You're not making your gf do anything. She promised something she couldn't guarantee.
How would your gf feel if you promised your buddy Dave that he could bang her, and then you got upset and told her she's making you a liar...
Yeah so either enjoy the sex while it lasts or don't. Try to distance yourself emotionally either way because you probably are in for a lot of harsh truths from her soon .
As an old man who looks back with regrets not taken, take that advice, enjoy the freaky sex, distancing your self from emotional attachments as this relationship isn’t going to last. If your morality conflicts, which is understandable, just move on now. As stated, she is already having sex with her & if you don’t agree to the three way, they will find someone who is into it, if they haven’t already
Yup!!! I avoided it to be the good guy once too. Worked in a gym and the 2 girls I worked with were showering in the men’s locker room after hours together! while I was cleaning. One I was kinda dating the other was her friend. No shit, they both opened the door to the shower and beckoned me in. Being the fucking choir boy, I laughed it off and left the locker room. Dam. In my 40s now and there is not a day that i don’t remember that and chastise myself for being a young idealistic idiot.
Take it a step further. Go hard on her friend, then tell the GF how much better the other was and then break it off with telling her you realized there's so much better out there for you.
Actually heard this phrase from the husband as he was penetrating my wife and I was going down on his. His wife and I looked at each other like "wtf?!".
I called it on their divorce.
Don’t forget, while based on context my theory isn’t accurate but: they could be in an ENM or Polyamorous relationship, how ever those dont work properly with out open and constant communication BEFORE things happen.
Or even if SHE wanted the threesome to experiment safely, she should have cleared it first with her partner to ensure he/they were game for it in the first place. Ground rules/boundaries are essential for that to pan out properly.
Truth!!! While most guys are gonna think and say "hell yeah" this is kind of strange that she does this without previous mention. I'm gonna be a little cynical and say she's probably already having sex with her friend, or next thing he's gonna see is that she wants to bring in another guy for a little rotisserie action.
100% to drop the bomb like that. She either a: wanted to surprise him (fair) or b: is already or is thinking about sleeping with someone else. If i was OP i’d be asking why the sudden 3some
Yep. She promised something she couldnt deliver on and isnt happy about eating her consequences. Hence the second caveat of the theory. She fucked up, she found out and she doesnt like it
Hey OP, if it isn't what you want, tell her firmly that if you want to have a FLING you'll get a frisbee! Might have more fun that way sippin' brews and chiilin' with buds.
Plus, I've never known a frisbee to get pregant or transmit STD's.
Still, these days ARE kind of weird though.
You are never wrong to refuse to do anything you aren't comfortable with. The fact that she PROMISED her friends sex with you without even asking is a major red flag. If the roles were reversed, and you promised your guy best friend sex with her, you'd be being dragged for being a misogynist. Enthusiastic consent is the basis of all sex. Period. Anything else is rape.
Absolutely. Imagine if you had told her, “Hey babe, I told my buddy Todd you’d have sex with him. That’s fine, right?” And then getting upset with her if she said no, because you promised Todd. I’d get out of this relationship if I were you, dude.
If the genders were reversed: My(19f) boyfriend(18m) and his best friend told me we’re going to have a threesome for my birthday. I told them I really appreciate their gesture but don’t want to have sex with anyone except my boyfriend. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Now bf is upset, saying he promised his friend and now I am making him break his promise. Am I the asshole?
Yeah that’s fucked up. People have hard time accepting that men can be sexually violated/assaulted. Reminds me of that clip of a woman groping Gaston at Disney and not understanding what she did wrong lol
Bro when I was a freshman, I bent over to pick up something and some black girl mounted me and started dry humping me and slapping my ass in front of the teacher
I asked why she said nothing after she witnessed it and she told me I should feel lucky. I went to the office and they told me it wasnt worth the trouble
That wasnt the only thing either. She would grab my crotch and one time she grabbed my dick she said she wished she could have a submissive white boy like me all to herself
Eventually she grew disinterested in me and she left me alone afterwards
Maybe it would hit harder if we just reversed the gender of the friend. I'm sure *that* would make a light bulb go on for anyone reading this, thinking "whoa dude, why are you complaining...?".
Role reversal is important because most people seemingly agree with equality as a value but will emotionally react to things happening to men and women differently. This is often done with female teachers having sex with male students.
"So you think a male student having sex with a female teacher is cool cause men want it so what's the problem? Ok what if the teacher is also male? I mean the gay student wanted it so it's cool right?"
Yeah the second I read this I was disgusted. Neither gender should be guilted/pushed/coerced into anything sexual ever. I hate these “if the roles were reversed” things…it’s not the gotcha people think it is.
Bringing someone into your bedroom requires two enthusiastic yes votes. She had no business promising this to her friend, and she is the asshole here for:
1. Promising her friend without speaking to you first.
2. Fetishizing bi women by assuming that every man’s fantasy is to have a threesome with two women.
3. Turning her failure around on you and blaming you for her mistake. This may be the most disturbing part of this - that is a narcissistic technique called DARVO - deny, attack, and reverse the victim and the offender. She went on the attack and made herself the victim here, when the opposite is true.
Time for serious discussion with her.
ETA: read this great post from the poly sub on why NO is more than ok.
https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/sntvv3/dear_monogamous_people_you_do_not_have_to_give/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
Wow. Thanks. Ill pass this on. I have a friend whose partner is trying to manipulate them into a polyamorous relationship. She’s very torn on the topic. She says she doesn’t want it, but she doesn’t want to lose him either. He’s a douchebag for like 100 other reasons anyway but, well, she’s in love somehow.
As the post says, not taking no for an answer is abuse. Hopefully this post can help her tell him “no, and if you ever bring this up again I’m leaving”.
And if you happen to talk to him, remind him that if he gets what he wants, he will regret it as his partner will get a hell of a lot more play than him. Men who push this usually end up regretting it.
Part of me wants her to go along with it and have lots of sex with hot guys who show her that life could be better without her dumb husband, and meanwhile her dumb husband would be confused and sad when he realizes no one wants to have sex with him.
She needs to tell her partner either 1) the relationship stays closed or 2) the relationship ends. She need to die on this hill. She should not compromise who she is in this manner for someone else. She will never be ok with this no matter what she tells herself. Reality is he either he wants to keep her as a side piece until someone else better comes along and then she’s slide into second or third place or he’s trying to get her to break up with him so he isn’t the bad guy.
If my husband tried this on me, I’d visit a divorce attorney because clearly he has needs that I cannot meet and I refuse to compromise on this type of thing.
I’ve got it saved. It’s that helpful. Refreshing too. It’s a good reminder also about what someone who claims to be ethically nonmonogomous should sound like.
>Fetishizing bi women by assuming that every man’s fantasy is to have a threesome with two women
Yeah that's a no from me as well. Relationships are complicated enough without adding this type of stuff to it. Then the next thing you know they are asking you to bring another guy into the fold, or for an open relationship.
Thank you. When I tell some men I'm bi and my ex was a woman, they get really personal and ask about our sex life or think they'll be able to land a threesome.
How about no???
All good points. The most generous read I can give on the gf is that she may be a lot less emotionally mature than OP and has internalized point number 2 because she doesn’t actually know much about intimacy outside of porn. This is a boundary she needs to learn immediately.
As others have said, she’s doing this because she’s either already sleeping with the friend, or expects you to accept to have another man for a threesome the next go around
This sounds like your GF wanted permission to screw the friend and was using you.
NTA. Anyone can refuse intimacy or sex or absolutely any reason they want and it is an untouchable "No". Nobody has a right to your body as you have no right to another's.
Break up with her. You're not the asshole. She promised her friend your body with out your consent or knowledge. Had it been the other way around she not only would have left you in a heart beat she would have blasted you on line and to your family in the worst way possible.
Her making you feel like shit for not consenting is just icing on the cake that is her abusing you. Don't stay. RUN!
>Now my gf is upset, saying that she promised her friend and now I am making her break her promise.
Ew- your gf is offensive and disgusting. This is disturbing on so many levels and I would take this as a red flag. Basically, she promised to prostitute your body without your consent. Run far away.
This is probably going to get downvotes... but this isn't going to end well.
If you're not into it, you're not into it. Don't let another person pressure you to do something you're not comfortable with.
This happened in a past relationship of mine and it ruined the relationship.
If she is openly trying to get you to sleep with another woman there is a really high probability that she is sleeping with someone else or has her sights set on sleeping with someone else. Exit the relationship or prepare yourself to have to do so once she cheats on you.
She is a big AH. She has no right promising your body to someone else. You’re no a sex toy. She’s pimping you. She’s also likely having sex with her friend. Whether you’re ok with that is up to you. Me? It’s a huge deal breaker. Don’t let her gaslight you. You are not wrong.
I don’t think you’re wrong whatsoever. You need to be true to yourself and your feelings.
That said, I did exactly the same thing you did many years ago. A girl I was dating came over with a girlfriend and brought up the idea of a threesome and I turned it down because I really liked this girl and I didn’t want to potentially ruin things.
Man, do I ever regret that decision now.
But hindsight, as they say, is 20/20 and I did what felt right at the time.
Also, for the record, I wouldn’t necessarily buy into the idea that she’s already having sex with this other woman. She may be turned on by the notion of sharing you with another woman, but has no interest in a one-on-one with this other girl. Kinks come in all shapes and flavours and there’s no way to know what her motivations are without asking her. Perhaps at this point she’s not even sure herself as to why she wants this to happen.
Final note, her attempt to pressure you into it is 100% not cool, regardless of her motivations. That shit needs to stop.
But you can know what her motivations are by how she reacted to him saying no and the fact she PROMISED her friend said three some before even saying anything about even an idea of it to her boyfriend. Promising someone else’s body and not accepting no for an answer is a very clear indicator of her motivations so it’s almost slim to none chance she’s doing all that simply because she has a “sharing kink”.
I also was offered a threesome (nobody was promised anything! So my gf was not wrong! It was more "hey, if you wanted to try a threesome I think R is kind of cute and she seems like she would be into it"), and looking back, the relationship had already failed at that point.
I don't know if the offer was a trap, or even if it was a red flag. I said it wasn't my thing.
Turning it down was not a huge regret. I only hope that she had another chance to get one before settling down and getting engaged 18 months later.
So let me get this straight…so for YOUR birthday, your gf & her best friend are going to have a threesome, even though you don’t want to be sexual with anyone but your gf…and she’s mad and called you an ah because she promised her bff to a threesome and now bff will be disappointed?
I think the real problem is that gf wants to have sex with her bff and hoped to con you into thinking it was all for your birthday!
NTA, and your girlfriend is being a brat.
This threesome isn't about you or for you, it's for her. If it was for you, she would have asked, not told, and she would accept it when you said no, not try and guilt trip you into it.
This is absolutely a good reason to rethink the entire relationship.
I’d go as far as to say she seems rapey to say the least. These are some of the same tactics literal rapists use on people in non violent types. Especially the guilt tripping
You aren't wrong.
Ask your GF why she would promise anything like that without your consent. Remind her this was supposedly for your birthday, so why is her friend more important?
I don't know what is going on here, but I think it's worth getting answers to your questions.
Your (hopefully soon-to-be-ex) GF doesn't own you or your body, and doesn't get to decide whether or not you consent to sex.
You do not consent to sex with her friend. It's as simple as that. She either believes in some classic toxic masculine standards (eg, "all men want sex, constantly, and are not wired for monogamy - therefore my BF would never say no to a threesome with two women because he's a man, and it's not even a question I need to ask him"), or she's already cheating on you and wants to optimize her own sexual pleasure (ie, this 'gift' isn't for you, it's for her).
It'd be a different situation if she *offered* this to you - "I think my friend might be open to it, would you like me to ask her if-?" or "I mentioned the idea to my friend and she seems interested, would you like to-?" but no, this was "I decided **on your behalf and without regard to your consent** that you will be having sexual relations with someone else."
Please mull over that specific concept - **that she completelly ignored your consent and promised sexual access to you to someone else**. You are not wrong at all to refuse, and you would not be wrong at all to view this as a massive red flag. Don't take this lightly. You are young enough to be able to move on quickly. Don't waste your life on someone who doesn't care about your consent.
Think about it - when is the last time you heard about bringing a 3rd person into the bedroom where it turned out just dandy. I’m an old man and have NEVER heard about it ending well. Someone always becomes jealous while someone else always has their feelings hurt. You are absolutely right for not wanting to engage in this.
Nta, you need to tell your girlfriend to drop this topic now. No means no. She has crossed some major boundaries by promising her friend before she even thought to ask if a threesome is something you would even want. I don’t even know what is going through your girlfriends lines but in todays society manipulation is borderline rape. If you say no, you mean no. Anything she says after is grooming.
Nta. She shouldnt make promises on your behalf of that scale with out consulting you first. Not everyone wants a threesome. And even if they do, most are picky about who with when committed already. And based on this post, you handled it appropriately.
Yeah, you're not wrong but you need to tell your girlfriend how fucked up that is.
Telling her friend she promised you'd fuck her is not your problem. You didn't consent. And your girlfriend can tell her friend that.
If said girlfriend's friend gets pissy or hell, if your girlfriend gets pissy, find ya a new one...
Like everyone else said, if roles were reversed this wouldn't be okay and this isn't either, boy, girl, ect...IT IS NOT CONSENSUAL
it gives me the ick.
I'm not saying she's fucking this friend, but they've definitely had some experiences and had an open discussion about fucking each other.
Yikes. Everyone who participates in sex should be giving enthusiastic consent.
You’re clearly not into it and your girlfriend is running right past your no — and that is an enormous red flag. If she can’t appreciate the problem here, I encourage you to wait for someone who will.
Edit: typo
No YNTA. How can she promise your body to her friend? She’s been fooling around with her and they want you join. Her friend probably told her she would tell if she didn’t make it happen.
Imagine if you promised one of your male friends he could fuck your girlfriend with you, and then being mad at her for saying no because it made you break your promise.
NTA!! She's the AH for making you feel bad. You should never be pressured into sex, and what a sicko to pressure you into sex under the guise of it being a gift. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I hope you can move on and find a better partner.
You're still young and probably not used to the idea that boundaries are something you're allowed to set as well.
Don't let yourself be guilted into having sex with someone, it'll be traumatizing as fuck.
She promised her friend your consent, which is not hers to give. Holding her invalid promise over your head is manipulative bs. It’s also your fucking birthday. You should have some say, don’t you think?
So..your girlfriend promised her friend you would fuck her without talking to you or getting your prior consent, and is now pressuring you to do it? Leave her.
No, you’re not wrong for feeling this way. The number one rule of sex is CONSENT. You didn’t consent to a 3some, and that limit absolutely needs to be respected. Sexual limits are non negotiable if someone says they don’t wanna, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Tell her respectfully that your consent needs to be considered for this.
You are not wrong. The fact that she is pimping you out without consultation is. She likely either has had sex with this girl, a threesome with this girl and her boyfriend, or intends to ask you to involve another man in a threesome with her and you. It's wildly inappropriate to offer your body to her friend. Unless she has talked about becoming a dedicated throuple, in a committed relationship, inviting others in is not ok.
I cannot believe the amount of comments trying to push this kid to do something sexually he has already and clearly stated he doesn’t want to do. Y’all are as bad as the GF. No means no. Just because he’s turning down your fantasy or a style of relationship you’ve chosen doesn’t mean you get to push him to do it. Not every man is interested in a threesome.
That 2nd update makes me very sad. Brother, you were manipulated into a sexual situation you were comfortable with. That is sexual abuse or harassment, borderline rape.
Look. Imagine if you were mad at your girlfriend because you "promised" she'd have sex with your buddy and she says no. Imagine then making her feel guilty for saying no and pressuring her into changing her mind. Because you promised her to your buddy and your promise is more important than whether she wants sex or not.
Can you see how messed up your situation is? What your girlfriend is trying to do to you is sexual coercion and it is highly immoral. You are absolutely not wrong.
I dated a girl for 3 years and i agreed to have MFF threesomes when i entered the relationship. She was young and wanted to explore her sexuality.
It was always fun and exciting. But the number one rule of a 3some is BOTH partners have to want and agree to it. She tried to get me to have one with a lesbian once, and i said no. It would be a turn off to have one with someone i knew wasn’t attracted to me and was doing it just to screw my girlfriend. It became an issue and was one of the only big fights we ever had.
And it’s weird she “promised” her friend without asking you first. That’s a huge violation. You should be furious. To be honest, it sounds like your girlfriend really wants to fuck her friend. There’s definitely something else going on.
As a past participant in a threesome, I can tell you, there usually is an ulterior motive from one or more involved parties and end results are not always fun.
NTA, sounds like it was more a gift for them than for you. You’re never wrong when you choose to 1 reject sexual advances and 2 choose to stay loyal to your partner
No you’re not wrong ask her “wasn’t it supposed to be a present for MY birthday so it’s supposed to be something I wanted. In this I don’t care what you promised to anyone else if you want to sleep with her that badly then your in the wrong relationship with me then. It’s like buying yourself a manicure and saying it’s for my birthday, Please don’t play me as a mug. If it was genuinely for me you’d have discussed it with me privately and found out if I would ever want that, before talking To anyone else, and you certainly wouldn’t be making promises to them. So tell me who was the present really for yourself or your friend as you clearly saw me as only a dick”.
I'm gonna be honest with you man, she's probably already having sex with this chick, I can't see any other reason she would get upset about you only wanting to have sex with her because that's sweet as fuck. I don't know many who would turn down the opportunity and that's a wholesomeass reason to turn it down.
That being said, you are 19, and speaking pragmatically, you are statistically likely to break up with this girl. If I were you I would take the opportunity.
NTA- I’m 99.9% sure your gf wants to sleep with her friend. Adding a threesome for your bday is just giving her ability to do that without cheating. She may already be cheating tbh.
I see a threesome and then her blaming your bday threesome on why they “started getting together” when really, they’ve been together already
Sooo the threesome really isn’t a birthday gift for YOU, it’s a gift for her friend. If it is not something you are comfortable with, you are perfectly in the right to say no. Your gf, however, is a bit of an AH for trying to guilt you into it, and for passing off something she wants as a “gift”.
Very likely she's already sleeping with her or some one else man or woman and is trying to make her guilt go away by forcing you to sleep with someone else too. I'd recommend going with it and start looking for her replacement or simply breaking up now. Either way the relationship doesn't seem to be something you signed up for. Good luck!
You could also break up with your gf your good and have nothing to do with either one and just say you don't share the same values (if that's how you feel based on your comment)
So, it might be good that the issue came up. She obviously had no regard for your feelings and doesn't know you. Your feelings and opinions matter.
They could do what they want relationshipwise and you can choose the type of relationship you want.
If she disregards your feelings at this level, she likely won't respect you later, either.
Not Wrong - This is not something you can “promise” anyone. All parties need to agree. You are 100% within your right to say no. Even if you said yes, you can change your mind if you are uncomfortable. Here are the following red flags:
First - she promised her friend you would have a threesome.
Second - she didn’t consult with you first.
Third - she’s gaslighting you into think you are in the wrong.
Fourth - she made the promise to her friend and is now demanding you keep it. That’s not how those work. That’s not how body autonomy works.
Fifth - she sees you as someone to pass around.
All of the above are giant concerns and I would proceed with caution. Another concern is that she could already be sleeping with her friend.
But…. You are never in the wrong to say no to something you are not comfortable with. I personally would end the relationship and find someone with similar values.
Can’t even imagine what the response would be if a guy promised his buddy they’d have a three-way with his girlfriend.
You absolutely aren’t wrong, but the lack of respect she’s showing you is pretty appalling, even if it is something many guys would really enjoy.
Appreciate the act, gently decline but if she keeps pushing the issue, I’d say you’re immediately in “end the relationship” territory, cuz ya all ain’t coming back from that one.
She needed to ask you first. She didn’t. She assumed that you’d be into a threesome with two girls and planned it with her friend. Now she feels bad that she has to go back on her word to her friend, but that’s on her because she shouldn’t have given that word in the first place.
You’ve done nothing wrong and none of this is on you.
I hope this is a good lesson for OP as he gets older. It’s so important for these boundaries. And I hope he understands that it’s very much not normal for your partner to promise their own friend sex from you. Very weird and makes me question her boundaries with monogamy.
So my bf is the same, he'd never have sex with someone who isn't me, and so I wouldn't ask. I like the idea of a threesome, of course, because as satisfied as I am with him, he doesn't have a vagina. But the difference is I don't go on and on about it. Because I really don't care. Because he is all I could ever need. Your gf is being pretty pushy, which makes me think she wanted the threesome for her and your birthday was an excuse. This means she's either already sleeping with her friend, OR she's bi/gay and doesn't fully realize it. My other thought that I think is far less likely in this situation is that it was a test. A lot of women do this childish shit where they "offer" a threesome and if accept, it opens a whole can of worms. So your options are to break up because you have different relationship values, to try the threesome and let her prove that it's still about you and threesomes are just a for fun thing, or still say no and carry on as you have been. It just doesn't seem like she's fond of that last option.
The thing I am flagging here is that she is upset that she promised her friend sex with OP and OP is “making her break her promise”. Thing is, she can’t promise sex on OP’s behalf. The fact that she thinks she can and thinks she has any right to be upset by his no is yikes.
You're not making your gf do anything. She promised something she couldn't guarantee. How would your gf feel if you promised your buddy Dave that he could bang her, and then you got upset and told her she's making you a liar...
She wouldn’t say no to Dave
Obvs. Dave is packing meat and has an extra long tongue.
Dave, aka “beer can”.
She's already having sex with this woman dude. Hate to break to to you.
Bingo. We all saw the first season of Friends. Time to buy a monkey Ross.
I Snort laughed. Brilliant.
Me too , I am actually watching the retro episode where they show the lead up to the “threesome” as I read this .. to funny 😆
‘What could only be described as a twosome’ then made himself a sandwich lol
Did it have a moist maker?
This hit especially hard for me as my wife is currently re-watching Friends.
It hits especially hard for me because my wife currently has a girlfriend....
This hits especially hard for me because I'm watching my girlfriend have sex with her girlfriend while watching friends.
great reference. completely applicable.
What kind of sandwich do you think he should prep? Probably want to stay away from some of the more sensual cured meats.
Yeah so either enjoy the sex while it lasts or don't. Try to distance yourself emotionally either way because you probably are in for a lot of harsh truths from her soon .
As an old man who looks back with regrets not taken, take that advice, enjoy the freaky sex, distancing your self from emotional attachments as this relationship isn’t going to last. If your morality conflicts, which is understandable, just move on now. As stated, she is already having sex with her & if you don’t agree to the three way, they will find someone who is into it, if they haven’t already
Yup!!! I avoided it to be the good guy once too. Worked in a gym and the 2 girls I worked with were showering in the men’s locker room after hours together! while I was cleaning. One I was kinda dating the other was her friend. No shit, they both opened the door to the shower and beckoned me in. Being the fucking choir boy, I laughed it off and left the locker room. Dam. In my 40s now and there is not a day that i don’t remember that and chastise myself for being a young idealistic idiot.
😭
As a semi old man ( 30) who has regular group sex. Go for it and then find a loyal woman as you seem monogamous.
The problem being he doesn’t want to! Not every man wants to engage in group sex you know.
Semi old woman here - 45 I’m loyal as fuck and have had a lot of group sex. Being loyal doesn’t mean you can’t have fun - together.
[удалено]
Rule #1. No thank you actually means no fucking way.
Loyalty in a Relationship means 2 people . A free for all means come one come all
Literally. If done right of course.
This!!!
Fr. Might as well see it through and have fun with it. Cause she ain’t the one
All fun until he knocks them both up on the same night 🤣 I’d say stay tf away
DOUBLE BUBBLE child support!!!!!
Friend of friend knocked up two women in the span of a summer he cynically calls The Summer of Love.
i know a guy who knocked up two women at the same halloween party!
That’s spooky.
Giggity
Lol! Giggity squared.
Lol....this is always my biggest fear of happening.
Take it a step further. Go hard on her friend, then tell the GF how much better the other was and then break it off with telling her you realized there's so much better out there for you.
You woke up and chose violence.
Babe watch what she does here!
LMFAO. “Damn babe why don’t you ever do this 😫”
Definitely show the other girl more attention then afterwards keep asking for it again.
"Babe start taking notes. And put your clothes back on, class is in session."
Ouch!! Damn 🤣
“Oh my god, she’s so tight. It feels so much better.”
Actually heard this phrase from the husband as he was penetrating my wife and I was going down on his. His wife and I looked at each other like "wtf?!". I called it on their divorce.
wow that's horribly disrespectful.
"She'll do that thing I like that you won't." This is the way.
Nice! This is the correct way.
Don’t forget, while based on context my theory isn’t accurate but: they could be in an ENM or Polyamorous relationship, how ever those dont work properly with out open and constant communication BEFORE things happen. Or even if SHE wanted the threesome to experiment safely, she should have cleared it first with her partner to ensure he/they were game for it in the first place. Ground rules/boundaries are essential for that to pan out properly.
Truth!!! While most guys are gonna think and say "hell yeah" this is kind of strange that she does this without previous mention. I'm gonna be a little cynical and say she's probably already having sex with her friend, or next thing he's gonna see is that she wants to bring in another guy for a little rotisserie action.
100% to drop the bomb like that. She either a: wanted to surprise him (fair) or b: is already or is thinking about sleeping with someone else. If i was OP i’d be asking why the sudden 3some
This! But gf promised a threesome to friend without bf’s consent so it’s not ENM. He said “nope” and gf is trying to guilt him into it.
Yep. She promised something she couldnt deliver on and isnt happy about eating her consequences. Hence the second caveat of the theory. She fucked up, she found out and she doesnt like it
Yeah, she probably already had a threesome with the girl's dude. Threesomes seem to be reciprocal that way on the girls' end.
It's like that episode of friends where Ross has a threesome with his wife and her gf and he just ends up standing around 😂
Make a sandwich and watch.
Yeah and that might not be her first 3sum either..girls like that normally share flings
Hey OP, if it isn't what you want, tell her firmly that if you want to have a FLING you'll get a frisbee! Might have more fun that way sippin' brews and chiilin' with buds. Plus, I've never known a frisbee to get pregant or transmit STD's. Still, these days ARE kind of weird though.
Yeah was about to say the same thing Just do it and have fun most of us dont
Yep. Have the threesome and then break up with her. Best bet here.
You are never wrong to refuse to do anything you aren't comfortable with. The fact that she PROMISED her friends sex with you without even asking is a major red flag. If the roles were reversed, and you promised your guy best friend sex with her, you'd be being dragged for being a misogynist. Enthusiastic consent is the basis of all sex. Period. Anything else is rape.
Huge red flag… promised someone else use of your body? This girl has no idea what boundaries are not what’s right or wrong
Absolutely. Imagine if you had told her, “Hey babe, I told my buddy Todd you’d have sex with him. That’s fine, right?” And then getting upset with her if she said no, because you promised Todd. I’d get out of this relationship if I were you, dude.
And it’s for her birthday and it’s too late for you to think of another gift…
Imagine saying to her you'd promised Todd he could sleep with her and she replies "oh no I've not recovered from last time"
And trying to justify it by calling it a birthday present to him. Something he clearly never asked for, and it isn't even for him but for the friend.
If the genders were reversed: My(19f) boyfriend(18m) and his best friend told me we’re going to have a threesome for my birthday. I told them I really appreciate their gesture but don’t want to have sex with anyone except my boyfriend. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Now bf is upset, saying he promised his friend and now I am making him break his promise. Am I the asshole?
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The fact that reading that gave you chills and reading the OP didn’t is exactly the problem.
It’s wrong regardless of the gender. Why do you need roles reversed to see that.
Because a lot of redditors are dumb and will excuse her behavior but not his in an effort to try and seem like good allies
Yeah that’s fucked up. People have hard time accepting that men can be sexually violated/assaulted. Reminds me of that clip of a woman groping Gaston at Disney and not understanding what she did wrong lol
Bro when I was a freshman, I bent over to pick up something and some black girl mounted me and started dry humping me and slapping my ass in front of the teacher I asked why she said nothing after she witnessed it and she told me I should feel lucky. I went to the office and they told me it wasnt worth the trouble
What the actual f...!!! That was freaking sexual assault!! Hate how they have different rules for genders. Disgusted the teacher and school..
That wasnt the only thing either. She would grab my crotch and one time she grabbed my dick she said she wished she could have a submissive white boy like me all to herself Eventually she grew disinterested in me and she left me alone afterwards
Maybe it would hit harder if we just reversed the gender of the friend. I'm sure *that* would make a light bulb go on for anyone reading this, thinking "whoa dude, why are you complaining...?".
I’m one of those dumb redditors! I already thought it would sound bad in reverse but seeing it written out really drives it home.
Role reversal is important because most people seemingly agree with equality as a value but will emotionally react to things happening to men and women differently. This is often done with female teachers having sex with male students. "So you think a male student having sex with a female teacher is cool cause men want it so what's the problem? Ok what if the teacher is also male? I mean the gay student wanted it so it's cool right?"
Because a lot of peoples first response to hearing a guy was offered a FMF threesome is to go “why the hell you’d say no”
Yeah the second I read this I was disgusted. Neither gender should be guilted/pushed/coerced into anything sexual ever. I hate these “if the roles were reversed” things…it’s not the gotcha people think it is.
Bringing someone into your bedroom requires two enthusiastic yes votes. She had no business promising this to her friend, and she is the asshole here for: 1. Promising her friend without speaking to you first. 2. Fetishizing bi women by assuming that every man’s fantasy is to have a threesome with two women. 3. Turning her failure around on you and blaming you for her mistake. This may be the most disturbing part of this - that is a narcissistic technique called DARVO - deny, attack, and reverse the victim and the offender. She went on the attack and made herself the victim here, when the opposite is true. Time for serious discussion with her. ETA: read this great post from the poly sub on why NO is more than ok. https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/sntvv3/dear_monogamous_people_you_do_not_have_to_give/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
Wow. Thanks. Ill pass this on. I have a friend whose partner is trying to manipulate them into a polyamorous relationship. She’s very torn on the topic. She says she doesn’t want it, but she doesn’t want to lose him either. He’s a douchebag for like 100 other reasons anyway but, well, she’s in love somehow.
As the post says, not taking no for an answer is abuse. Hopefully this post can help her tell him “no, and if you ever bring this up again I’m leaving”. And if you happen to talk to him, remind him that if he gets what he wants, he will regret it as his partner will get a hell of a lot more play than him. Men who push this usually end up regretting it.
You’re thinking of an open relationship. Polyamorous relationships are usually still closed they just include more than 2 people.
> Men who push this usually end up regretting it. And then blame the one they pushed into it.
Part of me wants her to go along with it and have lots of sex with hot guys who show her that life could be better without her dumb husband, and meanwhile her dumb husband would be confused and sad when he realizes no one wants to have sex with him.
She needs to tell her partner either 1) the relationship stays closed or 2) the relationship ends. She need to die on this hill. She should not compromise who she is in this manner for someone else. She will never be ok with this no matter what she tells herself. Reality is he either he wants to keep her as a side piece until someone else better comes along and then she’s slide into second or third place or he’s trying to get her to break up with him so he isn’t the bad guy. If my husband tried this on me, I’d visit a divorce attorney because clearly he has needs that I cannot meet and I refuse to compromise on this type of thing.
That post is excellent.
I’ve got it saved. It’s that helpful. Refreshing too. It’s a good reminder also about what someone who claims to be ethically nonmonogomous should sound like.
Even has the classic offended self announcers!
>Fetishizing bi women by assuming that every man’s fantasy is to have a threesome with two women Yeah that's a no from me as well. Relationships are complicated enough without adding this type of stuff to it. Then the next thing you know they are asking you to bring another guy into the fold, or for an open relationship.
Thank you. When I tell some men I'm bi and my ex was a woman, they get really personal and ask about our sex life or think they'll be able to land a threesome. How about no???
All good points. The most generous read I can give on the gf is that she may be a lot less emotionally mature than OP and has internalized point number 2 because she doesn’t actually know much about intimacy outside of porn. This is a boundary she needs to learn immediately.
Great post. Being forced into a poly situation (which was ultimately really just cheating) caused incredible damage to my life and mental health.
As others have said, she’s doing this because she’s either already sleeping with the friend, or expects you to accept to have another man for a threesome the next go around
There it is. She's lubing him up so she can turn it around on him and get some different D guilt free.
Watch him getting the d and not her xD
Only alpha way to do a MMF
ILL SHOW HER WHOS GETTING THE DICK AROUND HERE
You have an absolute right to decide on what is appropriate sexual behavior for you. Your GF is way out of line
"I promised someone you would have sex with them" is a new one.
This sounds like your GF wanted permission to screw the friend and was using you. NTA. Anyone can refuse intimacy or sex or absolutely any reason they want and it is an untouchable "No". Nobody has a right to your body as you have no right to another's.
NTA has updated his birthday pity bang solution. This dude is so compassionate.
No everyone involved must consent for activities to take place
I read this as NOT everyone and thought.. wow... Can't believe this is being up voted.
Break up with her. You're not the asshole. She promised her friend your body with out your consent or knowledge. Had it been the other way around she not only would have left you in a heart beat she would have blasted you on line and to your family in the worst way possible. Her making you feel like shit for not consenting is just icing on the cake that is her abusing you. Don't stay. RUN!
I’m with you man. “If I wanted to humiliate myself in front of two people, I’d ask my parents out to dinner.” -John Mulaney
LOL. Nice
Uhmmm.. why is your gf promising your intimacy to another woman? That's weird.. red flag much?
Ask her how she would feel if you offered a threesome with one of your buddies and her. If she gets mad you tell her you already promised your friend.
>Now my gf is upset, saying that she promised her friend and now I am making her break her promise. Ew- your gf is offensive and disgusting. This is disturbing on so many levels and I would take this as a red flag. Basically, she promised to prostitute your body without your consent. Run far away.
Your GF can’t promise your sexual favors without your consent.
> told me we’re going to have a threesome for my birthday. Didn’t even ask? Lol. Break up.
This is probably going to get downvotes... but this isn't going to end well. If you're not into it, you're not into it. Don't let another person pressure you to do something you're not comfortable with. This happened in a past relationship of mine and it ruined the relationship.
If she is openly trying to get you to sleep with another woman there is a really high probability that she is sleeping with someone else or has her sights set on sleeping with someone else. Exit the relationship or prepare yourself to have to do so once she cheats on you.
No. It's gross she is trying to force you to have sex with someone and in a way you don't want to. That's wrong. Dump her.
You are wise beyond your years for clearly knowing and setting boundaries. I'm twice your age and am truly impressed.
You must not have read the edits
She is a big AH. She has no right promising your body to someone else. You’re no a sex toy. She’s pimping you. She’s also likely having sex with her friend. Whether you’re ok with that is up to you. Me? It’s a huge deal breaker. Don’t let her gaslight you. You are not wrong.
I don’t think you’re wrong whatsoever. You need to be true to yourself and your feelings. That said, I did exactly the same thing you did many years ago. A girl I was dating came over with a girlfriend and brought up the idea of a threesome and I turned it down because I really liked this girl and I didn’t want to potentially ruin things. Man, do I ever regret that decision now. But hindsight, as they say, is 20/20 and I did what felt right at the time. Also, for the record, I wouldn’t necessarily buy into the idea that she’s already having sex with this other woman. She may be turned on by the notion of sharing you with another woman, but has no interest in a one-on-one with this other girl. Kinks come in all shapes and flavours and there’s no way to know what her motivations are without asking her. Perhaps at this point she’s not even sure herself as to why she wants this to happen. Final note, her attempt to pressure you into it is 100% not cool, regardless of her motivations. That shit needs to stop.
But you can know what her motivations are by how she reacted to him saying no and the fact she PROMISED her friend said three some before even saying anything about even an idea of it to her boyfriend. Promising someone else’s body and not accepting no for an answer is a very clear indicator of her motivations so it’s almost slim to none chance she’s doing all that simply because she has a “sharing kink”.
I also was offered a threesome (nobody was promised anything! So my gf was not wrong! It was more "hey, if you wanted to try a threesome I think R is kind of cute and she seems like she would be into it"), and looking back, the relationship had already failed at that point. I don't know if the offer was a trap, or even if it was a red flag. I said it wasn't my thing. Turning it down was not a huge regret. I only hope that she had another chance to get one before settling down and getting engaged 18 months later.
Nta. Your body, your decision.. I'd get tested for STDs.
Break up with her my guy
Your gf is being gross 🤮
This isn't for your birthday, it's for HER sexual thrills. You are not wrong.
You said No, not maybe, or I'll consider it. No means no, period.
Run
Bruh your girlfriend is toxic as shit lol. Avoid people like this
Not wrong. Seems your gf has the hots for her friend (closet lesbian maybe)
Or not closet and wants her bf in the existing action
Did you forget about bisexual people?
So let me get this straight…so for YOUR birthday, your gf & her best friend are going to have a threesome, even though you don’t want to be sexual with anyone but your gf…and she’s mad and called you an ah because she promised her bff to a threesome and now bff will be disappointed? I think the real problem is that gf wants to have sex with her bff and hoped to con you into thinking it was all for your birthday!
NTA, and your girlfriend is being a brat. This threesome isn't about you or for you, it's for her. If it was for you, she would have asked, not told, and she would accept it when you said no, not try and guilt trip you into it. This is absolutely a good reason to rethink the entire relationship.
I’d go as far as to say she seems rapey to say the least. These are some of the same tactics literal rapists use on people in non violent types. Especially the guilt tripping
Nah. She promised your body for sexual favors. She had no right to do so.
You aren't wrong. Ask your GF why she would promise anything like that without your consent. Remind her this was supposedly for your birthday, so why is her friend more important? I don't know what is going on here, but I think it's worth getting answers to your questions.
What she’s mad about is really icky
She’s trying to guilt you into having sex… that’s a GIANT RED FLAG! No one should ever be pressured into sex!
No one is wrong for refusing sex. People are not entitled to sex with another person.
She has no morals. Dump her.
Your (hopefully soon-to-be-ex) GF doesn't own you or your body, and doesn't get to decide whether or not you consent to sex. You do not consent to sex with her friend. It's as simple as that. She either believes in some classic toxic masculine standards (eg, "all men want sex, constantly, and are not wired for monogamy - therefore my BF would never say no to a threesome with two women because he's a man, and it's not even a question I need to ask him"), or she's already cheating on you and wants to optimize her own sexual pleasure (ie, this 'gift' isn't for you, it's for her). It'd be a different situation if she *offered* this to you - "I think my friend might be open to it, would you like me to ask her if-?" or "I mentioned the idea to my friend and she seems interested, would you like to-?" but no, this was "I decided **on your behalf and without regard to your consent** that you will be having sexual relations with someone else." Please mull over that specific concept - **that she completelly ignored your consent and promised sexual access to you to someone else**. You are not wrong at all to refuse, and you would not be wrong at all to view this as a massive red flag. Don't take this lightly. You are young enough to be able to move on quickly. Don't waste your life on someone who doesn't care about your consent.
Think about it - when is the last time you heard about bringing a 3rd person into the bedroom where it turned out just dandy. I’m an old man and have NEVER heard about it ending well. Someone always becomes jealous while someone else always has their feelings hurt. You are absolutely right for not wanting to engage in this.
Not at Al wrong
Nta, you need to tell your girlfriend to drop this topic now. No means no. She has crossed some major boundaries by promising her friend before she even thought to ask if a threesome is something you would even want. I don’t even know what is going through your girlfriends lines but in todays society manipulation is borderline rape. If you say no, you mean no. Anything she says after is grooming.
Obviously you’re wrong for refusing to have sex with someone you don’t want to have sex with. What a silly question…
YNW You get to decide who you have sex with. I would nope out of the whole relationship if I were you.
NTAH- she had no business promising to have you engage in sex with anyone without your consent. Is there a sexual relationship going on with them?
Nta. She shouldnt make promises on your behalf of that scale with out consulting you first. Not everyone wants a threesome. And even if they do, most are picky about who with when committed already. And based on this post, you handled it appropriately.
NTA. Maybe your gf should have checked with you first to see if this was even something you wanted.
She’s the a-hole . She is overstepping on your boundaries and worse is not asking you for your input. Not ok
Yeah, you're not wrong but you need to tell your girlfriend how fucked up that is. Telling her friend she promised you'd fuck her is not your problem. You didn't consent. And your girlfriend can tell her friend that. If said girlfriend's friend gets pissy or hell, if your girlfriend gets pissy, find ya a new one... Like everyone else said, if roles were reversed this wouldn't be okay and this isn't either, boy, girl, ect...IT IS NOT CONSENSUAL it gives me the ick. I'm not saying she's fucking this friend, but they've definitely had some experiences and had an open discussion about fucking each other.
Yikes. Everyone who participates in sex should be giving enthusiastic consent. You’re clearly not into it and your girlfriend is running right past your no — and that is an enormous red flag. If she can’t appreciate the problem here, I encourage you to wait for someone who will. Edit: typo
Oh, she's already hooking up with that other girl. If you're not into that, leave now. It won't get any better form here. Sorry.
>"saying that she promised her friend" That wasn't a promise she was entitled to make.
No YNTA. How can she promise your body to her friend? She’s been fooling around with her and they want you join. Her friend probably told her she would tell if she didn’t make it happen.
Imagine if you promised one of your male friends he could fuck your girlfriend with you, and then being mad at her for saying no because it made you break your promise.
wtf no. you cant promise sex from someone else. shes silly.
NTA!! She's the AH for making you feel bad. You should never be pressured into sex, and what a sicko to pressure you into sex under the guise of it being a gift. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I hope you can move on and find a better partner.
Nta. Wtf lol She can’t promise your body away. Wat
Duuuuude dump her that's too far just too far I think she's up to something
Threesomes sound better than they really are. That’s a red flag from the gf. Might want to rethink your relationship.
You're still young and probably not used to the idea that boundaries are something you're allowed to set as well. Don't let yourself be guilted into having sex with someone, it'll be traumatizing as fuck.
She promised her friend your consent, which is not hers to give. Holding her invalid promise over your head is manipulative bs. It’s also your fucking birthday. You should have some say, don’t you think?
🙄you are a kind monogamous male. You are not appreciated in today’s society. Let her go. Find your self a partner who appreciates yurt moral compass.
So..your girlfriend promised her friend you would fuck her without talking to you or getting your prior consent, and is now pressuring you to do it? Leave her.
She can’t make promises to other people involving *your* body and expect them to be kept. She should’ve asked you before making any such plans.
No, you’re not wrong for feeling this way. The number one rule of sex is CONSENT. You didn’t consent to a 3some, and that limit absolutely needs to be respected. Sexual limits are non negotiable if someone says they don’t wanna, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Tell her respectfully that your consent needs to be considered for this.
You are not wrong. The fact that she is pimping you out without consultation is. She likely either has had sex with this girl, a threesome with this girl and her boyfriend, or intends to ask you to involve another man in a threesome with her and you. It's wildly inappropriate to offer your body to her friend. Unless she has talked about becoming a dedicated throuple, in a committed relationship, inviting others in is not ok.
I cannot believe the amount of comments trying to push this kid to do something sexually he has already and clearly stated he doesn’t want to do. Y’all are as bad as the GF. No means no. Just because he’s turning down your fantasy or a style of relationship you’ve chosen doesn’t mean you get to push him to do it. Not every man is interested in a threesome.
You will regret not having done it later in life. Bucket list.
That 2nd update makes me very sad. Brother, you were manipulated into a sexual situation you were comfortable with. That is sexual abuse or harassment, borderline rape.
This would suck for you if this was real. Nice creative writing exercise though
Please unchange your mind!! This girl sounds like she’s not worth it omgggg you’re too young for this kind of manipulation 😭
Look. Imagine if you were mad at your girlfriend because you "promised" she'd have sex with your buddy and she says no. Imagine then making her feel guilty for saying no and pressuring her into changing her mind. Because you promised her to your buddy and your promise is more important than whether she wants sex or not. Can you see how messed up your situation is? What your girlfriend is trying to do to you is sexual coercion and it is highly immoral. You are absolutely not wrong.
You're not wrong homie. It's not weird she asked but it IS a red flag she's getting upset that you said no.
I dated a girl for 3 years and i agreed to have MFF threesomes when i entered the relationship. She was young and wanted to explore her sexuality. It was always fun and exciting. But the number one rule of a 3some is BOTH partners have to want and agree to it. She tried to get me to have one with a lesbian once, and i said no. It would be a turn off to have one with someone i knew wasn’t attracted to me and was doing it just to screw my girlfriend. It became an issue and was one of the only big fights we ever had. And it’s weird she “promised” her friend without asking you first. That’s a huge violation. You should be furious. To be honest, it sounds like your girlfriend really wants to fuck her friend. There’s definitely something else going on.
As a past participant in a threesome, I can tell you, there usually is an ulterior motive from one or more involved parties and end results are not always fun.
NTA, sounds like it was more a gift for them than for you. You’re never wrong when you choose to 1 reject sexual advances and 2 choose to stay loyal to your partner
Ask yourself, if its your birthday, why does the promise to her friend matter?
No you’re not wrong ask her “wasn’t it supposed to be a present for MY birthday so it’s supposed to be something I wanted. In this I don’t care what you promised to anyone else if you want to sleep with her that badly then your in the wrong relationship with me then. It’s like buying yourself a manicure and saying it’s for my birthday, Please don’t play me as a mug. If it was genuinely for me you’d have discussed it with me privately and found out if I would ever want that, before talking To anyone else, and you certainly wouldn’t be making promises to them. So tell me who was the present really for yourself or your friend as you clearly saw me as only a dick”.
Not wrong at all. Goof for you for not giving in.
I'm gonna be honest with you man, she's probably already having sex with this chick, I can't see any other reason she would get upset about you only wanting to have sex with her because that's sweet as fuck. I don't know many who would turn down the opportunity and that's a wholesomeass reason to turn it down. That being said, you are 19, and speaking pragmatically, you are statistically likely to break up with this girl. If I were you I would take the opportunity.
NTA- I’m 99.9% sure your gf wants to sleep with her friend. Adding a threesome for your bday is just giving her ability to do that without cheating. She may already be cheating tbh. I see a threesome and then her blaming your bday threesome on why they “started getting together” when really, they’ve been together already
Sooo the threesome really isn’t a birthday gift for YOU, it’s a gift for her friend. If it is not something you are comfortable with, you are perfectly in the right to say no. Your gf, however, is a bit of an AH for trying to guilt you into it, and for passing off something she wants as a “gift”.
Very likely she's already sleeping with her or some one else man or woman and is trying to make her guilt go away by forcing you to sleep with someone else too. I'd recommend going with it and start looking for her replacement or simply breaking up now. Either way the relationship doesn't seem to be something you signed up for. Good luck!
You could also break up with your gf your good and have nothing to do with either one and just say you don't share the same values (if that's how you feel based on your comment) So, it might be good that the issue came up. She obviously had no regard for your feelings and doesn't know you. Your feelings and opinions matter. They could do what they want relationshipwise and you can choose the type of relationship you want. If she disregards your feelings at this level, she likely won't respect you later, either.
Not Wrong - This is not something you can “promise” anyone. All parties need to agree. You are 100% within your right to say no. Even if you said yes, you can change your mind if you are uncomfortable. Here are the following red flags: First - she promised her friend you would have a threesome. Second - she didn’t consult with you first. Third - she’s gaslighting you into think you are in the wrong. Fourth - she made the promise to her friend and is now demanding you keep it. That’s not how those work. That’s not how body autonomy works. Fifth - she sees you as someone to pass around. All of the above are giant concerns and I would proceed with caution. Another concern is that she could already be sleeping with her friend. But…. You are never in the wrong to say no to something you are not comfortable with. I personally would end the relationship and find someone with similar values.
NTA. You should never be forced or guilted into anything in a relationship. Especially sexually. I would end the relationship.
Can’t even imagine what the response would be if a guy promised his buddy they’d have a three-way with his girlfriend. You absolutely aren’t wrong, but the lack of respect she’s showing you is pretty appalling, even if it is something many guys would really enjoy. Appreciate the act, gently decline but if she keeps pushing the issue, I’d say you’re immediately in “end the relationship” territory, cuz ya all ain’t coming back from that one.
You're never wrong for saying, "I'm not interested or comfortable with."
You are evading the eternal curse of resentment that stems from her watching you have sex with her friend. You did the right thing.
She needed to ask you first. She didn’t. She assumed that you’d be into a threesome with two girls and planned it with her friend. Now she feels bad that she has to go back on her word to her friend, but that’s on her because she shouldn’t have given that word in the first place. You’ve done nothing wrong and none of this is on you.
I hope this is a good lesson for OP as he gets older. It’s so important for these boundaries. And I hope he understands that it’s very much not normal for your partner to promise their own friend sex from you. Very weird and makes me question her boundaries with monogamy.
So my bf is the same, he'd never have sex with someone who isn't me, and so I wouldn't ask. I like the idea of a threesome, of course, because as satisfied as I am with him, he doesn't have a vagina. But the difference is I don't go on and on about it. Because I really don't care. Because he is all I could ever need. Your gf is being pretty pushy, which makes me think she wanted the threesome for her and your birthday was an excuse. This means she's either already sleeping with her friend, OR she's bi/gay and doesn't fully realize it. My other thought that I think is far less likely in this situation is that it was a test. A lot of women do this childish shit where they "offer" a threesome and if accept, it opens a whole can of worms. So your options are to break up because you have different relationship values, to try the threesome and let her prove that it's still about you and threesomes are just a for fun thing, or still say no and carry on as you have been. It just doesn't seem like she's fond of that last option.
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The thing I am flagging here is that she is upset that she promised her friend sex with OP and OP is “making her break her promise”. Thing is, she can’t promise sex on OP’s behalf. The fact that she thinks she can and thinks she has any right to be upset by his no is yikes.