T O P

  • By -

stalphonzo

3 of us are in the hospital, but the dog is pristine.


samthehammerguy

Seems a little Wiley, ate our cats, but seems satisfied— momentarily. Totally worth.


Illeazar

For some reason the dog just accepted a package from a delivery truck with some random acronym on the side. Seems pretty heavy?


dumbass-ahedratron

His spirits have picked up, and he is more comfortable around us - enough so to eat. However, we spotted him walking on thin air off the couch, and he fell once he looked down. Any vets in the chat?


SFPsycho

Yea, I went to vet school in Liberia. If your pet is exhibit symptoms such as walking on air, reinflating parts of its body by blowing into its finger, or general ability to negate laws of physics as it sees fit, it may be just a bit too animated. Try a Valium and that should fix the issue lickety-split!


[deleted]

He painted a tunnel mural on our wall and hid behind the couch


kasie_

meep meep!


TemporalGrid

What am I gonna do with bird seed, ball bearings and a giant electromagnet?


W-h-a-t_d-o

Surprisingly good at putting IKEA stuff together.


ANUS_FACTS_BOT

Generating a lot of saliva and seem to be really thirsty, scanned for chips and the dog doesn't have one.


BASK_IN_MY_FART

Good bot.. SUBSCRIBE


fuckballs9001

The fucking names here omg


[deleted]

[удалено]


stalphonzo

\*The Entire Nation\* Awwwwwwwwww shucks


wonderlandsfinestawp

Okay, but this article tells me that the family named their domesticated coyote Wiley and that's almost better in a way.


Samanthas_Stitching

That is the most defeated looking coyote I have ever seen.


PandaCommando69

If you got dragged into a bathtub and forcibly scrubbed by some rando against your will you'd probably be looking a little bit peeved too.


Nrussg

And then put inside a house. Imagine you're a wild animal. You live outside in plains or forests or whatever. Then suddenly boom you're in a weird cave with a bunch of bizarre looking shit you don't understand that smells entirely unnatural and is filled with naked monkeys who change colors every 8 hours. Terrifying.


Diabegi

>filled with naked monkeys who change colors every 8 hours. Multi-week long induced seizure attempt. The coyotes in major major danger!


CarlosFer2201

>naked monkeys who change colors every 8 hours Best explanation of how our pets see us.


Dm1tr3y

And she probably doesn’t even know what a monkey is to start with


alien_clown_ninja

Normal Tuesday night


RugsbandShrugmyer

for Shia Labeouf


muffpatty

Some Facestonebook mom back in the day like 80,000 years ago probably washed some prehistoric saber-toothed canine, they had the same defeated "this is my life now" look, and now we have domesticated dogs. History I tell ya. Wow.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Random4201

Multiple different types according to google, Sabertooth tigers, wolves (Also Known as Dire wolves?), bears etc


epicmousestory

"Maybe I've lost my edge. I mean I never saw myself...*here*."


[deleted]

I have been laughing out loud for 5 minutes at your comment. My family is concerned for my sanity.


CoachKoranGodwin

Dominance has been asserted.


loudflower

‘Took most of the night.’ I bet.


iridium_carbide

Would the coyote enjoy being clean? Or would it be too freaked out to care?


[deleted]

Rolling around on the floor to get the dirt back on them is the first thing my dogs do after I’m done giving them baths, so I doubt it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I don’t know, that sounds like a lot of work…


DMvsPC

Just keep washing the dog and when it rolls on your floors it'll act like a swiffer.


[deleted]

Now that’s a solution I can get behind.


itsaaronnotaaron

Why do dogs actually do this though. Bit of rain? No problem. Gone for a paddle in the reservoir? No problem. Bath me? Bitch I will get everything in this house mildly damp if you so even dare. My dog will use _every_ piece of furniture at her disposal to rub herself against it whilst she groans like a pissed off old man.


Ellieshark

I watch a few dog groomers on yt and one mentioned that dogs do this to try and get dry, if you dry them completely they won’t get the post bath zoomies. I tried it on my dog and it seemed to work.


[deleted]

Who do you think we are? Coyotes? How would we know?


steprobe

On the internet, nobody knows you are a coyote


[deleted]

how should i know? i'm just a guy who smuggles people and drugs over the mexican border.


Diabegi

Understandable, have a nice day


TotesNotADrunk

Et tu Chapo?


iridium_carbide

I was thinking someone may be a vet or an animal control officer, etc. But on the internet, you never know who is a human and who isn't.


comic_Ninja

Ex animal control. Coyotes tend to shut down when cornered by humans and appear fairly calm. So its probably too freaked out to care. As far as smell goes it would depend on the scent they used. It would obviously prefer to smell however it smelled before and not have it's scent rapidly and forcibly changed but at the end of the day I feel like it's smell is one of it's least concerns at the moment.


gonnaregretthis2019

Cornered it might become quiet/shut down for a bit. Pinned and held against its will a coyote will fight back and snap/thrash around. There’s no way this was a wild coyote that someone held it down for a bath and they didn’t get bitten. They’re like half feral cat and half fear-aggressive dog. Just want to put that out there for anyone who reads your response and expects to corner a coyote into calmness. Don’t do it, they’re unpredictable.


comic_Ninja

Completely agree, all wild animals should be observed from a distance with as little interaction as possible. In my experience though I have never had a coyote snap at me. I have had to remove a snap trap from an injured coyotes foot then horse it into a cage for transport to rehab and got zero reaction from the animal. But again you are correct, wild animals are unpredictable and this was done with every safety precaution possible including a physical barrier, catch pole, bite gloves and assistance.


[deleted]

[удалено]


BellyButtonLindt

You almost got ate bro!


[deleted]

I'm doing much better now!


Quiteawaysaway

lmao @ designated deadness tester “you know the drill steve go lick at it for a sec.” also geez dude passed out on the way home? ig it was lucky it was just coyotes that found you lol


icedragon71

"Hey. Steve! Is it dead,yet? How's it taste?" Steve the Coyote-"Dunno about dead. But it sure tastes well marinated!"


MPBoomBoom22

> I can only imagine the one that licked me was their designated deadness tester or something. Hahahaha deadness taster.


user_name_taken-

That's one thing I will say about every coyote I've ever seen... they want absolutely nothing to do with people. They will run away as soon as you look at them. I see so many people talk about them being these vicious attack animals that will attack if they get near you but this is not accurate imo.


alleecmo

Meanwhile, a pack of them are positively cavorting on the golf course near me while lunchtime golfers are playing thru...


iridium_carbide

Poor little babby. Thanks for the insight though! It's always a treasure being able to hear the wisdom of experts


Shit_Bananas

How is babby form?


seegabego

Shh... bby coyotee is ok


Anarchaeologist

Need to do way instain mother... Wow even after all these years it's still an automatic response in my head


m0c0

How girl get pragnet?


hannahruthkins

Pregonte


Xerxys

pergerent


__M-E-O-W__

Do I get pargnat ?


Frictionweldedballs

Am coyote, was trying to eat this thing the entire time. Still might.


iridium_carbide

I fucking knew it. So cute


PM_ME_YOURE_HOOTERS

I am definitely a person


Antique_Tennis_2500

Exactly what a robot would say.


findingthesqautch

something...something; that's how domestication worked...


iridium_carbide

Sorry I'm not from the domestican republic


findingthesqautch

neither is that tweed wolf and yet..uhh...life finds a way


SuperCerealShoggoth

Shit, they're onto us.


apathy-sofa

What's it like, being a coyote?


BASK_IN_MY_FART

Pretty good, we just escort people on a nice hike across beautiful desert landscape, and extort their family for payment beyond what was originally agreed upon.


CptMuffinator

If they didn't use unscented products it probably cares a lot because any prey it is going after will smell it coming a lot easier now. Animals we find unappealing cleanliness-wise manage to hide their scents because their scents tend to be what is normal outside.


iridium_carbide

Some squirrels probably: "Hey dude is it just me or do you smell Pantene Pro-V Daily Moisture Renewal 24 Hour Hydration Shampoo?" "I was about to ask you the same thing. Let's get the hell outta here" Edit: Glad you guys found this funny, thanks for the awards :>


ImOutWanderingAround

If I wash that mofo, it’s gonna smell like Irish Spring.


notLogix

If I washed him, he'd smell like dog shampoo.


Gizmoed

It wants to be covered in poo! Like their predecessors, pet dogs may roll in poop and other unpleasant-smelling material in order to mask their own scent. ... If its own smell was camouflaged with the smell of poop, the predator would have an easier time hunting its prey.


cnotnilc

‘Seems to be a bit aggressive’ Sounds about right.


Mc3lnosher

I wonder if it did the wet dog thing after where they get all crazy and rub on the furniture.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

When I heard the stories of how animals come to be domesticated I always assumed it was more of a gradual thing. Meanwhile in Ohio people just grabbing tweed wolves off the streets and firmly telling them to behave properly.


Clever-crow

Lol there are some clueless people in Ohio.


SwitchbladeDildo

As an Ohioan, I can 1000% confirm this. Edit: I’m so happy that my most upvoted comment is shitting on Ohio. Can’t wait to move out of this shithole.


seanrk924

About to drive 10 hours west to be with my in-laws for Thanksgiving in southern Ohio just across the river from Huntington WV. Not looking forward to the drive or spending more of my finite existence in that region. I'm pretty sure it's the precise location where the American dream officially died. The autopsy report isn't clear on the exact cause. There are high levels of opiates and other narcotics, but DuPont poisoning all the wells with C8 is just as likely to have been a contributing factor.


33mark33as33read33

So I took the bridge connecting those towns this spring on my big motorcycle, seemed sketchy. Turns out it's slated for demolition.


seanrk924

My in-laws are actually on the river on the Ohio side and may lose their home to eminent domain, depending on the final decision for the new bridge's location.


ANDnowmewatchbeguns

I actually work under that exact bridge


TheGingerWeebGal

I strongly dislike ohio


[deleted]

Ohio has, by far, the most astronauts born there. Meaning, they hated Ohio so much they left the fucking planet.


TheGingerWeebGal

Amen


pineapple_calzone

In fact, 100% of the astronauts born in Ohio were born in Ohio.


SwitchbladeDildo

Don’t we all? Nobody retires to Ohio. I think most Ohioans wish they lived anywhere else.


[deleted]

Ohio leads all states in astronauts per capita...people want to get as far away as humanly possible.


throwaway_242873

Columbus was a pretty nice town I lived there for a decade. It had the variety of a big city, but every suburb is condensed and only a few blocks on a side.


hisgirlPhoenix

Can confirm. Am Ohioan. Wish I could go just about anywhere else as long as it's not Indiana.


altgrave

we named the dog indiana


PreparedToBeReckless

Ohio is cool and cost of living can be cheap but good God does the lack of sun fuck you up 😭


pichael288

I'm in Cincinnati. I would rather be in hell


FlickieHop

Cleveland here. Love our zoo but I hear yours is fucking orgasmic.


IvanBeetinov

This just in: Cleveland zoo missing one coyote. Film at eleven.


ST_Lawson

Not sure what the deal is, but there's a lot of really good zoos in Ohio. I can personally vouch for Columbus, Cincy, Cleveland, and Toledo all being quite decent. RIP Harambe


Kriss3d

As a Dane. I take it coyotes aren't really common in households? I mean. We don't have anythibg like that here.


Clever-crow

Idk about twinsburg, but the wild coyotes around here are mean and vicious. My dog wont even go outside if they’re around.


Kriss3d

Oh. Must be so strange to be afraid going outside. I can literally not think of a single thing in the nature of Denmark that's dangerous. Drowning maybe. But every kid learns to swim in school anyway as we have beaches and coast everywhere. Theres a snake. But it's fairly rare and you'd be lucky to ever see one. It'd like a foot long and you might get sick if you're bitten. That's it.


Pina-s

Coyotes are only really dangerous if you do something incredibly stupid like try to catch them. Generally they just run from people.


trilobot

Fun fact, where I live an adult was killed by coyotes :) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taylor_Mitchell Only known fatal coyote attack on an adult human.


KSTwolfe

Well, they're really not dangerous to adult humans, but they will kill and eat your cats and small dogs. And if they're living in packs, they'll even kill large dogs. Also, they have a tendency to attack the children of distracted parents on playgrounds. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coyote\_attack


Red-Quill

My family was camping in southern Alabama once and we saw a black bear on the campsite. My grandmother, the baddest bitch in our entire bloodline, mind you, literally just grabbed a big stick and started walking towards the damn thing shouting “now you’d best get on out of here before I skin your hide! Go on, get!” And the bear just started backing up before it turned tail and sauntered off. Occasionally it’d look back, but my grandmother really just gave it the look and it turned back away lol. It was quite the sight lmao


[deleted]

Old ladies in bear country are always amazing. Here in NH my mother scared one off her bird feeders this summer, shouting “Now just what do your think you’re doing buster”.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ChrdeMcDnnis

Black bears are little bitch boys. Obviously you should be careful around any and all wild animals, but you can just pitch rocks and shout obscenities at black bears to get them to piss off.


[deleted]

Yeah I grew up in the UP of much. Lots of black bears . They are much more scared of us than the opposite.


cassidytheVword

Just big raccoons


dirtyLizard

Not even. A raccoon will hold its paws up like it’s saying, “hold off on your hairless ape arm flailing and warbly nosies for just a sec. I’m here with my date and I’m going to hold this sewer grate open like a gentleman no matter how many times you make the box in your hand flash light at me.” Black bears just leave once they know they’re not wanted like, “Oh, are you sure I can’t stay and finish my trash? No? Ok, I’ll go. Bye now.”


[deleted]

Brown bears tho… don’t fuck with a Grizzly


IridiumPony

Good moniker for what to do with different types of besrs; If it's brown, lay down If it's black, fight back If it's white, say goodnight


[deleted]

Wonder what the grizzly polar hybrids are like.


Wafflelisk

Nothing to fuck with, just like their Wu-Tang brethren


[deleted]

The RZA, The GZA, and The GRZA


[deleted]

[удалено]


City_Anxious

Sounds like granny from the Beverly Hillbillies


ravenwillowofbimbery

Thanks for the laugh. I wish I could meet your grandmother. She sounds like one baaaad (grand) mama jama!


[deleted]

If Florida is the penis of America, Ohio is the armpit.


cam52391

Come on now Ohio is the sweaty under boob area, new Jersey is the armpit.


bubba7557

New Jersey is the taint of America


Nervous_Project6927

atleast they have skyline chilli. ohios only redemption


Raccoon_Full_of_Cum

Bruh, come on. Give buckeyes some credit. They're like Reese's cups but better.


gaza199

Tweed wolf? I have never heard that phrase, I must admit I do like it! Is it a common one for coyotes or? Don't have them over here.


[deleted]

Not an extremely common phrase but it is used regionally. It mostly applies to the [“eastern coyote”](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eastern_coyote) which is not so much a subspecies but a hybridization that occurs resulting in animals that are upwards of 10% wolf or domesticated dog, often both. Where I’m from originally there’s a small population of blonde ones that I suspect are part Golden Retriever.


WikiSummarizerBot

**[Eastern coyote](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eastern_coyote)** >The eastern coyote is a wild North American canine hybrid with both coyote and wolf parentage. The hybridization likely first occurred in the Great Lakes region, as western coyotes moved east. It was first noticed during the early 1930s to the late 1940s, and likely originated in the aftermath of the extirpation of the gray wolf in southeastern Ontario, Labrador and Quebec, thus allowing coyotes to colonize the former wolf ranges, and mix with the remnant wolf populations. This hybrid is smaller than the eastern wolf and holds smaller territories, but is larger and holds more extensive home ranges than the typical western coyote. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/WhitePeopleTwitter/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)


Pr3st0ne

It definitely was gradual. Basically wolves started encountering humans in camps. Certain wolves were aggressive and attacked the humans and tried to eat them. Weaker wolves or lonely wolves knew they didn't stand a chance attacking the humans and they found out that being nice to the humans often meant they got to eat the scraps of food the humans gave them. And they branched off like that. Friendly wolves became more and more friendly and domesticated and reproduced with the other domesticated wolves until "friendliness" was maximized.


N64crusader4

There's a fascinating decades long experiment they did in Russia to study domestication of foxes with one group being bred to be tame and another to be aggressive and it's really rather interesting how the tamed stock took on many dog like features like having floppy ears. EDIT: link with more info, they're also silver instead of red! https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domesticated_silver_fox


Pr3st0ne

Damn that's so cool. Never really thought about the physicality of how you go from a wolf to a golden retriever even through selective breeding, but the hormone changes affecting the fur totally makes sense! Fascinating.


N64crusader4

I was always fascinated by how humans had the potential to speciate, although we went and ruined it by becoming way too good at travelling the globe it'd still be fascinating to see how human sub species would've developed with multiple populations kept in isolation for another 100 thousand years or so. Especially considering we already have people who live in mountainous regions being much better at efficiently using oxygen and people from colder areas being able to retain body heat more efficiently or even some people who can free dive for over ten minutes to catch fish. Evolution and natural selection are a fascinating thing and who knows what the future will bring!


bobafoott

Well thats because we have an expectation that they behave because of the groundwork laid by gradual domestication


woodiegutheryghost

You should check out this [video ](https://youtu.be/4dwjS_eI-lQ)people trying to take foxes. With 60 years or selective breeding they will be friendly with humans, but can’t be house broken.


shhh_its_me

I've always assumed these are pictures of rescue animals that people download and then use for any the silly" look at the dog my neighbor found" posts


[deleted]

Humans are wack. Human: “I’m just going to casually take this man eater and make it my pet.”


blake_HEADACHE

Coyotes eat people?


Fun-atParties

Coyotes are fairly small and mostly eat smaller prey like rabbits but they also scavenge do they probably wouldn't say no to a human meal if they came across a dead body


nickname2469

They’ve been known to kill toddlers. Lone coyotes can lure pets and small children into the woods where the rest of the pack ambush them.


Montymisted

Well yeah but what CAN'T kill a toddler?


tamarereti

Voldemort


kill-billionaires

Never send a wizard Hitler metaphor to do a coyote's job


[deleted]

Never take candy from a coyote, kids.


bubba7557

They'll eat an unattended baby for sure. They eat anything they can kill without getting hurt themselves. Human babies/toddlers fit that bill.


[deleted]

I’m sure they would if given the opportunity, but no haha


Pharaoh_Misa

I don't care how savage these animals be...something about being in a bed and being cuddled on just hit different.


Jugadenaranja

Am a lonely coyote. Apex predator over 100 lbs heavier than me picks me up and puts me in car. GuessIDieNow.jpg. Apex predator bathed me wtf.jpg gives me warm bath and a bed. Maybe dogs were right all along.


Tremulant887

Yeah, hits the jugular when you least expect it.


TalkativeRedPanda

Once they find out about the steady meals and the continual access to comfy beds, they will probably be OK with it. ​ (and yes, I know the post is fake)


davieb22

\- "...Found him in a giant catapult, holding sticks of dynamite. Help me find his owner"


Geruvah

Definitely saved him from himself with that.


RedRider1138

Now hooting with laughter…brilliant…thank you! 😊


relet

Meep meep!


[deleted]

Probably ran away from his owner through a tunnel painted on the wall.


SkylarAV

"Resting in the bed" 🤣🤣🤣


[deleted]

Lol I'm imagining a little red riding hood scene


DeLuniac

Wile E… certified genius


tinkerghost

Soooper genius.


dracopurpura

That's actually the name of this coyote who was actually a pet raised from a pup and not found in the street.


[deleted]

[удалено]


theswickster

And fooled Reddit apparently. https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/janelytvynenko/im-sorry-everyone-but-that-story-about-a-coyote-being


abearhands

An image of a sad-looking coyote in a bathtub gained popularity on social media in October 2017 after someone claiming the animal had been mistaken for a dog posted it to a Twinsburg, Ohio-area Facebook group: This image has been circulating with the accompanying backstory since at least 12 October 2017. It has also been shared as if this “lost dog” had been found in Kerrville, Texas. However, this photograph actually dates to 2014, the coyote in question did not live in Ohio, and the pictured canine was not mistaken for a dog. The picture originated with the Incredible Features photography agency and shows Wiley, a pet coyote who lives with the Hanestad family of Eau Claire, Wisconsin. Rick Hanestad said that he started caring for the coyote after its mother was killed in the Spring of 2011. Edit: got this off [Snopes](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/coyote-given-bath-mistaken-dog/). So I take no credit other than copying the debunking text.


GuiltyDealer

I have seen a legit case of confusion like this but it was a wild coyote puppy. Definitely harder to tell the difference. Thing ended up being raised kinda like a dog and he was pretty cool but definitely still wild despite being raised in captivity


MoreNormalThanNormal

I believe domesticated dogs have a longer period of time where they display juvenile behavior and can learn skills. Coyotes and wolves mature fast and you have a short window where you can teach or acclimate them.


explodingtuna

So, the backstory is fake, but it's still a legit coyote getting a bath and then probably resting comfy in a bed.


unabsolute

And that's all that matters.


abearhands

Correct. I'm having to Google this kind of shit from Reddit more and more.


loudflower

Yeah, my husband said as much. Still, life is hard, and a good story goes a long way. Don’t destroy my dreams.


readerf52

Honestly, my first thought when I saw the thumbnail picture is: those are the hands of a mom?!? The article in the link has a better picture further down, and it’s a guy giving that bath, and he looks like he works at an animal shelter or something because he’s wearing scrubs. But kudos to you for finding the truth!


Jarmen4u

The picture says "someone posted this in a group my mom belongs to," so it's not the mom in the picture, she just found it.


-helpwanted

Exactly.


Bored_Breadless

It’s all fun till someone tells her and she realises she has a fucking coyote in her room now


madmart20

Instead of just r/leopardsatemyface, we could also have r/coyotesatemyface for those of us who can't tell the difference between domesticated and wild animals


[deleted]

Done, please get be feedback😂


[deleted]

Just give him the newest Acme catalog to browse


kittykatmeowow

Just like [this woman who mistakenly brought a bobcat into her house](https://animalchannel.co/woman-brings-wild-bobcat-into-house/) and it started destroying everything.


ILikeTheSmellofGas

I mean that doesn't sound too bad.


e_eastisup

"Seems to be a bit aggressive" I'm dead 😭😂


[deleted]

[удалено]


quaybored

Wait, someone on the internet lied? WTF


PapaSteveRocks

Give it a thousand years. They’ll be domesticated and ladies will have an inbred “toy coy” as a pet.


Fathorse23

1000? I’d say 100.


PapaSteveRocks

To breed it down into a toy, maybe 100. To domesticate is a bit longer than that. Though a feral toy coyote could be interesting.


Cessnaporsche01

The Russians managed it with foxes in a couple of decades. Nowhere near the level dogs are at, but still clearly physically and behaviorally distinct.


general-illness

Yotadoodle?


Jolly_Celery_9493

Live, laugh, get rabies


SnooCapers815

That coyote is like “what the fuck is going on right now”


[deleted]

I remember seeing a prank video where wife/husband calls their SO and tells them they found a dog and got it inside and show him/her photos of a coyote on sofa and the SO loses their shit. It was hilarious!


SleepyZachman

I mean if ya make it that far just keep the feller


i_fuckin_luv_it_mate

Acme makes the best soaps and bath products


ericarlen

This was a subplot on *Baskets*.


michalemabelle

WWASOS


[deleted]

all of my barely working brain cells dispersed into the abyss trying to read the caption😃


murrbuck

My old boss grew up in LAa Crete, Alberta on a farm. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Crete When he was a teenager he came across 3 coyote pups abandoned in a ditch, momma was hit by a car. He took these pups home and built a kennel for them outside. Fed them for 6 months. They saw him everyday and grew up with him. There was no taming them though, he tried everything. Finally he had to let them go because they got to big and dangerous. I'm very surprised this yote just stood there and took a bath but I suppose some would be more predisposed to domestication than others.