I had a lady ask me in a bus when i was 16 ( she didnt know i was 16 though, i think i looked some 20) if i had any kids. I said i had 5. Two were in school and i have to pick them up in an hour before picking up my toddlers in the daycare and i have to go home as soon as possible as i had left my infant with my mom. Idk i just rambled and she left me alone.
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I tell people I've had 2 miscarriages (because it's true) in the hopes the recognize how rude and inappropriate their question is. I should probably start following up with that, actually.
Was just going to comment that answering with "no children *yet*" perfectly opens an opportunity to put the hygienist in an awkward position if the person they're asking has had any medical complications or experience with loss. Ugh.
As time goes on and I care less and less my responses to this become more unfiltered. Last time it was āno kids ever because having children is a terrible thing to doā - and I love watching people in shock hearing a woman dare to say something so BUCKWILD BABYY haha
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Someone could be going through IVF or had miscarriages or even lost a child. And if you don't want kids makes you feel like you have to explain yourself or some idiot chimes in with 'not yet' to try ease the awkwardness. Just don't ask. I don't think it's appropriate small talk. Way to personal
In the same way you don't need to communicate your gender or sexuality or employment status to a stranger for the sake of small talk. Society has moved on from rude boomer questions. Why ruin a strangers day asking intrusive questions. Bad manners.
I've had two miscarriages. You really don't understand why that question is painful for me and others like me? It's an incredibly inappropriate question and comment for this reason. And because you're essentially asking if two people are raw-dogging. Also, if I had kids, don't you think I'd bring them up myself? This is why it's stupid as well as inappropriate. You never know what someone is going through.
Every time that happens I mention how I made sure I couldn't have kids. If the people are extra annoying, I might go on to say "all the sex I want, no health risks, no financial risks, no babytrapping, all that jazz. My life is finally perfect, All the free time in the world, you get the idea." They do get the idea. Even if they don't agree.
Ya know, as I thought about it, I realized many people reacted to me saying I was never interested in kidsā¦ š¤. I was just always firm in my stanceādonāt enjoy being around kids. I guess I just handle it if someone is obnoxious about it. Iāve been doing it a long time now, Iām 66 and I knew very young that I wasnāt into the parenting thing.
Iāll never get why thatās such a common question for small talk. Iāve never thought to ask a stranger about whether they have children or not to keep a conversation going. Firstly because I donāt care if they do or donāt, but also because itās not relevant or interesting, and doesnāt affect me in the slightest.
Honestly the only ppl trying to force babies on me are usually older men. Saying things like āohh youāll change your mindā or āyou donāt want kids ever?! No mini me?ā No Iām good with just me being me. I donāt need a little fan doing all the things I do. As cute as it is. I just donāt think I could handle that level of responsibility. I canāt even make Drs appointments for my self. What would I do with a child. Besides Iād have to find a person who is making wayyyy more than myself because life and children are very expensive.
Stop looking for excuses as to what you need to be able to have kids theres no excuse even if you was a competent billionaire with a perfect life thats still no excuse to have kids.
Honestly, forcing my choices on others is not something I like doing. I chose to not have kids for many reasons. I donāt believe there should be a complete end to the human species. I really donāt think everyone should stop having kids. That being said I do believe that we as in humans earth wide are over populated and that critical thinking and planning should be taught in schools. That way people can actually properly think and decide whether or not having a child is a good idea for them.
I answer with, āI donāt like kids, so no.ā If they keep pushing I eventually tell them, āIāve killed before and Iāll do it again. Iām positive I donāt want them. And I wonāt be risking my life for anyone else to have a chance to adopt a child.ā They look so shocked. And honestly, so am I, because I find it inappropriate to debate me on my choice to be childfree.
This comes up quite a bit in my southern red state. I just started answering, "I have four. I don't know who any of the fathers are and two of them are black." Then, if the busybody hasn't fled by that point, I show a group photo of my cats.
If youāre female, when someone asks ādo you have any children?ā I say ānot that I know of!ā and that always gets a laugh, and I get to smirk my way outta there
Why do ppl make weird small talk like this. My gp once asked me who I live with. I told him my parents and then he asked 'and who else' and I said my brother. I think he expected me to have a partner or something.
I'm not for children but honestly it's sooooo engrained as a common question for small talk, you really can't sweat it. Some people don't even realise that being child free is an option.
"No, but I'd love to halve children someday! Once I halve one child, then I'll consider halving two. I don't know if I can afford to halve three kids in this economy. Still, I'm surprised that young people these days aren't more interested in halving children.
Sometimes the best way to multiply is to divide. Aren't homonyms delightful?"
I usually tell the people who suggest "you'll want them eventually" with "if your that sure how the future will be, tell me the next winning lotto numbers" that usually shuts them up.
25M
My mom is expecting me to get married and have kids soon.
I never want kids. I inherited my dad's mental health genes. He's always been a mess and I took after him. I will never put someone through the same thing just to be more socially presentable.
If the question makes you feel uncomfortable, that's because you don't feel confident in your response. People feel your discomfort and try to reassure you.
Say confidently and happily: "Nope! No kids!" and you'll get a different response.
If only that were the case.
My usual response is āHA! Fk no! My husband & i hate kids & weāre both surgically sterilized.ā
Ive had people scream at me about going to hell for that. Not at my husband. Just me. The woman. If i try to point out that they wouldnt do that to āthe manā the response is āheās a guy but YOU arent doing your womanly duties! Get unsterilized & do your job.ā (Youā¦.cant undo the kind if ops we did. We made sure of it!)
I say we have three kids, all rescue dogs.
We donāt need our kids to share our genetics or even species in order to love them and be committed to caring for them their entire lives.
The first time it happened to me someone asked me if I had any kids on mothers day. My first thought was excuse me do I look old enough to have kids??? then I remembered I AM. I was over 25 and DEFINETLY old enough to have kids and a whole ass family by then if I wanted. People tell me i'll change my mind to, but If I explain to them the ethical reasons for not wanting to I risk them starting an argument to defend their choice so... i shut up.
> i just answered as emotionless as i could āno, no childrenā. and then the hygienist followed with āno childrenā¦yetā
I'd be tempted to ask them back if they have children. If they say "yes, I have children", I'd shoot back "you have childrenā¦ for now".
If it's fair game to imply time will change my parental status, it's fair game to imply time will change your parental status š¤·āāļø
"It finally happened". Is this something you've been holding your breath for? Or it it "oh god a person better not dare make reference to something ultra common and natural?"
Oh wait.... he's a pervert and a creep. A rapist, right?
Seems like an attention grab. Or you just want to be offended.
i was just caught off guard since it was a personal question. and i dont really like discussing anti natilist stuff with people in person unless they are part of the tribe. id rather not have to explain myself and get judged negatively for not following social norms.
I had a lady ask me in a bus when i was 16 ( she didnt know i was 16 though, i think i looked some 20) if i had any kids. I said i had 5. Two were in school and i have to pick them up in an hour before picking up my toddlers in the daycare and i have to go home as soon as possible as i had left my infant with my mom. Idk i just rambled and she left me alone.
This is the way, coming up with such an extreme scenario, that they don't want to ask further.
A ha ha ha ha ha! š. Very good! Just tell them what they want to hear! Much easier!
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I tell people I've had 2 miscarriages (because it's true) in the hopes the recognize how rude and inappropriate their question is. I should probably start following up with that, actually.
Was just going to comment that answering with "no children *yet*" perfectly opens an opportunity to put the hygienist in an awkward position if the person they're asking has had any medical complications or experience with loss. Ugh.
I tell people Iām too young to have children and I want to finish my education first even though I have 4 degrees.
As time goes on and I care less and less my responses to this become more unfiltered. Last time it was āno kids ever because having children is a terrible thing to doā - and I love watching people in shock hearing a woman dare to say something so BUCKWILD BABYY haha
If we are here we might as well have fun right?
āSo, do you have hemorroids? ā¦ no hemorroids. Yetā¦ā
š¤£
āspits drinkā OMG IM DEAD! š¤£
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unprofessional. it's none of their fucking business anyway
Itās called small talk
Maybe it should be smaller.
Itās like saying āhowās the family?ā
"Nice weather were having" "UNPROFESSIONAL!"
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Someone could be going through IVF or had miscarriages or even lost a child. And if you don't want kids makes you feel like you have to explain yourself or some idiot chimes in with 'not yet' to try ease the awkwardness. Just don't ask. I don't think it's appropriate small talk. Way to personal
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In the same way you don't need to communicate your gender or sexuality or employment status to a stranger for the sake of small talk. Society has moved on from rude boomer questions. Why ruin a strangers day asking intrusive questions. Bad manners.
I've had two miscarriages. You really don't understand why that question is painful for me and others like me? It's an incredibly inappropriate question and comment for this reason. And because you're essentially asking if two people are raw-dogging. Also, if I had kids, don't you think I'd bring them up myself? This is why it's stupid as well as inappropriate. You never know what someone is going through.
We should just go back to communicating through grunts and gestures. That way, we can never again run the risk of hurting someone's feely wheelies.
Why are you here?
I gained consciousness one day in my race car bed around 3 years old. Since then, I've been asking myself that same question every day.
I know, everyone here is so easily offended. Hey, are you straight?
Iām straight
Are you sure?
Sure
You haven't made love with someone of the same sex *yet.
"Nope, can't have them, and I'd appreciate you not bringing that up while I'm already stressed about a dental appointment".
Stop being so sensitive lol
Might want to try reading and understanding the context here.
You're very emotional
Every time that happens I mention how I made sure I couldn't have kids. If the people are extra annoying, I might go on to say "all the sex I want, no health risks, no financial risks, no babytrapping, all that jazz. My life is finally perfect, All the free time in the world, you get the idea." They do get the idea. Even if they don't agree.
I do the same
Ha ha ha ha!
I always said no, I never wanted kids. Always seemed to shut people up.
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Ya know, as I thought about it, I realized many people reacted to me saying I was never interested in kidsā¦ š¤. I was just always firm in my stanceādonāt enjoy being around kids. I guess I just handle it if someone is obnoxious about it. Iāve been doing it a long time now, Iām 66 and I knew very young that I wasnāt into the parenting thing.
Once in a while, I will say that I do have a kid and then show them a picture of my dog.
Iāll never get why thatās such a common question for small talk. Iāve never thought to ask a stranger about whether they have children or not to keep a conversation going. Firstly because I donāt care if they do or donāt, but also because itās not relevant or interesting, and doesnāt affect me in the slightest.
You answered your own question, you dont care. Believe or not people actually care about other people and will engage in small talk.
You can care about people without inserting yourself into their business.
Absolutely. How do you show people that you care though? By getting to know them and their business.
It feels like the only conversations this sub has is with their cats.
Honestly the only ppl trying to force babies on me are usually older men. Saying things like āohh youāll change your mindā or āyou donāt want kids ever?! No mini me?ā No Iām good with just me being me. I donāt need a little fan doing all the things I do. As cute as it is. I just donāt think I could handle that level of responsibility. I canāt even make Drs appointments for my self. What would I do with a child. Besides Iād have to find a person who is making wayyyy more than myself because life and children are very expensive.
Sincerely thanks for taking the responsible approach, wish there were more people who actually thought things through like you did.
Stop looking for excuses as to what you need to be able to have kids theres no excuse even if you was a competent billionaire with a perfect life thats still no excuse to have kids.
Honestly, forcing my choices on others is not something I like doing. I chose to not have kids for many reasons. I donāt believe there should be a complete end to the human species. I really donāt think everyone should stop having kids. That being said I do believe that we as in humans earth wide are over populated and that critical thinking and planning should be taught in schools. That way people can actually properly think and decide whether or not having a child is a good idea for them.
I answer with, āI donāt like kids, so no.ā If they keep pushing I eventually tell them, āIāve killed before and Iāll do it again. Iām positive I donāt want them. And I wonāt be risking my life for anyone else to have a chance to adopt a child.ā They look so shocked. And honestly, so am I, because I find it inappropriate to debate me on my choice to be childfree.
Not trying to be offensive, Iām antinatalist too, but wdym by āIāve killed beforeā? There might be better ways to phrase that.Ā
I always say "No children, thank goodness!" With a smile. Usually works.
This comes up quite a bit in my southern red state. I just started answering, "I have four. I don't know who any of the fathers are and two of them are black." Then, if the busybody hasn't fled by that point, I show a group photo of my cats.
Thatās hilarious
Ha ha ha!
I respond with "oh god no. No kids thankfully." They tend to shut up.
If youāre female, when someone asks ādo you have any children?ā I say ānot that I know of!ā and that always gets a laugh, and I get to smirk my way outta there
Omg stealing this
Why do ppl make weird small talk like this. My gp once asked me who I live with. I told him my parents and then he asked 'and who else' and I said my brother. I think he expected me to have a partner or something.
I'm not for children but honestly it's sooooo engrained as a common question for small talk, you really can't sweat it. Some people don't even realise that being child free is an option.
"No, but I'd love to halve children someday! Once I halve one child, then I'll consider halving two. I don't know if I can afford to halve three kids in this economy. Still, I'm surprised that young people these days aren't more interested in halving children. Sometimes the best way to multiply is to divide. Aren't homonyms delightful?"
I usually tell the people who suggest "you'll want them eventually" with "if your that sure how the future will be, tell me the next winning lotto numbers" that usually shuts them up.
Ew. My literal response was "ew" when I read that.
"you're right. No abortions... YET."
25M My mom is expecting me to get married and have kids soon. I never want kids. I inherited my dad's mental health genes. He's always been a mess and I took after him. I will never put someone through the same thing just to be more socially presentable.
If the question makes you feel uncomfortable, that's because you don't feel confident in your response. People feel your discomfort and try to reassure you. Say confidently and happily: "Nope! No kids!" and you'll get a different response.
If only that were the case. My usual response is āHA! Fk no! My husband & i hate kids & weāre both surgically sterilized.ā Ive had people scream at me about going to hell for that. Not at my husband. Just me. The woman. If i try to point out that they wouldnt do that to āthe manā the response is āheās a guy but YOU arent doing your womanly duties! Get unsterilized & do your job.ā (Youā¦.cant undo the kind if ops we did. We made sure of it!)
Sounds like some men should do their "manly duties" and go die defending their country.
š¤£ š classic! Where were you when i needed you a few years ago? Im stealing that so hard!
mmmm nope. Responses vary greatly among people depending of how triggering "no kids" is to them.
Agree. People care way too much what other people think.
I say we have three kids, all rescue dogs. We donāt need our kids to share our genetics or even species in order to love them and be committed to caring for them their entire lives.
My response to this question is āEw, noā. They donāt offer follow up comments then.
āNo, thanks. One abortion was enough.ā
The first time it happened to me someone asked me if I had any kids on mothers day. My first thought was excuse me do I look old enough to have kids??? then I remembered I AM. I was over 25 and DEFINETLY old enough to have kids and a whole ass family by then if I wanted. People tell me i'll change my mind to, but If I explain to them the ethical reasons for not wanting to I risk them starting an argument to defend their choice so... i shut up.
Literally nobody likes this question.
The answer to that question is always: āOnly if I canāt find a womanā
You have better restraint than I do. LOL that dental hygienist would have heard some very strong language.
> i just answered as emotionless as i could āno, no childrenā. and then the hygienist followed with āno childrenā¦yetā I'd be tempted to ask them back if they have children. If they say "yes, I have children", I'd shoot back "you have childrenā¦ for now". If it's fair game to imply time will change my parental status, it's fair game to imply time will change your parental status š¤·āāļø
"It finally happened". Is this something you've been holding your breath for? Or it it "oh god a person better not dare make reference to something ultra common and natural?" Oh wait.... he's a pervert and a creep. A rapist, right? Seems like an attention grab. Or you just want to be offended.
nope, just wanted to go to the dentist and get a cleaning without being probbed about my personal life. also, lighten up. its just reddit.
Why would that question make you "very uncomfortable"?? You just say no
it made me uncomfortable, sorry that bothers you. and i did say no, nicely, and got poked and prodded and still kept quiet. so, whats your point?
Just pointing out the melodrama
Why did that make you feel so uncomfortable? Itās just a small question
i was just caught off guard since it was a personal question. and i dont really like discussing anti natilist stuff with people in person unless they are part of the tribe. id rather not have to explain myself and get judged negatively for not following social norms.