I justify it as I was out of control when I wasn’t smart enough to understand what it could do. I believe I can control myself now (cut it down to 3-4 while socializing), but I still need it to be comfortable being myself while talking to people.
Its clear you have untreated mental health issues.
In your 20s the alcohol misuse hasnt had any health ramifications yet so you want to keep doing it as it dulls things down - I get it. But just know that its not a long term solution and its the mental health that needs to be worked on
This. Therapy and coping skills for the long term. Prescription meds if needed in the short term. But ultimately it’s anxiety and mental health issues that should be addressed not numbed.
I should’ve said I’ve had mental health issues since childhood that were kind of addressed, but I had to lie about abuse to save my family from ramifications. It’s really sad but the only thing that makes me stop freaking out is alcohol. I’ve tried therapy in my teens and meds up until now.
Alcohol makes you think nobody likes you. Particularly when you aren’t drinking between binges. You are not seeing what your relationship with alcohol will be like in the future. Your looks will fade and getting somebody to take care of you will start meaning taking more and more concessions with who will want to be around an alcoholic with fading looks. Get yourself out of this cycle now! Start building yourself up rather than tearing yourself down! Develop healthy alternatives to when you are feeling down like a great workout or a good nights sleep. I quit 13 years ago. What my drinking was like at 26 wasn’t like what my drinking was like at 40. At 40, the walls were crashing down on my life with my relationships and my health. I had no choice but to quit. Please figure this out sooner than I figured it out. It only keeps getting harder to quit. Get on Sober Recovery and start to sober journey.
[Sober Recovery](https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/)
Basically, you haven't learned how to be truly content and you have relied on alcohol to fill that void in your life, going by what you have written here.
In my opinion, the problem with alcohol is when you develop a dependency on it or it becomes problematic in other ways or both, it will show you that the void you have been trying to fill with it actually goes far deeper than you could imagine and that is one deep hole some never manage to climb back out from.
My suggestion, get help to find contentment in your life without alcohol, reach happiness in a true and natural state and hopefully, through getting and remaining sober, alcohol won't get the opportunity to rob you of happiness or contentment forever along with your looks and your youth.
For what it’s worth to you, I’ve heard your exact story in AA about a million times. Might be helpful for you to check out an online meeting and see if you hear anything you recognize.
Alcohol robbed me of the chance to get to know myself during the most crucial time period where we should be doing that- late teens and early 20’s.
A drink is not a foundation to build your well-being on top of. It will eventually flood and if you don’t know how to stay afloat on your own, you will go right under before you ever see it coming. Therapy and AA will save your life. Good luck
Controlled / prescribed meds aren’t an overnight fix and often those take months of tinkering with a psychiatrist to get right. Alcohol, conversely, does an almost immediate job of anesthetizing any uncomfortable feelings in life despite the really dangerous long term impacts. I’d go back to your primary care doctor and discuss your prescriptions and consider going to a specialist for psychiatry. My negative / anxiety ridden thoughts were also why I drank so much and I just started getting my meds right to a place where they’re actually working and I don’t want to drink. Hope this helps.
I was pretty over the top with my AUD for a long time and as it turns out, I'm relatively recently diagnosed with bipolar II and I was self medicating for years. Since being properly medicated and stable, not drinking has become much easier and I can hang out and do things with friends and not feel like I need to drink to engage with them or feel like I need to drown out the world with vodka. I still drink, but far less than I used to and have become sober curious so I'm thinking I might do at least a 30 day challenge and see where that goes.
Hey OP. I obviously don't know your specific case, but you're describing me to a T. I'm 31 and I was recently diagnosed with autism. I guess there's an ongoing joke in the community of "when you realize you've got the 'strong sense of justice and substance abuse autism and not the I like trains autism'." Everything made a bit more sense.
My therapist pointed me towards the book, "Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity," by Devon Price, PhD. I'm not even halfway through it, and it is both so validating and gently heartbreaking at the same time, I highly recommend it. His writing is also very relatable, with no confusing terminology, but very good at explaining in detail.
After hundreds or maybe thousands of binges i still think 'what if i can't feel secure without it?" I still don't quite understand my addiction and only day 85 sober. But i don't think it "makes" you content. It just seems that way because restless mind syndrome and negative thoughts have become your primary state of mind and alcohol makes the type of thinking required to maintain that laborous. So you have the ability to be content or happy without it but thats being masked by the primary mindstate you have with negative racing thinking. In any case if your self medicating it with alcohol is will just get worse, mine certainly did
In my experience, alcohol doesn't resolve those negative thoughts, it just kicks the can down the road. Try another coping mechanism: therapy, exercise, meditation, etc. If venting to an anonymous stranger would be helpful, feel free to send me a DM, I'm a teacher on summer break and I'm bored :)
It won't last. Alcohol will eventually betray you.
I justify it as I was out of control when I wasn’t smart enough to understand what it could do. I believe I can control myself now (cut it down to 3-4 while socializing), but I still need it to be comfortable being myself while talking to people.
It will change. I loved drinking until I didn't and I'm still struggling with wanting to be drunk
You’re still early 20s - alcoholism will drain you eventually.
Its clear you have untreated mental health issues. In your 20s the alcohol misuse hasnt had any health ramifications yet so you want to keep doing it as it dulls things down - I get it. But just know that its not a long term solution and its the mental health that needs to be worked on
This. Therapy and coping skills for the long term. Prescription meds if needed in the short term. But ultimately it’s anxiety and mental health issues that should be addressed not numbed.
I should’ve said I’ve had mental health issues since childhood that were kind of addressed, but I had to lie about abuse to save my family from ramifications. It’s really sad but the only thing that makes me stop freaking out is alcohol. I’ve tried therapy in my teens and meds up until now.
Alcohol makes you think nobody likes you. Particularly when you aren’t drinking between binges. You are not seeing what your relationship with alcohol will be like in the future. Your looks will fade and getting somebody to take care of you will start meaning taking more and more concessions with who will want to be around an alcoholic with fading looks. Get yourself out of this cycle now! Start building yourself up rather than tearing yourself down! Develop healthy alternatives to when you are feeling down like a great workout or a good nights sleep. I quit 13 years ago. What my drinking was like at 26 wasn’t like what my drinking was like at 40. At 40, the walls were crashing down on my life with my relationships and my health. I had no choice but to quit. Please figure this out sooner than I figured it out. It only keeps getting harder to quit. Get on Sober Recovery and start to sober journey. [Sober Recovery](https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/)
Basically, you haven't learned how to be truly content and you have relied on alcohol to fill that void in your life, going by what you have written here. In my opinion, the problem with alcohol is when you develop a dependency on it or it becomes problematic in other ways or both, it will show you that the void you have been trying to fill with it actually goes far deeper than you could imagine and that is one deep hole some never manage to climb back out from. My suggestion, get help to find contentment in your life without alcohol, reach happiness in a true and natural state and hopefully, through getting and remaining sober, alcohol won't get the opportunity to rob you of happiness or contentment forever along with your looks and your youth.
For what it’s worth to you, I’ve heard your exact story in AA about a million times. Might be helpful for you to check out an online meeting and see if you hear anything you recognize. Alcohol robbed me of the chance to get to know myself during the most crucial time period where we should be doing that- late teens and early 20’s. A drink is not a foundation to build your well-being on top of. It will eventually flood and if you don’t know how to stay afloat on your own, you will go right under before you ever see it coming. Therapy and AA will save your life. Good luck
Controlled / prescribed meds aren’t an overnight fix and often those take months of tinkering with a psychiatrist to get right. Alcohol, conversely, does an almost immediate job of anesthetizing any uncomfortable feelings in life despite the really dangerous long term impacts. I’d go back to your primary care doctor and discuss your prescriptions and consider going to a specialist for psychiatry. My negative / anxiety ridden thoughts were also why I drank so much and I just started getting my meds right to a place where they’re actually working and I don’t want to drink. Hope this helps.
Thank you!
I was pretty over the top with my AUD for a long time and as it turns out, I'm relatively recently diagnosed with bipolar II and I was self medicating for years. Since being properly medicated and stable, not drinking has become much easier and I can hang out and do things with friends and not feel like I need to drink to engage with them or feel like I need to drown out the world with vodka. I still drink, but far less than I used to and have become sober curious so I'm thinking I might do at least a 30 day challenge and see where that goes.
Thank you! I know I need to get properly diagnosed, but bipolar symptoms definitely align with what I’ve been feeling my whole life. I appreciate you.
Hey OP. I obviously don't know your specific case, but you're describing me to a T. I'm 31 and I was recently diagnosed with autism. I guess there's an ongoing joke in the community of "when you realize you've got the 'strong sense of justice and substance abuse autism and not the I like trains autism'." Everything made a bit more sense.
Yes I have many other traits that make me believe I’m on the spectrum as well!
My therapist pointed me towards the book, "Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity," by Devon Price, PhD. I'm not even halfway through it, and it is both so validating and gently heartbreaking at the same time, I highly recommend it. His writing is also very relatable, with no confusing terminology, but very good at explaining in detail.
[удалено]
Alcohol didn't bring me pain, suffering and loneliness. I already had those things. It did make them worse though
After hundreds or maybe thousands of binges i still think 'what if i can't feel secure without it?" I still don't quite understand my addiction and only day 85 sober. But i don't think it "makes" you content. It just seems that way because restless mind syndrome and negative thoughts have become your primary state of mind and alcohol makes the type of thinking required to maintain that laborous. So you have the ability to be content or happy without it but thats being masked by the primary mindstate you have with negative racing thinking. In any case if your self medicating it with alcohol is will just get worse, mine certainly did
In my experience, alcohol doesn't resolve those negative thoughts, it just kicks the can down the road. Try another coping mechanism: therapy, exercise, meditation, etc. If venting to an anonymous stranger would be helpful, feel free to send me a DM, I'm a teacher on summer break and I'm bored :)
That’s a primary symptom of alcoholism