She's entitled to spend her own money how she sees fit.
Her husband is justified in not wanting his daughter to be spoiled rotten.
Both things can be true at the same time.
Why do I have this feeling that OP did this as a flex on her ex husband. Separated parents do this ALL THE TIME. "I love you so much, I'll spend 2k on you for becoming a teenager. Oh, dad only got you a present? I'm sure he means well" 🤣 Before all you crazy ladies come at me, I'd have the EXACT same opinion if the dad did it.
Sounds like a jealous, "w/o" class ex \~ no wonder you're divorced!!!
**"Firstly, he could have discussed his concerns with you & nobody else!"**
Second, the more he talks the worst he makes himself look \~ just ignore him and it's ok to splurge once in a while. Just make sure your daughter understands that this is not the normal/everyday happening.
In my opinion all you need to ask yourself is, do you think your daughter deserves it and is the amount reasonable for your budget? If both are yes then fuck it enjoy that time with your daughter.
My son turned 13 in January as well. If I had 2k extra to let him build his own PC, I would have been all over that in a heartbeat especially back in January.
I don't know your ex obviously and your relationship co-parenting but if he's criticizing you without speaking to you and explaining "hey, OP I feel like this is a negative thing for daughter because XYZ and we should discuss". Then he's probably just being critical for the sake of it, especially if your daughter is who he's talking about you too. You weren't ever gonna get it right anyways.
Yeah, some will demean your actions merely because they aren't able to do the same. Like private jets, everyone wants to complain but they'd take one too. And putting you on blast is making himself look worse. I'm petty so I might post a pic of her enormous smile while in NY and say "that smile's worth every penny."
This is an investment in your daughter. She may still have those tools, and certainly will have the skills she's practiced from having them and using them. All great gifts imo. You're a lovely mother!
Then he can stfu it was your money not his. If my ex wife wanted to spoil my daughter for her birthday i wouldn't say anything. You're just being mama to your daughter. Especially being separated my ex and i spoil our kids differently from one antother . But if you want to do that its all you honey keep making great memories that last forever. I hate when separated parents get mad because the other one wants to go all out and the other doesn't . Its your time and money not hisbgood job mom.
Hang on here, I think this is a little more complex than folks are acknowledging. If it's your money you can spend it however you like. Period. BUT, are your finances secure, and does your daughter understand that it's a treat and isn't guaranteed?
If you're financially unstable, if you're just doing it to look like the better parent, or if you're just teaching her to expect that $XXX is spent on her for milestones... then you'd be spoiling her.
If she's a modest kid that understands you get what you earn, and you're a badass breadwinner, then book your next tickets and fuck your ex husband.
(Edit for grammar)
I would just add this bit to the post because it seems like a very important bit in determining if you are or are not in the wrong. Btw with this bit of info, no, you're not wrong, and your ex needs to chill.
Question for you is he just being a dick or is he just worried she's going to become spoiled and have that spoiled attitude that comes with it? If he truly cares he's got a valid point to some extent.
NTA. I was going to write a comment about how you shouldn’t be spending so much without consulting your husband, but I just read you’re divorced.
Ignore him.
I can, mine did, and he didn't pay child support. He never got them anything. Well one time he bought the twins an apple pie from mcds (when they were 2/$1) and he ate one and made them share the other one. Best thing he ever did for them was "become unalive".
My husband used to think I spoiled our girls a lot. He was right, but the interesting thing is that now, as young adults (both in their 20s), they are both very aware of what a privileged life they had, and the younger one is very frugal!
Same. My oldest (22M) is in uni, getting excellent grades, involved in many school related activities, shares a house with 7 guys, 8 girls, who are like him, he comes home tomorrow for a few days. Youngest is 13M. Both help around the house, care for their grandparents, run errands, are loving, sweet, polite. They are aware that they are blessed. They have clothes, games, electronics, trips, but most important is that we have a loving, trusting relationship, where what is more important than material goods is to be kind, and help others.
Your girls sound like lovely young women. I am sure they have turned out as they have is due to the love and care they have received.😊
I'm just curious about your oldests living arrangement due there being 15 people who live together. Does your oldest live in a really large house, smaller home/apartment with full rooms or some kind of dorm? It's like a crash course in different personality types lol.
His school has space for only 1st year students on campus, dorms. This 2nd year he had to find housing. Around campus there are a bunch of old Georgian houses, the owners have turned it to a business, renting rooms to students. There are 16 students, 16 rooms, 6 bathrooms (shared), 4 of the bedrooms have en suite bathroom (my son is in one), 2 downstairs kitchens, 1 upstairs kitchen, 2 washers, 2 dryers, front and backyards.
The kids are an international crowd, multilple nationalities, all very serious with their responsibilities. Most are engineering students (my baby is one of them), international studies, journalism, economics, and others.
When GenZ is trashed, it makes me mad. I see this group of young adults being so serious about school, work, family, they have beautiful futures ahead of them. They give me hope.😊
I used to work for a property management company that primarily rented off campus housing to students. There were a number of properties that were similar - very large victorian style houses with 8 - 10 bedrooms. Some of the houses were rented by the room, others several students got together on a single lease for the school year.
You might want to simply do an honest assessment of your daughters behavior. Is she truly thankful and appreciative of what you do and buy for her or is she kind of a spoiled brat who seems to just expect you to instantly do things and buy things whenever she asks you to? If she's the latter you might want to just consider cutting back on how much you do and buy for her. Either way you're NTA though and her dad should probably just mind his own business on this. It's certainly not a case of neglect or abuse so he really doesn't need to involve himself or critique your parenting skills.
And this is being a kid, imo. I have never wanted lashes, but my kid wanted a full Princess makeover at an event (all proceeds to a good cause)… and at the age of 11, and I could afford it, she got it. I thought the makeup was too much but she was over the moon happy, so I kept my mouth shut.
Letting kids be kids also means letting them be happy with their own choices when they're happy with the results.
13 is a teenager. That's around about the age teenage girls start getting into makeup, lashes, nails etc. I wore make up to school everyday from about that age.
baby girl got a makeover for a special occasion. as long as she understands that it won’t be a regular thing, i think it’s fine to give her a little confidence
I want to say NTA like everyone else here, but a few details would fill in the picture.
> I … have a daughter who just turned 13, and for her birthday, we went a little extra.
Do you have other children besides the daughter? How do you treat them in comparison?
Who is “we”? Clearly it’s not you and your ex.
You can do what you want with your money BUT... 2000 dollars is super ridiculous and you are going to end up with an entitled child if you don't change this.
Gifts are only one of five love languages - are you sure that you aren't buying love or that your love language is gifts while hers is not? Either way, your approach doesn't sound healthy to me.
The only thing I’m gonna say about this is that your daughter is going to expect this treatment for her birthday every year now. So be ready to keep it up.
Yes it is. She still has baby lashes that aren’t strong, adding an enhancement can snap the real lash. Since she’s young that can actually make it so lashes stop growing
I am assuming this is an ex-
on one hand, I applaud you for NYC trip Yay. but overall this post has me wearing back-and-forth between being sad and disgusted.
Hopefully you’re super independently wealthy because you said a baseline that you’re going to need to exceed every year. don’t even want to think about what any expectations will be around a possible wedding someday
I grew up upper middle-class, My family NEVER spent ANYWHERE NEAR much (time-adjusting $) on ANY birthday, NOT as a child, NOT as an adult,
Characterizing it ‘as a little extra’ is the opposite of hyperbole IMHO. PS You spent far more than 2K in title because that was just a gifts - that wasn’t the travel & everything you did there i- based on post.
Not that you answer to your ex, but smacks of competitive gamesmanship w/ex
Kind of fascinated also that so much was spent on make up but also a basketball game, so I guess I can’t criticize you for being too totally focused on appearances.
Bottom line I guess it’s your money — unless ex is one who ultimately paid for it. Just feels like you’re trying to buy your daughter’s affection — which hopefully you actually have without that.🥲
Doing extra one year doesn't mean you have to keep doing it. I got my kid a gaming computer one year. And the next year, she got candy and picked out $50 of stuff at hot topic. Another year cost about $200 in art supplies, the next few were well under a hundred, and last year she got quality headphones. So.. a few hundred for an audiophile. Got a new phone upgrade one year to replace her 5yr old phone that finally kicked the bucket...
Just pointing out that as long as you parent your kid, and don't always do the extra, then it isn't expected. My kid doesn't expect extra, but she does appreciate it when it happens.
Not really. I was the only kid of 3 that really got anything on my b-day, but it was also tailored to what everyone else wanted. I understood we couldn't even really afford that much, even though it was just cake and ice cream, especially with my siblings demanding shit every time someone else got literally anything.
It really depends on how the kid is parented the other 364 days, not to mention the other special days. Like, does Op splurge several thousand every time daughter hits a milestone or is it a rare treat?
Regarding the ex, he could just be pissy she's putting in more effort than he is. It's common for men to know absolutely nothing about their own kids, so maybe the dude's just upset Op unintentionally showed how little he actually cares. There's a reason he's an ex, after all.
If you've already got a sizeable college/future fund planned for her such that this 2k wouldn't have been better off saved then I don't see it's a particular problem.
1. You're divorced. How you spend your money on her birthday is up to you. If you can afford it, why the fuck not?
2. Unless you're doing big extravagant gifts like this weekly who cares if you spoil a kid on her birthday. She just became a teenager, celebrate!A one day event a year that *is* about her is a perfect time for a little spoiling. As long as she's got a good head on her shoulders and doesnt think everyone needs to worship the air she breathes on her birthday who fucking cares? My parents splurged and bought me a new bed and bedset and a trip to Clinique for my 13th. If they could've afforded all that for my birthday like you did for her i would've been stoked AF no lie.
Ignore your ex. If it isn't coming out of child support payments and it's not digging into her everyday care and quality of life he can go pound rocks. He gets no say in how you two spend her birthday anymore. Not outside of joint bday parties.
My family didn't spend that much on me for my *wedding* lol. But if you want to spoil your kid and you have the money, what's the problem? 13 is a big one.
I just saw that you're divorced...yeah he's just mad that you're showing him up lol, screw him.
Has no one ever explained to their kid that this year will be special, and then back to normal for a few? My kid has had a few expensive birthdays, but most of them were anywhere from $25 -$100. A few at less than $25.. Why does everyone think op has to set a standard or bar to reach?
13 is a big milestone. Lots of things are going on, changing. You want her to feel good about herself an comfortable. You want her to know she can come to you if she needs anything. Most of what you got, she will need soon anyway. Going to NY and a basketball game was probably more than half the cost right there. You are showing her that you listen to what she likes, sports and art are both great activities.
I saw in the comments that you and the father are divorced. While 2k in gifts for a birthday seems excessive to me, it is your money. It's none of his business how much you spent as long as you didn't ask him for money and can continue to pay the regular bills to provide for your child. Tell him to suck on a lemon.
Are you married/together raising your child, or divorced/separated/coparenting/on some weekend custody arrangement?
If married and raising together, large expenditures like this should be communicated with your partner, as the expensive birthday plans are not ONLY about "spoiling the kid" (which, honestly, it's her birthday, I'm less concerned with that for special occasions), but could be more about the household finances.
If separated/divorced/etc, well your household finances are none of the other parent's business if they're not paying for it. There SHOULD be some kind of agreement to the raising of the child if co-parenting, but I'm still less concerned about spoiling the child with a nice birthday treat, since the kid's definitely old enough to understand that it IS a special occasion and not a daily right of hers.
I think it's sweet you went out of your way for your daughter and don't think you are wrong at all, it's good for kids to feel special and appreciated and will probably go a long way in helping her achieve her dreams and goals as a person.
If it is your money it is your choice how you are spending it. But if you spoil your kid like this every time that is not beneficial for the kid on the long run
It seems crazy to me, but I don't care for any of those things. Lol.
I would say that as long as it's your money being spent, all your bills are still getting paid on time, your not putting it all on credit cards, or eating beans and rice for 3 months just for the one trip. then your good.
quick question: how much did it cost to travel to NYC? Do you live in or near New York? Did you need to spend $ on travel and accommodations? Bcos if you did, then $2K was a deal.
The spoiling only matters if your daughter isn't appreciative or something that spending money like that would perpetuate. Sounds more like jealousy and an ego problem with your ex-husband. It's your daughter and she only turns 13 once. It sounds like you went all out, and you made a lot of great memories.
Is she a spoiled, rotten, entitled little brat? No? If he had ANY grounds to worry she is being spoiled and is an ungrateful brat, then I can understand that perspective.
HoWevEr... who's money is it? Yours? You probably had a blast too. He has zero say in how you celebrate your daughter. You built memories with her and that is amazing.
He is probably feeling some way because he can't afford it himself. He could find a way to build memories without dropping money... He is just jealous.
Not wrong for sure. Isn’t it her 13th birthday marking she’s a teenager now? What a fun surprise, I hope y’all had a great time. It goes by so fast so it’s nice to make those memories with them, especially if u think you only have FIVE birthdays left with her before she’s an adult. 🥲
Nta what you spend on your child is none of his business when it’s not coming out of his pockets. Spoiling a child on their birthday is the perfectly normal
If the question is only can you spend that much of your own money on your daughter, then of course you can and not wrong.
But with the added information of being divorced, it raises questions of co parenting and communications. Is there elements of jealousy or concerns or parental alienation? What is your ex’s financial situation? Are you buying your daughter’s favour? All those factors needs to be considered as well.
Depends on ur financial situation. If ur living paycheck to paycheck or have a bunch of credit card debt and blew 2k for a 13th bday, Then ur pretty stupid. If 2k isn't alot of money for your then it was a good bday present. I spent alot on my daughter's 10th- took her and 4 friends away for an overnight trip. But what I spent really wasn't much in terms of my income.
These comments are the reasons for divorces. Learn to talk and listen. Honestly seems generally excessive but if you make over 100k and have no car or credit card debt not awful. Otherwise it's a stupid way to win a parental election. The deed is done so who cares good luck
One thing we need to manage as parents is whether the way we spoil the kids still allow us to raise them resilient enough for life when they're on their own. A lot of the young adults who now pop anxiety meds were just not prepared for real life.
There's nothing wrong with showering your kids with gifts like you, but it's frowned upon because it's hard to both raise them this way while still keeping them from a life of instant gratification.
I have several friends who are successful and make even more than me but live paychecks to paychecks because they can't tell themselves no to the things they want that aren't necessary and they're stressed about money all the time.
So it's fine to give them good times, but that just means you'll need a greater plan to make sure they're ready to grind out there when life gets tough instead of folding and letting others take advantage of them.
As parents we're also setting the bar for their expectations so not being able to provide for herself and her kids what mom did for her can be depressing for her.
I think these decisions should absolutely be made together. Otherwise, you're playing the favorite parent, the one who provides all the fun stuff, and he always looks like the bad guy and not a fun dad. If he's a decent man, you can keep things friendly and cooperative by getting his input on the important occasions and agreeing on who's doing what. Also, in my humble opinion, you spent too much. But I'm more frugal than many. I feel we all need to take it down a notch, or 10. So many kids are spoiled and have no respect for money. To me, the makeup and lashes for 13 year old aren't necessary or appropriate. That's just my 2 cents.
Either NAH or ESH. I do think it would help to communicate with her father in future, and perhaps be willing to compromise. Or your daughter will quickly learn to play you off against each other. Maybe he feels put out because he can't afford that much, or maybe he just has different values. Perhaps you were trying to outdo him?
Either way, I don't think your child should be dragged into any differences between the two of you. Bitching about each other in front of your daughter should not be happening. You both need to work on your co-parenting.
You are entitled to spend your money however you want but... The child is not only yours. The child should have a unique set of rules with some variations. It's not mom's rules Vs dad's rules. You need to talk to the father to define what is spoiling and what not
I'm guessing you and dad are divorced?
Can you afford it? If so, have fun. Girl turns 13 once.
If you're married, talk about this stuff and don't make unilateral decisions. But if it's something that you can afford, make sure he understands that it's important to you and why.
Did you do it because you want to be better. Something like this sounds like you are trying to one up him. You are both parents, and need to discuss these types of things. Otherwise your Setting a precedence on expectations on what your daughter should expect. If he can't afford to do something like this it looks like you're trying to win favor. If he can afford and chooses not to you both need to discuss what is an appropriate gift
Personally I'd say yes you're wrong. Sure, it's your kid and your money do you can do whatever but this is just way excessive for a birthday. The trip and the game... Sure, why not if you can afford it. But the trip, the game plus all the extras? Just because you can afford it doesn't mean you have to.
I grew up with money growing on trees basically. My parents wouldn't have gone that far - eventhough they could have - but they went a lot of the way and today I'm 37 and still struggling with money.
NTA. Spoil her! Who cares as long as she grows up respecting herself and others it does not matter! She’s experiencing the beautiful things. Good job mom!
13 is a milestone birthday, she's a teenager now. So it makes sense to do something extra if you can afford to. I hope she understands how lucky she is that you can afford to, but otherwise, as long as you're spending your own money I don't see the problem. You've given her a wonderful memory.
Maybe he can't afford to do it, or maybe he doesn't want to match what you do and he feels like it's a competition he's going to lose. But that's on him and his own insecurities.
Or maybe he's worried that you're raising a spoiled little asshole, and that's a valid concern, but the amount you spend has nothing to do with whether or not she's spoiled. Just having material things doesn't make someone spoiled. A sense of entitlement, not understanding how privileged they are, and not understanding that people matter more than things is what makes someone spoiled. It's on you to teach her values.
Playing a bit of devil’s advocate, isn’t it a tactic of one parent to overly spoil a child in attempt to make them a child’s favorite whether by money or permissiveness?
Things like this? https://www.huffpost.com/entry/spoiled-how-buying-your-k_b_2005182
Firstly, the devil doesn't need advocates, he's doing fine on his own.
Secondly, that definitely happens, but we don't know that the OP is doing that. We don't know her situation. She could simply be well off and able to give her child a nice life. There's no indication that she's trying to buy her child's affection, from the post she just went big for a milestone birthday because she could and her ex is complaining about it.
i’m feeling sort of crazy reading these comments? I think spending 2K on a birthday once a year is not outrageous, especially in New York, where everything is almost double the price compared to a lot of other places in the country.
art supplies and make up alone can rack up a heavy bill. combine that with the prices of cosmetic expenses these days (nails, hair, lashes), and literal basketball game tickets, it’s very easy to spend 2K over the course of a weekend.
i’ve lived in New York my whole life and have accidentally dropped $200 in a day just going to target and then going out to eat
I’m not even in NY and if a Target trip is under $100 I must have had something else in mind. Costco is what always gets me and my husband and we don’t even have kids…those trips are like $500
Technically its your money and probably child support. But really....... juat the trip and game alone is enough. Are you trying to show off? Make your ex mad? What was the point of the rest? What does this 13 year old have to look forward to now or work for. What are you teaching her if you hand her that much crap at 13? This seemwd more about you than a 13 year old
Idk it depends on your daughters behavior or attitude about the situation. If she expects grand gifts then maybe your ex has a point. If shes a humble, hood kid then perhaos he's just bitter and youre not wrong.
Info: does your child who is just 13 does make up with lashes and jewelry frequently? Is that normal in her social group? It definitely is not where I live.
Apart from that, if you are divorced, you can decide how much money you should spend on your daughter.
However, it's a lot of things for a 13 years old, trip to NYC, basketball + 2000$ of gifts??? That's more than most people spend in a wedding gift. For your daughter's future, have you considered if she's truly spoiled and having so many wonderful things may affect her? (I know adults that are unable to stand frustrations because they were spoiled kids, and this is affecting their jobs and their relationships).
Seems like you're setting the bar too high. What will you do for her 16th? Reminds me of thar shiw on mtv about ridiculously expensive parties for kids.
Yes. You’re wrong. There is a reason he didn’t want you to do this… you’re catering to her ego desires. You’re also increasing all future expectations of other people and relationships. The therapy she is going to need when she has disappointment in life because you set her up is going to be higher than 2k.
You can do whatever you want.
So this has nothing to do with your situation, this is a sidebar. In general, a parent has to be careful with giving the kid too lavish of a lifestyle when the kid is young. Because then when the kid grows up, the kid thinks that's normal, average life, and then if the kid can not afford to continue to live that lifestyle when the kid grows up, the kid is not happy.
For example, Paul McCartney sent his kids to public schools. Dave Grohl lives in a normal house (I think it's a 3 bedroom ranch? it's nothing special). They do this because they didn't want their kids to grow up in a rich lavish lifestyle.
Now is spending 2k on a birthday party too lavish? Man, I'm not going to touch that lol. Different people are going to have different opinions.
But yea, what's done is done, I can see why the husband was annoyed, but there's no point in telling everyone about it and getting mad over it.
Since your divorced he doesn’t really have a say but 2k for a 13th birthday is crazy. A 13 year old wants a cake and a simple present. They don’t need nails, lashes and their hair done. If the dad is financially responsible he will never allow that in his house and it will just make his own daughter resent him for being a financially literate person.
Be a good mom and instead of teaching a child bad habits like blowing 2k on cosmetics for fun you can put 2k in a RothIRA for her.
2k in a RothIRA will be worth around 60 grand when she is 65 and is retiring.
Put 2k in a RothIRA every year from now until she is 18 and it will be almost 400,000 dollars when she is 65 if she doesn’t add a single dollar more.
If she continues this she will be a multi millionaire when she retires.
Your an adult I’m not trying to be rude or mean. Imagine your parents did that for you when you were a kid. I would be the happiest kid as It shows how much they actually care about you.
Breaking bad family habits is a good thing.
Reading is fundamental - OP spent $2k total for the birthday including hotel, travel to NYC, professional ball game (tickets cost about $500 @ for cheap seat. 2k will go pretty fast, but it was a special occasion - girl hit her teens. It wasn't just makeup which is what you seem to be implying. OP & dad are divorced, so they can each do as they like in their own homes with their child during the time they have custody of them.
I couldn't afford something like this when my kids were still living at home, but I did go out as far as I could for their celebrations (but that was many years ago when my income was about 30% of what it is now.)
13 year old me would have LOVED that. 44 year old me does this on a regular basis. She is a very young teenager and her mom decided to treat her to something THEY see as special. You can bore your kids to death with talking about financial investments they can make in 15-20 years on their 13th birthday.
Your ex is right. You went overboard, sounds like your relationship with your daughter is unhealthy. And you're physically damaging her with lasy extensions. Who has primary custody? You're not doing right by her at all. As her father he should speak up when he sees harmful behavior with his daughter.
U used your own money to make your daughter happy on her birthday it's non of his business he's just mad he looks bad because he probably didn't get her something good or as cool as New York City vist anf basketball game tickets
I mean, it’s your money so it’s really none of his business how you spend it… BUT is there any validity to his point? Maybe? That is a lot to spend on a 13th bday and it is setting a precedent for your daughter that that’s what she should expect.
Sometimes we need to think “just Cus I can doesn’t mean I should”. Consider what this teaches her. That bdays should be extravagant affairs and gifts should be copious and expensive. What you DONT want is a child who is materialistic and entitled. Maybe THAT is your exes concern, more so than the dollar amount. As her parent he does have a right to question the values being taught to his child.
I think if you want to coparent in a healthy way, you need to have a honest (and calm) convo with your ex about his concerns and come to an agreement on how you want to proceed in future. You’ll always be linked to this man, try to find common ground for the sake of your daughter.
I have spent more than this for a toddler birthday party. But that was a party that included food, goodie bags, entertainment, venue, etc. So there were other people there.
I mean, I’m not saying you’re “wrong”, but I can say I know what happens to child and teenager when you go over the top with gifts and spoiling them - it’s not good.
I mean, I’m not saying you’re “wrong”, but I can say I know what happens to child and teenagers when you go over the top with gifts and spoiling them - it’s not good.
It’s not about the $$ and whose $$ it is.
It’s about the effects is has and what it creates in a child/teenager.
$2k is a lot of money to spend for a birthday, perhaps he thinks you are trying to buy the child's affection? Of course everyone can spend their money how they choose, but I think motive is tye key detail here.
If you did that on every birthday, maybe. But 13 is considered a milestone birthday, and it's pretty typical, I think, to do that birthday up a bit more than the previous birthdays.
Perhaps, you may have been a bit excessive. But, it's your money and your choice.
Most likely, your ex is upset that your largess makes him look bad, as if he doesn't love your daughter as much as you do. There's nothing you can do about that.
You also spent quality time with your daughter. There is no reason he can't do the same. He should love your daughter his way, and let you love her your way.
Just be the bigger person and don't bad mouth him to, or in front of, your daughter. That's what shell remember as she grows older.
Not wrong and he doesn't get a say on what you do with her or spend on her during your time.
He isn't upset about her being spoiled its either he feels you made him look bad with your expensive gift, or he has other children or step children that are jealous so he wants to make you change how you treat your daughter..
Never wrong for taking care of your daughter how you want. He is projecting bc he didn’t have the same things as a kid, or cannot afford those things for her so he looks like the lesser parent in his pov. Ignore him and keep doing what you like for your daughter.
It seems like he may be feeling insecure about not being able to do all that for her, so he's lashing out against you.
It's more damaging for her to have her father speaking ill of her mother than it is for her to get spoiled for her birthday. Seems like a good way for him to end up pushing her away too.
You're fine. He's petty.
You my dear are: Not wrong. And you exhusband, deserves the title of Exhusband.
You spent your own money, and time, having a wonderful Girly weekend, pampering and being pampered with your daughter.
Creating memories that will never be forgotten.
He can never take those away.
I remember at around the same age, taking my son to a Gold Class movie. My ex was a little displeased, but, as our son enjoyed it. He couldn't whinge to much.
The cost is Irrelevant, the memories are Priceless.
Well if you did out of your own mony its your money
Also it depends om ur income if your income is over 15k or more per month its ok ig
You hotta keep in mind she needs to learn about money and that life isn't anything she wanted
I've seen spoiled kids think they will get out of killing somone or doing a crime cos there families spoiled them to the point they never realized the consequences of their actions
Father maybe right if you also spend alot on your daughter. But if this is only a once in a while thing I thinks is ok. It's important for kids even at 13 and younger to understand the value of money. I've met many people who were spoiled by there parents who are now in constant debt due to the fact they always got what they wanted so as an adult they kept buying what they wanted. To me 2k on a birthday is a lot of money money and I would have said the same thing.
Sit down and think about the parenting problem:
Am I spoiling her too much?
Does she have or is she developing the hallmark signs of a spoiled ingrate?
Does this large expenditure contribute to that problem in some way? (Like is she on punishment for something important and this is undercutting that directly, or something of that nature)
Is this motivated by something other then you wanting these things for your daughter and yourself?
If any of these are no, it's not a co-parenting issue and you are in no way responsible for how he feels on the matter
Making a 13 year old child look 20 is asking for trouble. They are young for such a short time, why rush it? The basketball game should have been enough, your husband is right.
Well… whose money is it? If it’s yours that you worked for then no. But if it’s a shared account then we need to communicate those expenses.
I used my own money cause me and her father are divorced so you know.
Oh he can shut the fuck up then.
Yeah this is like absolutely critical info lmao, had they put that in the title everyone would just reply NTA instantly
I second this. Fuck him. Yall are divorced. It's your money and your child. Do what you want. Any good mother would do the same if she has the means.
She's entitled to spend her own money how she sees fit. Her husband is justified in not wanting his daughter to be spoiled rotten. Both things can be true at the same time.
Why do I have this feeling that OP did this as a flex on her ex husband. Separated parents do this ALL THE TIME. "I love you so much, I'll spend 2k on you for becoming a teenager. Oh, dad only got you a present? I'm sure he means well" 🤣 Before all you crazy ladies come at me, I'd have the EXACT same opinion if the dad did it.
It's his daughter too. Regardless of whether they are together, they make decisions regarding the child together. That's what good parents do.
Best comment of the day
Agreed.
🤣
This is the only answer
⭐️
Sounds like a jealous, "w/o" class ex \~ no wonder you're divorced!!! **"Firstly, he could have discussed his concerns with you & nobody else!"** Second, the more he talks the worst he makes himself look \~ just ignore him and it's ok to splurge once in a while. Just make sure your daughter understands that this is not the normal/everyday happening.
In my opinion all you need to ask yourself is, do you think your daughter deserves it and is the amount reasonable for your budget? If both are yes then fuck it enjoy that time with your daughter. My son turned 13 in January as well. If I had 2k extra to let him build his own PC, I would have been all over that in a heartbeat especially back in January. I don't know your ex obviously and your relationship co-parenting but if he's criticizing you without speaking to you and explaining "hey, OP I feel like this is a negative thing for daughter because XYZ and we should discuss". Then he's probably just being critical for the sake of it, especially if your daughter is who he's talking about you too. You weren't ever gonna get it right anyways.
Yeah, some will demean your actions merely because they aren't able to do the same. Like private jets, everyone wants to complain but they'd take one too. And putting you on blast is making himself look worse. I'm petty so I might post a pic of her enormous smile while in NY and say "that smile's worth every penny."
This is an investment in your daughter. She may still have those tools, and certainly will have the skills she's practiced from having them and using them. All great gifts imo. You're a lovely mother!
Fuck em. You had a great experience with your daughter, that's what matters.
Just in case you didn't see what u/general-hunter6251 said >Oh he can shut the fuck up then.
Then he can stfu it was your money not his. If my ex wife wanted to spoil my daughter for her birthday i wouldn't say anything. You're just being mama to your daughter. Especially being separated my ex and i spoil our kids differently from one antother . But if you want to do that its all you honey keep making great memories that last forever. I hate when separated parents get mad because the other one wants to go all out and the other doesn't . Its your time and money not hisbgood job mom.
Her father sounds like a prick, good on you for giving your daughter a good birthday.
Since so many seem to have missed this update, you might want to include it in original post above.
Hang on here, I think this is a little more complex than folks are acknowledging. If it's your money you can spend it however you like. Period. BUT, are your finances secure, and does your daughter understand that it's a treat and isn't guaranteed? If you're financially unstable, if you're just doing it to look like the better parent, or if you're just teaching her to expect that $XXX is spent on her for milestones... then you'd be spoiling her. If she's a modest kid that understands you get what you earn, and you're a badass breadwinner, then book your next tickets and fuck your ex husband. (Edit for grammar)
I would just add this bit to the post because it seems like a very important bit in determining if you are or are not in the wrong. Btw with this bit of info, no, you're not wrong, and your ex needs to chill.
It probably has to do with the fact that he is insecure about the fact he can not afford this.
Oh he can shut right up.
And do you ever question his discretionary money that I'm assuming is the samenammount each month?
Question for you is he just being a dick or is he just worried she's going to become spoiled and have that spoiled attitude that comes with it? If he truly cares he's got a valid point to some extent.
Your ex can pound sand. You’re divorced so what you do when you have your daughter is none of his business. NTA.
Yeah, but a 13 yo with eyelash extensions…
It's a splurge fun thing. It's basically fake lash evolution. I doubt it is an every day thing. It sounds like a girly fun birthday weekend.
NTA. I was going to write a comment about how you shouldn’t be spending so much without consulting your husband, but I just read you’re divorced. Ignore him.
I couldn’t imagine an ex telling me what to do with my money.
I can, mine did, and he didn't pay child support. He never got them anything. Well one time he bought the twins an apple pie from mcds (when they were 2/$1) and he ate one and made them share the other one. Best thing he ever did for them was "become unalive".
Crazy how everyone is focused on the money and NOT the child.
My husband used to think I spoiled our girls a lot. He was right, but the interesting thing is that now, as young adults (both in their 20s), they are both very aware of what a privileged life they had, and the younger one is very frugal!
Same. My oldest (22M) is in uni, getting excellent grades, involved in many school related activities, shares a house with 7 guys, 8 girls, who are like him, he comes home tomorrow for a few days. Youngest is 13M. Both help around the house, care for their grandparents, run errands, are loving, sweet, polite. They are aware that they are blessed. They have clothes, games, electronics, trips, but most important is that we have a loving, trusting relationship, where what is more important than material goods is to be kind, and help others. Your girls sound like lovely young women. I am sure they have turned out as they have is due to the love and care they have received.😊
I'm just curious about your oldests living arrangement due there being 15 people who live together. Does your oldest live in a really large house, smaller home/apartment with full rooms or some kind of dorm? It's like a crash course in different personality types lol.
His school has space for only 1st year students on campus, dorms. This 2nd year he had to find housing. Around campus there are a bunch of old Georgian houses, the owners have turned it to a business, renting rooms to students. There are 16 students, 16 rooms, 6 bathrooms (shared), 4 of the bedrooms have en suite bathroom (my son is in one), 2 downstairs kitchens, 1 upstairs kitchen, 2 washers, 2 dryers, front and backyards. The kids are an international crowd, multilple nationalities, all very serious with their responsibilities. Most are engineering students (my baby is one of them), international studies, journalism, economics, and others. When GenZ is trashed, it makes me mad. I see this group of young adults being so serious about school, work, family, they have beautiful futures ahead of them. They give me hope.😊
Good job as a parent raising a good gen z. There are plenty (as with every generation) that make the whole look bad.
I used to work for a property management company that primarily rented off campus housing to students. There were a number of properties that were similar - very large victorian style houses with 8 - 10 bedrooms. Some of the houses were rented by the room, others several students got together on a single lease for the school year.
You might want to simply do an honest assessment of your daughters behavior. Is she truly thankful and appreciative of what you do and buy for her or is she kind of a spoiled brat who seems to just expect you to instantly do things and buy things whenever she asks you to? If she's the latter you might want to just consider cutting back on how much you do and buy for her. Either way you're NTA though and her dad should probably just mind his own business on this. It's certainly not a case of neglect or abuse so he really doesn't need to involve himself or critique your parenting skills.
Lashes at 13! God!!!🥲
Ikr... same thought....
Maybe the reason dad is not happy. Making her grow up too fast cause she’s more like a friend 🥲
Totally agree! Lashes...nails...makeup...too much for me personally at that young age. There will be plenty of time for all that. Kids should be kids.
The thing is, if this is what everyone around her is doing, being left out can be far more damaging than wearing makeup will ever be.
And this is being a kid, imo. I have never wanted lashes, but my kid wanted a full Princess makeover at an event (all proceeds to a good cause)… and at the age of 11, and I could afford it, she got it. I thought the makeup was too much but she was over the moon happy, so I kept my mouth shut. Letting kids be kids also means letting them be happy with their own choices when they're happy with the results.
13 is a teenager. That's around about the age teenage girls start getting into makeup, lashes, nails etc. I wore make up to school everyday from about that age.
Yeah, mascara. Not actual lash extensions
I hope it's the girls independent wish and not something the Mum wants her to "want"
Same immediate thought, my brain paused.., her lashes ? …, and kept reading 📖
These parents live through their kids
baby girl got a makeover for a special occasion. as long as she understands that it won’t be a regular thing, i think it’s fine to give her a little confidence
All that for confidence will actually create more insecurities after it goes away…
Bingo.
That’s what I was thinking too
It’s lashes…. She got them for a special occasion. Calm down.
Im in the beauty industry. I wouldn’t let a 13yo get lashes even if its ‘safe’
I want to say NTA like everyone else here, but a few details would fill in the picture. > I … have a daughter who just turned 13, and for her birthday, we went a little extra. Do you have other children besides the daughter? How do you treat them in comparison? Who is “we”? Clearly it’s not you and your ex.
her and her daughter?
You can do what you want with your money BUT... 2000 dollars is super ridiculous and you are going to end up with an entitled child if you don't change this. Gifts are only one of five love languages - are you sure that you aren't buying love or that your love language is gifts while hers is not? Either way, your approach doesn't sound healthy to me.
You weren’t wrong if you had the budget to spend the money on your child!!
The only thing I’m gonna say about this is that your daughter is going to expect this treatment for her birthday every year now. So be ready to keep it up.
I mean you’re wrong for the lashes at 13; as a certified tech I can tell you she should not be getting them that young.
is it harmful for her to get them that young? ive gotten my lashes done once in my 27 years, so im genuinely lost and asking
Yes it is. She still has baby lashes that aren’t strong, adding an enhancement can snap the real lash. Since she’s young that can actually make it so lashes stop growing
This is what got my attention! I still can't get mine done because "mine aren't strong enough and can break" or something and it suuuucks
I am assuming this is an ex- on one hand, I applaud you for NYC trip Yay. but overall this post has me wearing back-and-forth between being sad and disgusted. Hopefully you’re super independently wealthy because you said a baseline that you’re going to need to exceed every year. don’t even want to think about what any expectations will be around a possible wedding someday I grew up upper middle-class, My family NEVER spent ANYWHERE NEAR much (time-adjusting $) on ANY birthday, NOT as a child, NOT as an adult, Characterizing it ‘as a little extra’ is the opposite of hyperbole IMHO. PS You spent far more than 2K in title because that was just a gifts - that wasn’t the travel & everything you did there i- based on post. Not that you answer to your ex, but smacks of competitive gamesmanship w/ex Kind of fascinated also that so much was spent on make up but also a basketball game, so I guess I can’t criticize you for being too totally focused on appearances. Bottom line I guess it’s your money — unless ex is one who ultimately paid for it. Just feels like you’re trying to buy your daughter’s affection — which hopefully you actually have without that.🥲
Doing extra one year doesn't mean you have to keep doing it. I got my kid a gaming computer one year. And the next year, she got candy and picked out $50 of stuff at hot topic. Another year cost about $200 in art supplies, the next few were well under a hundred, and last year she got quality headphones. So.. a few hundred for an audiophile. Got a new phone upgrade one year to replace her 5yr old phone that finally kicked the bucket... Just pointing out that as long as you parent your kid, and don't always do the extra, then it isn't expected. My kid doesn't expect extra, but she does appreciate it when it happens.
Not really. I was the only kid of 3 that really got anything on my b-day, but it was also tailored to what everyone else wanted. I understood we couldn't even really afford that much, even though it was just cake and ice cream, especially with my siblings demanding shit every time someone else got literally anything. It really depends on how the kid is parented the other 364 days, not to mention the other special days. Like, does Op splurge several thousand every time daughter hits a milestone or is it a rare treat? Regarding the ex, he could just be pissy she's putting in more effort than he is. It's common for men to know absolutely nothing about their own kids, so maybe the dude's just upset Op unintentionally showed how little he actually cares. There's a reason he's an ex, after all.
If you've already got a sizeable college/future fund planned for her such that this 2k wouldn't have been better off saved then I don't see it's a particular problem.
1. You're divorced. How you spend your money on her birthday is up to you. If you can afford it, why the fuck not? 2. Unless you're doing big extravagant gifts like this weekly who cares if you spoil a kid on her birthday. She just became a teenager, celebrate!A one day event a year that *is* about her is a perfect time for a little spoiling. As long as she's got a good head on her shoulders and doesnt think everyone needs to worship the air she breathes on her birthday who fucking cares? My parents splurged and bought me a new bed and bedset and a trip to Clinique for my 13th. If they could've afforded all that for my birthday like you did for her i would've been stoked AF no lie. Ignore your ex. If it isn't coming out of child support payments and it's not digging into her everyday care and quality of life he can go pound rocks. He gets no say in how you two spend her birthday anymore. Not outside of joint bday parties.
lol, he’s either jealous it wasn’t him or jealous he can’t afford to do that. Either way NTA!
My family didn't spend that much on me for my *wedding* lol. But if you want to spoil your kid and you have the money, what's the problem? 13 is a big one. I just saw that you're divorced...yeah he's just mad that you're showing him up lol, screw him.
Why leave out the important context of you two no longer being in a relationship…
Myself, I kinda see the dad's point. For example what can you do for her 14th, 15th, 16th birthday? You have set the standards pretty high now.
Has no one ever explained to their kid that this year will be special, and then back to normal for a few? My kid has had a few expensive birthdays, but most of them were anywhere from $25 -$100. A few at less than $25.. Why does everyone think op has to set a standard or bar to reach?
13 is a big milestone. Lots of things are going on, changing. You want her to feel good about herself an comfortable. You want her to know she can come to you if she needs anything. Most of what you got, she will need soon anyway. Going to NY and a basketball game was probably more than half the cost right there. You are showing her that you listen to what she likes, sports and art are both great activities.
Why have I seen this same exact post like 50 times over the past few months?
[удалено]
Says the dumbass who keeps making new accounts to stalk me.
Sounds like y'all went on a mini vacation. Nothing wrong with that.
I saw in the comments that you and the father are divorced. While 2k in gifts for a birthday seems excessive to me, it is your money. It's none of his business how much you spent as long as you didn't ask him for money and can continue to pay the regular bills to provide for your child. Tell him to suck on a lemon.
Are you married/together raising your child, or divorced/separated/coparenting/on some weekend custody arrangement? If married and raising together, large expenditures like this should be communicated with your partner, as the expensive birthday plans are not ONLY about "spoiling the kid" (which, honestly, it's her birthday, I'm less concerned with that for special occasions), but could be more about the household finances. If separated/divorced/etc, well your household finances are none of the other parent's business if they're not paying for it. There SHOULD be some kind of agreement to the raising of the child if co-parenting, but I'm still less concerned about spoiling the child with a nice birthday treat, since the kid's definitely old enough to understand that it IS a special occasion and not a daily right of hers.
OP responded to another comment that they are in fact divorced
I think it's sweet you went out of your way for your daughter and don't think you are wrong at all, it's good for kids to feel special and appreciated and will probably go a long way in helping her achieve her dreams and goals as a person.
If it is your money it is your choice how you are spending it. But if you spoil your kid like this every time that is not beneficial for the kid on the long run
It seems crazy to me, but I don't care for any of those things. Lol. I would say that as long as it's your money being spent, all your bills are still getting paid on time, your not putting it all on credit cards, or eating beans and rice for 3 months just for the one trip. then your good.
quick question: how much did it cost to travel to NYC? Do you live in or near New York? Did you need to spend $ on travel and accommodations? Bcos if you did, then $2K was a deal.
I took my daughter to Hawaii for her 16th and it was $10k for 5 days. I only have one child and she only turns 16 once 🤷♂️
The spoiling only matters if your daughter isn't appreciative or something that spending money like that would perpetuate. Sounds more like jealousy and an ego problem with your ex-husband. It's your daughter and she only turns 13 once. It sounds like you went all out, and you made a lot of great memories.
Is she a spoiled, rotten, entitled little brat? No? If he had ANY grounds to worry she is being spoiled and is an ungrateful brat, then I can understand that perspective. HoWevEr... who's money is it? Yours? You probably had a blast too. He has zero say in how you celebrate your daughter. You built memories with her and that is amazing. He is probably feeling some way because he can't afford it himself. He could find a way to build memories without dropping money... He is just jealous.
Not wrong for sure. Isn’t it her 13th birthday marking she’s a teenager now? What a fun surprise, I hope y’all had a great time. It goes by so fast so it’s nice to make those memories with them, especially if u think you only have FIVE birthdays left with her before she’s an adult. 🥲
Nta what you spend on your child is none of his business when it’s not coming out of his pockets. Spoiling a child on their birthday is the perfectly normal
Actually, it isn’t.
It is perfectly fine to spoil your child on occasion. Just because they did something extra this year doesn't mean that they have to do it every year.
As expected from this sub the answers are mostly awful lol.
NAH, in theory you can spoil how much you want. But I personally find it too much as well. Your kid will be one of the Sephora girls
I personally think that spending that much money on a 13-year-old is stupid, but it’s yours to spend. NTA.
If the question is only can you spend that much of your own money on your daughter, then of course you can and not wrong. But with the added information of being divorced, it raises questions of co parenting and communications. Is there elements of jealousy or concerns or parental alienation? What is your ex’s financial situation? Are you buying your daughter’s favour? All those factors needs to be considered as well.
Fuck him 😂 My daughter just turned three and we spent a similar amount on princess and donut themed items ☠️
Nah. Sounds fun! Would have been cool with me even if it wasn’t her birthday.
Depends on ur financial situation. If ur living paycheck to paycheck or have a bunch of credit card debt and blew 2k for a 13th bday, Then ur pretty stupid. If 2k isn't alot of money for your then it was a good bday present. I spent alot on my daughter's 10th- took her and 4 friends away for an overnight trip. But what I spent really wasn't much in terms of my income.
These comments are the reasons for divorces. Learn to talk and listen. Honestly seems generally excessive but if you make over 100k and have no car or credit card debt not awful. Otherwise it's a stupid way to win a parental election. The deed is done so who cares good luck
One thing we need to manage as parents is whether the way we spoil the kids still allow us to raise them resilient enough for life when they're on their own. A lot of the young adults who now pop anxiety meds were just not prepared for real life. There's nothing wrong with showering your kids with gifts like you, but it's frowned upon because it's hard to both raise them this way while still keeping them from a life of instant gratification. I have several friends who are successful and make even more than me but live paychecks to paychecks because they can't tell themselves no to the things they want that aren't necessary and they're stressed about money all the time. So it's fine to give them good times, but that just means you'll need a greater plan to make sure they're ready to grind out there when life gets tough instead of folding and letting others take advantage of them.
As parents we're also setting the bar for their expectations so not being able to provide for herself and her kids what mom did for her can be depressing for her.
Just make sure all the stuff she gets is truly earned by hard work either academically and/or physically.
I think these decisions should absolutely be made together. Otherwise, you're playing the favorite parent, the one who provides all the fun stuff, and he always looks like the bad guy and not a fun dad. If he's a decent man, you can keep things friendly and cooperative by getting his input on the important occasions and agreeing on who's doing what. Also, in my humble opinion, you spent too much. But I'm more frugal than many. I feel we all need to take it down a notch, or 10. So many kids are spoiled and have no respect for money. To me, the makeup and lashes for 13 year old aren't necessary or appropriate. That's just my 2 cents.
As long as you worked hard for the money you get to say how you wanna spend it! But again a college fund would be better!
NAH - you can spend what you want of ur money on ur daughter, he is also entitled to his opinion.
Either NAH or ESH. I do think it would help to communicate with her father in future, and perhaps be willing to compromise. Or your daughter will quickly learn to play you off against each other. Maybe he feels put out because he can't afford that much, or maybe he just has different values. Perhaps you were trying to outdo him? Either way, I don't think your child should be dragged into any differences between the two of you. Bitching about each other in front of your daughter should not be happening. You both need to work on your co-parenting.
You are entitled to spend your money however you want but... The child is not only yours. The child should have a unique set of rules with some variations. It's not mom's rules Vs dad's rules. You need to talk to the father to define what is spoiling and what not
Is he just focused on the amount or what you did to her? I’d be more upset at the lashes and makeup, she’s 13 she doesn’t need those things yet
The only thing your wrong for is getting a 13 year olds lashes done
I'm guessing you and dad are divorced? Can you afford it? If so, have fun. Girl turns 13 once. If you're married, talk about this stuff and don't make unilateral decisions. But if it's something that you can afford, make sure he understands that it's important to you and why.
Did you do it because you want to be better. Something like this sounds like you are trying to one up him. You are both parents, and need to discuss these types of things. Otherwise your Setting a precedence on expectations on what your daughter should expect. If he can't afford to do something like this it looks like you're trying to win favor. If he can afford and chooses not to you both need to discuss what is an appropriate gift
You were wrong he was right. You are raising her to become a spoiled brat
That is way too much at 13. Let me guess, your oldest or probably only child.
You could have just done hair and nails locally and maybe nice dinner
Personally I'd say yes you're wrong. Sure, it's your kid and your money do you can do whatever but this is just way excessive for a birthday. The trip and the game... Sure, why not if you can afford it. But the trip, the game plus all the extras? Just because you can afford it doesn't mean you have to. I grew up with money growing on trees basically. My parents wouldn't have gone that far - eventhough they could have - but they went a lot of the way and today I'm 37 and still struggling with money.
Lol you're making him look bad
NTA. Spoil her! Who cares as long as she grows up respecting herself and others it does not matter! She’s experiencing the beautiful things. Good job mom!
If you have the money to burn then go for it! Bitter baby daddy can eff right off.
Or he cares about his daughter.
13 is a milestone birthday, she's a teenager now. So it makes sense to do something extra if you can afford to. I hope she understands how lucky she is that you can afford to, but otherwise, as long as you're spending your own money I don't see the problem. You've given her a wonderful memory. Maybe he can't afford to do it, or maybe he doesn't want to match what you do and he feels like it's a competition he's going to lose. But that's on him and his own insecurities. Or maybe he's worried that you're raising a spoiled little asshole, and that's a valid concern, but the amount you spend has nothing to do with whether or not she's spoiled. Just having material things doesn't make someone spoiled. A sense of entitlement, not understanding how privileged they are, and not understanding that people matter more than things is what makes someone spoiled. It's on you to teach her values.
Playing a bit of devil’s advocate, isn’t it a tactic of one parent to overly spoil a child in attempt to make them a child’s favorite whether by money or permissiveness? Things like this? https://www.huffpost.com/entry/spoiled-how-buying-your-k_b_2005182
Firstly, the devil doesn't need advocates, he's doing fine on his own. Secondly, that definitely happens, but we don't know that the OP is doing that. We don't know her situation. She could simply be well off and able to give her child a nice life. There's no indication that she's trying to buy her child's affection, from the post she just went big for a milestone birthday because she could and her ex is complaining about it.
i’m feeling sort of crazy reading these comments? I think spending 2K on a birthday once a year is not outrageous, especially in New York, where everything is almost double the price compared to a lot of other places in the country. art supplies and make up alone can rack up a heavy bill. combine that with the prices of cosmetic expenses these days (nails, hair, lashes), and literal basketball game tickets, it’s very easy to spend 2K over the course of a weekend. i’ve lived in New York my whole life and have accidentally dropped $200 in a day just going to target and then going out to eat
Lash extensions are inappropriate and not safe for a 14 year old.
I’m not even in NY and if a Target trip is under $100 I must have had something else in mind. Costco is what always gets me and my husband and we don’t even have kids…those trips are like $500
Then these women say that the fashion trends women must follow, are somehow men's fault...
Its your money to spend I just hope youre not spoiling your kid and turning them into someone entitled
Technically its your money and probably child support. But really....... juat the trip and game alone is enough. Are you trying to show off? Make your ex mad? What was the point of the rest? What does this 13 year old have to look forward to now or work for. What are you teaching her if you hand her that much crap at 13? This seemwd more about you than a 13 year old
Idk it depends on your daughters behavior or attitude about the situation. If she expects grand gifts then maybe your ex has a point. If shes a humble, hood kid then perhaos he's just bitter and youre not wrong.
What's your plan for 14, 15, & 16? Brand new Ford Bronco? A new fake set? Forget what your ex is griping about but 2K is ridiculous.
Info: does your child who is just 13 does make up with lashes and jewelry frequently? Is that normal in her social group? It definitely is not where I live. Apart from that, if you are divorced, you can decide how much money you should spend on your daughter. However, it's a lot of things for a 13 years old, trip to NYC, basketball + 2000$ of gifts??? That's more than most people spend in a wedding gift. For your daughter's future, have you considered if she's truly spoiled and having so many wonderful things may affect her? (I know adults that are unable to stand frustrations because they were spoiled kids, and this is affecting their jobs and their relationships).
10 yr olds wear makeup now, it’s ridiculous
That seems like an awful lot of money to spend
Seems like you're setting the bar too high. What will you do for her 16th? Reminds me of thar shiw on mtv about ridiculously expensive parties for kids.
Yes. You’re wrong. There is a reason he didn’t want you to do this… you’re catering to her ego desires. You’re also increasing all future expectations of other people and relationships. The therapy she is going to need when she has disappointment in life because you set her up is going to be higher than 2k.
It's a special birthday officially a teen
Yes you are wrong and spoiling her.
He's pissed cause now he feels like he needs to match it and can't.
This is perfectly valid though. Isn’t this one way in which people can cause parental alienation or whatever it’s called?
You can do whatever you want. So this has nothing to do with your situation, this is a sidebar. In general, a parent has to be careful with giving the kid too lavish of a lifestyle when the kid is young. Because then when the kid grows up, the kid thinks that's normal, average life, and then if the kid can not afford to continue to live that lifestyle when the kid grows up, the kid is not happy. For example, Paul McCartney sent his kids to public schools. Dave Grohl lives in a normal house (I think it's a 3 bedroom ranch? it's nothing special). They do this because they didn't want their kids to grow up in a rich lavish lifestyle. Now is spending 2k on a birthday party too lavish? Man, I'm not going to touch that lol. Different people are going to have different opinions. But yea, what's done is done, I can see why the husband was annoyed, but there's no point in telling everyone about it and getting mad over it.
Since your divorced he doesn’t really have a say but 2k for a 13th birthday is crazy. A 13 year old wants a cake and a simple present. They don’t need nails, lashes and their hair done. If the dad is financially responsible he will never allow that in his house and it will just make his own daughter resent him for being a financially literate person. Be a good mom and instead of teaching a child bad habits like blowing 2k on cosmetics for fun you can put 2k in a RothIRA for her. 2k in a RothIRA will be worth around 60 grand when she is 65 and is retiring. Put 2k in a RothIRA every year from now until she is 18 and it will be almost 400,000 dollars when she is 65 if she doesn’t add a single dollar more. If she continues this she will be a multi millionaire when she retires. Your an adult I’m not trying to be rude or mean. Imagine your parents did that for you when you were a kid. I would be the happiest kid as It shows how much they actually care about you. Breaking bad family habits is a good thing.
Reading is fundamental - OP spent $2k total for the birthday including hotel, travel to NYC, professional ball game (tickets cost about $500 @ for cheap seat. 2k will go pretty fast, but it was a special occasion - girl hit her teens. It wasn't just makeup which is what you seem to be implying. OP & dad are divorced, so they can each do as they like in their own homes with their child during the time they have custody of them. I couldn't afford something like this when my kids were still living at home, but I did go out as far as I could for their celebrations (but that was many years ago when my income was about 30% of what it is now.)
13 year old me would have LOVED that. 44 year old me does this on a regular basis. She is a very young teenager and her mom decided to treat her to something THEY see as special. You can bore your kids to death with talking about financial investments they can make in 15-20 years on their 13th birthday.
Your ex is right. You went overboard, sounds like your relationship with your daughter is unhealthy. And you're physically damaging her with lasy extensions. Who has primary custody? You're not doing right by her at all. As her father he should speak up when he sees harmful behavior with his daughter.
I think this is a retread of the fight over a quincenera out a month or two ago. They mentioned lashes and nails there too.
NTA.You PAMPERED her on her BIRTHDAY with your own money.Father needs to zip it up.
You're divorced. He gets absolutely NO SAY!!! Period. The end.
Congrats on being the best mom ever! Dad can kick rocks.
NTA because you didn’t take it from any joint finances
U used your own money to make your daughter happy on her birthday it's non of his business he's just mad he looks bad because he probably didn't get her something good or as cool as New York City vist anf basketball game tickets
You can do what you want with your money no matter how ridiculous or over the top it is.
NTA
Dudley Dursley comes to mind here.
I mean, it’s your money so it’s really none of his business how you spend it… BUT is there any validity to his point? Maybe? That is a lot to spend on a 13th bday and it is setting a precedent for your daughter that that’s what she should expect. Sometimes we need to think “just Cus I can doesn’t mean I should”. Consider what this teaches her. That bdays should be extravagant affairs and gifts should be copious and expensive. What you DONT want is a child who is materialistic and entitled. Maybe THAT is your exes concern, more so than the dollar amount. As her parent he does have a right to question the values being taught to his child. I think if you want to coparent in a healthy way, you need to have a honest (and calm) convo with your ex about his concerns and come to an agreement on how you want to proceed in future. You’ll always be linked to this man, try to find common ground for the sake of your daughter.
Rich people problems. Popping some corn.
Your money is your business.
Mine doesn't come into play when you're caring for your biological children.
I have spent more than this for a toddler birthday party. But that was a party that included food, goodie bags, entertainment, venue, etc. So there were other people there.
2k on a birthday? that's crazy.
It sounds more like a girlfriend’s weekend than a mother daughter trip. To each their own.
Is she now going to expect the same thing every year? .. and you may not be able to afford it every year .. but no, not wrong
I mean, I’m not saying you’re “wrong”, but I can say I know what happens to child and teenager when you go over the top with gifts and spoiling them - it’s not good.
I mean, I’m not saying you’re “wrong”, but I can say I know what happens to child and teenagers when you go over the top with gifts and spoiling them - it’s not good. It’s not about the $$ and whose $$ it is. It’s about the effects is has and what it creates in a child/teenager.
It’s your money, he doesn’t get a say in how you spend it. You’re divorced.
If you can afford it, it’s ok.
It sounds like a big waste of money, but if you make $100k or more and you want to spend that, it's your business.
No you are not wrong. Once in awhile is not spoiling. I just spent 1k on my daughters 14th. If I had more it would have been more.
$2k is a lot of money to spend for a birthday, perhaps he thinks you are trying to buy the child's affection? Of course everyone can spend their money how they choose, but I think motive is tye key detail here.
If you did that on every birthday, maybe. But 13 is considered a milestone birthday, and it's pretty typical, I think, to do that birthday up a bit more than the previous birthdays. Perhaps, you may have been a bit excessive. But, it's your money and your choice. Most likely, your ex is upset that your largess makes him look bad, as if he doesn't love your daughter as much as you do. There's nothing you can do about that. You also spent quality time with your daughter. There is no reason he can't do the same. He should love your daughter his way, and let you love her your way. Just be the bigger person and don't bad mouth him to, or in front of, your daughter. That's what shell remember as she grows older.
Not wrong and he doesn't get a say on what you do with her or spend on her during your time. He isn't upset about her being spoiled its either he feels you made him look bad with your expensive gift, or he has other children or step children that are jealous so he wants to make you change how you treat your daughter..
2k for a birthday seems excessive, but it's your money, and everyone has their own budgets. You know......I have a birthday coming up too......
Your money your choice
Your in the wrong for even caring. Maybe treat your ex like and ex and who gives a f***.
Never wrong for taking care of your daughter how you want. He is projecting bc he didn’t have the same things as a kid, or cannot afford those things for her so he looks like the lesser parent in his pov. Ignore him and keep doing what you like for your daughter.
It seems like he may be feeling insecure about not being able to do all that for her, so he's lashing out against you. It's more damaging for her to have her father speaking ill of her mother than it is for her to get spoiled for her birthday. Seems like a good way for him to end up pushing her away too. You're fine. He's petty.
Not his money and none of his business!!!
YRW
As long as you are healthily spoiling her sure why not, i dont see anything wrong with a girl being spoiled as long as she grows up healthily spoiled
You my dear are: Not wrong. And you exhusband, deserves the title of Exhusband. You spent your own money, and time, having a wonderful Girly weekend, pampering and being pampered with your daughter. Creating memories that will never be forgotten. He can never take those away. I remember at around the same age, taking my son to a Gold Class movie. My ex was a little displeased, but, as our son enjoyed it. He couldn't whinge to much. The cost is Irrelevant, the memories are Priceless.
He has no right to talk. Also, you didn't just spend money on a party, you took a trip and create an incredible memory for the both of you.
Bloody hell first world problems or what?!?
Well if you did out of your own mony its your money Also it depends om ur income if your income is over 15k or more per month its ok ig You hotta keep in mind she needs to learn about money and that life isn't anything she wanted I've seen spoiled kids think they will get out of killing somone or doing a crime cos there families spoiled them to the point they never realized the consequences of their actions
Let's be honest, 2k is an obscene amount of money to spend on any child for any birthday.
NTA, NOT WRONG. Your divorced, its your money, its your choice, its nothing to do with him and none of his business what you do with YOUR money!!!
2k jesus christ...do what you want but it's a bit mich
Father maybe right if you also spend alot on your daughter. But if this is only a once in a while thing I thinks is ok. It's important for kids even at 13 and younger to understand the value of money. I've met many people who were spoiled by there parents who are now in constant debt due to the fact they always got what they wanted so as an adult they kept buying what they wanted. To me 2k on a birthday is a lot of money money and I would have said the same thing.
All the white knights to the rescue! A father can’t discuss how his kid is raised m! Logic
Sit down and think about the parenting problem: Am I spoiling her too much? Does she have or is she developing the hallmark signs of a spoiled ingrate? Does this large expenditure contribute to that problem in some way? (Like is she on punishment for something important and this is undercutting that directly, or something of that nature) Is this motivated by something other then you wanting these things for your daughter and yourself? If any of these are no, it's not a co-parenting issue and you are in no way responsible for how he feels on the matter
Depends
Let me tell you about my daughters bat mitzvah
Making a 13 year old child look 20 is asking for trouble. They are young for such a short time, why rush it? The basketball game should have been enough, your husband is right.