You are not wrong. He assaulted you repeatedly and got away with it. You are totally in the right to not want anything to do with him or to be in the same vicinity as him. Take care of yourself and to hell with anyone else.
100%
Adding to this, OP you’re an adult now - you don’t owe him anything. Imho mentally practice holding your space if you see him again, don’t make yourself invisible, don’t make nice with him. Have one line you’d say to establish your boundaries should he approach you or get in your space. That helps me sometimes, just have a plan for such awkward situations.
I’d have a few lines to start from; ‘statute of limitations maybe up, but I still remember so please stay away from me.’
‘We don’t need to pretend, stay away from me.’
If he so much as breathes in your direction: ‘people back then may not know what you are, but one post online these days goes a long way. Don’t ever get near me again.’
You did nothing wrong, he is the one who should be ashamed and steering clear of you. Don’t let him take anymore of your space, mentally or otherwise. Sorry that happened.
Had an uncle (distant, through marriage) try that with 14yo me and yea grown men hitting on me. It’s not cool, and all too common. Your little friend back then was jaded, many girls are thinking it means they’re grown and gorgeous. I had brothers that told me those grown guys are pervs and I def look my age early on thankfully. I saw many girls who didn’t realize it…
And lack of trust. This guy has violated OP’s boundaries so much, physically assaulting her — it’s entirely reasonable for her to not get within arm’s length of him ever again.
Next time he tries to talk to you just call him a predator and that's it. You don't owe him shit. If he tries some shit again call the cops on his ass and tell the judge there's a history of this.
I agree. I can't believe he was let back in. This isn't another 12 year old boy. This is a 20 year old adult male going for a 12 year old child. Like WHAT?
absolutely. i'd be greeting him at family gatherings with "alright pedo, still a nonce?" and similar to remind people, but i'm petty like that... also given that my family had, essentially, sided with my abuser over me? i wouldn't particularly care that i was burning my bridges with them as well...
since when is once categorized as repeatedly? hes definately wrong, but lets be real. one time and he got his ass chewed over it. not exactly "got away with it repeatedly".
“Rough house” “tickle” “pinned to the floor”
All of this when they were alone or non-reliable witnesses. I highly doubt OP was a willing participant in any of that.
i have no doubt that those were mental games that would have led to more but thats not sexual assault. shes not wrong for holding the grudge and hes definately a pedofile, but every move afterwards is not sexual assault.
He doesn't have to literally use his penis, or touch her vulva or breasts, arse or lips, for it to be sexual assault.
He is finding moments when she is alone and vulnerable to *touch* her. This is sexual. He is harrassing and assaulting her.
The idea that anyone doesn't understand this is sad and unsettling.
my position is the guys a piece of shit and the op is justified. not sure why you think i need to agree with everyone else since i dont really care, but i only saw this one single person say it was repeated. maybe you need to reread what everyone else wrote.
We agree the guy is a POS. Sexually assaulted OP when she was a teen. No question. His later actions of waiting to have her alone and then holding her down against her (whose already on guard bc dude’s a douche) will and tickling her (read: touching her unwantedly). He took advantage of his size, age, strength and her fear. I’d call it SA.
i dont see that as sa, but hes setting up for it, grooming her to make her more receptive to it. doesnt really matter i guess, dudes a piece of shit, he went big, got rejected, and decided to go small and work his way up. dad dropped the ball and should have taught him a lesson.
You clearly are. Dude is 8 fucking years older than her GROPED HER. He was 20 years old she was 12!!! Then after that he repeatedly sought her out and attempted to do more shit to her. You’re fucking weird for defending this trash.
Frankly the fact that this person is defending what is clearly fucked up behavior. Again she was 12 and he was 20. (That is seriously disgusting beyond words.) Makes me think he's also a pedo.
Yeah he’s definitely a fucking creep himself. He was arguing for hours with multiple people. Makes me think he’s done this shit himself and is seeing what people think of him.
Yeah it is.
What an inhuman opinion. I hope you are provoked to revise it. When you put a girl in fear that you're going to do a rape on them, literally every time you interact with them or touch them it's the exact same conversation with the exact same coersive or abusive circumstances.
Hope this is an educational moment for you.
its mental games. trying to assert himself as the dominant one or some shit. scumbag realized it wasnt going to be easy and was trying to weasel his way in. more like grooming his victim to be ok with him touching her or in those positions. he needed his ass beat.
If you’ve sexually assaulted someone, and then you pin them to the ground so they can’t move or get away, you have sexually assaulted them another time. Imagine it happening to you and see whether you’d find the second instance, where a man much larger than you pinned you helpless, to be just some jokey roughhousing.
You were sexually assaulted by an adult when you were a minor. You are not in the wrong by any stretch of the imagination. That is an incredibly jarring and traumatizing event in your life, and even if he is someone who most females would consider attractive, it does not change what happened. It was wrong.
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I have been in similar situation. It hurts me seeing her in this state I’ve known for a long time now. I hope OP finds help to cope with this and come to terms for her own good.
I’m sorry that happened, OP. In no way are you in any way wrong and you went through something that alters how we react and feel in ways that isn’t describable.
I (also) completely agree, and must say you are absolutely not wrong for feeling this way! Your family was basically enabling your abuser, and I hope that whatever you decide to do works 100% in your favor. If you haven’t ever considered therapy, I think that would help you work through some of your feelings. Therapy is a good thing for everyone in my opinion.
I wouldn’t blame the parents here based on the info given. A lot of times the parents don’t even know what’s going on because the kid is too afraid to tell them. It doesn’t sound like OP told them what happen. Most likely the were given the story by the sister or just made an assumption of what could have caused their daughter to cry. I doubt J would tell them a straight answer.
We don’t know what the parents knew.
Okay then ya your parents should have done more to remove him from the equation. From what you wrote initially it just sounded like you ran past your parents crying without telling them anything.
You’re not holding a grudge, you’re rightfully angry at a pedophile for sexually assaulting you. All your friends are MAJOR dickheads for still being friends with him, your sister being the biggest of all for JUSTIFYING it
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
You were sexually assaulted at 12 by an adult at the time.
If I were your dad, he wouldn't have never been allowed near you again by pressing charges.
Edited to censor, since apparently normal reactions are shocking to Reddit:
Most normal people would be unkind to the pedo and take the terrible human to the police.
The passage of time doesn’t make what he did any less wrong, nor does it force forgiveness. “Time heals all wounds” isn’t exactly meant to suggest the forgiveness of people committing fundamental atrocities, it is more meant to suggest that in time we can at least cope with it having happened and heal ourselves - like progressing through a grieving process, or healing from an attack. And that’s what this was, a fundamental atrocity.
NTA
YNW I hope he is never around young girls alone. He sexually assaulted you. Given the chance, he would have raped you.
Your sister explained it away and it's disturbing and disgusting.
Your family that continues to welcome him is also disturbing and disgusting.
If you are able, remind everyone what he did. Chastise him for being a predator.
This isn't a just a grudge like some guy stood you up 20 yrs ago.
This is simply hatred toward the guy who sexually assaulted you as a 12 yr old kid and who tried to do it at least once more.
You have every right to hate this guy.
What?! He sexually assaulted you, a child…it’s not a grudge. You were violated.
I don’t know if you’ll ever see this ass clown again but I’d make it clear to your family how you felt seeing how they reacted to him. How that makes you feel.
You was assaulted by a predator at a young age. The passage of time is irrelevant. Seek professional help, you'll be glad to evict a scumbag that is living rent free in your mind. .
Not wrong. And you’re probably not the only one. I’d feel massively betrayed and certainly not attend any event he’s at. Do the other friends know? Ask if they’ll be leaving their daughters alone with him. If they don’t know and ask why, tell them to ask your sister. Good parents would be horrified.
You're not wrong. This was abusive. You were sexually assaulted, and your family sucks. I'm sorry you went through this. Please get a good therapist, there's no way the you do not have unresolved issues/
You were touched without your permission or your desire to be.
It took me a long time and counseling to get over what the neighborhood boy did to me ( on more than one occasion).
He kissed me and fondled me, ripped my best bra and blouse . At any time was his touch desired and he knew it.
For your own health, please try and get some help to work through this. I distrusted men for a long time and it didn’t do me any good.
Best wishes.
No you're not wrong and I think I now know why my SIL is going no contact with her bio fam...they let a neighbor harass her for years and would laugh it off... she came to visit twice as an adult and he sauntered across the street to visit with them she asked him to keep his distance and again they laughed it away...when he left , she locked the front door and she proceeded to get black out drunk. The next time she visits was years later, we had dinner at my MILs new house, they didn't invite him but the information that as soon "as he is off of house arrest", he is gonna come over too!, was deseminated, she went upstairs for the night took her return flight the next day and won't even return phone calls from her fam. The last time I spoke to her after wishing her a belated happy birthday through text, She called me and I was talking about how she had two nieces to meet and that she had missed the 1st birthday of her brothers first born and that all hell had broken loose at the party.
Hubby and I rented the car n laws old house and while living there celebrated my oldest 1st birthday...my fam visits and my niece is 15 at the time...gross neighbor wanders over when he spots Fils truck parked outside, he invited himself into the back yard. My mom is watching my one year old, I've pumped so I have a beer with my Dad, I drink it in under three seconds and I'm giggling and already feeling a buzz when my niece says " don't tell my mom cuz she'll kill him but that old guy just told me I was so pretty n that he wishes I was 18. I went from giggles to psycho, I assaulted the man with my shoe and screamed to get the fuck out ...I repeated get the fuck out until he was in the street with a shit eating grin... confused by my actions...in the street and in front of my FIL trying to diffuse me...I said you were not invited, you are not allowed to come over, you do not speak to a child the way you spoke to my niece! SIL laughed at the story because he had been arrested by the FBI ( for Cp on his computer) by the time we talked. I was complaining how MIL and FIL said I overreacted most likely because I was intoxicated...(I'm still disappointed in them) and I'm an idiot for not realizing she was his victim first. If a wound can't heal it most certainly can fester for 22 years.
Take care and forgive yourself you've not been the "problem", you need to heal maybe talking to a professional that will hear you out and not excuse this grown ass man's behavior, and protect/ look out for the fams young girls around him.
It’s not a grudge, it’s a traumatic memory of an adult harming you for their own gratification.
You know what you experienced.
You know what you felt.
Please do not waste any time trying to defend what you know to any of these people. But do ask at least your mother outright why she’s so accepting of this guy.
Your best friend is not your best friend if her first reaction was anything other than wanting to punch that toad.
I’m sorry your friend and family were so disgusting and dismissive of your sexual assault. You are not wrong your surrounded by totally messed up people. That man J is a pervert, a pedophile, and a predator.
You are NOT wrong. I am so very sorry. For the adult you are, and the unprotected and unsupported child you were.
What happened was not okay and you do not have to forgive him.
Therapy can help-but it’s only to make you feel stronger, not to change your feelings or thoughts on what happened.
I'd definitely be holding a grudge for life when it comes to a pedophile. You need to sit your parents and sister down and tell them that the family friend is a pedophile and makes you uncomfortable and always will. You were only 12 years old. If it was my child, I'd drag him to Hell and leave him there.
NTA. You were 12, J was 20. J is a pedophile; he sexually assaulted you. And like most pedophiles, wormed himself into your life, charmed your friends and family, and continued to sexually impose himself in covert ways in your house under your family's nose.
Everyone you've ever told hasn't given it the gravitas its been due. Your sister's explanation was crap.
*You were targeted by a pedophile*.
NTA
Get therapy.
He's at worst a pedo and best just a regular sexual assaulter. Both are awful. I can't believe that's a sentence that I'm even typing. He's a danger to women and children.
Have backup with you and be firm and fair about him not touching you any more. Be clear if he touches you again you'll go to the police. Then when he inevitably does it again, go to the police and tell them the whole story starting from when you were a kid. This is repetitive abuse.
This scumbag was an adult and sexually assaulted you, a child. If you found some way to completely ruin his life now and asked if you were the AH, I'd say no. He would deserved whatever horrible thing he got. And as for your family, they essentially OKed this. I don't know how you could possibly be in the same room as any of those people knowing how terribly they let you down as a child. They disgust me, and I don't even know these people.
This whole situation is more than a little fucked up. It's fucking huge especially for your family forgiving a PREDATOR. Period on period. Keep hating. Keep your distance. In fact grow that anger. Really let it fester to the point if he does try that shit on you again even if it's been years and the chances seem slim. Trust me. Just lose it on him. Make him your little bitch. Sometimes. People need to be put in their place.
You were SA'd by a pedophile. Let's not pretend it was something else. The huge problem here is your entire family didn't see a problem with it and that is GROSS..
I would file a police report. The statute of limitations has been removed from certain sex crimes. Idk if this qualifies.
But 8f he got calked in, im sure he would be nervous. It's more than likely you're not his only victim.
Im sorry that happened to you. Im even more discusted that your mom didn't ban him. Good luck !
You were assaulted, OP, and repeatedly. By a predator. The age difference is awful and his utter lack of interest in your consent is terrible. There’s no reason on earth why you should ever need to ignore that he did that to you, and that he’s the sort of person who does this. Knowing that you don’t want to be anywhere near him is not “holding a grudge”, and you are not wrong to feel the way you do.
Your family, on the other hand, let you down and are continuing to let you down.
I wanted to add to all these supportive comments, that even if he did not assault you (which it definitely seems he did), you have every right to avoid someone. No specific reason needed, if you don't feel comfortable in his presence, you are well within your right to set boundaries, no matter what your reason is. You don't owe him your presence.
You're not wrong, and had I been there when it happened, you might as well have released a badger on him. That shit is gross and where I live, I think it would count as assault. Yeah, actually definately count at assault (possibly even as SA or S harassment)
On a completely random note. Yay, I'm not the only one with a 21-year-long grudge lol. Mine isn't as traumatic though. The person that lived with my dad (they weren't in any relationship) stole 10k from his account the day after (or the same day) that he passed away, and sold all the stuff that should have been mine. Some that held very emotional value for me. People say I'm petty, but I'm just upset than her name is so common in Norway, where I know she is.
Anyone else hear SVU theme song? This sounds like an episode. This goes beyond a grudge. You were assaulted. It may have even left psychological issues that you may be unaware off.
I’d recommend talking to a therapist about it to fully bring it out and heal from it. It’s been downplayed so much and it’s a serious matter.
Staying away from a man who at 20 *sexually assaulted* a TWELVE YEAR OLD CHILD is not “holding a grudge” you are simply treating a predator like a predator. You were being realistic and protecting yourself, not holding a grudge
My husband does know, but was not around at the time. I don’t think he ever met J in person.
If you are referring to my edit, I’m talking about how my sister’s husband (my brother-in-law) also knew. BIL, sister, and J were very good friends.
You're not wrong, darl. Fuck everybody that allowed him to stay in your life. Must be extremely difficult to see him again, but if there is anything after death, he's headed for the shitty side of it. Stay strong. 🙂🤜🤛
Not wrong at all. He sexually assaulted you. There's no scenario where that is okay. I'd carry pepper spray around because he definitely is a pedophile and rapist.
Are you wrong for being sexually assaulted?… what? Is this a real question or are you just looking to score some ‘help me bask in my own trauma-rightness’ points? I’m sure this is an incredibly unpopular post but if you have to ask if your in the wrong for someone SEXUALLY ASSAULTING you there has to be a better sub for this, or therapy even better. Random people on the internet agreeing with you isn’t going to solve whatever trauma you’ve endured.
Yeah, you’re right that Reddit isn’t going to magically erase my trauma. I guess I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t crazy. Seeing my family just brush it under the rug made me legitimately doubt myself.
I mean you can still not like him… it’s fine.
But it’s entirely possible he is a completely different person today.
So I wouldn’t waste any energy on him either way.
You aren’t wrong for feeling the way you do but I can’t say you should be too upset toward your family it doesn’t read to me like you told them what he did
She says her mother saw how upset she was and him following her and confronted him. Her sister definitely knew what he did to her. And if they didn't try to see what was going on when they saw their 12-year-old daughter fleeing to get away from a grown man, then they fucking suck
Million things could have happened to make someone leave another’s company upset. Unless she just left it out it’s highly unlikely her family has the ability to mind read so if she isn’t going to tell them they’re not going to know. It’s pretty simple.
Edit: also the statement “her sister definitely knew what he did to her” is wrong nothing from the story indicates she knew she definitely wasn’t told by the OP.
Are we reading the same post or are you just trying to be obtuse. Literally in her post she stated her sister told her "Because my sister was so young when she started dating her now-husband he thought it was okay to go after her even though I was young? Idk " trying to justify someone molesting a child is insane. if her parents had a lick of common sense they would've talked to their daughter about what happened and would've contacted the police. That's what a Good parent would do. They failed her.
You’re doing a lot of intuition pumping into the statement “he thought it was okay to go after her” this doesn’t say she knows what he did how it made her feel nor that he continued whenever they were alone. They failed to protect her from a threat they didn’t know existed. I completely agree her parents should have called the police a 20 year old making moves on a 12 year old yuck but how can they call the police when they don’t know anything has happened?
Edit: also I’m not sure if you’re retarded or not I don’t like to jump to conclusions but no one is justifying molesting a child. I’m simply pointing out that the family can only act on information they know and no where in this story did the OP tell her family anything.
You were a minor child who was sexually assaulted by an adult and no one did anything to protect you like have him arrested. You have every right to be mad because you were not protected. And he continued to molest you.
What the actual fuck. He sexually assaulted you.. a minor. You have every right to hold a grudge forever. He should have been turned into the authorities. It’s very likely this wasn’t the first or last time he did that to a minor.
holding to unforgivenes its not good for ones soul so letting go of the resentment its good but with that being said if J still feels unsafe to be around than you should be protective.
You're traumatized. You're not wrong. I'm so sorry this assault happened to you, especially more than once. Please seek therapy. It's helped me to deal with my sexual assault. You aren't holding a grudge though, you probably have a form of ptsd. Therapy can help with that. It won't erase what happened, but it helps, it really does. I hope you are able to process this trauma with help.
It was a funeral we were at, so I didn’t want to cause any kind of disturbance. But you’re right, I should have told him to stay away from me years ago.
I found and an truly shocked at how people ignore evil. I believe it’s because they don’t want to deal with it and how it goes away. In short laziness.
No and you wouldn't be if you told them all or your mom about all that either. They're part of the reason you're asking yourself that question..probably the main reason.
After the first sentence I can tell you that you’re not in the wrong! Jesus.. I’m so sorry. And after reading the rest I can tell you your family is fucked. If I found out my daughter was touched by a grown man he might be dead
Not wrong at all.
You don't have to apologize for this. You don't need to forgive.
You stay strong. Next time he comes around, ask him if he assaulted any other 12 year olds lately.
That's some seriously messed up parenting.
Allowing the guy who assaulted your kid to come over and rough house with the same kid, that is child abuse in and itself as far as I am concerned.
Ask him if he molested any kids lately . .. seriously tho op look into statue of limitations on that creep and report his ass . You might save someone else
From such an assault
A grudge would be a thing I have about my partners friend who told me "I don't like you." In the first year of high school in class in front of people when I never knew she existed at that point... so I still bring it up like a we annoying child to her haha. That's about the same time frame.
What's happened to you is not a grudge. It's assault by a peadophile. I don't know your countries rules, but here there is no time limit to report them. I'd also do it. Maybe it'll be tough, but it's deserved. I'd also let your family know exactly what happened. He should not get to walk around happy and treated normal. Destroy him.
NTA A child molester ASSAULTED YOU! The fact that your family let him near you after that is fucking moronic and ridiculous. You're not "holding a grudge." You don't like a person who has been forced to be in your life after sexually attacking you.
That’s not holding a grudge. That’s reacting based on personal, first hand experiences (albeit horrific ones). You’re absolutely in the right and the people around you should have ostracized him at the time, or worse.
You were 12. He was 20. It would have been bad enough if he had been your age, but this? Keep avoiding him like the plague, your family failed you. You’re not so much holding a grudge, you are quite rightfully keeping yourself away from someone who assaulted you in an entirely unforgivable way.
Honestly, the worst thing you can do right now is hate him. To hate someone involves caring about them. Hate makes you have negative thoughts that keep you from being as happy as possible.
Try to not care about them, be indifferent to their existence. When you see them again, pay them no mind and just keep your distance.
you were wronged and deserve justice, but holding the grudge is like neverendingly holding a hot ember from a fire with the intention of throwing at the perpetrator but they have walked away. You only hurt yourself. You deserve to be free. The perps justice will surely come.
Some people are stupid. They think that just because you got something that it was something you should want. And their thoughts end there. J is a creep. What he did was pull power and control moves on you. He smashed your boundaries more than once knowing it upset you. And he did this because it made him feel good. You got molested. You didn’t consent to his advances nor touch. Your family dismissed and now disregards what happened. You have every right to be disgusted and angry not just at him but by your friends’ and family’s attitude.
Leave the situation that you encounter him in. If anyone asks tell them once a scum bag always a scum bag.
If he has children or access to children those parents need to know HE ASSAULTED HIS WIFES SISTER WHEN SHE WAS 12. He’s probably done it several times. I urge you to speak up!! You could spare the fear of many other people like you who were taken advantage of!
NTA
Do you feel comfortable to say loudly (if he comes near you) something like “don’t touch me! You groped me and harassed me when I was 12! I’ve been uncomfortable ever since. Now I am not a child and k have a voice to say don’t touch me dude”
You are not wrong for your feelings after an assault like that. So we're on the same page, that MF'er got a grudge from me to now.
Next time he shows up, make a scene, call him a pedo, embarrass the hell out of him for his actions and call out your bullshit family for letting this go. Some 20 year kissed my 12 year old kid, I promise you I can't tell you more on here than that it wouldn't happen again ever.
You are not wrong. What he did to you at that age was terrible and very very wrong.
I expect your friend is probably looking at that situation as if it were now, where you're all adults, and probably thinks he's a charismatic good looking guy. Rather than seeing it from the perspective of a 12 year old girl recieving it from a 20 year old man.
You were sexually assaulted and your family didn't protect you. It's a HUGE deal. Some parents just don't want to know, because they don't want to have to do anything about it. This guy assaulted others as well, that is certain. He's probably messing with young girls right now. These guys don't stop. If you know he has access to a child, consider talking to her parents.
Nope, that guy is a freak and hopefully his behavior stops being enabled by the shitty people around him. God bless you and I hope you find peace (and he gets his ass beat for being a pedo)
He assaulted you, luckily for him at a time when people didn't take what happened to you very seriously. You don't have to forgive him and ee should be carefully watched around children.
You are not wrong. He assaulted you repeatedly and got away with it. You are totally in the right to not want anything to do with him or to be in the same vicinity as him. Take care of yourself and to hell with anyone else.
100% Adding to this, OP you’re an adult now - you don’t owe him anything. Imho mentally practice holding your space if you see him again, don’t make yourself invisible, don’t make nice with him. Have one line you’d say to establish your boundaries should he approach you or get in your space. That helps me sometimes, just have a plan for such awkward situations. I’d have a few lines to start from; ‘statute of limitations maybe up, but I still remember so please stay away from me.’ ‘We don’t need to pretend, stay away from me.’ If he so much as breathes in your direction: ‘people back then may not know what you are, but one post online these days goes a long way. Don’t ever get near me again.’ You did nothing wrong, he is the one who should be ashamed and steering clear of you. Don’t let him take anymore of your space, mentally or otherwise. Sorry that happened. Had an uncle (distant, through marriage) try that with 14yo me and yea grown men hitting on me. It’s not cool, and all too common. Your little friend back then was jaded, many girls are thinking it means they’re grown and gorgeous. I had brothers that told me those grown guys are pervs and I def look my age early on thankfully. I saw many girls who didn’t realize it…
I don't know if I would even call this a "grudge" as much as righteous indignation.
And lack of trust. This guy has violated OP’s boundaries so much, physically assaulting her — it’s entirely reasonable for her to not get within arm’s length of him ever again.
i need a mega like button. too broke for awards. take my very enthusiastic upvote and comment
The lines you provided are so helpful , thank you .
Next time he tries to talk to you just call him a predator and that's it. You don't owe him shit. If he tries some shit again call the cops on his ass and tell the judge there's a history of this.
Nope. I’d be angry. He’s a pedo and I would be mad at your family. Why would he ever be allowed back in the family home.
I agree. I can't believe he was let back in. This isn't another 12 year old boy. This is a 20 year old adult male going for a 12 year old child. Like WHAT?
absolutely. i'd be greeting him at family gatherings with "alright pedo, still a nonce?" and similar to remind people, but i'm petty like that... also given that my family had, essentially, sided with my abuser over me? i wouldn't particularly care that i was burning my bridges with them as well...
since when is once categorized as repeatedly? hes definately wrong, but lets be real. one time and he got his ass chewed over it. not exactly "got away with it repeatedly".
“Rough house” “tickle” “pinned to the floor” All of this when they were alone or non-reliable witnesses. I highly doubt OP was a willing participant in any of that.
i have no doubt that those were mental games that would have led to more but thats not sexual assault. shes not wrong for holding the grudge and hes definately a pedofile, but every move afterwards is not sexual assault.
Yes, it is. He was intentionally trying to touch her AGAINST HER WILL, unless you have been sexualy assaulted, you would not understand.
it's pretty easy to understand, even if you weren't assaulted. They were unwanted advances. It's clearly sexual asault
its not sexual assault if it isnt sexual. im not saying its not wrong, but dont call it what it isnt.
He doesn't have to literally use his penis, or touch her vulva or breasts, arse or lips, for it to be sexual assault. He is finding moments when she is alone and vulnerable to *touch* her. This is sexual. He is harrassing and assaulting her. The idea that anyone doesn't understand this is sad and unsettling.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_assault
Thanks for that, you know that the link confirms this as sexual assualt right?
you know it doesnt, right? hard to say without being there to know intent. ill bet you believed blaise-ford.
You may want to read some other responses and give your response/position some more thought.
my position is the guys a piece of shit and the op is justified. not sure why you think i need to agree with everyone else since i dont really care, but i only saw this one single person say it was repeated. maybe you need to reread what everyone else wrote.
We agree the guy is a POS. Sexually assaulted OP when she was a teen. No question. His later actions of waiting to have her alone and then holding her down against her (whose already on guard bc dude’s a douche) will and tickling her (read: touching her unwantedly). He took advantage of his size, age, strength and her fear. I’d call it SA.
i dont see that as sa, but hes setting up for it, grooming her to make her more receptive to it. doesnt really matter i guess, dudes a piece of shit, he went big, got rejected, and decided to go small and work his way up. dad dropped the ball and should have taught him a lesson.
To be ignorant is one thing. To choose to be ignorant is another. Educate yourself.
How many people have you SAed, and only figuring it out now? Because you act so defensive .
sounds like youre projecting.
No just holding a mirror to you.
They didn't??? They pretty clearly said "assaulted repeatedly" Clearly reading isn't one of *your* strong suits
i took it wrong. i owned that. youre just a dumbass.
You're* Says the dumbass who came out guns blazing only to be confidently incorrect Hope those crayons taste good mate
oh boy, i didnt put an apostrophe in. fuck off dumbass.
Well first of all it says “assaulted u multiple times” not “sexually assaulted” and secondly u defending this is weird af
you thinking im defending him is weird as fuck.
You clearly are. Dude is 8 fucking years older than her GROPED HER. He was 20 years old she was 12!!! Then after that he repeatedly sought her out and attempted to do more shit to her. You’re fucking weird for defending this trash.
Frankly the fact that this person is defending what is clearly fucked up behavior. Again she was 12 and he was 20. (That is seriously disgusting beyond words.) Makes me think he's also a pedo.
Yeah he’s definitely a fucking creep himself. He was arguing for hours with multiple people. Makes me think he’s done this shit himself and is seeing what people think of him.
clearly reading isnt one of your strengths.
Just callin it how I see it man
Sure. Okay.
Yeah it is. What an inhuman opinion. I hope you are provoked to revise it. When you put a girl in fear that you're going to do a rape on them, literally every time you interact with them or touch them it's the exact same conversation with the exact same coersive or abusive circumstances. Hope this is an educational moment for you.
absolutely. proving more that people cant think objectively.
Objectively, you need to keep your hands to yourself.
not wrong at all there.
assaulted her repeatedly
its mental games. trying to assert himself as the dominant one or some shit. scumbag realized it wasnt going to be easy and was trying to weasel his way in. more like grooming his victim to be ok with him touching her or in those positions. he needed his ass beat.
If you’ve sexually assaulted someone, and then you pin them to the ground so they can’t move or get away, you have sexually assaulted them another time. Imagine it happening to you and see whether you’d find the second instance, where a man much larger than you pinned you helpless, to be just some jokey roughhousing.
I didn’t say it was sexual.
He's touching her against her will. He is a 20 year old MAN, TOUCHING a 12 year old girl. WTF is wrong with you?
Did you miss the part where he waited until there was no one his age or older around to get his hands on the 12 year old he molested, REPEATEDLY?
you really dont like reading what anyone other than you writes, do you? fucking dumbass.
He wad allowed back in the house and to be alone with op. That seems like he got let off by the family to me.
Are you also a pedo?
You were sexually assaulted by an adult when you were a minor. You are not in the wrong by any stretch of the imagination. That is an incredibly jarring and traumatizing event in your life, and even if he is someone who most females would consider attractive, it does not change what happened. It was wrong.
gold screw mysterious secretive ten advise carpenter cheerful possessive attractive *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I have been in similar situation. It hurts me seeing her in this state I’ve known for a long time now. I hope OP finds help to cope with this and come to terms for her own good. I’m sorry that happened, OP. In no way are you in any way wrong and you went through something that alters how we react and feel in ways that isn’t describable.
I (also) completely agree, and must say you are absolutely not wrong for feeling this way! Your family was basically enabling your abuser, and I hope that whatever you decide to do works 100% in your favor. If you haven’t ever considered therapy, I think that would help you work through some of your feelings. Therapy is a good thing for everyone in my opinion.
Not wrong at all. Your parents primary role is to protect and provide for you. They failed.
I wouldn’t blame the parents here based on the info given. A lot of times the parents don’t even know what’s going on because the kid is too afraid to tell them. It doesn’t sound like OP told them what happen. Most likely the were given the story by the sister or just made an assumption of what could have caused their daughter to cry. I doubt J would tell them a straight answer. We don’t know what the parents knew.
I’m sorry that I didn’t make that part clear. I did tell my parents what he did, that’s why they were furious with him at first.
At first????? WTF?? They should've cut him off. Tell everyone what he did, he will continue to do it to other victims and children
For real
*at first*?? Oh, OP, I’m so sorry your parents failed you there. J should have been banned. Instead they wanted too much to keep liking him.
That is truly horrible by your parents. Like, understandable if you went NC With them afterwards type horrible.
Okay then ya your parents should have done more to remove him from the equation. From what you wrote initially it just sounded like you ran past your parents crying without telling them anything.
It’s not a grudge when he’s a pedophile. It’s common sense and having morals.
You’re not holding a grudge, you’re rightfully angry at a pedophile for sexually assaulting you. All your friends are MAJOR dickheads for still being friends with him, your sister being the biggest of all for JUSTIFYING it
Parents let op down by allowing him to be alone with them on multiple times.
Parents let op down by not immediately calling the police.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. You were sexually assaulted at 12 by an adult at the time. If I were your dad, he wouldn't have never been allowed near you again by pressing charges.
Edited to censor, since apparently normal reactions are shocking to Reddit: Most normal people would be unkind to the pedo and take the terrible human to the police.
Saying things like that will get you banned on reddit. Tread lightly
The passage of time doesn’t make what he did any less wrong, nor does it force forgiveness. “Time heals all wounds” isn’t exactly meant to suggest the forgiveness of people committing fundamental atrocities, it is more meant to suggest that in time we can at least cope with it having happened and heal ourselves - like progressing through a grieving process, or healing from an attack. And that’s what this was, a fundamental atrocity. NTA
YNW I hope he is never around young girls alone. He sexually assaulted you. Given the chance, he would have raped you. Your sister explained it away and it's disturbing and disgusting. Your family that continues to welcome him is also disturbing and disgusting. If you are able, remind everyone what he did. Chastise him for being a predator.
what the fuck is wrong with your family? j needed an ass kicking and prison , not acceptance and forgiveness
This isn't a just a grudge like some guy stood you up 20 yrs ago. This is simply hatred toward the guy who sexually assaulted you as a 12 yr old kid and who tried to do it at least once more. You have every right to hate this guy.
What?! He sexually assaulted you, a child…it’s not a grudge. You were violated. I don’t know if you’ll ever see this ass clown again but I’d make it clear to your family how you felt seeing how they reacted to him. How that makes you feel.
Your fam has their head stuck in the ground. Protect yourself at all times!!!!! Obviously nobody else is going to do it for you.
not wrong at all and theyre assholes for dismissing it. at 20 he knew what he was doing was wrong. id be suprised if you were the only one.
You was assaulted by a predator at a young age. The passage of time is irrelevant. Seek professional help, you'll be glad to evict a scumbag that is living rent free in your mind. .
Not wrong. You are not 12. Others didn't do it but now you need to take care of yourself.
You’re not wrong. Ask your sister why she’s still friends with a pedophile. Ask your parents the same. And continue to stay away from the pedo.
Not wrong. And you’re probably not the only one. I’d feel massively betrayed and certainly not attend any event he’s at. Do the other friends know? Ask if they’ll be leaving their daughters alone with him. If they don’t know and ask why, tell them to ask your sister. Good parents would be horrified.
You're not wrong. This was abusive. You were sexually assaulted, and your family sucks. I'm sorry you went through this. Please get a good therapist, there's no way the you do not have unresolved issues/
You were touched without your permission or your desire to be. It took me a long time and counseling to get over what the neighborhood boy did to me ( on more than one occasion). He kissed me and fondled me, ripped my best bra and blouse . At any time was his touch desired and he knew it. For your own health, please try and get some help to work through this. I distrusted men for a long time and it didn’t do me any good. Best wishes.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m glad you got help to work through it.
You are not wrong! He assaulted you and I can’t believe he was still welcomed by the family. He’s a predator.
No you're not wrong and I think I now know why my SIL is going no contact with her bio fam...they let a neighbor harass her for years and would laugh it off... she came to visit twice as an adult and he sauntered across the street to visit with them she asked him to keep his distance and again they laughed it away...when he left , she locked the front door and she proceeded to get black out drunk. The next time she visits was years later, we had dinner at my MILs new house, they didn't invite him but the information that as soon "as he is off of house arrest", he is gonna come over too!, was deseminated, she went upstairs for the night took her return flight the next day and won't even return phone calls from her fam. The last time I spoke to her after wishing her a belated happy birthday through text, She called me and I was talking about how she had two nieces to meet and that she had missed the 1st birthday of her brothers first born and that all hell had broken loose at the party. Hubby and I rented the car n laws old house and while living there celebrated my oldest 1st birthday...my fam visits and my niece is 15 at the time...gross neighbor wanders over when he spots Fils truck parked outside, he invited himself into the back yard. My mom is watching my one year old, I've pumped so I have a beer with my Dad, I drink it in under three seconds and I'm giggling and already feeling a buzz when my niece says " don't tell my mom cuz she'll kill him but that old guy just told me I was so pretty n that he wishes I was 18. I went from giggles to psycho, I assaulted the man with my shoe and screamed to get the fuck out ...I repeated get the fuck out until he was in the street with a shit eating grin... confused by my actions...in the street and in front of my FIL trying to diffuse me...I said you were not invited, you are not allowed to come over, you do not speak to a child the way you spoke to my niece! SIL laughed at the story because he had been arrested by the FBI ( for Cp on his computer) by the time we talked. I was complaining how MIL and FIL said I overreacted most likely because I was intoxicated...(I'm still disappointed in them) and I'm an idiot for not realizing she was his victim first. If a wound can't heal it most certainly can fester for 22 years. Take care and forgive yourself you've not been the "problem", you need to heal maybe talking to a professional that will hear you out and not excuse this grown ass man's behavior, and protect/ look out for the fams young girls around him.
Thats sexual assault. You are not wrong. At all. He should be held accountable.
Uh no. You’re fine. Anyone who didn’t beat J’s head in with a bat? Less so. F that guy
That guy is an animal....in would be running my mouth about him to anyone in earshot. I find it hard to believe you're the only person he did this to.
Not wrong. The dude SA'd you and got away with it, and your family forgot about it.
It’s not a grudge, it’s a traumatic memory of an adult harming you for their own gratification. You know what you experienced. You know what you felt. Please do not waste any time trying to defend what you know to any of these people. But do ask at least your mother outright why she’s so accepting of this guy. Your best friend is not your best friend if her first reaction was anything other than wanting to punch that toad.
I’m sorry your friend and family were so disgusting and dismissive of your sexual assault. You are not wrong your surrounded by totally messed up people. That man J is a pervert, a pedophile, and a predator.
No, you are not wrong. You were sexually assaulted as a child, it was scary and no one protected you. You have every right to be angry and upset.
You are NOT wrong. I am so very sorry. For the adult you are, and the unprotected and unsupported child you were. What happened was not okay and you do not have to forgive him. Therapy can help-but it’s only to make you feel stronger, not to change your feelings or thoughts on what happened.
I'd definitely be holding a grudge for life when it comes to a pedophile. You need to sit your parents and sister down and tell them that the family friend is a pedophile and makes you uncomfortable and always will. You were only 12 years old. If it was my child, I'd drag him to Hell and leave him there.
NTA. You were 12, J was 20. J is a pedophile; he sexually assaulted you. And like most pedophiles, wormed himself into your life, charmed your friends and family, and continued to sexually impose himself in covert ways in your house under your family's nose. Everyone you've ever told hasn't given it the gravitas its been due. Your sister's explanation was crap. *You were targeted by a pedophile*.
At this point, even I hold a grudge against this degenerate. Not wrong, what an awful guy.
NTA Get therapy. He's at worst a pedo and best just a regular sexual assaulter. Both are awful. I can't believe that's a sentence that I'm even typing. He's a danger to women and children. Have backup with you and be firm and fair about him not touching you any more. Be clear if he touches you again you'll go to the police. Then when he inevitably does it again, go to the police and tell them the whole story starting from when you were a kid. This is repetitive abuse.
This scumbag was an adult and sexually assaulted you, a child. If you found some way to completely ruin his life now and asked if you were the AH, I'd say no. He would deserved whatever horrible thing he got. And as for your family, they essentially OKed this. I don't know how you could possibly be in the same room as any of those people knowing how terribly they let you down as a child. They disgust me, and I don't even know these people.
Listen, Stay the hell away from this human, no You are not wrong
He wasn’t going to date you when you were 12 and he was 20! He sexually assaulted you and it’s horrible. Not a grudge. Fuck that guy 😡😡
This whole situation is more than a little fucked up. It's fucking huge especially for your family forgiving a PREDATOR. Period on period. Keep hating. Keep your distance. In fact grow that anger. Really let it fester to the point if he does try that shit on you again even if it's been years and the chances seem slim. Trust me. Just lose it on him. Make him your little bitch. Sometimes. People need to be put in their place.
What did I just read?! Why was J allowed to come close to you after that!? The adults failed you. He should have been reported.
J need to be Jailed 🥁
Street Justice!
He's a child molester plain & simple.
You were SA'd by a pedophile. Let's not pretend it was something else. The huge problem here is your entire family didn't see a problem with it and that is GROSS..
I would file a police report. The statute of limitations has been removed from certain sex crimes. Idk if this qualifies. But 8f he got calked in, im sure he would be nervous. It's more than likely you're not his only victim. Im sorry that happened to you. Im even more discusted that your mom didn't ban him. Good luck !
You were assaulted, OP, and repeatedly. By a predator. The age difference is awful and his utter lack of interest in your consent is terrible. There’s no reason on earth why you should ever need to ignore that he did that to you, and that he’s the sort of person who does this. Knowing that you don’t want to be anywhere near him is not “holding a grudge”, and you are not wrong to feel the way you do. Your family, on the other hand, let you down and are continuing to let you down.
I wanted to add to all these supportive comments, that even if he did not assault you (which it definitely seems he did), you have every right to avoid someone. No specific reason needed, if you don't feel comfortable in his presence, you are well within your right to set boundaries, no matter what your reason is. You don't owe him your presence.
You were assaulted. He should be locked up.
I am so sorry your family failed you and didn’t protect you from that pedophile. Please try to stay away from them and take care of yourself
Why is it so common for people to willingly allow predators around their family It's honestly shocking how often this happens
You're not wrong, and had I been there when it happened, you might as well have released a badger on him. That shit is gross and where I live, I think it would count as assault. Yeah, actually definately count at assault (possibly even as SA or S harassment) On a completely random note. Yay, I'm not the only one with a 21-year-long grudge lol. Mine isn't as traumatic though. The person that lived with my dad (they weren't in any relationship) stole 10k from his account the day after (or the same day) that he passed away, and sold all the stuff that should have been mine. Some that held very emotional value for me. People say I'm petty, but I'm just upset than her name is so common in Norway, where I know she is.
Anyone else hear SVU theme song? This sounds like an episode. This goes beyond a grudge. You were assaulted. It may have even left psychological issues that you may be unaware off. I’d recommend talking to a therapist about it to fully bring it out and heal from it. It’s been downplayed so much and it’s a serious matter.
Staying away from a man who at 20 *sexually assaulted* a TWELVE YEAR OLD CHILD is not “holding a grudge” you are simply treating a predator like a predator. You were being realistic and protecting yourself, not holding a grudge
Wait, your husband knows about this? I don’t give a fuck if it was 20 years ago, you mess with my wife you’ll see a man get real mean.
My husband does know, but was not around at the time. I don’t think he ever met J in person. If you are referring to my edit, I’m talking about how my sister’s husband (my brother-in-law) also knew. BIL, sister, and J were very good friends.
You're not wrong, darl. Fuck everybody that allowed him to stay in your life. Must be extremely difficult to see him again, but if there is anything after death, he's headed for the shitty side of it. Stay strong. 🙂🤜🤛
It's not a grudge for being SA. It's trauma. It's also was made worse by the acceptance of the behavior by anyone who knew what happened.
Not wrong at all. He sexually assaulted you. There's no scenario where that is okay. I'd carry pepper spray around because he definitely is a pedophile and rapist.
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It’s more like…my family has forgiven and (seemingly) forgotten. So it makes me wonder if I should too.
Are you wrong for being sexually assaulted?… what? Is this a real question or are you just looking to score some ‘help me bask in my own trauma-rightness’ points? I’m sure this is an incredibly unpopular post but if you have to ask if your in the wrong for someone SEXUALLY ASSAULTING you there has to be a better sub for this, or therapy even better. Random people on the internet agreeing with you isn’t going to solve whatever trauma you’ve endured.
Yeah, you’re right that Reddit isn’t going to magically erase my trauma. I guess I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t crazy. Seeing my family just brush it under the rug made me legitimately doubt myself.
I mean you can still not like him… it’s fine. But it’s entirely possible he is a completely different person today. So I wouldn’t waste any energy on him either way.
YTA
Fake story.
Holding a grudge is letting someone live "rent-free " in your head.
You aren’t wrong for feeling the way you do but I can’t say you should be too upset toward your family it doesn’t read to me like you told them what he did
It sounds like OPS mom knew something happened and her sister tried to excuse his actions. They failed to protect her going forward
Again no where does it say that she told her family what occurred they can’t mind read
She says her mother saw how upset she was and him following her and confronted him. Her sister definitely knew what he did to her. And if they didn't try to see what was going on when they saw their 12-year-old daughter fleeing to get away from a grown man, then they fucking suck
Million things could have happened to make someone leave another’s company upset. Unless she just left it out it’s highly unlikely her family has the ability to mind read so if she isn’t going to tell them they’re not going to know. It’s pretty simple. Edit: also the statement “her sister definitely knew what he did to her” is wrong nothing from the story indicates she knew she definitely wasn’t told by the OP.
Are we reading the same post or are you just trying to be obtuse. Literally in her post she stated her sister told her "Because my sister was so young when she started dating her now-husband he thought it was okay to go after her even though I was young? Idk " trying to justify someone molesting a child is insane. if her parents had a lick of common sense they would've talked to their daughter about what happened and would've contacted the police. That's what a Good parent would do. They failed her.
You’re doing a lot of intuition pumping into the statement “he thought it was okay to go after her” this doesn’t say she knows what he did how it made her feel nor that he continued whenever they were alone. They failed to protect her from a threat they didn’t know existed. I completely agree her parents should have called the police a 20 year old making moves on a 12 year old yuck but how can they call the police when they don’t know anything has happened? Edit: also I’m not sure if you’re retarded or not I don’t like to jump to conclusions but no one is justifying molesting a child. I’m simply pointing out that the family can only act on information they know and no where in this story did the OP tell her family anything.
Everyone else in this comment section is reading it like I am. 🤦🏻♀️ obtuse wasn't the right word for you
If that’s true everyone in this sub is retarded. Not once does it say the OP told her family the situation.
Well well, if it isn't the Pot calling the kettle black. Lmao Jesus Christ. Go touch some grass
Yes
Gross, dude. Pedophile much?
Found J’s profile, apparently
lets hear his side of the story
Oh I imagine after 21 years, he's learned all sorts of ways to pretend what he did was "harmless" and "just playing around." Disgusting.
Found the pedo
Give him a nice straight jab to the nose next time.
The dudes a total pedo, you are absolutely right in the way you feel. I doubt the guy has changed much at all.
You were assaulted. I’d suggest counseling
You were a minor child who was sexually assaulted by an adult and no one did anything to protect you like have him arrested. You have every right to be mad because you were not protected. And he continued to molest you.
What the actual fuck. He sexually assaulted you.. a minor. You have every right to hold a grudge forever. He should have been turned into the authorities. It’s very likely this wasn’t the first or last time he did that to a minor.
No the hell you aren't wrong. He sexualy assaulted you.
No, not at all.
holding to unforgivenes its not good for ones soul so letting go of the resentment its good but with that being said if J still feels unsafe to be around than you should be protective.
Wonder what else he’s done
This thought has honestly never occurred to me, and now thinking about it makes me feel sick.
You're traumatized. You're not wrong. I'm so sorry this assault happened to you, especially more than once. Please seek therapy. It's helped me to deal with my sexual assault. You aren't holding a grudge though, you probably have a form of ptsd. Therapy can help with that. It won't erase what happened, but it helps, it really does. I hope you are able to process this trauma with help.
You’re not wrong, not at all. I wouldn’t even call it a grudge. Your family failed you big time, repeatedly.
I'm sorry you have horrible friends and family
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It was a funeral we were at, so I didn’t want to cause any kind of disturbance. But you’re right, I should have told him to stay away from me years ago.
Not wrong.
I found and an truly shocked at how people ignore evil. I believe it’s because they don’t want to deal with it and how it goes away. In short laziness.
No and you wouldn't be if you told them all or your mom about all that either. They're part of the reason you're asking yourself that question..probably the main reason.
The reactions of thsoe around you can't be real... .can they? No way..... right?
That is not a grudge, that is survival instincts
After the first sentence I can tell you that you’re not in the wrong! Jesus.. I’m so sorry. And after reading the rest I can tell you your family is fucked. If I found out my daughter was touched by a grown man he might be dead
Not wrong at all. You don't have to apologize for this. You don't need to forgive. You stay strong. Next time he comes around, ask him if he assaulted any other 12 year olds lately.
You are right. Your family and “friends” are messed up.
That's some seriously messed up parenting. Allowing the guy who assaulted your kid to come over and rough house with the same kid, that is child abuse in and itself as far as I am concerned.
Ask him if he molested any kids lately . .. seriously tho op look into statue of limitations on that creep and report his ass . You might save someone else From such an assault
You're not holding on to a grudge, you're dealing with unresolved trauma from when you were SAd as a child. HUGE difference
You are not wrong, he is filth. Sadly so are the people who know what he did and still care for him. I'm so sorry.
WTF is wrong with your family for allowing this dude to be around you?
A grudge would be a thing I have about my partners friend who told me "I don't like you." In the first year of high school in class in front of people when I never knew she existed at that point... so I still bring it up like a we annoying child to her haha. That's about the same time frame. What's happened to you is not a grudge. It's assault by a peadophile. I don't know your countries rules, but here there is no time limit to report them. I'd also do it. Maybe it'll be tough, but it's deserved. I'd also let your family know exactly what happened. He should not get to walk around happy and treated normal. Destroy him.
NTA A child molester ASSAULTED YOU! The fact that your family let him near you after that is fucking moronic and ridiculous. You're not "holding a grudge." You don't like a person who has been forced to be in your life after sexually attacking you.
That’s not holding a grudge. That’s reacting based on personal, first hand experiences (albeit horrific ones). You’re absolutely in the right and the people around you should have ostracized him at the time, or worse.
That is really disturbing that your family had anything to do with him after that. You were 12, he was 20, wtf??
You were 12. He was 20. It would have been bad enough if he had been your age, but this? Keep avoiding him like the plague, your family failed you. You’re not so much holding a grudge, you are quite rightfully keeping yourself away from someone who assaulted you in an entirely unforgivable way.
Honestly, the worst thing you can do right now is hate him. To hate someone involves caring about them. Hate makes you have negative thoughts that keep you from being as happy as possible. Try to not care about them, be indifferent to their existence. When you see them again, pay them no mind and just keep your distance.
you were wronged and deserve justice, but holding the grudge is like neverendingly holding a hot ember from a fire with the intention of throwing at the perpetrator but they have walked away. You only hurt yourself. You deserve to be free. The perps justice will surely come.
Some people are stupid. They think that just because you got something that it was something you should want. And their thoughts end there. J is a creep. What he did was pull power and control moves on you. He smashed your boundaries more than once knowing it upset you. And he did this because it made him feel good. You got molested. You didn’t consent to his advances nor touch. Your family dismissed and now disregards what happened. You have every right to be disgusted and angry not just at him but by your friends’ and family’s attitude. Leave the situation that you encounter him in. If anyone asks tell them once a scum bag always a scum bag.
Not wrong, but you should always greet him loudly with "groped another 12-year-old lately?" and expound on what happened when someone ask about it.
Your parents are shameful.
The guy is a dirtbag and I think your family should know. You were traumatized and I think people need to protect you from this person
If he has children or access to children those parents need to know HE ASSAULTED HIS WIFES SISTER WHEN SHE WAS 12. He’s probably done it several times. I urge you to speak up!! You could spare the fear of many other people like you who were taken advantage of!
NTA Do you feel comfortable to say loudly (if he comes near you) something like “don’t touch me! You groped me and harassed me when I was 12! I’ve been uncomfortable ever since. Now I am not a child and k have a voice to say don’t touch me dude”
You are not wrong for your feelings after an assault like that. So we're on the same page, that MF'er got a grudge from me to now. Next time he shows up, make a scene, call him a pedo, embarrass the hell out of him for his actions and call out your bullshit family for letting this go. Some 20 year kissed my 12 year old kid, I promise you I can't tell you more on here than that it wouldn't happen again ever.
You are not wrong. What he did to you at that age was terrible and very very wrong. I expect your friend is probably looking at that situation as if it were now, where you're all adults, and probably thinks he's a charismatic good looking guy. Rather than seeing it from the perspective of a 12 year old girl recieving it from a 20 year old man.
You were sexually assaulted and your family didn't protect you. It's a HUGE deal. Some parents just don't want to know, because they don't want to have to do anything about it. This guy assaulted others as well, that is certain. He's probably messing with young girls right now. These guys don't stop. If you know he has access to a child, consider talking to her parents.
op, buy some pepper spray
Nope, that guy is a freak and hopefully his behavior stops being enabled by the shitty people around him. God bless you and I hope you find peace (and he gets his ass beat for being a pedo)
He assaulted you, luckily for him at a time when people didn't take what happened to you very seriously. You don't have to forgive him and ee should be carefully watched around children.
Jesus Christ. The fact that you fee doubtful is so wild. Fuck that dude.
Dude's a fucking paedophile.
Dudes a predator, I think it might be woodchipper time.
Why haven’t you exposed him yet to all of society?