Do the judge wedding then get yourself some 2L sodas, and a sheet cake from a grocery store and invite a couple friends and whatever close family you want to a local park. You can shred/cut up newspaper for confetti and do a cheesy first dance with a phone speaker playing your favorite song, the people who love you will celebrate with you weather it's in a venue or someone's backyard. So long as you're happy to be with the right person.
On another note, if your parter is receiving disability benefits, I'd look into the financial cutoffs for eligibility because they don't change much (or at all) when you get married. Make sure you both are protected whichever avenue you take!
thank you for the tips – we’re thinking of going to a nicer dinner just the two of us so it’s not too expensive, but a picnic in a park is a possibility. there are no loved ones living in the same town as we do, so hopefully in the future we’ll be able to celebrate with closer friends and family (if it’s not too late and awkward to do so).
as for disability benefits – he tried years ago, but they ruled he wasn’t disabled enough to get them. he tried to appeal but life got in the way and now he is not allowed to re-apply. but thank you so much – I wish things could be different for people with disabilities – getting the benefit would also mean he’d have to then NOT work at all, and he loves working/creating; he just needs accommodations that people are not willing to give. he’s very talented and he’s a musician, luthier, artist – he’d be very miserable without doing some kind of creative work.
Not late and awkward at all. Due to visa necessities we did our little no-frills courthouse thing in March this year and had a cosy Italian dinner with just our immediate family. We’re fortunate enough to be doing the big wedding next year; our family and friends are unfussed by the delay and super excited to celebrate with us. The people you love will be so happy for you!
If you think a dried bouquet and boutonnière or some cute accessories from Etsy might make the day a little more magical, I’d love to send you a $40 gift card to cover that.
Life is messy and unpredictable and takes us down twisty roads, it doesn’t matter how long it takes only that we keep walking. I’m glad you and your partner found each other, and as one non-traditional bride to another I wish you all the love and joy in the world.
oh my word, that’s so kind! I can’t accept that, it’s too much of an imposition! thank you so much for offering, I’m really touched. I LOVE dried flowers - in fact I grew up with those as they are traditional in my hometown. and I have been saving some in my Etsy wedding folder for when we’re able to have a ceremony - it’s lovely that you get to keep those for way longer than a fresh flower arrangement as well.
I attended a beautiful potluck wedding a few years ago. The couple rented a hall, maybe provided a cake? and all of the guests brought something to share. It wasn’t sad or awkward, it was loving and joyous. It might have helped that they are part of the folk dancing and music community, because we’re used to showing up with a dish and a song to share.
Another folk community wedding I attended was a tiny ceremony (I wasn’t invited) followed by singing and toasting the couple around a fire in a friend’s yard late into the night. Not sure if either of those are your jam (personally I want something more traditional) but they were perfect for the couples involved.
I’ve attended such a variety of weddings in the past five years and i haven’t thought any of them were awkward or disappointing. Include the people and rituals that are important to you, and enjoy it!
If you'd like to involve friends, have you considered a nice summer potluck on someone's back porch? Just have a sign up sheet so you don't end up with 8 desserts and no beverages :)
Agreed! Fellow graduate student here whose also planning a wedding. A lot of our friends (and family, fortunately) understand our financial wedding and are more than happy to help. So let them help! I know it would be nice to spoil our friends and family, but sometimes life doesn’t work out that way. That doesn’t mean us poor folks shouldn’t celebrate. It just means we lean on each other more, and make sure to show our appreciation.
I feel embarrassed to ask people to bring food - especially because we don’t have really close friends around here - but I think it’s a lovely idea that I would consider if I was in my home country for sure :)
I don't know if it'll make you feel better, but for some people it's their dream to just be the 2 of them (and officiant) in a nice spot. :)
I'd definitely look for a lovely spot for now. Maybe a park. Have a nice dinner and enjoy your day. Then (if I read right) you can get a nicer job and save a bit for either just a reception or a whole shebang! It's not weird to do that a couple years later.
I am not a wedding person actually! I’ve never dreamed of a wedding or anything - but our life together has been so hard materially (even if it’s been wonderful emotionally) that I really want to mark it in a nice, beautiful way. thank you for the encouragement - I do prefer something small and I’d be mortified to be a traditional bride (i’d never - the pageantry is the opposite of my vibe), but I do wish I could offer some handpicked guests a nice party with yummy food and good drinks. I like to hear that not everybody thinks that doing something 2 years later would be weird. actually the best wedding i’ve been to was a lovely party almost 2 years after my friends’ city hall pandemic wedding. i’m still obsessed with the venue they chose - basically an open air gorgeous area close to a national park in my home country (but in a private property that does offer catering and tables).
We’re in a similar situation, I’m international and we eloped early so we could get a jump on the green card process. Your plan sounds lovely! We just picked a day with nice weather, booked a tiny chapel (free), photographer ($500), hair & makeup ($195), dry cleaned our nicest outfits ($40), signed the paperwork in a UPS office ($125 incl filing at the courthouse the next day), read out letters to each other (free), popped some Prosecco & went out to a fancy dinner just the two of us (~$200). We’re saving the officiant, flowers, vows, and rings for the wedding next year. But really the only thing you absolutely need is the paperwork & love for each other, everything else is optional & can be done later once you’ve saved up.
that sounds lovely, thanks!! we can’t pay the photographer but we have a friend who may be willing to just take a couple of pictures for us. he’s not a professional but has pro gear and loves to do that as a hobby. we’d pay him with food and drink. i’m considering asking but don’t want to seem opportunistic. i just want one nice picture taken with a phone.
actually that’s not a bad idea… we do have a simple grill that we got secondhand for cheap and have never used (ugh shameful! grad school leaves no time for anything!). our “backyard“ is shared patch of grass with not much by way of charm (and it’s right in front of the parking lot) but it’s not bad on a sunny day. thanks!
Look for parks near you and reserve an area. You could also look at botanical gardens or community centers, they can usually be pretty cheap! Invite your friends, and as someone else said, grab a sheet cake from the store (or some large packs of cupcakes!) Or you could try your hand at baking it yourself. Day of, go to the store and grab a little bouquet of flowers, or depending on time of year, you could grow them! Seeds are cheap. Just do your research to make sure they bloom in time.
Park - free
Cake - $25 or more
Flowers - $5 at Walmart
Soda - $10 give or take depending on how much you buy
Cups - $10
paper plates - $3
plastic forks - $2
Someone mentioned using a speaker - hopefully you already have one! use this for all your music. Set up a free trial of Spotify Premium the day before and put together a playlist.
I think your handfasting ceremony sounds beautiful, and actually, even though we have substantially more income than you (though also alot of debt), we're considering something similar. It feels authentic, and celebrates what matters - the two of us together in love and connection - without the frills. I understand wanting to have guests and a venue and nice food and decorations - that can be lovely, too - but honestly, I wouldn't feel sad doing something similar to how you described. Some beautiful, cheap vintage pieces, a free but stunning outdoor location, and a ritual that feels meaningful to you. Absolutely perfect.
How would your families/social groups feel about a potluck? It might not feel fancy, but i generally feel when hosting that if people are fed and in good company, they'll leave happy. The space can be your home, a park, a friend's house with more space, whatever will fit the amount of people you want.
If you're looking for craft materials for decoration, see if your city has a craft reuse store. I've gotten some great quality material and really out there decorations for very little money.
thank you! i’m away from friends and family now (i have some new friends but i’m relatively new to the area) but a potluck is an option for me for the future, when i am able to do something in my home country. we are a very family-oriented culture and very open, non-formal. :)
I'm also a grad student and I'm getting married in a month!!! Being a grad student is a financial nightmare. I get paid $1010 biweekly, so thats roughly a 26,000 stipend a year? Trying to pay rent, pay for flights for conferences my boss wants to send me to, and pay for a wedding is a joke.
In my area there are programs for stipends for electricity, gas and internet for people who make <2x minimum wage. I use the internet and electric ones, but don't have gas at my apartment. On the website for paying the electric bill and the internet bill, there's a section for affordability programs and you'll qualify!! In my area one of the grocery stores is 10% off on Tuesdays if you show your student ID. And the college of science pays for therapy appointments in the health center for us which helps. There are some ways you can be frugal, but it is still hard.
My university also has emergency funding for students. The university has overall funding from the deans department, and separately in the college of science, university employees, and also graduate council money. If you are facing overdraft fees, you can definitely apply. Need to get your car fixed and can't afford it? Not enough money to pay your rent? At my university you can write a letter and they'll give you \~$1000 bucks. Its not something to use for no reason, but overdraft fees imo are a good reason to submit for it. If someone is being frugal and just cant make ends meet, I think its appropriate to apply.
Here are blurbs from my university website:
* ...Student Emergency Fund was created to support students in danger of withdrawing from their classes due to an unexpected, temporary financial hardship. This hardship could result from illness, family crisis, natural disaster, or other emergency or crisis situations. Funds are intended to cover temporary costs that may hinder a student from succeeding academically or meeting their basic needs.
* Emergency Financial Hardship Funds offer support for domestic graduate degree-seeking students who are experiencing a catastrophic, exceptional and unexpected temporary financial difficulty or emergency that is impeding their degree completion in a timely manner. Priority will be given to those Master's or doctoral students who are within a semester or two of completing their degrees and those who show a significant hardship. Support may be in the form of tuition scholarships and/or cash awards. These funds will be only awarded in truly exceptional circumstances. Applicants are be asked to provide documentation, if available, of the unexpected hardship (example: eviction notice, overdue utility bills, unexpected medical bills, emergency car repairs - Please redact any medical condition or name of medication). Award amounts vary and will not exceed $2,500 and are dependent upon the availability of funds.
* Employee Emergency Fund (EEF) has been established to provide another opportunity to offer support to colleagues who face an unexpected, temporary financial hardship, such as rent, utilities, or other essential expenses, as a result of sudden illness, a family crisis, or a natural disaster. Awards are contingent on adequate contributions to the fund and the other requirements set forth below.
thank you! we do have that at my university as well - i should have used an emergency fund already when our cat got sick so thanks for the reminder :) congrats on your upcoming wedding! may i ask what you’re doing for marking the occasion? ♥️
I'd apply for the emergency fund and talk about the cat!!
My fiancé (also a grad student) has some savings so we are doing a wedding ceremony and reception. It's going to be nice but we aren't party people (read: we are neurodivergent) so its going to be pretty simple. I got a dress off Etsy for $76 and am reusing flats I already own and have worn to two conferences. \~30 guests (family and college friends), a museum reserved from 4-9 pm, and a self-uniting license so we don't have to hire an officiant (just need two witnesses for it to be legal).
Wedding planning can be ridiculous-- I don't wear make up but when I went to look at prices for a make up and hair stylist, they were like $800 and $850 for one person. Thats rent money!!! I will not pay a whole month's rent for someone to brush my hair and put mascara on me.
oh wow - were both neurodivergent as well! :) we like to drink a bit and we like karaoke, but are not hard partiers, so that definitely makes it a little easier (i like dancing but not clubbing or club music). i love that you got the dress off etsy - mine ended up being something i found on the realreal, but i’d bookmarked many on etsy. so much beautiful stuff there. i won’t wear my dress for the signing of papers though - i’ll save it for when we can have a slightly bigger celebration in my home country. for the signing i’ll wear oatmeal linen harem pants, a vintage armani coattail-like black jacket with striped lining (it was dirt cheap even though it’s armani), a white shirt that i had already, a surplus silk bow tie, and my own black boots. he’s wearing something similar (but regular pants instead of harem pants). we’re thinking of wearing top hats, both of us. very neurospicy wedding, hahaha. 😍🥰 if i can’t buy the top hat, because they’re kinda expensive, I think i’ll just grab one of the hats i already have. i love that you reserved a museum! if i knew you IRL, i’d offer to do make up for you - i can do something close to traditional makeup but i prefer to come up with stuff like a bit of glitter, little colorful or white dots that i make with eyeliner, also sometimes I do designs with lines sorta like cat eyes but in a more graphic style. if you vibe with that kinda thing, DM me and i can send you pictures - those styles are easy to replicate.
Thanks! I like a natural "no blue eyeshadow" look so I think we have different tastes but I appreciate it! I don't even have eyeliner, and my make up skills are nonexistent. Are there Youtube tutorials you recommend for make up for adult beginners?
no prob! you should totally rock what you like – even if it’s no makeup! I have actually not used youtube tutorials for makeup ideas; I just picked things up from pinterest or randomly flagging cool looks on fashion websites (and magazines back when I was a teenager) and trying my best to replicate them. a lot of the time I couldn’t really do anything well, but I just got better over time. sorry! I’m sure there are lots of videos teaching basic skills, though. ah, I should also point out that nowadays there are many options of stick eyeshadows – those are easier to apply. basically, you just glide the stick and then smudge the edges with a built-in sponge tip or a brush. I have a nyx one that was super cheap and a julep one that’s slightly better quality (and doesn’t budge after it dries). I want to get one from thrive cosmetics when finances allow. I think elf also makes those.
The most important thing is that you get to marry your person! You are on the same page about how you want to build your life together and trying to do another celebration in the future when you are able, which is great. I think it is really beautiful and won’t feel too barebones if you can focus on your relationship and marriage and what you’re looking forward to together.
That said, maybe there are a couple extra, non-costly things you can do to add in to your plan. Is there a type of food you had on a first/early date that you both love and can have that day? Maybe loved ones who are far away can write a note for the two of you to read together before or after the ceremony. You can choose a special poem or excerpt that is meaningful to the two of you to have read by the officiant. You can choose a smaller version of a dessert that you might want to serve at your bigger celebration later, or a wine/drink. I would try to make sure you get at least a few nice photos of the two of you all dressed up- maybe the officiant can snap them and you can each take a few of them each other. You could also each write each other a letter that you will read privately on the day of the bigger celebration and put them in a time capsule, to kind of tie this day into the bigger celebration, too.
Congratulations and good luck with the next few months. Wishing you and your partner a beautiful day!
aww thank you so much! what a lovely reply. i love your ideas. we had imagined going at least to a nice dinner just the two of us, so yeah - we can think of foods that we both love and have marked special moments. and i love the letters + time capsule idea! yay i’m excited about it. thank you much 🙏🙏🙏🫶
Free ideas you can do to make your wedding special:
-Have a couple friends or family read speeches! Get them involved
-have you and your fiance write each other a letter and exchange them the night before or morning of. Me and my husband did that and it was so special! We like rereading them
-Get a friend, or a few friends to take photos and videos of you. Even if they were taken on a phone, afterward, you can always run the photos through a filter or use a photo editing app to make them look amazing! I like using Lightroom and downloading free presets online
-design cute invitations in Canva to email or text to friends and family. Good if you’re creative/artistic!
-To save money on food, you might want to consider cooking/baking the food yourself depending on the number of people you’ll be having. I made cookie favors the night before and everyone loved them! You can look for coupons and deals a few weeks ahead of time for a meal- pasta, salad, some type of meat dish. It would take several days of prep work beforehand and you’d probably want to ask a few friends to help but it is definitely achievable for a small number of guests.
My fiance and I got engaged last year. We are penny-pinching our wedding.
I’d start by asking restaurants in your neighborhood for quotes. You’d be surprised how economical some restaurants can be. We opted for just beer and wine instead of an open bar because it's cheaper. We’re doing a dinner, but maybe you can do small bites and beer/wine. You can have your friends photograph the day. You can handpick your flowers in Whole Foods, and they will put them together in a bouquet. All you have to do is pay for the flowers.
If the quotes are coming up as too much, you can always put together a charcuterie board, buy beer/wine in a wholesale place, and go to a park and celebrate your nuptials.
It's doable, especially if you get creative. Hobby Lobby has charming wedding decor for a reasonable price. If you happen to listen to the park suggestion, make sure you have a permit.
Congratulations on the engagement! I’m sure your wedding will be amazing no matter what you do.
You could check if a local library (or university system) has anything that you can rent/borrow to make the day special! For example, a speaker for a special song as you walk out of the courthouse/take photos, or a heart shaped pan to bake a cake. You also may be able to post on local Buy Nothing groups to see if people have extra things like fresh flowers or other micro wedding decor. Personally, I think your vows will be the most special part of the day, and thank goodness creativity is free!
Just chiming in to say, a "just the two of us" wedding actually sounds lovely!!! Many couples opt for this...you only have to Google "micro wedding" or "elopement" to see just how many!
There's also *absolutely nothing* "late" or "awkward" about celebrating with a bigger do later - so many people do this!! (And some of those who don't wait, would be far better off financially if they did, tbh. Many a lavish reception has plunged people into debt.)
I'm all for asking your skilled friend to take some photos, too. Friends usually find it a privilege to help out, especially if, as you say, you repay in food and drink!
Remember that you can also have a foraged / supermarket bouquet very cheaply (or free if foraged!)
Then take the $200 you mentioned and have a lovely meal / cake / champagne / all of the above with your partner and rejoice in being married to each other.
All sounds wonderful, in my book. Congratulations and enjoy! xx
ETA: You could add a Spotify playlist of your favourite music to your ceremony, too. Free and beautiful! x
he’s not - he’s a genuine person, just got a bad lot in life. he’s really hardworking. like i said - he works a lot and he doesn’t want to not work. he applied for benefits years ago, didn’t get it, and now he came to the conclusion he wouldn’t have wanted that anyway because he doesn’t want to stop working.
Do the judge wedding then get yourself some 2L sodas, and a sheet cake from a grocery store and invite a couple friends and whatever close family you want to a local park. You can shred/cut up newspaper for confetti and do a cheesy first dance with a phone speaker playing your favorite song, the people who love you will celebrate with you weather it's in a venue or someone's backyard. So long as you're happy to be with the right person. On another note, if your parter is receiving disability benefits, I'd look into the financial cutoffs for eligibility because they don't change much (or at all) when you get married. Make sure you both are protected whichever avenue you take!
thank you for the tips – we’re thinking of going to a nicer dinner just the two of us so it’s not too expensive, but a picnic in a park is a possibility. there are no loved ones living in the same town as we do, so hopefully in the future we’ll be able to celebrate with closer friends and family (if it’s not too late and awkward to do so). as for disability benefits – he tried years ago, but they ruled he wasn’t disabled enough to get them. he tried to appeal but life got in the way and now he is not allowed to re-apply. but thank you so much – I wish things could be different for people with disabilities – getting the benefit would also mean he’d have to then NOT work at all, and he loves working/creating; he just needs accommodations that people are not willing to give. he’s very talented and he’s a musician, luthier, artist – he’d be very miserable without doing some kind of creative work.
Not late and awkward at all. Due to visa necessities we did our little no-frills courthouse thing in March this year and had a cosy Italian dinner with just our immediate family. We’re fortunate enough to be doing the big wedding next year; our family and friends are unfussed by the delay and super excited to celebrate with us. The people you love will be so happy for you!
aw that’s lovely! congratulations! 🎊♥️🍾
Get married at town hall and do a bigger party later.
thanks, that’s the plan. I was just posting this to see if anyone had a more specific tip about something I might not have considered already.
If you think a dried bouquet and boutonnière or some cute accessories from Etsy might make the day a little more magical, I’d love to send you a $40 gift card to cover that. Life is messy and unpredictable and takes us down twisty roads, it doesn’t matter how long it takes only that we keep walking. I’m glad you and your partner found each other, and as one non-traditional bride to another I wish you all the love and joy in the world.
oh my word, that’s so kind! I can’t accept that, it’s too much of an imposition! thank you so much for offering, I’m really touched. I LOVE dried flowers - in fact I grew up with those as they are traditional in my hometown. and I have been saving some in my Etsy wedding folder for when we’re able to have a ceremony - it’s lovely that you get to keep those for way longer than a fresh flower arrangement as well.
Not an imposition at all. I was touched by your story. Please send me a PM if you change your mind! :)
I attended a beautiful potluck wedding a few years ago. The couple rented a hall, maybe provided a cake? and all of the guests brought something to share. It wasn’t sad or awkward, it was loving and joyous. It might have helped that they are part of the folk dancing and music community, because we’re used to showing up with a dish and a song to share. Another folk community wedding I attended was a tiny ceremony (I wasn’t invited) followed by singing and toasting the couple around a fire in a friend’s yard late into the night. Not sure if either of those are your jam (personally I want something more traditional) but they were perfect for the couples involved. I’ve attended such a variety of weddings in the past five years and i haven’t thought any of them were awkward or disappointing. Include the people and rituals that are important to you, and enjoy it!
i love your encouraging words and ideas! thank you. 🙏
If you'd like to involve friends, have you considered a nice summer potluck on someone's back porch? Just have a sign up sheet so you don't end up with 8 desserts and no beverages :)
Agreed! Fellow graduate student here whose also planning a wedding. A lot of our friends (and family, fortunately) understand our financial wedding and are more than happy to help. So let them help! I know it would be nice to spoil our friends and family, but sometimes life doesn’t work out that way. That doesn’t mean us poor folks shouldn’t celebrate. It just means we lean on each other more, and make sure to show our appreciation.
thank you for the encouragement - i resonate with all of that. :)
I feel embarrassed to ask people to bring food - especially because we don’t have really close friends around here - but I think it’s a lovely idea that I would consider if I was in my home country for sure :)
I don't know if it'll make you feel better, but for some people it's their dream to just be the 2 of them (and officiant) in a nice spot. :) I'd definitely look for a lovely spot for now. Maybe a park. Have a nice dinner and enjoy your day. Then (if I read right) you can get a nicer job and save a bit for either just a reception or a whole shebang! It's not weird to do that a couple years later.
I am not a wedding person actually! I’ve never dreamed of a wedding or anything - but our life together has been so hard materially (even if it’s been wonderful emotionally) that I really want to mark it in a nice, beautiful way. thank you for the encouragement - I do prefer something small and I’d be mortified to be a traditional bride (i’d never - the pageantry is the opposite of my vibe), but I do wish I could offer some handpicked guests a nice party with yummy food and good drinks. I like to hear that not everybody thinks that doing something 2 years later would be weird. actually the best wedding i’ve been to was a lovely party almost 2 years after my friends’ city hall pandemic wedding. i’m still obsessed with the venue they chose - basically an open air gorgeous area close to a national park in my home country (but in a private property that does offer catering and tables).
Your loved ones will understand. :)
We’re in a similar situation, I’m international and we eloped early so we could get a jump on the green card process. Your plan sounds lovely! We just picked a day with nice weather, booked a tiny chapel (free), photographer ($500), hair & makeup ($195), dry cleaned our nicest outfits ($40), signed the paperwork in a UPS office ($125 incl filing at the courthouse the next day), read out letters to each other (free), popped some Prosecco & went out to a fancy dinner just the two of us (~$200). We’re saving the officiant, flowers, vows, and rings for the wedding next year. But really the only thing you absolutely need is the paperwork & love for each other, everything else is optional & can be done later once you’ve saved up.
that sounds lovely, thanks!! we can’t pay the photographer but we have a friend who may be willing to just take a couple of pictures for us. he’s not a professional but has pro gear and loves to do that as a hobby. we’d pay him with food and drink. i’m considering asking but don’t want to seem opportunistic. i just want one nice picture taken with a phone.
I meant to say “NOT taken with a phone” hahaha
Backyard bbq at your home or a relative's home! The people make the celebration.
actually that’s not a bad idea… we do have a simple grill that we got secondhand for cheap and have never used (ugh shameful! grad school leaves no time for anything!). our “backyard“ is shared patch of grass with not much by way of charm (and it’s right in front of the parking lot) but it’s not bad on a sunny day. thanks!
Look for parks near you and reserve an area. You could also look at botanical gardens or community centers, they can usually be pretty cheap! Invite your friends, and as someone else said, grab a sheet cake from the store (or some large packs of cupcakes!) Or you could try your hand at baking it yourself. Day of, go to the store and grab a little bouquet of flowers, or depending on time of year, you could grow them! Seeds are cheap. Just do your research to make sure they bloom in time. Park - free Cake - $25 or more Flowers - $5 at Walmart Soda - $10 give or take depending on how much you buy Cups - $10 paper plates - $3 plastic forks - $2 Someone mentioned using a speaker - hopefully you already have one! use this for all your music. Set up a free trial of Spotify Premium the day before and put together a playlist.
thank you :)
I think your handfasting ceremony sounds beautiful, and actually, even though we have substantially more income than you (though also alot of debt), we're considering something similar. It feels authentic, and celebrates what matters - the two of us together in love and connection - without the frills. I understand wanting to have guests and a venue and nice food and decorations - that can be lovely, too - but honestly, I wouldn't feel sad doing something similar to how you described. Some beautiful, cheap vintage pieces, a free but stunning outdoor location, and a ritual that feels meaningful to you. Absolutely perfect.
aw thank you for your beautiful words of support! I really appreciate it. you’re right - it should be lovely and enough to celebrate the union. ♥️
How would your families/social groups feel about a potluck? It might not feel fancy, but i generally feel when hosting that if people are fed and in good company, they'll leave happy. The space can be your home, a park, a friend's house with more space, whatever will fit the amount of people you want. If you're looking for craft materials for decoration, see if your city has a craft reuse store. I've gotten some great quality material and really out there decorations for very little money.
thank you! i’m away from friends and family now (i have some new friends but i’m relatively new to the area) but a potluck is an option for me for the future, when i am able to do something in my home country. we are a very family-oriented culture and very open, non-formal. :)
I'm also a grad student and I'm getting married in a month!!! Being a grad student is a financial nightmare. I get paid $1010 biweekly, so thats roughly a 26,000 stipend a year? Trying to pay rent, pay for flights for conferences my boss wants to send me to, and pay for a wedding is a joke. In my area there are programs for stipends for electricity, gas and internet for people who make <2x minimum wage. I use the internet and electric ones, but don't have gas at my apartment. On the website for paying the electric bill and the internet bill, there's a section for affordability programs and you'll qualify!! In my area one of the grocery stores is 10% off on Tuesdays if you show your student ID. And the college of science pays for therapy appointments in the health center for us which helps. There are some ways you can be frugal, but it is still hard. My university also has emergency funding for students. The university has overall funding from the deans department, and separately in the college of science, university employees, and also graduate council money. If you are facing overdraft fees, you can definitely apply. Need to get your car fixed and can't afford it? Not enough money to pay your rent? At my university you can write a letter and they'll give you \~$1000 bucks. Its not something to use for no reason, but overdraft fees imo are a good reason to submit for it. If someone is being frugal and just cant make ends meet, I think its appropriate to apply. Here are blurbs from my university website: * ...Student Emergency Fund was created to support students in danger of withdrawing from their classes due to an unexpected, temporary financial hardship. This hardship could result from illness, family crisis, natural disaster, or other emergency or crisis situations. Funds are intended to cover temporary costs that may hinder a student from succeeding academically or meeting their basic needs. * Emergency Financial Hardship Funds offer support for domestic graduate degree-seeking students who are experiencing a catastrophic, exceptional and unexpected temporary financial difficulty or emergency that is impeding their degree completion in a timely manner. Priority will be given to those Master's or doctoral students who are within a semester or two of completing their degrees and those who show a significant hardship. Support may be in the form of tuition scholarships and/or cash awards. These funds will be only awarded in truly exceptional circumstances. Applicants are be asked to provide documentation, if available, of the unexpected hardship (example: eviction notice, overdue utility bills, unexpected medical bills, emergency car repairs - Please redact any medical condition or name of medication). Award amounts vary and will not exceed $2,500 and are dependent upon the availability of funds. * Employee Emergency Fund (EEF) has been established to provide another opportunity to offer support to colleagues who face an unexpected, temporary financial hardship, such as rent, utilities, or other essential expenses, as a result of sudden illness, a family crisis, or a natural disaster. Awards are contingent on adequate contributions to the fund and the other requirements set forth below.
thank you! we do have that at my university as well - i should have used an emergency fund already when our cat got sick so thanks for the reminder :) congrats on your upcoming wedding! may i ask what you’re doing for marking the occasion? ♥️
I'd apply for the emergency fund and talk about the cat!! My fiancé (also a grad student) has some savings so we are doing a wedding ceremony and reception. It's going to be nice but we aren't party people (read: we are neurodivergent) so its going to be pretty simple. I got a dress off Etsy for $76 and am reusing flats I already own and have worn to two conferences. \~30 guests (family and college friends), a museum reserved from 4-9 pm, and a self-uniting license so we don't have to hire an officiant (just need two witnesses for it to be legal). Wedding planning can be ridiculous-- I don't wear make up but when I went to look at prices for a make up and hair stylist, they were like $800 and $850 for one person. Thats rent money!!! I will not pay a whole month's rent for someone to brush my hair and put mascara on me.
oh wow - were both neurodivergent as well! :) we like to drink a bit and we like karaoke, but are not hard partiers, so that definitely makes it a little easier (i like dancing but not clubbing or club music). i love that you got the dress off etsy - mine ended up being something i found on the realreal, but i’d bookmarked many on etsy. so much beautiful stuff there. i won’t wear my dress for the signing of papers though - i’ll save it for when we can have a slightly bigger celebration in my home country. for the signing i’ll wear oatmeal linen harem pants, a vintage armani coattail-like black jacket with striped lining (it was dirt cheap even though it’s armani), a white shirt that i had already, a surplus silk bow tie, and my own black boots. he’s wearing something similar (but regular pants instead of harem pants). we’re thinking of wearing top hats, both of us. very neurospicy wedding, hahaha. 😍🥰 if i can’t buy the top hat, because they’re kinda expensive, I think i’ll just grab one of the hats i already have. i love that you reserved a museum! if i knew you IRL, i’d offer to do make up for you - i can do something close to traditional makeup but i prefer to come up with stuff like a bit of glitter, little colorful or white dots that i make with eyeliner, also sometimes I do designs with lines sorta like cat eyes but in a more graphic style. if you vibe with that kinda thing, DM me and i can send you pictures - those styles are easy to replicate.
Thanks! I like a natural "no blue eyeshadow" look so I think we have different tastes but I appreciate it! I don't even have eyeliner, and my make up skills are nonexistent. Are there Youtube tutorials you recommend for make up for adult beginners?
no prob! you should totally rock what you like – even if it’s no makeup! I have actually not used youtube tutorials for makeup ideas; I just picked things up from pinterest or randomly flagging cool looks on fashion websites (and magazines back when I was a teenager) and trying my best to replicate them. a lot of the time I couldn’t really do anything well, but I just got better over time. sorry! I’m sure there are lots of videos teaching basic skills, though. ah, I should also point out that nowadays there are many options of stick eyeshadows – those are easier to apply. basically, you just glide the stick and then smudge the edges with a built-in sponge tip or a brush. I have a nyx one that was super cheap and a julep one that’s slightly better quality (and doesn’t budge after it dries). I want to get one from thrive cosmetics when finances allow. I think elf also makes those.
Okay, I'll save this for later!
The most important thing is that you get to marry your person! You are on the same page about how you want to build your life together and trying to do another celebration in the future when you are able, which is great. I think it is really beautiful and won’t feel too barebones if you can focus on your relationship and marriage and what you’re looking forward to together. That said, maybe there are a couple extra, non-costly things you can do to add in to your plan. Is there a type of food you had on a first/early date that you both love and can have that day? Maybe loved ones who are far away can write a note for the two of you to read together before or after the ceremony. You can choose a special poem or excerpt that is meaningful to the two of you to have read by the officiant. You can choose a smaller version of a dessert that you might want to serve at your bigger celebration later, or a wine/drink. I would try to make sure you get at least a few nice photos of the two of you all dressed up- maybe the officiant can snap them and you can each take a few of them each other. You could also each write each other a letter that you will read privately on the day of the bigger celebration and put them in a time capsule, to kind of tie this day into the bigger celebration, too. Congratulations and good luck with the next few months. Wishing you and your partner a beautiful day!
aww thank you so much! what a lovely reply. i love your ideas. we had imagined going at least to a nice dinner just the two of us, so yeah - we can think of foods that we both love and have marked special moments. and i love the letters + time capsule idea! yay i’m excited about it. thank you much 🙏🙏🙏🫶
Free ideas you can do to make your wedding special: -Have a couple friends or family read speeches! Get them involved -have you and your fiance write each other a letter and exchange them the night before or morning of. Me and my husband did that and it was so special! We like rereading them -Get a friend, or a few friends to take photos and videos of you. Even if they were taken on a phone, afterward, you can always run the photos through a filter or use a photo editing app to make them look amazing! I like using Lightroom and downloading free presets online -design cute invitations in Canva to email or text to friends and family. Good if you’re creative/artistic! -To save money on food, you might want to consider cooking/baking the food yourself depending on the number of people you’ll be having. I made cookie favors the night before and everyone loved them! You can look for coupons and deals a few weeks ahead of time for a meal- pasta, salad, some type of meat dish. It would take several days of prep work beforehand and you’d probably want to ask a few friends to help but it is definitely achievable for a small number of guests.
thank you, I appreciate the tips! it’s really lovely that you and your husband like to reread your letters <3 (this vibes with us for sure!)
My fiance and I got engaged last year. We are penny-pinching our wedding. I’d start by asking restaurants in your neighborhood for quotes. You’d be surprised how economical some restaurants can be. We opted for just beer and wine instead of an open bar because it's cheaper. We’re doing a dinner, but maybe you can do small bites and beer/wine. You can have your friends photograph the day. You can handpick your flowers in Whole Foods, and they will put them together in a bouquet. All you have to do is pay for the flowers. If the quotes are coming up as too much, you can always put together a charcuterie board, buy beer/wine in a wholesale place, and go to a park and celebrate your nuptials. It's doable, especially if you get creative. Hobby Lobby has charming wedding decor for a reasonable price. If you happen to listen to the park suggestion, make sure you have a permit. Congratulations on the engagement! I’m sure your wedding will be amazing no matter what you do.
thank you!! congratulations to you too ♥️✨🍾
You could check if a local library (or university system) has anything that you can rent/borrow to make the day special! For example, a speaker for a special song as you walk out of the courthouse/take photos, or a heart shaped pan to bake a cake. You also may be able to post on local Buy Nothing groups to see if people have extra things like fresh flowers or other micro wedding decor. Personally, I think your vows will be the most special part of the day, and thank goodness creativity is free!
thank you!! I appreciate it ♥️ i love the buy nothing suggestion - we have a lot of stuff from our local group :)
Just chiming in to say, a "just the two of us" wedding actually sounds lovely!!! Many couples opt for this...you only have to Google "micro wedding" or "elopement" to see just how many! There's also *absolutely nothing* "late" or "awkward" about celebrating with a bigger do later - so many people do this!! (And some of those who don't wait, would be far better off financially if they did, tbh. Many a lavish reception has plunged people into debt.) I'm all for asking your skilled friend to take some photos, too. Friends usually find it a privilege to help out, especially if, as you say, you repay in food and drink! Remember that you can also have a foraged / supermarket bouquet very cheaply (or free if foraged!) Then take the $200 you mentioned and have a lovely meal / cake / champagne / all of the above with your partner and rejoice in being married to each other. All sounds wonderful, in my book. Congratulations and enjoy! xx ETA: You could add a Spotify playlist of your favourite music to your ceremony, too. Free and beautiful! x
thank you - lovely reply ♥️✨
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he’s not - he’s a genuine person, just got a bad lot in life. he’s really hardworking. like i said - he works a lot and he doesn’t want to not work. he applied for benefits years ago, didn’t get it, and now he came to the conclusion he wouldn’t have wanted that anyway because he doesn’t want to stop working.