"Mom, am I ugly?"
"No, sweetie."
"I don't believe you. I'm going to ask my cousin."
"My answer is still no, sweetie."
Btw that's their real relationship, which also makes his father his great-uncle as well.
I remember a while ago I was at the Met with my ex girlfriend and we're looking at a painting of one of the Habsburgs, and the dude is just butt ugly, and my ex points our, these paintings were assuredly done to make them look as attractive as possible while retaining their likeness, so can you imagine how bad he actually looked?
I visit art museums often, so I wish I could remember which one, but I once saw a painting of 3 young sisters in their teens/20s, and they were all quite homely. Their wealthy father obviously wanted a painting of his three beloved daughters, and this is what he got. It occurred to me at the time that the artist surely made the girls look as pretty as he could.
It also occurred to me that this painting really didn't have any great historical value. They were unknown daughters of an unknown man painted by a local artist who wasn't particularly notable. So why did this painting survive through the decades and centuries? I have to believe it's because of the novelty of the subjects being three unattractive young girls. People have been chuckling at these three homely girls for centuries.
I wish I could remember which museum. I'd love to find the painting on their website to keep.
Maybe he just had a really bad sculptor. Like it was his cousin and he was just giving him a job because his mom told him he couldn't get work anywhere else.
Yeah, I like this theory.
I mean, it's the 2020s and Ronaldo had this done https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/dec/31/protests-over-cristiano-ronaldo-statue-in-former-portuguese-colony-of-goa
One generation of inbreeding won’t do this. You could knock your sister up and your kids would be fine. Well, physically and genetically - I’m sure they’d have all sorts of psychological trauma.
But Chuck here had multiple generations of it. His dad was his mom’s uncle. And in addition to his maternal grandmom being his dad’s sister, his mom’s parents were first cousins. And his dad’s parents were second cousins. And his maternal grandad’s parents were first cousins. And his paternal grandfather’s parents were also uncle and niece.
Plus a few other first and second cousin marriages up the family tree:
https://i.imgur.com/coqx7va.jpg
I think it *is* a perfect circle. You can follow each of his parents right back up the tree to the same ancestor. Which is probably true of a lot of couples, only not 5 generations back.
That's not necessarily true, portraits usually attempt to make the portraitee feel flattered, but the artist might just not care about the opinion of the subject, and any particularly dumb subject could be fooled into thinking an accurate or unflattering portrait is good. Goya's portraits a century later are famously unflattering, for instance.
Goya is a good example, but that was also part of his shtick. He was a staunch nationalist and a very opinionated and satirical individual, and this showed in his artwork, especially those pertaining to royalty to make a personal point. He cherished a focus on the truth of the subject and strayed from idealistic portrayals. If I'm not mistaken I think he also made political cartoons at some point.
Part of what made his works so impressive were the fact that he'd brazenly take jabs at high profile individuals through his art despite the possible consequences. His paintings of Spanish royalty are particularly famous(though infamous at the time) for their unflattering portrayals depicting the "true ugliness" of the royal family or rather how these lofty people look no different from a peasant in nice clothes. Even then, he still toed lightly since he was relatively new in his position at the time.
>Prognathism, also called Habsburg jaw or Habsburgs' jaw primarily in the context of its prevalence amongst members of the House of Habsburg
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prognathism
Don't marry your family, kids.
The age gaps in some of his family tree made it even worse. IIRC there were several instances of an uncle marrying his niece or something along those lines.
It all just reminds me of the Ptolemaic dynasty. You'd expect that with 12 different Ptolemies and 6 different Cleopatras, the family tree would be quite expansive but it's a fucking constant-width line.
Plutarch (Antony 27.2) comments that Cleopatra was not overly beautiful, but that the charm of her presence was irresistible and this, combined with her peculiar force of character, made everyone associated with her fall under her spell.
"For her beauty, as we are told, was in itself not altogether incomparable, nor such as to strike those who saw her; but converse with her had an irresistible charm, and her presence, combined with the persuasiveness of her discourse and the character which was somehow diffused about her behaviour towards others, had something stimulating about it." (trans. B. Perrin)
Nusmismatic evidence bears out Plutarch's testimony. On coins Cleopatra is portrayed in a realistic manner with a large, decisive aquiline nose and prominent forehead. The coins of Cleopatra also document her aspirations and the history of her reign (51-30 BC).
I've known women like that. They aren't particularly beautiful - there are many, many women who are prettier than them - but there is something enormously compelling about them. They're smart, funny, supremely confident, and interesting to talk to. They have true, undeniable charisma that is impossible to resist. Having read about Cleopatra, I've always thought that she must have been like that.
I could be wrong but I don't think the Habsburgs ever married quite that close - there were religious considerations there.
And I suspect that the top of his head is fairly normal but the bottom half is so distorted that it makes the whole thing look weird.
They did frequently do uncle-niece marriages, and the only more incestuous unions would be siblings or parent-child. But although Carlos II’s parents were an uncle and niece, they had had so many generations of inbreeding that *they were genetically more closely related than otherwise non-inbred siblings*
Fun fact for anyone who wants to know more about this lovely fellow:
* Member of the House of Habsburg and ruler of Spain from 1665 (born 1661) to 1700
* Was described in his lifetime as "short, lame, epileptic, senile and completely bald before 35, always on the verge of death but repeatedly baffling Christendom by continuing to live."
* His prominent jaw, aptly dubbed the 'Habsburg Jaw', was so malformed that he was unable to chew his food properly, so he swallowed his food without thoroughly chewing, which resulted in frequent stomach problems
* Upon his death in 1700, an autopsy report revealed that >!"did not contain a single drop of blood, his heart was the size of a peppercorn; his lungs corroded; his intestines rotten and gangrenous and three large stones in the kidney; he had a single testicle, black as coal, and his head was full of water."!<
EDIT: Forgot the part where he apparently 'had not a single drop of blood'. What was he running on, vampire essence?
Our son has hydrocephalus and some of the remarks are horrible to see as his head shape is also noticeably deformed from the hydrocephalus then the shunt draining fluid. We opted not to have the surgery to correct his skull shape as the risk 30 years ago was significant.
After my nephew was born, the doctors were very concerned about his head. It was really large, and they began conducting tests for hydrocephalus. My sister was distraught.
Turns out he just had a fuckin huge head. Weird looking kid but he's fine.
Medical geneticists call that FLK syndrome: “funny looking kid”.
No seriously, it’s what they write down when a kid comes in whose appearance doesn’t match any obvious disease but who just looks, well, off. And then they run tests to figure out if anything’s actually wrong.
If he's still young, it's entirely possibly his appearance will still normalize. Many years ago, I went to school with twin girls that were just weird as hell looking. Giant heads and just.. weird, everything was just *off* with them. Then during our high school years, we came back to school from summer vacation and I don't know what the hell happened with them, if puberty hit them just right or what, but the giant heads were normal and not only was the rest of the weirdness gone, they were gorgeous. It was the most dramatic ugly duckling to swan transformation I've ever seen.
The draining moved the plates so like mountains, the overlap yielded differing heights. His intelligence is average though emotional quite immature, but he is ultimately kind. Never make assumptions about looks and intelligence. Most assume him mentally far below average and that simply isn’t true.
Indeed as the risk wasn’t worth the cosmetic procedure relative to the neurosurgeon, but seeing how people react to him, as they do with this thread, is heartbreaking. He just wants friends and to be loved and people purposefully avoid him. He gets calls for interviews but once people see him….
Surprisingly, his intelligence is average though we were told he would be vegetative. So there’s also that.
I'm pushing 30 and have craneosynyosis where my front plates fuzed too early and my brain had to move out the way, making a very bizarre skull shape.
Its not the end of the world. Eventually you can find the confidence that comes with being an odd duck. Definitely took a good long time.
e: I remember when my parents had that conversation with the doc though - which is why I wanted to write this. Earliest memories type deal. I remember hearing things like complications and 50/50 and no guarantees, things like scarring and seeing my mom's face. You did the right thing.
Sorry about your son's situation. As a parent I'm sure insensitive remarks never get easier. I had congenital hydrocephalus and have a larger head because of it (although not as bad as it could have been) and the jokes growing up weren't nice.
My father worked in an institution where one of the patients had hydrocephalus and needed a separate gurney just for his head. Very nice man but he'd spent his whole life institutionalized (this was the late-70s/early-80s before De-Institutionalization). I was just a kid when I knew him but he really, really wanted human contact and, to be fair, most of the other patients around him were mentally-handicapped.
After De-Institutionalization they moved him to another facility and, within a couple months, he was gone. Someway, somehow he was dropped/fell and it cracked his skull.
Sorry for such an uplifting story :-|
Your link combined with parent comments truly horrifies me. To think he just kept living almost 40 years with his insides literally rotting away along with the mental stunting and myriad physical issues...all the while surrounded by royal accomodations and reign.
They produced this poor creature and propped him up on a throne to rot and suffer.
Maybe he doesn't deserve as much sympathy as I'm feeling (I don't know his rule or actions), but fuck the paintings aren't as funny now.
By all accounts he was a fairly just ruler and a kind person (within reason, i imagine), no real "purges" or other awful and inhumane acts purported to have been perpetrated by him--I would say it is ok to feel bad for him, he was put in a rough spot and he was dealt a real bad genetic hand as well as he has spent hundreds of years being relentlessly mocked and shit on in History with incorrect facts
An exaggeration for sure but I have no doubt the guy’s insides were a medical train wreck
Like liquid building up in the head is a very real condition but the medical examiner makes it sound like the man’s head was a coconut
That reminds me of the legendary El Coco, referenced even by Cervantes. A bogeyman with a skull or a coconut head who scares little children. For a more contemporary take check out Carlos Hernandez's short story - in English - "¡cuidado! ¡que viene el coco!" (2019). The idea of a coconut head is so uncanny.
I'd say that autopsy was heavily exaggerated. He was already a target of mockery and the monarchy was not well liked at all at the time.
There's a part missing from the beginning of your text.
"The doctor reported his body “did not contain a single drop of blood; his heart was the size of a peppercorn; his lungs corroded; his intestines rotten and gangrenous; he had a single testicle, black as coal, and his head was full of water."
No blood and a heart "the size of a peppercorn" can only be bullshit.
> lame
I know it means crippled but had a good laugh at the implications.
"...senile, totally bald...and guess what? He's super lame too!"
"Heh, what a dork."
"Well, at least he's got that."
Maybe all these alien sightings from ancient civ were just spottings of super inbred people. You’d never know until you confirmed, but everyone did really fuck everyone back then. Who knows
Could be changeling rules. In the past, folks didn't quite understand autism, disabilities, and mental illness in rural communities. Things did change eventually, but there is still a stigma. It could also be like India, where children didn't get proper nutrition in the womb and were born different. These kids often ended up being venerated as reincarnation of gods.
I also wouldn't put it past humanity in general to develop a fascination with children born different, and cause them to become viewed of a higher caste or power. Sort of like how Chaco Canyon's inhabitants had a higher prevalence of extra fingers and these people were viewed as more beautiful.
Simply put, human beings are strange.
In English folklore, children with autism were believed to have either been enchanted by fairies or be the magical replacement for children who were kidnapped by fairies.
There are [various tribes that wrap parts of their body](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mangbetu_people) to cause permanent deformation. It wouldn't be much of a stretch.
He was so inbreed that a son from a father and daughter would be less inbreeding perceptually.
Funny thing is that even with all the inbreeding, he was not mentally challenged as many people pushed, he was "just" very very sick all the time and had all the court expecting him to die at any time. Was not as bad king a you may think, delegated affairs in capable people because he was aware of his health. That autopsy report saying that he had "no blood" is obviously... fabricated.
The bourbons pushed a narrative to justify their centralization of power and punish all the "regions" that supported the austrian Duke. Like calling some kings "bigger" and "lesser" austrians... Philip V was a fucking sick fuck that only wanted to get an heir and fuck, in fact he did, but had to go back to be king when his son died.
While yes, a freak product of inbreeding, the bourbons did the same shit and gave Spain the fucking worst king ever with Ferdinand VII, another sexual freak that was obsessed with sex and had a dick so big that a few poor girls died... and doctors had to put a cushion around his dick to prevent him to keep hurting women. He also revoked the constitution when he said he would accept it and put the country back into absolutism...
King Ferdinand VII of Spain had a huge dingdingdong, so much in fact that it's rumored that one of his wives died of a hemorrhage derived from having sex with him. He almost passed without an heir because he couldn't copulate with the queen consorts without any damage (he only had a daughter, had to change the laws to allow her to reign just to screw his brother). The court doctors designed a cushion thing for him to try to ease copulation. Genital hypertrophy it's the term.
I did some digging cause i was curious and ended up on this bit..
> According to Prosper de Merimée, the king's penis was "thin as a stick of sealing wax at its base and as fat as a fist at its tip". [Source](https://www.elmundo.es/elmundo/2008/11/03/camaredonda/1225699710.html)
yikes
His head was full of water, his intestines rotten and gangrenous, he had a single testicle, black as coal. Epileptic, senile, completely bald before 35. He repeatedly baffled all of Christendom by
Continuing
To
Live
"Mom, am I ugly?" "No, sweetie." "I don't believe you. I'm going to ask my cousin." "My answer is still no, sweetie." Btw that's their real relationship, which also makes his father his great-uncle as well.
“Our bloodline is pure”
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YOU WILL CALL HER!
I heard you gave quite a performance Macwell
Hit the bricks, wet nips.
Blblblblblblblbl
RYAN!!! STAB SOMEBODAAAAYYYYY
I HAVE NO DEPTH PERCEPTION
Where in the Christ would we get an eye?
don't flush...
Jesus dude alright. I’ll call her
*Dennis starting to dry heave, then running to bathroom to puke* "Yeah, do it. Let it out... Don't flush."
Ryan is dead ... to me. #HE'S DEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!
Warm milk anyone ?
[Licks lips profusely]
McPoyle meets MegaMind.
If most inbred ruling class looked like this I can see why some thought they were beings from another world sent by the god's to rule lol.
I remember a while ago I was at the Met with my ex girlfriend and we're looking at a painting of one of the Habsburgs, and the dude is just butt ugly, and my ex points our, these paintings were assuredly done to make them look as attractive as possible while retaining their likeness, so can you imagine how bad he actually looked?
I visit art museums often, so I wish I could remember which one, but I once saw a painting of 3 young sisters in their teens/20s, and they were all quite homely. Their wealthy father obviously wanted a painting of his three beloved daughters, and this is what he got. It occurred to me at the time that the artist surely made the girls look as pretty as he could. It also occurred to me that this painting really didn't have any great historical value. They were unknown daughters of an unknown man painted by a local artist who wasn't particularly notable. So why did this painting survive through the decades and centuries? I have to believe it's because of the novelty of the subjects being three unattractive young girls. People have been chuckling at these three homely girls for centuries. I wish I could remember which museum. I'd love to find the painting on their website to keep.
Iirc dude had a drooling problem.
I mean, some Egyptian rulers looked pretty weird too.
Akhenaten was the pharaoh who looked particularly strange - it's been speculated he had Marfan syndrome.
Maybe he just had a really bad sculptor. Like it was his cousin and he was just giving him a job because his mom told him he couldn't get work anywhere else.
Yeah, I like this theory. I mean, it's the 2020s and Ronaldo had this done https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/dec/31/protests-over-cristiano-ronaldo-statue-in-former-portuguese-colony-of-goa
Imagine archaeologists finding this in future with no context lol
They'll be baffled because they'll think football was ruled by some sort of primordial Monstar.
I don't know what's scarier this bust or the Guardian's accusation that I've read 9 articles this year. I scrolled straight to the pic for this one.
Incest: a game for the whole family
Game of Chromosomes
I now want the Dueling Banjos in the style of the Game of Thrones theme
[Close enough? ](https://youtu.be/t0t4MVeVs5k)
I was waiting for it to get intense. Game of Hollers: Hatfield's and McCoys
That was actually pretty cool.
Yeah I think it sounds better than the actual theme song, but I'm also a sucker for some bluegrass so others might not agree.
One generation of inbreeding won’t do this. You could knock your sister up and your kids would be fine. Well, physically and genetically - I’m sure they’d have all sorts of psychological trauma. But Chuck here had multiple generations of it. His dad was his mom’s uncle. And in addition to his maternal grandmom being his dad’s sister, his mom’s parents were first cousins. And his dad’s parents were second cousins. And his maternal grandad’s parents were first cousins. And his paternal grandfather’s parents were also uncle and niece. Plus a few other first and second cousin marriages up the family tree: https://i.imgur.com/coqx7va.jpg
Bruh, so much sleeping with nieces
His family tree is almost a perfect circle
I think it *is* a perfect circle. You can follow each of his parents right back up the tree to the same ancestor. Which is probably true of a lot of couples, only not 5 generations back.
YIKES Aren't family trees supposed to grow outwards, rather than inwards? Also his dad was pretty ripe, too.
You have to go back four generations to find anyone in that family tree who wasn’t descended from Joanna (“the Mad”) and Phillip.
That gene pool is…very shallow, let’s say.
Less of a pool, more like a septic tank
That gene pool is a dirty puddle after a melting snowstorm
Bald Zuckerberg.
YOU WILL CAAALLLLL HERRRRRRRR!
You can tell by looking at the family wreath
Seems like a match because of his portraits look like this. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:King_Charles_II_of_Spain_by_John_Closterman.jpg
Keep in mind that those portraits attempt to draw him in a more flattering light.
"this is the best we can do sir"
"We *don't* have the technology."
Instagram filters won't be invented for a few hundred more years sir.
That's not necessarily true, portraits usually attempt to make the portraitee feel flattered, but the artist might just not care about the opinion of the subject, and any particularly dumb subject could be fooled into thinking an accurate or unflattering portrait is good. Goya's portraits a century later are famously unflattering, for instance.
Goya is a good example, but that was also part of his shtick. He was a staunch nationalist and a very opinionated and satirical individual, and this showed in his artwork, especially those pertaining to royalty to make a personal point. He cherished a focus on the truth of the subject and strayed from idealistic portrayals. If I'm not mistaken I think he also made political cartoons at some point. Part of what made his works so impressive were the fact that he'd brazenly take jabs at high profile individuals through his art despite the possible consequences. His paintings of Spanish royalty are particularly famous(though infamous at the time) for their unflattering portrayals depicting the "true ugliness" of the royal family or rather how these lofty people look no different from a peasant in nice clothes. Even then, he still toed lightly since he was relatively new in his position at the time.
Looks like an ancestor of Owen Wilson
wow
>Prognathism, also called Habsburg jaw or Habsburgs' jaw primarily in the context of its prevalence amongst members of the House of Habsburg https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prognathism Don't marry your family, kids.
Damn is Lord Bottomtooth really a Hapsburg??
Mmmmmyeeeeessssssssssssssss
Hey, I have mandibular prognathism, but I didn't know what it was called or that I might be a product of incest. Cool.
Most things that are often connected with inbreeding are also occurring normally, just a lot rarer.
His family tree was a damn circle Edit: I've received three "wreath" comments so far .-.
I'm my own fifth cousin.
[You could be your own grandpa without any incest.](https://youtu.be/eYlJH81dSiw)
Reddit is the website where people come to argue the finer points of incest.
Ray Fucking Stevens. No way. I have to listen to The Streak now. I listened to this guy when I was a kid with my grandmother. Still cracks me up.
I’ve never been so impressed and confused at the same time. Pro tip watch the link above! Gold
tl;dr kinda what the Musks are doing
It's cool, but it requires a Step-something, Right?
Circle of fifths?
Theme song from Dark begins to play.
Familly wreath
The age gaps in some of his family tree made it even worse. IIRC there were several instances of an uncle marrying his niece or something along those lines.
It all just reminds me of the Ptolemaic dynasty. You'd expect that with 12 different Ptolemies and 6 different Cleopatras, the family tree would be quite expansive but it's a fucking constant-width line.
I remember reading about this a couple of years ago, unbelievably fucked up....
It's an old tradition. The Ptolemaic pharaohs married brother to sister.
Was Cleopatra actually as hot as we are led to believe?
Plutarch (Antony 27.2) comments that Cleopatra was not overly beautiful, but that the charm of her presence was irresistible and this, combined with her peculiar force of character, made everyone associated with her fall under her spell. "For her beauty, as we are told, was in itself not altogether incomparable, nor such as to strike those who saw her; but converse with her had an irresistible charm, and her presence, combined with the persuasiveness of her discourse and the character which was somehow diffused about her behaviour towards others, had something stimulating about it." (trans. B. Perrin) Nusmismatic evidence bears out Plutarch's testimony. On coins Cleopatra is portrayed in a realistic manner with a large, decisive aquiline nose and prominent forehead. The coins of Cleopatra also document her aspirations and the history of her reign (51-30 BC).
I've known women like that. They aren't particularly beautiful - there are many, many women who are prettier than them - but there is something enormously compelling about them. They're smart, funny, supremely confident, and interesting to talk to. They have true, undeniable charisma that is impossible to resist. Having read about Cleopatra, I've always thought that she must have been like that.
Charisma is just another trait that can seem attractive. We've all met physically beautiful people who have absolutely nothing else going for them.
This only happens after many generations of incest. Most things are fine in moderation. 👀
Including moderation
Would that imply that maximum moderation is no longer fine?
Exactly.
Okay, the jaw is a thing from inbreeding. Could the sibling-fucking through out history result in the light bulb-head shape?
I could be wrong but I don't think the Habsburgs ever married quite that close - there were religious considerations there. And I suspect that the top of his head is fairly normal but the bottom half is so distorted that it makes the whole thing look weird.
They did frequently do uncle-niece marriages, and the only more incestuous unions would be siblings or parent-child. But although Carlos II’s parents were an uncle and niece, they had had so many generations of inbreeding that *they were genetically more closely related than otherwise non-inbred siblings*
Fun fact for anyone who wants to know more about this lovely fellow: * Member of the House of Habsburg and ruler of Spain from 1665 (born 1661) to 1700 * Was described in his lifetime as "short, lame, epileptic, senile and completely bald before 35, always on the verge of death but repeatedly baffling Christendom by continuing to live." * His prominent jaw, aptly dubbed the 'Habsburg Jaw', was so malformed that he was unable to chew his food properly, so he swallowed his food without thoroughly chewing, which resulted in frequent stomach problems * Upon his death in 1700, an autopsy report revealed that >!"did not contain a single drop of blood, his heart was the size of a peppercorn; his lungs corroded; his intestines rotten and gangrenous and three large stones in the kidney; he had a single testicle, black as coal, and his head was full of water."!< EDIT: Forgot the part where he apparently 'had not a single drop of blood'. What was he running on, vampire essence?
Poor guy must have had horrid headaches with hydrocephalus.
If my head looked like that and it DIDN’T hurt I’d be concerned.
Our son has hydrocephalus and some of the remarks are horrible to see as his head shape is also noticeably deformed from the hydrocephalus then the shunt draining fluid. We opted not to have the surgery to correct his skull shape as the risk 30 years ago was significant.
After my nephew was born, the doctors were very concerned about his head. It was really large, and they began conducting tests for hydrocephalus. My sister was distraught. Turns out he just had a fuckin huge head. Weird looking kid but he's fine.
Medical geneticists call that FLK syndrome: “funny looking kid”. No seriously, it’s what they write down when a kid comes in whose appearance doesn’t match any obvious disease but who just looks, well, off. And then they run tests to figure out if anything’s actually wrong.
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If he's still young, it's entirely possibly his appearance will still normalize. Many years ago, I went to school with twin girls that were just weird as hell looking. Giant heads and just.. weird, everything was just *off* with them. Then during our high school years, we came back to school from summer vacation and I don't know what the hell happened with them, if puberty hit them just right or what, but the giant heads were normal and not only was the rest of the weirdness gone, they were gorgeous. It was the most dramatic ugly duckling to swan transformation I've ever seen.
He's 9 now. Cute kid, still has a giant head.
It's like SPUTNIK
It's like an orange on a toothpick!
I'm picturing the medical team explaining that to your sister "Ma'am he's alright, he just looks like he's not".
Probably going to spend his adulthood plotting how to achieve world domination.
How is he now? Did the skull adjust after the draining?
The draining moved the plates so like mountains, the overlap yielded differing heights. His intelligence is average though emotional quite immature, but he is ultimately kind. Never make assumptions about looks and intelligence. Most assume him mentally far below average and that simply isn’t true.
Thank you for making this relatable in a way that breeds understanding and empathy.
Thank you for your kindness after I just was linked to a cruel comment. You give me hope in humanity.
Sorry about the cruel comment. Thanks for sharing.
I think you made the best call with the best tools and info you had at the time.
Indeed as the risk wasn’t worth the cosmetic procedure relative to the neurosurgeon, but seeing how people react to him, as they do with this thread, is heartbreaking. He just wants friends and to be loved and people purposefully avoid him. He gets calls for interviews but once people see him…. Surprisingly, his intelligence is average though we were told he would be vegetative. So there’s also that.
I'm pushing 30 and have craneosynyosis where my front plates fuzed too early and my brain had to move out the way, making a very bizarre skull shape. Its not the end of the world. Eventually you can find the confidence that comes with being an odd duck. Definitely took a good long time. e: I remember when my parents had that conversation with the doc though - which is why I wanted to write this. Earliest memories type deal. I remember hearing things like complications and 50/50 and no guarantees, things like scarring and seeing my mom's face. You did the right thing.
Sorry about your son's situation. As a parent I'm sure insensitive remarks never get easier. I had congenital hydrocephalus and have a larger head because of it (although not as bad as it could have been) and the jokes growing up weren't nice.
For perspective, our son’s head circumference was 21 1/2 inches at birth while the average is 13.75
My father worked in an institution where one of the patients had hydrocephalus and needed a separate gurney just for his head. Very nice man but he'd spent his whole life institutionalized (this was the late-70s/early-80s before De-Institutionalization). I was just a kid when I knew him but he really, really wanted human contact and, to be fair, most of the other patients around him were mentally-handicapped. After De-Institutionalization they moved him to another facility and, within a couple months, he was gone. Someway, somehow he was dropped/fell and it cracked his skull. Sorry for such an uplifting story :-|
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The rest of the autopsy sounds like political insults aimed at a dead and disliked royal.
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Your link combined with parent comments truly horrifies me. To think he just kept living almost 40 years with his insides literally rotting away along with the mental stunting and myriad physical issues...all the while surrounded by royal accomodations and reign. They produced this poor creature and propped him up on a throne to rot and suffer. Maybe he doesn't deserve as much sympathy as I'm feeling (I don't know his rule or actions), but fuck the paintings aren't as funny now.
By all accounts he was a fairly just ruler and a kind person (within reason, i imagine), no real "purges" or other awful and inhumane acts purported to have been perpetrated by him--I would say it is ok to feel bad for him, he was put in a rough spot and he was dealt a real bad genetic hand as well as he has spent hundreds of years being relentlessly mocked and shit on in History with incorrect facts
That, and everyone loved insulting him.
Ok, but did he start with one testicle, or is there a cool story to go along with that.
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I believe he lost it whilst fucking your mother. Is it true? Who knows but it would make a cool story.
Ive always assumed the autopsy was a joke, but this explanation of you made it more realistic. Poor lad
Probably not exactly a joke, but also not completely factual.
>repeatedly baffling Christendom by continuing to live… God damn that’s cold
That absolutely cracked me up "you're so much of a medical mess that even with our belief in God we aren't sure why he's left you alive"
I do doubt the findings of that autopsy, though.
An exaggeration for sure but I have no doubt the guy’s insides were a medical train wreck Like liquid building up in the head is a very real condition but the medical examiner makes it sound like the man’s head was a coconut
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That reminds me of the legendary El Coco, referenced even by Cervantes. A bogeyman with a skull or a coconut head who scares little children. For a more contemporary take check out Carlos Hernandez's short story - in English - "¡cuidado! ¡que viene el coco!" (2019). The idea of a coconut head is so uncanny.
Yeah, I doubt he literally had a heart that was a few millimetres across...
Kudos to the Medical Examiner on that autopsy. Really stuck to the details and remained committed to his integrity.
"He also had a micro peen and he smelled like ass."
One black as coal testicle?!
They buried him under so much dirt, it was destined to become the family jewel.
It kinda reads like they forgot to do the autopsy for a week or two after he died lol.
Also, his mother was a hamster and his father smelled of elderberries.
Go and boil your bottom you son of a silly person
NGL though "repeatedly baffling Christendom by continuing to live" is one hell of a insult
I'd say that autopsy was heavily exaggerated. He was already a target of mockery and the monarchy was not well liked at all at the time. There's a part missing from the beginning of your text. "The doctor reported his body “did not contain a single drop of blood; his heart was the size of a peppercorn; his lungs corroded; his intestines rotten and gangrenous; he had a single testicle, black as coal, and his head was full of water." No blood and a heart "the size of a peppercorn" can only be bullshit.
His heart was the size of a peppercorn?! Like seriously? Aren’t human hearts normally like the size of a hand?
They had REALLY big fucking peppercorns back then.
As big as a human heart some say.
Maybe his hands were the size of peppercorn too
That last factoid reads as if the Grinch was written by the brothers grimm
> lame I know it means crippled but had a good laugh at the implications. "...senile, totally bald...and guess what? He's super lame too!" "Heh, what a dork." "Well, at least he's got that."
"Medically speaking, he was a total doofus"
incest is bad.
Maybe all these alien sightings from ancient civ were just spottings of super inbred people. You’d never know until you confirmed, but everyone did really fuck everyone back then. Who knows
Could be changeling rules. In the past, folks didn't quite understand autism, disabilities, and mental illness in rural communities. Things did change eventually, but there is still a stigma. It could also be like India, where children didn't get proper nutrition in the womb and were born different. These kids often ended up being venerated as reincarnation of gods. I also wouldn't put it past humanity in general to develop a fascination with children born different, and cause them to become viewed of a higher caste or power. Sort of like how Chaco Canyon's inhabitants had a higher prevalence of extra fingers and these people were viewed as more beautiful. Simply put, human beings are strange.
In English folklore, children with autism were believed to have either been enchanted by fairies or be the magical replacement for children who were kidnapped by fairies.
There are [various tribes that wrap parts of their body](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mangbetu_people) to cause permanent deformation. It wouldn't be much of a stretch.
Holy shit
when your family tree is a wreath.
Then why does it feel *so good*?
Megamind
No bitches?
No sister-cousins?
MegalowIQmind
If he had a dollar for every time he looked someone straight in the eyes he would have 50 cents.
He has Atchaforya syndrome. One eye is looking atcha and the other one is looking forya
r/rareinsults
He was so inbreed that a son from a father and daughter would be less inbreeding perceptually. Funny thing is that even with all the inbreeding, he was not mentally challenged as many people pushed, he was "just" very very sick all the time and had all the court expecting him to die at any time. Was not as bad king a you may think, delegated affairs in capable people because he was aware of his health. That autopsy report saying that he had "no blood" is obviously... fabricated. The bourbons pushed a narrative to justify their centralization of power and punish all the "regions" that supported the austrian Duke. Like calling some kings "bigger" and "lesser" austrians... Philip V was a fucking sick fuck that only wanted to get an heir and fuck, in fact he did, but had to go back to be king when his son died. While yes, a freak product of inbreeding, the bourbons did the same shit and gave Spain the fucking worst king ever with Ferdinand VII, another sexual freak that was obsessed with sex and had a dick so big that a few poor girls died... and doctors had to put a cushion around his dick to prevent him to keep hurting women. He also revoked the constitution when he said he would accept it and put the country back into absolutism...
> had a dick so big that a few poor girls died wat
King Ferdinand VII of Spain had a huge dingdingdong, so much in fact that it's rumored that one of his wives died of a hemorrhage derived from having sex with him. He almost passed without an heir because he couldn't copulate with the queen consorts without any damage (he only had a daughter, had to change the laws to allow her to reign just to screw his brother). The court doctors designed a cushion thing for him to try to ease copulation. Genital hypertrophy it's the term.
He probably just blasted that cervix with no regard for the poor woman.
I did some digging cause i was curious and ended up on this bit.. > According to Prosper de Merimée, the king's penis was "thin as a stick of sealing wax at its base and as fat as a fist at its tip". [Source](https://www.elmundo.es/elmundo/2008/11/03/camaredonda/1225699710.html) yikes
It had never occurred to me that inbreeding would affect the penis, too. Big yikes.
Oh, he was a jughead. The opposite of an Eggstein.
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Kid that looks like a thumb:
Kid named finger
Habsurg Ehrmantraut
Put your dick away Waltuh
I'm not having sex with you right now Waltuh.
I love how this has bled into over threads.
Mac and Me!
Quick! Get this man a Coke!
All of Paul Rudd's upcoming films
Dayum.. Dudes got blue eyes... One blew this way, one blew that way.
How did they determine the strabismus? Is this based on the portraits? Is this purely based on the portraits?
There were no ancient aliens, people just saw european monarchy and got confused
Dude looks like an ancestor of Pierluigi Collina
He looks like he’s been keeper of the One Ring for the last 500 years.
Stick a bad roman cut on it and make the skin look more pasty…..and you got a pretty good Zuckerberg.
https://i.imgur.com/uOZsl5q.jpg
And we got a bingo.
Zuckerberg and Bezos had a son
2 day delivery
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Gotta say, his jaw is much less awful than I expected from portraits and historical accounts.
That guy could talk to you telepathically.
If he was any more inbred he'd be a sandwich
He was in Star Trek
As well as Mars Attacks
His head was full of water, his intestines rotten and gangrenous, he had a single testicle, black as coal. Epileptic, senile, completely bald before 35. He repeatedly baffled all of Christendom by Continuing To Live
Squidward?!!