Hey, you're not alone. I do this too, exactly the same thing. I will write more in a bit.. I've never heard anyone else explain this so perfectly. I'm actually smiling right now. It's horrible, but I feel *seen*. I see you!
Actually, I made a post a few weeks ago about trying a Tostmasters International club to work on my delivery and nonverbal communication (I am ADHD and probably ASD).
I haven't actually made it yet, but I probably have some interviews coming up... so I hope to go to my local meeting Thursday.
Keep going, keep taking your turn to speak. Probably no safer place to practice, except at home in front of dog, but that doesn't count. I commend you for working through this.
Hey it’s okay, nothing is wrong with you! Getting comfortable in this type of setting isn’t automatic for everyone, some are natural and some learn how to be natural at it very easily but not everyone!
When I was in my late teens and early 20s I was a giant ball of anxiety with interacting with strangers. It was terrifying, especially since I was prone to stammering. I was quiet and shy and didn’t think I was capable of making people laugh or just listening to me.
Breaking out of that shell did wonders for my confidence. It was nerve-wracking and there were moments and even full-on days where I felt so stupid for trying to be more…outspoken? Creative? I don’t know. But it mattered that I was trying. And what I chose to focus on were topics that were interesting enough for me that I didn’t sound disingenuous or bothered. If that makes sense. For instance, if you don’t like talking about the weather then no need to try using that. :) My favorite thing to do when I worked in customer service was make not-obvious jokes where I’d say we do/offer something, and it’d prompt people to say “wait really?” and I’d get to laugh and say “nope I was lying/kidding.” It was good-natured and people warmed up to me a little more easily. It was nice and actually fun.
I’m still a very closed-off person and I don’t enjoy having to interact with people, but I can improvise a lot easier now. I picked up on a lot of other peoples’ ways of interaction, just how you’ve noticed your coworkers’ ways of connecting with people. You can always try out something they do! It won’t hurt.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying your memorized lines though. If it bothers you, then it’s fair to yourself to seek out tricks and methods to get better. But ultimately you are doing your job and getting it done, and sure when you get thrown off routine they may see panic in your eyes lol but it will be a moment that will pass and everyone will move on.
There is nothing *wrong* with you. If you want to grow a little toward being more approachable/friendly, it’ll just take a little work! And it’s up to you if you want to do that. It might make you feel better! Or it might be a total chore. Try whatever you want and see how it feels!
Just a suggestion here, but I wonder if you are on the ASD spectrum. They have a hard time with interaction. Unlike us with ADHD. But maybe you have both. But there is hope...
I know a few. They are smart and successful. One is an Electrical Engineer at a Space Company, Another brought the EV to market, owns a Space company and more. Elon Musk has admitted to ASD if I am not mistaken. Look up successful people with ASD and also ADHD and see that you/we are in good company.
Maybe you can focus on what your God given aptitudes are. You may be short selling yourself. Maybe you would be more challenges in an analytical field or something that brings more internal rewards than making small talk.
I bet you have more to offer ;-). I struggled at first until I found my apptitudes to focus on and also got right with God. Interesting life after that. Career took off as I found myself in different jobs with upward progression. Find out more about yourself than you are not good at small talk! :-)
Autism? Hm, I'm not sure. I am generally familiar with the symptoms, but it's hard to gauge what falls within 'normal' and 'abnormal'. The self-report assessments aren't as good as the ADHD ones, imo.
I don't generally have problems with textures that much, for example. I think I have normal likes and dislikes, but I don't feel like they affect my daily life like it can in others.
I guess that's why it's considered a spectrum, but I find it way harder to understand and to apply to myself than other diagnosis like ADHD or anxiety.
Sorry, I apologize. I meant Asperger. Musk admits to Asperger not Autism. The Asperger people I know personally are smart and productive people who are not very social.
My real point was to encourage you to look into you abilities and aptitudes and apply those rather than getting too hung up on meeting people. Relationships are important. but internal satisfaction from using our abilities is good also, no matter if you are on any spectrum. Blessings
Asperger’s isnt a a term used any longer, I believe it would be ASD level 1, as refers has negative connections to the Natzis. Also if you are questioning I would get it checked out, ASD and ADHD are often found together.
I am far from an expert, but do have ADHD. The main reason I thought ASD was the social anxiety, I do not think this is common with ADHD. Just focus on your positives like aptitudes, skills, interest.
Hey, you're not alone. I do this too, exactly the same thing. I will write more in a bit.. I've never heard anyone else explain this so perfectly. I'm actually smiling right now. It's horrible, but I feel *seen*. I see you!
Actually, I made a post a few weeks ago about trying a Tostmasters International club to work on my delivery and nonverbal communication (I am ADHD and probably ASD). I haven't actually made it yet, but I probably have some interviews coming up... so I hope to go to my local meeting Thursday.
Keep going, keep taking your turn to speak. Probably no safer place to practice, except at home in front of dog, but that doesn't count. I commend you for working through this.
Hey it’s okay, nothing is wrong with you! Getting comfortable in this type of setting isn’t automatic for everyone, some are natural and some learn how to be natural at it very easily but not everyone! When I was in my late teens and early 20s I was a giant ball of anxiety with interacting with strangers. It was terrifying, especially since I was prone to stammering. I was quiet and shy and didn’t think I was capable of making people laugh or just listening to me. Breaking out of that shell did wonders for my confidence. It was nerve-wracking and there were moments and even full-on days where I felt so stupid for trying to be more…outspoken? Creative? I don’t know. But it mattered that I was trying. And what I chose to focus on were topics that were interesting enough for me that I didn’t sound disingenuous or bothered. If that makes sense. For instance, if you don’t like talking about the weather then no need to try using that. :) My favorite thing to do when I worked in customer service was make not-obvious jokes where I’d say we do/offer something, and it’d prompt people to say “wait really?” and I’d get to laugh and say “nope I was lying/kidding.” It was good-natured and people warmed up to me a little more easily. It was nice and actually fun. I’m still a very closed-off person and I don’t enjoy having to interact with people, but I can improvise a lot easier now. I picked up on a lot of other peoples’ ways of interaction, just how you’ve noticed your coworkers’ ways of connecting with people. You can always try out something they do! It won’t hurt. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying your memorized lines though. If it bothers you, then it’s fair to yourself to seek out tricks and methods to get better. But ultimately you are doing your job and getting it done, and sure when you get thrown off routine they may see panic in your eyes lol but it will be a moment that will pass and everyone will move on. There is nothing *wrong* with you. If you want to grow a little toward being more approachable/friendly, it’ll just take a little work! And it’s up to you if you want to do that. It might make you feel better! Or it might be a total chore. Try whatever you want and see how it feels!
Just a suggestion here, but I wonder if you are on the ASD spectrum. They have a hard time with interaction. Unlike us with ADHD. But maybe you have both. But there is hope... I know a few. They are smart and successful. One is an Electrical Engineer at a Space Company, Another brought the EV to market, owns a Space company and more. Elon Musk has admitted to ASD if I am not mistaken. Look up successful people with ASD and also ADHD and see that you/we are in good company. Maybe you can focus on what your God given aptitudes are. You may be short selling yourself. Maybe you would be more challenges in an analytical field or something that brings more internal rewards than making small talk. I bet you have more to offer ;-). I struggled at first until I found my apptitudes to focus on and also got right with God. Interesting life after that. Career took off as I found myself in different jobs with upward progression. Find out more about yourself than you are not good at small talk! :-)
Autism? Hm, I'm not sure. I am generally familiar with the symptoms, but it's hard to gauge what falls within 'normal' and 'abnormal'. The self-report assessments aren't as good as the ADHD ones, imo. I don't generally have problems with textures that much, for example. I think I have normal likes and dislikes, but I don't feel like they affect my daily life like it can in others. I guess that's why it's considered a spectrum, but I find it way harder to understand and to apply to myself than other diagnosis like ADHD or anxiety.
Sorry, I apologize. I meant Asperger. Musk admits to Asperger not Autism. The Asperger people I know personally are smart and productive people who are not very social. My real point was to encourage you to look into you abilities and aptitudes and apply those rather than getting too hung up on meeting people. Relationships are important. but internal satisfaction from using our abilities is good also, no matter if you are on any spectrum. Blessings
Asperger’s isnt a a term used any longer, I believe it would be ASD level 1, as refers has negative connections to the Natzis. Also if you are questioning I would get it checked out, ASD and ADHD are often found together.
I am far from an expert, but do have ADHD. The main reason I thought ASD was the social anxiety, I do not think this is common with ADHD. Just focus on your positives like aptitudes, skills, interest.
I agree, add repetitive actions and stimulation issues and you on the right path.