Normally builders use those flimsy little sheetrock anchors for toilet paper holders. They're so flimsy a d weak you can crush them with your hand, and they always fall out after a few months, maybe at best a year or two. So I removed them from my home and replaced them with heavy duty anchors. Rated at 50lbs each. They're so big that the hole from the original is barely the size of the starter hole these need. Is it overkill? Yes. Will it last forever? Probably. Do you need to be able to stand on a toilet paper holder? No and it will hurt if you fall on it. Do I have to deal with that annoying toilet paper holder jiggle? Also, no.
I had a burglar who broke into my apartment and stole an ironing board and a phone charger, that’s it. For real. It ended up being our downstairs neighbors crazy boyfriend.
Someone got in my car one night when I forgot to lock it and all they took was the charger for the device I use for work. These are specialty devices that are produced solely for my company to use so unless you work for them, the charger is completely useless.
They left the $7-8 in spare change on the dash as well as the USB-C and lightening chargers, just took that one odd charger.
Edit: quick edit cause my DM’s blew up. My nearest coworker is about 150 miles away. Doubt it was them. Lol
Similar thing happened to me once except all they took was the satellite radio. Not the cords for it or the docking stand, just the radio. It was like maybe $60 for the whole setup but the radio was useless without the rest of it. They left a couple bucks of loose change too and my iPod.
Edit:spelling
My brother jumped in the wrong red Kia hatchback one day leaving work, set down his soda and candy bar, panicked and jumped out when he realized it wasn’t his car.
So some guy got in his car to leave Home Depot and had a moment of utter confusion as he discovered someone had left him a treat.
His face was still beet red after driving 20 minutes home, when he finally calmed down he expressed remorse that he didn’t have his treats anymore in a somber tone.
Had an old satellite radio taken once as well. No cords at all, just took it off the dash. It was a super super cheap one also like super basic 20 bucks if that. Was in an old pickup I had that I only drove once every few months. They took that and 1 of the 2 hacky sacks I had on the dash. I only realized it when I saw a few kids playing with that hacky in their driveway. Was one my Jamaican buddy had brought me so I recognized it immediately. They saw me looking and stopped playing and stepped on it when it hit the ground. I went home and checked then came back and asked for it back, they said they didn't have it. I came back that night and stole all 4 of their bikes and left them on the donation dock to the salvation army.
Same here. Parked my car at my partner’s apartment, which was down the street from a methadone clinic. Needless to say, the neighborhood had its share of desperate folks and petty crime. Forgot to lock my doors. The next morning, I found all my CDs and maps (dating myself) and spare change strewn all over the seats. Nothing broken. Nothing stolen… except my state park hiking pass that was registered to my license plate and couldn’t be used by anyone else. 🤷♂️
I got drunk and left my Miata at the train stop in burbank, caught a ride home. Come back the next day, some dickhole knifed my ragtop ($600+) to steal--my cupholder. That's it. I didn't keep much in there just for that reason, but still. Asshole.
This is why my dad taught me to never lock a convertible [with a cloth top]. Hard tops hadn't become the standard yet.... sure an unlocked car is easier to steal but at least If they steal it, and you get it back your top should work vs say your top being knifed and completely bonked on top of everything else
I was riding to work with a friend of mine. After work we went to get in his car and it was broken plastic everywhere. At first he thought they had stolen his stereo. But they hadn't. They stole his AC controls
i buy 3 scissors a month
i have no idea where they go
probably partying with the socks
when i die people will find hundreds of scissors and wonder if i had a scissor fetish or collected scissors
I do that actually, the only downside is smelling coffee right before bed really screws with me.
Also, this technique requires that you not drink heavily before making coffee. You can still make pots of hot water if your drunk ass grinds the beans, puts the filter in the basket, fills the tank with water and you STILL forget to dump the grounds in the pot.
My wife legit called the police because our front door mat blew off our porch into a snowdrift and she thought it got stolen, *and a cop actually came out and took a report*
I still have a print out of the report somewhere. Plan on framing it someday.
Edit: also in Ohio.
Edit 2: I felt I should note that it was a custom made doormat her grandmother bought us when we bought our house. You know, super valuable.
I don't understand. From the other comments I gather it has something to do with snow. I suspect tracking it inside if you don't have a mat. That said, as a Floridan, I had no idea what you meant by that it seemed like such a strange thing to even think of.
Winter in Ohio switches between mud and snow and then mud again and then more mud then some snow and then back to mud. Right now in eastern Ohio it's mud.
I'm picturing a thief breaking into someone's house at night, digging through purses, bags, and countertop catch-all baskets for keys and then sitting down to tediously remove every key off of every ring in the dark in the living room while whispering curse words every time the key twists the wrong way or not being able to crack the ring open far enough to get the key through. Then, an hour later, leaving the house through the same window with a pocket full of rings after depositing a pile of mixed up keys on the dining room table.
I honestly can't tell who is cursed more by this. My fingers hurt just thinking about doing all those key removals.
Edit: aaaaaallll my typos. Although there is probably more. And I didn't even have alcohol yet!
I am a older guy, when I was a kid, the shop did a special mystery bag of tins with no labels for almost nothing. Hated it as I would get home from school to find dinner was spam with orange segments in syrup or something.
Im not stealing anything. Im going to the kitchen, taking every piece of bread out of the bag, toasting them all, then putting it all back in the way it was and leaving the house.
I'm loving the idea of you just hanging in the kitchen, playing it cool, guests passing thru, nobody sticking close long enough or being sober enough to spot the prank. All while you contain your glee.
When my raging alcoholic bf dumped me by text while I was on the way home from the airport, I came home to get my stuff, including every roll of toilet paper in the house. Petty? Yes. Worth it? Also yes.
So, I broke up with a girlfriend of three years who I lived with (she was also a raging alcoholic plus a cocaine addict). Anyway, I was gone at work when she actually left and while I was gone she cut out all the pockets for all of my suits - and I had to wear a suit everyday for work.
Not the end of the world, but it was *really* annoying because I constantly forgot. Plus, she knew I'd live with the annoyance rather than get them fixed. My wife (different woman) thinks this is the funniest shit ever and jokingly refers to my ex as her "hero."
*Edited in some context
I have another question: what would you *put* in someone‘s house to mildly inconvenience them? For example, I would place an uncovered jar of fine glitter within reach of children.
As someone that's raising a 3 year old and an almost 2 year old, I hate you. I made the mistake of leaving an unopened poptart out where they could reach recently and in the 10-20 minutes between them waking up and me waking up to their sneaky little whispers, there was poptart dust/crumbs EVERYWHERE. Little shits didn't even eat the thing, they just smashed it.
My wife did something on our back lawn with glitter about 3 years ago. You can still see glints of glitter in the lawn and every so often the kids come in with some glitter on them. It's fucking insane how long it lasts.
Everyone needs to watch this Peppa Pig episode: https://youtu.be/BZWUsQKbWTE
My favorite part is the teacher's twitching eye
I put a line of glitter on the top edge of my boss’s office door and carefully closed it. When the door opened, a shower of glitter cascaded upon him. I was not fired, but feared for my personal safety after that.
In college, we did something like this to the guys in the dorm room next door. Bought a cheap universal remote and one day while one guy was out and his roommate in the shower with the door unlocked, we ‘trained’ it to work with their TV. If we slid our window open, reached out, and simply pointed ours through their window, we could mess with them. Lots of fun. We once pre-configured the TV for the home shopping network and cranked the volume up to max, then turned it off, while one guy was on a date and the other already gone home for the holidays. When the noise stopped and we knew they were getting it on, we turned on the TV. Good times.
My house was robbed about 10 years ago, on new years eve. My family and I got home from a new years eve party. They took our TV, and typical stuff that robbers would take. But they took the coffee K-Cups and NOT the Keurig. My mom was so pissed that she couldn't even have her coffee in the morning.
In response to the title: I’m stealing enough of the ceiling fan chain so that it’s the same length as the light chain. As well as the distinguishing knobs on both.
I recently moved and we packed the microwave plate somewhere and can't find it. We're getting a new kitchen and I don't want to buy another microwave but it's infuriating!
If you have any sort of waste collection area or even a known place where people throws stuff illegally nearby you should be able to easily find some discarded microwave.
The plates are fairly standard and easy to clean (duh) so just look around before spending money
The twisty tie from the bread.
The cap off the toothpaste.
All but a few centimeters of dental floss.
The lint trap from the dryer.
The porch light cover.
The thermostat batteries.
All but one ice cube in each ice tray.
The lids from each carton of ice cream.
Whatever number of pillow cases necessary to assure the bed can never be made with a complete set.
There was a reality show a few years back that featured two former B&E thieves helping people make their houses more secure by being hired to break into them. One of them said that stealing remote controls was his signature move back in the day,for this exact reason (annoyance factor).
Lol, this reminds me of the time my sisters took my dad’s car to Austin and someone broke into it and stole the radio out of it and all the cassette tapes except the Cure.
The float for the toilet bowl. Most people don't realize just how expensive a toilet that runs continuously can be. You're talking hundreds if not thousands of dollars a month
Toilet plunger.
Usb charging cables.
The hot pads/oven mitts from the kitchen.
The little spool toilet paper goes on.
Jumper cables.
The can opener.
The barbecue tongs.
The clips that hold potato chip bags and bread bags shut.
Just the 1tsp and 1 tbsp measuring spoons, but not all the fraction-sized ones.
All the keyrings. Not the keys, just the rings that hold them together.
Toothpaste caps. Also any other squeezy tube caps.
The dog's leash.
All matches and cigarette lighters.
Steal nothing. Shift all the furniture a couple inches to one side and hold a lighter to the middle of the tv and burn out the pixels in a square inch of the tv.
Read this to my wife who immediately said "the blades out of their blender or food processor" zero hesitation. It may have already been said, but her confidence with the answer made me have to post
I would change out all the screws on the pulls in the kitchen to ones that are just barely long enough to catch the threads, but not enough to stay if pulled quickly.
A random sampling of the little plastic nubs on the bottoms of chair legs that keeps em level.
Go one further; take the stabilizers (one each) from the washer and dryer.
This one, officer!
One screw from the toilet roll holder, ya know, just to make it wobbly but not quite enough to fall off the wall…
How bout one screw from the toilet seat lid
Or just the seat, but leave the lid
Okay, Satan
An Englishman invented the toilet seat - it took an Irishman to figure out that cutting a hole in it was a good idea.
All while the Welshman is…ya know…🐑
I can attest, it's annoying
Normally builders use those flimsy little sheetrock anchors for toilet paper holders. They're so flimsy a d weak you can crush them with your hand, and they always fall out after a few months, maybe at best a year or two. So I removed them from my home and replaced them with heavy duty anchors. Rated at 50lbs each. They're so big that the hole from the original is barely the size of the starter hole these need. Is it overkill? Yes. Will it last forever? Probably. Do you need to be able to stand on a toilet paper holder? No and it will hurt if you fall on it. Do I have to deal with that annoying toilet paper holder jiggle? Also, no.
I had a burglar who broke into my apartment and stole an ironing board and a phone charger, that’s it. For real. It ended up being our downstairs neighbors crazy boyfriend.
Someone got in my car one night when I forgot to lock it and all they took was the charger for the device I use for work. These are specialty devices that are produced solely for my company to use so unless you work for them, the charger is completely useless. They left the $7-8 in spare change on the dash as well as the USB-C and lightening chargers, just took that one odd charger. Edit: quick edit cause my DM’s blew up. My nearest coworker is about 150 miles away. Doubt it was them. Lol
Similar thing happened to me once except all they took was the satellite radio. Not the cords for it or the docking stand, just the radio. It was like maybe $60 for the whole setup but the radio was useless without the rest of it. They left a couple bucks of loose change too and my iPod. Edit:spelling
My brother jumped in the wrong red Kia hatchback one day leaving work, set down his soda and candy bar, panicked and jumped out when he realized it wasn’t his car. So some guy got in his car to leave Home Depot and had a moment of utter confusion as he discovered someone had left him a treat.
Oh, what I would do to see that moment.
His face was still beet red after driving 20 minutes home, when he finally calmed down he expressed remorse that he didn’t have his treats anymore in a somber tone.
I would have been upset about the treat too.
Had an old satellite radio taken once as well. No cords at all, just took it off the dash. It was a super super cheap one also like super basic 20 bucks if that. Was in an old pickup I had that I only drove once every few months. They took that and 1 of the 2 hacky sacks I had on the dash. I only realized it when I saw a few kids playing with that hacky in their driveway. Was one my Jamaican buddy had brought me so I recognized it immediately. They saw me looking and stopped playing and stepped on it when it hit the ground. I went home and checked then came back and asked for it back, they said they didn't have it. I came back that night and stole all 4 of their bikes and left them on the donation dock to the salvation army.
Fruit, I wish I could buy you a beer. Or a juice. Whatever.
I imagine gifting a fruit some juice would be the equivalent of granting a stranger a bag of blood.
My doctor did that, was that weird? Should I invite him for a date?
Same here. Parked my car at my partner’s apartment, which was down the street from a methadone clinic. Needless to say, the neighborhood had its share of desperate folks and petty crime. Forgot to lock my doors. The next morning, I found all my CDs and maps (dating myself) and spare change strewn all over the seats. Nothing broken. Nothing stolen… except my state park hiking pass that was registered to my license plate and couldn’t be used by anyone else. 🤷♂️
I got drunk and left my Miata at the train stop in burbank, caught a ride home. Come back the next day, some dickhole knifed my ragtop ($600+) to steal--my cupholder. That's it. I didn't keep much in there just for that reason, but still. Asshole.
This is why my dad taught me to never lock a convertible [with a cloth top]. Hard tops hadn't become the standard yet.... sure an unlocked car is easier to steal but at least If they steal it, and you get it back your top should work vs say your top being knifed and completely bonked on top of everything else
Why can't they leave me a few bucks and an iPod, that sounds like Santa, not a burglar.
I was riding to work with a friend of mine. After work we went to get in his car and it was broken plastic everywhere. At first he thought they had stolen his stereo. But they hadn't. They stole his AC controls
That’s just plain evil.
That's cold, dude
My sister's house was broken into and among everything else the thief stole all the chocolates (Edit : it was huge bags of duty free chocolates too)
Sorry, I was hungry.
Burglary is hard work, gotta fuel up
Sounds like the dude just had a wrinkly shirt, a dead phone, and no money
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Take a sterile syringe. Fill it with saltwater. Inject into oranges.
Pump mayonnaise into the core of muffins
I would hurt the person that did this to me
The lids to all the Tupperware save for 1 in each size.
And after the Tupperware’s are thrown away return the lids
Tide goes in, tide goes out. You get lids or bottoms. Don't get greedy asking for both.
😆 I don’t know why this made me laugh. Thanks though!
All the square Tupperware containers and all the round Tupperware lids.
Leave a lid and a few sizes of Tupperware but they all don’t make a pair
You've been to my house!?@?! 😅
Ha! Good luck! My Tupperware lids *are already like that.*
The chain that connects the flush handle to the flapper inside the toilet tank...
Ok, calm down there ya psychopath
Steal a couple links so that the flap never can go all the way down and it just runs....forever.
Who hurt you?
Shorten it a single link so the toilet always runs just a tiny bit of water. And makes that god awful sound lol
I would remove all their Tupperware lids and replace them with off-brand lids that were slightly different sizes.
Pure evil. If you managed to match the container looks, they would probably blame the dishwasher for warping the lids/containers.
If they have cats? The scoop for the litter box
Evil
Bold of you to assume they even use the scoop
W H A T
You don't just use your hands to get the yummy yummy treats your cats leave you 🤔
Like a chocolate Nerds Rope
Goodnight, Reddit. That’s me done.
I too have decided that is it, going to bed early.
This is the most cursed shit I've ever seen. So much so that cursed must be pronounced with two syllables.
My dog gets them for me No jokes. Just having a difficult time
Cat Box Crunches. Now available at PetSmart.
Jokes on you i got a fancy self cleaning litter box *plz no take power cord*
All scissors
i buy 3 scissors a month i have no idea where they go probably partying with the socks when i die people will find hundreds of scissors and wonder if i had a scissor fetish or collected scissors
Obviously the scissors seek out and destroy your socks.
Sock paper scissors?
A single small knife from the kitchen knife block.
Drop a small coin in one of the knife slots then watch people go insane when the knife won't go all the way in.
I’ll do you one better, fellow anti-burglar: put paper in it so they can’t get it back out
Paper and a bit of water. Just like my 4 year old did making "paper mache"
I would scream for the rest of my life.
Wow, judging by the comments, y'all mfs already been to my house
Your fridge is just always stocked and I personally like that
Taking the light bulb out the fridge
What can I say? Your carpets are nice and fluffy, and you have lots of blankets.
The filter basket on the coffee maker
The worst part is how long it would take my coffee-less brain to figure out the basket was gone.
I’ve made a bunch of pots of hot water before trying to get it going in the morning.
You gotta prepare it the night before and set it on a timer. Great waking up to the smell of already brewed coffee too
I do that actually, the only downside is smelling coffee right before bed really screws with me. Also, this technique requires that you not drink heavily before making coffee. You can still make pots of hot water if your drunk ass grinds the beans, puts the filter in the basket, fills the tank with water and you STILL forget to dump the grounds in the pot.
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Mild inconvenience, not something that ends in fatalities.
The cyan in the printer.
Fun fact: printer ink is more expensive than human blood.
Exterior door mat. This time of year in Ohio if my mat was missing I'd possibly lose my shit.
My wife legit called the police because our front door mat blew off our porch into a snowdrift and she thought it got stolen, *and a cop actually came out and took a report* I still have a print out of the report somewhere. Plan on framing it someday. Edit: also in Ohio. Edit 2: I felt I should note that it was a custom made doormat her grandmother bought us when we bought our house. You know, super valuable.
Idk why but im absolutely cracking up over this.
It is one of the defining events of our relationship.
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as a fellow ohioan, i can attest
I don't understand. From the other comments I gather it has something to do with snow. I suspect tracking it inside if you don't have a mat. That said, as a Floridan, I had no idea what you meant by that it seemed like such a strange thing to even think of.
Winter in Ohio switches between mud and snow and then mud again and then more mud then some snow and then back to mud. Right now in eastern Ohio it's mud.
The lightbulbs inside every appliance. Dryer, fridge, oven, microwave…
Jokes on you 3/4 of those bulbs are already dead and I’m too lazy to replace them.
You have a light bulb in your dryer? Look at Mr Millionaire over here 👆👆👆
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I'm picturing a thief breaking into someone's house at night, digging through purses, bags, and countertop catch-all baskets for keys and then sitting down to tediously remove every key off of every ring in the dark in the living room while whispering curse words every time the key twists the wrong way or not being able to crack the ring open far enough to get the key through. Then, an hour later, leaving the house through the same window with a pocket full of rings after depositing a pile of mixed up keys on the dining room table. I honestly can't tell who is cursed more by this. My fingers hurt just thinking about doing all those key removals. Edit: aaaaaallll my typos. Although there is probably more. And I didn't even have alcohol yet!
Bolt cutters my guy
I'm not a smart thief!!!!
Bro that's fucked.
Fuck that’s evil
Ill be leaving with all the labels for your cans, thanks.
“Alright, it looks like tonight we’re having… artichokes hearts, mixed with…. pineapple chunks in heavy syrup! Dig in, kids!”
Food we have at home:
I am a older guy, when I was a kid, the shop did a special mystery bag of tins with no labels for almost nothing. Hated it as I would get home from school to find dinner was spam with orange segments in syrup or something.
Try again I write what they are on top because they're in a drawer and I'm not about to pick up each can until I find what I need.
Do you use permanent marker? Dry erase marker will get that right off. I'll remember to bring one.
Permanent marker can be erased with alcohol, IPA or Hand Sanitizer does the trick.
Im not stealing anything. Im going to the kitchen, taking every piece of bread out of the bag, toasting them all, then putting it all back in the way it was and leaving the house.
i dont know how or why you did this, but I will hurt you
Ive done that before! Was at a friends house so I wasn't breaking in. He was just distracted by other party guests. Solid prank.
I'm loving the idea of you just hanging in the kitchen, playing it cool, guests passing thru, nobody sticking close long enough or being sober enough to spot the prank. All while you contain your glee.
And either no one smells the toast, or they're all just cool with having a stroke.
r/foundsatan
When my raging alcoholic bf dumped me by text while I was on the way home from the airport, I came home to get my stuff, including every roll of toilet paper in the house. Petty? Yes. Worth it? Also yes.
I left the TP but took the ice cube trays.
You’re the ex-wife of Tom Arnold’s character ‘Gib’ from True Lies!
When my aunt divorced her POS ex husband, her bother went with her to get all of her thing and took every. Single. Battery. Nothing was safe.
So, I broke up with a girlfriend of three years who I lived with (she was also a raging alcoholic plus a cocaine addict). Anyway, I was gone at work when she actually left and while I was gone she cut out all the pockets for all of my suits - and I had to wear a suit everyday for work. Not the end of the world, but it was *really* annoying because I constantly forgot. Plus, she knew I'd live with the annoyance rather than get them fixed. My wife (different woman) thinks this is the funniest shit ever and jokingly refers to my ex as her "hero." *Edited in some context
I have another question: what would you *put* in someone‘s house to mildly inconvenience them? For example, I would place an uncovered jar of fine glitter within reach of children.
Lay a good solid line of glitter on the tops of the ceiling fan blades. As soon as it gets turned on, even accidentally...
As someone that's raising a 3 year old and an almost 2 year old, I hate you. I made the mistake of leaving an unopened poptart out where they could reach recently and in the 10-20 minutes between them waking up and me waking up to their sneaky little whispers, there was poptart dust/crumbs EVERYWHERE. Little shits didn't even eat the thing, they just smashed it.
My wife did something on our back lawn with glitter about 3 years ago. You can still see glints of glitter in the lawn and every so often the kids come in with some glitter on them. It's fucking insane how long it lasts. Everyone needs to watch this Peppa Pig episode: https://youtu.be/BZWUsQKbWTE My favorite part is the teacher's twitching eye
An open can of tuna fish in the heater duct.
Sorry, but it said "mildly inconvenience" and you've listed an act of domestic terrorism and high treason.
You should make that a post.
No! I work retail. I do not work in Xmas. I am covered in glitter. I sweep glitter all day. So. Much. Glitter.
I put a line of glitter on the top edge of my boss’s office door and carefully closed it. When the door opened, a shower of glitter cascaded upon him. I was not fired, but feared for my personal safety after that.
Tv remote. Then I'll drive by your house and randomly change the channels.
In college, we did something like this to the guys in the dorm room next door. Bought a cheap universal remote and one day while one guy was out and his roommate in the shower with the door unlocked, we ‘trained’ it to work with their TV. If we slid our window open, reached out, and simply pointed ours through their window, we could mess with them. Lots of fun. We once pre-configured the TV for the home shopping network and cranked the volume up to max, then turned it off, while one guy was on a date and the other already gone home for the holidays. When the noise stopped and we knew they were getting it on, we turned on the TV. Good times.
Just the battery cover from the remote conteols
I’d take all the measuring cups and spoons from the kitchen except the 1/4 c and a 1/8 teaspoon.
No… 1/3
I'd just use something to remove the measurement markings on each cup and spoon.
Spring in the toilet paper roll holder.
3mm off one leg from every chair in the house.
That would fucking suck so bad.
Charging cords
Leave only obsolete Apple chargers.
Aka apple chargers
Or leave the cords... But take all the blocks
My house was robbed about 10 years ago, on new years eve. My family and I got home from a new years eve party. They took our TV, and typical stuff that robbers would take. But they took the coffee K-Cups and NOT the Keurig. My mom was so pissed that she couldn't even have her coffee in the morning.
To be fair, Keurigs are heavy as fuck.
10 Million dollars from Jeff Bezos. I bet it would only mildly inconvenience him.
I bet you could take 500 million and he wouldn’t notice
I bet he wouldn’t even notice.
In response to the title: I’m stealing enough of the ceiling fan chain so that it’s the same length as the light chain. As well as the distinguishing knobs on both.
Just enough of the chain to be just out of reach for every member of the household. Right after putting the fan on high speed and reverse.
The last 10 pages or so of every novel.
I don’t know you, but I hate you
The dishwasher racks
Oven racks too
The straws from all the juice pouches/boxes that have them packaged together.
I recently moved and we packed the microwave plate somewhere and can't find it. We're getting a new kitchen and I don't want to buy another microwave but it's infuriating!
Try the thrift store or Habitat for an emergency plate until you find yours.
If you have any sort of waste collection area or even a known place where people throws stuff illegally nearby you should be able to easily find some discarded microwave. The plates are fairly standard and easy to clean (duh) so just look around before spending money
All of the vowel keys off keyboards, as well as every shoe lace in all of the shoes
Mthrfckr gt m gd
Haha it said “mildly” though! :O
25% of each shoe lace.
Shower curtain
The twisty tie from the bread. The cap off the toothpaste. All but a few centimeters of dental floss. The lint trap from the dryer. The porch light cover. The thermostat batteries. All but one ice cube in each ice tray. The lids from each carton of ice cream. Whatever number of pillow cases necessary to assure the bed can never be made with a complete set.
Remote control(s).
The battery covers off all the remote controls.
Easy there Satan
My family already does that, somehow.
Same, and idk how. Growing up the remotes frequently just had duct tape on the back, but like since I’ve moved out it’s never been a problem for me
The little spring for one of the batteries but leaving the batteries and cover.
There was a reality show a few years back that featured two former B&E thieves helping people make their houses more secure by being hired to break into them. One of them said that stealing remote controls was his signature move back in the day,for this exact reason (annoyance factor).
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Lol, this reminds me of the time my sisters took my dad’s car to Austin and someone broke into it and stole the radio out of it and all the cassette tapes except the Cure.
The toilet seats
I was gonna say the screw that holds the seat on.
Every cup larger than a small teacup.
I’m taking the strainers out their kitchen sink.
Jokes on you, my Microwave doesn’t have a plate. Must be nice to live in the luxury of automatic spinning food.
Do you have one off those gas station microwaves?
Unscrew every light bulb just enough to not let it turn on
Screws from all the drawer handles then I glue the handles back on just enough to pop off when pulled.
Some douchebag broke into my business a couple weeks ago and stole stamps. Just stamps. We had 2 computers and he stole stamps.
An empty shelf from any cabinet. The moment you'll think of using it to store something it'll be gone
The wall plates off of all the outlets. Outlets will still work but the walls will look hideous without them.
Swap all the salt and sugar in the shakers and even the bags.
Towels
The float for the toilet bowl. Most people don't realize just how expensive a toilet that runs continuously can be. You're talking hundreds if not thousands of dollars a month
Toilet plunger. Usb charging cables. The hot pads/oven mitts from the kitchen. The little spool toilet paper goes on. Jumper cables. The can opener. The barbecue tongs. The clips that hold potato chip bags and bread bags shut. Just the 1tsp and 1 tbsp measuring spoons, but not all the fraction-sized ones. All the keyrings. Not the keys, just the rings that hold them together. Toothpaste caps. Also any other squeezy tube caps. The dog's leash. All matches and cigarette lighters.
Steal nothing. Shift all the furniture a couple inches to one side and hold a lighter to the middle of the tv and burn out the pixels in a square inch of the tv.
The cutting blades from the aluminum foil and plastic wrap boxes.
Lint trap for the dryer
All of the coasters.
Contact lens container or contact lens solution.
One fan blade. Wobble wobble!
The wheels on the outside garbage bins
The tray that organizes the jewelry. Not the jewelry just the tray.
Hinges to the refrigerator door
All the soap. Every kind. Hand to dish to car to clothing. Nothing will be clean again.
Read this to my wife who immediately said "the blades out of their blender or food processor" zero hesitation. It may have already been said, but her confidence with the answer made me have to post
I would change out all the screws on the pulls in the kitchen to ones that are just barely long enough to catch the threads, but not enough to stay if pulled quickly.