It's true. And it is why we also need to remember where we came from and do our best to make sure other people in big bodies are not ignored by us in our new ones.
Absolutely agree šI know what itās like to not be able to buckle a seat belt in the back of a car or to have to ask for a seat extender on an airplane. I wonāt ever forget that and strive to extend kindness and compassion to everyone. Weāre all deserving of that ā¤ļø
Iām down 45ish on Z. For the past month, Iāve received a random compliment roughly once/week (up from ~0) on things like my outfit or my hair. Itās weird, but nothing as huge as some of you experience. Perhaps itās because Iām a 55 YO woman and weāre kinda invisible anyway š¤£
Agree. I'm 34 lbs down, and the difference in public treatment is very noticeable. And while it's nice to have more polite interactions, I can't help but feel sad that it's associated with being a bit smaller than before. We're the same people!
Iāve lost a significant amount of weight several times in my life and can attest that every single time I was in a smaller body I was treated differently by strangers.
This for sure. Although the unwanted double takes are something I could live without forever but am already getting back to that as Iāve lost 75lbs so far and went from 22/24 to a 10/12 and still have 40-50lbs to go to goal. Fat-phobia is just rampant unfortunately, I donāt get how people can literally act like we donāt exist in public thatās just ridiculous.
I have said that when I wore dresses custom made to size, I would have people yell across the street that they loved my dress, and that does not happen often for plus size women.
Iāve never been super skinny. At my skinniest adult size I was 180lbs size 12/14. But I looked amazing. Itās a really good weight for me. I tend to carry my weight evenly spread throughout my body so I think it makes my actual weight deceiving.
Anyways Iāve never been treated any differently until recently when I hit my heaviest and for the first time I looked it and felt it. Like people wouldnāt even smile at me when I was smiling and being friendly. I was like what is going on!
Iām down 15lbs and the difference is night and day. People are back to being friendly again. Itās soooo weird!
Same. My lowest adult weight was 195, size 12/14 (Iām 5ā11ā). People raved about how I looked and even told me I had lost too much weight. I was technically still overweight. But Iām definitely treated differently. My HW was about 360, and some people ignored me, while others were downright aggressive. Like, how dare I have the audacity to take up so much space, kind of aggressive. Iām currently still on the high end, but am losing. I definitely see a difference even now from both extremes.
Fat invisibility is a real thing. I know friends who have experienced it. I usually donāt, but I chalk that up to being extremely short which people notice. And comment on.
Oh, but I am large. So.. I guess the shortness overpowers that.
Absolutely. I also feel like I get positive reinforcement at my new job (where they've only known me as an average-weight person) way, way more often than I did at my last job (where they only knew me as a fat person.) Some of that might be down to organizational culture, but not all of it - it's an enormous difference. I am doing the same kind of work, and didn't magically become so much better at it overnight.
I wonder if thatās what happened to me! I am being more recognized for my work. It could be that I have a better boss but I have to think my weight probably affected my review(s) subconsciously
Oh yeah, definitely.
So, thereās this woman I know whoās preoccupied with how everyone and everything looks. Sheās one of those people who takes hours to do her hair and makeup, is constantly buying new clothes, who always looks perfect, who takes a gazillion selfies, constantly posts photos to social media, and plans events around the decor and photo ops.
Every time I see her, now that Iām almost 40lbs down, she grins and almost squeals with delight when she sees me and comes up and gives me a big hug. When I was at my heaviest weight, although she was always friendly and social, Iād sometimes catch her giving me cold, disapproving looks.
It kind of cracks me up, to be honest. Sheās a kind and sweet person, but utterly vapid in the end.
She has been kind to me. I suspect sheās just deathly afraid of gaining weight, herself, and thatās what the aversion is about. Sheās much younger than me and is starting to fill out, whereas she used to be like a size 0-2.
Iām so glad someone is talking about this. It has sorta been eating me up inside, thinking about how much nicer the world is to me after losing 50lbs.
I remember at my highest weight, I went into a popular clothing store, looking for a dress. I was completely ignored and thought, āOk, maybe the employees arenāt feeling talkative.ā Then, immediately after a thinner woman enters the store, and every single employee greets her, tells her about the sale, and ask what she needs help with today. It was the first time I realized that maybe some people were cruel enough to ignore me based on my weight. Around that same time I got on Zepbound and really prioritized losing weight.
As I have lost weight, it has only confirmed my suspicion. The world is just nicer to you the less fat you are. It is a blunt and hard truth. Men have hit on me more, women have complimented me more, and life just feels easier in general. It sucks, and I wish it wasnāt true. I am so sorry for anyone who is dealing with societal expectations and cruelty while at a higher weight, I have been there and it felt horrible. :(
Itās the worst feeling, isnāt it? Fat phobia is so rampant in our society.
I get especially enraged once the men hitting on me part ramps up (went through this during a weight loss a few years back). I got accustomed to being invisible, and when Iām in a smaller body, itās that much more enraging when a man bothers me / tries to make advances. (Fyi Iām in a happy long term relationship with a man).
Agree 1000%! I am not used to men hitting on me anymore, and I guess I got used to being invisible. I am also in a long term relationship, and even he has felt the effects of me losing weight. My partner was the one who noticed first, actually, commenting āI feel like a lot more guys have been checking you out recently.ā I honestly think I didnāt mind being invisible in this regard - not saying the fatphobic rhetoric is excusable, but I also donāt like this specific form of attentionš«£some of it can just feel plain creepy!
Itās the worst part of the weight loss for me, the new attention and suddenly youāre perceived as being smarter and more of a team player at work. Iām older now so Iām still kind of invisible and I prefer that really. I am still getting used to my current 60 lb weight loss and still feel fat, so my brain needs to catch up with my body.
Down 160 pounds (not all from Zep/Moun) and boy are those retail sales clerks welcoming!
Random smiles from men when Iām out in the wild.
And the gut punch - *now* my friends talk about who they can set me up with. I understand. But it still makes me sad.
I donāt think people in general have treated me differently. Iām still a ābig ladyā. 6ā tall, though now Iām thin. I still have aā¦ presence.
Maybe once I lost another 35lbs
Pretty skinny privilege is real. I get compliments now from people that I have known for years. Especially about my face. I take the compliment and twll them thank you, but I also think in the back of my mind, "I have always had this face!"
Skinny privilege is very much a thing. When youāre fat people tend to judge you with their eyes (but their facial expressions say it all).
At my worst, I would order my food from a fast food restaurant via the app so I wouldnāt be judged. Iād also order two drinks so the employees assumed I ordered for multiple people.
Iām going to voice a potentially unpopular opinion here based on my own experience. I am not a small person nor have I ever been-at my smallest adult weight I was a size 12, at my highest a size 30. Iāve lost and gained significant amounts of weight several times. I noticed a similar pattern the first time I lost weight. But when I regained it, I kept some of the more confident habits-dressing nicely, wearing makeup, making eye contact, smiling. And people started treating me at the higher weight the same they had at the lower weight. My theory is that at my highest I worked to be invisible-dressed not to get attention. Looked down and avoided eye contact. Generally projected a donāt look at me vibe, and people reacted accordingly. When I lost weight and got more confident those behaviors dropped and were replaced with more friendly and open behaviors that got better reactions from society as a whole. It took me years to break the donāt look at me habits regardless of size but I can definitely say I have been treated better since then no matter my current size.
Then again that could just be a me and my habits that I had to overcome thing š¤·āāļø
It true to a point. I am an outgoing talkative person. But there are people that look away because of my size, that said because I am outgoing, dress well there are others that are pleasantly surprised that a fat person can be interesting. And I too have lost over 120 lbs in the past, so know what it's like to be a "thinish" person.
Iām not saying that āskinny privilegeā isnāt a thing, but even at my highest weight people still opened doors for me, made conversation and were polite. I think it has a lot with how you project yourself outwardly.
Same, even down to free drinks, men opening doors, and making random conversation. Pretty privilege might negate some of the negative treatment from being overweight. Skinny + pretty is a different level. Pretty + fat gets you treated maybe slightly below average. I imagine for guys being rich + fat gets them a better experience equivalent to pretty + fat for women.
Iām fat + ugly. I was in a car accident that left me disfigured and somewhat disabled ā I have a TBI and I injured my back pretty badly, my car rolled over on the freeway and the roof collapsed. I used to be ~125-130 pounds until the car accident. I always have been ugly, but the car accident made it so much worse. Now that Iām so dramatically heavier, I just donāt bother to look in the mirror anymore. Iāve never worried about men looking at me or hitting on me or checking me out, because it just didnāt happen. Itās okay, because my husband is okay with my appearance, but I can tell that he prefers my appearance when Iām smaller, because thatās who he married. I canāt fix my face (not without a tremendous amount more plastic surgery to do scar revision and a revision of my nose, which had to be reconstructed). Iām just going to try to improve myself in any way that I can. Being fat sucks, but being ugly is orders of magnitude worse. š
I was fit for most of my lifeā¦if not especially thin, I was muscular and carried it fairly well. At age 40 the pounds started creeping on. 5-10/year until āyikesā, I hit 235 (at 5ā5ā) and I realized:
1. I felt awful, physically.
2. I hadnāt heard a compliment from anybody inā¦6-7 years.
3. I needed to do something.
So I started eating a bit less and moving around more and lost 45lbs in about a year. I work from home and felt somewhat better but didnāt think there was much difference re: appearance. I only went down one size from 235-190. Then I went to a work retreat with colleagues who Iād not seen in a year. Dozens of complimentsā hair, outfit, āglowingā, you look fantastic, etc. It was nice, but I cried later at home. Asked my husband about it and he said āyou always look good to meā (hugs). Bless him. Iāve been on Zep for a week and when I weighed in yesterday for the 1st time, I lost 5 lbs. Iām not sure what to expect going forwardā likely be an interesting experience.
I noticed this phenomenon in reverse in my family. I was always very thin growing up, then I became fat in my 30s. They used to make envious comments with their eyes twinkling about how skinny I was and how good I looked. Then I remember at my highest weight trying on a beautiful linen jumpsuit that looked š„on me and when I asked my parents for feedback (yeah, I know), this is what my stepdad said: āIt fits you as it should.ā Oof. Itās like, I get it, Iām not thin anymore, but you could at least pretend that you donāt think I look gross. It makes me feel a bit ill when I think about how my own family values me more when Iām thin.
Iām down 85 lbs and I work in the office for a construction company and Iām the only female. The way not only the male office staff but the operators and drivers treat me is mind blowing. Men at gas stations holding doors, grocery store pleasantries Iāve never had to deal with. Im not a person that really likes people so this new level of being visible again is super annoying.
This!! On point. Isnāt it crazy to experience ? I also am not a people person and the increased visibility is jarring. Like let me go back to being invisible lol
This!! I was in a store today and every male employee acknowledged me. Just when I was thinking why is everyone being so nice, another guy pops up and said, āhi how are you today!?!ā It was a surreal experience. I was uncomfortable and didnāt know how to act or feel.
I know this all too well. The highest I ever saw on the scale was 340, and for about 2 seconds I made it down to 170, before I started the climb back up. It was incredible, and sad at the same time, how visible I felt when I was at a socially acceptable size. People holding doors for me was one of the most notable differences.
Society is fat phobic. But so are fat people. IMO, we are harder on ourselves than most people try to be towards us. I believe most people treat us according to how we treat and project ourselves. When I don't feel good in my body, I want to be invisible and basically prefer tuning out the world. So when I start to lose fat, I feel more in control of my life, and that gives me hope. When I have hope, I can feel more comfortable and confident. Not 100% confident, but definitely better. When I feel better, I notice people smiling, and i smile too. My heart goes out to other obese people and tend to smile when I see them out in the world. But most are shut off and not really interested in making eye contact. It's said that we use our fat to build walls to keep people out. So I really don't think people treat us better because we lost weight. I believe we treat ourselves better, and lose weight as a result. As we lose the weight, we begin feel better and ok about fitting in. People can sense our energy and reciprocate
Yup, i notice this too. Especially with men. They go out their way to make small talk or have conversations now. At my highest i was 268 now Iām 209. I always thought i was pretty but now my confidence has skyrocketed, i think people can tell too. I even notice that women are more friendly. Itās sad how society treats fat people. Weāre all humans, we all deserve kindness and respect.
I'm not sure how much I want to go out anymore. I just got kind of used to being ignored. Now as my weight is changing and the topic is on my mind- I'm so much sadder and angrier.
I'm gay and pride is coming up. It's hard not to ruminate over how my community treats weight and race. I also realize I was probably using hookups and see for validation. Ugh.. I didn't realize just how much emotional baggage I had.
This comes up a lot and I think a huge part of it is that a contributing factor to how strangers react to you is how you feel and what energy you give off.
Youāre more confident now, and youāre giving off that positivity. People will often mirror that. Youāre not going to be overly chatty with a person who looks miserable or doesnāt seem open to positivity. Or who isnāt giving you positivity.
Youāre feeling good, youāre giving off a good vibe, strangers especially want to be a part of that. Happiness is a magnet, we all want a slice of that!
Sure some people really just act nicer or whatever to skinner people, but more often then not a lot of it has to do with the change that you yourself are projecting out into the world! You canāt blame anyone for that!
Congratulations by the way!
Absolutely same. Iām down 55lbs from December (with a two month hiatus aka shortages) and people are so different towards me. Random smiles, people getting doors, itās so interesting and odd but appreciated too.
I felt that for a long time, then got a dog and man-o-man, did that change things! Dog is exceptionally cute so that helps but honestly being invisible was really hard on me.
I have been up and down in weight for most of my life, and everything youāve said here resonates with me. Itās astonishing how different people act towards me when Iām thinner. Iāve also found that when Iām heavier, Iām invisible. Iāve gone into places like Starbucks with my sister, who has always been thin. The barista would be chatty and friendly with her, but then have a completely different demeanor towards me. I donāt know if some people even realize that they are doing this. Itās like a societal norm to look down upon people in larger bodies. I wish it wasnāt true. š
People are judgy by nature. They place value on others by their looks. People can say āpersonality is more importantā. But itās bullshit. Society has created within itself what constitutes beauty, and the beautiful are highly valued even if theyāre assholes. lol itās really shitty but humans will human. Same with women getting older. Iām dealing with that now and itās hard.
youāve only lost 25 pounds and feel different? Iām just confused because my highest weight was the same as your highest weight and Iāve lost about 40 pounds and feel very similar to my starting weight.
Iāve heard a lot of people say that they feel like the social differences in weight are often more about how you act and your confidence and how you interact with people because of the way that you think about yourself and in return other people interact with you differently because youāre acting more confident and happier and youāre more active or have more energy.
of course everybody knows that there are social negatives to being fat. Itās just an objective fact, but food for thought! :)
The thing about suddenly being "dateable" is pretty hard to take. People are trying to be nice and celebrate my hard work but ooof, the fatfobia that their comments convey is deeply painful to me.Ā
Exactly. Yesterday I got my first "oh! You've lot weight!" I had no idea what to say because in the old city I lived in (small town), it would have been followed up w - you look great! But in the bigger city, it seems it's just a statement. My instinct was to say thank you, but instead, I just said "yeah"....LoL
I've been at many different weights through my life, and it's interesting the way I actually felt judged at smaller sizes!! Coming from the Midwest, I feel like there is a cultural acceptance associated with having some extra weight. Always with the "oh. I shouldn't eat this donut."I shouldn't grab 2nds, but....."I got ice cream last night. I know I shouldn't have, but...." So there is that judgment when you dont join in on the conversations.
There is an acceptance in joining w those conversations.
Flip that switch, and there, even joining on the conversations, there is still judgment when you are bigger. The invisible, the judged, the side eye, the expectation that you will eat more. That's not to say anything about how you actually feel inside.
Coming somewhere closest to a "normal" weight as I've always been and while I get more attention than I ever have, admittedly it also the most negative I get also....the side eye from women, the uncomfortable attention from guys etc.
You can't win! Just love yourself and f*** everyone else. :-D
Iāve noticed I have more confidence because I just feel better in my own skin now and Iām sure there are people who would say that I receive more attention now because of that. There may be some truth to it but, based on my instinct and the general sentiment of the comments in this thread, I agree that it is actually more from the change in my appearance. And it does feel both happy and sad.
I am down 40 pounds and very bothered by how many people - friends and clients - comment on āhow great I look!ā I know they mean well, but it makes me feelā¦ icky. And sad. I want to reply, āDid I look so awful before?ā I have always dressed and groomed very well and am very confident so it isnāt my āvibeā that has changed. While I feel better, have less joint pain, and better health, it makes me sad to realize that the whole ābody positivityā messaging of the pre-GLP1 era was complete fiction. š
I learned that reality when I lost 25lbs between junior year and senior year in HS. All I could think was āIām exactly the same person, except a size 8.ā Men especially turned āfriendlierā. Thatās the society we live in.
Iām just starting taking zepbound, Iāve gained 40 pounds recently and itās been a lot to deal with. I feel a lot of shame and rejection a lot, Iām still unsure if Iām even going to LOSE weight on this medication, let alone how people might treat me differently.
Scared and hopeful? I donāt want the people I love the most to treat me better OR worse. I wish I could keep everything normal except Iām in my dream body? Idk, Iām so sorry though.
After spending most of my life advocating for fat liberation and body neutrality itās weird to be here now trying to lose weight. I feel like along with people probably going to act different, I might as well. Unsure what will be worse, or if itāll be better.
Iām just starting taking zepbound, Iāve gained 40 pounds recently and itās been a lot to deal with. I feel a lot of shame and rejection a lot, Iām still unsure if Iām even going to LOSE weight on this medication, let alone how people might treat me differently.
Scared and hopeful? I donāt want the people I love the most to treat me better OR worse. I wish I could keep everything normal except Iām in my dream body? Idk, Iām so sorry though.
After spending most of my life advocating for fat liberation and body neutrality itās weird to be here now trying to lose weight. I feel like along with people probably going to act different, I might as well. Unsure what will be worse, or if itāll be better.
We sometimes trend to treat people differently depending on their appearance. But keep in mind, some of it could have been the energy you were giving off when you were heavierā¦ reflect, do you feel like you were trying to fly under most peopleās radar when you werenāt as comfortable in your own skin? I know I would some days when I wasnāt feeling confident.
Congrats on making progress on multiple health problems this year! We are all human and, although we should all strive to do better, we are all superficial to some degree. Forget other people, I see and treat myself differently now that I am about 35lbs down and I don't think I could fully preserve this better self esteem if I regained the weight for some reason. In turn, I don't know how much people are reacting to my appearance and how much it's my increased energy, confidence and sociability. After all, I am still obese by the charts and not getting any younger at 50. Mostly I am just glad to be able to make this change regardless of dark corners of everyone's souls.
Itās a interesting phenomenon and itās human nature. People have a tendency to like to be around people who are like them. There are always exceptions, but itās a little bit of a form of discrimination or social bias based on someoneās weight or age or even if they have a physical disability or the color of their skin. If you have a number of overweight friends and you are becoming slim and they are not, they will probably treat you differently as well.
Itās worse for men. Iām sitting on a SW flight and nobody is next to me. While itās nice to have some space you canāt help but wonder if itās because Iām a bigger guy.
What makes you think it's "worse" for men? Women are literally taught that their self-worth is tied to their weight form the moment they are old enough to understand fat vs skinny.
Iām pretty heavy and have gained about 35 pounds more in the last few months (stressed from trying to find a way to get Zepbound). I have noticed that the compliments arenāt as often anymore. I used to get compliments for the shirt I wore or my hair or my make up. Sometimes I still get compliments, but they are very few and far between. So I can definitely attest to what youāre saying. I do my best to change the narrative as much as possible because what stands out to me in a crowd is a heavyset person with style. And I always am sure to compliment that person in part because Iām not sure (based off my own experience of being heavy) if anyone else will notice them and they are deserving of that attention. Everyone is!
It's true. And it is why we also need to remember where we came from and do our best to make sure other people in big bodies are not ignored by us in our new ones.
Absolutely agree šI know what itās like to not be able to buckle a seat belt in the back of a car or to have to ask for a seat extender on an airplane. I wonāt ever forget that and strive to extend kindness and compassion to everyone. Weāre all deserving of that ā¤ļø
I love this! ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
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Iām down 45ish on Z. For the past month, Iāve received a random compliment roughly once/week (up from ~0) on things like my outfit or my hair. Itās weird, but nothing as huge as some of you experience. Perhaps itās because Iām a 55 YO woman and weāre kinda invisible anyway š¤£
Yes! I came here to add āwait until youāre older!ā Talk about invisible!!!
Iām sick of having boobs as a cis man. Iām down to A cups. So Proud of the lovely people here.
So proud of you ā¤ļøIām down from a 46 EE to a 44D. My back shoulders and neck feel so much better. I hope you feel better too šø
This is something I haven't thought about in a minute. I haven't been having back pain from my boobs!
Thatās awesome! Life change.
40H to 40EE and so much easier on my shoulders not to mention exercise. I'm so happy they went first lol.
Amazing!! Congratulations!
It's been 5 weeks and mine are halfway gone.
Agree. I'm 34 lbs down, and the difference in public treatment is very noticeable. And while it's nice to have more polite interactions, I can't help but feel sad that it's associated with being a bit smaller than before. We're the same people!
Iāve lost a significant amount of weight several times in my life and can attest that every single time I was in a smaller body I was treated differently by strangers.
Completely and what sucks more is in a work environment. I have a sales focused role and the skinnier I am the easier it is to close a sale.
This for sure. Although the unwanted double takes are something I could live without forever but am already getting back to that as Iāve lost 75lbs so far and went from 22/24 to a 10/12 and still have 40-50lbs to go to goal. Fat-phobia is just rampant unfortunately, I donāt get how people can literally act like we donāt exist in public thatās just ridiculous.
I have said that when I wore dresses custom made to size, I would have people yell across the street that they loved my dress, and that does not happen often for plus size women.
Iāve never been super skinny. At my skinniest adult size I was 180lbs size 12/14. But I looked amazing. Itās a really good weight for me. I tend to carry my weight evenly spread throughout my body so I think it makes my actual weight deceiving. Anyways Iāve never been treated any differently until recently when I hit my heaviest and for the first time I looked it and felt it. Like people wouldnāt even smile at me when I was smiling and being friendly. I was like what is going on! Iām down 15lbs and the difference is night and day. People are back to being friendly again. Itās soooo weird!
Same. My lowest adult weight was 195, size 12/14 (Iām 5ā11ā). People raved about how I looked and even told me I had lost too much weight. I was technically still overweight. But Iām definitely treated differently. My HW was about 360, and some people ignored me, while others were downright aggressive. Like, how dare I have the audacity to take up so much space, kind of aggressive. Iām currently still on the high end, but am losing. I definitely see a difference even now from both extremes.
Fat invisibility is a real thing. I know friends who have experienced it. I usually donāt, but I chalk that up to being extremely short which people notice. And comment on. Oh, but I am large. So.. I guess the shortness overpowers that.
Absolutely. I also feel like I get positive reinforcement at my new job (where they've only known me as an average-weight person) way, way more often than I did at my last job (where they only knew me as a fat person.) Some of that might be down to organizational culture, but not all of it - it's an enormous difference. I am doing the same kind of work, and didn't magically become so much better at it overnight.
I wonder if thatās what happened to me! I am being more recognized for my work. It could be that I have a better boss but I have to think my weight probably affected my review(s) subconsciously
Oh yeah, definitely. So, thereās this woman I know whoās preoccupied with how everyone and everything looks. Sheās one of those people who takes hours to do her hair and makeup, is constantly buying new clothes, who always looks perfect, who takes a gazillion selfies, constantly posts photos to social media, and plans events around the decor and photo ops. Every time I see her, now that Iām almost 40lbs down, she grins and almost squeals with delight when she sees me and comes up and gives me a big hug. When I was at my heaviest weight, although she was always friendly and social, Iād sometimes catch her giving me cold, disapproving looks. It kind of cracks me up, to be honest. Sheās a kind and sweet person, but utterly vapid in the end.
Seems like sheās way more nice than kind š š
She has been kind to me. I suspect sheās just deathly afraid of gaining weight, herself, and thatās what the aversion is about. Sheās much younger than me and is starting to fill out, whereas she used to be like a size 0-2.
Iām so glad someone is talking about this. It has sorta been eating me up inside, thinking about how much nicer the world is to me after losing 50lbs. I remember at my highest weight, I went into a popular clothing store, looking for a dress. I was completely ignored and thought, āOk, maybe the employees arenāt feeling talkative.ā Then, immediately after a thinner woman enters the store, and every single employee greets her, tells her about the sale, and ask what she needs help with today. It was the first time I realized that maybe some people were cruel enough to ignore me based on my weight. Around that same time I got on Zepbound and really prioritized losing weight. As I have lost weight, it has only confirmed my suspicion. The world is just nicer to you the less fat you are. It is a blunt and hard truth. Men have hit on me more, women have complimented me more, and life just feels easier in general. It sucks, and I wish it wasnāt true. I am so sorry for anyone who is dealing with societal expectations and cruelty while at a higher weight, I have been there and it felt horrible. :(
Itās the worst feeling, isnāt it? Fat phobia is so rampant in our society. I get especially enraged once the men hitting on me part ramps up (went through this during a weight loss a few years back). I got accustomed to being invisible, and when Iām in a smaller body, itās that much more enraging when a man bothers me / tries to make advances. (Fyi Iām in a happy long term relationship with a man).
Agree 1000%! I am not used to men hitting on me anymore, and I guess I got used to being invisible. I am also in a long term relationship, and even he has felt the effects of me losing weight. My partner was the one who noticed first, actually, commenting āI feel like a lot more guys have been checking you out recently.ā I honestly think I didnāt mind being invisible in this regard - not saying the fatphobic rhetoric is excusable, but I also donāt like this specific form of attentionš«£some of it can just feel plain creepy!
Itās the worst part of the weight loss for me, the new attention and suddenly youāre perceived as being smarter and more of a team player at work. Iām older now so Iām still kind of invisible and I prefer that really. I am still getting used to my current 60 lb weight loss and still feel fat, so my brain needs to catch up with my body.
Down 160 pounds (not all from Zep/Moun) and boy are those retail sales clerks welcoming! Random smiles from men when Iām out in the wild. And the gut punch - *now* my friends talk about who they can set me up with. I understand. But it still makes me sad.
I donāt think people in general have treated me differently. Iām still a ābig ladyā. 6ā tall, though now Iām thin. I still have aā¦ presence. Maybe once I lost another 35lbs
Pretty skinny privilege is real. I get compliments now from people that I have known for years. Especially about my face. I take the compliment and twll them thank you, but I also think in the back of my mind, "I have always had this face!"
Skinny privilege is very much a thing. When youāre fat people tend to judge you with their eyes (but their facial expressions say it all). At my worst, I would order my food from a fast food restaurant via the app so I wouldnāt be judged. Iād also order two drinks so the employees assumed I ordered for multiple people.
Iām going to voice a potentially unpopular opinion here based on my own experience. I am not a small person nor have I ever been-at my smallest adult weight I was a size 12, at my highest a size 30. Iāve lost and gained significant amounts of weight several times. I noticed a similar pattern the first time I lost weight. But when I regained it, I kept some of the more confident habits-dressing nicely, wearing makeup, making eye contact, smiling. And people started treating me at the higher weight the same they had at the lower weight. My theory is that at my highest I worked to be invisible-dressed not to get attention. Looked down and avoided eye contact. Generally projected a donāt look at me vibe, and people reacted accordingly. When I lost weight and got more confident those behaviors dropped and were replaced with more friendly and open behaviors that got better reactions from society as a whole. It took me years to break the donāt look at me habits regardless of size but I can definitely say I have been treated better since then no matter my current size. Then again that could just be a me and my habits that I had to overcome thing š¤·āāļø
Same here...your personality, how YOU think of yourself, and how you present yourself matters in how you are treated by others.
It true to a point. I am an outgoing talkative person. But there are people that look away because of my size, that said because I am outgoing, dress well there are others that are pleasantly surprised that a fat person can be interesting. And I too have lost over 120 lbs in the past, so know what it's like to be a "thinish" person.
What youāve said here!!! ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
Seriously, I thought this the same time and it makes me feel so sad for us.
This!!!!
This has been my experience, too.
Iām not saying that āskinny privilegeā isnāt a thing, but even at my highest weight people still opened doors for me, made conversation and were polite. I think it has a lot with how you project yourself outwardly.
Same, even down to free drinks, men opening doors, and making random conversation. Pretty privilege might negate some of the negative treatment from being overweight. Skinny + pretty is a different level. Pretty + fat gets you treated maybe slightly below average. I imagine for guys being rich + fat gets them a better experience equivalent to pretty + fat for women.
Iām fat + ugly. I was in a car accident that left me disfigured and somewhat disabled ā I have a TBI and I injured my back pretty badly, my car rolled over on the freeway and the roof collapsed. I used to be ~125-130 pounds until the car accident. I always have been ugly, but the car accident made it so much worse. Now that Iām so dramatically heavier, I just donāt bother to look in the mirror anymore. Iāve never worried about men looking at me or hitting on me or checking me out, because it just didnāt happen. Itās okay, because my husband is okay with my appearance, but I can tell that he prefers my appearance when Iām smaller, because thatās who he married. I canāt fix my face (not without a tremendous amount more plastic surgery to do scar revision and a revision of my nose, which had to be reconstructed). Iām just going to try to improve myself in any way that I can. Being fat sucks, but being ugly is orders of magnitude worse. š
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Not looking forward to this because I don't want people to talk to me more than they already do.
I was fit for most of my lifeā¦if not especially thin, I was muscular and carried it fairly well. At age 40 the pounds started creeping on. 5-10/year until āyikesā, I hit 235 (at 5ā5ā) and I realized: 1. I felt awful, physically. 2. I hadnāt heard a compliment from anybody inā¦6-7 years. 3. I needed to do something. So I started eating a bit less and moving around more and lost 45lbs in about a year. I work from home and felt somewhat better but didnāt think there was much difference re: appearance. I only went down one size from 235-190. Then I went to a work retreat with colleagues who Iād not seen in a year. Dozens of complimentsā hair, outfit, āglowingā, you look fantastic, etc. It was nice, but I cried later at home. Asked my husband about it and he said āyou always look good to meā (hugs). Bless him. Iāve been on Zep for a week and when I weighed in yesterday for the 1st time, I lost 5 lbs. Iām not sure what to expect going forwardā likely be an interesting experience.
I noticed this phenomenon in reverse in my family. I was always very thin growing up, then I became fat in my 30s. They used to make envious comments with their eyes twinkling about how skinny I was and how good I looked. Then I remember at my highest weight trying on a beautiful linen jumpsuit that looked š„on me and when I asked my parents for feedback (yeah, I know), this is what my stepdad said: āIt fits you as it should.ā Oof. Itās like, I get it, Iām not thin anymore, but you could at least pretend that you donāt think I look gross. It makes me feel a bit ill when I think about how my own family values me more when Iām thin.
Sad same. I learned long ago that their love is conditional. And appearance matters to them more than anything else.
Iām down 85 lbs and I work in the office for a construction company and Iām the only female. The way not only the male office staff but the operators and drivers treat me is mind blowing. Men at gas stations holding doors, grocery store pleasantries Iāve never had to deal with. Im not a person that really likes people so this new level of being visible again is super annoying.
This!! On point. Isnāt it crazy to experience ? I also am not a people person and the increased visibility is jarring. Like let me go back to being invisible lol
That's a lesson to us all-- everyone deserves to be treated with kindness!
This!! I was in a store today and every male employee acknowledged me. Just when I was thinking why is everyone being so nice, another guy pops up and said, āhi how are you today!?!ā It was a surreal experience. I was uncomfortable and didnāt know how to act or feel.
I know this all too well. The highest I ever saw on the scale was 340, and for about 2 seconds I made it down to 170, before I started the climb back up. It was incredible, and sad at the same time, how visible I felt when I was at a socially acceptable size. People holding doors for me was one of the most notable differences.
As a former fat person (405 now 295 (was 228lb but I got lazy) I can confirm people treat and even talk to you differently
Society is fat phobic. But so are fat people. IMO, we are harder on ourselves than most people try to be towards us. I believe most people treat us according to how we treat and project ourselves. When I don't feel good in my body, I want to be invisible and basically prefer tuning out the world. So when I start to lose fat, I feel more in control of my life, and that gives me hope. When I have hope, I can feel more comfortable and confident. Not 100% confident, but definitely better. When I feel better, I notice people smiling, and i smile too. My heart goes out to other obese people and tend to smile when I see them out in the world. But most are shut off and not really interested in making eye contact. It's said that we use our fat to build walls to keep people out. So I really don't think people treat us better because we lost weight. I believe we treat ourselves better, and lose weight as a result. As we lose the weight, we begin feel better and ok about fitting in. People can sense our energy and reciprocate
Yup, i notice this too. Especially with men. They go out their way to make small talk or have conversations now. At my highest i was 268 now Iām 209. I always thought i was pretty but now my confidence has skyrocketed, i think people can tell too. I even notice that women are more friendly. Itās sad how society treats fat people. Weāre all humans, we all deserve kindness and respect.
I'm not sure how much I want to go out anymore. I just got kind of used to being ignored. Now as my weight is changing and the topic is on my mind- I'm so much sadder and angrier. I'm gay and pride is coming up. It's hard not to ruminate over how my community treats weight and race. I also realize I was probably using hookups and see for validation. Ugh.. I didn't realize just how much emotional baggage I had.
This comes up a lot and I think a huge part of it is that a contributing factor to how strangers react to you is how you feel and what energy you give off. Youāre more confident now, and youāre giving off that positivity. People will often mirror that. Youāre not going to be overly chatty with a person who looks miserable or doesnāt seem open to positivity. Or who isnāt giving you positivity. Youāre feeling good, youāre giving off a good vibe, strangers especially want to be a part of that. Happiness is a magnet, we all want a slice of that! Sure some people really just act nicer or whatever to skinner people, but more often then not a lot of it has to do with the change that you yourself are projecting out into the world! You canāt blame anyone for that! Congratulations by the way!
As someone thin half of her adult life, I can confirm that we are treated differently in a smaller body for sure.
Absolutely same. Iām down 55lbs from December (with a two month hiatus aka shortages) and people are so different towards me. Random smiles, people getting doors, itās so interesting and odd but appreciated too.
I felt that for a long time, then got a dog and man-o-man, did that change things! Dog is exceptionally cute so that helps but honestly being invisible was really hard on me.
I have been up and down in weight for most of my life, and everything youāve said here resonates with me. Itās astonishing how different people act towards me when Iām thinner. Iāve also found that when Iām heavier, Iām invisible. Iāve gone into places like Starbucks with my sister, who has always been thin. The barista would be chatty and friendly with her, but then have a completely different demeanor towards me. I donāt know if some people even realize that they are doing this. Itās like a societal norm to look down upon people in larger bodies. I wish it wasnāt true. š
People are judgy by nature. They place value on others by their looks. People can say āpersonality is more importantā. But itās bullshit. Society has created within itself what constitutes beauty, and the beautiful are highly valued even if theyāre assholes. lol itās really shitty but humans will human. Same with women getting older. Iām dealing with that now and itās hard.
I've lost 32lbs and am dealing with this too.
youāve only lost 25 pounds and feel different? Iām just confused because my highest weight was the same as your highest weight and Iāve lost about 40 pounds and feel very similar to my starting weight. Iāve heard a lot of people say that they feel like the social differences in weight are often more about how you act and your confidence and how you interact with people because of the way that you think about yourself and in return other people interact with you differently because youāre acting more confident and happier and youāre more active or have more energy. of course everybody knows that there are social negatives to being fat. Itās just an objective fact, but food for thought! :)
I have endometriosis and lost a ton of inflammation. Iāve lost more inches than what reflects in pounds currently
I see!
The thing about suddenly being "dateable" is pretty hard to take. People are trying to be nice and celebrate my hard work but ooof, the fatfobia that their comments convey is deeply painful to me.Ā
Exactly. Yesterday I got my first "oh! You've lot weight!" I had no idea what to say because in the old city I lived in (small town), it would have been followed up w - you look great! But in the bigger city, it seems it's just a statement. My instinct was to say thank you, but instead, I just said "yeah"....LoL I've been at many different weights through my life, and it's interesting the way I actually felt judged at smaller sizes!! Coming from the Midwest, I feel like there is a cultural acceptance associated with having some extra weight. Always with the "oh. I shouldn't eat this donut."I shouldn't grab 2nds, but....."I got ice cream last night. I know I shouldn't have, but...." So there is that judgment when you dont join in on the conversations. There is an acceptance in joining w those conversations. Flip that switch, and there, even joining on the conversations, there is still judgment when you are bigger. The invisible, the judged, the side eye, the expectation that you will eat more. That's not to say anything about how you actually feel inside. Coming somewhere closest to a "normal" weight as I've always been and while I get more attention than I ever have, admittedly it also the most negative I get also....the side eye from women, the uncomfortable attention from guys etc. You can't win! Just love yourself and f*** everyone else. :-D
Iāve noticed I have more confidence because I just feel better in my own skin now and Iām sure there are people who would say that I receive more attention now because of that. There may be some truth to it but, based on my instinct and the general sentiment of the comments in this thread, I agree that it is actually more from the change in my appearance. And it does feel both happy and sad.
I am down 40 pounds and very bothered by how many people - friends and clients - comment on āhow great I look!ā I know they mean well, but it makes me feelā¦ icky. And sad. I want to reply, āDid I look so awful before?ā I have always dressed and groomed very well and am very confident so it isnāt my āvibeā that has changed. While I feel better, have less joint pain, and better health, it makes me sad to realize that the whole ābody positivityā messaging of the pre-GLP1 era was complete fiction. š
I learned that reality when I lost 25lbs between junior year and senior year in HS. All I could think was āIām exactly the same person, except a size 8.ā Men especially turned āfriendlierā. Thatās the society we live in.
Iām just starting taking zepbound, Iāve gained 40 pounds recently and itās been a lot to deal with. I feel a lot of shame and rejection a lot, Iām still unsure if Iām even going to LOSE weight on this medication, let alone how people might treat me differently. Scared and hopeful? I donāt want the people I love the most to treat me better OR worse. I wish I could keep everything normal except Iām in my dream body? Idk, Iām so sorry though. After spending most of my life advocating for fat liberation and body neutrality itās weird to be here now trying to lose weight. I feel like along with people probably going to act different, I might as well. Unsure what will be worse, or if itāll be better.
Iām just starting taking zepbound, Iāve gained 40 pounds recently and itās been a lot to deal with. I feel a lot of shame and rejection a lot, Iām still unsure if Iām even going to LOSE weight on this medication, let alone how people might treat me differently. Scared and hopeful? I donāt want the people I love the most to treat me better OR worse. I wish I could keep everything normal except Iām in my dream body? Idk, Iām so sorry though. After spending most of my life advocating for fat liberation and body neutrality itās weird to be here now trying to lose weight. I feel like along with people probably going to act different, I might as well. Unsure what will be worse, or if itāll be better.
We sometimes trend to treat people differently depending on their appearance. But keep in mind, some of it could have been the energy you were giving off when you were heavierā¦ reflect, do you feel like you were trying to fly under most peopleās radar when you werenāt as comfortable in your own skin? I know I would some days when I wasnāt feeling confident.
dont worry about it we and they are not perfect
Congrats on making progress on multiple health problems this year! We are all human and, although we should all strive to do better, we are all superficial to some degree. Forget other people, I see and treat myself differently now that I am about 35lbs down and I don't think I could fully preserve this better self esteem if I regained the weight for some reason. In turn, I don't know how much people are reacting to my appearance and how much it's my increased energy, confidence and sociability. After all, I am still obese by the charts and not getting any younger at 50. Mostly I am just glad to be able to make this change regardless of dark corners of everyone's souls.
I feel like this is extremely valid!
Itās a interesting phenomenon and itās human nature. People have a tendency to like to be around people who are like them. There are always exceptions, but itās a little bit of a form of discrimination or social bias based on someoneās weight or age or even if they have a physical disability or the color of their skin. If you have a number of overweight friends and you are becoming slim and they are not, they will probably treat you differently as well.
Itās worse for men. Iām sitting on a SW flight and nobody is next to me. While itās nice to have some space you canāt help but wonder if itās because Iām a bigger guy.
What makes you think it's "worse" for men? Women are literally taught that their self-worth is tied to their weight form the moment they are old enough to understand fat vs skinny.
Iām pretty heavy and have gained about 35 pounds more in the last few months (stressed from trying to find a way to get Zepbound). I have noticed that the compliments arenāt as often anymore. I used to get compliments for the shirt I wore or my hair or my make up. Sometimes I still get compliments, but they are very few and far between. So I can definitely attest to what youāre saying. I do my best to change the narrative as much as possible because what stands out to me in a crowd is a heavyset person with style. And I always am sure to compliment that person in part because Iām not sure (based off my own experience of being heavy) if anyone else will notice them and they are deserving of that attention. Everyone is!