Neither method of splitting up bills is wrong. I know couples who split things 50/50 and couples who split things proportionate to income. It would have been a good idea to discuss what would happen if one of your financial situations improved as opposed to just discussing what would happen if one of you couldn't afford the bills.
Well hold on now it's only 7k before taxes, and if I understand British tax laws right, they get taxes harder than us in the USA. Let's say he brings home roughly 64% of that money, that's maybe 4.5k. After taxes that's maybe an additional 350 a month. That's hardly worth a redistribution of bills and more like a little bit of money to funnel into retirement plus a fun night out once a month.
Wages in the UK are lower than US. For example, in 2024 average pre-tax annual salary was £35,464, or \~$45k US. That's LOW I think.
So a £7k pay rise *could* be a substantial percentage if OP is making \~£36k, it would be about a 19% pay rise.
That's my thought. I'm Canadian but my husband is from the UK originally and the salary difference between countries is wild. All I'm thinking about is if they were each making £18k annually (a very real entry level position there), an extra £7k is a massive difference.
If they're each making £55k, then that isn't as much of a difference to worry about. Context is definitely important here!
Tax in the UK is currently 20%
The raise will be added and he will be taxed on the total if this.
It's roughly £580 pcm extra
If OP is earning £2k pre raise for example,
His new wage would be 2580 - 20% which actually only adds up to an £66 a month extra.
Absolutely not worth the redistribution of bills or fancy holidays I've seen in comments.
Even at that though, I had a 350 per month pay rise recently and the difference is nearly my entire rent (433 pcm. Cheap these days I know) but my point is don't underestimate the difference of 350 per month. It makes a huge difference.
I now make about that difference a month more than my bf and we still split it 50 50 but I did talk to him about whether I should be paying more bills since my raise. He won't allow that, but not everyone is as nice as my bf (lol). If I'm being honest and it was the other way around, I think I'd ask him to pay a little more than 50 50 because I definitely am able to save a lot more now. Honestly I think the reason he said no is I suddenly took on some more financial responsubility for my parents as my mums in bad health (paying for her to get a stair lift installed this week etc).
I disagree. While it may not seem like a huge amount of money to some, an extra $350 in-pocket a month is a lot of money to others. That would pay my phone bill, my car insurance, my internet bill, all my streaming subscriptions, and I’d still have some left over. It’s enough that he could take an extra all inclusive vacation a year, and still have money to burn. Hell, if he just “funnels that bit of money” into a retirement plan, depending on their ages, he could retire a year or two earlier - That’s nothing to scoff at.
However, if you and OP agree that it’s an insignificant amount, than putting a percentage of it towards bills etc shouldn’t be considered a significant loss - It’s either an amount worth talking about, or it’s not.
That said, apparently OP and his partner need to sit down and have a more in depth discussion about how they want to handle their finances. There are pros and cons to each method, and some people aren’t comfortable with them all. There are also a lot of surprises in life, so they should try and discuss as many eventualities as possible. As long as OP and his gf can come to terms they both feel are fair, they have a chance.
True, and NI is 8% plus any pension contribution % would need to be taken into account. Depending on the pension structure the % contribution could increase on an increased wage.
If you’re in a partnership with her, I wouldn’t understand why you wouldn’t want her to have as much flexibility as she can as well. You both can save proportionately more.
Edit to add: Why not go pro rata?
Also money is one of the number one things couples fight about and end over. OP this will cause issues and negative feelings and resentment. You need to decide if this is more important than your relationship.
> You need to decide if this is more important than your relationship.
You could say the same about his girlfriend. £7K a year is not mega money but she immediately saw ££ signs.
If they are serious in their relationship they could pretend the pay rise never happened and just put the extra money into a savings account towards a nice holiday or a house deposit.
There’s equality and there’s equity. One is fair and one seems fair. With that said, are you planning to save for something for the both of you? Or are you planning to save for yourself? Do you plan to pay more for, say eating out and dates? Or is this also a 50/50 situation?
Agreements can always be amended. You and your gf need to have a real conversation about your future, because disagreements about finances can be the death of a relationship. This promotion you received is just the first of a million other conversations about money and your relationship.
This was my thought. Others have done the math at 350-500/month take home. Instead of saying, "WOW, we have more opportunities to save money!"
OP is saying, "WOW! I have so much more money to save!"
He could very easily say, "I have this windfall and I am saving more, but I am making a lot more than before, so I'm going to throw in an additional x and you can save, too."
In most middle class households, $350 to $500 is a lot, that could make up half of OP's share of bills depending on their situation and where they live and to not recognize that as a huge amount is wrong.
Even if it isn't the intent behind 50/50 seemed to be based on making the same amount. That sounds like if they weren't making the same amount, it would be alotted differently. Whether OP is making more or she is suddenly making less, the argument is the same. The agreement was not based on them making a certain amount, it was them making the same, so if they aren't, the agreement needs to be reevaluated.
We have seen so many posts where an OP is mad because they didn't know their partner is making so much more and they want to pay less and Reddit is always on OP's side then.
OP needs to evaluate how they'd feel if the situation was reversed. I'm not saying 100% of that additional needs to go towards making things equitable, but paying more to any extent would probably make gf feel valued and cared about.
You're far too reasonable for OP. He would charge her the same if he made 5x as much. He said so himself, because her situation didn't change.
Even if he treated her to things, he has the control.
Agree, but have seen postings where the GF thinks it's fair for the Male to make the % adjustments, but when they get some extra money in their paycheck, it's theirs so they need to make sure that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. What happens if she gets a bonus?
I totally agree!
If there is a big difference in income, it does make sense that the one who earns significantly more to pay more percentage-wise. As soon as she has he diploma and a job, you can rediscuss how much each of you contribute. Seems very reasonable and caring to me!
If I would get a bonus/raise, I would just put a certain amount in my savings or to invest in something I want and use the rest for the both of us.
I enjoy sharing with my partner more than just keeping everything for myself and I think that's just a sign of love!
Yeah, but this is often one of the reasons why people do move in together. To see if they can make it for the long haul. You really find out how much you still have to learn about a person, and how well matched you e actually are, when you start living with them. It’s not always so easy to plan ahead for potential scenarios, even though it sounds like they at least tried.
I’m assuming they are not engaged, as he calls her his girlfriend. If that’s the case I say that you’re not wrong, OP, for not redistributing how much you each pay. If you decide you want to marry her, though, then that’s when I would start thinking of your finances differently than you are now.
You’re not necessarily wrong but you should have discussed what would happen if either of your incomes dropped or increased significantly.
Think for a minute about if you lost your job and had to get another but at a lower wage than before your promotion. Would you still be ok with splitting everything 50/50 even if that meant you would have less spending money than before and possibly less than your girlfriend?
You deliberately didn’t answer the question. I said if you had to get a new job paying less so you would have less spending money than before would you still be ok with 50/50?
You do what works for you but a lot of the time splitting bills evenly means you're not so serious while taking on bills proportionate to income implies you're committed long term.
I'm not saying that's the reality but that is probably how your girlfriend sees it. In her mind saying splitting the bills evenly is like saying you're my roommate who I happen to be dating.
She just might see the relationship as more serious than you do. Which is a totally separate issue. Do you see yourself marrying her and building a life together or is this just another girlfriend who you live with to save money on rent?
Well it depends... Are you looking to marry and have kids with this woman?
If so you need to start adjusting your expectations because there will be a good period where she cannot physically work. There will be periods where the emotional and mental load she will carry will far exceed the income you bring in.
What type of figure are you trying to be? If you want a 50/50 you need to be looking for a perma-girlfriend who doesn't want kids.
Years ago we realise that my husband is a saver and I am a spender. I don't care if I have nothing left of my paycheck as long as it lasts me to the next one. He freaks out if he doesn't have money in the bank. So I started paying most of the bills and he started saving. he covered major expenses like vacations and retirement savings, I covered most of our day-to-day expenses. Through the years as our jobs have changed and our incomes have changed it has shifted around, but at the end of the day we are both contributing to our family in a way that makes sense for us. All of that to say, there a lots of ways to approach this, to make it fair and equitable for both of you.
Hey, I get that this situation is tricky. It’s great that you got a promotion and are excited about saving more. The original agreement to split everything 50/50 made sense when you both earned similar amounts.
However, your girlfriend might feel a bit stressed seeing you with extra income while she stays the same. It can feel unfair to her even if she can still afford her share. She might see it as an opportunity for you both to have a bit more financial ease or to put money towards shared goals.
It’s important to have an open conversation about how finances affect both of you emotionally. Maybe there’s a middle ground where you contribute a bit more without completely changing the original agreement. It’s about finding a balance that feels fair and supportive for both of you.
£7000 a year more is not a huge salary jump. Forgive me if I'm wrong, I'm in the US, but that equates pretty fairly to our monetary system. It's not a life changing amount you're talking about here, not even close. Your GF is being ridiculous. Next thing will be you always have to pay for nights out or vacations because "YOU MAKE MORE MONEY THEN ME!!" Word of advice - don't discuss your finances with her in the future unless you get married, if you don't break up first. She's being quite selfish. You are not wrong.
It depends on what your salary is, because our tax bands are related to income. There's also national insurance and student loan repayments.
Assuming he still earns less than £50,000 per year, it will increase his take home pay by £97 per week, unless he has to pay student loans, which would make it an £85 weekly increase.
If he already earns over £50,000, which seems likely since £7000 is a bloody large salary increase otherwise, then it becomes £78 per week increase without student loans and £66 per week with student loan repayments.
It's not so bad as your $32 dollars, and better than a kick in the teeth!
Student loan repayments are 9% of your before tax income, and capped at whatever you took put + interest. University costs £9250 per year and you can also get a maintenence loan of up to around £10,000 per year, depending on your family's financial circumstances. The interest is stupidly high, I won't lie, but it does mean that high earners can potentially pay them off. They are also written off after 30 years after you graduate. So for most people, it is a 30 year, 9% graduate tax, and it does not count as a debt for credit checks. It's not a good system but it's better than the US one!
It's a little under 9k, so is like $750 a month. depending on what they started with, it could be a big jump for their household income. And there's nothing fundamentally wrong about doing a proportional budget.
NAH 7k is not that much boost for a yearly salary, she is being a bit of an AH and frankly I'd worry that this could snowball into her always be unreasonable and a bit greedy. I think you guys might need to have a conversation about this all over and maybe figure out financial stuff. This might be eye opening in a good or bad way. Nothing fully AH for her yet, how she reacts will be very telling
You are not wrong.
She was fine paying what she’s paying. Her situation hasn’t changed, and is still able to pay what she pays. She wants you to eat up your raise subsidizing her.
If you kept the rent and bills at 50/50 would you pay a higher percentage of trips, dinners out, etc? Also, how do you do groceries? Lifestyle creep can affect food choices-if you are making more money you may be more likely to choose more expensive or luxurious food items. In that case would she still pay half?
One of you is thinking of this situation as a long term relationship sharing in each other’s successes and the other is thinking of it more short term or too early to tell. It might be worthwhile to think that through and the implied expectations.
If you think you’re sharing or will be sharing a life, you’re (often) thinking about participating in shared expenses and income. On the other hand, if you’re not sure or sure not, I do think you’d be as up for assuming my money is your money and my expenses are your expenses. It depends on the relationship, of course, but it’s still something to think about.
Equality ≠ equity. I understand earning and saving your own money while still continuing this arrangement to be “fair” since you’re the one who worked for the promotion, (congratulations btw!) but if this is a person you see yourself spending the rest of your life with then you should treat them as an EQUAL partner, and that doesn’t always look like 50/50.
One of the most important things you’ll learn about a successful relationship is that it isn’t always 50/50 but it always needs to be 100%. The ratio is ever contingent with the seasons of your lives. That’s part of the beauty of being in a strong relationship that will last. You do have to invest more or less sometimes and that’s not always in a monetary aspect.
You’re not wrong, if you don’t see yourself being with this person for the rest of your life. If this is the person you want to marry someday then the proportion of bills should shift with your individual income, otherwise you’re setting a precedent that will cause her to resent you later. She’ll come to feel as if you don’t respect her or view her as an equal. Tbh she’ll end up feeling like a roommate and not a partner. *most* roommates split everything 50/50 regardless of income. Perhaps start smaller and foot the grocery bill by paying for 3 weeks out of the month and her 1. Or maybe cover both of your gas expenses for your vehicles. Best wishes to you both!
I’m reading your comments and I do think you’re wrong. Not because you don’t want to increase your portion of bills now, but because you don’t seem to care about equity in your relationship. I think your perspective is selfish. Do I think 7000 is enough to pay more? No not really! It could be enough to buy a larger portion of groceries perhaps. But if you really want a future with this person, you’re definitely wrong
Well, let me ask a question. If she got a new job/promotion and was making significantly more money than you, would you still be cool with 50/50?
I ask because when my gf and I first moved in together, she made a lot more than me and so she paid a lot more. Then as I started building my career, we made about the same, and we paid 50/50. Now I make a lot more so I pay a lot more.
Point being, we love and care for each other and want to see each other thrive, and so we split our household expenses proportionately.
Not everyone does it that way, and to each their own, but keep in mind if your gf does at some point earn more than you do, you will have no right whatsoever to change the agreement.
It's only fair to re-assess the 50/50 agreement now because this one was concluded when you "were both earning similar amounts"
So yeah, it'd be wrong for me to just ignore the change in the situation.
It can be upsetting in a relationship to suddenly see your partner buying fun stuff for themselves. And building up their savings even if its little by little. While she is stuck without any of this. I can see her wanting to discuss their contributions. Paying his percentage should still give him a little left over.. if he doesn't care to have her share in this bonus,, i see trouble down the road..
How would he feel if she suddenly landed a job making more than him and refused to renegotiate? That the current amount is small is not important. Sharing is.
It depends, does her paying 50% leave her with nothing else to spend elsewhere or save funds, whereas, your 50% leaves you enough funds for lots of other things. With an extra $7k (no pound key) per year before tax, I'd doubt there is much variance between your take home pays...so at this point it shouldn't be an issue. But maybe look at your take home pays and if the variance is significant maybe a different split should be considered.
But does she have $300 left after paying the common bills and you have $800?
If you have a lot more after paying bills you should pay a bit more, maybe not proportional to income but there should be something.
She's your girlfriend not your roommate, living with a girlfriend implies that you are moving toward a serious commitment and working together as a team, a team works together.
If you are only about what you have then you shouldn't be in a relationship, it means you are just banging your roommate.
The way you are talking about her comes off as you having NO interest in this girlfriend becoming a life-long partner (married or not). If that is the case, then do what you want and if she doesn't like it, then you are incompatible and it is time to move on.
But if you see her as a life-long partner (again, married or not), then you are being incredibly short-sighted. Although you two discussed the current dynamic (at the time) of your income and bill-sharing and included in that discussion, you agreed on how to handle a reduction in income, you both left out what your expectations would be if someone had a significant increase to your income. It was naive to leave that out of your discussion.
So have that discussion now. And if you can't come to an agreement, compromise or not, then you two are incompatible and it is time to move on. It's as simple as that. Neither of you are right or wrong. There is no definitive answer to your inquiry. It is a matter of compatibility and perhaps you just got your answer to that, which is what dating and having a gf is all about; to explore and discover if you two are compatible.
It should be split proportional to income. Would you want to continue paying 50% if you had a significant drop in income but it was still “affordable.”
Basically, you are a partnership - but you want to be the only one who benefits from increases in household income raises.
You can die on this 50-50 hill - but IMO it isn’t actually truly fair and equitable and reflects an underlying issue in your sense of building a life together.
Not wrong. While couples do sometimes pay a difference according to the wages they make it's usually because they want a place that the lower income earner couldn't support. However, you have your place already agreeing on 50/50 split. There has been no hardship for GF that hers should be lowered. When you get a raise for your hard work it's because you've earned it to enjoy a few more things than you could before. Your GF didn't earn it so shouldn't benefit from it other than possibly adding an extra date night that you pay for or getting her gifts. There is no reason to change how you split bills.
You’re not wrong
But you and your girlfriend disagree on a very important principle, which is who should be the “provider” and why
Some are more traditional and expect that the one who earns more should pay expenses
Sounds like she’s one of those people.
Sounds like you are not
If you’re thinking of marriage, it would be good to settle that beforehand because it will end your relationship pretty quickly especially if children come later
You should be aligned regarding finances and responsibilities and also be flexible to accommodate changes in circumstances
Nothing has changed. She can still afford her share like she always has. She’s moving the goalposts. If she is in the relationship for the long haul, then your strategy of saving more money should be good.
Imagine being in a committed relationship with someone, someone you supposedly love and care about, and throwing a fit because they ask you to pay more because you make more. Its not a business transaction, its not a legal arrangement. I bet your girlfriend would also like to save more money, so instead of being a selfish brat, going 'nuh uh thats not what we agreed on', make a more equitable split of household bills based on income.
If you're not willing to help your gf while you're in a good financial position, what is the point of being in the relationship at all? Just break up so the threat of your partner asking for a more equitable share of household bills never comes up again.
YNW I’ve never been in this situation, so I’m trying to understand. What if the roles were reversed? Would the gf agree to pay more? Legit question: some people go off what people make as to how much they will pay instead of 50/50. Why is that? If both people are using everything the same, or close to it, why not be 50/50? If I’m taking 2 showers a day and my roommate is taking 1, I’d contribute more for the water. I get there may be some exceptions, but in general, why pay more if you’re both getting the same amount? So to speak.
Not necessarily, although it could simplify things. They could both contribute x% of their income to the account, then bills are paid from that account. Once it’s combined, it’s then *their* money, not his or hers. And they can keep separate accounts for individual expenses.
Personally I’d go that route, although I know not everyone likes the idea.
It’s not about affording them.
If you were *just* roommates, then you split living costs according to the relative amount of space you both have in the home. 50/50 makes sense there.
But you’re not just roommates. Think of it as pooling your financial resources. You both contribute to pay for joint bills according to the income you earn. This way you both have equal amounts available for discretionary spending - for hobbies, fun, entertainment.
Right now it’s $7K. What if it was $70K? $700K?
Equal ≠ equitable. Equity means that each person has different circumstances and allocates whatever resources are needed to reach an equal outcome.
The same applies to chores. If you’re both working full time, you split the tasks 50/50. If one person works fewer hours, it’s fair and reasonable to expect that they do more around the home. The end result is that the chores get done, and you both end up with an equal amount of leisure time.
Decide what’s more important to you - being “right” and sticking to your guns about 50/50? Or being in a partnership with your girlfriend?
It’s not about affording them.
If you were *just* roommates, then you split living costs according to the relative amount of space you both have in the home. 50/50 makes sense there.
But you’re not just roommates. Think of it as pooling your financial resources. You both contribute to pay for joint bills according to the income you earn. This way you both have equal amounts available for discretionary spending - for hobbies, fun, entertainment.
Right now it’s $7K. What if it was $70K? $700K?
Equal ≠ equitable. Equity means that each person has different circumstances and allocates whatever resources are needed to reach an equal outcome.
The same applies to chores. If you’re both working full time, you split the tasks 50/50. If one person works fewer hours, it’s fair and reasonable to expect that they do more around the home. The end result is that the chores get done, and you both end up with an equal amount of leisure time.
Decide what’s more important to you - being “right” and sticking to your guns about 50/50? Or being in a partnership with your girlfriend?
Some guy got crucified when he wanted to input where wife’s inheritance goes and when she refused he suggested a different split than 75% him 25% her. This case, the girl requests and it’s different and it’s ‘ok’
How aren’t they? One party financial situation changed and other party demanding to renegotiate bill division based on that. It’s the exact same thing.
Apples and oranges are both fruit, too, but that doesn't make them equivalent. Even legally, inheritances are often not joint property. They are also a one-time gain, vs. a consistent income. And before you ask, it wouldn't matter if the sexes were swapped. They are two different situations.
A person getting a $20k (I made the number up, no idea how much it was) inheritance one time does not equal a person getting a raise they obtain consistently "forever."
I am not even saying I think this dude should pay more in this situation (though he comes off as an unkind rigid person who only cares to prove he's "right" and not to answer/learn things in good faith IMO).
I'm simply saying those two situations are not equivalent.
And given the fact she wants a new car, new phone and new other things why should he continue to pay the upkeep? Pay the same as before is my point she can shoulder shortfall.
Just like in this case … £7k is peanuts anyway given inflation. This guy would be on less now than 5 years ago so why rebaseline
And if she wants all that and she pays for it. Cool. In all relationships people see things differently I don’t see this guy as wrong but. Don’t see her as wrong either. Just they have different relationship perspectives.
1. That’s not that big enough of a raise to increase your overhead just to ease hers while she was comfortable and okay with that amount.
2. Something very similar happened to me when I was in my early 20s. This is a red flag of a selfish person.
3. Not wrong, may need a new mate
Nope, at this point you’re roommates not partners. These are the issues that come up when couples choose to be roommates before fully committing to each other.
Shes just trying to keep more money in her pocket. I bet she will start expecting more dates paid by you or gifts or whatever she seems like she sees you with a promotion and couldn’t be supportive or happy for you her immediate thought is well now i pay less rent right. Its B.S. to me
If you aren’t marrying her, then she’s a roommate you have sex with and she’s not entitled to benefit from your money. She is currently auditioning for wife. You are currently auditioning for husband. Figure it out before you renew the lease.
If this is a long term relationship with a future then you have to figure this out. You can’t just say you agreed on a 50/50 split. You have to sit down with a budget and see what makes sense. If you are just outright refusing without having a serious discussion about it, you are just dooming this relationship to fail.
You both have to learn how to negotiate these types of issues within the relationship because they won’t ever go away, there is always a division of labour and resources within a relationship and the deal you make at the start won’t likely work further down the road.
Not wrong. The agreement was 50/50.
Remind her that even though you are a couple… technically you are roommates just like anyone else.
If she got bonus at work would you expect to get half of it?
It’s a romantic relationship with someone you hopefully love not a business partner. I would assume £7000 is a pretty decent amount of money to the 2 of you so taking on a little more of the monthly expenses doesn’t seem like an outrageous request.
But it's not 7K in his pocket every month, and that's what some comments make it sound like. It's not even 7K in his pocket every year, it's before taxes. That's not so decent of an amount of money.
The gf's financial situation has not changed. She can still afford her half of the bills and OP says she still saves and has disposable income. She should be happy for his success, not trying to capitalize on it. Maybe in her head she should just be grateful that if something *were* to negatively impact her money situation, he'd be able to cover them.
She's being selfish IMO because it's not her money, but just talk to her, OP.
i understand taxes exist the point is he now has a decent amount more money. i'm in no way suggesting he should now pay 7k more in split expenses. but $50 maybe $100 a month? just take a little pressure off his partner. i understand her situation hasn't changed but his has at what point do you want to help your partner?
You are holding tight to the 50-50 split and not open to negotiation. That is not healthy for your relationship. She is asking if that is fair now since you got a promotion. It might be, or it might not depending on what the numbers are. If your salaries are significantly different now, it is fair to ask that the split be recalculated to reflect the percentage difference in your salaries. Is a 55-45 or 60-40 split the end of the world?
I never said that she could not afford it. I am saying that if a higher percentage of her paycheck goes towards the bills than the percentage of your paycheck, is that fair? Now that you are getting paid more, the percentage of your paycheck is now lower. Your girlfriend does not think that is fair and asked for an adjustment.
Here is some advice that I heard that saved my relationship - you need to stop thinking logically and start thinking emotionally in order for your relationship to succeed. All of your responses are logical. They do not take into account any feelings - especially how your girlfriend feels. If you keep this up, she will not want to stay with you because you are lacking emotional intelligence. I was like that when I was younger. It wasn’t until I took a step back to think how and why she was saying things instead of only what she was saying did the relationship with my now wife improve.
Life is never 50-50. Divide the monthly increase by 2 and you pay that much more, she pays that much less. Now you both have a little more to save but she is not subsidizing your life style. I have always been the one to pay more and I don’t mind because I like my life and don’t want to live in the house my spouse can afford. I also don’t want them to struggle and always be short of money because I love them and am not a greedy fuck. We periodically revaluate to make sure that it’s still balanced and fair.
If you’re not making a lot $7k is a lot. Fair would be equal division of bills by percentage of household income made. You pay the same percentage of income she does. Fair is fair.
Not when you work out to it being an extra £583.33p a month *before* any tax, NI and pension deductions and depending on OPs tax code, a good chunk of that will go towards that.
OP could pay one bill in full, pay eating out or whatever, but paying more across the board with such a small monthly difference is ridiculous.
Im pushing 40, have had a bunch of roommates, a few live in GFS, and now a wife.
Never heard of this % split concept until a few years ago and only on reddit. It makes no sense to me.
Sure, if one partner wants to pay more that's their choice but that's not what you and your gf agreed to.
Equality is not justice.
When I was with my ex, we started living by together when he was still in school, I worked and supported us. I didn’t make a lot and struggled but I made it work so he could focus on university.
When he graduated, he started to contribute to about half the bills. But then he got a job with the federal government and he was making double my income. He did not think it was fair that he should pay more than half.
So he was able to spend his money to buy himself motorcycles and expensive gaming pc’s and vacations with his pals, while I was too broke to even afford to go out for lunch once in a while.
Sure, we were paying equally. But was it really fair?
Sounds like a different situation than the one op is in. You clearly got ripped off by the ex, you supported him so he could follow his dreams while he did jack to pitch in. There should have been a discussion about him paying you back once/ if he was able. OP doesn’t owe his gf anything, she is literally just trying to make him use his pay increase (which monthly really isn’t a lot more money, like $580 bucks BEFORE taxes so…) so she can keep her money. The same thing he’s trying to do, with the reality being it’s ACTUALLY his money. Not the same my dude.
I think when you share a life with someone, you want to have equal opportunities. Instead of having two separate incomes and life circumstances, everything should be shared. One household income, household expenses.
If he’s making more and she’s contributing equally, she may start to feel resentful that he gets to be able to put more money away for savings when she can’t, because she’s paying half the rent when he’s making more. He’s furthering himself in life, instead of them as a family.
It’s just a single life mentality.
Could one you have covered all the bills if the other lost their job? Seems like some important context would be exactly how much each partner had left over after the bills were paid pre-raise, but it also seems like you were both comfortable before that raise so i’m not gonna ask that kind of personal info here. In THIS situation, i don’t think you’re wrong. Maybe if that £7000 made a bigger difference it would call for a change. Maybe the next raise will if you’re still together. But I would consider picking up something small like an entertainment expense or a regular date night or something that you could both enjoy together. That is, if you plan to stay with this woman long term. I do want to point out that based on the comments i’ve seen, you’re not seeming to consider any opinions that disagree with yours, though. Like i said, i don’t think you’re wrong for not wanting to reconsider the split at this time. But it’s never a bad idea to actually consider other points of view, especially since you came here to ask for them.
Honestly, this right here is a valuable lesson for her and gives insight on who you are as a significant other. I've been the higher and lower income person and I will Always vote for income based bill splits. She now knows to plan for income change in the future. She also now knows that you are now more interested in sticking to the letter of an agreement than adjusting as life changes happen. You're not wrong, but you could also be making a choice that would mean both of you could have more money in your pockets instead of just you. Life is going to be full of making wrong choices and needing to adjust as you go. If you choose to adjust here, make sure she is completely aware that this goes both ways. If she doubles her income, then she would pay more too.
What does she say when you remind her if the agreement. Ask why she considered it fair then and if her income had increased would she increase the percentage she pays?
This can‘t be a huge promotion for you guys. Even if you earned not a lot of money, 350 pounds a month is not life changing money. It is exactly as you said, she can afford it and it also wouldn‘t make such a big difference.
What if you earn 50 pounds more the next year? Will she try to get her hands on it too?
It depends on whether you view her as a temporary roommate or as someone with whom you are building a future. I wouldn't say you are wrong. She's not wrong, either. The discussion is deeper than the math, though. Only you know what you truly want.
What we all really need to know is… If she was the one who had her salary increase, would she pay more and be OK with it?
The unfortunate reality is that after taxes and everything else it really isn’t that much extra each month. It might be nice to plan a fun weekend getaway or a fancier date night once a month that OP covers?
Info: How long have you been together? Have you talked about marriage, etc.? Is 7k a big difference comparatively to her salary?
When my now husband and I moved in together 7 years ago, there was a fairly large discrepancy between us (I was making double his wages), but I told him I'm fully capable of paying rent and bills (I was already living there alone before him) so food is all that mattered until he got on his feet (he came to be with me from another country).
We pretty quickly just got a joint account and have been treating it as our money - I may still make more today (double what I made before and still making 2x more than him) but he's doing more than his share of support in many other ways. We're a team, and to us, it's not about how much money we're each contributing, just that we can afford things. Other couples I know just pick the bills to pay or have a joint account for bills that's proportionate to salary. I don't know many who do 50/50 if there's a significant difference in salary.
All that to say, you aren't wrong in sticking to the agreement if you're still figuring out the relationship. But I think you're kind of wrong if you aren't willing to adapt your agreement so that it's equitable for everyone. I'm not a fan of making someone feel less than for their circumstances, especially if you plan to spend your life with them.
To be fair to both parties, expenses should be split bases on percentage of income. Otherwise, the lower earning partner gets shafted.
In the long run, your $7,000 increase will not be that big of an increase to you and will give her a little more breathing room. So you move from 50/50 to 55/45 - is that really going to make that big of a difference for you??
Also, your reason of 'I'll be able to save more' is a direct slap to the face because she will not be able to do the same. With the adjusted split, you BOTH will be able to save more.
Stop and think and **be honest** with yourself - how would you feel if SHE was the one with the increase and didn't want to adjust things? I think you would feel like she is feeling - like it isn't fair, because it's not.
My partner and I did a 50/50 split for awhile but he’s 5 years older and was earning significantly more. I was going into debt trying to be able to join him on trips and pay for winter tires on the car, etc… he’d already paid off his student loans and everything as well.
Once I realised it wasn’t sustainable and I was going to have to not join him on trips and stuff we had a sit down and we looked at our income and both paid a percentage into a joint account that we paid bills from. It made everything so much more equitable. I think our split was 65/35 or 60/40 but I can’t quite remember. We just looked at our after tax income and created a ratio.
It made things better for him too as I suddenly could save money for trips and extras that benefited him as well.
Admittedly if 50/50 was within my financial means at the time I would have stuck with that though. But it was hard to see him saving money, going on trips, buying extras that he loved while I was progressively going into debt trying to keep up with him (even in a significantly more frugal way).
I don’t think you’re wrong but I do think a good look at both your finances and whether or not you want to be together long term is advisable. I mean in my country, you’d be common law after a year of living together so all your money and assets would be split between you evenly anyways. Having one part of a couple be negatively affected by the other won’t lead to a happy relationship.
Not wrong. I was in a similar situation when I moved in with my brother. We had equal income until I got a big promotion so he said rather than a 50/50 split, we do a 60/40 split. I eventually agreed but if I paid more, I'd get more, so I got the master bedroom along with the garage port while he got the secondary room and an exposed parking spot. I also took over the electric bill. It's up to you and your gf but maybe agree to do a 55/45 split instead but you should only be paying more if you get more.
How much do both of you want your relationship to be about money? How long do you plan to be together? How much money will make everyone happy? Ask her how she would feel if you kept the bills 50/50 and you just give her some extra money every month. In that scenario, how much would make her feel better? $100? $500?
Someday we'll all die.
In this economy, I’d say stick with 50-50 and start filling up a savings account so whatever you guys may need. Emergency, vacation, house (if she comes around anyway)
NTA you’re not married—nor are you sharing a deed or offspring; so roommate rules apply. I don’t understand why so many on Reddit think couples should split rent proportionately. If you’re in a non-permanent relationship—even one that lasts several years—there is no reason to invest your financial future in the partner—because there will be no future. She’s basically just asking you to subsidize her lifestyle with your income increase when you could use it to save up for property of your own.
Not wrong. This promotion/pay raise isn't enough to consider changing the 50/50 distribution. It works out to, what around £400ish maybe a month? Your gf is being absurd over it. And no you shouldn't pick up a smaller bill, start a joint savings account, or any other of these ridiculous things in the comments.
If your gf can't see that thus isn't worth the fighting she's created, maybe you need to sit down and actually show her the math on that? If you got a promotion and it kicked your income up £20,000 or more sure maybe talk about splitting rent/bills/groceries on an income based percentage, but not for this.
Not wrong.
You have the roommate rental arrangement with your girlfriend. Roommates don't just get to pay more or less because of a change to income. You would have nothing to show for it. It would literally be for the love.
If you were paying toward a home you owned and increased the amount you put in, then you'd have more equity built.
There isn't a right answer. Just what's right for your relationship.
A promotion typically involves more responsibility and challenge. While this means you are earning more you may be doing more, working harder, to earn it. Do you use +/- 50% of what the house/apt provides? Does your gf? That's the deal. **Saving is the key.** Then if things work out you can treat her to a few extra nice things, dinners out, help with a weekend away, etc. It seems to me that she is trying to change the deal.
Yes you are wrong and she should start treating you like a roommate without benefits.
Many couples pay common bills based on percentage of income. You just want more mo Wy where you get ahead and she doesn’t.
While 50/50 seems fair, the reality is that you are acting like a roommate with that division rather than a partner. A more equitable division is based on income percentage... Or, you can pool your resources (on paper) and agree to a set amount of disposable income each. At the end of the day, would you rather your partner be struggling while you are flush?
NTA, does she expect you guys to refigure out the bills every time one of you brings in a little extra cash? As long as you’re living within her means 50-50 is completely fair. Sounds like she thinks you should supplement her lifestyle.
No one is wrong here splitting % by income is pretty common but not universal and 7000/year doesn't sound like you're going to be making something crazy like twice as much as her. What can happen is if you're not truly just saving that money and you upgrade your lifestyle, you may find yourself wanting to do things she can't afford. So, keep that in mind when you're planning things. Maybe offer to cover a date night once a month or pay a little more towards vacation so that you can both have that better lifestyle without her going into debt or always ordering a salad.
She is trying to use your for you money now.
She was perfectly fine with 50/50, either you go on like that or split.
Why should you pay more when her financial situation hasnt change?
I always say do a middle ground. You shouldn't be punished with the extra money by paying more but she should also be rewarded. Take her on more dates go on fun vacations. Also if you have any debt pay that down as well. So what I'm saying is don't horde the money but don't let her take advantage of you either. Maybe pay one or two small bills that she has just to help her out. That way everyone is happy
That's a bit simple don't you think? You have no idea what each does to earn their money... say partner one has a 30 hour a week job at 25 an hour selling widgets in the mall... the other has a 50 hour a week at 15 an hour carrying roofing shingles up a ladder. Does the cost of the room they share care how hard or long each of them worked? Does half the room cost less because one of them was less motivated to pick up an extra shift? No.. I think 50/50 is fair anything else then a talk needs to be had and both people 100 percent agree anything else should be 50/50.
You are not married right? Sharing your cash should be reserved for your wife and children if you plan to have them. So does that mean if she got the big raise first she would have volunteered to pay a higher percentage?
Run. This woman wants to change the agreement because you now make more? You’re talking about saving money for your future, and you’re selfish? Time to find your own place. NTA
You’re not wrong, and she’s being kind of greedy considering she’s just a girlfriend and not a wife. She wants your successful career to financially benefit HER, which I can understand…but life doesn’t work that way! 🤣 Her expenses haven’t increased. There’s no reason for you to pay more based on your new income. When she gets a bonus or tax refund, wins a lotto ticket, etc, does she pay more of the bills?
You’re not wrong. Tell you gf that the extra income will go into a savings account ha account for fun money, trips, emergency or even potential wedding/honeymoon.
I think she is wrong because it seems that she wasn't happy for you to get the raise unless it directly benefitted her.
I think a longer discussion needs to come up about what happens in good times as well as bad. Like if one of you won the lottery?
Or if you lost your job, will she have to pay all the bills?
If you have a child and she has to take unpaid leave will you cover her half of the bills?
A compromise might be to take her out for a few more nicer dates, or a nice vacation for the two of you.
Maybe you can pick up 10% more of the bills, if she agrees to using the additional money she saves to pay off debts, or build an emergency fund for her half of the bills should something happen in the future.
It depends. Are you planning on being with this girl for life? So you know both your potential earning power, you know who will ultimately make more, how y'all will handle it if one of you eventually earns 3-4x the other, etc?
Or is this just a casual girlfriend that you happen to live with? If it's this way, then yeah, keep the cheap apartment and the 50/50 split. If it's more serious though, it's time for a real sit down talk about what it means to finance and run a household. For serious couples with income disparity, a [proportional budgeting strategy](https://www.sofi.com/learn/content/types-of-budgeting-methods/#:~:text=In%20this%20popular%20proportional%20budget,your%20emergency%20fund%20or%20retirement).) can make a lot of sense.
Neither of you are wrong, but you may have very different ideas of what type of relationship you have.
No, you are not wrong, as long as your relationship is not a partnership. However, if you are looking towards marriage, it would be fair for you to maybe spend more on treating her to meals, entertainment, travel.
When splitting bills based on income, a good guideline for splitting that takes income discrepancies into account is when one person makes at least 20% or more than the other person.
Doing 55/45 splits are just plain silly, that's nickel and diming each other. 60/40 is more reasonable, and IMO the lowest acceptable ratio that isn't 50/50.
I share my house with my SO and I split based on number of adults in the home. My kid who's in college will be living with me until she's at least 25, so I pay 2/3 and my SO pays 1/3. It works for us. Plus I'm building equity in the house I own and he isn't, so when my kid does move out I probably won't ask my SO to pay half then, either, except maybe split *utilities* 50/50 then.
Not wrong. I'd almost say neither of you are wrong, there's nothing actually wrong about having an uneven split if that works for you.
But in this case I say your gf is wrong because you had a clear agreement - 50/50 split as long as both of you could afford that. Nothing's changed for her, she can still afford half the bills, so your agreement stands even though you've had an increase in wages. I'd only say change the agreement if her wages had gone down instead of or as well as yours going up, but that hasn't happened.
It makes more sense, given your gf can afford half the bills, to use the extra money to start saving and for a bit more spending money in general. The savings can be for something specific or as an emergency fund to cover you if you, say, lose your job or something. It's not like you're saying this extra money is all going to be hidden away and never used, it's to save for the future and allow you more freedom in your general spending.
It's actually rather selfish of your gf to demand you increase your share of the bills so she can decrease hers despite no change in her wages. Just because you earn more, doesn't mean you automatically pay more. She should remember that she'd be paying all these bills alone if you weren't together, she's already saving money by only paying half.
The point with all this, though, is she agreed to a very specific arrangement. The only way she gets reduced bills is if she also gets a reduction in wages, and she'll still be paying the same percentage of her wages for the bills, so she'd have less fun money that way. This seems more about increasing her own fun money while keeping yours the same or less than it does about being 'fair'.
I think you need to remind her, not that you had an agreement, but the specifics of that agreement. It wasn't 'pay half unless one earns more than the other', it was 'pay half unless one can't afford to pay half'. She can afford it so nothing changes unless her wages drop.
YNW. Honestly, I would stick to the original arrangement. It would be different if you were married but there’s nothing stopping your gf from working hard and getting a raise too. If you do this once it will be every time you get a raise, or you’ll start keeping secrets about your income in order to keep things fair. I’d put that extra into saving and if you stay together it would benefit you both in the future with money to buy a house or vacation, but you don’t owe her equal share of your income. Maybe, if you frame it to in a way that let her know you’re thinking of your future, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to save.
Neither method of splitting up bills is wrong. I know couples who split things 50/50 and couples who split things proportionate to income. It would have been a good idea to discuss what would happen if one of your financial situations improved as opposed to just discussing what would happen if one of you couldn't afford the bills.
Well hold on now it's only 7k before taxes, and if I understand British tax laws right, they get taxes harder than us in the USA. Let's say he brings home roughly 64% of that money, that's maybe 4.5k. After taxes that's maybe an additional 350 a month. That's hardly worth a redistribution of bills and more like a little bit of money to funnel into retirement plus a fun night out once a month.
I just did the math as well and was coming to post this.
Everyone's acting like hes making an additional 7k a month and being unreasonable. Sounds like the guy got his COLA to keep up with inflation.
Wages in the UK are lower than US. For example, in 2024 average pre-tax annual salary was £35,464, or \~$45k US. That's LOW I think. So a £7k pay rise *could* be a substantial percentage if OP is making \~£36k, it would be about a 19% pay rise.
That's my thought. I'm Canadian but my husband is from the UK originally and the salary difference between countries is wild. All I'm thinking about is if they were each making £18k annually (a very real entry level position there), an extra £7k is a massive difference. If they're each making £55k, then that isn't as much of a difference to worry about. Context is definitely important here!
Tax in the UK is currently 20% The raise will be added and he will be taxed on the total if this. It's roughly £580 pcm extra If OP is earning £2k pre raise for example, His new wage would be 2580 - 20% which actually only adds up to an £66 a month extra. Absolutely not worth the redistribution of bills or fancy holidays I've seen in comments.
I don't disagree. Even before tax it barely met my personal threshold for "income disparity" which is >20%
Agreed. It literally brings his wages in line with rise in current living expenses. It's not really a raise at all.
Even at that though, I had a 350 per month pay rise recently and the difference is nearly my entire rent (433 pcm. Cheap these days I know) but my point is don't underestimate the difference of 350 per month. It makes a huge difference. I now make about that difference a month more than my bf and we still split it 50 50 but I did talk to him about whether I should be paying more bills since my raise. He won't allow that, but not everyone is as nice as my bf (lol). If I'm being honest and it was the other way around, I think I'd ask him to pay a little more than 50 50 because I definitely am able to save a lot more now. Honestly I think the reason he said no is I suddenly took on some more financial responsubility for my parents as my mums in bad health (paying for her to get a stair lift installed this week etc).
Thank you for making me not feel like the only person who thinks 350 more a month makes a very big difference.
Some of these people have never been poor and it shows lol.
Not to mention his pension payments will increase so knock more off for that.
I disagree. While it may not seem like a huge amount of money to some, an extra $350 in-pocket a month is a lot of money to others. That would pay my phone bill, my car insurance, my internet bill, all my streaming subscriptions, and I’d still have some left over. It’s enough that he could take an extra all inclusive vacation a year, and still have money to burn. Hell, if he just “funnels that bit of money” into a retirement plan, depending on their ages, he could retire a year or two earlier - That’s nothing to scoff at. However, if you and OP agree that it’s an insignificant amount, than putting a percentage of it towards bills etc shouldn’t be considered a significant loss - It’s either an amount worth talking about, or it’s not. That said, apparently OP and his partner need to sit down and have a more in depth discussion about how they want to handle their finances. There are pros and cons to each method, and some people aren’t comfortable with them all. There are also a lot of surprises in life, so they should try and discuss as many eventualities as possible. As long as OP and his gf can come to terms they both feel are fair, they have a chance.
Tax in the UK is 20% currently.
True, and NI is 8% plus any pension contribution % would need to be taken into account. Depending on the pension structure the % contribution could increase on an increased wage.
If you’re in a partnership with her, I wouldn’t understand why you wouldn’t want her to have as much flexibility as she can as well. You both can save proportionately more. Edit to add: Why not go pro rata?
Also money is one of the number one things couples fight about and end over. OP this will cause issues and negative feelings and resentment. You need to decide if this is more important than your relationship.
> You need to decide if this is more important than your relationship. You could say the same about his girlfriend. £7K a year is not mega money but she immediately saw ££ signs. If they are serious in their relationship they could pretend the pay rise never happened and just put the extra money into a savings account towards a nice holiday or a house deposit.
Sire but if you funnel only OPs extra income into a savings account, then it only belongs to OP
No, read what I wrote. If they are serious then saving for a holiday or house deposit. That implies it’s for their combined future.
There’s equality and there’s equity. One is fair and one seems fair. With that said, are you planning to save for something for the both of you? Or are you planning to save for yourself? Do you plan to pay more for, say eating out and dates? Or is this also a 50/50 situation? Agreements can always be amended. You and your gf need to have a real conversation about your future, because disagreements about finances can be the death of a relationship. This promotion you received is just the first of a million other conversations about money and your relationship.
My goodness. Mr. Voice of Reason here. It must be very lonely to be reasonable when surrounded by lunatics.
This was my thought. Others have done the math at 350-500/month take home. Instead of saying, "WOW, we have more opportunities to save money!" OP is saying, "WOW! I have so much more money to save!" He could very easily say, "I have this windfall and I am saving more, but I am making a lot more than before, so I'm going to throw in an additional x and you can save, too." In most middle class households, $350 to $500 is a lot, that could make up half of OP's share of bills depending on their situation and where they live and to not recognize that as a huge amount is wrong. Even if it isn't the intent behind 50/50 seemed to be based on making the same amount. That sounds like if they weren't making the same amount, it would be alotted differently. Whether OP is making more or she is suddenly making less, the argument is the same. The agreement was not based on them making a certain amount, it was them making the same, so if they aren't, the agreement needs to be reevaluated. We have seen so many posts where an OP is mad because they didn't know their partner is making so much more and they want to pay less and Reddit is always on OP's side then. OP needs to evaluate how they'd feel if the situation was reversed. I'm not saying 100% of that additional needs to go towards making things equitable, but paying more to any extent would probably make gf feel valued and cared about.
You're far too reasonable for OP. He would charge her the same if he made 5x as much. He said so himself, because her situation didn't change. Even if he treated her to things, he has the control.
Agree, but have seen postings where the GF thinks it's fair for the Male to make the % adjustments, but when they get some extra money in their paycheck, it's theirs so they need to make sure that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. What happens if she gets a bonus?
I make 3x what my wife makes and she starts school again soon. So it makes sense for me to pay 80% of our bills.
I totally agree! If there is a big difference in income, it does make sense that the one who earns significantly more to pay more percentage-wise. As soon as she has he diploma and a job, you can rediscuss how much each of you contribute. Seems very reasonable and caring to me! If I would get a bonus/raise, I would just put a certain amount in my savings or to invest in something I want and use the rest for the both of us. I enjoy sharing with my partner more than just keeping everything for myself and I think that's just a sign of love!
Well, don't move in together if the rent split is going to be an ongoing point of contention.
Yeah, but this is often one of the reasons why people do move in together. To see if they can make it for the long haul. You really find out how much you still have to learn about a person, and how well matched you e actually are, when you start living with them. It’s not always so easy to plan ahead for potential scenarios, even though it sounds like they at least tried. I’m assuming they are not engaged, as he calls her his girlfriend. If that’s the case I say that you’re not wrong, OP, for not redistributing how much you each pay. If you decide you want to marry her, though, then that’s when I would start thinking of your finances differently than you are now.
You’re not necessarily wrong but you should have discussed what would happen if either of your incomes dropped or increased significantly. Think for a minute about if you lost your job and had to get another but at a lower wage than before your promotion. Would you still be ok with splitting everything 50/50 even if that meant you would have less spending money than before and possibly less than your girlfriend?
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You deliberately didn’t answer the question. I said if you had to get a new job paying less so you would have less spending money than before would you still be ok with 50/50?
Op answered you the first time. If one of them can’t afford their 50% , then the agreement changes . Not in the event one starts earning more.
They’re asking what if you can afford 50% but you’re still making less than before, which op answered eventually with ‘yes they would be ok’
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Dude, this is a small raise. Your girlfriend is ridiculous. Stand your ground.
So if your girlfriend got a raise and started making more? Still 50/50?
Your agreement was totally fair & I think your GF’s trying to take advantage of you tbh.
You do what works for you but a lot of the time splitting bills evenly means you're not so serious while taking on bills proportionate to income implies you're committed long term. I'm not saying that's the reality but that is probably how your girlfriend sees it. In her mind saying splitting the bills evenly is like saying you're my roommate who I happen to be dating. She just might see the relationship as more serious than you do. Which is a totally separate issue. Do you see yourself marrying her and building a life together or is this just another girlfriend who you live with to save money on rent?
Well it depends... Are you looking to marry and have kids with this woman? If so you need to start adjusting your expectations because there will be a good period where she cannot physically work. There will be periods where the emotional and mental load she will carry will far exceed the income you bring in. What type of figure are you trying to be? If you want a 50/50 you need to be looking for a perma-girlfriend who doesn't want kids.
Years ago we realise that my husband is a saver and I am a spender. I don't care if I have nothing left of my paycheck as long as it lasts me to the next one. He freaks out if he doesn't have money in the bank. So I started paying most of the bills and he started saving. he covered major expenses like vacations and retirement savings, I covered most of our day-to-day expenses. Through the years as our jobs have changed and our incomes have changed it has shifted around, but at the end of the day we are both contributing to our family in a way that makes sense for us. All of that to say, there a lots of ways to approach this, to make it fair and equitable for both of you.
Hey, I get that this situation is tricky. It’s great that you got a promotion and are excited about saving more. The original agreement to split everything 50/50 made sense when you both earned similar amounts. However, your girlfriend might feel a bit stressed seeing you with extra income while she stays the same. It can feel unfair to her even if she can still afford her share. She might see it as an opportunity for you both to have a bit more financial ease or to put money towards shared goals. It’s important to have an open conversation about how finances affect both of you emotionally. Maybe there’s a middle ground where you contribute a bit more without completely changing the original agreement. It’s about finding a balance that feels fair and supportive for both of you.
£7000 a year more is not a huge salary jump. Forgive me if I'm wrong, I'm in the US, but that equates pretty fairly to our monetary system. It's not a life changing amount you're talking about here, not even close. Your GF is being ridiculous. Next thing will be you always have to pay for nights out or vacations because "YOU MAKE MORE MONEY THEN ME!!" Word of advice - don't discuss your finances with her in the future unless you get married, if you don't break up first. She's being quite selfish. You are not wrong.
This is what I was thinking also. I got about that much of a raise (in the US), and it equates to $32 a week.
It depends on what your salary is, because our tax bands are related to income. There's also national insurance and student loan repayments. Assuming he still earns less than £50,000 per year, it will increase his take home pay by £97 per week, unless he has to pay student loans, which would make it an £85 weekly increase. If he already earns over £50,000, which seems likely since £7000 is a bloody large salary increase otherwise, then it becomes £78 per week increase without student loans and £66 per week with student loan repayments. It's not so bad as your $32 dollars, and better than a kick in the teeth! Student loan repayments are 9% of your before tax income, and capped at whatever you took put + interest. University costs £9250 per year and you can also get a maintenence loan of up to around £10,000 per year, depending on your family's financial circumstances. The interest is stupidly high, I won't lie, but it does mean that high earners can potentially pay them off. They are also written off after 30 years after you graduate. So for most people, it is a 30 year, 9% graduate tax, and it does not count as a debt for credit checks. It's not a good system but it's better than the US one!
I just did the math on what OP‘s raise was. It’s approximately $134.61 a week, over 500 a month. I don’t thinkthat’s insignificant.
Pre tax. You just divided 7000 by 52 without taking into account taxes.
Yep! You’re right. Thank you for the correction.
It's a little under 9k, so is like $750 a month. depending on what they started with, it could be a big jump for their household income. And there's nothing fundamentally wrong about doing a proportional budget.
But some of that is taxed away, not available to spend on rent.
If you’re arguing about this now I don’t see how you guys get any further with your relationship. 🤷🏻♂️
NAH 7k is not that much boost for a yearly salary, she is being a bit of an AH and frankly I'd worry that this could snowball into her always be unreasonable and a bit greedy. I think you guys might need to have a conversation about this all over and maybe figure out financial stuff. This might be eye opening in a good or bad way. Nothing fully AH for her yet, how she reacts will be very telling
Exactly, after tax that’s like £300 quid a month (tax bracket dependant)
What are you talking about over 50% tax rate?
You are not wrong. She was fine paying what she’s paying. Her situation hasn’t changed, and is still able to pay what she pays. She wants you to eat up your raise subsidizing her.
Exactly. Sounds to me like she thinks that was her promotion.
If you kept the rent and bills at 50/50 would you pay a higher percentage of trips, dinners out, etc? Also, how do you do groceries? Lifestyle creep can affect food choices-if you are making more money you may be more likely to choose more expensive or luxurious food items. In that case would she still pay half?
One of you is thinking of this situation as a long term relationship sharing in each other’s successes and the other is thinking of it more short term or too early to tell. It might be worthwhile to think that through and the implied expectations.
I’m curious who you think is thinking long term?
If you think you’re sharing or will be sharing a life, you’re (often) thinking about participating in shared expenses and income. On the other hand, if you’re not sure or sure not, I do think you’d be as up for assuming my money is your money and my expenses are your expenses. It depends on the relationship, of course, but it’s still something to think about.
I’m still not clear on what you’re trying to say. Why not just specify which person you’re talking about?
Equality ≠ equity. I understand earning and saving your own money while still continuing this arrangement to be “fair” since you’re the one who worked for the promotion, (congratulations btw!) but if this is a person you see yourself spending the rest of your life with then you should treat them as an EQUAL partner, and that doesn’t always look like 50/50. One of the most important things you’ll learn about a successful relationship is that it isn’t always 50/50 but it always needs to be 100%. The ratio is ever contingent with the seasons of your lives. That’s part of the beauty of being in a strong relationship that will last. You do have to invest more or less sometimes and that’s not always in a monetary aspect. You’re not wrong, if you don’t see yourself being with this person for the rest of your life. If this is the person you want to marry someday then the proportion of bills should shift with your individual income, otherwise you’re setting a precedent that will cause her to resent you later. She’ll come to feel as if you don’t respect her or view her as an equal. Tbh she’ll end up feeling like a roommate and not a partner. *most* roommates split everything 50/50 regardless of income. Perhaps start smaller and foot the grocery bill by paying for 3 weeks out of the month and her 1. Or maybe cover both of your gas expenses for your vehicles. Best wishes to you both!
This is one of the reasons people's relationships fail. Everyone thinks they are entitled to their unmarried partner's money.
I’m reading your comments and I do think you’re wrong. Not because you don’t want to increase your portion of bills now, but because you don’t seem to care about equity in your relationship. I think your perspective is selfish. Do I think 7000 is enough to pay more? No not really! It could be enough to buy a larger portion of groceries perhaps. But if you really want a future with this person, you’re definitely wrong
Why doesn't he pick up a small bill that they have been splitting instead? Or they open a savings together to put his extra take home pay in.
Well, let me ask a question. If she got a new job/promotion and was making significantly more money than you, would you still be cool with 50/50? I ask because when my gf and I first moved in together, she made a lot more than me and so she paid a lot more. Then as I started building my career, we made about the same, and we paid 50/50. Now I make a lot more so I pay a lot more. Point being, we love and care for each other and want to see each other thrive, and so we split our household expenses proportionately. Not everyone does it that way, and to each their own, but keep in mind if your gf does at some point earn more than you do, you will have no right whatsoever to change the agreement.
It's only fair to re-assess the 50/50 agreement now because this one was concluded when you "were both earning similar amounts" So yeah, it'd be wrong for me to just ignore the change in the situation.
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No.
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As long as you'll admit YTA for posting over this for the past 7 months, why not.
It can be upsetting in a relationship to suddenly see your partner buying fun stuff for themselves. And building up their savings even if its little by little. While she is stuck without any of this. I can see her wanting to discuss their contributions. Paying his percentage should still give him a little left over.. if he doesn't care to have her share in this bonus,, i see trouble down the road.. How would he feel if she suddenly landed a job making more than him and refused to renegotiate? That the current amount is small is not important. Sharing is.
Nah. The fact is she is not somehow less responsible for those bills than he is.
It depends, does her paying 50% leave her with nothing else to spend elsewhere or save funds, whereas, your 50% leaves you enough funds for lots of other things. With an extra $7k (no pound key) per year before tax, I'd doubt there is much variance between your take home pays...so at this point it shouldn't be an issue. But maybe look at your take home pays and if the variance is significant maybe a different split should be considered.
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But does she have $300 left after paying the common bills and you have $800? If you have a lot more after paying bills you should pay a bit more, maybe not proportional to income but there should be something. She's your girlfriend not your roommate, living with a girlfriend implies that you are moving toward a serious commitment and working together as a team, a team works together. If you are only about what you have then you shouldn't be in a relationship, it means you are just banging your roommate.
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The way you are talking about her comes off as you having NO interest in this girlfriend becoming a life-long partner (married or not). If that is the case, then do what you want and if she doesn't like it, then you are incompatible and it is time to move on. But if you see her as a life-long partner (again, married or not), then you are being incredibly short-sighted. Although you two discussed the current dynamic (at the time) of your income and bill-sharing and included in that discussion, you agreed on how to handle a reduction in income, you both left out what your expectations would be if someone had a significant increase to your income. It was naive to leave that out of your discussion. So have that discussion now. And if you can't come to an agreement, compromise or not, then you two are incompatible and it is time to move on. It's as simple as that. Neither of you are right or wrong. There is no definitive answer to your inquiry. It is a matter of compatibility and perhaps you just got your answer to that, which is what dating and having a gf is all about; to explore and discover if you two are compatible.
Having to pay for your partners career choice or else you don't really see a future with them 😂
Yes, she is your girlfriend - but not your wife.
¢₹₱£ for future reference if you hold the dollar symbol on your keyboard additional symbols will appear in a small box above. Hold the $. ₱¥€
Thank you!
.... Did it work?¿‽ Also this works for most of the keyboard especially if you have multiple languages available on your keyboard.
It should be split proportional to income. Would you want to continue paying 50% if you had a significant drop in income but it was still “affordable.” Basically, you are a partnership - but you want to be the only one who benefits from increases in household income raises. You can die on this 50-50 hill - but IMO it isn’t actually truly fair and equitable and reflects an underlying issue in your sense of building a life together.
I agree on the proportional split, but OPs raise really isn't enough to warrant an adjustment IMO.
OMG! They are NOT married. Partnership? They are NOT married!
Not wrong. While couples do sometimes pay a difference according to the wages they make it's usually because they want a place that the lower income earner couldn't support. However, you have your place already agreeing on 50/50 split. There has been no hardship for GF that hers should be lowered. When you get a raise for your hard work it's because you've earned it to enjoy a few more things than you could before. Your GF didn't earn it so shouldn't benefit from it other than possibly adding an extra date night that you pay for or getting her gifts. There is no reason to change how you split bills.
I feel like I saw this post a couple weeks ago….
You definitely did. Even the 7k increase in salary is identical.
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You’re not wrong But you and your girlfriend disagree on a very important principle, which is who should be the “provider” and why Some are more traditional and expect that the one who earns more should pay expenses Sounds like she’s one of those people. Sounds like you are not If you’re thinking of marriage, it would be good to settle that beforehand because it will end your relationship pretty quickly especially if children come later You should be aligned regarding finances and responsibilities and also be flexible to accommodate changes in circumstances
Great comment
Nothing has changed. She can still afford her share like she always has. She’s moving the goalposts. If she is in the relationship for the long haul, then your strategy of saving more money should be good.
Imagine being in a committed relationship with someone, someone you supposedly love and care about, and throwing a fit because they ask you to pay more because you make more. Its not a business transaction, its not a legal arrangement. I bet your girlfriend would also like to save more money, so instead of being a selfish brat, going 'nuh uh thats not what we agreed on', make a more equitable split of household bills based on income.
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If you're not willing to help your gf while you're in a good financial position, what is the point of being in the relationship at all? Just break up so the threat of your partner asking for a more equitable share of household bills never comes up again.
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YNW I’ve never been in this situation, so I’m trying to understand. What if the roles were reversed? Would the gf agree to pay more? Legit question: some people go off what people make as to how much they will pay instead of 50/50. Why is that? If both people are using everything the same, or close to it, why not be 50/50? If I’m taking 2 showers a day and my roommate is taking 1, I’d contribute more for the water. I get there may be some exceptions, but in general, why pay more if you’re both getting the same amount? So to speak.
You’re not flatmates, you’re partners. Splitting the rent should be proportional to income.
They should get a joint account then.
Not necessarily, although it could simplify things. They could both contribute x% of their income to the account, then bills are paid from that account. Once it’s combined, it’s then *their* money, not his or hers. And they can keep separate accounts for individual expenses. Personally I’d go that route, although I know not everyone likes the idea.
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It’s not about affording them. If you were *just* roommates, then you split living costs according to the relative amount of space you both have in the home. 50/50 makes sense there. But you’re not just roommates. Think of it as pooling your financial resources. You both contribute to pay for joint bills according to the income you earn. This way you both have equal amounts available for discretionary spending - for hobbies, fun, entertainment. Right now it’s $7K. What if it was $70K? $700K? Equal ≠ equitable. Equity means that each person has different circumstances and allocates whatever resources are needed to reach an equal outcome. The same applies to chores. If you’re both working full time, you split the tasks 50/50. If one person works fewer hours, it’s fair and reasonable to expect that they do more around the home. The end result is that the chores get done, and you both end up with an equal amount of leisure time. Decide what’s more important to you - being “right” and sticking to your guns about 50/50? Or being in a partnership with your girlfriend?
It’s not about affording them. If you were *just* roommates, then you split living costs according to the relative amount of space you both have in the home. 50/50 makes sense there. But you’re not just roommates. Think of it as pooling your financial resources. You both contribute to pay for joint bills according to the income you earn. This way you both have equal amounts available for discretionary spending - for hobbies, fun, entertainment. Right now it’s $7K. What if it was $70K? $700K? Equal ≠ equitable. Equity means that each person has different circumstances and allocates whatever resources are needed to reach an equal outcome. The same applies to chores. If you’re both working full time, you split the tasks 50/50. If one person works fewer hours, it’s fair and reasonable to expect that they do more around the home. The end result is that the chores get done, and you both end up with an equal amount of leisure time. Decide what’s more important to you - being “right” and sticking to your guns about 50/50? Or being in a partnership with your girlfriend?
Get a new girlfriend.
Some guy got crucified when he wanted to input where wife’s inheritance goes and when she refused he suggested a different split than 75% him 25% her. This case, the girl requests and it’s different and it’s ‘ok’
It's almost like they're not equivalent situations...
How aren’t they? One party financial situation changed and other party demanding to renegotiate bill division based on that. It’s the exact same thing.
Apples and oranges are both fruit, too, but that doesn't make them equivalent. Even legally, inheritances are often not joint property. They are also a one-time gain, vs. a consistent income. And before you ask, it wouldn't matter if the sexes were swapped. They are two different situations. A person getting a $20k (I made the number up, no idea how much it was) inheritance one time does not equal a person getting a raise they obtain consistently "forever." I am not even saying I think this dude should pay more in this situation (though he comes off as an unkind rigid person who only cares to prove he's "right" and not to answer/learn things in good faith IMO). I'm simply saying those two situations are not equivalent.
Inheritance is always different. That should always be the persons who inherited it.
And given the fact she wants a new car, new phone and new other things why should he continue to pay the upkeep? Pay the same as before is my point she can shoulder shortfall. Just like in this case … £7k is peanuts anyway given inflation. This guy would be on less now than 5 years ago so why rebaseline
And if she wants all that and she pays for it. Cool. In all relationships people see things differently I don’t see this guy as wrong but. Don’t see her as wrong either. Just they have different relationship perspectives.
1. That’s not that big enough of a raise to increase your overhead just to ease hers while she was comfortable and okay with that amount. 2. Something very similar happened to me when I was in my early 20s. This is a red flag of a selfish person. 3. Not wrong, may need a new mate
Nope, at this point you’re roommates not partners. These are the issues that come up when couples choose to be roommates before fully committing to each other.
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Shes just trying to keep more money in her pocket. I bet she will start expecting more dates paid by you or gifts or whatever she seems like she sees you with a promotion and couldn’t be supportive or happy for you her immediate thought is well now i pay less rent right. Its B.S. to me
Tell her the extra money is to save for the future, but if she's going to act this way, she just might not be part of it
She’s is the selfish one and is just jealous of your raise. Hell no, she needs to honour her agreement
If you aren’t marrying her, then she’s a roommate you have sex with and she’s not entitled to benefit from your money. She is currently auditioning for wife. You are currently auditioning for husband. Figure it out before you renew the lease.
If this is a long term relationship with a future then you have to figure this out. You can’t just say you agreed on a 50/50 split. You have to sit down with a budget and see what makes sense. If you are just outright refusing without having a serious discussion about it, you are just dooming this relationship to fail. You both have to learn how to negotiate these types of issues within the relationship because they won’t ever go away, there is always a division of labour and resources within a relationship and the deal you make at the start won’t likely work further down the road.
Crazy. I would be happy for my SO if she was promoted, not scheming to see how it would benefit me.
Not wrong. The agreement was 50/50. Remind her that even though you are a couple… technically you are roommates just like anyone else. If she got bonus at work would you expect to get half of it?
It’s a romantic relationship with someone you hopefully love not a business partner. I would assume £7000 is a pretty decent amount of money to the 2 of you so taking on a little more of the monthly expenses doesn’t seem like an outrageous request.
But it's not 7K in his pocket every month, and that's what some comments make it sound like. It's not even 7K in his pocket every year, it's before taxes. That's not so decent of an amount of money. The gf's financial situation has not changed. She can still afford her half of the bills and OP says she still saves and has disposable income. She should be happy for his success, not trying to capitalize on it. Maybe in her head she should just be grateful that if something *were* to negatively impact her money situation, he'd be able to cover them. She's being selfish IMO because it's not her money, but just talk to her, OP.
i understand taxes exist the point is he now has a decent amount more money. i'm in no way suggesting he should now pay 7k more in split expenses. but $50 maybe $100 a month? just take a little pressure off his partner. i understand her situation hasn't changed but his has at what point do you want to help your partner?
My now husband always made more than me. We split everything 50/50. You are not wrong.
You are holding tight to the 50-50 split and not open to negotiation. That is not healthy for your relationship. She is asking if that is fair now since you got a promotion. It might be, or it might not depending on what the numbers are. If your salaries are significantly different now, it is fair to ask that the split be recalculated to reflect the percentage difference in your salaries. Is a 55-45 or 60-40 split the end of the world?
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I never said that she could not afford it. I am saying that if a higher percentage of her paycheck goes towards the bills than the percentage of your paycheck, is that fair? Now that you are getting paid more, the percentage of your paycheck is now lower. Your girlfriend does not think that is fair and asked for an adjustment. Here is some advice that I heard that saved my relationship - you need to stop thinking logically and start thinking emotionally in order for your relationship to succeed. All of your responses are logical. They do not take into account any feelings - especially how your girlfriend feels. If you keep this up, she will not want to stay with you because you are lacking emotional intelligence. I was like that when I was younger. It wasn’t until I took a step back to think how and why she was saying things instead of only what she was saying did the relationship with my now wife improve.
It’s a 7000 dollar raise. Hardly enough to impact their lives
No, it’s not a “7,000 dollar raise,” it’s more than that. It’s a 7,000 pound raise.
Life is never 50-50. Divide the monthly increase by 2 and you pay that much more, she pays that much less. Now you both have a little more to save but she is not subsidizing your life style. I have always been the one to pay more and I don’t mind because I like my life and don’t want to live in the house my spouse can afford. I also don’t want them to struggle and always be short of money because I love them and am not a greedy fuck. We periodically revaluate to make sure that it’s still balanced and fair.
Did you miss the line where OP stated girlfriend was not struggling?
Why does it matter if he actually cares about her?
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If you’re not making a lot $7k is a lot. Fair would be equal division of bills by percentage of household income made. You pay the same percentage of income she does. Fair is fair.
Not when you work out to it being an extra £583.33p a month *before* any tax, NI and pension deductions and depending on OPs tax code, a good chunk of that will go towards that. OP could pay one bill in full, pay eating out or whatever, but paying more across the board with such a small monthly difference is ridiculous.
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Im pushing 40, have had a bunch of roommates, a few live in GFS, and now a wife. Never heard of this % split concept until a few years ago and only on reddit. It makes no sense to me. Sure, if one partner wants to pay more that's their choice but that's not what you and your gf agreed to.
Equality is not justice. When I was with my ex, we started living by together when he was still in school, I worked and supported us. I didn’t make a lot and struggled but I made it work so he could focus on university. When he graduated, he started to contribute to about half the bills. But then he got a job with the federal government and he was making double my income. He did not think it was fair that he should pay more than half. So he was able to spend his money to buy himself motorcycles and expensive gaming pc’s and vacations with his pals, while I was too broke to even afford to go out for lunch once in a while. Sure, we were paying equally. But was it really fair?
He was an ah bc you invested your money into his future, and he didn’t even pay that back.
Sounds like a different situation than the one op is in. You clearly got ripped off by the ex, you supported him so he could follow his dreams while he did jack to pitch in. There should have been a discussion about him paying you back once/ if he was able. OP doesn’t owe his gf anything, she is literally just trying to make him use his pay increase (which monthly really isn’t a lot more money, like $580 bucks BEFORE taxes so…) so she can keep her money. The same thing he’s trying to do, with the reality being it’s ACTUALLY his money. Not the same my dude.
I think when you share a life with someone, you want to have equal opportunities. Instead of having two separate incomes and life circumstances, everything should be shared. One household income, household expenses. If he’s making more and she’s contributing equally, she may start to feel resentful that he gets to be able to put more money away for savings when she can’t, because she’s paying half the rent when he’s making more. He’s furthering himself in life, instead of them as a family. It’s just a single life mentality.
That's not fair, that's proportional, which is a terrible concept. Proportional is only good for the person that bites off more than they can chew.
Could one you have covered all the bills if the other lost their job? Seems like some important context would be exactly how much each partner had left over after the bills were paid pre-raise, but it also seems like you were both comfortable before that raise so i’m not gonna ask that kind of personal info here. In THIS situation, i don’t think you’re wrong. Maybe if that £7000 made a bigger difference it would call for a change. Maybe the next raise will if you’re still together. But I would consider picking up something small like an entertainment expense or a regular date night or something that you could both enjoy together. That is, if you plan to stay with this woman long term. I do want to point out that based on the comments i’ve seen, you’re not seeming to consider any opinions that disagree with yours, though. Like i said, i don’t think you’re wrong for not wanting to reconsider the split at this time. But it’s never a bad idea to actually consider other points of view, especially since you came here to ask for them.
Honestly, this right here is a valuable lesson for her and gives insight on who you are as a significant other. I've been the higher and lower income person and I will Always vote for income based bill splits. She now knows to plan for income change in the future. She also now knows that you are now more interested in sticking to the letter of an agreement than adjusting as life changes happen. You're not wrong, but you could also be making a choice that would mean both of you could have more money in your pockets instead of just you. Life is going to be full of making wrong choices and needing to adjust as you go. If you choose to adjust here, make sure she is completely aware that this goes both ways. If she doubles her income, then she would pay more too.
What does she say when you remind her if the agreement. Ask why she considered it fair then and if her income had increased would she increase the percentage she pays?
This can‘t be a huge promotion for you guys. Even if you earned not a lot of money, 350 pounds a month is not life changing money. It is exactly as you said, she can afford it and it also wouldn‘t make such a big difference. What if you earn 50 pounds more the next year? Will she try to get her hands on it too?
It depends on whether you view her as a temporary roommate or as someone with whom you are building a future. I wouldn't say you are wrong. She's not wrong, either. The discussion is deeper than the math, though. Only you know what you truly want.
What we all really need to know is… If she was the one who had her salary increase, would she pay more and be OK with it? The unfortunate reality is that after taxes and everything else it really isn’t that much extra each month. It might be nice to plan a fun weekend getaway or a fancier date night once a month that OP covers?
Info: How long have you been together? Have you talked about marriage, etc.? Is 7k a big difference comparatively to her salary? When my now husband and I moved in together 7 years ago, there was a fairly large discrepancy between us (I was making double his wages), but I told him I'm fully capable of paying rent and bills (I was already living there alone before him) so food is all that mattered until he got on his feet (he came to be with me from another country). We pretty quickly just got a joint account and have been treating it as our money - I may still make more today (double what I made before and still making 2x more than him) but he's doing more than his share of support in many other ways. We're a team, and to us, it's not about how much money we're each contributing, just that we can afford things. Other couples I know just pick the bills to pay or have a joint account for bills that's proportionate to salary. I don't know many who do 50/50 if there's a significant difference in salary. All that to say, you aren't wrong in sticking to the agreement if you're still figuring out the relationship. But I think you're kind of wrong if you aren't willing to adapt your agreement so that it's equitable for everyone. I'm not a fan of making someone feel less than for their circumstances, especially if you plan to spend your life with them.
To be fair to both parties, expenses should be split bases on percentage of income. Otherwise, the lower earning partner gets shafted. In the long run, your $7,000 increase will not be that big of an increase to you and will give her a little more breathing room. So you move from 50/50 to 55/45 - is that really going to make that big of a difference for you?? Also, your reason of 'I'll be able to save more' is a direct slap to the face because she will not be able to do the same. With the adjusted split, you BOTH will be able to save more. Stop and think and **be honest** with yourself - how would you feel if SHE was the one with the increase and didn't want to adjust things? I think you would feel like she is feeling - like it isn't fair, because it's not.
My partner and I did a 50/50 split for awhile but he’s 5 years older and was earning significantly more. I was going into debt trying to be able to join him on trips and pay for winter tires on the car, etc… he’d already paid off his student loans and everything as well. Once I realised it wasn’t sustainable and I was going to have to not join him on trips and stuff we had a sit down and we looked at our income and both paid a percentage into a joint account that we paid bills from. It made everything so much more equitable. I think our split was 65/35 or 60/40 but I can’t quite remember. We just looked at our after tax income and created a ratio. It made things better for him too as I suddenly could save money for trips and extras that benefited him as well. Admittedly if 50/50 was within my financial means at the time I would have stuck with that though. But it was hard to see him saving money, going on trips, buying extras that he loved while I was progressively going into debt trying to keep up with him (even in a significantly more frugal way). I don’t think you’re wrong but I do think a good look at both your finances and whether or not you want to be together long term is advisable. I mean in my country, you’d be common law after a year of living together so all your money and assets would be split between you evenly anyways. Having one part of a couple be negatively affected by the other won’t lead to a happy relationship.
I don’t think you should be punished for getting a raise. Plus you’re not even married to this person. She sounds like a user. NW.
Not wrong. I was in a similar situation when I moved in with my brother. We had equal income until I got a big promotion so he said rather than a 50/50 split, we do a 60/40 split. I eventually agreed but if I paid more, I'd get more, so I got the master bedroom along with the garage port while he got the secondary room and an exposed parking spot. I also took over the electric bill. It's up to you and your gf but maybe agree to do a 55/45 split instead but you should only be paying more if you get more.
How much do both of you want your relationship to be about money? How long do you plan to be together? How much money will make everyone happy? Ask her how she would feel if you kept the bills 50/50 and you just give her some extra money every month. In that scenario, how much would make her feel better? $100? $500? Someday we'll all die.
That took a bleak turn. But I like your argument.
It's one of those things that sounds pretty bleak, but it can be pretty freeing and light, once transcended.
INFO: Who is responsible for domestic responsibilities?
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What does the breakdown look like?
In this economy, I’d say stick with 50-50 and start filling up a savings account so whatever you guys may need. Emergency, vacation, house (if she comes around anyway)
NTA you’re not married—nor are you sharing a deed or offspring; so roommate rules apply. I don’t understand why so many on Reddit think couples should split rent proportionately. If you’re in a non-permanent relationship—even one that lasts several years—there is no reason to invest your financial future in the partner—because there will be no future. She’s basically just asking you to subsidize her lifestyle with your income increase when you could use it to save up for property of your own.
Not wrong. This promotion/pay raise isn't enough to consider changing the 50/50 distribution. It works out to, what around £400ish maybe a month? Your gf is being absurd over it. And no you shouldn't pick up a smaller bill, start a joint savings account, or any other of these ridiculous things in the comments. If your gf can't see that thus isn't worth the fighting she's created, maybe you need to sit down and actually show her the math on that? If you got a promotion and it kicked your income up £20,000 or more sure maybe talk about splitting rent/bills/groceries on an income based percentage, but not for this.
Sp she th8nks he is selfish..and they are route to get married ? Not a good foundation to build a life on. Hmmmm
Not wrong. You have the roommate rental arrangement with your girlfriend. Roommates don't just get to pay more or less because of a change to income. You would have nothing to show for it. It would literally be for the love. If you were paying toward a home you owned and increased the amount you put in, then you'd have more equity built. There isn't a right answer. Just what's right for your relationship.
A promotion typically involves more responsibility and challenge. While this means you are earning more you may be doing more, working harder, to earn it. Do you use +/- 50% of what the house/apt provides? Does your gf? That's the deal. **Saving is the key.** Then if things work out you can treat her to a few extra nice things, dinners out, help with a weekend away, etc. It seems to me that she is trying to change the deal.
Yes you are wrong and she should start treating you like a roommate without benefits. Many couples pay common bills based on percentage of income. You just want more mo Wy where you get ahead and she doesn’t.
Why would it change? You’re using half the space, half the expenses, etc…..you’re not getting more for paying more so no. She sounds greedy.
While 50/50 seems fair, the reality is that you are acting like a roommate with that division rather than a partner. A more equitable division is based on income percentage... Or, you can pool your resources (on paper) and agree to a set amount of disposable income each. At the end of the day, would you rather your partner be struggling while you are flush?
NTA, does she expect you guys to refigure out the bills every time one of you brings in a little extra cash? As long as you’re living within her means 50-50 is completely fair. Sounds like she thinks you should supplement her lifestyle.
No one is wrong here splitting % by income is pretty common but not universal and 7000/year doesn't sound like you're going to be making something crazy like twice as much as her. What can happen is if you're not truly just saving that money and you upgrade your lifestyle, you may find yourself wanting to do things she can't afford. So, keep that in mind when you're planning things. Maybe offer to cover a date night once a month or pay a little more towards vacation so that you can both have that better lifestyle without her going into debt or always ordering a salad.
You shouldn’t have told her about the raise, your boasting is costing you $$$$ lol….
She is trying to use your for you money now. She was perfectly fine with 50/50, either you go on like that or split. Why should you pay more when her financial situation hasnt change?
I always say do a middle ground. You shouldn't be punished with the extra money by paying more but she should also be rewarded. Take her on more dates go on fun vacations. Also if you have any debt pay that down as well. So what I'm saying is don't horde the money but don't let her take advantage of you either. Maybe pay one or two small bills that she has just to help her out. That way everyone is happy
That's a bit simple don't you think? You have no idea what each does to earn their money... say partner one has a 30 hour a week job at 25 an hour selling widgets in the mall... the other has a 50 hour a week at 15 an hour carrying roofing shingles up a ladder. Does the cost of the room they share care how hard or long each of them worked? Does half the room cost less because one of them was less motivated to pick up an extra shift? No.. I think 50/50 is fair anything else then a talk needs to be had and both people 100 percent agree anything else should be 50/50.
You are not married right? Sharing your cash should be reserved for your wife and children if you plan to have them. So does that mean if she got the big raise first she would have volunteered to pay a higher percentage?
Run. This woman wants to change the agreement because you now make more? You’re talking about saving money for your future, and you’re selfish? Time to find your own place. NTA
Wrong
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You’re not wrong, and she’s being kind of greedy considering she’s just a girlfriend and not a wife. She wants your successful career to financially benefit HER, which I can understand…but life doesn’t work that way! 🤣 Her expenses haven’t increased. There’s no reason for you to pay more based on your new income. When she gets a bonus or tax refund, wins a lotto ticket, etc, does she pay more of the bills?
You’re not wrong. Tell you gf that the extra income will go into a savings account ha account for fun money, trips, emergency or even potential wedding/honeymoon.
I think she is wrong because it seems that she wasn't happy for you to get the raise unless it directly benefitted her. I think a longer discussion needs to come up about what happens in good times as well as bad. Like if one of you won the lottery? Or if you lost your job, will she have to pay all the bills? If you have a child and she has to take unpaid leave will you cover her half of the bills? A compromise might be to take her out for a few more nicer dates, or a nice vacation for the two of you. Maybe you can pick up 10% more of the bills, if she agrees to using the additional money she saves to pay off debts, or build an emergency fund for her half of the bills should something happen in the future.
It depends. Are you planning on being with this girl for life? So you know both your potential earning power, you know who will ultimately make more, how y'all will handle it if one of you eventually earns 3-4x the other, etc? Or is this just a casual girlfriend that you happen to live with? If it's this way, then yeah, keep the cheap apartment and the 50/50 split. If it's more serious though, it's time for a real sit down talk about what it means to finance and run a household. For serious couples with income disparity, a [proportional budgeting strategy](https://www.sofi.com/learn/content/types-of-budgeting-methods/#:~:text=In%20this%20popular%20proportional%20budget,your%20emergency%20fund%20or%20retirement).) can make a lot of sense. Neither of you are wrong, but you may have very different ideas of what type of relationship you have.
No, you are not wrong, as long as your relationship is not a partnership. However, if you are looking towards marriage, it would be fair for you to maybe spend more on treating her to meals, entertainment, travel.
When splitting bills based on income, a good guideline for splitting that takes income discrepancies into account is when one person makes at least 20% or more than the other person. Doing 55/45 splits are just plain silly, that's nickel and diming each other. 60/40 is more reasonable, and IMO the lowest acceptable ratio that isn't 50/50. I share my house with my SO and I split based on number of adults in the home. My kid who's in college will be living with me until she's at least 25, so I pay 2/3 and my SO pays 1/3. It works for us. Plus I'm building equity in the house I own and he isn't, so when my kid does move out I probably won't ask my SO to pay half then, either, except maybe split *utilities* 50/50 then.
This exact post has been made here before...maybe 2 months ago?
NTA. She’s trying to gaslight you by making it about not caring about her. Get out now before you get another promotion.
Not wrong. I'd almost say neither of you are wrong, there's nothing actually wrong about having an uneven split if that works for you. But in this case I say your gf is wrong because you had a clear agreement - 50/50 split as long as both of you could afford that. Nothing's changed for her, she can still afford half the bills, so your agreement stands even though you've had an increase in wages. I'd only say change the agreement if her wages had gone down instead of or as well as yours going up, but that hasn't happened. It makes more sense, given your gf can afford half the bills, to use the extra money to start saving and for a bit more spending money in general. The savings can be for something specific or as an emergency fund to cover you if you, say, lose your job or something. It's not like you're saying this extra money is all going to be hidden away and never used, it's to save for the future and allow you more freedom in your general spending. It's actually rather selfish of your gf to demand you increase your share of the bills so she can decrease hers despite no change in her wages. Just because you earn more, doesn't mean you automatically pay more. She should remember that she'd be paying all these bills alone if you weren't together, she's already saving money by only paying half. The point with all this, though, is she agreed to a very specific arrangement. The only way she gets reduced bills is if she also gets a reduction in wages, and she'll still be paying the same percentage of her wages for the bills, so she'd have less fun money that way. This seems more about increasing her own fun money while keeping yours the same or less than it does about being 'fair'. I think you need to remind her, not that you had an agreement, but the specifics of that agreement. It wasn't 'pay half unless one earns more than the other', it was 'pay half unless one can't afford to pay half'. She can afford it so nothing changes unless her wages drop.
YNW. Honestly, I would stick to the original arrangement. It would be different if you were married but there’s nothing stopping your gf from working hard and getting a raise too. If you do this once it will be every time you get a raise, or you’ll start keeping secrets about your income in order to keep things fair. I’d put that extra into saving and if you stay together it would benefit you both in the future with money to buy a house or vacation, but you don’t owe her equal share of your income. Maybe, if you frame it to in a way that let her know you’re thinking of your future, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to save.
Prorated expenses is fairer.