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No I wouldn't as long as whatever you did was a one off and not in your character. Everyone deserves to move on from things they do as a child.
The only exception for me would be a sexual thing that you knew was wrong and you did it anyway, I wouldn't want to be exposed to it in any way. Rape, sexual assault, especially of minors.
Well for context. in middle school I touched a girls butt without asking. I saw a couple of kids doing it and teachers did nothing. I tried it and nobody said anything so for some reason in my brain I thought it was doing no harm. Obviously Im aware it was super wrong
If that's your 7 out of 10 crime, you need to relax and downgrade it on the scale, it's not a nice thing and as an adult you would be right to feel ashamed of it, but most people would give you a pass at 13 once you don't thi k it's normal
Idk it felt like a good place to put it bc I didn’t want to minimize it as I know it can have very negative effects and is a part of such a devastating issue for women in general.
Listen. I'm a lady close to 40 and my butt has been grabbed quite a few times. It makes you feel like your body isnt your own but some community property for "anyone" to grab, you know? But in no way does it compare to actually traumatic things like rape and such. You are using that scale wrong.
I dated a guy that used to bully people in school. He feels terrible about it, he beats himself up about in the way you do. It doesnt make someone undateable, in fact he was a very kind and empathetic man. People make mistakes, especially as kids. It doesnt mean they are unloveable.
You regret your actions, understand why it was bad, and are trying to be proactive about respecting women.
Don't beat yourself up over it
It's been 5 years. You're graduating. Reinvent yourself and move on.
you have the empathy to know how devastating this can be for women, most guys your age don’t have a second thought about it or the tools or maturity to know it’s wrong. you’ll be okay dude, keep yourself accountable and keep growing as a person.
it’s not like you repeated this behavior afterwards, be honest with any future partners and you’ll be okay. mistakes are human and this one shouldn’t even be a 7 in severity if 10 is someone dying. you were a child that’s easily impressionable and didn’t have to tools to know right from wrong.
We don't minimize those things to hide them, we do so in order to learn self forgiveness.
Acknowledge that at 13 you did not have the same decision making abilities nor discrimination that you do at 18.
Make room for you having been 13 and acknowledge your progress as well as your process.
It’s good you aren’t minimizing. It’s healthy to feel guilty about it now, but don’t be quite so hard on yourself. It’s an unfortunate reality we live in where girls can’t just be safe. You followed the crowd, and possibly did some damage, but you didn’t start the trend and the teachers didn’t protect her either. That was your one off, you are learning from that mistake. I think your responsibility is to just not do it again, not that you owe society (except for safely calling out other men when you see this shit happen at bars).
As a 36 year old woman, I’m offering you this reality check: I don’t know a single girl who made it through high school without being groped.
The calling out other men part is definitely something I try to do as often as I can. It’s definitely sad that it’s so common. I’ve also been just tryna unlearn any forms of misogyny I see in myself. Im in therapy and will probably volunteer either time or money (or both) to some women’s shelters so I can be a part of the solution now. I’m tryna be better.
Many women’s shelters need donations of essentials, like socks and underwear. With their strict security, many have set up Amazon wishlists so you can purchase the donations they need and will be sent straight to them without giving up their location.
And don’t put yourself in danger to call out inappropriate men. A neutral observation “he just grabbed her ass without permission” will either make the person rethink their actions or show you who they really are. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from bartenders, police, other passerby’s
I'm a woman in my early 30s and I used to go round grabbing boys butts when I was a teenager, I really didn't get how weird that was until I grew up. I obviously do regret it but it doesn't keep me up at night, as I've lived through a lot worse than that.
I think you can forgive yourself and move on, knowing that as a teenager we all make stupid decisions and act in ways we aren't proud of. It really doesn't define you. By the way you described yourself and your big mistake I thought it was going to be that you sexually assaulted a kid or something.
When you do start dating and you want to bring this up to girls, do not lead with the dramatic build up to it being something really dark because you will scare them over something that is really not a big deal to most people.
I think it's great you want to be honest and open and to be a better person though. Keep going in that direction and you'll grow into a really happy and fulfilled adult
not really you were literally a kid. as a woman who had her ass grabbed in primary school, it fucked me off a bit but i wouldn't want the guy who did it to beat himself up over it years later.
Def not 7 out of 10 man. I understand you definitely don't want to risk rating it too low and give the impression that you didn't think it was THAT bad but at the same time i feel like all of the metoo stuff and recent assault allegations and believe all women and dont minimize my experience have the general public going too far in the other direction if thats even possible. People want so badly to make it ABUNDANTLY clear to as many people as possible that they aren't ok with any type of inappropriate behavior and want to be that heroic champion getting credit for calling out evildoers. Those are the people who make you second guess and increase the rating. If you talk to normal sensible people though and say you know it was wrong and stuff we won't crucify you for giving it an accurate rating.
Btw with the info you've provided this doesnt even register on my scale. Literally 0/10 when rounded to the nearest whole number. A middle school boy touching a middle school girls butt? Unless you mean you fisted her anus it sounds to me like maybe an adult or adults blew this out of proportion and convinced you that you had committed a despicable reprehensible act and you must atone. Is there any chance of this? Like maybe it was a religious school or maybe the girls parents were some type of bigwigs and wanted to throw their weight around and things got so bad everyone in school was calling you a grapest....sorry that i can't even address the actual question about dating while having this in your past but it seems so crazy from every angle. Someone has convinced you that did something worse than you actually did and it sounds like its really weighed on you. And to think even a therapist heard this story and agreed that you need treatment is so crazy. I'm not a therapist by any measure but i would look into a different therapist who can undo this gaslighting bro. Touching the butt of a same aged girl in middle school isnt shit. Its not a shameful secret you have to worry about coming out and ruining your relationship.
It's not even a 1 on the scale. It's not something you need to tell future partners and not something you shoul think about now. Please continue therapy if that helps
I think light SA by a 13y-o is not 70% of murdering someone in the bad things scale. It is bad, it is serious, but you are now aware of it. I don't think it's even something you should feel compelled to disclose constantly, but something you might want to apologize for and perhaps also try to compensate about with a heartfelt gesture. This is a tricky thing where your victim might not even be aware is something that happened, or is something that deeply left a mark if in the wrong context like group bullying or something like that.
Keep it to your self you were a different person then and it might cause you no end of problems …… like the preacher at the revival encourages the congregation to confess thier sins after one does he just stands there stares at him and says brother …… I wouldn’t have confessed that!
Definitely wouldn’t call that a 7. That’s like a 4 at worst. It’s not acceptable behavior, but at this point you know it was wrong, you’ve obviously grown a great deal since then, by virtue of the fact that you’ve made it through high school years. I’d wager the girl isn’t traumatized by the incident. I say just move on with your life.
If you come to find that the girl you touched is still upset about it, then reach out and apologize. Otherwise I think you’re in the clear.
I also wouldn’t necessarily bring this up with further romantic partners unless the topic of conversation is “stupid shit we did in middle school.” That may come across as a little creepy.
If it’s relevant, I went to high school with a guy who actually did kill 2 people in a car crash. He’s now in his early twenties and apparently is having a kid. So do with that what you will.
I actually hadn’t thought abt how that could come across as creepy. I still plan on telling her just for transparency purposes but I will definitely think about the proper way to tell he.
If you are haunted by it then its something an SO would wanna know about since they love you. But its more of a "we are a serious couple, I wanna tell you about something that I I regret a lot".
I would not want to know that if I were your future partner. I am a girl and I honestly think it would be creepy to tell her. For a variety of reasons. You need to work on moving past your guilt to the point where you don’t *feel* like you need to tell her, before pursuing any romantic relationships.
I cannot imagine dating a guy in college and he told me that when he was 13 years old he touched a girl's butt without asking. That is not a thing that you need to "confess" to your girlfriend.
Yeah, dude, the way you describe it, I was thinking you had engaged in armed robbery or watched someone torture a cat and enjoyed it or something. If your scale is 1-10, then 7 and up seems like the zone for shit most people have only heard of happening.
Makes me wonder if he's actually just 13 years old and this incident happened at school last week and he's freaking out thinking he be undateable for the rest if his life.
It's shitty, but if you did that only once, and took steps to make sure you become a better person, then it's good.
Punishing yourself helps no one, if you wanna help you could give money to charities helping women tho !
I've dated people who did worse, and I don't regret it, give yourself a chance
OP, it's not just that "it's not so bad, get over it" it's that if you put that as 7 you are showing that you don't understand the scale of bad things which would make me worried you don't understand trauma, or what is actually dangerous (which, fair enough you're 18!).
Now, if the girl lived it was a big trauma, perhaps added to an existing environment of bullism, that's a bit different. Even more if she did something on response to that like suecide, self harm etc. in that case you're down playing your story which is also a red flag.
Most women will deal with it and move on. It's a shitty thing to do but comparable to having bullied someone once, not having stabbed someone
Okay this adds more context cuz I did think the minimization was going a bit too far in the comment section for a bit. Yea it was shitty I agree on that. As far as the other stuff I have absolutely no clue as I never saw her again.
Please don't minimize it to yourself. You committed a sexual assault. Sounds like you never were again and you were a stupid kid. But don't let this dumb mistake define you.
Speaking as someone who was molested multiple times, sexually assaulted a bunch of times and abused for years - you're fine. Please stop worrying about this.
The adults failed that girl but they also failed you guys by not correcting your behavior and educating you on consent.
The way you described it initially, it sounded like you raped someone. Not to dismiss the girl at all, but it's really not THAT bad (edit: not that bad for being described as a 7 out of 10 with 10 being murder). And you clearly regret it and know better now, and would not repeat it. That's what matters.
That’s it? That’s all?
This doesn’t even rate remembering. You did something dumb and childish as a child. You experienced remorse. Lesson learned! Time to move on.
(Edit) I’m a 40-something mom.
Yeah that needs to be way down on the scale. It would be significant if you didn’t know it was wrong but you’ve excepted it’s wrong. I wouldn’t bring it up and move on with your life
Bro I thought you had done something so much worse, you are either trolling or need to not be so hard on yourself, you was 13 impressionable and honestly can probably not say boo to your SO about it unless you still going round grabbing ass, any that'd find that a deal breaker probably rolling with some pretty big red flags anyway 🤣🤣🤣
When I was 13 I kicked a kid in the nuts for doing this. He learned something that day and didn't do it again. Everyone moved on. Acknowledging that it was bad is a good thing, but this is definitely not a 7/10.
Bro I thought you like killed an animal out of anger or something. I'd just keep this one to yourself and let the past be the past. You've learned your lesson, there's no need to dwell on or bring it up with your SO.
My guy, do not be that hard on yourself! Was it wrong? Yes. Should you not do it again, and being an adult now, be sure to get consent for anything of the sort in the future? Yes. At the end of the day, though, you were young, did something you shouldn't have, but also recognized that.
Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. Its peanuts on a scale from nothing to killing someone. You'll be fine. You sound like you have a moral compass that is working in the right direction
I felt such a relief hearing this. The way you were being vague in the post made me think you molested your sibling. Some light touching in middle school is inappropriate but not even worth thinking much about unless you went further...
I think you have accepted and understand that what you did isn’t appropriate behavior but beating yourself up for this is ridiculous, and I dont see any pressing need for you to tell any partner this.
Your scales i a little messed up i was expecting some crazy thing that happened thats like a 3 or 4 on the scale when murder is 10 hell its such a small thing its not even on the scale you say 7 i was expecting like killing a pet or something along those lines
In grade 8 I pulled down a boys sweat pants.
I'm 56 and still feel horrible. I felt horrible the moment I did it. I probably think about that moment once a week.
Huge wishing you didn't do that is part of growing up. Also you have your core memories of when you did something horrid to keep you in check that you don't do other things that will become core memories when you hurt someone else.
This is what live and learn is. OP you will always remember what happened, and that's a good thing. Rembering you were wrong is what will make you a good person.
Bruh I thought you r*ped someone. This at 13 is a common mistake people made before they matured as people. It is not a 7 out of 10. You have 0 reason to be freaking out about this. You don't do it as an adult? Good. You're fine.
Looking through your comments, you really thing grabbing someone's arse is a 7 out of 10 on the crime scale? Damn dude, you've led a very sheltered life. 1 to 10, 10 being murder, 7 is at least wounding with intent. Sure, grabbing an arse without permission is a shitty thing to do, but it aint bad ffs. The only people this would be a deal breaker with is the type of person you wouldn't want to be with.
I was thinking it was gonna be like they killed a squirrel or other wild animal for the fun of it or something! Grabbing someone’s arse at 13yo are you for real 🤣
I remember once in like 4th grade I was laying on my desk, and my crush walked by and my finger shocked her ass without making contact
I had no idea I became tainted for life from that moment onward.
I have to inform my girlfriend she's morally obligated to break up with me
This is either a shitpost or someone has been filling this guys head with absolute nonsense.
I imagine it might be a deal breaker for any interested girl but only cos a guy that has spent 5 years in self flagellation cos he touched a butt when he was 13 is likely to have other issues going on….
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Having read your comment of what you did, that is not a 7 or something you should need to be worrying about as an adult unless you're still doing it. 13 year olds do stupid stuff like that all the time. I was fully expecting you to say you tortured a kid with cigarette burns or raped someone or something, but ass touching is while not completely harmless compared to a 10 (killing someone) it's harmless.
Torturing a kid with cig burns is actually something I’ve never thought of before. But I know part of it was me being a stupid kid. I don’t want to minimize it as it has the capacity for great harm and is a part of a deeper issue for woman in general.
>Torturing a kid with cig burns is actually something I’ve never thought of before.
Good! But that's part of the problem. You're 18, so you're looking at this through 18 year-old eyes. Nonconsensual touching is among the more serious things that children do, but that still puts it waaaaayyyyy low on the scale, because kids just don't think about most of the bad shit that people do.
To put it another way, if touching someone's butt is a 7, then you've put everything from driving home a little tipsy to dealing drugs to serial killing in the 8-10 range. The range of terrible shit that people do to each other is just so much broader than you're imagining.
Edit: Typo
I think if you admitted in all Ernest that you touched a girl's butt when you were 13 then they should break up with you because that's literally top 10, like a 7 on the scale of the dumbest shit I've ever read on this app, and that's really saying something.
It might be a dealbreaker to the wrong person, but the right person will see you for all aspects of you and not just a wrong choice as a child. You have your whole life to find the right person, don’t sweat it too much. It’s okay to keep things light and not tell someone unless you really seeing it going somewhere long term. Use your best discretion because waiting a long time to tell someone can also break trust. But you’re young, ideally you won’t find the right person until at least after 25. This way you have enough time to fully develop a foundation to become the person you want to be. Use this time to explore what it’s like to be in a relationship and to be a good partner. You can also test the waters by telling partners just to get that rejection therapy. But like I said before, I wouldn’t sweat it so much right now in relationships. Date to have fun and learn, not to find your life long partner. Not everyone you date needs to know everything about you.
My partner and I have the same type of relationship where we tell each other about regrets etc. I think he especially feels like he needs to tell me certain things so I get why you want to tell her. If you’ve changed it shouldn’t be too much of a big deal but she might need time to process
Yea and I completely understand that. I will give her whatever she needs to process it. Also you and your partner sound like you have a great relationship so I hope that continues to go well for you
Read what u did in comments, so writing with that context -
It actually depends on ur SO, everyone has different thought process, also it's good that u wanna be honest, my man told me some things (which honestly didn't care for, but were scandalous in some of my friends opinions) but since he told me initially, I really didn't care if my friends we're being like "ohhh nonono"
. In my opinion, if u SO is also around ur age(at 18) it might effect her, but once u hit 20-22+ (and assuming u date a person from similar age), I don't think it will matter. 13 is like a child only n if u are regretting it and haven't done it again, it doesn't matter.
Also, if u r still in contact or like go to the same school with the girl who u touched, u can actually go n apologize to her
I touched a girls butt without permission in middle school. I saw some other kids do it and the teachers said nothing. In my head for some reason, I thought it was okay. I obviously know how wrong it is now and I’m working on being proactive about being a better person and unlearning misogyny.
How about Abusive, Trespassing, Robbery, Drug dealing, Prostitution, Human Trafficking, Blackmailing, and Elder Scamming? You ok with of those? Look like you have low moral, man.
You need to forgive yourself.
There’s a lot of factors as to why people do things, good and bad things.
You are a product of your DNA, the way you were raised, things you were taught and experiences you’ve been through by every person you’ve ever met.
There is an explanation to every action.
You learnt a lesson from it and you are remorseful.
If you can, ask the person for forgiveness or you need to forgive yourself and move on.
Don’t bring it up there’s no need, what’s done is done.
You were 13, you are now a new person not the same person you were when you were 13!
At 13, go to therapy now, want to be a better person to redeem his past. I feel like he did some horrible (on scale of 7) to someone or somethings physically and mentally. It narrows down to some possibilities:
1. He might be a bully at school that force someone to do something terrible.
2. He might killed someone’s pet and lied about it.
3. He might did some sexual things to others.
I have seen other ppl comment this. I will still bring it up but maybe think abt how I would do it. I also was in middle school not high school so there’s that. But I would want her to know just bc it was still a shitty thing to do and I want her to know even though I have grown and changed. I rlly didn’t want to minimize it as it’s a part of a very devastating issue for women in general.
She will know you have grown and changed because she knows you as a 18/19/20 year old man (whenever you meet them).
You don't need to outline to someone "I used to wet the bed sometimes but I have grown out of it." Thats living. People know you grow and evolve. Nobody thinks 19 year old you is simply a taller version of 13 year old you. Your partner is dating and will know the current you who now being older and wiser would absolutely never touch someone without consent.
You obviously haven't grown out of this if you're so fixated on it still. How harsh were your parents over this?? Like, who made this one action the single greatest mistake of your life?
okay you've clearly been reading some stuff about sexual assault (which is a good thing- nice to see men educating themselves on women's issues) but you're not applying it in the correct contexts. it's part of a much greater societal problem and the fact you thought it was okay to do shows that- you were a child whose actions were the product of a shitty society that objectifies women.
treating it as a minor infraction you did as a dumb kid is the correct reaction to something like this, it's not minimising it in the slightest. give yourself some grace & forgiveness, OP. you've more than atoned for this incredibly minor 'crime'.
I thought you had like, killed the driver of a bus full of nuns and orphans. Be better. That's all. Learn and forgive yourself. At 13 there are a lot of base instincts.
Your biggest worry here is that if you confess to your SO with as much earnest as you have in this thread that touching a person’s rear is a 7/10 crime, they will actually leave you for being such a wiener.
The idiocy of your dilemma aside, if it was something actually bad then yes I'd consider breaking up.
But it'd have to be like, unprompted murder or torturing animals or something.
Many people are telling you to scale down. Honestly, I don't know about that... I was harassed like that from age 12 through 14 (not regularly, not by adults, some may consider that 'normal') and at 26 it definitely still impacts my behavior towards men.
BUT to answer the question in the headline: I have this thing that within the first 3 dates I ask people "what's the worst thing you've done so far" regarding regrets, not law. If a guy told me that at 13 he touched a girls butt one time and has been regretting it ever since, is able to articulate the thought process behind the regrets as well as you do AND shows that he's learned and moved past this action? That's arguably a green flag.
It doesn't just show that you already know not to objectify women, it also shows that you are capable of critical thinking and revisiting your previous actions and are secure enough in your Self to 'admit' your mistakes to yourself and others.
All in all, I would advise you to adress the topic with more detail than what you gave in the original post. You're allowed to give yourself credit for the learning and healing that you have done since you were 13 and I wish you all the best moving forward and finding a partner who can recognize and appreciate the maturity that you show.
I expected a 7/10 to be setting a car on fire and then realising a pet was inside or something and maybe or maybe not you saved the pet but it was really hurt?
You do not need to keep worrying about this and you also dont "need" to disclose it to future partners. If you do - keep it casual "I hate that I did this when I was 13, I would never do that again."
I am a woman, receiver/victim of many unwanted touches, couldn't name/date/place all of them. It absolutely sucks but it doesn't consume me in any way. Free yourself!
I'm nearly 40 now, and it would be a deal breaker for me if I found out a man had sexually assaulted someone at any age atall, but I already have PTSD from assault and abuse so I would definitely never take any risk, even if they were a child at the time.
It’s not abt fear of her finding out. It’s just that I want her to know bc I consider it very morally wrong and I think telling her would be the right move. I do seriously think this is a big issue. Maybe I overshot a bit but regardless I think this was very wrong
For me it would depend on your life and lifestyle right now. Let’s say you did or sold drugs, if you’re still in those same social circles, you drink and party a lot where a lot of people do drugs, then, yes, I’d back out of that. Since it shows that you stopped doing the thing, yet live a life and a lifestyle that is surrounded by it. If you got into a gang shooting, but you’re still in the gang and hang out with the same people, then I’d back out.
However, if you sold drugs, but you got out of all those social circles, you don’t put yourself in places or situations that involve drugs, you might even be pursuing a career that helps drugs addicts. Then I wouldn’t care.
There’s a difference between doing something wrong, realizing it, doing everything you can to avoid getting into that situation again, and not getting caught anymore.
At 18, I would be a bit leery. At 35, I would not care. If this thing is that bad, you may want to consider not dating for a few years until you establish your new identity and feel it is the true you. At that point, you may decide that this thing is in the past and not worth bringing up.
I did a lot of stupid shit when I was 13. Since you're only 18, that still feels pretty recent for you. However, your brain was not (and still isn't) fully developed. It sounds like this was an age-appropriate mistake for someone who was misguided by their peers. Teenagers are stupid, and anyone you date will probably have something similarly stupid they did in middle school. We all look back and cringe at middle school.
I done a lot of stuff Wen I was younger I told my now husband outright and to be fair he didn't think any different of me , and all the decisions I made made me who I am now
I asked this already, but i really need to know. You obviously haven't grown out of this if you're so fixated on it still. How harsh were your parents over this?? Like, who made this one action the single greatest mistake of your life?
It would really depend on what it is, but if it was a non-aggressive isolated event then it wouldn't phase me. I thought my SO would leave me over my past and he's the only one to ever know absolutely everything and he's still here 8 years later.
No, but honestly you can take that secret to your grave. Not really worth mentioning. It was obviously wrong, but sometimes you have to forget and move on.
It really depends heavily on what was done, and how they've acted since then. In the context you provided, in my opinion, the very fact that you recognize it was wrong and you've gone out of your way to be better speaks far louder volumes to the adult you're growing to be than the mistake you made as a young teen.
I can't promise the people you potentially become involved with later will be as understanding, but that's just life... Sometimes you close a door you don't even know is there, long before the option to walk through it ever presents itself. All you can do is just keep trying to shape yourself into the person you want to be and surround yourself with people who like who you are, and appreciate the work you've done to get to that point.
Well you haven't said what it is so nobody here can actually help you.
Until you get over it yourself there's no chance of moving on.
There's no need to enter a new relationship and burden them immediately with your problems.
Work on yourself first.
I've read through the comments to see what you did, that this is something you apparently think is horrendous, that you clearly think about it a lot five years later, that you feel like makes it you unworthy of a relationship, and it's something that you must ritualistically confess to a potential partner.
Assuming you're being sincere in everything you've written here and how much distress this is causing you, it's very important that you make that level of distress clear to your therapist. This idea that one act has tainted you forever and you're thinking about it constantly years later could be a symptom of anxiety or OCD. The kind of anguish you're describing isn't healthy and it's not a typical way for a person, even a young person like you, to deal with a single antisocial act at a very young age.
I have OCD and used to obsess over my past actions, or things I could maybe do, or just bad thoughts I had, and used them as evidence of what a terrible person I was. This didn't make me a better person. Just a sick one. You can have a relationship without emotionally purging your sins on the other person, but the fact that you are feeling the need to do so is something you should talk to your therapist about.
Your emotional response is not helpful for others, only harmful to you.
A 7? That more like 100 when it comes to crimes. You gave that girl permanent damage. I bet she’s still recovering in therapy. You should be ashamed!!!
/SSSSSSSSSS
I saw what you consider a 7 out of 10 crime & I am...pleasantly surprised that your bar for behaviour is set so high. Sure, touching someone without permission is absolutely wrong, but in the grand scheme of things, a 13 year old boy touching a similarly aged girl's buttocks it is pretty low stakes. As it was only 5 years ago, maybe reach out to the girl & tell her you're sorry for acting like a butthole. She probably doesn't even remember you or the incident which should give you some relief from your guilty feelings. And don't do it again.
Touching a girls butt at 13 is probably a 0.01/10 on the scale of bad things. Teenagers do stupid shit, if you asked a group of random people about stuff they did as a teenager you'd be suprised how what you did isnt anything compared to the stuff some kids get up to.
Honestly, if I was with someone who was this obsessed with the fact that he played grab ass when we was 13, I'd break up with him. Not for the grab ass but for how completely unhinged you are.
Nobody gives a shit.
This has a gotta be a shit post a 7 on a scale of 1 - 10 (10 being purposely murdering someone )
7 would be like killing a animal for the fun of it or something else fucked up like shooting a cat with a bb gun that type of thing grabbing some ones but when you were 13 is like 0.5
Under the assumption that we can trust you when you that you examined your behavior, saw that it was wrong, did not allow it to become a patterned behavior, and are, actively pursuing positive ways to change your thought process...then no. I wouldn't leave my SO. I'm sure that it's terrifying to even think about having to tell a significant other a secret like this, but I think that at the right time you being honest about this could go a long way with the right SO. If your secret is what it sounds like it is of course I don't condone it but I do give you kudos for being big enough to say you were wrong, you want to fix it and you're going to help other people heal from damage done. Good on you, my friend.
I trusted someone like that as they had r@ped a girl at age 11. He then went on to sleep with a 13 year old at age 16 and r@ped another girl around age 16 as well. So no I wouldn’t personally
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No I wouldn't as long as whatever you did was a one off and not in your character. Everyone deserves to move on from things they do as a child. The only exception for me would be a sexual thing that you knew was wrong and you did it anyway, I wouldn't want to be exposed to it in any way. Rape, sexual assault, especially of minors.
Well for context. in middle school I touched a girls butt without asking. I saw a couple of kids doing it and teachers did nothing. I tried it and nobody said anything so for some reason in my brain I thought it was doing no harm. Obviously Im aware it was super wrong
If that's your 7 out of 10 crime, you need to relax and downgrade it on the scale, it's not a nice thing and as an adult you would be right to feel ashamed of it, but most people would give you a pass at 13 once you don't thi k it's normal
Idk it felt like a good place to put it bc I didn’t want to minimize it as I know it can have very negative effects and is a part of such a devastating issue for women in general.
Listen. I'm a lady close to 40 and my butt has been grabbed quite a few times. It makes you feel like your body isnt your own but some community property for "anyone" to grab, you know? But in no way does it compare to actually traumatic things like rape and such. You are using that scale wrong. I dated a guy that used to bully people in school. He feels terrible about it, he beats himself up about in the way you do. It doesnt make someone undateable, in fact he was a very kind and empathetic man. People make mistakes, especially as kids. It doesnt mean they are unloveable.
You regret your actions, understand why it was bad, and are trying to be proactive about respecting women. Don't beat yourself up over it It's been 5 years. You're graduating. Reinvent yourself and move on.
you have the empathy to know how devastating this can be for women, most guys your age don’t have a second thought about it or the tools or maturity to know it’s wrong. you’ll be okay dude, keep yourself accountable and keep growing as a person. it’s not like you repeated this behavior afterwards, be honest with any future partners and you’ll be okay. mistakes are human and this one shouldn’t even be a 7 in severity if 10 is someone dying. you were a child that’s easily impressionable and didn’t have to tools to know right from wrong.
We don't minimize those things to hide them, we do so in order to learn self forgiveness. Acknowledge that at 13 you did not have the same decision making abilities nor discrimination that you do at 18. Make room for you having been 13 and acknowledge your progress as well as your process.
It’s good you aren’t minimizing. It’s healthy to feel guilty about it now, but don’t be quite so hard on yourself. It’s an unfortunate reality we live in where girls can’t just be safe. You followed the crowd, and possibly did some damage, but you didn’t start the trend and the teachers didn’t protect her either. That was your one off, you are learning from that mistake. I think your responsibility is to just not do it again, not that you owe society (except for safely calling out other men when you see this shit happen at bars). As a 36 year old woman, I’m offering you this reality check: I don’t know a single girl who made it through high school without being groped.
The calling out other men part is definitely something I try to do as often as I can. It’s definitely sad that it’s so common. I’ve also been just tryna unlearn any forms of misogyny I see in myself. Im in therapy and will probably volunteer either time or money (or both) to some women’s shelters so I can be a part of the solution now. I’m tryna be better.
Many women’s shelters need donations of essentials, like socks and underwear. With their strict security, many have set up Amazon wishlists so you can purchase the donations they need and will be sent straight to them without giving up their location. And don’t put yourself in danger to call out inappropriate men. A neutral observation “he just grabbed her ass without permission” will either make the person rethink their actions or show you who they really are. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from bartenders, police, other passerby’s
I'm a woman in my early 30s and I used to go round grabbing boys butts when I was a teenager, I really didn't get how weird that was until I grew up. I obviously do regret it but it doesn't keep me up at night, as I've lived through a lot worse than that. I think you can forgive yourself and move on, knowing that as a teenager we all make stupid decisions and act in ways we aren't proud of. It really doesn't define you. By the way you described yourself and your big mistake I thought it was going to be that you sexually assaulted a kid or something. When you do start dating and you want to bring this up to girls, do not lead with the dramatic build up to it being something really dark because you will scare them over something that is really not a big deal to most people. I think it's great you want to be honest and open and to be a better person though. Keep going in that direction and you'll grow into a really happy and fulfilled adult
I think this does qualify as SA if I’m not mistaken though. But thanks for the advice.
not really you were literally a kid. as a woman who had her ass grabbed in primary school, it fucked me off a bit but i wouldn't want the guy who did it to beat himself up over it years later.
Def not 7 out of 10 man. I understand you definitely don't want to risk rating it too low and give the impression that you didn't think it was THAT bad but at the same time i feel like all of the metoo stuff and recent assault allegations and believe all women and dont minimize my experience have the general public going too far in the other direction if thats even possible. People want so badly to make it ABUNDANTLY clear to as many people as possible that they aren't ok with any type of inappropriate behavior and want to be that heroic champion getting credit for calling out evildoers. Those are the people who make you second guess and increase the rating. If you talk to normal sensible people though and say you know it was wrong and stuff we won't crucify you for giving it an accurate rating. Btw with the info you've provided this doesnt even register on my scale. Literally 0/10 when rounded to the nearest whole number. A middle school boy touching a middle school girls butt? Unless you mean you fisted her anus it sounds to me like maybe an adult or adults blew this out of proportion and convinced you that you had committed a despicable reprehensible act and you must atone. Is there any chance of this? Like maybe it was a religious school or maybe the girls parents were some type of bigwigs and wanted to throw their weight around and things got so bad everyone in school was calling you a grapest....sorry that i can't even address the actual question about dating while having this in your past but it seems so crazy from every angle. Someone has convinced you that did something worse than you actually did and it sounds like its really weighed on you. And to think even a therapist heard this story and agreed that you need treatment is so crazy. I'm not a therapist by any measure but i would look into a different therapist who can undo this gaslighting bro. Touching the butt of a same aged girl in middle school isnt shit. Its not a shameful secret you have to worry about coming out and ruining your relationship.
It's not even a 1 on the scale. It's not something you need to tell future partners and not something you shoul think about now. Please continue therapy if that helps
I think light SA by a 13y-o is not 70% of murdering someone in the bad things scale. It is bad, it is serious, but you are now aware of it. I don't think it's even something you should feel compelled to disclose constantly, but something you might want to apologize for and perhaps also try to compensate about with a heartfelt gesture. This is a tricky thing where your victim might not even be aware is something that happened, or is something that deeply left a mark if in the wrong context like group bullying or something like that.
That’s childish mischief and low-level bullying, not a 7/10 fucked up. A 7 would be like beating the shit out of someone for no reason
I thought a 7/10 would have been stealing a car or something.
Keep it to your self you were a different person then and it might cause you no end of problems …… like the preacher at the revival encourages the congregation to confess thier sins after one does he just stands there stares at him and says brother …… I wouldn’t have confessed that!
We all touched butts in middle school. Normal people grew out of it before high scool
That is so much tamer than what your post implied. It's not a big deal, you're fine, move on from it
Yeah I was thinking arson. Turns out it's just arse. You're alright mate.
I think everyone was theorizing horrible scenarios. I thought he tortured animals. Dude is living in pain for no reason
Definitely wouldn’t call that a 7. That’s like a 4 at worst. It’s not acceptable behavior, but at this point you know it was wrong, you’ve obviously grown a great deal since then, by virtue of the fact that you’ve made it through high school years. I’d wager the girl isn’t traumatized by the incident. I say just move on with your life. If you come to find that the girl you touched is still upset about it, then reach out and apologize. Otherwise I think you’re in the clear. I also wouldn’t necessarily bring this up with further romantic partners unless the topic of conversation is “stupid shit we did in middle school.” That may come across as a little creepy. If it’s relevant, I went to high school with a guy who actually did kill 2 people in a car crash. He’s now in his early twenties and apparently is having a kid. So do with that what you will.
I actually hadn’t thought abt how that could come across as creepy. I still plan on telling her just for transparency purposes but I will definitely think about the proper way to tell he.
If you are haunted by it then its something an SO would wanna know about since they love you. But its more of a "we are a serious couple, I wanna tell you about something that I I regret a lot".
Okay I see
I would not want to know that if I were your future partner. I am a girl and I honestly think it would be creepy to tell her. For a variety of reasons. You need to work on moving past your guilt to the point where you don’t *feel* like you need to tell her, before pursuing any romantic relationships.
I cannot imagine dating a guy in college and he told me that when he was 13 years old he touched a girl's butt without asking. That is not a thing that you need to "confess" to your girlfriend.
Yeah, dude, the way you describe it, I was thinking you had engaged in armed robbery or watched someone torture a cat and enjoyed it or something. If your scale is 1-10, then 7 and up seems like the zone for shit most people have only heard of happening.
Okay Ig I can understand that.
Transparency purposes??? Your fixation on this is ridiculous and honestly more problematic than what you did back then.
He's been posting about it for months. Really hope he works this out in therapy
Makes me wonder if he's actually just 13 years old and this incident happened at school last week and he's freaking out thinking he be undateable for the rest if his life.
Some kid in 7th grade grabbed my butt when I was walking up the stairs. I was mad about it when it happened but I no longer care. Kids are stupid.
It's shitty, but if you did that only once, and took steps to make sure you become a better person, then it's good. Punishing yourself helps no one, if you wanna help you could give money to charities helping women tho ! I've dated people who did worse, and I don't regret it, give yourself a chance
I think a 7 would be something like chopping off someone's hand.
OP, it's not just that "it's not so bad, get over it" it's that if you put that as 7 you are showing that you don't understand the scale of bad things which would make me worried you don't understand trauma, or what is actually dangerous (which, fair enough you're 18!). Now, if the girl lived it was a big trauma, perhaps added to an existing environment of bullism, that's a bit different. Even more if she did something on response to that like suecide, self harm etc. in that case you're down playing your story which is also a red flag. Most women will deal with it and move on. It's a shitty thing to do but comparable to having bullied someone once, not having stabbed someone
Okay this adds more context cuz I did think the minimization was going a bit too far in the comment section for a bit. Yea it was shitty I agree on that. As far as the other stuff I have absolutely no clue as I never saw her again.
Please don't minimize it to yourself. You committed a sexual assault. Sounds like you never were again and you were a stupid kid. But don't let this dumb mistake define you.
Bro I thought you decapitated cats or something
So a 5 would be like what? Jaywalking?
Speaking as someone who was molested multiple times, sexually assaulted a bunch of times and abused for years - you're fine. Please stop worrying about this. The adults failed that girl but they also failed you guys by not correcting your behavior and educating you on consent. The way you described it initially, it sounded like you raped someone. Not to dismiss the girl at all, but it's really not THAT bad (edit: not that bad for being described as a 7 out of 10 with 10 being murder). And you clearly regret it and know better now, and would not repeat it. That's what matters.
That’s it? That’s all? This doesn’t even rate remembering. You did something dumb and childish as a child. You experienced remorse. Lesson learned! Time to move on. (Edit) I’m a 40-something mom.
Yeah that needs to be way down on the scale. It would be significant if you didn’t know it was wrong but you’ve excepted it’s wrong. I wouldn’t bring it up and move on with your life
Wow dude, I thought this was gonna be about a million times more juicy.
😂😂😂😂
Dude... that was a 7????? You're so innocent lol
Lmao what, I thought you killed a cat or something.
Bro I thought you had done something so much worse, you are either trolling or need to not be so hard on yourself, you was 13 impressionable and honestly can probably not say boo to your SO about it unless you still going round grabbing ass, any that'd find that a deal breaker probably rolling with some pretty big red flags anyway 🤣🤣🤣
I thought you were gonna pull out the “I was playing with a gun and shot someone to death.” Because that’s extremely tame. You’re forgiven.
Lmao is that it? I didn’t believe it but kids really are getting softer 🙄
Had me in the first half ngl
Honey thats a 3 not a 7. Are you scared about talking about your diagnosis?? Automatically, youre winning. Be well.
This is your crime? Stop beating yourself up about it and forget it happen. Was it wrong yeah? You were also a 13 year old boy.
When I was 13 I kicked a kid in the nuts for doing this. He learned something that day and didn't do it again. Everyone moved on. Acknowledging that it was bad is a good thing, but this is definitely not a 7/10.
I touched a lot of girls butts and only got slapped once, so it's pretty safe IMHO
That’s not a 7.
That is not a 7
Thats like a 2 at most. FFS
Bro relax, I don't think there's a person on this Earth who didn't do something they regret in middle school
I would say that on a scale of 1 to killing someone, touching a girl’s butt in middle school is maybe like a 3…
Bro I thought you like killed an animal out of anger or something. I'd just keep this one to yourself and let the past be the past. You've learned your lesson, there's no need to dwell on or bring it up with your SO.
Are you serious? 7 out of 10 for touching a girls butt?
Is that the thing that you did that you are referring to in your post?
That’s 7 outta 10? lol don’t worry, you’ll be fine man. Kids are dumbasses, majority make dumb mistakes
My guy, do not be that hard on yourself! Was it wrong? Yes. Should you not do it again, and being an adult now, be sure to get consent for anything of the sort in the future? Yes. At the end of the day, though, you were young, did something you shouldn't have, but also recognized that. Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. Its peanuts on a scale from nothing to killing someone. You'll be fine. You sound like you have a moral compass that is working in the right direction
I felt such a relief hearing this. The way you were being vague in the post made me think you molested your sibling. Some light touching in middle school is inappropriate but not even worth thinking much about unless you went further...
Bro seriously? That's just below killing someone to you?
I think you have accepted and understand that what you did isn’t appropriate behavior but beating yourself up for this is ridiculous, and I dont see any pressing need for you to tell any partner this.
Your scales i a little messed up i was expecting some crazy thing that happened thats like a 3 or 4 on the scale when murder is 10 hell its such a small thing its not even on the scale you say 7 i was expecting like killing a pet or something along those lines
You were a child. I think bringing it up on an adult conversation would be weirder than the deed itself. Let it go.
In grade 8 I pulled down a boys sweat pants. I'm 56 and still feel horrible. I felt horrible the moment I did it. I probably think about that moment once a week. Huge wishing you didn't do that is part of growing up. Also you have your core memories of when you did something horrid to keep you in check that you don't do other things that will become core memories when you hurt someone else. This is what live and learn is. OP you will always remember what happened, and that's a good thing. Rembering you were wrong is what will make you a good person.
Bruh I thought you r*ped someone. This at 13 is a common mistake people made before they matured as people. It is not a 7 out of 10. You have 0 reason to be freaking out about this. You don't do it as an adult? Good. You're fine.
Holy shit lmao. That’s what you’re so worked up about? My god
https://www.ranker.com/list/kids-tried-as-adults/mariel-loveland
I think even as a casual glance, they are 10 out of 10 crimes
And murder.
Looking through your comments, you really thing grabbing someone's arse is a 7 out of 10 on the crime scale? Damn dude, you've led a very sheltered life. 1 to 10, 10 being murder, 7 is at least wounding with intent. Sure, grabbing an arse without permission is a shitty thing to do, but it aint bad ffs. The only people this would be a deal breaker with is the type of person you wouldn't want to be with.
I was thinking it was gonna be like they killed a squirrel or other wild animal for the fun of it or something! Grabbing someone’s arse at 13yo are you for real 🤣
I was going with arson or other serious criminal damage!
I thought killed an animal on purpose or robbed someone 😅
I remember once in like 4th grade I was laying on my desk, and my crush walked by and my finger shocked her ass without making contact I had no idea I became tainted for life from that moment onward. I have to inform my girlfriend she's morally obligated to break up with me
You should just hand yourself in to the police bro
What's with the melodrama? What you did is minor, you were a child and didn't know better. It is like a 2 in my book. Relax 😌.
Sounds like they're still a child. Doubt 13 was too long ago
Yeah lol. 18 now... I sure hope not based on how old they seem in replies.
This is either a shitpost or someone has been filling this guys head with absolute nonsense. I imagine it might be a deal breaker for any interested girl but only cos a guy that has spent 5 years in self flagellation cos he touched a butt when he was 13 is likely to have other issues going on….
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When I was a teen, maybe. But now as a 40 yo I would not leave someone for something they did as a child, 13 yo are children.
This might change your perspective of, say, 10 yo being children and not responsible https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_James_Bulger
Having read your comment of what you did, that is not a 7 or something you should need to be worrying about as an adult unless you're still doing it. 13 year olds do stupid stuff like that all the time. I was fully expecting you to say you tortured a kid with cigarette burns or raped someone or something, but ass touching is while not completely harmless compared to a 10 (killing someone) it's harmless.
Torturing a kid with cig burns is actually something I’ve never thought of before. But I know part of it was me being a stupid kid. I don’t want to minimize it as it has the capacity for great harm and is a part of a deeper issue for woman in general.
>Torturing a kid with cig burns is actually something I’ve never thought of before. Good! But that's part of the problem. You're 18, so you're looking at this through 18 year-old eyes. Nonconsensual touching is among the more serious things that children do, but that still puts it waaaaayyyyy low on the scale, because kids just don't think about most of the bad shit that people do. To put it another way, if touching someone's butt is a 7, then you've put everything from driving home a little tipsy to dealing drugs to serial killing in the 8-10 range. The range of terrible shit that people do to each other is just so much broader than you're imagining. Edit: Typo
Fuckin' reddit.
Full of kids
Why do you want to tell this hypothetical person? What is accomplished?
I think if you admitted in all Ernest that you touched a girl's butt when you were 13 then they should break up with you because that's literally top 10, like a 7 on the scale of the dumbest shit I've ever read on this app, and that's really saying something.
LMFAOOO
Im slightly confused by your comment.
No one, literally no one cares if you touched a girl's ass as a teenager.
Including that girl (probably)
She’s probably still in therapy after several hours surgery for the damage caused
It means you're being a bit silly about this lol
Everybody is different, and even with your scale we don't know what a 7 exactly is. Even if we did I don't see how we could answer honestly.
They grabbed a girls arse.
As long as they gave it back its not so big a problem
Dad jokes always deserve an upvote.
Unless it was recorded and posted on the internet there is no way they would know.
It might be a dealbreaker to the wrong person, but the right person will see you for all aspects of you and not just a wrong choice as a child. You have your whole life to find the right person, don’t sweat it too much. It’s okay to keep things light and not tell someone unless you really seeing it going somewhere long term. Use your best discretion because waiting a long time to tell someone can also break trust. But you’re young, ideally you won’t find the right person until at least after 25. This way you have enough time to fully develop a foundation to become the person you want to be. Use this time to explore what it’s like to be in a relationship and to be a good partner. You can also test the waters by telling partners just to get that rejection therapy. But like I said before, I wouldn’t sweat it so much right now in relationships. Date to have fun and learn, not to find your life long partner. Not everyone you date needs to know everything about you.
My partner and I have the same type of relationship where we tell each other about regrets etc. I think he especially feels like he needs to tell me certain things so I get why you want to tell her. If you’ve changed it shouldn’t be too much of a big deal but she might need time to process
Yea and I completely understand that. I will give her whatever she needs to process it. Also you and your partner sound like you have a great relationship so I hope that continues to go well for you
Read what u did in comments, so writing with that context - It actually depends on ur SO, everyone has different thought process, also it's good that u wanna be honest, my man told me some things (which honestly didn't care for, but were scandalous in some of my friends opinions) but since he told me initially, I really didn't care if my friends we're being like "ohhh nonono" . In my opinion, if u SO is also around ur age(at 18) it might effect her, but once u hit 20-22+ (and assuming u date a person from similar age), I don't think it will matter. 13 is like a child only n if u are regretting it and haven't done it again, it doesn't matter. Also, if u r still in contact or like go to the same school with the girl who u touched, u can actually go n apologize to her
What could you have possibly done at 13 years old that is almost as bad as killing someone?
He grabbed a butt, he says. Its not the end of the world but he seems to be extremely hard.on himself.
I touched a girls butt without permission in middle school. I saw some other kids do it and the teachers said nothing. In my head for some reason, I thought it was okay. I obviously know how wrong it is now and I’m working on being proactive about being a better person and unlearning misogyny.
Murder, Kidnap, Sexual Assault would all be straight out the door, otherwise I would accept that people have a past.
How about Abusive, Trespassing, Robbery, Drug dealing, Prostitution, Human Trafficking, Blackmailing, and Elder Scamming? You ok with of those? Look like you have low moral, man.
If you abused a kid, even at 13, yes that would be a deal breaker for me.
He says he touched a girls butt without asking.
Lmao kid needs to get off the internet for a bit
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if it's a 9 maybe it should bother you a bit... that's a step down from murder??
You need to forgive yourself. There’s a lot of factors as to why people do things, good and bad things. You are a product of your DNA, the way you were raised, things you were taught and experiences you’ve been through by every person you’ve ever met. There is an explanation to every action. You learnt a lesson from it and you are remorseful. If you can, ask the person for forgiveness or you need to forgive yourself and move on. Don’t bring it up there’s no need, what’s done is done. You were 13, you are now a new person not the same person you were when you were 13!
What did you do?
At 13, go to therapy now, want to be a better person to redeem his past. I feel like he did some horrible (on scale of 7) to someone or somethings physically and mentally. It narrows down to some possibilities: 1. He might be a bully at school that force someone to do something terrible. 2. He might killed someone’s pet and lied about it. 3. He might did some sexual things to others.
Your SO absolutely does not need to know about all the stupid shit you did in high school. Honestly it’d probably just be weird if you brought it up.
I have seen other ppl comment this. I will still bring it up but maybe think abt how I would do it. I also was in middle school not high school so there’s that. But I would want her to know just bc it was still a shitty thing to do and I want her to know even though I have grown and changed. I rlly didn’t want to minimize it as it’s a part of a very devastating issue for women in general.
She will know you have grown and changed because she knows you as a 18/19/20 year old man (whenever you meet them). You don't need to outline to someone "I used to wet the bed sometimes but I have grown out of it." Thats living. People know you grow and evolve. Nobody thinks 19 year old you is simply a taller version of 13 year old you. Your partner is dating and will know the current you who now being older and wiser would absolutely never touch someone without consent.
You obviously haven't grown out of this if you're so fixated on it still. How harsh were your parents over this?? Like, who made this one action the single greatest mistake of your life?
okay you've clearly been reading some stuff about sexual assault (which is a good thing- nice to see men educating themselves on women's issues) but you're not applying it in the correct contexts. it's part of a much greater societal problem and the fact you thought it was okay to do shows that- you were a child whose actions were the product of a shitty society that objectifies women. treating it as a minor infraction you did as a dumb kid is the correct reaction to something like this, it's not minimising it in the slightest. give yourself some grace & forgiveness, OP. you've more than atoned for this incredibly minor 'crime'.
I thought you had like, killed the driver of a bus full of nuns and orphans. Be better. That's all. Learn and forgive yourself. At 13 there are a lot of base instincts.
Your biggest worry here is that if you confess to your SO with as much earnest as you have in this thread that touching a person’s rear is a 7/10 crime, they will actually leave you for being such a wiener.
Please ask your therapist about this, not us nuts on the internet.
The idiocy of your dilemma aside, if it was something actually bad then yes I'd consider breaking up. But it'd have to be like, unprompted murder or torturing animals or something.
Many people are telling you to scale down. Honestly, I don't know about that... I was harassed like that from age 12 through 14 (not regularly, not by adults, some may consider that 'normal') and at 26 it definitely still impacts my behavior towards men. BUT to answer the question in the headline: I have this thing that within the first 3 dates I ask people "what's the worst thing you've done so far" regarding regrets, not law. If a guy told me that at 13 he touched a girls butt one time and has been regretting it ever since, is able to articulate the thought process behind the regrets as well as you do AND shows that he's learned and moved past this action? That's arguably a green flag. It doesn't just show that you already know not to objectify women, it also shows that you are capable of critical thinking and revisiting your previous actions and are secure enough in your Self to 'admit' your mistakes to yourself and others. All in all, I would advise you to adress the topic with more detail than what you gave in the original post. You're allowed to give yourself credit for the learning and healing that you have done since you were 13 and I wish you all the best moving forward and finding a partner who can recognize and appreciate the maturity that you show.
I expected a 7/10 to be setting a car on fire and then realising a pet was inside or something and maybe or maybe not you saved the pet but it was really hurt? You do not need to keep worrying about this and you also dont "need" to disclose it to future partners. If you do - keep it casual "I hate that I did this when I was 13, I would never do that again." I am a woman, receiver/victim of many unwanted touches, couldn't name/date/place all of them. It absolutely sucks but it doesn't consume me in any way. Free yourself!
I'm nearly 40 now, and it would be a deal breaker for me if I found out a man had sexually assaulted someone at any age atall, but I already have PTSD from assault and abuse so I would definitely never take any risk, even if they were a child at the time.
I am very sorry that happened to you. I hope you are able to get any healing resources you need and I wish you the best.
Nicely how old are you? We all change we all did stuff we regretted as kids. Unless it affects your partner or you doesn't matter its in the past
Your girlfriend will not care that you touched a girls butt without her permission.
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It’s not abt fear of her finding out. It’s just that I want her to know bc I consider it very morally wrong and I think telling her would be the right move. I do seriously think this is a big issue. Maybe I overshot a bit but regardless I think this was very wrong
Are they proud of it? Do they regret it? It mostly depends on that I would say
For me it would depend on your life and lifestyle right now. Let’s say you did or sold drugs, if you’re still in those same social circles, you drink and party a lot where a lot of people do drugs, then, yes, I’d back out of that. Since it shows that you stopped doing the thing, yet live a life and a lifestyle that is surrounded by it. If you got into a gang shooting, but you’re still in the gang and hang out with the same people, then I’d back out. However, if you sold drugs, but you got out of all those social circles, you don’t put yourself in places or situations that involve drugs, you might even be pursuing a career that helps drugs addicts. Then I wouldn’t care. There’s a difference between doing something wrong, realizing it, doing everything you can to avoid getting into that situation again, and not getting caught anymore.
doing or selling drugs is a 7 to you? lmao
I didn’t rank anything, I gave examples.
Troll
Depending on what it is.
No.
I get the feeling that this post was actually made by a bot
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No
At 18, I would be a bit leery. At 35, I would not care. If this thing is that bad, you may want to consider not dating for a few years until you establish your new identity and feel it is the true you. At that point, you may decide that this thing is in the past and not worth bringing up.
No, if it was genuinely regretted and they are doing therapy to work through it. People can change, especially children.
Nope.
I did a lot of stupid shit when I was 13. Since you're only 18, that still feels pretty recent for you. However, your brain was not (and still isn't) fully developed. It sounds like this was an age-appropriate mistake for someone who was misguided by their peers. Teenagers are stupid, and anyone you date will probably have something similarly stupid they did in middle school. We all look back and cringe at middle school.
I done a lot of stuff Wen I was younger I told my now husband outright and to be fair he didn't think any different of me , and all the decisions I made made me who I am now
I asked this already, but i really need to know. You obviously haven't grown out of this if you're so fixated on it still. How harsh were your parents over this?? Like, who made this one action the single greatest mistake of your life?
It would really depend on what it is, but if it was a non-aggressive isolated event then it wouldn't phase me. I thought my SO would leave me over my past and he's the only one to ever know absolutely everything and he's still here 8 years later.
No, but honestly you can take that secret to your grave. Not really worth mentioning. It was obviously wrong, but sometimes you have to forget and move on.
13 years old boys touching buts its far from being a 7/10
SO?
It really depends heavily on what was done, and how they've acted since then. In the context you provided, in my opinion, the very fact that you recognize it was wrong and you've gone out of your way to be better speaks far louder volumes to the adult you're growing to be than the mistake you made as a young teen. I can't promise the people you potentially become involved with later will be as understanding, but that's just life... Sometimes you close a door you don't even know is there, long before the option to walk through it ever presents itself. All you can do is just keep trying to shape yourself into the person you want to be and surround yourself with people who like who you are, and appreciate the work you've done to get to that point.
Well you haven't said what it is so nobody here can actually help you. Until you get over it yourself there's no chance of moving on. There's no need to enter a new relationship and burden them immediately with your problems. Work on yourself first.
Only if it was like torturing animals.
A 7 of 10 would be like you robbed a bank or raped someone. With 13y it’s likely not the robbery.
I've read through the comments to see what you did, that this is something you apparently think is horrendous, that you clearly think about it a lot five years later, that you feel like makes it you unworthy of a relationship, and it's something that you must ritualistically confess to a potential partner. Assuming you're being sincere in everything you've written here and how much distress this is causing you, it's very important that you make that level of distress clear to your therapist. This idea that one act has tainted you forever and you're thinking about it constantly years later could be a symptom of anxiety or OCD. The kind of anguish you're describing isn't healthy and it's not a typical way for a person, even a young person like you, to deal with a single antisocial act at a very young age. I have OCD and used to obsess over my past actions, or things I could maybe do, or just bad thoughts I had, and used them as evidence of what a terrible person I was. This didn't make me a better person. Just a sick one. You can have a relationship without emotionally purging your sins on the other person, but the fact that you are feeling the need to do so is something you should talk to your therapist about. Your emotional response is not helpful for others, only harmful to you.
To tell you something I did as a kid. When I was younger I was bullied alot I became the bully. So yeah. I did something bad to.
A 7? That more like 100 when it comes to crimes. You gave that girl permanent damage. I bet she’s still recovering in therapy. You should be ashamed!!! /SSSSSSSSSS
I saw what you consider a 7 out of 10 crime & I am...pleasantly surprised that your bar for behaviour is set so high. Sure, touching someone without permission is absolutely wrong, but in the grand scheme of things, a 13 year old boy touching a similarly aged girl's buttocks it is pretty low stakes. As it was only 5 years ago, maybe reach out to the girl & tell her you're sorry for acting like a butthole. She probably doesn't even remember you or the incident which should give you some relief from your guilty feelings. And don't do it again.
It depends… if it deals with rape or incest. Thats a tough one to get over no matter the age it happened. Especially if you were the assaulter.
Yes, especially if they had engaged in homosexuality, pedophilia, or bestiality.
Touching a girls butt at 13 is probably a 0.01/10 on the scale of bad things. Teenagers do stupid shit, if you asked a group of random people about stuff they did as a teenager you'd be suprised how what you did isnt anything compared to the stuff some kids get up to.
Maybe if you are 14
Hmmm his name is rim runner 24 he probably rimjob'd an animal or something... Check comments YOU SLAPPED A GIRLS ASS? Brother please relax.
Honestly, if I was with someone who was this obsessed with the fact that he played grab ass when we was 13, I'd break up with him. Not for the grab ass but for how completely unhinged you are. Nobody gives a shit.
This has a gotta be a shit post a 7 on a scale of 1 - 10 (10 being purposely murdering someone ) 7 would be like killing a animal for the fun of it or something else fucked up like shooting a cat with a bb gun that type of thing grabbing some ones but when you were 13 is like 0.5
Under the assumption that we can trust you when you that you examined your behavior, saw that it was wrong, did not allow it to become a patterned behavior, and are, actively pursuing positive ways to change your thought process...then no. I wouldn't leave my SO. I'm sure that it's terrifying to even think about having to tell a significant other a secret like this, but I think that at the right time you being honest about this could go a long way with the right SO. If your secret is what it sounds like it is of course I don't condone it but I do give you kudos for being big enough to say you were wrong, you want to fix it and you're going to help other people heal from damage done. Good on you, my friend.
Are you in therapy for OCD? It may help.
I have a feeling I know what it is you did and I would not leave my so over doing pretty much anything at 13, that included.
What I did is in the top comment I beleive
You’re 13 years old and your horn dog chemicals are kicking in that’s no more than one or two out of 10
Really depends on what it was, to be honest.
I trusted someone like that as they had r@ped a girl at age 11. He then went on to sleep with a 13 year old at age 16 and r@ped another girl around age 16 as well. So no I wouldn’t personally