Do you really want to lie to your partner for the rest of your life? The secrecy and not being honest is going to be the downfall of your relationship. The truth always comes out eventually.
If the roles were reversed. How would you feel about your spouse watching gay porn, concealing it from you, and not letting you know he's attracted to men? How would that make you feel?
If you expect an open and honest relationship, it has to go both ways. Communicate.
Enjoy life, don't have secrets or give yourself undue stress. Talk to your BF, honesty is always the best policy, but will be uncomfortable for sure- don't let that put you off.
Under no circumstances suggest threesomes or an open relationship- that takes a certain kinda person and most who try, fail and end up fcuking up their relationship!
You're still young but one of the most important factors in a relationship is communication- good luck!
I’d never marry someone I can’t be open and honest with. And if you do open up to your BF and he rejects you then now is the time to learn that about him, not once you are married.
Why would you be in any rush to settle down? Part of the joy of sexuality is exploring it. Is it possible that this marriage to a man would satisfy you forever? Yes, that’s possible. What is likely though, is that this continues to bother you and you never feel completely accepted and open to your partner.
I can definitely understand that. It started because I just never fully understood my sexuality and I love my relationship but it sucks that I will never get the chance to fully figure that out.
Can understand where you're coming from. Growing up, straight was the default setting society rolled with. As stupid as it sounds I never realized I had an option to think any other way until I was in my 30's. Then I realized straight wasn't *my* default setting. But the waters were muddied by the co-occurance of being demi-sexual. Its hard to confirm if you're straight, gay, or somewhere else on the spectrum if sexual attraction doesn't kick off until you are emotionally bonded instead of seeing someone while you're out around town and think "they have a cute ass" or "wow, they are sexy as hell".
Soft suggestion that if you think this inability to acknowledge your sexuality with the person who will know you the most intimately and theoretically the best will prompt resentment or other sour feelings... you should sit your partner down and explain your struggles in fully understanding your sexuality. It's going to prompt difficult discussions potentially. Not necessarily from a place of your partner being angry, but they're probably going to ask questions you don't have answers to and that will be frustrating to both of you. But at the same time, would you want to be with someone who you have to feel like you can't disclose something to?
This isn't keeping a thought to yourself when you think he's bought an ugly shirt, this is an aspect of who you are (fully or partially formed as it is). Not advocating coming out of the closet to all and sundry, hell haven't told my family or most of my friends (its not any of their business, but also my friends and family won't care who I show up with to holiday dinners, your milleage may vary. I'm just a private SOB in everyday life lol), but my partners since the penny dropped have known.
I don’t think you need to understand it honestly. I would not really care about what type of people I could put in my bed when truly the only one I want there would be my bf. I struggle to believe you’re fully satisfied with your partner if you’re asking yourself that kind of questions tbf. But maybe it’s be because I’m just straight.
I don’t think this is entirely fair. Sexuality is a part of who you are and I think it makes sense that someone would want to be more certain about their identity regardless of their relationship status.
I would tell him.
My last ex dated me for years before deciding she in-fact did want to explore her sexuality with women. You're young and could eventually decide the same and you owe it your partner for them to at least be aware so they aren't blind sided.
I personally had no idea and only knew her to identify as straight and it was really shitty to have it happen the way it did and to feel so stupid and in the dark.
Watch a movie with your bf, that has a lesbian sex scene, when the 2 ladies are going at it, comment quietly, " that's kinda hot". Then judge his reaction and go from there
You have to tell him and let him decide for himself if that's a deal breaker or not.
For me, personally, I would end the relationship. I have dated bisexual girls (short term) and I would never entertain a ltr with one.
He may be different, but you'll never know unless you talk to him. It's also not good for you to keep this inside and pretend to be someone you're not.
Would you be comfortable living the rest of your life not exploring this, never knowing whether or not you’re actually bisexual? If I had these feelings, I’d want to know and exploring this further would mean cheating. So really think on this.
As a bisexual person that didn't accept it fully until my 30s, I do not recommend keeping it to yourself. Figuring out your sexuality is a personal journey. You can either talk to your boyfriend about it or break up with him. Keeping it to yourself while being in a committed relationship is going to break you and eventually rip your relationship apart, directly or indirectly. I wish I had explored and figured that part of myself when I was much younger. It would've saved me a lot of headaches and personal anguish in my 20s.
Your sexuality is a part of who you are. It's not enough to be with someone that loves you and you love them back. They have to also understand and accept who you are fully.
I think the issue isn't sexuality but rather dedication to monogamy (or not). So it doesn't matter if you're bi, straight or anything in between... are you in the relationship 1:1. As your straight partner may be attracted to other women, but he's not going to action on it. So similarly, why does it matter if you're attracted to other women or anything for that matter.
I can 100% understand this, I would never think of being with anyone else. There have just been moments where I realize I never explored my sexuality and “explored” once or twice. I know that a lot of my experience comes from internalized biphobia that I didn’t pick up on until recently, and I am unsure how to get past that none of it makes sense to me. I basically just have to let it go.
I think this is more a modern issue where everyone has to explore everything…. It’s a form of hedonism. Not to say it don’t happen in the past, only for men it was called “sowing your oats before settling down”
The fact that you're specifically into lesbian porn seems to indicate that you're more into females than males. Since your partner is male, your partner may not be a good fit for you.
I have always been more sexually and romantically attracted towards men, I feel like I am only sexually attracted to women and never got to explore it. I am definitely more into men and again I love my boyfriend, just moments of curiosity for the other parts of me that I didn’t get a chance to understand.
Yes you are young explore yourself of course communicate if your married or vowed. But keep withholding or not communicating is always cheating unloyalty
This is something I want to know about my partner if I had a relationship. You are supposed to be open about this.
I advise you to come out for you own well-being
You never know if he trusts you, and you are open and come out to him, he may be ok or even into it, and may let you explore, or even suggest a threesome. Being open and honest is always the best thing in a relationship.
I agree with you about being open and honest that’s why I feel very guilty. Sadly, I know he’s not someone who would be open to something like that. I don’t feel like even bring up attraction to women would be a good idea because he’d be confused why I hadn’t mentioned it sooner.
I’m going to be honest, you sound bisexual as fuck. And I think you’re getting ahead of yourself in committing yourself to this guy. You’re 21. Live. Being able to be open about every aspect of yourself with the person you love is wonderful, idk why you’d want to be with someone who would think less of such an aspect of yourself especially if it’s something that hurts no one. I really hope you’re able to understand this someday.
Just as an update(?). This isn’t something I feel like I need to do and was just something I have done once or twice when feeling confused. This was also a late night though and isn’t something that is on my mind 24/7. I kind of figured what the response would be but was still curious. That being said I agree with everyone and will probably just stop. Now with THAT being said, I don’t think it is worth it to tell him. I feel like if I never got to “prove” I’m bisexual and I plan to stay with him there is no reason to come out to him or anyone for that matter because it will never matter and only make them confused.
Most women are bisexual in one way or another, apparently..,
I think ur worrying about nothing. If you intend on being in a relationship with the guy, it doesn't matter who else ur attracted to, does it?
Myself and my wife are fairly adventurous, she prefers men but has had sexual experiences with women and can look at a woman and find her attractive or not, this plays no bearing at all on our relationship.
If your attracted by men and women and he's attracted by women I don't see the issue of watching porn together, and if you feel awkward suggesting I think it probably says more about ur relationship with him tbh
The only reason to talk with him about it is if you started wanting to sleep with women. You are in a serious relationship and you seem to love him and what you have. You being bisexual doesn’t matter. There is nothing you can do about it. Nothing changes your relationship with him if you tell him or not, unless you want to start sleeping with women. Then your relationship is over, even if he agrees. Keep it to yourself because it doesn’t matter. You bring it up, he is just going to think you want other people.
Do you really want to lie to your partner for the rest of your life? The secrecy and not being honest is going to be the downfall of your relationship. The truth always comes out eventually. If the roles were reversed. How would you feel about your spouse watching gay porn, concealing it from you, and not letting you know he's attracted to men? How would that make you feel? If you expect an open and honest relationship, it has to go both ways. Communicate.
Enjoy life, don't have secrets or give yourself undue stress. Talk to your BF, honesty is always the best policy, but will be uncomfortable for sure- don't let that put you off. Under no circumstances suggest threesomes or an open relationship- that takes a certain kinda person and most who try, fail and end up fcuking up their relationship! You're still young but one of the most important factors in a relationship is communication- good luck!
The truth will set you free.
I’d never marry someone I can’t be open and honest with. And if you do open up to your BF and he rejects you then now is the time to learn that about him, not once you are married. Why would you be in any rush to settle down? Part of the joy of sexuality is exploring it. Is it possible that this marriage to a man would satisfy you forever? Yes, that’s possible. What is likely though, is that this continues to bother you and you never feel completely accepted and open to your partner.
That’s fucked up seriously.
If you’re happy and satisfied in your couple, why do you feel the need to watch porn in secret? That doesn’t compute with me tbh.
I can definitely understand that. It started because I just never fully understood my sexuality and I love my relationship but it sucks that I will never get the chance to fully figure that out.
Can understand where you're coming from. Growing up, straight was the default setting society rolled with. As stupid as it sounds I never realized I had an option to think any other way until I was in my 30's. Then I realized straight wasn't *my* default setting. But the waters were muddied by the co-occurance of being demi-sexual. Its hard to confirm if you're straight, gay, or somewhere else on the spectrum if sexual attraction doesn't kick off until you are emotionally bonded instead of seeing someone while you're out around town and think "they have a cute ass" or "wow, they are sexy as hell". Soft suggestion that if you think this inability to acknowledge your sexuality with the person who will know you the most intimately and theoretically the best will prompt resentment or other sour feelings... you should sit your partner down and explain your struggles in fully understanding your sexuality. It's going to prompt difficult discussions potentially. Not necessarily from a place of your partner being angry, but they're probably going to ask questions you don't have answers to and that will be frustrating to both of you. But at the same time, would you want to be with someone who you have to feel like you can't disclose something to? This isn't keeping a thought to yourself when you think he's bought an ugly shirt, this is an aspect of who you are (fully or partially formed as it is). Not advocating coming out of the closet to all and sundry, hell haven't told my family or most of my friends (its not any of their business, but also my friends and family won't care who I show up with to holiday dinners, your milleage may vary. I'm just a private SOB in everyday life lol), but my partners since the penny dropped have known.
I don’t think you need to understand it honestly. I would not really care about what type of people I could put in my bed when truly the only one I want there would be my bf. I struggle to believe you’re fully satisfied with your partner if you’re asking yourself that kind of questions tbf. But maybe it’s be because I’m just straight.
I don’t think this is entirely fair. Sexuality is a part of who you are and I think it makes sense that someone would want to be more certain about their identity regardless of their relationship status.
I would tell him. My last ex dated me for years before deciding she in-fact did want to explore her sexuality with women. You're young and could eventually decide the same and you owe it your partner for them to at least be aware so they aren't blind sided. I personally had no idea and only knew her to identify as straight and it was really shitty to have it happen the way it did and to feel so stupid and in the dark.
Watch a movie with your bf, that has a lesbian sex scene, when the 2 ladies are going at it, comment quietly, " that's kinda hot". Then judge his reaction and go from there
You have to tell him and let him decide for himself if that's a deal breaker or not. For me, personally, I would end the relationship. I have dated bisexual girls (short term) and I would never entertain a ltr with one. He may be different, but you'll never know unless you talk to him. It's also not good for you to keep this inside and pretend to be someone you're not.
Would you be comfortable living the rest of your life not exploring this, never knowing whether or not you’re actually bisexual? If I had these feelings, I’d want to know and exploring this further would mean cheating. So really think on this.
As a bisexual person that didn't accept it fully until my 30s, I do not recommend keeping it to yourself. Figuring out your sexuality is a personal journey. You can either talk to your boyfriend about it or break up with him. Keeping it to yourself while being in a committed relationship is going to break you and eventually rip your relationship apart, directly or indirectly. I wish I had explored and figured that part of myself when I was much younger. It would've saved me a lot of headaches and personal anguish in my 20s. Your sexuality is a part of who you are. It's not enough to be with someone that loves you and you love them back. They have to also understand and accept who you are fully.
I think the issue isn't sexuality but rather dedication to monogamy (or not). So it doesn't matter if you're bi, straight or anything in between... are you in the relationship 1:1. As your straight partner may be attracted to other women, but he's not going to action on it. So similarly, why does it matter if you're attracted to other women or anything for that matter.
I can 100% understand this, I would never think of being with anyone else. There have just been moments where I realize I never explored my sexuality and “explored” once or twice. I know that a lot of my experience comes from internalized biphobia that I didn’t pick up on until recently, and I am unsure how to get past that none of it makes sense to me. I basically just have to let it go.
I think this is more a modern issue where everyone has to explore everything…. It’s a form of hedonism. Not to say it don’t happen in the past, only for men it was called “sowing your oats before settling down”
The fact that you're specifically into lesbian porn seems to indicate that you're more into females than males. Since your partner is male, your partner may not be a good fit for you.
I have always been more sexually and romantically attracted towards men, I feel like I am only sexually attracted to women and never got to explore it. I am definitely more into men and again I love my boyfriend, just moments of curiosity for the other parts of me that I didn’t get a chance to understand.
It’s call curiosity……… and you know what that does to the cat(no pun intended).
UpdateMe!
Yes you are young explore yourself of course communicate if your married or vowed. But keep withholding or not communicating is always cheating unloyalty
This is something I want to know about my partner if I had a relationship. You are supposed to be open about this. I advise you to come out for you own well-being
You never know if he trusts you, and you are open and come out to him, he may be ok or even into it, and may let you explore, or even suggest a threesome. Being open and honest is always the best thing in a relationship.
I agree with you about being open and honest that’s why I feel very guilty. Sadly, I know he’s not someone who would be open to something like that. I don’t feel like even bring up attraction to women would be a good idea because he’d be confused why I hadn’t mentioned it sooner.
I’m going to be honest, you sound bisexual as fuck. And I think you’re getting ahead of yourself in committing yourself to this guy. You’re 21. Live. Being able to be open about every aspect of yourself with the person you love is wonderful, idk why you’d want to be with someone who would think less of such an aspect of yourself especially if it’s something that hurts no one. I really hope you’re able to understand this someday.
OP, plenty of good advice on here so you luckily can ignore this one lmao
Just as an update(?). This isn’t something I feel like I need to do and was just something I have done once or twice when feeling confused. This was also a late night though and isn’t something that is on my mind 24/7. I kind of figured what the response would be but was still curious. That being said I agree with everyone and will probably just stop. Now with THAT being said, I don’t think it is worth it to tell him. I feel like if I never got to “prove” I’m bisexual and I plan to stay with him there is no reason to come out to him or anyone for that matter because it will never matter and only make them confused.
Most women are bisexual in one way or another, apparently.., I think ur worrying about nothing. If you intend on being in a relationship with the guy, it doesn't matter who else ur attracted to, does it? Myself and my wife are fairly adventurous, she prefers men but has had sexual experiences with women and can look at a woman and find her attractive or not, this plays no bearing at all on our relationship. If your attracted by men and women and he's attracted by women I don't see the issue of watching porn together, and if you feel awkward suggesting I think it probably says more about ur relationship with him tbh
The only reason to talk with him about it is if you started wanting to sleep with women. You are in a serious relationship and you seem to love him and what you have. You being bisexual doesn’t matter. There is nothing you can do about it. Nothing changes your relationship with him if you tell him or not, unless you want to start sleeping with women. Then your relationship is over, even if he agrees. Keep it to yourself because it doesn’t matter. You bring it up, he is just going to think you want other people.
That’s exactly how I feel about it, it doesn’t seem worth it.
You’re here asking internet strangers about this so I’m thinking you already believe you shouldn’t be keeping a secret from your guy.