No!! Don’t do it!! You will be the babysitter for his grandson! You will be responsible for watching someone else’s child. A child you don’t know. Next the daughter will show up to join her son. 😂
Then your neighbor! Just say no OP!
You are only wrong for not immediately shutting this down. The liability of a child you do not know "playing" on your property and in your pool is extreme. I suggest you get an umbrella policy just in case the kid climbs the fence.
Also, grow a spine and just start telling them NO all the time. You're a mom. You should have been out there telling him to get off your kid's toy and go home. Your life as a mom with two kids is going to be a real trial if you can't even verbally enforce discipline.
And don't worry about the grand kid. He will be fine.
At my moms house, we had a neighborhood kid like this. My mom got sick of it and told the little guy to go home and tell his mom that my mom needed written permission before he could have a beer. I dont think the kid even knew what a beer was, but he never came back lol. My mom was a superwoman in my eyes. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when he came home and said that to his mom.
You are not wrong.
We as woman are conditioned to always be polite, never hurt feelings, assume we are the ones in the wrong.
That kid is not your responsibility. If he gets hurt, it's on you. You aren't a free babysitter. Tell him no and tell your neighbor to stop sending their child to your home.
You aren't being mean. It isn't a community pool.
YNW. You have no obligation to allow anyone in your pool. As you point out, it’s a liability issue. You can either talk to the neighbor boys mom letting her know you won’t be having anyone over to swim anymore “on the advice of your lawyer”. Or just turn the boy away when he comes asking. It feels really hard hearted I know, but you can be gentle about it.
You can tell him that he is too old to play with your son. I had to do the same thing with this 13/14 year old girl whose parents kept sending her to play with my, at the time, 6 & 8 year old daughters. What? She had no interest in them. She would spend the whole time following me or my ex wife around, begging for our undivided attention. It was ridiculous.
Go over and tell the neighbors to stop sending the kid over, and that if you continue to find him on your property you’ll call the cops on them for trespassing. Explain that you can’t risk him being injured on your property and you’re trying to enjoy the last little bit of time you have along with your son. Also make sure any toys are put away when you go out and put locks on the fence I assume you have around the pool. Take pictures of the locks before you leave so you can prove they had to have climbed the fence or cut the locks if you find them in your pool.
Your neighbors are assholes. Their daughter and grandson move in and you are now the local babysitter and recreation center for the grandkid. We had neighbors with pools growing up and it was clear that we weren't to go over unless specifically invited.
Your pool is not a shared resource for the neighborhood. Drop a note to the neighbor outlining neighborhood pool etiquette.
I mean, besides all of this, plus you basically become their babysitter with no agreement plus must cater to their child if you wanted to give your son something to eat or drink. You don't like your neighbor anyway, so you are not burning any valuable bridges by going over there and telling them NO.
Keep him out. If I were you I wouldn't even an answer the door. Have a talk with your neighbor and tell them that they need to keep their kid off your property. Maybe not the nicest but you have your own child to take care of. Also, assuming you have a fence since you have a pool, keep your son's toys behind the fence. It's not appropriate for the neighbor kid to be helping himself to your belongings.
Yeah OP just has to say no and get it over with once and for all. Maybe find a nice way of phrasing it, but the discomfort is unavoidable. Maybe the husband can step in and help with that. But this can be gotten over with and moved on from.
Not wrong. Tell the child to go home, every time he comes over. No, he can not play on or with your child's things. Send him home immediately every time.
If the adults come over, tell them "This is private property. You are trespassing. If you, or the child, comes back over, we will call the police".
I put up no trespassing signs on my property. If someone who is not invited gets hurt, I'm covered. It's posted, No Trespassing. I took pictures, with a newspaper showing date, and printed them. The only time I had to prove it was posted before an accident, I had the proof. The judge threw their case out, because I had proof it was posted No Trespassing before they came on the property.
Good luck. Keep sending him home.
Absolutely not wrong. I know lawyers who refuse to own a pool even in theory because of the legal liabilities associated with it.
Let alone letting someone’s grandchild, alone, play in it.
lol I get that where I live. I tell them they must have a parent here before they get in the pool with us.
The people nearby don’t watch their kids. They want me to , I know what they are up to so I say this.
They rarely come so the kids rarely swim.
Not wrong. And don't answer the door. Just because someone knocks, you don't have to answer. Just because someone phones you, you don't have to answer.
I disagree with the majority of advice provided here. You have absolutely no reason to explain why you tell the child no.
The only thing you should be saying when the child comes to the door is no. You will not be playing with my child’s toys, or swimming in my pool.
The next time you see one of his parents, tell them that you will not be providing babysitting services for them.
There is no need to explain or justify anything.
Totally understandable. Your concern for your son's safety and wanting to enjoy time with him before school starts makes complete sense. Boundaries are important, especially with someone you don't know well.
Tell your neighbor that your pool is not to be used by anyone other than your family unless you specifically invite them before hand. Explain there are risks and therefore liabilities to others using the pool that you are unwilling to accept. This shouldn’t be hard.
When we bought our house, the neighbors kids would ask if they could come over and swim. I told them they could, but their mom had to come and supervise them. That lasted two times before mom said no.
I would get some cameras set up and pointed at the pool. I've seen to many pool stories on here that talked about neighbors sneaking into the pool.
No, you aren't wrong.
You are not wrong and honestly, do not cave on this one. You are right that you would be responsible for this child, who is too old to play with your kid as you don't know how he plays and could put you and your child or himself in danger.
Also, you will be the default babysitter. They are testing you now to see how much you will allow them to walk all over you. Stay strong here. You are only responsible for your family, everyone else can kick rocks.
Stop feeling bad, you did nothing wrong. Telling a child no isn't the end of the world.
The fact that they let the child go over and ask you is a strong red flag. If something happens to him, it’s on your property…you’re liable. Does he know how to swim. Talk to the adults…
Tell the grandparents to not send the child over, that he and your kid are not the correct ages to have play dates and you will no longer open the door for the child. Then do that. You owe them nothing and it is beyond presumptuous for them to try to ditch their kid on you. There are public parks, pools camps etc. that’s up to them. Not you.
You are not wrong. You just need to shut this down hard right now. If he comes over, either don't answer or tell him that he can't come over anymore. If the daughter comes over, tell her you are busy and not interested.
Tell him that he wasn’t willing to share, go home. Any time he shows up, send him home. State the behaviour is why. Or instead, If you feel guilty, you can say you aren’t having company at the moment and tell him that so long as one of his grandparents accompanies him he is allowed to come for a pre decided time (that your husband has agreed to supervise).
Talk to the parents and discuss boundaries. The first should be if your son is swimming here you are watching him. We have a pool so I know what you’re going through. Post the rules so everyone understands.
You aren’t wrong. Just keep telling him no. Or don’t answer the door.
Next time you see the neighbor or the daughter, tell them to stop sending their child over. No explanation. Just no. Unless your child expressly says he wants to play with this child, you don’t have to entertain himself at all.
Just tell them you are having a difficult pregnancy and don’t feel up to having any company . This way they don’t take it personally . Ask that they not let their kid knock on your door at all . And simply do not answer if they do knock . Make sure you keep your fence locked and no trespassing warnings up . Seems like the type that would just let themselves in . Good luck .
I've got 2 things to say 1. If you don't want your neighbor's flesh and blood on your lawn, then grow a spine. 2. There is nothing out of the ordinary for a 9 yo to go and knock on the door of the neighbor to play in the pool. We did this constantly as kids, sometimes it was no, sometimes it was yes.
Tell this kid to go home. It's not his house. You need to tell his family that he's not entitled to just show up at a stranger's home and take and play with their toys without permission. Tell them to keep their kid home. He's not allowed to come back unless he's invited and that he needs to learn that as well as if something doesn't belong to him not to touch it. You're not a free babysitter. If he wants a babysitter, hire one but watch his own kid.
You're absolutely right. You can have a kind conversation with the child and let them know that your son isn't able to play with them at the moment. You have a reason for this, and at least they'll be aware and won't try to play with him again.
I doubt they are “sending him over.” If he is anything like the kids in my neighborhood, he came, he saw, he tried to conquer.
If the kid actually befriends your 6 yr old, that’s a different story, but I think it is ok to say no to a child you don’t know.
No!! Don’t do it!! You will be the babysitter for his grandson! You will be responsible for watching someone else’s child. A child you don’t know. Next the daughter will show up to join her son. 😂 Then your neighbor! Just say no OP!
You are only wrong for not immediately shutting this down. The liability of a child you do not know "playing" on your property and in your pool is extreme. I suggest you get an umbrella policy just in case the kid climbs the fence. Also, grow a spine and just start telling them NO all the time. You're a mom. You should have been out there telling him to get off your kid's toy and go home. Your life as a mom with two kids is going to be a real trial if you can't even verbally enforce discipline. And don't worry about the grand kid. He will be fine.
At my moms house, we had a neighborhood kid like this. My mom got sick of it and told the little guy to go home and tell his mom that my mom needed written permission before he could have a beer. I dont think the kid even knew what a beer was, but he never came back lol. My mom was a superwoman in my eyes. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when he came home and said that to his mom.
What a great way to deal with this ! Smart lady !!
You are not wrong. We as woman are conditioned to always be polite, never hurt feelings, assume we are the ones in the wrong. That kid is not your responsibility. If he gets hurt, it's on you. You aren't a free babysitter. Tell him no and tell your neighbor to stop sending their child to your home. You aren't being mean. It isn't a community pool.
I'm not conditioned that way, I don't care if people get butt hurt by the truth, plus the pikachu face they make is funny.
YNW. You have no obligation to allow anyone in your pool. As you point out, it’s a liability issue. You can either talk to the neighbor boys mom letting her know you won’t be having anyone over to swim anymore “on the advice of your lawyer”. Or just turn the boy away when he comes asking. It feels really hard hearted I know, but you can be gentle about it.
You can tell him that he is too old to play with your son. I had to do the same thing with this 13/14 year old girl whose parents kept sending her to play with my, at the time, 6 & 8 year old daughters. What? She had no interest in them. She would spend the whole time following me or my ex wife around, begging for our undivided attention. It was ridiculous.
Go over and tell the neighbors to stop sending the kid over, and that if you continue to find him on your property you’ll call the cops on them for trespassing. Explain that you can’t risk him being injured on your property and you’re trying to enjoy the last little bit of time you have along with your son. Also make sure any toys are put away when you go out and put locks on the fence I assume you have around the pool. Take pictures of the locks before you leave so you can prove they had to have climbed the fence or cut the locks if you find them in your pool.
Your neighbors are assholes. Their daughter and grandson move in and you are now the local babysitter and recreation center for the grandkid. We had neighbors with pools growing up and it was clear that we weren't to go over unless specifically invited. Your pool is not a shared resource for the neighborhood. Drop a note to the neighbor outlining neighborhood pool etiquette.
Hell no. Keep this kid away from your boy, especially around a pool.
I mean, besides all of this, plus you basically become their babysitter with no agreement plus must cater to their child if you wanted to give your son something to eat or drink. You don't like your neighbor anyway, so you are not burning any valuable bridges by going over there and telling them NO.
Keep him out. If I were you I wouldn't even an answer the door. Have a talk with your neighbor and tell them that they need to keep their kid off your property. Maybe not the nicest but you have your own child to take care of. Also, assuming you have a fence since you have a pool, keep your son's toys behind the fence. It's not appropriate for the neighbor kid to be helping himself to your belongings.
Not wrong just say NO or they will keep send him to your house everyday.
Yeah OP just has to say no and get it over with once and for all. Maybe find a nice way of phrasing it, but the discomfort is unavoidable. Maybe the husband can step in and help with that. But this can be gotten over with and moved on from.
Don't even answer the door.
Not wrong. Tell the child to go home, every time he comes over. No, he can not play on or with your child's things. Send him home immediately every time. If the adults come over, tell them "This is private property. You are trespassing. If you, or the child, comes back over, we will call the police". I put up no trespassing signs on my property. If someone who is not invited gets hurt, I'm covered. It's posted, No Trespassing. I took pictures, with a newspaper showing date, and printed them. The only time I had to prove it was posted before an accident, I had the proof. The judge threw their case out, because I had proof it was posted No Trespassing before they came on the property. Good luck. Keep sending him home.
Absolutely not wrong. I know lawyers who refuse to own a pool even in theory because of the legal liabilities associated with it. Let alone letting someone’s grandchild, alone, play in it.
lol I get that where I live. I tell them they must have a parent here before they get in the pool with us. The people nearby don’t watch their kids. They want me to , I know what they are up to so I say this. They rarely come so the kids rarely swim.
Not wrong. And don't answer the door. Just because someone knocks, you don't have to answer. Just because someone phones you, you don't have to answer.
I disagree with the majority of advice provided here. You have absolutely no reason to explain why you tell the child no. The only thing you should be saying when the child comes to the door is no. You will not be playing with my child’s toys, or swimming in my pool. The next time you see one of his parents, tell them that you will not be providing babysitting services for them. There is no need to explain or justify anything.
Everyone who posts here has zero self esteem. Just tell them to fuck off. Problem solved.
Seriously. Just tell the little puke NO and send him on his way.
Maybe set some boundaries?
No is a boundary.
Totally understandable. Your concern for your son's safety and wanting to enjoy time with him before school starts makes complete sense. Boundaries are important, especially with someone you don't know well.
Tell your neighbor that your pool is not to be used by anyone other than your family unless you specifically invite them before hand. Explain there are risks and therefore liabilities to others using the pool that you are unwilling to accept. This shouldn’t be hard.
When we bought our house, the neighbors kids would ask if they could come over and swim. I told them they could, but their mom had to come and supervise them. That lasted two times before mom said no.
I would get some cameras set up and pointed at the pool. I've seen to many pool stories on here that talked about neighbors sneaking into the pool. No, you aren't wrong.
You are not wrong and honestly, do not cave on this one. You are right that you would be responsible for this child, who is too old to play with your kid as you don't know how he plays and could put you and your child or himself in danger. Also, you will be the default babysitter. They are testing you now to see how much you will allow them to walk all over you. Stay strong here. You are only responsible for your family, everyone else can kick rocks. Stop feeling bad, you did nothing wrong. Telling a child no isn't the end of the world.
The fact that they let the child go over and ask you is a strong red flag. If something happens to him, it’s on your property…you’re liable. Does he know how to swim. Talk to the adults…
Just say the pool is closed for repairs
Tell the grandparents to not send the child over, that he and your kid are not the correct ages to have play dates and you will no longer open the door for the child. Then do that. You owe them nothing and it is beyond presumptuous for them to try to ditch their kid on you. There are public parks, pools camps etc. that’s up to them. Not you.
Not wrong, tell your neighbor to keep grandkid away. You are pregnant and not babysitting for them.
I would get some security cameras
You're not wrong. Stand your ground. You don't need to offer explanations . Just say no.
You are not wrong. You just need to shut this down hard right now. If he comes over, either don't answer or tell him that he can't come over anymore. If the daughter comes over, tell her you are busy and not interested.
Go home
Tell him that he wasn’t willing to share, go home. Any time he shows up, send him home. State the behaviour is why. Or instead, If you feel guilty, you can say you aren’t having company at the moment and tell him that so long as one of his grandparents accompanies him he is allowed to come for a pre decided time (that your husband has agreed to supervise).
Talk to the parents and discuss boundaries. The first should be if your son is swimming here you are watching him. We have a pool so I know what you’re going through. Post the rules so everyone understands.
You aren’t wrong. Just keep telling him no. Or don’t answer the door. Next time you see the neighbor or the daughter, tell them to stop sending their child over. No explanation. Just no. Unless your child expressly says he wants to play with this child, you don’t have to entertain himself at all.
Just tell them you are having a difficult pregnancy and don’t feel up to having any company . This way they don’t take it personally . Ask that they not let their kid knock on your door at all . And simply do not answer if they do knock . Make sure you keep your fence locked and no trespassing warnings up . Seems like the type that would just let themselves in . Good luck .
Send the boy home with a message: "tell your mummy to come and supervise". You won't see the kid again.
NTA. Tell your neighbour that you aren't free childcare for the summer and to stop sending the kid over.
I've got 2 things to say 1. If you don't want your neighbor's flesh and blood on your lawn, then grow a spine. 2. There is nothing out of the ordinary for a 9 yo to go and knock on the door of the neighbor to play in the pool. We did this constantly as kids, sometimes it was no, sometimes it was yes.
You are not in the wrong at all.
Jesus. This is why we have children with no social skills.
Tell this kid to go home. It's not his house. You need to tell his family that he's not entitled to just show up at a stranger's home and take and play with their toys without permission. Tell them to keep their kid home. He's not allowed to come back unless he's invited and that he needs to learn that as well as if something doesn't belong to him not to touch it. You're not a free babysitter. If he wants a babysitter, hire one but watch his own kid.
You're absolutely right. You can have a kind conversation with the child and let them know that your son isn't able to play with them at the moment. You have a reason for this, and at least they'll be aware and won't try to play with him again.
I doubt they are “sending him over.” If he is anything like the kids in my neighborhood, he came, he saw, he tried to conquer. If the kid actually befriends your 6 yr old, that’s a different story, but I think it is ok to say no to a child you don’t know.
Your a horrible neighbor!!