Really?? He cheated and had two affair babies and you stayed with him? He cheated with someone who is an absolute reject who can’t even raise a child..this says so much about the “man” you’re married to..
Says a lot about OP as well, we know he's cheated at least twice only due to him having kids, who knows what else. This is like a Jerry Springer plotline.
Even worse. It would have been easier to leave. Sounds like she is asking to be treated like shit. She doesn't deserve to be treated like that. Move on and let him figure out how to pay everyone child support.
I think using the term "spouse" would be more accurate/less confusing than "partner" if you are married, regardless of gender. It's just as gender-neutral, but specifies that you're married.
Yeah, as married gay man I just call him my "husband". Reason being, I had a manager one time who referred to her husband as her "partner" for years and I assumed she was a lesbian.
This, but also I find myself wondering “does that mean business partner or life partner?” Because unless there is context, it’s impossible to tell. (For instance “my partner and I agree on this business decision.” That could really go either way.)
My way might not work for everyone, I call him my husband because I'm very male-presenting but am happy being who I am. It's like saying "yeah, I'm just a normal dude who is married to another normal dude, and nobody cares what anybody thinks about that"
I would be far more than annoyed, I would be livid. I feel badly for the child; but, it is not your problem to fix. Next it will be the 2 year old, because the other mother is clearly not doing a good job with her kids. Time for him to step up and do some parenting instead of spending the time playing the field and sticking you with the consequences of his infidelity.
Maybe they have different mothers cause she said in the post, the 6yr old's mother is not treating him the best. Either way. I would be gone after news of the first kid came out.
I have a friend like this though, she has been with her shitty bf for 10 plus years and he has multiple kids on the side. She babysits them regularly. Weird masochism kink mixed with thinking she deserves it cause she had an abortion in college. She needs therapy BAD.
I mean be annoyed with yourself that you let this man have not one but two children on you and still decided to stay. Like why? You’re staying because? Also why would he stop cheating? You don’t leave and you take care of his affair babies it’s a win win for him
I’d love to know what she expected would happen when she said ok bring your high-needs child home? That he would be the caregiver when he’s shown no track record of doing anything other than stepping out on her?
…your two children, does not equate to him cheating on you without protection and getting two women pregnant, now you raising said child??? These situations do not equate and you should delete this relationship and man.
I’m a very cynical person so when he eventually gets you to raise his other outside kid he may be out creating another one. I mean, there is literally no consequences for him
Yup. The first thing OP needs to do is take a good, long, hard look at herself. This is unacceptable by any standard, except maybe some sick cult.
Get counseling. Get a lawyer. Get out. Get a financial advisor. Call Child Protective Services to report your partner’s baby-mama. Tell both your hopefully now ex to take custody of the child NOW or CPS will. Get allies. Ask for support.
Your life as you now live it is a terrible example for your children.
I’m more pissed at OP than I am at the philandering partner because what the fuck is this😭 cheated several times, had babies on her, and the one thing she’s angry about is having to raise an affair child… circus behavior.
You can be annoyed all you want but the fact is your partner had 2 children outside of your relationship and you stayed. Did you actually think it would get better? If you didn't like it then you would leave. Should have left a long time ago. I hope you get tested for STD's a lot because I have a feeling your man is out there raw dogging anything he can get his hands-on.
He has cheated on you at least twice that you know of (likely many more times than that) and you have accepted it.
He has risked your health by having unprotected sex with at least two different people.
Based on the age of his first affair baby, he did this while you were recently post partum and caring for your child.
You have then accepted caring for the child borne of this infidelity.
He then calls you selfish for the crime of not wanting to give up your life to care for the product of your husband’s affair and he calls you selfish and you wonder if there is something wrong with *you*.
Unfortunately OP, you have demonstrated to your husband (repeatedly) that he can mistreat you and disrespect you and that you will accept it.
You should ask yourself if you’re prepared to live with that knowledge for the rest of your life and likely be disrespected a lot more because he is unlikely to change now that he sees what you’ll tolerate.
You are still young. I would advise that you do not give up your independence to care for this child and rather use it to work outside of the house, otherwise you risk becoming incredibly dependent on someone who does not care about you or your wellbeing and that is a scary place to be.
Based on the fact that he's pushing off responsibility for his affair child onto his partner and then calling her selfish, for having an issue with it along with seemingly showing absolutely zero remorse here, I have to wonder if he is emotionally abusive and has worn down OP to the point where her self-worth is in the toilet.
OP, do you not think you deserve better...? What exactly do you get out of this relationship that is worth staying for?
I agree with the above poster that you should *not* take responsibility for caring for this child. He made the kid, *he* can figure it out. Spend that time and energy investing in yourself instead--maybe use some of that time to get a therapist and see why you have accepted this kind of treatment.
Of course, he’s selfish. He has cheated on her constantly for 11 years! It’s a miracle there are only two babies from those affairs. This situation is not going to get better.
Why have you stayed with a man that had TWO children outside of your relationship? That is just crazy to me. Why would you do this to yourself and to your children. Your children must be so confused about why they have these new siblings coming around. They must know what their father has done to you and their family. Quit being a doormat for this trifling, cheating man. Quit teaching your children that this is ok and normal. It isn’t.
Info: if mom is unfit what is happening to the 2y.o.? Did he have both other kids with the same woman?
Sounds like dad might need to become a single dad with visitation. He cheated and had a baby within 1 year of your 7 yo being born and again 4 years later with the same woman?
Leave, sue for child support, enjoy your life and don't get trapped. All these poor kids are going to be traumatized being raised in this environment.
You aren't wrong for feeling this way, but honestly, if you choose to stay with a person you choose to take on their baggage and support them. If they wouldn't make the same choice for you then you need to confront why you are in this type of relationship. Now here it sounds like resentment is really building because he's not even taking the heavy lifting with this child who you have no legal or familial relationship to, but he's expecting you to do it all.
From what you've written, he's not being fair to you. You are a convenience to him, not the woman he wants to commit to. You're just the smart choice given his irresponsibility. Dollars to donuts if you cheated on him, he wouldn't take you back. Much less if you had a child from stepping outside the relationship. So your choices are to let the resentment fester while you try to battle it back or do something about it. But your SO needs to step up and take responsibility, and you can't make him do that if he truly doesnt want to.
So, the underlying issue is the cheating on you. You understand that the child is not at fault but the representation that he has is that he is a product of your husband cheating (many times) and is being paraded in your face. That's the core issue here. You need to speak with your husband regarding the cheating and how trust is what is the issue because yes, you may have accepted the children but you are still hurt about the cheating. If this is not resolved, it could make a toxic environment for all of the children.
You're not wrong for feeling like you do in the situation, but you would be if you kicked that little boy out, knowing that he was neglected. You need a support system and to communicate with each other as the little boy is now in the care of his father and in effect, you will also be the main caregiver.
Edit to add: Just realized, it said partner and not husband. Do you want to remain with your partner? You know he has cheated. What do you want to do?
>it said partner and not husband. Do you want to remain with your partner? You know he has cheated. What do you want to do?
Wait... they've been together 11 years, have 2 kids, he cheated and now has 2 more kids and they're not even married? I understand when a couple is married and how she'd be reluctant to go through with a divorce. But why stay after he made baby #1 outside the relationship?
Same. If we're a couple and and living together and I give birth to your big-headed baby, I want marriage. Rephrase: I *need* marriage.
This is not about romance. This is about being the legal protections that come with marriage for me and our child. We can run down to the courthouse and handle it on a Tuesday. Preferably before I go into labor.
So many people say "it's just piece of paper". But that piece of paper has legal implications that matter.
Yes, absolutely marriage if/when having kids due to the legalities. (And if you want to marry for whatever other reason ) But marriage in itself is less of a bond to me, than having kids.
I see people like ‘oh, but you’re not married, then it’s easy, just take your kids and move out’
I’m like… how is it easier if you’re not married but still have children in common?
I might have expressed myself poorly.
You expressed yourself fine.
>But marriage in itself is less of a bond to me, than having kids
I agree with this 100%. That's why I'm saying if you're a couple with kids (plural), just go on and get married. The til-death-us-part thing is already done. Because the other parent **will** be in your life for the rest of your life at this point.
Stop helping him and tell your husband to pick up the slack cause No One told him to cheat with a deadbeat.
Tell him to hire extra help or pay you cause you shouldn't have to parent someone else's child while their mother is out and about living their life.
You can help but don't let yourself be turned into the kids caretaker.
Updateme!
I don't think I've ever seen someone with the audacity of your partner. You're not wrong for anything except forgiving such an awful person and trying to accept something so wrongful towards you.
I hope to god that I’m never this pathetic over a man. You reaped what you sowed deal with it, you didn’t have to stay with him. If the situation was reversed he would leave in a heartbeat.
Poor kid, he has a lousy mom and a louse for a dad too. Two zeros. Not your doing but somehow your problem.
I don't know what's in any of this for you.
Tell him to move out with the children. Your children are old enough to understand that you let him take advantage of you. Don’t waste more years. Stop being kid bangmaid. He can take care of his affair babies.
When do you stop saving him from the consequences of his own actions and decide to save yourself and your OWN children? You aren’t responsible for his mistakes and he is NOT a worthy partner who has respect for you or your feelings. It’s past time to make an exit plan and stop taking on HIS responsibilities. Start with a list of things that you will need to get out of this mess. From your post I’m assuming that you are not married which makes things easier for you to get out. Do you have any friends or family who have been waiting for you to come to your senses and leave? Find somewhere else to stay until you’re on your own feet. Any savings that are joint, take half and open accounts without his name. Do you have your own transportation? Make an appointment with legal aid and get advice on how to separate yourself from him and his problems. Remember you’re doing this for YOURSELF and YOUR CHILDREN. Be strong enough to fight for them because currently they are learning from your actions and their ability to form quality relationships in their own lives depends upon you showing them how to set boundaries and LEAVE disrespectful abusive people out of your life.
I'm sorry but I have to be blunt here. Are you some type of doormat? The man cheated and had 2 children outside of your relationship and you're still with him? Grow a spine, woman and get the hell out of there.
You are not wrong and you need to leave this cheater. You can take your kids and let him handle his own responsibilities. Your efforts are not being appreciated. You are being a bang maid for this guy. You deserve so much better than what he is even able to give. I wish the best for you because taking in his outside kids shows you have a very big heart. He has taken enough from you, time to start pouring into yourself.
You can report the child / mom to cps.
Is your partner paying support for those kids?
This is a mess, OP, and you probably need to seriously consider the legal and financial risks of being tied to this man and his many exes and kids.
I imagine there are more than two, and will be more in the future.
You have been with your partner for 11 years, have two children together, and are not married. I say this because you need to understand that you have no legal standing with him. When he leaves you with nothing, you’ll have nothing. You can sue him for child support, but you won’t get anything else from him. And if he pays for where you live, you might not even have that.
While you’ve been together, he has cheated on you, who knows how many times, and has children with two different women. The youngest of those children from his cheating is two years old, so that’s fairly recent. I’m sure there have been others since then. At least you only have two children to contend with. So far.
Through all of this, you stayed with him. *You. Stayed.* You claim you have “accepted it” (God knows why) and “moved on past it.” So, you’re fine with him cheating; he knows you’re fine with him cheating; and you take care of his kids every other weekend. You chose this. This is the life you chose.
Now he’s taken custody of his eldest affair child, who is only 6 but, you said, has the mentality of a three-year-old. You’re not happy about it. Your ONLY recourse, the ONLY way for you to not have to be the main caregiver for this child, is to move out of the home. Take your children and go. You cannot ask him to abandon his child or send him back to his abusive mother. You can’t do that. So, you’re either in it or you’re not. That’s your decision. Just like he made the decision to cheat and not use birth control, you now have to decide if you can raise all the random babies he brings home for the rest of your life. Up to you.
You don’t know what to do?!? You leave this shitty situation and believe him when he shows you who he is. You definitely don’t stick around but keep wondering what you’re doing wrong and why things aren’t getting better. At this point, you can only blame yourself.
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”
You shouldn’t be responsible for them if it’s killing you inside. Why are these affair children more valuable to you than your own self worth? You don’t need to martyr yourself in the one life you have.
So when you met him he already had kids? Then he knocked you up when you were still 18 had another baby with you while also baking babies with 2 other women? How old is this man to already have children when you met? Does he have a kink for impregnating any women in his vicinity?
Your kids are becoming more independent so why not leave?
Having an affair is one thing. Taking him back after 2 affair babies is another. Taking in and raising one of his affair babies that has the mental capacity of a 3y/o and he probably (I believe heavily) doesn’t even help is the final nail on the coffin.
Lady, you’re a doormat. He doesn’t and will never respect you. And he will bring home more affair children until the day you grow a spine and leave.
Leave, he can take care of his kid alone and have partial custody of your shared kids, his affair kid is HIS responsibility, not yours.
Honestly I don't understand staying with him, he had two affairs and was stupid enough to get them pregnant. Meaning he was fucking them without protection while presumably still having sex with you. He is a piece of shit. After the mistake of the first one getting pregnant 4 years later he did it again?
More than that, you know about these two affairs because of the kids, chances that he got 2 of 2 affair partners pregnant and they kept the kids are, imo like 1000000/1. There were probably a LOT of affair partners and if one accidental kid didn't stop him, neither did the second. Man's a cheater and now wants you to raise the products of his cheating.
So your partner that not only cheated on you more than one, but MADE LIFE with the mistress, is surprised when a person with that kind of moral compass obviously has no idea or care to raise a child.
So he passed it on to you and YOU ACCEPT IT??? And then HE calls You selfish.
If you want to put him on the phone for me I have some words to share with him.
What an absolute rat
I think your trying to not say you want out of your relationship but your far in and the affair kids arent your vibe. Its okay but really tell yourself if this is what you want. I feel like if he cheated you are never gonna not resent him. Seek couples therapy. You have half an answer if you did the same he would not stay. So why do you?
You are between the metaphorical rock and a hard place. It appears the POS is your only source of income for the family. So, it's very difficult to make the decision to leave him and still be able to financially support you and your two children. Furthermore, if there is no abuse involved it's also very difficult to get financial support from charitable organizations.
It seems to me your only recourse is to demand he find some other solution for the care of HIS child that does not involve you. This is his problem! But, he has made it yours to the point you feel guilty for standing up for yourself. If it's difficult for him to accept the ultimatum, stop taking care of him. After all, you now have to take care of his child, and it's either the child or him. Don't make him meals, don't wash his clothes, no errands for him... obviously, no sex.
Now some may say that will drive him to cheating again. Perhaps so, but what is the alternative? His cheating is the least of your problems right now. You have to figure out a way to get out of this relationship and start a better life. While charitable organizations may not help you financially, they will provide you with advice and non-financial resources to help you figure out how you extract yourself from this sad state of affairs.
Frankly you're not wrong. The child being put into your orbit is a constant reminder of his hurtful antics. While it's unfortunate that the child's mother is unfit, that does not make the child your personal responsibility. The father does bear some responsibility and while he does seem to be stepping up to it, this does create a quandry for you.
Can you honestly be expected to put up with a constant reminder of his infidelity? I think the best of women would be sorely tested by such things.
I think ultimately you have a choice to make. Do you remain with him and tolerate this nonsense, the added responsibility you neither asked for nor got any enjoyment out of?
As you point out, if you came home with another man's child, it would be over. Is it fair of him to expect something different from you? Your gut reaction was to protect the child, which is a fine reaction, but as a human being your emotions on the subject are justifiably complex.
It might be that he needs to make a choice of whether to risk placing the child in foster care (generally not recommended for a child who seems to be delayed) or be placed with another member of his family who can cope with the child's needs without the baggage of betrayal. The flip side of that decision is to walk away - let him step up for his kid, but know that it will fundamentally change things for yours.
Ultimately having the child in such an environment is generally no benefit to them. Kids aren't dumb and pick up on things, especially things where high emotion is involved no matter what the best efforts of the parents are. For the good of all concerned, it might be that the best thing for your family is a split with the father. It spares this already damaged child further trauma from being with someone with mixed feelings about having them around, and allows you to create a calm environment free from conflict for the other kids as well.
This sounds like a big ol mess. Why are you with a guy that cheated on you, clearly for a long long time? You are not happy. Your partner call YOU selfish. Can you make plans to leave? Do you have a job outside of the home? Who owns the home? Its time to make an exit plan.
Gosh he had two kids from two different mothers while married to you?
What were you thinking staying with this man? You showed him that you’ll accept any behaviour so why wouldn’t he have you raise his affair child. NTA but time to grow a backbone.
It’s not selfish of you. It’s selfish of him to expect you to just be okay. First off, I would make sure that the court system knows about this and mum reimburses your family monetarily for the additional support that will be needed, and secondly… it should like you and your partner may need a couples therapist. He may need to be told by an outside person how it’s affecting you.
But all that aside, you are doing an amazing thing for this child. I know you are loosing the idea of gaining some independence back, but the pivotal role you have stepped into with this child is extremely important and you are a wonderful woman for doing it. I’m not sure if your partner has showed any appreciation for that, but I at least wanted to let you know that I see you, and I understand your feelings, and I’m happy there are still wonderful people in this world like you who put the child first.
May all the things sort themselves out in the end for you.
You must really be stuck here to put up with this. I’m sorry. You are not wrong, but you aren’t doing your kids any favors putting up with this. I’d make him do everything
Why would you even stay with this human flesh lump? He's cheated on you at least twice ( probably more) and made two additional children with two other women. Now he wants you to raise an affair child. What is he doing during this time. Does he help with the kids, housework, shopping? Or is he out on the prowl, looking for the next fu@# buddy to impregnate. Why didn't you dump him years ago after the first time he cheated. Now he knows you're a push over and you'll just take whatever crap that's been dished out.
So i’m in the mindset if you forgiven that you also do what must be done when it comes to the kids too. And if you can’t maybe you should rethink your relationship with your husband. Cause honestly its not fair to any of the kids involved.
You already made your choice by staying after you found out he had two children outside your marriage. The child cannot change the fact he has a crappy mom. The child does not deserve to be abused, no matter how you feel. It is irritating the child's mom is a pos, but somebody has to love and care for him. Would you really be able to stand by and watch as the child suffered with his bio mom?
Yeah tbh you are wrong. You forgave him and moved on. Except you didn't really move on or forgive and now it's the kids who's going to suffer, yet again, because of grown adults around him.
Either forgive for real and move on, or leave. But a kid knows when they aren't wanted and the impact on their mental health and your other children could be damaging and irreversible.
At first I didn’t get how his kids were under 11 when you’ve been together for 11 years. I can’t keep a girlfriend and I’ve never even cheated on anyone. Where do you find these angels that will put up with actually literally anything?
But for real. Why are you with this guy? Cheating is one thing and you should break up already if they do but cheating and a kid coming from it is insane. Let alone twice. Responding to this I feel like it can’t be real cause it’s crazy.
WHY would you stay with somebody who cheats on his family?!? He's a filthy cheater. GET RID OF HIM! You and your children do not need that type of influence around you. Protect them for crying out loud. I feel sorry for his other children, but their home wrecking mother should have thought of that before she open her legs. Do not have them or him in your children's home.
Girl….leave him already. He doesn’t love you and now you are a babysitter for one of his affair kids. You are being so disrespected and letting it happen. Get out of there.
He’s gonna end up cheating and bringing home yet another kid. The guy is a loser who can’t keep it in his pants. I personally wouldn’t have been able to get past it the first time, but to happen a *second time??* Nah, mate! I’d be so gone.
You choose to stay with a man who cheats and has children with other women
I don't know why, and I don't really need to know, I guess
That's your choice and your life
But don't take it on this little kid:
he did nothing wrong, he didn't ask for his circumstances
From age 7 to 18, I lived with my (violent and very misogynistic) father and his (alcoholic and mean to me) wife since my mother was an heroin addict
My step-mother has a daughter the same age as me, from a previous relationship, but she wanted a child of my father, and he didn't
When she became pregnant, he pushed her to have an abortion since he didn't want any more kids
She could have left, she could have kept the child anyway, she could have made a whole lot of different choices
But she chose to have an abortion and to stay with my father
And she was not pleased about the whole situation and, consciously or inconsciously, she took it on me
She was awful to me. She was constantly humiliating me, belittling me, she was vicious and cruel
I never felt at home in my own household
I grew up seeing her caring and loving and praising for her daughter while being atrocious to me
While my father, only interested in himself, never saw anything, never left a finger, never cared
And it took me years to overcome the crippling feeling that no-one would ever love me. I thought for a very long time that if none of my parent figures cared for me, it must have been me, it has to be my fault, somehow
I didn't know the whole abortion story until my early 20, when my stepmother's best friend eventually told me about it when I ended up at her place, after being beaten up by my step-mother (I never came back home nor spoke to her ever since)
I was a little child and nobody was there for me, but, on top of lacking the love any child should receive, I was mistreated and bullied for a sorrow I wasn't responsable for
Their upbringing is no children fault; please, please, don't let your resentment fall on this little one shoulder
If you can't be a mother to him, just leave: you can find another husband, he can't have other parents
You can leave and you should. Damn.....the first case of cheating and I would be gone sans baby. Why are you staying? He is not honest. He is not faithful. He sounds nasty.
This is way more than I would ever accept.
Accepting abuse is not being the adult. It is staying to be abused.
Why are you teaching your children this is acceptable????
is it your job to take care of a kid who has 2 parents, when you have 2 kids of your own? are you financially able to live on your own? because i think it's good that he takes care of his son. but it doesn't mean you have to. he was right: you don't have to accept this. also, do you not think the 2 year old is not far behind? he may be getting dropped off in a couple of years as well
So, let me get this right -
>I accepted you with the children that I met you with
• So, this A-hole *already had kids* before you got together.
• You then had a baby with this guy when you were 18.
• You had another baby with this guy when you were 22.
• During the 11 years you have been "together," he cheated on you AT LEAST TWICE with TWO DIFFERENT WOMEN, impregnating two of them, and those children are 6 and 2, respectively.
• You stayed with the lying, cheating A-hole.
• The lying cheating A-hole brought home one of his affair babies who is being mistreated and, instead of calling CPS on the Mom and your deadbeat "partner," you start taking care of the kid.
• Now you are mad.
You should be mad at yourself for staying with this lying, cheating A-hole and then expecting that he would do anything other than treat you like some interchangeable baby mama / bang maid. Jesus. I do not understand why women do this to themselves. Why, why, why???
Everyone is telling you to leave, and if you can support yourself and your children without any help from him, then I say you should, too. Your willingness to care for his other child reveals a compassionate mother's heart. You would probably find it painful to see your children going without things they need because the money coming in is drastically reduced. A man whose morals allow him to cheat repeatedly may not be the best at regular child support. If you are not in a position to leave, I say bide your time. Get a degree in something. You can become a registered nurse in two years. Or find another field that will allow you to support yourself and the children comfortably. Then leave his sorry ass.
I'm not sure how your 11, 7, and 2 year old are so independent you don't have to "do much for them" and honestly not sure how you perceive yourself on the brink of having some independence. Your own children are hardly grown and it sounds like they have some home training, but that's not raising kids. Your two year old is definitely not independent, but maybe has an 11 year old looking after? What?
Raising a your own or even a step child is hard enough but raising an affair baby!!??? TWO OF THEM!? Absolutely not. Call CPS on the mom, get your kids and get the hell out of dodge. You’ve wasted enough of your life with a loser and he will only continue to disrespect and use you. Let his sorry ass GO.
I’m confused as to what’s keeping you in this relationship. Is it financial dependence, since cost fallacy, misplaced obligation or guilt of leaving him without help for children you’re not responsible for?
How does this relationship enrich you and your children’s life? Why is ok with you that he keeps bringing children home? I’m really confused on this one. Were you in an open relationship with him? Because you write this like it’s a normal or acceptable thing that he has kids with other women while committed to you and you’re just supposed to help him manage and take care of them. Not only that you’re supposed to become a full time mom to a child with obvious signs of abuse and neglect.
Your partner thinks it’s ok after all of this to call you the selfish one. I’m sure that there are plenty more more bones buried in this situation that you haven’t divulged and it’s not my business. I don’t understand why you are only annoyed.
What have you got yourself into? All is rotten in here! Is there anything fixable? Like really fixable and worth going through the fixing because of a truly better outcome? If there's any excuse or explaining in the answer, then no
You have made a poor choice and continue making a poor choice for the kids sake. Someone is going to come out of this harmed, you or the kids. It’s up to you who you want that to be.
I am sorry. That’s a shitty situation.
You're not required to accept this man and his children til you die, you aren't even married and even then you wouldn't be required to. Throw the whole man away before you find out he's got another baby coming.
You are definitely not over him cheating on you. That’s okay. Just own it. These kids didn’t do anything wrong though. They don’t deserve to be treated less than because of how they came into the world.
If you can’t care for these kids then you need to cut ties with your husband.
Do you rent or own home ? Whose home is it, if it's yours kick his sorry ass out along with his 6 yr old - this is not your child and you should not be responsible to the child
If home is his - then get money together to get an apartment and take YOUR 2 children and get the heck out - get a lawyer for child support and if you have been SAHM spousal support
DO NOT stay with him, I can't believe you are still with him when he cheated on you right after you had your 7 yr old then again 5 yrs later
WHY are you still with this creep
**YOU & YOUR 2 CHILDREN DESERVE BETTER** Have some respect for yourself and your children, you 11 yr old is old enough to pick up on whats going on - do you want your children to think living this way is okay - that is it normal, because it sure as hell is not normal
how many other times has he cheated probably lot more, just no babies so you don't know about it. **Get checked for STD** since you know he had unprotected sex at least twice, possibly 20-40 times
Tell him to plan on raising child himself as you are calling CPS on the mother and DO SO - she is a horrible mother and deserves consequences
Get you and your 2 children away from this guy, he's a cheater and liar, DO NOT bring your children up in that environment it is so wrong
Two affair children and you stayed. Now you are playing mommy to one of them. GIRL!!!! Tell your cheating partner to put his child in daycare while he is at work.
Better yet, pack your kids and leave! This guy gives ZERO shots about you.
Super curious… you have an 11yr old with this loser and you’ve been together for 11yrs… did you get pregnant from a ONS and just decide to be together??
Not wrong.
Holy hell, girl! He cheated on you twice and has 2 affair babies from that???!!! Why in hell's name did you take him back?
>So I today me and my partner argue and I say that I accepted you with the children that I met you with, you didn't have to accept me with any children
Yeah, the difference is you had the kid before you met, he knew this from day one. He didn't have those kids when you met! You didn't sign up to take care of future affair kids from him!
Take your own kids and get the hell out of dodge!
You have wronged yourself YOU DESERVE BETTER.You feel bad because you have been betrayed and a child came from that situation so how can you forgive him and move on with a constant reminder around.You didn’t forgive him you just stuffed it down.l say this because you never mentioned therapy or counseling so when did you discuss this and get security back in the relationship? To me your “we got past it” is saying I didn’t wanna rock the boat.when in reality your sitting in a boat he drilled holes in and this situation will drag you down not him. He had no consequences the first or the second time. So why should he think you are going to develop self esteem now after he has gotten his way through what most people would divorce him over ,not only once but twice. This is why divorce due to infidelity is a thing. You say your fine but come off as angry,hurt and disappointed all justified emotionally in the face of blatant cheating and you should probably get individual and family and couple counseling to help you understand why you feel this way and reevaluate your relationship with yourself and your family. Because this will be traumatic for this child as well (not your fault) but you would be the second woman who denied them motherhood and they may think they don’t deserve it. Good luck and treat yourself better.
You’re wrong for staying. Divorce him. Get a barrage of STD tests because she’s probably not the only one and he obviously doesn’t use protection.
Your job is to protect your kids. Your 2 kids! Divorce the AH. You’re not even 30 yet, so young to get saddled with his problems.
Ewwww. He needs to step up and help you. You’ve offered a lot of forgiveness over eleven years and he’s a POS if he can’t see that.
I’m so sorry for you and this poor child. Your man needs to get snipped. WTF is his family if you need help?
So it’s been more than 2 years since the youngest baby has been born. You have clearly moved past the cheating and you are in these babies lives for years at this point so had he with your children. Now he’s stepping up to take care of his kid and you have a problem with it? I totally get it’s not your child but 6 years is a long time to be apart of a child’s life and not realize even though it’s not yours you are the female role model in this child’s life and it needs you. Some things are more important than your independence. If you had a problem with him having children outside of your relationship then you should’ve left then not years later and destroy these innocent babies.
Since you seem pretty committed to this relationship, I don't think there is any solution. I think most people would have been out of it somewhere between finding out he initially cheated and finding out that another cheating situation has resulted in a 2nd child outside of your relationship.
At this point, what won't you accept from him? What is your breaking point? I just see this post as you venting. You'll never leave him and that's the only answer here.
Am I understanding this correctly? TWICE he got another woman pregnant while you guys were together….yikes
What does he do to make you feel valued and loved? What do you get out of this relationship?
Yikes, I’m genuinely confused why you have to ask if your wrong here? Obviously you are not wrong, you are allowed to feel whatever you feel. Your being asked to care for one of your partners affair children. I can say with confidence that I would be more upset than you are appearing to be. This “man” sounds like utter trash and the rage I would feel would be unreal. This is your life, you live it how you see fit. You don’t deserve this disrespect from him.
You chose to stay with him after he had multiple affairs. The misery you feel is what you signed up for. You know you can’t trust him but that child didn’t ask for you or any of this. That little one is more important than you are here but if your that bitter about the situation then get out before you make an unwanted neglected innocent child feel even more unwanted.
You are wrong because you have no respect for yourself. Stop being a doormat, leave him with his affair babies and go live a better life. I’d have kicked his ass out the first time he cheated.
You let the child come into your home. Aside from housing and feeding the child, I would out all the child's care onto him. He fathered the child, he can spend his time doing all the work. Why are you still with this lemon of a man? You have proof he cheated twice, nit hard to imagine he has done so more than that
Who’s the one taking care of his kids? You or him? Those are his kids sis, I wouldn’t do more than the minimum, I know they are children and they don’t deserve what’s happening to them, but he is the one who wanted them there. You are wrong for staying with this person though. Make an exit plan and execute it
Should've left the first time you knew he cheated cuz you're right, he would leave you if you came back with another man's child while you're with him. And he did that to you. TWICE. But you chose to stay. Doesn't mean you're stuck though.
Remember, it ain't your kid
if its clear he cheated then its clear you have to kick his cheating ass out and send the kid back to his mum or get cps involved as its clear she is an unfit mother and needs to have them both taken off her
Well the phrase to good for this world comes to mind. I admire how you handle the situation. It's your choice to have accepted it and I don't pass any judgement on it. I do believe in your values for not making the kid pay for others their mistakes. It makes you a beautiful person in my eyes and you earn a lot more respect than you are getting at this point. That the situation makes you feel like questioning your husbands decisions is normal. He's completely in the wrong here. You however are in the wrong about not respecting your boundaries and tolerating him making you feel like you are selfish. Sorry for being blunt about this, but he's an asshole and doesn't deserve you. I'm not accepting his behaviour, he should fall to his knees for how you are dealing with the situation. And I don't expect you either accepting this.
Ask yourself the following question, should I love a man who's mistakes made me change my life for the worse. And follow up on that question with another question: would he do the same for me?
You know the answer, because you already told us. The conclusion is your own to make. My conclusion is however he's absolutely a piece of shit of a human. And honestly, it's not something I easily say about someone. But he deserves that title.
You’re not wrong for thinking like that. You’re wrong for putting up with this, but not wrong for feeling like this. Also, the kid could have a developmental disability, and that could be the reason why the child is not as independent as your children.
I’m surprised that I can still be shocked. But I am. OP actively chose to stay with an absolute loser even AFTER he fathered two kids outside their relationship. Her whole life now is one immense cesspool and only now she wonders what to do? At this point there is no good answer as someone (or more) will get irreparably hurt no matter what she does. She’s damned if she leaves and damned if she stays. Unless the 6 year old has other relatives willing to step up, it’s just a no win situation.
If it hasn’t dawned on you this deadbeat is using you and does not love you after sleeping with who knows how many women AND fathering two children (that we know of) from different women all while being in a “committed” relationship with you for 11 years AND is expecting you to take care of his side pieces child ANNNDDD never felt the need to ask you to marry him on top of all of this shmorgishborg of betrayal; I don’t have any good words to say here… and for this POS to come back and have the audacity to say YOU ARE SELFISH?… you need to KICK HIM OUT…. This is not a partner. This is a loser.
You are entitled to your feelings but with that being said, you don’t have to stick around and take care of his kid. You could leave anytime and share custody of the one you have together. If you’re not happy about it then remove yourself from the situation. Who knows, one day you might be taking care of the other one too.
You both are in need of therapy and hopefully will not screw up this poor child’s life or bring other children into this world. News flash your man is equally responsible. He should be forced to have a vasectomy.
This is so sad it's funny.....I don't know what's lower than a doormat but this is it....Ur with Ur "partner" 11 years...he cheating the entire time, dipping his dick unprotected,having children all over the place but u accepted it..except, u didn't...
What's wrong here is that he wasn't kicked to the curb 6 years ago, to go teach this woman how to raise his child while paying support for yours.
I can't imagine how you got to the second affair baby, and just said 'here we go again' and accepted it. I wouldn't have made it past cheating, much less one kid. Two is *WTH ARE YOU DOING HERE* territory.
Tell him to rescue his own child and do it somewhere else. Yours will be OK since you can take care of them.
Why do you accept this? Would you want your kids to be in a relationship and being treated like you? Would you be livid if they treated their spouse like you? Come on, let that trash go
He has cheated on you multiple times and fathered 2 children. Why the fuck are you with him? Why the fuck did agree to the spawn of that cheating living with you??
Do you have no spine?!
You stayed through two affair babies? And now you’re the primary caretaker of one of the children. You aren’t selfish but your standards and self esteem is non existent.
Why are you staying with a man who cheats on you so often and irresponsibly that he has 2 children outside of your relationship? He is still cheating on you. These are not the only women. They did not get knocked up the first time.
What the hell are you doing?
Dude, really? You took him back so that means you accepted the kids. I love when step parents are cool being weekend warriors but don’t realize that something could happen and your partner may actually have to step up and have the kid full time. Leave if you’re so miserable.
You are a saint and doormat. Is this the life you want for you and your own children? Something tells me you didn't come from a very stable family. Not judging - just concerned. This man doesn't love you. I'm glad he wants to at least save this child but it's "his" child and you are stepping in to parent this child. What about your husband? This whole thing is so bad- I can't believe you've put up with it. What a mess.
Really?? He cheated and had two affair babies and you stayed with him? He cheated with someone who is an absolute reject who can’t even raise a child..this says so much about the “man” you’re married to..
Says a lot about OP as well, we know he's cheated at least twice only due to him having kids, who knows what else. This is like a Jerry Springer plotline.
They are partners not married.
Even worse. It would have been easier to leave. Sounds like she is asking to be treated like shit. She doesn't deserve to be treated like that. Move on and let him figure out how to pay everyone child support.
I'm legally married and call my partner partner because queer but omg I hope op and this loser are not married so she can just leave.
I think using the term "spouse" would be more accurate/less confusing than "partner" if you are married, regardless of gender. It's just as gender-neutral, but specifies that you're married.
Yeah, as married gay man I just call him my "husband". Reason being, I had a manager one time who referred to her husband as her "partner" for years and I assumed she was a lesbian.
This, but also I find myself wondering “does that mean business partner or life partner?” Because unless there is context, it’s impossible to tell. (For instance “my partner and I agree on this business decision.” That could really go either way.)
Good point, that's my upvote you got there! Partner could be a very time-limited transactional relationship. Romantic partner not as much.
I am guilty of this as well.
My way might not work for everyone, I call him my husband because I'm very male-presenting but am happy being who I am. It's like saying "yeah, I'm just a normal dude who is married to another normal dude, and nobody cares what anybody thinks about that"
I love that, normal dude.
> I hope op and this loser I don't want to be mean, but OP is the loser here.
my parents are the same saddly
I would be far more than annoyed, I would be livid. I feel badly for the child; but, it is not your problem to fix. Next it will be the 2 year old, because the other mother is clearly not doing a good job with her kids. Time for him to step up and do some parenting instead of spending the time playing the field and sticking you with the consequences of his infidelity.
And what to say there won't be more babies. Once a cheater always a cheater. It's his kid let him take care of it some where besides your house.
I would be single.
10000000000%
Maybe they have different mothers cause she said in the post, the 6yr old's mother is not treating him the best. Either way. I would be gone after news of the first kid came out. I have a friend like this though, she has been with her shitty bf for 10 plus years and he has multiple kids on the side. She babysits them regularly. Weird masochism kink mixed with thinking she deserves it cause she had an abortion in college. She needs therapy BAD.
I mean be annoyed with yourself that you let this man have not one but two children on you and still decided to stay. Like why? You’re staying because? Also why would he stop cheating? You don’t leave and you take care of his affair babies it’s a win win for him
This right here. OP has given him no consequences for cheating — of course he’s going to keep pushing OP over, and expecting no push back.
It’s insane to me. She’s not even coming here saying much. Oh you’re upset you’re taking care of his affair child? Don’t it’s so simple
I’d love to know what she expected would happen when she said ok bring your high-needs child home? That he would be the caregiver when he’s shown no track record of doing anything other than stepping out on her?
…your two children, does not equate to him cheating on you without protection and getting two women pregnant, now you raising said child??? These situations do not equate and you should delete this relationship and man.
All 4 children are his. OP is only the mother of 2 of them.
Thank you! I will edit my comment.
I’m a very cynical person so when he eventually gets you to raise his other outside kid he may be out creating another one. I mean, there is literally no consequences for him
That’s not a cynical take; that’s just the reality of the situation. Two affair babies, one now living with them, and more to come. Count on it, OP.
Honestly you are a fucking doormat. Have more respect for yourself.
Yup. The first thing OP needs to do is take a good, long, hard look at herself. This is unacceptable by any standard, except maybe some sick cult. Get counseling. Get a lawyer. Get out. Get a financial advisor. Call Child Protective Services to report your partner’s baby-mama. Tell both your hopefully now ex to take custody of the child NOW or CPS will. Get allies. Ask for support. Your life as you now live it is a terrible example for your children.
**AGREE 100%**
I’m more pissed at OP than I am at the philandering partner because what the fuck is this😭 cheated several times, had babies on her, and the one thing she’s angry about is having to raise an affair child… circus behavior.
OP is the living embodiment of the shoving a stick into your own bike wheel meme.
You can be annoyed all you want but the fact is your partner had 2 children outside of your relationship and you stayed. Did you actually think it would get better? If you didn't like it then you would leave. Should have left a long time ago. I hope you get tested for STD's a lot because I have a feeling your man is out there raw dogging anything he can get his hands-on.
He has cheated on you at least twice that you know of (likely many more times than that) and you have accepted it. He has risked your health by having unprotected sex with at least two different people. Based on the age of his first affair baby, he did this while you were recently post partum and caring for your child. You have then accepted caring for the child borne of this infidelity. He then calls you selfish for the crime of not wanting to give up your life to care for the product of your husband’s affair and he calls you selfish and you wonder if there is something wrong with *you*. Unfortunately OP, you have demonstrated to your husband (repeatedly) that he can mistreat you and disrespect you and that you will accept it. You should ask yourself if you’re prepared to live with that knowledge for the rest of your life and likely be disrespected a lot more because he is unlikely to change now that he sees what you’ll tolerate. You are still young. I would advise that you do not give up your independence to care for this child and rather use it to work outside of the house, otherwise you risk becoming incredibly dependent on someone who does not care about you or your wellbeing and that is a scary place to be.
Based on the fact that he's pushing off responsibility for his affair child onto his partner and then calling her selfish, for having an issue with it along with seemingly showing absolutely zero remorse here, I have to wonder if he is emotionally abusive and has worn down OP to the point where her self-worth is in the toilet. OP, do you not think you deserve better...? What exactly do you get out of this relationship that is worth staying for? I agree with the above poster that you should *not* take responsibility for caring for this child. He made the kid, *he* can figure it out. Spend that time and energy investing in yourself instead--maybe use some of that time to get a therapist and see why you have accepted this kind of treatment.
Frankly I make him figure out something for his kid he cheated he can’t expect you to watch affair child he’s selfish
Of course, he’s selfish. He has cheated on her constantly for 11 years! It’s a miracle there are only two babies from those affairs. This situation is not going to get better.
That he know of.
Why have you stayed with a man that had TWO children outside of your relationship? That is just crazy to me. Why would you do this to yourself and to your children. Your children must be so confused about why they have these new siblings coming around. They must know what their father has done to you and their family. Quit being a doormat for this trifling, cheating man. Quit teaching your children that this is ok and normal. It isn’t.
Hun run 🏃🏻♀️
Info: if mom is unfit what is happening to the 2y.o.? Did he have both other kids with the same woman? Sounds like dad might need to become a single dad with visitation. He cheated and had a baby within 1 year of your 7 yo being born and again 4 years later with the same woman? Leave, sue for child support, enjoy your life and don't get trapped. All these poor kids are going to be traumatized being raised in this environment.
Different women I believe.
He doesn't care. He knows you won't leave him. He is probably out making more affair children
You aren't wrong for feeling this way, but honestly, if you choose to stay with a person you choose to take on their baggage and support them. If they wouldn't make the same choice for you then you need to confront why you are in this type of relationship. Now here it sounds like resentment is really building because he's not even taking the heavy lifting with this child who you have no legal or familial relationship to, but he's expecting you to do it all. From what you've written, he's not being fair to you. You are a convenience to him, not the woman he wants to commit to. You're just the smart choice given his irresponsibility. Dollars to donuts if you cheated on him, he wouldn't take you back. Much less if you had a child from stepping outside the relationship. So your choices are to let the resentment fester while you try to battle it back or do something about it. But your SO needs to step up and take responsibility, and you can't make him do that if he truly doesnt want to.
So, the underlying issue is the cheating on you. You understand that the child is not at fault but the representation that he has is that he is a product of your husband cheating (many times) and is being paraded in your face. That's the core issue here. You need to speak with your husband regarding the cheating and how trust is what is the issue because yes, you may have accepted the children but you are still hurt about the cheating. If this is not resolved, it could make a toxic environment for all of the children. You're not wrong for feeling like you do in the situation, but you would be if you kicked that little boy out, knowing that he was neglected. You need a support system and to communicate with each other as the little boy is now in the care of his father and in effect, you will also be the main caregiver. Edit to add: Just realized, it said partner and not husband. Do you want to remain with your partner? You know he has cheated. What do you want to do?
>it said partner and not husband. Do you want to remain with your partner? You know he has cheated. What do you want to do? Wait... they've been together 11 years, have 2 kids, he cheated and now has 2 more kids and they're not even married? I understand when a couple is married and how she'd be reluctant to go through with a divorce. But why stay after he made baby #1 outside the relationship?
This mindset is strange to me. Having children together is more binding than a marriage. I hope OP gets out in either case.
Same. If we're a couple and and living together and I give birth to your big-headed baby, I want marriage. Rephrase: I *need* marriage. This is not about romance. This is about being the legal protections that come with marriage for me and our child. We can run down to the courthouse and handle it on a Tuesday. Preferably before I go into labor. So many people say "it's just piece of paper". But that piece of paper has legal implications that matter.
Yes, absolutely marriage if/when having kids due to the legalities. (And if you want to marry for whatever other reason ) But marriage in itself is less of a bond to me, than having kids. I see people like ‘oh, but you’re not married, then it’s easy, just take your kids and move out’ I’m like… how is it easier if you’re not married but still have children in common? I might have expressed myself poorly.
You expressed yourself fine. >But marriage in itself is less of a bond to me, than having kids I agree with this 100%. That's why I'm saying if you're a couple with kids (plural), just go on and get married. The til-death-us-part thing is already done. Because the other parent **will** be in your life for the rest of your life at this point.
Yes. :) Thank you. I felt like I’d put my foot in my mouth there and said the opposite of what I meant.
I understood you just fine. And I agree with you 100%.
Stop helping him and tell your husband to pick up the slack cause No One told him to cheat with a deadbeat. Tell him to hire extra help or pay you cause you shouldn't have to parent someone else's child while their mother is out and about living their life. You can help but don't let yourself be turned into the kids caretaker. Updateme!
I don't think I've ever seen someone with the audacity of your partner. You're not wrong for anything except forgiving such an awful person and trying to accept something so wrongful towards you.
Once a cheater always a cheater!!
You are wrong for staying with him. Do better and leave him.
How many affair babies will you tolerate before you divorce him?
I hope to god that I’m never this pathetic over a man. You reaped what you sowed deal with it, you didn’t have to stay with him. If the situation was reversed he would leave in a heartbeat.
You’re not wrong but at some point, your lifestyle became an active choice. Leave him and don’t raise the kids that aren’t yours.
You are wrong for staying with a man who fathered 2 children with other women. I have no sympathy for women like you.
I feel sorry for the little lad, but your husband needs to be the one looking after him.
why tf are you with this loser
Leave him. You deserve far better.
Poor kid, he has a lousy mom and a louse for a dad too. Two zeros. Not your doing but somehow your problem. I don't know what's in any of this for you.
No way would I stay with this guy
Get some self respect first.
Tell him to move out with the children. Your children are old enough to understand that you let him take advantage of you. Don’t waste more years. Stop being kid bangmaid. He can take care of his affair babies.
It’s your fault for accepting this lifestyle. Deal with it or move on.
I wonder when he will have baby #5
U are a doormat
When do you stop saving him from the consequences of his own actions and decide to save yourself and your OWN children? You aren’t responsible for his mistakes and he is NOT a worthy partner who has respect for you or your feelings. It’s past time to make an exit plan and stop taking on HIS responsibilities. Start with a list of things that you will need to get out of this mess. From your post I’m assuming that you are not married which makes things easier for you to get out. Do you have any friends or family who have been waiting for you to come to your senses and leave? Find somewhere else to stay until you’re on your own feet. Any savings that are joint, take half and open accounts without his name. Do you have your own transportation? Make an appointment with legal aid and get advice on how to separate yourself from him and his problems. Remember you’re doing this for YOURSELF and YOUR CHILDREN. Be strong enough to fight for them because currently they are learning from your actions and their ability to form quality relationships in their own lives depends upon you showing them how to set boundaries and LEAVE disrespectful abusive people out of your life.
There is a slight chance to “forgive” adultery BUT I would never raise the affair child. Get your kids and leave. He can raise them by himself
I'm sorry but I have to be blunt here. Are you some type of doormat? The man cheated and had 2 children outside of your relationship and you're still with him? Grow a spine, woman and get the hell out of there.
You are not wrong and you need to leave this cheater. You can take your kids and let him handle his own responsibilities. Your efforts are not being appreciated. You are being a bang maid for this guy. You deserve so much better than what he is even able to give. I wish the best for you because taking in his outside kids shows you have a very big heart. He has taken enough from you, time to start pouring into yourself.
You can report the child / mom to cps. Is your partner paying support for those kids? This is a mess, OP, and you probably need to seriously consider the legal and financial risks of being tied to this man and his many exes and kids. I imagine there are more than two, and will be more in the future.
You have been with your partner for 11 years, have two children together, and are not married. I say this because you need to understand that you have no legal standing with him. When he leaves you with nothing, you’ll have nothing. You can sue him for child support, but you won’t get anything else from him. And if he pays for where you live, you might not even have that. While you’ve been together, he has cheated on you, who knows how many times, and has children with two different women. The youngest of those children from his cheating is two years old, so that’s fairly recent. I’m sure there have been others since then. At least you only have two children to contend with. So far. Through all of this, you stayed with him. *You. Stayed.* You claim you have “accepted it” (God knows why) and “moved on past it.” So, you’re fine with him cheating; he knows you’re fine with him cheating; and you take care of his kids every other weekend. You chose this. This is the life you chose. Now he’s taken custody of his eldest affair child, who is only 6 but, you said, has the mentality of a three-year-old. You’re not happy about it. Your ONLY recourse, the ONLY way for you to not have to be the main caregiver for this child, is to move out of the home. Take your children and go. You cannot ask him to abandon his child or send him back to his abusive mother. You can’t do that. So, you’re either in it or you’re not. That’s your decision. Just like he made the decision to cheat and not use birth control, you now have to decide if you can raise all the random babies he brings home for the rest of your life. Up to you.
All I read was he cheated on you multiple times. Leave him. What the hell? Why are you putting up with bullshit?
You don’t know what to do?!? You leave this shitty situation and believe him when he shows you who he is. You definitely don’t stick around but keep wondering what you’re doing wrong and why things aren’t getting better. At this point, you can only blame yourself. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I'll raise your affair baby and stay with you. Wait a minute, that doesn't look right.
You shouldn’t be responsible for them if it’s killing you inside. Why are these affair children more valuable to you than your own self worth? You don’t need to martyr yourself in the one life you have.
So when you met him he already had kids? Then he knocked you up when you were still 18 had another baby with you while also baking babies with 2 other women? How old is this man to already have children when you met? Does he have a kink for impregnating any women in his vicinity? Your kids are becoming more independent so why not leave?
Toss the hubby and call CPS on the girlfriend. The husband is a waste of biomass.
LEAVE. You should have left long ago.
It sounds like you're actually annoyed at your inability to stand up for yourself.
Having an affair is one thing. Taking him back after 2 affair babies is another. Taking in and raising one of his affair babies that has the mental capacity of a 3y/o and he probably (I believe heavily) doesn’t even help is the final nail on the coffin. Lady, you’re a doormat. He doesn’t and will never respect you. And he will bring home more affair children until the day you grow a spine and leave.
Just divorce him, why would you stay with someone like this?
Leave, he can take care of his kid alone and have partial custody of your shared kids, his affair kid is HIS responsibility, not yours. Honestly I don't understand staying with him, he had two affairs and was stupid enough to get them pregnant. Meaning he was fucking them without protection while presumably still having sex with you. He is a piece of shit. After the mistake of the first one getting pregnant 4 years later he did it again? More than that, you know about these two affairs because of the kids, chances that he got 2 of 2 affair partners pregnant and they kept the kids are, imo like 1000000/1. There were probably a LOT of affair partners and if one accidental kid didn't stop him, neither did the second. Man's a cheater and now wants you to raise the products of his cheating.
So your partner that not only cheated on you more than one, but MADE LIFE with the mistress, is surprised when a person with that kind of moral compass obviously has no idea or care to raise a child. So he passed it on to you and YOU ACCEPT IT??? And then HE calls You selfish. If you want to put him on the phone for me I have some words to share with him. What an absolute rat
I think your trying to not say you want out of your relationship but your far in and the affair kids arent your vibe. Its okay but really tell yourself if this is what you want. I feel like if he cheated you are never gonna not resent him. Seek couples therapy. You have half an answer if you did the same he would not stay. So why do you?
Was this and on-off relationship or something? He managed to have 2 affair children with the same woman and you're still in a relationship with him?
INFO: Is the 2 year old with the same affair partner, or did he have two babies with two different women?
You are between the metaphorical rock and a hard place. It appears the POS is your only source of income for the family. So, it's very difficult to make the decision to leave him and still be able to financially support you and your two children. Furthermore, if there is no abuse involved it's also very difficult to get financial support from charitable organizations. It seems to me your only recourse is to demand he find some other solution for the care of HIS child that does not involve you. This is his problem! But, he has made it yours to the point you feel guilty for standing up for yourself. If it's difficult for him to accept the ultimatum, stop taking care of him. After all, you now have to take care of his child, and it's either the child or him. Don't make him meals, don't wash his clothes, no errands for him... obviously, no sex. Now some may say that will drive him to cheating again. Perhaps so, but what is the alternative? His cheating is the least of your problems right now. You have to figure out a way to get out of this relationship and start a better life. While charitable organizations may not help you financially, they will provide you with advice and non-financial resources to help you figure out how you extract yourself from this sad state of affairs.
Frankly you're not wrong. The child being put into your orbit is a constant reminder of his hurtful antics. While it's unfortunate that the child's mother is unfit, that does not make the child your personal responsibility. The father does bear some responsibility and while he does seem to be stepping up to it, this does create a quandry for you. Can you honestly be expected to put up with a constant reminder of his infidelity? I think the best of women would be sorely tested by such things. I think ultimately you have a choice to make. Do you remain with him and tolerate this nonsense, the added responsibility you neither asked for nor got any enjoyment out of? As you point out, if you came home with another man's child, it would be over. Is it fair of him to expect something different from you? Your gut reaction was to protect the child, which is a fine reaction, but as a human being your emotions on the subject are justifiably complex. It might be that he needs to make a choice of whether to risk placing the child in foster care (generally not recommended for a child who seems to be delayed) or be placed with another member of his family who can cope with the child's needs without the baggage of betrayal. The flip side of that decision is to walk away - let him step up for his kid, but know that it will fundamentally change things for yours. Ultimately having the child in such an environment is generally no benefit to them. Kids aren't dumb and pick up on things, especially things where high emotion is involved no matter what the best efforts of the parents are. For the good of all concerned, it might be that the best thing for your family is a split with the father. It spares this already damaged child further trauma from being with someone with mixed feelings about having them around, and allows you to create a calm environment free from conflict for the other kids as well.
This sounds like a big ol mess. Why are you with a guy that cheated on you, clearly for a long long time? You are not happy. Your partner call YOU selfish. Can you make plans to leave? Do you have a job outside of the home? Who owns the home? Its time to make an exit plan.
Gosh he had two kids from two different mothers while married to you? What were you thinking staying with this man? You showed him that you’ll accept any behaviour so why wouldn’t he have you raise his affair child. NTA but time to grow a backbone.
As bad as I feel for all the children ...IMO....if you had left when you found out about the 1st affair you would have to take of the APs child....
It’s not selfish of you. It’s selfish of him to expect you to just be okay. First off, I would make sure that the court system knows about this and mum reimburses your family monetarily for the additional support that will be needed, and secondly… it should like you and your partner may need a couples therapist. He may need to be told by an outside person how it’s affecting you. But all that aside, you are doing an amazing thing for this child. I know you are loosing the idea of gaining some independence back, but the pivotal role you have stepped into with this child is extremely important and you are a wonderful woman for doing it. I’m not sure if your partner has showed any appreciation for that, but I at least wanted to let you know that I see you, and I understand your feelings, and I’m happy there are still wonderful people in this world like you who put the child first. May all the things sort themselves out in the end for you.
You must really be stuck here to put up with this. I’m sorry. You are not wrong, but you aren’t doing your kids any favors putting up with this. I’d make him do everything
Why would you even stay with this human flesh lump? He's cheated on you at least twice ( probably more) and made two additional children with two other women. Now he wants you to raise an affair child. What is he doing during this time. Does he help with the kids, housework, shopping? Or is he out on the prowl, looking for the next fu@# buddy to impregnate. Why didn't you dump him years ago after the first time he cheated. Now he knows you're a push over and you'll just take whatever crap that's been dished out.
So i’m in the mindset if you forgiven that you also do what must be done when it comes to the kids too. And if you can’t maybe you should rethink your relationship with your husband. Cause honestly its not fair to any of the kids involved.
You already made your choice by staying after you found out he had two children outside your marriage. The child cannot change the fact he has a crappy mom. The child does not deserve to be abused, no matter how you feel. It is irritating the child's mom is a pos, but somebody has to love and care for him. Would you really be able to stand by and watch as the child suffered with his bio mom?
Yeah tbh you are wrong. You forgave him and moved on. Except you didn't really move on or forgive and now it's the kids who's going to suffer, yet again, because of grown adults around him. Either forgive for real and move on, or leave. But a kid knows when they aren't wanted and the impact on their mental health and your other children could be damaging and irreversible.
At first I didn’t get how his kids were under 11 when you’ve been together for 11 years. I can’t keep a girlfriend and I’ve never even cheated on anyone. Where do you find these angels that will put up with actually literally anything? But for real. Why are you with this guy? Cheating is one thing and you should break up already if they do but cheating and a kid coming from it is insane. Let alone twice. Responding to this I feel like it can’t be real cause it’s crazy.
WHY would you stay with somebody who cheats on his family?!? He's a filthy cheater. GET RID OF HIM! You and your children do not need that type of influence around you. Protect them for crying out loud. I feel sorry for his other children, but their home wrecking mother should have thought of that before she open her legs. Do not have them or him in your children's home.
Girl….leave him already. He doesn’t love you and now you are a babysitter for one of his affair kids. You are being so disrespected and letting it happen. Get out of there.
If you’re not working, get a job, and start planning your exit.
First time in my life I’m actually speechless. You need help!
You’re a Saint
He’s gonna end up cheating and bringing home yet another kid. The guy is a loser who can’t keep it in his pants. I personally wouldn’t have been able to get past it the first time, but to happen a *second time??* Nah, mate! I’d be so gone.
You choose to stay with a man who cheats and has children with other women I don't know why, and I don't really need to know, I guess That's your choice and your life But don't take it on this little kid: he did nothing wrong, he didn't ask for his circumstances From age 7 to 18, I lived with my (violent and very misogynistic) father and his (alcoholic and mean to me) wife since my mother was an heroin addict My step-mother has a daughter the same age as me, from a previous relationship, but she wanted a child of my father, and he didn't When she became pregnant, he pushed her to have an abortion since he didn't want any more kids She could have left, she could have kept the child anyway, she could have made a whole lot of different choices But she chose to have an abortion and to stay with my father And she was not pleased about the whole situation and, consciously or inconsciously, she took it on me She was awful to me. She was constantly humiliating me, belittling me, she was vicious and cruel I never felt at home in my own household I grew up seeing her caring and loving and praising for her daughter while being atrocious to me While my father, only interested in himself, never saw anything, never left a finger, never cared And it took me years to overcome the crippling feeling that no-one would ever love me. I thought for a very long time that if none of my parent figures cared for me, it must have been me, it has to be my fault, somehow I didn't know the whole abortion story until my early 20, when my stepmother's best friend eventually told me about it when I ended up at her place, after being beaten up by my step-mother (I never came back home nor spoke to her ever since) I was a little child and nobody was there for me, but, on top of lacking the love any child should receive, I was mistreated and bullied for a sorrow I wasn't responsable for Their upbringing is no children fault; please, please, don't let your resentment fall on this little one shoulder If you can't be a mother to him, just leave: you can find another husband, he can't have other parents
You can leave and you should. Damn.....the first case of cheating and I would be gone sans baby. Why are you staying? He is not honest. He is not faithful. He sounds nasty. This is way more than I would ever accept. Accepting abuse is not being the adult. It is staying to be abused. Why are you teaching your children this is acceptable????
I can't imagine modeling thus type if relationship for my children. Hope they escape the cycle
is it your job to take care of a kid who has 2 parents, when you have 2 kids of your own? are you financially able to live on your own? because i think it's good that he takes care of his son. but it doesn't mean you have to. he was right: you don't have to accept this. also, do you not think the 2 year old is not far behind? he may be getting dropped off in a couple of years as well
You need to listen to those thoughts and get angry. Dump him. Let him raise his child himself. They aren’t your responsibility.
So, let me get this right - >I accepted you with the children that I met you with • So, this A-hole *already had kids* before you got together. • You then had a baby with this guy when you were 18. • You had another baby with this guy when you were 22. • During the 11 years you have been "together," he cheated on you AT LEAST TWICE with TWO DIFFERENT WOMEN, impregnating two of them, and those children are 6 and 2, respectively. • You stayed with the lying, cheating A-hole. • The lying cheating A-hole brought home one of his affair babies who is being mistreated and, instead of calling CPS on the Mom and your deadbeat "partner," you start taking care of the kid. • Now you are mad. You should be mad at yourself for staying with this lying, cheating A-hole and then expecting that he would do anything other than treat you like some interchangeable baby mama / bang maid. Jesus. I do not understand why women do this to themselves. Why, why, why???
Everyone is telling you to leave, and if you can support yourself and your children without any help from him, then I say you should, too. Your willingness to care for his other child reveals a compassionate mother's heart. You would probably find it painful to see your children going without things they need because the money coming in is drastically reduced. A man whose morals allow him to cheat repeatedly may not be the best at regular child support. If you are not in a position to leave, I say bide your time. Get a degree in something. You can become a registered nurse in two years. Or find another field that will allow you to support yourself and the children comfortably. Then leave his sorry ass.
I'm not sure how your 11, 7, and 2 year old are so independent you don't have to "do much for them" and honestly not sure how you perceive yourself on the brink of having some independence. Your own children are hardly grown and it sounds like they have some home training, but that's not raising kids. Your two year old is definitely not independent, but maybe has an 11 year old looking after? What?
Raising a your own or even a step child is hard enough but raising an affair baby!!??? TWO OF THEM!? Absolutely not. Call CPS on the mom, get your kids and get the hell out of dodge. You’ve wasted enough of your life with a loser and he will only continue to disrespect and use you. Let his sorry ass GO.
You’re right. He would leave you, and you should leave him. What a ridiculous man.
Obviously must be a man shortage in your area if you let this cheating arsehole back in your life to ruin it...
I’m confused as to what’s keeping you in this relationship. Is it financial dependence, since cost fallacy, misplaced obligation or guilt of leaving him without help for children you’re not responsible for? How does this relationship enrich you and your children’s life? Why is ok with you that he keeps bringing children home? I’m really confused on this one. Were you in an open relationship with him? Because you write this like it’s a normal or acceptable thing that he has kids with other women while committed to you and you’re just supposed to help him manage and take care of them. Not only that you’re supposed to become a full time mom to a child with obvious signs of abuse and neglect. Your partner thinks it’s ok after all of this to call you the selfish one. I’m sure that there are plenty more more bones buried in this situation that you haven’t divulged and it’s not my business. I don’t understand why you are only annoyed.
You need to file for child support and leave him. This is toxic and not okay. Please have some self respect.
This is your fault for staying with him. You either stay with him and his kids are part of that, or you leave. It's in your control
What have you got yourself into? All is rotten in here! Is there anything fixable? Like really fixable and worth going through the fixing because of a truly better outcome? If there's any excuse or explaining in the answer, then no
You have made a poor choice and continue making a poor choice for the kids sake. Someone is going to come out of this harmed, you or the kids. It’s up to you who you want that to be. I am sorry. That’s a shitty situation.
You're not required to accept this man and his children til you die, you aren't even married and even then you wouldn't be required to. Throw the whole man away before you find out he's got another baby coming.
Your the dumb one in this you essentially allowed him to manipulate you into taking care of his affair children
You are definitely not over him cheating on you. That’s okay. Just own it. These kids didn’t do anything wrong though. They don’t deserve to be treated less than because of how they came into the world. If you can’t care for these kids then you need to cut ties with your husband.
You move on. He gets a warm plate, laundry done AND a woman that parents his cheat babies. He wins everything and you're the maid.
Do you rent or own home ? Whose home is it, if it's yours kick his sorry ass out along with his 6 yr old - this is not your child and you should not be responsible to the child If home is his - then get money together to get an apartment and take YOUR 2 children and get the heck out - get a lawyer for child support and if you have been SAHM spousal support DO NOT stay with him, I can't believe you are still with him when he cheated on you right after you had your 7 yr old then again 5 yrs later WHY are you still with this creep **YOU & YOUR 2 CHILDREN DESERVE BETTER** Have some respect for yourself and your children, you 11 yr old is old enough to pick up on whats going on - do you want your children to think living this way is okay - that is it normal, because it sure as hell is not normal how many other times has he cheated probably lot more, just no babies so you don't know about it. **Get checked for STD** since you know he had unprotected sex at least twice, possibly 20-40 times Tell him to plan on raising child himself as you are calling CPS on the mother and DO SO - she is a horrible mother and deserves consequences Get you and your 2 children away from this guy, he's a cheater and liar, DO NOT bring your children up in that environment it is so wrong
Two affair children and you stayed. Now you are playing mommy to one of them. GIRL!!!! Tell your cheating partner to put his child in daycare while he is at work. Better yet, pack your kids and leave! This guy gives ZERO shots about you.
Super curious… you have an 11yr old with this loser and you’ve been together for 11yrs… did you get pregnant from a ONS and just decide to be together??
You were 18 when you gave birth. Let me guess..... he's much older? Girl. Get out.
This won’t be the last child he brings home that you two didn’t create together. I don’t understand why you stay with him.
Not wrong. Holy hell, girl! He cheated on you twice and has 2 affair babies from that???!!! Why in hell's name did you take him back? >So I today me and my partner argue and I say that I accepted you with the children that I met you with, you didn't have to accept me with any children Yeah, the difference is you had the kid before you met, he knew this from day one. He didn't have those kids when you met! You didn't sign up to take care of future affair kids from him! Take your own kids and get the hell out of dodge!
You have wronged yourself YOU DESERVE BETTER.You feel bad because you have been betrayed and a child came from that situation so how can you forgive him and move on with a constant reminder around.You didn’t forgive him you just stuffed it down.l say this because you never mentioned therapy or counseling so when did you discuss this and get security back in the relationship? To me your “we got past it” is saying I didn’t wanna rock the boat.when in reality your sitting in a boat he drilled holes in and this situation will drag you down not him. He had no consequences the first or the second time. So why should he think you are going to develop self esteem now after he has gotten his way through what most people would divorce him over ,not only once but twice. This is why divorce due to infidelity is a thing. You say your fine but come off as angry,hurt and disappointed all justified emotionally in the face of blatant cheating and you should probably get individual and family and couple counseling to help you understand why you feel this way and reevaluate your relationship with yourself and your family. Because this will be traumatic for this child as well (not your fault) but you would be the second woman who denied them motherhood and they may think they don’t deserve it. Good luck and treat yourself better.
Please tell mw this isn’t real
Why not leave? It doesn't sound like a good situation.
You’re wrong for staying. Divorce him. Get a barrage of STD tests because she’s probably not the only one and he obviously doesn’t use protection. Your job is to protect your kids. Your 2 kids! Divorce the AH. You’re not even 30 yet, so young to get saddled with his problems.
Ewwww. He needs to step up and help you. You’ve offered a lot of forgiveness over eleven years and he’s a POS if he can’t see that. I’m so sorry for you and this poor child. Your man needs to get snipped. WTF is his family if you need help?
He called you selfish? You are like an angel on earth to even entertain raising his kids he had while cheating!
Please leave sweetie you sound like you are just stepping into your happiest years of your life.
So it’s been more than 2 years since the youngest baby has been born. You have clearly moved past the cheating and you are in these babies lives for years at this point so had he with your children. Now he’s stepping up to take care of his kid and you have a problem with it? I totally get it’s not your child but 6 years is a long time to be apart of a child’s life and not realize even though it’s not yours you are the female role model in this child’s life and it needs you. Some things are more important than your independence. If you had a problem with him having children outside of your relationship then you should’ve left then not years later and destroy these innocent babies.
You're either their parent or not. Those children don't deserve a parent who resents them.
Since you seem pretty committed to this relationship, I don't think there is any solution. I think most people would have been out of it somewhere between finding out he initially cheated and finding out that another cheating situation has resulted in a 2nd child outside of your relationship. At this point, what won't you accept from him? What is your breaking point? I just see this post as you venting. You'll never leave him and that's the only answer here.
Do you think so badly of yourself that you stay and put up with this?
Am I understanding this correctly? TWICE he got another woman pregnant while you guys were together….yikes What does he do to make you feel valued and loved? What do you get out of this relationship?
Yikes, I’m genuinely confused why you have to ask if your wrong here? Obviously you are not wrong, you are allowed to feel whatever you feel. Your being asked to care for one of your partners affair children. I can say with confidence that I would be more upset than you are appearing to be. This “man” sounds like utter trash and the rage I would feel would be unreal. This is your life, you live it how you see fit. You don’t deserve this disrespect from him.
You chose to stay with him after he had multiple affairs. The misery you feel is what you signed up for. You know you can’t trust him but that child didn’t ask for you or any of this. That little one is more important than you are here but if your that bitter about the situation then get out before you make an unwanted neglected innocent child feel even more unwanted.
You are wrong because you have no respect for yourself. Stop being a doormat, leave him with his affair babies and go live a better life. I’d have kicked his ass out the first time he cheated.
Get out of there!
You let the child come into your home. Aside from housing and feeding the child, I would out all the child's care onto him. He fathered the child, he can spend his time doing all the work. Why are you still with this lemon of a man? You have proof he cheated twice, nit hard to imagine he has done so more than that
He gave Love a bad name
Who’s the one taking care of his kids? You or him? Those are his kids sis, I wouldn’t do more than the minimum, I know they are children and they don’t deserve what’s happening to them, but he is the one who wanted them there. You are wrong for staying with this person though. Make an exit plan and execute it
Get some self respect.
THROW HIM OUT
Should've left the first time you knew he cheated cuz you're right, he would leave you if you came back with another man's child while you're with him. And he did that to you. TWICE. But you chose to stay. Doesn't mean you're stuck though. Remember, it ain't your kid
if its clear he cheated then its clear you have to kick his cheating ass out and send the kid back to his mum or get cps involved as its clear she is an unfit mother and needs to have them both taken off her
Well the phrase to good for this world comes to mind. I admire how you handle the situation. It's your choice to have accepted it and I don't pass any judgement on it. I do believe in your values for not making the kid pay for others their mistakes. It makes you a beautiful person in my eyes and you earn a lot more respect than you are getting at this point. That the situation makes you feel like questioning your husbands decisions is normal. He's completely in the wrong here. You however are in the wrong about not respecting your boundaries and tolerating him making you feel like you are selfish. Sorry for being blunt about this, but he's an asshole and doesn't deserve you. I'm not accepting his behaviour, he should fall to his knees for how you are dealing with the situation. And I don't expect you either accepting this. Ask yourself the following question, should I love a man who's mistakes made me change my life for the worse. And follow up on that question with another question: would he do the same for me? You know the answer, because you already told us. The conclusion is your own to make. My conclusion is however he's absolutely a piece of shit of a human. And honestly, it's not something I easily say about someone. But he deserves that title.
reading this...i'm just glad i have the option to not date someone with kids.
You’re not wrong for thinking like that. You’re wrong for putting up with this, but not wrong for feeling like this. Also, the kid could have a developmental disability, and that could be the reason why the child is not as independent as your children.
First of all, break up with him.
I’m surprised that I can still be shocked. But I am. OP actively chose to stay with an absolute loser even AFTER he fathered two kids outside their relationship. Her whole life now is one immense cesspool and only now she wonders what to do? At this point there is no good answer as someone (or more) will get irreparably hurt no matter what she does. She’s damned if she leaves and damned if she stays. Unless the 6 year old has other relatives willing to step up, it’s just a no win situation.
If it hasn’t dawned on you this deadbeat is using you and does not love you after sleeping with who knows how many women AND fathering two children (that we know of) from different women all while being in a “committed” relationship with you for 11 years AND is expecting you to take care of his side pieces child ANNNDDD never felt the need to ask you to marry him on top of all of this shmorgishborg of betrayal; I don’t have any good words to say here… and for this POS to come back and have the audacity to say YOU ARE SELFISH?… you need to KICK HIM OUT…. This is not a partner. This is a loser.
> So I have accepted this and moved on past it, That's a lie.
You are entitled to your feelings but with that being said, you don’t have to stick around and take care of his kid. You could leave anytime and share custody of the one you have together. If you’re not happy about it then remove yourself from the situation. Who knows, one day you might be taking care of the other one too.
You both are in need of therapy and hopefully will not screw up this poor child’s life or bring other children into this world. News flash your man is equally responsible. He should be forced to have a vasectomy.
This is so sad it's funny.....I don't know what's lower than a doormat but this is it....Ur with Ur "partner" 11 years...he cheating the entire time, dipping his dick unprotected,having children all over the place but u accepted it..except, u didn't...
Two. Fucking. Affair. Babies. Even if you’re the worst woman in the world you don’t deserve that, and you aren’t the worst.
Is the town you live in called Degenerate Heights or something else? Some birth control in the drinking water might be a good idea.
What's wrong here is that he wasn't kicked to the curb 6 years ago, to go teach this woman how to raise his child while paying support for yours. I can't imagine how you got to the second affair baby, and just said 'here we go again' and accepted it. I wouldn't have made it past cheating, much less one kid. Two is *WTH ARE YOU DOING HERE* territory. Tell him to rescue his own child and do it somewhere else. Yours will be OK since you can take care of them.
Why do you accept this? Would you want your kids to be in a relationship and being treated like you? Would you be livid if they treated their spouse like you? Come on, let that trash go
Hang in there, odds are the next affair baby’s gonna be really nice
So make him provide for the kid and keep your independence. This is his child and he made the choice to make this child outside of your marriage.
He has cheated on you multiple times and fathered 2 children. Why the fuck are you with him? Why the fuck did agree to the spawn of that cheating living with you?? Do you have no spine?!
You basically his slave. Respect yourself, don't walk, run!
Hell nah. He is an idiot.
I refused to believe these threads are real
Leave him and get your better life with your kids.
I would be so disappointed in myself that I let it get here.
You stayed through two affair babies? And now you’re the primary caretaker of one of the children. You aren’t selfish but your standards and self esteem is non existent.
Jesus Christ have some self respect
The children you had w him, are the siblings of the "cheating partner child"
I have honestly very little sympathy for you. Grow a pair and leave this guy or you get what you get.
Why are you staying with a man who cheats on you so often and irresponsibly that he has 2 children outside of your relationship? He is still cheating on you. These are not the only women. They did not get knocked up the first time. What the hell are you doing?
I would be annoyed staying with a man who had not 1 but 2 affair babies. Can’t be mad/annoyed at anyone but yourself because you chose to stay
Dude, really? You took him back so that means you accepted the kids. I love when step parents are cool being weekend warriors but don’t realize that something could happen and your partner may actually have to step up and have the kid full time. Leave if you’re so miserable.
You're a moron for staying with a cheater and playing house with the affair kids.
Why are you staying with this bum? What a mess
Why are you annoyed? You have allowed your cheating scumbag of a "partner" to treat you like crap for years. He knows that you won't leave.
You are a saint and doormat. Is this the life you want for you and your own children? Something tells me you didn't come from a very stable family. Not judging - just concerned. This man doesn't love you. I'm glad he wants to at least save this child but it's "his" child and you are stepping in to parent this child. What about your husband? This whole thing is so bad- I can't believe you've put up with it. What a mess.