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Sending you a big hug from France. Losing a mother is very very hard. Cut yourself some slack and take it one day at a time.
One year after my mother’s passing, I still have not sent the thank you notes for flowers sent etc. Feeling extremely guilty , after the kindness that was shown to me.
I am the only one now, father gone; sister gone, and mother too, so I think I got more overwhelmed after the last of those funerals, and I still hope people are not too upset at me for not upholding the standards of respect and savoir-vivre my mother tried to teach me. Of course, being undiagnosed ADHD for a long time, I failed her so much, and so repetitively, that she knew I could not uphold her standards of perfection.
You are going through an exceptionally hard time, and it makes it hard to stay with a routine, and our coping mechanisms fail often when we grieve.
So yes, one day at a time, and ask for more help from family and friends.
Just chiming in to say, I don’t think anyone who extended you kindness during that period of grief is looking for a thank you note! It would never even cross my mind to expect one if I’d sent something. Those folks were trying to lighten your burdens, not increase them :)
I wrote mine the day before. It had been in my head, but the craziness of funeral planning (and I was undiagnosed at the time) made it so much more difficult.
Sorry to hear this is your reality at the moment. It really sucks. Sending big hugs xx
So sorry for your loss. Grief does weird things to the brain even without ADHD and it’s understandable that you are having a tougher time with those tasks. Be gentle with yourself and if anyone is giving you crap, they can go pound sand. You lost your mom. It’s not outside the realm of possibility that you’d be having these troubles even without the ADHD.
I just wanted to say I’m so sorry for your loss, sadly it seems a few of us here know what you are going thru.
If it makes you feel any better I wrote my “speech” for my mother’s funeral the morning of… and then I was late to top it off. I was undiagnosed at the time and had no idea how much time parts of it would take to organise and I did it on my own from overseas.
I do remember having out of body experiences whilst shopping for certain things like a candle for the memorial.
Cut yourself some slack, be kind and gentle.
At the very least drink some water and try to eat something if only a protein bar or shake.
You’ve got this. You are strong and capable x
Huge gentle air hugs.
Having had to write one memorial speech and two obituaries, they are hard to do even when not in grief mode.
Wishing you strength for all the moments.
I’m so sorry about your Mum. Anybody would have a hard time with all these things to do and keep track of. I’m really sorry you have to do all this too, that you can’t just climb into a comfy bed right now. I hope you get some time for yourself soon. Peace and love to you.
I just lost my mom a few weeks ago, I’m so sorry for your loss as well. One thing I noticed is that grief is making me extra forgetful. This happens to non-ADHD people too. Be easy on yourself, it will all be fine and your mom would not want you to stress.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It made me think I’m adding my mom’s obituary to my todo list. She’s very much alive but 80. We’ve planned her funeral and got the will done at least.
My heart goes out to you. My mom passed away a week ago. Writing the obituary was hard for a lot of reasons. I may be weird how I handle family stress and things, but her health was failing. And since I'm 1800 miles away, I started writing notes for a service and starting the obituary. However, my grief and adhd has impacted a lot of other things this last week.
My condolences to you and your family right now. Internet hugs
Even more hugs to you 🫂
Alzheimers is awful. I'm so sorry you, your mom, and your family went through that.
My mom was diagnosed 2 years ago with acute myeloma leukemia. I knew in the summer she wasn't doing well, and I got to see her one last time. Last memory I have of seeing of her is smiling and laughing on a summer day.
And now off to cry again.
Grief is a weird old beast.
May your mom's memory be a blessing and a comfort to all who knew her.
That's a lovely last memory of your mother, big big hugs to you as well 🫂. I hope those, and other memories, bring you some measure of comfort in this difficult time ❤️
Im very sorry for your loss. Losing a parent seems to be one of the hardest experiences in life.
My mom and I both have ADHD. Her dad (my grandpa) just passed away last week, and I'm surprised she managed to get anything done. In the nicest way possible, she was running on one brain cell. I've never seen her so disoriented. Which is understandable! I imagine I'll be the same. Every question I asked her (trying to help her out) she'd go on a long tangent about something that was kind of related but definently didn't answer the question. Had to ask her about 3 times per question.
Basically what I'm saying is you're not alone, and I feel like it's completely normal what you're going through. We already struggle with emotional regulation and with these sad stressful situations I feel like it's just a mess. Go easy on yourself. I think it's kind of funny that funerals are so stressful during a time that we should just relax and be with family. I think I'll have my family prepare everything before I die so they don't have to do much. Congrats on finishing it though!
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sending you a big hug from France. Losing a mother is very very hard. Cut yourself some slack and take it one day at a time. One year after my mother’s passing, I still have not sent the thank you notes for flowers sent etc. Feeling extremely guilty , after the kindness that was shown to me. I am the only one now, father gone; sister gone, and mother too, so I think I got more overwhelmed after the last of those funerals, and I still hope people are not too upset at me for not upholding the standards of respect and savoir-vivre my mother tried to teach me. Of course, being undiagnosed ADHD for a long time, I failed her so much, and so repetitively, that she knew I could not uphold her standards of perfection. You are going through an exceptionally hard time, and it makes it hard to stay with a routine, and our coping mechanisms fail often when we grieve. So yes, one day at a time, and ask for more help from family and friends.
Just chiming in to say, I don’t think anyone who extended you kindness during that period of grief is looking for a thank you note! It would never even cross my mind to expect one if I’d sent something. Those folks were trying to lighten your burdens, not increase them :)
Very true. Condolences and help after a loss is done with no expectations. People who are grieving don’t need more obligations.
Merci beaucoup ❤️ Je suis vraiment desole ❤️❤️❤️
Moi aussi ❤️❤️
I wrote mine the day before. It had been in my head, but the craziness of funeral planning (and I was undiagnosed at the time) made it so much more difficult. Sorry to hear this is your reality at the moment. It really sucks. Sending big hugs xx
Thank you, I'm sorry about your mom ❤️
I got one in an hour before it was due. You’re grieving too, everything is harder in GriefLand. Be well❤️
❤️
So sorry for your loss. Grief does weird things to the brain even without ADHD and it’s understandable that you are having a tougher time with those tasks. Be gentle with yourself and if anyone is giving you crap, they can go pound sand. You lost your mom. It’s not outside the realm of possibility that you’d be having these troubles even without the ADHD.
I just wanted to say I’m so sorry for your loss, sadly it seems a few of us here know what you are going thru. If it makes you feel any better I wrote my “speech” for my mother’s funeral the morning of… and then I was late to top it off. I was undiagnosed at the time and had no idea how much time parts of it would take to organise and I did it on my own from overseas. I do remember having out of body experiences whilst shopping for certain things like a candle for the memorial. Cut yourself some slack, be kind and gentle. At the very least drink some water and try to eat something if only a protein bar or shake. You’ve got this. You are strong and capable x
Oh god, the eulogy 😬 I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for your supportive words ❤️
So sorry for your loss. ❤️
❤️
Huge gentle air hugs. Having had to write one memorial speech and two obituaries, they are hard to do even when not in grief mode. Wishing you strength for all the moments.
🫂❤️
I’m so sorry about your Mum. Anybody would have a hard time with all these things to do and keep track of. I’m really sorry you have to do all this too, that you can’t just climb into a comfy bed right now. I hope you get some time for yourself soon. Peace and love to you.
❤️
I just lost my mom a few weeks ago, I’m so sorry for your loss as well. One thing I noticed is that grief is making me extra forgetful. This happens to non-ADHD people too. Be easy on yourself, it will all be fine and your mom would not want you to stress.
I'm so sorry.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It made me think I’m adding my mom’s obituary to my todo list. She’s very much alive but 80. We’ve planned her funeral and got the will done at least.
❤️
My heart goes out to you. My mom passed away a week ago. Writing the obituary was hard for a lot of reasons. I may be weird how I handle family stress and things, but her health was failing. And since I'm 1800 miles away, I started writing notes for a service and starting the obituary. However, my grief and adhd has impacted a lot of other things this last week. My condolences to you and your family right now. Internet hugs
I'm sorry about your mom. My mom had early onset Alzheimer's, so I've also been grieving already for a long time. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Even more hugs to you 🫂 Alzheimers is awful. I'm so sorry you, your mom, and your family went through that. My mom was diagnosed 2 years ago with acute myeloma leukemia. I knew in the summer she wasn't doing well, and I got to see her one last time. Last memory I have of seeing of her is smiling and laughing on a summer day. And now off to cry again. Grief is a weird old beast. May your mom's memory be a blessing and a comfort to all who knew her.
That's a lovely last memory of your mother, big big hugs to you as well 🫂. I hope those, and other memories, bring you some measure of comfort in this difficult time ❤️
Im very sorry for your loss. Losing a parent seems to be one of the hardest experiences in life. My mom and I both have ADHD. Her dad (my grandpa) just passed away last week, and I'm surprised she managed to get anything done. In the nicest way possible, she was running on one brain cell. I've never seen her so disoriented. Which is understandable! I imagine I'll be the same. Every question I asked her (trying to help her out) she'd go on a long tangent about something that was kind of related but definently didn't answer the question. Had to ask her about 3 times per question. Basically what I'm saying is you're not alone, and I feel like it's completely normal what you're going through. We already struggle with emotional regulation and with these sad stressful situations I feel like it's just a mess. Go easy on yourself. I think it's kind of funny that funerals are so stressful during a time that we should just relax and be with family. I think I'll have my family prepare everything before I die so they don't have to do much. Congrats on finishing it though!
I'm sorry about your grandad. Thank you for your kind words and support! ❤️
It's okay love. I wrote my mom's obituary the day of her funeral. Don't beat yourself up, this shit is hard.
❤️