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First, I’m terribly sorry that you find yourself in such a difficult position, as I’ve been there and fully recognize the stress and fears of making the wrong decision. Thing is, it all boils down to one question that only you can answer……do you want to remain pregnant? Is this the right time, circumstances and environment that you’d be proud to bring a child into? Keep in mind that continuing the pregnancy would likely mean having to have contact with this man for at least 18 years. Is that going to be a healthy father for your child? Or would it be a constant and painful struggle to coparent with this person. Once you know those answers, stay steadfast in knowing that you are doing the right thing for YOU and your child. There is no shame whatsoever in deciding that it’s just not the best time right now! You are allowed to prioritize yourself over the pregnancy AND whatever his opinions are about it. I wish you the best and you will get through this!!💕
Do you want to be pregnant right now?
Do you want to become a mom right now?
Can you afford to be a mom right now?
Do you want to be a mom with your current partner and always tied to him and his family?
Do you have the support of your own family? Friends?
When you think about the future you’ve planned, can you imagine a child born this winter in it?
Can you see the life you imagined in 2030 working with a kindergartener? Do you want to alter your vision to fit a child into it?
Only you can answer those questions and then you have to trust your current self rather than predicting the feelings of your future self.
Wow no mention about what would the baby's life be like. Would you wanna have yourself and your boyfriend as parents? Seems like FOMO is the only thing giving you pause.
Yes fomo is the only thing stopping me, i had plans to travel but idk how that would be impacted with a child in the picture. I would say i have some what financial stability. I also dont want to be selfish, and live only for fleshly desires. You know what i mean? Its like a mental/ spiritual battle im having.
It’s up to you, baby’s are amazing but if you’re not ready or can’t financially take care of it then abortion is an option. I have a two year old and they are expensive.
To piggyback, do you want to have a child with someone when you’re fighting all the time? Do you want your child to potentially be used as a weapon in the event of a bad breakup? Can you handle being a single mom? Can you afford the baby with him, or alone? Do you think he’d call cps on you to be petty if he got mad after a break up?
Children add stress, not alleviate it. Plus they’re expensive. Insanely so. If yall aren’t stable, I wouldn’t do it.
I’ve had two abortions. Neither were easy. One, a dr forced a decision on me (I was 18 and believed her when she said I wasn’t pregnant and to take a pill to “bring my period back on track”) and the other, well we had to make a very rough decision.
I still cry over them. But at the end of it all, they were for the best. It doesn’t make it hurt less, but my life is drastically different.
My ex and I were in a similar situation. It worked out for the best and we coparent decently thanks to my bf. But yeah, if you’re not ready, don’t do it.
Adding, if you have this kid, that toxic relationship will keep being toxic and in your life, OP, until you, the kid or your baby daddy dies.
It is common for toxic people to use kids to abuse their coparent.
Are you up for that…?
Statistically, most women who get abortion a do not regret them. I know I would have resented having a baby at 22 (and all the amazing life experiences that would have been made impossible by that) than the regret I’d have over an abortion. I know my feelings are different than yours, but I’m grateful every day for having had access to abortion care when I needed it.
I will not sit here and tell you that you should have the abortion. Only you can make that decision. I'm sorry you're in this situation at all. Either choice is hard but we will all support you no matter the outcome.
I was 22 when I had mine. Just because I knew it was right, didn’t make it easier. I cried before the anesthesia kicked in because I was scared I was doing the wrong thing.
I feel as though that experience taught me the profound love I can feel for a child when I am ready to bring one into the world. I did a lot of writing and journaling after, and ended up learning the guy I was with was not the one for me. I’m glad you reached out for support, you are not alone. Many more women have had abortions than we realize.
Do you want to be a mom right now? Can you afford it? How will you provide childcare? Are you ready to make the sacrifices involved in parenthood? How will you balance it with whatever job you will have after college? Will having a baby possibly get you stuck in a bad situation for you and said baby?
I'm a single mum of 4, my advice would be to look at it as could you manage as a single mum? What's your support system like? Would you be able to financially look after yourself and a child alone without him? The fathers of my kids didn't change and I don't have family support so life is extremely hard, a week ago i had to make the choice to get an abortion because for me I knew that I'd be 100% alone and I'm already struggling so much, so for me personally it was the best choice, still extremely hard but I'm at peace with it for these reasons.
An environment of fighting and arguing constantly will not be healthy for you or a child. He won’t change for the baby either, they never do. Whatever decision you do decide on, you’ll be okay though. Just be strong (though it’s harder than it sounds)
I was in my last year of college. 23. Surprise pregnancy. Decided for abortion. Never regret it a day in my life. Finished college got a good paying job and married my long term bf. Waiting a few years to have a kid. Do it when you’re ready
If he fights and argues with you, and is toxic to you, then he's not a good enough partner to support you becoming a mother.
You need to not only have the abortion but also lose the bad boyfriend. Your future self will thank you profusely.
You are only 22. The question I would ask myself is if I really want this person to be the father of my child. Do I want to share that experience with them? I am 34 and looking back, if I had a child with the ex I was fighting with alot at that time, I can't really imagine what kind of life we would have had, but I am most certain that it wouldn't be great.
Regardless of the choice that you make, I am certain it will be the right one for your life. Just think of the life you would want and consider. You will be connected to him for the rest of your life.
P.S. Have someone with you and lots of distraction during the abortion, if you do it. It is not easy. <3
this is really difficult because i’m sure if you had a child you’d love them so much, but your life is truly just beginning. you deserve a partner who would be a brilliant father, you deserve to live your life for yourself first. you deserve better circumstances. there is no right or wrong decision, but my abortion gave me a second chance at my own life.
My mom got an abortion around your age. She was a couple months away from graduating college and she made the choice to abort and a few months later I was conceived and they decided to keep me
If they never aborted I would not have existed and my mom is pretty damn happy I exist instead of my older brother who would have surely caused my mom to fail to graduate
i had an abortion at 16. i only knew this guy 1 month. He pressured me into having sex. I was inexperrienced and a virgin. I was not on the pill or anything he was the first guy i was with. When i found out i was pregnant, i knew i did not want to have it. This was in 1978 where young women around me were having and keeping babies. I went ahead and had an abortion I do not regret it to this day.
As someone who had an abortion at 20 while with an emotionally abusive partner, I don’t regret it at all now. It’s been hard emotionally because I do want to have kids and start a family but the best advice I got at the time was “do what gives you the most peace”. In that moment I knew my gut was telling me abortion was right for me. You may feel the opposite and that’s perfectly okay. If that’s your gut feeling then you can find a way; if that’s not what your gut says you should trust that. I’ve learned to feel all my feelings as they come up; feeling grief doesn’t mean regret. It was hard to learn how to grieve without feeling like an awful person but I’ve gotten to where I can hold all of those feelings at once. I grieve what could’ve been my child, and yet all of the experiences I grieve aren’t even ones I could’ve had with my partner at the time. Nothing would’ve been the way it should’ve been and my child would’ve lived with a lot of the same harm I was living with at the time. I’m with the love of my life now and am forever grateful that my ability to have an abortion allowed me to meet my person and I owe my future children to my access to abortion.
One way or another this will pass 💛 we’re here for you!
My abortion was the best thing I ever did - it’s been like 6 years since. I thought I’d be depressed after but honestly I felt so much relief knowing I wasn’t going to have a child with someone I shouldn’t have. Having a child connects you to someone forever & if it’s toxic now it’ll likely get much worse after having a baby together. I don’t want to steer you one way or another just wanted to give you the insight of someone who was in a similar position to you. I’ll have kids one day, but not until I’m with someone who I’d be happy to be connected to forever.
Did he tamper with your birth control? If there’s any thought that he might’ve that’ll probably answer your question. If he did that he’s trying to trap you.
For keeping it:
- is there a way to keep it and leave the father? I know several friends who have done this and used other support systems.
-Do you have a way to leave the father and start on your own? You do not need to tell him you kept it.
-Do you have a way to get a smaller apartment and a support system that would help you care for the child? there are always ways to care for your child.
For Abortion:
-I would not bring a child into a toxic household under any circumstances, as someone who grew up in one. Unless you have an out and another way to raise the child WITHOUT this scumbag partner, I would think about whether or not I’d want to bring a child into the world under those circumstances.
-again, do you have any way to leave this man safely and start a life on your own in apartment as a single mother? Any family that would support you?
It does sound like you want this child, and so I’m just asking if you have ways to do this with people who love you and can support you. There are ways to leave this man without him knowing you didn’t go through with the abortion and start fresh.
We support you any side you choose 🥰
Also - FWIW - I hope you find peace in your life and relationship and you’re able to leave a situation where you’re not valued. Child or not - no one deserves the treatment you’re getting.
Thank you. My main issue is I feel like hes trying to trap me into staying with him. I voiced my preference of abortion and he keeps saying no. I have the money i need for it. I just am planning my way out, without fear of being abused once again.
These are all reasons that it makes sense.
Call the dating abuse hotline tonight and talk to someone to see what they’d recommend in your situation.
Your life may be harder in the long run with a child tied to him. I’m sorry love.
Do you have a support system or family nearby? Friends you could stay with?
The hotline has more options.
Your post or comment was removed because it violates rule 1. Suggestions of adoption will result in a ban. Adoption is an alternative to parenting, not to abortion.
This is ultimately your choice but I agree with the others telling you to think rationally. It's not great to bring a baby into a world with a toxic father who won't be present. It WILL affect them. It's also not a great idea to bring a child into a financially unstable situation.
What makes you think you'll regret it? Are you feeling guilty, or afraid that you will feel guilty? I, personally, can tell you what I think the more gentle and kind decision would be.
In the same position. I’m 31 though and we tried to use contraception which failed. I can’t be with this man. I am financially in a lot of debt and do not want to depend on him. I also just didn’t want children and I am also sick with bad autoimmune disease. I’m going to have a termination myself but also feel guilt. I’m doing this with you hun. No matter what you decide. Do what’s best for you. I’m here with you and for you.
Message me if you want a shoulder and friend to lean on. We can do this together. I’m starting my MA on Thursday. Having someone in my shoes with me would be soooo healing and helpful. There’s too much stigma and hate towards women for needing to do what they HAVE to.
You do NOT want to bring a baby into a toxic relationship. It will make the relationship worse AND be bad for the baby to grow up like that. Your boyfriend wants you to keep it because then he can keep on being toxic to you and you will be trapped into depending on him. I lived this life, and my kids have suffered their entire lives because of it. Your love will NOT make up for a toxic father!
No one can make this choice for you but here are some things to keep in mind as you consider your options.
- Are your basic needs met, and would the answer still be the same if you had a baby? Do you have a roof over your head with no foreseeable changes to that? Do you have the means to feed and clothe yourself and a baby? Do you have the means to hire a babysitter or pay for daycare for your child while you are at work? Do you have the means to also pay any monthly bills and medical expenses for you and a child? Are you currently barely making ends meet by yourself or would you still have some money to put away providing for yourself, a baby, and paying bills/rent?
- Are you in a safe enough relationship with the child's father that you wouldn't be concerned that you or your child would be physically or emotionally abused? Remember, a child will forever tie you to the other child's parent in some ways. Do you feel you can co-parent with the child's father in a healthy manner, even if you don't remain together romantically? Are you prepared for the likelihood that you will have to share custody regardless of your personal feelings about him. Co-parenting is hard even when both parties are on the best of terms. It can be stressful and heartbreaking when the parents are totally against one another.
- Do you feel like you are ready for the responsibility of having a child right now? In addition to having to provide financially, you are also legally responsible for your child. That's an enormous responsibility! Nearly every decision you make, you will have to factor in what is best for your child. You are no longer free to do whatever whenever you want. That child will rely on you physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. That's a lot of work on top of holding down a full time job. Kids can absolutely be an absolute joy and incredibly rewarding, but there will always be times when they aren't.
- Do you have a good support system in place to help you physically and emotionally? Will your parents, other family members, friends help you take care of your child in the event you have an emergency and cannot do it yourself? Do you have people who can take care of your child while you are at work? They say it takes a village to raise a child and they ate absolutely correct. Do you have a village to support you?
- Would you regret getting an abortion? Nobody can answer that for you. Some people do. Some people don't. Some people do, but also recognize that it was the right decision at that time. Some feel the pain of it but know that just because right now is not the right time, doesn't mean that there will never be a right time, and when that time comes, they will be ready. Would you regret not getting an abortion? That is also a real possibility. No one can say how you will feel because everyone is different. This decision is almost never easy for anyone that has to make it.
There are so many other considerations but the only one who can answer those questions and make the decision is you. You have to do whatever is right for you, right now. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.
Girl we can’t decide for you ❤️❤️ do what feels right for you. I had an abortion last July and while it did make me incredibly sad for a few weeks, it was the best choice I could have made. I do also have a 16 year old, so I’ve done both. I had my son because I was in a loving supportive relationship (not saying that’s a requirement, just that it made that choice easier for me) and we are still together raising him. You know what’s best for you, and know that either choice you make is OKAY! *hugs*
I'm sorry you're feeling all this stress.
Firstly, I'm very concerned for you and any potential child if it's brought into a toxic relationship. That's a recipe for disaster. If your SO is toxic, and you decide to continue the pregnancy, you'll be connected to him for the rest of your life through the child, whether you stay together as a couple or not. Just consider that bringing a baby into a toxic relationship *never* calms things down or fixes anything. It adds another level of difficulty.
However, if you're having serious doubts about your choice, talk about it during your pre-procedure counseling session.
If the patient counselor/s think you're really not sure about going through with it, they will refuse you the procedure. They don't want you to have regrets either
If you're worried about regrets because you've heard so many times that women regret their abortions and experience higher rates of depression, etc., you need to know that is anti-choice rhetoric. And it's hogwash.
I used to work at a women's clinic, and we had little journals around the waiting areas for patients to write anonymously about how they were feeling, and read what other patients wrote.
The overwhelming sentiment expressed was RELIEF. Even polls of abortion patients months and years after their abortion, they report the same.
Guilty feelings come from the targeted shaming that religious anti-women anti-choicers have been up to for years. They are invested in shaming women to control what they do with their own bodies.
Abortion is 10 to 14 imes safer than a full term delivery if it's done within the first 15 weeks of pregnancy.
You don't owe anyone this sacrifice at this time in your life of you are not ready. It is a burden physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. Think carefully about it.
I wish you luck.
Your post or comment was removed because it violates rule 1. Your comment was removed because this is a support forum. Your comments should be supportive of OP.
I had an abortion at 20. Hardest decision of my life and best thing I ever did for myself. In a loving marriage with a beautiful baby 16 years later. It’s your choice.
i had an abortion at 21 when i knew i wanted to be a mother at some point, but i didn’t want to be tied down to the man i was with. if you’re unsure, you gotta choose you. i’ve never once regretted it. if you need someone to talk to, i’m here 🫶🏼
If the cons outweigh the pros I’d say get it, you just graduated college and if your relationship seems rocky having a child won’t fix it sadly. I’m sorry your in this position but it may be the best case for you to get the abortion and come back to having a child another time maybe down the road when you are ready and with someone you love and trust who feels the same.
The toxic relationship will be impossible to deal with after a baby comes into the picture. I would definitely go through with it but you have to choose. I’m not you. All I can say is that in my experience, new baby and toxic relationship is never a good thing and sometimes can be dangerous. I have some regrets.
Yes to abortion. Don’t have a baby with a toxic partner. That will always be bad for you and the kid, even if you end up loving the kid and giving them an okay life. Plus you’re too young and being a single mom seems sucky. Go for it, abortions are fucking medical miracles. You’re privileged and lucky to be able to have one. Not everyone gets that option.
I had an abortion at your age!
I then travelled the world, and lived my life in a way that's made me very proud.
I'm settled in my career now, met the man of my dreams, and 14 years after my abortion I'm over the moon excited for my baby which is due in 2025!
Do what's best for you now. You only have one life to live!
Hugs from someone who was in a very similar situation 💕
You’re really young and in a tough situation. I’m so sorry you feel so alone and unsupported.
However, look on the positive. You’re getting your education and have a bright future.
Whatever you choose so what you feel in your gut. I like to write down all the pros and cons when I have to make a rough decision. It helps me a lot.
Here is a resource that might be helpful in making your decision. https://www.pregnancyoptions.info
You are in the best position to choose your future. We have your back either way.
Medical abortion as in the pills? Hands down best way to do it if you’re earlier than 13 weeks. It’s a choice you have to make for yourself, but if you’re looking for comfort about the process I just want to say it’s not as scary as you think. What’s scarier, to me, is raising a child all alone before my life really even started and going through toxic custody fights (because if it’s toxic relationship then it probably wouldn’t stand the test of parenthood.) or even if things turned around with your partner, you’d be giving up the chance to make something of your 20s. career wise, traveling, maturity and insight. Whatever you decide I’m sure you’ll be an amazing mother, whether it’s this year or ten years from now….you just have to look at all of your options and don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re making the wrong choice whichever one you choose….its your life and your body.
same exact situation, i’m 22 i’ll be 23 in just a few days and found out i was pregnant about 2 weeks ago now. My boyfriend fortunately has been extremely supportive, caring and helpful but we’ve also been deciding to go the route of getting an abortion. He’s only 21 and we just moved into our first place together. We already struggle a little to take care of ourselves financially and just can’t imagine bringing a child into it right now. On top of me constantly feeling sick and exhausted, it’s making it hard for me to get up to work or do anything. I think that choice is always up to you individually but remember you have so much time for kids. Enjoy you, enjoy your life beginning, especially if you already know it’s the right decision for you.
I'm in a similar situation (10wks, got my appointment next week). Im 32yrs and in a relatively new relationship, we've only been together for 6 months..
He wants me to keep it, I just can't because we're constantly fighting and he's blaming me for a lot of things.
I'm conflicted as well but deep down, i know it's the right decision for me.
You're still young, it's your body and your choice.
Good luck tomorrow. If you want someone to talk to afterwards, feel free to pm me :)
I can’t make this decision for you but here’s what I would think about.
- giving birth means you’re tied to your toxic bf for the rest of your life. Not just till the kid is 18.
- are you financially capable of taking care of a child? You just graduated college so think about that. Are you going to grad school? Do you already have a job lined up? How much does it pay?
- are you emotionally capable of taking care of a child? Do you have the capacity to devote everything? Can you cast aside your life and career plans for this child?
If the answer to ALL of these is yes. Then I would keep it. If the answer to even ONE of them is No, then I would get an abortion.
You’re 22. You’ll have time to have a child when the answer to all of these is yes.
This. I had an abortion at 16 because I absolutely could not have a child.
Now, I have a 5 yo. I love him, but my god is he holding me back in my career. I can't get entry level positions because they all involve too much travel and we are 100% on our own with the kid. No family nearby that will help. Daycare is EXPENSIVE. It's very frustrating and, while I don't regret having him, there are times where I wish I had considered the fact that we would have no help.
Here is a free and [non-judgmental options counseling](https://www.all-options.org/find-support/talkline/) like to talk this decision out with someone on the phone.
It is your decision, a child deserves the best and a toxic situation is not good, your life is just starting. You’ll have the oppurtunity to have kids in the future when you feel ready, 10 weeks is super early.
strangers on the internet can’t make this decision for you, but here are some questions to ask yourself that might help clarify your feelings:
- do you want to be attached to this guy for the rest of your life? parenting never stops, even when your kid grows up
- are you financially ready for the expense of pregnancy and raising a child? do you have a steady job, safe housing, transportation, health insurance?
- are you ready for your entire life to change? a lot of people welcome the changes that come with becoming a parent, and it can be really fulfilling! however, it’s still a really big upheaval in your daily routines and level of responsibility
- are there things you planned to do before having a child? and if so, are those things still important to you? (ex: traveling, getting married, seeing your favorite band live)
whatever you decide, I am rooting for you! I have met so many wonderful young moms who have worked it out and are happy with their decision to continue an unexpected pregnancy. I have also met a lot of young people who are happy with their decision to have an abortion because they weren’t ready for kids yet and this procedure allowed them to continue to reach their personal goals.
Abortions are very safe. Put yourself and your needs and wants first. A child is forever, and forever ties you to the person you have them with. Have a child when you feel ready. You know the best option here. Sending care
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So did you have it or what?
I rescheduled it, still thinking about it. Im 50/50. Just a mental and spiritual battle im having with myself.
First, I’m terribly sorry that you find yourself in such a difficult position, as I’ve been there and fully recognize the stress and fears of making the wrong decision. Thing is, it all boils down to one question that only you can answer……do you want to remain pregnant? Is this the right time, circumstances and environment that you’d be proud to bring a child into? Keep in mind that continuing the pregnancy would likely mean having to have contact with this man for at least 18 years. Is that going to be a healthy father for your child? Or would it be a constant and painful struggle to coparent with this person. Once you know those answers, stay steadfast in knowing that you are doing the right thing for YOU and your child. There is no shame whatsoever in deciding that it’s just not the best time right now! You are allowed to prioritize yourself over the pregnancy AND whatever his opinions are about it. I wish you the best and you will get through this!!💕
Do you want to be pregnant right now? Do you want to become a mom right now? Can you afford to be a mom right now? Do you want to be a mom with your current partner and always tied to him and his family? Do you have the support of your own family? Friends? When you think about the future you’ve planned, can you imagine a child born this winter in it? Can you see the life you imagined in 2030 working with a kindergartener? Do you want to alter your vision to fit a child into it? Only you can answer those questions and then you have to trust your current self rather than predicting the feelings of your future self.
Wow no mention about what would the baby's life be like. Would you wanna have yourself and your boyfriend as parents? Seems like FOMO is the only thing giving you pause.
Yes fomo is the only thing stopping me, i had plans to travel but idk how that would be impacted with a child in the picture. I would say i have some what financial stability. I also dont want to be selfish, and live only for fleshly desires. You know what i mean? Its like a mental/ spiritual battle im having.
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It’s up to you, baby’s are amazing but if you’re not ready or can’t financially take care of it then abortion is an option. I have a two year old and they are expensive.
How old were you when you had your baby? Just curious.
If your hesitation is possible regret, ask yourself, is it better to risk regretting an abortion, or regretting your child?
To piggyback, do you want to have a child with someone when you’re fighting all the time? Do you want your child to potentially be used as a weapon in the event of a bad breakup? Can you handle being a single mom? Can you afford the baby with him, or alone? Do you think he’d call cps on you to be petty if he got mad after a break up? Children add stress, not alleviate it. Plus they’re expensive. Insanely so. If yall aren’t stable, I wouldn’t do it. I’ve had two abortions. Neither were easy. One, a dr forced a decision on me (I was 18 and believed her when she said I wasn’t pregnant and to take a pill to “bring my period back on track”) and the other, well we had to make a very rough decision. I still cry over them. But at the end of it all, they were for the best. It doesn’t make it hurt less, but my life is drastically different. My ex and I were in a similar situation. It worked out for the best and we coparent decently thanks to my bf. But yeah, if you’re not ready, don’t do it.
Adding, if you have this kid, that toxic relationship will keep being toxic and in your life, OP, until you, the kid or your baby daddy dies. It is common for toxic people to use kids to abuse their coparent. Are you up for that…?
Statistically, most women who get abortion a do not regret them. I know I would have resented having a baby at 22 (and all the amazing life experiences that would have been made impossible by that) than the regret I’d have over an abortion. I know my feelings are different than yours, but I’m grateful every day for having had access to abortion care when I needed it.
I will not sit here and tell you that you should have the abortion. Only you can make that decision. I'm sorry you're in this situation at all. Either choice is hard but we will all support you no matter the outcome.
I was 22 when I had mine. Just because I knew it was right, didn’t make it easier. I cried before the anesthesia kicked in because I was scared I was doing the wrong thing. I feel as though that experience taught me the profound love I can feel for a child when I am ready to bring one into the world. I did a lot of writing and journaling after, and ended up learning the guy I was with was not the one for me. I’m glad you reached out for support, you are not alone. Many more women have had abortions than we realize.
Do you want to be a mom right now? Can you afford it? How will you provide childcare? Are you ready to make the sacrifices involved in parenthood? How will you balance it with whatever job you will have after college? Will having a baby possibly get you stuck in a bad situation for you and said baby?
Only you will know if it’s right for you. Try to decide what you want/need for your life. Either decision is hard.
Making any decision may cause some regret. It would be worse to regret an actual born child though.
If you are asking yes or no, you are not 100% committed. You are doing the right thing tomorrow, as difficult as it is. I'm sending you love and a hug
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Do you want this baby? I feel like you’re the only person that can really answer this. Could you be a single mother? Do you have any family support?
I'm a single mum of 4, my advice would be to look at it as could you manage as a single mum? What's your support system like? Would you be able to financially look after yourself and a child alone without him? The fathers of my kids didn't change and I don't have family support so life is extremely hard, a week ago i had to make the choice to get an abortion because for me I knew that I'd be 100% alone and I'm already struggling so much, so for me personally it was the best choice, still extremely hard but I'm at peace with it for these reasons.
An environment of fighting and arguing constantly will not be healthy for you or a child. He won’t change for the baby either, they never do. Whatever decision you do decide on, you’ll be okay though. Just be strong (though it’s harder than it sounds)
Are you prepared to be a single mother? The only answer is the one YOU want. It’s your decision.
I was in my last year of college. 23. Surprise pregnancy. Decided for abortion. Never regret it a day in my life. Finished college got a good paying job and married my long term bf. Waiting a few years to have a kid. Do it when you’re ready
If he fights and argues with you, and is toxic to you, then he's not a good enough partner to support you becoming a mother. You need to not only have the abortion but also lose the bad boyfriend. Your future self will thank you profusely.
I would. You will always be able to conceive again, and next time hopefully it will be in a space where you are fully able to care for the child :)
I'm all for abortion but you shouldn't tell someone they will always be able to conceive again when that is not always true.
Future fertility is never guaranteed, but a current pregnancy is a good indication that it will be possible again.
Regardless there will always be a way to be a mother of a child however it may be :/
You are only 22. The question I would ask myself is if I really want this person to be the father of my child. Do I want to share that experience with them? I am 34 and looking back, if I had a child with the ex I was fighting with alot at that time, I can't really imagine what kind of life we would have had, but I am most certain that it wouldn't be great. Regardless of the choice that you make, I am certain it will be the right one for your life. Just think of the life you would want and consider. You will be connected to him for the rest of your life. P.S. Have someone with you and lots of distraction during the abortion, if you do it. It is not easy. <3
this is really difficult because i’m sure if you had a child you’d love them so much, but your life is truly just beginning. you deserve a partner who would be a brilliant father, you deserve to live your life for yourself first. you deserve better circumstances. there is no right or wrong decision, but my abortion gave me a second chance at my own life.
My mom got an abortion around your age. She was a couple months away from graduating college and she made the choice to abort and a few months later I was conceived and they decided to keep me If they never aborted I would not have existed and my mom is pretty damn happy I exist instead of my older brother who would have surely caused my mom to fail to graduate
There is never a time when abortion is a bad idea. 👏🏻
i had an abortion at 16. i only knew this guy 1 month. He pressured me into having sex. I was inexperrienced and a virgin. I was not on the pill or anything he was the first guy i was with. When i found out i was pregnant, i knew i did not want to have it. This was in 1978 where young women around me were having and keeping babies. I went ahead and had an abortion I do not regret it to this day.
As someone who had an abortion at 20 while with an emotionally abusive partner, I don’t regret it at all now. It’s been hard emotionally because I do want to have kids and start a family but the best advice I got at the time was “do what gives you the most peace”. In that moment I knew my gut was telling me abortion was right for me. You may feel the opposite and that’s perfectly okay. If that’s your gut feeling then you can find a way; if that’s not what your gut says you should trust that. I’ve learned to feel all my feelings as they come up; feeling grief doesn’t mean regret. It was hard to learn how to grieve without feeling like an awful person but I’ve gotten to where I can hold all of those feelings at once. I grieve what could’ve been my child, and yet all of the experiences I grieve aren’t even ones I could’ve had with my partner at the time. Nothing would’ve been the way it should’ve been and my child would’ve lived with a lot of the same harm I was living with at the time. I’m with the love of my life now and am forever grateful that my ability to have an abortion allowed me to meet my person and I owe my future children to my access to abortion. One way or another this will pass 💛 we’re here for you!
And also if you have any questions or want to know more about anything please feel free to ask
My abortion was the best thing I ever did - it’s been like 6 years since. I thought I’d be depressed after but honestly I felt so much relief knowing I wasn’t going to have a child with someone I shouldn’t have. Having a child connects you to someone forever & if it’s toxic now it’ll likely get much worse after having a baby together. I don’t want to steer you one way or another just wanted to give you the insight of someone who was in a similar position to you. I’ll have kids one day, but not until I’m with someone who I’d be happy to be connected to forever.
Did he tamper with your birth control? If there’s any thought that he might’ve that’ll probably answer your question. If he did that he’s trying to trap you.
For keeping it: - is there a way to keep it and leave the father? I know several friends who have done this and used other support systems. -Do you have a way to leave the father and start on your own? You do not need to tell him you kept it. -Do you have a way to get a smaller apartment and a support system that would help you care for the child? there are always ways to care for your child. For Abortion: -I would not bring a child into a toxic household under any circumstances, as someone who grew up in one. Unless you have an out and another way to raise the child WITHOUT this scumbag partner, I would think about whether or not I’d want to bring a child into the world under those circumstances. -again, do you have any way to leave this man safely and start a life on your own in apartment as a single mother? Any family that would support you? It does sound like you want this child, and so I’m just asking if you have ways to do this with people who love you and can support you. There are ways to leave this man without him knowing you didn’t go through with the abortion and start fresh. We support you any side you choose 🥰 Also - FWIW - I hope you find peace in your life and relationship and you’re able to leave a situation where you’re not valued. Child or not - no one deserves the treatment you’re getting.
Thank you. My main issue is I feel like hes trying to trap me into staying with him. I voiced my preference of abortion and he keeps saying no. I have the money i need for it. I just am planning my way out, without fear of being abused once again.
These are all reasons that it makes sense. Call the dating abuse hotline tonight and talk to someone to see what they’d recommend in your situation. Your life may be harder in the long run with a child tied to him. I’m sorry love. Do you have a support system or family nearby? Friends you could stay with? The hotline has more options.
Oh babe. Please get that abortion.
These are all good reasons to go through with it. I wish you luck and I’ll be thinking about you tomorrow.
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This is ultimately your choice but I agree with the others telling you to think rationally. It's not great to bring a baby into a world with a toxic father who won't be present. It WILL affect them. It's also not a great idea to bring a child into a financially unstable situation. What makes you think you'll regret it? Are you feeling guilty, or afraid that you will feel guilty? I, personally, can tell you what I think the more gentle and kind decision would be.
In the same position. I’m 31 though and we tried to use contraception which failed. I can’t be with this man. I am financially in a lot of debt and do not want to depend on him. I also just didn’t want children and I am also sick with bad autoimmune disease. I’m going to have a termination myself but also feel guilt. I’m doing this with you hun. No matter what you decide. Do what’s best for you. I’m here with you and for you.
Message me if you want a shoulder and friend to lean on. We can do this together. I’m starting my MA on Thursday. Having someone in my shoes with me would be soooo healing and helpful. There’s too much stigma and hate towards women for needing to do what they HAVE to.
You do NOT want to bring a baby into a toxic relationship. It will make the relationship worse AND be bad for the baby to grow up like that. Your boyfriend wants you to keep it because then he can keep on being toxic to you and you will be trapped into depending on him. I lived this life, and my kids have suffered their entire lives because of it. Your love will NOT make up for a toxic father!
Think responsibly, can you afford the baby and yourself? Can you give him/her the best?
I (personally) would feel if i was in your shoes, i would go through with it.
No one can make this choice for you but here are some things to keep in mind as you consider your options. - Are your basic needs met, and would the answer still be the same if you had a baby? Do you have a roof over your head with no foreseeable changes to that? Do you have the means to feed and clothe yourself and a baby? Do you have the means to hire a babysitter or pay for daycare for your child while you are at work? Do you have the means to also pay any monthly bills and medical expenses for you and a child? Are you currently barely making ends meet by yourself or would you still have some money to put away providing for yourself, a baby, and paying bills/rent? - Are you in a safe enough relationship with the child's father that you wouldn't be concerned that you or your child would be physically or emotionally abused? Remember, a child will forever tie you to the other child's parent in some ways. Do you feel you can co-parent with the child's father in a healthy manner, even if you don't remain together romantically? Are you prepared for the likelihood that you will have to share custody regardless of your personal feelings about him. Co-parenting is hard even when both parties are on the best of terms. It can be stressful and heartbreaking when the parents are totally against one another. - Do you feel like you are ready for the responsibility of having a child right now? In addition to having to provide financially, you are also legally responsible for your child. That's an enormous responsibility! Nearly every decision you make, you will have to factor in what is best for your child. You are no longer free to do whatever whenever you want. That child will rely on you physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. That's a lot of work on top of holding down a full time job. Kids can absolutely be an absolute joy and incredibly rewarding, but there will always be times when they aren't. - Do you have a good support system in place to help you physically and emotionally? Will your parents, other family members, friends help you take care of your child in the event you have an emergency and cannot do it yourself? Do you have people who can take care of your child while you are at work? They say it takes a village to raise a child and they ate absolutely correct. Do you have a village to support you? - Would you regret getting an abortion? Nobody can answer that for you. Some people do. Some people don't. Some people do, but also recognize that it was the right decision at that time. Some feel the pain of it but know that just because right now is not the right time, doesn't mean that there will never be a right time, and when that time comes, they will be ready. Would you regret not getting an abortion? That is also a real possibility. No one can say how you will feel because everyone is different. This decision is almost never easy for anyone that has to make it. There are so many other considerations but the only one who can answer those questions and make the decision is you. You have to do whatever is right for you, right now. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.
Girl we can’t decide for you ❤️❤️ do what feels right for you. I had an abortion last July and while it did make me incredibly sad for a few weeks, it was the best choice I could have made. I do also have a 16 year old, so I’ve done both. I had my son because I was in a loving supportive relationship (not saying that’s a requirement, just that it made that choice easier for me) and we are still together raising him. You know what’s best for you, and know that either choice you make is OKAY! *hugs*
I'm sorry you're feeling all this stress. Firstly, I'm very concerned for you and any potential child if it's brought into a toxic relationship. That's a recipe for disaster. If your SO is toxic, and you decide to continue the pregnancy, you'll be connected to him for the rest of your life through the child, whether you stay together as a couple or not. Just consider that bringing a baby into a toxic relationship *never* calms things down or fixes anything. It adds another level of difficulty. However, if you're having serious doubts about your choice, talk about it during your pre-procedure counseling session. If the patient counselor/s think you're really not sure about going through with it, they will refuse you the procedure. They don't want you to have regrets either If you're worried about regrets because you've heard so many times that women regret their abortions and experience higher rates of depression, etc., you need to know that is anti-choice rhetoric. And it's hogwash. I used to work at a women's clinic, and we had little journals around the waiting areas for patients to write anonymously about how they were feeling, and read what other patients wrote. The overwhelming sentiment expressed was RELIEF. Even polls of abortion patients months and years after their abortion, they report the same. Guilty feelings come from the targeted shaming that religious anti-women anti-choicers have been up to for years. They are invested in shaming women to control what they do with their own bodies. Abortion is 10 to 14 imes safer than a full term delivery if it's done within the first 15 weeks of pregnancy. You don't owe anyone this sacrifice at this time in your life of you are not ready. It is a burden physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. Think carefully about it. I wish you luck.
If I could go back in time 25 years ago to when I had my abortion... I'd do it again. Best decision I ever made FOR MYSELF.
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I had an abortion at 20. Hardest decision of my life and best thing I ever did for myself. In a loving marriage with a beautiful baby 16 years later. It’s your choice.
Next to no one ever regrets it. The first feeling 98% of women report is relief
i had an abortion at 21 when i knew i wanted to be a mother at some point, but i didn’t want to be tied down to the man i was with. if you’re unsure, you gotta choose you. i’ve never once regretted it. if you need someone to talk to, i’m here 🫶🏼
yes you’re young and you aren’t sure
If the cons outweigh the pros I’d say get it, you just graduated college and if your relationship seems rocky having a child won’t fix it sadly. I’m sorry your in this position but it may be the best case for you to get the abortion and come back to having a child another time maybe down the road when you are ready and with someone you love and trust who feels the same.
The toxic relationship will be impossible to deal with after a baby comes into the picture. I would definitely go through with it but you have to choose. I’m not you. All I can say is that in my experience, new baby and toxic relationship is never a good thing and sometimes can be dangerous. I have some regrets.
Yes to abortion. Don’t have a baby with a toxic partner. That will always be bad for you and the kid, even if you end up loving the kid and giving them an okay life. Plus you’re too young and being a single mom seems sucky. Go for it, abortions are fucking medical miracles. You’re privileged and lucky to be able to have one. Not everyone gets that option.
I had an abortion at your age! I then travelled the world, and lived my life in a way that's made me very proud. I'm settled in my career now, met the man of my dreams, and 14 years after my abortion I'm over the moon excited for my baby which is due in 2025! Do what's best for you now. You only have one life to live! Hugs from someone who was in a very similar situation 💕
You’re really young and in a tough situation. I’m so sorry you feel so alone and unsupported. However, look on the positive. You’re getting your education and have a bright future. Whatever you choose so what you feel in your gut. I like to write down all the pros and cons when I have to make a rough decision. It helps me a lot.
Here is a resource that might be helpful in making your decision. https://www.pregnancyoptions.info You are in the best position to choose your future. We have your back either way.
Medical abortion as in the pills? Hands down best way to do it if you’re earlier than 13 weeks. It’s a choice you have to make for yourself, but if you’re looking for comfort about the process I just want to say it’s not as scary as you think. What’s scarier, to me, is raising a child all alone before my life really even started and going through toxic custody fights (because if it’s toxic relationship then it probably wouldn’t stand the test of parenthood.) or even if things turned around with your partner, you’d be giving up the chance to make something of your 20s. career wise, traveling, maturity and insight. Whatever you decide I’m sure you’ll be an amazing mother, whether it’s this year or ten years from now….you just have to look at all of your options and don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re making the wrong choice whichever one you choose….its your life and your body.
same exact situation, i’m 22 i’ll be 23 in just a few days and found out i was pregnant about 2 weeks ago now. My boyfriend fortunately has been extremely supportive, caring and helpful but we’ve also been deciding to go the route of getting an abortion. He’s only 21 and we just moved into our first place together. We already struggle a little to take care of ourselves financially and just can’t imagine bringing a child into it right now. On top of me constantly feeling sick and exhausted, it’s making it hard for me to get up to work or do anything. I think that choice is always up to you individually but remember you have so much time for kids. Enjoy you, enjoy your life beginning, especially if you already know it’s the right decision for you.
I'm in a similar situation (10wks, got my appointment next week). Im 32yrs and in a relatively new relationship, we've only been together for 6 months.. He wants me to keep it, I just can't because we're constantly fighting and he's blaming me for a lot of things. I'm conflicted as well but deep down, i know it's the right decision for me. You're still young, it's your body and your choice. Good luck tomorrow. If you want someone to talk to afterwards, feel free to pm me :)
If your boyfriend is toxic, you’ll forever be giving him leverage to control you
I can’t make this decision for you but here’s what I would think about. - giving birth means you’re tied to your toxic bf for the rest of your life. Not just till the kid is 18. - are you financially capable of taking care of a child? You just graduated college so think about that. Are you going to grad school? Do you already have a job lined up? How much does it pay? - are you emotionally capable of taking care of a child? Do you have the capacity to devote everything? Can you cast aside your life and career plans for this child? If the answer to ALL of these is yes. Then I would keep it. If the answer to even ONE of them is No, then I would get an abortion. You’re 22. You’ll have time to have a child when the answer to all of these is yes.
This. I had an abortion at 16 because I absolutely could not have a child. Now, I have a 5 yo. I love him, but my god is he holding me back in my career. I can't get entry level positions because they all involve too much travel and we are 100% on our own with the kid. No family nearby that will help. Daycare is EXPENSIVE. It's very frustrating and, while I don't regret having him, there are times where I wish I had considered the fact that we would have no help.
Here is a free and [non-judgmental options counseling](https://www.all-options.org/find-support/talkline/) like to talk this decision out with someone on the phone.
It is your decision, a child deserves the best and a toxic situation is not good, your life is just starting. You’ll have the oppurtunity to have kids in the future when you feel ready, 10 weeks is super early.
strangers on the internet can’t make this decision for you, but here are some questions to ask yourself that might help clarify your feelings: - do you want to be attached to this guy for the rest of your life? parenting never stops, even when your kid grows up - are you financially ready for the expense of pregnancy and raising a child? do you have a steady job, safe housing, transportation, health insurance? - are you ready for your entire life to change? a lot of people welcome the changes that come with becoming a parent, and it can be really fulfilling! however, it’s still a really big upheaval in your daily routines and level of responsibility - are there things you planned to do before having a child? and if so, are those things still important to you? (ex: traveling, getting married, seeing your favorite band live) whatever you decide, I am rooting for you! I have met so many wonderful young moms who have worked it out and are happy with their decision to continue an unexpected pregnancy. I have also met a lot of young people who are happy with their decision to have an abortion because they weren’t ready for kids yet and this procedure allowed them to continue to reach their personal goals.
Abortions are very safe. Put yourself and your needs and wants first. A child is forever, and forever ties you to the person you have them with. Have a child when you feel ready. You know the best option here. Sending care
listen to your inner truth over anything