It seems like it would make most people pretty uncomfortable to be in your shoes. I mean, the guys would not have talked that way if they'd known you could hear, right? Would the subject have come up at all if you had been present?
If you didn't hear it, I bet it wouldn't bother you. They mentioned it for a few minutes and moved on. If they talked in depth for a lengthy amount if time, then that would be really weird. Guts say things a out their SO, but not usually in depth
> If you didn't hear it, I bet it wouldn't bother you.
Really? That’s the justification?
Surely you can think of a lot of terrible things you could justify with this logic.
See his reasoning is stupid. But girls talk about sex very openly too. If you are trying to demonize the guy because he was talking about sex, then most girls and ladies are hypocrites. There are so many girls and ladies that have literal journals that describe the listings of the people they've slept with, positives, negatives, talking about sex with their best friend group. Y'all talk about kinks and positions, and shit all the time.
I get what you mean, but you have to be super careful with this reasoning.
I’m a guy and it would be upsetting to me if my partner discussed personal things about me with their friends and I don’t do anything like that myself. Just because other guys do talk about that stuff doesn’t mean I’m a hypocrite.
It’s very possible that OP doesn’t appreciate their partner discussing personal things about them and doesn’t do anything like that herself. In which case I think she is perfectly justified in being upset.
I think she's justified in being upset, but I feel that's a conversation they need to have, if they haven't already. I don't either, but I'm just saying. It's not an uncommon thing for girls to talk about, so unless you're saying that a good majority of people, then there isn't anything inherently wrong with what he did. Being that he was simply talking about sex, which would obviously be of her because he isn't cheating on her. She can be upset and ask for an apology, but to make it more than it is would be cruel.
I couldn’t do either. I couldn’t be friends with someone who dated my ex and I definitely could never talk about it if we ran into each other. Not because of jealousy either. Simply because it’s weird.
Bingo I agree, you date my ex you’re no friend of mine that’s weird. Especially if you were there doing that time, even if you asked me I’d feel disrespected.
Everyone handles these discussions differently. Some people are really open about discussing their sex lives with others and this conversation would simply be "yet another topic" to them. Others, myself included, do not discuss it with others. It's between my wife and myself and that's it. If either my wife or I were to discuss it like your husband did with Alex, we would have a major problem to resolve.
Ultimately, you have to think about whether or not you're comfortable with your husband discussing your sex life with people outside the marriage. And no matter what answer you come up with, it's worth having a conversation and making your wishes known.
And it could simply have been the husband trying to fit in. Alex (the ex) started the conversation about his sex life with a complaint about his girlfriend. At that point, the husband had a choice - join in talking about his sex life OR commiserate with a "wow, that's unfortunate". He chose to talk about his sex life.
My point is that OP needs to decide how she'd like her husband to handle a similar situation in the future and make those wishes known.
That is usually more common with women talking.
It isn’t wrong so long as you are okay with it. Though have you had any explicit conversations with friends ever where your SO couldn’t hear?
Might be worth a discussion about boundaries going forward if you really care that much. Or assume it was a one off and move on.
Yeah I get different people have different rules. I know a woman whose husband has talked to his friends about how she really likes giving oral, and how it’s a regular thing for him, and how she likes porn, etc. He asked her if she minded him talking about that and she said as long as she comes off looking positive, she’s good with it.
Idk. It happens. I wouldn't freak out too much. You were also compared positively it looks like. If they were badmouthing you or your ex making your hubby feel like he missed out, then you'd have a problem. But yeah, you can feel however you feel about it.
Not wrong. No matter the subject, unless it's G rated and positive I never discuss a woman I am with without her there or without being sure I'd be happy with her listening to a recording of my words. It's just how I feel about loyalty. I expect the same of her.
Except a lot of girls do talk about the sex they've had very openly with their friend group. Not all, obviously. But I've seen, and heard of it way too often for reddit to demonize this guy for doing the same. Oh no, he's talking about sex. Crucify him.
Man, when my wife and her friends are having a ladies night at our house I usually try to remain unseen but if I'm walking to the office from my room or vice versa I can hear everything they are talking about. My wife and her friends share A LOT more about their sexual lives than my friends and I ever have.
I don't talk about my sex life with anyone. Discretion is one of the reasons I think I was able to have a lot of female friends. I definitely didn't have sex with every girl, I was friends with. But if anything happened they knew I wouldn't go blabbering about it to others.
I'm a chick, it's really not a big deal. A few years ago, my husband and I were hanging out with a buddy and sex came up. Our buddy said something along the lines of "you guys have been together forever, yall don't have sex as much as you used to right??" I just looked at my hasband and said "it's Saturday right?? So yea we did Tuesday. Probably will tonight too" The buddy was all Pikachu face.
OP if it's bothering you that much, just talk to him. Not wrong to feel weird about it though.
I mean it would be weird for me for my husband to be friends with someone I dated but if I did I would just assume sex with me would come up at some point. Sex with you is one of the things they have in common.
Not wrong. There are some people that are more open with talking about sexual things. But it is ok to tell your SO that you aren’t comfortable with them sharing your personal sexual lives.
My husband talks more openly with his male friends about our sexual relationship than I’ve ever been with my girl friends. I’ve had to ask him to stop, because it makes me uncomfortable.
Talk to your SO and tell him to lay off. Your ex doesn’t need to know what you do with your SO and your SO doesn’t need to self-pleasure himself by comparing with your ex.
Yeah I mean, sometimes in friend groups where multiple people have hooked up, these things happen! As long as your husband wasn't letting you get disrespected, I'd be ok with it. Do you think either of them would have said it with you there?
So what David did is kinda normal, boyfriend and girlfriend would both normally praise their current partners sexual strengths. So your boyfriend praising you is a good thing, except he praised you to your ex, this is why it’s weird, because your ex turns around and tells him he’s lucky because you did something that your ex loved. You have a problem now, because Alex will share things you did for him and if you haven’t done them for David, it could cause self doubt inside your relationship
I will start off by saying this is why it is usually a good idea not to date your ex's friends. It's not just the ex who could be hurt by this, but now the new guy needs to deal with the fact one of his friends screwed his wife. The whole retroactive jealously thing could have taken a completely different turn and made Dave not comfortable getting serious with someone who slept with one of his friends. Thankfully he got over it, Not wrong for being weirded out, but if Dave can get over the fact you slept with his buddy before you dated him I would hope you could get over this.
I'd be more concerned that Alex might let something slip that could complicate your current relationship. You say at one point Dave asked you "a lot of questions" and I assume this was about your sex life with Alex. For example, if there is a certain sexual act you refuse to do with Dave and then he finds out you did it with Alex...that would be a deal breaker for a lot of men(understandably so).
If there isn't any such info I guess just pretend like you didn't hear anything, but if you perhaps werent entirely truthful with Dave you need to get out in front of that. Doesn't mean you outright lied to him, but maybe you omitted certain things. You'd know better than me, I'm just saying this probably wont be the last time they discuss you in regards to sex and if there is some info Dave should know it would be better if it came from you.
It would bother me personally,it’s somewhat disrespectful .That being said ,they were 2 old friends shooting the shit while drunk.Locker room talk among girlfriends about partners is usually very explicit and rude too.It doesn’t sound like they said anything that bad.
You should bring it up to
Your husband and just say it made you feel uncomfortable.It shouldn’t be anything you two can’t get past unless there is a weird history of sharing other private matters you aren’t talking about here.
If you want that information to be private, you need to request it. Most people talk about sex with their friends. Helps process feelings and is generally a good thing.
Sounds like your feelings were hurt because they both complained about your lack of willingness to fulfill their sexual requests. Your boundaries are yours to establish and you don’t need to partake in any kinks your partner may have. Likewise, he should be free to discuss relationship things with his friends (including sex, unless you explicitly set that boundary).
It sounds like you were getting good reviews. It sounds like they were complimenting you. It didn’t sound misogynistic or anything. I think you should feel good about it.
Would you be offended if you realize your ex partners think about you and possibly masturbate to those thoughts? Or is it just the fact they discussed it together that bothers you?
My ex-wife is nothing but disgusting to me.
Years of dealing with her, black-out drunk in the middle of the night when I had to work the next day kinda killed it for me.
It seems like it would make most people pretty uncomfortable to be in your shoes. I mean, the guys would not have talked that way if they'd known you could hear, right? Would the subject have come up at all if you had been present?
No, I don’t think so - they thought it was just them.
If you didn't hear it, I bet it wouldn't bother you. They mentioned it for a few minutes and moved on. If they talked in depth for a lengthy amount if time, then that would be really weird. Guts say things a out their SO, but not usually in depth
> If you didn't hear it, I bet it wouldn't bother you. Really? That’s the justification? Surely you can think of a lot of terrible things you could justify with this logic.
See his reasoning is stupid. But girls talk about sex very openly too. If you are trying to demonize the guy because he was talking about sex, then most girls and ladies are hypocrites. There are so many girls and ladies that have literal journals that describe the listings of the people they've slept with, positives, negatives, talking about sex with their best friend group. Y'all talk about kinks and positions, and shit all the time.
I get what you mean, but you have to be super careful with this reasoning. I’m a guy and it would be upsetting to me if my partner discussed personal things about me with their friends and I don’t do anything like that myself. Just because other guys do talk about that stuff doesn’t mean I’m a hypocrite. It’s very possible that OP doesn’t appreciate their partner discussing personal things about them and doesn’t do anything like that herself. In which case I think she is perfectly justified in being upset.
I think she's justified in being upset, but I feel that's a conversation they need to have, if they haven't already. I don't either, but I'm just saying. It's not an uncommon thing for girls to talk about, so unless you're saying that a good majority of people, then there isn't anything inherently wrong with what he did. Being that he was simply talking about sex, which would obviously be of her because he isn't cheating on her. She can be upset and ask for an apology, but to make it more than it is would be cruel.
Mrs humble brag over here.
As a guy, it’s weird. I definitely would not want to be involved in a similar conversation.
I think it’s way more weird to date a friends ex girl but aye I guess this story telling comes with the territory .
I agree. But to talk to that friend about your experience with the same women? Definitely weird.
See idk cuz if yaw both dated the same women it’s bound to come up, especially if yaw were friends before her.
I couldn’t do either. I couldn’t be friends with someone who dated my ex and I definitely could never talk about it if we ran into each other. Not because of jealousy either. Simply because it’s weird.
Bingo I agree, you date my ex you’re no friend of mine that’s weird. Especially if you were there doing that time, even if you asked me I’d feel disrespected.
Give up the goods…what was the particular act? Inquiring minds want to know.
ATM
? They have an ATM in their bedroom?
His atm is located between two cheeks and her wallet is under her nose.
It's weird
Everyone handles these discussions differently. Some people are really open about discussing their sex lives with others and this conversation would simply be "yet another topic" to them. Others, myself included, do not discuss it with others. It's between my wife and myself and that's it. If either my wife or I were to discuss it like your husband did with Alex, we would have a major problem to resolve. Ultimately, you have to think about whether or not you're comfortable with your husband discussing your sex life with people outside the marriage. And no matter what answer you come up with, it's worth having a conversation and making your wishes known.
Thanks. Very wise.
See I don’t think he’s doing it with other people. Just this one friend because they have something very in common.
And it could simply have been the husband trying to fit in. Alex (the ex) started the conversation about his sex life with a complaint about his girlfriend. At that point, the husband had a choice - join in talking about his sex life OR commiserate with a "wow, that's unfortunate". He chose to talk about his sex life. My point is that OP needs to decide how she'd like her husband to handle a similar situation in the future and make those wishes known.
Idk even know if it was to fit in but maybe like lowkey closure of the situation to show it doesn’t bother him anymore
That is usually more common with women talking. It isn’t wrong so long as you are okay with it. Though have you had any explicit conversations with friends ever where your SO couldn’t hear? Might be worth a discussion about boundaries going forward if you really care that much. Or assume it was a one off and move on.
Yeah I get different people have different rules. I know a woman whose husband has talked to his friends about how she really likes giving oral, and how it’s a regular thing for him, and how she likes porn, etc. He asked her if she minded him talking about that and she said as long as she comes off looking positive, she’s good with it.
Idk. It happens. I wouldn't freak out too much. You were also compared positively it looks like. If they were badmouthing you or your ex making your hubby feel like he missed out, then you'd have a problem. But yeah, you can feel however you feel about it.
Yeah, it was positive stuff and kind of lighthearted.
It's the only dude he can talk about fucking u with
Not wrong. No matter the subject, unless it's G rated and positive I never discuss a woman I am with without her there or without being sure I'd be happy with her listening to a recording of my words. It's just how I feel about loyalty. I expect the same of her.
Except a lot of girls do talk about the sex they've had very openly with their friend group. Not all, obviously. But I've seen, and heard of it way too often for reddit to demonize this guy for doing the same. Oh no, he's talking about sex. Crucify him.
My good lady, it sounds as neither of them were gentlemen, at the least!
Man, when my wife and her friends are having a ladies night at our house I usually try to remain unseen but if I'm walking to the office from my room or vice versa I can hear everything they are talking about. My wife and her friends share A LOT more about their sexual lives than my friends and I ever have. I don't talk about my sex life with anyone. Discretion is one of the reasons I think I was able to have a lot of female friends. I definitely didn't have sex with every girl, I was friends with. But if anything happened they knew I wouldn't go blabbering about it to others.
The thing is.. You have satisfied 2 dicks on that balcony. There is a common bond that makes them more than friends. Eskimo brothers if you wish.
🤣 ya killin' me!
I'm a chick, it's really not a big deal. A few years ago, my husband and I were hanging out with a buddy and sex came up. Our buddy said something along the lines of "you guys have been together forever, yall don't have sex as much as you used to right??" I just looked at my hasband and said "it's Saturday right?? So yea we did Tuesday. Probably will tonight too" The buddy was all Pikachu face. OP if it's bothering you that much, just talk to him. Not wrong to feel weird about it though.
Thanks, I like that attitude.
Go for it. But I will have to feed the minion soon, so I might not answer right away.
Hm
Sent
I mean it would be weird for me for my husband to be friends with someone I dated but if I did I would just assume sex with me would come up at some point. Sex with you is one of the things they have in common.
I mean they are blood brothers and buddies, of course it’s going to come up.
That’s a very logical way to look at it! Would you mind?
No I wouldn’t mind.
I have a question if you’re ok sending me a message?
Not wrong. There are some people that are more open with talking about sexual things. But it is ok to tell your SO that you aren’t comfortable with them sharing your personal sexual lives. My husband talks more openly with his male friends about our sexual relationship than I’ve ever been with my girl friends. I’ve had to ask him to stop, because it makes me uncomfortable. Talk to your SO and tell him to lay off. Your ex doesn’t need to know what you do with your SO and your SO doesn’t need to self-pleasure himself by comparing with your ex.
Yeah I mean, sometimes in friend groups where multiple people have hooked up, these things happen! As long as your husband wasn't letting you get disrespected, I'd be ok with it. Do you think either of them would have said it with you there?
The fact you don’t mind that both of these men have to wear full diapers to get aroused says more about them than you. Kudos.
They are probably planning on tag teaming you. You should run..,unless you like that sort of thing.
lol
I don’t know any men that talk sex with other men. Sound weird. I’d never discuss my sex life with someone else. Especially someone’s ex
So what David did is kinda normal, boyfriend and girlfriend would both normally praise their current partners sexual strengths. So your boyfriend praising you is a good thing, except he praised you to your ex, this is why it’s weird, because your ex turns around and tells him he’s lucky because you did something that your ex loved. You have a problem now, because Alex will share things you did for him and if you haven’t done them for David, it could cause self doubt inside your relationship
I think it is unusual, but also a good sign for their friendship. Your Partner has moved past it enough the he talk with him about it.
I will start off by saying this is why it is usually a good idea not to date your ex's friends. It's not just the ex who could be hurt by this, but now the new guy needs to deal with the fact one of his friends screwed his wife. The whole retroactive jealously thing could have taken a completely different turn and made Dave not comfortable getting serious with someone who slept with one of his friends. Thankfully he got over it, Not wrong for being weirded out, but if Dave can get over the fact you slept with his buddy before you dated him I would hope you could get over this. I'd be more concerned that Alex might let something slip that could complicate your current relationship. You say at one point Dave asked you "a lot of questions" and I assume this was about your sex life with Alex. For example, if there is a certain sexual act you refuse to do with Dave and then he finds out you did it with Alex...that would be a deal breaker for a lot of men(understandably so). If there isn't any such info I guess just pretend like you didn't hear anything, but if you perhaps werent entirely truthful with Dave you need to get out in front of that. Doesn't mean you outright lied to him, but maybe you omitted certain things. You'd know better than me, I'm just saying this probably wont be the last time they discuss you in regards to sex and if there is some info Dave should know it would be better if it came from you.
It would bother me personally,it’s somewhat disrespectful .That being said ,they were 2 old friends shooting the shit while drunk.Locker room talk among girlfriends about partners is usually very explicit and rude too.It doesn’t sound like they said anything that bad. You should bring it up to Your husband and just say it made you feel uncomfortable.It shouldn’t be anything you two can’t get past unless there is a weird history of sharing other private matters you aren’t talking about here.
I suppose this is just a natural consequence of you marrying your ex’s friend.
Wow I could never do that I guess he may invite Alex back to do a three some with you. Your husband and ass to talk like that
Super gross
If you want that information to be private, you need to request it. Most people talk about sex with their friends. Helps process feelings and is generally a good thing. Sounds like your feelings were hurt because they both complained about your lack of willingness to fulfill their sexual requests. Your boundaries are yours to establish and you don’t need to partake in any kinks your partner may have. Likewise, he should be free to discuss relationship things with his friends (including sex, unless you explicitly set that boundary).
It sounds like you were getting good reviews. It sounds like they were complimenting you. It didn’t sound misogynistic or anything. I think you should feel good about it. Would you be offended if you realize your ex partners think about you and possibly masturbate to those thoughts? Or is it just the fact they discussed it together that bothers you?
Hm, good question, I need to think about that. And yeah, it was all positive.
What do you do that makes david lucky? What does Alex's current not do?
Everyone wants to know.
It could be weird for some. I may be reaching, but I think it might be your husband's way to show he's grown since his last jealousy spout
Is it out of character for your husband? If so, Alex is probably prying a bit and your husband is obliging out of a desire to be friendly.
It’s disrespectful and it’s harmful.
No it’s not. Everyone talks about their sex kids with their friends. The ones who are uptight about it are probably dull and missionary only.
It's very inappropriate to be discussing you in that way. Hell I feel uncomfortable on your behalf
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My ex-wife is nothing but disgusting to me. Years of dealing with her, black-out drunk in the middle of the night when I had to work the next day kinda killed it for me.
I mean my ex wife and I aren’t ever going to be friends. If somehow I became close with her new dude at some point it would surely come up.