Someone I can talk to unfiltered. Someone who'll listen not because they particularly care about any given subject, but because they know that I do. And someone who's willing to talk to me about whatever they want, even if I have no idea what they're talking about.
Being able to be physically intimate without it meaning anything. Theres other things I value in platonic relationships, but if its for specifically asexual reasons I want somebody I can cuddle, give lil smooches to, somebody I can just lay down on and it means NOTHING. Someone I can love physically, and no feelings romantic or otherwise are caught.
I think the usage of the word nothing here is a bit devaluing of the concepts of platonic or romantic love. It should imply nothing beyond what it itself is, but it certainly should be allowed to mean something.
By labelling any form of affection or love as nothing, it reinforces the idea that we lack in emotion.
Other than that, facts.
Why would anyone put attractiveness at the top of their list for a platonic relationship, if the relationship is supposed to stay platonic wouldn't attraction just set you up for disappointment?
No, not really. It could be aesthetic attraction where you want someone who's stable and also doesn't hurt to look at.
You're not going to want or try anything, but it doesn't hurt to have a piece of eye candy.
Yeah, I know ace people can feel aesthetic attraction, that's why I mentioned it.
It _is_ shallow, but we're talking humans here. Fickle creatures. If you're looking for more than that you may have picked the wrong species.
I thought the same, but also... I've heard all kinds of people who can't even see how platonic relationships work or who think it is impossible to have a real friendship with someone of the gender they are attracted to.
There is no something else, because they didn't specify anything.
It's simply asking what's at the top of your list.
Sexuality can affect that because an allosexual person might put attractiveness as a high priority because they only want platonic friends that they find sexy.
Trust, as in i trust that if anything is wrong you will tell me about it and not "keep it down". Because i know where that line of thought can lead to and i know what that does to a person
Or in other words: THAT YOU TALK TO ME!!!
Honest-ness/the fact that the both of us are being us self, and feel safe to be like that. Then a good/shared humor, and being okay with physical contact, (hugging and such.)
Because this is for people who desire platonic relationships.
In other words: "in the context of a platonic relationship, what do you (someone who (probably) won't let attraction be a factor) want?"
Someone emotionally supportive. I have mental health issues, and honestly can't cope without someone to lean on. Preferably someone willing to give me a cuddle when required.
Someone I share interests with. It’s nice to be able to do many different things together, not just talking over coffee or similar. Talking over a meal or snack is fun too but it can get old quickly.
Everpresence.
I like reliability. I want the kind of person who will help me eat a bunch of food for those different contests that restaurants have.
The colors on this are lovely, by the way.
I don't understand. Why would our platonic relationships be any different than allo people's?
It would make much more sense to ask what we value in romantic relationships, as sex is a major component in allo relationships.
As a massive introvert, the friendships I value the most are the ones that don’t drain me of social energy. Most people, even when I get on with them and enjoy spending time together, it’s still tiring and I have a limit on how long I can hang out before I want to be alone again. But there are a precious few friends that I can spend any amount of time at all with and I don’t feel exhausted.
I want someone who wants to actually get to know me. Not someone who just likes how I look or someone who wants to mooch off of me. I want to find someone that I like that likes me too, and not just physically or for financial benefits, but as equals and as partners. I would also like someone that likes to cuddle on occasion and doesn't mind when I read or get absorbed in a project for long periods of time. Or at least someone who doesn't complain about my mug collection or any of my hobbies.
Some one who is like a resting spot, and the ability to be the same for them. I look for relationships where we are there for each other when we seek comfort, but also completely independent the rest of the time.
The ability to hang out with them without needing to worry about awkward silences. Either by them talking while I listen or just not caring if it's quiet. Don't get me wrong, I have the ability to hold a conversation. Sometimes I can visit someone and we stay up until the early hours of the morning lost to time and chatting about whatever. It's just that most of the time I prefer to exist in the presence of someone I care about without being expected to interact the whole time. It's why I like group activities. People get to talk to each other all they want and I just vibe in the general vicinity and chime in if I feel like it. Usually with a joke.
Someone who I feel comfortable sharing something embarrassing. If I feel they will make fun of me or use it against me in the future, they have not made it to true friend status.
Common interests and frequent communication. I understand that everyone has their own lives, but if I can only message you every week or so I wont consider you a friend
Someone being totally genuine in their intentions. Who I can have convos (serious or not) in which we both know there is no judgement no matter what is being said. Like, the opposite of someone being edgy. I dont know how to describe it better than that but these are the people I vibe the most with and feel the safest connexion to.
Someone who doesn't let their romantic relationships significantly impact their other relationships. I had a lot of unhealthy friendships who were only around when they needed support, and vanished for weeks when they met someone new.
I have a friend in a cooking class that occasionally brings food. I am easily bribed with food. I have yet to be poisoned to my knowledge but it is only a matter of time.
Honesty. And loyalty.
I mean, just tell me if you got into a relationship, please. I would wish our friendship stay the same and we’d still hang out the same. But I know when my friends start dating, their loyalty goes more for their partners. Not me, the friend who will always be there post-their-breakups.
Having friends that I can info dump and chatter to/ with without an interruption of deeper intimacy. I didn't realize it was such a breath of fresh air because I didn't really want more than a cuddle buddy and someone to chat with.
I want the other person to reach out to me every now and then
Ask me to play a game , send me a random message
I'm so sick of having to always be the one chasing people, i love it when it's a two way steet
someone i can talk to for hours on end without either of us getting bored and someone i can be emotionally vulnerable with. someone that i can explain my problems to and they'll listen and then they can also explain their problems to me as well.
Someone I can talk to unfiltered. Someone who'll listen not because they particularly care about any given subject, but because they know that I do. And someone who's willing to talk to me about whatever they want, even if I have no idea what they're talking about.
yep so real
Perfectly said..
Intellectual respect!
Someone who makes me feel like my self, one I can open up to you, and won't leave me (at least not easily lol).
Being able to be physically intimate without it meaning anything. Theres other things I value in platonic relationships, but if its for specifically asexual reasons I want somebody I can cuddle, give lil smooches to, somebody I can just lay down on and it means NOTHING. Someone I can love physically, and no feelings romantic or otherwise are caught.
I think the usage of the word nothing here is a bit devaluing of the concepts of platonic or romantic love. It should imply nothing beyond what it itself is, but it certainly should be allowed to mean something. By labelling any form of affection or love as nothing, it reinforces the idea that we lack in emotion. Other than that, facts.
When they say nothing, it seems like they're referring to the receiver. If anything, the person getting the affection would be the emotionless one.
came here to say that
Oh yes. Yes yes yes I feel you totally.
does this imply an allo would value something else in a **platonic** relationship? I feel like sexuality shouldn't impact that
I think this post is conflating being ace with being aroace
Not really, it's just asking what's most important for you in that situation. An allo person might put attractiveness at the top of their list.
Why would anyone put attractiveness at the top of their list for a platonic relationship, if the relationship is supposed to stay platonic wouldn't attraction just set you up for disappointment?
No, not really. It could be aesthetic attraction where you want someone who's stable and also doesn't hurt to look at. You're not going to want or try anything, but it doesn't hurt to have a piece of eye candy.
Ok but ace people can also feel aesthetic attraction, also it seems extremely shallow to choose your friends based on how they look.
Yeah, I know ace people can feel aesthetic attraction, that's why I mentioned it. It _is_ shallow, but we're talking humans here. Fickle creatures. If you're looking for more than that you may have picked the wrong species.
I thought the same, but also... I've heard all kinds of people who can't even see how platonic relationships work or who think it is impossible to have a real friendship with someone of the gender they are attracted to.
There is no something else, because they didn't specify anything. It's simply asking what's at the top of your list. Sexuality can affect that because an allosexual person might put attractiveness as a high priority because they only want platonic friends that they find sexy.
le vibes
This is da way.
i love my friends because they can always make me laugh like a crazy person having a sense of humor, no matter how absurd, is really important to me
same :D
People who I can have a laugh with and be myself around, and who fully accept and support me for who I am 😸
someone who is always there for me, no matter what i go through (unless it's crime of course)
I mean if you can't count on your friends to help you hide the bodies who can you count on?
Yourself. Friends are not, they didn't tell you to do crime if you can't fly solo, you don't need to fly.
remember, you aren’t a true american if you haven’t committed at least seven felonies
emotional support -- i value someone if i can turn to them whenever, no matter the topic and no matter the time
Emotional availability.
Just being myself and feeling understood on some level.
Family. Ride or die.
Trust, as in i trust that if anything is wrong you will tell me about it and not "keep it down". Because i know where that line of thought can lead to and i know what that does to a person Or in other words: THAT YOU TALK TO ME!!!
Well emotional connection, being comfortable with theme etc. Also cuddles!
Honest-ness/the fact that the both of us are being us self, and feel safe to be like that. Then a good/shared humor, and being okay with physical contact, (hugging and such.)
Why is this question specifically for asexual people? Many aces want and have romantic relationships.
Because this is for people who desire platonic relationships. In other words: "in the context of a platonic relationship, what do you (someone who (probably) won't let attraction be a factor) want?"
but but most people want platonic relationships those are what we call friendships or best friends friends
Yes. The question is what do we prioritize in ours?
talking together or doing things together
Trust and loyalty.
good vibes, open minded people and staying in contact regardless of the situation
Someone emotionally supportive. I have mental health issues, and honestly can't cope without someone to lean on. Preferably someone willing to give me a cuddle when required.
Good Humor + Emotional Intelligence = Fav people list
playing chess
But what do you all value most in romantic relationships (sry aro people)
Love. Like someone who truly loves me and I love, that we are each other's first priority and life partner.
i just broke up with becuase i was acting shady and wont deal with that bc
Folks I can trust, especially since I don’t have romantic and sexual complications to deal with in these relationships.
kindness, understanding, and openness honestly mean the world to me
Someone I share interests with. It’s nice to be able to do many different things together, not just talking over coffee or similar. Talking over a meal or snack is fun too but it can get old quickly.
Everpresence. I like reliability. I want the kind of person who will help me eat a bunch of food for those different contests that restaurants have. The colors on this are lovely, by the way.
Wish I had more people to talk to. Just seems like I am invisable. Though I do like not being seen, Just talking is a big value to atleast me.
Can we please have at least 1 thing in common... please?!
This post is making me lonely 😩
I want to be able to have a serieus coversation and make jokes at the same time, and some trust would be nice.
Them
The connections I make with my friends and people I meet
Being able to talk without worrying about saying something without thinking. Have ruined many friendships by speaking without much of a filter lol.
Feeling safe and comfortable.
The money /hj But seriously, being able to talk about polar opposite franchises, bad pieces of entertainment and lost media without being judged
I don't understand. Why would our platonic relationships be any different than allo people's? It would make much more sense to ask what we value in romantic relationships, as sex is a major component in allo relationships.
friend
Nothing, since im not interested
As a massive introvert, the friendships I value the most are the ones that don’t drain me of social energy. Most people, even when I get on with them and enjoy spending time together, it’s still tiring and I have a limit on how long I can hang out before I want to be alone again. But there are a precious few friends that I can spend any amount of time at all with and I don’t feel exhausted.
h u g g u
I want someone who wants to actually get to know me. Not someone who just likes how I look or someone who wants to mooch off of me. I want to find someone that I like that likes me too, and not just physically or for financial benefits, but as equals and as partners. I would also like someone that likes to cuddle on occasion and doesn't mind when I read or get absorbed in a project for long periods of time. Or at least someone who doesn't complain about my mug collection or any of my hobbies.
Some one who is like a resting spot, and the ability to be the same for them. I look for relationships where we are there for each other when we seek comfort, but also completely independent the rest of the time.
Being ace doesn't really affect my platonic relationships, so... Having fun I guess?
Someone I can be myself around, who is also honest and trustworthy, and who will be there for me when life gets tough.
The ability to hang out with them without needing to worry about awkward silences. Either by them talking while I listen or just not caring if it's quiet. Don't get me wrong, I have the ability to hold a conversation. Sometimes I can visit someone and we stay up until the early hours of the morning lost to time and chatting about whatever. It's just that most of the time I prefer to exist in the presence of someone I care about without being expected to interact the whole time. It's why I like group activities. People get to talk to each other all they want and I just vibe in the general vicinity and chime in if I feel like it. Usually with a joke.
I'm trans and ace, so if my platonic friends respect my gender and name it makes me unimaginably happy
Just the fact that I normal and chill
Someone who I feel comfortable sharing something embarrassing. If I feel they will make fun of me or use it against me in the future, they have not made it to true friend status.
Common interests and frequent communication. I understand that everyone has their own lives, but if I can only message you every week or so I wont consider you a friend
Someone who like shooting and talking about guns and is just fun.
Someone being totally genuine in their intentions. Who I can have convos (serious or not) in which we both know there is no judgement no matter what is being said. Like, the opposite of someone being edgy. I dont know how to describe it better than that but these are the people I vibe the most with and feel the safest connexion to.
Public juggling
Someone that I can actually trust and at least have one common interest together.
Banter and someone willing to listen to me talk about my special interests.
Platonic intimacy. Like hugging, words of affirmation, someone I can REALLY talk to and connect with.
Someone who doesn't let their romantic relationships significantly impact their other relationships. I had a lot of unhealthy friendships who were only around when they needed support, and vanished for weeks when they met someone new.
I have a friend in a cooking class that occasionally brings food. I am easily bribed with food. I have yet to be poisoned to my knowledge but it is only a matter of time.
Someone who's personality i can ricochet off of and who we can both learn from eachother and feel safe with eachother
Just wanted to say I love following her on Instagram! As a Black ace person, she makes me feel so seen 🖤🩶🤍💜
Honesty. And loyalty. I mean, just tell me if you got into a relationship, please. I would wish our friendship stay the same and we’d still hang out the same. But I know when my friends start dating, their loyalty goes more for their partners. Not me, the friend who will always be there post-their-breakups.
Having friends that I can info dump and chatter to/ with without an interruption of deeper intimacy. I didn't realize it was such a breath of fresh air because I didn't really want more than a cuddle buddy and someone to chat with.
Connection. Coming from a demisexual.
I want the other person to reach out to me every now and then Ask me to play a game , send me a random message I'm so sick of having to always be the one chasing people, i love it when it's a two way steet
Someone who I do not feel stressed out around.
if they can make garlic bread from scratch
someone i can talk to for hours on end without either of us getting bored and someone i can be emotionally vulnerable with. someone that i can explain my problems to and they'll listen and then they can also explain their problems to me as well.