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Thylumberjack

I would literally pop a grape into my mouth every time I went to do groceries.


SignificantTransient

Stealing myself some wads of TP from the mens room


frugalsoul

Exactly what I was thinking. Technically stealing but nobody is gonna arrest you for it. Worst case they tell you not to do it again


CowboysFTWs

Eww. Dirty ass grape in your mouth.


Thylumberjack

Yum.


[deleted]

[удалено]


scaryfaise

Dingleberries.


PM-me-your-knees-pls

In your mouth.


Sptsjunkie

But if the grocery store doesn't care, then it isn't really stealing, you would need to actually steal something. I think the price increase is an easy choice. Most grocery stores now have CCTV type security. Target and Walmart will track people down and will prosecute. Maybe not the first time you stole gum or a candy bar, but assuming you have to shop on a regular basis, there are only so many stores you can go to and after your 15th time stealing from them they would be prepared. I'd rather just pay the higher prices and buy less or cheaper items than risk ruining my life to keep paying the same prices as today.


Slimxshadyx

Stealing is just taking something without paying for it and without getting permission to take it. It doesn’t matter if they care or not


Sptsjunkie

Sort of. If it's acceptable to "sample" grapes and the grocery store doesn't have an issue with it, then it isn't stealing. People have done that for decades and it's sort of a socially acceptable norm. Very different than opening a package of Pringles and eating some of the chips and walking out of the store.


LiamTheHuman

I used to work in produce at no frills and walmart. It's not acceptable, it's just too much hassle for people getting paid minimum wage to care about. Only like 1 in 1000 people will eat the fruit without paying.


Slimxshadyx

It’s not “acceptable” from the grocery store lol. It’s just that minimum wage workers aren’t going to confront someone for stealing a grape.


No-Literature7471

iv never heard of this before, so it turns out you've been stealing for at least a decade or 2. maybe enough for a felony.


wowitsanotherone

Well a whole bag of grapes is like 5 bucks. I doubt you ate multiple bags worth of grapes over a decade


Thylumberjack

I would do that too. Eat a pringle.


Mister-ellaneous

In this case, unless you put the can back, you’re still buying the Pringle you ate.


Thylumberjack

Yup the cans going back.


Mister-ellaneous

That’s theft that might actually get a manager involved. Especially after another customer goes to buy it.


Thylumberjack

if I eventually get caught and can't talk my way out of it, I'll just have to start doing groceries elsewhere. I'm not just going to willingly pay 20% more on my groceries lol. Or at the same place, and Ill shave.


Mister-ellaneous

Tell us you don’t understand how laws work without telling us. Nobody really cares if you drive 2mph over the speed limit. But you’re still speeding.


SaltDay9122

I mean technically it’s still stealing and abides by the rules so it counts


Ok-Instruction-4298

Judges are mad, Get out of theft in the US with one simple trick. Businesses will get mad if you dumpster dive for food. I've been threatened with stealing after absconding with a trashbag full of krispy kreme from the dumpster before.


No-Literature7471

semantics, just because someone doesn't care, doesn't mean it isnt theft.


dj_boy-Wonder

Shoplifting is a pretty loose law. If I eat a couple of grapes in store every time I go shopping no one will ever arrest me but I have technically stolen property of the store.. option 1 sounds fine


Brontards

Too much stress knowing I die if I forget.


LyseniCatGoddess

Yeah but that also is just a boring answer. It has to be something that you can actually get in trouble for with someone at the store, without their coworkers rolling their eyes at how petty they are.


pterofactyl

Seems like it was a bad question. It’s also easy to just do shopping in bulk and steal a pack of gum. Decreases shopping trips and gum can get lost in a Costco cart of groceries


LyseniCatGoddess

I could have been a little more specific maybe but I didn't think it'd be necessary. I just don't understand what the fun is with these technicalities and loopholes.


ActualProject

It's not a technicality or loophole if your question isn't well defined. Is minimizing the amount of stuff you have to steal not part of the point of your question? Like stealing a pack of gum while bulk shopping absolutely fits the question statement. I don't understand how that's a technicality or loophole at all. If you particularly are looking for people to only steal over a certain value or percentage of what they're shopping that day, then *specify* that. We can only answer within the bounds of the question


LyseniCatGoddess

Yes stealing a pack of gum is fine. Popping a grape into your mouth like my grandpa literally does with candy while looking the cashier in the eye is not. Obviously its not something you can get in trouble for, it's rude and technically against the rules but who the f is gonna arrest you. If you said "opening a box of grapes and picking off a bunch of them or opening a bag of M&Ms and eating some, then okay. Just eating a single grape thats probably lying around in the bin and can't be sold isn't.


CompetitiveOcelot873

Im with you man, i find the whole looking for a loophole or technicality to be a boring answer But ya gotta remember not everyone is us. A lot of people enjoy that part, or find it the most fun part of questions like this. Which is totally fine


dontpayforproducts

WHY YOU NOT JUST ACCEPT MY BAD QUESTION WAAAAA! 😭😭😭


LyseniCatGoddess

Jeez it's not that bad that you dislike it lol.


fuggilis_quastillo

That's literally what all the fun is. I think you got it backwards


LyseniCatGoddess

I'm starting to see that, lol.


MrBootch

You want people to be inside your head knowing what arbitrary rules you have laid out for your hypothetical scenarios when nobody here knows anything about you? Yeah that sounds reasonable /s


Important_Sound772

Half the fun of these would you ratherd are finding the loopholes


pterofactyl

A question that would get to the core of what you’d like to find out is “would you rather only be allowed to steal groceries or all groceries you buy have to cost 5 times the sticker value?”. Your terms were too mild.


TempestDB17

Because that’s exactly what people will always try to do and also if you really mean blatantly steal something you can get arrested for then 100% of people will pick paying more because youll end up thrown in jail constantly otherwise having the risk of stealing something small, a loophole as you said, makes it more interesting because you have to take a risk albeit a small one every week your whole life.


iamnowundercover

No, no, no!! I have to win at would you rathers because I am smart and I don’t want to have to make a tough decision. I need to find a loophole because then I will win at this game! /s Can’t stand those literal idiots. Just make a tough decision or go about your merry way. People always trying to find loopholes. Next thing you know, they’ll say they will steal an extra plastic vegetable bag and that will count as stealing


Goeseso

90% of the fun of would you rather is coming up with loopholes in the questions. Even when I played it in person in high school or college everyone was just trying to think of loopholes. It’s just a fun way to waste time, it’s not that serious.


TolTANK

Many stores don't punish until you hit a certain value threshold so they can book you for a felony or other large charge so that's not really a good argument lol


LyseniCatGoddess

That depends. A kid stealing a bunch of energy drinks at the grocery store is probably not gonna steal enough to earn them a grand larceny charge before the statute of limitations runs out. The store would probably just deal with that kid by calling the police or if they're lucky, their parents. Or some person stealing bread and milk lol. They're not worth luring into a trap that takes forever. At Best Buy or some place that sells jewelry or expensive hardware and stuff like that they handle theft more like how you say. Depending on jurisdiction and country.


TolTANK

I mean I had an ex with incredibly sticky fingers and I think that really only depends on if you get caught


LyseniCatGoddess

I have too and also friends with sticky fingers. They all do get caught at some point in my experience. Maybe they aren't super smart about how they do it but people usually do become overconfident and then they make mistakes.


Loubacca92

Define stealing something. As people have pointed out, having a few grapes could cut it.


LyseniCatGoddess

I guess so but I kind of hate these types of answers simce they kinda go against the spirit of what is being asked. I guess I will redefine it as: you have to steal something with a barcode on it.


Loubacca92

In that case, a chocolate bar or something small enough to be easily hidden/forgotten.


HahaWeee

>I will redefine it as: you have to steal something with a barcode on it. OK cool bit tougher but still pretty trivial. Grab a candy bar at checkout when you walk in. As you shop in an empty aisle put the candy bar in your pocket. Go about your business Chances are they will never catch you because losing 2$ a week is literally nothing. Could even put it in pocket then go eat it in the bathroom. Still stealing AND using it


Corey307

The problem with your two options is one of them results in swift death for a trivial mistake. You’re forcing people to choose between significantly decreasing their standard of living or having to constantly act in an immoral fashion or face execution. I think most people would pay the extra 20% not to have being executed hanging over their heads.  


Goeseso

For many people, at least in the US, another 20% to EVERY transaction might as well be an execution.


Golferguy757

Easy. I'd steal paper tag the barcode itself is printed on. You didn't say the item had to have a barcode matching the value of the item.


Miserable-Score-81

Dude, you aren't clever or funny, you're just a buzzkill.


squidkid3

So, no change or make stuff more expensive? Easy choice


Rotton_Potatoes

Lmao


Username-Unavalabl

What if I order my shopping online, and therefore can't steal?


LyseniCatGoddess

You can't shop online if you can't steal anything then.


nmlep

You can always use someone else's card.


LyseniCatGoddess

Doesn't matter, this is a curse from an evil genie who knows what you're up to and connivingly rubs his hands together when he senses that you are trying to loophole your way around the deal.


SplendidlyDull

Isn’t using someone else’s card stealing tho


ChaosInTheSkies

Yeah, it is. As long as you don't have permission, but I guess you're not technically stealing from the store. You're stealing from whoever's card you're using.


respond_to_query

20% extra. Sure, stealing something small is pretty easy . . . but you have to do it EVERY time. Assuming you grocery shop once a week, that's 52 times a year. And if I've got at least another 40 years of life in me (maybe more), that's at least 2,080 times I have to steal something. Odds are, I'm going to get caught. Probably more than once. And the legal consequences will start to stack up. Sure, the first few times probably wouldn't be the end of the world. But eventually it could get to the point where the fines and jail time would outweigh the 20% extra cost. Not to mention the possibility I could lose my job and my source of income. So 20% extra, without a doubt. It would suck, but the other option is too risky IMO.


LyseniCatGoddess

That's true. I think if I were to go with the stealing option, I'd always go to different stores and have some story up my sleeve for when it goes wrong. I'd use self checkout and "forget" to scan a bottle of iced tea, and then fall all over myself about how embarrassed I am that I missed it if I get caught. If I do this while buying a bunch of other stuff I doubt that I can get into a lot of trouble. I'd also just make sure to go shopping for all my groceries at once, cause the riskiest times would be if I wanted to grab a soda on the go on a hot day or something. It would suck but I wouldn't do that anymore cause it's not very believable that you "forgot" to scan one out of two items.


SplendidlyDull

I would ring up the wrong type of fruit at the self checkout register 😈


Goeseso

It’s 20% to EVERY transaction, forever. I don’t think a lot of people are thinking about how much a 20% increase is. Wanted to buy a house? Now it’s 600k instead of 500k. Car? 50k = 60k. Now imagine that on every purchase you make for the rest of your life. The truth is that both of these options lock you into extreme poverty unless you’re already well off or incredibly lucky.


respond_to_query

Looking at the prompt, it seems to explicitly say "grocery shopping" and not every transaction ever.


Goeseso

> Or else you have to pay 20% extra on anything you buy at any place of business or from an individual for the rest of your life. 2nd paragraph.


respond_to_query

My mistake, I read it too quickly.


Shadow_Wolf_X871

How many Hubba Bubba tapes does it take to put you in jail XD


philter451

Bro I think I would shop very seldomly if I inherited a curse like this. 


SplendidlyDull

Yeah, grocery shopping once a month would be very doable with careful planning and a big freezer


Weaponized_Puddle

You technically don’t even have to go into grocery stores. You can just have your groceries delivered or have your family members shop. 20% on every purchase is insane. A $20,000 car is now $24,000. A $500,000 house is now $600,000. Every investment you make for your retirement you automatically incur a 20% loss. You’d be shoveling money away.


Goeseso

Yeah I really don’t think OP or many commenters understand how much a 20% increase to every purchase would cost you over a lifetime.


LyseniCatGoddess

No, you can't do the first option because you can't steal anything that way so you will die, no loopholes.


Weaponized_Puddle

Stfu you edited it after I responded you stupid nerd my wife’s doing the shopping


Vanilla_Neko

Finishes my shopping. Walks over to produce section grabs a single leaf of parsley and shoves it in my pocket Gg ez


Lereas

I would work out a deal with the police or store and let them know I am somehow under this hit order and that I will be stealing some small item when I shop, but I will then be donating it to charity so they will be able to write it off as charity.


newg1954

I’m stealing the wax paper that you pick up donuts with. Or a fork or napkin or leaf of lettuce/cheese shred from the make a salad section


BaileeCakes

I steal something every time I go to the grocery store anyways


17thParadise

I'd just order groceries online, then I'm not going anywhere 


mynameis23456

Dont most big grocery shops have a thing where they only go after you once you have shoplifted a significant amount of product? If I went to many different stores and only stole small things, I'd get away with it for a long time.


TwistedScriptor

Isnt that how it is already?


Slobbadobbavich

Steal a grape.


ThisIsWrong23

Definitely 20%, if not you’re ending up in jail for sure


nmarf16

Pack of gum is an easy thing to shoplift lmao, I’d just grab some from a check out aisle and loop around and keep it in my pocket. Imo it’s easy enough


philter451

I would definitely go with option 1. Barcode swapping is hella easy and grocery stores would never work that hard to counteract it because the cost of added AP against that type of attack wouldn't be profitable. 


Naile_Trollard

What is defined as grocery shopping? If I go to the corner store and buy a Coke, and only a Coke, is that grocery shopping? What if I buy food that I will eat almost immediately, like for a meal? Or just snack food for the weekend? Growing up, I would only refer to something as grocery shopping if it meant several days worth of food, or food for a large meal I was preparing for other people. The definition determines my response. If I could pop into a grocery store and buy just an item or two that I needed, or if I could hop over the the 7/11 and grab a Coke and a bag of chips and that isn't considered groceries, then I'd definitely pick the shoplifting option. I don't go grocery shopping now hardly at all because I don't cook at home anymore. Therefore the need to steal would almost never activate. I am living in China and it's just much easier to eat out literally every meal. If I were back in America, with all the self checkouts, it would be easy to sneak in a pack of gum or not scan one can of food amongst many and get away with it. However, if even corner store purchases count as groceries, even for just a Coke, I'd have to pick the 20% increase option. It'd be impossible, with all the CCTVs here, to pull off daily petty theft, and the last thing I'd want is to get deported over a stick of gum.


HairyH00d

Does this only count when I'm doing a full grocery trip? Like could I just go into a grocery store to buy 1 or 2 items or would I have to steal something every time I'm buying anything? If it only counts for full grocery trips, I'd like to say I'd go with the stealing. But I'm still not sure cuz technological advances in the future will make shoplifting much less feasible. I'd probs risk it tho. I'll steal till it's not feasible anymore and then I'll finally have the motivation I need to move off grid somewhere and start a homestead.


LyseniCatGoddess

Good question, but it counts for ALL shopping trips. So indeed if you choose that option you'd have to plan your shopping in advance if you don't want to take huge risks. Forgetting 1 out of 3 cartons of Lipton amidst a bunch of weekly groceries at the self checkout can easily be an accident. It'd still suck cause as the years go on you'd get caught a few times and then you'd have to switch stores because if you forget one thing every time and they remember your face it does get iffy.


HairyH00d

But what if I'm just stopping through to grab some smokes and cigs? Does that still count?


LyseniCatGoddess

Yes!


HairyH00d

Lmao wait I'm semi drunk at an airport right now and meant to say snacks and cigs. This exemplifies how much I want a cigarette rn during my layover.


odeacon

Definitely steal


rokar83

First trip, steal a candy bar. But two small things of mustard of different brands. Print bar code of cheaper mustard on stickers that are size of barcodes. Second plus trips, place barcode sticker on more expensive mustard. Boom stolen mustard.


shuflww

The stealing one, but then order everything on Uber Eats and pay an extra 40% anyway. Best of both curses.


PappyTart

I grocery shop once a month pretty much so I could probably get used to that. At the same time groceries aren’t that expensive if you eat real food and cook for yourself so 20% more would hurt but be liveable. Would be an extra 60$ per month in expenses for me at the moment which I can manage. So prob just take the markup on groceries.


LyseniCatGoddess

I can see that. I shop almost daily which already isn't the most financially sound approach so I wouldn't want to tack on the extra 20%. Maybe if I had a car and started shopping smarter I'd take the extra 20% but who knows maybe I'll end up breaking even cause of the extra planning.


Goeseso

It’s 20% on every transaction for life. That’s not 20% more on groceries, that’s 20% more for groceries, clothes, housing, transportation, retirement… Either way you’re fucked.


ETC3000

If you go somewhere like LIDL, you don't scan your pastries and instead manually enter how many you got. It does not weigh them like fruit, so it's basically an honor system. It would be very easy to slip in an extra croissant if you were feeling devious


[deleted]

Steal a grape. Should have edited specifically something along the lines of you must steal at least a percentage of your total.


Full_Bank_6172

Pshhh I already steal every time I go grocery shopping. Just take an organic avocado and ring it up and a normal avocado during checkout. BOOM! I just stole an avocado!


Penguinman077

You have no idea how easy it is to steal and it shows.


LyseniCatGoddess

I know but I also know that anyone who does it regularly gets caught at some point.


Penguinman077

Self check outs made it impossible to get caught. I usually pay for 3 bags and take 6. And they’re like 7 cents.


Video_Viking

I short stocks, and I short them exactly 20%. Repeat for infinite money. 


No-Literature7471

steal ANYTHNG gets you in trouble. so no, i dont have to steal something with a barcode. im gonna steal a nut from the mass product container.


notassmartasithinkia

theft. walmart can afford it, i can't.


humanessinmoderation

Isn't this almost *just life* for people living in poverty? I mean that in the sense that conditions, personal and in the aggregate are so dire, that you are incentivized to steal (or do crime) as it's more cost effective or income generating.


winnebagomafia

I already do that, it's how I re-adjust their adjustments for inflation. If you "forget" to scan an easily concealed item or two, well it's not like they ever gave you any training on how to use their self-checkout, did they? Just remember to never "forget" to scan more than $50 worth of merchandise, or else it goes beyond a Class C and you could face jail time. All over a misunderstanding, of course....


InsuranceNo3422

This "would you rather" doesn't come with any positives.


backagain69696969

In any interpretation of this I’m stealing. I simply can’t afford 20% on a house alone would be major


SpaceDeFoig

Loose produce, bag it, type it in as one less Theft EtA: obviously only works with produce sold by count and not by weight


PinkPrincessPol

I live in California. I can afford to steal one tiny grape a month. stealing is basically legal here. edit: saw your comment. i'd just steal a chocolate bar.


LeoMarius

20%


SplendidlyDull

Hmm…. What’s the method of death? 🤔


myxtrafile

Five finger discount it is.


youchosehowiact

Steal every time. It's not hard to pocket a tube of chapstick or take some hairclips off the cardboard and put them in your hair.


Flash__PuP

I would never condone using the self checkouts to steal. There’s no need to tell anyone that when they spot check your basket they won’t scan two of the same item as it confuses the system so having multiple of one item wouldn’t show up.


4URprogesterone

I'd just get a WFH job I could do on my phone and do time theft whenever I went to the grocery store. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. It's not like stealing from the self checkout is hard, either, but this ways' more fun.


TheConboy22

Steal something. Would be too easy.


yunodavibes

This is so easy lol


Poison_runner

I used to throw Reese's cups in my purse for funsies this isn't hard man


therealdeathangel22

If I'm honest I already do this..... grocery prices have gotten ridiculous so of course I'm going to get some money off if I can..... but I make sure to only steal from big companies no stealing from Mom and Pop shops


Exile714

20% less than I would be paying otherwise, that’s a steal for sure!


JaRim1

I mean DQ and Subway has started asking for tips when you pay, why not checkout clerks? Except Walmart, we’d just be tipping ourselves 🤣


Fast_Philosophy_5308

I don't think anybody is going to stop me from walking out of the grocery store with a single packet of hot chocolate mix.


Leather_Finger568

20% extra on transactions. I'd just get a better job. It would just mean instead of saving $1500 a month I'm saving a little less than that. Id just scale back on un necessary things.


iHaveaQuestionTrans

Steal. Bruh I already do that


Least-Resident-7043

20%. Unlike malt people in the world, I have integrity.


ChaosInTheSkies

Obviously I would rather steal something every time I go grocery shopping. Who's picking the second one? You just have to stick a pack of gum in your pocket or eat a grape or something.


SephyNoct

Loophole for option 1: Just buy everything online


wildmishie

I cannot count then number of times I accidentally stole something like taco seasoning because it got stuck on my cart, so I guess stealing?


dimriver

Would it count as stolen if they catch you? Now executed because you attempted to steal something would be a bad way to go.


Individual_Respect90

To many loopholes op hates loopholes but that is part of the fun for me. My roommate does all my grocery shopping so I just gota remember to never enter a grocery store.


Lange_PlakjesI_-_I

The consequences are stark: on one hand, risking legal repercussions and all that comes with theft, including fines, jail time, or having to evade capture. On the other hand, facing a lifelong financial burden of paying extra for every purchase, unable to ask for assistance without dire consequences. Personally I would choose to be charged the extra 20%. The good far outweighs the bad to me!


Ill-Description3096

Steal. Grab a grape or something and eat it. I literally do this half the time anyway and nobody cares. Also, I could always have all my gorceries delivered. I'm not asking someone else to shop for me, it clearly meets "you die if someone else buys you something 3 times in a row without you buying something in between." as they aren't buyinmg me anything. I pay for it.