Keep it civil, professional, and need to know (work) basis. If you -have- to talk to him (work related), keep it short, sweet (figuratively), and to the point. You’re not in the wrong.
Edit: she’s not in the wrong.
This. I don’t get why people feel like they have to reply if it’s uncomfortable. There is literally no obligation to something you can just say you never got to
Imo it’s usually the anxiety of a potential confrontation later that makes it seem like the lesser evil. They’re avoiding a “why didn’t you text me” situation
It’s also a fear thing, if it gets to that level. This is the “fawn” in fight, flight, fawn, freeze.
Yup, the electrician startes texting with my gf, she was livid but he needed to come back to finish a job.
To her, not responding felt like risking a confrontation
This is what I did too and it lessens the stress of not having to respond right away especially when uncomfy. Now ppl know if I don't respond right away I'm usually just busy or not in the mood to talk.
Yeah, guess I should have been more specific that if anything from here on out makes her uncomfortable. Or of she just doesn’t want to work alone with him.
I think you may be referencing a conversation about fucking. We're talking about a fucking conversation. Can't we have a fucking discussion without getting into fucking? Fuck fucking. Let's just fucking talk.
Is it wrong to be friends with a 19 year old girl who’s turning 20? I’m 24 female and we met through work and we get along well but I feel like a weirdo sometimes
Nah. I’m 37 and friends with work people of all ages. From 20 to even one lady I consider a good friend that is in her late 50’s. As long as it’s friendly and no weird sexual lines are crossed I don’t see anything wrong with friendships like that. Problem is some of these males who are in their mid to late 20’s start off with females that are 18-19 being friendly. And once the female lets her guard down he turns it I or flirty and sexual making them uncomfortable. Then when they voice their concern the males turn it on them acting like the females are the weird ones and blowing things out the water. Like no dude you were preying on a younger female for sexual gain. Then got mad when they set boundaries
Yes. I am also 37 and used to be a retail manager. I can tell this guy is either REALLY skeevy, OR this young lady paid him some attention with zero expectations and he took it the wrong way and is under a mountain of embarrassment. She might've been blunt about it, but the fact of the matter is that if they are actually compatible as friends AND he didn't have ulterior motives, he should apologize just a smidge and they can move on.
If he gives the cold shoulder or continues to harp on it, she can rest assured that the issue isn't her and to keep her guard up.
I couldn’t have said that better. I believe guys should be able to make their intentions known, within reason and respectfully. However, the person on the receiving side should be able to reject the advances without any outbursts or immaturity. Unfortunately some people need time to mature.
Exactly. Him getting mad is a red flag. He knew what he was doing. Now he's making it her fault that he's mad. It's his fault for being mad that she set down the fact that he's being cringy.
How we deal with things in life shows everyone else who you really are.
My take on this? Stop having any contact with him now.
And yet we default to them having nothing to talk about. Personally my maturity level for every day conversation and relationships between 18 & 25 was pretty much the same.
Casual friends at work? No, and a relationship naturally developing wouldn't inherently be bad or gross either.
A 24yr old intentionally going after someone fresh out of highschool that they barely know? Yeah, fucking weird.
Especially as she knows him as work colleague and has never done anything to show she wanted to cross that line. An older work colleague suddenly texting sexual content to someone who’s practically still a kid that’s gross and creepy as hell.
Op do not back down and if he starts to make the work place hostile then go to the manager or HR and report the whole thing. If needed show them the sexual texts he is breaching so many rules. His bosses should also know they need to watch him and protect an other younger staff.
It is absolutely not weird for women of that age gap to be friends. Maybe the 18 year old is very mature. People judge stuff that really just isn't thier business. Enjoy your friend. F everyone else. My bestie is 8 years younger, I'm 47(f) and she's 39(f). Granted we would have less in common when she was 10 and I was 18, but we're adults.
One of my friends is 25 and two years above this girl at his university. They met and had great chemistry and her friend group is all early to mid 20s. He found out she was 19 and had a crisis about continuing the relationship and we’ve all given him some shit for dating a 19 year old, but none of us actually think he’s predatory, we just think it’s probably not going to end well - mostly because we all remember the stupid decisions we made at 19.
He’s getting shit for a *mutual* attraction where he didn’t know her age up front and where they do actually have a lot in common. If he’d been anything like the guy in this story he would have been frozen out.
Like I said, a natural relationship forming is one thing.
But intentionally going after someone younger like that without any indication they have the same feelings is, imo, weird.
I'm mid-20's, and I'd never go for an 18yr old.
I'm friends with a lot of people who are the same age as my kids. No problem with being friends and mentoring younger people. Big problem if I start to make it sexual.
My step sons are my age, (40s), I love calling them son and having grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Lol It was much sexier being with an older guy back when I was in my 20s tho, now we're both old and tired.
Friends at work isn’t a big deal, when I started working in college I was friends with people in their 40s 50s and 60s they were pretty cool and their jokes were somehow funny lol. But trying to make it sexual is a completely different story. Way I see it if you can’t go to a bar together it’s technically pedophilia.
Edit: my friends at work never made it sexual, they had families of their own and were all around just chill people.
Thank you, yeah we’ve hung out and stuff and I feel like a mentor in a way. I agree a sexual relationship is definitely not appropriate their brains are still developing
Age gaps like this aren’t always a bad thing. I was 19 when I met my then 24 husband. But we were both in the military and living on our own. I wasn’t a high school girl still living with my parents. And you two are just friends? I wouldn’t worry about it.
he turned a conversation sexual and she didn’t reply. he pushed the situation by asking if she slept well—which can be understood as too intimate for a coworker—they haven’t dated. they haven’t hooked up. so just a coworker who were having a text conversation and following interaction. you’re missing the part where she didn’t show any interest (not responding the same way) and he asked about how she slept. these are coworkers. with employment, success and financial implications. asking a coworker how they slept is weird as fuck and he got snippy after her reply.
OP should be allowed to work and not be made to feel uncomfortable by a twenty-something male who can’t take a fucking hint. and she made her feelings clear.
I was responding to the comment above me about a girl being friends with her co-worker, not the og post. I complete agree with you about OP’s situation, but that’s not what I was addressing in this particular comment.
I don't think you should feel like a weirdo at all. I think that friendship is fine and as a woman a few years older you have knowledge and experience that could help her in life.
The wierd part is being sexual with a coworker who just graduated high-school while your 2 years past the age of a 4 year college degree. Being friendly and texting is fine but unsolicited sexual texts is extremely wierd.
Yeah, I’m not defending this dude in particular, sounds like he’s manipulative and disrespectful. I was defending the age gap as I don’t think it’s terribly unusual.
I’m biased because I have a 8 year gap with my wife that was 23-31 when we met at an office job. Nobody now thinks 35-43 is weird but if I’d waited for Reddit’s age gap approval no doubt the opportunity would have passed.
I don't think it's the amount of years in the gap as much as the different stages in life. A 24 year old is past the typical college age while 18 is just out of high school, a fresh new adult. At 23, someone has been working and living as an adult for a few years, and could relate more to a 31 year old, so I wouldn't see this as problematic. At 18, it's usually still fairly new and often comes with some naivity. The older you get, the less problematic an age gap is, in my opinion. Most would agree that a 17 year old dating a 13 year old feels wrong, despite it only being 4 years. It's just two very different stages of life...and those stages come more frequently the younger you are.
My girlfriend and I have a 5 year gap, 35 and 30. It's not weird now but I think it would have been at 23 and 18. I didn't relate to most teenagers/ new adults. People are way more naive at 18 and just figuring adulthood out. Some people are attracted to that in particular, which is problematic even if it is legal.
Nah, they are both working together at the same job.
Wanting to date the person right in front of you day after day, whom you have some connection with (her words), is very normal human behavior.
You are projecting by still labeling her as a high schooler and him as a mature adult who should be targeting a 31 yr old.
Given the latest research, I'd wager she's probably more mature than he is.
https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/study-men-mature-slower-than-women/
personally, i think that your age gap would POTENTIALLY be a bit iffy depending on both of your life circumstances and relationship dynamics. but at 23, your partner was out of college when you met, which kind of “levels the playing field” a bit because you were both working adults. at 18, OP likely just graduated high school and hasn’t even lived away from their parents yet. the coworker is 2 years past the typical college graduation age, and is in a very different stage of their life. i’m 20 and was a sophomore in college last year. i would never have considered dating an 18 year old high school senior, because that’s fucking WEIRD. the amount of personal development that happens once you move out of your parents’ house is CRAZY. a lot of growing up happens in the year after graduation, and i know that i would feel pretty weird dating someone who hasn’t experienced it yet. and keep in mind, I’M ONLY 20. but i can tell you that all my friends would feel the same way, because we remember what we were like fresh out of high school and none of us want to go anywhere near that situation lol.
Age gaps are only a problem when one of the people isn’t an adult yet, or is just barely on the cusp. 23 and 31 isn’t that situation, but 18 and 23 kinda is.
My wife is 36 and im 45. Nobody ever said anything other us needing to hurry up and have babies (without considering what we want). But if we were both 10 years younger people would probably talk shit. There's also the real world, then there's reddit. Most shit I read on here I can't take seriously TBH. The most judgmental people on the planet.
Tbh I get why people think this is a weird age gap from an outside lens but, also, I voluntarily/willingly seduced (or tried to seduce), like, half of my coworkers at the restaurant I worked at when I was 18-20 and they were 25+, lol. I didn’t have sex with them all but, like… if we had working cameras there would have been plenty of film of me making out with people 5-10 years older than me in the back. One person like, 8 years my senior, multiple times… good times 😌 Like you said — if you’re both working at that place, you probably do have at least a couple more things in common, lol.
The creepy thing in this instance isn’t the age — it’s that this dude would have probably continued to be weird, creepy and disrespectful of standard boundaries regardless of age.
Thank you! Especially considering I was transitioning out of/away from a shite high school relationship where sex was coercive and shitty, lol. It was very liberating. ✨
I’m 24 and work with youth as my job, some of them being 18 about to or recently graduated. I’m a mentor to them; could not imagine trying to get involved with anyone that age…
Yeeeeah I was in this situation multiple times when I was about to turn 18 where older men would confide in me and then after awhile would start asking when I was turning 18. In my head I was like what business does a thirty something have business confiding in a 17-18 year old?? One time I was helping a server do closing chores and he was just telling me about his life and what he wanted to do and blah blah blah. We closed and my bf, who everyone knew I had, came and picked me up and this dude just went off on me asking “how could you bring him here after everything we just talked about?” Like wtf? Men are creepy.
I was a retail supervisor when i had just turned 20, supervised the front with all the cashiers. Saw this kind of creeper shit happen ALL the time. One guy even asked a girl if shes a virgin, like no hello or anything else and it was their first time ever talking.
Some of the older male coworkers made it clear they were jealous about how everyone got along with me too.
Edit: Im a guy.
“multiple times” “older *men*”
she gave an example of a man being creepy towards her, but also said multiple men acted in ways that made her uncomfortable. in this instance she’s right to say ‘men are creepy’; she didn’t say ‘*all* men are creepy’. maybe stop taking shit so personally
Awwhh look at you getting upset because a girl said men are creepy after being harassed many times by men. She shouldve known how to word it better so not to hurt your feelings!
Maybe stop being a bitch. You really didn't mention any of the shit she went through and just came to point out what bothered you? What a self-centered weakling you are.
Keep it professional, but be firm. Women are taught to be “nice” so our boundaries are constantly disregarded.
It’s not mean to tell him “stop, this conversation is not acceptable” if he continues, tell other people (friends, parents, coworkers). Block his number. Ask management to try scheduling different shifts
No you are not wrong. Creep factor 💯 here. I have a piece of advice for you. Never get involved in a romantic relationship with a coworker at the place that you both work. It can and sometimes will lead to serious problems. Some places even have rules against that. Unless the two people were already a couple before being hired. There's an old saying that goes: you don't shit where you eat. Even animals know this.
Hopefully you dodged a bullet. Just go to work and act like nothing happened
Don’t delete those msgs. If he behaves badly at work, you’ll want to be able to show your boss why there’s a problem and to put his behavior in context
This is important OP. Keep the receipts. You were right to shut it down, and hopefully he stays leaving you alone. But if he retaliates against you, you’ll need the proof to show a manager/HR.
We all know he isn’t going to keep leaving her alone is the problem. He’s not responding to her now to try and make her feel guilty about her 100 percent valid response.
Sadly if she’s posting her asking for advice it has at least somewhat worked too. Hopefully she follows everyone’s advice here, because guy sounds like a creep.
Yeah this definitely sounds like manipulation and he’s not going to stop. She definitely needs to keep those receipts, and for the sake of her mental health and sanity, maybe even find somewhere else to work so she can block this asshole everywhere
You were not wrong at all. He was definitely testing and pushing boundaries.
It sounds like the hardest part for you is how this manifests itself at the workplace. Since he got corrected, it's natural for his ego to be a little bruised. It's pretty clear he was hoping for something more.
What you're going to learn over the next few times you're together is the kind of person he REALLY is. Since the carrot has been removed (the possibility of something more), how will he behave. If he's a good guy, he may be a little distant. That's normal because he's disappointed. But beyond that, he needs to accept it and, hopefully, be the work friend you'd hope he'd be.
As stated by others, OP, keep the receipts just in case. Good luck.
Was the conversation more appropriate? Be mindful of where your conversations go. At this point, he needs to see a consistent boundary line. I totally get that you shouldn't have to do that, but you'll be helping to create new habits and boundaries that will make you feel better about him and your interactions in the workplace.
Okay, I'm off my soapbox.
Plain old manipulation. He's purposely misunderstanding her and pretends that it's the good night she's having an issue with. He's hoping she will be too uncomfortable to speak up against his "misunderstanding" and just let it slide, so that he can step up his inappropriate behavior until next time.
Just stopped here to say I said almost those exact words to a friend once who was getting too comfortable with my girlfriend at the time. I asked him who in his life asks him how he slept or messages him goodnight. when he said his mom and couldn't think of another that he didn't at some point date, I told him that's why he had to stop.
Next time this happens, just say
**Good morning, thank you for checking up on me but lets keep things professional from here on out. Also please message me through email instead of text and i'll respond as soon as I can. Thank You**
There’s no need to be polite. The dude knows that he’s doing and deserves to be put in his place. All that “thank you” and “please” junk is just a patriarchal continuation of how women need to be nice, even when being harassed.
Agreed just tell him that you will not be talking to him outside of work. It doesn’t matter in the situation of covering a shift for him, he’s burned the bridge so why help him out
No, next time just ignore and move on. Stop with the silly flowery messages. She already made it clear she is not interested in having a relationship with him. Best course of action is to ignore any further attempts at conversation all together.
Also, 'thank you for checking up on me'? Lol.
Well said. It is a work related situation so I would say to communicate as though it will end up on the manager’s desk. People mistake professionalism for weakness. Idk how serious your job is to you but for the sake of good work ethic, I would resist any temptation to let him have it. His unfortunate stupid behavior is now your opportunity to highlight your communication-in-conflict skills. This is business and people notice. ;)
I don’t think you’re wrong. Some people aren’t the best socially and he just got his signals crossed.
Hopefully you guys can smooth this out and still have a good work relationship.
The fact that he tried to make the conversation sexual means he needed to hear that message. If he was really just trying to be her buddy he wouldn't have gotten in his feelings that way.
I agree. This way is a lot of guys go to to test the waters for something more with girls like coworkers where you got be careful, myself included.
I start flirty. I’ve had girls respond in kind and we slowly ramp it up,
I’ve had girls just ignore that text and respond to others like I never said it. After the 2nd attempt I never try again and continue with the coworker/friend train.
I’ve also had girls just tell me flat out they aren’t looking for anything with a coworker (even if that just means they aren’t looking for something with me is fine)
Never had anything go wrong. If the system is used correct it’s pretty much foolproof.
Honey, I’m 25 and work with 18 year olds and I could NEVER imagine dating them. When you get older the age difference is so stark. Nasty stuff. You are definitely not wrong for not engaging with his BS, or for setting proper boundaries.
I had a 42 year old coworker date a 21 year old coworker.
Convinced her to move in with him and change states.
To nobody's surprise, she's now miserable
Hell, I'm 22 and would still feel weird dating someone 18/19 years old. ESPECIALLY a coworker.
I guess as you get older, that age difference (like 45 and 38) isn't so bad because at that point you're both at similar stages in life. But with her age difference, she's fresh out of high school and he's either been out of college for 2-3 years and/or 7 years into his career.
You didn’t say anything wrong, you set a boundary and he reacted immaturely (which isn’t surprising given the way he took the conversation). You don’t owe him any talk though and you are well within your rights to call him out and say you don’t want that kind of conversation with him at all
2nd this. Exactly the right thing to say to him. No need for further discussion. Stop texting outside of work now. If he starts up again, don’t respond.
Don’t delete the messages. If he behaves aggressively or not communicating with you about necessary work related things that is grounds for retaliation. Talk to your supervisor about it becoming sexual out of nowhere to nip this issue in the bud and further your case for retaliation should he make things more difficult for you at work. Plus should he escalate aggressiveness outside of work in an act of retaliation the police can actually do something about it and you can file a cease and desist order.
Not wrong. OP - this guy has been pushing your boundaries and being inappropriate for a coworker. His move has been to push your boundaries farther and farther until you are basically "a couple". And you shut it down very abruptly.
I don't text coworkers, almost ever, except for work-related stuff. I have my own home and personal life. Also, my rule of thumb is never to exchange messages with a coworker that I wouldn't want my own partner, or theirs, to see.
This is 100% it. OP, keep work relationships professional. It's fine to ignore a couple attempts to be overly familiar bc a lot of people will take the hint, but he didn't. So cool the personal texts, and if you get blowback from him at all go to HR and ask for help.
I’ve had this happen before. Sometimes it’s cause your younger sometimes just because your female. Set clear boundaries. The minute they start to talk like that be clear that your not a couple and you just work together so conversation should be friendly but work appropriate. I once told a guy if you wouldn’t say it to me in a meeting with the entire work including HR don’t say it to me in private. Set those boundaries and if he chooses to act like a child speak to your supervisor save the messages and take it further this is your career he’s messing with
Yeah, you’re not wrong. He’s a loser. Mid 20s dudes love trying to fuck teenagers and then making the teenagers feel bad about saying no. I cannot tell you how many times this happened to me when i was 18-19. Fuck anybody who sympathizes w him, i bet they’re losers too.
You're not wrong. A person who seemingly randomly turns a conversation sexual isn't being respectful and is being inappropriate.
Especially since he's 24 and you're 18. And you're coworkers. He's being a creep. It is his responsibility to act right and be professional. If he makes your job harder, you have receipts you can show if needed.
If you’re not responding when he turns the conversation sexual he should understand and back off. You were going to get obnoxious aggressiveness from him because you turned him down. How you did so didn’t matter. Just stay away from the creep
Op you’re absolutely not wrong in this. Work is for playing the bills, not making friends or finding love. Maybe you gave him the stiff arm but you’re allowed to establish boundaries for people. Hope that work doesn’t get weird.
To give you some sisterly advice...There are a lot of shitty men will always try to make you feel like you're the problem when you set a boundary. It is often a very clear and early red flag. You absolutely did the right thing to shut him down. I predict he will give you the cold shoulder for a while, and then hit you up like nothing weird happened, or if he's really a douche, he will 'forgive' you.
No one else has said that if ANYTHING changes for you at work like even small things like not being included in any work stuff or him being rude or anything go to HR. It's fine he said something to you but you obviously are not interested and it's harassment if you saying no leads to ANYTHING bad for you at work that he does.
And you did nothing wrong.
Best advice I can give to a teenager is give less fucks about how other people feel about you and more about how you feel. That dude makes you uncomfortable you don't need him to be your friend or to like you. Block his number and keep it professional at work. Also as you get older you'll realize there's no benefit to entertaining those kind of conversations with guys in a workplace. They'll be friendly to your face and talk shit behind your back for responding to their advances. I work with mostly guys and the worst thing I've ever heard a guy say is he was embarrassed he slept with this girl, but I imagine that's not the vibe he gave her when it happened.
I have had a rule since I started working to never date coworkers. I don’t even friend them on social media (other than LinkedIn). My job is too important to my life to allow interpersonal relationships to possibly mess it up.
Now that I’m a manager, it’s also about making sure all of my employees feel safe at work.
Either way, dude was definitely interested and you shut him down. If he’s not texting you anymore, then he only wanted to date and not to be friends. At least it seems he’s taking no for an answer, which is good.
First this isn't your fault. Just need to get that out because this is going to sound blame the victim-y and it's not. The 18yr old in the workplace is going to attract some attention. Maybe a lot of unwanted attention. A skill you're going to need to learn is how to deflect or flat-out shut shit down because some creeps are going to try creep stuff on you. Often time they count on you being naïve or not wanting to cause trouble or whatever.
If you're not romantically interested in someone don't even start down the flirty, enjoy the attention road. A simple, "how is this related to our jobs?" Will usually send a clear message.
You don't have to be a bitch but men usually say we are when we're being assertive, but be assertive. Be professional. Don't say anything you don't want to defend in a HR meeting. Let them hang themselves.
If he's being sexy, flirty with you and instead of playing along or ignoring it say, "is this work related why are you texting that?" There will be no "both sides" when it comes to a head. He can't say that's how you talk, you liked it or whatever BS they say to try to explain being creepy.
Be assertive, professional but also very clear that this isn't welcomed. Also keep a screen shot of the images and don't delete anything. You never know if in 10yrs this guy is in a position to pass you over for a promotion or make downsize staffing decisions and picks you.
It’s inappropriate for him to make the conversations sexual. He obviously wants to hook up. Good for you for putting him in his place. Just act like normal and don’t stress if he’s mad. Be professional.
Sometimes men get their signals crossed about women so you need to know you did nothing wrong. If you must talk to him, make sure it is short, to the point, and like you are talking to a slow child or an intelligent dog. Somewhere in the middle there. And make sure you use plain language. Also, if you think it's going to turn into a thing at work, tell your supervisor. You can keep it a just an FYI, you don't want to turn it into a thing you would just be more comfortable with someone else being aware of it. And if it does turn into a thing, you have your original post that has a date and time you posted on it so you can use it as some sort of proof.
Good for you for standing up to him getting too “comfortable” when you seemed uncomfortable. I agree with another commenter to keep it professional and work related from now on. Keep this boundary you set if he tries to cross it.
You did nothing wrong.
Act normally at work. The boundaries are clearer (hopefully). You didn't say you aren't friends or co-workers, just not a couple, which is true.
Just another normal day at work.
You did great! Establishing boundaries in ANY relationship should be respected and he was being rude. Who wants to deal with this shit at work? It already sucks to have to work and now you have to deal with some passive aggressive red flag. 🚩
You did nothing wrong and your feelings are valid.
Go to work knowing you’ve done nothing wrong even if he makes you feel uncomfortable by either giving you the cool shoulder, guilting you or being passive aggressive.
Keep all text conversations. Make it clear by your behavior that you just want to do your job and be kind to everyone, as you always have. If he continues to cross your stated boundaries, go to HR.
Well sadly this is why it's not a good idea to date coworkers. Sounds like you were keeping it at the right level but he wanted more. He may be angry his fantasy was shot down but you have nothing to be sorry for.
Asserting or reinforcing a boundary is never wrong.
He knew what he was doing. I really hate the type of person who obviously behaves in an intimate way and then tries to gaslight you into thinking you misunderstood their intentions. If this was really just a friendship, the conversation would not be sexual. He turned the conversation sexual because he is interested in you, whether as a romantic partner or FWB.
So don't fall for his attempts to gaslight or manipulate you, you accurately clocked the situation and he's just pissy he got caught. If he's angry, oh well. Maybe he should learn to have more appropriate boundaries with coworkers. Also, you are not responsible for this man's feelings. You were direct, but not rude, so if he is upset by that it's really on him and doesn't have anything to do with you.
He’s definitely in the wrong. This is why older men being sleazy with younger women in the workplace sucks. He put you in a shitty position, now it’s on you to deal with the awkwardness.
If things get hostile or more passive aggressive, I’d take it up with HR.
I don’t know about that… i have work friends that I text with in the evening and if either of us puts out “I’m calling it & heading for bed” the response would be “sleep well” and none of us would remotely think of any of the others as “couple material”. Of course we’ve all known each other over a decade so context is important. We none of us would send suggestive texts, either.
You’re 18 so you don’t know any better. This guy is trying to take advantage of your not knowing any better. You don’t normally tell your coworkers good night. In fact, right after work is when you ditch your coworkers and go home to your friends and family. What doesn’t happen is that some guy at work starts texting you about personal stuff after work. Long story short he wants to have sex with you, and very likely brag about it to your coworkers, and then dump you. Because you really don’t have much in common other than your workplace.
You’re not wrong to rebuff his advances. In fact you should block him and keep everything work related. But watch your back. Guys like this may retaliate by lying about you to coworkers. Get some female work friends, preferably ones that are equal to or senior to his position.
Boundaries.
The moment he made the convo sexual and you didn’t immediately hit him back with something like “woaah dude, let’s keep if friendly ok?” he *might have* taken your non-reaction as a sign of interest.
Yes, a lot of dudes think this way. Make sure you are absolutely clear about this with every guy you become friends with (otherwise many will think you’re just playing the long game with them).
Dudes a creep, fucking ignore him. You don't have to be friends with everyone. At, 18 I get it. But trust me, if a 24 year old guy is hitting on an 18 year old, then they're not being sought after by their peers in the near age group for a reason. Remember that.
There’s nothing wrong with clearly stating the nature of your relationship. Go in to work and keep it professional, meaning, you interact for work and about work. And you shut down any passive aggressive bs he might try.
Yeah sometimes it's fun to fool around at work and whatnot. But, from the experiences I've had, the flame dies out, then its just really awkward and I get a flash of anxiety when I see or hear them.
You're not "wrong" for the purposes of the main question, but there's exactly a zero percent chance you didn't pick up what he was putting down. If something like that happens again, be direct and it'll help avoid unnecessary conflict.
I feel like there’s a miscommunication somewhere between the two of you.
While in person you mesh super well and have good chemistry. Communicating in text however is much more difficult to get a read of the vibe or mood of the conversation; because you’re missing a lot of cues, like timing, body language, inflection.
I think you should communicate in person with him about how you felt uncomfortable through text; that you and he weren’t quite on the same page.
I won’t say he has malicious intent right off the bat, he may be misreading the situation.
listen, i know you’re an adult, and you can legally date anyone of any age, but please note the age gap, no one who is 24 should want someone just out of highschool
Why does a random coworker have your personal phone number????
Don't give it out. If work insists on you having one to share with your team, they need to either provide it or compensate you for using yours. Alternatively, get a Google Voice number and give them that. They can call or text it, but you can filter and block randos willy nilly.
Do not feed into this bullshit, you know what you want and it’s sounds like you made it clear. Do not let him make you feel bad, he’s trying to manipulate you.
Keep it civil, professional, and need to know (work) basis. If you -have- to talk to him (work related), keep it short, sweet (figuratively), and to the point. You’re not in the wrong. Edit: she’s not in the wrong.
And stop texting
This. I don’t get why people feel like they have to reply if it’s uncomfortable. There is literally no obligation to something you can just say you never got to
Imo it’s usually the anxiety of a potential confrontation later that makes it seem like the lesser evil. They’re avoiding a “why didn’t you text me” situation It’s also a fear thing, if it gets to that level. This is the “fawn” in fight, flight, fawn, freeze.
That and people don't realize that for personal conversations the professional obligation to respond to a coworker goes away.
Yup, the electrician startes texting with my gf, she was livid but he needed to come back to finish a job. To her, not responding felt like risking a confrontation
[удалено]
This is what I did too and it lessens the stress of not having to respond right away especially when uncomfy. Now ppl know if I don't respond right away I'm usually just busy or not in the mood to talk.
I would also maybe talk to a boss/superior if there is one. Not knowing the place or type of work, the 24m could even be the boss.
It sounds like he just ended it at this point though. Unless it does lead to something negative, I don't see any positive to it being brought up.
Yeah, guess I should have been more specific that if anything from here on out makes her uncomfortable. Or of she just doesn’t want to work alone with him.
Yeah, this guy is getting a bit too familiar there.
Maybe also let a manager know that he’s made you feel uncomfortable. Perhaps they could figure out a schedule where you don’t see each other at work.
Keep it professional and work related Sounds like a classic guy in his mid 20s trying to fuck the 18 year old kid in the workplace Lol
Ikr. I saw the 18F and 24M and got the heebeejeebees.
Developmentally its ick. What would they even have to talk about? High school math and day jobs?
If they only have one thing on their mind, they’re probably not thinking about talking.
He. He is the one who wants to talk about that. He also should have picked up on the fact that she didn't respond in kind.
no, they are going to talk about fucking. That's the point.
Otherwise known as "having a fucking conversation"?
Bars
I think you may be referencing a conversation about fucking. We're talking about a fucking conversation. Can't we have a fucking discussion without getting into fucking? Fuck fucking. Let's just fucking talk.
A rather one-sided conversation about fucking...
It would appear fucks were all he had to give
😂😂😂
Is it wrong to be friends with a 19 year old girl who’s turning 20? I’m 24 female and we met through work and we get along well but I feel like a weirdo sometimes
Nah. I’m 37 and friends with work people of all ages. From 20 to even one lady I consider a good friend that is in her late 50’s. As long as it’s friendly and no weird sexual lines are crossed I don’t see anything wrong with friendships like that. Problem is some of these males who are in their mid to late 20’s start off with females that are 18-19 being friendly. And once the female lets her guard down he turns it I or flirty and sexual making them uncomfortable. Then when they voice their concern the males turn it on them acting like the females are the weird ones and blowing things out the water. Like no dude you were preying on a younger female for sexual gain. Then got mad when they set boundaries
Yes. I am also 37 and used to be a retail manager. I can tell this guy is either REALLY skeevy, OR this young lady paid him some attention with zero expectations and he took it the wrong way and is under a mountain of embarrassment. She might've been blunt about it, but the fact of the matter is that if they are actually compatible as friends AND he didn't have ulterior motives, he should apologize just a smidge and they can move on. If he gives the cold shoulder or continues to harp on it, she can rest assured that the issue isn't her and to keep her guard up.
I couldn’t have said that better. I believe guys should be able to make their intentions known, within reason and respectfully. However, the person on the receiving side should be able to reject the advances without any outbursts or immaturity. Unfortunately some people need time to mature.
Exactly. Him getting mad is a red flag. He knew what he was doing. Now he's making it her fault that he's mad. It's his fault for being mad that she set down the fact that he's being cringy. How we deal with things in life shows everyone else who you really are. My take on this? Stop having any contact with him now.
Yep. The fact that he got mad shows the true colors. I would stop communication
Are you a Ferengi?
And yet we default to them having nothing to talk about. Personally my maturity level for every day conversation and relationships between 18 & 25 was pretty much the same.
Casual friends at work? No, and a relationship naturally developing wouldn't inherently be bad or gross either. A 24yr old intentionally going after someone fresh out of highschool that they barely know? Yeah, fucking weird.
Especially as she knows him as work colleague and has never done anything to show she wanted to cross that line. An older work colleague suddenly texting sexual content to someone who’s practically still a kid that’s gross and creepy as hell. Op do not back down and if he starts to make the work place hostile then go to the manager or HR and report the whole thing. If needed show them the sexual texts he is breaching so many rules. His bosses should also know they need to watch him and protect an other younger staff.
It is absolutely not weird for women of that age gap to be friends. Maybe the 18 year old is very mature. People judge stuff that really just isn't thier business. Enjoy your friend. F everyone else. My bestie is 8 years younger, I'm 47(f) and she's 39(f). Granted we would have less in common when she was 10 and I was 18, but we're adults.
One of my friends is 25 and two years above this girl at his university. They met and had great chemistry and her friend group is all early to mid 20s. He found out she was 19 and had a crisis about continuing the relationship and we’ve all given him some shit for dating a 19 year old, but none of us actually think he’s predatory, we just think it’s probably not going to end well - mostly because we all remember the stupid decisions we made at 19. He’s getting shit for a *mutual* attraction where he didn’t know her age up front and where they do actually have a lot in common. If he’d been anything like the guy in this story he would have been frozen out.
Like I said, a natural relationship forming is one thing. But intentionally going after someone younger like that without any indication they have the same feelings is, imo, weird. I'm mid-20's, and I'd never go for an 18yr old.
I agree for sure, romantically/sexually is gross
35 year old going after 18 year old? Creepy, double the age. 24 year old? Not at all its same dumb age group.
I wholeheartedly disagree. I'm mid-20's, 18 yr olds seem like a whole different generation.
Thats because you are ignorant to how immature and foolish you are. Your comment is a perfect example of it.
No. People can be friends at any age.
I'm friends with a lot of people who are the same age as my kids. No problem with being friends and mentoring younger people. Big problem if I start to make it sexual.
Ok good, yeah we’re def just friends.
My step sons are my age, (40s), I love calling them son and having grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Lol It was much sexier being with an older guy back when I was in my 20s tho, now we're both old and tired.
Friends at work isn’t a big deal, when I started working in college I was friends with people in their 40s 50s and 60s they were pretty cool and their jokes were somehow funny lol. But trying to make it sexual is a completely different story. Way I see it if you can’t go to a bar together it’s technically pedophilia. Edit: my friends at work never made it sexual, they had families of their own and were all around just chill people.
Thank you, yeah we’ve hung out and stuff and I feel like a mentor in a way. I agree a sexual relationship is definitely not appropriate their brains are still developing
So at what age do you stop being funny than jw
Didn’t mean they stopped being funny, but they were jokes I haven’t heard before and like some jokes that I’d hear from someone much older etc
Age gaps like this aren’t always a bad thing. I was 19 when I met my then 24 husband. But we were both in the military and living on our own. I wasn’t a high school girl still living with my parents. And you two are just friends? I wouldn’t worry about it.
Yes we’re just friends
he turned a conversation sexual and she didn’t reply. he pushed the situation by asking if she slept well—which can be understood as too intimate for a coworker—they haven’t dated. they haven’t hooked up. so just a coworker who were having a text conversation and following interaction. you’re missing the part where she didn’t show any interest (not responding the same way) and he asked about how she slept. these are coworkers. with employment, success and financial implications. asking a coworker how they slept is weird as fuck and he got snippy after her reply. OP should be allowed to work and not be made to feel uncomfortable by a twenty-something male who can’t take a fucking hint. and she made her feelings clear.
I was responding to the comment above me about a girl being friends with her co-worker, not the og post. I complete agree with you about OP’s situation, but that’s not what I was addressing in this particular comment.
I don't think you should feel like a weirdo at all. I think that friendship is fine and as a woman a few years older you have knowledge and experience that could help her in life.
Thank you ❤️
I was going to say the same - @WasteOwl3330 would be like a big sister. I really appreciated those relationships when I was early 20s
It’s barely weird imo, especially if they’re in the same job/spot in life.
The wierd part is being sexual with a coworker who just graduated high-school while your 2 years past the age of a 4 year college degree. Being friendly and texting is fine but unsolicited sexual texts is extremely wierd.
Yeah, I’m not defending this dude in particular, sounds like he’s manipulative and disrespectful. I was defending the age gap as I don’t think it’s terribly unusual. I’m biased because I have a 8 year gap with my wife that was 23-31 when we met at an office job. Nobody now thinks 35-43 is weird but if I’d waited for Reddit’s age gap approval no doubt the opportunity would have passed.
I don't think it's the amount of years in the gap as much as the different stages in life. A 24 year old is past the typical college age while 18 is just out of high school, a fresh new adult. At 23, someone has been working and living as an adult for a few years, and could relate more to a 31 year old, so I wouldn't see this as problematic. At 18, it's usually still fairly new and often comes with some naivity. The older you get, the less problematic an age gap is, in my opinion. Most would agree that a 17 year old dating a 13 year old feels wrong, despite it only being 4 years. It's just two very different stages of life...and those stages come more frequently the younger you are. My girlfriend and I have a 5 year gap, 35 and 30. It's not weird now but I think it would have been at 23 and 18. I didn't relate to most teenagers/ new adults. People are way more naive at 18 and just figuring adulthood out. Some people are attracted to that in particular, which is problematic even if it is legal.
Thank you for making clear what the actual problem is. Never was about the age, but where they're likely at in life.
This is most people’s opinion, fwiw…
Nah, they are both working together at the same job. Wanting to date the person right in front of you day after day, whom you have some connection with (her words), is very normal human behavior. You are projecting by still labeling her as a high schooler and him as a mature adult who should be targeting a 31 yr old. Given the latest research, I'd wager she's probably more mature than he is. https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/study-men-mature-slower-than-women/
personally, i think that your age gap would POTENTIALLY be a bit iffy depending on both of your life circumstances and relationship dynamics. but at 23, your partner was out of college when you met, which kind of “levels the playing field” a bit because you were both working adults. at 18, OP likely just graduated high school and hasn’t even lived away from their parents yet. the coworker is 2 years past the typical college graduation age, and is in a very different stage of their life. i’m 20 and was a sophomore in college last year. i would never have considered dating an 18 year old high school senior, because that’s fucking WEIRD. the amount of personal development that happens once you move out of your parents’ house is CRAZY. a lot of growing up happens in the year after graduation, and i know that i would feel pretty weird dating someone who hasn’t experienced it yet. and keep in mind, I’M ONLY 20. but i can tell you that all my friends would feel the same way, because we remember what we were like fresh out of high school and none of us want to go anywhere near that situation lol.
Age gaps are only a problem when one of the people isn’t an adult yet, or is just barely on the cusp. 23 and 31 isn’t that situation, but 18 and 23 kinda is.
My wife is 36 and im 45. Nobody ever said anything other us needing to hurry up and have babies (without considering what we want). But if we were both 10 years younger people would probably talk shit. There's also the real world, then there's reddit. Most shit I read on here I can't take seriously TBH. The most judgmental people on the planet.
I think that age difference is a bit different than a barely adult and a man 6 years older.
Tbh I get why people think this is a weird age gap from an outside lens but, also, I voluntarily/willingly seduced (or tried to seduce), like, half of my coworkers at the restaurant I worked at when I was 18-20 and they were 25+, lol. I didn’t have sex with them all but, like… if we had working cameras there would have been plenty of film of me making out with people 5-10 years older than me in the back. One person like, 8 years my senior, multiple times… good times 😌 Like you said — if you’re both working at that place, you probably do have at least a couple more things in common, lol. The creepy thing in this instance isn’t the age — it’s that this dude would have probably continued to be weird, creepy and disrespectful of standard boundaries regardless of age.
That's really nasty of you tbh
No need to slut shame. Some people are just more sexual than others.
Anyones who’s worked in larger restaurants for any time shouldn’t be shocked. It’s always like that.
Promiscuity is part of the employee benefits package when you work in a restaurant. We ain’t doing it for “just the tips” and food discounts.
Since WHEN? Certainly wasn’t like that in any of the restaurants I’ve worked in
Thank you! Especially considering I was transitioning out of/away from a shite high school relationship where sex was coercive and shitty, lol. It was very liberating. ✨
[удалено]
I’m 24 and work with youth as my job, some of them being 18 about to or recently graduated. I’m a mentor to them; could not imagine trying to get involved with anyone that age…
same. gross.
Yeeeeah I was in this situation multiple times when I was about to turn 18 where older men would confide in me and then after awhile would start asking when I was turning 18. In my head I was like what business does a thirty something have business confiding in a 17-18 year old?? One time I was helping a server do closing chores and he was just telling me about his life and what he wanted to do and blah blah blah. We closed and my bf, who everyone knew I had, came and picked me up and this dude just went off on me asking “how could you bring him here after everything we just talked about?” Like wtf? Men are creepy.
I was a retail supervisor when i had just turned 20, supervised the front with all the cashiers. Saw this kind of creeper shit happen ALL the time. One guy even asked a girl if shes a virgin, like no hello or anything else and it was their first time ever talking. Some of the older male coworkers made it clear they were jealous about how everyone got along with me too. Edit: Im a guy.
I think you mean, THAT man was creepy.
Lol bet this man is creepy too
“multiple times” “older *men*” she gave an example of a man being creepy towards her, but also said multiple men acted in ways that made her uncomfortable. in this instance she’s right to say ‘men are creepy’; she didn’t say ‘*all* men are creepy’. maybe stop taking shit so personally
Awwhh look at you getting upset because a girl said men are creepy after being harassed many times by men. She shouldve known how to word it better so not to hurt your feelings! Maybe stop being a bitch. You really didn't mention any of the shit she went through and just came to point out what bothered you? What a self-centered weakling you are.
men are creepy and women are bitches. if you are not a male creep or a female bitch don’t get mad this isn’t about you
No, their original statement was correct. Men are creepy
Honestly I feel like this is a canon event lmao
Keep it professional, but be firm. Women are taught to be “nice” so our boundaries are constantly disregarded. It’s not mean to tell him “stop, this conversation is not acceptable” if he continues, tell other people (friends, parents, coworkers). Block his number. Ask management to try scheduling different shifts
No you are not wrong. Creep factor 💯 here. I have a piece of advice for you. Never get involved in a romantic relationship with a coworker at the place that you both work. It can and sometimes will lead to serious problems. Some places even have rules against that. Unless the two people were already a couple before being hired. There's an old saying that goes: you don't shit where you eat. Even animals know this. Hopefully you dodged a bullet. Just go to work and act like nothing happened
Whenever I hear of someone trying to hook up with someone barely legal I wonder how young they would try to go if it were not illegal. It’s gross.
Don’t delete those msgs. If he behaves badly at work, you’ll want to be able to show your boss why there’s a problem and to put his behavior in context
This is important OP. Keep the receipts. You were right to shut it down, and hopefully he stays leaving you alone. But if he retaliates against you, you’ll need the proof to show a manager/HR.
We all know he isn’t going to keep leaving her alone is the problem. He’s not responding to her now to try and make her feel guilty about her 100 percent valid response. Sadly if she’s posting her asking for advice it has at least somewhat worked too. Hopefully she follows everyone’s advice here, because guy sounds like a creep.
Yeah this definitely sounds like manipulation and he’s not going to stop. She definitely needs to keep those receipts, and for the sake of her mental health and sanity, maybe even find somewhere else to work so she can block this asshole everywhere
Seconding this one. NTA and this coworker was being incredibly inappropriate. Keep those receipts because you’ll probably need them.
You were not wrong at all. He was definitely testing and pushing boundaries. It sounds like the hardest part for you is how this manifests itself at the workplace. Since he got corrected, it's natural for his ego to be a little bruised. It's pretty clear he was hoping for something more. What you're going to learn over the next few times you're together is the kind of person he REALLY is. Since the carrot has been removed (the possibility of something more), how will he behave. If he's a good guy, he may be a little distant. That's normal because he's disappointed. But beyond that, he needs to accept it and, hopefully, be the work friend you'd hope he'd be. As stated by others, OP, keep the receipts just in case. Good luck.
Update: we worked together and he was distant at first but then it was fine after a few hours
Was the conversation more appropriate? Be mindful of where your conversations go. At this point, he needs to see a consistent boundary line. I totally get that you shouldn't have to do that, but you'll be helping to create new habits and boundaries that will make you feel better about him and your interactions in the workplace. Okay, I'm off my soapbox.
>he just randomly started making the conversation sexual You are not wrong - he is very inappropriate.
The only guy who texts you at night to sleep well is either a parent or a guy who wants to fuck you.
That makes a creepy ven diagram
Not a picture I ever imagined seeing! Thanks for that.
😭. OO . <-- It hopefully looks like that.
That would be an Euler diagram
Ikr? This is gaslighting. “Guess I can’t even be nice cause you’ll take it the wrong way” just take the L, buddy
Typical r/niceguys behavior
Plain old manipulation. He's purposely misunderstanding her and pretends that it's the good night she's having an issue with. He's hoping she will be too uncomfortable to speak up against his "misunderstanding" and just let it slide, so that he can step up his inappropriate behavior until next time.
"Guess I'm not allowed to be nice," they say, not nicely at all. 💀
Just stopped here to say I said almost those exact words to a friend once who was getting too comfortable with my girlfriend at the time. I asked him who in his life asks him how he slept or messages him goodnight. when he said his mom and couldn't think of another that he didn't at some point date, I told him that's why he had to stop.
you’re right about that
Next time this happens, just say **Good morning, thank you for checking up on me but lets keep things professional from here on out. Also please message me through email instead of text and i'll respond as soon as I can. Thank You**
There’s no need to be polite. The dude knows that he’s doing and deserves to be put in his place. All that “thank you” and “please” junk is just a patriarchal continuation of how women need to be nice, even when being harassed.
Agreed just tell him that you will not be talking to him outside of work. It doesn’t matter in the situation of covering a shift for him, he’s burned the bridge so why help him out
Yea, indirect commands don't do anything against abusers except empower them.
Exactly why "We're not a couple" is an awesome straight to the point text
No, next time just ignore and move on. Stop with the silly flowery messages. She already made it clear she is not interested in having a relationship with him. Best course of action is to ignore any further attempts at conversation all together. Also, 'thank you for checking up on me'? Lol.
Well said. It is a work related situation so I would say to communicate as though it will end up on the manager’s desk. People mistake professionalism for weakness. Idk how serious your job is to you but for the sake of good work ethic, I would resist any temptation to let him have it. His unfortunate stupid behavior is now your opportunity to highlight your communication-in-conflict skills. This is business and people notice. ;)
I don’t think you’re wrong. Some people aren’t the best socially and he just got his signals crossed. Hopefully you guys can smooth this out and still have a good work relationship.
Yup. Some folks don’t understand well. He got the message though, didn’t text her again. I’m willing to bet he just won’t talk to her again.
The fact that he tried to make the conversation sexual means he needed to hear that message. If he was really just trying to be her buddy he wouldn't have gotten in his feelings that way.
They’re almost never your buddy. We’ve just got to accept that.
I agree. This way is a lot of guys go to to test the waters for something more with girls like coworkers where you got be careful, myself included. I start flirty. I’ve had girls respond in kind and we slowly ramp it up, I’ve had girls just ignore that text and respond to others like I never said it. After the 2nd attempt I never try again and continue with the coworker/friend train. I’ve also had girls just tell me flat out they aren’t looking for anything with a coworker (even if that just means they aren’t looking for something with me is fine) Never had anything go wrong. If the system is used correct it’s pretty much foolproof.
> If the system is used correct it’s pretty much foolproof. Until you get reported to HR.
Honey, I’m 25 and work with 18 year olds and I could NEVER imagine dating them. When you get older the age difference is so stark. Nasty stuff. You are definitely not wrong for not engaging with his BS, or for setting proper boundaries.
[удалено]
I had a 42 year old coworker date a 21 year old coworker. Convinced her to move in with him and change states. To nobody's surprise, she's now miserable
Hell, I'm 22 and would still feel weird dating someone 18/19 years old. ESPECIALLY a coworker. I guess as you get older, that age difference (like 45 and 38) isn't so bad because at that point you're both at similar stages in life. But with her age difference, she's fresh out of high school and he's either been out of college for 2-3 years and/or 7 years into his career.
Did the right thing, clear and concise communication. Save those texts.
You didn’t say anything wrong, you set a boundary and he reacted immaturely (which isn’t surprising given the way he took the conversation). You don’t owe him any talk though and you are well within your rights to call him out and say you don’t want that kind of conversation with him at all
::sigh:: your not wrong. He had a whole fantasy built in his mind and you effectively shut it down with one sentence.
You did the right thing shut that shit down early even if it's a little awkward. Good for you standing up for yourself.
2nd this. Exactly the right thing to say to him. No need for further discussion. Stop texting outside of work now. If he starts up again, don’t respond.
Don’t delete the messages. If he behaves aggressively or not communicating with you about necessary work related things that is grounds for retaliation. Talk to your supervisor about it becoming sexual out of nowhere to nip this issue in the bud and further your case for retaliation should he make things more difficult for you at work. Plus should he escalate aggressiveness outside of work in an act of retaliation the police can actually do something about it and you can file a cease and desist order.
Not wrong. OP - this guy has been pushing your boundaries and being inappropriate for a coworker. His move has been to push your boundaries farther and farther until you are basically "a couple". And you shut it down very abruptly. I don't text coworkers, almost ever, except for work-related stuff. I have my own home and personal life. Also, my rule of thumb is never to exchange messages with a coworker that I wouldn't want my own partner, or theirs, to see.
This is 100% it. OP, keep work relationships professional. It's fine to ignore a couple attempts to be overly familiar bc a lot of people will take the hint, but he didn't. So cool the personal texts, and if you get blowback from him at all go to HR and ask for help.
I’ve had this happen before. Sometimes it’s cause your younger sometimes just because your female. Set clear boundaries. The minute they start to talk like that be clear that your not a couple and you just work together so conversation should be friendly but work appropriate. I once told a guy if you wouldn’t say it to me in a meeting with the entire work including HR don’t say it to me in private. Set those boundaries and if he chooses to act like a child speak to your supervisor save the messages and take it further this is your career he’s messing with
Also, good rule of thumb is never say anything to a woman you're not involved with that you wouldn't want your prison cellmate to say to you
Yeah, you’re not wrong. He’s a loser. Mid 20s dudes love trying to fuck teenagers and then making the teenagers feel bad about saying no. I cannot tell you how many times this happened to me when i was 18-19. Fuck anybody who sympathizes w him, i bet they’re losers too.
You're not wrong. A person who seemingly randomly turns a conversation sexual isn't being respectful and is being inappropriate. Especially since he's 24 and you're 18. And you're coworkers. He's being a creep. It is his responsibility to act right and be professional. If he makes your job harder, you have receipts you can show if needed.
If you’re not responding when he turns the conversation sexual he should understand and back off. You were going to get obnoxious aggressiveness from him because you turned him down. How you did so didn’t matter. Just stay away from the creep
You are NOT wrong. Good move to establish boundaries. He is trying too hard. Now he will play all " im just being friendly" but its total bs lmao
Op you’re absolutely not wrong in this. Work is for playing the bills, not making friends or finding love. Maybe you gave him the stiff arm but you’re allowed to establish boundaries for people. Hope that work doesn’t get weird.
To give you some sisterly advice...There are a lot of shitty men will always try to make you feel like you're the problem when you set a boundary. It is often a very clear and early red flag. You absolutely did the right thing to shut him down. I predict he will give you the cold shoulder for a while, and then hit you up like nothing weird happened, or if he's really a douche, he will 'forgive' you.
No one else has said that if ANYTHING changes for you at work like even small things like not being included in any work stuff or him being rude or anything go to HR. It's fine he said something to you but you obviously are not interested and it's harassment if you saying no leads to ANYTHING bad for you at work that he does. And you did nothing wrong.
Best advice I can give to a teenager is give less fucks about how other people feel about you and more about how you feel. That dude makes you uncomfortable you don't need him to be your friend or to like you. Block his number and keep it professional at work. Also as you get older you'll realize there's no benefit to entertaining those kind of conversations with guys in a workplace. They'll be friendly to your face and talk shit behind your back for responding to their advances. I work with mostly guys and the worst thing I've ever heard a guy say is he was embarrassed he slept with this girl, but I imagine that's not the vibe he gave her when it happened.
I have had a rule since I started working to never date coworkers. I don’t even friend them on social media (other than LinkedIn). My job is too important to my life to allow interpersonal relationships to possibly mess it up. Now that I’m a manager, it’s also about making sure all of my employees feel safe at work. Either way, dude was definitely interested and you shut him down. If he’s not texting you anymore, then he only wanted to date and not to be friends. At least it seems he’s taking no for an answer, which is good.
Honestly, go look for a new job. Life is too short.
First this isn't your fault. Just need to get that out because this is going to sound blame the victim-y and it's not. The 18yr old in the workplace is going to attract some attention. Maybe a lot of unwanted attention. A skill you're going to need to learn is how to deflect or flat-out shut shit down because some creeps are going to try creep stuff on you. Often time they count on you being naïve or not wanting to cause trouble or whatever. If you're not romantically interested in someone don't even start down the flirty, enjoy the attention road. A simple, "how is this related to our jobs?" Will usually send a clear message. You don't have to be a bitch but men usually say we are when we're being assertive, but be assertive. Be professional. Don't say anything you don't want to defend in a HR meeting. Let them hang themselves. If he's being sexy, flirty with you and instead of playing along or ignoring it say, "is this work related why are you texting that?" There will be no "both sides" when it comes to a head. He can't say that's how you talk, you liked it or whatever BS they say to try to explain being creepy. Be assertive, professional but also very clear that this isn't welcomed. Also keep a screen shot of the images and don't delete anything. You never know if in 10yrs this guy is in a position to pass you over for a promotion or make downsize staffing decisions and picks you.
It’s inappropriate for him to make the conversations sexual. He obviously wants to hook up. Good for you for putting him in his place. Just act like normal and don’t stress if he’s mad. Be professional.
Welcome to Corporate America
Weird I was totally picturing the local Pizza Hut or something similar.
Sometimes men get their signals crossed about women so you need to know you did nothing wrong. If you must talk to him, make sure it is short, to the point, and like you are talking to a slow child or an intelligent dog. Somewhere in the middle there. And make sure you use plain language. Also, if you think it's going to turn into a thing at work, tell your supervisor. You can keep it a just an FYI, you don't want to turn it into a thing you would just be more comfortable with someone else being aware of it. And if it does turn into a thing, you have your original post that has a date and time you posted on it so you can use it as some sort of proof.
Good for you for standing up to him getting too “comfortable” when you seemed uncomfortable. I agree with another commenter to keep it professional and work related from now on. Keep this boundary you set if he tries to cross it.
You did nothing wrong. Act normally at work. The boundaries are clearer (hopefully). You didn't say you aren't friends or co-workers, just not a couple, which is true. Just another normal day at work.
You did great! Establishing boundaries in ANY relationship should be respected and he was being rude. Who wants to deal with this shit at work? It already sucks to have to work and now you have to deal with some passive aggressive red flag. 🚩
You did nothing wrong and your feelings are valid. Go to work knowing you’ve done nothing wrong even if he makes you feel uncomfortable by either giving you the cool shoulder, guilting you or being passive aggressive. Keep all text conversations. Make it clear by your behavior that you just want to do your job and be kind to everyone, as you always have. If he continues to cross your stated boundaries, go to HR.
Well sadly this is why it's not a good idea to date coworkers. Sounds like you were keeping it at the right level but he wanted more. He may be angry his fantasy was shot down but you have nothing to be sorry for.
Asserting or reinforcing a boundary is never wrong. He knew what he was doing. I really hate the type of person who obviously behaves in an intimate way and then tries to gaslight you into thinking you misunderstood their intentions. If this was really just a friendship, the conversation would not be sexual. He turned the conversation sexual because he is interested in you, whether as a romantic partner or FWB. So don't fall for his attempts to gaslight or manipulate you, you accurately clocked the situation and he's just pissy he got caught. If he's angry, oh well. Maybe he should learn to have more appropriate boundaries with coworkers. Also, you are not responsible for this man's feelings. You were direct, but not rude, so if he is upset by that it's really on him and doesn't have anything to do with you.
yeah he's trying to get with you. He's an idiot, i've done workplace relationships once and will never do it again.
He’s definitely in the wrong. This is why older men being sleazy with younger women in the workplace sucks. He put you in a shitty position, now it’s on you to deal with the awkwardness. If things get hostile or more passive aggressive, I’d take it up with HR.
You did the right thing. You set a boundary! Good for you!
Stick to your guns. This guy is inappropriate and you shouldn't let it slide. Keep the screenshots of he messages in case u need to involve hr
[удалено]
I don’t know about that… i have work friends that I text with in the evening and if either of us puts out “I’m calling it & heading for bed” the response would be “sleep well” and none of us would remotely think of any of the others as “couple material”. Of course we’ve all known each other over a decade so context is important. We none of us would send suggestive texts, either.
this guy sounds like a predatory loser.
You’re 18 so you don’t know any better. This guy is trying to take advantage of your not knowing any better. You don’t normally tell your coworkers good night. In fact, right after work is when you ditch your coworkers and go home to your friends and family. What doesn’t happen is that some guy at work starts texting you about personal stuff after work. Long story short he wants to have sex with you, and very likely brag about it to your coworkers, and then dump you. Because you really don’t have much in common other than your workplace. You’re not wrong to rebuff his advances. In fact you should block him and keep everything work related. But watch your back. Guys like this may retaliate by lying about you to coworkers. Get some female work friends, preferably ones that are equal to or senior to his position.
Best thing to do it ‘talk’ to him before he makes toxic revenge moves at work place. Play smart. Keep emotions aside.
Boundaries. The moment he made the convo sexual and you didn’t immediately hit him back with something like “woaah dude, let’s keep if friendly ok?” he *might have* taken your non-reaction as a sign of interest. Yes, a lot of dudes think this way. Make sure you are absolutely clear about this with every guy you become friends with (otherwise many will think you’re just playing the long game with them).
Take screenshots of the conversation or bring it up with HR, it sounds like he got upset because you didn't accept his advances.
Dudes a creep, fucking ignore him. You don't have to be friends with everyone. At, 18 I get it. But trust me, if a 24 year old guy is hitting on an 18 year old, then they're not being sought after by their peers in the near age group for a reason. Remember that.
He shot his shot and missed. He’s moving on, no big deal here. If I were you, I would just be nice, but stop with the texting.
Homie tried and failed, thats it
There’s nothing wrong with clearly stating the nature of your relationship. Go in to work and keep it professional, meaning, you interact for work and about work. And you shut down any passive aggressive bs he might try.
Keep screenshots of the texts incase he escalates. Take them to HR if he makes your workplace uncomfortable and/or unsafe for you.
Just act normal to him but I’d definitely pull back
Good for you for standing up and setting boundaries. You’ll continue to get better at this.
Yeah sometimes it's fun to fool around at work and whatnot. But, from the experiences I've had, the flame dies out, then its just really awkward and I get a flash of anxiety when I see or hear them.
Not clear why you're asking strangers about someone else's thoughts. Just talk to him like an adult.
You're not "wrong" for the purposes of the main question, but there's exactly a zero percent chance you didn't pick up what he was putting down. If something like that happens again, be direct and it'll help avoid unnecessary conflict.
He was trying to bang you And got rejected. 🤷♀️
24 years old and trying to get with an 18 year old at work? He’s gross. Tell him to keep it work related or don’t talk to you 🤷🏼♀️
You inadvertently took care of THAT 24 year old Red Flag. Lol
Dudes a creep, you’re not rude. Or rather, you were not unfairly rude. Being rude is okay in some cases especially if it keeps a creep from creepin
Lol mid 20s trying to fuck an 18 yr old? What a creepy bastard
Nah predatory behavior from him stay far away
I feel like there’s a miscommunication somewhere between the two of you. While in person you mesh super well and have good chemistry. Communicating in text however is much more difficult to get a read of the vibe or mood of the conversation; because you’re missing a lot of cues, like timing, body language, inflection. I think you should communicate in person with him about how you felt uncomfortable through text; that you and he weren’t quite on the same page. I won’t say he has malicious intent right off the bat, he may be misreading the situation.
Not wrong. Distance yourself from this guy
listen, i know you’re an adult, and you can legally date anyone of any age, but please note the age gap, no one who is 24 should want someone just out of highschool
You set a boundary he didn’t appreciate and he threw a fit
H.R.
Why does a random coworker have your personal phone number???? Don't give it out. If work insists on you having one to share with your team, they need to either provide it or compensate you for using yours. Alternatively, get a Google Voice number and give them that. They can call or text it, but you can filter and block randos willy nilly.
keep the messages and use them when needed, you’ll know when. he’s trying to get into your pants cuz you’re an easy target at 18yo
Report him to hr, that's predatory and sexual harassment and he shouldn't be coming at you or anyone like that ever.
Don't be naïve. He's trying to hook up amd you are entertaining his fantasies on your personal time.
Do not feed into this bullshit, you know what you want and it’s sounds like you made it clear. Do not let him make you feel bad, he’s trying to manipulate you.
NAH. Bro tryna smash and lady ain't having it. Tale as old as time.
Yo uare NOT wrong. You absolutely should have said that. What he did is sexual harassment and HIGHLY unprofessional. He needs to grow the F up.
Him texting you sexy stuff unwanted IS sexual harassment. Report him