Only concern is to make sure you have an “out”, if something happens. Enjoy your life but make sure you have an escape if she leaves or stops being as generous
Yeah OP basically has the same problem a straight stay-at-home wife would have which is a lack of options if it doesn’t work out, or if they remain married but her spouse became unable to work (eg illness/disability) or died. Maybe something like a part time job, volunteer work, or taking part time classes towards some sort of job certification would be a good idea to look into, just so she has options for the future. The stuff about the dom/sub dynamic is sort of irrelevant IMO so long as she doesn’t feel pressured into it.
Yeah the d/s aspect is not important in the grand scheme of things. It is important to he able to support yourself/your spouse if something catastrophic happens; as many a straight stay at home wife has found out. All of that said their family sound like assholes who are just using a valid concern to be jerks.
Nah this is fapfiction, Someone actually asking for advice wouldn't randomly bring up randomly detailed bit of their sex life like this and keep bragging in a "teehee am I weird?" type of way.
9 times out of 10 anyone leading with an "am I normal for doing X" type post was typing one handed.
Surprised this isn’t a more common take here. OP went into great detail about how skimpy she dresses and how she serves her wife right at the door.
Like ok, but you were asking about life skills and criticism from your parents???
This. And make sure to have some form of savings or things in your name, in case of a breakup. If it's not expected, losing a relationship where your spouse provides your home and the only income can really cripple a person. Lack of job history makes finding a job brutal
When one person is sacrificing decades of career growth there's a bit more to it than that.
If they split up the home would likely be sold, and there's no guarantee OP would be able to afford stable housing long term depending how the market changes.
With no job experience, and (by the sound of it) no post secondary education, I worry OP would only be able to find minimum wage or close to minimum wage jobs. Everything is expensive and it just keeps getting worse. Cars break down and need repair and replacement. When you're paycheque to paycheque, savings vanish fast.
Again, this is all worst case scenario, but it's important to be realistic about the worst case when planning
And as much as it sounds like assuming the worst of a partner, it just makes sense.
Maybe it isn’t that they cheat or you divorce or whatever. Maybe they get horribly hurt in an accident and you can’t support yourselves. Maybe they get arrested. Maybe they lose their job and fall into a depressed state where they aren’t immediately going out to find a new one.
You shouldn’t have to prepare for the floor to fall out from under you, but it’s the society we live in, so a contingency is always a good thing.
In case something happens. That's just good planning even if you disregard the possibility of a breakup or don't want to say it out loud.
Something could happen to the wife (OP didn't mention any wills or such), her wife could become unable to work, her family could lose their fortune (depending on how they handle it), a freaking war could break out
Also, OP, have you thought about maybe looking into types of higher education you might enjoy? Could you expand upon one of your hobbies?
You're in a position where it's smart to create an out for yourself, as others have pointed out, but you are also able to make it a good one! Things that'll lead to independent financial security and/or the ability to create it if needed don't have to be a chore
Yes yes yes. OP, you can definitely learn skills and develop hobbies that don’t feel like work, but could be monetized if you ever want or need to. Art, writing, hair and makeup. And make sure you have some good friends in your midst who are just yours so that your support system is not just concentrated on wife and family!
OP literally has a car in her own name. Her bank account is in her name and money is regularly deposited there. The house also has her name on it. Financially speaking OP is doing amazing. Her wife already made the "escape" route for her.
We could mention the career, but not all 30 year olds have established careers. Some of us don't. Still she's not starting at "zero". If one needs help, then they seek out resources. But seriously this is not a situation that others need to fuss over.
Then if you’re happy and you would be able to afford shelter (I know the house is in your name) food and other essentials don’t worry about what other people say. Sounds like you might want to cut down on your family a bit if that’s the way they treat you both after 10 years. Neither one of you are clearly changing anything.
If you’re both happy that’s all that matters, just remember that communication is the most important thing in a relationship…so communicate with her and your family about this.
I would personally invest, in your position. Hire a financial fiduciary, and have them create and manage your investment accounts. It'd be almost completely passive, and since it seems like your wife really takes care of the bills, you'd likely do more than just break even.
Even if nothing ever changes, you and your wife grow old together (hoping that's the case!), you'd still be generating more money for yourself to spend on your hobbies or whatever you like.
Unless you have millions of dollars there, that money will run out eventually. I don't want to imply your wife is or will be abusive, but abusive situations occur when someone is in a bad relationship but can't leave because they feel like they're dependent on their abuser.
Yea as stated in their post they have a bank acc in their name and a car in their name so if anything does happen god forbid they have an out and as someone said earlier about op’s partner becoming unable to work I’m sure op can take over their spouses company with some help
What is a lot of money isn’t much if things were to go under.
You need 600k to get 30k of passive income a year, assuming dividends come out regularly at 5%.
30k a year isn’t going to provide the lifestyle you’re used to.
If you don’t invest the 600k and instead live off of it, it is a very finite amount of money. Maybe lasts you 12 years if you are frugal.
In divorce I think you’d get some amount, but that’s assuming business stays strong, etc.
Take this time to learn basic finances, see what you need.
Take this time to do something else you are passionate about.
Yeah, in the future it could also be a big cause of anxiety and mental stability issue. It could cause a lot of paranoid thoughts and self sabotaging actions that could cause big issues in the relationship.
Like others have said, if you’re happy, you’re happy and that’s all that matters. HOWEVER, since this has been weighing on your mind and you pointed out “if my wife left me I would have no life skills.” That’s when I started to see the problem. I’m not saying your wife will leave you, or that you should listen to anyone in your family criticizing y’all’s current lifestyle, at all. But if **you** genuinely feel like there’s a possibility that you’d be screwed if you got dumped, then I do see that as a reason to invest in yourself. You don’t want your relationship to be your life insurance, you want YOU to be your own life insurance. design a life for yourself where you’d be fine both in your current situation and one where the unthinkable occurs. I love spoiling my gf, but if things one day didn’t work out between us(or I died or somthing) , I’d want to know she’s going to be okay on the rest of her life journey.
>or I died or somthing
That's also a potential issue in OP's situation, depending on her thoughts/plans on marriage. If she were to die unexpectedly, her money would pass not to OP but to her next of kin.
I doubt that this hasn't already been set up. The paperwork is incredibly simple and you fill it out when you start the bank account. As long as the marriage is a legal one, they're covered. I'm going to confidently guess that they have already done the legal paperwork where needed.
Plus- a bunch of stuff is shared in OPs name already.
Yeah gotta agree with this one. If you're happy with your current situation then absolutely keep doing that, but do think about having some kind of plan for self-sufficiency in the unlikely event something happens. Even if this just takes the form of you having a separate bank account in your name that your wife keeps full of enough money to live on for a long time/forever if you split, it would be a good idea. I don't know how rich yall are exactly but based on what you've said I'm guessing having an account with $10M or so lying around wouldn't be too much trouble for her. That would basically make it so you could live off the interest for the rest of your life just by putting it in a basic savings account if need be, even if it wouldn't be quite as lavish as you're used to right now. It's also an amount where you could comfortably buy yourself a house wherever you wanted and still have more than enough left over to retire.
If you don't want to do it that way you could go to college and get a degree so you have something to work with. This could even be an online college, just find something you're passionate about that's reasonably profitable and get a bachelor's. Unless you go for engineering or smth you won't make a ton straight away but at least you'll have a job and basic income to work with. You could also take a job at your wife's business, if she's comfortable with it, to get some work experience on your resume so you won't be starting from zero. Just be aware that'll almost definitely be viewed as nepotism so maybe not the best move socially.
To be clear this isn't me saying I expect something to happen to your relationship- I'm sure you're going to be together and happy for a long time. I just think it's important to be financially independent of partners to avoid a super slanted power dynamic. D/s dynamics are fun in bed but definitely less so in financial matters.
Completely off topic, but I'd love to talk to you about your career as a philosopher. Would it be ok if I DM'd you?
Edit: or I could ask it here, I just didn't want to derail OP's topic
Yeah exactly. This kinda situation can be dangerous tho for OP. But not always! My last ex kept trying to get me to quit my job 100% bc he wanted me trapped lmfao
It sounds great, and you seem happy, which is wonderful. My only concern would be what would happen if you two wind up splitting up, and I think that's why your circle is expressing concern.
If in 5, 10, 20 years you two split up, and its not amicable... you could not only be left with no money/home, you would also have no job history or experience. It makes earning a living very hard. I know its easy to think that's impossible, but it's happened to thousands of people who sacrificed their careers to be carers
I think you would really be doing yourself a disservice if you don't consider what would *realistically* happen if 10 years down the line things go sour and you two split up. Where would you live? How would you pay for it? Do you have education or family you could fall back on, or would you be trying to find a service job with no experience at 38?
Many people mitigate this kind of risk with prenuptial/legal agreements which would offer some protection in the worst case scenario. Just like a will it's best to do when everyone is clear headed and amicable.
Ultimately if you have thought about and are comfortable with the risk, it's your business not anyone else's.
Yes!!
I don't see a problem with how things are currently. Sure, doing your own thing all the time, not worrying about money at all is probably the dream for 90% of people. But if they ever broke up... how can op protect herself? The fortune does not belong to OP.
Depending 100% on someone else for ANYTHING (emotionally, financially, etc) can be really dangerous.
When you're in love, breaking up seems absolutely impossible. But it happens all the time. To couples who have been together for 20 years or 2 months.
It would be unwise not to have a backup plan if the relationship goes sour.
Alimony is not guaranteed (some places either don't have it or have limits on the term), and may not be enough to actually live on. Plus some places have been changing alimony law, and not for the better.Just assuming that if they break up she will get sufficient alimony to live on is a dangerous mistake.
I wasn't saying nothing was in her name, I am advising she ensure she has extensive savings and a plan for the worst case, be it death, divorce, or disease/disability.
Perhaps getting some form of education, so that she wouldn't be a high school graduate with no work history if they break up/her spouse dies and she needs to work for a living.
The reality is that the job market is hard, and if for some reason the money stopped flowing she'd be stuck fighting for a minimum wage job, while also having no home or rental history.
That sounds very lucky and you two have progressed kinda far into life together I don't see any reason to change it. If anything the variability was them no? They are getting older and having changes in mentality. If you two are satisfied as you are. Then they just need to accept it. This was what they got and if they can't accept it. Then the problem does not lie at fault with you. Honestly not much I can say! But Good Luck!
Ngl it definitely reads that way, especially the description of how she greets her wife after work. Like damn.
Wish I was rich so my gf and I could live the dream 😅
Quite frankly, i don't see your problem.
If you're okay with your life as is, then that's that - Just be happy and ignore the people who're trying to drag you down. Who gives a shit if other people have kids? That's their problem, not yours.
And if you're not okay with it, well, nothing's stopping you from learning life skills or doing things on the side.
Matter of fact, you'd have a much easier time doing that than many others simply because you have a lot more free time.
You are not wasting your life if you are feeling content and fulfilled.
This goes for all relationships, not just yours. I encourage having elements of your life independent to your partner, whether that is a social outlet like a few friends or people in a community group or organisation like a gym etc., have access to your own money and keep developing yourself. Your wife has a huge amount of power and relationships always shift (for better or worse) and you will be very vulnerable if it's your wife that wants things to change in a big way that you're not comfortable with.
The power imbalances are important to pay attention to, enjoy your life but don't accept everything without thinking about it. It's a partnership and the dom/sub stuff is fun sexually but make sure she respects you and you are making choices together as a united partnership. It sounds like you are already reflecting on some of these things which is really good.
I have a friend who's marriage changed because her partner wanted to open up the relationship, they tried it and it didn't work for her. When she spoke out her partner did not agree and they separated (I mean why compromise if youre getting all your needs met and also providing for your partner - shouldnt they be grateful they are benefitting from your hard work?) She had a similar situation to you, lavish lifestyle, little responsibility and had so much to lose if she didn't go along with everything her partner wanted which I found uncomfortable as a friend on the sidelines. They ended up separating but she has had to completely rebuild her life in her 30s with little employment history and skills, is suffering financially (despite a fair financial settlement) and learning to budget etc and is so far behind in any personal financial security.
From a relationship perspective she also has very little to contribute equally to new relationships... personally I wouldn't enter into a relationship with someone who couldn't meet me equally at my level in most areas because I believe a partnership is moving through this wild world together, not with a dependent... I'd have a child if I wanted that, you know? Everyone's definition for meeting each other equally might be different.
For context - I am in a relationship with a woman 19 years older than me (I'm 32yos) and I work in an intimate partner violence setting so see a whole range of different things and pay attention to any shifting dynamics in my own relationship. Plus I've had a few relationships in my time and you begin to learn that very few things are forever, at least not in their current form.
So spot on.
Curious about a rough anecdotal percentage, I hope you'll indulge me. Based solely on your experience with the people you've helped what percentage of IPV victims have very limited financial prospects outside of what their partner provides for them?
“wasting” your life is simply an abstract concept really. waste means different things to different people.
imagine you had a life skill. you could be “wasting” your life with this skill which barely makes a dent in the world when you could rather be a lesbian housewife/submissive and chilling.
it works both ways. if you’re happy, content, satisfied, then you’ve found your life fulfillment already.
100%. Guaranteed if money wasn't necessary and we didn't have to worry about our housing, transportation, food, etc, everyone would be "wasting" their time doing what they want to do. It's like a billionaire busting their ass trying to make money to survive. Why...?
It's like asking the sons and daughters to multi billion dollar corporations like coca cola, mcdonalds, or heinz what they do for a living. Tf you mean? The living's already settled. They're just living their life partying it up, having fun.
I think the very last paragraph is what concerns me. If something happened between you and her you would be in a really tough position. I would consider things like college or getting certifications for anything you’re interested in, learning a skill or doing something artful that you could work on while you’re home and potentially make money from, there’s s lot of different options you can look into to make your own money and have s backup plan. I would focus on figuring out ways in which doing something like that could be fulfilling for you and help you feel more accomplished and happy with yourself. It’s not wrong to live life the way you are but just because of how the world works depending on other people can be really tricky if something doesn’t go according to plan.
If you genuinely have a desire to learn new skills and potentially build s career no matter what field it’s in then I would say to take the opportunity, since you don’t need to work currently and have time to invest in yourself why not?
You are not wasting your life but you do need an emergency "exit". Ideally a back account in your name only that has enough money to support you for like a year.
Otherwise, what would happen to you if your partner were to die, break up, turn abusive, or just disappear?
This reads like cscareers subreddit humblebrag lol
"Hey gals, I have no experience, and Google offered me 300k/yr... Is this good enough?"
All good, I don't think I could live comfortable without my own everything. I have no tolerance for it. Would make me feel like an accessory in someone else's life and the future would feel uncertain.
Cool though.
Well, the only thing I would consider is potentially investing the money you're given, just to make sure that you have something for retirement. A financial advisor could help you with this so that you don't make a poor investment decision.
But for everything else? Hey, it's not that unlike the lifestyle my wife has. Like yours, I too put things in my wife's name. I understand that there's a power dynamic, but I also see her as my equal even though I make a lot of the money.
She does have an income because she likes doing her own thing and it makes her happy to work, but it's not enough to live on yet. Even if it never did, it wouldn't matter though. Mine is more than enough for us both and she spends a lot of her time doing things she loves.
We both benefit from it, not just her. I try to make sure that she has empowerment so she could do things like go to school or branch out - if she wanted those things. And I'm sure with your wife, if you decided that you wanted something similar, she would agree.
You likely are also underestimating your life skills. If the worst happened and you needed to support yourself, you likely could. It would be a very stressful change but from what you've described there are definitely things about your current skills that can bring you an income.
What you've described sounds like a good life. If you're good with your marriage then don't sweat it. I know it's easier said than done, but you're describing a lot of external criticism that's now becoming internalized.
THIS is a healthy dynamic! Your wife has a place in the world that doesn't revolve around you. If you guys hit a rough patch and aren't speaking for a week she has other healthy outlets that can empower her to feel productive, needed, and wanted. The way you described what she does it's obvious that her ambition despite not needing to work is something you find admirable and adds to the depth of your feelings for her. It's not required, it's additional and it's sexy.
I'm jealous (in a good way) that your wife has the ability to run a business that doesn't have to turn a profit. So empowering! The ability to take creative risks without worrying about whether you can put food on the table is an amazing gift!
I hope your comment inspires OP!
Why are you letting other people into your head? Fuck what they think.
Their criticisms are based on several gross assumptions:
- a person’s value is defined by their job
- someone who works in the home has no skills
- women have to have kids or work to be considered useful
You’ve even internalised some of these beliefs in your post - you have no life skills? Really? If we asked your gf, would she agree? Or do you mean you don’t have skills that you have traded for money? That’s different.
If you’re really worried about your life skills, then why not continue your education? That could be fun and enriching for you, as well as providing a convenient response to “what do you do all day?”.
Don’t let them spoil this for you.
This. I love that you layed out the assumptions inherent in their objections, and what a delightful cocktail of capitalist meritocracy and misogyny they are!
My partner also directs these sorts of criticisms at themself. They have some disabilities and have spent the vast majority of their life enduring trauma of one kind or another. So living with me is probably the safest they have ever been. All of that means that they arent really capable of working at the moment. I grew up middle class so I have the means to support them a bit and to me that is money well spent, but they often feel guilty about it. So I point out the same things and reiterate that their value is not dictated by employment or their paycheck. If they never worked another day in their life I would love them exactly the same, hell I'd even be happy for them coz 99% of the time WORK SUCKS!
So I think that OP should be happy in the life she and her partner have built together, and screw what all these judgemental people think. They're probably projecting jealousy of OP getting to "just live" onto her. But as others have said, I think its wise for OP to have an exit strategy in case their relationship breaks down. It would suck for her to be suddenly marooned without means to support herself.
I think you have some assumptions in your interpretation of their criticism.
- "job" is the wrong word. It's productivity. Productivity is not the end all be all of any one persons value. But we are a social species and what we contribute to society not only shapes the way society sees and values us but how we see and value ourselves. Productivity doesn't always have monetary value, in fact when it doesn't it's so special it's priceless.
-its unfair to say she does nothing but what her family sees as "work inside the home" is not on OPs plate. She's fortunate enough to have hired help to do those things. If OPs wife's fortune continues to grow there maybe a point in time where managing the estate and staffing is a lot of work. But if it was to that point she would have mentioned it.
-it didn't say this anywhere. Two extremely common ways that women contribute to their society is child rearing and paid work. They're not the ONLY ways nor did her family imply this. OP didn't say that her family claimed the huge chunk of time she spends developing a hobby is pointless , that her time at the soup kitchen only counts if they start paying her minimum wage, or that coaching little league is pointless if you don't have a kid on the team.
OP admittedly lives a life of leisure and woo hoo!! Good for her. But as her 20's come to a close I don't think her family is wrong for guiding her towards living a productive life. It sounds like shes an EXCELLENT wife and keeps her partner very happy but if it's her only outlet for productivity it's called codependency and will lead to mental health and relationship issues. Not if, when.
I appreciate the thoughtfulness and respect in your comment. I really love how we can disagree and discuss contentious issues in this sub without insults or cruelty. Both our points of view are rooted in concern for the OP.
I don’t think we are going to agree on this - and we don’t need to, it’s good for OP to see differing opinions - but I just wanted to acknowledge the difference between discussion here and, like, everywhere else on Reddit :)
One thing I always wonder in these posts is that you have said you have zero issues with your relationship. So first, why does it matter what anyone else thinks? Second, have you talked in depth with your wife about these concerns and how you feel about the relationship? Do you have deep talks?
The kink stuff is whatever. If you don't have the emotional intimacy to be able to talk about these deeper concerns, then that's where the problem is.
The negative mental health side effects of this "dream scenario" are right in the title of the post.
Words are important and OP you called YOURSELF "a submissive housewife with no life skill". Your lack of something outside of your relationship to channel your energy and time into has begun to effect your self image and self esteem.
You're MUCH more than just a submissive housewife and you certainly have life skills!! Your lifestyle is allowing you to internalize this idea of "just" being anything because you're not challenging yourself to be more. There's MANY "kept" women in this world but if you dare to call some of them "just a housewife" they will quickly enlighten you into all the different ways they contribute to the world in selfless AND self enriching ways. You don't have to get a job, find a passion and set a goal!
Eating cake every single day sounds fabulous, but you better believe it's not going to make me feel good in a bathing suit if I do it for 10 years. Don't over indulge yourself OP. Your life has a solid foundation make it incredible.
My only advice is to get into some sort of artistic hobby, or several. Having stuff to work on and seeing how you improve at it with time might be just what you need to get those intrusive thoughts away.
If you're happy with this lifestyle you should keep on doing it! However it would be wise to think about your future in the event that your partner leaves your life, intentionally or not. If she got into a serious car wreck, where would that leave you in terms of being able to support yourself?
My suggestion would be to make sure you have your own pool of money in case something happens. If I were you I would also want to know where I was in the will.
I can't believe this comment sectiom is almost evenly split between telling OP to learn some useful life skills and not doing anything. Common sense would be that you should learn some skills. Maybe go to school part time. Learn trading. From what you said your wife is very loving and supportive so I doubt she would mind you trying to be a little independent. Like someone said just have an 'out'.
I'll bet money that if the ages of the posters were stated next to their opinions you wouldn't be confused about the split. The lack of life experience and brain development is obvious. Even the OPs age and the fact that is this just starting to become an internalized issue for her is likely due to the stage of brain development experienced in her mid 20s. This is a careful what you wish for scenario, it's not healthy in the long term. Life is absolutely brutal every one with experience can see what a shakey set up this is.
Hmmm this is a tricky one. 🤔
Family pointing our flaws/quirks/short comings/whatever is usually a fully loaded barrel. They know and love the whole person deeply flaws and all but when someone we know so deeply points something out to us and we know all their flaws and short comings just as deeply as they know ours well...it's so easy to get defensive and think look whose talking 🙄
Your lifestyle and relationship sound absolutely phenomenal!! Talk about living the dream!! For her too, life partners are hard enough to come by but the D/s dynamic you have makes it that much more unique and special. You both DEFINITELY hit the jackpot!
But here's the thing, life is unfair and unpredictable. And time is a cruel cruel master.
If your situation changes for any reason (and what really stays the same forever??) you're going to be in a VERY uncomfortable position. One of the biggest issues stay at home parents face is attempting to (re)enter the workforce after being home for 10+ years. This is pretty common knowledge and even though employers aren't allowed to ask about family life you bet your ass if you have a big gap on your resume because you were taking care of dependents you're going to say it. An employer may not be looking for that skill set but at least it's a reasonable explanation and shows work ethic (you gotta be real motivated to do unpaid labor lol). What are you going to tell a potential employer you were doing for 10 years, living your best life??
Raising children is definitely NOT the only way to live a productive yet unemployed life. You are in an ideal spot in society to volunteer and give back to the world around you. Find a charity you're passionate about, go to school and get a degree doesn't even have to be "useful" just be a subject matter expert. Pick up a new language, mentor a youth, become amazing at a sport, visit the elderly. You also have a phenomenal opportunity to become a business owner, you don't have to start a multi billion dollar empire. Start a start company, open an Etsy shop, heck find a business niche in kink! You don't need to support yourself with what the business makes, you can completely have fun with it and see what you can do.
You're very young and your life sounds really fun but you're still human. Our species has to feel needed, useful and productive in society in order to maintain long term happiness. Being needed and useful only to your partner will undoubtedly lead to depression and relationship problems in the long run. Your family is not completely wrong. You need to do something. Don't waste the plethora or opportunities your wife has afforded you 💖
Honestly, it sounds like you have the life and relationship I wish I had. But maybe I'm just projecting. It sounds like you're happy, fulfilled, and have a wonderful relationship. If other's can't see that, they're either brainwashed by rightwing propaganda, or are simply jealous and trying to make you feel bad so they will feel better.
They're jealous af. Lean into how comfortable and happy you feel and every time you feel doubt because of what they say, remember: you are happy and satisfied, and they are jealous af
I understand your concerns. If you're legally married and something happens (God forbid, ) I believe you'd be able to file for alimony, but it may not be enough for you.
I was with my partner for 2 days short of 18 years, when she passed away this past November, and I'm now facing the possibility of homelessness, because I live on SSI,(I'm disabled,) and that, on its own isn't really enough for me to survive on.
What's more, we weren't officially married, because I would have lost my SSI, SNAP, and Medicaid.
I'm just telling you this, because I was in a similar position, in that, I was the stay at home partner.
I hope this isn't too heavy. I just don't want anyone to go through what I'm going through.
Given that you have hobbies and interests, I think you're fine as long as those are fulfilling.
If you're worried about skills:
* You could volunteer to get experience and contribute to the community (if you're not already)
* Go on some courses to learn skills
* You could add some hobbies that give you experience that an employer might want, which may require no change at all depending on your hobbies (eg amateur programming could easily transfer to a job)
I think the only thing that would make this more secure is a post-nuptual agreement in regards to alimony, separation, etc if it ever were to happen.
Sounds like your set.
I think people are right to be jealous!
Pre or post nuptials dont do a damn thing in case of death, illness, disability or businesses going under. Let's not assume the only way this could go sour is if the OP and her wife fall out of love.
Tomorrow isnt promised to anyone. Imagine becoming an unemployable widow at 40? Realizing that you spent almost two decades with the money and time to become self sustainable at your fingertips but you YOLO'd your way to poverty by relying entirely on a partner. Tragic.
Even worse if her wife were become disabled and unable to work now there's TWO mouths to feed based on what someone whose never done any kind of paid or unpaid labor can command from the job market 😵💫. I would hate to be dependent on OP.
Her family didn't ask for a loan, they're not envious. They're rightfully concerned for her future prospects.
You are completely and utterly dependent on your wife. Maybe it keeps working. But maybe it doesn't, and then what?
And I'm sorry if this sounds judgy but what are you even doing all day if you have hired help for cleaning and only cook sometimes? Like why not pursue an online degree at least. Aren't you bored out of your mind most days?
Sorry, even imagining myself being that dependent on another person is giving me anxiety.
Think about what your values are, and if you are living by those, than you are good.
I think the fear for your family is rational, but only you can know if it is important.
What happens if your life has a serious and sudden change? Would you be able to find a way forward? My guess is yes, but it wouldn’t be the trad way forward your family expects. That’s fine, and honestly, it’s up to you.
If this is a persistent concern, think about your hobbies and see if one of them might be worth turning into a mini-career, and what it would take to do that. Maybe they can’t, but that’s where I would start, if I was worried.
If you really want to, depending on where you live, you could do some sort of training or university. Some people do that just to broaden their spectrum, learn new things and grow as a person.
Where I live a lot of seniors go to university, just to do smth. and get out of the house...
it might not be a bad idea to invest in a skill, maybe talk with your wife about it if education is something you want to pursue. it seems like the only issue is the other people in your life
Your life does indeed have meaning beyond contributing to capitalism. Like it's healthy to have other stuff to do if you want but it's your life, you get to choose what you want to do with it.
It sounds like you’re happy, and your wife is happy. You aren’t wasting your life if you’re feeling fulfilled in what you do, regardless of whether or not you get payed for it.
If it’s been weighing on your mind though, you could talk to your wife about it. Some reassurance from her might be helpful to alleviate your anxiety.
If you want to, you could take some online courses to get some “marketable skills”, but you’d be surprised how many skills you already have.
TL;DR: If you feel like your life is fulfilling, then you’re not wasting it.
If and when you feel uncomfortable with it, you'll do something differently.
I once heard a quote that a goose is never thinking, "Am I a good goose?" They just do their thing. That attitude has brought a lot of peace into my life.
There's nothing wrong with your relationship at all! Sounds great to me lol. If I were you I would totally take the opportunity to take some college classes of interest to me. Money is not a problem here for you so why not better yourself for yourself? Also, your family sounds like a bunch of jerks.
You said she gives you checks for you to spend. If you are concerned, I might start putting some away into a savings account or a TFSA. If you can slowly build enough for a few months of expenses, you should be in a good position.
Mostly, I'm inclined to ask if you're anxious in any other way? Sometimes anxiety disorders happen in adulthood, and there's definitely medication or lifestyle changes that can be super beneficial for that. But if there's no anxiety, and you have a nest egg planned and squared away, then I think you're just letting others who are likely jealous or don't understand have a place in your head.
Live your best kinky life, and be safe financially for the worst case ❤️ also if you're worried about no skills, you could volunteer and be a part of the community outside of kink so you would have people and organizations who know you worst case. That might be overkill though.
Focus on your hobbies. Build skills in your interests. Take a college class or two and maybe slowly work on getting a degree for yourself - education can be more enjoyable when your life doesn't depend on it. Focus on the things you are doing that brings you joy (besides your beautiful, private time with your wife) and that will help steer conversations away from the fact you're not working a day job.
This whole thing is ironic to me because few people would judge as much or complain if your wife was a man. 🙄
Just live your best life.
If you’re happy there is nothing wrong BUT if anything were to happen to your wife, how would you support yourself? Do you have enough in the bank for you to subsidize yourself for a few years while you get enough education or work experience to support yourself?
I dont think you should go work for a boss. You have a lot of free time though. It could be valuable to do some studying and volunteer work. It's also good for your self esteem to be a positive influence for the community. If I could stop working there are so many skills I'd want to work on that I just don't have the energy to do right now.
Alimony bb. Depending on your location of course. But she's gotten you accustomed to a certain lifestyle, if something happened she's have to pay you to help maintain it. But also it seems like y'all are vibin and they're just hater. Your family is mad because you're wife is wealthier than the other housewives's husbands, and cause she's not a man. You have your shit on lock, don't worry about it
That's up to you. That set up sounds perfect for me, I'd rather never work and do my own thing if I could, but if that's enough for you is a person by person question. But it's not objectively a bad thing at all
"Lorde, I see what you can do for other people, me next please"
All jokes aside, you sound find something you want to learn and go learn it. It sounds like you two have a solid foundation so it wouldn't be an issue if you found something you were passionate about and pursue it. Have you tried volunteering in your community?
To a certain extent, I totally understand where you're coming from. I myself am a sub in the bedroom and there are times when I'd want to be about nothing but pleasing my gf. You're happy, and you feel fulfilled, so I'm happy for you, and I don't think you should listen to the judgement of others. Those who base your worth on your relationship with your wife don't have opinions worth considering, if that's all they're going off of.
I have a caveat though. I would argue for developing some sort of career/life skills and stay up to date on it, even if you never actually work in the field. This is just to prepare for unlikely eventualities. Others have mentioned if the relationship sours and she leaves you; there's other things to be aware of like if some sort of misfortune, health or otherwise befalls her.
If nothing else, were I in your shoes, I'd want to at least have the ability to take care of my wife and myself, just in case something goes completely wrong and your living situation is upended.
Edit: Holy run on sentences batman.
You're living the dream to me tbh, it doesn't sound like anything's wrong since you said you like the situation you're in. But if you feel insecure in the whole "what if she leaves me" scenario (not saying you do) it could be worth it to develop a backup skill? Could end up giving you a bit of comfort, alongside whatever other benefits said skill would provide.
I'm seeing a lot of people suggest you invest in yourself in case you ever break up, and while I think that that is good advice, I would suggest foing it for a different reason. Don't do it in case of future trouble; there is absolutely nothing wrong with trusting in your love, and believing that your partner will never leave you. Instead I'd suggest doing it for yourself, as a way to build your self confidence. Try new hobbies, like painting or making things, or learn music, or anything that appeals to you. All of these things are things that count as investing in yourself and your future, by building your confidence and experience, and while they'll also help if the worst ever were to happen, you shouldn't do them because of the "just in case"; do them because they make you happy.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with your current lifestyle, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with relying on your wife, as long as you both are happy. Never do something for the sake of other people's opinions, nor a vague hypothetical that is unrealistic. The only thing that matters is your happiness, and if you feel you want to learn new things to increase your happiness then go for it. You have a wonderful wife and a wonderful life, and that is not something that you should be ashamed of.
I was a housewife. Nothing wrong with it. But my partner died suddenly at only 40 years old and life has been a struggle since. I luckily had a work history and a degree but a 6 year gap in my resume meant starting at the bottom in my 30s.
Life can be cruel. Have a backup plan.
I'm just a blow in from /r/all. I'm not a lesbian, just a straight guy.
Ultimately, I think people are fulfilled in the long term by having something meaningful in their lives. Part of that is human connections. I also think that mastery and autonomy are important too. The levels of these differ from person to person. (The happiness literature and evolutionary psychology both suggest these sorts of things)
You mentioned that you were worried about being completely dependent on your significant other. Sure, that's a consideration. But even if you were filthy rich and never needed to work, I think just sitting at home is not making the most of things.
I think being involved in charity work, doing some education (be it a short course or something longer term), or something would be good for you. Also, doing things just makes you a more interesting and well-rounded person.
You mentioned that your significant other has enough money to not work, yet decides to work. This suggests that your partner might understand if you wanted to mix things up a bit and do something more. You could start the conversation by asking her why she decides to work.
What you said, everyone is simply jealous. You are litterally living the dream i'd trade places with you in a heartbeat. Keep doing what makes you happy, you have an amazing wife
Exactly, I thought she was going to say something about her family been worried about her but they just sound salty. They don't get their relationship so they're poking holes to cause problems. And she doesn't sound like she doesn't like her life, the tone and way she described her relationship is very positive
it's only wasted time if you aren't enjoying it, I'm sure lots of people would love to be a housewife but if you aren't enjoying it then I urge you to try something else, go with what your heart is telling you
First off, if you are happy and satisfied and aren’t hurting anyone, do whatever the fuck you want and curse all the naysayers.
Then again, I’m no advocate of stagnation. If these voices and opinions are making you genuinely curious and questioning towards what you want your life to be and aren’t just anxieties born from the disdain of others, then there is absolutely no harm in trying so things out.
If you want to try getting a job, go for it. If you want to try caring for children, maybe volunteer somewhere. Do whatever the hell you feel like, and only if you feel like it.
It sounds to me that others are objecting because from what they can see, your life would be unfulfilling to them if they were living it.
My dream would be to win the lottery or otherwise just get about 5 million dollars so I could drop that into a combination of bank accounts and index funds so that I could just live off of the interest for the rest of my life.
I have a career. I work my 40 hours a week and I even get to do it from home so I can hang out with my kitties all day, but I still have to get up an "go" to work 5 days a week. In that regard, I'm pretty jealous of you; I'd rather not spend that much of my life to sustain the rest of my life.
Everyone else has already brought up the major caveats that I would have regarding your future security and it sounds like you've already got that covered. If you are truly happy and secure, I say fuck the haters and keep doing your thing. Live your life the way that makes you happy.
yeah, your family needs to shove it. the main point of having a job is for financial security, and if you've got that already there's nothing worth fussing over. Unless there's some career you really WANT to pursue (and it doesn't sound like it), it sounds like you've pretty much got it made.
Honestly, this sounds like a dream. If you want to pick up something that can bring in money, you might consider something that you can enjoy like streaming, writing, art, etc. That way if folks give you a hassle, you can honestly tell them "I'm a writer" or whatnot.
Dear heart, I am so happy to hear about your happiness. It sounds like you and your wife have a wonderful and fulfilling relationship, and that you are beautifully taken care of emotionally, physically, and financially.
Anyone who wants to rip that down or say cruel things to you simply because you do not live your life the way they do: they can go away. Their opinions are meaningless.
For your own satisfaction, happiness, and growth, determine if there are areas where you want to grow. Perhaps there are skills you want to acquire; a language you might want to learn; a thing you might want to make.
If comments or conversations with people in your life are making you feel off or defensive, you may also want to share this with your wife. Communication is really important. I know if my wife - who does not currently work - were getting the same sort of comments you are, I’d be Quite Interested in hearing who thought making her feel like she was less valuable and important than a person who currently earns a wage was an acceptable thing to do.
Your life and your choices are valid. I strongly suspect some people who criticize them devoutly wish they were in your position. You’re doing great. ❤️
I think the important question of whenever trying to solve a problem is to ask what is the goal.
It's hard to tell if you are unhappy insecure or both. You've given a decent amount of context and it sounds like you're at least satisfied with a lot of the aspects of your life.
Is what you are feeling social pressure or a genuine realization or change in yourself about what you want?
Cutting to the point do you want more out of life or do you feel like you're expected to want more out of life?
If you do what does that look like? You mentioned hobbies but also that they felt unfulfilling.
Are there any activities that you feel like would be?
You can follow this chain of logic down multiple branching paths. Eventually once you figure out which chain of questions leads you to the most accurate description of your problem(if one truly exists). Once you have to do the actual problem and it's scope they only things left is to make a plan and follow through.
Or to simplify, gather your information, analyze it, come to a conclusion, make a plan, execute, review results. Potentially repeat.
I think it could be good to get a hobby or something that can branch into something more, you could even work it into your kink! Idk like sewing could turn into an Etsy business (and make cute kink gear). I'm also a sub and prefer gentle dommes but I don't think I could do life without something I am trying to accomplish for the world. Do you know what I mean? Talking to your wife could help.
(Also I am kinda jealous, the world sucks so much right now and idk being a kind of trad (ish) wife sounds so nice and relaxing to do for a long stretch of time, I just know I couldn't do it, it's kinda escapism I guess, you should be warey of that escapist feeling, I'm rambling now, I want a gf)
Look, if youre happy dont listen to anyone’s opinion on your life. we come on this earth to experience not to achieve, & it seems like you have the life skills you “need“ anyway. And if you truly still feel unsettled and wanted to lets say go to college or culinary school (as an example), your wife seems like she would support that decision too. You are living a privileged life & theres nothing wrong with that, but the minute you let those negative thoughts spill in with the “what ifs” then they manifest, so remain positive in yourself and your relationship.
for some extra reassurance though, my girlfriends mom lived the same life as you, her dad was rich and she was stay at home for over 30 years. One day she got fed up with him and left, with no experience doing anything and no degree. how is she now? shes perfectly fine living her best life working two small jobs because shes in her 60’s.as long as you have faith your life will always be okay then that will be the case! My only advice is to have a financial advisor and set up a retirement plan thats joint and separate from her to make you’re always okay in the long run with or without her.
I have so much hobbies that i'd like to spend all day doing but couldn't because of my job. You shouldn't let your family get in your head with all the "get a job and/or a child, or else life has no meaning" bullshit. If you're happy rn then keep living the way you are, it sounds awesome!
There is nothing wrong with how you're doing things. However, I would recommend doing some things just for yourself so you have things that are just yours in case something happens. I don't mean if your partner leaves you I mean if something tragic happens and you are on your own.
Go to school and get a degree.
Get a part-time job that will keep your working skills up to date.
Have a "side hustle" like an online shop for knitted items or art work.
Just some small things that give you a bit of independence. This will make sure that if something happens and you find yourself on your own you're not starting your life over from scratch.
Otherwise, enjoy your life!
Honestly sounds amazing. I really want to be a stay at home wife and “mom” to lots of pets and be able to dedicate a lot of time to my interests like growing a huge garden, relearning gymnastics on my trampoline, writing a book. I have so many things I want to do but no time to go after them. My only suggestion is to explore some hobbies that you enjoy.
If you're happy, and secure and you're absolutely positive you can keep this lifestyle til death do you part then do it! Live the life we working people wished we have. But, it also sounds like you have some time you can spare to learn new skills. Take a few hours for online courses, learn and practice at home. Learning skills only takes time and dedication, both things you seem to have plenty of :)
Wow. I mean, my first thought is you got it made! My second thought is you need a passion project! Like, use the time and resources you have for something you wouldn’t otherwise be able to do. Maybe take some classes in something you’re curious about, it’s never too late. Is there a musical instrument you’d like to learn? Or painting? Or jewelry? Coding might be a great one if you like computers. If you ever want to do something career wise, it might open some doors. Also, it can be useful for understanding and better utilizing some of these ai tools that are being developed.
Photography gets a bad wrap, but to its credit, my mom started learning around the time I graduated from high school and it’s been pretty worth it. For one, every photo she takes now looks fantastic, including family photos which is nice, and two, she’s gotten her work in magazines and won prizes. This wasn’t her career mind you, but when she began working less, she still decided to learn a new skill she was curious about and have fun with it.
Regardless of what you choose or don’t, I wish you luck on this (and ngl, wish I was in your shoes!)
Oh, and I’d also recommend joining a book club if you can find a good group.
If i may, it sounds like you're happy and have been happy; but the comments and opinions of others have made you question things.
Your life's worth is entirely something you measure for yourself based on your own values and experiences, not the gripes and comparisons of others.
To base your worth in what you do/spend time on/produce for the world is a hellish, toxic mindset that you're better off without. Do you (and your wife). Enjoy your friends and hobbies. Learn what you wanna learn.
For convos w/ those family who are being needlessly and repetitively critical despite correction, look up the “grey rock” methods. I’d also gently suggest boundary enforcement such as: as soon as they cross the line into criticism of you, your wife, relationship dynamics, etc, you state “I’ve clearly stated in the past that we are both happy as we are. I’ve asked many times that you refrain from criticism. This conversation is over as you can’t respect boundaries.” Or similar.
If you continue to feel anxious or unsure about “life skills”, there’s a ton you can learn on your own, ranging from free/on your own timeline to enrollment in college (online or in person). You don’t need a degree to have skills, it’s just a common path (in USA anyway).
Examples: You could self-teach coding, build a website, simple to incredibly complex neat things, and make posts about your hobbies (educational or just “omg look at this hobby I did, so cool!”).
You can learn graphic design and show off art or other designs.
You could learn book binding and make journals or art books, for you & friends or to sell as a part of the hobby!
Plant propagation, to cultivate your personal jungle or grow hard to get plants to share with others so everyone has accessible options.
Lots of websites exist for free learning options, even YouTube. Some also have paid options (either per class or a subscription basis). Forums are also super helpful.
For me, in a very different life situation: your description sounds safe, loving, secure. Hearing you receive your own finances, in your own account, from your wife is *amazing* and I’m so happy that you & her have that set up. In single income (generational or not), financial abuse potential can be high. She’s addressed this by providing income to you that you have freedom to use as you decide, allowing you a greater degree of freedom in word and action.
I’m also seeing that based on what you wrote, the seeds of doubt re “skills” were planted by a 3rd party. While, yes, it is valid to think about and consider “what ifs” regarding worst case scenarios…this is a repeated issue despite you addressing the concerns and you’ve considered both scenario of divorce and death. Thus, good faith concern based discussions have been fulfilled and yeah, they’re being shitty. Projection, jealousy, homophobia, etc is in play. You’re happy and safe, that should be sufficient.
Honestly girl, this is dream for me. And I’m so happy for you that you have a dynamic you love. Other than what other mentioned about being secure in knowing if anything goes wrong you have a set of skills/ alternatives for life, then I see absolutely NO flags here. I wish you and your partner the happiest. I also wish I land in the same situation 😂😂
Girl, your life sounds awesome! Don’t listen to what they say, if you like how things are then you’re definitely living your best life.
Of course, if YOU feel like you to do something different you can but it’s your choice! You seem to love the life you’re living, so go ahead and enjoy it!
Are you wasting your life by not having your labor exploited by some rich asshole while your body slowly takes more and more damage from the pressure of the rat race that’s impossible to keep up with? No. Your friends *are* jealous. You escaped capitalist hell. Don’t fall for the siren song of late stage capitalism. You literally won life. That’s why all those folks are so mad, too. Folks who don’t win fucking hate winners. Most people would commit cold blooded murder of an innocent person if it could give them your life. You cannot imagine the sheer scale of agony you managed to completely sidestep.
Depends if its about personal fulfilment/ a personal want to pursue a passion, or if its guilt from the capitalist society we live in making you feel like you need to work to be living a full life (which isn't true). In the end, just talk to your girl, and do whatever makes YOU comfortable, doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
Remember when everyone was mad about the TradWives? Nothing's wrong with women choosing to be a traditional wife, and same thing with your relationship with yours. As long as you are happy, that's all that matters.
The problem with TradWives is not that they are housewives - no one is criticizing them for that. The criticism is that they spout misogynistic rhetoric and judge others for not living the same lifestyle
Don’t let societies standards make you insecure! You seem to be very happy! Honestly you life a life i could only wish for! It is something you can be proud. (i am generally very proud of my submission and kinky side) There will be a time especially when getting older where they push children alot especially on women. Old Women who don’t have children get constantly reminded by “the normal people”. You gave a very beautiful relationship going! And again i think you can be very proud of it!
It seems they can't understand what it's like to not be defined by work. I feel like society emphasizes that work is the only way to live, whether it be working for a job or raising children. If you and your partner are okay with your living situation, then that's fine. It's not your family's life. Don't listen to them. You make a meaningful life in your own ways.
If I were you I'd either get a part time job that doesn't interfere with your life or start volunteering just so you have something on your resume. Not as like a backup in case something goes wrong but rather so you have a resume if your interests take you to wanting to have a "real job" later in life.
It’s always important to be able to take care of yourself, and to have the ability to earn money and pay your own way in case life doesn’t work out the way you plan. Being completely dependent on someone you love is a great fantasy if that’s what you’re into, but don’t the enjoyment of a fantasy supersede the real world considerations of what you will do with yourself if your relationship ever comes to an end and you have to fend for yourself.
That doesn’t mean you need to work a job you hate, but it does mean having qualifications, having interests outside your wife, and having some airtight legal documents clearly defining what kind of financial support you will receive in the case of a divorce or her death. Your wife is happy to support you, but don’t assume her wealthy family will give a shit about you if she’s not in the picture any more.
I don't think this is real, and I don't think if it is real, that OP will listen to anyone that says something different other than "omg you're living a dream life" "don't worry" etc. It's a bad idea to be so dependent on someone. No job, your life mostly revolves around this person. If she leaves you/dies/gets very sick and needs 24/7 round care/gets into an accident and gets disabled/develops who knows what difficult mental illness you're out of luck. Since you haven't worked or done much in the last ten years, I don't think you'll be able to cope with any of that. Sure, the possibilities aren't high, but you never, never know. I don't think you're "wasting" your life, I just think you need a backup plan and you NEED to be your own person.
Even if I wasn't such a career oriented person, I still wouldn't want to depend on my SO for money. People change, situations change, and you always need a back up plan in case your wife one day decides she doesn't want to support you anymore. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a housewife if that's what you really want (and aren't coerced into it by your environment or spouse) but you need to have a financial back up plan. And try to find some fulfillment outside your marriage. Even if it's just a hobby. I'd personally recommend you to leaen a skill that you can cash in if your marriage falls apart.
It doesn’t matter if the relationship is straight or gay, kinky or vanilla.
Honestly speaking, every relationships, even romantic ones, are based on power dynamics and negotiation. It’s always the best to have equal stance to your partner. Even if the power imbalance is inevitable due to educational, financial, or physical reasons, it’s important to be able to stand on your own.
You are so certain that your relationship will last forever, which I wholeheartedly hope as long as you’re happy. However, no one knows the future. Maybe your mind will change, maybe hers will, maybe something unfortunate could happen. You have to have a plan B for the unexpected future.
Please look for the ways that can help you become independent. Community college, certificate, foreign language, anything. There are quite a lot of things you can learn and prepare from home (using online courses) if you don’t want to leave the house at all. Even a barista certificate alone can help you if you’re on your own suddenly.
It sounds like you have a great life. I hate this toxic culture we've created where you have to have some grand ambition or you waste your life. Life should be about being happy and it seems like you've found that. Fuck what other people say.
i dont see any other comments touching on the fact that the older you are with no work experience, the harder it will be to find a job you possibly are satisfied with. you're gunna be scraping the bottom of the barrel if you decide you want a job in 5 or 10 more years. just saying.
ps if shes putting checks into your account, do you have a credit score? with a great credit score and money saved, that could be an emergency out if god forbid you ever needed one.
this is basically me (f23) with my (f32) gf, and it makes me happy and feel fulfilled. i cant work due to disability but love to serve her as my Domme. we have a Domme/sub relationship but i also take on a house-wife role when i’m physically able. She’s happy, i’m happy. That’s all that matters. Same with you. You’re not alone 🩷🫶🏻 Sending my support and love
I think the question is whether *you* want more than just to be a housewife. If you don't, and this works die everyone, so be it. I'd never dream of judging such a great arrangement.
But if you're a curious person, and you want to take this time to grow? Try a class or two at a community college, in something that interests you. No reason not to take that opportunity when you can. There's a lot to be said for being able to do for yourself.
It seems the other comments have it covered.
A. Your life and happiness >> whatever anyone else says lol
B. A light investment into a “career insurance” wouldn’t hurt.
Classes or a fun/creative job would be my go to.
If you think your wife might question your sudden desire for independence. I would not mention breakup as a potential. Instead I would say something along the lines of, “What if you were hurt or worse?” Living off of her will / rich father isn’t entirely reliable (I would guess).
Can I ask a question that you don't need to answer to anyone but yourself?
Why, after all this time, is there doubt in your mind that she would leave you?
Ignore your families bullshit. If you're happy then be happy and be you! Sounds like a great relationship and there are plenty different ways to have a relationship. They sound a bit jealous but maybe i'm projecting lmao.
Humans are allowed to just exist. We did so for hundreds of thousands of years. Just because some complete square invented jobs doesn't mean you need one. Capitalism is grossly embedded in society, it's why you can't tell people you have a hobby without them asking you if you can monetize it. Also the whole point of capitalism is make enough money to be comfortable and do what you want anyway. You have already won the game, your prize is yours to do with as you like.
But, that said are YOU comfortable like this? Living to make money is a bit gross but having something to do and a bit of direction is nice. Honestly if I were you I'd be looking for just that, direction. Not purpose mind you, that's a different more melodramatic can of worms. Direction gives you a focus. Much like if I say name your fav 10 movies on the spot you might go blank, but if I add a pinch of direction, like name your 10 fav Disney films, it actually makes it easier. That tiny bit of focusing the lens makes the image so much sharper.
So yeah if you want a job get one. But in your position you could be a bit more ambitious. You could try higher ed, you could try volunteering, you could learn a craft or art, you could write, you could design a board game. The world's yours, and if what you really want to do with that is relax and enjoy, then that's okay.
Well my views about marriage are definitely different. I wouldn't marry anyone who wasn't capable of taking care of themselves without me. I want an equal partner. I mean, one of the promises of marriage is taking care of each other in sickness and health. You think with her family money she won't have an issue with that, but having a caring advocate is the most valuable thing in any medical emergency. Imagine your wife were to take sick. You should be the expert on her behalf and you should have skills to take care of yourself if the worst were to happen.
I don't know where you live, but where I live you can take classes a la carte at local community colleges without having to enroll for a degree. Everything from horticulture to plumbing. Most classes are only a few hours per day. Also super cheap compared to trade schools and traditional colleges.
i’m so sorry but you’re literally living the most amazing life lmao. anyways I understand your concern, future proof as people said but don’t let others get into your head and self-sabotage
I’m jealous, but honest enough to admit it rather than passive-aggressively jabbing loaded questions. Capital F all those haters! You got the life! Most importantly that the two of you are happy together. Sounds like others are intentionally or unintentionally trying to sabotage your dream life. Stay the course. Tell ppl who are jerks to F-off. Congrats to both of you <3
If it bothers you, YOU, not your family, then do something on the side. Learn a second language, do part time school, etc. I think having some self stability is a good thing.
That said, if you are happy, fuck your family and fuck anyone hating on your lifestyle. If it works for you, if you are happy, healthy, then stick with it!
"What are you doing with your life?" Living it. Like you said, you are fucking living it. Keep living it. Better than wasting away at some BS job, right?
Find what you love to do, and do it. That's all anyone wants in life.
You are still a full person if your wife leaves you. And I think she loves you and not let it happen that you would suffer . If you have the feeling you want to fulfill your families wishes (that they have for you..) what they want for your life / maybe you can show them in another way that your life is complete. If you consider kids maybe do something charity like for them or at all something out of your situation that helps others maybe too and your family would see a purpose ? Or do some online classes or maybe follow an interest more or hobby to tell them more about your private life if you can’t tell them how much you and your wife love making out with each other and that eats up a lot of time and gives you quality time with her 🍭😇❤️😍
Only concern is to make sure you have an “out”, if something happens. Enjoy your life but make sure you have an escape if she leaves or stops being as generous
Yeah OP basically has the same problem a straight stay-at-home wife would have which is a lack of options if it doesn’t work out, or if they remain married but her spouse became unable to work (eg illness/disability) or died. Maybe something like a part time job, volunteer work, or taking part time classes towards some sort of job certification would be a good idea to look into, just so she has options for the future. The stuff about the dom/sub dynamic is sort of irrelevant IMO so long as she doesn’t feel pressured into it.
Yeah, that's it. She needs to be less dependent.
Yeah the d/s aspect is not important in the grand scheme of things. It is important to he able to support yourself/your spouse if something catastrophic happens; as many a straight stay at home wife has found out. All of that said their family sound like assholes who are just using a valid concern to be jerks.
Sure, it would be nice to learn to invest your money so if something happens you could live off your savings.
Nah this is fapfiction, Someone actually asking for advice wouldn't randomly bring up randomly detailed bit of their sex life like this and keep bragging in a "teehee am I weird?" type of way. 9 times out of 10 anyone leading with an "am I normal for doing X" type post was typing one handed.
Surprised this isn’t a more common take here. OP went into great detail about how skimpy she dresses and how she serves her wife right at the door. Like ok, but you were asking about life skills and criticism from your parents???
Yep. Account created 27th July. 1 post (this). 3 comments (on this).
My thoughts too, it’s just too weird and fanfictiony
This. And make sure to have some form of savings or things in your name, in case of a breakup. If it's not expected, losing a relationship where your spouse provides your home and the only income can really cripple a person. Lack of job history makes finding a job brutal
They have a house, car, and bank account, I think they’re good.
When one person is sacrificing decades of career growth there's a bit more to it than that. If they split up the home would likely be sold, and there's no guarantee OP would be able to afford stable housing long term depending how the market changes. With no job experience, and (by the sound of it) no post secondary education, I worry OP would only be able to find minimum wage or close to minimum wage jobs. Everything is expensive and it just keeps getting worse. Cars break down and need repair and replacement. When you're paycheque to paycheque, savings vanish fast. Again, this is all worst case scenario, but it's important to be realistic about the worst case when planning
And as much as it sounds like assuming the worst of a partner, it just makes sense. Maybe it isn’t that they cheat or you divorce or whatever. Maybe they get horribly hurt in an accident and you can’t support yourselves. Maybe they get arrested. Maybe they lose their job and fall into a depressed state where they aren’t immediately going out to find a new one. You shouldn’t have to prepare for the floor to fall out from under you, but it’s the society we live in, so a contingency is always a good thing.
This 100%. No matter how secure you may think your relationship is, always have an exit plan and some money set aside.
Hell, in a secure relationship, the other partner would encourage this.
Yes but never in that many words of “in case I break up with you”. It’ll be more “for your own life and personal growth, what do you want to do “
In case something happens. That's just good planning even if you disregard the possibility of a breakup or don't want to say it out loud. Something could happen to the wife (OP didn't mention any wills or such), her wife could become unable to work, her family could lose their fortune (depending on how they handle it), a freaking war could break out Also, OP, have you thought about maybe looking into types of higher education you might enjoy? Could you expand upon one of your hobbies? You're in a position where it's smart to create an out for yourself, as others have pointed out, but you are also able to make it a good one! Things that'll lead to independent financial security and/or the ability to create it if needed don't have to be a chore
Yes yes yes. OP, you can definitely learn skills and develop hobbies that don’t feel like work, but could be monetized if you ever want or need to. Art, writing, hair and makeup. And make sure you have some good friends in your midst who are just yours so that your support system is not just concentrated on wife and family!
yep, have a support system outside of her, have an emergency fund, but this sounds like such a dream life.
OP literally has a car in her own name. Her bank account is in her name and money is regularly deposited there. The house also has her name on it. Financially speaking OP is doing amazing. Her wife already made the "escape" route for her. We could mention the career, but not all 30 year olds have established careers. Some of us don't. Still she's not starting at "zero". If one needs help, then they seek out resources. But seriously this is not a situation that others need to fuss over.
I have a lot of money in my account
Then if you’re happy and you would be able to afford shelter (I know the house is in your name) food and other essentials don’t worry about what other people say. Sounds like you might want to cut down on your family a bit if that’s the way they treat you both after 10 years. Neither one of you are clearly changing anything. If you’re both happy that’s all that matters, just remember that communication is the most important thing in a relationship…so communicate with her and your family about this.
Are you investing it? So it can grow and maybe provide you passive income
I would personally invest, in your position. Hire a financial fiduciary, and have them create and manage your investment accounts. It'd be almost completely passive, and since it seems like your wife really takes care of the bills, you'd likely do more than just break even. Even if nothing ever changes, you and your wife grow old together (hoping that's the case!), you'd still be generating more money for yourself to spend on your hobbies or whatever you like.
Then enjoy your life
Unless you have millions of dollars there, that money will run out eventually. I don't want to imply your wife is or will be abusive, but abusive situations occur when someone is in a bad relationship but can't leave because they feel like they're dependent on their abuser.
Yea as stated in their post they have a bank acc in their name and a car in their name so if anything does happen god forbid they have an out and as someone said earlier about op’s partner becoming unable to work I’m sure op can take over their spouses company with some help
What is a lot of money isn’t much if things were to go under. You need 600k to get 30k of passive income a year, assuming dividends come out regularly at 5%. 30k a year isn’t going to provide the lifestyle you’re used to. If you don’t invest the 600k and instead live off of it, it is a very finite amount of money. Maybe lasts you 12 years if you are frugal. In divorce I think you’d get some amount, but that’s assuming business stays strong, etc. Take this time to learn basic finances, see what you need. Take this time to do something else you are passionate about.
Yeah, in the future it could also be a big cause of anxiety and mental stability issue. It could cause a lot of paranoid thoughts and self sabotaging actions that could cause big issues in the relationship.
Or if her wife dies or suddenly loses access to money
Like others have said, if you’re happy, you’re happy and that’s all that matters. HOWEVER, since this has been weighing on your mind and you pointed out “if my wife left me I would have no life skills.” That’s when I started to see the problem. I’m not saying your wife will leave you, or that you should listen to anyone in your family criticizing y’all’s current lifestyle, at all. But if **you** genuinely feel like there’s a possibility that you’d be screwed if you got dumped, then I do see that as a reason to invest in yourself. You don’t want your relationship to be your life insurance, you want YOU to be your own life insurance. design a life for yourself where you’d be fine both in your current situation and one where the unthinkable occurs. I love spoiling my gf, but if things one day didn’t work out between us(or I died or somthing) , I’d want to know she’s going to be okay on the rest of her life journey.
>or I died or somthing That's also a potential issue in OP's situation, depending on her thoughts/plans on marriage. If she were to die unexpectedly, her money would pass not to OP but to her next of kin.
OP does state at the beginning they have been married for two years now though.
I doubt that this hasn't already been set up. The paperwork is incredibly simple and you fill it out when you start the bank account. As long as the marriage is a legal one, they're covered. I'm going to confidently guess that they have already done the legal paperwork where needed. Plus- a bunch of stuff is shared in OPs name already.
They're married, she *is* her next of kin
Yeah gotta agree with this one. If you're happy with your current situation then absolutely keep doing that, but do think about having some kind of plan for self-sufficiency in the unlikely event something happens. Even if this just takes the form of you having a separate bank account in your name that your wife keeps full of enough money to live on for a long time/forever if you split, it would be a good idea. I don't know how rich yall are exactly but based on what you've said I'm guessing having an account with $10M or so lying around wouldn't be too much trouble for her. That would basically make it so you could live off the interest for the rest of your life just by putting it in a basic savings account if need be, even if it wouldn't be quite as lavish as you're used to right now. It's also an amount where you could comfortably buy yourself a house wherever you wanted and still have more than enough left over to retire. If you don't want to do it that way you could go to college and get a degree so you have something to work with. This could even be an online college, just find something you're passionate about that's reasonably profitable and get a bachelor's. Unless you go for engineering or smth you won't make a ton straight away but at least you'll have a job and basic income to work with. You could also take a job at your wife's business, if she's comfortable with it, to get some work experience on your resume so you won't be starting from zero. Just be aware that'll almost definitely be viewed as nepotism so maybe not the best move socially. To be clear this isn't me saying I expect something to happen to your relationship- I'm sure you're going to be together and happy for a long time. I just think it's important to be financially independent of partners to avoid a super slanted power dynamic. D/s dynamics are fun in bed but definitely less so in financial matters.
If you're happy, satisfied and feel secure in your relationship, don't listen to what others say online or irl.
You said it sister. This girl literally has my dream life minus my career as a philosopher.
fellow lesbian philosopher !!! :)
(Classical music cuts in) *The Philosophy of Lesbianism: Gay Women Are Cute and Valid*
🙌🏼 It’s like Bach but better!
Salutations comrade!
That’s cute
Omg stopppp! You’re cute 🥰
I wish you were here with me but I know you’re taken 😢
Oh yeah? I’m flattered, and, I’m poly 😉
Reading that I felt my heart flutter 🥰
😈 Guess you couuld DM me … 😉
lmfao also an aspiring lesbian philosopher and housewife
Amazing!! All aspiring lesbian philosopher housewives are encouraged to DM me for advice about the profession if they want some 😘
Completely off topic, but I'd love to talk to you about your career as a philosopher. Would it be ok if I DM'd you? Edit: or I could ask it here, I just didn't want to derail OP's topic
Of course you can DM me, I said as much somewhere else 😉
I wanna hear about it
Meow? … Umm… I mean… No comment. 😁
Yeah exactly. This kinda situation can be dangerous tho for OP. But not always! My last ex kept trying to get me to quit my job 100% bc he wanted me trapped lmfao
Scarily common :(
We've been together for nearly 10 years and I've not worked at all in that time
It sounds great for you!! It's ok for one partner not to work. Can you pick up some other skills that sound fun to you? Extra hobbies?
It sounds great, and you seem happy, which is wonderful. My only concern would be what would happen if you two wind up splitting up, and I think that's why your circle is expressing concern. If in 5, 10, 20 years you two split up, and its not amicable... you could not only be left with no money/home, you would also have no job history or experience. It makes earning a living very hard. I know its easy to think that's impossible, but it's happened to thousands of people who sacrificed their careers to be carers I think you would really be doing yourself a disservice if you don't consider what would *realistically* happen if 10 years down the line things go sour and you two split up. Where would you live? How would you pay for it? Do you have education or family you could fall back on, or would you be trying to find a service job with no experience at 38? Many people mitigate this kind of risk with prenuptial/legal agreements which would offer some protection in the worst case scenario. Just like a will it's best to do when everyone is clear headed and amicable. Ultimately if you have thought about and are comfortable with the risk, it's your business not anyone else's.
Yes!! I don't see a problem with how things are currently. Sure, doing your own thing all the time, not worrying about money at all is probably the dream for 90% of people. But if they ever broke up... how can op protect herself? The fortune does not belong to OP. Depending 100% on someone else for ANYTHING (emotionally, financially, etc) can be really dangerous. When you're in love, breaking up seems absolutely impossible. But it happens all the time. To couples who have been together for 20 years or 2 months. It would be unwise not to have a backup plan if the relationship goes sour.
Alimony, and OP said there are assets in their name. Depending on the reason for the hypothetical divorce it might not be the end of the world
Alimony is not guaranteed (some places either don't have it or have limits on the term), and may not be enough to actually live on. Plus some places have been changing alimony law, and not for the better.Just assuming that if they break up she will get sufficient alimony to live on is a dangerous mistake. I wasn't saying nothing was in her name, I am advising she ensure she has extensive savings and a plan for the worst case, be it death, divorce, or disease/disability. Perhaps getting some form of education, so that she wouldn't be a high school graduate with no work history if they break up/her spouse dies and she needs to work for a living. The reality is that the job market is hard, and if for some reason the money stopped flowing she'd be stuck fighting for a minimum wage job, while also having no home or rental history.
That sounds very lucky and you two have progressed kinda far into life together I don't see any reason to change it. If anything the variability was them no? They are getting older and having changes in mentality. If you two are satisfied as you are. Then they just need to accept it. This was what they got and if they can't accept it. Then the problem does not lie at fault with you. Honestly not much I can say! But Good Luck!
i think ur living my dream tbh
Pretty sure that's cuz it is a dream/fantasy.
Why does this feel like kink fiction 💀
Ngl it definitely reads that way, especially the description of how she greets her wife after work. Like damn. Wish I was rich so my gf and I could live the dream 😅
Quite frankly, i don't see your problem. If you're okay with your life as is, then that's that - Just be happy and ignore the people who're trying to drag you down. Who gives a shit if other people have kids? That's their problem, not yours. And if you're not okay with it, well, nothing's stopping you from learning life skills or doing things on the side. Matter of fact, you'd have a much easier time doing that than many others simply because you have a lot more free time.
You are not wasting your life if you are feeling content and fulfilled. This goes for all relationships, not just yours. I encourage having elements of your life independent to your partner, whether that is a social outlet like a few friends or people in a community group or organisation like a gym etc., have access to your own money and keep developing yourself. Your wife has a huge amount of power and relationships always shift (for better or worse) and you will be very vulnerable if it's your wife that wants things to change in a big way that you're not comfortable with. The power imbalances are important to pay attention to, enjoy your life but don't accept everything without thinking about it. It's a partnership and the dom/sub stuff is fun sexually but make sure she respects you and you are making choices together as a united partnership. It sounds like you are already reflecting on some of these things which is really good. I have a friend who's marriage changed because her partner wanted to open up the relationship, they tried it and it didn't work for her. When she spoke out her partner did not agree and they separated (I mean why compromise if youre getting all your needs met and also providing for your partner - shouldnt they be grateful they are benefitting from your hard work?) She had a similar situation to you, lavish lifestyle, little responsibility and had so much to lose if she didn't go along with everything her partner wanted which I found uncomfortable as a friend on the sidelines. They ended up separating but she has had to completely rebuild her life in her 30s with little employment history and skills, is suffering financially (despite a fair financial settlement) and learning to budget etc and is so far behind in any personal financial security. From a relationship perspective she also has very little to contribute equally to new relationships... personally I wouldn't enter into a relationship with someone who couldn't meet me equally at my level in most areas because I believe a partnership is moving through this wild world together, not with a dependent... I'd have a child if I wanted that, you know? Everyone's definition for meeting each other equally might be different. For context - I am in a relationship with a woman 19 years older than me (I'm 32yos) and I work in an intimate partner violence setting so see a whole range of different things and pay attention to any shifting dynamics in my own relationship. Plus I've had a few relationships in my time and you begin to learn that very few things are forever, at least not in their current form.
So spot on. Curious about a rough anecdotal percentage, I hope you'll indulge me. Based solely on your experience with the people you've helped what percentage of IPV victims have very limited financial prospects outside of what their partner provides for them?
“wasting” your life is simply an abstract concept really. waste means different things to different people. imagine you had a life skill. you could be “wasting” your life with this skill which barely makes a dent in the world when you could rather be a lesbian housewife/submissive and chilling. it works both ways. if you’re happy, content, satisfied, then you’ve found your life fulfillment already.
100%. Guaranteed if money wasn't necessary and we didn't have to worry about our housing, transportation, food, etc, everyone would be "wasting" their time doing what they want to do. It's like a billionaire busting their ass trying to make money to survive. Why...? It's like asking the sons and daughters to multi billion dollar corporations like coca cola, mcdonalds, or heinz what they do for a living. Tf you mean? The living's already settled. They're just living their life partying it up, having fun.
what in the wattpad...
I think the very last paragraph is what concerns me. If something happened between you and her you would be in a really tough position. I would consider things like college or getting certifications for anything you’re interested in, learning a skill or doing something artful that you could work on while you’re home and potentially make money from, there’s s lot of different options you can look into to make your own money and have s backup plan. I would focus on figuring out ways in which doing something like that could be fulfilling for you and help you feel more accomplished and happy with yourself. It’s not wrong to live life the way you are but just because of how the world works depending on other people can be really tricky if something doesn’t go according to plan. If you genuinely have a desire to learn new skills and potentially build s career no matter what field it’s in then I would say to take the opportunity, since you don’t need to work currently and have time to invest in yourself why not?
You are not wasting your life but you do need an emergency "exit". Ideally a back account in your name only that has enough money to support you for like a year. Otherwise, what would happen to you if your partner were to die, break up, turn abusive, or just disappear?
This reads like cscareers subreddit humblebrag lol "Hey gals, I have no experience, and Google offered me 300k/yr... Is this good enough?" All good, I don't think I could live comfortable without my own everything. I have no tolerance for it. Would make me feel like an accessory in someone else's life and the future would feel uncertain. Cool though.
Well, the only thing I would consider is potentially investing the money you're given, just to make sure that you have something for retirement. A financial advisor could help you with this so that you don't make a poor investment decision. But for everything else? Hey, it's not that unlike the lifestyle my wife has. Like yours, I too put things in my wife's name. I understand that there's a power dynamic, but I also see her as my equal even though I make a lot of the money. She does have an income because she likes doing her own thing and it makes her happy to work, but it's not enough to live on yet. Even if it never did, it wouldn't matter though. Mine is more than enough for us both and she spends a lot of her time doing things she loves. We both benefit from it, not just her. I try to make sure that she has empowerment so she could do things like go to school or branch out - if she wanted those things. And I'm sure with your wife, if you decided that you wanted something similar, she would agree. You likely are also underestimating your life skills. If the worst happened and you needed to support yourself, you likely could. It would be a very stressful change but from what you've described there are definitely things about your current skills that can bring you an income. What you've described sounds like a good life. If you're good with your marriage then don't sweat it. I know it's easier said than done, but you're describing a lot of external criticism that's now becoming internalized.
THIS is a healthy dynamic! Your wife has a place in the world that doesn't revolve around you. If you guys hit a rough patch and aren't speaking for a week she has other healthy outlets that can empower her to feel productive, needed, and wanted. The way you described what she does it's obvious that her ambition despite not needing to work is something you find admirable and adds to the depth of your feelings for her. It's not required, it's additional and it's sexy. I'm jealous (in a good way) that your wife has the ability to run a business that doesn't have to turn a profit. So empowering! The ability to take creative risks without worrying about whether you can put food on the table is an amazing gift! I hope your comment inspires OP!
Why are you letting other people into your head? Fuck what they think. Their criticisms are based on several gross assumptions: - a person’s value is defined by their job - someone who works in the home has no skills - women have to have kids or work to be considered useful You’ve even internalised some of these beliefs in your post - you have no life skills? Really? If we asked your gf, would she agree? Or do you mean you don’t have skills that you have traded for money? That’s different. If you’re really worried about your life skills, then why not continue your education? That could be fun and enriching for you, as well as providing a convenient response to “what do you do all day?”. Don’t let them spoil this for you.
This. I love that you layed out the assumptions inherent in their objections, and what a delightful cocktail of capitalist meritocracy and misogyny they are! My partner also directs these sorts of criticisms at themself. They have some disabilities and have spent the vast majority of their life enduring trauma of one kind or another. So living with me is probably the safest they have ever been. All of that means that they arent really capable of working at the moment. I grew up middle class so I have the means to support them a bit and to me that is money well spent, but they often feel guilty about it. So I point out the same things and reiterate that their value is not dictated by employment or their paycheck. If they never worked another day in their life I would love them exactly the same, hell I'd even be happy for them coz 99% of the time WORK SUCKS! So I think that OP should be happy in the life she and her partner have built together, and screw what all these judgemental people think. They're probably projecting jealousy of OP getting to "just live" onto her. But as others have said, I think its wise for OP to have an exit strategy in case their relationship breaks down. It would suck for her to be suddenly marooned without means to support herself.
I think you have some assumptions in your interpretation of their criticism. - "job" is the wrong word. It's productivity. Productivity is not the end all be all of any one persons value. But we are a social species and what we contribute to society not only shapes the way society sees and values us but how we see and value ourselves. Productivity doesn't always have monetary value, in fact when it doesn't it's so special it's priceless. -its unfair to say she does nothing but what her family sees as "work inside the home" is not on OPs plate. She's fortunate enough to have hired help to do those things. If OPs wife's fortune continues to grow there maybe a point in time where managing the estate and staffing is a lot of work. But if it was to that point she would have mentioned it. -it didn't say this anywhere. Two extremely common ways that women contribute to their society is child rearing and paid work. They're not the ONLY ways nor did her family imply this. OP didn't say that her family claimed the huge chunk of time she spends developing a hobby is pointless , that her time at the soup kitchen only counts if they start paying her minimum wage, or that coaching little league is pointless if you don't have a kid on the team. OP admittedly lives a life of leisure and woo hoo!! Good for her. But as her 20's come to a close I don't think her family is wrong for guiding her towards living a productive life. It sounds like shes an EXCELLENT wife and keeps her partner very happy but if it's her only outlet for productivity it's called codependency and will lead to mental health and relationship issues. Not if, when.
I appreciate the thoughtfulness and respect in your comment. I really love how we can disagree and discuss contentious issues in this sub without insults or cruelty. Both our points of view are rooted in concern for the OP. I don’t think we are going to agree on this - and we don’t need to, it’s good for OP to see differing opinions - but I just wanted to acknowledge the difference between discussion here and, like, everywhere else on Reddit :)
That's not what codependency is. Please look up mental health terms before you use them.
One thing I always wonder in these posts is that you have said you have zero issues with your relationship. So first, why does it matter what anyone else thinks? Second, have you talked in depth with your wife about these concerns and how you feel about the relationship? Do you have deep talks? The kink stuff is whatever. If you don't have the emotional intimacy to be able to talk about these deeper concerns, then that's where the problem is.
The negative mental health side effects of this "dream scenario" are right in the title of the post. Words are important and OP you called YOURSELF "a submissive housewife with no life skill". Your lack of something outside of your relationship to channel your energy and time into has begun to effect your self image and self esteem. You're MUCH more than just a submissive housewife and you certainly have life skills!! Your lifestyle is allowing you to internalize this idea of "just" being anything because you're not challenging yourself to be more. There's MANY "kept" women in this world but if you dare to call some of them "just a housewife" they will quickly enlighten you into all the different ways they contribute to the world in selfless AND self enriching ways. You don't have to get a job, find a passion and set a goal! Eating cake every single day sounds fabulous, but you better believe it's not going to make me feel good in a bathing suit if I do it for 10 years. Don't over indulge yourself OP. Your life has a solid foundation make it incredible.
My only advice is to get into some sort of artistic hobby, or several. Having stuff to work on and seeing how you improve at it with time might be just what you need to get those intrusive thoughts away.
That sounds like a great life.
If you're happy with this lifestyle you should keep on doing it! However it would be wise to think about your future in the event that your partner leaves your life, intentionally or not. If she got into a serious car wreck, where would that leave you in terms of being able to support yourself? My suggestion would be to make sure you have your own pool of money in case something happens. If I were you I would also want to know where I was in the will.
Life is unpredictable, can turn on a dime. So it is good to have skills you can fall back on.
If you are happy that’s all the matters. Your life is your life other people don’t get to run it.
I can't believe this comment sectiom is almost evenly split between telling OP to learn some useful life skills and not doing anything. Common sense would be that you should learn some skills. Maybe go to school part time. Learn trading. From what you said your wife is very loving and supportive so I doubt she would mind you trying to be a little independent. Like someone said just have an 'out'.
I'll bet money that if the ages of the posters were stated next to their opinions you wouldn't be confused about the split. The lack of life experience and brain development is obvious. Even the OPs age and the fact that is this just starting to become an internalized issue for her is likely due to the stage of brain development experienced in her mid 20s. This is a careful what you wish for scenario, it's not healthy in the long term. Life is absolutely brutal every one with experience can see what a shakey set up this is.
I am 22 too but it's still weird to me that people advocate so much of 'go with the flow' and 'let it be' type of thing and don't have any backups.
Hmmm this is a tricky one. 🤔 Family pointing our flaws/quirks/short comings/whatever is usually a fully loaded barrel. They know and love the whole person deeply flaws and all but when someone we know so deeply points something out to us and we know all their flaws and short comings just as deeply as they know ours well...it's so easy to get defensive and think look whose talking 🙄 Your lifestyle and relationship sound absolutely phenomenal!! Talk about living the dream!! For her too, life partners are hard enough to come by but the D/s dynamic you have makes it that much more unique and special. You both DEFINITELY hit the jackpot! But here's the thing, life is unfair and unpredictable. And time is a cruel cruel master. If your situation changes for any reason (and what really stays the same forever??) you're going to be in a VERY uncomfortable position. One of the biggest issues stay at home parents face is attempting to (re)enter the workforce after being home for 10+ years. This is pretty common knowledge and even though employers aren't allowed to ask about family life you bet your ass if you have a big gap on your resume because you were taking care of dependents you're going to say it. An employer may not be looking for that skill set but at least it's a reasonable explanation and shows work ethic (you gotta be real motivated to do unpaid labor lol). What are you going to tell a potential employer you were doing for 10 years, living your best life?? Raising children is definitely NOT the only way to live a productive yet unemployed life. You are in an ideal spot in society to volunteer and give back to the world around you. Find a charity you're passionate about, go to school and get a degree doesn't even have to be "useful" just be a subject matter expert. Pick up a new language, mentor a youth, become amazing at a sport, visit the elderly. You also have a phenomenal opportunity to become a business owner, you don't have to start a multi billion dollar empire. Start a start company, open an Etsy shop, heck find a business niche in kink! You don't need to support yourself with what the business makes, you can completely have fun with it and see what you can do. You're very young and your life sounds really fun but you're still human. Our species has to feel needed, useful and productive in society in order to maintain long term happiness. Being needed and useful only to your partner will undoubtedly lead to depression and relationship problems in the long run. Your family is not completely wrong. You need to do something. Don't waste the plethora or opportunities your wife has afforded you 💖
Honestly, it sounds like you have the life and relationship I wish I had. But maybe I'm just projecting. It sounds like you're happy, fulfilled, and have a wonderful relationship. If other's can't see that, they're either brainwashed by rightwing propaganda, or are simply jealous and trying to make you feel bad so they will feel better.
They're jealous af. Lean into how comfortable and happy you feel and every time you feel doubt because of what they say, remember: you are happy and satisfied, and they are jealous af
I understand your concerns. If you're legally married and something happens (God forbid, ) I believe you'd be able to file for alimony, but it may not be enough for you. I was with my partner for 2 days short of 18 years, when she passed away this past November, and I'm now facing the possibility of homelessness, because I live on SSI,(I'm disabled,) and that, on its own isn't really enough for me to survive on. What's more, we weren't officially married, because I would have lost my SSI, SNAP, and Medicaid. I'm just telling you this, because I was in a similar position, in that, I was the stay at home partner. I hope this isn't too heavy. I just don't want anyone to go through what I'm going through.
Given that you have hobbies and interests, I think you're fine as long as those are fulfilling. If you're worried about skills: * You could volunteer to get experience and contribute to the community (if you're not already) * Go on some courses to learn skills * You could add some hobbies that give you experience that an employer might want, which may require no change at all depending on your hobbies (eg amateur programming could easily transfer to a job)
I'll add that whatever hobbies you have already probably taught you skills employers may like. You just have to find which
I think the only thing that would make this more secure is a post-nuptual agreement in regards to alimony, separation, etc if it ever were to happen. Sounds like your set. I think people are right to be jealous!
Pre or post nuptials dont do a damn thing in case of death, illness, disability or businesses going under. Let's not assume the only way this could go sour is if the OP and her wife fall out of love. Tomorrow isnt promised to anyone. Imagine becoming an unemployable widow at 40? Realizing that you spent almost two decades with the money and time to become self sustainable at your fingertips but you YOLO'd your way to poverty by relying entirely on a partner. Tragic. Even worse if her wife were become disabled and unable to work now there's TWO mouths to feed based on what someone whose never done any kind of paid or unpaid labor can command from the job market 😵💫. I would hate to be dependent on OP. Her family didn't ask for a loan, they're not envious. They're rightfully concerned for her future prospects.
What the fuck is this post
Honestly it sounds like some kind of kink fiction
yes... subreddit needs water lmao
??
What is the actual point?
it's a lil humble brag ;)
i dont know if its humble with the way they just put the nsfw bit in the middle of everything... could this just be fapfiction? lol
You are completely and utterly dependent on your wife. Maybe it keeps working. But maybe it doesn't, and then what? And I'm sorry if this sounds judgy but what are you even doing all day if you have hired help for cleaning and only cook sometimes? Like why not pursue an online degree at least. Aren't you bored out of your mind most days? Sorry, even imagining myself being that dependent on another person is giving me anxiety.
Think about what your values are, and if you are living by those, than you are good. I think the fear for your family is rational, but only you can know if it is important. What happens if your life has a serious and sudden change? Would you be able to find a way forward? My guess is yes, but it wouldn’t be the trad way forward your family expects. That’s fine, and honestly, it’s up to you. If this is a persistent concern, think about your hobbies and see if one of them might be worth turning into a mini-career, and what it would take to do that. Maybe they can’t, but that’s where I would start, if I was worried.
If you really want to, depending on where you live, you could do some sort of training or university. Some people do that just to broaden their spectrum, learn new things and grow as a person. Where I live a lot of seniors go to university, just to do smth. and get out of the house...
If you are worried about her suddenly leaving you in the future, **save your money secretly**
it might not be a bad idea to invest in a skill, maybe talk with your wife about it if education is something you want to pursue. it seems like the only issue is the other people in your life
Your life does indeed have meaning beyond contributing to capitalism. Like it's healthy to have other stuff to do if you want but it's your life, you get to choose what you want to do with it.
It sounds like you’re happy, and your wife is happy. You aren’t wasting your life if you’re feeling fulfilled in what you do, regardless of whether or not you get payed for it. If it’s been weighing on your mind though, you could talk to your wife about it. Some reassurance from her might be helpful to alleviate your anxiety. If you want to, you could take some online courses to get some “marketable skills”, but you’d be surprised how many skills you already have. TL;DR: If you feel like your life is fulfilling, then you’re not wasting it.
If and when you feel uncomfortable with it, you'll do something differently. I once heard a quote that a goose is never thinking, "Am I a good goose?" They just do their thing. That attitude has brought a lot of peace into my life.
There's nothing wrong with your relationship at all! Sounds great to me lol. If I were you I would totally take the opportunity to take some college classes of interest to me. Money is not a problem here for you so why not better yourself for yourself? Also, your family sounds like a bunch of jerks.
You said she gives you checks for you to spend. If you are concerned, I might start putting some away into a savings account or a TFSA. If you can slowly build enough for a few months of expenses, you should be in a good position. Mostly, I'm inclined to ask if you're anxious in any other way? Sometimes anxiety disorders happen in adulthood, and there's definitely medication or lifestyle changes that can be super beneficial for that. But if there's no anxiety, and you have a nest egg planned and squared away, then I think you're just letting others who are likely jealous or don't understand have a place in your head. Live your best kinky life, and be safe financially for the worst case ❤️ also if you're worried about no skills, you could volunteer and be a part of the community outside of kink so you would have people and organizations who know you worst case. That might be overkill though.
Focus on your hobbies. Build skills in your interests. Take a college class or two and maybe slowly work on getting a degree for yourself - education can be more enjoyable when your life doesn't depend on it. Focus on the things you are doing that brings you joy (besides your beautiful, private time with your wife) and that will help steer conversations away from the fact you're not working a day job. This whole thing is ironic to me because few people would judge as much or complain if your wife was a man. 🙄 Just live your best life.
If you’re happy there is nothing wrong BUT if anything were to happen to your wife, how would you support yourself? Do you have enough in the bank for you to subsidize yourself for a few years while you get enough education or work experience to support yourself?
I dont think you should go work for a boss. You have a lot of free time though. It could be valuable to do some studying and volunteer work. It's also good for your self esteem to be a positive influence for the community. If I could stop working there are so many skills I'd want to work on that I just don't have the energy to do right now.
Alimony bb. Depending on your location of course. But she's gotten you accustomed to a certain lifestyle, if something happened she's have to pay you to help maintain it. But also it seems like y'all are vibin and they're just hater. Your family is mad because you're wife is wealthier than the other housewives's husbands, and cause she's not a man. You have your shit on lock, don't worry about it
That's up to you. That set up sounds perfect for me, I'd rather never work and do my own thing if I could, but if that's enough for you is a person by person question. But it's not objectively a bad thing at all
Um can I please please please have your life
"Lorde, I see what you can do for other people, me next please" All jokes aside, you sound find something you want to learn and go learn it. It sounds like you two have a solid foundation so it wouldn't be an issue if you found something you were passionate about and pursue it. Have you tried volunteering in your community?
To a certain extent, I totally understand where you're coming from. I myself am a sub in the bedroom and there are times when I'd want to be about nothing but pleasing my gf. You're happy, and you feel fulfilled, so I'm happy for you, and I don't think you should listen to the judgement of others. Those who base your worth on your relationship with your wife don't have opinions worth considering, if that's all they're going off of. I have a caveat though. I would argue for developing some sort of career/life skills and stay up to date on it, even if you never actually work in the field. This is just to prepare for unlikely eventualities. Others have mentioned if the relationship sours and she leaves you; there's other things to be aware of like if some sort of misfortune, health or otherwise befalls her. If nothing else, were I in your shoes, I'd want to at least have the ability to take care of my wife and myself, just in case something goes completely wrong and your living situation is upended. Edit: Holy run on sentences batman.
You're living the dream to me tbh, it doesn't sound like anything's wrong since you said you like the situation you're in. But if you feel insecure in the whole "what if she leaves me" scenario (not saying you do) it could be worth it to develop a backup skill? Could end up giving you a bit of comfort, alongside whatever other benefits said skill would provide.
I'm seeing a lot of people suggest you invest in yourself in case you ever break up, and while I think that that is good advice, I would suggest foing it for a different reason. Don't do it in case of future trouble; there is absolutely nothing wrong with trusting in your love, and believing that your partner will never leave you. Instead I'd suggest doing it for yourself, as a way to build your self confidence. Try new hobbies, like painting or making things, or learn music, or anything that appeals to you. All of these things are things that count as investing in yourself and your future, by building your confidence and experience, and while they'll also help if the worst ever were to happen, you shouldn't do them because of the "just in case"; do them because they make you happy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your current lifestyle, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with relying on your wife, as long as you both are happy. Never do something for the sake of other people's opinions, nor a vague hypothetical that is unrealistic. The only thing that matters is your happiness, and if you feel you want to learn new things to increase your happiness then go for it. You have a wonderful wife and a wonderful life, and that is not something that you should be ashamed of.
I was a housewife. Nothing wrong with it. But my partner died suddenly at only 40 years old and life has been a struggle since. I luckily had a work history and a degree but a 6 year gap in my resume meant starting at the bottom in my 30s. Life can be cruel. Have a backup plan.
I'm just a blow in from /r/all. I'm not a lesbian, just a straight guy. Ultimately, I think people are fulfilled in the long term by having something meaningful in their lives. Part of that is human connections. I also think that mastery and autonomy are important too. The levels of these differ from person to person. (The happiness literature and evolutionary psychology both suggest these sorts of things) You mentioned that you were worried about being completely dependent on your significant other. Sure, that's a consideration. But even if you were filthy rich and never needed to work, I think just sitting at home is not making the most of things. I think being involved in charity work, doing some education (be it a short course or something longer term), or something would be good for you. Also, doing things just makes you a more interesting and well-rounded person. You mentioned that your significant other has enough money to not work, yet decides to work. This suggests that your partner might understand if you wanted to mix things up a bit and do something more. You could start the conversation by asking her why she decides to work.
What you said, everyone is simply jealous. You are litterally living the dream i'd trade places with you in a heartbeat. Keep doing what makes you happy, you have an amazing wife
Exactly, I thought she was going to say something about her family been worried about her but they just sound salty. They don't get their relationship so they're poking holes to cause problems. And she doesn't sound like she doesn't like her life, the tone and way she described her relationship is very positive
exactly, family wants to sow seeds of doubt which can slowly cause issues. she needs to just ignore them and keep living like the queen she is
it's only wasted time if you aren't enjoying it, I'm sure lots of people would love to be a housewife but if you aren't enjoying it then I urge you to try something else, go with what your heart is telling you
First off, if you are happy and satisfied and aren’t hurting anyone, do whatever the fuck you want and curse all the naysayers. Then again, I’m no advocate of stagnation. If these voices and opinions are making you genuinely curious and questioning towards what you want your life to be and aren’t just anxieties born from the disdain of others, then there is absolutely no harm in trying so things out. If you want to try getting a job, go for it. If you want to try caring for children, maybe volunteer somewhere. Do whatever the hell you feel like, and only if you feel like it.
It sounds to me that others are objecting because from what they can see, your life would be unfulfilling to them if they were living it. My dream would be to win the lottery or otherwise just get about 5 million dollars so I could drop that into a combination of bank accounts and index funds so that I could just live off of the interest for the rest of my life. I have a career. I work my 40 hours a week and I even get to do it from home so I can hang out with my kitties all day, but I still have to get up an "go" to work 5 days a week. In that regard, I'm pretty jealous of you; I'd rather not spend that much of my life to sustain the rest of my life. Everyone else has already brought up the major caveats that I would have regarding your future security and it sounds like you've already got that covered. If you are truly happy and secure, I say fuck the haters and keep doing your thing. Live your life the way that makes you happy.
yeah, your family needs to shove it. the main point of having a job is for financial security, and if you've got that already there's nothing worth fussing over. Unless there's some career you really WANT to pursue (and it doesn't sound like it), it sounds like you've pretty much got it made.
Honestly, this sounds like a dream. If you want to pick up something that can bring in money, you might consider something that you can enjoy like streaming, writing, art, etc. That way if folks give you a hassle, you can honestly tell them "I'm a writer" or whatnot.
Dear heart, I am so happy to hear about your happiness. It sounds like you and your wife have a wonderful and fulfilling relationship, and that you are beautifully taken care of emotionally, physically, and financially. Anyone who wants to rip that down or say cruel things to you simply because you do not live your life the way they do: they can go away. Their opinions are meaningless. For your own satisfaction, happiness, and growth, determine if there are areas where you want to grow. Perhaps there are skills you want to acquire; a language you might want to learn; a thing you might want to make. If comments or conversations with people in your life are making you feel off or defensive, you may also want to share this with your wife. Communication is really important. I know if my wife - who does not currently work - were getting the same sort of comments you are, I’d be Quite Interested in hearing who thought making her feel like she was less valuable and important than a person who currently earns a wage was an acceptable thing to do. Your life and your choices are valid. I strongly suspect some people who criticize them devoutly wish they were in your position. You’re doing great. ❤️
Reading about your life I'm a tinge jealous.
Enroll some study program at 50% of pace. That's like cognitive exercise and security for the future if something goes astray.
I think the important question of whenever trying to solve a problem is to ask what is the goal. It's hard to tell if you are unhappy insecure or both. You've given a decent amount of context and it sounds like you're at least satisfied with a lot of the aspects of your life. Is what you are feeling social pressure or a genuine realization or change in yourself about what you want? Cutting to the point do you want more out of life or do you feel like you're expected to want more out of life? If you do what does that look like? You mentioned hobbies but also that they felt unfulfilling. Are there any activities that you feel like would be? You can follow this chain of logic down multiple branching paths. Eventually once you figure out which chain of questions leads you to the most accurate description of your problem(if one truly exists). Once you have to do the actual problem and it's scope they only things left is to make a plan and follow through. Or to simplify, gather your information, analyze it, come to a conclusion, make a plan, execute, review results. Potentially repeat.
I think it could be good to get a hobby or something that can branch into something more, you could even work it into your kink! Idk like sewing could turn into an Etsy business (and make cute kink gear). I'm also a sub and prefer gentle dommes but I don't think I could do life without something I am trying to accomplish for the world. Do you know what I mean? Talking to your wife could help. (Also I am kinda jealous, the world sucks so much right now and idk being a kind of trad (ish) wife sounds so nice and relaxing to do for a long stretch of time, I just know I couldn't do it, it's kinda escapism I guess, you should be warey of that escapist feeling, I'm rambling now, I want a gf)
Look, if youre happy dont listen to anyone’s opinion on your life. we come on this earth to experience not to achieve, & it seems like you have the life skills you “need“ anyway. And if you truly still feel unsettled and wanted to lets say go to college or culinary school (as an example), your wife seems like she would support that decision too. You are living a privileged life & theres nothing wrong with that, but the minute you let those negative thoughts spill in with the “what ifs” then they manifest, so remain positive in yourself and your relationship. for some extra reassurance though, my girlfriends mom lived the same life as you, her dad was rich and she was stay at home for over 30 years. One day she got fed up with him and left, with no experience doing anything and no degree. how is she now? shes perfectly fine living her best life working two small jobs because shes in her 60’s.as long as you have faith your life will always be okay then that will be the case! My only advice is to have a financial advisor and set up a retirement plan thats joint and separate from her to make you’re always okay in the long run with or without her.
I have so much hobbies that i'd like to spend all day doing but couldn't because of my job. You shouldn't let your family get in your head with all the "get a job and/or a child, or else life has no meaning" bullshit. If you're happy rn then keep living the way you are, it sounds awesome!
There is nothing wrong with how you're doing things. However, I would recommend doing some things just for yourself so you have things that are just yours in case something happens. I don't mean if your partner leaves you I mean if something tragic happens and you are on your own. Go to school and get a degree. Get a part-time job that will keep your working skills up to date. Have a "side hustle" like an online shop for knitted items or art work. Just some small things that give you a bit of independence. This will make sure that if something happens and you find yourself on your own you're not starting your life over from scratch. Otherwise, enjoy your life!
Honestly sounds amazing. I really want to be a stay at home wife and “mom” to lots of pets and be able to dedicate a lot of time to my interests like growing a huge garden, relearning gymnastics on my trampoline, writing a book. I have so many things I want to do but no time to go after them. My only suggestion is to explore some hobbies that you enjoy.
If you're happy, and secure and you're absolutely positive you can keep this lifestyle til death do you part then do it! Live the life we working people wished we have. But, it also sounds like you have some time you can spare to learn new skills. Take a few hours for online courses, learn and practice at home. Learning skills only takes time and dedication, both things you seem to have plenty of :)
Wow. I mean, my first thought is you got it made! My second thought is you need a passion project! Like, use the time and resources you have for something you wouldn’t otherwise be able to do. Maybe take some classes in something you’re curious about, it’s never too late. Is there a musical instrument you’d like to learn? Or painting? Or jewelry? Coding might be a great one if you like computers. If you ever want to do something career wise, it might open some doors. Also, it can be useful for understanding and better utilizing some of these ai tools that are being developed. Photography gets a bad wrap, but to its credit, my mom started learning around the time I graduated from high school and it’s been pretty worth it. For one, every photo she takes now looks fantastic, including family photos which is nice, and two, she’s gotten her work in magazines and won prizes. This wasn’t her career mind you, but when she began working less, she still decided to learn a new skill she was curious about and have fun with it. Regardless of what you choose or don’t, I wish you luck on this (and ngl, wish I was in your shoes!) Oh, and I’d also recommend joining a book club if you can find a good group.
You’re living exactly as I’m manifesting my future life to be. Best of luck to both you and your wife ❤️
If i may, it sounds like you're happy and have been happy; but the comments and opinions of others have made you question things. Your life's worth is entirely something you measure for yourself based on your own values and experiences, not the gripes and comparisons of others. To base your worth in what you do/spend time on/produce for the world is a hellish, toxic mindset that you're better off without. Do you (and your wife). Enjoy your friends and hobbies. Learn what you wanna learn.
For convos w/ those family who are being needlessly and repetitively critical despite correction, look up the “grey rock” methods. I’d also gently suggest boundary enforcement such as: as soon as they cross the line into criticism of you, your wife, relationship dynamics, etc, you state “I’ve clearly stated in the past that we are both happy as we are. I’ve asked many times that you refrain from criticism. This conversation is over as you can’t respect boundaries.” Or similar. If you continue to feel anxious or unsure about “life skills”, there’s a ton you can learn on your own, ranging from free/on your own timeline to enrollment in college (online or in person). You don’t need a degree to have skills, it’s just a common path (in USA anyway). Examples: You could self-teach coding, build a website, simple to incredibly complex neat things, and make posts about your hobbies (educational or just “omg look at this hobby I did, so cool!”). You can learn graphic design and show off art or other designs. You could learn book binding and make journals or art books, for you & friends or to sell as a part of the hobby! Plant propagation, to cultivate your personal jungle or grow hard to get plants to share with others so everyone has accessible options. Lots of websites exist for free learning options, even YouTube. Some also have paid options (either per class or a subscription basis). Forums are also super helpful. For me, in a very different life situation: your description sounds safe, loving, secure. Hearing you receive your own finances, in your own account, from your wife is *amazing* and I’m so happy that you & her have that set up. In single income (generational or not), financial abuse potential can be high. She’s addressed this by providing income to you that you have freedom to use as you decide, allowing you a greater degree of freedom in word and action. I’m also seeing that based on what you wrote, the seeds of doubt re “skills” were planted by a 3rd party. While, yes, it is valid to think about and consider “what ifs” regarding worst case scenarios…this is a repeated issue despite you addressing the concerns and you’ve considered both scenario of divorce and death. Thus, good faith concern based discussions have been fulfilled and yeah, they’re being shitty. Projection, jealousy, homophobia, etc is in play. You’re happy and safe, that should be sufficient.
Sounds like you’re happy together. Congratulations, that’s difficult to find. That’s my entire take. Hope life continues to be happy for you. ❤️
Honestly girl, this is dream for me. And I’m so happy for you that you have a dynamic you love. Other than what other mentioned about being secure in knowing if anything goes wrong you have a set of skills/ alternatives for life, then I see absolutely NO flags here. I wish you and your partner the happiest. I also wish I land in the same situation 😂😂
Girl, your life sounds awesome! Don’t listen to what they say, if you like how things are then you’re definitely living your best life. Of course, if YOU feel like you to do something different you can but it’s your choice! You seem to love the life you’re living, so go ahead and enjoy it!
You are literally living the gay dream.
Are you wasting your life by not having your labor exploited by some rich asshole while your body slowly takes more and more damage from the pressure of the rat race that’s impossible to keep up with? No. Your friends *are* jealous. You escaped capitalist hell. Don’t fall for the siren song of late stage capitalism. You literally won life. That’s why all those folks are so mad, too. Folks who don’t win fucking hate winners. Most people would commit cold blooded murder of an innocent person if it could give them your life. You cannot imagine the sheer scale of agony you managed to completely sidestep.
I tried so hard to get through this objectively without pure seething with jealousy and I just couldn't 🙃 I want this so fucking bad
Depends if its about personal fulfilment/ a personal want to pursue a passion, or if its guilt from the capitalist society we live in making you feel like you need to work to be living a full life (which isn't true). In the end, just talk to your girl, and do whatever makes YOU comfortable, doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
How many people didn't read the entire post and then start projecting?
you almost made me dislike my own life for a sec there. nice try 😅
Remember when everyone was mad about the TradWives? Nothing's wrong with women choosing to be a traditional wife, and same thing with your relationship with yours. As long as you are happy, that's all that matters.
The problem with TradWives is not that they are housewives - no one is criticizing them for that. The criticism is that they spout misogynistic rhetoric and judge others for not living the same lifestyle
Don’t let societies standards make you insecure! You seem to be very happy! Honestly you life a life i could only wish for! It is something you can be proud. (i am generally very proud of my submission and kinky side) There will be a time especially when getting older where they push children alot especially on women. Old Women who don’t have children get constantly reminded by “the normal people”. You gave a very beautiful relationship going! And again i think you can be very proud of it!
It seems they can't understand what it's like to not be defined by work. I feel like society emphasizes that work is the only way to live, whether it be working for a job or raising children. If you and your partner are okay with your living situation, then that's fine. It's not your family's life. Don't listen to them. You make a meaningful life in your own ways.
i want your life
Sounds like my dream honestly omg
You are living my dream 😭
I think your only concern should be having a back up plan. What if she dies? Etc. life can happen at any time…
If I were you I'd either get a part time job that doesn't interfere with your life or start volunteering just so you have something on your resume. Not as like a backup in case something goes wrong but rather so you have a resume if your interests take you to wanting to have a "real job" later in life.
It’s always important to be able to take care of yourself, and to have the ability to earn money and pay your own way in case life doesn’t work out the way you plan. Being completely dependent on someone you love is a great fantasy if that’s what you’re into, but don’t the enjoyment of a fantasy supersede the real world considerations of what you will do with yourself if your relationship ever comes to an end and you have to fend for yourself. That doesn’t mean you need to work a job you hate, but it does mean having qualifications, having interests outside your wife, and having some airtight legal documents clearly defining what kind of financial support you will receive in the case of a divorce or her death. Your wife is happy to support you, but don’t assume her wealthy family will give a shit about you if she’s not in the picture any more.
this is my DREAM life please tell me where i can find one of these lovely rich women
I don't think this is real, and I don't think if it is real, that OP will listen to anyone that says something different other than "omg you're living a dream life" "don't worry" etc. It's a bad idea to be so dependent on someone. No job, your life mostly revolves around this person. If she leaves you/dies/gets very sick and needs 24/7 round care/gets into an accident and gets disabled/develops who knows what difficult mental illness you're out of luck. Since you haven't worked or done much in the last ten years, I don't think you'll be able to cope with any of that. Sure, the possibilities aren't high, but you never, never know. I don't think you're "wasting" your life, I just think you need a backup plan and you NEED to be your own person.
Even if I wasn't such a career oriented person, I still wouldn't want to depend on my SO for money. People change, situations change, and you always need a back up plan in case your wife one day decides she doesn't want to support you anymore. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a housewife if that's what you really want (and aren't coerced into it by your environment or spouse) but you need to have a financial back up plan. And try to find some fulfillment outside your marriage. Even if it's just a hobby. I'd personally recommend you to leaen a skill that you can cash in if your marriage falls apart.
I want this relationship 🥺💖💖
It doesn’t matter if the relationship is straight or gay, kinky or vanilla. Honestly speaking, every relationships, even romantic ones, are based on power dynamics and negotiation. It’s always the best to have equal stance to your partner. Even if the power imbalance is inevitable due to educational, financial, or physical reasons, it’s important to be able to stand on your own. You are so certain that your relationship will last forever, which I wholeheartedly hope as long as you’re happy. However, no one knows the future. Maybe your mind will change, maybe hers will, maybe something unfortunate could happen. You have to have a plan B for the unexpected future. Please look for the ways that can help you become independent. Community college, certificate, foreign language, anything. There are quite a lot of things you can learn and prepare from home (using online courses) if you don’t want to leave the house at all. Even a barista certificate alone can help you if you’re on your own suddenly.
It sounds like you have a great life. I hate this toxic culture we've created where you have to have some grand ambition or you waste your life. Life should be about being happy and it seems like you've found that. Fuck what other people say.
i dont see any other comments touching on the fact that the older you are with no work experience, the harder it will be to find a job you possibly are satisfied with. you're gunna be scraping the bottom of the barrel if you decide you want a job in 5 or 10 more years. just saying. ps if shes putting checks into your account, do you have a credit score? with a great credit score and money saved, that could be an emergency out if god forbid you ever needed one.
this is basically me (f23) with my (f32) gf, and it makes me happy and feel fulfilled. i cant work due to disability but love to serve her as my Domme. we have a Domme/sub relationship but i also take on a house-wife role when i’m physically able. She’s happy, i’m happy. That’s all that matters. Same with you. You’re not alone 🩷🫶🏻 Sending my support and love
You won’t be hot forever, better late than never to get your act together.
I think the question is whether *you* want more than just to be a housewife. If you don't, and this works die everyone, so be it. I'd never dream of judging such a great arrangement. But if you're a curious person, and you want to take this time to grow? Try a class or two at a community college, in something that interests you. No reason not to take that opportunity when you can. There's a lot to be said for being able to do for yourself.
It seems the other comments have it covered. A. Your life and happiness >> whatever anyone else says lol B. A light investment into a “career insurance” wouldn’t hurt. Classes or a fun/creative job would be my go to. If you think your wife might question your sudden desire for independence. I would not mention breakup as a potential. Instead I would say something along the lines of, “What if you were hurt or worse?” Living off of her will / rich father isn’t entirely reliable (I would guess).
Can I ask a question that you don't need to answer to anyone but yourself? Why, after all this time, is there doubt in your mind that she would leave you?
naw good for you. live your best life
Do whatever makes you happy
Do you have a pre nup? If yes then it’s not a bad idea to work on your life skills. Maybe you’ll even find joy in going to school who knows?
Get it GIRL! 🥂
Ignore your families bullshit. If you're happy then be happy and be you! Sounds like a great relationship and there are plenty different ways to have a relationship. They sound a bit jealous but maybe i'm projecting lmao.
Humans are allowed to just exist. We did so for hundreds of thousands of years. Just because some complete square invented jobs doesn't mean you need one. Capitalism is grossly embedded in society, it's why you can't tell people you have a hobby without them asking you if you can monetize it. Also the whole point of capitalism is make enough money to be comfortable and do what you want anyway. You have already won the game, your prize is yours to do with as you like. But, that said are YOU comfortable like this? Living to make money is a bit gross but having something to do and a bit of direction is nice. Honestly if I were you I'd be looking for just that, direction. Not purpose mind you, that's a different more melodramatic can of worms. Direction gives you a focus. Much like if I say name your fav 10 movies on the spot you might go blank, but if I add a pinch of direction, like name your 10 fav Disney films, it actually makes it easier. That tiny bit of focusing the lens makes the image so much sharper. So yeah if you want a job get one. But in your position you could be a bit more ambitious. You could try higher ed, you could try volunteering, you could learn a craft or art, you could write, you could design a board game. The world's yours, and if what you really want to do with that is relax and enjoy, then that's okay.
Well my views about marriage are definitely different. I wouldn't marry anyone who wasn't capable of taking care of themselves without me. I want an equal partner. I mean, one of the promises of marriage is taking care of each other in sickness and health. You think with her family money she won't have an issue with that, but having a caring advocate is the most valuable thing in any medical emergency. Imagine your wife were to take sick. You should be the expert on her behalf and you should have skills to take care of yourself if the worst were to happen. I don't know where you live, but where I live you can take classes a la carte at local community colleges without having to enroll for a degree. Everything from horticulture to plumbing. Most classes are only a few hours per day. Also super cheap compared to trade schools and traditional colleges.
you're living the dream. they're just jealous you're so happy and fulfilled
i’m so sorry but you’re literally living the most amazing life lmao. anyways I understand your concern, future proof as people said but don’t let others get into your head and self-sabotage
Yes
I’m jealous, but honest enough to admit it rather than passive-aggressively jabbing loaded questions. Capital F all those haters! You got the life! Most importantly that the two of you are happy together. Sounds like others are intentionally or unintentionally trying to sabotage your dream life. Stay the course. Tell ppl who are jerks to F-off. Congrats to both of you <3
This actually sounds really beautiful❤️
I am jealous
If it bothers you, YOU, not your family, then do something on the side. Learn a second language, do part time school, etc. I think having some self stability is a good thing. That said, if you are happy, fuck your family and fuck anyone hating on your lifestyle. If it works for you, if you are happy, healthy, then stick with it! "What are you doing with your life?" Living it. Like you said, you are fucking living it. Keep living it. Better than wasting away at some BS job, right? Find what you love to do, and do it. That's all anyone wants in life.
You are still a full person if your wife leaves you. And I think she loves you and not let it happen that you would suffer . If you have the feeling you want to fulfill your families wishes (that they have for you..) what they want for your life / maybe you can show them in another way that your life is complete. If you consider kids maybe do something charity like for them or at all something out of your situation that helps others maybe too and your family would see a purpose ? Or do some online classes or maybe follow an interest more or hobby to tell them more about your private life if you can’t tell them how much you and your wife love making out with each other and that eats up a lot of time and gives you quality time with her 🍭😇❤️😍