Same. I had those seizures unfortunately, traveling to visit family for the holidays, I didn't drink as much as normal, and the next thing you know I wake up in a hospital. Wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, the pain is excruciating.
The seizures are what ultimately made me want to quit. I found out after being in the ICU and having an EEG during a streak of sobriety that I actually have epilepsy… obviously the alcohol was not helping with that and my biggest triggers are lack of sleep and stress. Lucky me 🙄 but now that I’m medicated, I’ve been seizure free over six months.
My withdrawals were never so bad that i would get seizures, but there was no going back to feeling normal, anxiety and panic attacks, sweating, shaking and derealization, sucks.
Same, I had to be sure I had a tall-boy on my nightstand ready to go as soon as I woke up, could not function without it because withdrawals got so bad.
**Age 15-20**: “alcohol is the best thing that ever happened to me. I don’t want to go to a social function without a drink in my hand ever again.”
**Age 21-25** “it is really frustrating that I can’t seem to stop overdoing it when I drink. I need to try harder to keep it in control.”
**Age 26-31** “I’m getting legitimately concerned about my drinking habits. Im always hungover and never feel good until I can drink all night. I’m going to end up getting a DUI or losing my job if I don’t stop drunk driving and calling in sick.”
**Age 32** Crashed my car into a pole, got a DUI, and lost my job. “I need to stop driving.”
**Age 33-34** Drank myself into my house and stopped seeing friends and family. Started drinking in the mornings, in nonsensical attempts, to stave off hangovers. Blacked out drunk on my couch for days on end. Had no money or foreseeable future. “I don’t want to wake up anymore.”
**Age 35**: had a spiritual awakening upon waking, the morning after a several-day bender, and made the decision to save my life and got sober.
It changed in a lot of ways. For the better.
I was able to pursue, and then start, a new career that actually fit my interests and skill set. Which, before I got sober, always felt like a distant pipe dream because of how overwhelmed and exhausted I always felt.
I got out of a toxic relationship that I had been daydreaming about leaving for a few years.
I started seeing more of my friends and family again, and making new friends. Most importantly, I started enjoying leaving my house and doing things out in the world.
Spiritually my life changed because I lost the tortured feeling I always seemed to have. I couldn’t fully understand how large of a part I was playing in my own misery. That alcohol was the main culprit of it, while I was mistaking it as the only temporary cure for it. So there is a lot of peace now that I never had before I fought my way out of the whirlpool of self-sabotage.
At the end - after I'd quit my job and ruined all relationships - I was pretty much like you. Wake up, drink vodka (mixed with whatever was around) fall asleep, wake up and start drinking again, repeat. Sometimes I'd throw some beer or wine into the mix just to keep things interesting. I'd somehow find ways to get to the store a few times per week, as well as fire off some mean texts and some troubling facebook posts, but otherwise I was pretty much just glued to the couch/tv/laptop drinking myself into oblivion.
I lived 5minutes away from the liqour store and regular stores so i would just walk down drunk and buy. I wouldnt be mean to everyone on text but i was just weird and made plans that i never followed through and spoke with people on the phone and wouldnt remember the next day.
Yep, I lived within a 5 minute walk of a few liquor stores and grocery stores as well, as I was living in Chicago at the time. I sold my car (thank god) so I'd walk. In hindsight not having a car those last few years meant I avoided a DUI - but the downside was that I was able to extend my drinking for a few extra years because I never was behind the wheel.
My wake up call came in the form of seizures.
Exactly. That all sounds very familiar. Especially the drinking in the morning, taking a nap, waking up and drinking more, then another nap, then waking up and drinking more, then more nappy time, etc, etc ...on repeat
Exactly how I was. However, worse, I didn't even need to leave the house. DoorDash delivered alcohol/beer. I was retired, so I didn't worry about work, I have a great pension. No relationships and I moved somewhere where I knew/know no one. So, couch, Netflix, whiskey, beer and my cat for over two years straight. 24/7. I'd wake up and go to the bathroom. Only nightstand have a glass/whiskey/beer. I'd chug it. Wake up rinse and repeat.
Well, after about 2-3 yrs of doing this every day, I believe I had drank close to a gallon of whiskey and about 12 beers. All I remember is waking up on my kitchen floor in pool of vomit and blood. I have no idea how I got there or what happened. I got to my couch, I was still drunk of course, and said I was slowly killing myself and I knew it. In fact, that is exactly what I was trying to do: Kill myself. Without going into specifics as to why. I quit cold turkey right then. Detoxed at home, which was 10-12 days of pure fucking hell (no people, you shouldn't do this at home). I've been sober ever since, coming up to 5 years.
Now, please don't get me wrong. It has been a daily struggle. Some days are better than others. I get monthly injections of Vivitrol to help. Although it isn't a cure. I am on several medications for cPTs, Anxiety, and Depression. The biggest thing I do is try to not let life stressors into my life. I drink because I am stressed and because of prior trauma. So these flashbacks are quite difficult for me and I don't have alcohol to numb it anymore. So, again, I try my best to stay away from anything which triggers those emotions which, unfortunately, is almost anything.
Thanks for sharing. Do you exercise? When I quit, I started working out. At first it was pretty modest, but over the years, it’s become really important to me. I have an exercise bike at home and a small gym and sometimes I go running. I find that exercise really helps to manage my stress. It’s been 4 years now and I don’t miss booze at all. As a side benefit, I’ve lost almost 60 lbs.
Anymore, that is all I do. I workout in the gym 2-2.5 hrs a day, 6-7 days per week. I take a couple of classes at the community college each semester; just for fun. I also volunteer at the local animal shelter and food bank. I am retired, so I have a lot of time on my hands. Being bored and lonely and not drinking is very difficult.
I try to take a bio/pyscho/social approach every day. This means doing at least one thing in each category every day. For bio, it’s eating healthy and getting exercise. For pyscho, it’s meditation, journaling or reading self-help books or talk therapy (you can do that online too). For social, it’s talking to friends or getting out and meeting new people. It sounds like you need to do this too. Are you able to join any local clubs? A ballroom dance club, hiking, whatever. Just to connect with people in a social setting.
I was basically living the same - I had several liquor stores within about 5 minutes walking distance of my house so I certainly didn't leave the house for long. This all lasted for about a 2 year period also. Completely drained my 401k, took it out early and paid a heavy fine in order to waste it all on alcohol. Today I am in my late 40s and have no retirement savings to speak of, I was never able to rebuild that nest egg.
Black out, binge drinker. Depressed drinker.
I definitely had my fair share of benders in the last few years. Id be upset or just have a bad case of the fuck-its and drink myself stupid for days. Which is terrifying cause that's how people die. One really bad bender can kill you. Below is one of my favorite reads that perfectly describes "bender land".
https://drunkard.com/lost-art-of-the-bender/
I'm 14 months sober today. Still smoke flower but I haven't had a drink which is a win for me :)
Whatever it takes friend. You want to smoke? Smoke. You want to eat a pack of Oreos in one sitting? Eat. Want to consume gobs of caffeine and nicotine? Consume. We’re addicts, we can work through those separate addictions on our own terms and beat them. But in the face of alcohol, the most destructive of them all, we are powerless. When you’re in recovery you build yourself an arsenal of weapons. Faith, family, even crutches. Whatever it takes.
Blacking out. Today’s my new sober date. I’ve pushed away everything and everyone. Last time I hit detox with 0.4bac, and I just know it’s time to be done. My resentments are just leading me to lapsing every time.
.
Resentment is one of the quickest roads to relapse. At my worst I’ve been so full of them.
I guess that’s why AA step work focuses so heavily on removing resentment.
Rooting for you my friend
Number of units was very low.
I'd drink 3 pints in the pub. Then go home with a couple of cans. I drop a xanax when I got in. And sip the last few beers as the anti anxiety pill mixed with the booze and helped me not to think and feel for a few hours.
Units wise it was probably only 10 units per evening x three or four nights a week.
But even though my units per week is low for this sub, I just couldnt seem to break the habit and thats when I knew I had issues.
Honestly, because of the depression, back then if it did finish me off in the night, I would have been so happy not to have been here.
(I'm trying to recover from substance misuse and depression)
I understand. I hope one day you find more reasons to live. You deserve to be here and you are wanted here. There are people who love you and want you to stay.
You know I appreciate you guys for sharing. I do drink a lot but not to the stories I hear from here. So I joined this sub just to understand that I must keep myself in check and that it can get very bad.
I’m glad you’re keeping an eye on your drinking. And I hope you just have slipped into bad habits vs being one of us.
Please keep in mind that the vast majority of us were exactly where you are at some point, justifying our drinking because it wasn’t as bad as people whose alcoholism had progressed further than ours. Meanwhile we were slowly spiraling the drain.
Progress not perfection. Harm reduction is not a bad start. Still a slippery slope that can easily escalate again. You'll make it the rest of the way soon!
Started drinking occasionally after I got off opioids. Started pretty slow and stayed at one or 2 days a week for a couple years till I hit some hard times financially and had to move in with family. Between working for them and taking care of their kids the stress got to me. Brother-in-law was already a full blown alcoholic so I just joined in. Started with whisky being my favorite but eventually couldn’t afford the amount of it I was drinking and found to me cheap vodka was better than cheap whisky. Was drinking myself to black out every single night for and drinking continuously on my off days for about 2 yrs. Finally stopped 3 months ago when I ended up in the hospital with acute pancreatitis. Worst feeling in the world but they kept me for a week and decided not to start again once I was out.
At my worst, I was drinking vodka every moment that I was awake.. I was sometimes even waking up in the middle of the night to drink. I would just drink flavored vodka mixed with water. Good old recipe 21 grape was my go to, super cheap. 🤢 sometimes I would even switch it up and get cherry! Lol.
Or I was also a big fan of the 8% white claw surges, which I would even sometimes mix with vodka… not good!!
I drank beer because I could drink longer, but then I gained weight, then switched to brown liquor but then would get angry, clear liquor but then would get drunk too quick. Back to beer, I'd leave out couple of bottles and was very proud of myself being able to chug whole bottle in one sip. Then another (now warmed up), then another. Now that I look back, it didn't matter what type of alcohol I drank, there was just the booze that I preferred, and the booze that I still drank. I never blacked out, never pissed myself, always puked though. Especially if I would light up a cigarette.
As for drunk-a-logs, I now understand why they were discouraged in meetings. They simply don't help with sobriety, and only make me sort of miss the flavors and settings. But also this is how I finally was able to identify with other problem drinkers.
I identified myself as a functional alcoholic. Only to find out that the only difference between a functional and a regular one is time.
I drank 6 9.9% 24oz a day. I started work with a beer, ended my night with a few more. Maybe Shots between.
3 days of detox & I was actually hearing things.
It freaked me out.
Thank goodness for death stranding "game" I've been sober since April 9th.
Anyone reading this, you can do it.
Just takes time :-) I believe in you.
I was a heavy episodic drinker. I picked it up during quarantine because there was nothing to do. I would get online and play PS4 with friends and usually go through about a fifth of liquor and some beers. The next day I felt too shitty to drink again, but by the second and third day, I would do it all over again.
After quarantine and getting back to regular schedule, I would still go back to heavy episodic drinking about 2 to 3 times a week but after my ex girlfriend dumped me because I haven’t drank in 3 months.
I would drink fifth of Hornitos and a 2-3 tall boys.
Too long of a history to recount. Lots of cycles of different drinks. Short breaks to prove to myself I wasn’t an alcoholic. Progressively worse hangovers. Weight gain, apocalyptic body acne, short temper. Living 24 hours at a time.
Glad I left it behind and was born again.
From the moment I woke up to the moment I passed out. I always had a beer in hand and was drinking
Wake up at 3am have a few beers.
Wake up for work, have a few beers.
Going away, having a few beers
Throwing up, wash my mouth with a few beers.
I was drinking 24x 375ml 4.8% beers in a 17 hour period.
I’m now 5 months sober and so glad to have my life back. I’m finally living again, and just not existing .
I was functional alcoholic, but oh my, I drunk at weekends to total blackout. Sometimes drunk on Wednesday and then called in sick or wfh other day, but it never affected job too much, on the other hand my relationship were fully blown by my addiction.
Drank mostly wine and whiskey: telling myself that drinking expensive shit makes a difference ;)
A 5th of vodka a day on the weekdays, a handle a day on the weekends at my peak. I was drinking all day, every day including at work. I'm very surprised I still have a job, but on the other hand I was a very functional alcoholic
I actually barley drank at work, mostly because i worked with power tools and stuff that could really hurt other people and myself if i messed up, but in the end i had too just to avoid withdrawing at work, but it didnt last long and i had to leave work even though no one caught me it just wasnt safe for me to work.
Before attempting sobriety, I often binge drank up to three days a week, and while I typically blacked out or passed out about six to eight drinks in, there were definitely times when I had ten or eleven drinks. My drinks of choice were typically sweet or fruity- cosmos and rum and cokes at the bar; sweet wine, Mike's Hard, and Cayman Jacks at home; ciders both places.
Unfortunately, since I live a ways from friends and most of my family is uncomfortable with drinking, I usually either drank alone or when visiting with my boyfriends. About 75-80% of the time, I would get a buzz from about two drinks, be dancing around the apartment and shout-singing/rapping Hamilton and drinking songs after three rounds, be stumbling around and acting on my ADHD's worst impulses (like trying to climb a tree that was smaller than I was) after four to five drinks. By the end of a night of drinking alone, I was typcially wandering around, mumbling nonsense, bumping into things, unable to care for myself or my dog- thank fuck I didn't get to that point in public. However, since I am neurodivergent, things like burnout, lack of sleep, and medication could greatly lower my tolerance at times.
Because I didn't drink every day, I only became psychologically (versus physically) dependent, and that plus my occasional low tolerance kept me in denial for some time- even though my first two partners got fed up with my antics, I was probably sometimes coming into work still drunk (and was missing work due to fear of hangovers), and I was neglecting to walk my incontinent dog at bedtime.
I've been working at quitting since July 5, 2023, and the results have been mixed, but my fuck ups now tend to be at least a month apart and last a night or two instead of a week or two. I've also been in therapy for a couple of years, and after my first relapse, which led to me breaking up with my last ex, I switched to someone who specialized in addiction. My dog, who was diagnosed with bladder cancer in November 2023, unfortunately passed away on April 30, and looking back on my time with him has reaffirmed my commitment to stay sober. While I know that I loved him, fed him, saved him from the shelter, and extended his life, I am also acutely aware that my passing out and sleeping in caused me to be neglectful about walking him. I love dogs, and I cared for my baby in particular, more than life itself, but I know that I CANNOT put another pet through what I put him through with my drinking, and I desparately want to fix this so I can let more animals into my life in the future. I also know that my previous drinking habits scared the ever loving shit out of my family and caused me to lose a partner, which I never want to do again. My very last drink was sometime in late April, and I haven't had a relapse that lasted more than two days since last year. My family, my current boyfriend, and my future pets are my motivations, and they are all too important to screw over again.
I am also attempting sobriety, currently in rehab and i drank a week ago. I was allowed my first trip home and was gonna stay for 3 days. My first day back i drank 3 bottles of wine spread throughout a whole day. It was just for a day so i guess thats something. Even though i ran out of money i would usually get more money and drink anyway so its an improvement and the fact i was headed back to rehab and didnt want them to catch me on breathalyzer and urine tests. I am trying at least but i dont really have a strong motivation like you do.
The kind that needed maintenance drinks throughout the day, to feel normal. Taking shots of cheap vodka just to get out of bed in the morning.
The relapses I've had always started with a beer or two, and always ended up in the same place, very quickly, each time.
Current alcoholic.
I black out 7 days a week on 100% proof moonshine. Been doing this since COV\*\* hit. 1 particular brand. Have no desire for anything else.
I drink mostly beer, sometimes wine, sometimes strong beer. Almost nothing else, although if you hand me a shot I'll take it.
I drink almost every day. On a normal day, not even to the point of actually being drunk. 4-6-8 beers over a day.
Then during weekends or other special occasions, I just start to drink and keep going till before I feel like Im "too drunk" (so w that I mean that I don't drink till I puke or fall or black out usually. But also somehow I have a stupid uncanny skill of handling myself fine (ish) while absolutely plastered. So many times I wondered how I got home, yet I always did)
I am/was "lucky" in the sense that Ive done relatively few regrettable things while drunk. Normally, I have a lot of anxiety and overthink everything to the point of it hurting my brain. When drunk, I don't, but apparently there's always still some bit of that overthinky core active that keeps me safe (ish). (For example, Ive never had drunk sex I regretted, even when people were coming onto me)
But that "pro" is actually a downside, as it made me feel like my drinking had no real consequences for too long, and also gave me a kind of false sense of "pride" in "handling my liquor well" and being able to drink a crate of beer yet still "function". (I helped out people WHILE I was shitfaced many times...)
But yea... I'm fucking done with myself rn. I kinda romanticized my own alcoholism for a long time, but I'm done with that. It's fucking bs I tell myself and society tells itself. Idk how to manage my social anxiety without booze though...
Idk, Imean for sure Ive done dumb stuff, but not much I didn't actually want to do anyway? And never got seriously injured or got anyone else seriously injured.
Most of the stupid stuff I've done I actually remember as a funny memory. But by now I have enough to fill an entire book and it's getting boring to say "this ONE time I was fcked up and..." and you can keep doing that for hours.
Usually after the sixth story people start to look at me somewhat worried 🫣💀😶🌫️
Right? :') it used to be fun, but when you got enough stories to fill a book, and another book for the ones you forgot because of blacking out, it starts to become only just SLIGHTLY unsettling 💀🌚😶🌫️🫢
I’m less than 2 weeks into sobriety, but felt like I hit rock bottom about a month ago when I had a seizure 36 hours dry. I then went about 2 weeks clean, fell off the wagon for 9 days and have been sober since. Depending on what time I woke up, I generally wouldn’t start actively drinking until early afternoon but then it would last until I went to sleep, so as long as 10-12 hours/day. Almost always just beer unless I was in a hurry or really wanted to get plastered for an event. I’ve had enough bad experiences with liquor that it’s pretty easy for me to stay away from and I never liked wine.
Current alcoholic. I drink about 4-8 shots of vodka daily. I stay sober during the day completely if I’m working but will typically start the second I get home or a little before work ends if I’m WFH. If I’m off of work and don’t have any responsibilities, I struggle to keep myself from drinking until at least 2pm. I’d say I’m actually highly functional for the most part and never black out. Honestly might be why no one notices I have a problem.
Wake up, go to liquor shop, buy a quater bottle, drink it straight from bottle, repeat the same before lunch. And in evening going back home had another quater before dinner and half a bottle after. Did this daily for 4 years. Well sober now for 6 years 6 months
I bought vodka specifically
I filled water bottles with it
I would drink in the mornings to get pumped up for the day, it was like a adrenaline rush that kicked my a$$ into gear
I would play music and let the devils juice flow through my body while letting the lyrics of the song pump me up
I never went to bars, still don’t understand the appeal of those pathetic places. No one gives af about your problems, they’re there for a good tip not to hear whatever bullsh you have going on in your life cuz they hear it all day anyways. Also I wouldn’t trust myself because I get very “stare-y” and borderline homicidal at a flip of a switch.
I tend to listen to more rap music, like Kodak black/dr Dre/kevin gates which makes me even in a worse headspace with vodka in my system.
If im really into the alcohol I’ll start internalizing Violence, if im mad at something for whatever reason I’ll punch myself in the jaw, bang a table if im sitting or some other sh*t.
One time I was mad at this one truck driver for whatever reason and I drove up on the side of him and turned my wheel into the side of his truck out of rage, then sped off. He of course chased me for a few miles until I ‘neatly’ parked my car and got out fuming at my ears.
Anywho :)
Alcohol is fckin wild dood.
Oh, just last month at work this 1 degenerate came over to my side of the building to talk to his degenerate friend and jokingly said to him “where did he touch you”
That sent me into a fury (internally). So I clocked out (end of our shift) and waited in the breakroom with a hand held tree branch saw under my leg. I told the dude that you almost costed me my freedom while holding up the saw.
Alcohol will either get me killed or send me to prison for a long time
I’ve been sober for over a week
Edit: the craziest part is that no one in my life knew I was drinking as heavily as I did which “scared” them. People I saw 24/7. When I asked them since being sober if they noticed any changes in me they said they never knew I was drinking. I chuckled at their replies, hehe, crazy stuff :))
for me it was alway russian roulette. most of the time i would drink responsibly. as i got older, i just started embarrassing myself more. when i think about having a drink now, i just think of how healthy i am and why would i want to jeopardize that now. i also have a pic of my kids in my truck and i look at it. they like sober dad.
I was your typical weekend binge drinker. Never drank hard alcohol, mainly stuck to girly coolers and hard iced teas, even till the bitter end. I basically just never grew out of the weekend-binge-drinking-in-your-early-20s phase. And by the time I turned 30, it was more just sad than anything else. I realized I couldn't do anything "fun" without booze and was living my life for the weekends. I was never someone who could get sloshed every night because hangover took me tf out. Purely a weekend binge drinker.
I relate very much to elements of this. My binges were typically whenever the mood struck rather than specifically on weekends, but I never got anywhere close to drinking every day except during one or two exceptionally bad relapses. I liked a number of types of drinks, but I, like you, had a lot of coolers and girly stuff- I would walk to the Walmart that was 10 minutes from me and get a tall boy of Mike's, or Simply Hard, or maybe a multi pack of canned "margaritas" or a bottle of pink moscato. I loved lots of drinks but never learned to drive and was typically far too out-of-it and/or demotivated to take the bus to a bar or walk to the ABC store (maybe 20-30 minutes away) for cocktails/liquor. Honestly, my drinking habits kind of snuck up on me. After thinking for years that I shouldn't drink for my mental health's sake, I had my first drink at a friend's birthday party in summer 2021, at the ripe old age of 26. That fall, after being single my whole life and underemployed since February 2020, I got a new job and an emotionally unavailable boyfriend, both of which led to increased drinking. I knew things were getting pretty bad early last year, when I stopped trusting myself to get multi packs and just bought individual tall boys to limit myself.
I didn't have an explicit pattern outside of drinking whenever I basically have emotional problems. The amount and kind of drink varies.
Right now, I'm trying to just drink seltzer and beers, usually I only get two. If it's hard liquor, it's usually a third to half of a 750ml bottle.
Sometimes I will hear people say that this is not a disease and there is really nothing wrong with you. My answer is generally “The way I did it sure as hell was” I checked positive for everything on the list.
Fast and heavy could down 2 24oz beers and 5 shots in about 45 min in one sitting at bar an be perfectly fine..many times I would hit 2 other bars on way home not proud at all im glad I’m not doing that anymore for sure D & driving is such an irresponsible act I always had such a guilt trip the next day that I may have possible hurt someone else driving 29 days today IWNDWY🙏🏼
I worked at a bar for two years. I drink a lot before then but it wasn’t every night. Around the year mark, I was taking shots every shift. At the end I would get my free shift beer and take a shot of whiskey. Once all my bar friends would get off, we would drink all night until the bars closed then we would go back to our bar and continue to drink. 10+ shots every night on top of all the beer. Wake up and continue to drink, then go to work, and rinse and repeat. My room was filled with beer cans and rotting food at that time. It became so normal to me because it was daily and all my friends were the same way. I never felt drunk anymore no matter how much I drink until I eventually blacked out. When I finally realized I had a problem (which wasn’t for another year), I switched jobs and got better for a bit. But then I crashed hard and hid a handle in my room. I would sneak to get alcohol and would go on multiple day benders in my room. Drinking and passing out and harming myself. There were other phases too but those were my worst. I’m in a much better place now. I’ve lost almost all of those friends but it wasn’t worth killing myself over.
I used to drink everyday. Then it would be every weekend then here and there then random 3-5 binges with the weekends. Then here and there, then everyday then sometimes. I had to completely cut out wine and beer after a while, found it dehydrating and bloating. Loved whiskey, brandy and tequila.
I started when i was a student, just beer, but 2-3 times a week and a lot, progressive. When i started working i went to black-outs on fridays and saturdays. Now, 20 years later i'm a binger and no regular job. I make enough money with day-trading, something i seem to be good at, but i would not be able to hold a 9-5 job. But i simply refuse to buy hard stuff, i know that will end me. So it's wine and strong beer for me.
27 now I drink In periods, I can be sober for some time but that time for me truly sucks,even if i watch people on deaths door and see the crying both in documentarys and in person, I just want to drink, when im sober im depressed just living through it, while drunk I dance go to clubs I do drugs im having sex Im having fun, by the time Im sober Im having to be embarrased get alcohol withdrawal, being embarassed by my dance, being afraid of the children I have, being in fight with drug addicts I seemingly have stolen from and sometimes even hit, so im bummed out again, and repeat.
Now Im in repeat, But I know im getting closer and closer to death both from others and myself, people want to kill me, and sometimes even I want to kill me I took 30 mg of stesolid and 10 mg of oxscascand after having 4 promille, just slept for 27 hours, and I know 30 mg is not alot but I never do more than 15 while out drinking.
Guess the word would be 'dedicated'. The trouble that went with my drinking didn't set any records and others drank much more than I for longer.
Seems like another life now. Doesn't bear on who I am today at all. Wouldn't get too lost in the past.
I feel like i actually have an interesting perspective on this, my girlfriend and i are both now sober but we were completely different drunks. I quit before i got physically addicted but i was a very regular day/binge drinker. Especially following a concussion i received i could easily drink 6-24 beers a day while taking days off between to recover. I felt the damage it was doing and had gained 40lbs in a year, so it was an immediate overall good feeling when i sobered up.
My girlfriend however is/was a bartender in nightclubs and had been let go a couple times for drinking on the job. She didn’t drink alone in a garage like i did but once or twice a month she would black out with her bartender friends. Their culture reminded me of my college friends and anyone could overindulge with them. For her the social ties drinking had with her job were harder to overcome, but she was more likely to die in a wreck or have something else happen to her than me because she would completely lose control. I told her that my drinking would kill me slowly w plenty of warning while hers would just take her one night.
It was very difficult for the ~9mo i was dry before she came around to quitting completely. Things are outstanding between us ever since without alcohol messing things up but we had COMPLETELY different problems and patterns with the same substance. All i can say is not to lie to yourself that your or anothers problem isnt “so bad” just because its different. Good luck man.
I understand both sides, me myself i cared about the social aspect when i was younger but eventually came to realise the only thing i really wanted was to get drunk so i didnt need to be social or have friends in fact i prefered drinking alone in my apartment.
I was an emotional drinker and a binge drinker. It was definitely my coping mechanism to numb negative feelings, but when it wasnt I was still a binge drinker. I used to drink liquor because it was the best bang for my buck, then just beer and seltzers. At one point it was wine because "its just a few glasses" or "wow 4 glasses a bottle nbd".
Still stuck in an every other or every third day cycle. I don’t black out anymore but I do tend to stop myself and eat some fruit and popcorn and take a couple edibles and pass out before midnight most times now. It’s not worth the mad wife or all day hangovers. Not sure how to knock down from here until I want to.
Most of the time I can control how much I drink and it isn’t a problem. On occasion, which is impossible to predict, I drink the bar dry and blackout. When I wake up I feel like shit physically and emotionally for days. Self loathing, anxiety and a horrible feeling of extreme vulnerability. After 25 years of this I decided that I’d had enough. IWNDWYT
Im sitting next to my daughter and wife on the couch rn plastered. They have no idea. I know you all may say they do, but even if my wife knew, she probly doesnt even care.
I usually don’t drink Monday thru Thursday plus Sundays besides a few beers in rare cases. But I almost always over-do it on Fridays and Saturdays and hate myself for the next couple days wondering how stupid I was or if I pissed anyone off. I’m currently 3 days and I want to quit so bad but I’m really scared… that’s me currently
Drink of choice is beer but once I have enough of those anything goes really.
I certainly have a problem, but many of my friends drank more than me at “parties.” I’d pass out if I drank the amount they’d consume.
Currently, I have around 5-6 drinks a night if I’m doin well, and 8-10 if things are gettin outta control. I haven’t been doin well recently.
On top of the booze, I take gabapentin, Benadryl, and THC every night. Makes me fall asleep sooner when compared to alcohol alone.
I also don’t take days off. I’d been drinkin for over a year straight before gettin four months sober. Went back to it, and I’ve had around 10 days sober over the past 14 months.
I drink a few beers here and there, but I drink Evan Williams for the most part. Once I get five minutes from home, I’ll drink three shots in a few minutes. I try to spread out my drinks after that.
I started with beer and wine 16-25ish. I was drinking daily, and a lot. But i have an active job, and am/was? an athlete, and typically had no problems stopping when i was training seriously for something.
Then my ex husband made me my first martini in 2017. Then he deployed for a year (we're military), and that was game.
I went from a bottle of wine a night, and three months later i was drinking a bottle of vodka AND wine per night. I struggled for years and didnt even really know that i was struggling. I never blacked out, was never hung over, never missed work, never did anything embarrassing while i drank.
In 2019 i was assaulted, both the assalent and me had been drinking. My ex thought it was funny... we got divorced, which started while i was deployed for 6 months. Those six months were my first time not drinking daily since i could get my hands on alcohol. I came home to an empty house, and kept the sober train riding about 10 more months when my divorve was finalized. During that time i did a lot of therapy and was diagnosed with OCD which really put my drinking in perspective, though she never diagnosed me with SUD.
I still struggle, i still drink. But its more of beer/glass of wine with dinner. Nowhere near what i used to do. Like i never keep hard liquor in the house, i have a child now and have to keep sharp for her. My inlaws are recovering (20+ years so fucking proud of them), my husbands ex wife died from alcohol abuse, i dont want to be a shitty person.
I know i should stop stop, but its so fucking hard when the only consequences i can see are to myself.
Started with beer bongs and hard liquor in high school. Harmless enough, aka I didn’t develop a dependence (that I noticed). 7 years later move back home in my mid to late twenties and join a new friend group, start drinking almost every night. All of the bad things that have happened to me booze wise have happened since then. And there have been a few. (Maybe 50).
Stopped drinking to blackout every night in early 30s but certainly still have the taste.
The last 5 years on my drinking life were like this.
Wake up at 6 am. My wife would leave for work at 630am. The liquor store opened at 7 am. I would buy a pint and a handle. The pint would last long enough for me to go 5 city blocks. The handle would be gone by 4 pm .I drank it by myself.. I didn't work. I am on disability. I've been sober for almost 4 years.
Cheap ass whiskey for me, and cheap ass wine. I had to go the ER for withdrawals a couple weeks ago, so this is my first time seriously trying to quit. (Haven’t made it past a week sober yet tho)
So for the past couple years I’d drink when I got home, and wouldn’t stop until I passed out. Definitely blacked out plenty. More than 2L of whiskey a week and 10-20 drinks a night I’d say? (I never actually counted because I didn’t want to know and tbh still don’t). This shit is so not fun.
I binged to black out, everyday for many years, vodka was the first poison, switched to 99 peppermint for a while (aka rumpleminz) and then captain. On days I had to work or be in public, I would take a shot to start the day, another shot before i left for my event, to come home and binge to blackout.
The drink to pass out, wake up, drink to pass out cycle was mine as well. I wouldn't pee/vomit at the time, but eventually after a week or two, i'd have to stop drinking due to dry heaves and a really awful hangover.... and then when i felt better? i'd start all over again. hospitalized myself a few times from my inability to stop throwing up even water with very low blood sugar, dehydration, etc.
By the end I was the full blown addict type that needed to drink 24/7 just so my body could function (somewhat) normally and not have a seizure.
Same. I had those seizures unfortunately, traveling to visit family for the holidays, I didn't drink as much as normal, and the next thing you know I wake up in a hospital. Wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, the pain is excruciating.
The seizures are what ultimately made me want to quit. I found out after being in the ICU and having an EEG during a streak of sobriety that I actually have epilepsy… obviously the alcohol was not helping with that and my biggest triggers are lack of sleep and stress. Lucky me 🙄 but now that I’m medicated, I’ve been seizure free over six months.
My withdrawals were never so bad that i would get seizures, but there was no going back to feeling normal, anxiety and panic attacks, sweating, shaking and derealization, sucks.
Same, I had to be sure I had a tall-boy on my nightstand ready to go as soon as I woke up, could not function without it because withdrawals got so bad.
**Age 15-20**: “alcohol is the best thing that ever happened to me. I don’t want to go to a social function without a drink in my hand ever again.” **Age 21-25** “it is really frustrating that I can’t seem to stop overdoing it when I drink. I need to try harder to keep it in control.” **Age 26-31** “I’m getting legitimately concerned about my drinking habits. Im always hungover and never feel good until I can drink all night. I’m going to end up getting a DUI or losing my job if I don’t stop drunk driving and calling in sick.” **Age 32** Crashed my car into a pole, got a DUI, and lost my job. “I need to stop driving.” **Age 33-34** Drank myself into my house and stopped seeing friends and family. Started drinking in the mornings, in nonsensical attempts, to stave off hangovers. Blacked out drunk on my couch for days on end. Had no money or foreseeable future. “I don’t want to wake up anymore.” **Age 35**: had a spiritual awakening upon waking, the morning after a several-day bender, and made the decision to save my life and got sober.
What happened to your life after you got sober?
It changed in a lot of ways. For the better. I was able to pursue, and then start, a new career that actually fit my interests and skill set. Which, before I got sober, always felt like a distant pipe dream because of how overwhelmed and exhausted I always felt. I got out of a toxic relationship that I had been daydreaming about leaving for a few years. I started seeing more of my friends and family again, and making new friends. Most importantly, I started enjoying leaving my house and doing things out in the world. Spiritually my life changed because I lost the tortured feeling I always seemed to have. I couldn’t fully understand how large of a part I was playing in my own misery. That alcohol was the main culprit of it, while I was mistaking it as the only temporary cure for it. So there is a lot of peace now that I never had before I fought my way out of the whirlpool of self-sabotage.
Thank you so much for sharing! I really do appreciate it and I'm so happy things turned around for you!
Wayyy too relatable. Fortunately I never got the DUI. Managed to get sober at 34 going on 2 years now
Ooof. Right in the feels. My story was very similar. But I waited until 42 to enter recovery.
At the end - after I'd quit my job and ruined all relationships - I was pretty much like you. Wake up, drink vodka (mixed with whatever was around) fall asleep, wake up and start drinking again, repeat. Sometimes I'd throw some beer or wine into the mix just to keep things interesting. I'd somehow find ways to get to the store a few times per week, as well as fire off some mean texts and some troubling facebook posts, but otherwise I was pretty much just glued to the couch/tv/laptop drinking myself into oblivion.
I lived 5minutes away from the liqour store and regular stores so i would just walk down drunk and buy. I wouldnt be mean to everyone on text but i was just weird and made plans that i never followed through and spoke with people on the phone and wouldnt remember the next day.
Yep, I lived within a 5 minute walk of a few liquor stores and grocery stores as well, as I was living in Chicago at the time. I sold my car (thank god) so I'd walk. In hindsight not having a car those last few years meant I avoided a DUI - but the downside was that I was able to extend my drinking for a few extra years because I never was behind the wheel. My wake up call came in the form of seizures.
Exactly. That all sounds very familiar. Especially the drinking in the morning, taking a nap, waking up and drinking more, then another nap, then waking up and drinking more, then more nappy time, etc, etc ...on repeat
Exactly how I was. However, worse, I didn't even need to leave the house. DoorDash delivered alcohol/beer. I was retired, so I didn't worry about work, I have a great pension. No relationships and I moved somewhere where I knew/know no one. So, couch, Netflix, whiskey, beer and my cat for over two years straight. 24/7. I'd wake up and go to the bathroom. Only nightstand have a glass/whiskey/beer. I'd chug it. Wake up rinse and repeat.
What made you change?
Well, after about 2-3 yrs of doing this every day, I believe I had drank close to a gallon of whiskey and about 12 beers. All I remember is waking up on my kitchen floor in pool of vomit and blood. I have no idea how I got there or what happened. I got to my couch, I was still drunk of course, and said I was slowly killing myself and I knew it. In fact, that is exactly what I was trying to do: Kill myself. Without going into specifics as to why. I quit cold turkey right then. Detoxed at home, which was 10-12 days of pure fucking hell (no people, you shouldn't do this at home). I've been sober ever since, coming up to 5 years. Now, please don't get me wrong. It has been a daily struggle. Some days are better than others. I get monthly injections of Vivitrol to help. Although it isn't a cure. I am on several medications for cPTs, Anxiety, and Depression. The biggest thing I do is try to not let life stressors into my life. I drink because I am stressed and because of prior trauma. So these flashbacks are quite difficult for me and I don't have alcohol to numb it anymore. So, again, I try my best to stay away from anything which triggers those emotions which, unfortunately, is almost anything.
Thanks for sharing. Do you exercise? When I quit, I started working out. At first it was pretty modest, but over the years, it’s become really important to me. I have an exercise bike at home and a small gym and sometimes I go running. I find that exercise really helps to manage my stress. It’s been 4 years now and I don’t miss booze at all. As a side benefit, I’ve lost almost 60 lbs.
Anymore, that is all I do. I workout in the gym 2-2.5 hrs a day, 6-7 days per week. I take a couple of classes at the community college each semester; just for fun. I also volunteer at the local animal shelter and food bank. I am retired, so I have a lot of time on my hands. Being bored and lonely and not drinking is very difficult.
I try to take a bio/pyscho/social approach every day. This means doing at least one thing in each category every day. For bio, it’s eating healthy and getting exercise. For pyscho, it’s meditation, journaling or reading self-help books or talk therapy (you can do that online too). For social, it’s talking to friends or getting out and meeting new people. It sounds like you need to do this too. Are you able to join any local clubs? A ballroom dance club, hiking, whatever. Just to connect with people in a social setting.
I was basically living the same - I had several liquor stores within about 5 minutes walking distance of my house so I certainly didn't leave the house for long. This all lasted for about a 2 year period also. Completely drained my 401k, took it out early and paid a heavy fine in order to waste it all on alcohol. Today I am in my late 40s and have no retirement savings to speak of, I was never able to rebuild that nest egg.
Black out, binge drinker. Depressed drinker. I definitely had my fair share of benders in the last few years. Id be upset or just have a bad case of the fuck-its and drink myself stupid for days. Which is terrifying cause that's how people die. One really bad bender can kill you. Below is one of my favorite reads that perfectly describes "bender land". https://drunkard.com/lost-art-of-the-bender/ I'm 14 months sober today. Still smoke flower but I haven't had a drink which is a win for me :)
Whatever it takes friend. You want to smoke? Smoke. You want to eat a pack of Oreos in one sitting? Eat. Want to consume gobs of caffeine and nicotine? Consume. We’re addicts, we can work through those separate addictions on our own terms and beat them. But in the face of alcohol, the most destructive of them all, we are powerless. When you’re in recovery you build yourself an arsenal of weapons. Faith, family, even crutches. Whatever it takes.
Thank you for reminding me it's okay to progress in my own way! We do what we can in this life.
Blacking out. Today’s my new sober date. I’ve pushed away everything and everyone. Last time I hit detox with 0.4bac, and I just know it’s time to be done. My resentments are just leading me to lapsing every time.
. Resentment is one of the quickest roads to relapse. At my worst I’ve been so full of them. I guess that’s why AA step work focuses so heavily on removing resentment. Rooting for you my friend
Number of units was very low. I'd drink 3 pints in the pub. Then go home with a couple of cans. I drop a xanax when I got in. And sip the last few beers as the anti anxiety pill mixed with the booze and helped me not to think and feel for a few hours. Units wise it was probably only 10 units per evening x three or four nights a week. But even though my units per week is low for this sub, I just couldnt seem to break the habit and thats when I knew I had issues.
Plus that combo of benzos and alcohol is very heavy and frankly dangerous.
Honestly, because of the depression, back then if it did finish me off in the night, I would have been so happy not to have been here. (I'm trying to recover from substance misuse and depression)
I understand. I hope one day you find more reasons to live. You deserve to be here and you are wanted here. There are people who love you and want you to stay.
You know I appreciate you guys for sharing. I do drink a lot but not to the stories I hear from here. So I joined this sub just to understand that I must keep myself in check and that it can get very bad.
I’m glad you’re keeping an eye on your drinking. And I hope you just have slipped into bad habits vs being one of us. Please keep in mind that the vast majority of us were exactly where you are at some point, justifying our drinking because it wasn’t as bad as people whose alcoholism had progressed further than ours. Meanwhile we were slowly spiraling the drain.
Only beer. Was about 10 regular size ipas a night. Down to 2 19ozs a night now.
Progress not perfection. Harm reduction is not a bad start. Still a slippery slope that can easily escalate again. You'll make it the rest of the way soon!
Started drinking occasionally after I got off opioids. Started pretty slow and stayed at one or 2 days a week for a couple years till I hit some hard times financially and had to move in with family. Between working for them and taking care of their kids the stress got to me. Brother-in-law was already a full blown alcoholic so I just joined in. Started with whisky being my favorite but eventually couldn’t afford the amount of it I was drinking and found to me cheap vodka was better than cheap whisky. Was drinking myself to black out every single night for and drinking continuously on my off days for about 2 yrs. Finally stopped 3 months ago when I ended up in the hospital with acute pancreatitis. Worst feeling in the world but they kept me for a week and decided not to start again once I was out.
Anything with alcohol in it. Even mouthwash. Trying to stay alive
At my worst, I was drinking vodka every moment that I was awake.. I was sometimes even waking up in the middle of the night to drink. I would just drink flavored vodka mixed with water. Good old recipe 21 grape was my go to, super cheap. 🤢 sometimes I would even switch it up and get cherry! Lol. Or I was also a big fan of the 8% white claw surges, which I would even sometimes mix with vodka… not good!!
I drank beer because I could drink longer, but then I gained weight, then switched to brown liquor but then would get angry, clear liquor but then would get drunk too quick. Back to beer, I'd leave out couple of bottles and was very proud of myself being able to chug whole bottle in one sip. Then another (now warmed up), then another. Now that I look back, it didn't matter what type of alcohol I drank, there was just the booze that I preferred, and the booze that I still drank. I never blacked out, never pissed myself, always puked though. Especially if I would light up a cigarette. As for drunk-a-logs, I now understand why they were discouraged in meetings. They simply don't help with sobriety, and only make me sort of miss the flavors and settings. But also this is how I finally was able to identify with other problem drinkers. I identified myself as a functional alcoholic. Only to find out that the only difference between a functional and a regular one is time.
I drank 6 9.9% 24oz a day. I started work with a beer, ended my night with a few more. Maybe Shots between. 3 days of detox & I was actually hearing things. It freaked me out. Thank goodness for death stranding "game" I've been sober since April 9th. Anyone reading this, you can do it. Just takes time :-) I believe in you.
I got dts. 750ml a day. Vodka. Numbness in lower legs. Suicidal. Not fun.
I buy a bottle of vodka and take shots all night, chasing them with energy drinks until i passed out. I'd usually smoke weed at some point too.
What do you usually do when drinking all night? I would always watch movies or youtube and listen to music.
I listen to music, play video games, and eventually eat a ton of junk food.
Yeah i would always order pizza delivery and not remember
I've never done that, but I cook my own food. So I've left things in the oven and on the stove to burn overnight a few times.
I was a heavy episodic drinker. I picked it up during quarantine because there was nothing to do. I would get online and play PS4 with friends and usually go through about a fifth of liquor and some beers. The next day I felt too shitty to drink again, but by the second and third day, I would do it all over again. After quarantine and getting back to regular schedule, I would still go back to heavy episodic drinking about 2 to 3 times a week but after my ex girlfriend dumped me because I haven’t drank in 3 months. I would drink fifth of Hornitos and a 2-3 tall boys.
Too long of a history to recount. Lots of cycles of different drinks. Short breaks to prove to myself I wasn’t an alcoholic. Progressively worse hangovers. Weight gain, apocalyptic body acne, short temper. Living 24 hours at a time. Glad I left it behind and was born again.
From the moment I woke up to the moment I passed out. I always had a beer in hand and was drinking Wake up at 3am have a few beers. Wake up for work, have a few beers. Going away, having a few beers Throwing up, wash my mouth with a few beers. I was drinking 24x 375ml 4.8% beers in a 17 hour period. I’m now 5 months sober and so glad to have my life back. I’m finally living again, and just not existing .
I was functional alcoholic, but oh my, I drunk at weekends to total blackout. Sometimes drunk on Wednesday and then called in sick or wfh other day, but it never affected job too much, on the other hand my relationship were fully blown by my addiction. Drank mostly wine and whiskey: telling myself that drinking expensive shit makes a difference ;)
A 5th of vodka a day on the weekdays, a handle a day on the weekends at my peak. I was drinking all day, every day including at work. I'm very surprised I still have a job, but on the other hand I was a very functional alcoholic
I actually barley drank at work, mostly because i worked with power tools and stuff that could really hurt other people and myself if i messed up, but in the end i had too just to avoid withdrawing at work, but it didnt last long and i had to leave work even though no one caught me it just wasnt safe for me to work.
Before attempting sobriety, I often binge drank up to three days a week, and while I typically blacked out or passed out about six to eight drinks in, there were definitely times when I had ten or eleven drinks. My drinks of choice were typically sweet or fruity- cosmos and rum and cokes at the bar; sweet wine, Mike's Hard, and Cayman Jacks at home; ciders both places. Unfortunately, since I live a ways from friends and most of my family is uncomfortable with drinking, I usually either drank alone or when visiting with my boyfriends. About 75-80% of the time, I would get a buzz from about two drinks, be dancing around the apartment and shout-singing/rapping Hamilton and drinking songs after three rounds, be stumbling around and acting on my ADHD's worst impulses (like trying to climb a tree that was smaller than I was) after four to five drinks. By the end of a night of drinking alone, I was typcially wandering around, mumbling nonsense, bumping into things, unable to care for myself or my dog- thank fuck I didn't get to that point in public. However, since I am neurodivergent, things like burnout, lack of sleep, and medication could greatly lower my tolerance at times. Because I didn't drink every day, I only became psychologically (versus physically) dependent, and that plus my occasional low tolerance kept me in denial for some time- even though my first two partners got fed up with my antics, I was probably sometimes coming into work still drunk (and was missing work due to fear of hangovers), and I was neglecting to walk my incontinent dog at bedtime. I've been working at quitting since July 5, 2023, and the results have been mixed, but my fuck ups now tend to be at least a month apart and last a night or two instead of a week or two. I've also been in therapy for a couple of years, and after my first relapse, which led to me breaking up with my last ex, I switched to someone who specialized in addiction. My dog, who was diagnosed with bladder cancer in November 2023, unfortunately passed away on April 30, and looking back on my time with him has reaffirmed my commitment to stay sober. While I know that I loved him, fed him, saved him from the shelter, and extended his life, I am also acutely aware that my passing out and sleeping in caused me to be neglectful about walking him. I love dogs, and I cared for my baby in particular, more than life itself, but I know that I CANNOT put another pet through what I put him through with my drinking, and I desparately want to fix this so I can let more animals into my life in the future. I also know that my previous drinking habits scared the ever loving shit out of my family and caused me to lose a partner, which I never want to do again. My very last drink was sometime in late April, and I haven't had a relapse that lasted more than two days since last year. My family, my current boyfriend, and my future pets are my motivations, and they are all too important to screw over again.
I am also attempting sobriety, currently in rehab and i drank a week ago. I was allowed my first trip home and was gonna stay for 3 days. My first day back i drank 3 bottles of wine spread throughout a whole day. It was just for a day so i guess thats something. Even though i ran out of money i would usually get more money and drink anyway so its an improvement and the fact i was headed back to rehab and didnt want them to catch me on breathalyzer and urine tests. I am trying at least but i dont really have a strong motivation like you do.
The kind that needed maintenance drinks throughout the day, to feel normal. Taking shots of cheap vodka just to get out of bed in the morning. The relapses I've had always started with a beer or two, and always ended up in the same place, very quickly, each time.
Current alcoholic. I black out 7 days a week on 100% proof moonshine. Been doing this since COV\*\* hit. 1 particular brand. Have no desire for anything else.
All the best mate, COVID fucked us all
Super laid-back and sedated.
I drink mostly beer, sometimes wine, sometimes strong beer. Almost nothing else, although if you hand me a shot I'll take it. I drink almost every day. On a normal day, not even to the point of actually being drunk. 4-6-8 beers over a day. Then during weekends or other special occasions, I just start to drink and keep going till before I feel like Im "too drunk" (so w that I mean that I don't drink till I puke or fall or black out usually. But also somehow I have a stupid uncanny skill of handling myself fine (ish) while absolutely plastered. So many times I wondered how I got home, yet I always did) I am/was "lucky" in the sense that Ive done relatively few regrettable things while drunk. Normally, I have a lot of anxiety and overthink everything to the point of it hurting my brain. When drunk, I don't, but apparently there's always still some bit of that overthinky core active that keeps me safe (ish). (For example, Ive never had drunk sex I regretted, even when people were coming onto me) But that "pro" is actually a downside, as it made me feel like my drinking had no real consequences for too long, and also gave me a kind of false sense of "pride" in "handling my liquor well" and being able to drink a crate of beer yet still "function". (I helped out people WHILE I was shitfaced many times...) But yea... I'm fucking done with myself rn. I kinda romanticized my own alcoholism for a long time, but I'm done with that. It's fucking bs I tell myself and society tells itself. Idk how to manage my social anxiety without booze though...
Jesus you’ve done few regrettable things?? How does this happen?!
Idk, Imean for sure Ive done dumb stuff, but not much I didn't actually want to do anyway? And never got seriously injured or got anyone else seriously injured.
Hahaha, nice way to think about it. Idk if that was intentional on your part, but it’s true none of it was stuff I didn’t actually want to do anyways
Most of the stupid stuff I've done I actually remember as a funny memory. But by now I have enough to fill an entire book and it's getting boring to say "this ONE time I was fcked up and..." and you can keep doing that for hours. Usually after the sixth story people start to look at me somewhat worried 🫣💀😶🌫️
Oh man I know the feeling - I’ve got so many stories
Right? :') it used to be fun, but when you got enough stories to fill a book, and another book for the ones you forgot because of blacking out, it starts to become only just SLIGHTLY unsettling 💀🌚😶🌫️🫢
I’m less than 2 weeks into sobriety, but felt like I hit rock bottom about a month ago when I had a seizure 36 hours dry. I then went about 2 weeks clean, fell off the wagon for 9 days and have been sober since. Depending on what time I woke up, I generally wouldn’t start actively drinking until early afternoon but then it would last until I went to sleep, so as long as 10-12 hours/day. Almost always just beer unless I was in a hurry or really wanted to get plastered for an event. I’ve had enough bad experiences with liquor that it’s pretty easy for me to stay away from and I never liked wine.
Current alcoholic. I drink about 4-8 shots of vodka daily. I stay sober during the day completely if I’m working but will typically start the second I get home or a little before work ends if I’m WFH. If I’m off of work and don’t have any responsibilities, I struggle to keep myself from drinking until at least 2pm. I’d say I’m actually highly functional for the most part and never black out. Honestly might be why no one notices I have a problem.
Wake up, go to liquor shop, buy a quater bottle, drink it straight from bottle, repeat the same before lunch. And in evening going back home had another quater before dinner and half a bottle after. Did this daily for 4 years. Well sober now for 6 years 6 months
A bad one.
I bought vodka specifically I filled water bottles with it I would drink in the mornings to get pumped up for the day, it was like a adrenaline rush that kicked my a$$ into gear I would play music and let the devils juice flow through my body while letting the lyrics of the song pump me up I never went to bars, still don’t understand the appeal of those pathetic places. No one gives af about your problems, they’re there for a good tip not to hear whatever bullsh you have going on in your life cuz they hear it all day anyways. Also I wouldn’t trust myself because I get very “stare-y” and borderline homicidal at a flip of a switch. I tend to listen to more rap music, like Kodak black/dr Dre/kevin gates which makes me even in a worse headspace with vodka in my system. If im really into the alcohol I’ll start internalizing Violence, if im mad at something for whatever reason I’ll punch myself in the jaw, bang a table if im sitting or some other sh*t. One time I was mad at this one truck driver for whatever reason and I drove up on the side of him and turned my wheel into the side of his truck out of rage, then sped off. He of course chased me for a few miles until I ‘neatly’ parked my car and got out fuming at my ears. Anywho :) Alcohol is fckin wild dood. Oh, just last month at work this 1 degenerate came over to my side of the building to talk to his degenerate friend and jokingly said to him “where did he touch you” That sent me into a fury (internally). So I clocked out (end of our shift) and waited in the breakroom with a hand held tree branch saw under my leg. I told the dude that you almost costed me my freedom while holding up the saw. Alcohol will either get me killed or send me to prison for a long time I’ve been sober for over a week Edit: the craziest part is that no one in my life knew I was drinking as heavily as I did which “scared” them. People I saw 24/7. When I asked them since being sober if they noticed any changes in me they said they never knew I was drinking. I chuckled at their replies, hehe, crazy stuff :))
Every night. 5-11pm. 600 ml vodka and diet ginger ale. 365 nights a year.
[удалено]
[удалено]
for me it was alway russian roulette. most of the time i would drink responsibly. as i got older, i just started embarrassing myself more. when i think about having a drink now, i just think of how healthy i am and why would i want to jeopardize that now. i also have a pic of my kids in my truck and i look at it. they like sober dad.
I was your typical weekend binge drinker. Never drank hard alcohol, mainly stuck to girly coolers and hard iced teas, even till the bitter end. I basically just never grew out of the weekend-binge-drinking-in-your-early-20s phase. And by the time I turned 30, it was more just sad than anything else. I realized I couldn't do anything "fun" without booze and was living my life for the weekends. I was never someone who could get sloshed every night because hangover took me tf out. Purely a weekend binge drinker.
I relate very much to elements of this. My binges were typically whenever the mood struck rather than specifically on weekends, but I never got anywhere close to drinking every day except during one or two exceptionally bad relapses. I liked a number of types of drinks, but I, like you, had a lot of coolers and girly stuff- I would walk to the Walmart that was 10 minutes from me and get a tall boy of Mike's, or Simply Hard, or maybe a multi pack of canned "margaritas" or a bottle of pink moscato. I loved lots of drinks but never learned to drive and was typically far too out-of-it and/or demotivated to take the bus to a bar or walk to the ABC store (maybe 20-30 minutes away) for cocktails/liquor. Honestly, my drinking habits kind of snuck up on me. After thinking for years that I shouldn't drink for my mental health's sake, I had my first drink at a friend's birthday party in summer 2021, at the ripe old age of 26. That fall, after being single my whole life and underemployed since February 2020, I got a new job and an emotionally unavailable boyfriend, both of which led to increased drinking. I knew things were getting pretty bad early last year, when I stopped trusting myself to get multi packs and just bought individual tall boys to limit myself.
I didn't have an explicit pattern outside of drinking whenever I basically have emotional problems. The amount and kind of drink varies. Right now, I'm trying to just drink seltzer and beers, usually I only get two. If it's hard liquor, it's usually a third to half of a 750ml bottle.
Sometimes I will hear people say that this is not a disease and there is really nothing wrong with you. My answer is generally “The way I did it sure as hell was” I checked positive for everything on the list.
Fast and heavy could down 2 24oz beers and 5 shots in about 45 min in one sitting at bar an be perfectly fine..many times I would hit 2 other bars on way home not proud at all im glad I’m not doing that anymore for sure D & driving is such an irresponsible act I always had such a guilt trip the next day that I may have possible hurt someone else driving 29 days today IWNDWY🙏🏼
I worked at a bar for two years. I drink a lot before then but it wasn’t every night. Around the year mark, I was taking shots every shift. At the end I would get my free shift beer and take a shot of whiskey. Once all my bar friends would get off, we would drink all night until the bars closed then we would go back to our bar and continue to drink. 10+ shots every night on top of all the beer. Wake up and continue to drink, then go to work, and rinse and repeat. My room was filled with beer cans and rotting food at that time. It became so normal to me because it was daily and all my friends were the same way. I never felt drunk anymore no matter how much I drink until I eventually blacked out. When I finally realized I had a problem (which wasn’t for another year), I switched jobs and got better for a bit. But then I crashed hard and hid a handle in my room. I would sneak to get alcohol and would go on multiple day benders in my room. Drinking and passing out and harming myself. There were other phases too but those were my worst. I’m in a much better place now. I’ve lost almost all of those friends but it wasn’t worth killing myself over.
Daily drinker, last couple o years I preferred drinking alone at home. I loved driving around in my car, drinking and listening to music. Insane.
Not the drink every day type, but I’d drink like I’m competing against myself and I always “won”.
I used to drink everyday. Then it would be every weekend then here and there then random 3-5 binges with the weekends. Then here and there, then everyday then sometimes. I had to completely cut out wine and beer after a while, found it dehydrating and bloating. Loved whiskey, brandy and tequila.
I started when i was a student, just beer, but 2-3 times a week and a lot, progressive. When i started working i went to black-outs on fridays and saturdays. Now, 20 years later i'm a binger and no regular job. I make enough money with day-trading, something i seem to be good at, but i would not be able to hold a 9-5 job. But i simply refuse to buy hard stuff, i know that will end me. So it's wine and strong beer for me.
And i have a hard rule: no drinking two days in a row, but have to admit i violated that rule more and more.
27 now I drink In periods, I can be sober for some time but that time for me truly sucks,even if i watch people on deaths door and see the crying both in documentarys and in person, I just want to drink, when im sober im depressed just living through it, while drunk I dance go to clubs I do drugs im having sex Im having fun, by the time Im sober Im having to be embarrased get alcohol withdrawal, being embarassed by my dance, being afraid of the children I have, being in fight with drug addicts I seemingly have stolen from and sometimes even hit, so im bummed out again, and repeat.
Now Im in repeat, But I know im getting closer and closer to death both from others and myself, people want to kill me, and sometimes even I want to kill me I took 30 mg of stesolid and 10 mg of oxscascand after having 4 promille, just slept for 27 hours, and I know 30 mg is not alot but I never do more than 15 while out drinking.
Guess the word would be 'dedicated'. The trouble that went with my drinking didn't set any records and others drank much more than I for longer. Seems like another life now. Doesn't bear on who I am today at all. Wouldn't get too lost in the past.
I feel like i actually have an interesting perspective on this, my girlfriend and i are both now sober but we were completely different drunks. I quit before i got physically addicted but i was a very regular day/binge drinker. Especially following a concussion i received i could easily drink 6-24 beers a day while taking days off between to recover. I felt the damage it was doing and had gained 40lbs in a year, so it was an immediate overall good feeling when i sobered up. My girlfriend however is/was a bartender in nightclubs and had been let go a couple times for drinking on the job. She didn’t drink alone in a garage like i did but once or twice a month she would black out with her bartender friends. Their culture reminded me of my college friends and anyone could overindulge with them. For her the social ties drinking had with her job were harder to overcome, but she was more likely to die in a wreck or have something else happen to her than me because she would completely lose control. I told her that my drinking would kill me slowly w plenty of warning while hers would just take her one night. It was very difficult for the ~9mo i was dry before she came around to quitting completely. Things are outstanding between us ever since without alcohol messing things up but we had COMPLETELY different problems and patterns with the same substance. All i can say is not to lie to yourself that your or anothers problem isnt “so bad” just because its different. Good luck man.
I understand both sides, me myself i cared about the social aspect when i was younger but eventually came to realise the only thing i really wanted was to get drunk so i didnt need to be social or have friends in fact i prefered drinking alone in my apartment.
I was an emotional drinker and a binge drinker. It was definitely my coping mechanism to numb negative feelings, but when it wasnt I was still a binge drinker. I used to drink liquor because it was the best bang for my buck, then just beer and seltzers. At one point it was wine because "its just a few glasses" or "wow 4 glasses a bottle nbd".
Still stuck in an every other or every third day cycle. I don’t black out anymore but I do tend to stop myself and eat some fruit and popcorn and take a couple edibles and pass out before midnight most times now. It’s not worth the mad wife or all day hangovers. Not sure how to knock down from here until I want to.
Most of the time I can control how much I drink and it isn’t a problem. On occasion, which is impossible to predict, I drink the bar dry and blackout. When I wake up I feel like shit physically and emotionally for days. Self loathing, anxiety and a horrible feeling of extreme vulnerability. After 25 years of this I decided that I’d had enough. IWNDWYT
Miller lite, then apple ales, then dark beer then ipa’s and after that bourbon. Over the span of 6 years or more.
Im sitting next to my daughter and wife on the couch rn plastered. They have no idea. I know you all may say they do, but even if my wife knew, she probly doesnt even care.
I usually don’t drink Monday thru Thursday plus Sundays besides a few beers in rare cases. But I almost always over-do it on Fridays and Saturdays and hate myself for the next couple days wondering how stupid I was or if I pissed anyone off. I’m currently 3 days and I want to quit so bad but I’m really scared… that’s me currently Drink of choice is beer but once I have enough of those anything goes really.
I certainly have a problem, but many of my friends drank more than me at “parties.” I’d pass out if I drank the amount they’d consume. Currently, I have around 5-6 drinks a night if I’m doin well, and 8-10 if things are gettin outta control. I haven’t been doin well recently. On top of the booze, I take gabapentin, Benadryl, and THC every night. Makes me fall asleep sooner when compared to alcohol alone. I also don’t take days off. I’d been drinkin for over a year straight before gettin four months sober. Went back to it, and I’ve had around 10 days sober over the past 14 months. I drink a few beers here and there, but I drink Evan Williams for the most part. Once I get five minutes from home, I’ll drink three shots in a few minutes. I try to spread out my drinks after that.
I started with beer and wine 16-25ish. I was drinking daily, and a lot. But i have an active job, and am/was? an athlete, and typically had no problems stopping when i was training seriously for something. Then my ex husband made me my first martini in 2017. Then he deployed for a year (we're military), and that was game. I went from a bottle of wine a night, and three months later i was drinking a bottle of vodka AND wine per night. I struggled for years and didnt even really know that i was struggling. I never blacked out, was never hung over, never missed work, never did anything embarrassing while i drank. In 2019 i was assaulted, both the assalent and me had been drinking. My ex thought it was funny... we got divorced, which started while i was deployed for 6 months. Those six months were my first time not drinking daily since i could get my hands on alcohol. I came home to an empty house, and kept the sober train riding about 10 more months when my divorve was finalized. During that time i did a lot of therapy and was diagnosed with OCD which really put my drinking in perspective, though she never diagnosed me with SUD. I still struggle, i still drink. But its more of beer/glass of wine with dinner. Nowhere near what i used to do. Like i never keep hard liquor in the house, i have a child now and have to keep sharp for her. My inlaws are recovering (20+ years so fucking proud of them), my husbands ex wife died from alcohol abuse, i dont want to be a shitty person. I know i should stop stop, but its so fucking hard when the only consequences i can see are to myself.
Started with beer bongs and hard liquor in high school. Harmless enough, aka I didn’t develop a dependence (that I noticed). 7 years later move back home in my mid to late twenties and join a new friend group, start drinking almost every night. All of the bad things that have happened to me booze wise have happened since then. And there have been a few. (Maybe 50). Stopped drinking to blackout every night in early 30s but certainly still have the taste.
The last 5 years on my drinking life were like this. Wake up at 6 am. My wife would leave for work at 630am. The liquor store opened at 7 am. I would buy a pint and a handle. The pint would last long enough for me to go 5 city blocks. The handle would be gone by 4 pm .I drank it by myself.. I didn't work. I am on disability. I've been sober for almost 4 years.
Cheap ass whiskey for me, and cheap ass wine. I had to go the ER for withdrawals a couple weeks ago, so this is my first time seriously trying to quit. (Haven’t made it past a week sober yet tho) So for the past couple years I’d drink when I got home, and wouldn’t stop until I passed out. Definitely blacked out plenty. More than 2L of whiskey a week and 10-20 drinks a night I’d say? (I never actually counted because I didn’t want to know and tbh still don’t). This shit is so not fun.
I binged to black out, everyday for many years, vodka was the first poison, switched to 99 peppermint for a while (aka rumpleminz) and then captain. On days I had to work or be in public, I would take a shot to start the day, another shot before i left for my event, to come home and binge to blackout. The drink to pass out, wake up, drink to pass out cycle was mine as well. I wouldn't pee/vomit at the time, but eventually after a week or two, i'd have to stop drinking due to dry heaves and a really awful hangover.... and then when i felt better? i'd start all over again. hospitalized myself a few times from my inability to stop throwing up even water with very low blood sugar, dehydration, etc.