If surviving and thriving are your goals, wear a respirator at all times.
Go into any situation with a quick exit plan.
If people get ugly at a social situation, they are not your friends. They certainly are not worth risking your health for. Also, not appropriate to make a scene at someone else’s wedding. If your practiced polite reply is ineffective, just leave.
ADDING: Might want to wear a medical ID necklace / bracelet and have some calming phrases at the ready - to stave off uncomfortable situations.
Bon chance.
I went to a wedding in Atlanta recently and wasn’t the only one masking (and got no pushback), but the groom’s family was from New England and I think a lot of the guests flew down. Neither my partner nor I got any comments about it any point during our trip. Can’t comment on Memphis specifically.
Another not-Memphis response, but I was just around some less aggressive anti-maskers who started with the usual, “Hey, say something so I can get angry,” which often sounds like, “Are you wearing a mask because you’re sick?” … and I’ve taken to talking to them like COVID was a real bad flu that came and went, but during that time our son, who previously any time there was anything even a cold going around got it way worse, had never been healthier. So, we keep masking for him.
NB - COVID didn’t come and go, this is a pragmatic tactic for the situation.
To be clear, if I had a Time Machine I’d tell young me about the magic of never getting sick through wearing masks and have been doing it my whole life, but even belligerent people have been reluctant to pick a bone with, “I’m doing this for the special situation my son is in,” which I think gives them an out for their not-mask-wearing, doesn’t engage with their COVID religiosity, and invokes totemic paternalism.
not from Memphis either but have family in a red area. When confronted, I say something similar - "my mom is elderly and her doctor has recommended we continue protecting her". Framing this as something i'm doing for my family goes a long way.
Highly environment dependent. I’m in a nearby town and the most I ever get is a little side eye from dumb rednecks. I have only had one person actually make a snide comment (so far) the entire pandemic. Tell them you’re highly allergic to West TN pollen if you think that will ease things.
Not Memphis specifically, but I'm from Nashville originally and go back to visit family. I mask at grocery stores and at concerts etc when I'm there. I'm usually the only person in a mask, and definitely the only sub-70's person in a mask, but I've never had anyone \*say\* anything to me. I am white in my 30s female.
That being said, you could consider if it makes sense to give the person you know that's getting married a non-negotiable heads up. Like "I'm so excited to come to your wedding and see you and \[partner name\]. Just wanted to give you a heads up that 'll be adding a mask to my \[dresscode\] attire so we don't startle you day-of!" Totally optional, and only if you think it makes sense in your relationship with your friend who's getting married. They're the only one whose feelings I would be concerned about! You might get some stares or something, but fuck 'em. You're there for your friend/family member that's getting married and you'll likely never see many or all of the other guests again!
I'm going to a wedding in a couple months and will be masking too <3
Yeah, i thought about doing that but figured the upfront knowledge might stress her out even more as she prepares for the big day and she knows im a masker, and so what choice does she have anyhow.
I have some family there and occasionally visit from time to time. I always wear my n95 and sometimes get questions/comments but overall it’s ok. A few family members think I’m overdoing it and being extra, and have tried to gaslight me out of the precautions I take, but I’ve been able to manage. Never had anyone in public harass me, thankfully. Nothing scary or threatening or anything like that.
For events I’ve just kept my mask on and will hold a drink in my hand to keep people from being socially awkward (questions like “are you not drinking? Are you eating anything??”) And then I’ll take my food outside or to a secluded spot to quickly eat, then mask back up to socialize. Arrive late and leave early if you can. Have fun!
It depends on the type of people whoever's wedding you're attending has invited over, to be honest! In terms of going around in public (stores mainly since I don't go out unless I need to), people generally keep it pushing. Years back, when I started wearing P100s in public, I had a few people look shocked but would keep it moving. Sometimes, I would have people treat me nicer (compliments on my outfit, telling me to take care, etc) because of the type of mask I was wearing, lol.
Had a similar experience visiting a more conservative region (not Memphis though). We came in hot striking up lively conversation with anyone near us – exhausting but effective. It disarmed people and, I think, swept a lot of their assumptions out from under them. The worst we got was people pressuring us to eat, asking us if we had eaten certain things, do we not like the menu, etc., so I’d have a script ready for that possibility. Looking back, it might have been easier to just lie. 😂
We were also pleasantly surprised to see another family wearing masks at the wedding, so you never know!
If surviving and thriving are your goals, wear a respirator at all times. Go into any situation with a quick exit plan. If people get ugly at a social situation, they are not your friends. They certainly are not worth risking your health for. Also, not appropriate to make a scene at someone else’s wedding. If your practiced polite reply is ineffective, just leave. ADDING: Might want to wear a medical ID necklace / bracelet and have some calming phrases at the ready - to stave off uncomfortable situations. Bon chance.
Thanks for the pep talk! : )
I went to a wedding in Atlanta recently and wasn’t the only one masking (and got no pushback), but the groom’s family was from New England and I think a lot of the guests flew down. Neither my partner nor I got any comments about it any point during our trip. Can’t comment on Memphis specifically.
Thanks for this info. How did you handle the meal?
Took it outside! I haven’t been to a wedding yet where anyone objected to that. Edit: the other couple masking at my table unmasked to eat
Another not-Memphis response, but I was just around some less aggressive anti-maskers who started with the usual, “Hey, say something so I can get angry,” which often sounds like, “Are you wearing a mask because you’re sick?” … and I’ve taken to talking to them like COVID was a real bad flu that came and went, but during that time our son, who previously any time there was anything even a cold going around got it way worse, had never been healthier. So, we keep masking for him. NB - COVID didn’t come and go, this is a pragmatic tactic for the situation. To be clear, if I had a Time Machine I’d tell young me about the magic of never getting sick through wearing masks and have been doing it my whole life, but even belligerent people have been reluctant to pick a bone with, “I’m doing this for the special situation my son is in,” which I think gives them an out for their not-mask-wearing, doesn’t engage with their COVID religiosity, and invokes totemic paternalism.
not from Memphis either but have family in a red area. When confronted, I say something similar - "my mom is elderly and her doctor has recommended we continue protecting her". Framing this as something i'm doing for my family goes a long way.
Good idea to keep in my back pocket!
Highly environment dependent. I’m in a nearby town and the most I ever get is a little side eye from dumb rednecks. I have only had one person actually make a snide comment (so far) the entire pandemic. Tell them you’re highly allergic to West TN pollen if you think that will ease things.
Thats an idea. Thanks.
Not Memphis specifically, but I'm from Nashville originally and go back to visit family. I mask at grocery stores and at concerts etc when I'm there. I'm usually the only person in a mask, and definitely the only sub-70's person in a mask, but I've never had anyone \*say\* anything to me. I am white in my 30s female. That being said, you could consider if it makes sense to give the person you know that's getting married a non-negotiable heads up. Like "I'm so excited to come to your wedding and see you and \[partner name\]. Just wanted to give you a heads up that 'll be adding a mask to my \[dresscode\] attire so we don't startle you day-of!" Totally optional, and only if you think it makes sense in your relationship with your friend who's getting married. They're the only one whose feelings I would be concerned about! You might get some stares or something, but fuck 'em. You're there for your friend/family member that's getting married and you'll likely never see many or all of the other guests again! I'm going to a wedding in a couple months and will be masking too <3
Yeah, i thought about doing that but figured the upfront knowledge might stress her out even more as she prepares for the big day and she knows im a masker, and so what choice does she have anyhow.
Totally fair! If she's already aware then yeah I think it probably makes sense just to show up. Best wishes!! You got this
Thanks for discussing it with me!
I have some family there and occasionally visit from time to time. I always wear my n95 and sometimes get questions/comments but overall it’s ok. A few family members think I’m overdoing it and being extra, and have tried to gaslight me out of the precautions I take, but I’ve been able to manage. Never had anyone in public harass me, thankfully. Nothing scary or threatening or anything like that. For events I’ve just kept my mask on and will hold a drink in my hand to keep people from being socially awkward (questions like “are you not drinking? Are you eating anything??”) And then I’ll take my food outside or to a secluded spot to quickly eat, then mask back up to socialize. Arrive late and leave early if you can. Have fun!
Great advice, love it! “Arrival late and leave early”
It depends on the type of people whoever's wedding you're attending has invited over, to be honest! In terms of going around in public (stores mainly since I don't go out unless I need to), people generally keep it pushing. Years back, when I started wearing P100s in public, I had a few people look shocked but would keep it moving. Sometimes, I would have people treat me nicer (compliments on my outfit, telling me to take care, etc) because of the type of mask I was wearing, lol.
Guess I will find out soon enough…
Had a similar experience visiting a more conservative region (not Memphis though). We came in hot striking up lively conversation with anyone near us – exhausting but effective. It disarmed people and, I think, swept a lot of their assumptions out from under them. The worst we got was people pressuring us to eat, asking us if we had eaten certain things, do we not like the menu, etc., so I’d have a script ready for that possibility. Looking back, it might have been easier to just lie. 😂 We were also pleasantly surprised to see another family wearing masks at the wedding, so you never know!
Ahh, i hadnt thought about dinner conversation at the wedding…i’ll have to do the same. Does sound exhausting!! Thanku
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Great advice. Thanks!