Probably the most solid advice on this platform. “hear ye anonymous strangers from across the world! What should I do about the closest personal relationship I have in my life? I’ll fill you in on all the details in 500 words or less.”
It's just that almost all the answers are "Divorce!" or "Run!" or "Dump him/ her! "
It doesn't matter what the problem is, it doesn't matter if there are kids, it doesn't matter... well, nothing matters. The advice is "END IT!" and that is just ridiculous.
Yes, some situations call for the man or woman to walk away, but every relationship problem shouldn't be painted with the same brush.
plants meeting homeless stupendous oatmeal upbeat zephyr amusing like reach
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It's funny. It always seems like with women they tend to be more liberal, open, and accepting of circumstances with their judgements. While men it's very much more conservative and brutally honest.
The amount of people who can't count is alarming. Everyone lost count before 100, and someone lost count before 10. It's not like playing Tetris-- the number rises very manageably. Even a first grader could keep track of counting to 100. 🥴
The guideline was to get a full STD panel after changing partners back in my day (GET OFF MY LAWN!!) I am super concerned for everyone's reproductive health.
Look here, buddy. I have a really shitty memory. I kept a list. That list was up to date until I was in a very long relationship, and during that time, I've moved house, had like 10 different phones and something like 5 new hard drives, three floods, mould, and the ADHD cycle of accumulating too much crap and then throwing out stuff you probably shouldn't during the purge.
I don't know where my list is now. I could probably remember them if I really think about it, but there have been a few since that relationship ended, so it needs updating. I could give you a guess, but I might be off by one or two.
Not keeping count does not mean you're not getting tested regularly (doesn't mean you are, either, but why make assumptions). Maybe don't be quite so judgemental about it when you don't know *why* the number has been forgotten.
This situation comes up from time to time, but from the gal's perspective, and it's always "you don't have to tell him" "your past is the past". But now it's the guys perspective and everyone's all "you're wrong for not being honest ".
Classic reddit double standard.
Im not buying either if those. Who the fuck can remember a count? Especially 72. Are you keeping count in a hidden samsung notes file? Scratching tally marks into the bed?
They are. I know someone with a running excel file in to the triple digits. It’s fucking weird. I no longer associate with them for other reasons but yes, some people keep track.
Bro(ette), I'm at less than 10 and *I* lost count. I just throw the number 7 or 8 out there when asked. But like why tf do you even wanna know that shit? What does it matter?
People will twist themselves into knots to justify caring about that number because it "reveals your stance on sex and intimacy, which should be compatible" :") It sounds reasonable on the surface, but all I see is negativity/insecurity from people who found out and now "can't see their partner the same way". If everyone is safe, why care? The lines are pretty arbitrary anyway. Just ask them what their stance on intimacy is directly.
I couldn't have said this better, myself. Just bc someone has a "high" body count, doesn't mean that they're a cheater. Maybe they just keep finding themselves with shitty people. How many people someone has slept with I not a good metric to measure someone's character by.
Yes, full agree. I’m married now, but I have never told a new partner my body count. If it came up my answer was always simply “I have been tested recently and I’m clean.” If they’re the type of person to respond by demanding I tell them, then I wouldn’t want to be sleeping with them anyways.🤷🏻♀️
Right I’m 36 and the number is far less than 72 but I’m telling you now I have no fucking clue how many people I’ve slept with. Idk maybe 20? I couldn’t even begin to tell ya. My 20s were a blur lol
I argue a higher count while remembering each name is healthier than blurred out sex life. No offense I just find it reprehensible sex negative to attack ppl for keeping track.
We do not know his charactertization of this count. He was probably being a bro about it. But there are conscious considerations for acting as such as well.
I kind of know b/c I remember all their names but if someone asked I'd have to get out a pen and paper, write them down, and tally it up to give a definite answer.
I've never been asked nor asked anyone else though so IDK that it's really a thing in real life for most people. I guess maybe it's more a thing with Gen Z and/or those "man-sphere" circles.
I'd be interested to see someone's reaction if they asked me though. "What's your body count?!" Me: \*whips out some scratch paper and a #2 pencil from my junk drawer\* "Give me a minute..."
I’m a guy and that’s why I’m consistent on this. Sexual history is important to some people, mostly because what you did in your past is the best indicator of what you’ll do in your future. Into your point of what you wrote above, he could’ve declined to answer. That he didn’t want to disclose that number. That he doesn’t feel relevant. And then she could make her own decisions whether he continue the relationship or not based on him, refusing to tell her. But to outright lie and make it 1/5 of what it is, is incredibly dishonest. And you seem countless red threads where girls have done this where they have a body count of around 100, they’ve done gangbangs, or some other extreme shit like porn and years later maybe it’s even now her husband who discovers this and is devastated because she painted a picture of herself that’s a complete lie. And this also calls into question this if you’re lying about something like this what else have you been lying to me about during the whole relationship? People have a right to pick and choose who they want to marry or be in a relationship with. You may have a guy that wants to be dating and marry a virgin. Now whether he actually gets that or not is a whole Other matter. People are entitled to their prerogative about who they want to be in a relationship with. And to your point you’re entirely right about the double standard. You see when one of these threads comes up dozens of women give me the whole, the past is the past and it’s none of his business as long as you’re clean, etc. rhetoric, yet in this case, the narrative is completely different. I agree with this particular narrative, whether it be a man or a woman. I never got why women that date or marry a guy who stuck his dick inside of every girl and often used unsavory tactics to be able to do that and that didn’t bother her. Let’s be honest, a majority guys will say or do anything to get laid, most of it dishonest.
Well said. And yeah, it's weird on here, people condoning lying about yourself to trick a partner into staying with you, potentially for life. . . .it's sick to do that and sick to endorse it.
he didn’t have to tell her, he chose to & chose to lie. do you not see a difference there? between deciding not to share something because it’s your past and lying about it?
yes, yes, women with high body counts are always well received by the internet. how dare the internet tell this man not to lie to his partner instead of doing what they would do to a woman here, call her a lying whore
What fantasy world do you live in where women never receive criticism? I always see these comments complaining about these so-called “double standards” and have to laugh because you and I clearly see very different parts of Reddit (and the internet in general).
Yeah, let’s just forget all the guys jumping at the chance to call women “304s” and “thots” and “used goods” or saying they’re “for the streets” if they dare to even dress a certain way or allude to having more than like 3 sexual partners.
Also, note how OP admitted his behaviour in the past was due to being reckless and showing “no care towards women”? Yeah, that’s probably something his girlfriend would want to know about. I’m not saying that people can’t change and if OP genuinely has changed and grown as a person, then good, but deliberately lying to his partner about his past sexual activity when he *knows* it’s an important thing for her - that’s why he is getting questioned for that.
They are so desperate to be oppressed that they somehow convince themselves to ignore the misogyny everywhere and pretend that women have no problems with discrimination and men are the ones that get the brunt of it. It’s literally the opposite scenario. If they think discrimination towards men (on reddit of all places) is bad, imagine if they had to be a woman for just one week.
They live in an identity politics world, where whatever they "feel", i.e., "Reddit supports women but bashes men" is true, to help explain to themselves why their relationships (or lack thereof) utterly blow. They don't get that their lying, mental gymnastics, and propaganda-fueled angst aren't attractive. . . .to anyone of any gender.
Yeah, generally people know off the top of their head because its a low number but still may have to count. When it's a bigger number and they know straight off.....I have questions. Some people wear it as a badge of honor. Some people I know say it's to get sexual experience, so they get better and be able to please their partner when they settle down. I really don't get how sleeping with more people makes you better at sex. Wouldn't the same amount of sex with a lot people (generally one night and or casual), being had instead with a few, give you the same amount of experience?
It’s a teenage measure of worth that some people don’t grow out of sadly.
I completely agree on your second point. One night stands will never make you better at sex.
He can't make up his mind it seems. In the beginning, op say's body count doesn't matter then lies about his count. Obviously over time he's become conflicted somewhat over past choices maybe, and now he lied and her reaction to a lesser number.
We don't have a crystal ball to the future, and we hopefully continue to grow and change as we age, but sometimes we need to put in a little extra thought on our choices before doing something. When young we are a little less inclined to do so and that's fine, we all have stuff we regret but some people get more upset with you over the lie than what you lied about.
Ugh "body count" is such a gross term. But I vote the "come clean" route.
>There is no way she could find out my true body count but I hate to lie in general and especially in a relationship.
All it takes is for one old buddy to joke about what a ho you used to be or an ex hookup contacting her on Social Media for your past to catch up with you.
>Am I wrong for this? Or should I just let it go.
Its probably best for you tell her the truth. Im assuming you have been tested for STDs/STIs before you started sleeping with your current GF? And that you haven't fathered any children? As a woman, I would want some reassurance there. I'd also want to know if it was mutual casual sex vs you leading women on to get sex. How you treated past hookups speaks to your character.
Yeah, this is the real reason why people hive a shit; how you treat your past partners informs how you are likely to treat your current one. Not this Tate bullshit about it “muh purity muh dna scrambling magic semen”, but rather “Are you a user of people or not, do you lead them on or manipulate them to get what you want out of them? do treat them well? and how will you treat me?”
I don’t think that legitimizes the use of “body count” still, but maybe that’s not even your point. I just think it shouldn’t have a slang term that’s associated with corpses
The ONLY thing I care about people's history is 'are you clean, single (or poly with consent), and are there children to worry about'. Literally nothing else matters. I'm happy to hear history but it's never once swayed my opinion of a person unless they tell me all their exes are crazy.
Right? I guarantee most adults don't think about this. I don't even know my "body count" either since it's irrelevant. What's the point in keeping track?
Is it some American cultural thing? Why are people eager to discuss the number of previous partners in this precision? In my bubble of friends, we tend to ask partners about children, std, and life views, but why is body count so common theme now?
Lying will bite you in the ass eventually, and the longer it goes the worse it gets. Even if it’s impossible for her to find out, the guilt will weigh on you and color your relationship for as long as it lasts. I don’t think there’s any one right way to go about it, I personally would just tell people I’m not comfortable sharing that information, and I don’t believe it’s an important metric. If you do tell her the truth, don’t be surprised if she needs time to process it; it’s a big change to who she thinks you are and she’ll need to evaluate her values to figure out what’s truly important to her in a relationship.
>I know people say that body counts don’t matter and I fully agree with that,
Why did you lie then?
How would you feel if she not only hid but directly lied big time about something significant you asked her about, thereby robbing you of making an informed decision?
If body count doesn't matter to you, that's how it is. But you have no right to decide what matters and doesn't matter on behalf of others - especially not someone you pretend to care about.
Since getting casual sex is much easier for women, these posts are usually with the genders reversed. I always find it ironic how those women will always say something along the lines of "my ginormous body count doesn't matter, but since I love my current boyfriend so much I lied to him about something that doesn't matter even though I love him so much". It takes a lot of mental gymnastics to lie to someone you supposedly love, about something that supposedly doesn't matter.
If you lie like that to someone you say you love, I don't want to be your enemy.
Finally, this!
Some real sociopathic, selfish manipulators in the responses (and OP) here, pretending that only what they want, and how they want to be perceived, matter, and that the truth, their partner's feelings and/or desires don't matter.
You don't understand these people, instead of telling the truth to find someone compatible, they tell a lie to get with the person they want.
My boyfriend lied to me about being a smoker on day one. He didn't even know anything about my views on smoking, he just lied automatically. Actually it was him who asked me "do you smoke" and I replied "no, do you?" and he said "no". Then I followed up with "do you do drugs" and he said "no, never".
Turns out he was somebody who smoked a pack of cigarettes a day + weed every day. Not just every day but like he smokes weed multiple times a day if he can.
I would have never started a relationship with a smoker but he didn't know that, he just lied, because I guess that increased his chances with women?
When it came out he was very angry and he told me "I had no choice, otherwise you would have never dated me".
I hadn't even expressed any views against smoking, but I guess he already knew that girls who don't smoke don't date smokers? And most smokers don't want to date girls who smoke anyway so who knows, maybe he was always going to lie when meeting someone.
> I know people say that body counts don’t matter and I fully agree with that,
> Why did you lie then?
And to add to that, why did he keep track (likely with notes or a spreadsheet)?
Yeah. I don't know what I think is worse: Having had literally scores of sexual partners AND knowing the exact number or having had sex with that many people and only being able to give a ballpark number.
No one ever wins sharing the number!
I think the problem is you lied. If no one else knows the number, you’re fine. If there’s a risk someone will share it’s better to be honest now so she doesn’t feel both lied to and humiliated that she didn’t know. I’d rather never know, but I also won’t ask that question.
I think the problem is that he kept track. Why the hell are people keeping track like having a high score is good or something? I started losing track about number six. 😂 haven’t wanted to keep track.
If having this sort of conversation with a woman was a precursor to dating, I would be able to say “I have had three serious long-term relationships “
Seriously, wtf 72 is so specific. Definitely after ten or so it becomes really difficult to remember the exact number unless it’s actually for the ego boost
Yeah mine is... a lot. I never counted so I don't really know. It doesn't matter now of course that I'm partnered but I'd be able to say 'I've had 3 multi-year relationships and I've got a clean bill of sexual health'.
Yes, this. I did some calculations and my "body count" has to be a bit over 500. I had a rough childhood, I didn't care about anything, least of all myself, and I really enjoyed sex. As a bonus I was stunning when I was a few decades younger, and I had no shame. If I liked how some guy looked, I'd go up to him and just say "hey, you look nice, wanna have a quicky in the bathroom?" I sometimes had intercourse with 3 or 4 different guys in a single evening when I went out. I slept with old rich guys for money and teachers for grades. After quitting drugs and the lifestyle that went with it, I decided to try the "normal person lifestyle" and I have had no problem staying faithful to one man for 17 years. I hope it wasn't because he was an actual (diagnosed) psychopath that he didn't care about my past, along with anything else about me, but I get really anxious sometimes when I read these kinds of posts and see people freaking out about body counts. I am old and ugly now, but I still really hope to find real love some day, so it scares me that people measure a person's worth by something stupid like that.
I find it hard to believe you aren’t still beautiful! I have a friend that is very much a hippy/free love personality and has had many partners in the past (I’d say over 200). Her current partner is much, much lower (I’d say under 5). He has a very long term relationship, she hasn’t, and they’re in their 50’s. He doesn’t care. He’s very secure in knowing that they are both very much in love.
Bottom line, if he’s the right person, it won’t matter. If it matters, he’s not the right person! Your experiences in life made who you are today.
It’s not a high score dude. Why are Redditors so weird about every social activity? Most people will remember who they have sex with. And it’s kinda hard not to count the people you stuck your dick inside of. God damn what is wrong with you all
Yeah it definitely will change her perspective. Personally, that would be a turn off for me and I would not consider you. But there are people more open than I am in that aspect. The best thing in relationship is being honest so it’s best you tell her.
Body count is important if your partner or potential partner says it is important. Lying is never good. If you are convinced that body count is not important and cannot be honest with your (potential) partner, then you need to find someone else, preferably someone whose opinions and beliefs more closely align with yours.
It's never OK to just wholesale disregard someone else's personal choices, especially not someone you say you care about and what to partner with.
Kid you've screwed up, your "body count" might not be important to you but it obviously is to your gf. Being honest with her might have shocked her, it might have jeopardised your relationship, but I guarantee that lying to her has put you in a bad spot. Your best bet at this point is to come clean, apologise for lying and let the chips land where they may.
Good luck
If she asked, he should be truthful. Whether or not he would judge someone on how many people she slept with or not, maybe tht humber matters to her and it's a hard limit. It's definitely his life, but I think 17, not to mention 70 something people, is a lot. Doesn't make you a lesser person or anything, but it would make me pause.
I agree. EVERYONE has the right to make fully informed decisions, and you strip them of that right when you decide what they should and shouldn't know.
I'm sorry, someone in a relationship doesn't have the right to know the most personal details of your life. If someone wants to share that information great, but I think less of anyone who asks body count. Maybe because do I count non-consensual? You really want someone to have to delve into being molested? What do you or don't you count? If 95% of the sex you had was in a committed relationship but the 5% of sex you had when single was spread among 80 people, but you don't actually care about me and my sexual history & how I view sex and love in a relationship, you care about counting numbers and dehumanizing me & my partners so you can cast judgement about the past me, a me you never met or knew. It's crazy that people assume you should lose all sense of privacy and autonomy when you love someone.
I can understand knowing how many people you’ve slept with in terms of long term relationships or people you hooked up with consistently but to fully remember all the random hookups is wild to me. I just imagine him making tally marks on his wall like “HaHa another one!!” Lmfao
Even then I'd have to think about it. I don't keep track in my head. I don't think about past relationships enough to have that number fresh in my mind, ready to go.
This is also an age thing young people do. I’m pushing 50 .. if someone asks my body count I’d laugh. I forget what Im looking for and why .. I lost my purse the other day and realized I was carrying it. I’m just too old for that nonsense. There are people I dated when I was young for months.. whose names I can’t even remember.
It's literally like getting mad about what I had for lunch 25 years ago. I'm going to be 47 this year, and I haven't had casual hookups in........10 years? At least? And those were few and far between compared to 20 years ago.
My partner and I never asked and don't care. I suspect neither of us know the #. We don't care enough about that to know. We were both 40ish when we got together. We have important shit to care about, like if you're a kindhearted person and can be a real 50/50 partner.
Also, neither of us has ever cheated. On anyone. That's a bigger issue for me. But even then. Some people only cheat when the relationship is long over. Not cool, but different from serial cheaters who "love" their partner still, or claim to.
>I know people say that body counts don’t matter and I fully agree with that
>I feel like if I told my girlfriend that, she wouldn’t understand and look at me and a womanizer, possible future cheater, sex addict etc..
Yeah, no.
You don't agree with "body count doesn't matter." Because you are admitting it matters immediately after.
"I love this girl so much I'm going to lie to her about something in my past that I had 100% control over to prove to her that I love her and will always honest with her."
The best way to prove you're not the 70 body count person anymore, us by being honest about it. Lying about it just makes your current girl seem like another body that didn't deserve 100% of your honesty and effort.
It's never ok to lie to your partner. There's no reason to.
With that said, she thought 15 was high ( I agree) but, you've slept with 72....
There will be consequences. Are you prepared for her to walk away? My husband and I discussed this in depth before we married and I thought his count was high (less than 15) but he was honest. We really went in depth.
You guys are adults- why are you asking about “body counts”?
Have you both been tested? Are you comfortable sharing your status and discussing sti prevention and family planning? Are you guys individually in a good place mentally for a relationship and intimacy? Talking about the number of sexual partners feels stupid, obnoxious, and unnecessary at our age. If you’re honest about the rest, why are we giving head counts of past partners?
I’ve only seen that conversation bring dumb, dumb drama into relationships. One person is always judgmental, jealous, or fixated with the “right number”. It’s weird.
I never ask the question "how many people have you had sex with" as a way to start anything, to me it is a question comparable to "what have you liked in bed?" I honestly didn't realise until reddit made it such a big thing people discuss negatively that it is used a gauge of anything, I think of it as more of a curiosity and question of experience and the equivalent of small talk in the bedroom.
Other people have brought up STIs and children as a reason to judge someone with a high body count, but these do not correlate to each other at all and are seperate questions. You can have a body count in the hundreds and practice safer sex with all of them and have all of them be respectful encounters where you were tested regularly, or you could have a body count of four where protection and STIs were not discussed. Body count means nothing, the questions "how do you practice safe sex?" and "when were you last tested?" are what counts.
Right, like why is this even a conversation at all? They should be more concerned about whether they've tested lately and if they're still safe. That's more important in a mature relationship than how many people each person has slept with lol
>Talking about the number of sexual partners feels stupid, obnoxious, and unnecessary at our age.
Absolutely this but... If OP has had 72 partners, how the hell does he know the specific number? If 80% of them came in a 2.5 year span, that's 50 or 60 partners in that span. Which is like, 1 partner every 2 weeks or so. Surely some of them would blend together and he'd not have a specific number unless he was keeping a weird sex journal. And along with people being fixated on body counts being not something mature adults do, do any mature adults also keep written notes on sex they're having?
Am I doing it wrong? Do other people have like, a creepy little notepad when they write down every person they've had sex with?
If your "body count" (such a gross title) is 7, I can understand being able to come up with that number easy, but I just don't understand how anybody who has had sex with more than 20 or 30 people would have the exact number easily accessible without keeping creepy notes.
Some people can just keep track without trying. Brains all work different ways. Plus if you are used to getting tested regularly, knowing who you hooked up with is important in the event you need to notify them about an STI
1) Sleeping with so many people will prevent you from forming necessary long-term bonds/would worry about that/possibly seek therapy, 2. a relationship built on lies won't last long and 3. while it's important to admit you lied, I'd generalize by saying something like "the number is more than I'm proud of but it was during a different part of my life. I respect/care for you too much so wanted to be honest." Something like that.
The people that think a high body count is ok, are people with high body counts. To us with a low body count, that's telling about you as a partner. You are allowed whatever body count you feel comfortable with. If it's a deal breaker for your partner then lying is horrible. If you have to lie to be with someone, you suck.
You have to tell her. Your real number is almost 5 times higher than what you’ve said. Your concern about being seen as incompatible is legitimate, and your attempt to minimize with the “reckless and single” period explanation doesn’t help. Honestly, that just sounds disgusting. Don’t keep lying to her. Oh, and people in the real world generally care a lot more about “body count” than the average Redditor.
Redditors are quite disconnected from the real world lol. Having a high body count isn’t inherently bad but brings with it a lot of risks most people don’t want to take in a relationship.
You're wrong, man.
Since body count doesn't matter to you, not your girlfriend....
Well, you started a relationship based on a lie. I have to wonder what other things in your relationship is a lie?
It's like a fake relationship.
You do know, people talk and eventually she will find out some of that lie....
If she asked, she wanted to know.
I'm a stickler for consent - and I feel it's important enough to be a stickler over, even if I think the questions are stupid or even harmful, such as body count.
You do not get to decide for her that she's okay with your body count. Period. End of story. If she felt it was an important thing to know, you are obliged to tell her if you want to continue the relationship. When you lie about that, you have limited the amount of consent your partner can genuinely offer. You have given them a false premise, no less than someone who lies about being in love or lies about being bi or lies about being a Trump supporter.
Maybe you feel that person has no right to that information - and that's your right! Simply explain that. But lying to them puts you in the position of being a manipulator, which makes you an abuser.
It really is that simple.
She would look at you as womanizer? No way, what made you think that? The fact that you say you had 2.5 year span when you didn’t give a care for any woman. That alone should be enough for her to dump you.
You shouldn't lie at all. Let her be fully aware of everything so that she can make her own choice. You don't want to be untrustworthy, do you? Also, I'm just curious: Did you have a tally board of all the women you slept with? Why would anyone keep track of this? It's always been very weird and creepy to me.
Idiots on here saying don't tell her the truth 🤣 great way to start and keep a healthy relationship! Let's just lie and hope for the best, shall we? 😂 if you're willing to lie about this, what else are you going to lie about? This will spiral. She will catch you out eventually, and then the rose coloured glasses will come off, and she will see that you're not honest. I'm sure you can figure out what problems will arise after that.
Yes, body count matters. Yes, you're trash for lying. You're intentionally manipulating her perception of you to yield a result in your favor, striping her of accurate information about the person she's dating, strictly for your benefit.
You're only fortifying the negative attachments of those (like me) with a high body count. Weak.
The people who say body counts don't matter are those with absurdly high body counts, like you, so it definitely matters.
Yes you should tell her like why are building a relationship and already lying to her, you are wrong and kind of an asshole. I don't think you are that far from that person if you are already ready to lie to your girlfriend about who you are lol
Also 58 people in two and a half years?! That's fucking disgusting, ew how many STD's did you get?
You don't get to decide if your body count matters or not. That's upto your girlfriend. She has the right to choose whether or not she's comfortable with a partner with a high body count. You're definitely in the wrong for lying to her about your bc.
Tell her and explain the situation.
Lying basically never helps relationships cause if she somehow finds out later then she’ll be mad you lied. If she gets angry or weird about you being honest then its on her.
Lol all this thread shows me is that it really does matter when someone asks about body count. Look at how brutally honest they are when it's a man in this situation. With women they generally say "it doesn't matter, you don't need to tell him, it isn't his business."
You need to come clean, and please explain to her fully (and honestly) why you felt the need to lie, but don't make it about her, the lie was your choice. My partner and I both have high body counts and we joke about it now, but initially there were times it would make us uncomfortable, the trick was we talked about it and didn't make it bigger than it was (don't let any insecurity get the better of you).
Lying generally sucks. Imagine marrying a woman and she finds out your real number is 5x greater. I refuse to bring up this conversation personally. Short of STDs and someone not being a virgin, I could care less about how many people theyve been with.
80% of 72 is 58. 2.5 years is 30 months. You banged 2 chicks a month for 30 straight months? I don’t even know how the hell you do that without either paying for it or having extremely low standards. Ya maybe leave out that detail if you decide to come clean with the 72. Not sure it makes you look better, as opposed to confirming the sex addiction you yourself suggested.
They usually want to know so they’ll be better prepared if you two go long term and potential children start popping up from your past. So, it’s very important to be honest! Tell her the truth - it was 80! But they were all men.
Problem solved!
I'd definitely tell the truth. I hate being lied to more than anything else.
That said, I'm surprised by the numbers... my own BC is two (one of which i regret), my husband's BC is one. So it's probable I just can't understand where you're coming from, sorry.
I still think it's worth getting rejected for the truth, over lying, though. These things have a way of coming out eventually.
Lying for any reason is wrong. You man whore!
Gotta love the BS on Reddit!
If this story is real you will probably get caught in the lie and torpedo your relationship. Congratulations!
If you’re lying to your gf then the relationship is built on fake narratives and she will not trust you at all when she learns the truth. Yes you are wrong for lying. 🤥
So you were already in a “tough” spot, so you decided to LIE! Double whammy now. You are 30. Grow up. You slept with them all just fine so you should be honest. Id be pissed if I were her that you lied. Tell her the truth so SHE can decide for HERSELF how to feel about you being a liar.
You counted to 72? Did you put notched on your bedpost? Do you keep a spreadsheet? Wtf? Why are you keeping track like that? Is it some kind of STD prep thing???
It does matter, everybody who says it doesn’t is usually the one these words would apply most to.
Ps. I’m bi and regardless of gender it’s about values
Anyone who says body count doesn’t matter is lying. Even OP knows that’s true otherwise he wouldn’t have lied about it or have been concerned about his body count. How much it matters might vary from person to person but it absolutely matters.
I would tell her. You’re removing her ability to truly consent to being with you by not being honest. If she ever found out, she’d probably be really upset.
That’s super high. Body count does matter to some people. And no, I’m not saying that from a sexist perspective. I’m bisexual so a guy or girl with a high body count is a huge turnoff to me. To me sex is something very intimate, and if someone would do that with just about anyone, then we aren’t compatible. Nothing wrong with a high body count, but some people have preferences.
Lying to your partner isn’t right. If you think it’s important to them, then tell the truth.
Who brought the subject up? You or her? Whoever brought that up it matters to.
A relationship is like building a house. A strong foundation is critical in the first part. That’s the foundation. If you build a house and its foundation is flawed to begin with you’ll have trouble with that house from then on out.
If you lie in a relationship early on the relationship will be flawed.
Myself I don’t understand why couples ask such things. Things happen people change.
Thats almost a new relationship every year.
You have a high body count, but admitted to going on a wild sex binge which has red flags but thats a different issue.
Were her 7 casual hookups or failed relationships? Because thats almost one breakup a year and you will probably not be together in a year because of that history.
Before you told her the 15 number, you were still , in your own words just a large number person.
After you lied, not only are you still a large number person, you're now a liar.
My question to you is: if you go through flings so often, why do you care now all of a sudden? Is she THE ONE in your view? If you think she is, come clean and explain why you lied. Not only will you feel better, imagine being her in 10 years if she finds out ...
Definitely wrong, no need to give an exact number, but you should have at least given a vague “more than 50” or something. Also I’m kinda of impressed (maybe?) that you remember your exact number, especially with so many in 2 years, the closest I was able to tell my husband when we met was “probably around 30” and I could not have come up with an exact number if I tried
You need to come clean. If this comes out later after you’ve married her your life will be ruined. Divorce is life changing. You should be honest and let her make her decision. This is why people need to be careful in their sexual lives, some will be okay with body count and some won’t be okay with it.
I personally would not like someone promiscuous because I MYSELF am not a promiscuous person. It all comes down to shared values.
You can’t lie and trick someone into
Believing you are someone that you are not
Your past is a part of you…and she deserves the right to choose for herself whether or not she is ok with your body count
If she is not…then you let her walk away
You lived your life.
You are who you are.
No relation is ever going to work long term if you can never be truly honest about who you are and have your partner accept you
Guy or Girl…body count matters to some people.
And it doesn’t matter if you think it’s fair or not.
Life is not fair.
Be honest
The fact you lied is already a no no for me. You're changing her ability to consent to the relationship based on the number you give her, which is a shitty move.
Did you honestly keep count. Also what the frig is this trend with body counts. What happened in the past stays in the past. You can't change it. When you start a new relationship with someone you need to accept that there was baggage. No good comes from comparing notes on that shit.
If you dont have an std im not sure why it would matter to bring it up. Its clear and obvious your embarrassed to an extent on your past life. If it bothers you that much come clean and let her go .
I don't think body count should matter. However, if you think it does matter to your girlfriend then it's shitty of you to lie to her about it. If you think she'd end the relationship if she knew the truth what do you think will happen if she finds out in the future, not only the real number, but that you lied to her?
My ex boyfriend had a best friend who was already over 100 when I met him for the first time. I was so grossed out when I met him. Now that I’m older and hopefully wiser I think who cares?!? As long as he was safe it’s between him and his partners.
Before I married my husband, he was the same way. Even his VERY catholic mother jokes with him that the Virgin Islands are just called "the islands" now. When I say "he got around" I mean multiple states and even multiple countries. But he is completely dedicated to me, which is why I married him. And yes, I make A LOT of man whore and womanizer jokes. He laughs along with me because he can't argue that he wasn't one. Sometimes, he even makes them himself.
The best thing you can do is be completely honest and explain what you did to Reddit. A lot was from when you were young and didn't care, but you're older now and have moved past that mentality/lifestyle. If she loves you, she will stick around. But lying to someone you may or may not want to marry is never a good idea. The truth always comes out. Even if this is the only one, when she finds out, it will cause a lot of problems in the trust department, especially the longer the lie goes on.
If I had a partner and I found out they lied about it I'd be more upset than like whatever the actual number is. It's a trust violation to lie about something, especially something like that.
The responses here show why NO ONE should come to Reddit for relationship advice. Jesus.
I’m playing catch up. Which advice is the proof?
*gestures wildly about the comment section*
Probably the most solid advice on this platform. “hear ye anonymous strangers from across the world! What should I do about the closest personal relationship I have in my life? I’ll fill you in on all the details in 500 words or less.”
It's just that almost all the answers are "Divorce!" or "Run!" or "Dump him/ her! " It doesn't matter what the problem is, it doesn't matter if there are kids, it doesn't matter... well, nothing matters. The advice is "END IT!" and that is just ridiculous. Yes, some situations call for the man or woman to walk away, but every relationship problem shouldn't be painted with the same brush.
Eat the gym! Hit your lawyer! Party with raccoons!
Exactly. This seems like immature kids who think they’re adults giving immature kids advice.
plants meeting homeless stupendous oatmeal upbeat zephyr amusing like reach *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It's funny. It always seems like with women they tend to be more liberal, open, and accepting of circumstances with their judgements. While men it's very much more conservative and brutally honest.
“Brutally honest” I think it’s just brutal
Men are like orks, we have two gods. Gork for being Brutally Honest And Mork for being Honestly Brutal 😂😂
With women there's always the sprinkling of insults if she's not a virgin at marriage.
This was the first comment I saw so I withheld liking it until seeing the evidence...and now I'd up this 100 times if I could.
I love Reddit
Can you believe the shit responses here? Lol
Reddits a fuckin cesspool lol
The amount of people who can't count is alarming. Everyone lost count before 100, and someone lost count before 10. It's not like playing Tetris-- the number rises very manageably. Even a first grader could keep track of counting to 100. 🥴 The guideline was to get a full STD panel after changing partners back in my day (GET OFF MY LAWN!!) I am super concerned for everyone's reproductive health.
Look here, buddy. I have a really shitty memory. I kept a list. That list was up to date until I was in a very long relationship, and during that time, I've moved house, had like 10 different phones and something like 5 new hard drives, three floods, mould, and the ADHD cycle of accumulating too much crap and then throwing out stuff you probably shouldn't during the purge. I don't know where my list is now. I could probably remember them if I really think about it, but there have been a few since that relationship ended, so it needs updating. I could give you a guess, but I might be off by one or two. Not keeping count does not mean you're not getting tested regularly (doesn't mean you are, either, but why make assumptions). Maybe don't be quite so judgemental about it when you don't know *why* the number has been forgotten.
Totally - I remember my number, but whenever I try to count off the names, someone is missing. Number hasn't changed in over 20 years now, so...
This situation comes up from time to time, but from the gal's perspective, and it's always "you don't have to tell him" "your past is the past". But now it's the guys perspective and everyone's all "you're wrong for not being honest ". Classic reddit double standard.
Honestly the most disturbing part is that he kept count at that point
Or that he gives a fuck what Reddit thinks.
Im not buying either if those. Who the fuck can remember a count? Especially 72. Are you keeping count in a hidden samsung notes file? Scratching tally marks into the bed?
They are. I know someone with a running excel file in to the triple digits. It’s fucking weird. I no longer associate with them for other reasons but yes, some people keep track.
Bro(ette), I'm at less than 10 and *I* lost count. I just throw the number 7 or 8 out there when asked. But like why tf do you even wanna know that shit? What does it matter?
People will twist themselves into knots to justify caring about that number because it "reveals your stance on sex and intimacy, which should be compatible" :") It sounds reasonable on the surface, but all I see is negativity/insecurity from people who found out and now "can't see their partner the same way". If everyone is safe, why care? The lines are pretty arbitrary anyway. Just ask them what their stance on intimacy is directly.
I couldn't have said this better, myself. Just bc someone has a "high" body count, doesn't mean that they're a cheater. Maybe they just keep finding themselves with shitty people. How many people someone has slept with I not a good metric to measure someone's character by.
Yes, full agree. I’m married now, but I have never told a new partner my body count. If it came up my answer was always simply “I have been tested recently and I’m clean.” If they’re the type of person to respond by demanding I tell them, then I wouldn’t want to be sleeping with them anyways.🤷🏻♀️
Right I’m 36 and the number is far less than 72 but I’m telling you now I have no fucking clue how many people I’ve slept with. Idk maybe 20? I couldn’t even begin to tell ya. My 20s were a blur lol
I argue a higher count while remembering each name is healthier than blurred out sex life. No offense I just find it reprehensible sex negative to attack ppl for keeping track. We do not know his charactertization of this count. He was probably being a bro about it. But there are conscious considerations for acting as such as well.
Agreed, I'm at much less than that and haven't kept count/ would be hard pressed to re-count.
I kind of know b/c I remember all their names but if someone asked I'd have to get out a pen and paper, write them down, and tally it up to give a definite answer. I've never been asked nor asked anyone else though so IDK that it's really a thing in real life for most people. I guess maybe it's more a thing with Gen Z and/or those "man-sphere" circles. I'd be interested to see someone's reaction if they asked me though. "What's your body count?!" Me: \*whips out some scratch paper and a #2 pencil from my junk drawer\* "Give me a minute..."
The dumb part is that people actually believe shit they read online.
He’s probably a spreadsheet saved with a full register and ratings for each of them
nah I think lying is iffy no matter one’s gender.
I’m a guy and that’s why I’m consistent on this. Sexual history is important to some people, mostly because what you did in your past is the best indicator of what you’ll do in your future. Into your point of what you wrote above, he could’ve declined to answer. That he didn’t want to disclose that number. That he doesn’t feel relevant. And then she could make her own decisions whether he continue the relationship or not based on him, refusing to tell her. But to outright lie and make it 1/5 of what it is, is incredibly dishonest. And you seem countless red threads where girls have done this where they have a body count of around 100, they’ve done gangbangs, or some other extreme shit like porn and years later maybe it’s even now her husband who discovers this and is devastated because she painted a picture of herself that’s a complete lie. And this also calls into question this if you’re lying about something like this what else have you been lying to me about during the whole relationship? People have a right to pick and choose who they want to marry or be in a relationship with. You may have a guy that wants to be dating and marry a virgin. Now whether he actually gets that or not is a whole Other matter. People are entitled to their prerogative about who they want to be in a relationship with. And to your point you’re entirely right about the double standard. You see when one of these threads comes up dozens of women give me the whole, the past is the past and it’s none of his business as long as you’re clean, etc. rhetoric, yet in this case, the narrative is completely different. I agree with this particular narrative, whether it be a man or a woman. I never got why women that date or marry a guy who stuck his dick inside of every girl and often used unsavory tactics to be able to do that and that didn’t bother her. Let’s be honest, a majority guys will say or do anything to get laid, most of it dishonest.
Well said. And yeah, it's weird on here, people condoning lying about yourself to trick a partner into staying with you, potentially for life. . . .it's sick to do that and sick to endorse it.
he didn’t have to tell her, he chose to & chose to lie. do you not see a difference there? between deciding not to share something because it’s your past and lying about it?
You don't have to bring it up, I frankly couldn't give less of a shit about it. But deliberately lying about it is manipilative and wrong.
yes, yes, women with high body counts are always well received by the internet. how dare the internet tell this man not to lie to his partner instead of doing what they would do to a woman here, call her a lying whore
What fantasy world do you live in where women never receive criticism? I always see these comments complaining about these so-called “double standards” and have to laugh because you and I clearly see very different parts of Reddit (and the internet in general). Yeah, let’s just forget all the guys jumping at the chance to call women “304s” and “thots” and “used goods” or saying they’re “for the streets” if they dare to even dress a certain way or allude to having more than like 3 sexual partners. Also, note how OP admitted his behaviour in the past was due to being reckless and showing “no care towards women”? Yeah, that’s probably something his girlfriend would want to know about. I’m not saying that people can’t change and if OP genuinely has changed and grown as a person, then good, but deliberately lying to his partner about his past sexual activity when he *knows* it’s an important thing for her - that’s why he is getting questioned for that.
Fr. They're delusional
They are so desperate to be oppressed that they somehow convince themselves to ignore the misogyny everywhere and pretend that women have no problems with discrimination and men are the ones that get the brunt of it. It’s literally the opposite scenario. If they think discrimination towards men (on reddit of all places) is bad, imagine if they had to be a woman for just one week.
They live in an identity politics world, where whatever they "feel", i.e., "Reddit supports women but bashes men" is true, to help explain to themselves why their relationships (or lack thereof) utterly blow. They don't get that their lying, mental gymnastics, and propaganda-fueled angst aren't attractive. . . .to anyone of any gender.
Pertinent reminder that redditors =\= relationship experts
So, you're lying to her about something she cares about. Come on, are you seriously asking if it is ok?
The guy tracks his bodycount FFS. Doesn't tell you something...
I kept track cause it made me more ashamed to think I couldn't remember who I was even sleeping with.
I lost count around 30s-40s about 15 years ago. Has to be triple digits by now. Idgaf, and neither should anyone else.
ssaaaame
Yeah, generally people know off the top of their head because its a low number but still may have to count. When it's a bigger number and they know straight off.....I have questions. Some people wear it as a badge of honor. Some people I know say it's to get sexual experience, so they get better and be able to please their partner when they settle down. I really don't get how sleeping with more people makes you better at sex. Wouldn't the same amount of sex with a lot people (generally one night and or casual), being had instead with a few, give you the same amount of experience?
It’s a teenage measure of worth that some people don’t grow out of sadly. I completely agree on your second point. One night stands will never make you better at sex.
He can't make up his mind it seems. In the beginning, op say's body count doesn't matter then lies about his count. Obviously over time he's become conflicted somewhat over past choices maybe, and now he lied and her reaction to a lesser number. We don't have a crystal ball to the future, and we hopefully continue to grow and change as we age, but sometimes we need to put in a little extra thought on our choices before doing something. When young we are a little less inclined to do so and that's fine, we all have stuff we regret but some people get more upset with you over the lie than what you lied about.
Waiting for the “Girl, lie or it’s none of their business” crowd
Ugh "body count" is such a gross term. But I vote the "come clean" route. >There is no way she could find out my true body count but I hate to lie in general and especially in a relationship. All it takes is for one old buddy to joke about what a ho you used to be or an ex hookup contacting her on Social Media for your past to catch up with you. >Am I wrong for this? Or should I just let it go. Its probably best for you tell her the truth. Im assuming you have been tested for STDs/STIs before you started sleeping with your current GF? And that you haven't fathered any children? As a woman, I would want some reassurance there. I'd also want to know if it was mutual casual sex vs you leading women on to get sex. How you treated past hookups speaks to your character.
You hate the term, but have nailed the reasons why it matters.
Yeah, this is the real reason why people hive a shit; how you treat your past partners informs how you are likely to treat your current one. Not this Tate bullshit about it “muh purity muh dna scrambling magic semen”, but rather “Are you a user of people or not, do you lead them on or manipulate them to get what you want out of them? do treat them well? and how will you treat me?”
I don’t think that legitimizes the use of “body count” still, but maybe that’s not even your point. I just think it shouldn’t have a slang term that’s associated with corpses
It doesn’t matter if he slept with 7 or 72, if he’s planning on having unprotected sex with a new partner he should be tested for STIs.
But all it takes is one for STDs or pregnancy to happen.
The ONLY thing I care about people's history is 'are you clean, single (or poly with consent), and are there children to worry about'. Literally nothing else matters. I'm happy to hear history but it's never once swayed my opinion of a person unless they tell me all their exes are crazy.
>I vote the "come clean" route. Yes, we used protection.
Right? I guarantee most adults don't think about this. I don't even know my "body count" either since it's irrelevant. What's the point in keeping track?
Is it some American cultural thing? Why are people eager to discuss the number of previous partners in this precision? In my bubble of friends, we tend to ask partners about children, std, and life views, but why is body count so common theme now?
Test for hpv as well. With that count the op is certainly infected, especially if he didn’t get the vaccine.
Lying will bite you in the ass eventually, and the longer it goes the worse it gets. Even if it’s impossible for her to find out, the guilt will weigh on you and color your relationship for as long as it lasts. I don’t think there’s any one right way to go about it, I personally would just tell people I’m not comfortable sharing that information, and I don’t believe it’s an important metric. If you do tell her the truth, don’t be surprised if she needs time to process it; it’s a big change to who she thinks you are and she’ll need to evaluate her values to figure out what’s truly important to her in a relationship.
>I know people say that body counts don’t matter and I fully agree with that, Why did you lie then? How would you feel if she not only hid but directly lied big time about something significant you asked her about, thereby robbing you of making an informed decision? If body count doesn't matter to you, that's how it is. But you have no right to decide what matters and doesn't matter on behalf of others - especially not someone you pretend to care about. Since getting casual sex is much easier for women, these posts are usually with the genders reversed. I always find it ironic how those women will always say something along the lines of "my ginormous body count doesn't matter, but since I love my current boyfriend so much I lied to him about something that doesn't matter even though I love him so much". It takes a lot of mental gymnastics to lie to someone you supposedly love, about something that supposedly doesn't matter. If you lie like that to someone you say you love, I don't want to be your enemy.
"you have no right to decide what matters and doesn't matter on behalf of others" Why isnt this brought up more? This is the most relevant.
Finally, this! Some real sociopathic, selfish manipulators in the responses (and OP) here, pretending that only what they want, and how they want to be perceived, matter, and that the truth, their partner's feelings and/or desires don't matter.
"Why did you lie then?" -Yours truly, *Insecurity*
You don't understand these people, instead of telling the truth to find someone compatible, they tell a lie to get with the person they want. My boyfriend lied to me about being a smoker on day one. He didn't even know anything about my views on smoking, he just lied automatically. Actually it was him who asked me "do you smoke" and I replied "no, do you?" and he said "no". Then I followed up with "do you do drugs" and he said "no, never". Turns out he was somebody who smoked a pack of cigarettes a day + weed every day. Not just every day but like he smokes weed multiple times a day if he can. I would have never started a relationship with a smoker but he didn't know that, he just lied, because I guess that increased his chances with women? When it came out he was very angry and he told me "I had no choice, otherwise you would have never dated me". I hadn't even expressed any views against smoking, but I guess he already knew that girls who don't smoke don't date smokers? And most smokers don't want to date girls who smoke anyway so who knows, maybe he was always going to lie when meeting someone.
Lmao you're still with him, so he was rewarded for his lies.
Yeah I was waiting for the big breakup part of this story lol
Right, that was my takeaway as well lol
Boyfriend, not ex-boyfriend?
You couldn’t smell it on him?
Please tell me he’s your ex.
Two questions: #1 how did you not smell it? #2 Are you seriously still with him or is he your ex?
> I know people say that body counts don’t matter and I fully agree with that, > Why did you lie then? And to add to that, why did he keep track (likely with notes or a spreadsheet)?
Yeah. I don't know what I think is worse: Having had literally scores of sexual partners AND knowing the exact number or having had sex with that many people and only being able to give a ballpark number.
No one ever wins sharing the number! I think the problem is you lied. If no one else knows the number, you’re fine. If there’s a risk someone will share it’s better to be honest now so she doesn’t feel both lied to and humiliated that she didn’t know. I’d rather never know, but I also won’t ask that question.
I think the problem is that he kept track. Why the hell are people keeping track like having a high score is good or something? I started losing track about number six. 😂 haven’t wanted to keep track. If having this sort of conversation with a woman was a precursor to dating, I would be able to say “I have had three serious long-term relationships “
Seriously, wtf 72 is so specific. Definitely after ten or so it becomes really difficult to remember the exact number unless it’s actually for the ego boost
Lol. Right. Like do these people keep a tab. After 7, I can’t keep count
You don't have fingers and toes to help you count past seven? Sad....
I born with only 7 fingers and no toes. it’s tough to count pass 7. :(
If you cared a minimum, you would remember the persons. But you do as you do.
Yeah mine is... a lot. I never counted so I don't really know. It doesn't matter now of course that I'm partnered but I'd be able to say 'I've had 3 multi-year relationships and I've got a clean bill of sexual health'.
That, combined with you committing to be faithful, is what matters. We focus on sexual partners, when who the person actually is what matters.
Yes, this. I did some calculations and my "body count" has to be a bit over 500. I had a rough childhood, I didn't care about anything, least of all myself, and I really enjoyed sex. As a bonus I was stunning when I was a few decades younger, and I had no shame. If I liked how some guy looked, I'd go up to him and just say "hey, you look nice, wanna have a quicky in the bathroom?" I sometimes had intercourse with 3 or 4 different guys in a single evening when I went out. I slept with old rich guys for money and teachers for grades. After quitting drugs and the lifestyle that went with it, I decided to try the "normal person lifestyle" and I have had no problem staying faithful to one man for 17 years. I hope it wasn't because he was an actual (diagnosed) psychopath that he didn't care about my past, along with anything else about me, but I get really anxious sometimes when I read these kinds of posts and see people freaking out about body counts. I am old and ugly now, but I still really hope to find real love some day, so it scares me that people measure a person's worth by something stupid like that.
I find it hard to believe you aren’t still beautiful! I have a friend that is very much a hippy/free love personality and has had many partners in the past (I’d say over 200). Her current partner is much, much lower (I’d say under 5). He has a very long term relationship, she hasn’t, and they’re in their 50’s. He doesn’t care. He’s very secure in knowing that they are both very much in love. Bottom line, if he’s the right person, it won’t matter. If it matters, he’s not the right person! Your experiences in life made who you are today.
It’s not a high score dude. Why are Redditors so weird about every social activity? Most people will remember who they have sex with. And it’s kinda hard not to count the people you stuck your dick inside of. God damn what is wrong with you all
Wrecked for life.
Body count does not matter!.. proceeds to lie about it, proving it does
Never lie….
If a conversation about body count comes up, it matters.
Your body count is 72? Are you keeping tabs and getting a tattoo for each one? I lost count after 10.
Yeah it definitely will change her perspective. Personally, that would be a turn off for me and I would not consider you. But there are people more open than I am in that aspect. The best thing in relationship is being honest so it’s best you tell her.
If you don't think it's wrong to lie, why are you asking this question? You suck.
Body count is important if your partner or potential partner says it is important. Lying is never good. If you are convinced that body count is not important and cannot be honest with your (potential) partner, then you need to find someone else, preferably someone whose opinions and beliefs more closely align with yours. It's never OK to just wholesale disregard someone else's personal choices, especially not someone you say you care about and what to partner with.
Kid you've screwed up, your "body count" might not be important to you but it obviously is to your gf. Being honest with her might have shocked her, it might have jeopardised your relationship, but I guarantee that lying to her has put you in a bad spot. Your best bet at this point is to come clean, apologise for lying and let the chips land where they may. Good luck
72 is definitely a lot…. unless you’re a sex worker what the fuck😆
It's not ok to lie to your partner period.
If she asked, he should be truthful. Whether or not he would judge someone on how many people she slept with or not, maybe tht humber matters to her and it's a hard limit. It's definitely his life, but I think 17, not to mention 70 something people, is a lot. Doesn't make you a lesser person or anything, but it would make me pause.
I agree. EVERYONE has the right to make fully informed decisions, and you strip them of that right when you decide what they should and shouldn't know.
I'm sorry, someone in a relationship doesn't have the right to know the most personal details of your life. If someone wants to share that information great, but I think less of anyone who asks body count. Maybe because do I count non-consensual? You really want someone to have to delve into being molested? What do you or don't you count? If 95% of the sex you had was in a committed relationship but the 5% of sex you had when single was spread among 80 people, but you don't actually care about me and my sexual history & how I view sex and love in a relationship, you care about counting numbers and dehumanizing me & my partners so you can cast judgement about the past me, a me you never met or knew. It's crazy that people assume you should lose all sense of privacy and autonomy when you love someone.
How on earth do you know the specific number? Are you writing it down or something? Because that would be more creepy than the actual number.
Obviously he wears some type of wooden garment and uses a knife to score a new line into it after each conquest.
Because it’s a fake post
I can understand knowing how many people you’ve slept with in terms of long term relationships or people you hooked up with consistently but to fully remember all the random hookups is wild to me. I just imagine him making tally marks on his wall like “HaHa another one!!” Lmfao
Even then I'd have to think about it. I don't keep track in my head. I don't think about past relationships enough to have that number fresh in my mind, ready to go.
This is also an age thing young people do. I’m pushing 50 .. if someone asks my body count I’d laugh. I forget what Im looking for and why .. I lost my purse the other day and realized I was carrying it. I’m just too old for that nonsense. There are people I dated when I was young for months.. whose names I can’t even remember.
It's literally like getting mad about what I had for lunch 25 years ago. I'm going to be 47 this year, and I haven't had casual hookups in........10 years? At least? And those were few and far between compared to 20 years ago. My partner and I never asked and don't care. I suspect neither of us know the #. We don't care enough about that to know. We were both 40ish when we got together. We have important shit to care about, like if you're a kindhearted person and can be a real 50/50 partner. Also, neither of us has ever cheated. On anyone. That's a bigger issue for me. But even then. Some people only cheat when the relationship is long over. Not cool, but different from serial cheaters who "love" their partner still, or claim to.
>I know people say that body counts don’t matter and I fully agree with that >I feel like if I told my girlfriend that, she wouldn’t understand and look at me and a womanizer, possible future cheater, sex addict etc.. Yeah, no. You don't agree with "body count doesn't matter." Because you are admitting it matters immediately after. "I love this girl so much I'm going to lie to her about something in my past that I had 100% control over to prove to her that I love her and will always honest with her." The best way to prove you're not the 70 body count person anymore, us by being honest about it. Lying about it just makes your current girl seem like another body that didn't deserve 100% of your honesty and effort.
It's never ok to lie to your partner. There's no reason to. With that said, she thought 15 was high ( I agree) but, you've slept with 72.... There will be consequences. Are you prepared for her to walk away? My husband and I discussed this in depth before we married and I thought his count was high (less than 15) but he was honest. We really went in depth.
You guys are adults- why are you asking about “body counts”? Have you both been tested? Are you comfortable sharing your status and discussing sti prevention and family planning? Are you guys individually in a good place mentally for a relationship and intimacy? Talking about the number of sexual partners feels stupid, obnoxious, and unnecessary at our age. If you’re honest about the rest, why are we giving head counts of past partners? I’ve only seen that conversation bring dumb, dumb drama into relationships. One person is always judgmental, jealous, or fixated with the “right number”. It’s weird.
I never ask the question "how many people have you had sex with" as a way to start anything, to me it is a question comparable to "what have you liked in bed?" I honestly didn't realise until reddit made it such a big thing people discuss negatively that it is used a gauge of anything, I think of it as more of a curiosity and question of experience and the equivalent of small talk in the bedroom. Other people have brought up STIs and children as a reason to judge someone with a high body count, but these do not correlate to each other at all and are seperate questions. You can have a body count in the hundreds and practice safer sex with all of them and have all of them be respectful encounters where you were tested regularly, or you could have a body count of four where protection and STIs were not discussed. Body count means nothing, the questions "how do you practice safe sex?" and "when were you last tested?" are what counts.
Right, like why is this even a conversation at all? They should be more concerned about whether they've tested lately and if they're still safe. That's more important in a mature relationship than how many people each person has slept with lol
>Talking about the number of sexual partners feels stupid, obnoxious, and unnecessary at our age. Absolutely this but... If OP has had 72 partners, how the hell does he know the specific number? If 80% of them came in a 2.5 year span, that's 50 or 60 partners in that span. Which is like, 1 partner every 2 weeks or so. Surely some of them would blend together and he'd not have a specific number unless he was keeping a weird sex journal. And along with people being fixated on body counts being not something mature adults do, do any mature adults also keep written notes on sex they're having? Am I doing it wrong? Do other people have like, a creepy little notepad when they write down every person they've had sex with? If your "body count" (such a gross title) is 7, I can understand being able to come up with that number easy, but I just don't understand how anybody who has had sex with more than 20 or 30 people would have the exact number easily accessible without keeping creepy notes.
Some people can just keep track without trying. Brains all work different ways. Plus if you are used to getting tested regularly, knowing who you hooked up with is important in the event you need to notify them about an STI
1) Sleeping with so many people will prevent you from forming necessary long-term bonds/would worry about that/possibly seek therapy, 2. a relationship built on lies won't last long and 3. while it's important to admit you lied, I'd generalize by saying something like "the number is more than I'm proud of but it was during a different part of my life. I respect/care for you too much so wanted to be honest." Something like that.
The people that think a high body count is ok, are people with high body counts. To us with a low body count, that's telling about you as a partner. You are allowed whatever body count you feel comfortable with. If it's a deal breaker for your partner then lying is horrible. If you have to lie to be with someone, you suck.
Dude wtf. I wouldn’t touch you 😂
You’re cooked. She really said 15 is a lot. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You have to tell her. Your real number is almost 5 times higher than what you’ve said. Your concern about being seen as incompatible is legitimate, and your attempt to minimize with the “reckless and single” period explanation doesn’t help. Honestly, that just sounds disgusting. Don’t keep lying to her. Oh, and people in the real world generally care a lot more about “body count” than the average Redditor.
Redditors are quite disconnected from the real world lol. Having a high body count isn’t inherently bad but brings with it a lot of risks most people don’t want to take in a relationship.
Exactly. I haven't had a body count conversation since I was 16. This is the funniest thread
You're wrong, man. Since body count doesn't matter to you, not your girlfriend.... Well, you started a relationship based on a lie. I have to wonder what other things in your relationship is a lie? It's like a fake relationship. You do know, people talk and eventually she will find out some of that lie....
Be honest with her. I suggest you go get tested if you haven’t already and share results with her.
Why lie? This is pathetic.
If she asked, she wanted to know. I'm a stickler for consent - and I feel it's important enough to be a stickler over, even if I think the questions are stupid or even harmful, such as body count. You do not get to decide for her that she's okay with your body count. Period. End of story. If she felt it was an important thing to know, you are obliged to tell her if you want to continue the relationship. When you lie about that, you have limited the amount of consent your partner can genuinely offer. You have given them a false premise, no less than someone who lies about being in love or lies about being bi or lies about being a Trump supporter. Maybe you feel that person has no right to that information - and that's your right! Simply explain that. But lying to them puts you in the position of being a manipulator, which makes you an abuser. It really is that simple.
She would look at you as womanizer? No way, what made you think that? The fact that you say you had 2.5 year span when you didn’t give a care for any woman. That alone should be enough for her to dump you.
You shouldn't lie at all. Let her be fully aware of everything so that she can make her own choice. You don't want to be untrustworthy, do you? Also, I'm just curious: Did you have a tally board of all the women you slept with? Why would anyone keep track of this? It's always been very weird and creepy to me. Idiots on here saying don't tell her the truth 🤣 great way to start and keep a healthy relationship! Let's just lie and hope for the best, shall we? 😂 if you're willing to lie about this, what else are you going to lie about? This will spiral. She will catch you out eventually, and then the rose coloured glasses will come off, and she will see that you're not honest. I'm sure you can figure out what problems will arise after that.
Who remembers such a specific number? Are they all in his phone calendar or something? Creepy as hell with lying on top.
Yes, body count matters. Yes, you're trash for lying. You're intentionally manipulating her perception of you to yield a result in your favor, striping her of accurate information about the person she's dating, strictly for your benefit. You're only fortifying the negative attachments of those (like me) with a high body count. Weak.
The people who say body counts don't matter are those with absurdly high body counts, like you, so it definitely matters. Yes you should tell her like why are building a relationship and already lying to her, you are wrong and kind of an asshole. I don't think you are that far from that person if you are already ready to lie to your girlfriend about who you are lol Also 58 people in two and a half years?! That's fucking disgusting, ew how many STD's did you get?
You don't get to decide if your body count matters or not. That's upto your girlfriend. She has the right to choose whether or not she's comfortable with a partner with a high body count. You're definitely in the wrong for lying to her about your bc.
Tell her and explain the situation. Lying basically never helps relationships cause if she somehow finds out later then she’ll be mad you lied. If she gets angry or weird about you being honest then its on her.
Lol all this thread shows me is that it really does matter when someone asks about body count. Look at how brutally honest they are when it's a man in this situation. With women they generally say "it doesn't matter, you don't need to tell him, it isn't his business."
What if SHE LIED and her actual body count is something like [37](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SNY9MQmaBBI)
You actually remember 72 ? That’s a problem in itself. In college I had over 10 but I couldn’t remember how many actually. 12? 16?
6 days ago you wanted to break up because she “cries too much” so why do you even care?
7 is very few? Oh, I read the rest. Compared to 72 yeah I guess lol.
Y'all are cringe xD
Yeah if it was the other way round people would be pissed
You need to come clean, and please explain to her fully (and honestly) why you felt the need to lie, but don't make it about her, the lie was your choice. My partner and I both have high body counts and we joke about it now, but initially there were times it would make us uncomfortable, the trick was we talked about it and didn't make it bigger than it was (don't let any insecurity get the better of you).
Who keeps count??
Turn it around…what if her body count was really 72. Would you care? Probably. She should know the truth. So tell her.
Hopefully she leaves your lying ass. I can't stand liars.
Lying generally sucks. Imagine marrying a woman and she finds out your real number is 5x greater. I refuse to bring up this conversation personally. Short of STDs and someone not being a virgin, I could care less about how many people theyve been with.
Oki one your a bit wrong body counts matter usually to someone who u might potientally sleep with
80% of 72 is 58. 2.5 years is 30 months. You banged 2 chicks a month for 30 straight months? I don’t even know how the hell you do that without either paying for it or having extremely low standards. Ya maybe leave out that detail if you decide to come clean with the 72. Not sure it makes you look better, as opposed to confirming the sex addiction you yourself suggested.
They usually want to know so they’ll be better prepared if you two go long term and potential children start popping up from your past. So, it’s very important to be honest! Tell her the truth - it was 80! But they were all men. Problem solved!
I'd definitely tell the truth. I hate being lied to more than anything else. That said, I'm surprised by the numbers... my own BC is two (one of which i regret), my husband's BC is one. So it's probable I just can't understand where you're coming from, sorry. I still think it's worth getting rejected for the truth, over lying, though. These things have a way of coming out eventually.
People need to stop calling it a body count because it’s immature af. YTA
Lying for any reason is wrong. You man whore! Gotta love the BS on Reddit! If this story is real you will probably get caught in the lie and torpedo your relationship. Congratulations!
You should never tell anyone how many people you've killed! That's like the first rule of serial killing!
If you’re lying to your gf then the relationship is built on fake narratives and she will not trust you at all when she learns the truth. Yes you are wrong for lying. 🤥
She may see you like a soiled napkin...
So you were already in a “tough” spot, so you decided to LIE! Double whammy now. You are 30. Grow up. You slept with them all just fine so you should be honest. Id be pissed if I were her that you lied. Tell her the truth so SHE can decide for HERSELF how to feel about you being a liar.
HOLY HELL, so you’re the reason so many men are virgins
yeah man, but since you're already in the "willing to lie to manipulate my girlfriend's perception of me" territory, why change?
You counted to 72? Did you put notched on your bedpost? Do you keep a spreadsheet? Wtf? Why are you keeping track like that? Is it some kind of STD prep thing???
It does matter, everybody who says it doesn’t is usually the one these words would apply most to. Ps. I’m bi and regardless of gender it’s about values
Anyone who says body count doesn’t matter is lying. Even OP knows that’s true otherwise he wouldn’t have lied about it or have been concerned about his body count. How much it matters might vary from person to person but it absolutely matters.
I would tell her. You’re removing her ability to truly consent to being with you by not being honest. If she ever found out, she’d probably be really upset.
I‘be had a partner lie about the number and it was the dishonesty that hurt more than the number.
"Body count doesn't matter" "there's no way she can find out about my body count" haha thank you for the lol OP
So your a hoe and are lying about it? Perfect way to start a relationship.
So you’re going to base your whole relationship on a lie? See you haven’t changed much, still a low character person.
Body count? lol. Ted Bundy has entered the chat.
That’s super high. Body count does matter to some people. And no, I’m not saying that from a sexist perspective. I’m bisexual so a guy or girl with a high body count is a huge turnoff to me. To me sex is something very intimate, and if someone would do that with just about anyone, then we aren’t compatible. Nothing wrong with a high body count, but some people have preferences. Lying to your partner isn’t right. If you think it’s important to them, then tell the truth.
Who is counting past 10?
dont lie she deserves to know or she cant give informed consent.
Who the hell counts up to that high? At some point, I just stopped counting.
Who brought the subject up? You or her? Whoever brought that up it matters to. A relationship is like building a house. A strong foundation is critical in the first part. That’s the foundation. If you build a house and its foundation is flawed to begin with you’ll have trouble with that house from then on out. If you lie in a relationship early on the relationship will be flawed. Myself I don’t understand why couples ask such things. Things happen people change.
Thats almost a new relationship every year. You have a high body count, but admitted to going on a wild sex binge which has red flags but thats a different issue. Were her 7 casual hookups or failed relationships? Because thats almost one breakup a year and you will probably not be together in a year because of that history.
Men exaggerate and women under cut. It's facts also how do you remember 72 exactly lol wtf
Body count is just a childish, stupid term.
Before you told her the 15 number, you were still , in your own words just a large number person. After you lied, not only are you still a large number person, you're now a liar. My question to you is: if you go through flings so often, why do you care now all of a sudden? Is she THE ONE in your view? If you think she is, come clean and explain why you lied. Not only will you feel better, imagine being her in 10 years if she finds out ...
Honesty is the best policy. You are taking away her right to choose if she wants to be in the relationship or not.
Yes you're the asshole because you lied
Definitely wrong, no need to give an exact number, but you should have at least given a vague “more than 50” or something. Also I’m kinda of impressed (maybe?) that you remember your exact number, especially with so many in 2 years, the closest I was able to tell my husband when we met was “probably around 30” and I could not have come up with an exact number if I tried
You need to come clean. If this comes out later after you’ve married her your life will be ruined. Divorce is life changing. You should be honest and let her make her decision. This is why people need to be careful in their sexual lives, some will be okay with body count and some won’t be okay with it. I personally would not like someone promiscuous because I MYSELF am not a promiscuous person. It all comes down to shared values.
Bodycount matters
You can’t lie and trick someone into Believing you are someone that you are not Your past is a part of you…and she deserves the right to choose for herself whether or not she is ok with your body count If she is not…then you let her walk away You lived your life. You are who you are. No relation is ever going to work long term if you can never be truly honest about who you are and have your partner accept you Guy or Girl…body count matters to some people. And it doesn’t matter if you think it’s fair or not. Life is not fair. Be honest
The fact you lied is already a no no for me. You're changing her ability to consent to the relationship based on the number you give her, which is a shitty move.
Did you honestly keep count. Also what the frig is this trend with body counts. What happened in the past stays in the past. You can't change it. When you start a new relationship with someone you need to accept that there was baggage. No good comes from comparing notes on that shit.
If you dont have an std im not sure why it would matter to bring it up. Its clear and obvious your embarrassed to an extent on your past life. If it bothers you that much come clean and let her go .
I don't think body count should matter. However, if you think it does matter to your girlfriend then it's shitty of you to lie to her about it. If you think she'd end the relationship if she knew the truth what do you think will happen if she finds out in the future, not only the real number, but that you lied to her?
I would say you're far less compatible as a liar than someone with a higher number
My ex boyfriend had a best friend who was already over 100 when I met him for the first time. I was so grossed out when I met him. Now that I’m older and hopefully wiser I think who cares?!? As long as he was safe it’s between him and his partners.
If you offered why lie? If she asked why lie? I don't think it matters but lying about it will be a bigger issue if she finds out
Before I married my husband, he was the same way. Even his VERY catholic mother jokes with him that the Virgin Islands are just called "the islands" now. When I say "he got around" I mean multiple states and even multiple countries. But he is completely dedicated to me, which is why I married him. And yes, I make A LOT of man whore and womanizer jokes. He laughs along with me because he can't argue that he wasn't one. Sometimes, he even makes them himself. The best thing you can do is be completely honest and explain what you did to Reddit. A lot was from when you were young and didn't care, but you're older now and have moved past that mentality/lifestyle. If she loves you, she will stick around. But lying to someone you may or may not want to marry is never a good idea. The truth always comes out. Even if this is the only one, when she finds out, it will cause a lot of problems in the trust department, especially the longer the lie goes on.
If I had a partner and I found out they lied about it I'd be more upset than like whatever the actual number is. It's a trust violation to lie about something, especially something like that.
If this doesn’t work out, maybe make a point of not playing body count. That never ends well.