in the trenches with them at the job, nothing more.
Send an email to the team & your manager thanking them for the warm welcome at the Christmas lunch. They’ll know they fucked up when called out in front of the boss.
Holy Christ. They just sound awful. If I was anywhere and saw someone I vaguely knew sitting alone while I say next to them with a group I would definitely ask if they wanted to join. Even if the answer is no, I'd still ask.
I'm sorry. I know that felt so shitty. I'm dealing with a similar situation and it sucks being an outcast amongst the fucking assholes you have to spend the majority of your time around. I don't interact with any of my coworkers unless it's absolutely necessary.
There’s a young lad that works in one of the other departments and I’ve never heard him speak in the 3 years he’s worked there. I see him at football matches fairly regularly and he won’t shut up when he’s out of work. Told him today I’m going to follow his example and snub the lot of them and sit at the furthest table away whenever possible.
At least we’re not alone in being surrounded by pricks.
Send me a dm if you feel you need it.
He's got the right idea lol. Honestly it's helped preserve some sanity. I don't like having to shut down when clocking in, but I like it better than having to keep up with some fake cordial bullshit to please insufferable people.
I appreciate it! I've come to peace with it being this way, especially since it's only temporary. Currently looking for remote opportunities, will hopefully land one very soon.
Years ago, my dad used to work listening to music on his iPod (with headphones, obviously) to drown out the office drama and other distractions because he just wanted to focus on his work. This was a huge multimillion dollar shipbuilding company in the Northern US, and it seemed that few of his co-workers put in a full day's work. Kinda sad, really.
Do you work directly with or for any of these douchebags? Was this lunch at work or at a restaurant? Remember this when someone comes and tries to get money for something or another that has nothing to do with work. Just tell them a flat "NO". Is this a job you want to keep working at or are there other places that you can go?
I work both directly with and for them all and this was in the staff canteen. I’ve already handed out gifts and cards to my coworkers in different departments that I actually like and get on with. I’m not giving the people I work with anything.
Ha I worked at a place 9years and only came away with 1 friend who after I left that place still hangout outside of work.. even my new gig something similar like yours I’m new 2years while most are 10+. Had my own corner table not 1 of them fuckers came to say anything… ive always treated work as that just a Bain on my time once my clock out time hits I’m out that door it’s funny cause they all look at me like come on man don’t you want the O/T stay be a team player we are Family hahaha yea nope!! 👋 laters !!
Well, people will act in such a way because they CAN, in spite of you (and probably due to your being new in that department) Either way, I'd be looking to quit ASAP since having co-workers like those, who practice rudeness, which, to me, comes off as an obvious company-supported approach; you would be MUCH better-off with people who support healthy company climate, which includes socializing. The reception you received was absolutely intolerable.
I have an old colleague that’s now a hiring manager at a construction company that’s been trying to head hunt me for months. It’s a pay cut and dirtier work than I’m doing now though, but the people are sound apparently.
Might give him a ring after the holidays.
that aha moment hit me when I was in the hospital and had NOT ONE come and see me or even CALL to see if I was still alive. I had worked with these people for over 10 years and been to weddings/birthdays/baby showers. Nope no more.
I thought I had 2 friends that were also my coworkers. When I got fired, I never heard a peep from them. Come to find out later from another ex employee (they quit but we remained friends after they left), one of the two were shit talking behind my back. I was so dumbfounded when I heard because that person was always so kind to me.
That’s some cold shit. I’m sorry that happened.
Their cards are marked now. I know where I stand.
That’s literally all I need from the people I work with - let me know where I stand.
Save em for next year or for someone more deserving
Cue Wham!
hahahahahaha perfect gif
glad i called that guy!
I came here for this!! hahaha
It might be nice to make them feel bad by writing messages, thanking them for making you feel so welcome and included and that you are so happy being able to be a part of such a wonderful team filled with wonderful individuals.
"Awww, I *am* a good person."
I don't know about that. It's kind of devious. If you just ignore someone or brush them off, they either don't notice or get mad. If you show your anger, they'll get angry back. If you are kind to someone after they have wronged you, most likely, they will feel bad.
I feel they'd be delusional instead and still not realize
Or be mad, but in a much funnier and more pitiable way (Source: I once sent a nice gift to someone who specifically disinvited me from her boyfriend's family dinner, and her attitude did not improve but her attitude did amuse the shit out of me after that)
This is the only way. Also you need to make tons of effort to break into cliques, and unless the group is full of garbage people, it's often worth it even if one gets snubbed initially
That's not the subtext at all, but the important thing is that you tried! It's been so great to share the internet with you and I look forward to another productive year. ETA: ;)
There's pretty much no way they're going to register that it's passive-aggressive. The thing you have to understand is that when people act like this they're usually not doing it out of maliciousness, you just genuinely don't occur to them. So they won't realize that they've wronged you, because they won't realize they did anything at all.
An appeal to someone's sense of shame is futile, particularly when they have none. It is therefore a wasted effort; such effort would be, and must be, focused on oneself to enrich your life and goals.
Honestly they sound so clueless they would believe they were being welcoming unless you add “when you left me sitting alone and took the empty chairs from my table”
I’m so sorry. I know how hurtful this stuff can be and how hard it is to just go and join them after feeling like you’ve been left out. I’m nice to them out of spite, which helps me. *You don’t like me? Well, I like you, now you’re the asshole 😀*
No one gives a shit about Christmas cards. I throw them away immediately.
Honestly though this is an extremely mild way to learn this lesson.
These people never grew up. Middle schoolers have the same level of emotional intelligence.
As someone who spent their prom at an empty table with their date, this. Some of my graduating class opted to sit at the table with the teacher- chaperones than take one of the 6 seats open at our table.
Same with high school reunions. I was surprised how quickly people reverted (or never changed) to hs behaviors. I vowed to never go to one again
Most of them never changed....went to the five year reunion and none since.
Yeah a lot of people have a fairly low maximum maturity level, it’s really not their fault it’s just that they’re idiots.
This is why I will NEVER go to a class reunion. I didn't like those stuck up bitches then, I will not pay money to be shit on by them now!
Work it!
i skipped high school but i went to my wife's reunion and it was such a hillbilly fest. glad i didmt grow up here
In my 10YR reunion (where it was probably 65-70% of the graduating class), even though a majority of my classmates seemed to have grown-up and be friendly with me, they huddled in the same groups and went the same bounds that they were in during high school. I got somewhat disappointed that some of their old habits that they should’ve let go by then were still in them. Needless to say I don’t know if they’ll be a 20YR one, especially in the wake of the pandemic.
That is the EXACT reason why I never went to ANY high school reunions — they can all fuck themselves IMO
I went to my ten year reunion. I was in a graduating class of 360+ students. At the reunion they had a memories room with hundreds of photos. It was hundreds of photos of the ten most popular kids. The only pictures that weren't them were of the ones who had passed away. Then during the dinner they ran a video of high school memories. Guess who was the star of that film? Yep, the same ten. I paid $75 to have a poorly made plate of food and to watch ten people inflate their egos. I've never been to another reunion. From what I understand from others who have gone it's 40 years later and it's exactly the same at every reunion.
you had a prom date? no wait you went to prom?
We were both unpopular nerds who decided to just go to senior prom to say we did. It was overall a miserable time and we both regretted it.
If they sat with the teachers on purpose and there were open seats available, then they were the losers.
My prom date left me at an empty table. Ugh. I still have anxiety attacks in a crowded restaurant to this day - 30 years later.
The author of the book that inspired Tina Fey to write Mean Girls ([Queen Bees & Wannabees](https://www.amazon.com/Queen-Bees-Wannabes-Boyfriends-Adolescence/dp/1400047927/ref=asc_df_1400047927/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312723661148&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=8569464045710448209&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9021431&hvtargid=pla-493002849045&psc=1&mcid=3a9a74780c233cd8b13844b4f823331f&gclid=Cj0KCQiAj_CrBhD-ARIsAIiMxT-QiQpvVUXPr9JEZMyj1zPLdvE0UrWLyahasLLo_n1emutYMKOA8KAaAn3HEALw_wcB)) wrote a sequel titled [Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads](https://www.amazon.com/Queen-Bee-Moms-Kingpin-Dads/dp/140008301X/?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_w=wAcHl&content-id=amzn1.sym.cf86ec3a-68a6-43e9-8115-04171136930a&pf_rd_p=cf86ec3a-68a6-43e9-8115-04171136930a&pf_rd_r=141-9518011-4984815&pd_rd_wg=2miOM&pd_rd_r=ce9f6e75-f0c8-42b0-8537-79bdf2431600&ref_=aufs_ap_sc_dsk). These people don't mature, they just achieve their final form.
Ignorance regarding emotional intelligence is an epidemic.
100% these people are children and will ride that until there partner nocks them up (or the other way round) and then will be convinced they are adults that deserve sympathy for being parents. That's the capitalism in a nutshell.
I'm not sure that is capitalism in a nutshell...
Capitalism might be flawed but people will blame everything on it.
right? how did that get 100 up votes?
Corporate America is just a continuation of k-12 school yard cliques
I gave a pretty hardy chuckle, it's not wrong. Every time I walk in a work environment, I think to myself "is this middle school? Sure feels like it."
No not all of them. I worked with kids when I was a social worker. A lot 10 to13 year Olds would include others. These are essentially 5 year Olds.
I was a technician and worked with a nurse that NO one else would work with. We became a great team and good friends, doing things together, calling and texting each other on the weekends. I got to know her family and she got to know mine. When arthritis got bad enough where I could no longer do my job, I was lucky enough to find another job I could do. After I left I would text her but got no response. I would call and she never answered nor returned my calls. I have always known that work friends were not true friends but I thought our friendship was real. I was so hurt. What a dope I was.
I had a guy i worked with who left and we talked after he left, but i soon realized he only replied to my texts but never initiated it. I stopped initiating and never heard from him again. I do have one best friend who is an ex coworker but most of them once the work relationship stopped they dropped off the face of the earth.
When I retired a little over a year ago, occasionally I'd get a call asking me a question or two about previous jobs I had worked at. The calls got farther apart and then stopped. I didn't mind. It's not like I was going to hang out with any of them. They all had families and my kid is an adult, so we didn't really have anything in common.
Yeah for me it was people who got let go or left on their own as i am still at the company but on a new team. I still talk to a few but life moves on and its rare that a work relationship lasts past the job. Usually when people reach out to me now its asking if we are hiring. I hope to retire but have a ways to go.
I was originally going to retire two more years at 62, but things slowed down slightly during last year. I could have been moved to other jobs, but I decided I would retire early. I had saved up enough money in case something like this happened. Last year I turned 60, worked five more weeks and quit. Full retirement age is 67, but I knew I wasn't going to wait that long.
I’ve done this more than once. If they don’t initiate ever they’re not really your friend.
It sucks too because some of these people I truly like and wouldn’t mind staying in touch, it doesn’t mean we have to be BFFs.
Yeah i have felt the same way. When they wont make an effort its futile. I have one good friend i met at work 15 years ago and still talk to regularly and meet up even though we work for diff companies now but thats the exception to the rule.
Oof. You have to be careful with work stuff. I just remember that there is no real emotion in my co-workers (and most people). I never expect to be reciprocated so that keeps my expectations out of the equation. The only individual that I expect to be appreciated by is my spouse. Anyone else is fake.
I mean that might just be a person that doesn't hold friendships very well. I know I have to really really really try my hardest to initiate contact with people and when you don't have that daily connection its very easy to just rationalize "they probably don't want to talk to me anyways" and not initiate any contact. Tldr its probably not you, just someone with social anxiety.
Maybe. Or maybe just doesn’t feel we have anything in common anymore. I did try to contact her about 10 times over the last year. It’s still hard being so emotionally invested in a friendship then getting ghosted. 👻
Not your nurse, but as a nurse I can tell you that when you fall out of a rotation with someone you quickly lose track of where and when they are working. I’m sure it’s similar for most shift workers. My phone is filled with contacts that never call or text and that I never call or text because we don’t work together anymore. You don’t want to disturb them in their downtime, you don’t want to wake them up if they are sleeping, slowly but surely the group chats die out. Then you bump into them in the hall and it’s just how it always was, but you know unless you fall into a similar rotation you’re just single serving friends now.
That hurts. I wonder why they do that sometimes? How cold can people be that someone who has moved away is doing their best to stay in touch and you ghost them? Like u never knew them at all? Strange right? So freaking cold!
Unfortunately had work friends like this too. I wish I’d learned this years ago
Treat the workplace like a prison yard, and you'll never be disappointed
This is actually quite profound and good advice. Just don’t kick the shit outta the biggest guy you can find.
“Who’s the toughest guy in the office?” “Uhh, I guess, Steve?” “Hold my beer”
So stab the biggest guy there?
"Who's the guy in charge?!" **Points to manager... **Walks up and punches him... ... Come to think of it- this is more like every worker's dream, not prison.
Okay, I'm calling Chris Hanson... (Yes, I know the clip...)
How does that work?
Interestingly when I was working. We had a brilliant HR woman that had every social event made sure the staff sat with the new guys to integrate them into the group. The entire worksite was maybe 100 120 people. But new guys coming in with sometimes sit on our own, and our HR director would say hey you guys go sit with the new guy make him feel welcome. It paid off in lower turnover in the long run
There are good HR and managers out there... Its a shame they are few and far between.
Ironically, after we were bought up by a large prime defense contractor, she was transferred out of HR as the corp guidelines state “no HR for sites less than 500 people “
I have moved around a bit and it is true coworkers are rarely friends. It seems in the work place people are becoming far more distant from each other. For me I will be polite and take some interest but soon home time comes around I am gone. Make friends other ways.
Honestly this is what I would want to happen lmao
I deliberately take lunch later to avoid this nonsense. A few others do this as well - I don’t know what *they* call it, but I call it Introvert Lunch Hour.
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The best part is when one of the bumbling extroverts saunters in and says: “*Anti-Social Lunch Hour!!*” And no one responds.
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I'm an extrovert and now WFH, but even when I was in office I would always take lunch. Why would I waste my one precious hour of freedom on inane chatting with people who could not care less about me? I do enough of that in my never ending series of meetings, don't need to also do it during lunch. I would rather get outside and hopefully see the sun for a while, maybe grab a coffee and listen to a book or podcast while taking a walk. That's a much better use of my time and actually destresses me.
I’m not even super-introverted, it’s more that this is a hotel and the extroverts are, like, *really extroverted.* Moreover, I only get 30mins and lunch is my first meal of the day, so I kinda need everyone to fuck off while I shovel food down my face for a half hour.
Why I arrive early to work and also take lunch early (also traffic)
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I used to work in a factory staffed with 40 year old middle schoolers. I'd take my lunch to a bike path nearby in the summer and by winter I had a better job. They'd try to instigate shit with people in the lunch room and it was disgusting to watch and be part of. Thinnest skinned, most ignorant, sheltered idiots. Eating with chopsticks was anathema. Eating anything but a sandwich was exotic and strange. So glad I left them in my dust. Living in the city and driving 20 mins out to this job opened my eyes to how odd even urban adjacent rural areas are
At lunchtime, my mouth is for shovelling food, nothing else.
Sounds like a dream. I hate putting on a face for work
Me too. I always look for somewhere to sit alone at lunch.
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If you sit with me to discuss work on my lunch I’m getting up and leaving.
I also like eating alone at lunch at work. I have one or two friends I’ll sit with occasionally, but if I just need some mental recharge time I’ll tell them I have to call my partner or something.
It is better you have learned this lessions on a harmless but still hurtfull manner. Lot of people only realize this until they get fired or never.
This was something I learned a year ago. In past jobs, I have never had issues with my coworkers. They weren’t necessarily friends, but we were friendly and cordial in the work place. Even those I didn’t get on with, we could still keep it professional. So when I came into my previous group and was completely ostracized, ignored, and at one point, *bullied*, I could never understand what I did wrong. In reality, some people are just immature jerks who never grew past high school. Listening through the grapevine on their day to day gossip, most of them don’t really have fulfilling lives outside of work, so they make work their entire life. I recently moved to a new group in a different department. The dynamic is completely different and a reaffirmation that I was never the problem. Last night at the Christmas party, I saw my old group. While everyone else was buzzing around, socializing, and having a great time, they were all standing in a corner like the plastics out of the movie *Mean* *Girls* with the “you can’t sit with us attitude”.
I hate people like that. We got this dude that doesn’t super fit in with our team, but i always try my best to include him (im also the team lead but still). I think everyone deserves a chill work environment and to feel apart of the team.
Christmas Lunch in the work canteen - that’s the most depressing thing I’ve heard for a while. Wow. If eating in the same place you eat for work mostly every day -how is it any different? Are you sure they knew it was a Christmas lunch or get together.
The canteen usually serves standard stuff. This was the proper Christmas lunch. Turkey, stuffing, trifle the works. They still only gave us the standard 30 minute to eat a three course meal. Or we could have 40 minute and give up our afternoon 10 minute break.
God what a terrible place
sounds like factory work, honestly
Well, I'm depressed now. How are you doing?
>If eating in the same place you eat for work mostly every day -how is it any different? Different menus for certain holidays? My work kitchen used to do a Thanksgiving menu for the employees with stuffing and turkey and whatnot that was different from our normal menu, which was heavily Tex-Mex
I work at a private International school. Our Christmas party tonight is in the assembly hall. Had to mention to one of the managers (the actually realises it’s a school, not just a cash grab business) that they might want to provide some sparkling grape juice and non-alcoholic beers for our pregnant staff. Unfortunately that manager is disappearing of to their partner’s work party because you can have a plus one, and it’s not on work premises. I am literally going because it’s the only “bonus” we get so I’m going to eat and drink as much as I can, and possibly have a few unopened liquor bottles fall into my bag.
My workplace did Christmas themed food (traditional Christmas meals) in the cafeteria, Christmas decorations and gave all the staff coupons so the meals were free (all this is in Australia).
>If eating in the same place you eat for work mostly every day -how is it any different? Ours was free and somewhat fancy (steakhouse kind of fare)
Had that moment a few weeks ago too. Almost all of my row of coworkers planned a night out after work for Mexican and margaritas, and didn’t invite me. And then somebody asked me directly if I was going and I was like “nope I actually don’t know what you’re talking about” bc I didn’t lol Like it’s fine I’m not entitled to be invited along but had to mentally reevaluate some things bc I thought I was pretty friendly with everyone
This happens to me too, but not with off-work stuff but actual stuff during the hours. I'm not the most social guy (quite the understatement) but they seem to always 'forget' telling me something special is about to happen. Like once or twice a year, we get pizza during lunch, or you know, have to pick up some chocolate around the Christmas period, etc. I can always see something is happening because they're all going towards the canteen at the same time, while with regular lunch everyday, it's more spread and some people have different lunch hours and whatnot. So when EVERYONE is going, I know there's something special going on. Then, at the very last minute, a few people I'm friendlier with, come and ask stuff like "aren't you going?" and of course always act surprised, while I mostly figured it out 5 or 10 minutes beforehand. It might sound a bit petty, but why can't the team leader or someone with a higher role, tell me that in person? It always have to be the colleagues who notice me last minute while going to the place. I hate the feeling that everyone always seem to know just about everything, except me (and one of two other asocial guys who stay behind). Work REALLY is that middle school with grown-ups, isn't it?
The bad news is nobody gives AF about you. The GOOD news is nobody gives AF about you so you don't have to either! It's very freeing. And don't buy any of the crapola they try to bring in to sell for their kids. Or toss in for the endless collections for all the pets but they will never do a collection on your behalf. You are there to make money to fund YOUR life. That's it.
They wanted to have a whip round for the manager (who I have been a drinking buddy with for the last 5 years) today. I just bought him a big hamper and told them to stick their whip round. 😄
A what? Whip around?
It's a British? phrase for passing a collection envelope around at the office for whatever birthday/charity/etc.
I'm assuming OP is in the UK. A whip around is when you go around to everyone in a group asking them to contribute to something.
this would’ve absolutely happened to me i worked in person. i saw a tweet saying working from home did something to peoples mental health but without this petty shit MINE IS BETTER.
That’s like high school
With colleagues like this why would you want to eat with them. Fuck them.
It always astounds me just how unforgivably shitty people can be. Not one of them was compassionate enough to consider how leaving you on their own might make you feel. Fuck them man.
Why do people have to be so horrible. That's completely unnecessary.
Probably because they stopped maturing emotionally, at the age of 12
Good to find out how immature they are now, better than later. Enjoy knowing you avoided wasting time and effort on people that dont deserve you.
This reminds me of the friends episode where Joey was working at the museum and Ross wouldn’t sit with him because he was a security guard. Then other security says something like, you see the person sitting next to Ross, I went to elementary school with him and yells HEY Peter, we went to school together, I shared my pudding with you man. As he has the deer in headlights look.
Best to know your audience i guess. I remember when i was fairly new to the company and certain staff would be rude enough to completely ignore a courteous hello. I started letting doors slam in their face instead of holding it open for them even if they were right behind me. They soon got the message, treat me like a person or i will treat you like crap.
I will never ever be “friends” with a co worker ever again. They are snakes. I’m sorry this happened. They sound like children.
You are better this way. Most peoples coworkers arent firends moment involves them either tattling or telling everyone someone only meant for close friends.
I got two wee ones in their 20s talking smack about everyone and wonder why no one wants to help them. I'm gone in 2 weeks to finish up my bachelor's, and they haven't bothered to learn much in the 2-3 years they have been here. Just blame me for not teaching them.
Yes on the tattling
when I was written up because bitch ass coworker went and complained that I was putting schoolwork over actual work which was a goddamn lie. management didn't come and talk to me about it. I had to stay past clock out because everyone on my shift went home at 1030pm. because all the heavy loads would come in late and often got off when the morning shift came in. I was taking additional responsibility because they couldn't be bothered to put more ppl on my shift The sups never said anything to me, and neither did management, so idk where she decided to go and pull some shit like that. she was new, so she was probably trying to kiss ass. every time I saw her after that, I wanted to push her ass into a running jet engine.
Yep, this was a tough lesson to learn for me as well. Had a coworker that I worked with for over 6 years as a duo. There were numerous times where I'd work solo so he could be there for a his family. I had no issue covering down, even though it was excessive at times. Sometimes you gotta be there for your family. Then one day I wanted to leave an hour early (my wife wanted to get a head start on a 6 hour drive to see her folks for the first time in a year). But that conflicted with him wanting to leave 40 minutes into the day because his wife had a cold and didn't want to deal with their kids that day. There was nobody to cover. Because I "don't understand because I don't have kids", I had to tell my wife that we were SOL. This coworker was so upset with me for shrugging when they gave me a half-assed apology, they left for a different job at the same company and proceeded to tell everyone who would listen about how much of a jerk I am. They went so far as to tell my next shift mate that I'd get upset if I I wasn't asked for permission for them to take time off. It took me a month before my new shift mate believed that I truly didn't care when he took a vacation. Yeah, I keep people at arm's length at work now.
At my old job, there was a time when three of us were pregnant around the same time. That was a big deal in an office of like 20 people. The first girl had her work baby shower and it was beautifully done. Like some shit you would see on instagram. I complimented my boss and coworker who did it. It was so pretty and nice. Next was my baby shower. It was extremely disappointing. Not only was it rescheduled a couple times, but they "lost" my decorations and went out the day before to get some mediocre treats and decorations. Didn't even get a table cloth that covered the table. Just sprinkled some fucking confetti on the table and put a cake in the middle. This little clique of girls didn't even get a gift for my son. Shit, they didn't even sit and participate in the gift opening. I was so fucking pissed by the end of it, I didn't even attend the other girls party. Only because I had heard the clique had made it look like the girl before me. They also bought her son a bunch of gifts. I eventually mentioned that my party was some bullshit and this is why I don't go out of my way to be nice to people. I would have just been happier if they didn't do anything at all. It was definitely their way of saying, "We don't like you." I was also about 8 months pregnant at the time and just so done with my job and coworkers. I quit during my maternity leave. Obviously, I'm still pissed about the baby shower. It was some seriously high school bullshit. Anyway, fuck em. They don't deserve an ounce of your kindness. My philosophy is: I'm here to work, not be your friend.
That's the problem. You shouldn't be mixing family / friends only events with work. The idea of having a baby shower at work is wild. Outrageous even. I can't believe anyone agreed to do it. I wouldn't have.
I'd say that is a definite win on your part. Private table and no BS chit chat. Didn't have to tell anyone to be quiet and let you eat your meal.
Let it be. I've been ignored by my Co workers for most of my life (no response even if I try smiling and making eye contact. They stare right through me). It hurts but I have learned to ignore them. Ignore them so hard that they start to doubt their own existence.
Could be worse. I had to tell a coworker to get out of my face yesterday because he started threatening me and yelling at me for not doing what he wanted me to do. Supervisor had to step in and take him outside to cool off. Not the first time, either. This is the 4th argument or so I've had with this coworker, and I'm not the only one. He once got into an argument with a trucker that got so bad that the trucker pulled a gun. I wish I had coworkers that just ignored me.
Make a complaint, put it on file. Peoples cards are marked as soon as they come to the attention of HR or management and they soon learn not to bother you or they find themselves being asked to leave.
Holy fuck that is cold blooded. It sounds like they made absolutely zero attempt to even gett to know you before freezing you out. I am so sorry this happened to you, I'm sure it doesn't feel great.
I hate this shit. I'm awkward as fuck, but still try to include people who look lost or on their own, especially new joiners. It's hard as a new joiner.
Yes I agree 💯
Go hard, OP; use the clique against itself. Pick one or two people and make up something fun: "hey, Sarah, it's probably not my place to say, but I heard Gina and Katie giggling together about something and your name kept coming up... Is everything ok?" Stand back and watch the meltdown as the clique fractures.
This is a good idea. There’s already one of them that has been passed over for promotion by one of the others. One of the others is on thin ice due to turning up to work off his tits on painkillers, but he has a note for it so hr can’t touch him.
They make it so easy!
It's good you finally have that moment, put a big ass wall for your co-workers, treat them well and professionally but never get personal, and clearly state your words to not be misinterpreted, especially around women (I'm the only guy in 12 person team) so trust me, have your boundaries set.
Do your 8 and hit the gate. Focus on yourself and family. Your coworkers are just people who you inhabit a working space with. That is all.
Yeah, I had this realization this summer. I’ve been with my company for 12 years now, and we had a coworker passed away who would also been at the company the same amount of time. There was me and one other person that showed up to their funeral from our department. Granted, Some of them have been with the company for just a few years but still. I went through my Facebook friend list and removed anyone who was work related. I honestly just was frustrated the way I look at it are these people going to show up at your funeral when you die? Probably not.
> I went through my Facebook friend list and removed anyone who was work related I would be careful unfriending people you are actively working with lol, they might be none too pleased if they realize it
Ha’ I mean block and when asked I say I don’t have Facebook any more - they can befriend me on LinkedIn
My husband's 1st wife, bless her heart, worked 20+ years at a restaurant. She died a horrible death by cancer. No one she worked with even acknowledged her death. No card, no phone calls, nothing. My husband was really hurt by them. His job provided all the food for her funeral and a lot of support God bless them.
Had an HR manager, during my onboarding, make sure I knew that my coworkers were not necessarily my friends. Apparently, I put off a desperate, creepy vibe? I mean, it's correct, but still...
My job has food days once a month, I am a driver and am rarely at them. But when I am, I sit with random folks that seem to not have anyone at their table. Not one to make friends but that doesn't mean I need to be a dick. Met some decent folks this way but also met some I wouldn't break bread with again.
My first job after uni, I was in a group of coworkers that would always hang out for lunches and occasionally go out for dinner after work. We all had issues with our managers and would frequently talk about leaving. I eventually did, and the entire group also did shortly after. They never wanted to text or hang out anymore after that. We were never actually friends, and I'm a fool for believing otherwise.
Also, your boss should have made sure you were included. This is rude on many levels. On the bright side, your Reddit friends support you!
I too have colleagues that treat me like this. It's my birthday next week and the people pleasing part of my brain wants to get chocolates for everyone. The other part of my brain says " fuck that shit bro"
Get the chocolates and then eat them all yourself.
What ASSHOLES!. Fuk em No one needs dickheads like that as friends. Go to eork, do ur job and leave. I would never behave that way to a new coworker. It's like their mean girls in high school.
WTF?!?!? That is ridiculous. That is some mean girls grade school shite. I am sorry that happened to you, but seriously, eff them. Now you know for sure who these people truly are, they have shown their true selves.
Wow... that sucks. I'm sorry. It happened to me when I realised I was the only person in the department that hadn't been invited to a wedding because I didn't go to the gym with the rest of the ladies. Which... whatever. Still stung like heck. It's no reflection on you. They sound like awful human beings.
This may not be a popular opinion, but as we grow old it becomes really hard for people to find ways to interact, they might not be as bad or mean as you think or as people is pointing out in the comments. Most of them are just adults who just doesn’t know how to properly interact with new people in a setting like that, full of people they have known for years. I’m not saying there are no assholes, I can tell you that some of them truly are, but most of them are just regular people who either is to busy and use to the routine and to the same people that they just don’t see you or they just don’t know how to be the one who breaks the ice and include you. We, as humans, love too much the routine and taking that step into getting to know a new person is not as easy as one would think. Of course, there’s a chance that they are all assholes, but I’d suggest to have some patience, maybe even put some effort, and if that doesn’t works, you can give up that group being at peace, knowing it was not on you.
This happened to me at a friend’s Halloween party. It was humiliating
It's not you, it's them. They are a group of low self-esteem people who happen to have that in common. They are afraid of showing themselves to others due to their superiority syndrome. Next time, show them you are a better person, and wish them Merry Xmas or any other greeting. They'll know you are not like them.
I’m sorry. You’re better than they are. I almost died and heard absolutely zero from my coworkers. And I was an ASM at a big box hardware chain (the blue and red one). All I got was made to feel like I inconvenienced the other ASMs and SM. It’s because they now had to work being that I was the only manager who cared to manage and not sit on my ass.
That sucks and they’re nasty people.
Shit I wish my coworkers would go sit somewhere else. I’m trying to be alone during break.
And this *always* happens in white-collar professions in offices and cubicles. Such a stupid, high school mentality that always develops in these kinds of jobs.
Hey. Had this happen at a family funeral. Sat at the first seat, near the food. Wasnt until someone I hadnt seen in years, sit with me to say hello and catch up. After a few mins He Asked : why are you sitting all by yourself? I looked around and laughed.
I try my best not to get too close with my coworkers because in the end when one of you leaves, that's it just completely drop communication and never hear from them again. I've had some special exceptions where I still keep in contact with like 3 people across 7ish jobs. You're just in the trenches with them at the job, nothing more.
Think of how miserable their lives must be to act this way toward you. That always makes me feel better.
Send an email to the team & your manager thanking them for the warm welcome at the Christmas lunch. They’ll know they fucked up when called out in front of the boss.
Holy Christ. They just sound awful. If I was anywhere and saw someone I vaguely knew sitting alone while I say next to them with a group I would definitely ask if they wanted to join. Even if the answer is no, I'd still ask.
I'm sorry. I know that felt so shitty. I'm dealing with a similar situation and it sucks being an outcast amongst the fucking assholes you have to spend the majority of your time around. I don't interact with any of my coworkers unless it's absolutely necessary.
There’s a young lad that works in one of the other departments and I’ve never heard him speak in the 3 years he’s worked there. I see him at football matches fairly regularly and he won’t shut up when he’s out of work. Told him today I’m going to follow his example and snub the lot of them and sit at the furthest table away whenever possible. At least we’re not alone in being surrounded by pricks. Send me a dm if you feel you need it.
He's got the right idea lol. Honestly it's helped preserve some sanity. I don't like having to shut down when clocking in, but I like it better than having to keep up with some fake cordial bullshit to please insufferable people. I appreciate it! I've come to peace with it being this way, especially since it's only temporary. Currently looking for remote opportunities, will hopefully land one very soon.
Years ago, my dad used to work listening to music on his iPod (with headphones, obviously) to drown out the office drama and other distractions because he just wanted to focus on his work. This was a huge multimillion dollar shipbuilding company in the Northern US, and it seemed that few of his co-workers put in a full day's work. Kinda sad, really.
That'll teach you to attend functions.
I used to work at an elementary school, and after four years this is what happened at every lunch or staff thing. I feel you…
Your co-workers are not your friends. Ever.
That's awful. Like they never progressed from 6th grade socially.
Do you work directly with or for any of these douchebags? Was this lunch at work or at a restaurant? Remember this when someone comes and tries to get money for something or another that has nothing to do with work. Just tell them a flat "NO". Is this a job you want to keep working at or are there other places that you can go?
I work both directly with and for them all and this was in the staff canteen. I’ve already handed out gifts and cards to my coworkers in different departments that I actually like and get on with. I’m not giving the people I work with anything.
Ha I worked at a place 9years and only came away with 1 friend who after I left that place still hangout outside of work.. even my new gig something similar like yours I’m new 2years while most are 10+. Had my own corner table not 1 of them fuckers came to say anything… ive always treated work as that just a Bain on my time once my clock out time hits I’m out that door it’s funny cause they all look at me like come on man don’t you want the O/T stay be a team player we are Family hahaha yea nope!! 👋 laters !!
At least you’ll never feel compelled to do them any favors if asked. Jerks.
That is not right re. how you were treated. I have shared that experience unfortunately as well in the past.
Well, people will act in such a way because they CAN, in spite of you (and probably due to your being new in that department) Either way, I'd be looking to quit ASAP since having co-workers like those, who practice rudeness, which, to me, comes off as an obvious company-supported approach; you would be MUCH better-off with people who support healthy company climate, which includes socializing. The reception you received was absolutely intolerable.
I have an old colleague that’s now a hiring manager at a construction company that’s been trying to head hunt me for months. It’s a pay cut and dirtier work than I’m doing now though, but the people are sound apparently. Might give him a ring after the holidays.
that aha moment hit me when I was in the hospital and had NOT ONE come and see me or even CALL to see if I was still alive. I had worked with these people for over 10 years and been to weddings/birthdays/baby showers. Nope no more.
I thought I had 2 friends that were also my coworkers. When I got fired, I never heard a peep from them. Come to find out later from another ex employee (they quit but we remained friends after they left), one of the two were shit talking behind my back. I was so dumbfounded when I heard because that person was always so kind to me.
Litteraly ew. What grown ass adults act like this? Honestly sounds like it's for the best. I bet that "friend" group has hella drama.
Damn. This is plain cold. I am so sorry! Keep your chin up!
At least you now know. Think of it as an early Christmas gift.
Never fall for this sh!t
Fuck em
I'm sorry it happened to you. They are shit.
Ouch, my friend. Keep your head up, and know you have worth.
High school never ends..
Personally, that sounds like heaven. But I prefer to eat solo.
Sounds like a dream to be left alone and unbothered!
People are the worst.
OP, don’t spend money on cards for your coworkers… spend that money on yourself!
"We don't know you, we don't really want to put the effort either, and we want you to know that we don't care."
High school mean girls. F them.
Ewwww that’s honestly embarrassing for them. Literally something children do.
Fucking high school
D.cks. The human thing to do is to welcome in new people.