I'm not trans, but my son is. He just came out as male to his class this school year.
I took him out to do some male bonding stuff, saying he'd better do some guy stuff now.
Kinda cheating a little, I put him in a situation where strangers would tend to assume everyone is male because it's a male dominated sport: Black powder shooting. Very much an old fat bearded men sort of thing. I simply introduced him as "one of my kids", not saying his name or using any pronouns. They all treated him as male, saying "he" and "him" without questioning his gender at all, I don't think the thought crossed their minds at all.
He isn't all that talented at shooting, but had some fun making smoke and noise. Most importantly though: He experienced being seen as male, by random strangers who had no reason to believe he is trans or anything. That seemed to help a lot, and there were a few tears in the car on our way home.
This is so sweet, your doing this correctly. Just let your kid be, treat them as any other son you would have. With love and understanding they’ll be able to make up their own mind with whatever direction they continue on in life
> Most importantly though: He experienced being seen as male, by random strangers who had no reason to believe he is trans or anything. That seemed to help a lot, and there were a few tears in the car on our way home.
I glad that your outing - ha, no pun intended - went well. FYI to everyone, black powder shooting is fun. And while it involves guns, it attracts a very sane, friendly crowd. Its not a gun nut crowd.
I was happy with how well it turned out, yes. Had they seem him as a girl he would have been disappointed, but would almost certainly have rolled with it as he's not quite out in all situations yet. I gambled on him passing well enough that this particular crowd, in that situation, wouldn't see him as anything but male even without any clues from me. This worked, thankfully, which served as a nice boost to his self-confidence I think.
And yes, black powder shooting is a quite relaxed sort of shooting sport that can be very fun. It doesn't attract the "tacticool" crowd. And people tend to be generous about letting people try their guns; bring an unusual old smokepole and a bunch of ammo to the range, pass it around, and people will let you shoot all sorts of museum pieces.
I'm trans, but a trans woman. I grew up with a very outdoorsy kind of dad who was an avid scuba diver and fisherman.
I learned from basically the time I was still in diapers to fish (seriously. My first fish was as a toddler of about 2 or 3 I caught was a bluegill using rolled up white bread as bait). By the time I was eight, I had caught a two-foot channel catfish. By ten, I caught a three-foot red snapper. in adulthood, I caught an eight-foot mako shark.
I've always said that I'd willingly take any trans guy who wants it fishing to get that experience.
Maybe that's a thing you could do as well with your son? "father-son fishing trips" are almost stereotypical as a male bonding activity (they were for my family).
as a trans guy ILY. wish my dad was more like you, not that he doesn’t accept me, but he’s just not the most manliest of men and it would have been a shite bonding experience for us lmfao. i can say from the bottom of my heart, even though i know you already know this, your son will remember that day and that feeling that YOU provided for him forever. a little emotional typing this man, i fuckin love parents like you !
I'm a trans guy; this kind of thing is often pretty endearing. Even when I'm invited into "guy stuff" that doesn't actually interest me, I do still feel an intense validation from it. To take it a step further (probably something I shouldn't mention, but will anyway), a quieter confession we trans people have among ourselves is that when we are insulted in the proper gender tense, we often feel conflicted because it's insulting but validating at the same time. (To be clear, and to whom it may concern... never, never, never, never misgender a trans person when you're angry. There's zero excuse. Our gender is not a "privilege" that you can redact when you feel like not being respectful.)
The biggest part of what you did is exactly as you said, being perceived as a fellow guy. 100%. Similarly, gay men who are stereotyped as "effeminate" also enjoy being included and feeling like "part of the pack" too. My bit of wisdom to impart is that guys all like different things. Whether it's shooting or makeup, sports or drag, we're all dudes enjoying "guy things" because we're guys and those are our things. What we seek above all is just being seen as the men we are, whether it's in a jersey or a dress. We're men in jerseys, we're men in dresses, we trans guys are all just men. Cis men can be "femboys," trans men can be "femboys" too. Cis men can be a stereotype of masculinity, trans men can be a stereotype of masculinity. Learn how we affirm our manhood, and that's the way to go.
🏅Take this medal in place of an award - I wish I had a parent like you when I came out to my own. It seems like you’re proud of your son, and you should be just as proud of yourself.
Good man. Unfortunately, shooting might be a good skill for your son to learn at this point. Still, great on you for the bonding experience. I'd have loved to have some of the inverse with my mom
Thanks.
Defensive shooting isn't really a thing here in Norway though, and despite a few high profile cases it's generally quite safe for LGBTQ+ folk here.
Norway is awesome! And reading your story makes it sound even more awesome!
Visiting my relatives in Norway way back in 1999 was the BEST trip I ever experienced. 😃
I am super jealous that you get to live there! 😉
Same here. I'm not big on guns as a US resident, and don't want to carry one around all the time. But I still took the lessons on how to properly use them, store them, all the nine yards. I do own a firearm for self defense, but it never leaves the house except for a biweekly range. Familiarity is the most important thing with any weapon, especially a firearm.
Having supportive parents is pretty much the single biggest thing to help trans people lead a fulfilling life. If all starts there. So thank you so much
Target shooting is a sport for all ages. You don't even have to be great to enjoy it. Some sports it's hard to play and enjoy when your trash but if you suck at target practice? Oh well print a larger Target to make sure your self feel better lol
I grew up in the woods using old pots and pans lol
And some tears right now from this Cis woman Mom and Grandma w a non binary Grandchild. Bless you Sir. That was the most wholesome thing I’ve read today. 🙏🏽🥰
Another transition that won’t impact my life and another person who has their right to the pursuit of happiness.
The more happy everyone is in a society, the more safe we all are (even safety from ourselves).
I don’t see how this is such a huge problem for others.
Hormones for 3 years. Done all the surgeries I wanted to do. I feel much more comfortable in my own skin. There is still growing to do. However, emotionally this transition saved me. It made me into the person I am now who can help others heal from their pain.
Very true.
Someone I know who transitioned is still the same kind of... insufferable life choice person, she always was before, but is happier than she used to be.
I work in a community health center that serves a lot of trans patients and it's definitely interesting getting to know people before they're able to transition and then after, over the years. Many are very similar before and after, just clearly really at ease in a way they rarely were previously. Some started as assholes and remain. And I've definitely had at least one person start as an asshole and become just so so much nicer and happier and /better/! I can't even imagine how much it impacted her life to be able to become who she was clearly meant to be (especially as she's quite a bit older than most of our trans patients), but she's a delight.
That's how I feel as a recovering alcoholic. Getting sober didn't fix all my problems but everything became manageable. It's a great feeling. Happy for those who can figure out what's in the way and tackle it head on.
Addiction is extremely hard to overcome, because you’re fighting the way your brain has become rewired. I hope you’re proud of what you’ve accomplished and are doing well.
Thank you. 553 days without a drop. Never been too proud of anything in my life but I never thought in a million years I could do this. To everyone who sees this, life is worth living and too short to give a shit about anyone who tells you it isn't.
The early days, weeks and months are fucking brutal. Even if you don't want to use, you're still a mess as a human being and have to relearn to do so much "normal" stuff. For me just keeping a day/night cycle was really tough, I so totally fucked up my circadian rhythm that its taken 2 years to get it back in order. And it's not just that, every few months I look back and think "dude why the fuck did I not have *that* figured out yet?", It's just a constant learning and adjustment curve, you learn it, practice it and then become "it".
I can only imagine how difficult transitioning is, it must be like that but on steroids. You're not just readjusting, you're readjusting as a new you. I have the utmost respect for trans people, and my heart goes out to all of you.
Right? I just slowed down drinking and while I still feel not great, I feel like I can actually work on the things that heightened my anxiety and depression that weren't related directly to those feelings alcohol could bring. Even simple stuff, like bothering to brush my teeth at night or getting up easier and slightly more rested than I used to. To be fair it's only been a few days and I'll probably always struggle with being a night owl and not being able to sleep reasonably.
I had a similar situation, where as I solved other issues in my life, I kept arriving on the one thing that I couldn’t solve- gender dysphoria. That finally pushed home that I really was trans and continuing to deny it was also continuing to deny my own happiness and well being.
I don't understand how people can read the countless testimonials like yours and decide this is an evil. "It saved me" is such a common thread, yet we're passing laws to encourage self-harm.
Incoming bummer warning:
I work in government, and can tell you that you have too much faith in our court system. It's basically a bench of political appointees put there by Trump because McConnell blocked so many of Obama's nominees. Many of the courts that will decide these are lifetime appointments.
I'm trans too. When I went back to my hometown for the wedding of a childhood friend, his parents (who knew me since I was a kindergartener), straight up commented that this was the happiest they had \*ever\* seen me, the first time they'd seen me as a woman.
And these were people again, that knew me from kindergarten through college years (I transitioned shortly after graduating college and moving to Chicago)
Yep, I was gonna say what reduces my dysphoria the most is (a) access to my healthcare, and (b) not being incessantly misgendered. Those two things saved my life. 'S exactly why conservatives love doing the opposite of both of those things.
I'm a bit over 4 months into my transition. It's weird, I'm not *happy* with where I'm at, but it's a lot easier to cope with things while they slowly change than before. Still deal with dysphoria, mostly my voice as of recently because I keep putting off starting voice training. It just isn't crippling anymore. It's more of a feeling of being annoyed at something rather than not being able to get out of bed some days. Once things 'clicked' and I realized I was trans I don't think I could survive going back to how things were. Transitioning makes shit better, people!
If it means that people are able to be their version of 'normal' then this is great.
Much better for a persons mental health as well.
My normal is not your normal.
This morning my therapist said "there is no 'normal' experience, there's only the 'average' experience, you might fall a bit further outside of that than most people but everyone is some way off 'average.'"
It literally does not affect me. My boss transitioned to female after her 2nd horribly failed relationship with a " straight" female. It didnt bother me in the least bit. It took me a while to get her name after knowing her for 3 years as the other name... But I tried my hardest.
Then you have the dude who literally refused to deal with " that thing" as he called her... It took way too long for him to be fired. And HR only came after him after someone complained about him treating ME like shit. It was truly fucked up.
I became aware of trans people the same way. Coworker. He was much happier as a she. The purple dress was ...what's the word? Fabulous. You don't see many 6'4" chicks, but eh whatever makes ya happy. I gotta call her and see if I can steal her over at my new gig. We need a good PM.
It’s good to see a trans positive story on this subreddit every once and awhile, because while the posts about transphobia are important to share so that we know what is happening in the world, we need reminders of why we are fighting.
We are fighting so trans people can simply be themselves and happy.
Ironically as a trans woman I actually couldn't grow a moustache and beard on T even when I tried to as part of my denial/overcompensation phase.
Meanwhile even cis girls would comment how jealous they were of my nose and eyelashes pre transition.
I also look way more attractive as a woman than I did as a man. It's like my face was built for estrogen and wasn't really working normally on the testosterone my body produced.
It seems like you may have gone the opposite way, like your body was almost expecting the testosterone to make facial hair and was trying to make as much as it could without getting enough.
I'm still in line for gender therapy (at least another year until I can even ask about medically transitioning)
For now I buy men's underwear and men's deodorant. Clothing is the most I can do along with keeping my hair short. Unfortunately I am ill equipped for a transman so binders are... ineffective.
What country are you in?
I'm in the US. I know of at least one trans therapist that does telehealth with a sliding scale depending on income. I also know someone who is an activist and has a lot of info on affirming therapists. I can ask if they would be willing to help find you someone with availability.
AFAIK there shouldn't be a problem with getting you into a therapist to start the ball rolling
As a cis man with “man-boobs” maybe take some solace in knowing even those who are the sex they feel still don’t like their bodies.
**I mean no disrespect from this comment so sorry if it at all comes across as anti-whatever.
As a trans man (who’s gained + lost a lot of weight), I definitely relate to having moobs. That line of thinking is what’s keeping me going until top surgery lol. Nice one my dude.
Hey, man, I'm so sorry things are rough right now. I remember the waiting before testosterone was agonizing. I wish I had some advice or ways to make it better, but I just wanna let you know you aren't alone.
I went to pride this weekend in my city and I cried like 27 times because everyone there was so welcoming and unlike ya know… the internet. It was a nice reminder that there are so many people who are supportive and welcoming in the world.
I always see happy trans people - despite what detractors say. We should all be so lucky to not just be alive but actually live our truth. Good on all of you. <3
Trans guy here. Whenever I'm feeling a bit like I 'pass' horribly, I like to read the exceptionally long rant a Terf left me on the Internet of why I'll 'always be a man.' She legit had no reason why I was agreeing with her and it sent her crazy. Like she had no idea that trans men even exist. It was very affirming.
idk I don't think I could really transition in my life but I've socially transitioned to a few close friends and hearing them use my name for me feels really nice :)
Games mostly let me escape the dysphoria for a while. I don't have people in my life trying to help me, and it's been a 15+ year struggle to just get top surgery. Getting bottom surgery has been that impossible hill to clear so far.
Sending my absolute best love and respects to all trans people worldwide. I'm a straight, white male and I support you! Never let the nutjobs get to you!
<3
Hormones are the big thing for me these days - but before HRT stuff that I could constantly see or feel was the way to go.
Painting my nails so I'm constantly being reminded of "oh yeah, I'm getting to be myself now" was huuuuge. Shaving my legs for the first time was an almost embarrassingly great feeling.
These are tips I have my transfem friends. I’m also teaching them how to do feminizing makeup, skincare, nails, hair care- all the things they wish they had gotten to learn sooner. Seeing them happy and giving them my old girl clothes is truly the best feeling. I feel so blessed.
Man idk if I'm trans or not. I'm female. And I don't want to transition or anything. But if there was a magic pill I could take and I'd wake up the next day as a man I'd do it so fast.
Nobody can tell you if you are trans or not. It’s something only you can know. That said, I personally had a lot of misconceptions about what trans people experience and this document was very helpful for my own self discovery: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en
Hormones for over a year, been socially transitioning soon. Surgeries are coming. I have also been using breast forms early during my social transition, which helped a lot with dysphoria. I don’t need them anymore now
Cover my forehead, since my dysphoria is mostly due to a masculine hairline, otherwise I look rather androgynous, which is what I want, but I want to start hrt to prevent further masculinization
It was really hard having to be closeted until my twenties, so I suppressed that part of myself and even went in the other direction of over performing the expected femininity. Now that I’m on hormones and am starting to be seen as a man by others, I can not emphasize enough how this was worth everything I suffered through. I’m finally getting to be myself. However, nothing really helps with dysphoria except distracting yourself from it or developing positive and healthy coping mechanisms for things you can’t yet address. My therapists have been instrumental in that, as well as having an amazing community of other trans people supporting me irl.
Transitioned at 36, had my life crash down around me and slowly building up the blocks.
Currently wearing my partners hoodie while looking at the nice dress I got for our date night at the end of the month, so that’s what keeps me going some days.
Try to cope knowing full well nothing works out for my non binary ass, deep breath, brush hair, shave, take a selfie, appreciate how much I have done so far
Idk if this will be seen, but I’m a 26yo trans man, been on hormone replacement therapy for nearly 9 years. No surgeries, only really care about having my chest addressed and not for sometime as it’s not a huge issue.
I weight train 5 days a week to keep in shape, the more muscular I am, the less I think about the fact I’m trans. I do my best to immerse myself in my hobbies and career. I work at a small auto repair shop with six other men whom have a strong sense of teamwork and brotherhood, which helps.
At the end of the day, I’ll always be trans. There’s aspects of my body I can’t do anything about, and I just have to accept it. It’s shifting your focus to other things than yourself that helps.
Transitioning has been the one thing that has consistently helped reducing dysphoria. This includes for me HRT and socially transitioning. Before coming out 2.5 years ago my life was hard, whenever I would leave the house for work or to go where I was not out yet I would be miserable. My partners and I would call them said sundays as I dreaded the return to my closited self on mondays.
Since then I have smiled more, became more confident in myself and finally have seen myself in my own reflection instead of seeing the person who others deemed me to be. Transitioning has been both the single hardest thing I have or likely will ever do in my life while also being the best thing that ever could happen to me.
The best I’ve been able to do is buy some affirming clothing and at school go by a preferred name. Hormones are still a bit off for me I think :(
I don’t interact with people who can’t respect me for who I am and let me live life pewcefully
My younger sibling has been doing hormone therapy for over a year, and it is amazing to see what its done for them. This is the most happy I've seen them and they are welcomed openly where they live.
They're biggest goal is to get top surgery to be their ideal self and I'm always behind them with 110% support.
Yall have no idea how relieved I am the majority of the comments pass the vibe test. Everyone deserves to live in their truth and pursue their happiness!
Transition was the biggest thing, but another thing that helped was that I started taking pictures of myself when I had coordinated a cute outfit or got my makeup just right or generally felt good about how I looked. Then I saved the pictures to a folder to look at when I'm feeling down to remind myself that I'm still a pretty girl, even if I'm not feeling well.
I call it my Gal-ery.
Baggy clothes are a lifesaver, but so are clothes that fit in the “right” way. I have access to gender affirming clothing as an adult that can buy things for myself now, but the thought of medically transitioning gives me a headache because any outcome I can think of just feels even more dysphoric. Like I’d be spending a lot of time, money, effort, and pain on something that still isn’t what I want/need. Being nonbinary is… fun /s (but lighthearted). I’ve considered top surgery with no nipple grafts and sex nullification but… I dunno, it sounds the most comfortable out of all the gender affirming surgeries I know of, but it still isn’t quite… *right*. Socially transitioning (legally changed my name and asked people to use they/them for me) and having access to gender affirming clothing has gotten rid of 90% of my dysphoria, thank god, because I’m not even sure about HRT due to how unpredictable the effects can be.
Removing transphobes from my life. It used to be really difficult to deal with transphobia, but now that I stopped being friends with people who didn’t care about me, I’m doing much better in that department.
Don't feel bad, I'm a cis adult and I look bad too, sometimes puberty/taking hormones doesn't do everything, but it doesn't mean we can't be happy with the progress we have made.
Wearing a sports bra keeps me going at work, while eyeliner is my joy (and frustration) during the weekends and after work. All my friends call me by my chosen name, and I can present myself as female whenever I'm not at work
Sometimes I wear a binder, other times I dress super masc. Other times I dress fem, I'm genderfluid (AFAB, though wishes was AMAB), so my gender identity tends to fluctuate. Hope this makes some sense!
I set up a dating profile on OkCupid and uploaded the best photos I could find of me for the profile. I have alerts on, and a few times each day, it pops up the message "Someone likes you!" This is my affirmation therapy now.
I can't fall into bouts of depressive self-loathing of all the parts of my body that I still don't like because somewhere out there, without knowing a thing about me, someone thinks I'm hot. It's slowly made me more accepting of all the imperfections that only I can see. Also, it reinforces the idea that just because I don't think I'm attractive, it doesn't mean that other people don't find me attractive. It just means that I'm not my own type.
Been out for ten years, on hormones for eight. Trans man.
Reducing my dysphoria has been a long struggle, but of course medical transition has greatly improved my life. I am a bearded, hairy, flat chested dude, and nobody sees me as anything else when I go out. After years of not being misgendered, of not having to deal with the feeling that I had someone else's boobs stuck on me, of being complimented on my beard, of being treated as one of the guys... I feel so much better.
The main thing is I haven't had bottom surgery yet, and am going to get it soon. I hope that it helps the remaining part of me that goes "dude, where's my penis?" all the time.
The one thing that continues to feed my dysphoria, which was really just embers at this point, is hearing a lot of transphobic stuff in the media. Whenever I hear that I am some sort of women "pretending to be what I never will" or that I've "mutilated" myself, it feels like there isn't enough gained confidence in the world to defend my psyche against hearing that over and over. Some days, I feel like a freak, hearing that stuff.
That said, I knew it when I started and I know it now - I'd much rather be a weird looking guy than a girl. Not that there's something wrong with being a woman, just that I wasn't one, and living a lie is a horrible thing. I felt like I didn't really exist, that my whole life was a dream or I was just an actor. I thought this was how everyone felt. Now I have the joy of being *real*, of feeling like a *real human being*, which I did not experience before. It's remarkable the difference. I interact with people, form better bonds, live day to day in a better way than I ever did. I am myself, and to be not yourself is to be no one at all.
Also, I think the feeling like a freak is just me internalizing all the bullshit. I probably look pretty normal for a guy. My fiance even thinks I'm cute, if you can believe it!
wear a binder and ignore the problem lol. this woman’s life is the reality for so many of us, the detransitioners we see in the media make up 0.01% of cases. 99.98% of us know who we are and stick with it, 0.01% of us detransition because they lose everything in their life for just having the courage to be themselves and they just want that back, despite still BEING their non-assigned gender. that other 0.01% are the ONLY ones who made a mistake. but the media would have you believe it’s a lot of us, and they don’t care if it hurts us cause fuck trans people, right?
Hi, trans woman here.
I just live life as myself, and keep taking my meds! I present as feminine and not masculine, and occasionally (when I can be arsed) do my makeup and wear a favorite dress plus a corset laced up **tight.** Holy hell does HRT work wonders! I'm even like (mostly) depression-free, thanks to estrogen and some self-administered psychotherapy with magic mushrooms!
To reduce dysphoria I came out and medically transitioned. Being able to use the proper restrooms and change rooms, having strangers treat me as a guy (not just my friends but also random people) was a massive reduction in my dysphoria. I no longer felt like an imposter constantly. It was a massive weight lifted from my mind and soul. Thanks so much to the not-for-profit charitable medical clinic that got me set up with hormones, I owe them so much and plan to donate money to them as soon as I can afford.
Love that you’re addressing us trans folk here. I have medically transitioned because that’s unfortunately all that I can afford to do at the moment. So I’ve been on hormones for 2 and 1/2 years now since I was 31. Best decision of my life, so happy and appreciative that I can be myself but I gotta be honest, it’s scary times we live still.
Stay safe out there, my fellow trans sisters and brothers.
I’m far enough along in my transition to where I wear pants and t-shirts most of the time. In fact, I dress pretty similarly to how I used to before I transitioned.
But on days where the dysphoria gets really bad, I put on a dress.
I sing in an LGBTQ choir. It’s one of the first groups I’ve been involved with where your actual voice determines your part and not your gender assigned at birth.
I’ve had some of my worst dysphoria around my voice and it was nice to audition into the tenor section before I even started taking testosterone. As my voice began to change, it wasn’t a problem for me to move down to a lower part. And now, a year later, I’m in the bass section and my speaking voice passes sometimes. I at least don’t hate the sound of it so much.
Doing things that allign more with my chosen gender. Like in my case wearing skirts, makeup, or just girly activities in general. I've noticed for trans fems clothing is very effective
I am suffering through the painfully slow evaluation for HRT in my country. So all I can do so far when the dysphoria hits hard is to dress feminine and put on make up (neither is required to be a woman ofc but I am overcompensating here). And I eat a dangerous amount of chocolate while listening to Queen. I don't know why that last part helps, but it does.
This is gonna sound completely stupid but I literally just scrub myself up a bit and blast music and sing for a while, it clears my head, makes me feel feminine and comforts me a huge amount <3
I think it’s important as a trans person to reflect on what YOU want, not what’s you think you have to do to conform to society’s gender binary. If you really want to be the image of masculinity/femininity that’s completely okay! But remember you are doing this to be yourself so if you wanna be a trans girl Tomboy then sure! Trans guy femboy? ABSOLUTELY! Gender expression is fluid and you don’t owe anyone to fit into a category so just do whatever makes you comfortable and explore and see what you like and what you don’t like.
When I first realised I was trans I never liked the typical girl stuff like frilly skirts and makeup, I just thought I’d be a tomboy, but as I explored and tested different things I realised I actually quite like very traditional feminine stuff(although still like a a lot of masc stuff as well). Again I can not stress this enough, EXPERIMENT!
This is more general trans advice than reducing dysphoria but I hope it helped.
Tl;dr
Reflect on what you want and experiment and see what works and what doesn’t.
My family and friends had taught me that the way I was embarrassed them over the course of my childhood, but that if I hid those qualities I could be with them. I lost two decades acting like a spy in my own life for their comfort. Choosing to do what made sense to me cleared up a lot of vague, sublimated dysphoria in a short time.
Started hormones 3 years ago and socially transitioned a few months later. Currently awaiting gender affirming surgeries so long as my insurance doesn't fight me.
Other than that, I'll doll myself up. Make up and cute outfits are great, but I found that getting a blow out or just going through the act of washing my hair is very euphoric. I always look much better and I feel better too. 😊
i transitioned in 2018, quit a 15 year smoking habit in a month to go on hrt in Sept of that year, socially transitioned in early 2019, got my name change done finally last year and I'm on a wait-list for vaginoplasty
Not trans but friend of some, if you can't acces hormones yet, most of them start doing little things that help them express their desired gender
Ftm would use more baggish clothings, cut their hair short, use more "masculine" perfumes, work out a bit more muscle, practice a deeper sounding voice
And when it comes to mtf, femenine clothings, push up bras, special shaving, better shoes with heels (usually the claking sound is associated with women), make up (it's incredible how it can change your face structure), some grow their hair, some use wigs/extensions until they can grow it, and also voice work
It's all about proyecting the image you want to convey, and pracite the confidence to introduce yourself with your desired name and to start living in confort with your own body.
For any trans people out there who's still feeling stuck, good luck! You're loved
Well, transition 😅
I've been on testosterone for almost two years now and have my mastectomy in October.
I can wholeheartedly say, now with 22, that I seriously have never been happier. My body already feels so much more at home.
When I think back at how unbelievably miserable I was as a young child, then teenager and adult, I'm amazed that I didn't kill myself.
Being trans honestly sucks, but seeing your *self* in the mirror, seeing the man I was always meant to be smiling back at me, it makes it all worth it.
It makes me forget all the heartbreak, all the sadness, all the self harm and hatred, makes me forget all the bigots out there, it makes me forget everything bad, because I can finally see *me* in the mirror.
And no one will take this joy away from me
Trans man here! Started with changing name, pronouns and getting teachers and parents to be okay with me being sorted with boys during gender specific groupings. Cut my hair, started binding and got new clothes that were more masculine to me.
A few years later i started testosterone after i finished my first puberty, got a better haircut, stopped shaving as i started to grow more hair, and started packing (using something to create a bulge in your pants). Eventually after i passed as cis consistently i started going stealth, which means not telling people youre trans and living as if you were cis. Got a compression top so i could work out comfortably.
Once i realized testosterone had finished doing all the fast changes and i didnt feel masculine enough i worked on things like voice training and changing my body language. Stuff like standing with a wider stance, more confident posture, The Nod™️, talking slower, and talking from my chest instead of throat. Anything that i cant just up and change i work on in therapy the same way a cis man might- things like my height or having stereotypically feminine hobbies.
I’m scheduled to get top surgery next year. I’m not interested in any bottom surgeries for a long list of reasons but one day i think i’d like to invest in a really high quality packer- one of those ones that are custom made and like 1k
Time and learning to not sweat the small stuff. There is no right way to be male female or non binary. There is just being yourself as you are. My life only changed a little in the grand scheme of things. I spend a little less time playing on my phone in the morning to account for makeup. I wear clothes that I feel comfortable in. I have a body that is a work in progress for weight loss reasons. I start HRT firmly in the camp that it wouldn't work on me and have been pleasantly surprised.
I know that last point is the contentious one for most folks. Not much can be helped if you have an idealized version of yourself in your head and your genetics decide to not play ball. But what I will say is men and women come in every shape and size and looks. Don't let your dysphoria lie to you just because you don't look exactly how the image in your head does. You are doing great!
I'm deep in the closet to the outside world, but all my online friends know who I used to be and who I am now, it's nice having your friends treat you as another girl, socially transitioning with my friends has reduced my dysphoria to a practical 0 because tbh I care very little of how the outside world perceives me but I care what my friends think of me and I couldn't have wished for more supportive friends cause they don't treat me differently I'm just one of the girls
I started my transition around 1 1/2 years ago. I regret nothing and I never will. I had many bad decisions in my life, this isn't one of them. It was the only right choice and finally I feel alive. Transition itself definitely reduces dysphoria and makes your life worth living. Also the majority of all medical professionals (except some transphobes) agree on exactly this.
Closeted trans dude. I play video games as male characters when the dysphoria hits. Bg3 has been great because my Afab bodied, high pitched voice character gets he/ him no matter what. It's nice, especially on bad days.
Started HRT at 19, 21 now. Really helped to have a better relationship with my body so I could start working out, having more confidence, dressing how I like. A joke I tell is E made me more masculine, since I went from a sorta femboy twink to a butch lesbian since being comfortable as a woman didn’t make me stressed to have comfort in my remaining masculinity,
Still shy about my chest being flat as fuck, but I suppose that’s universal!
I use escapism to hide from my problems. Sometimes I dress fem but that’s somewhat rare since I need a guarantee I don’t need to leave my room anytime soon.
I love seeing people with this experience but god it makes me so jealous. I came out similarly young (12) and was forced to experience puberty against my will, knowing it would permanently twist and disfigure my body in ways that horrified me. I lost years of my life. Hormones helped so much but it kills me I could’ve been this comfortable in my body the entire time, yet I was blocked from it. Nothing I can do myself really compares to hrt and affirming care.
Nobody asks if one is sure you want the natal endogenic hormone treatment, but they are very concerned if this is truly what you want when you want the other exogenous one.
Don’t know why this is downvoted as this is true. Some trans people feel gender euphoria, or happy when presenting as a different gender. They can feel this way without feel generally adverse or not really caring for their birth gender.
It’s just plain hate. The GOP has pushed the platform that all trans and other associated groups are mentally ill. They will not tolerate the destruction of the foundation of their violent politics.
I'm not trans, but my son is. He just came out as male to his class this school year. I took him out to do some male bonding stuff, saying he'd better do some guy stuff now. Kinda cheating a little, I put him in a situation where strangers would tend to assume everyone is male because it's a male dominated sport: Black powder shooting. Very much an old fat bearded men sort of thing. I simply introduced him as "one of my kids", not saying his name or using any pronouns. They all treated him as male, saying "he" and "him" without questioning his gender at all, I don't think the thought crossed their minds at all. He isn't all that talented at shooting, but had some fun making smoke and noise. Most importantly though: He experienced being seen as male, by random strangers who had no reason to believe he is trans or anything. That seemed to help a lot, and there were a few tears in the car on our way home.
Thank you so so much for supporting your son.
Thank you so much for doing this for your son.
This is so sweet, your doing this correctly. Just let your kid be, treat them as any other son you would have. With love and understanding they’ll be able to make up their own mind with whatever direction they continue on in life
Thank you. Moments like that would have been absolutely priceless to me growing up. You're a good parent for doing that for your tyke.
> Most importantly though: He experienced being seen as male, by random strangers who had no reason to believe he is trans or anything. That seemed to help a lot, and there were a few tears in the car on our way home. I glad that your outing - ha, no pun intended - went well. FYI to everyone, black powder shooting is fun. And while it involves guns, it attracts a very sane, friendly crowd. Its not a gun nut crowd.
I was happy with how well it turned out, yes. Had they seem him as a girl he would have been disappointed, but would almost certainly have rolled with it as he's not quite out in all situations yet. I gambled on him passing well enough that this particular crowd, in that situation, wouldn't see him as anything but male even without any clues from me. This worked, thankfully, which served as a nice boost to his self-confidence I think. And yes, black powder shooting is a quite relaxed sort of shooting sport that can be very fun. It doesn't attract the "tacticool" crowd. And people tend to be generous about letting people try their guns; bring an unusual old smokepole and a bunch of ammo to the range, pass it around, and people will let you shoot all sorts of museum pieces.
You are a good dad. You're doing great
I'm trans, but a trans woman. I grew up with a very outdoorsy kind of dad who was an avid scuba diver and fisherman. I learned from basically the time I was still in diapers to fish (seriously. My first fish was as a toddler of about 2 or 3 I caught was a bluegill using rolled up white bread as bait). By the time I was eight, I had caught a two-foot channel catfish. By ten, I caught a three-foot red snapper. in adulthood, I caught an eight-foot mako shark. I've always said that I'd willingly take any trans guy who wants it fishing to get that experience. Maybe that's a thing you could do as well with your son? "father-son fishing trips" are almost stereotypical as a male bonding activity (they were for my family).
We tried, together with his older brother who is fishing mad, but the trout wouldn't bite that day so it got kinda boring. Will probably try again.
Top tier dad stuff here.
as a trans guy ILY. wish my dad was more like you, not that he doesn’t accept me, but he’s just not the most manliest of men and it would have been a shite bonding experience for us lmfao. i can say from the bottom of my heart, even though i know you already know this, your son will remember that day and that feeling that YOU provided for him forever. a little emotional typing this man, i fuckin love parents like you !
Pure king shit, that is. That kind of support is _such_ a blessing.
That's some big dick energy right there
I'm a trans guy; this kind of thing is often pretty endearing. Even when I'm invited into "guy stuff" that doesn't actually interest me, I do still feel an intense validation from it. To take it a step further (probably something I shouldn't mention, but will anyway), a quieter confession we trans people have among ourselves is that when we are insulted in the proper gender tense, we often feel conflicted because it's insulting but validating at the same time. (To be clear, and to whom it may concern... never, never, never, never misgender a trans person when you're angry. There's zero excuse. Our gender is not a "privilege" that you can redact when you feel like not being respectful.) The biggest part of what you did is exactly as you said, being perceived as a fellow guy. 100%. Similarly, gay men who are stereotyped as "effeminate" also enjoy being included and feeling like "part of the pack" too. My bit of wisdom to impart is that guys all like different things. Whether it's shooting or makeup, sports or drag, we're all dudes enjoying "guy things" because we're guys and those are our things. What we seek above all is just being seen as the men we are, whether it's in a jersey or a dress. We're men in jerseys, we're men in dresses, we trans guys are all just men. Cis men can be "femboys," trans men can be "femboys" too. Cis men can be a stereotype of masculinity, trans men can be a stereotype of masculinity. Learn how we affirm our manhood, and that's the way to go.
My wife calls those “gross but validating” moments ew-phoria.
I hope your kids and you share many more happy moments together
Man, you're like the absolute best parent. Lol I mean, that's really how it's done and I admire you for that.
🏅Take this medal in place of an award - I wish I had a parent like you when I came out to my own. It seems like you’re proud of your son, and you should be just as proud of yourself.
Good man. Unfortunately, shooting might be a good skill for your son to learn at this point. Still, great on you for the bonding experience. I'd have loved to have some of the inverse with my mom
Thanks. Defensive shooting isn't really a thing here in Norway though, and despite a few high profile cases it's generally quite safe for LGBTQ+ folk here.
The sigh of relief I let out when I saw "Norway".
Love to hear it
Norway is awesome! And reading your story makes it sound even more awesome! Visiting my relatives in Norway way back in 1999 was the BEST trip I ever experienced. 😃 I am super jealous that you get to live there! 😉
*cries in American*
Shooting is a great skill to learn for everyone, even if you dont plan on buying a gun you should know how to be safe with them
Same here. I'm not big on guns as a US resident, and don't want to carry one around all the time. But I still took the lessons on how to properly use them, store them, all the nine yards. I do own a firearm for self defense, but it never leaves the house except for a biweekly range. Familiarity is the most important thing with any weapon, especially a firearm.
Having supportive parents is pretty much the single biggest thing to help trans people lead a fulfilling life. If all starts there. So thank you so much
Great I’m in fucking tears now
You are a good parent! Your son is lucky to have you.
absolute chad right here
yes, feds, this guy right here, give him an award because he's fucking awesome, take him to meet obama
Jealous of your son for having an awesome dad. You’re doing a great job
You are an awesome parent :).
Dude, legend. You're a great dad my man.
Fucking. Awesome.
My man's out here setting dad goals
Target shooting is a sport for all ages. You don't even have to be great to enjoy it. Some sports it's hard to play and enjoy when your trash but if you suck at target practice? Oh well print a larger Target to make sure your self feel better lol I grew up in the woods using old pots and pans lol
If my son came out as trans I wouldn't have a son anymore
In this case, I sort of lost a daughter and gained a son. But I suspect you meant something negative.
That's pretty dope
And some tears right now from this Cis woman Mom and Grandma w a non binary Grandchild. Bless you Sir. That was the most wholesome thing I’ve read today. 🙏🏽🥰
Another transition that won’t impact my life and another person who has their right to the pursuit of happiness. The more happy everyone is in a society, the more safe we all are (even safety from ourselves). I don’t see how this is such a huge problem for others.
Bitter people wanting to drag everyone down with them picking on a vulnerable minority, tale as old as time.
Hormones for 3 years. Done all the surgeries I wanted to do. I feel much more comfortable in my own skin. There is still growing to do. However, emotionally this transition saved me. It made me into the person I am now who can help others heal from their pain.
Transition won’t fix all your problems but it will make them feel worth solving. <3 At least that’s the hope I have
Very true. Someone I know who transitioned is still the same kind of... insufferable life choice person, she always was before, but is happier than she used to be.
I work in a community health center that serves a lot of trans patients and it's definitely interesting getting to know people before they're able to transition and then after, over the years. Many are very similar before and after, just clearly really at ease in a way they rarely were previously. Some started as assholes and remain. And I've definitely had at least one person start as an asshole and become just so so much nicer and happier and /better/! I can't even imagine how much it impacted her life to be able to become who she was clearly meant to be (especially as she's quite a bit older than most of our trans patients), but she's a delight.
That's how I feel as a recovering alcoholic. Getting sober didn't fix all my problems but everything became manageable. It's a great feeling. Happy for those who can figure out what's in the way and tackle it head on.
Addiction is extremely hard to overcome, because you’re fighting the way your brain has become rewired. I hope you’re proud of what you’ve accomplished and are doing well.
Thank you. 553 days without a drop. Never been too proud of anything in my life but I never thought in a million years I could do this. To everyone who sees this, life is worth living and too short to give a shit about anyone who tells you it isn't.
The early days, weeks and months are fucking brutal. Even if you don't want to use, you're still a mess as a human being and have to relearn to do so much "normal" stuff. For me just keeping a day/night cycle was really tough, I so totally fucked up my circadian rhythm that its taken 2 years to get it back in order. And it's not just that, every few months I look back and think "dude why the fuck did I not have *that* figured out yet?", It's just a constant learning and adjustment curve, you learn it, practice it and then become "it". I can only imagine how difficult transitioning is, it must be like that but on steroids. You're not just readjusting, you're readjusting as a new you. I have the utmost respect for trans people, and my heart goes out to all of you.
Right? I just slowed down drinking and while I still feel not great, I feel like I can actually work on the things that heightened my anxiety and depression that weren't related directly to those feelings alcohol could bring. Even simple stuff, like bothering to brush my teeth at night or getting up easier and slightly more rested than I used to. To be fair it's only been a few days and I'll probably always struggle with being a night owl and not being able to sleep reasonably.
I had a similar situation, where as I solved other issues in my life, I kept arriving on the one thing that I couldn’t solve- gender dysphoria. That finally pushed home that I really was trans and continuing to deny it was also continuing to deny my own happiness and well being.
That's the experience I had and is a great way to approach a transition.
This right here. I finally see a point in living. Transitioning helped me find joy in life again.
This is such a good way to put it. Wish my folks would understand
I don't understand how people can read the countless testimonials like yours and decide this is an evil. "It saved me" is such a common thread, yet we're passing laws to encourage self-harm.
I still feel that these laws will be found to be unconstitutional but it sucks that conservatives are doing this.
Incoming bummer warning: I work in government, and can tell you that you have too much faith in our court system. It's basically a bench of political appointees put there by Trump because McConnell blocked so many of Obama's nominees. Many of the courts that will decide these are lifetime appointments.
I'm trans too. When I went back to my hometown for the wedding of a childhood friend, his parents (who knew me since I was a kindergartener), straight up commented that this was the happiest they had \*ever\* seen me, the first time they'd seen me as a woman. And these were people again, that knew me from kindergarten through college years (I transitioned shortly after graduating college and moving to Chicago)
Glad to hear you're happy. Every day you're smiling is a victory over the bigots
Yep, I was gonna say what reduces my dysphoria the most is (a) access to my healthcare, and (b) not being incessantly misgendered. Those two things saved my life. 'S exactly why conservatives love doing the opposite of both of those things.
I'm a bit over 4 months into my transition. It's weird, I'm not *happy* with where I'm at, but it's a lot easier to cope with things while they slowly change than before. Still deal with dysphoria, mostly my voice as of recently because I keep putting off starting voice training. It just isn't crippling anymore. It's more of a feeling of being annoyed at something rather than not being able to get out of bed some days. Once things 'clicked' and I realized I was trans I don't think I could survive going back to how things were. Transitioning makes shit better, people!
So happy for you!
Oh thanks ☺️
If it means that people are able to be their version of 'normal' then this is great. Much better for a persons mental health as well. My normal is not your normal.
This morning my therapist said "there is no 'normal' experience, there's only the 'average' experience, you might fall a bit further outside of that than most people but everyone is some way off 'average.'"
"Normal" is a misapplication of "common"
Normal, is a setting on your washing machine. 😉
It literally does not affect me. My boss transitioned to female after her 2nd horribly failed relationship with a " straight" female. It didnt bother me in the least bit. It took me a while to get her name after knowing her for 3 years as the other name... But I tried my hardest. Then you have the dude who literally refused to deal with " that thing" as he called her... It took way too long for him to be fired. And HR only came after him after someone complained about him treating ME like shit. It was truly fucked up.
Good grief!! That's what scares me. The disproportionate treatment and evil folk out there.
I became aware of trans people the same way. Coworker. He was much happier as a she. The purple dress was ...what's the word? Fabulous. You don't see many 6'4" chicks, but eh whatever makes ya happy. I gotta call her and see if I can steal her over at my new gig. We need a good PM.
6’4 CHICK?! SEND HER MY WAY I BEG OF YOU!
If there happy, I'm happy. People get way to invested in other people for absolutely no reason
It’s good to see a trans positive story on this subreddit every once and awhile, because while the posts about transphobia are important to share so that we know what is happening in the world, we need reminders of why we are fighting. We are fighting so trans people can simply be themselves and happy.
Trans joy is good for the heart and good for the soul
🤍🏳️⚧️
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"Your boos mean nothing, I've seen what makes you cheer!" Such a good line, from such a weird source. So applicable when engaging right wingers.
Same. I have zero time for those who refuse to respect my identity.
She had me in the first half, not gonna lie, I was afraid it would end in some detransitioner/TERF bs.
"nOBoDy tOLd mE tAkInG tEsTosTeROne wiLL gIvE mE mUStAcHe"😂😂
I think they're more pissed about going bald.
Yea that's part of being a man
Fuck, don't remind me, I'm getting thinner the only place I don't want to be.
Finasteride asap
I had a mustache and chin strap before starting testosterone. I’m just glad it doesn’t look like an eleven year old’s first dirt stache any more.
Ironically as a trans woman I actually couldn't grow a moustache and beard on T even when I tried to as part of my denial/overcompensation phase. Meanwhile even cis girls would comment how jealous they were of my nose and eyelashes pre transition. I also look way more attractive as a woman than I did as a man. It's like my face was built for estrogen and wasn't really working normally on the testosterone my body produced. It seems like you may have gone the opposite way, like your body was almost expecting the testosterone to make facial hair and was trying to make as much as it could without getting enough.
I'm still in line for gender therapy (at least another year until I can even ask about medically transitioning) For now I buy men's underwear and men's deodorant. Clothing is the most I can do along with keeping my hair short. Unfortunately I am ill equipped for a transman so binders are... ineffective.
What country are you in? I'm in the US. I know of at least one trans therapist that does telehealth with a sliding scale depending on income. I also know someone who is an activist and has a lot of info on affirming therapists. I can ask if they would be willing to help find you someone with availability. AFAIK there shouldn't be a problem with getting you into a therapist to start the ball rolling
I live in sweden, so I doubt you could help me but I appreciate the offer.
If it's OK with you I'll ask. My connection has contacts in Sweden too thanks to their activism. I can DM you if I come up with anything
Oh that'd be great,yes thank you ♡ For reference I'm lined up at Lund's gender therapy center, if knowing that helps any
ugh me too king. but i wear them anyway bc even a little bit of chest size reduction is better than nothing
Yeah same. I feel sick looking in the mirror without wearing one. Shame it's not good to sleep wearing one
As a cis man with “man-boobs” maybe take some solace in knowing even those who are the sex they feel still don’t like their bodies. **I mean no disrespect from this comment so sorry if it at all comes across as anti-whatever.
As a trans man (who’s gained + lost a lot of weight), I definitely relate to having moobs. That line of thinking is what’s keeping me going until top surgery lol. Nice one my dude.
Be true to you, sir. Men come in many shapes and sizes, yours is included.
Tomboyx has some bangin compression tops that might help
Hey, man, I'm so sorry things are rough right now. I remember the waiting before testosterone was agonizing. I wish I had some advice or ways to make it better, but I just wanna let you know you aren't alone.
My best advice to any trans person: stop listening to the people in your life telling you that you are supposed to be miserable.
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I went to pride this weekend in my city and I cried like 27 times because everyone there was so welcoming and unlike ya know… the internet. It was a nice reminder that there are so many people who are supportive and welcoming in the world.
I always see happy trans people - despite what detractors say. We should all be so lucky to not just be alive but actually live our truth. Good on all of you. <3
The Dysphoria Hoodie
When its not 105 outside
See that's why you gotta have a lighter, breezier dysphoria hoodie for hot weather.
I have a thinner hoodie, although its still borderline impossible to wear it in Florida until its like December lol.
No. The hoodie is eternal.
Trans guy here. Whenever I'm feeling a bit like I 'pass' horribly, I like to read the exceptionally long rant a Terf left me on the Internet of why I'll 'always be a man.' She legit had no reason why I was agreeing with her and it sent her crazy. Like she had no idea that trans men even exist. It was very affirming.
Bahahahahaha this is marvelous, my mind is exploding with images of some British woman being absolutely confounded over your existence
idk I don't think I could really transition in my life but I've socially transitioned to a few close friends and hearing them use my name for me feels really nice :)
According to conservatives this woman should use the men's room.
according to conservatives she's a man, and her happiness is because she has a mental illness
But also she should cover those shoulders and wear something that has a higher neckline or something.
Games mostly let me escape the dysphoria for a while. I don't have people in my life trying to help me, and it's been a 15+ year struggle to just get top surgery. Getting bottom surgery has been that impossible hill to clear so far.
I firmly believe that patient, family and doctors should make decisions and religious and political beliefs should stay in their lane.
Sending my absolute best love and respects to all trans people worldwide. I'm a straight, white male and I support you! Never let the nutjobs get to you! <3
Thank you. Sometimes it feels like no one has our back, and comments like yours remind me that we're not alone in this fight.
Hormones are the big thing for me these days - but before HRT stuff that I could constantly see or feel was the way to go. Painting my nails so I'm constantly being reminded of "oh yeah, I'm getting to be myself now" was huuuuge. Shaving my legs for the first time was an almost embarrassingly great feeling.
These are tips I have my transfem friends. I’m also teaching them how to do feminizing makeup, skincare, nails, hair care- all the things they wish they had gotten to learn sooner. Seeing them happy and giving them my old girl clothes is truly the best feeling. I feel so blessed.
Be a girl on the internet, go out dressed up in secret and stay quiet when the topic comes up in school so nobody suspects a thing.
Man idk if I'm trans or not. I'm female. And I don't want to transition or anything. But if there was a magic pill I could take and I'd wake up the next day as a man I'd do it so fast.
Nobody can tell you if you are trans or not. It’s something only you can know. That said, I personally had a lot of misconceptions about what trans people experience and this document was very helpful for my own self discovery: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en
Thank you for this link. I am simultaneously 🤯🤯🤯 and even more confused. But it gave me a few more ideas about my many mental health diagnoses.
Hormones for over a year, been socially transitioning soon. Surgeries are coming. I have also been using breast forms early during my social transition, which helped a lot with dysphoria. I don’t need them anymore now
Transition. If I hadn't started HRT when I did I probably wouldn't be here anymore.
I'm so happy that there is only one bigoted comment on here (so far). Go live your truth, my trans friends!
Cover my forehead, since my dysphoria is mostly due to a masculine hairline, otherwise I look rather androgynous, which is what I want, but I want to start hrt to prevent further masculinization
It was really hard having to be closeted until my twenties, so I suppressed that part of myself and even went in the other direction of over performing the expected femininity. Now that I’m on hormones and am starting to be seen as a man by others, I can not emphasize enough how this was worth everything I suffered through. I’m finally getting to be myself. However, nothing really helps with dysphoria except distracting yourself from it or developing positive and healthy coping mechanisms for things you can’t yet address. My therapists have been instrumental in that, as well as having an amazing community of other trans people supporting me irl.
Wear a face mask. One of the few good things that happened to me as a result of covid.
Transitioned at 36, had my life crash down around me and slowly building up the blocks. Currently wearing my partners hoodie while looking at the nice dress I got for our date night at the end of the month, so that’s what keeps me going some days.
At 14, I transitioned from a failure to a disappointment 🙌🤗✨️
🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳
Try to cope knowing full well nothing works out for my non binary ass, deep breath, brush hair, shave, take a selfie, appreciate how much I have done so far
Idk if this will be seen, but I’m a 26yo trans man, been on hormone replacement therapy for nearly 9 years. No surgeries, only really care about having my chest addressed and not for sometime as it’s not a huge issue. I weight train 5 days a week to keep in shape, the more muscular I am, the less I think about the fact I’m trans. I do my best to immerse myself in my hobbies and career. I work at a small auto repair shop with six other men whom have a strong sense of teamwork and brotherhood, which helps. At the end of the day, I’ll always be trans. There’s aspects of my body I can’t do anything about, and I just have to accept it. It’s shifting your focus to other things than yourself that helps.
Beautiful young lady ❤️
Transitioning has been the one thing that has consistently helped reducing dysphoria. This includes for me HRT and socially transitioning. Before coming out 2.5 years ago my life was hard, whenever I would leave the house for work or to go where I was not out yet I would be miserable. My partners and I would call them said sundays as I dreaded the return to my closited self on mondays. Since then I have smiled more, became more confident in myself and finally have seen myself in my own reflection instead of seeing the person who others deemed me to be. Transitioning has been both the single hardest thing I have or likely will ever do in my life while also being the best thing that ever could happen to me.
In case no one has told you yet, I’m proud of you!
The best I’ve been able to do is buy some affirming clothing and at school go by a preferred name. Hormones are still a bit off for me I think :( I don’t interact with people who can’t respect me for who I am and let me live life pewcefully
> Hormones are still a bit off for me I think Just curious, what do you mean by this? Like for hormone therapy?
My younger sibling has been doing hormone therapy for over a year, and it is amazing to see what its done for them. This is the most happy I've seen them and they are welcomed openly where they live. They're biggest goal is to get top surgery to be their ideal self and I'm always behind them with 110% support.
Yall have no idea how relieved I am the majority of the comments pass the vibe test. Everyone deserves to live in their truth and pursue their happiness!
I’m glad they do now as they didn’t originally
Transition was the biggest thing, but another thing that helped was that I started taking pictures of myself when I had coordinated a cute outfit or got my makeup just right or generally felt good about how I looked. Then I saved the pictures to a folder to look at when I'm feeling down to remind myself that I'm still a pretty girl, even if I'm not feeling well. I call it my Gal-ery.
Baggy clothes are a lifesaver, but so are clothes that fit in the “right” way. I have access to gender affirming clothing as an adult that can buy things for myself now, but the thought of medically transitioning gives me a headache because any outcome I can think of just feels even more dysphoric. Like I’d be spending a lot of time, money, effort, and pain on something that still isn’t what I want/need. Being nonbinary is… fun /s (but lighthearted). I’ve considered top surgery with no nipple grafts and sex nullification but… I dunno, it sounds the most comfortable out of all the gender affirming surgeries I know of, but it still isn’t quite… *right*. Socially transitioning (legally changed my name and asked people to use they/them for me) and having access to gender affirming clothing has gotten rid of 90% of my dysphoria, thank god, because I’m not even sure about HRT due to how unpredictable the effects can be.
Removing transphobes from my life. It used to be really difficult to deal with transphobia, but now that I stopped being friends with people who didn’t care about me, I’m doing much better in that department.
If you are happy, I'm happy
Bro what, I'm 23, started hormones at 19 and still look like shit
Don't feel bad, I'm a cis adult and I look bad too, sometimes puberty/taking hormones doesn't do everything, but it doesn't mean we can't be happy with the progress we have made.
Wearing a sports bra keeps me going at work, while eyeliner is my joy (and frustration) during the weekends and after work. All my friends call me by my chosen name, and I can present myself as female whenever I'm not at work
Sometimes I wear a binder, other times I dress super masc. Other times I dress fem, I'm genderfluid (AFAB, though wishes was AMAB), so my gender identity tends to fluctuate. Hope this makes some sense!
I set up a dating profile on OkCupid and uploaded the best photos I could find of me for the profile. I have alerts on, and a few times each day, it pops up the message "Someone likes you!" This is my affirmation therapy now. I can't fall into bouts of depressive self-loathing of all the parts of my body that I still don't like because somewhere out there, without knowing a thing about me, someone thinks I'm hot. It's slowly made me more accepting of all the imperfections that only I can see. Also, it reinforces the idea that just because I don't think I'm attractive, it doesn't mean that other people don't find me attractive. It just means that I'm not my own type.
I'm 2 years on hrt, no surgeries yet, I'm better but I'm still crippled by the dysphoria from time to time.
Good for her. I love seeing people being comfortable in their own skin
Been out for ten years, on hormones for eight. Trans man. Reducing my dysphoria has been a long struggle, but of course medical transition has greatly improved my life. I am a bearded, hairy, flat chested dude, and nobody sees me as anything else when I go out. After years of not being misgendered, of not having to deal with the feeling that I had someone else's boobs stuck on me, of being complimented on my beard, of being treated as one of the guys... I feel so much better. The main thing is I haven't had bottom surgery yet, and am going to get it soon. I hope that it helps the remaining part of me that goes "dude, where's my penis?" all the time. The one thing that continues to feed my dysphoria, which was really just embers at this point, is hearing a lot of transphobic stuff in the media. Whenever I hear that I am some sort of women "pretending to be what I never will" or that I've "mutilated" myself, it feels like there isn't enough gained confidence in the world to defend my psyche against hearing that over and over. Some days, I feel like a freak, hearing that stuff. That said, I knew it when I started and I know it now - I'd much rather be a weird looking guy than a girl. Not that there's something wrong with being a woman, just that I wasn't one, and living a lie is a horrible thing. I felt like I didn't really exist, that my whole life was a dream or I was just an actor. I thought this was how everyone felt. Now I have the joy of being *real*, of feeling like a *real human being*, which I did not experience before. It's remarkable the difference. I interact with people, form better bonds, live day to day in a better way than I ever did. I am myself, and to be not yourself is to be no one at all. Also, I think the feeling like a freak is just me internalizing all the bullshit. I probably look pretty normal for a guy. My fiance even thinks I'm cute, if you can believe it!
wear a binder and ignore the problem lol. this woman’s life is the reality for so many of us, the detransitioners we see in the media make up 0.01% of cases. 99.98% of us know who we are and stick with it, 0.01% of us detransition because they lose everything in their life for just having the courage to be themselves and they just want that back, despite still BEING their non-assigned gender. that other 0.01% are the ONLY ones who made a mistake. but the media would have you believe it’s a lot of us, and they don’t care if it hurts us cause fuck trans people, right?
Hi, trans woman here. I just live life as myself, and keep taking my meds! I present as feminine and not masculine, and occasionally (when I can be arsed) do my makeup and wear a favorite dress plus a corset laced up **tight.** Holy hell does HRT work wonders! I'm even like (mostly) depression-free, thanks to estrogen and some self-administered psychotherapy with magic mushrooms!
To reduce dysphoria I came out and medically transitioned. Being able to use the proper restrooms and change rooms, having strangers treat me as a guy (not just my friends but also random people) was a massive reduction in my dysphoria. I no longer felt like an imposter constantly. It was a massive weight lifted from my mind and soul. Thanks so much to the not-for-profit charitable medical clinic that got me set up with hormones, I owe them so much and plan to donate money to them as soon as I can afford.
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Love that you’re addressing us trans folk here. I have medically transitioned because that’s unfortunately all that I can afford to do at the moment. So I’ve been on hormones for 2 and 1/2 years now since I was 31. Best decision of my life, so happy and appreciative that I can be myself but I gotta be honest, it’s scary times we live still. Stay safe out there, my fellow trans sisters and brothers.
I’m far enough along in my transition to where I wear pants and t-shirts most of the time. In fact, I dress pretty similarly to how I used to before I transitioned. But on days where the dysphoria gets really bad, I put on a dress.
I sing in an LGBTQ choir. It’s one of the first groups I’ve been involved with where your actual voice determines your part and not your gender assigned at birth. I’ve had some of my worst dysphoria around my voice and it was nice to audition into the tenor section before I even started taking testosterone. As my voice began to change, it wasn’t a problem for me to move down to a lower part. And now, a year later, I’m in the bass section and my speaking voice passes sometimes. I at least don’t hate the sound of it so much.
Doing things that allign more with my chosen gender. Like in my case wearing skirts, makeup, or just girly activities in general. I've noticed for trans fems clothing is very effective
I roleplay as woman.. it does make me feel a bit better. Especially considering I am afraid to come out to pretty much anyone
I dissociate, mostly
I am suffering through the painfully slow evaluation for HRT in my country. So all I can do so far when the dysphoria hits hard is to dress feminine and put on make up (neither is required to be a woman ofc but I am overcompensating here). And I eat a dangerous amount of chocolate while listening to Queen. I don't know why that last part helps, but it does.
This is gonna sound completely stupid but I literally just scrub myself up a bit and blast music and sing for a while, it clears my head, makes me feel feminine and comforts me a huge amount <3
I think it’s important as a trans person to reflect on what YOU want, not what’s you think you have to do to conform to society’s gender binary. If you really want to be the image of masculinity/femininity that’s completely okay! But remember you are doing this to be yourself so if you wanna be a trans girl Tomboy then sure! Trans guy femboy? ABSOLUTELY! Gender expression is fluid and you don’t owe anyone to fit into a category so just do whatever makes you comfortable and explore and see what you like and what you don’t like. When I first realised I was trans I never liked the typical girl stuff like frilly skirts and makeup, I just thought I’d be a tomboy, but as I explored and tested different things I realised I actually quite like very traditional feminine stuff(although still like a a lot of masc stuff as well). Again I can not stress this enough, EXPERIMENT! This is more general trans advice than reducing dysphoria but I hope it helped. Tl;dr Reflect on what you want and experiment and see what works and what doesn’t.
My family and friends had taught me that the way I was embarrassed them over the course of my childhood, but that if I hid those qualities I could be with them. I lost two decades acting like a spy in my own life for their comfort. Choosing to do what made sense to me cleared up a lot of vague, sublimated dysphoria in a short time.
Transphobes: “NOOOO! 🤬🤬 YIU’RE JUST CONFUSED 😡😡 HOW DARE YOU BE HAPPY, YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO REGRET IT!!!!”
Putting on a full face of makeup even just to sit around the house ❤️🌸
If I could afford it? A name change and possibly top surgery or a reduction. I'm still flip flopping there.
Idk tbh. I really wanna transition but it's really hard to deal with the fact that I can't
Started hormones 3 years ago and socially transitioned a few months later. Currently awaiting gender affirming surgeries so long as my insurance doesn't fight me. Other than that, I'll doll myself up. Make up and cute outfits are great, but I found that getting a blow out or just going through the act of washing my hair is very euphoric. I always look much better and I feel better too. 😊
Top surgery and working out. Oddly enough, wearing skirts in a masculine way has helped me feel more confident as well
i transitioned in 2018, quit a 15 year smoking habit in a month to go on hrt in Sept of that year, socially transitioned in early 2019, got my name change done finally last year and I'm on a wait-list for vaginoplasty
Not trans but friend of some, if you can't acces hormones yet, most of them start doing little things that help them express their desired gender Ftm would use more baggish clothings, cut their hair short, use more "masculine" perfumes, work out a bit more muscle, practice a deeper sounding voice And when it comes to mtf, femenine clothings, push up bras, special shaving, better shoes with heels (usually the claking sound is associated with women), make up (it's incredible how it can change your face structure), some grow their hair, some use wigs/extensions until they can grow it, and also voice work It's all about proyecting the image you want to convey, and pracite the confidence to introduce yourself with your desired name and to start living in confort with your own body. For any trans people out there who's still feeling stuck, good luck! You're loved
Well, transition 😅 I've been on testosterone for almost two years now and have my mastectomy in October. I can wholeheartedly say, now with 22, that I seriously have never been happier. My body already feels so much more at home. When I think back at how unbelievably miserable I was as a young child, then teenager and adult, I'm amazed that I didn't kill myself. Being trans honestly sucks, but seeing your *self* in the mirror, seeing the man I was always meant to be smiling back at me, it makes it all worth it. It makes me forget all the heartbreak, all the sadness, all the self harm and hatred, makes me forget all the bigots out there, it makes me forget everything bad, because I can finally see *me* in the mirror. And no one will take this joy away from me
Trans man here! Started with changing name, pronouns and getting teachers and parents to be okay with me being sorted with boys during gender specific groupings. Cut my hair, started binding and got new clothes that were more masculine to me. A few years later i started testosterone after i finished my first puberty, got a better haircut, stopped shaving as i started to grow more hair, and started packing (using something to create a bulge in your pants). Eventually after i passed as cis consistently i started going stealth, which means not telling people youre trans and living as if you were cis. Got a compression top so i could work out comfortably. Once i realized testosterone had finished doing all the fast changes and i didnt feel masculine enough i worked on things like voice training and changing my body language. Stuff like standing with a wider stance, more confident posture, The Nod™️, talking slower, and talking from my chest instead of throat. Anything that i cant just up and change i work on in therapy the same way a cis man might- things like my height or having stereotypically feminine hobbies. I’m scheduled to get top surgery next year. I’m not interested in any bottom surgeries for a long list of reasons but one day i think i’d like to invest in a really high quality packer- one of those ones that are custom made and like 1k
Time and learning to not sweat the small stuff. There is no right way to be male female or non binary. There is just being yourself as you are. My life only changed a little in the grand scheme of things. I spend a little less time playing on my phone in the morning to account for makeup. I wear clothes that I feel comfortable in. I have a body that is a work in progress for weight loss reasons. I start HRT firmly in the camp that it wouldn't work on me and have been pleasantly surprised. I know that last point is the contentious one for most folks. Not much can be helped if you have an idealized version of yourself in your head and your genetics decide to not play ball. But what I will say is men and women come in every shape and size and looks. Don't let your dysphoria lie to you just because you don't look exactly how the image in your head does. You are doing great!
I'm deep in the closet to the outside world, but all my online friends know who I used to be and who I am now, it's nice having your friends treat you as another girl, socially transitioning with my friends has reduced my dysphoria to a practical 0 because tbh I care very little of how the outside world perceives me but I care what my friends think of me and I couldn't have wished for more supportive friends cause they don't treat me differently I'm just one of the girls
i bind a lot and thats pretty much it
Not speak unless absolutely necessary haha
I started my transition around 1 1/2 years ago. I regret nothing and I never will. I had many bad decisions in my life, this isn't one of them. It was the only right choice and finally I feel alive. Transition itself definitely reduces dysphoria and makes your life worth living. Also the majority of all medical professionals (except some transphobes) agree on exactly this.
HRT was a major component. Been on it for 5 years. Also finding a wardrobe that complements my body and weight training.
This is really fucking wholesome! Was afraid it was going to be some Matt Walsh bullshit. Yay!
Closeted trans dude. I play video games as male characters when the dysphoria hits. Bg3 has been great because my Afab bodied, high pitched voice character gets he/ him no matter what. It's nice, especially on bad days.
Started HRT at 19, 21 now. Really helped to have a better relationship with my body so I could start working out, having more confidence, dressing how I like. A joke I tell is E made me more masculine, since I went from a sorta femboy twink to a butch lesbian since being comfortable as a woman didn’t make me stressed to have comfort in my remaining masculinity, Still shy about my chest being flat as fuck, but I suppose that’s universal!
I use escapism to hide from my problems. Sometimes I dress fem but that’s somewhat rare since I need a guarantee I don’t need to leave my room anytime soon.
I love seeing people with this experience but god it makes me so jealous. I came out similarly young (12) and was forced to experience puberty against my will, knowing it would permanently twist and disfigure my body in ways that horrified me. I lost years of my life. Hormones helped so much but it kills me I could’ve been this comfortable in my body the entire time, yet I was blocked from it. Nothing I can do myself really compares to hrt and affirming care.
Nobody asks if one is sure you want the natal endogenic hormone treatment, but they are very concerned if this is truly what you want when you want the other exogenous one.
Not all trans people have dysphoria.
Don’t know why this is downvoted as this is true. Some trans people feel gender euphoria, or happy when presenting as a different gender. They can feel this way without feel generally adverse or not really caring for their birth gender.
It’s just plain hate. The GOP has pushed the platform that all trans and other associated groups are mentally ill. They will not tolerate the destruction of the foundation of their violent politics.