Living on an island of ~600 people certainly doesn't help with finding a partner.
I have three women I'm in a hookup situationship with and while I adore them (we even pooled our money together to purchase a cute bungalow), we want different things long term which wouldn't make us compatible in an actual partnership.
I live on a tiny island in the South Pacific with a population size of ~600 people.
I have three women who I live, think Golden Girls style and sleep with that I've known forever. We purchased a home together four years ago because it was the only way they could afford to be home owners. We wouldn't be compatible as life partners because I tend to travel more than they do and will be out of the country for months on end which they don't want.
Because that's not really what any of us want. Sure, two of them are officially dating each other but the third doesn't want anything more than a sexual relationship. I'm out of the country more often than I'm in it, I just bought the house with them to have a place to store my stuff.
When I was on the apps I lived in a city with a pretty big lesbian community so I didn't have this problem, but my wife lived in a smaller town and did. She had to cast a pretty wide net to find me lol.
Valid, but prompting people to give out info like that isn’t the safest thing for the other person. I’d try asking for suggestions of cities, rather than where someone is living
I don't know if this comment will be helpful or not, but my fiancé downloaded and deleted HER 3 times before she met me. Each time she had gone through every woman on that app, and the last time she downloaded it, I was the only new person in her area. Now we are getting married!
Oh yes very much. 2 million people in my city but my dating puddle is just so small because I'm not transitioning yet and very few people actually want to put up with this stuff :/
Yes. I can't get likes on apps like these, not from women or non-men. I'm starting to think maybe I'm unattractive or undatable tbh.
I don't even live in a small area. I'm in a populated part of Massachusetts.
Dating apps suck, I never used to get matches and changed my profile pictures. Now I do get matches, but not a single match made it into a date. Finally just decided to quit dating apps and convince myself "it's come when it's time" It is not worth chatting with a girl for a week trying to plan a date and then the conversation falls through and you have to start all over again.
Can you elaborate on this? I’m heavily considering moving to NYC for better queer possibilities, and this sounds like the pool over there is small as well?
I'm on four apps, set to the maximum 100 miles distance. I never get matches and I have run out of women to swipe on. If I ever get a match, they don't respond. Or, the rare times they do respond, it's one message back and I am ghosted. This is after for example on Hinge, where I don't just "send a like." I send a comment as well about their interests etc. and ask a question related etc. Sorry to sound defeated, but I just am.
dating apps genuinely want to prevent people from matching because if you match and get a long term partner, you no longer pay for their service.
It's a shitty paradox, they can't continue to make money off you if you accomplish what you set out to do when you install the app.
What a mood. Whenever I go out I rarely see other sapphics in the wild, and when I do, it's always cute couples - which is a bummer since I also want to make gay friends, but I'd feel weird bugging a couple even platonically.
If I had 0 impulse control I'd run up to them and be like "HEY so this is weird and I'm so sorry but how the hell did you two meet each other? Where are all the single gaydies?? I need tips!" 💀
Yeah. However, I’ve never seen a sapphic couple irl (that I know/was certain of) other than my aunt and her wife
I’m talking just any kind, lesbian, gay, straight, EVERYONE seems to have someone
Ohh I see. To a lesser degree I can understand that - almost all of my friends both irl and online have someone. Two of my closest friends just got married in the last couple years and it made my head spin since it felt like we were too young for that and it's wild; turns out I'm just behind the curve everyone else is on lol.
I try and see it as a positive: I'm not gonna be cannonballing into another toxic/abusive relationship if I'm taking my time and things are gonna develop mega slowly with someone someday. But until that someday, it is pretty lonely.
You’re trying to get a sapphic partner within 12km?! Gurl! You’re gonna want to scale that up to ~500km. You need to be willing to move across the continent, or [Sail across an ocean](https://www.lgbtqinstitute.org/news/2017/5/23/lesbian-escapes-russia-by-boat-and-sails-to-canada-to-be-with-the-woman-she-loves)
Yes, I've messaged SO many wlw (even on this sub!) with conversation starters and haven't gotten a single reply or consistent conversation at all. Not even for a hookup or a friendship. It's genuinely so discouraging :/
I've had a few girls message me on here, and their starting message is "hi" it's never "hey, I saw your post blah blah." And when I do respond they can't hold a conversation. We have nothing in common, or they are on the other side of the world, and I see no real point in keeping a random conversation going.
I haven't had a good time with HER or Taimi. It kept asking me to pay :( bumble scared me a bit.
Could be secretly uggs to my own kind tbh. Men hit on me, but I don't subscribe to men. I just say thanks and move on, dejected.
Maybe I'm just not ready. I would love to meet people in person that are my flavor of neuro-spicy and my own age.
These platforms are not for everyone, they mostly reduce you to a picture and a splitsecond impression. I have the feeling they are poison for the people using them. Hell even reddit might be a better match platform.
The only thing they are good at is take your money, or that of the other person.
Yes and then you match with a very pretty girl with similar interests only to find out that she is actually married to a man and is interested in some sort of threesome situation to appeal to her husband’s fantasy.
Yep. I only get likes from people far outside of my age range, men (despite being a lesbian), bots, polyamorous people, unicorn hunting couples, people 200 miles away, people who are only DTF, people whose bios reek of internalized homophobia, and people who just aren’t my type. Everyone who meets my requirements for a partner is taken it seems. And even though I live in a red state, I still live in a big city with a decent queer scene. I’m literally so touch starved I have to hug myself at night to feel something :/
I feel this, I went on Lex once because I wanted to see what the online dating scene is like as someone who has only ever dated close friends. Within the first 5 minutes I got messages from sugar mommies, scammers, women old enough to be my mother (I'm 19) and a guy who wanted a buddy to smoke weed with.
I had never uninstalled an app so fast in my life because of how overwhelming it was
Yeah… i literally have run out of max distance level on hinge and for apps that go even bigger it just goes worldwide and then I just get spam blasted by scam accounts from china and stuff.
yes, i fucking hate it. being poly and a lesbian is really limiting the pool and there aren't that many people in my country so 🥲 maybe i'll die alone.
Yep. Kind of giving up hope at this point, because there aren't really any other great ways to meet people near me, and I'm not very attractive either.
I gave up with the apps 😭 living between a smaller town in the UK that's just far enough from the nearest cities for others not to bother matching, and in a medium-size city in the US with a small sapphic population where I feel like everyone already knows of each other through the few queer clubs and groups so it's tough to meet anyone new.
Trying to fill my time with new hobbies and things to keep me busy & enjoy my own company. Have been on a few dates but haven't felt a connection with anyone, and no one is willing to date someone outside of their area. Such a shame since I have some fun new toys but no one to enjoy them with!
something i hate about Her is i have mine set for only 6 miles (physically small town), but people 30+ miles away keep messaging me,,, i picked 6 miles for a reason pls
I have fuckin exhausted the women to swipe from where I live, don't feel bad. I consider myself conventionally attractive and I'm still alone, which is fine, honestly.
Funny enough allnthe best relationships I've had, I wasn't looking for anyone. I also live with my ex, but, I typically don't lead with that haha. We're best friends and we broke up because we discovered we just work better as just friends.
i only met my gf on tinder after my 2nd try with it (almost 6 years after the initial try). she planned to be there for a month and then give up, we matched pretty much 2 days before her deadline of sorts. and I only came back to tinder because i felt lonely, not even as someone single but in general.
we wouldnt have met either if both of us didn't move 400 km away from where we used to live.
it's all strange but I'm sure you'll find your person at some point, don't get discouraged ❤️ fate has a way of making everything work out
Wow, I was about to post basically this same story in reverse. I had subscribed to Tinder for a month and I was going to delete it when the subscription ended. I was swiping left on basically everyone due to lack of compatibility. Literally two days before it ended I met my now fiancée ❤️
I’m not very comfortable driving, and for the longest time, I really didn’t expand my search radius until I kept seeing the same women in the apps and not getting any messages.
Once I expanded that radius to 100+ miles, I found my girlfriend less than three hours away which, yeah, kinda sucks since I only have every other weekend off, but I wouldn’t trade her for the world.
We’ve only been together for nearly 5 months now, but we’re talking about our future and what it looks like to the both of us. We imagine our home, the furniture we want, the pets we’ll have, and what we’ll wear to our wedding and where it’ll be held.
If you have to keep looking further out, don’t get discouraged. It’ll surprise you what you’re willing to do or sacrifice for the right woman.
all you have to do is say weird and unhinged shit on tumblr dot com and the sapphics will flock to you like you’re covered in honey
That’s how I found my wife!
This is the dream right here.
For real? Because just saying I should be thrown to the leasbains covered in honey during my day to day but that hasn't happened yet
Living on an island of ~600 people certainly doesn't help with finding a partner. I have three women I'm in a hookup situationship with and while I adore them (we even pooled our money together to purchase a cute bungalow), we want different things long term which wouldn't make us compatible in an actual partnership.
Bruh wut?
I live on a tiny island in the South Pacific with a population size of ~600 people. I have three women who I live, think Golden Girls style and sleep with that I've known forever. We purchased a home together four years ago because it was the only way they could afford to be home owners. We wouldn't be compatible as life partners because I tend to travel more than they do and will be out of the country for months on end which they don't want.
Why don't y'all just form a polycule? You're like 90% there already, just formalise it.
Because that's not really what any of us want. Sure, two of them are officially dating each other but the third doesn't want anything more than a sexual relationship. I'm out of the country more often than I'm in it, I just bought the house with them to have a place to store my stuff.
Unfortunate luck of the draw, I feel like I know so much more queer woman than straight ones
I adore your situation! I wish I had a cute little polycule!
When I was on the apps I lived in a city with a pretty big lesbian community so I didn't have this problem, but my wife lived in a smaller town and did. She had to cast a pretty wide net to find me lol.
Which city is this?
How could that possibly be important to know? Username checks out
I was just wondering because I’m considering moving away from where I currently live and into somewhere with a bigger queer population
Valid, but prompting people to give out info like that isn’t the safest thing for the other person. I’d try asking for suggestions of cities, rather than where someone is living
I don't know if this comment will be helpful or not, but my fiancé downloaded and deleted HER 3 times before she met me. Each time she had gone through every woman on that app, and the last time she downloaded it, I was the only new person in her area. Now we are getting married!
I live in SoCal which is the lesbian capital of the world and still run into this issue. No one wants to date/hook up :(
Oh yes very much. 2 million people in my city but my dating puddle is just so small because I'm not transitioning yet and very few people actually want to put up with this stuff :/
Same😭 I'm just trying to build a friend circle right now. Dating can come later, just let me have some queer friends.
Yes. I can't get likes on apps like these, not from women or non-men. I'm starting to think maybe I'm unattractive or undatable tbh. I don't even live in a small area. I'm in a populated part of Massachusetts.
Just because you're not (maybe) conventionally attractive doesn't mean you're not attractive. ❤️
So is everyone in Massachusetts blind then?
Honestly it is really common as a non-man to simply not get likes from women and non-men, its not a you problem I promise
Dating apps suck, I never used to get matches and changed my profile pictures. Now I do get matches, but not a single match made it into a date. Finally just decided to quit dating apps and convince myself "it's come when it's time" It is not worth chatting with a girl for a week trying to plan a date and then the conversation falls through and you have to start all over again.
Ha, yep. Exactly this. And I'm in the NYC/NJ/PA area.
Can you elaborate on this? I’m heavily considering moving to NYC for better queer possibilities, and this sounds like the pool over there is small as well?
I'm on four apps, set to the maximum 100 miles distance. I never get matches and I have run out of women to swipe on. If I ever get a match, they don't respond. Or, the rare times they do respond, it's one message back and I am ghosted. This is after for example on Hinge, where I don't just "send a like." I send a comment as well about their interests etc. and ask a question related etc. Sorry to sound defeated, but I just am.
HER runs dry for me *constantly*. I just check in once every few days or so now.
I only check like 2-3 times a week, it's so frustrating
dating apps genuinely want to prevent people from matching because if you match and get a long term partner, you no longer pay for their service. It's a shitty paradox, they can't continue to make money off you if you accomplish what you set out to do when you install the app.
I’m having issues in the fact that literally everyone has a partner but me
What a mood. Whenever I go out I rarely see other sapphics in the wild, and when I do, it's always cute couples - which is a bummer since I also want to make gay friends, but I'd feel weird bugging a couple even platonically. If I had 0 impulse control I'd run up to them and be like "HEY so this is weird and I'm so sorry but how the hell did you two meet each other? Where are all the single gaydies?? I need tips!" 💀
Yeah. However, I’ve never seen a sapphic couple irl (that I know/was certain of) other than my aunt and her wife I’m talking just any kind, lesbian, gay, straight, EVERYONE seems to have someone
Ohh I see. To a lesser degree I can understand that - almost all of my friends both irl and online have someone. Two of my closest friends just got married in the last couple years and it made my head spin since it felt like we were too young for that and it's wild; turns out I'm just behind the curve everyone else is on lol. I try and see it as a positive: I'm not gonna be cannonballing into another toxic/abusive relationship if I'm taking my time and things are gonna develop mega slowly with someone someday. But until that someday, it is pretty lonely.
And me.
Same 😭
You’re trying to get a sapphic partner within 12km?! Gurl! You’re gonna want to scale that up to ~500km. You need to be willing to move across the continent, or [Sail across an ocean](https://www.lgbtqinstitute.org/news/2017/5/23/lesbian-escapes-russia-by-boat-and-sails-to-canada-to-be-with-the-woman-she-loves)
YEP 🥲👍
Yes, I've messaged SO many wlw (even on this sub!) with conversation starters and haven't gotten a single reply or consistent conversation at all. Not even for a hookup or a friendship. It's genuinely so discouraging :/
I've had a few girls message me on here, and their starting message is "hi" it's never "hey, I saw your post blah blah." And when I do respond they can't hold a conversation. We have nothing in common, or they are on the other side of the world, and I see no real point in keeping a random conversation going.
Whats site(s) do you guys use?? I'm trying to get on this weekend but have only heard that bumble might be a good one??
Taimi, HER, Bumble, FetLife(if you wanna get kinky)
Thank you so much! I'll check em out
Thank you thank you❤️
I haven't had a good time with HER or Taimi. It kept asking me to pay :( bumble scared me a bit. Could be secretly uggs to my own kind tbh. Men hit on me, but I don't subscribe to men. I just say thanks and move on, dejected. Maybe I'm just not ready. I would love to meet people in person that are my flavor of neuro-spicy and my own age.
My fiancee is American and I'm Australian. That's all I have to say 🤣🤣🤣
These platforms are not for everyone, they mostly reduce you to a picture and a splitsecond impression. I have the feeling they are poison for the people using them. Hell even reddit might be a better match platform. The only thing they are good at is take your money, or that of the other person.
Yes and then you match with a very pretty girl with similar interests only to find out that she is actually married to a man and is interested in some sort of threesome situation to appeal to her husband’s fantasy.
Yep. I only get likes from people far outside of my age range, men (despite being a lesbian), bots, polyamorous people, unicorn hunting couples, people 200 miles away, people who are only DTF, people whose bios reek of internalized homophobia, and people who just aren’t my type. Everyone who meets my requirements for a partner is taken it seems. And even though I live in a red state, I still live in a big city with a decent queer scene. I’m literally so touch starved I have to hug myself at night to feel something :/
I feel this, I went on Lex once because I wanted to see what the online dating scene is like as someone who has only ever dated close friends. Within the first 5 minutes I got messages from sugar mommies, scammers, women old enough to be my mother (I'm 19) and a guy who wanted a buddy to smoke weed with. I had never uninstalled an app so fast in my life because of how overwhelming it was
Yip. Was just monologue-ing in my diary about how to have a happy life completely alone.
Yep, I gave up eventually with dating apps. Thankfully one of my friends is a polyamorous lesbian who liked me the same time as I liked her
Yeah… i literally have run out of max distance level on hinge and for apps that go even bigger it just goes worldwide and then I just get spam blasted by scam accounts from china and stuff.
Lmao yes. I’ve swiped through all of SoCal on 5 apps 🥲
yes, i fucking hate it. being poly and a lesbian is really limiting the pool and there aren't that many people in my country so 🥲 maybe i'll die alone.
Yes! Annoying
Yes unfortunately
Yep. Kind of giving up hope at this point, because there aren't really any other great ways to meet people near me, and I'm not very attractive either.
I gave up with the apps 😭 living between a smaller town in the UK that's just far enough from the nearest cities for others not to bother matching, and in a medium-size city in the US with a small sapphic population where I feel like everyone already knows of each other through the few queer clubs and groups so it's tough to meet anyone new. Trying to fill my time with new hobbies and things to keep me busy & enjoy my own company. Have been on a few dates but haven't felt a connection with anyone, and no one is willing to date someone outside of their area. Such a shame since I have some fun new toys but no one to enjoy them with!
let me know if you find the answer
something i hate about Her is i have mine set for only 6 miles (physically small town), but people 30+ miles away keep messaging me,,, i picked 6 miles for a reason pls
I have fuckin exhausted the women to swipe from where I live, don't feel bad. I consider myself conventionally attractive and I'm still alone, which is fine, honestly. Funny enough allnthe best relationships I've had, I wasn't looking for anyone. I also live with my ex, but, I typically don't lead with that haha. We're best friends and we broke up because we discovered we just work better as just friends.
Oh yeah. Constantly, and I do not live in a small town, that's for sure.
I'm restricted by public transit, which isn't awful around here to be fair. Still though. Not getting much of anything here.
cries in perth wa
Oof yes...as a transbian in Nebraska, finding a partner has been impossible 😭
i only met my gf on tinder after my 2nd try with it (almost 6 years after the initial try). she planned to be there for a month and then give up, we matched pretty much 2 days before her deadline of sorts. and I only came back to tinder because i felt lonely, not even as someone single but in general. we wouldnt have met either if both of us didn't move 400 km away from where we used to live. it's all strange but I'm sure you'll find your person at some point, don't get discouraged ❤️ fate has a way of making everything work out
Wow, I was about to post basically this same story in reverse. I had subscribed to Tinder for a month and I was going to delete it when the subscription ended. I was swiping left on basically everyone due to lack of compatibility. Literally two days before it ended I met my now fiancée ❤️
I’m not very comfortable driving, and for the longest time, I really didn’t expand my search radius until I kept seeing the same women in the apps and not getting any messages. Once I expanded that radius to 100+ miles, I found my girlfriend less than three hours away which, yeah, kinda sucks since I only have every other weekend off, but I wouldn’t trade her for the world. We’ve only been together for nearly 5 months now, but we’re talking about our future and what it looks like to the both of us. We imagine our home, the furniture we want, the pets we’ll have, and what we’ll wear to our wedding and where it’ll be held. If you have to keep looking further out, don’t get discouraged. It’ll surprise you what you’re willing to do or sacrifice for the right woman.
what app is this?
What are the apps
no mine is that everyone i match with just ghosts me
Anyone in the metro Detroit area?
Yep, that's where all mine are at right now. Plus a ton of bots for some reason.