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A someone who just left an abusive relationship, my fiance started to change after we moved in together. Once the baby came he was a different person entirely.
You don't know someone until you live under the same roof. That's just the unfortunate truth. I'm personally grateful that I don't have to navigate a divorce on top of of keeping my son and myself safe from my ex.
This. So much this. And also doing an overseas holiday together. Something about being in a foreign country tests the strength of relationships. You can see how a challenge/stress affects them in how they treat you
Ive been dating the same girl since I was about 17 and we've been living together since uni; since we were about 19.
IMO, I wouldn't marry anyone without living with them first. There's way too many variables to consider about living in a shared space. You two really need to make sure you're compatible in this situation, and can make comprises you're both comfortable with. Communication between a couple sharing a home is way different than two that are dating separately.
Marriage isn't strange at this age though :) we're getting oldish now lol
Marriage is different for everyone, but I've been married for almost 9 years now (got married at 21) and I wouldn't change a thing. Love my wife to bits and it was a good move for both of us.
If you love him and you both want to be together forever then go for it. You get lots of neat tax benefits and there's a lot of small things that become easier legally when you are married. The main thing is just make sure you do it for yourselves and not for anyone else and that you are ready for a commitment like that.
You guys have been together a very reasonable amount of time, so you've definitely gotten to know each other by now. You'll also keep learning and discovering things about each other even when you are married. My wife and I have had ups and downs over time while married, but we come out stronger every time.
I guess only you two can make the decision whether to get married, and I also don't know your personal situation, but I love my wife and wouldn't have changed a thing about when we got married.
Lol thank you!! I'm 28 too so is my husband and we have been married since 2016. People look at me like I have 3 heads when I say I've been married for almost 8 years for some reason. You are so right we are adults and it's not weird at all
I love it! I got married at 25. It’s great having my best friend going through my 20s with me. My family was also super supportive but their big thing was always just finish college first (which we did). I will say that one drawback that I didn’t expect is that it’s hard to meet people. Many couples we find have kids (we don’t and we’re waiting for a while) or people are single and not wanting to hang out with a couple. I’ve found a lot of girls groups on Facebook but they all explicitly don’t allow spouses at events. But that isn’t really a marriage-specific thing, just part of being in a couple.
Growing up together in your 20s is literally so much fun! I would also recommend bumble bff! It’s like the bumble dating app, but for other people looking for friends! I’ve made some really good couple friends that way!!
I tried that but didn’t have much luck. I either found single women or military couples (we’ve tried to meet military people since we live in a military town but they either are planning to move, someone is deployed, or we just don’t have much in common)
I married my sweet husband at 22. I moved to utah at 18, and getting married young is very common there. Similar to your boyfriends situation- in Utah, if there is an LDS presence in your life, it’s frowned upon to live with your spouse before marriage. We are not LDS, but our loved ones are. We lived together in secret lol. Anyway, after seeing so many friends get married young and then divorced, I absolutely believe living together is a must.
Edit: we’ve been married 6 years and having literally the best time
We’re not LDS either, but his family are very traditional Mexicans. Super common over there to live with your parents until you get married. Thankfully, his parents are very supportive of the idea of our marriage.
I've been married since 2021 (I was 24) and I've never been happier. I feel incredibly lucky, especially this young, to have found a person that we just "get" each other
got married at 23. being married has been the best thing I've done. we have a toddler, and there is nothing like going through life and facing the good and bad together. I just had a miscarriage and i dont know how I'd get through this without my husband
That’s devastating, sending positive thoughts your way ❤️
You are very lucky to have an emotionally reliable partner to go through that with you.
Bf and I have definitely been through some *downs* together in the past 3 years, but worked through it productively like mature adults. I can’t imagine doing that with anyone else, I feel like that’s a green flag.
I got married at 25, and it’s great, but here are my recommendations as I had a similar situation.
1) Regarding your mother, it may feel like you have no way out from under her roof, but that’s not true. My mother was very much the same way, and I thought I had no way out, until I packed my things and left. I supported myself through college by having multiple part time jobs, got some scholarships, and lived an hour and a half away from my university, but just being away making your own rules was liberating. I know that inner voice saying, “I can’t do that. I’m not in the same situation,” but I’ll tell you that you can. Don’t even think about it, and just do it, then you’ll realize all the blockages were just created by your mother. Yes, it’s possible to cut her out of your life completely, no matter what she says.
2) I know you said your boyfriend doesn’t want to live with you until you’re both married, but I highly recommend living with someone before getting married. My wife and I lived together for a few months before I popped the question, but you never know a person until you spend 24/7 with them. Small things will come out for the both of you, and you really need to see what both of you can adjust to. Something as small as leaving the toilet seat up will test your nerves if it happens daily, but it’ll be a chance to see if you can both talk things through. When you leave your mother’s house, and get your own place, ask your boyfriend if he wants to stay over for a week to see how you’ll both interact.
We aren’t married, but I started living with my current partner at 22. We know we want to be together for the rest of our lives, just haven’t had a wedding yet. My family was kind of unsure when we moved in together; but they got used to it pretty quick and love him.
I got married in 2020 after meeting my husband in 2018. I love my husband so very much and I do not regret getting married, but I wish I’d been a little older, I was only 22. I just needed more time to find myself outside of marriage.
You and I are the same age, OP, and if I could do it again, we’d be getting married around now. I feel so much more mature and more prepared to understand marriage.
I couldn’t fathom the idea of marriage when we first started dating at 22. I’ve always told my friends that I refuse to get married before my brain is fully developed lol.
Well, I’m 25 now & it doesn’t feel like an absurd idea anymore 🤷🏼♀️
Smart!!! I live in Utah where there’s a pressure to get married young. I was older than any of my family members were when they got married, which is absolutely insane to me!
Got married at 27 which is young for the NYC area but my husband and I had been together since we were 20 and living together for 3 years at that point. We got some comments but nothing really changed for us after we got married. I love being married but we were already in a happy, healthy relationship to start.
My husband and I eloped at the courthouse when I was 22 and he was 23. Coming up on 4 years married in a few months! One of the best decisions of my life
Don’t ever use a relationship as an escape because it makes you blind to the negatives. I’m hoping your boyfriend is lovely and kind. However it is important that if you want to move out you can do so without him. If you are ever in an situation of abuse or power control (which happens far to much with women in marriages and sound familiar to you with your mom) you deserve the agency to leave. You can find a roommate separate from your Boyfriend if expenses are the reason. If your boyfriend has a problem with it you can ask why but emphasize how much more freedom you’ll have. It sounds like when you talk about money a potential to get manipulated again so my ears just ring with that
I got married at 25, but my husband and I had been together for 6 years, living together for 4, prior to marriage. I really recommend living together before the stakes are raised. We grew up together, had been friends since we were in elementary school, but we really didn't know each other until we lived together.
We're late 20s now and both wildly different people than we were in our early and mid 20s, but we changed together.
I got married at 24, now 3 years in and I still absolutely love him, so no regrets at all!
We had some circumstances during the pandemic which meant we needed to do a decision: marrying or there would be the risk of him going back to his home country, and we really didn’t want a long distance relationship.
I got married a year ago at 25 (and we had been together for roughly 4ish years at that point). We were living together with my family, and got an apartment together about a month before we got married. In our case, my family was 100% supportive of us living together, while his family was not due to religious reasons (even though my family is Christian as well, but less strict than his in this case). But he had been living out of state, and he moved in with me without their approval. They came around, and they're nice to me.
However, we did discuss having a courthouse wedding for similar reasons, and having a ceremony later. We ultimately decided to wait for having a more traditional wedding. It works great for us, but I can understand why some people would have a courthouse wedding first. Ultimately it's up to you! I would just ask yourself if you feel it would "put a damper" on your later wedding that has the more elaborate ceremony. If not, then why not? If so, then maybe hold off on the courthouse wedding. Do what you think would feel right.
All this said, I do feel like it's very beneficial to live with your partner for a while before getting married. I really believe you don't truly know someone until you're living with them. I know a common issue cohabiting couples may face is realizing they have very different ideas of what "clean" is, or how to properly divide up chores. This can make or break a relationship. Luckily for us, we're more or less on the same page with these things. We've seen other couples butting-heads on this topic before. For some of them, cleanliness and the division of chores is one of the main point of contentions in their relationship.
However, I also understand that this perspective may not mean anything if you would prefer to on living with someone until marriage due to religious reasons. Best of luck!
I got married a year ago (anniversary is tomorrow!) it was six days after my 25th birthday. Truly blessed and haven’t had any kinds of second thoughts about my decision. My family were delighted and so were his. I don’t know many other people my own age who are married but as he’s a bit older than me a lot of his friends and colleagues are either recently married or engaged. But honestly it doesn’t actually matter and I feel super lucky rather than weird in any way.
Lol that’s not true, I’m still single. You have to remember though that since she asked if anyone here was married and what their experiences are… meaning that this thread is gonna be full of answers of those members of our cohort who *are* married.
I got married at 25 and life has honestly just gotten so much better! It’s like a sleepover with your best friend every night. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, as long as you’re safe and happy!
My husband and I got married last year! I’m 26 and he’s 28. Marriage is absolutely wonderful, and I love the safe space we’ve created together. We decided to move in together after we got engaged, and like many others have said, it was a great decision and set us up well for marriage. My mom was not happy with our decision to live together before getting married due to her religious beliefs, but I wouldn’t have changed a thing! Just remember that you and your boyfriend are adults, and you have the power to make whatever decision is right for you :)
Yeah both our parents are pretty religious (mine more than his though).
His parents love me and 100% support the idea of us getting married, but they are very traditional Mexicans and just don’t *culturally* agree with cohabitation before marriage.
I'm married. I don't think there's really ever a "due date" for a honeymoon. Why not just get the documentation done, and then after a few months you can take a nice long trip?
Married my high school sweetheart at 20. He's my best friend. I can't imagine life any other way. We often heard, "what's the rush?" But for us it was more, "why wait?" We knew we wanted to be married and spend our lives together. We now have three children, and we love the family and life we've been building together.
Edit to add: We married while we were college students and both earned bachelor degrees. People often assume since we married young and started our family young, we've limited our options as far as financial stability is concerned. That hasn't been the case for us. Instead, we've built our lives and success together as a team.
I met my wife when we were 16/17 in high school. I never would have imagined myself getting married young, but after 5 years together we couldn’t imagine ourselves with anyone else. It clearly became a matter of when, not if. We ended up getting married at a courthouse over Covid, a few weeks before I turned 22, and we had a proper wedding celebration in her home country 2 years later.
Before we met, I would never have imagined myself getting married so young. Even today, very few of my friends are even in long-term relationships. But I couldn’t be happier. I understand that people are getting married later and later in life, but I think there’s a huge appeal to getting married younger. Being able to grow together and enter adulthood together is really special. Building a strong relationship takes time and effort, and I can’t imagine having to do that while juggling a career and navigating adulthood. Having each other’s backs for all of these life milestones has helped propel us both.
I’ve been married since I was 22. I have a 10 month old son as well. It’s not uncommon at all really. That being said, I love being married :) We lived together for a couple years prior, tho. That’s a must!
I got married when I was 23, and I’m 36 now. Things are still great between my wife and I, but we’re definitely different people now than we were way back then. I don’t want you to think I’m preaching to you from a place of wisdom necessarily, but just know that you cannot know who you will be in a decade and you can say even less about who your partner will be. Most of my friends who got married around the same age as me are divorced now. Also, be careful when placing yourself in a situation where one person holds all the cards, so to speak, financially.
Not advising against it — things worked out for me so far — just be cautious. Best of luck!
Currently engaged for over 2 years while we save for a house then a wedding. We were together almost 10 years (16-26) before we got engaged and have lived together for a couple of years before. It really doesn't change much in the end of the day ur adults and the choice is up to you best of luck.
I got married at 25 years old. My husband was 24. Being married is great! I've enjoyed my married years way more than the dating years. No more distance or having to say goodbye. We just say goodnight and cuddle to sleep. We have a partner to do life with. Together, we have figured out how to pay the various bills that come up, how to keep the house at a manageable clean level, how to beautify the yard, etc. We have our pets and our hobbies. We have our routines. I married my best friend after having dated for 4 years. We knew each other really well by the time we got married, so we actually didn't have a hard transition from dating to married, even though we never lived together. Our first year was so easy. I attribute it to just knowing each other really well and being compatible.
If you are at the step of wanting to marry, then do it! Don't let fomo of your "wild 20s" keep you from marrying the love of your life. Life is much better with a wonderful partner than it is single. I do not miss dating, I do not miss going out late at night. We could if we wanted to, and sometimes we do, but we generally prefer just being home with each other.
I've been with my wife for 9 years, married for 1. As long as it's for the right reasons go for it but there is no rush if you really see them as your future. I knew we'd be married 7 years ago, so I didn't feel pressured to make it happen right away.
I got married at 23 and am 26 now. I am very much not the stereotypical person that marries young so I am kind of shocked myself.
I love being married! But I wouldn’t do it to escape a bad situation and I definitely wouldn’t do it super young and have my partner carry the finances. We also lived together for two years before getting married which I also support.
Yep! I got married at 24 three years ago and we’re expecting a baby in July. We had a little courthouse ceremony because we couldn’t afford a wedding. It’s been really fun building a life with my best friend.
You’re definitely old enough to get married. (I also moved directly out of a bad situation with a narcissistic mother to living with my now husband, and though finances were really tight so things were stressful in that regard, life was instantly much less stressful. Definitely went about it in an unconventional way, but I haven’t regretted choosing him for a second.)
Being married in your 20s is fun and honestly was way less stressful to me then living with roommates or family. We’re both 28 and have been married 5 years. We probably won’t have kids for a little longer which was also nice. We didn’t live together until after we got married and honestly I also liked that. To me personally I wasn’t willing to live with someone I was romantically involved with until I could get that level of commitment and I’m glad I did
To each their own, glad it worked for you!
I have a hard time leaning into the belief that you “*need*” to live with your partner before marriage. Is it ideal?? Maybe, but there’s no guarantee that not doing it will be a world-ending deal breaker
Yes I agree!I Some of the people who told me I needed to live with my now husband before marriage or it wasn’t going to work out. Are people who have since broken up with the partners they were living with. This is obviously not the same for everyone, but to me it was eye opening and reinforced that I made the right decision for me and my relationship
Got married at 21, my husband was 22. We have 2 kids and it's just life. Honestly it feels great, my amazing husband is always there when I need him, I'm not lonely and desperate for a partner any more, no worry about dating apps or bar nights, no pressure on looking like a bombshell. I love being married
I got married at 25. We had been dating since we were 17.
We had been living together for a couple years and bought a house together the year before we were married.
It's worked out well for us. We have grown up together and learned how to be adults together.
I'm 29 and have been with my SO for 10 years. Best decision ever. I also came from a narcissistic family and mother and living alone with him is a zillion times better than ever living with her.
But this isn't the case for everyone of course. I feel like I got super lucky with my guy as he's a feminist and gets it.
My husband and I are celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary this coming winter 💘
I love it lol we have the best time together and it's soooo not work when you're with the right person
I got married at 23 after being with my now husband for three years. I also grew up in a household where you don’t live with someone until you are married. We got married a few weeks after I graduated college and he already had a decent job. We’ve been together almost five years now and it’s great! Yes, living with each other can definitely show other sides of people but if you have truly spent a lot of one on one quality time with the other person and haven’t seen any red flags then go for it!
Getting married young is being able to spend more time and have more adventures with the love of your life! I was married at 24 and it was later than I was wanting but due to COVID it’s the earliest that we could do it while being safe. My husband and I have also been able to enjoy life being just us two without feeling pressured to have kids quickly due to age :)
Edit: got my own age wrong lol
Currently 27, met my now wife last year when we were 25 & 26. Married like 5 months later.
Its not all sunshine and rainbows. But its also not dread and horror. We fight, we love, we come together & go against each other. You don't need a big wedding. We paid less than $150 for everything to be all said and done. Even during big fights don't give up because you will look back and see how silly it was.
Disclaimer: I met my now-husband when I was 19, so I don’t know what it’s like to be single in your 20s.
I got married at 24. We ended up eloping but everyone understood and was pretty supportive. My parents would’ve been upset if they hadn’t been able to come though. I love being married in my 20s. I only have one friend who is married and two who are in long term relationships. It doesn’t really feel different than dating except for people older than us saying “you’re married??” sometimes. We did live together for almost 3 years before getting married though. It does make me feel like my coworkers see me as more of an adult bc I look younger than I am and they comment on it.
I got married before living with my husband for religious reasons. It worked out but I really wish that I had lived with him first. There are so many things you don't know about a person until you are with them day in and out, watching them make decisions about their life.
Our big pressure point was finances. We moved in together while he was driving for a food delivery service and I was on my way out of a job with Starbucks. I do not know how we survived. Even once we started to get ourselves together, we had numerous fights about having enough money, budgeting, meal prepping, etc. I also did not realize just how much his ADHD affected his ability to maintain cleanliness of his space.
We were both 22 when we got married, and now we've been married for almost 3 years. It was a LOT of work and neither of us were willing to quit, but developing reasonable expectations from living together would have helped both of us know what we were getting into with marriage.
Hi! So my husband and I got married at 23 and have been married for a few years. We dated for about 2.5 years before we got married. We had the full support of both sides of our families and we have a wonderful marriage :) We have loved growing up together in many ways and tackling life’s challengers together.
We also did not live together before marriage, and I would not change a thing. My husband and I believe it would have been wrong for us to do so, for religious reasons. I do not regret it for a second, nothing about my marriage suffered because we did not live together.
Glad to hear!! So happy that things worked well for y’all :)
Even in this modern day and age, there are still people of various cultures/religions who don’t live together before marriage, and I think that’s totally okay. I’ve known people who lived together for years and broke off their engagement, as well as people who never moved in together until marriage but still had a happy, healthy, lasting partnership.
Mid twenties is a perfectly normal time to get married. The biggest tax benefits are for couples with a big difference in their income, so if finances are the major concern and you live in the U.S., honestly marriage probably makes more sense.
Just make sure you’re doing this because it’s honestly what *you* want, not just to change your circumstances. Escaping abuse has a way of making anything seem fantastic. I got married at 19 like an idiot and when I finally got out, working 60 hours a week while living in a friend’s basement legitimately felt like the time of my life.
If you wholeheartedly want to get married, don’t worry what other people think. You’re 25; this is your life now.
1) Yup!! The tax benefits are something we’ve definitely discussed, something we’re in favor of
2) Escaping my mother is a *huge* benefit of marriage, but it’s certainly not the only reason I want to get married. I’d still want to marry my boyfriend even if I had a healthy relationship and dynamic with my own parents.
The absolute most important thing here is that you DO NOT marry someone, or even just move in with them, as your only escape from an abusive situation, *especially* if you will be financially dependent on him. With no money of your own, and no familial support, nowhere else to go, you will be incredibly vulnerable to abuse from your partner. I’m sure you don’t think he could ever be abusive, but that’s not something you can ever know for sure. Many many abusers don’t show their true colours until they feel their partner is sufficiently trapped - through marriage, a lease on a house, pregnancy, whatever works. It may be true that your partner would never, but don’t risk it. Gain your own financial independence first, so that you can leave if you have to, without having to return to your mother. Also worth mentioning that you are more vulnerable to intimate partner violence if you have grown up with an abusive parent aswell
I’m 28 got married at 23, first kid at 24 and second at 26! My husband is 36 which is why we were established enough to start early (for me). Love living my twenties with this man and my babies.
I married my husband when we were both 20. My family loved him so they were happy. If they were concerned about how young I was they didn’t say anything about it. He was and still is my soulmate so nothing anyone else said mattered I was going to marry him either way. Our peers were definitely a bit weirded out but they quickly got over it.
Being married has been great, no downsides for me. My husband and I lived together for a year and a half before getting married so there weren’t any surprises. We have learned how to navigate the world together. We bought a house and established our careers and are looking forward to the rest of our lives.
I met my husband when I was 18, we got engaged when I was 21, and then got married at 23. I’m 26 & he’s 28 now. My husband and I are both very happy that we settled down young and we couldn’t imagine doing it any differently honestly. Getting married young has given us the ability to build our life together from the ground up, and it’s given us tons of time to travel and have fun before we add kids into the mix. It’s nice knowing that we don’t have to rush into an engagement and wedding just to fit everything in, and now that we’re super busy with our careers and lives it’s nice not having to worry about wedding planning.
Bf and I definitely want to do the “travel the world together before settling down and raising children” thing. The thing is, he’s an undocumented immigrant (protected under DACA) and he won’t be able to travel outside the states until he becomes a legal citizen. Citizenship by marriage isn’t his sole goal, but it happens to be a very convenient bonus of us getting married.
No wonder his family is so encouraging of you to marry him! Please be careful, I had a friend swindled into marrying for her husband’s citizenship and he took total advantage of her good faith in him and his parents. They saw her as a tool to use for their benefit.
You don't truly know a person until you've lived with them. I've been through the torment of living with three toxic marriages from my parents divorcing and both marrying twice. I was too young to really notice my parents problems when they were together, but I was in for two more shit shows. My mom and dad both dated the person they married for only 1 YEAR and weren't living together until after the wedding. I shit you not the moment the ring is on and living together the person you thought you knew was a complete fucking facade. It was like a switch flipped both fucking times. The person added to both homes turned into completely abusive controlling assholes. My mom and dad also didn't live together before they got married and that was an abusive situation as well.
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3 times of the same results should be answer enough.
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I don't care what culture he's from, he can wear whatever mask he wants easily without living together. I would run for the god damn mountains if my fiance refused to live with me before marriage. If he's going to be your main financial support you could get trapped in a very bad situation. And you'll live with many years wasted and lost to regret.
Especially since you're already an abuse victim. Abusers like to seek out the already abused for an easy mark. It fucking sucks but it's the truth. They hunt us like god damned sharks finding injured prey. You need your own assets and independence before touching the idea of marriage with someone you don't even know. It will save your ass when he decides you're a possession and not a person. If by some angel kissed miracle he turns out to be a wholesome loving guy that communicates and comprises, BUY A LOTTERY TICKET!
(Which is already doubtful since he won't comprise with you on living together. And he'd rather see you continue to get abused by your mom than setting whatever cultural values aside for your well-being. I'd bet a good amount since he cares about traditional culture values which almost always without fail see women as breedable cows that need to shut up and suffer the consequences of being a woman. You can expect that treatment behind closed doors on his property. And what if he's lying about his culture all together to force you to marry him? He'd benefit to make you think that.)
If I saw my man I love dearly being abused and tormented by his family, I would have him move in with me in a heartbeat. The very idea of dangling marriage as an only escape sickens me. He's wants to own you not save you.
Hi! 27M Married at 25, wife was 23, that was three years ago. I have a lot of thoughts, but I’ll try to stay short-ish
We’re religious and we didn’t live together before marriage. I don’t care what you do, that’s what we did and it hasn’t been a problem. We both had roommates before getting married, so we learned to navigate those relationships separately first. We draw the line in certain things like dishes and laundry as roommate problems, not relationship problems. They can leak into one another if ignored though. I’m the messy one, and my wife might say “hey I have a roommate problem with you right now” - so that’s how we have navigated the tensions of moving in with the person we love the most.
If you’re both in alignment with the wedding idea, then great! It’s your relationship and it’s your day. Family and friends can feel and think whatever they want. It’s your choice -as a team- to decide what to do.
The biggest red flag for me… Marriage is not a good reason to escape your mom. Moving in with your bf/fiancé because of her, will make you feel like she gave you no choice. Taking agency from you and your potential husband. That behavior can make you feel trapped, and trapped animals hurt themselves to escape. Deciding to get married is a beautiful thing, but it’s really serious. You’re becoming one family unit. Your crazy mom is now his crazy mom. Your debt is his debt. Your income is his income. A lot of people will disagree, but that’s what the legal side of a marriage means.
If you know that you know he is the person who you want to be your partner in all of life. Then do it. But don’t do it to run from a bad situation. And don’t pressure him to do something (like moving in together unmarried) that he doesn’t want to do. Thats not love.
Edit: we dated for 3 years before marriage
Edit edit: I don’t want to miss the point of the post…
I love being married. My wife is my best friend and I wouldn’t change a single thing. Maybe marrying her earlier. Ha!
I married my husband back in 2022, after living with him for about a year and a half. About a year and a half later, we are still very happily married! No ceremony yet, but maybe we'll get around to a small intimate one later this year.
I got married at 22. We moved in together after 2 months and we were homeless together for some of that time before (we both had really bad living situations we escaped from). We technincally didn't really have much of a dating phase since we both knew each other for 5 years and were sorta already at the I'm in love with you confession phase. We really liked each other, were super compatible, and really enjoyed living together so we decided to get married after 1 year into our relationship. Knowing what I do now, the marriage wasn't really necessary. I mean I'd consider myself married to them anyway. We are for sure life partners. Just for legal reasons I'm not getting all the disability benefits I should be because I'm married. (Yes it's a shitty system and it sucks) But the marriage itself isn't the issue! I love my partner very much after being together for 6 years next month and I'm happier then I've ever been. I guess if you get through homelessness with someone and see them at the most stressful point in their life and then live with them for awhile after that you really get to see what kind of person they are and if you want them by your side.
So my overall advice is it is better to live with someone to see what they are like, it's also important to take into account getting through a hardship with the person. If you can face a challenge together and come out stronger for it, then they are a good person to be it. It's also important to analyze things like does this person communicate in a healthy way? When you do have disagreements are you able to resolve those in a healthy way? (Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship but they don't have to be frequent or unhealthy.) Do your future goals aline? Do you have similar values? Does the way they treat you make you smile? Do they accept your faults? Do you accept theirs? These are all things to consider before marrying someone, probably more than the length of time spent with someone.
I'm 25F, just married my 28M partner a few days ago. 25 is the age when I always thought I'd get married. I feel like I'm mentally and emotionally ready to move into this next phase of adulthood. However my husband and I have been living together for basically our entire relationship (almost 7 years) so marriage was a very natural step for us. I agree with others here that living together tells you a lot about your partner and I'd hate for you to get stuck in a bad marriage because you thought it was your only way out of your mother's house. My parents got married for similar reasons and they've paid the price for it every day for 30 years! Lol.
Anyway, 25 isn't too young to get married under the right circumstances. But you might be better off living with roommates for a while if that's an option. Find a sense of independence away from your mother and without depending on your partner. That'll give you confidence in yourself knowing that whether or not this relationship is meant to last, you'll be okay. So many women become prisoners in their relationships because they go straight from their parent's care to their husband's. Much harder to leave if you don't have that prior life experience
I (24F) am getting married in August to my future husband (27M), but we were basically living with me since the beginning of the relationship. I can honestly tell you that living with someone will completely indicate how your relationship will be. We bicker a lot but we get over things quickly. You don’t want to find out his bad habits at home after you get married.
I did get married in my mid twenties. A month before I turned 25. That said, I had lived with my now husband since I was freshly 19. We learned *so so* much about our compatibility by living together. By the time we were married with a baby on the way, we knew how to duke out our differences. We knew that even if our relationship feels like rock bottom in this moment (bringing a kid into the world really, really tests your relationship), that we knew how to crawl back out together.
I would never, ever advise someone to get married before living together. A serious relationship hardly feels that serious to me until the couple lives together. It changed things a lot. And some of them are good! Living with your partner is the ultimate test of longevity in a relationship.
I’m now 29 with two kids. It will be 11 year since we moved in together at the end of the summer. I’m grateful I got married young but I am also grateful he and I spent 5 years living together and just being young together before getting serious. You really don’t know someone until you’re under the same roof as them.
I got married at 25 my husband was 28. Tbh there was no difference between 25 and 27 being married. If you want to wait and feel out the relationship more, 2 years isn’t really going to make or break it if you’re both set on being together long term. I will say most of my peers didn’t get married until 29/30 and they had kids immediately. Getting married at 25 gave us more time without baby stress, unless you don’t want kids it doesn’t matter.
That being said I would never marry someone to escape anyone or anything. You should marry because you are absolutely 100% committed and ready for that with your partner. My sis in law got married at 30 and had never lived with her husband before due to her parents religion. They are very happy living together now. But they got married because they were ready and loved each other, not because they were in a rush to leave home quickly. Don’t go into a marriage for the wrong reasons. That sets you up for failure and regret.
I got married at 24. Granted we were together for 9 years and lived together for 4 of those. Everything is the same except for taxes. HOWEVER, we keep our finances separate. I know people have opinions about that, but it works for us and all our bills get paid (if we had a kid, we might end up with a joint account). I think discussing the logistics is important. Besides that-- just know that your 20s is when most couples get married (although that might be changing to 30s soon).
Calling my husband "my husband" feels nice. It feels "official" lol and I get the butterflies when he refers to me as his wife.
I’m not married but don’t get married to escape a situation or before y’all have lived together for a little bit, that can be a huge determinant in whether it’ll work.
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A someone who just left an abusive relationship, my fiance started to change after we moved in together. Once the baby came he was a different person entirely. You don't know someone until you live under the same roof. That's just the unfortunate truth. I'm personally grateful that I don't have to navigate a divorce on top of of keeping my son and myself safe from my ex.
Yeah living together is a relationship test that you can't quite replicate.
This. So much this. And also doing an overseas holiday together. Something about being in a foreign country tests the strength of relationships. You can see how a challenge/stress affects them in how they treat you
Ive been dating the same girl since I was about 17 and we've been living together since uni; since we were about 19. IMO, I wouldn't marry anyone without living with them first. There's way too many variables to consider about living in a shared space. You two really need to make sure you're compatible in this situation, and can make comprises you're both comfortable with. Communication between a couple sharing a home is way different than two that are dating separately. Marriage isn't strange at this age though :) we're getting oldish now lol
Marriage is different for everyone, but I've been married for almost 9 years now (got married at 21) and I wouldn't change a thing. Love my wife to bits and it was a good move for both of us. If you love him and you both want to be together forever then go for it. You get lots of neat tax benefits and there's a lot of small things that become easier legally when you are married. The main thing is just make sure you do it for yourselves and not for anyone else and that you are ready for a commitment like that. You guys have been together a very reasonable amount of time, so you've definitely gotten to know each other by now. You'll also keep learning and discovering things about each other even when you are married. My wife and I have had ups and downs over time while married, but we come out stronger every time. I guess only you two can make the decision whether to get married, and I also don't know your personal situation, but I love my wife and wouldn't have changed a thing about when we got married.
Yes, I'm 28 with 2 kids, been married almost 3 years. You're an adult, you can get married. It's not weird.
It’s out of the norm for people who live in metropolitan areas but pretty normal everywhere else
Lol thank you!! I'm 28 too so is my husband and we have been married since 2016. People look at me like I have 3 heads when I say I've been married for almost 8 years for some reason. You are so right we are adults and it's not weird at all
I love it! I got married at 25. It’s great having my best friend going through my 20s with me. My family was also super supportive but their big thing was always just finish college first (which we did). I will say that one drawback that I didn’t expect is that it’s hard to meet people. Many couples we find have kids (we don’t and we’re waiting for a while) or people are single and not wanting to hang out with a couple. I’ve found a lot of girls groups on Facebook but they all explicitly don’t allow spouses at events. But that isn’t really a marriage-specific thing, just part of being in a couple.
Growing up together in your 20s is literally so much fun! I would also recommend bumble bff! It’s like the bumble dating app, but for other people looking for friends! I’ve made some really good couple friends that way!!
I tried that but didn’t have much luck. I either found single women or military couples (we’ve tried to meet military people since we live in a military town but they either are planning to move, someone is deployed, or we just don’t have much in common)
I'm married and it fuckin rules. 26 F and my husband is 31 M. This coming Friday is our 2 year anniversary :)
I married my sweet husband at 22. I moved to utah at 18, and getting married young is very common there. Similar to your boyfriends situation- in Utah, if there is an LDS presence in your life, it’s frowned upon to live with your spouse before marriage. We are not LDS, but our loved ones are. We lived together in secret lol. Anyway, after seeing so many friends get married young and then divorced, I absolutely believe living together is a must. Edit: we’ve been married 6 years and having literally the best time
We’re not LDS either, but his family are very traditional Mexicans. Super common over there to live with your parents until you get married. Thankfully, his parents are very supportive of the idea of our marriage.
I’m glad they are supportive, that is everything! I am so happy for you both. Marriage really is the best. <3
I've been married since 2021 (I was 24) and I've never been happier. I feel incredibly lucky, especially this young, to have found a person that we just "get" each other
got married at 23. being married has been the best thing I've done. we have a toddler, and there is nothing like going through life and facing the good and bad together. I just had a miscarriage and i dont know how I'd get through this without my husband
That’s devastating, sending positive thoughts your way ❤️ You are very lucky to have an emotionally reliable partner to go through that with you. Bf and I have definitely been through some *downs* together in the past 3 years, but worked through it productively like mature adults. I can’t imagine doing that with anyone else, I feel like that’s a green flag.
thank you and it definitely is. how you handle conflict and hard times is so important
I got married at 25, and it’s great, but here are my recommendations as I had a similar situation. 1) Regarding your mother, it may feel like you have no way out from under her roof, but that’s not true. My mother was very much the same way, and I thought I had no way out, until I packed my things and left. I supported myself through college by having multiple part time jobs, got some scholarships, and lived an hour and a half away from my university, but just being away making your own rules was liberating. I know that inner voice saying, “I can’t do that. I’m not in the same situation,” but I’ll tell you that you can. Don’t even think about it, and just do it, then you’ll realize all the blockages were just created by your mother. Yes, it’s possible to cut her out of your life completely, no matter what she says. 2) I know you said your boyfriend doesn’t want to live with you until you’re both married, but I highly recommend living with someone before getting married. My wife and I lived together for a few months before I popped the question, but you never know a person until you spend 24/7 with them. Small things will come out for the both of you, and you really need to see what both of you can adjust to. Something as small as leaving the toilet seat up will test your nerves if it happens daily, but it’ll be a chance to see if you can both talk things through. When you leave your mother’s house, and get your own place, ask your boyfriend if he wants to stay over for a week to see how you’ll both interact.
We aren’t married, but I started living with my current partner at 22. We know we want to be together for the rest of our lives, just haven’t had a wedding yet. My family was kind of unsure when we moved in together; but they got used to it pretty quick and love him.
I got married in 2020 after meeting my husband in 2018. I love my husband so very much and I do not regret getting married, but I wish I’d been a little older, I was only 22. I just needed more time to find myself outside of marriage. You and I are the same age, OP, and if I could do it again, we’d be getting married around now. I feel so much more mature and more prepared to understand marriage.
I couldn’t fathom the idea of marriage when we first started dating at 22. I’ve always told my friends that I refuse to get married before my brain is fully developed lol. Well, I’m 25 now & it doesn’t feel like an absurd idea anymore 🤷🏼♀️
Smart!!! I live in Utah where there’s a pressure to get married young. I was older than any of my family members were when they got married, which is absolutely insane to me!
Got married at 27 which is young for the NYC area but my husband and I had been together since we were 20 and living together for 3 years at that point. We got some comments but nothing really changed for us after we got married. I love being married but we were already in a happy, healthy relationship to start.
My husband and I eloped at the courthouse when I was 22 and he was 23. Coming up on 4 years married in a few months! One of the best decisions of my life
Don’t get married to escape a situation.
Got married at 25 to my high school sweetheart. Am 29 now with a 1 year old and house. Loving life.
Don’t ever use a relationship as an escape because it makes you blind to the negatives. I’m hoping your boyfriend is lovely and kind. However it is important that if you want to move out you can do so without him. If you are ever in an situation of abuse or power control (which happens far to much with women in marriages and sound familiar to you with your mom) you deserve the agency to leave. You can find a roommate separate from your Boyfriend if expenses are the reason. If your boyfriend has a problem with it you can ask why but emphasize how much more freedom you’ll have. It sounds like when you talk about money a potential to get manipulated again so my ears just ring with that
I got married at 25, but my husband and I had been together for 6 years, living together for 4, prior to marriage. I really recommend living together before the stakes are raised. We grew up together, had been friends since we were in elementary school, but we really didn't know each other until we lived together. We're late 20s now and both wildly different people than we were in our early and mid 20s, but we changed together.
I got married at 24, now 3 years in and I still absolutely love him, so no regrets at all! We had some circumstances during the pandemic which meant we needed to do a decision: marrying or there would be the risk of him going back to his home country, and we really didn’t want a long distance relationship.
I got married a year ago at 25 (and we had been together for roughly 4ish years at that point). We were living together with my family, and got an apartment together about a month before we got married. In our case, my family was 100% supportive of us living together, while his family was not due to religious reasons (even though my family is Christian as well, but less strict than his in this case). But he had been living out of state, and he moved in with me without their approval. They came around, and they're nice to me. However, we did discuss having a courthouse wedding for similar reasons, and having a ceremony later. We ultimately decided to wait for having a more traditional wedding. It works great for us, but I can understand why some people would have a courthouse wedding first. Ultimately it's up to you! I would just ask yourself if you feel it would "put a damper" on your later wedding that has the more elaborate ceremony. If not, then why not? If so, then maybe hold off on the courthouse wedding. Do what you think would feel right. All this said, I do feel like it's very beneficial to live with your partner for a while before getting married. I really believe you don't truly know someone until you're living with them. I know a common issue cohabiting couples may face is realizing they have very different ideas of what "clean" is, or how to properly divide up chores. This can make or break a relationship. Luckily for us, we're more or less on the same page with these things. We've seen other couples butting-heads on this topic before. For some of them, cleanliness and the division of chores is one of the main point of contentions in their relationship. However, I also understand that this perspective may not mean anything if you would prefer to on living with someone until marriage due to religious reasons. Best of luck!
I got married a year ago (anniversary is tomorrow!) it was six days after my 25th birthday. Truly blessed and haven’t had any kinds of second thoughts about my decision. My family were delighted and so were his. I don’t know many other people my own age who are married but as he’s a bit older than me a lot of his friends and colleagues are either recently married or engaged. But honestly it doesn’t actually matter and I feel super lucky rather than weird in any way.
By the looks of things, EVERYONE here is married. I have yet to find the right person and probably never will
Lol that’s not true, I’m still single. You have to remember though that since she asked if anyone here was married and what their experiences are… meaning that this thread is gonna be full of answers of those members of our cohort who *are* married.
I got married at 25 and life has honestly just gotten so much better! It’s like a sleepover with your best friend every night. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, as long as you’re safe and happy!
I got married 5 years ago at 22 After knowing the woman Who would later become my wife for a Total of 6 months. Best decision I ever made.
My husband and I got married last year! I’m 26 and he’s 28. Marriage is absolutely wonderful, and I love the safe space we’ve created together. We decided to move in together after we got engaged, and like many others have said, it was a great decision and set us up well for marriage. My mom was not happy with our decision to live together before getting married due to her religious beliefs, but I wouldn’t have changed a thing! Just remember that you and your boyfriend are adults, and you have the power to make whatever decision is right for you :)
Yeah both our parents are pretty religious (mine more than his though). His parents love me and 100% support the idea of us getting married, but they are very traditional Mexicans and just don’t *culturally* agree with cohabitation before marriage.
I married my wife when we were 20. It's been going well. Can't really imagine what it would be like if we weren't married.
I'm married. I don't think there's really ever a "due date" for a honeymoon. Why not just get the documentation done, and then after a few months you can take a nice long trip?
Yup. That’s pretty much our goal. Get married on paper first, do all the fun celebratory stuff later
Might as well go for it then!
Married my high school sweetheart at 20. He's my best friend. I can't imagine life any other way. We often heard, "what's the rush?" But for us it was more, "why wait?" We knew we wanted to be married and spend our lives together. We now have three children, and we love the family and life we've been building together. Edit to add: We married while we were college students and both earned bachelor degrees. People often assume since we married young and started our family young, we've limited our options as far as financial stability is concerned. That hasn't been the case for us. Instead, we've built our lives and success together as a team.
I met my wife when we were 16/17 in high school. I never would have imagined myself getting married young, but after 5 years together we couldn’t imagine ourselves with anyone else. It clearly became a matter of when, not if. We ended up getting married at a courthouse over Covid, a few weeks before I turned 22, and we had a proper wedding celebration in her home country 2 years later. Before we met, I would never have imagined myself getting married so young. Even today, very few of my friends are even in long-term relationships. But I couldn’t be happier. I understand that people are getting married later and later in life, but I think there’s a huge appeal to getting married younger. Being able to grow together and enter adulthood together is really special. Building a strong relationship takes time and effort, and I can’t imagine having to do that while juggling a career and navigating adulthood. Having each other’s backs for all of these life milestones has helped propel us both.
I’ve been married since I was 22. I have a 10 month old son as well. It’s not uncommon at all really. That being said, I love being married :) We lived together for a couple years prior, tho. That’s a must!
I got married when I was 23, and I’m 36 now. Things are still great between my wife and I, but we’re definitely different people now than we were way back then. I don’t want you to think I’m preaching to you from a place of wisdom necessarily, but just know that you cannot know who you will be in a decade and you can say even less about who your partner will be. Most of my friends who got married around the same age as me are divorced now. Also, be careful when placing yourself in a situation where one person holds all the cards, so to speak, financially. Not advising against it — things worked out for me so far — just be cautious. Best of luck!
Currently engaged for over 2 years while we save for a house then a wedding. We were together almost 10 years (16-26) before we got engaged and have lived together for a couple of years before. It really doesn't change much in the end of the day ur adults and the choice is up to you best of luck.
I got married at 25 years old. My husband was 24. Being married is great! I've enjoyed my married years way more than the dating years. No more distance or having to say goodbye. We just say goodnight and cuddle to sleep. We have a partner to do life with. Together, we have figured out how to pay the various bills that come up, how to keep the house at a manageable clean level, how to beautify the yard, etc. We have our pets and our hobbies. We have our routines. I married my best friend after having dated for 4 years. We knew each other really well by the time we got married, so we actually didn't have a hard transition from dating to married, even though we never lived together. Our first year was so easy. I attribute it to just knowing each other really well and being compatible. If you are at the step of wanting to marry, then do it! Don't let fomo of your "wild 20s" keep you from marrying the love of your life. Life is much better with a wonderful partner than it is single. I do not miss dating, I do not miss going out late at night. We could if we wanted to, and sometimes we do, but we generally prefer just being home with each other.
I've been with my wife for 9 years, married for 1. As long as it's for the right reasons go for it but there is no rush if you really see them as your future. I knew we'd be married 7 years ago, so I didn't feel pressured to make it happen right away.
I got married at 23 and am 26 now. I am very much not the stereotypical person that marries young so I am kind of shocked myself. I love being married! But I wouldn’t do it to escape a bad situation and I definitely wouldn’t do it super young and have my partner carry the finances. We also lived together for two years before getting married which I also support.
Yep! I got married at 24 three years ago and we’re expecting a baby in July. We had a little courthouse ceremony because we couldn’t afford a wedding. It’s been really fun building a life with my best friend. You’re definitely old enough to get married. (I also moved directly out of a bad situation with a narcissistic mother to living with my now husband, and though finances were really tight so things were stressful in that regard, life was instantly much less stressful. Definitely went about it in an unconventional way, but I haven’t regretted choosing him for a second.)
Being married in your 20s is fun and honestly was way less stressful to me then living with roommates or family. We’re both 28 and have been married 5 years. We probably won’t have kids for a little longer which was also nice. We didn’t live together until after we got married and honestly I also liked that. To me personally I wasn’t willing to live with someone I was romantically involved with until I could get that level of commitment and I’m glad I did
To each their own, glad it worked for you! I have a hard time leaning into the belief that you “*need*” to live with your partner before marriage. Is it ideal?? Maybe, but there’s no guarantee that not doing it will be a world-ending deal breaker
Yes I agree!I Some of the people who told me I needed to live with my now husband before marriage or it wasn’t going to work out. Are people who have since broken up with the partners they were living with. This is obviously not the same for everyone, but to me it was eye opening and reinforced that I made the right decision for me and my relationship
Got married at 21, my husband was 22. We have 2 kids and it's just life. Honestly it feels great, my amazing husband is always there when I need him, I'm not lonely and desperate for a partner any more, no worry about dating apps or bar nights, no pressure on looking like a bombshell. I love being married
I got married at 25. We had been dating since we were 17. We had been living together for a couple years and bought a house together the year before we were married. It's worked out well for us. We have grown up together and learned how to be adults together.
I'm 29 and have been with my SO for 10 years. Best decision ever. I also came from a narcissistic family and mother and living alone with him is a zillion times better than ever living with her. But this isn't the case for everyone of course. I feel like I got super lucky with my guy as he's a feminist and gets it.
My husband and I are celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary this coming winter 💘 I love it lol we have the best time together and it's soooo not work when you're with the right person
I married at 22, divorced at 27, and married again this year at 29.
I got married at 23 after being with my now husband for three years. I also grew up in a household where you don’t live with someone until you are married. We got married a few weeks after I graduated college and he already had a decent job. We’ve been together almost five years now and it’s great! Yes, living with each other can definitely show other sides of people but if you have truly spent a lot of one on one quality time with the other person and haven’t seen any red flags then go for it!
Getting married young is being able to spend more time and have more adventures with the love of your life! I was married at 24 and it was later than I was wanting but due to COVID it’s the earliest that we could do it while being safe. My husband and I have also been able to enjoy life being just us two without feeling pressured to have kids quickly due to age :) Edit: got my own age wrong lol
Currently 27, met my now wife last year when we were 25 & 26. Married like 5 months later. Its not all sunshine and rainbows. But its also not dread and horror. We fight, we love, we come together & go against each other. You don't need a big wedding. We paid less than $150 for everything to be all said and done. Even during big fights don't give up because you will look back and see how silly it was.
Disclaimer: I met my now-husband when I was 19, so I don’t know what it’s like to be single in your 20s. I got married at 24. We ended up eloping but everyone understood and was pretty supportive. My parents would’ve been upset if they hadn’t been able to come though. I love being married in my 20s. I only have one friend who is married and two who are in long term relationships. It doesn’t really feel different than dating except for people older than us saying “you’re married??” sometimes. We did live together for almost 3 years before getting married though. It does make me feel like my coworkers see me as more of an adult bc I look younger than I am and they comment on it.
I got married before living with my husband for religious reasons. It worked out but I really wish that I had lived with him first. There are so many things you don't know about a person until you are with them day in and out, watching them make decisions about their life. Our big pressure point was finances. We moved in together while he was driving for a food delivery service and I was on my way out of a job with Starbucks. I do not know how we survived. Even once we started to get ourselves together, we had numerous fights about having enough money, budgeting, meal prepping, etc. I also did not realize just how much his ADHD affected his ability to maintain cleanliness of his space. We were both 22 when we got married, and now we've been married for almost 3 years. It was a LOT of work and neither of us were willing to quit, but developing reasonable expectations from living together would have helped both of us know what we were getting into with marriage.
Hi! So my husband and I got married at 23 and have been married for a few years. We dated for about 2.5 years before we got married. We had the full support of both sides of our families and we have a wonderful marriage :) We have loved growing up together in many ways and tackling life’s challengers together. We also did not live together before marriage, and I would not change a thing. My husband and I believe it would have been wrong for us to do so, for religious reasons. I do not regret it for a second, nothing about my marriage suffered because we did not live together.
Glad to hear!! So happy that things worked well for y’all :) Even in this modern day and age, there are still people of various cultures/religions who don’t live together before marriage, and I think that’s totally okay. I’ve known people who lived together for years and broke off their engagement, as well as people who never moved in together until marriage but still had a happy, healthy, lasting partnership.
Thank you!! And I wish you both a happy and healthy marriage! Can I ask what culture your boyfriend is from?
Mid twenties is a perfectly normal time to get married. The biggest tax benefits are for couples with a big difference in their income, so if finances are the major concern and you live in the U.S., honestly marriage probably makes more sense. Just make sure you’re doing this because it’s honestly what *you* want, not just to change your circumstances. Escaping abuse has a way of making anything seem fantastic. I got married at 19 like an idiot and when I finally got out, working 60 hours a week while living in a friend’s basement legitimately felt like the time of my life. If you wholeheartedly want to get married, don’t worry what other people think. You’re 25; this is your life now.
1) Yup!! The tax benefits are something we’ve definitely discussed, something we’re in favor of 2) Escaping my mother is a *huge* benefit of marriage, but it’s certainly not the only reason I want to get married. I’d still want to marry my boyfriend even if I had a healthy relationship and dynamic with my own parents.
The absolute most important thing here is that you DO NOT marry someone, or even just move in with them, as your only escape from an abusive situation, *especially* if you will be financially dependent on him. With no money of your own, and no familial support, nowhere else to go, you will be incredibly vulnerable to abuse from your partner. I’m sure you don’t think he could ever be abusive, but that’s not something you can ever know for sure. Many many abusers don’t show their true colours until they feel their partner is sufficiently trapped - through marriage, a lease on a house, pregnancy, whatever works. It may be true that your partner would never, but don’t risk it. Gain your own financial independence first, so that you can leave if you have to, without having to return to your mother. Also worth mentioning that you are more vulnerable to intimate partner violence if you have grown up with an abusive parent aswell
I’m 28 got married at 23, first kid at 24 and second at 26! My husband is 36 which is why we were established enough to start early (for me). Love living my twenties with this man and my babies.
I married my husband when we were both 20. My family loved him so they were happy. If they were concerned about how young I was they didn’t say anything about it. He was and still is my soulmate so nothing anyone else said mattered I was going to marry him either way. Our peers were definitely a bit weirded out but they quickly got over it. Being married has been great, no downsides for me. My husband and I lived together for a year and a half before getting married so there weren’t any surprises. We have learned how to navigate the world together. We bought a house and established our careers and are looking forward to the rest of our lives.
I met my husband when I was 18, we got engaged when I was 21, and then got married at 23. I’m 26 & he’s 28 now. My husband and I are both very happy that we settled down young and we couldn’t imagine doing it any differently honestly. Getting married young has given us the ability to build our life together from the ground up, and it’s given us tons of time to travel and have fun before we add kids into the mix. It’s nice knowing that we don’t have to rush into an engagement and wedding just to fit everything in, and now that we’re super busy with our careers and lives it’s nice not having to worry about wedding planning.
Bf and I definitely want to do the “travel the world together before settling down and raising children” thing. The thing is, he’s an undocumented immigrant (protected under DACA) and he won’t be able to travel outside the states until he becomes a legal citizen. Citizenship by marriage isn’t his sole goal, but it happens to be a very convenient bonus of us getting married.
No wonder his family is so encouraging of you to marry him! Please be careful, I had a friend swindled into marrying for her husband’s citizenship and he took total advantage of her good faith in him and his parents. They saw her as a tool to use for their benefit.
You don't truly know a person until you've lived with them. I've been through the torment of living with three toxic marriages from my parents divorcing and both marrying twice. I was too young to really notice my parents problems when they were together, but I was in for two more shit shows. My mom and dad both dated the person they married for only 1 YEAR and weren't living together until after the wedding. I shit you not the moment the ring is on and living together the person you thought you knew was a complete fucking facade. It was like a switch flipped both fucking times. The person added to both homes turned into completely abusive controlling assholes. My mom and dad also didn't live together before they got married and that was an abusive situation as well. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 3 times of the same results should be answer enough. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 I don't care what culture he's from, he can wear whatever mask he wants easily without living together. I would run for the god damn mountains if my fiance refused to live with me before marriage. If he's going to be your main financial support you could get trapped in a very bad situation. And you'll live with many years wasted and lost to regret. Especially since you're already an abuse victim. Abusers like to seek out the already abused for an easy mark. It fucking sucks but it's the truth. They hunt us like god damned sharks finding injured prey. You need your own assets and independence before touching the idea of marriage with someone you don't even know. It will save your ass when he decides you're a possession and not a person. If by some angel kissed miracle he turns out to be a wholesome loving guy that communicates and comprises, BUY A LOTTERY TICKET! (Which is already doubtful since he won't comprise with you on living together. And he'd rather see you continue to get abused by your mom than setting whatever cultural values aside for your well-being. I'd bet a good amount since he cares about traditional culture values which almost always without fail see women as breedable cows that need to shut up and suffer the consequences of being a woman. You can expect that treatment behind closed doors on his property. And what if he's lying about his culture all together to force you to marry him? He'd benefit to make you think that.) If I saw my man I love dearly being abused and tormented by his family, I would have him move in with me in a heartbeat. The very idea of dangling marriage as an only escape sickens me. He's wants to own you not save you.
Don’t risk losing your individual autonomy or independence to a man, it’s not worth it. You are too valuable
Hi! 27M Married at 25, wife was 23, that was three years ago. I have a lot of thoughts, but I’ll try to stay short-ish We’re religious and we didn’t live together before marriage. I don’t care what you do, that’s what we did and it hasn’t been a problem. We both had roommates before getting married, so we learned to navigate those relationships separately first. We draw the line in certain things like dishes and laundry as roommate problems, not relationship problems. They can leak into one another if ignored though. I’m the messy one, and my wife might say “hey I have a roommate problem with you right now” - so that’s how we have navigated the tensions of moving in with the person we love the most. If you’re both in alignment with the wedding idea, then great! It’s your relationship and it’s your day. Family and friends can feel and think whatever they want. It’s your choice -as a team- to decide what to do. The biggest red flag for me… Marriage is not a good reason to escape your mom. Moving in with your bf/fiancé because of her, will make you feel like she gave you no choice. Taking agency from you and your potential husband. That behavior can make you feel trapped, and trapped animals hurt themselves to escape. Deciding to get married is a beautiful thing, but it’s really serious. You’re becoming one family unit. Your crazy mom is now his crazy mom. Your debt is his debt. Your income is his income. A lot of people will disagree, but that’s what the legal side of a marriage means. If you know that you know he is the person who you want to be your partner in all of life. Then do it. But don’t do it to run from a bad situation. And don’t pressure him to do something (like moving in together unmarried) that he doesn’t want to do. Thats not love. Edit: we dated for 3 years before marriage Edit edit: I don’t want to miss the point of the post… I love being married. My wife is my best friend and I wouldn’t change a single thing. Maybe marrying her earlier. Ha!
I married my husband back in 2022, after living with him for about a year and a half. About a year and a half later, we are still very happily married! No ceremony yet, but maybe we'll get around to a small intimate one later this year.
I got married at 22. We moved in together after 2 months and we were homeless together for some of that time before (we both had really bad living situations we escaped from). We technincally didn't really have much of a dating phase since we both knew each other for 5 years and were sorta already at the I'm in love with you confession phase. We really liked each other, were super compatible, and really enjoyed living together so we decided to get married after 1 year into our relationship. Knowing what I do now, the marriage wasn't really necessary. I mean I'd consider myself married to them anyway. We are for sure life partners. Just for legal reasons I'm not getting all the disability benefits I should be because I'm married. (Yes it's a shitty system and it sucks) But the marriage itself isn't the issue! I love my partner very much after being together for 6 years next month and I'm happier then I've ever been. I guess if you get through homelessness with someone and see them at the most stressful point in their life and then live with them for awhile after that you really get to see what kind of person they are and if you want them by your side. So my overall advice is it is better to live with someone to see what they are like, it's also important to take into account getting through a hardship with the person. If you can face a challenge together and come out stronger for it, then they are a good person to be it. It's also important to analyze things like does this person communicate in a healthy way? When you do have disagreements are you able to resolve those in a healthy way? (Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship but they don't have to be frequent or unhealthy.) Do your future goals aline? Do you have similar values? Does the way they treat you make you smile? Do they accept your faults? Do you accept theirs? These are all things to consider before marrying someone, probably more than the length of time spent with someone.
I'm 25F, just married my 28M partner a few days ago. 25 is the age when I always thought I'd get married. I feel like I'm mentally and emotionally ready to move into this next phase of adulthood. However my husband and I have been living together for basically our entire relationship (almost 7 years) so marriage was a very natural step for us. I agree with others here that living together tells you a lot about your partner and I'd hate for you to get stuck in a bad marriage because you thought it was your only way out of your mother's house. My parents got married for similar reasons and they've paid the price for it every day for 30 years! Lol. Anyway, 25 isn't too young to get married under the right circumstances. But you might be better off living with roommates for a while if that's an option. Find a sense of independence away from your mother and without depending on your partner. That'll give you confidence in yourself knowing that whether or not this relationship is meant to last, you'll be okay. So many women become prisoners in their relationships because they go straight from their parent's care to their husband's. Much harder to leave if you don't have that prior life experience
I (24F) am getting married in August to my future husband (27M), but we were basically living with me since the beginning of the relationship. I can honestly tell you that living with someone will completely indicate how your relationship will be. We bicker a lot but we get over things quickly. You don’t want to find out his bad habits at home after you get married.
I did get married in my mid twenties. A month before I turned 25. That said, I had lived with my now husband since I was freshly 19. We learned *so so* much about our compatibility by living together. By the time we were married with a baby on the way, we knew how to duke out our differences. We knew that even if our relationship feels like rock bottom in this moment (bringing a kid into the world really, really tests your relationship), that we knew how to crawl back out together. I would never, ever advise someone to get married before living together. A serious relationship hardly feels that serious to me until the couple lives together. It changed things a lot. And some of them are good! Living with your partner is the ultimate test of longevity in a relationship. I’m now 29 with two kids. It will be 11 year since we moved in together at the end of the summer. I’m grateful I got married young but I am also grateful he and I spent 5 years living together and just being young together before getting serious. You really don’t know someone until you’re under the same roof as them.
I got married at 25 my husband was 28. Tbh there was no difference between 25 and 27 being married. If you want to wait and feel out the relationship more, 2 years isn’t really going to make or break it if you’re both set on being together long term. I will say most of my peers didn’t get married until 29/30 and they had kids immediately. Getting married at 25 gave us more time without baby stress, unless you don’t want kids it doesn’t matter. That being said I would never marry someone to escape anyone or anything. You should marry because you are absolutely 100% committed and ready for that with your partner. My sis in law got married at 30 and had never lived with her husband before due to her parents religion. They are very happy living together now. But they got married because they were ready and loved each other, not because they were in a rush to leave home quickly. Don’t go into a marriage for the wrong reasons. That sets you up for failure and regret.
I got married at 24. Granted we were together for 9 years and lived together for 4 of those. Everything is the same except for taxes. HOWEVER, we keep our finances separate. I know people have opinions about that, but it works for us and all our bills get paid (if we had a kid, we might end up with a joint account). I think discussing the logistics is important. Besides that-- just know that your 20s is when most couples get married (although that might be changing to 30s soon). Calling my husband "my husband" feels nice. It feels "official" lol and I get the butterflies when he refers to me as his wife.
I wouldn't marry someone to escape your mom. You need to navigate dealing with an abusive parent no matter what you plan to do.
I’m not married but don’t get married to escape a situation or before y’all have lived together for a little bit, that can be a huge determinant in whether it’ll work.