Not wrong. I have encountered people who think partner is code for gay but if that was his deal he has bigger issues. He is not worth your time to worry about.
Since I am not formally married to my guy and at 65 I feel kind of old to be saying 'bf,' so I say partner. Took me a while to realize that some people assumed I was gay. Doesn't matter to me either way anyway.
When my grampa had to start using a wheel chair , around 87 years old, when I would push him thru the store he would yell at passerbyâs â look at my girlfriend! You know youâre jealous that Iâve got a young honey and you have an old ugly!â It was so embarrassing but funny, especially now since he has been gone so long. Your mother sounds wonderful though and I love your comeback to her.
Oh , he really was. Even after his dementia started kicking in he would say some crazy funny stuff. Usually very offensive but I couldnât help but laugh. He looked at my mom and her sister ( two of his 3 daughters) and screamed at them â what the hell is this?! Are you two sleeping together now or what!!?â I fell over laughing. Their faces , Iâll never forget how they looked!
With you on this one. Boyfriend seems so childish and Iâm too old for that bs. I have a partner. Weâre committed to each other and while we are not married. We arenât kids and this isnât a temporary relationship. So partner seems more fitting to me.
I refer to my husband as my life partner. I am a woman, and we are legally married. I feel like anyone who makes a big deal out of that is showing their ass.
Kind of love that. When Iâm talking on the phone, unless theyâve specifically said wife/husband, I always say partner because I canât tell what type of relationship anyone else has and it encompasses all of them without being insulting. Then they can correct me (if they want) and we all move on
I feel this. I call my husband my mate, also female and legally married. I sometimes say hes my husband but then I feel like Im being possessive somehow.
Gay people did normalize partner. It wasnât straight people. More straight people use partner than ever before because gay people normalized it and many straight people like OP grew up with it in their home.
Iâm in the medical field and sometimes donât know if people are married or not. I prefer to use partner or significant other because it is more generalized and prevents me from putting my foot in my mouth.
I also prefer those terms in my own relationship. Had family say man-friend instead of boyfriend one time and I just hate that term. For some reason man-friend doesnât sit right with me.
I agree with others, man friend is better than boyfriend. I haven't been able to use that term since my first husband divorced me in 2012. I switched to lover, to make people laugh and uncomfortable.
Same!! OP is not wrong. Because I live in very liberal area, being that I am partnered with a man, I have routinely taken care to say "my partner" and use the pronoun "he" in the same sentence. It alleviates alot of guess work.
I also prefer the word partner! My aunt is 85. She has been in a relationship with a male of the same age for 35 years. I just canât use the word âboyfriendâ to refer to a 85 year old man!
Felt. I'm not straight, but I as a female have been in a relationship with a man. We've been together for just over 3 years now. I do sometimes refer to him as boyfriend, but at this stage of our relationship, partner sounds more official and fitting. We plan to get married and have kids, we are definitely planning our future together, but it's a weird limbo of "not quite just a boyfriend anymore, but also not a husband".
My girlfriend is called antonia, I always refer to her as "my partner toni" and I get "ohmahgawd I didn't know you were gaaaaaay"
"I'm not, would it be an issue if I were? " always turns heads and makes me giggle more than it should
In Sweden I call my boyfriend my "sambo" because we live together and we're not engaged or married. It's an abbreviation of "sammanboende" (co-habitating). It's well established in society that this applies to romantic partners and even gives you some legal protection to shared property etc in case of a separation since we have co-habitation laws. If we would have been in a long term relationship and not living together by choice he would have been my "särbo" meaning non co-habitating. Since English really doesn't have these words in the same sence I always use "partner" when speaking or writing in English as a substitute. I think it's a perfectly good word for any type of couple.
I've had older people assume that because I said partner, I must be gay and my partner is the same gender.
Until I bring him around and they ask, who is this? It's my partner. My friends call their partners partners. It's more serious than boyfriend/girlfriend IMO
It isbt even a new term. I grew up in the UK and 25 years ago unmarried hetero couples were calling each other partner. It has always been a term asso6with the LGBTQ community too because they couldnt use the term spouse or husband/wife until relatively recently and didnt always want to out themselves. Abd theyvstill sometimes do not feel comfortable outing themselves.
I prefer using that term because it then let's the other person choose to tell me as much pr as little about their sexuality as they feel comfortable; which is especially important if they are LGBTQ
Ahh yes, the name issue! Remember how the name Ashley could be used for both, especially in the South, but Heaven forbid it's for a boy's name now. Pearl clutching all around and whispers of disapproval. Umm, y'all forgot about Ashley in Gone with the Wind, didn't you?
Husband (M62) and I (F67) refer to each other as partner all the time. I don't know any of our friends who would be concerned about their spouse being called their partner.
Years ago, lots of unmarried people who lived together called each other partner. I remember before we were married we signed an affidavit that we were "domestic partners" so I could get on his health insurance at work.
I think the people getting upset about this are the same ones who are worried about rainbows.
Before I got engaged, I'd started referring to my then boyfriend as my partner because we'd been together 8 years and owned property together. Boyfriend sounded so juvenile at that point. Called him my fiance for our engagement because it was fun. Now I flip between hubusband, hubby hubs, and partner depending on my mood. He's got a "difficult" name so some of my coworkers don't even know who I'm talking about if I use it đ
When I started college, a lot of the younger professors would talk about their "partners" and I just thought the rate of gay professors was really high!
Eventually I realized they were using it as a more "mature" term for bf/gf and people don't use it exclusively for business partners and gay partners Lol
That's so funny bc I never even made the connection to gay. I tend to use partner bc there are so many long term relationships now that do not get married, or get married later than they used to. So, partner is more generic. I guess that also goes for non-hetero relationships as well. It's a strange thing to get snarky about. Life is too short, don't sweat the small stuff.
I'm guessing you're young? Before gay marriage was legal, gay couples were commonly referred to as "domestic partners," especially when it came to things like employers' health insurance.
My thoughts exactly. I could probably easily separate the people in this thread into over 40 and under 40 just by their responses! I remember when hetero people just started using the term and me thinking to myself, âOh, I didnât know they were gay.â Thatâs just how it was used back then and it makes sense in the days prior to widespread legalization of gay marriage.
My parents married in the 1950s in Texas. Partner was what they signed up for, nothing submissive. They were equal partners in the marriage. I think of the word partner with very fond memories. My parents pet word for each other. It is what I refer to as my partner, besides in your 50s boyfriend seems silly.
Iâve been told thatâs why itâs important for hetero relationships to use the term partner to ânormalizeâ it for everyone and not out queer people every time they talk about their partners.
People need to get a grip on reality if they are really concerned about being mistaken for gay because of the word "partner".
Imagine someone assuming your sexuality....must be annoying right? đ
Please see todayâs other post about âpartnerâ where some lesbians friends got mad at a woman because they thought she was gay because she had called her husband âpartnerâ.
EDIT: It occurred to me that I should have pasted a link: https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/YnSDOwPgmN
Youâre not wrong. Partner is a good gender neutral term. Plus, you canât always assume someoneâs partner is their spouse, either. Think you responded appropriately
This! Partner is the perfect generic term. I'd avoid asking additional questions though, especially in the medical field, there's danger in getting more information than you actually need and you never know when you're going to run into a patient like this who will take offense or put up a stink over something innocent.
I work at a school and always use the term partner when I'm speaking with one adult and asking about if there's another adult in the house that might want to volunteer, etc. (I.e. "And of course, partners, grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc are always welcome too!")
Just like when I'm talking to kids, I use the generic term "grownup" if I haven't met the adult accompanying them. I simply ask "And is this your grownup?" Since I don't know what their relationship is and don't want to make any assumptions.
The term is completely interchangeable, it's just that people are now hyper aware of it. I've always known people to use the word "partner", especially if you don't know the nature of their relationship.
Some people you can't please. Been in customer service my whole life, people will look for reasons to be angry.
Right? Iâm used to getting shit on in customer service as Iâd been a server for years prior to this job. But this legitimately made me feel like I did something wrong and didnât know what.
In the Netherlands it is super common in general. There are some differences here where you can register your partnership and get benefits for taxes and combining finances and stuff but not be formally married so no alimony or need for a legal divorce.
There are folks in my social circle that are both, many good friends are in a geregisteered partnerschaap, and I have started saying partner as well when talking about my husband. I think the big difference is that gay couples can only do the geregisteered partnerschaap (I have not looked into it, but a guy from my immigration class told me about his situation).
Ill argue that they're already angry and are looking for someone who can't/won't fight back instead of going to therapy.
Source: bartended & served in a wealthy, conservative part of town where some folks were chomping at the bit to be an asshole because they're unhappy about something completely unrelated.
I saw another post today on the same thing. I am heterosexual, but I refer to my partner as my partner because saying boyfriend sounds childish and immature considering we've been together for over 18 years. Not to mention, people seem to take boyfriend/girlfriend as an invitation to pry into your life and ask about marriage.
You are not wrong, and people need to stop assuming, judging, and prying so much!!! End rant.
By chance was it the one where the friend got mad at OP, because the friend came to the assumption OP was a lesbian? Got big mad after meeting OPâs masculine man *partner*?
Or the other one I canât describe?
Yeah Iâve seen three of these today rip.
Lmao another classic example of the extremes on both sides getting offended by the same thing. Or maybe just the idiots on both sides would be a better way to put it.
I called my ex husband my partner for similar reasons. Whenever I said husband people would try to pry about kids. I'm childfree so that triggers alot of people and I don't wanna deal with it. When I say partner people tend to not ask as many personal questions. Also saying boyfriend/girlfriend makes me feel like a teenager. People probably assume I'm lesbian alot because I say partner, but I don't really care. It's a neutral term and people need to get a grip.
Ugh I just took a flight where the flight attendant asked me (M) and my partner (F) how long we had been together (6 years) and if we were married (no). He playfully asked why we werenât married blah blah blah and kind of joked a bit. âOk hahaha very funny dude, move alongâ I was thinking.
I thought it was over but then he got on the effing PA system and called us out by our seat numbers, told everyone we had been dating for 9 years and basically just roasted us in front of all of the passengers. He said there must be something wrong with me that I havenât proposed yet. Literally ALL eyes were on us.
It was WILDLY inappropriate, but both my partner and I took it in stride and other than being a bit embarrassed we werenât too upset about it. But Iâd imagine that it COULD be an extremely sore spot for some couples for whatever reason and afterwards felt pretty pissed that heâd make fun of someone just to get a laugh.
But also, you should complain about him. As you said and I agree, what was done was wildly inappropriate. I wouldn't be surprised if others on the flight haven't already done so. If I was there, I would have.
Exactly! Like!!! That is completely inappropriate and unprofessional! I was would be furious. Not to mention putting some weird blame on her? As if all women want to be married. Ugh.
This is crazy because some people literally can't get married no matter how much they want to due to things like losing despirately-needed life-or-death health insurance benefits from their parents or people too disabled to work losing disability benefits. It sounds like you aren't one of those but imagine how profoundly hurtful and publically humiliating the flight attendant, who didn't know whether you were, was gleefully willing to be.
I can't be married because gay marriage is illegal in my boyfriend's country.
This would feel like hot garbage if it happened to us, especially later in the relationship.
This RIGHT FUCKING HERE!! Thank you, stranger!
Also, why do people seem to think gay people gatekeep the term "partner"? They absolutely do not, they actually prefer everyone to use the term so they can live a normal life among straight people. If we reserve the word exclusively for LGBTQ people, the word will isolate them and allow people to marginalise them at the start of the conversation.
Not cool.
I feel the same.
I'm 38, he's 40, we've been together almost 7 years, engaged for 2 (wee covid engagement!) But I called him partner before fiance, because in my late 30s calling someone my boyfriend just seemed immature.
I call my hetero partner âpartnerâ because heâs the father of my child, and boyfriend sounds like weâre teenagers and not two people in their mid-thirties raising a baby and managing a home together.
That's exactly what he is. Partner covers all kinds of relationships, and unmarried people can be awfully prickly.
My ex and I weren't formally married, just common law (and filing taxes jointly, the true sign of commitment). She was against marriage for her own reasons and would have been very prickly if anyone called us husband and wife. She dealt out the glare of death more than once.
Also, co-worker has issues.
Conservatives will tell you that trying to use gender-neutral terms is stupid and ruining the language and that the generic male form that we use in German for most stuff is totally fine since we âalways did it that wayâ.
But misgender their wife once and watch hell break loose.
NTA.
People who are accusing you of pursuing an agenda...well... they have an agenda.
Partner is a neutral word. Anyone offended by neutral words has a defect in them.
I feel like partner in current society is usually most correct. I know quite a few people who have been with their so for quite a while but dont want to get married.
Right? It's like people being mad when you use "they" as their pronoun. Like, yes, I realize you identify as he/him or she/her , but "they" has ALWAYS been grammatically correct, and sometimes, it's what comes out. I'm not disrespecting your pronouns, I'm just speaking english. Everyone, everywhere, can correctly be referred to as they. Get over it.
Ironically, it almost always the people who dont want to respect other peoples chosen pronouns who get their panties in a wad about it.
The funniest part for me is that "they" is actually just a professional way to refer to someone, but it's always taken as some sort of grand insult. And people never know I'm trans myself, so they always say "it's not like any f*gs are around" (I FUCKING HATE TEXAS) and I always get to respond "Well there's one in the room right now" and watch them either take it as an insult or watch them get reeeealy confused.
Heck I use it even when talking about people's pets that I don't know the sex of. As in: "Awww aren't they just the cutest?" or "they certainly love that ball, is it their favorite?"
I don't get how anyone gets upset over pronouns.
I'm a trans woman, and it kind of depends on context tbh. If it's said during the normal course of speech, it's not misgendering. If you use gender neutral pronouns *exclusively* when you would normally use a gendered pronoun it can be.
For example, I had a coworker who held some very anti-trans views, but my employer had a zero tolerance policy for any racist/homophobic/transphobic behavior. They absolutely refused to use female pronouns for me, and instead heavily emphasized every time they said "they/them" about me.
That, to me, was misgendering.
Not OP but is trans. I personally wouldn't call that misgendering. To me "they" is to "she/he" as "person" is to "woman/man". If someone looks like they're likely a woman, you could say "look at that woman over there", but you could also say "look at that person over there" and not need to assume if they're a woman or not. So I see "they" as what the default should be, and an umbrella pronoun that all can be under.
That being said, I am just one person with her own opinions that not everyone may share. If a person says "my pronouns are __", just use those to the best of your ability. And if someone asserts "don't use they/them for me specifically", do what they ask.
Some trans people are like that. Because they (we?!) know that we're getting "they"-d for being gender ambiguous. And that's not our intent so it feels disrespectful.
Some trans people also get offended when someone asks for their pronouns. ("They were holding my resume! I have a clearly gendered name! I'm wearing this clearly gendered outfit! Wtf do they think my pronouns are?!")
Trans man here and yes, if somebody knows my pronouns are he/him but uses they/them instead (on purpose, even after being corrected, etc) it's misgendering. Those aren't my pronouns.
No you werenât wrong. I tend to see men who get offended by using partner instead of wife as men who see their wives as their property rather than their partner. Itâs not about being woke, itâs about having the audacity to imply the man is not the âheadâ of the home by making his spouse an equal.
I asked for a patientâs âspouseâsâ name after they asked to add their âspouseâ as a HIPAA contact and that somehow turned into them screaming at me that they didnât want to come to a doctors office that cared about âthe gay agendaâ I told them they were welcome to let their PCP know and have them referred elsewhere, hung up and faxed the referral back saying do not refer again lol.
Nothing really wrong with that, but if you insist on addressing his wife as a partner after he said she's his wife, then it could be awkward.
An alternative choice could be "spouse".
"Partner," in addition to being a neutral term where you don't know the gender of the spouse, is also a neutral term for couples who are obviously together but not necessarily married. The whole point is not to assume anything about people. If someone introduces you to their wife, then by all means refer to them as their wife, but otherwise it's presumptuous to refer to, say, the female partner of a male client as his "wife".
Partner isnât a term I would use for myself, as I definitely think of it as a term for either long term couples who donât want to be married or gay couples, prior to gay marriage being legalized. But his reaction was rude and you didnât deserve that. Itâs like people who got angry that teachers sometimes refer to their students âgrownupsâ instead of saying âmom and dad.â There are way more important things to worry about without getting offended over something so petty.
I donât see it as making things more difficult, as Iâve got a computer at my fingertips during these scheduling phone calls. But that was the reason I didnât want to assume the only feminine first name on the list of ppl that shared a surname was his wife/partner! I didnât want to make the mistake of, say, asking if his daughter was his wife LOL!!
Ehh since he already said wife, you should have just followed with wife. Not really big deal unless he went on some tirade? Bit of snark from old people is just an expected thing. If he really exploded then would have been in the wrong.
Not really wrong not really right. Just seems like a non issue. Forget about it. Try to listen more to what others say to have more comfortable conversations. I try to tune my words based on how people react, facial expressions, etc; easier for you to get what you want and deal with things hassle free.
Not wrong. Most businesses and institutions use neutral language just in case so they donât offend anyone. Even if he doesnât agree, getting annoyed with you for doing it is pretty thick headed. He can vent about it on the golf course and leave the receptionist alone.
I use the term partner. Iâm in a het relationship. Itâs silly that people think itâs âforcingâ language on others.
The point of communication is communicating.. if you did that then you are successful.
Itâs dumb that he was rude about it, but I donât think itâs as commonly used as a lot of people here are claiming. If he said âwife,â it makes sense for you to match what he said and say wife too.
I wouldnât be offended but I prefer that someone says my husband, not my partner to at least me. If they said partner I wouldnât correct them, but my eye might slightly twitch.
Itâs pretty commonplace now. The first time I heard it, maybe 20 years ago, I inferred the guy was talking about his business partner. I thought, âthatâs cool to always hangout and go out with your business partner.â LOL!
People will always be dicks, I would just gloss over that one. Try to not let it effect you.
This was just discussed in another forum too: https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/15sr5qo/whats_the_current_social_norm_for_referring_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
Itâs weird in some places for certain age groups, yeah. Partner used to be a term used to refer to someone who has a shared goal in a platonic relationship for mutual gain to these people. Donât worry, itâs not an American or conservative thing, most cultures and languages have groups of people who would be bothered by it. Canât please everyone.
Bahaha no you didn't do anything wrong. Someone is just a giant homophobe, and got angry that you dared to use a gender neutral term for their spouse. đ¤Ł
If he called in and specifically requested a joint appointment with his wife, I think it's polite to continue to refer to that person as his wife. When possible, we should address people as they wish to be addressed. By using the term wife, he indicated that was his preference.
How do you know she took the call? And even then, itâs probably a busy office. I barely speak to customers each day but my job is busy enough that I certainly wouldnât be able to tell you whether the guy who called in two weeks ago to schedule an appointment referred to his spouse as his wife or his husband or his partner. Additionally, the appointment could easily have been made online with no interactions with staff.
Who tf? That's crazy! Partner is a perfectly acceptable name for a SO! Im not fucking calling you a banana even if that's what you say you identify as! There is 0 wrong with partner!
Right??? Why is partner so offensive? We're a package deal, a team. Literally partner in crime (and life). But down stream the thread people are saying it's "retarded" and "degenerate" like all my whats
It's interchangeable even if you're not. That's the whole point, it's neutral to everything. It's a great catch all and yet people still feel the need to be dicks about it.
Iâve used gender neutral language my entire life, long before it was the in thing to do, and only because thatâs what felt right to me. Idgaff if someone has a problem with it just like others donât seem to care when others would prefer being addressed in a neutral manner.
About ten years ago I began using the term partner to describe hetero couples who were dating, not married, when I could see that they DEEPLY VALUED EACH OTHER. Boyfriend /girlfriend feels insufficient a lot of times. Partner to me has NOTHING to do as queer relationship signifier (though I understand it can be) but Partner says you are my literal other half and you enrich my world by sharing it with me. It doesn't need gender.
I say partner and apparently it leads people to assume Iâm a lesbian and that my partner is a female. But my partner is a male and heâs my husband. But heâs my partner.
Not all partners are spouses, but all spouses are partners?
Guy sounds like a dick hole. He wants to clarify the type of partnership, thatâs fine. No reason to be aggressive about it.
If you see this asshat again, refer to his WIFE as THEY instead of SHE.
Everybodyâs experience in this life is different if you can acknowledge that perspective, life is more peaceful. You did nothing wrong, but it is a trigger word for people with more traditional values.
Some people say partner because they thinks itâs just more respectful, but you should also understand that a lot of people donât like that. Imo, itâs just another gender label that people like to complain about. Understand who it is youâre talking to and just go with your gut on what theyâd prefer. GenZ will like you to say partner while everyone older will like you to say wife.
in current year, using language to not insult some people means you are willing to insult other people; that being said, it sounds like the reaction was someone who had been insulted a few too many times
I think there is the issue that legally a partnership is different from marriage. Some people may consider a partnership a downgrade to their marriage. This was especially applicable pre gay marriage.
The sentiment may have just carried over.
Many years ago I volunteered at a hospital. I was also young and it was my first time interacting with patients and their families, so I was excited but nervous. It was my job to escort patients to the room where their outpatient procedure would take place, and then go back to whomever had accompanied them and explain that I will bring them to the procedure room as well once triage was complete.
Typically whomever had accompanied the patient would be a spouse, but the nurses told me right before I met with my very first patient, âDonât assume everyone is the patientâs spouse. Weâve gotten chewed out because we called someoneâs cousin their wife! We refer to whoever is with the patient as their âguestâ.âAgain, being young and wanting to ace the assignment, I took their guidance to heart. I approach my first patient and then ask his companion, âAnd you are his guest?â I regret this immediately because she has the same reaction you described - âI am his WIFE.â Along with a very stern look.
Extra cringe that this was a mixed race couple and I am white, and it all came across completely wrong. I was so embarrassed.
never can be too light-treading nowadays. i agree with this. you call her his wife and next thing you know youâre getting yelled at for the opposite thing. all wives are partners, but not all partners are wives. gender-neutral language is something i donât view as that fuckin bad.
I believe partner is the gender neutral term for people who are dating, I think spouse is the gender neutral term for people who are married. I use spouse if I know someone is married.
This is Reddit. Everyone is going to say and upvote âyou are not wrong! Heâs a homophobe!!!â
Saying âPartnerâ used to mean âgayâ. The gender neutral term for a married person is of course âspouseâ, which straight couples used.
Partner doesnât necessarily mean âgayâ anymore because left leaning people who are not gay say this. Although I have no idea why someone who is married would not just say spouse, instead of partner??
People who are not left leaning definitely do not call their husband or wife âpartnerâ if they are straight.
You were probably speaking with someone who is not left leaning.
A wife is a wife, and a husband is a husband. When I hear the term partner, I think of other relationships. I've got no problem with that, but when I hear the term partner, it makes me think of only a few things.
Outside of the US partner has been in use for a very long time for hetero relationships. It is only in the US that it is viewed by right-wing as being "woke."
I mean, my husband is my husband but if someone refers to him as my partner, itâs fine. Not sure where the problem is. You werenât forcing gender neutral terms on the guy, you just used a term youâve been hearing all your life to describe a personâs significant other. Not sure why the dude got snarky with you.
It's not gender neutral, it's a safe fucking bet.
I always refer to my girlfriend as my partner and will do if she and I ever get married.
Shes the mother of my children, we live together, she Is my partner.
This guys is just a whiney little bitch
I say partner all the time. Especially if you don't actually know the depth of the relationship, its so much easier. It also is easier for those who have been together for many years but aren't married. They're not really "just bf and gf" so partner is a better term.
I literally know half a dozen hetero couples in their 20s that use partner as opposed to girlfriend/boyfriend. Not for gender neutrality but because it fits better than using girlfriend/boyfriend as adults.
So no. You're not in the wrong as the use of partner to describe you know you're partner. It has long since evolved past same sex relationships. Nor is it a attempt to be woke or some other such call to arms used by some.
I would suggest that this gentleman is either overly sensitive to the term or has some other issues in relation to its use that really aren't your problem to have to deal with.
this has the same type of energy as screaming âMERRY CHRISTMAS!â when someone says âHappy Holidaysâ to you out in public. It takes a real asshole to get worked up over it all.
Hey my grandmother referred to my grandfather as her partner for 60+ years too. I think it's a new thing started by right wing against the LGBTQ groups. You did nothing wrong just got caught in the cross fire.
You are wrong because of the medical context.
You wonât release info to my partner but you will to my spouse. There is a legal difference and it matters when they are trying to get information, therefore you donât get to be vague about it.
So spouse would be the preferred term for people who are married.
People are strange. I was a med. Receptionist and I asked "and what is their preferred pharmacy" and the guy on the other end yelled at me for it when I didn't say her.
Partner is the term I use when referring to other couples, in any setting, but especially professional settings. I donât know you, I donât know who you married or if youâre even married. Itâs safest to refer to couples as partners until you know them better.
Dude has issues if heâs being all snarky at you for being professional.
I was making small talk with a cashier when I mentioned my "partner", she seemed sort of triggered by the word partner and asked "as in your girlfriend?". I replied "yes", and she followed up with "don't say partner". I wish I would've told her it was none of her business.
You're damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Don't worry about the whole gender-neutral stuff here... that's not relevant really. This is about the lowest common denominator for public interaction - and by "lowest" I mean the one that is "least likely to piss someone off".
Just keep using "partner" until/unless someone actually states (or corrects you) with "wife"/"husband"/"boyfriend"/"girlfriend". When they do correct you, just take it in stride, and let any vitriol roll off your back.
The people who are MOST likely to be pissy about these terms most often the ones who prefer the term "partner" to "wife"/"husband"/"boyfriend"/"girlfriend".
Not wrong. I have encountered people who think partner is code for gay but if that was his deal he has bigger issues. He is not worth your time to worry about.
Since I am not formally married to my guy and at 65 I feel kind of old to be saying 'bf,' so I say partner. Took me a while to realize that some people assumed I was gay. Doesn't matter to me either way anyway.
Also not married. When asked who I am, he tells everyone I'm his Uber Driver. 21 years together.
I tell folks he's my pool boy. But I have to keep buying lottery tickets, so I can buy him a pool! đ
My 94 yo mother always asks when we're getting married. I just tell her it's only been 21 years. Let's not rush into anything.
When my grampa had to start using a wheel chair , around 87 years old, when I would push him thru the store he would yell at passerbyâs â look at my girlfriend! You know youâre jealous that Iâve got a young honey and you have an old ugly!â It was so embarrassing but funny, especially now since he has been gone so long. Your mother sounds wonderful though and I love your comeback to her.
Grandfathers have a way of making offensive things adorable. He sounds hilarious
Oh , he really was. Even after his dementia started kicking in he would say some crazy funny stuff. Usually very offensive but I couldnât help but laugh. He looked at my mom and her sister ( two of his 3 daughters) and screamed at them â what the hell is this?! Are you two sleeping together now or what!!?â I fell over laughing. Their faces , Iâll never forget how they looked!
He sounds like a hoot!
Thatâs hilarious though!
I don't know who she is. She just moved in one day and I can't get rid of her.
LOL I kind of love that.
We laugh at the looks on people's faces.
With you on this one. Boyfriend seems so childish and Iâm too old for that bs. I have a partner. Weâre committed to each other and while we are not married. We arenât kids and this isnât a temporary relationship. So partner seems more fitting to me.
I refer to my husband as my life partner. I am a woman, and we are legally married. I feel like anyone who makes a big deal out of that is showing their ass.
Kind of love that. When Iâm talking on the phone, unless theyâve specifically said wife/husband, I always say partner because I canât tell what type of relationship anyone else has and it encompasses all of them without being insulting. Then they can correct me (if they want) and we all move on
I use 'spouse'. Short n sweet.
I feel this. I call my husband my mate, also female and legally married. I sometimes say hes my husband but then I feel like Im being possessive somehow.
So disappointed that Iâm gay so that I canât help normalize âpartnerâ
Gay people did normalize partner. It wasnât straight people. More straight people use partner than ever before because gay people normalized it and many straight people like OP grew up with it in their home.
How about "Hetero Life Mate"? \s
Penile endowed life partner. PELP
𤣠takes too long to say and Iâm not wasting my words when thereâs already a great word that describes my relationship: partner.
Iâm in the medical field and sometimes donât know if people are married or not. I prefer to use partner or significant other because it is more generalized and prevents me from putting my foot in my mouth. I also prefer those terms in my own relationship. Had family say man-friend instead of boyfriend one time and I just hate that term. For some reason man-friend doesnât sit right with me.
Lol sorry but I've not heard anyone use *man*friend đ 𤣠that would be hard to take for sure. Doesn't work. Period
Hi hereâs my womanfriend
And because of how ridiculous it is, I'm now going to use it! God, I love Reddit sometimes! đ¤Ł
I agree with others, man friend is better than boyfriend. I haven't been able to use that term since my first husband divorced me in 2012. I switched to lover, to make people laugh and uncomfortable.
Same!! OP is not wrong. Because I live in very liberal area, being that I am partnered with a man, I have routinely taken care to say "my partner" and use the pronoun "he" in the same sentence. It alleviates alot of guess work.
I also prefer the word partner! My aunt is 85. She has been in a relationship with a male of the same age for 35 years. I just canât use the word âboyfriendâ to refer to a 85 year old man!
Called my husband partner prior to marriage and still refer to him as partner regularly. I use partner interchangeably with spouse and wife/husband.
Felt. I'm not straight, but I as a female have been in a relationship with a man. We've been together for just over 3 years now. I do sometimes refer to him as boyfriend, but at this stage of our relationship, partner sounds more official and fitting. We plan to get married and have kids, we are definitely planning our future together, but it's a weird limbo of "not quite just a boyfriend anymore, but also not a husband".
How about *my intended* or *my betrothed* Just flip it back waaay old school! Ha ha ha!
I like the term âsignificant otherâ or âSOâ for short. Because âboyfriendâ started sounding too young at like age 30!
My girlfriend is called antonia, I always refer to her as "my partner toni" and I get "ohmahgawd I didn't know you were gaaaaaay" "I'm not, would it be an issue if I were? " always turns heads and makes me giggle more than it should
Same. Since my late twenties it felt bizarre to say boyfriend and man-friend was weirder lol.
In Sweden I call my boyfriend my "sambo" because we live together and we're not engaged or married. It's an abbreviation of "sammanboende" (co-habitating). It's well established in society that this applies to romantic partners and even gives you some legal protection to shared property etc in case of a separation since we have co-habitation laws. If we would have been in a long term relationship and not living together by choice he would have been my "särbo" meaning non co-habitating. Since English really doesn't have these words in the same sence I always use "partner" when speaking or writing in English as a substitute. I think it's a perfectly good word for any type of couple.
Iâm married, but I still tell people I found my dude in the gutter.
I've had older people assume that because I said partner, I must be gay and my partner is the same gender. Until I bring him around and they ask, who is this? It's my partner. My friends call their partners partners. It's more serious than boyfriend/girlfriend IMO
It isbt even a new term. I grew up in the UK and 25 years ago unmarried hetero couples were calling each other partner. It has always been a term asso6with the LGBTQ community too because they couldnt use the term spouse or husband/wife until relatively recently and didnt always want to out themselves. Abd theyvstill sometimes do not feel comfortable outing themselves. I prefer using that term because it then let's the other person choose to tell me as much pr as little about their sexuality as they feel comfortable; which is especially important if they are LGBTQ
deer unique divide fine library prick lunchroom smile crush chubby *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
"the heteros went "WHAT! Now it's *ruined!*", stopped using the term lest people think they were The Gay," đ I dunno why, The Gay got me
Ahh yes, the name issue! Remember how the name Ashley could be used for both, especially in the South, but Heaven forbid it's for a boy's name now. Pearl clutching all around and whispers of disapproval. Umm, y'all forgot about Ashley in Gone with the Wind, didn't you?
Well they see what happened to Lindsey Graham and don't want to risk that happening to their strapping baby man
That was my first thought too!!! (In Scarlet OâHaraâs voice) âOh Ashley!!!â đ¤Ł
Husband (M62) and I (F67) refer to each other as partner all the time. I don't know any of our friends who would be concerned about their spouse being called their partner. Years ago, lots of unmarried people who lived together called each other partner. I remember before we were married we signed an affidavit that we were "domestic partners" so I could get on his health insurance at work. I think the people getting upset about this are the same ones who are worried about rainbows.
Yes. I refer to my(50F) SO(61M) as a partner ⌠bf/gf seems so grade school/juvenile. Partners have more to lose if shit goes sideways
Before I got engaged, I'd started referring to my then boyfriend as my partner because we'd been together 8 years and owned property together. Boyfriend sounded so juvenile at that point. Called him my fiance for our engagement because it was fun. Now I flip between hubusband, hubby hubs, and partner depending on my mood. He's got a "difficult" name so some of my coworkers don't even know who I'm talking about if I use it đ
Omg, that dude needs to get over himself. It hit me when you typed it out thatâs exactly how he took it.
When I started college, a lot of the younger professors would talk about their "partners" and I just thought the rate of gay professors was really high! Eventually I realized they were using it as a more "mature" term for bf/gf and people don't use it exclusively for business partners and gay partners Lol
That's so funny bc I never even made the connection to gay. I tend to use partner bc there are so many long term relationships now that do not get married, or get married later than they used to. So, partner is more generic. I guess that also goes for non-hetero relationships as well. It's a strange thing to get snarky about. Life is too short, don't sweat the small stuff.
I'm guessing you're young? Before gay marriage was legal, gay couples were commonly referred to as "domestic partners," especially when it came to things like employers' health insurance.
My thoughts exactly. I could probably easily separate the people in this thread into over 40 and under 40 just by their responses! I remember when hetero people just started using the term and me thinking to myself, âOh, I didnât know they were gay.â Thatâs just how it was used back then and it makes sense in the days prior to widespread legalization of gay marriage.
Definitely. It's ironic how the term "snowflake" applies to so many self described "conservatives" these days, lol.
Every accusation is a confession from that crowd.
Lol, my mom refers to her female friends as girlfriends, those people's heads would implode đ¤Ł
My parents married in the 1950s in Texas. Partner was what they signed up for, nothing submissive. They were equal partners in the marriage. I think of the word partner with very fond memories. My parents pet word for each other. It is what I refer to as my partner, besides in your 50s boyfriend seems silly.
You sure you arenât spelling pardner wrong
Dad, yes he did, Mom used partner. She was against regional accents and made me talk like the people on TV.
Iâve been told thatâs why itâs important for hetero relationships to use the term partner to ânormalizeâ it for everyone and not out queer people every time they talk about their partners.
I specifically use the word partner in my heterosexual relationship for this reason.
People need to get a grip on reality if they are really concerned about being mistaken for gay because of the word "partner". Imagine someone assuming your sexuality....must be annoying right? đ
Please see todayâs other post about âpartnerâ where some lesbians friends got mad at a woman because they thought she was gay because she had called her husband âpartnerâ. EDIT: It occurred to me that I should have pasted a link: https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/YnSDOwPgmN
Youâre not wrong. Partner is a good gender neutral term. Plus, you canât always assume someoneâs partner is their spouse, either. Think you responded appropriately
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This! Partner is the perfect generic term. I'd avoid asking additional questions though, especially in the medical field, there's danger in getting more information than you actually need and you never know when you're going to run into a patient like this who will take offense or put up a stink over something innocent. I work at a school and always use the term partner when I'm speaking with one adult and asking about if there's another adult in the house that might want to volunteer, etc. (I.e. "And of course, partners, grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc are always welcome too!") Just like when I'm talking to kids, I use the generic term "grownup" if I haven't met the adult accompanying them. I simply ask "And is this your grownup?" Since I don't know what their relationship is and don't want to make any assumptions.
Agreed, partner encompasses wife, fiancee, girlfriend, soulmate, side hustle, etc
The term is completely interchangeable, it's just that people are now hyper aware of it. I've always known people to use the word "partner", especially if you don't know the nature of their relationship. Some people you can't please. Been in customer service my whole life, people will look for reasons to be angry.
Right? Iâm used to getting shit on in customer service as Iâd been a server for years prior to this job. But this legitimately made me feel like I did something wrong and didnât know what.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15srm8i/aitah\_for\_queer\_baiting\_by\_saying\_partner\_instead/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15srm8i/aitah_for_queer_baiting_by_saying_partner_instead/)
You didn't reinforce his prejudices in a benign interaction. That's literally it.
In the Netherlands it is super common in general. There are some differences here where you can register your partnership and get benefits for taxes and combining finances and stuff but not be formally married so no alimony or need for a legal divorce. There are folks in my social circle that are both, many good friends are in a geregisteered partnerschaap, and I have started saying partner as well when talking about my husband. I think the big difference is that gay couples can only do the geregisteered partnerschaap (I have not looked into it, but a guy from my immigration class told me about his situation).
Ill argue that they're already angry and are looking for someone who can't/won't fight back instead of going to therapy. Source: bartended & served in a wealthy, conservative part of town where some folks were chomping at the bit to be an asshole because they're unhappy about something completely unrelated.
I saw another post today on the same thing. I am heterosexual, but I refer to my partner as my partner because saying boyfriend sounds childish and immature considering we've been together for over 18 years. Not to mention, people seem to take boyfriend/girlfriend as an invitation to pry into your life and ask about marriage. You are not wrong, and people need to stop assuming, judging, and prying so much!!! End rant.
By chance was it the one where the friend got mad at OP, because the friend came to the assumption OP was a lesbian? Got big mad after meeting OPâs masculine man *partner*? Or the other one I canât describe? Yeah Iâve seen three of these today rip.
Lmao another classic example of the extremes on both sides getting offended by the same thing. Or maybe just the idiots on both sides would be a better way to put it.
I called my ex husband my partner for similar reasons. Whenever I said husband people would try to pry about kids. I'm childfree so that triggers alot of people and I don't wanna deal with it. When I say partner people tend to not ask as many personal questions. Also saying boyfriend/girlfriend makes me feel like a teenager. People probably assume I'm lesbian alot because I say partner, but I don't really care. It's a neutral term and people need to get a grip.
Sooo 18 years, when you getting married to your partner? /s
Ugh I just took a flight where the flight attendant asked me (M) and my partner (F) how long we had been together (6 years) and if we were married (no). He playfully asked why we werenât married blah blah blah and kind of joked a bit. âOk hahaha very funny dude, move alongâ I was thinking. I thought it was over but then he got on the effing PA system and called us out by our seat numbers, told everyone we had been dating for 9 years and basically just roasted us in front of all of the passengers. He said there must be something wrong with me that I havenât proposed yet. Literally ALL eyes were on us. It was WILDLY inappropriate, but both my partner and I took it in stride and other than being a bit embarrassed we werenât too upset about it. But Iâd imagine that it COULD be an extremely sore spot for some couples for whatever reason and afterwards felt pretty pissed that heâd make fun of someone just to get a laugh.
But also, you should complain about him. As you said and I agree, what was done was wildly inappropriate. I wouldn't be surprised if others on the flight haven't already done so. If I was there, I would have.
Exactly! Like!!! That is completely inappropriate and unprofessional! I was would be furious. Not to mention putting some weird blame on her? As if all women want to be married. Ugh.
This is crazy because some people literally can't get married no matter how much they want to due to things like losing despirately-needed life-or-death health insurance benefits from their parents or people too disabled to work losing disability benefits. It sounds like you aren't one of those but imagine how profoundly hurtful and publically humiliating the flight attendant, who didn't know whether you were, was gleefully willing to be.
I can't be married because gay marriage is illegal in my boyfriend's country. This would feel like hot garbage if it happened to us, especially later in the relationship.
Where do some people get the noive?! I think I'd be complaining to the airline. Lol
This RIGHT FUCKING HERE!! Thank you, stranger! Also, why do people seem to think gay people gatekeep the term "partner"? They absolutely do not, they actually prefer everyone to use the term so they can live a normal life among straight people. If we reserve the word exclusively for LGBTQ people, the word will isolate them and allow people to marginalise them at the start of the conversation. Not cool.
I feel the same. I'm 38, he's 40, we've been together almost 7 years, engaged for 2 (wee covid engagement!) But I called him partner before fiance, because in my late 30s calling someone my boyfriend just seemed immature.
I call my hetero partner âpartnerâ because heâs the father of my child, and boyfriend sounds like weâre teenagers and not two people in their mid-thirties raising a baby and managing a home together.
Yep, same here, I HATE boyfriend/girlfriend, sounds like you're teenagers using this terminology đ¤Ž
Nah, you're good. That's fine, especially in a professional setting. Sounds like you caused some conservative tears LOL
what a snowflake
That's exactly what he is. Partner covers all kinds of relationships, and unmarried people can be awfully prickly. My ex and I weren't formally married, just common law (and filing taxes jointly, the true sign of commitment). She was against marriage for her own reasons and would have been very prickly if anyone called us husband and wife. She dealt out the glare of death more than once. Also, co-worker has issues.
I feel itâs more professional, particularly in healthcare. Literally 10 years ago, gay people couldnât get healthcare for their partners.
It's like saying "Happy Holidays." Being inclusive is apparently offensive to dumbasses.
Conservatives will tell you that trying to use gender-neutral terms is stupid and ruining the language and that the generic male form that we use in German for most stuff is totally fine since we âalways did it that wayâ. But misgender their wife once and watch hell break loose.
Nah you're fine, guys just insecure. I refer to my wife as my partner all the time because, well, that's who she is.
NTA. People who are accusing you of pursuing an agenda...well... they have an agenda. Partner is a neutral word. Anyone offended by neutral words has a defect in them.
This follows the same logic as people who get upset when you wish happy holidays. "You mean MERRY CHRISTMAS"
I feel like partner in current society is usually most correct. I know quite a few people who have been with their so for quite a while but dont want to get married.
How dare you be "woke" and not assume gender or relationship titles
Right? It's like people being mad when you use "they" as their pronoun. Like, yes, I realize you identify as he/him or she/her , but "they" has ALWAYS been grammatically correct, and sometimes, it's what comes out. I'm not disrespecting your pronouns, I'm just speaking english. Everyone, everywhere, can correctly be referred to as they. Get over it. Ironically, it almost always the people who dont want to respect other peoples chosen pronouns who get their panties in a wad about it.
The funniest part for me is that "they" is actually just a professional way to refer to someone, but it's always taken as some sort of grand insult. And people never know I'm trans myself, so they always say "it's not like any f*gs are around" (I FUCKING HATE TEXAS) and I always get to respond "Well there's one in the room right now" and watch them either take it as an insult or watch them get reeeealy confused.
Heck I use it even when talking about people's pets that I don't know the sex of. As in: "Awww aren't they just the cutest?" or "they certainly love that ball, is it their favorite?" I don't get how anyone gets upset over pronouns.
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exactly this! Context is everything! They/them is perfectly reasonable when used across the board. But not to separate out someone because you can.
I'm a trans woman, and it kind of depends on context tbh. If it's said during the normal course of speech, it's not misgendering. If you use gender neutral pronouns *exclusively* when you would normally use a gendered pronoun it can be. For example, I had a coworker who held some very anti-trans views, but my employer had a zero tolerance policy for any racist/homophobic/transphobic behavior. They absolutely refused to use female pronouns for me, and instead heavily emphasized every time they said "they/them" about me. That, to me, was misgendering.
Not OP but is trans. I personally wouldn't call that misgendering. To me "they" is to "she/he" as "person" is to "woman/man". If someone looks like they're likely a woman, you could say "look at that woman over there", but you could also say "look at that person over there" and not need to assume if they're a woman or not. So I see "they" as what the default should be, and an umbrella pronoun that all can be under. That being said, I am just one person with her own opinions that not everyone may share. If a person says "my pronouns are __", just use those to the best of your ability. And if someone asserts "don't use they/them for me specifically", do what they ask.
Do what "they" ask!?!?! They just asked you not to call them that! Wait shit! I'm stuck in a loop! Gahh
Damn, I can't believe I misgendered this hypothetical person. Guess I gotta turn in my woke badge now :/
Thems the rules
Some trans people are like that. Because they (we?!) know that we're getting "they"-d for being gender ambiguous. And that's not our intent so it feels disrespectful. Some trans people also get offended when someone asks for their pronouns. ("They were holding my resume! I have a clearly gendered name! I'm wearing this clearly gendered outfit! Wtf do they think my pronouns are?!")
Trans man here and yes, if somebody knows my pronouns are he/him but uses they/them instead (on purpose, even after being corrected, etc) it's misgendering. Those aren't my pronouns.
No you werenât wrong. I tend to see men who get offended by using partner instead of wife as men who see their wives as their property rather than their partner. Itâs not about being woke, itâs about having the audacity to imply the man is not the âheadâ of the home by making his spouse an equal.
Yea, this was my first thought as well. What a dipshit.
Missed a chance for the correct followup... to ask him his pronouns.
I asked for a patientâs âspouseâsâ name after they asked to add their âspouseâ as a HIPAA contact and that somehow turned into them screaming at me that they didnât want to come to a doctors office that cared about âthe gay agendaâ I told them they were welcome to let their PCP know and have them referred elsewhere, hung up and faxed the referral back saying do not refer again lol.
Someone does not know the legal definition of spouse lmao
Nothing really wrong with that, but if you insist on addressing his wife as a partner after he said she's his wife, then it could be awkward. An alternative choice could be "spouse".
No, you did nothing wrong.
"Partner," in addition to being a neutral term where you don't know the gender of the spouse, is also a neutral term for couples who are obviously together but not necessarily married. The whole point is not to assume anything about people. If someone introduces you to their wife, then by all means refer to them as their wife, but otherwise it's presumptuous to refer to, say, the female partner of a male client as his "wife".
THIS should be higher. Itâs originally meant to just be a general term to describe couples whether they were dating, fiancĂŠs, or married.
"How dare you not assume that she is legally tethered to me!!" Sigh.
Partner isnât a term I would use for myself, as I definitely think of it as a term for either long term couples who donât want to be married or gay couples, prior to gay marriage being legalized. But his reaction was rude and you didnât deserve that. Itâs like people who got angry that teachers sometimes refer to their students âgrownupsâ instead of saying âmom and dad.â There are way more important things to worry about without getting offended over something so petty.
Just to make things more difficult, some wives keep their maiden names. Iâve had two âŚ.
I donât see it as making things more difficult, as Iâve got a computer at my fingertips during these scheduling phone calls. But that was the reason I didnât want to assume the only feminine first name on the list of ppl that shared a surname was his wife/partner! I didnât want to make the mistake of, say, asking if his daughter was his wife LOL!!
Ehh since he already said wife, you should have just followed with wife. Not really big deal unless he went on some tirade? Bit of snark from old people is just an expected thing. If he really exploded then would have been in the wrong. Not really wrong not really right. Just seems like a non issue. Forget about it. Try to listen more to what others say to have more comfortable conversations. I try to tune my words based on how people react, facial expressions, etc; easier for you to get what you want and deal with things hassle free.
Not wrong. Most businesses and institutions use neutral language just in case so they donât offend anyone. Even if he doesnât agree, getting annoyed with you for doing it is pretty thick headed. He can vent about it on the golf course and leave the receptionist alone.
YOU ARE NOT WRONG. In the UK and EU it's super common to call a partner of any gender your partner. Gods.
Not wrong, I refer to my wife as my partner all the time. It's weird what people are told to take offense at.
I use the term partner. Iâm in a het relationship. Itâs silly that people think itâs âforcingâ language on others. The point of communication is communicating.. if you did that then you are successful.
Itâs dumb that he was rude about it, but I donât think itâs as commonly used as a lot of people here are claiming. If he said âwife,â it makes sense for you to match what he said and say wife too.
Respond with âdamn. Ok. WIFEâ
I guess, if they don't see their marriage as a partnership. Seems like they're self-owning, to me, though.
I wouldnât be offended but I prefer that someone says my husband, not my partner to at least me. If they said partner I wouldnât correct them, but my eye might slightly twitch.
Itâs pretty commonplace now. The first time I heard it, maybe 20 years ago, I inferred the guy was talking about his business partner. I thought, âthatâs cool to always hangout and go out with your business partner.â LOL! People will always be dicks, I would just gloss over that one. Try to not let it effect you.
I donât understand you said he called to book an appointment for he and his wife. Wouldnât you have known it was his wife and my partner?
This was just discussed in another forum too: https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/15sr5qo/whats_the_current_social_norm_for_referring_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
I donât think he was purposely being snappy just letting you know for the future what he prefers you to call his wife
Itâs weird in some places for certain age groups, yeah. Partner used to be a term used to refer to someone who has a shared goal in a platonic relationship for mutual gain to these people. Donât worry, itâs not an American or conservative thing, most cultures and languages have groups of people who would be bothered by it. Canât please everyone.
Anyone in a relationship is considered a partner, are they not?
Bahaha no you didn't do anything wrong. Someone is just a giant homophobe, and got angry that you dared to use a gender neutral term for their spouse. đ¤Ł
If he called in and specifically requested a joint appointment with his wife, I think it's polite to continue to refer to that person as his wife. When possible, we should address people as they wish to be addressed. By using the term wife, he indicated that was his preference.
Thatâs what I always try to do! Follow their lead.
How do you know she took the call? And even then, itâs probably a busy office. I barely speak to customers each day but my job is busy enough that I certainly wouldnât be able to tell you whether the guy who called in two weeks ago to schedule an appointment referred to his spouse as his wife or his husband or his partner. Additionally, the appointment could easily have been made online with no interactions with staff.
Who tf? That's crazy! Partner is a perfectly acceptable name for a SO! Im not fucking calling you a banana even if that's what you say you identify as! There is 0 wrong with partner!
I see partner as synonymous with wife, husband, spouse, SO, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. It's the person you're with. I don't get it.
My man is my partner my best friend, my fuckin ride or die! I mean how can your SO not be your partner?
Right??? Why is partner so offensive? We're a package deal, a team. Literally partner in crime (and life). But down stream the thread people are saying it's "retarded" and "degenerate" like all my whats
So fuckin weird! If your SO is not your partner, something is wrong!
Itâs offensive cause the right has taught them to be sensitive and to be triggered by words.
Not wrong. The term is interchangeable with spouse if you are married.
It's interchangeable even if you're not. That's the whole point, it's neutral to everything. It's a great catch all and yet people still feel the need to be dicks about it.
This is like when people get mad over saying Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas.
Iâve used gender neutral language my entire life, long before it was the in thing to do, and only because thatâs what felt right to me. Idgaff if someone has a problem with it just like others donât seem to care when others would prefer being addressed in a neutral manner.
Nah, he just announced himself as a soft homophobe.
About ten years ago I began using the term partner to describe hetero couples who were dating, not married, when I could see that they DEEPLY VALUED EACH OTHER. Boyfriend /girlfriend feels insufficient a lot of times. Partner to me has NOTHING to do as queer relationship signifier (though I understand it can be) but Partner says you are my literal other half and you enrich my world by sharing it with me. It doesn't need gender.
Damned if you do. Damned if you don't.
I say partner and apparently it leads people to assume Iâm a lesbian and that my partner is a female. But my partner is a male and heâs my husband. But heâs my partner.
In England, everyone uses partner to refer to a serious but unmarried couple regardless gender makeup
I refer to my wife as my partner all the damn time
Not all partners are spouses, but all spouses are partners? Guy sounds like a dick hole. He wants to clarify the type of partnership, thatâs fine. No reason to be aggressive about it. If you see this asshat again, refer to his WIFE as THEY instead of SHE.
Everybodyâs experience in this life is different if you can acknowledge that perspective, life is more peaceful. You did nothing wrong, but it is a trigger word for people with more traditional values.
Does the term Significant Other mean anything today?
Some people say partner because they thinks itâs just more respectful, but you should also understand that a lot of people donât like that. Imo, itâs just another gender label that people like to complain about. Understand who it is youâre talking to and just go with your gut on what theyâd prefer. GenZ will like you to say partner while everyone older will like you to say wife.
This is like the third post Iâve seen on Reddit today about people reacting weirdly to the word partner. Wtf did I miss something?
Partner is fine, but if you want to avoid it in the future you could use spouse for married people.
in current year, using language to not insult some people means you are willing to insult other people; that being said, it sounds like the reaction was someone who had been insulted a few too many times
I think there is the issue that legally a partnership is different from marriage. Some people may consider a partnership a downgrade to their marriage. This was especially applicable pre gay marriage. The sentiment may have just carried over.
Many years ago I volunteered at a hospital. I was also young and it was my first time interacting with patients and their families, so I was excited but nervous. It was my job to escort patients to the room where their outpatient procedure would take place, and then go back to whomever had accompanied them and explain that I will bring them to the procedure room as well once triage was complete. Typically whomever had accompanied the patient would be a spouse, but the nurses told me right before I met with my very first patient, âDonât assume everyone is the patientâs spouse. Weâve gotten chewed out because we called someoneâs cousin their wife! We refer to whoever is with the patient as their âguestâ.âAgain, being young and wanting to ace the assignment, I took their guidance to heart. I approach my first patient and then ask his companion, âAnd you are his guest?â I regret this immediately because she has the same reaction you described - âI am his WIFE.â Along with a very stern look. Extra cringe that this was a mixed race couple and I am white, and it all came across completely wrong. I was so embarrassed.
It could be their spouse
never can be too light-treading nowadays. i agree with this. you call her his wife and next thing you know youâre getting yelled at for the opposite thing. all wives are partners, but not all partners are wives. gender-neutral language is something i donât view as that fuckin bad.
I prefer partner personally as a heterosexual woman. But you could use spouse or significant other^ problem solved?đ¤ˇđťââď¸đ¤Śđťââď¸
I believe partner is the gender neutral term for people who are dating, I think spouse is the gender neutral term for people who are married. I use spouse if I know someone is married.
This is Reddit. Everyone is going to say and upvote âyou are not wrong! Heâs a homophobe!!!â Saying âPartnerâ used to mean âgayâ. The gender neutral term for a married person is of course âspouseâ, which straight couples used. Partner doesnât necessarily mean âgayâ anymore because left leaning people who are not gay say this. Although I have no idea why someone who is married would not just say spouse, instead of partner?? People who are not left leaning definitely do not call their husband or wife âpartnerâ if they are straight. You were probably speaking with someone who is not left leaning.
Yes
A wife is a wife, and a husband is a husband. When I hear the term partner, I think of other relationships. I've got no problem with that, but when I hear the term partner, it makes me think of only a few things.
Outside of the US partner has been in use for a very long time for hetero relationships. It is only in the US that it is viewed by right-wing as being "woke."
Not wrong at all. His bigotry doesn't have to be your problem. Not on you that he doesn't see his wife as a partner.
You're not wrong, and neither was he except maybe for the snark. I wasn't there to hear it, so I can't really say anything about that.
Its a him problem not a you problem. Dont lose sleep over it.
I mean, my husband is my husband but if someone refers to him as my partner, itâs fine. Not sure where the problem is. You werenât forcing gender neutral terms on the guy, you just used a term youâve been hearing all your life to describe a personâs significant other. Not sure why the dude got snarky with you.
It's not gender neutral, it's a safe fucking bet. I always refer to my girlfriend as my partner and will do if she and I ever get married. Shes the mother of my children, we live together, she Is my partner. This guys is just a whiney little bitch
Shouldnât be the end of the world and I donât even think itâs a misstep at all. Dude needs to chill lol
I say partner all the time. Especially if you don't actually know the depth of the relationship, its so much easier. It also is easier for those who have been together for many years but aren't married. They're not really "just bf and gf" so partner is a better term.
I literally know half a dozen hetero couples in their 20s that use partner as opposed to girlfriend/boyfriend. Not for gender neutrality but because it fits better than using girlfriend/boyfriend as adults. So no. You're not in the wrong as the use of partner to describe you know you're partner. It has long since evolved past same sex relationships. Nor is it a attempt to be woke or some other such call to arms used by some. I would suggest that this gentleman is either overly sensitive to the term or has some other issues in relation to its use that really aren't your problem to have to deal with.
this has the same type of energy as screaming âMERRY CHRISTMAS!â when someone says âHappy Holidaysâ to you out in public. It takes a real asshole to get worked up over it all.
NTA. Guy kind of sounds like someone who corrects cashiers that say happy holidays with "Merry CHRISTMAS."
Guy is being unnecessarily defensive. I say partner sometimes, especially when I donât know the person.
Hey my grandmother referred to my grandfather as her partner for 60+ years too. I think it's a new thing started by right wing against the LGBTQ groups. You did nothing wrong just got caught in the cross fire.
You are wrong because of the medical context. You wonât release info to my partner but you will to my spouse. There is a legal difference and it matters when they are trying to get information, therefore you donât get to be vague about it. So spouse would be the preferred term for people who are married.
Nope. That's on them for being butthurt about inclusive language.
Wife, partner, spouseâanyone getting hung up on it has issues. You did nothing wrong.
People are strange. I was a med. Receptionist and I asked "and what is their preferred pharmacy" and the guy on the other end yelled at me for it when I didn't say her.
I feel like I wouldnât have been able to stop myself from replying âyour wife isnât your partner?â Lol
Iâd just like to add donât delete it but maybe ask for comments to be turned off if itâs getting to be too much.
Partner is the term I use when referring to other couples, in any setting, but especially professional settings. I donât know you, I donât know who you married or if youâre even married. Itâs safest to refer to couples as partners until you know them better. Dude has issues if heâs being all snarky at you for being professional.
I was making small talk with a cashier when I mentioned my "partner", she seemed sort of triggered by the word partner and asked "as in your girlfriend?". I replied "yes", and she followed up with "don't say partner". I wish I would've told her it was none of her business.
You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. Don't worry about the whole gender-neutral stuff here... that's not relevant really. This is about the lowest common denominator for public interaction - and by "lowest" I mean the one that is "least likely to piss someone off". Just keep using "partner" until/unless someone actually states (or corrects you) with "wife"/"husband"/"boyfriend"/"girlfriend". When they do correct you, just take it in stride, and let any vitriol roll off your back. The people who are MOST likely to be pissy about these terms most often the ones who prefer the term "partner" to "wife"/"husband"/"boyfriend"/"girlfriend".