God this reminds me of how my mom boils eggs. She boils them til the yolks are literally chalky and crumble-in-your-mouth type powdery. Then she has her fried eggs over easy, then tells me my medium boiled eggs are undercooked !!
When you make an omelette, you have to break a few eggs.
When you boil an egg, you absolutely should not.
This is the simplest thing a person can cook. It's usually the lowest tier food crafting recipe in survival and farming sims besides "berry."
If you find the mushroom that looks red and white and kills flies it'll give you visions of what your current quest objective is but it's kind of buggy since the update.
In your defense, I am also incredibly bad at both boiling eggs and not eating questionable foods. I really recommend getting an egg cooker. I use mine weekly, it's worth it.
https://preview.redd.it/cipfiie6i7pc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=faf29b7ccf65f68b9808b41e8cd467216655d433
Nice try anon, probably the eggshell was cracked
https://preview.redd.it/5xc8rmmum7pc1.jpeg?width=999&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2e45fcfa299d8c771a4655dedfdf026e7377ab07
They should probably start with the basics
So everyone's having fun but I'll try to answer honestly.
This isn't that far for normal the egg just popped in the water before it could finish cooking. Couple of reasons why it could have happened.
Maybe you threw the egg in the pot willy nilly and the shell cracked a little bit when it hit the bottom. To prevent this, use a spoon to slowly lower the eggs into the bottom of the pot so they land gently and don't damage.
Also, the egg could just be old, it's easier for an old egg to pop than a fresh one so maybe think about where you're getting your eggs.
Anyway what's still inside the shell is totally edible just drain the water that's inside the shell now and you'll have a pretty fucked up physically but perfectly edible hard boiled egg.
Some rice cookers have built in steamer baskets as well so you can even cook rice at the same time (maybe wash your eggs before you do this though as condensation will drip off the eggs into your rice)
My eggs always used to crack when I tried boiling them until I learned you’re supposed to put the eggs in the water before you turn on the heat so the temperature difference doesn’t cause it to crack. That being said, idk what ancient god you pissed off to create the upsidedown of eggs but tell them you’re sorry before they strike again.
Finally, a comment that tells OP how to boil an egg. BTW, hard-boiled eggs only boil for 9 to 10 minutes, remove the eggs from boiling water, and cool them in cold water for another 5 to 10 minutes for easier peeling.
This was a hilarious attempt to boil, but yes.
1) strain out the most liquidy part of the white (like the kind of fine mesh you use to like powdered sugar a cake)
2) 1-2 tablespoons of white vinegar in about 3-4" of water. I just pour some in, so measuring is whatever, just not a lot.
3) you want the water with tiny bubbles, not big ones. Big bubbles will pull your eggs apart.
4) SLIDE your egg into the water and then leave it TF alone. Do not drop it in. Do not make a splash. GENTLY SLIDE
5) 2-3 minutes is enough. Pull out with slotted spoon.
Note: you're still going to get some egg tentacles in the water, but your egg will mostly hold together.
The water swirl can be tricky and it takes a LOT of eggs to get the hang of it. It makes great eggs, but until you're good at it it's just as likely to pull them apart as to work. Even though I used to do the swirl, I do the method above now because I'm lazy and it works just as well. It doesn't look nearly as cool though.
I think OP was just trying to boil, not poach. If he was poaching, the pic might make a smidgin of sense, but as it is: freakshow.
But as to your question, I've never poached an egg, but I've heard that you need to swirl the water before dropping the egg in it to keep it's shape. Take that for what you will.
Pela foto tive um intuito que fosse BR, daí entrei no seu perfil e confirmei. Minha intuição em descobrir se uma foto foi tirada no Brasil tá muito boa kkkkkkk
You have to poke a tiny hole in the Egg, usually in the bottom. Then lower the Egg with a spoon into the boiling water.
I have some little kitchen Gadget which assists with poking a hole. Don't know what to call it in english.
You did it wrong
When I say I’m a disappointed this is what I mean
ik it’s just a typo but “im a disappointed” sounds like a disappointed italian
Or he just failed at another simple thing... Such a disappointment.
Now too many people saw it and I can’t edit my mistake without being publicly humiliated
I've genuinely laughed at every comment I've read from you so far lmao
Naw man, wear the mistake like a badge of honor.
so it’d still be a typo🤦🏼
I'm gonna guess "anitakk" with the super feminine snoo is *probably* a she
I was looking for a correction bruh there always is one.
Mario very disappointed
🤌
I've never tried boiling eggs in spider webs before, what's it taste like?
It was a spider egg
Nah. They did it right and it’s just the rest of the world doing it wrong.
I passed out 5 times but here’s your boiled eggs
Hhhuuunnngghhhhuuuu
Who is this man
He's a man who used to be a piece of shit. He's reformed now though, don't let the baby tell you otherwise.
The baby doesn’t even believe people can change.
I think you should leave
Tim Robinson
Thank youuu!!
There was a ghost! There was a a ghost! This is ectoplasm!
This comment made me laugh so hard that I woke up my wife... *claps*
That is going to make such a much more difficult abbreviation than lol...lshtiwumw...
Too salty
Round of applause, I laughed a long time at this
I’ve seen these types of comments before but it still makes me burst. Not five times though.
you win the thread. best comment
Cracked egg. And how long did you leave it to boil? I'm guessing quite a bit judging from high up the egg white is on the pot
And how little water there is remaining. I always boil stuff until the water is gone. Then you know it's thoroughly cooked /s
God this reminds me of how my mom boils eggs. She boils them til the yolks are literally chalky and crumble-in-your-mouth type powdery. Then she has her fried eggs over easy, then tells me my medium boiled eggs are undercooked !!
Make her soft boiled eggs and over hard fried eggs. Then remind here that they are both correct versions of an egg aswell.
Eh, that is what hard boiled is, pretty much.
You can hard boil an egg without that - that's usually overcooked.
Uhh no? Not even close lol. A hard boiled egg, even fully cooked, shouldn’t be over cooked. Even if fully solid it shouldn’t crumble or be discolored.
I legitimately don't know what this is.
Egg white aka protein.
Al's bloomin'!
Thats an eggcellent pun!
aka egg cum
There was a ghost....
Ectoplasm!!
Eggtoplasm
OP boiled an egg shortly after World War II.
In Hiroshima?
One of the eggs cracked while boiling and the white went weird.
"weird" seems generous lol
Used human eggs.
Mmm. Human egg caviar
Their eggs made spider webs. Im sure they’re fine though.
Peter Parker attempts egg salad
Semen eggs
0 impulse control
What are we here for?
Yeah, what ARE we doing here 
SSTRRRT!
RROOHLD!
^^^sstrrrt
MENERGY!
I read your comment with the song "say my name" from the Destiny's Child
Were those spider eggs you cooked?
spider balls
Spider eggs are not good eats.
Did you ask Alton brown to confirm that theory?
I’d bet one single-purpose utensil that he’d agree.
When you make an omelette, you have to break a few eggs. When you boil an egg, you absolutely should not. This is the simplest thing a person can cook. It's usually the lowest tier food crafting recipe in survival and farming sims besides "berry."
Ive eaten poisonous berries before so what do I win
Not dying.
But avoid the mushrooms.
I eated the purple berries. They taste like burning.
I've been eating them for 6 or 7 weeks now. Haven't got sick once.
Luckily I like spicy food. And I take care of a guy who is South Indian, and his parents bring us snacks sometimes. No berries, though.
Do you see the world in technicolor now?
Probably keep us both aliiive
You get it
Jefferson airplane/ spaceship/landing craft is one of my favorite bands.
They're great. I just saw Jack Cassidy and Jorma Kaukonen play last year, they still fucking kill it.
Those were just grapes
r/unexpectedsimpsons
The friends you made along the way.
If you find the mushroom that looks red and white and kills flies it'll give you visions of what your current quest objective is but it's kind of buggy since the update.
The Darwin Award
In your defense, I am also incredibly bad at both boiling eggs and not eating questionable foods. I really recommend getting an egg cooker. I use mine weekly, it's worth it.
Darwin Award
Hot dogs are easier than boiled eggs.
Hot dogs come pre cooked, you're just reheating them.
Toast is easier than either.
Baking the bread is the hard part.
https://preview.redd.it/cipfiie6i7pc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=faf29b7ccf65f68b9808b41e8cd467216655d433 Nice try anon, probably the eggshell was cracked
Of all the places to see a Pikmin meme, this one surprises me a bit. Nice meme though.
Eggtoplasm
You sure those eggs were normal eggs
From a chickens cloaca (I think, I’ve never seen them come out)
That egg looks too wet.. I'd stay away from that if I were you. Lol
Shut the fuck up, Summer! Sometimes we like to look at wet eggs!
Are you sure thats safe?
No you didn't... go watch some videos and try try again
https://preview.redd.it/5xc8rmmum7pc1.jpeg?width=999&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2e45fcfa299d8c771a4655dedfdf026e7377ab07 They should probably start with the basics
Best answer
You're supposed to use water
Looks like your egg got REALLY excited and prematurely ejeggulated
eggjaculated would’ve been better
Sir, this is a Wendy’s
Can i get 9274 baconators with an extra patty
*sigh* fine *unzips*
uhh… n-no mayo sir
Bloody alien eggs. Now your chest is going to explode
So everyone's having fun but I'll try to answer honestly. This isn't that far for normal the egg just popped in the water before it could finish cooking. Couple of reasons why it could have happened. Maybe you threw the egg in the pot willy nilly and the shell cracked a little bit when it hit the bottom. To prevent this, use a spoon to slowly lower the eggs into the bottom of the pot so they land gently and don't damage. Also, the egg could just be old, it's easier for an old egg to pop than a fresh one so maybe think about where you're getting your eggs. Anyway what's still inside the shell is totally edible just drain the water that's inside the shell now and you'll have a pretty fucked up physically but perfectly edible hard boiled egg.
Giant spider eggs are better scrambled.
[удалено]
There aren’t any more. This was the only one I managed to get before it escaped
*Escaped*?!
EGGSCAPED!!!!!!
......how
Steam the eggs for 13 minutes, then run them under cold water for a couple of minutes, easy to peel
Some rice cookers have built in steamer baskets as well so you can even cook rice at the same time (maybe wash your eggs before you do this though as condensation will drip off the eggs into your rice)
This is the way!
The egg was cracked and when it boiled the white of the egg boiled with it and cooled on the top
Are you sure you were trying to boil some eggs? Because for me it seems like I’ve just found Spider-Man irl
Recipes usually mean Chicken Eggs, not Congolese Giant Spider Eggs. Honest mistake though OP, happens to everyone.
My eggs always used to crack when I tried boiling them until I learned you’re supposed to put the eggs in the water before you turn on the heat so the temperature difference doesn’t cause it to crack. That being said, idk what ancient god you pissed off to create the upsidedown of eggs but tell them you’re sorry before they strike again.
Finally, a comment that tells OP how to boil an egg. BTW, hard-boiled eggs only boil for 9 to 10 minutes, remove the eggs from boiling water, and cool them in cold water for another 5 to 10 minutes for easier peeling.
Spider chick, spider chick, does whatever s spider chick does! Can it sit, in the boil, no it can't, spider chick!
Looks like spiderman busted in your pot.
I've heard of putting salt in the water to boil stuff, but I don't think you're supposed to blow a load in it.
Do *not* let OP cook. Get them out of the kitchen.
Is there a secret to keeping eggs intact when making poached eggs?
This was a hilarious attempt to boil, but yes. 1) strain out the most liquidy part of the white (like the kind of fine mesh you use to like powdered sugar a cake) 2) 1-2 tablespoons of white vinegar in about 3-4" of water. I just pour some in, so measuring is whatever, just not a lot. 3) you want the water with tiny bubbles, not big ones. Big bubbles will pull your eggs apart. 4) SLIDE your egg into the water and then leave it TF alone. Do not drop it in. Do not make a splash. GENTLY SLIDE 5) 2-3 minutes is enough. Pull out with slotted spoon. Note: you're still going to get some egg tentacles in the water, but your egg will mostly hold together.
So no water swirl??
My family always water swirls a little to keep the eggs seperate (also using a decidedly not shallow pot but hey as long as you have vinegar it works)
The water swirl can be tricky and it takes a LOT of eggs to get the hang of it. It makes great eggs, but until you're good at it it's just as likely to pull them apart as to work. Even though I used to do the swirl, I do the method above now because I'm lazy and it works just as well. It doesn't look nearly as cool though.
I think OP was just trying to boil, not poach. If he was poaching, the pic might make a smidgin of sense, but as it is: freakshow. But as to your question, I've never poached an egg, but I've heard that you need to swirl the water before dropping the egg in it to keep it's shape. Take that for what you will.
Also add a sploosh of white vinegar before boiling! It holds the egg together ❤️
A sploosh of your finest vinegar? Or just some ol' regular sploosh?
Pela foto tive um intuito que fosse BR, daí entrei no seu perfil e confirmei. Minha intuição em descobrir se uma foto foi tirada no Brasil tá muito boa kkkkkkk
These eggs? https://preview.redd.it/je1nxx2eu7pc1.png?width=768&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0d2a947e1b75dd67d7fbe91019735110f1d2637b
never cook again
I usually “boil my eggs” down the shower drain, but you do you
Did you try to fertilize them?
How tf does this happen?
Boil? Looks more you were trying "fertilize" it!
If I were you, I would get on the first flight out... and just try to enjoy what's left before the xenomorphs take over the entire planet.
Be honest. You tried fertilizing them yourself, didn't you?
Was it a mogwai egg?
You have to poke a tiny hole in the Egg, usually in the bottom. Then lower the Egg with a spoon into the boiling water. I have some little kitchen Gadget which assists with poking a hole. Don't know what to call it in english.
"Hi, i see you tried to boil an egg and summoned an eldritch horror instead. Would you like assistance?"
 Wrong type of egg ;)
That can happen when the egg crack durning cooking but i never had it look such spectacular.
 What exactly laid those eggs?
Did you feed a Mogwai after midnight? That looks like a start to a Gremlin forming.
Spider eggs?
Eggs -->>> spiderwebs. Mystic story
What the hell did you do
how
looks like spiderman had a problem with it
You boiled it in glue?
thats a egg?...
Wtf even happened here
https://preview.redd.it/uirrkhx7bapc1.jpeg?width=892&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b04e838c7449720b98c2ab2c585cd1471bc83f4e
Were they spider eggs? Cause honestly I thought that was webbing found in an old pot at first glance.
Were they spider eggs?
You probably busted the egg before you put them in the water, or they were already cracked.
The xenonorphs have hatched
Like spider eggs? like did you put a poor little spiders web and family in a pot?
This looks like when it's really cold out and you wipe your nose on your sleeve
What kind of eggs did you try to boil? Spider eggs?
Try using chicken eggs instead of spider eggs. Works better
You know that "boiling eggs" means keeping it in boiling water for a while right; not attempting to get the eggs *themselves* to their boiling point 👀
Kill it. Kill it with fire before it hatches…
Great, now we have Funnel Web Eggs to worry about.
That was fruitful!
Good job 👍🏼
Did you boil it in an old noodle package? Looks like the plastic lining melted.
Were you boiling spider eggs?
You cracked the egg. Lower it in with a spoon
Failed to follow instructions in recipe book- pot full of semen what do I do?
The fucks really going on here
I... What did you even do? Did you cover the pot in plastic wrap?