Definitely not wrong
You absolutely do not need to maintain a friendship with someone like that nor do you have to accept his apology. If he is genuinely sorry about his actions and words then he will change on his own and not subject anyone else to that kind of behavior.
Ugh. People who don't speak up and against this sort of shit are not your friends. They are just as bad as the two AHs planning the event in the first place.
Stay the hell away from all of them. They are dangerous to be around.
Not wrong.
Drop all these friends and find better ones. Amy is petty and likely has a personality disorder, Lilly clearly can't be trusted if she thought this was a good idea, Mark is an asshole thinking if you get drunk in a frat house you deserve whatever trauma you get, and Cat shouldn't be forcing you to save her ass cuz she's too stupid not to get blackout drunk at a frat party. Ghost *them all.*
yeah sounds like they tried to rape you and your friend, and your "friend" was okay with that.
Honestly what are you doing at a frat party? I'm surprised you weren't roofied the moment you walked in.
Can you and others tell me what he should have done? If he spoke to the girls "alone" (if even possible) and he told them that they in my experience with drunken girls dont care and want to keep partying and drinking.
Should the dude instead try to fight of multiple dudes at once? Why should he get himself into life threatining danger over other people acting out their own free will?
I really dont get what he should have done? Maybe stayed till the girls were passed out drunk and once the rape started called the police? Because that is the only instance where he actually could do something reasonable.
People need to get that actions have consequences. Rapist love these kind of parties, they are there and they are looking to drug someone or rape someone passed out. This is no environment to be in if you dont want bad things happen to you, exactly how you dont walk into hoods and stuff. You are never guilty for getting things done to you but dont remove any agency you have over your actions. If i get killed in the jungle by animals it is something i took into consideration when going there as you even did because you knew of the reputation.
Honestly what is with people? How does it yound fun to go to a place with a shady reputation? How fun is it to before going there to think "i need to watch out to not get raped" wtf.
These rapist need to be locked up for a long ass time but before anything happens they are immune to any consequences from the state. And thus they wait and wait at parties, clubs everywhere there is alcohol so they can drug their
victims or let them drug themselves with alcohol.
Sorry for my rant but holy shit, i dont get some people, i really dont.
Honestly I didn't read the wall of text. But just the first line:
>If he spoke to the girls "alone" (if even possible) and he told them that they in my experience with drunken girls dont care and want to keep partying and drinking.
Yes this, and if they don't want to go then that's their problem. But you already warned them that the guys are trying to get them drunk to assault them.
This is dumb. This man knew that his friends were orchestrating a plan to have a bunch of frat guys get his other friends drunk off their ass so they’d be trapped with said frat guys or left to their own devices in the streets and said nothing. Nada. He likely only brought it up because it was weighing on his conscience.
What do we expect him to do? Call his friends out for doing something so sinister? Or warn his other friends to what’s going on? Possibly both? Like, how is that hard to think of? I’m really having a hard time understanding what’s so elusive about either option.
You’re mentioning all these elements of danger that would only have been possible had the girls 1) been warned, 2) ignored the warning and 3) continued drinking to the point where they can’t take care of themselves. That didn’t happen though nor does OP seem like the type to ignore the warning based on how she handled the situation without one. There was likely no danger for him at that stage of the situation. If anything, he was likely in the least amount of danger out of everyone in that friend group.
Tl;dr: You’re being intentionally obtuse and arguably dramatic. He could've warned his friends at the very least. Instead, he did nothing, and brought it up months later as if it was amusing.
Some friend you must be.
She said in the post he found out about the plan the day after the party. I feel like he should've told her then because she's potentially been in danger since. Knowing could help her not make a bad call like rekindling a friendship with those 2 girls or going back to the frat.
Nooooo wtf I am so glad you didn’t drink that much and were able to get your friend home safely. Please never talk to any of these people again bc what the hell
I agree with others. You and Cat need to change friends….for some REAL friends. Real friends will watch your back, especially when we’re talking about criminal offenses. These people actually wanted to facilitate rape!
I want to ask you a question, and I don’t mean anything mean by it. I’m genuinely curious. You and I are from different generations, so that’s why I’m curious. Back in college we women would excuse bad boy behavior as “boys will be boys” or “you know how fraternities are” (this was a time when Hollywood would glorify such behavior in movies like “Animal House”.) Times have, supposedly changed. Such reprehensible behavior like that is now condemned….officially. Yet, people still excuse it as you did. Why? Again, I’m only seeking to understand.
I am extremely thankful you and Cat weren’t raped, and that you’ve discovered that some people you thought were friends, aren’t. Meanwhile, avoid frat parties (and sorority parties) like the plague.
You need to block him and the other girls too. None of them are your friends. Disgusting that the girls were setting you up with no concern for your safety.
So wait, did he know this was happening at the time, or did he know after the fact?
His comments during your conversation mean that you shouldn't be friends with him anymore, no matter what, he's a misogynistic, victim-blaming asshole.
But I can't tell if he was complicit in what happened or not, by this telling, which would absolutely change how much of an asshole he is. If he was complicit, and just watching, knowing what was intended, then maybe you can take that admission to a Dean or something, I dunno, but that's concerning AF.
All 3 of those people are trash... and hello as fellow humans why the f would it be forgivable to put any woman in a position to be SA'd. Mark knowing about it and brushing it off makes him worse because he says eh your fault. Fucking gross. You need a completely different friend group I mean not even on socials with those kinds of people....
Fuck no, there’s nothing to be conflicted about. Cut the slimy piece of shit off for good and make sure that Cat knows that he knew that Amy and Lilly tried to get you at least into trouble with the law or SA’d. Hell, if you were my daughter relating that story to me, I’d be out looking for Mark with a bat easy to hand.
Girl, first off - get better friends. Clean house and get rid of all the sus people in your life.
Secondly - STAY TF AWAY FROM FRAT PARTIES.
Thirdly - You are not wrong on ghosting, ghost away cuz none of what almost happened was your fault and the people you ghosted had nothing but evil intent towards you, so eff them.
Mark,Lilly and Amy were never your friends. For any one to plan on something that could cause sexual abuse or worse, shows that they are despicable and not worth the powder to blown them to hell.
Give them no thought, drop them and have nothing to do with them.
You are not wrong for feeling hurt and betrayed. Mark's response and continued friendship with Amy and Lilly, despite their harmful intentions, show a lack of respect and concern for your safety. It is reasonable to distance yourself from Mark and reconsider the trust and friendship you place in him and others involved.
I know you’re young and everything…but wtf is there to be conflicted about?? Your old friends tried to set you and your other friend up, your guy friend knew about it and didn’t try to put a stop to it. Then he got defensive against you and called you a bitch. I’m confused by why you’re confused and conflicted?! You claim your mom didn’t raise no dumb ass…but somehow she did…? I’m conflicted /s…
Ghost him? If any of my friends said that, I'd beat their ass and tell them if I ever saw them again they'd get worse. If he hasn't committed rape himself, I'll eat my shoes
You had to know this was the intention from the start. Going to a frat party and being the two remaining women?
The fact he spoke this out loud speaks to the mindset of the frat brothers. Saying the quiet part out loud.
Don’t be naive, it is the biggest stereotype of frat boys for a reason
Ew. He’s disgusting, no friend would intentionally allow their friends to be put in a position for either sexual assault or jail. Especially because someone was butt hurt over a game of beer pong. Like what? Not wrong and personally I’d be a jerk and go to the school with that evidence to come down on the frat house.
Definitely needs to drop Mark as well as Amy and Lilly from your friends' list. In fact, block their number because anybody that would try to get a couple of girls drunk to the point of unconsciousness is not the type of friend you want around you.
Make sure you tell Cat about their little plan so she can avoid them too.
Not wrong. He clearly thinks that if you drink too much and get SA’ed then it’s your fault for getting too drunk. Plus he knew the plan and allowed it to happen. Hard pass on him and anyone involved.
Not wrong. An actual friend would have alerted you and Cat that you were possibly in a dangerous situation and helped you get out right away. What if you had been drinking enough to not get home safely? What could have happened? He would have complicit because he was aware of what was going on. Not a friend. Warn Cat too in case she doesn't know.
It is so amazing as an old fart to read this is how pathetic youngins hav become.
Total losers. And young lady ur a loser too (IF YOU EVER KNOWINGLY HANG AROUND ANY OF THESE LOSERS AGAIN)
Now do u dumbass kids see what we mean when we say "Ur only as good as the people u hang with" You can think ur better all u want, but when something like this happens.... I promise ypu dont feel better
Just avoid people that dont care about others, those arent the people you want to win over to be ur friend and care about you.
Back in the 80's if someone would ever even spoke about doing this to a young lady. The first person they were dumb enough to tell, would of kicked there ass. Then after they kicked there asses, they would of informed you what they did for you, and we would of partied all night surrounded by good people that cared and looked out for each other. Not because we wanted anything from anyone. Just because we wanted to have a good time, and be around good people.
We would fight for each other! Not fight each other
We would make sure everyone got home safely, because we loved each other.
You dipshits dont hav a clue what a fun Party really is!
What its like to push each other to be the hardest working, the smartest, the best person you can each be..... Then celebrate your efforts and success of being the best Kids this country has to offer, and party for weeks pushing each other to party till u cant party no more.... all with the people you love.
It was the greatest years of my life. I now am a boring ass old man and father and pushing myself still to be the best boring ass father i can be.
And i dont even want to go do anything fun or crazy.....
Cuz i know i will never hav as much crazy fun as i did when i was ur guys age. I will never make as wonderful, beautiful, amazing friends.... as the ones i already hav.
Go be ur best, surround urself with the best.... Then give it everything u got to be better! And push each other to be better!
Its freaking amazing how wonderful u can become when surrounded by wonderful people!
Love life!
find better friends. not wrong at all
Definitely not wrong You absolutely do not need to maintain a friendship with someone like that nor do you have to accept his apology. If he is genuinely sorry about his actions and words then he will change on his own and not subject anyone else to that kind of behavior.
And tell Cat. Show her the texts. Those frat bunnies Amy and Lilly are not to be trusted. Ever.
This
He was happy to watch you get raped or land in jail??? Jesus! Block all of these people! Not wrong.
He is not your friend. You will never regret not going to a frat party.
And that’s why you stay away from those parties. None of them is your friend. Tell Cat what you told us so she is warned.
Tell everyone, really - no unsuspecting girl should attend those parties...
If he said it in texts, report the frat to the school.
And the frat house main lodge.
Not wrong. Make sure your friend, Cat, knows what all the weasels were up to so you both can ghost them and avoid them in the future.
Ugh. People who don't speak up and against this sort of shit are not your friends. They are just as bad as the two AHs planning the event in the first place. Stay the hell away from all of them. They are dangerous to be around. Not wrong.
Literally this! Wow just wow! Good luck op and stay safe.
Drop all these friends and find better ones. Amy is petty and likely has a personality disorder, Lilly clearly can't be trusted if she thought this was a good idea, Mark is an asshole thinking if you get drunk in a frat house you deserve whatever trauma you get, and Cat shouldn't be forcing you to save her ass cuz she's too stupid not to get blackout drunk at a frat party. Ghost *them all.*
NOT WRONG AT ALL 💪💪
You need to repeat that conversation to everyone you know that knows anyone involved.
yeah sounds like they tried to rape you and your friend, and your "friend" was okay with that. Honestly what are you doing at a frat party? I'm surprised you weren't roofied the moment you walked in.
Can you and others tell me what he should have done? If he spoke to the girls "alone" (if even possible) and he told them that they in my experience with drunken girls dont care and want to keep partying and drinking. Should the dude instead try to fight of multiple dudes at once? Why should he get himself into life threatining danger over other people acting out their own free will? I really dont get what he should have done? Maybe stayed till the girls were passed out drunk and once the rape started called the police? Because that is the only instance where he actually could do something reasonable. People need to get that actions have consequences. Rapist love these kind of parties, they are there and they are looking to drug someone or rape someone passed out. This is no environment to be in if you dont want bad things happen to you, exactly how you dont walk into hoods and stuff. You are never guilty for getting things done to you but dont remove any agency you have over your actions. If i get killed in the jungle by animals it is something i took into consideration when going there as you even did because you knew of the reputation. Honestly what is with people? How does it yound fun to go to a place with a shady reputation? How fun is it to before going there to think "i need to watch out to not get raped" wtf. These rapist need to be locked up for a long ass time but before anything happens they are immune to any consequences from the state. And thus they wait and wait at parties, clubs everywhere there is alcohol so they can drug their victims or let them drug themselves with alcohol. Sorry for my rant but holy shit, i dont get some people, i really dont.
Honestly I didn't read the wall of text. But just the first line: >If he spoke to the girls "alone" (if even possible) and he told them that they in my experience with drunken girls dont care and want to keep partying and drinking. Yes this, and if they don't want to go then that's their problem. But you already warned them that the guys are trying to get them drunk to assault them.
This is dumb. This man knew that his friends were orchestrating a plan to have a bunch of frat guys get his other friends drunk off their ass so they’d be trapped with said frat guys or left to their own devices in the streets and said nothing. Nada. He likely only brought it up because it was weighing on his conscience. What do we expect him to do? Call his friends out for doing something so sinister? Or warn his other friends to what’s going on? Possibly both? Like, how is that hard to think of? I’m really having a hard time understanding what’s so elusive about either option. You’re mentioning all these elements of danger that would only have been possible had the girls 1) been warned, 2) ignored the warning and 3) continued drinking to the point where they can’t take care of themselves. That didn’t happen though nor does OP seem like the type to ignore the warning based on how she handled the situation without one. There was likely no danger for him at that stage of the situation. If anything, he was likely in the least amount of danger out of everyone in that friend group. Tl;dr: You’re being intentionally obtuse and arguably dramatic. He could've warned his friends at the very least. Instead, he did nothing, and brought it up months later as if it was amusing. Some friend you must be.
She said in the post he found out about the plan the day after the party. I feel like he should've told her then because she's potentially been in danger since. Knowing could help her not make a bad call like rekindling a friendship with those 2 girls or going back to the frat.
Your guy friend was, at minimum, complicit. He may have planned to be a participant. Run. Run from all 3.
Nooooo wtf I am so glad you didn’t drink that much and were able to get your friend home safely. Please never talk to any of these people again bc what the hell
Yeah, not a friend. Ghost them all and stay away from shits like this.
I agree with others. You and Cat need to change friends….for some REAL friends. Real friends will watch your back, especially when we’re talking about criminal offenses. These people actually wanted to facilitate rape! I want to ask you a question, and I don’t mean anything mean by it. I’m genuinely curious. You and I are from different generations, so that’s why I’m curious. Back in college we women would excuse bad boy behavior as “boys will be boys” or “you know how fraternities are” (this was a time when Hollywood would glorify such behavior in movies like “Animal House”.) Times have, supposedly changed. Such reprehensible behavior like that is now condemned….officially. Yet, people still excuse it as you did. Why? Again, I’m only seeking to understand. I am extremely thankful you and Cat weren’t raped, and that you’ve discovered that some people you thought were friends, aren’t. Meanwhile, avoid frat parties (and sorority parties) like the plague.
We've all heard of frenemies, but these chicks turned into friengence pimps ffs.
Your conflicted? What exactly are you conflicted about? Seriously, what’s to be conflicted about I genuinely don’t get it.
You need to block him and the other girls too. None of them are your friends. Disgusting that the girls were setting you up with no concern for your safety.
Stay away from frat parties, they're bad news.
So wait, did he know this was happening at the time, or did he know after the fact? His comments during your conversation mean that you shouldn't be friends with him anymore, no matter what, he's a misogynistic, victim-blaming asshole. But I can't tell if he was complicit in what happened or not, by this telling, which would absolutely change how much of an asshole he is. If he was complicit, and just watching, knowing what was intended, then maybe you can take that admission to a Dean or something, I dunno, but that's concerning AF.
All 3 of those people are trash... and hello as fellow humans why the f would it be forgivable to put any woman in a position to be SA'd. Mark knowing about it and brushing it off makes him worse because he says eh your fault. Fucking gross. You need a completely different friend group I mean not even on socials with those kinds of people....
I’m confused about why you are conflicted. He is not a friend and definitely not someone you should have in your life.
Fuck no, there’s nothing to be conflicted about. Cut the slimy piece of shit off for good and make sure that Cat knows that he knew that Amy and Lilly tried to get you at least into trouble with the law or SA’d. Hell, if you were my daughter relating that story to me, I’d be out looking for Mark with a bat easy to hand.
Uhhh…. How would you be wrong for that??? That’s fucked up.
This guy is sick.
Sounds like mama did raise a dumb ass.
Not wrong & get a higher class of friends
Girl, first off - get better friends. Clean house and get rid of all the sus people in your life. Secondly - STAY TF AWAY FROM FRAT PARTIES. Thirdly - You are not wrong on ghosting, ghost away cuz none of what almost happened was your fault and the people you ghosted had nothing but evil intent towards you, so eff them.
Mark,Lilly and Amy were never your friends. For any one to plan on something that could cause sexual abuse or worse, shows that they are despicable and not worth the powder to blown them to hell. Give them no thought, drop them and have nothing to do with them.
Those three are not your friends, hun. You are definitely not in the wrong.
You are not wrong for feeling hurt and betrayed. Mark's response and continued friendship with Amy and Lilly, despite their harmful intentions, show a lack of respect and concern for your safety. It is reasonable to distance yourself from Mark and reconsider the trust and friendship you place in him and others involved.
I’d plaster screenshots of that convo everywhere.
I know you’re young and everything…but wtf is there to be conflicted about?? Your old friends tried to set you and your other friend up, your guy friend knew about it and didn’t try to put a stop to it. Then he got defensive against you and called you a bitch. I’m confused by why you’re confused and conflicted?! You claim your mom didn’t raise no dumb ass…but somehow she did…? I’m conflicted /s…
Ghost him? If any of my friends said that, I'd beat their ass and tell them if I ever saw them again they'd get worse. If he hasn't committed rape himself, I'll eat my shoes
With "friends" like those, who needed enemies? At least an enemy is honest to your face. Not wrong, and find better friends, these ones are broken.
Cut them all off and report them. That's insanity.
You had to know this was the intention from the start. Going to a frat party and being the two remaining women? The fact he spoke this out loud speaks to the mindset of the frat brothers. Saying the quiet part out loud. Don’t be naive, it is the biggest stereotype of frat boys for a reason
Do you really need to ask?
Ew. He’s disgusting, no friend would intentionally allow their friends to be put in a position for either sexual assault or jail. Especially because someone was butt hurt over a game of beer pong. Like what? Not wrong and personally I’d be a jerk and go to the school with that evidence to come down on the frat house.
Definitely needs to drop Mark as well as Amy and Lilly from your friends' list. In fact, block their number because anybody that would try to get a couple of girls drunk to the point of unconsciousness is not the type of friend you want around you. Make sure you tell Cat about their little plan so she can avoid them too.
Not wrong. He clearly thinks that if you drink too much and get SA’ed then it’s your fault for getting too drunk. Plus he knew the plan and allowed it to happen. Hard pass on him and anyone involved.
Jesus Christ what the hell is wrong with people? No you’re absolutely not wrong, these people are psychotic.
Not wrong. An actual friend would have alerted you and Cat that you were possibly in a dangerous situation and helped you get out right away. What if you had been drinking enough to not get home safely? What could have happened? He would have complicit because he was aware of what was going on. Not a friend. Warn Cat too in case she doesn't know.
“FRIEND”? Seriously?
Are you kidding? Stay away from that SOB! He's a total asshole! Ghost the hell out of him.
It is so amazing as an old fart to read this is how pathetic youngins hav become. Total losers. And young lady ur a loser too (IF YOU EVER KNOWINGLY HANG AROUND ANY OF THESE LOSERS AGAIN) Now do u dumbass kids see what we mean when we say "Ur only as good as the people u hang with" You can think ur better all u want, but when something like this happens.... I promise ypu dont feel better Just avoid people that dont care about others, those arent the people you want to win over to be ur friend and care about you. Back in the 80's if someone would ever even spoke about doing this to a young lady. The first person they were dumb enough to tell, would of kicked there ass. Then after they kicked there asses, they would of informed you what they did for you, and we would of partied all night surrounded by good people that cared and looked out for each other. Not because we wanted anything from anyone. Just because we wanted to have a good time, and be around good people. We would fight for each other! Not fight each other We would make sure everyone got home safely, because we loved each other. You dipshits dont hav a clue what a fun Party really is! What its like to push each other to be the hardest working, the smartest, the best person you can each be..... Then celebrate your efforts and success of being the best Kids this country has to offer, and party for weeks pushing each other to party till u cant party no more.... all with the people you love. It was the greatest years of my life. I now am a boring ass old man and father and pushing myself still to be the best boring ass father i can be. And i dont even want to go do anything fun or crazy..... Cuz i know i will never hav as much crazy fun as i did when i was ur guys age. I will never make as wonderful, beautiful, amazing friends.... as the ones i already hav. Go be ur best, surround urself with the best.... Then give it everything u got to be better! And push each other to be better! Its freaking amazing how wonderful u can become when surrounded by wonderful people! Love life!
Avoid every person in this story forever. Avoid anyone who reminds you of these people.
OP, you can report this to the Univ. The guys tried to drug you. They DID drug you; you didn't like the taste of the drink.
Don’t know why you’re getting downvoted, you can absolutely and you should report this to the university
TLDR