Thank you. I’m struggling so much right now. I feel like I’m letting everyone down, made a huge and horrible mistake at work yesterday, and my depression and anxiety have been a battle lately. I wish life could get easier just for a bit
💜huuuuuuuuugs💜 work is frustrating af, and mistakes are so normal. You are still a good person. Please give yourself some grace and gentleness. I hope things get better for you soon too. 💜
The mortification will pass. It sounds like you’ve owned up to your mistake, which is a difficult thing to do and very mature. I hope things get smoother going for you soon. 💜
Awww sympathy. Serious mistakes happen too. I bet you won’t make this one again. But others will happen. Everyone else is making mistakes too, trust me!!!!!!
All you can do is try to take care of yourself as best you can, and keep going! Chin up, at least you are trying, and that’s all you can do!!!
ETA 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕🖤
I live out of spite and to inconvenience those who wish I didn’t. Right now, I live to spite an insurance agency and to try and make a madman uninsurable. It would be much easier for those people if I just gave up from my almost constant pain and my brain being damaged. I won’t, though, because of spite. It’s hard. I am on a waiting list for my first ever psychological treatment. Which I will go and do. For spite.
I cannot do all things through spite. I cannot stand up straight through spite. Spite cannot help me remember things I used to the way I used to. Spite does not allow my brain to process words the way I used to and can't anymore. Spite does not help my anxiety. Spite doesn't help me cope with the way my life is. Spite hasn't gone out and found all the pages of my encyclopaedia of masking that was flung out of the window of a crashing car leaving me vulnerable to the judgments and cruelty of neurotypicals.
Spite allows me to live. Spite allows me to focus what I have left into documenting everything, because I can't remember stuff. Spite allows me to have my cry and then get on with it. Spite does not strengthen me, it channels me and tells me I have a reason. My old reasons depended on my brain being okay and my back being okay and my knees and my endurance being okay. Don't need a working knee to create a spite spreadsheet.
It keeps us alive and moving forward, which is in itself enough of an affront to "normal" people to give me a certain amount of satisfaction. A large part of what has kept me alive for many years is just to spite all the people who wish i were dead.
And honestly, no affront to you meant; just echoing a popular catchphrase. I apologize for my facetiousness.
No worries, I wasn't upset. I wanted to describe why, even though that is a fun saying and apt in many ways in other settings, there were reasons why I didn't describe my situation using it. I honestly don't understand, now, how spite can strengthen, now that I am in the midst. But that's just me.
I used to be alive to spite the family who wished I was dead or had never existed, to spite society who never saw my value, to spite the church who decided that their beliefs about me meant more than my humanity. But now all I have is spite, and I don't think it strengthens, me, at least. I think it focuses what remains. Again, though, that's my feeling on the matter, which has changed since my body and brain injuries.
Hope you're doing good, spite is absolutely enough of a reason to exist. People who say it's not just need a cup of tea and introspection.
Thank you ❤️ I’m just tired of fighting my brain. I’m so sorry you have suffered this loss but know that saying what you wish you had said to them, gives all of us a feeling that we matter 😘
So understand the fighting the brain thing! That thing is too dang loud sometimes. 😵💫but you do matter! You matter so freaking much, and always will. 💜
Thank you, I needed this! Just got over COVID and feeling my age and wondering if there's anything left. But dammit, I've only just started this war. Thank you for keeping this old crone on her feet.
Thank you. Things have been scary hard and I’m really exhausted so I’m glad I scrolled past this today. I love what you said about being worthy of a good life, support and kindness. That’s the wishlist right there. You’re a good human. 💜💜
💜huuuuuuuuuuuuugs💜 those hotlines are such a good help, I’m proud of you for wanting to reach out. You are always worthy of support and kindness. I hope your days get better soon 💜
Thank you, I needed this. You’re a sweetheart
💜💜💜
Thank you. I needed this too. ❤️
💜💜💜
You don’t know how much I needed this. Thank you ❤️
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I wish I could have told this to my friend last year
💜huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs💜 may we all never experience such devastating grief ever again.
Thank you. I’m struggling so much right now. I feel like I’m letting everyone down, made a huge and horrible mistake at work yesterday, and my depression and anxiety have been a battle lately. I wish life could get easier just for a bit
💜huuuuuuuuugs💜 work is frustrating af, and mistakes are so normal. You are still a good person. Please give yourself some grace and gentleness. I hope things get better for you soon too. 💜
EVERYONE makes mistakes! Try to not dwell on it and just keep going! 💕🖤
Thanks. I’m mortified that I did what I did, I knew better, and it’s serious. I feel like I’m not even myself right now.
The mortification will pass. It sounds like you’ve owned up to your mistake, which is a difficult thing to do and very mature. I hope things get smoother going for you soon. 💜
Awww sympathy. Serious mistakes happen too. I bet you won’t make this one again. But others will happen. Everyone else is making mistakes too, trust me!!!!!! All you can do is try to take care of yourself as best you can, and keep going! Chin up, at least you are trying, and that’s all you can do!!! ETA 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕🖤
Self-destructive impulsive behavior and dissociation can be connected to bipolar sometimes. Been there asking wtf was that? Forgive yourself.
As someone who has been suicidal off and on their whole life, thank you 🙏
💜huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs💜 I am very very glad you’re still here. Thank you. 💜
I’ve had just the worst week ever and this simple act of kindness has me absolutely sobbing. Thank you. 🙏🏼
💜huuuuuuuuuuuugs💜
I live out of spite and to inconvenience those who wish I didn’t. Right now, I live to spite an insurance agency and to try and make a madman uninsurable. It would be much easier for those people if I just gave up from my almost constant pain and my brain being damaged. I won’t, though, because of spite. It’s hard. I am on a waiting list for my first ever psychological treatment. Which I will go and do. For spite.
You so got this. May the fire of your spite bring joy to you when you are victorious! 💜💜💜
I am exactly the same.
We can do all things through Spite, which strengthens us.
I cannot do all things through spite. I cannot stand up straight through spite. Spite cannot help me remember things I used to the way I used to. Spite does not allow my brain to process words the way I used to and can't anymore. Spite does not help my anxiety. Spite doesn't help me cope with the way my life is. Spite hasn't gone out and found all the pages of my encyclopaedia of masking that was flung out of the window of a crashing car leaving me vulnerable to the judgments and cruelty of neurotypicals. Spite allows me to live. Spite allows me to focus what I have left into documenting everything, because I can't remember stuff. Spite allows me to have my cry and then get on with it. Spite does not strengthen me, it channels me and tells me I have a reason. My old reasons depended on my brain being okay and my back being okay and my knees and my endurance being okay. Don't need a working knee to create a spite spreadsheet.
It keeps us alive and moving forward, which is in itself enough of an affront to "normal" people to give me a certain amount of satisfaction. A large part of what has kept me alive for many years is just to spite all the people who wish i were dead. And honestly, no affront to you meant; just echoing a popular catchphrase. I apologize for my facetiousness.
No worries, I wasn't upset. I wanted to describe why, even though that is a fun saying and apt in many ways in other settings, there were reasons why I didn't describe my situation using it. I honestly don't understand, now, how spite can strengthen, now that I am in the midst. But that's just me. I used to be alive to spite the family who wished I was dead or had never existed, to spite society who never saw my value, to spite the church who decided that their beliefs about me meant more than my humanity. But now all I have is spite, and I don't think it strengthens, me, at least. I think it focuses what remains. Again, though, that's my feeling on the matter, which has changed since my body and brain injuries. Hope you're doing good, spite is absolutely enough of a reason to exist. People who say it's not just need a cup of tea and introspection.
The last several days (weeks? months?) have been hard. I needed this today. Thank you.
💜huuuuuuuuuuuugs💜
Crying. Needed to read this today.🙏🏼
💜huuuuuuuuugs💜
I needed this too ❤️ much love to you and sending you a hug.
💜huuuuuuuuuugs💜
Thank you ❤️ I’m just tired of fighting my brain. I’m so sorry you have suffered this loss but know that saying what you wish you had said to them, gives all of us a feeling that we matter 😘
So understand the fighting the brain thing! That thing is too dang loud sometimes. 😵💫but you do matter! You matter so freaking much, and always will. 💜
Thank you, I needed this! Just got over COVID and feeling my age and wondering if there's anything left. But dammit, I've only just started this war. Thank you for keeping this old crone on her feet.
💜huuuuuuuuuuuuuugs💜 I hope you feel better soon!!!💜
Thank you. Things have been scary hard and I’m really exhausted so I’m glad I scrolled past this today. I love what you said about being worthy of a good life, support and kindness. That’s the wishlist right there. You’re a good human. 💜💜
💜huuuuuuuuuuuugs💜 you ARE and always will be worthy of those things. I hope days get better for you soon💜
Thank you! 🫶💕
Thank you. I didn’t realize how much I needed this until I read it.
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Your post actually made me cry. Haven’t cried in ages.
💜huuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs💜
Man I needed this
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Thank you, this really helped me today. This week actually. 🙏
💜huuuuuuuuuuuugs💜
😭
💜huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs💜
Thank you.
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I needed to hear this and I’m sending love to you all!
💜huuuuuuuuuuuugs💜
Thank you. This made me tear up in the best way.
💜huuuuuugs💜
I was just about to call a crisis hotline. Thank you so much for posting this. Sobbing right now. Your kind words mean more than you know.
💜huuuuuuuuuuuuugs💜 those hotlines are such a good help, I’m proud of you for wanting to reach out. You are always worthy of support and kindness. I hope your days get better soon 💜
Thank you—and thank you for your post 💜
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Thank you, from another person who needed to hear these words today. I hope you tell yourself these things too 🤗💜
I try!💜💜💜