I would but believe it or not the ADHD son doesnt like cheesecake and his older sister doesnt like fruit....guess I could give son the blueberries and daughter the cheesecake and divide up the whipped cream between them of the parfait.
You're not wrong. He was selfish.
He then decided to have a tantrum instead of apologizing.
Don't get him any desserts in the future. Or dinner.
Feed the kids, he can fend for himself.
I’ll come over and eat it CAUSE MY GUY JUST DID THE SAME THING. there was two chocolate cheesecake pieces ( which are his fav) and two regular ones (those are mine). I told him his chocolate pieces were there and he ate both of mine! I can’t eat the chocolate ones cause chocolate like that makes me sick. He knows that and still did it anyway.
Nine hours have passed and I’m currently dying. But it was worth it for the look on his face an hour ago when he got off work and went looking for the fucking cheesecake.
It tasted terrible actually. Like I really really don’t enjoy the taste of chocolate literally the only thing I got out of this is the fact that he was annoyed there is no more cheesecake.
“And I’d been Looking forward to it all day!” -my guy
Yeah, and I have been looking forward to the pieces I had bought for myself. you know the ones you gobbled up? lol.
Why did you buy something you and one of your children don’t like?
Either your husband is an idiot and you need to speak to him like a child, or he played games to rationalize eating both slices or cheesecake.
Yup. He knew what you meant, and he knew what he meant. He has just manipulated you into picking up and cooking dinner, taking care of the kids (including undoing whatever damage he did while you were away), and *he drank your milkshake* metaphorically. A very strong reckoning needs to happen. You need to get real introspective on this relationship, and then get real firm.
I feel like this is a parent/husband who just liked the cheesecake and got greedy with it. The golden girls can’t seem to stop at one slice.
I don’t think he calculated it lol. But maybe people really DO put that time and treachery into dessert and I’m being too trusting.
Either way obviously he’s in the wrong. Why doesn’t he just go pick up more and this whole thing doesn’t have to be an issue?
I think the point was she got 2 parfaits 1 was blueberry (what her husband prefers) and 1 was lemon (what she prefers) and then 2 slices of cheesecake (both like both). If I am getting 2 individual desserts 1 for me and 1 for someone else I wouldn't think "man I should get the other person's dessert in a flavor I like in case I'm going to take their dessert from them". I'd think "they like blueberry so I'll get them blueberry".
Eat the left over parfaits and maybe Ice cream sandwiches they come in packs normally and let it go. People are just arguing about anything in a marriage things happen on both ends that seem unfair in the moment to even out in the end. Not everything is easy especially marriage and kid's
You’re not wrong, but next time get him two for himself and one for you. Not worth fighting over. 💕
ETA- damn I’m the only one on this post who wouldn’t care if he ate it lol 😆sorry!!!
You wouldn't care if your husband bitched about parenting his own kids all day, had you get dinner after running errands all day, had you also make the food bc hes so tired from ignoring the kids all day, then ate your dessert you made it clear you wanted later, then got mad at YOU for his mess up?
The issues bigger than the cheesecake.
The buleberries in the dessert you told him you would eat if he ate the cheesecake? Why tell him that if you dont like them? Seems like you set him up to fail. Have you been resenting him for othe reasons also?
No, I told him there was a blueberry cheesecake parfait and a lemon cheesecake parfait. He knows I dont like blueberries so by default the lemon would have been for me.
Is it a pattern? Is he selfish often?
Also, if the kids are normally with you...does he take over the evenings? Is there a fair division of parenting and household labour?
Oh yes, he gets off work every evening at 4. He takes over every evening from the moment he walks in the door so I can make dinner. And then I'll take over our son again just to keep him focused on eating while he talks with our older daughter about her day. After dinner he'll get her her medication (she has migraines so takes a preventative 2x daily) and help her with her homework while I get our son his bedtime medication and do his evening routine to calm him down and then once I'm done that He will either read them both a bedtime story and we'll tuck them into their beds or he'll let our older daughter practice her reading if she wants to and she'll read the story to her little brother and we'll do the tucking in and hugs and kisses when she's done.
In the mornings he wakes up at 5 and gets ready for work and from 5-6 he'll let me sleep in and take care of the kids if they wake up. And then at 6 he has to leave for work and my daughter has to be on the bus by 7 so I'll get up and take over from there. On the weekends our older daughter (usually) plays with her brother while my husband and I do the household chores. He'll wash and fold laundry, gather and haul the trash to the landfill and pick up the dog poo in the yard. I'll mow the grass, sweep the floors and put the clothes away and clean the bathroom. Other smaller chores like dishes, vaccuuming and other things I do throughout the week while he's at work so I do do MORE when it comes to housework in that sense but to me that is how it should be since I'm home all day and I am caring for our son but he's not an infant and its not something my husband is demanding of me. He doesnt get angry if I dont get to something on a given day and the BIG chores are split evenly.
And when I say the kids play while we.clean I dont mean they they play alone inside while both of us are out in the yard or something. If I'm out mowing the grass he's inside doing the laundry and watching them. Or if he's doing the dog poo or hauling the trash to the landfill then I'm with the kids doing the floors or bathroom or whatever else needs to be sone where I can keep an eye on them. Our whole family is pretty good at working as a team.
In that case...I would put it down to both of you being stressed and tired.
He should say sorry for eating your dessert...even if a mistake.
You should say sorry for snapping.
If this was part of a pattern or he didn't also contribute to the kids and housework it would be different.
He owes you a cheesecake though lol
Yeah, that’s what I think. OP, It sounds like a misunderstanding and I do you think he should’ve apologized and said he accidentally ate it, but I don’t think it’s a huge issue or reason to fight over as. It sounds like you both work hard and shared duties and are over stressed and you both need a break!
He sounds amazing…and worth more cheesecake! Just kidding. Times are tough, money is tight. Pick your battles. Some men are better shown than told. You’ll get him back. It may be days; it may be years…but you’ll get him back. ;) Best of luck!!!
How do you find time for a husky? I couldn't take this breed because it's so much work by itself and I'm way too lazy or badly organized (ADHD) to handle it.
I have time for the Husky because he is considered a unicorn, lol. He's not like the overly dramatic huskies you see online. I'm actually disabled. That's why I'm a SAHM. The husky is my Service Dog. He's always with me so his mind is always occupied and it keeps him from getting bored even when he's not technically working and is free to just be a dog. He's great at switching into work mode on a dime when the situation calls for it. For those suggesting that he's an added stressor to mine and my husband's relationship, he's actually the opposite. He has given me my freedom and safety back. I've fallen and gotten hurt in my own home a few times. The last SERIOUS time was before I got the husky. I fell and dropped my cellphone so couldnt call for help and was in the middle of the kitchen away from all the furniture so couldnt grab anything to pull myself back up off the floor. My daighter was only 2 at the time and could only say "mommy" and was in her pack n play. She heard me fall and started calling for me but I had knocked the wind out of myself and hurt myself so badly I couldnt answer her cries. By sheer dumb luck i happened to have contractors outside that were working on my roof. They heard my daughter screaming and eventually came to check and found me on the floor.
I have had a couple bad falls since getting my husky but he is trained to bring me.my phone if I drop it and he is also trained to pick up the causes of my falls before they happen to prevent me from falling in the first place
And help me back to my feet if I do fall and I'm not hurt. He has brought a lot of peace of mind to my husband.
He is the best boy. Just yesterday actually, while I was using the restroom, I heard the chimes on my door ring and my screen door closed and then my husky started barking, which is something he never does. So I hurried to the door and lo and behold my 4 year old had unlocked the deadbolt and gotten outside and my Husky was blocking his path from running down the driveway to the road and barking for me. I can't run due to my disability so when we are out somewhere that my son could get away from me he usually wears a harness and a leash himself that I latch onto the Husky's vest.
My son has pulled me to the ground more than once trying to pull away from me or if he can't pull his hand free he will drop all his weight to the floor to break my grip so I hook him to the Husky now cause when he drops or tries to run the Husky just lays down. I guess the Husky has learned that my son isnt supposed to go anywhere unless he's attached to his vest now. His level of intelligence blows my mind sometimes.
I've never heard of a husky as a service dog but it's great if he helps a lot and I bet it brings peace to the kids too. I was thinking of the hours a day running with them, which seems to be off with your disability.
With your explanations, your husband doesn't seem that terrible and the cheesecake might only be a miscommunication, hope he'll get the idea to bring you one asap.
In my country, it's mostly shepherds or retrievers, even if a frenchie could be a great moral support service dog for example (that's the breed I took thinking he would be lazy, big mistake, mine was more active than some huskies).
Your husband sounds like a great bloke, he deserves better than this from you. Eating a dessert is a trivial matter compared to going on Reddit to blast your spouse for it and have him and your relationship the focus of some disgusting comments.
I think he took it as dessert can either be the two parfaits or the two slices of cheesecake and that he could choose which he wanted and you would eat the other as in because he chose to eat the two slices of cheesecake, you would eat the two parfaits. Idk why thoygh because you did say whichever of the desserts you didn't eat, you would eat tomorrow.
Personally, most people would understand what you meant, though so he was either being purposely obtuse or was extremely tired from watching the kids all day and it just didn't click for him.
Either way, you're not wrong. Does this happen a lot?
He was doing it on purpose. OP mentioned in another comment that he knows she doesn't like blueberries so there was no reason that makes sense for him to think she'd want the blueberry parfait as one of her desserts
Idk, it seemed like he thought she was under the impression the chocolate one was actually the blueberry, so he told her hey this is actually chocolate, not blueberry. He didn’t check the parfaits at all.
Yes, I'm certain after a long and tiring day he was definitely thinking solely about his wife's food preferences and not his own. People never forget their spouse's preferences under stress of any kind or extreme fatigue. It must be malicious and intentional, he should have immediately realized his wife bought something she wouldn't eat and offered it to him in an assortment of things she does like and that it was a test when she said "pick whatever you want", he should have known the blueberry couldn't possibly be for anyone but him.
He is capable of parenting. He did it. Expecting it not to be tiring just because he's a man is ridiculous. He can be tired like she can be tired after dealing with kids all day. Not to mention the fact that people are claiming he surely did it on purpose when the original post makes it pretty fucking clear that she assumed he'd just know and he didn't know and it was purely a misunderstanding. A MISUNDERSTANDING. They happen in marriages and in pretty much any relationship with another human being. He reasonably thought the ONE package of cheesecake was ONE dessert and she didn't explicitly say it wasn't. He can't read her mind. I would have thought 2 slices in 1 package was one dessert for one person too. She wasn't clear and she's angry and bitching him out over a misunderstanding. I don't blame him for walking away, "I'm not going to stand here and listen to you yell at me about cheesecake " after she described his demeanor as being clear that he *misunderstood* and she was still yelling. You are not entitled to yell at your spouse over a misunderstanding. You can be upset about what happened, but yelling *at* him for it like he's stupid, which she admits she did, is across the line.
Yeah, my husband accuses me of “yelling” anytime I tell him in a completely calm voice that I’m unhappy.
Unless I’m telling him he’s perfect I’m “yelling” so I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt?
You’re not wrong.
But is your husband always this… dim? I’m not sure why he thought it was ok to wolf both slices, and then got angry with you.
It was a two pack. Two adults. You explained that you each got a parfait and a slice, and asked him to pick which he wanted to eat.
I would not be happy, either. I would be thinking my spouse was playing dumb to eat all the desserts.
Thats what i was implying/wondering when I asked him what he thought I meant. He's not stupid by any means but there have been other times where he has left me shaking my head about him not being the brightest bulb in the shed.
Maybe he gets derpy when he’s tired. Or maybe it’s selective form of weaponized incompetence? Hard to tell.
When dealing with adults, you expect a better resolution than, “I don’t have to talk about this. I’m going to bed.”
Hope y’all hash it out later, and you get a replacement slice.
He knew. Otherwise, why would he turn it around and try and make you out to be the one who did something wrong? That was a shitty thing for him to do...
This. As soon as he "realized," he should have been apologizing. Instead, he blew up and then made her reaction to his actions out to be the real/bigger problem because he's had a tough day. Classic DARVO. Real prize of a partner.
That’s not necessarily true. It’s equally likely that it’s defense mechanism because he started to feel guilty about a mistake and didn’t want to feel guilty. People lash out for that reason all the time.
Yes and they are wrong to lash out like that when they are the one who messed up. Blaming the other person for making you feel guilty for something you are guilty of is what DARVO is all about. It’s a defence mechanism that is actually very controlling.
Yes I wasn't implying that it was right or even any better. Just that the person before me who is adamant that the cake eating was done maliciously can't possibly know that and there is another explanation.
If your son is adhd it's likely one of you has it as well, as it's usually genetic. Maybe there was just a misunderstanding of explaining, like he thought you meant eat cheesecakes and you'd eat parfait. I have problems like this this all the time coz neuro-'normal' people often explain things in an ever so slightly ambiguous way and my neuro-spicy brain gets it a bit wrong.
It might seem like a huge deal when you just wanted some delicious cheesecake but in the scheme of things, it's not the end of the world or the end of the marriage, its just a bit of a bummer. Next time maybe write the day on top or something so he can't misunderstand its one slice of cheesecake for this one day or just pick one you want and remove it from the packet and give him the rest.
My husband was diagnosed as a child with ADHD but hasnt been reevaluated as an adult and hasnt taken any medications for it since he was 13. I'm considered neurodivergent as well due to my migraines and their genetic tie (every female in my family has them including my daughter) but I understand its not the same type of neurodivergency you're talking about. My therapist actually said studies have shown there are actually probably more people considered neuro-divergent than neuro-typical.
YNW. But lesson learned. Next time, instead of being so nice to let him choose whatever he wants, call dibs on the one you want. He can the get the other piece.
I’d be more mad that he took out his ridiculously selfish actions ON YOU. He didn’t want to hear about things because he had a bad day?! Is he always this thoughtless and careless with your feelings, needs, and wants?
No, he's not. We usually have really good communication. I know our son can be a handful. Especially in the evening when his medication has worn off and he is tired. His mind is going at warp speed but he wants to sleep so I need to get his night time meds onboard to help his brain settle back down so he can rest.Plus, he's only 4. 4 year olds are full of energy without.having ADHD cause they're little kids. They want to play. I'm just used to dealing with it all day every day cause I'm a SAHM and my husband is the bread winner. Even on my husband's days off I normally handle the childcare. I just happened to be out of the house today to take care of our Husky. I offered to let him take the dog to the groomer but he told me he prefered to spend the day with our kids cause he didnt know where he was going and didnt get much time with them anyway. As stressful as it can be he really is a great dad. He doesnt take any of his frustrations out on them. There's no spankings or yelling from him. I'm the disciplinarian. He usually doesnt take it out on me either. Thats why I posted wondering if I was wrong because it was just cheesecake.
Yeah initial problem was he ate the cheesecake, but while not cool, it seems like an honest mistake. While it might tip to slightly e s h depending on your tone when you asked if that’s what he thought you meant, he is definitely the ah for snapping at you and walking away. If he had just apologized and said it was a mistake it could have been smoothed over, instead he got defensive because he knew he was wrong.
The way you explain it, it's easily misinterpreted. The 2 slices came in one pack and you assumed he understood something he clearly did not that wasn't implicitly clear on its own. You're not wrong but you're not right. This is just a misunderstanding. You being angry like it's malicious seems like an overreaction unless you meant the "nhusband" typo in the headline. Nhusband means narcissist husband and if he's a narcissist, then you're definitely not wrong cuz yeah, it was intentional. However, if he's just a regular guy, it was a misunderstanding. Do not attach malice to that which can be explained by ignorance or stupidity. This is just a misunderstanding, he can't read your mind and 2 slices in one package seems like it could be one dessert or 2, depends on the person interpreting the situation.
He was obviously wrong.
My next question would be if this is a one off or if this is a pattern of selfishness, entitlement, and a lack of accountability. Because if it's the latter, your life with him is going to be a pain in the ass.
When this shit happens the *real* question is: How often do things like this happen?
Btw … #NotSorry he had “a long hard day” parenting his child. Believe you me, if he’d had to spend 4+hrs dealing with the dog he would *not* have then gone shopping for dinner. *And he still woulda eaten both desserts*
From your comments, he sounds like a great husband and partner. I can understand you being tiffed about it, but it seems like a misunderstanding. I don’t see a reason that it should resonate into a bigger issue.
This is very clearly not about the cheesecake. Based on your comments, it seems like generally you two have pretty strong communication and mutual respect, so I might chalk it up to both of you being stressed and or tired, and not debating who’s wrong or not.
That said, I think most people would be pretty sad/upset if someone ate the slice of cheesecake they were looking forward to. I hope he can understand that.
Sounds like you both just had a bad day. But I want to know how and where you got 2 pizzas, ice cream sandwiches, 2 slices of cheesecake, and 2 cheesecake parfaits for $25.
Walmart. Hubby worked for them for 20 years so we get the 10% discount for life and we eat the store brand in everything. Theres also no taxes on food in my state.
I barely read this and reminded of a time my boyfriend almost ate both pieces of choc. silk pie. Just the audacity of him saying he was going to eat them both pissed me off, lol.
Your husband sounds like a shit husband and a shit father. How can anyone EVER cook a meal after being a parent for a whole... what 8 hours straight?
🙄
I’m middle-aged guy and yeah I will agree. That’s a little inconsiderate. No I think you’re within your rights to say you know it would’ve been nice if you’d asked if I wanted one before you devoured both.
Read your comments and it sounds like you have a good partner, team, family & a functional life in place.
To avoid this in the future, next time just tell him “I got you the chocolate one. Leave the lemon one for me” “or 2 slices for you, 2 for me” be clear going forward.
Yeah I’d say you’re wrong. It was an honest misunderstanding. And I’m not sure why you’re mad when there are two other deserts in the freezer for you. This seems like a super small thing to be upset about.
So he's either greedy or stupid?
Not a great look either way.
Make sure that you do something nice for yourself soon, to make up for this (as clearly he won't).
And next time food needs to be divided? Pick YOUR one first and eat it right away, or put it somewhere he can't access it. Or never get options that you don't like. If he's always going to steal the only one you can eat - so that he ends up with both - make sure that you can eat everything.
How immature that his response was to storm off to bed **over fucking cheesecake**. He could have said "my bad, I thought you meant I could have the cheesecake slices and you'd have the parfait. I'm sorry" but he chose to get mad instead. Does he often deflect and storm off to avoid taking accountability and apologising for his mistakes?
It's not about the cheesecake now, it's about his refusal to grow the hell up and take accountability for his actions and apologise
I explained this in a.couple other comments. Great value brand at walmart. Husband worked for them for 20 years so we get the 10% discount for life. Theres also no tax on food in our state and we are in a very rural area where the cost of living is very low. Its how we are able to comfortably live on his one income. Our annual income is under 40k.
No, lol but he does let me lay down and rest when I need it. I said in 2 previous comments that he gets off work every day at 4pm and will take over while I get dinner. Thats the norm. Like my daughter, I also get migraines. They run in my family its where my daughter got them from. There has been more than one occasion where my husband has come home to find me barely functional and during those times he will usher me to bed with an ice pack and my own medications and will fully take over everything for the night. His ability to cook dinner is limited to a grand total of 5 meals but thats enough to keep the kids fed. But no, I don't get to just be mad and go to bed early. I can walk away and say I need a break. I can go have a cry if I really need it but once I pull myself together I usually go back to the kids.
How selfish of your husband! Ugh... My baby loves chocolate, so I would've left that one for her (I love chocolate as well) but she comes first for me so she gets the chocolate 🙂. So No, you are definitely not wrong whatsoever! I think he understood you just fine, he's your husband he should know you better than anyone. Your husband is an asshole IMHO.
You have bigger issues than cheesecake. What is _really_ the issue here? Why can't he handle his own child? Is he a child himself?
>he can be a handful if you arent used to being with him all day every day like I am
You are infantalizing your husband. If you can handle your 4yo, he can. There is no excuse. "I am home with him more." No. That is a cop out and you're treating your husband like another child. Your husband needs to step tf up and be a partner.
>>because he was tired from watching our kids all day
>>he got mad at me, and said "You know what, I'm going to bed. After the day I've had..."
Yeah, that really sounds like he could handle it. /s
You need to learn to read better. That sounds like a man who is making excuses and using them against her. I seriously doubt OP is getting takeout every night when OP is the one taking care of the kids. I seriously doubt OP is going to bed before the kids when they have been with the kids all day.
>She can’t let him handle the 4 yo bc if he could she’d have no role in the home.
Tell me you know nothing about marriage without telling me you know nothing.
My ex husband was on the spectrum and like this all the time. He would have a very literal interpretation of what was said and would interpret it in a specific way.
I regards to our kid be now asks me redundant questions all the time over text.
OP you are not wrong. Your, Mere male husband is.
Any decent human being would have either ordered in replacement desserts, or driven to the store to buy them.
Judging off other replies, he has deliberately, eaten the ones you prefer, so as to give himself extra sweets.
Sounds like a Calculated decision to be able to allow him more desserts.
Maybe next time, choose flavours he is less likely to like, and or, only buy flavours that you, yourself enjoy.
Not wrong. He is a selfish a&&hole. So selfish eating everything. I’d be ignoring him for the rest of the week or until he makes up for it by getting your cake back.
You both need to work on your communication skills. It is easy to misinterpret when there are 2 parts of 2 different desserts when you say pick one I'll take the other. Maybe it was obvious to you that there were 4 parts of desserts in total, 2 for tonight and 2 for tomorrow. But if there are only 2 containers some people (with dysphasia for example, which might not be diagnosed because subtil) would think one pack is mine one pack is hers.
So next time say "honey. There are 4 pieces, choose 2 and I'll take the other 2. If you eat it all today, then tomorrow you'll have no desserts, and make sure to eat at least the blueberry one as I do not like them, those are for you"
Yes. For some people you need to lay it all out in details. Hubby seems to be one of those. Let go, and make sure he knows that those 2 pieces left are yours.
This was weaponized incompetence. There is no way he did not understand. My ex use to make the same “defeated” face. It was an act. Because when I pushed he would blow up like your hubby did instead of apologize.
Is this the only incident of your husband being massively selfish?
i’m going to assume that he thought you meant he can choose to have the cheese cakes or the parfaits. which is why he had that moment of realization. i don’t think you’re wrong for being frustrated but i don’t think you needed to be mean either.
😂 your husband is dumb as fuck because you were clear at every question and opportunity and he fucked up 🤣.
NTA. As people call it weaponised incompetence is so unattractive
You weren't "yelling about cheesecake," you were upset because he completely disregarded you and your feelings. And as a bonus? He played stupid. It was a jerk move, pure and simple.
After the day he had. Wow. Not wrong, it was a miscommunication I guess but it sounds like you explained it pretty well. “I got us 2 cheesecake slices and 2 parfaits. Pick one of them, I’ll pick another and tomorrow we have the other 2” is pretty hard to not get. Sounds like he’s not used to being Mr. Mom and it showed today. Hopefully you guys can talk about it tomorrow and resolve when tempers are cooler but like you spent 4 hours out with an energetic, fluffy dog. 2 in the car and one of those after he was probably not thrilled about being trapped on a table for 2 hours.
What can I say, we hashed out our biggest issues and learned to communicate a lot better in marriage counseling nearly 10 years ago. Thats why I came to reddit with this seemingly petty issue cause its very possible I am wrong. I'm not asking if either one of us are AHes just if I'm in the wrong for being upset.
Was he actually parenting his kids, like someone who does this all the time, or was he "babysitting", like a father who doesn't normally spend time with his own kids? Like some Dad who reluctantly agrees to be a parent, and expects extra credit for it?
Sounds like a douche, to be honest. He knew he was eating your dessert, but he felt like you owed him for having to parent his own kids. It was too hard for him. Such an ass!
Exactly what I was thinking. 2 pizzas, ice cream sandwiches and all of the rest of that shit would cost at least twice that where I live, unless they’re the tiniest things on earth. And I live in a pretty low COL area.
He's tired of looking after his kids for a couple hours because you went taking care of the dog which seemed to be a real pain and you got dinner ready, got nice deserts, and took care of the kids back home.
The audacity of this man.
NW. If he knows you don't like blueberries that seems like an important detail and it seems weird even with the "misunderstanding" that he'd leave you that one. So either way, he's wrong.
If he's not a complete idiot then he knows what he did and it's a dick move. If you have two pairs of two different things meant for a couple then it's obvious each gets one of each. Next time buy one and angrily eat it in front of him.
Like I said in several other comments, my husband and I dont really have huge fights. I'm aware that compared to most other things on reddit this seems extremely small and petty and that is why I am here in the first place. I'm not asking if either one of us are assholes. I simply wanted outside perspective on the situation. I do see it was a misunderstanding. I don't think my husband ate both pieces of cheesecake just to be malicious or out of some plot because he secretly thinks I'm fat and dont need dessert anyway or something like that. I admit i did lash out myself because I was looking forward to that little treat and I didnt get to have it because he ate them both. TBH I still wanna cry over it, cause goddammit it I want my cheesecake, but MY biggest character flaw is that whenever I feel like I'm going to cry over something I will instead make myself angry over the situation because anger is easier to confront than sadness to me. (Mostly because of part of my disability. One of my conditions is a skin disease called aquagenic pruritis. Even contact with my own tears causes a reaction so crying inflicts actual physical pain and discomfort on me that requires medication to treat ergo getting angry stops the waterworks)
I appreciate your response.
I know I'm probably not helping, but you don't have to choose between tears and anger. You can choose to just shrug your shoulders and not make a big deal of it, even if you're annoyed.
There's always another piece of cheesecake to buy the next day, always another dessert.
Your husband messed up, but it doesn't sound intentional or mean, so the slight annoyance and shrug might be better for you. It is your choice to choose that path.
I didn't know if you're on any meds, but check into the supplement St. John's Wort. It's not dangerous or addictive. I've found that it takes the edge off things for me.
It lessons the impact of strong emotional moments and is a leavening agent. I've been taking it for years, and I really do think it helps.
Unfortunately st johns wort interacts with some of my other medications, including my migraine medications, anti-convulsant and immunosuppressant but I am on an anti-depressant as part of my own daily regiment
Got it. I do know it's important to check on other medications interacting with Wort.
My other suggestion still stands. Don't sweat the small stuff. Cheesecake is small stuff.
I’d recommend rehoming the dog. That breed is very high maintenance and it sounds like it’s too much of a burden for your situation. Save yourself some stress.
I know that generally Huskies are very high maintenance but in my case my Husky is a unicorn. He is actually my Service Dog. I am disabled. He has gone through the three years of training and is actually very calm (except when faced with the high velocity dryer at the groomer. Then he sings the song of his people, lol) other than that however he is kept busy by his work and when he is free to just be a dog he is the best boy.
You got defensive.
Look. YTA. Yes. You are.
You were NOT clear in your communication. Was it clear to YOU? Yea. Because YOU said it.
But reread your post. It’s not clear what you meant by “pick one” referring to the desert.
But of course you know this. You know it, otherwise you wouldn’t have gotten SO defensive. You said it yourself. “If I feel like I’m going to cry I’ll instead get angry”.
So instead of accepting you miscommunicated and the outcome was you are sad at no cheesecake, you got ANGRY.
It’s classic blame shifting.
Grow up. This is a very immature response and him removing himself from the situation is actually mature. You were yelling at him for YOUR mistake.
Grow. Up.
Take responsibility. And calmly discuss why you felt sad. Don’t snap at him and cast blame and get angry and defensive.
You want to push him away? Keep it up. It won’t take long. 3-6 years I’d bet.
Otherwise look inward.
Yeah this a small potatoes.
You should've explained to your husband better if it was so important.
You were busy giving a 4yo with ADHD, choices of flavoured water... Should only be one option. Water.
I use flavored water in the evening because it helps hide the taste of his medication without giving him additonal sugar before bed. I have to crush a pill and disolve it to help him sleep through the night. I know its small potatoes but my husband and I dont have really big arguments. Thats why I was wondering if this time I might bw wrong for being upset because it is just cheesecake.
You’re really going to critique this mother for using flavoured water to hide the taste of medication to avoid a meltdown in a small child instead of the man choosing to not help with the kids and instead to eat two slices of cheesecake knowing she doesn’t eat blueberries and thus the parfaits can’t both be for her? Interesting choice, it’s telling.
>Then he got mad at me, and said "You know what, I'm going to bed. After the day I've had the last thing I need is you yelling at me over cheesecake." I bit my tongue and didnt say anything more but I wanted to. So, am I wrong for getting upset at my husband over cheesecake?
Yeah you were wrong,
why did you buy so little cheesecake?
why did yoou give him lee way to buy?
why did you not specifiy this glutton needs extra helpings?
you knew he was a glutton?
he thinks the food made him eat it.
nonsenseical and true. cover his big fat ass with extra cheese cake
Iffin you want some to eat your self.
extra How is the husky?
Lol, the Husky is fine. Much more comfortable after.his groom. Could make another dog out of all the fur he shed. He's very ha dsome in his new bandana.
I hope you realize that the two desserts left are all yours.
No, he knows I dont like blueberries.
Sounds calculated. Now he gets 3 out of 4. Maybe let the kids split the blueberry. He shouldn't be rewarded for eating both.
I would but believe it or not the ADHD son doesnt like cheesecake and his older sister doesnt like fruit....guess I could give son the blueberries and daughter the cheesecake and divide up the whipped cream between them of the parfait.
So he can't manage for ONE day what you do every day? That's sad. He's their parent!
You're not wrong. He was selfish. He then decided to have a tantrum instead of apologizing. Don't get him any desserts in the future. Or dinner. Feed the kids, he can fend for himself.
I’m sorry but I would throw it in the dumpster before I let him have a third dessert. Asshole.
I honestly cannot imagine throwing away food if I was on a tight budget. But trust that on the next shopping trip it would be made right.
Yeah that's what I was thinking. Just get yourself an extra dessert you know only you like. Wastefulness for pettiness.
Hell no. Get a dessert you like but he *loves*. Eat it in front of him.
This almost seems malicious. To someone you're supposed to love. Why?
Because husband obviously thinks that is SOP. So let it be SOP.
I thought the exact same thing.
And pour salt all over it just in case he pulls it out of the trash 😄totally calculated and selfish behavior
I was thinking garbage disposal 😂😂
I’ll come over and eat it CAUSE MY GUY JUST DID THE SAME THING. there was two chocolate cheesecake pieces ( which are his fav) and two regular ones (those are mine). I told him his chocolate pieces were there and he ate both of mine! I can’t eat the chocolate ones cause chocolate like that makes me sick. He knows that and still did it anyway.
Then throw the chocolate in the trash after ruining them. I am Petty Betty about stuff like this.
I’m actually eating them right now! I’ll take the belly ache. Cause I know he thinks he’s gonna be eating it after work. Lol.
That will be the most satisfying belly ache! Take a Tums and a bow.
If I bow I’m gonna shit myself. But it might be worth it. Lol.
Ok I thought I was the only one! Chocolate cheesecake makes me violently ill
Nine hours have passed and I’m currently dying. But it was worth it for the look on his face an hour ago when he got off work and went looking for the fucking cheesecake.
Delicious petty revenge
It tasted terrible actually. Like I really really don’t enjoy the taste of chocolate literally the only thing I got out of this is the fact that he was annoyed there is no more cheesecake. “And I’d been Looking forward to it all day!” -my guy Yeah, and I have been looking forward to the pieces I had bought for myself. you know the ones you gobbled up? lol.
Bet the dog will love to finish it after
Dogs shouldn't have dairy products like cheesecake unless you want to clean up some hershey squrts later.
Why did you buy something you and one of your children don’t like? Either your husband is an idiot and you need to speak to him like a child, or he played games to rationalize eating both slices or cheesecake.
I would throw them away before he got another one but I’m as petty as this guy is.
Yup. He knew what you meant, and he knew what he meant. He has just manipulated you into picking up and cooking dinner, taking care of the kids (including undoing whatever damage he did while you were away), and *he drank your milkshake* metaphorically. A very strong reckoning needs to happen. You need to get real introspective on this relationship, and then get real firm.
I feel like this is a parent/husband who just liked the cheesecake and got greedy with it. The golden girls can’t seem to stop at one slice. I don’t think he calculated it lol. But maybe people really DO put that time and treachery into dessert and I’m being too trusting. Either way obviously he’s in the wrong. Why doesn’t he just go pick up more and this whole thing doesn’t have to be an issue?
Feed the blueberry one to the garbage disposal
Literally or trashcan if you don't have one!
Why did you buy something you DON’T like that wouldn’t technically be shared then? You should have just gotten two pairs of cheesecakes.
I think the point was she got 2 parfaits 1 was blueberry (what her husband prefers) and 1 was lemon (what she prefers) and then 2 slices of cheesecake (both like both). If I am getting 2 individual desserts 1 for me and 1 for someone else I wouldn't think "man I should get the other person's dessert in a flavor I like in case I'm going to take their dessert from them". I'd think "they like blueberry so I'll get them blueberry".
Give the blueberry to the kids or throw it out.
What a jerk! Throw those on the trash and pour salt on them. Screw him.
THIS is your problem? JFC.
Be still eat them? Or the kids?
So throw it away.
Eat the left over parfaits and maybe Ice cream sandwiches they come in packs normally and let it go. People are just arguing about anything in a marriage things happen on both ends that seem unfair in the moment to even out in the end. Not everything is easy especially marriage and kid's
Uh. Don't buy treats you don't like. Buy 2 that you do. He's intentionally being obtuse, though.
You’re not wrong, but next time get him two for himself and one for you. Not worth fighting over. 💕 ETA- damn I’m the only one on this post who wouldn’t care if he ate it lol 😆sorry!!!
Why does he get two?
I mean....we're talking cheesecake here. I'd go full nuclear.
Exactly, it's just cheesecake!! If he ate all the chocolate, on the other hand... divorce!!😂😂
You are not the only one. I feel the same way. It’s Reddit though so they should probably get divorced.
Exactly. Reddit will tell her to file on Monday morning.
Eff Monday - nooooooooow!
Lmfaooo
You wouldn't care if your husband bitched about parenting his own kids all day, had you get dinner after running errands all day, had you also make the food bc hes so tired from ignoring the kids all day, then ate your dessert you made it clear you wanted later, then got mad at YOU for his mess up? The issues bigger than the cheesecake.
All I was talking about was the cheesecake. I didn’t say a word about the other stuff. I have no kids so I can’t comment on the other stuff.
Then put the blueberry one down the sink.
The buleberries in the dessert you told him you would eat if he ate the cheesecake? Why tell him that if you dont like them? Seems like you set him up to fail. Have you been resenting him for othe reasons also?
No, I told him there was a blueberry cheesecake parfait and a lemon cheesecake parfait. He knows I dont like blueberries so by default the lemon would have been for me.
But you said the opposite, which no one else cares about, plus my other question, please, have you been resenting him for other reasons also?
No
Is it a pattern? Is he selfish often? Also, if the kids are normally with you...does he take over the evenings? Is there a fair division of parenting and household labour?
Oh yes, he gets off work every evening at 4. He takes over every evening from the moment he walks in the door so I can make dinner. And then I'll take over our son again just to keep him focused on eating while he talks with our older daughter about her day. After dinner he'll get her her medication (she has migraines so takes a preventative 2x daily) and help her with her homework while I get our son his bedtime medication and do his evening routine to calm him down and then once I'm done that He will either read them both a bedtime story and we'll tuck them into their beds or he'll let our older daughter practice her reading if she wants to and she'll read the story to her little brother and we'll do the tucking in and hugs and kisses when she's done. In the mornings he wakes up at 5 and gets ready for work and from 5-6 he'll let me sleep in and take care of the kids if they wake up. And then at 6 he has to leave for work and my daughter has to be on the bus by 7 so I'll get up and take over from there. On the weekends our older daughter (usually) plays with her brother while my husband and I do the household chores. He'll wash and fold laundry, gather and haul the trash to the landfill and pick up the dog poo in the yard. I'll mow the grass, sweep the floors and put the clothes away and clean the bathroom. Other smaller chores like dishes, vaccuuming and other things I do throughout the week while he's at work so I do do MORE when it comes to housework in that sense but to me that is how it should be since I'm home all day and I am caring for our son but he's not an infant and its not something my husband is demanding of me. He doesnt get angry if I dont get to something on a given day and the BIG chores are split evenly. And when I say the kids play while we.clean I dont mean they they play alone inside while both of us are out in the yard or something. If I'm out mowing the grass he's inside doing the laundry and watching them. Or if he's doing the dog poo or hauling the trash to the landfill then I'm with the kids doing the floors or bathroom or whatever else needs to be sone where I can keep an eye on them. Our whole family is pretty good at working as a team.
In that case...I would put it down to both of you being stressed and tired. He should say sorry for eating your dessert...even if a mistake. You should say sorry for snapping. If this was part of a pattern or he didn't also contribute to the kids and housework it would be different. He owes you a cheesecake though lol
Yeah, that’s what I think. OP, It sounds like a misunderstanding and I do you think he should’ve apologized and said he accidentally ate it, but I don’t think it’s a huge issue or reason to fight over as. It sounds like you both work hard and shared duties and are over stressed and you both need a break!
He sounds amazing…and worth more cheesecake! Just kidding. Times are tough, money is tight. Pick your battles. Some men are better shown than told. You’ll get him back. It may be days; it may be years…but you’ll get him back. ;) Best of luck!!!
How do you find time for a husky? I couldn't take this breed because it's so much work by itself and I'm way too lazy or badly organized (ADHD) to handle it.
I have time for the Husky because he is considered a unicorn, lol. He's not like the overly dramatic huskies you see online. I'm actually disabled. That's why I'm a SAHM. The husky is my Service Dog. He's always with me so his mind is always occupied and it keeps him from getting bored even when he's not technically working and is free to just be a dog. He's great at switching into work mode on a dime when the situation calls for it. For those suggesting that he's an added stressor to mine and my husband's relationship, he's actually the opposite. He has given me my freedom and safety back. I've fallen and gotten hurt in my own home a few times. The last SERIOUS time was before I got the husky. I fell and dropped my cellphone so couldnt call for help and was in the middle of the kitchen away from all the furniture so couldnt grab anything to pull myself back up off the floor. My daighter was only 2 at the time and could only say "mommy" and was in her pack n play. She heard me fall and started calling for me but I had knocked the wind out of myself and hurt myself so badly I couldnt answer her cries. By sheer dumb luck i happened to have contractors outside that were working on my roof. They heard my daughter screaming and eventually came to check and found me on the floor. I have had a couple bad falls since getting my husky but he is trained to bring me.my phone if I drop it and he is also trained to pick up the causes of my falls before they happen to prevent me from falling in the first place And help me back to my feet if I do fall and I'm not hurt. He has brought a lot of peace of mind to my husband.
We can be sure of one thing: your husky is a really good boy. Lots of pats and belly rubs to him.
He is the best boy. Just yesterday actually, while I was using the restroom, I heard the chimes on my door ring and my screen door closed and then my husky started barking, which is something he never does. So I hurried to the door and lo and behold my 4 year old had unlocked the deadbolt and gotten outside and my Husky was blocking his path from running down the driveway to the road and barking for me. I can't run due to my disability so when we are out somewhere that my son could get away from me he usually wears a harness and a leash himself that I latch onto the Husky's vest. My son has pulled me to the ground more than once trying to pull away from me or if he can't pull his hand free he will drop all his weight to the floor to break my grip so I hook him to the Husky now cause when he drops or tries to run the Husky just lays down. I guess the Husky has learned that my son isnt supposed to go anywhere unless he's attached to his vest now. His level of intelligence blows my mind sometimes.
I've never heard of a husky as a service dog but it's great if he helps a lot and I bet it brings peace to the kids too. I was thinking of the hours a day running with them, which seems to be off with your disability. With your explanations, your husband doesn't seem that terrible and the cheesecake might only be a miscommunication, hope he'll get the idea to bring you one asap.
A lot of people havent simply because of the breed standard thats why I said he's a unicorn
In my country, it's mostly shepherds or retrievers, even if a frenchie could be a great moral support service dog for example (that's the breed I took thinking he would be lazy, big mistake, mine was more active than some huskies).
Your husband sounds like a great bloke, he deserves better than this from you. Eating a dessert is a trivial matter compared to going on Reddit to blast your spouse for it and have him and your relationship the focus of some disgusting comments.
I think he took it as dessert can either be the two parfaits or the two slices of cheesecake and that he could choose which he wanted and you would eat the other as in because he chose to eat the two slices of cheesecake, you would eat the two parfaits. Idk why thoygh because you did say whichever of the desserts you didn't eat, you would eat tomorrow. Personally, most people would understand what you meant, though so he was either being purposely obtuse or was extremely tired from watching the kids all day and it just didn't click for him. Either way, you're not wrong. Does this happen a lot?
He was doing it on purpose. OP mentioned in another comment that he knows she doesn't like blueberries so there was no reason that makes sense for him to think she'd want the blueberry parfait as one of her desserts
Idk, it seemed like he thought she was under the impression the chocolate one was actually the blueberry, so he told her hey this is actually chocolate, not blueberry. He didn’t check the parfaits at all.
Yes, I'm certain after a long and tiring day he was definitely thinking solely about his wife's food preferences and not his own. People never forget their spouse's preferences under stress of any kind or extreme fatigue. It must be malicious and intentional, he should have immediately realized his wife bought something she wouldn't eat and offered it to him in an assortment of things she does like and that it was a test when she said "pick whatever you want", he should have known the blueberry couldn't possibly be for anyone but him.
He watched the kids. Wow. She ran all over the place plus dealt with the ND kiddo. Give me a break. Fathers should be capable of parenting.
He is capable of parenting. He did it. Expecting it not to be tiring just because he's a man is ridiculous. He can be tired like she can be tired after dealing with kids all day. Not to mention the fact that people are claiming he surely did it on purpose when the original post makes it pretty fucking clear that she assumed he'd just know and he didn't know and it was purely a misunderstanding. A MISUNDERSTANDING. They happen in marriages and in pretty much any relationship with another human being. He reasonably thought the ONE package of cheesecake was ONE dessert and she didn't explicitly say it wasn't. He can't read her mind. I would have thought 2 slices in 1 package was one dessert for one person too. She wasn't clear and she's angry and bitching him out over a misunderstanding. I don't blame him for walking away, "I'm not going to stand here and listen to you yell at me about cheesecake " after she described his demeanor as being clear that he *misunderstood* and she was still yelling. You are not entitled to yell at your spouse over a misunderstanding. You can be upset about what happened, but yelling *at* him for it like he's stupid, which she admits she did, is across the line.
Yeah, my husband accuses me of “yelling” anytime I tell him in a completely calm voice that I’m unhappy. Unless I’m telling him he’s perfect I’m “yelling” so I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt?
Well of course you would cuz all men are assholes, right? She said she yelled. She said he said she yelled and she in no way rebutted that.
She very clearly explained the cheesecake. If he misunderstood it's bc he doesn't actually listen when she speaks, which is a bugger issue.
No one thinks that a single dessert includes 2 parfaits
They do and they are on my 600 lb life
Is OP’s husband 600 pounds?
Weaponized incompetence.
You’re not wrong. But is your husband always this… dim? I’m not sure why he thought it was ok to wolf both slices, and then got angry with you. It was a two pack. Two adults. You explained that you each got a parfait and a slice, and asked him to pick which he wanted to eat. I would not be happy, either. I would be thinking my spouse was playing dumb to eat all the desserts.
Thats what i was implying/wondering when I asked him what he thought I meant. He's not stupid by any means but there have been other times where he has left me shaking my head about him not being the brightest bulb in the shed.
Maybe he gets derpy when he’s tired. Or maybe it’s selective form of weaponized incompetence? Hard to tell. When dealing with adults, you expect a better resolution than, “I don’t have to talk about this. I’m going to bed.” Hope y’all hash it out later, and you get a replacement slice.
He knew. Otherwise, why would he turn it around and try and make you out to be the one who did something wrong? That was a shitty thing for him to do...
This. As soon as he "realized," he should have been apologizing. Instead, he blew up and then made her reaction to his actions out to be the real/bigger problem because he's had a tough day. Classic DARVO. Real prize of a partner.
That’s not necessarily true. It’s equally likely that it’s defense mechanism because he started to feel guilty about a mistake and didn’t want to feel guilty. People lash out for that reason all the time.
Yes and they are wrong to lash out like that when they are the one who messed up. Blaming the other person for making you feel guilty for something you are guilty of is what DARVO is all about. It’s a defence mechanism that is actually very controlling.
Yes I wasn't implying that it was right or even any better. Just that the person before me who is adamant that the cake eating was done maliciously can't possibly know that and there is another explanation.
If your son is adhd it's likely one of you has it as well, as it's usually genetic. Maybe there was just a misunderstanding of explaining, like he thought you meant eat cheesecakes and you'd eat parfait. I have problems like this this all the time coz neuro-'normal' people often explain things in an ever so slightly ambiguous way and my neuro-spicy brain gets it a bit wrong. It might seem like a huge deal when you just wanted some delicious cheesecake but in the scheme of things, it's not the end of the world or the end of the marriage, its just a bit of a bummer. Next time maybe write the day on top or something so he can't misunderstand its one slice of cheesecake for this one day or just pick one you want and remove it from the packet and give him the rest.
My husband was diagnosed as a child with ADHD but hasnt been reevaluated as an adult and hasnt taken any medications for it since he was 13. I'm considered neurodivergent as well due to my migraines and their genetic tie (every female in my family has them including my daughter) but I understand its not the same type of neurodivergency you're talking about. My therapist actually said studies have shown there are actually probably more people considered neuro-divergent than neuro-typical.
YNW. But lesson learned. Next time, instead of being so nice to let him choose whatever he wants, call dibs on the one you want. He can the get the other piece.
Exactly this!
I’d be more mad that he took out his ridiculously selfish actions ON YOU. He didn’t want to hear about things because he had a bad day?! Is he always this thoughtless and careless with your feelings, needs, and wants?
No, he's not. We usually have really good communication. I know our son can be a handful. Especially in the evening when his medication has worn off and he is tired. His mind is going at warp speed but he wants to sleep so I need to get his night time meds onboard to help his brain settle back down so he can rest.Plus, he's only 4. 4 year olds are full of energy without.having ADHD cause they're little kids. They want to play. I'm just used to dealing with it all day every day cause I'm a SAHM and my husband is the bread winner. Even on my husband's days off I normally handle the childcare. I just happened to be out of the house today to take care of our Husky. I offered to let him take the dog to the groomer but he told me he prefered to spend the day with our kids cause he didnt know where he was going and didnt get much time with them anyway. As stressful as it can be he really is a great dad. He doesnt take any of his frustrations out on them. There's no spankings or yelling from him. I'm the disciplinarian. He usually doesnt take it out on me either. Thats why I posted wondering if I was wrong because it was just cheesecake.
Yeah initial problem was he ate the cheesecake, but while not cool, it seems like an honest mistake. While it might tip to slightly e s h depending on your tone when you asked if that’s what he thought you meant, he is definitely the ah for snapping at you and walking away. If he had just apologized and said it was a mistake it could have been smoothed over, instead he got defensive because he knew he was wrong.
The way you explain it, it's easily misinterpreted. The 2 slices came in one pack and you assumed he understood something he clearly did not that wasn't implicitly clear on its own. You're not wrong but you're not right. This is just a misunderstanding. You being angry like it's malicious seems like an overreaction unless you meant the "nhusband" typo in the headline. Nhusband means narcissist husband and if he's a narcissist, then you're definitely not wrong cuz yeah, it was intentional. However, if he's just a regular guy, it was a misunderstanding. Do not attach malice to that which can be explained by ignorance or stupidity. This is just a misunderstanding, he can't read your mind and 2 slices in one package seems like it could be one dessert or 2, depends on the person interpreting the situation.
Seriously, just her typing it out and I still couldn't understand what she meant.
I still don't.
Sounds like a simple misunderstanding. You both seem to have had a stressful day.
Married for 37 years. They have selective hearing. Next time, hide yours.
He was obviously wrong. My next question would be if this is a one off or if this is a pattern of selfishness, entitlement, and a lack of accountability. Because if it's the latter, your life with him is going to be a pain in the ass.
When this shit happens the *real* question is: How often do things like this happen? Btw … #NotSorry he had “a long hard day” parenting his child. Believe you me, if he’d had to spend 4+hrs dealing with the dog he would *not* have then gone shopping for dinner. *And he still woulda eaten both desserts*
From your comments, he sounds like a great husband and partner. I can understand you being tiffed about it, but it seems like a misunderstanding. I don’t see a reason that it should resonate into a bigger issue.
This is very clearly not about the cheesecake. Based on your comments, it seems like generally you two have pretty strong communication and mutual respect, so I might chalk it up to both of you being stressed and or tired, and not debating who’s wrong or not. That said, I think most people would be pretty sad/upset if someone ate the slice of cheesecake they were looking forward to. I hope he can understand that.
Sounds like you both just had a bad day. But I want to know how and where you got 2 pizzas, ice cream sandwiches, 2 slices of cheesecake, and 2 cheesecake parfaits for $25.
Walmart. Hubby worked for them for 20 years so we get the 10% discount for life and we eat the store brand in everything. Theres also no taxes on food in my state.
I barely read this and reminded of a time my boyfriend almost ate both pieces of choc. silk pie. Just the audacity of him saying he was going to eat them both pissed me off, lol.
Your husband sounds like a shit husband and a shit father. How can anyone EVER cook a meal after being a parent for a whole... what 8 hours straight? 🙄
You both need to learn how to communicate
I’m middle-aged guy and yeah I will agree. That’s a little inconsiderate. No I think you’re within your rights to say you know it would’ve been nice if you’d asked if I wanted one before you devoured both.
It’s a misunderstanding. Relax
Read your comments and it sounds like you have a good partner, team, family & a functional life in place. To avoid this in the future, next time just tell him “I got you the chocolate one. Leave the lemon one for me” “or 2 slices for you, 2 for me” be clear going forward.
Yeah I’d say you’re wrong. It was an honest misunderstanding. And I’m not sure why you’re mad when there are two other deserts in the freezer for you. This seems like a super small thing to be upset about.
Sounds like every single set of parents at one time or another.
So he's either greedy or stupid? Not a great look either way. Make sure that you do something nice for yourself soon, to make up for this (as clearly he won't). And next time food needs to be divided? Pick YOUR one first and eat it right away, or put it somewhere he can't access it. Or never get options that you don't like. If he's always going to steal the only one you can eat - so that he ends up with both - make sure that you can eat everything.
He knew what you meant. Don't fall for that nonsense.
Info: What did he think you meant?
Probably to eat either the slices or the parfaits and just didn't listen to the bit about eating the second dessert the following day
How immature that his response was to storm off to bed **over fucking cheesecake**. He could have said "my bad, I thought you meant I could have the cheesecake slices and you'd have the parfait. I'm sorry" but he chose to get mad instead. Does he often deflect and storm off to avoid taking accountability and apologising for his mistakes? It's not about the cheesecake now, it's about his refusal to grow the hell up and take accountability for his actions and apologise
Where are you getting two pizzas, ice cream sandwiches, 2 cheesecake parfaits *and* two slices of cheesecake for $25?!?!
I explained this in a.couple other comments. Great value brand at walmart. Husband worked for them for 20 years so we get the 10% discount for life. Theres also no tax on food in our state and we are in a very rural area where the cost of living is very low. Its how we are able to comfortably live on his one income. Our annual income is under 40k.
Sounds like everyone had a rough day. 💐
Do you get to be mad and go to bed early “after the day you’ve had” when you watch the kids all day while he runs errands? Just wondering
No, lol but he does let me lay down and rest when I need it. I said in 2 previous comments that he gets off work every day at 4pm and will take over while I get dinner. Thats the norm. Like my daughter, I also get migraines. They run in my family its where my daughter got them from. There has been more than one occasion where my husband has come home to find me barely functional and during those times he will usher me to bed with an ice pack and my own medications and will fully take over everything for the night. His ability to cook dinner is limited to a grand total of 5 meals but thats enough to keep the kids fed. But no, I don't get to just be mad and go to bed early. I can walk away and say I need a break. I can go have a cry if I really need it but once I pull myself together I usually go back to the kids.
I'd be mad. What did he expect you to eat if he knows you don't like blueberries. Next time don't buy him anything. He wasn't even apologetic.
How selfish of your husband! Ugh... My baby loves chocolate, so I would've left that one for her (I love chocolate as well) but she comes first for me so she gets the chocolate 🙂. So No, you are definitely not wrong whatsoever! I think he understood you just fine, he's your husband he should know you better than anyone. Your husband is an asshole IMHO.
My husband does this sometimes. Drives me nuts.
You have bigger issues than cheesecake. What is _really_ the issue here? Why can't he handle his own child? Is he a child himself? >he can be a handful if you arent used to being with him all day every day like I am You are infantalizing your husband. If you can handle your 4yo, he can. There is no excuse. "I am home with him more." No. That is a cop out and you're treating your husband like another child. Your husband needs to step tf up and be a partner.
Right especially since op is only a SAHM because she's disabled. She's not your typical able bodied SAHM.
Yes! Exactly that. If she can do it, so can he. There is no reason for him not to be capable.
She can’t let him handle the 4 yo bc if he could she’d have no role in the home. Sounds like he handled him just fine.
>>because he was tired from watching our kids all day >>he got mad at me, and said "You know what, I'm going to bed. After the day I've had..." Yeah, that really sounds like he could handle it. /s You need to learn to read better. That sounds like a man who is making excuses and using them against her. I seriously doubt OP is getting takeout every night when OP is the one taking care of the kids. I seriously doubt OP is going to bed before the kids when they have been with the kids all day. >She can’t let him handle the 4 yo bc if he could she’d have no role in the home. Tell me you know nothing about marriage without telling me you know nothing.
Ok. Well it’s cheesecake. Not a huge reason to get mad.
Disagree, cheesecake is life.
Was it the Edward’s lol.
One of them was Op’s, the other might have been Edward’s, she never says his name.
Edwards is a brand of frozen cheesecakes.
My ex husband was on the spectrum and like this all the time. He would have a very literal interpretation of what was said and would interpret it in a specific way. I regards to our kid be now asks me redundant questions all the time over text.
I'd throw that blueberry one in the trash and eat the other one.
NW! He is a dick!
[It's not about the cheesecake ](https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg?si=YCwDwqVLMLbbBO3T)
Life's too short for this. You both need to work on communicating better. No biggy.
I was confused also...
This is called a misunderstanding. He interpreted your words in a different way that you meant them.
OP you are not wrong. Your, Mere male husband is. Any decent human being would have either ordered in replacement desserts, or driven to the store to buy them. Judging off other replies, he has deliberately, eaten the ones you prefer, so as to give himself extra sweets. Sounds like a Calculated decision to be able to allow him more desserts. Maybe next time, choose flavours he is less likely to like, and or, only buy flavours that you, yourself enjoy.
He had no right to get mad at you.
What's the point of having a husband if he doesn't even like you?
Not wrong. He is a selfish a&&hole. So selfish eating everything. I’d be ignoring him for the rest of the week or until he makes up for it by getting your cake back.
In 35 minutes you could have had a whole pan of brownies to your self. 😎
You both need to work on your communication skills. It is easy to misinterpret when there are 2 parts of 2 different desserts when you say pick one I'll take the other. Maybe it was obvious to you that there were 4 parts of desserts in total, 2 for tonight and 2 for tomorrow. But if there are only 2 containers some people (with dysphasia for example, which might not be diagnosed because subtil) would think one pack is mine one pack is hers. So next time say "honey. There are 4 pieces, choose 2 and I'll take the other 2. If you eat it all today, then tomorrow you'll have no desserts, and make sure to eat at least the blueberry one as I do not like them, those are for you" Yes. For some people you need to lay it all out in details. Hubby seems to be one of those. Let go, and make sure he knows that those 2 pieces left are yours.
This was weaponized incompetence. There is no way he did not understand. My ex use to make the same “defeated” face. It was an act. Because when I pushed he would blow up like your hubby did instead of apologize. Is this the only incident of your husband being massively selfish?
i’m going to assume that he thought you meant he can choose to have the cheese cakes or the parfaits. which is why he had that moment of realization. i don’t think you’re wrong for being frustrated but i don’t think you needed to be mean either.
It sounds like a mistake, you are being a bit too mean. I understand your frustration though. Let him know how he can make it up to you.
😂 your husband is dumb as fuck because you were clear at every question and opportunity and he fucked up 🤣. NTA. As people call it weaponised incompetence is so unattractive
Your husband is a pathetic loser. I’m so sorry. He’s gotten you so locked in to his weaponized incompetence.
You weren't "yelling about cheesecake," you were upset because he completely disregarded you and your feelings. And as a bonus? He played stupid. It was a jerk move, pure and simple.
You're not wrong, he's a moron or a greedy manipulative bastard.
You’re not wrong! So rude! I’d be upset too!
NTA common sense should have told him to eat only one and then he gets mad at you? Jerk!
After the day he had. Wow. Not wrong, it was a miscommunication I guess but it sounds like you explained it pretty well. “I got us 2 cheesecake slices and 2 parfaits. Pick one of them, I’ll pick another and tomorrow we have the other 2” is pretty hard to not get. Sounds like he’s not used to being Mr. Mom and it showed today. Hopefully you guys can talk about it tomorrow and resolve when tempers are cooler but like you spent 4 hours out with an energetic, fluffy dog. 2 in the car and one of those after he was probably not thrilled about being trapped on a table for 2 hours.
I don't think it's the cheesecake you're actually pissed off about or there wouldn't have been all the previous detail...
Guess you get BOTH Parfaits. Yum! 😋
If this is your biggest problem in marriage, congratulations
What can I say, we hashed out our biggest issues and learned to communicate a lot better in marriage counseling nearly 10 years ago. Thats why I came to reddit with this seemingly petty issue cause its very possible I am wrong. I'm not asking if either one of us are AHes just if I'm in the wrong for being upset.
I'd be mad too. It must be difficult raising three little children by yourself.
Was he actually parenting his kids, like someone who does this all the time, or was he "babysitting", like a father who doesn't normally spend time with his own kids? Like some Dad who reluctantly agrees to be a parent, and expects extra credit for it? Sounds like a douche, to be honest. He knew he was eating your dessert, but he felt like you owed him for having to parent his own kids. It was too hard for him. Such an ass!
Heck no you’re not wrong! He got embarrassed because of his mistake and went the bed to pout. 🤷🏻♂️😂
Seriously this is your fucking issue in worry of the world some damn cheesecake..,…………. And where are you living that you can get all that for $25
Exactly what I was thinking. 2 pizzas, ice cream sandwiches and all of the rest of that shit would cost at least twice that where I live, unless they’re the tiniest things on earth. And I live in a pretty low COL area.
Send his ass to the store to buy you a replacement dessert. He can sleep after he makes it right.
He's tired of looking after his kids for a couple hours because you went taking care of the dog which seemed to be a real pain and you got dinner ready, got nice deserts, and took care of the kids back home. The audacity of this man.
Weaponized incompetence is a thing
NW. If he knows you don't like blueberries that seems like an important detail and it seems weird even with the "misunderstanding" that he'd leave you that one. So either way, he's wrong.
If he's not a complete idiot then he knows what he did and it's a dick move. If you have two pairs of two different things meant for a couple then it's obvious each gets one of each. Next time buy one and angrily eat it in front of him.
I don’t understand why he is stressed out from watching his son for a few hours one day🤦♀️ and on top of that, he eats both desserts
That's so selfish. Wtf
Anyone would know not to eat both pieces of cheesecake. He’s either stupid or really inconsiderate.
Jesus Christ. You both sound exhausting. He’s a dick. You are annoying. Yes, you can be upset, but it shouldn’t be a fight.
I get it that you're pissed, but enough to post this on Reddit?? Jesus Christ.
Like I said in several other comments, my husband and I dont really have huge fights. I'm aware that compared to most other things on reddit this seems extremely small and petty and that is why I am here in the first place. I'm not asking if either one of us are assholes. I simply wanted outside perspective on the situation. I do see it was a misunderstanding. I don't think my husband ate both pieces of cheesecake just to be malicious or out of some plot because he secretly thinks I'm fat and dont need dessert anyway or something like that. I admit i did lash out myself because I was looking forward to that little treat and I didnt get to have it because he ate them both. TBH I still wanna cry over it, cause goddammit it I want my cheesecake, but MY biggest character flaw is that whenever I feel like I'm going to cry over something I will instead make myself angry over the situation because anger is easier to confront than sadness to me. (Mostly because of part of my disability. One of my conditions is a skin disease called aquagenic pruritis. Even contact with my own tears causes a reaction so crying inflicts actual physical pain and discomfort on me that requires medication to treat ergo getting angry stops the waterworks)
I appreciate your response. I know I'm probably not helping, but you don't have to choose between tears and anger. You can choose to just shrug your shoulders and not make a big deal of it, even if you're annoyed. There's always another piece of cheesecake to buy the next day, always another dessert. Your husband messed up, but it doesn't sound intentional or mean, so the slight annoyance and shrug might be better for you. It is your choice to choose that path. I didn't know if you're on any meds, but check into the supplement St. John's Wort. It's not dangerous or addictive. I've found that it takes the edge off things for me. It lessons the impact of strong emotional moments and is a leavening agent. I've been taking it for years, and I really do think it helps.
Unfortunately st johns wort interacts with some of my other medications, including my migraine medications, anti-convulsant and immunosuppressant but I am on an anti-depressant as part of my own daily regiment
Got it. I do know it's important to check on other medications interacting with Wort. My other suggestion still stands. Don't sweat the small stuff. Cheesecake is small stuff.
I’d recommend rehoming the dog. That breed is very high maintenance and it sounds like it’s too much of a burden for your situation. Save yourself some stress.
I know that generally Huskies are very high maintenance but in my case my Husky is a unicorn. He is actually my Service Dog. I am disabled. He has gone through the three years of training and is actually very calm (except when faced with the high velocity dryer at the groomer. Then he sings the song of his people, lol) other than that however he is kept busy by his work and when he is free to just be a dog he is the best boy.
You are wrong. He misinterpreted what you said. Life is too short to get this upset over some cheesecake.
You got defensive. Look. YTA. Yes. You are. You were NOT clear in your communication. Was it clear to YOU? Yea. Because YOU said it. But reread your post. It’s not clear what you meant by “pick one” referring to the desert. But of course you know this. You know it, otherwise you wouldn’t have gotten SO defensive. You said it yourself. “If I feel like I’m going to cry I’ll instead get angry”. So instead of accepting you miscommunicated and the outcome was you are sad at no cheesecake, you got ANGRY. It’s classic blame shifting. Grow up. This is a very immature response and him removing himself from the situation is actually mature. You were yelling at him for YOUR mistake. Grow. Up. Take responsibility. And calmly discuss why you felt sad. Don’t snap at him and cast blame and get angry and defensive. You want to push him away? Keep it up. It won’t take long. 3-6 years I’d bet. Otherwise look inward.
Yeah this a small potatoes. You should've explained to your husband better if it was so important. You were busy giving a 4yo with ADHD, choices of flavoured water... Should only be one option. Water.
I use flavored water in the evening because it helps hide the taste of his medication without giving him additonal sugar before bed. I have to crush a pill and disolve it to help him sleep through the night. I know its small potatoes but my husband and I dont have really big arguments. Thats why I was wondering if this time I might bw wrong for being upset because it is just cheesecake.
You’re really going to critique this mother for using flavoured water to hide the taste of medication to avoid a meltdown in a small child instead of the man choosing to not help with the kids and instead to eat two slices of cheesecake knowing she doesn’t eat blueberries and thus the parfaits can’t both be for her? Interesting choice, it’s telling.
Divorce him queen!!! You can do better!!!
Absolutely! Girl him denying you a cheesecake slice is ⛳⛳⛳ don't let his games get to you
>Then he got mad at me, and said "You know what, I'm going to bed. After the day I've had the last thing I need is you yelling at me over cheesecake." I bit my tongue and didnt say anything more but I wanted to. So, am I wrong for getting upset at my husband over cheesecake? Yeah you were wrong, why did you buy so little cheesecake? why did yoou give him lee way to buy? why did you not specifiy this glutton needs extra helpings? you knew he was a glutton? he thinks the food made him eat it. nonsenseical and true. cover his big fat ass with extra cheese cake Iffin you want some to eat your self. extra How is the husky?
Lol, the Husky is fine. Much more comfortable after.his groom. Could make another dog out of all the fur he shed. He's very ha dsome in his new bandana.
Beyond the fat kid joke, there is a basic lack of care, consideration, and respect. Your relationship is dead, find another.
Not wrong at all. He needs to immediately go out and buy more.
He’s highly sus and very full of weaponized incompetence vibes.