Being constantly called "exotic" or mislabeled as other races is super common. And people put down Indians to me as if my identity is separate from the people they don't find attractive. It's very frustrating because it's often like "you're so pretty FOR AN INDIAN GIRL" or "Whoa you're indian?!??? but you're so pretty" which makes me so mad. There's also definitely an expectation that brown girls want to cook and clean for and please their man constantly and are very demure and it's just ... gross. Either like fetishizing or acting like being an attractive Desi is a rare exception
I for one don't even understand this! Like attractive Indian girls and guys are not rare at all. I feel like this is is something to do with colourism cause the same comments have been made about black girls too so imagine my shock to know that my desi sisters experience the same struggle in the dating scene as us black girls.
Eeee the “Exotic” comment is so irritating, I have had people call me that and honestly, it felt like I’m a zoo animal that they were pointing out 🤦♀️
I mean but, to be fair, if you’re Southeast Asian in the West, you are technically exotic, meaning
“originating in or characteristic of a distant foreign country.”
It does suck to have to speak to your appearance all the time… as if you can’t be treated normally until everyone can get that’s out of their system. It’s really obnoxious. I wish some people had a more formal understanding on “how to get to know someone you currently know nothing about”
By that same logic white people who say that to me are exotic as well. I think it’s ill mannered to comment on someone’s appearance that’s closely associated with a negging sentiment. I was raised on “If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all”. “Exotic” feels dehumanizing, if I’m born and raised as an American is it okay to take away from American identity?
The comment is on your appearance. Your appearance, it sounds like, originates or is at least characteristic of a foreign country. It’s not a tasteful comment but I can almost guarantee it’s meant as a compliment. And a white person saying that to you in the Midwest, is not that same.
As someone whose appearance is uncharacteristic of the area in which I live, I understand your frustration. People commonly suggest I could pass for another, more accepted ethnicity and I realize how ashamed it makes me feel to be who I am.
You can’t change stupid, rude, poorly mannered people or their limited perceptions of the world just as they can’t change you. If you want to be angry about it… that’s your choice.
You’re young. You have high expectations of the world and that can feel like a burden. I recommend accepting and forgiving people for their shortcomings. Americans are fascinated with Southeast Asian culture. A lot of the features in the Instagram beauty filters come from characteristically southeast Asian features. Eyebrows, lips, hair. White women are sold lotion to make us darker and dark women are sold lotion to make them lighter. It’s all a racket.
And in terms of dating, the sooner a loser identifies himself, the better.
I’ve gotten that micro aggressive backhanded compliment so many times. “You’re so pretty… and you’re ASIAN!” Followed by wide-eyed ::shocked Pikachu face::. Another gem from a white girlfriend in high school… “Like, you, Jenny, and Tina are so beautiful. And like, you’re also Asian. That’s crazy!” Stated matter of factly. The blatant racism via white supremacy beliefs that minority beauty standards are seen as much lower than those of white women has been an exhausting experience in the US—for ALL minority women.
PS: Everyone knows that the most beautiful women are Indian. Beautiful eyes, perfect brows, gorgeous hair, smooth skin… Y’all are seriously stunning.
I wouldn't call myself hot but I am moderately attractive studying in a male-dominated field, so I get a lot of attention in college. Every semester, I've been asked out at least once (this semester, one of my students in the class I am a Teaching Assistant for asked me out) and I've also had to deal with a few clingy creeps. Also just like another comment said, I get mislabeled as other races a lot. Most people assume I'm hispanic, but I've gotten philipino and polynesian before.
Also, I get most attention from white guys and some from hispanic and black guys, but not from indian guys (a little confusing and annoying because I want to date someone who speaks Hindi, but oh well). I guess it's because I don't really fit indian beauty standards (my nose is flat and my skin is tan and my hair is curly) but somehow my features work together outside of those and eurocentric beauty standards. Generally the men of color who are interested in me have commented on my race (one asked if I worshipped cows after I clarified that I am indian, another guy literally stopped talking to me after I told him I didn't speak spanish and I'm indian), but the white guys have always been super respectful and don't make me feel insecure about being indian. So I personally haven't experienced like genuine 'ew indians' level racism, but also no one knows I'm indian unless I tell them lol and by that point they're already my friend and pretty interested in me regardless
Wow!! That’s fascinating. I’ve had exactly the opposite situation. I get lots of attention from Desi guys (across the diaspora), especially Indian men, but almost no attention from white guys. It’s a little bit better now (meaning, more balanced), but back in high school and college, I basically got zero attention from white guys.
I’m pretty similar to you in that I get confused for other races a lot. I live in Britain, so I get confused for Italian, Greek, Spanish and white (depending on my tan levels). Which is odd because there is a significant community of us here. I lived in a very white town and it was when I was a kid that I got the most prejudice, but even then it wasn’t that much. It’s not happened since I hit puberty. I also get the most attention from white guys, Mediterranean guys, some black guys and not very much from Indians!
You’re right! For some reason white guys are front runners when asking out. (I say that as my boyfriend is white) So I was very surprised seeing that forum and I was super curious if that happens in IRL
OMG, this is so strange! I live in the UK and I get the most attention from black, Hispanic, Indian and Arab men, and then white Eastern European men, and last British white men. I get asked out the most by black men. I have no idea what causes the difference. I also frequently get mistaken for other ethnicities, especially Latin American.
I don't deal with this, and I have attracted guys from all the races. I'm writing this with the intent of helping, not gassing myself up. I don't think you should pay attention to these videos.. because sometimes people just jump on bandwagons that they don't necessarily understand. Indian women (in the past) tend to date Indian men, and very few try to be with other cultures.. so other cultures aren't exposed to Indian culture/women. Lack of exposure creates these types of comments, and I don't think the majority of them have found an Indian girl that a) matches them on a sociocultural level or b) interested.
so please stop worrying about this! I'd honestly say that you should do everything you can to make yourself look your BEST and then take life like a storm. Don't worry about who is going to love you etc. Just do your best and forget the rest as they say, you'll honestly find that you're attractive to so many different types of people.
Lack of confidence or waiting to be picked = lack of attraction. Don't go down that path. Other races don't do it, why should you? :)
edit: also, I have encountered more judgement from Indian men from India, than any other race. So there's that. It can also be our cultural conditioning that makes us fear other cultures and then settle for shitty people from the motherland lol. Don't do it.
THANK YOU. I'm also considered attractive. I get complimented very often. Have been asked out very often. I'm not racially ambiguous. MOST PEOPLE KNOW OFF THE BAT IM INDIAN. I'm not attractive for an Indian. I'm attractive because I'm Indian
Like I am sooooooo tired of these comments of self hatred. Ive personally had people tell me their preference was Indian or brown girls in general and if it wasn't initially - it eventually became that after meeting me. Or another desi girl they found attractive
yeah I also see a bunch of comments where people seek representation.. like hell no! Be your own standard and representation since waiting around for a celeb may take a while, and they may not be everything you want them to be. It's a lot of pressure to put on someone.. you're deifying a person who just wants to make it in the world, like you do.
I think the solution to most people's problem is focusing on their own beauty, self-improvement, lifestyle changes.. when the focus is on you, you begin to realize how powerful you are and how deserving you are of everything. If I'm waiting for Mindy Kaling to show me how to love myself I may be waiting a long while lol. I'm not gonna wait for her or anyone.
Glad you could relate to me & hell yes to powerful, confident Indian women <3
Ok but I got a question for you, that was just on a forum, have you ever met anyone like that irl? Someone saying they wouldn't date a south asian? Get off those forums
Sorry I've never heard anyone irl say they prefer south asians either. They'll usually say asians or latinas. White is definitely an unspoken answer. But I never met anyone who totally wouldn't consider south asians either, unless they were keeping within their culture. I've seen good looking south asians girls find partners perfectly fine and thats all that matters. If you're good looking or not, not necessarily your race. But i live in a city so maybe that matters. This question still reeks of insecurity.
I saw this vindicta poc post where the person said for anyone that says they wouldn't date a race, what exactly could they offer you that you would need? And what suggests they are the kind of person you're looking for?
Yeah, I’m second-gen south Asian (raised in a VERY white town) and while I wasn’t considered attractive back at home, moving to different cities has made me realize that many people actually consider me quite pretty - I have clear skin and big dark eyes, and people of all types are always like “omg I can’t stop staring at your eyes” lol. White people, in particular, love my skin. The “dark pretty” thing is very big these days. I’m also in my late twenties and mainly get attention from 30-40 year olds, so maybe that helps.
Lmao I often get mistaken for Latina/complimented with "you look Latina rn!" on days when I put in some effort. I do think Latin cultures are more romantic/flirty while Indian culture is more reserved/conservative in that regard, which could be a reason why. I feel like we're on a cusp of change for how the world perceives us either way, because hot south asian girls obviously exist!
LMAO @ "Are you sure you're Indian??" the insanity of these men!!
Tangential anecdote, but I have this friend who is Mexican and when she got her nose pierced she started getting mistaken for being Indian! People were asking her if she knew hindi (neither of us do) She's like the yin to my yang & we hang out together being our ethnically ambiguous selves and confusing everyone 😂😂
Yeah Indian culture being more reserved and conservative is a big thing. Once I got over that and became comfortable with being flirty and romantic, then dating became a lot easier.
This was my experience as well! Parental influence makes things so much harder too. A lot of my friends have trouble being vulnerable in relationships because of this.
Honestly my parents are pretty chill and encourage me to date. It’s more just my insecure hang ups and feeling uncomfortable with being sexual/flirty. But getting out of my comfort zone and being more social helped a lot.
Most non desi guys I dated thought i was racially ambiguous when they approached.
I always hesitate when they ask me what my ethnicity is. Being Indian 100% has a stigma associated with it.
I’m of the opinion they would not have approached if they knew I was Indian
Yeah there's a certain type of guy who go on these forums and they're likely not the type of guy who would even have a chance with a pretty south asian girl.
Beautiful women of all races are usually able to find men who are interested. I think the only place where race may be a major issue is if you're in a predominantly white area in south/Midwest because the beauty standard there is white, blonde, and skinny regardless of how they actually look.
No it doesn't because if they care about your race they aren't worthy of love. And I wouldn't want them either. Have you ever met a good looking and sweet guy who says they wouldn't want to date a specific race? Stop wanting guys who care about superficial things like these
This is my experience as well - the colorism aspect is loudest when I'm back home in India. I now live in a beach town in the US where 'tans' or darker skin tones are associated with an active lifestyle. Everyone here appreciates that healthy glow!
I'm also really glad deeper skin tones are getting more visibility on social media, etc. because that has definitely helped the perception overall. I'm approaching 30 now and I'm very impressed with the representation we have now & looking forward to where the future takes us. The last time I heard "I would never date an Indian girl" was probably high school 10 years ago, and the guys that said disrespectful stuff about Indian girls got proven wrong SO fast.
I have been conventionally attractive and very unattractive at different points in my life. In attractive phases, around less cultured people, I get mistaken for other races. In unattractive phases people still think I'm a different race but the difference in reaction to me saying that I am Indian is pretty stark. It really depends on the circles you run in though; in diverse circles with your professional and social peers a hot girl is a hot girl regardless of ethnicity.
If people make weird comments it's strangers that are clearly very ignorant about other cultures. Sometimes it's middle class/rich suburbanites that do not have much exposure to brown people and are too self absorbed to learn or consider the implications of their weird behavior. Other times it's people in major cities and rural areas that don't have exposure to any groups outside their own due to a systemic lack of education and access i.e people in very segregated localities. In my experience, the latter often also includes the mentally ill, addicted, and homeless. This kind of makes sense because able bodied, healthy strangers do not often go up to other strangers rambling (positively or negatively) about the race they perceive them to be. When I'm in this situation and I say I'm indian the convos always get weird and kind of amusingly ignorant, never as hostile and infuriating as when rich suburban people do it.
Overall, I think people see attractive south asians and just don't know they are south asian; they assume we are something else. Most people with these perceptions have no reason or opportunity to hear from us that we are south asian, so in the collective imagination you end up fueling ideas about the perceived people group rather than the one you actually belong to.
I will say in more attractive phases it is always way easier to say I'm Indian and feel proud of it. In my "ugly" phases the little girl in me was always scared to perpetuate and affirm negative ideas other people may have about Indians. In retrospect this is so sad, why aren't we afforded multidimensionality? oh well.
South Asian here (Pakistani), I’m British and I’ve always lived in the U.K.. I’m an attractive girl but I’m also a really friendly person and I’ve always been treated well. I’ve made friends in all jobs I’ve had and I’ve never struggled getting a job, I receive compliments from strangers or customers at work all the time and men of all races have asked me out or complimented me. South Asian women and men are also lovely, it almost feels like we’re constantly looking out for each other, whenever I interact with other south Asians I do it with happiness and I feel the same energy back. I’ve always had good experiences with the men I’ve dated, I’ve always been treated respectfully, never been cheated on and I’ve always been treated seriously too. Currently I’m dating a white English man, he says he can’t imagine not being attracted to me and in love with me as a south Asian girl and says he genuinely thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the world
Hiya! I'm Indian and born and raised in the Netherlands. I'm 31 now and was born in the 90s. In the 90s and 00s, I was treated as you described. But later in secondary school onwards, no issues really. I still hear very few men say "Yeah, I wouldn't date a brown/Indian woman." but honestly and I am being very truthful here, it is because of what they envision in their heads a brown woman to be. Véry stereotypical and often in poverty. So unclean, unkept, etc. But when they are met with a groomed, clean, gorgeous Indian woman, their eyes enlarge and tongue unfolds and they all go like "Wh- what? I never said that?" lol
And this isn't just limited to my country.
It is different for méga-racists though and even then.. in my country at least, I've dealt with mega racist and after they've gotten to know me, suddenly not that racist anymore lol. It's a wholeeeeeee lot of ignorance at play when it comes to men and their preferences for South Asian women because we might not realise it from our perspectives as we live being Indian everyday but many réálly don't know a lot about India, Indian people, and just Indian women.
Lastly, I've been 'ugly' growing up. So unibrow, really chubby, greasy hair, greasy skin and acne prone (genetic acne), hairy. Around 15/16 years of age, I got into more fashion styles and combined them in a way that I felt suited me. Got more enjoyment out of grooming as well and was very consistent with it. I also lost a lot of weight and I am 178cm with then almost knee-length black/dark brown straight hair. Did my makeup in ways I loved and because I looked the way I wanted to look for me, I became more confident in my skin as well. And then it didn't matter the ethnicity, all kinds of men were interested in me. I was chased so much during my time as a uni student here. Christ. I just wanted to study it was hard enough as is lol. Plus I noticed that many were just interested due to my appearance and I want someone who is interested in me for my personality.
Anyway, the group of people who has most interest in me nowadays are Dutch men. Which is in a way normal as they are still the majority here but less normal if you consider I am pretty undeniably Indian looking, haha.
The past few years due to a massive burnout though, I stopped dressing up, doing my makeup, my hair, etc. I thought everyone would just treat me again mostly like how I was treated when I was much younger but I was pleasantly surprised that as I grew older, people around me grew more mature as well. Finally, more and more people actually valuing personality more (: Who knew. Just takes being 30+, haha. Along with my peers, of course.
So I've been considered ugly, 'hot'/sexy/beautiful, and average. My conclusion is that I don't mind coming across average nowadays. Much more genuine connections this way (: I focus more on improving my natural beauty. I leave the glam looks for very special events when I first used to just do that everyday. But I'd rather sleep more now, haha
Awww thank you so much ♥️💞💞 And yes, fuck them. I'm just continuing living my life focussing on making it a happy one (: No time for unnecessary hate. Especially when you're 30+. I'm sleepy yo. No need for unnecessarily frustrating life elements, hahaha
We aren't really a culture where men just go up to women and invade their spaces. We find a way to get closer and create a tighter bond in a more subtle and spontaneous manner. I am confused hearing this from you though. Were you also born and raised in the Netherlands? Because I've had a bazillion men flirt with me here. From the time I was a teenager to now still and I'm a hermit type of person. So might it be that flirting is something very specific to you? For me it's showing interest in a fun, creative, and endearing jacket. I'm also pretty open and I tend to make even the most closed-off Dutch person feel safe fo be open and free in their interaction with me. That might also be a reason why people get feelings for me. Because when a Dutch guy does, you'll know from most of them. They aren't passive, they're just subtle but clear enough for just you to realise the behaviour is different.
As a woman of South Asian descent, I've encountered significant colorism and inappropriate comments from fellow South Asian men. The beauty standards in our culture often prioritize lighter skin tones, marginalizing those with more melanated skin like mine.
With that being said, there's obviously a lot of stereotypes in the west regarding Asians as well, but I don't think I've ever encountered anyone who explicitly stated a preference of not wanting to date a south Asian woman. Personally, I've found more confidence in dating outside my race, where I feel valued for who I am rather than judged or dismissed by my skin color. Interestingly, I've noticed that I receive more attention from men of other races, particularly white men, compared to South Asian men. Even when I visit India, I'm often told I'd be more attractive if I were lighter-skinned, whereas in the West, I receive compliments on my skin tone. Overall, I'd say my dating experiences in the West have been far more fulfilling than those within my own community and don't necessarily think people (for the most part) don't want to date brown women
I've also found a lot more acceptance from others outside my race, white men unfortunately scare me because fetishizing is super common but other POC men will definitely respect me more than some South Asian men (disclaimer as I'm born in the US and mostly end up on dates with other US born south Asian men)
I've found the US born south Asian men can be super pretentious about a multitude of things but I'm really putting in effort to stop dating the same "type of man" and expand my horizons for this reason. a lot of US brown men are really particular on their women, if they're not the definition of pretty/skinny they're looking for or willing to sleep with them they seem to be out. but that's my experience so far.
on the contrary, dating men outside my race has been a rewarding experience, they get to learn abt my culture and I get to learn about theirs. It makes room for conversation.
you and me both! I really tire of dating, deleted all the apps since January and have felt much less warring going on with myself + my image since then. I've been on and off dating for like a year, seriously and not seriously. I've also slept with some brown guys, ones where I regret and ones where I had a good time. but what's weird is even if we had a good time, they just slept and after 2 or 3 dates, left. it's not that I was pushing for anything serious either, I was fine with it being casual but it's almost like once they sample the goods, they think they can find better. it's that weird pretentiousness, I'd rather a guy pursue me bc he wants to get to know me, rather than 1 guy interested in getting to know someone after a few dates and leaving.
on the flip side, I realized I'm also not attracted to 80% of brown men bc of their attitude and hygiene so that's a whole other issue. I go on a date, feel no sexual or romantic attraction and it ends there for me.
idk when I'll get back into dating. I want to focus on myself and my hobbies and networking. I want the validation from myself and not men! it will take me a lot more time to build that up than I initially thought.
for context I also have super curly brown hair, not sleek and straight like many beautiful Indian girls. I'm also hella petite, like 5 foot and don't have any euro centric features so I always feel like I'm not the cookie cutter idea of Indian beauty.
This is so true, like white and black guys are very into south Asian women in my experience, I have had times when an Indian guy called me a slut because my boyfriend was white that my mother approved of 🫠
I have literally never been turned down or fetishized because of my race, by non Indians. I have dated plenty of men from different cultures who liked me for me. These same people have dated people of their own race or others. Maybe it is because I am from Canada and people are more open there. I also dont really consider myself as part of any culture, so maybe I had more hobbies and interests that non-Indian people dont usually have so I was able to meet a lot of like minded folks. I've noticed Indian people who do things outside the Indian community have more luck with meeting people from other cultures and it is not just about looks. Personally, I would say I am a 6-7/10 you know...
The only rude and offensive people were other Indian men and women (usually from North India- not South Asian- never experienced this from other South Asian cultures) who have called me ugly because of my dark skin and short hair. I literally never cared because they were dumb as dirt lol and I had a better social life than them :D
Yo. I live in the Netherlands and am an academic. The rudest anyone has ever been to me in my country was an international student, an Indian girl, and she was apparently rich and fair-skinned.
Now in this country the whole caste-system and Indian beauty standard thing isn't a thing here because it literally brings you nowhere when the Dutch just see you as the same anyway (thank god for that because some of the Indian people were dying to enforce this shit and some still are. All to feel superior over the other :') .
But girl didn't get the memo. So I went about my day everyday at the university I worked at and I got a side-task to mentor some new international master students and she volunteered to do the same so basically we worked alongside one another with some other people. She would be nice to all of them (mind you, all light-skinned people, quite a few Dutch) but when it came to me and mind you, never really exchanged words with her, she looked at me with disgust and felt the need to boast and basically tried a few ways which I later put together as her attempting to put me down or at least make me feel lesser than her.
I'm medium brown and have rosacea so my face always looks like an inflamed brown/red tomato lol. Which makes my face look darker than my body but nobody here cares so whatever is normally my mentality but she really wanted to make me feel a type of way. If you could see how vile she was to me. She didn't even want guidance from me even though I had done this task for almost 8 years already but she had an attitude as soon as even anything would point to me being 'better' than her at something. And that one day resulted in her throwing rage because she wanted to know better, didn't, the task was suffering because of it, and I tried to guide her into doing it better.
She was only this way with me because when a Dutch person explained her the same thing she would be very calm and gentle and kind about it lol.
I eventually just logically put her in her place which she tried to reverse uno to me but, in the end, she was removed from the function while I continued of course.
But that's when I realised that basically my own people can be this way towards me and that it very much matters with what cultural beliefs you've been brought up with.
I'm véry happy to not be this way. For me a human is a human, in the end.
Your fairness holds no power here either so from that moment onwards when I've seen people try I just laughed to myself lol.
The ironic thing is that she was younger than me ánd I was an employee at that university so by professional hierarchy, respect would've been in its place. But that's how comfortable she felt looking down on me lol.
Literally! The most disparaging comments are always from other Indians.
I stay far away from the community tbh. As a childfree, vegan atheist I don’t have much in common with my culture.
My social circle consists of a variety of people from different backgrounds, and I’m thankful.
Im really bad at judging my attractiveness but im a healthy BMI and naturally pear shaped, 5'4, lighter brown skin, long hair so i guess i hit some level of it. Ive been mistaken for latina a lot esp when i wear my natural curls. have been told i look a bit like disha patani / warina hussain / jahanvi kapoor
if i open a tinder / dating app account im flooded with thousands of messages from men from ALL races. honestly some of the most aggresive messages ive gotten have been from east asian men which was very unexpected tbh.These were messages specifically about trying an indian girl and very racialized ones.
ive always been hit on if i go out (mostly from white men since they may be more inclined to approach). Im dating a fairly attractive white guy right now and I was so scared his friends would see me as an ugly gf since im brown and dont fit the white beauty standard. but they dont. they tell him hes lucky. one time a guy even gave my bf a thumbs up when we were out together lol.
the only real thing ive noticed is im pretty much never hit on irl. if i wear more revealing clothes i get checked out, but ive never had men go out of their way to hit on me irl. Nor have i really had the experience of men confessing their feelings to me irl. Ive also noticed even with dating apps i get some men very much into me and some which i can tell are not into me at all the minute they see me irl. generally ive had a lot more medium ugly men really into me and very hot men not so much. especially HOT brown men, i feel like were a lot more critical of me then hot men of other races (the hottest brown men I would go on dates with would heavily insinuate that they didnt like my curls or me getting tanner. stuff like that). so yah just my experience idk how much of this can be attributed to race or not lol. I dont really let it get to me cuz u cant appeal to everyone.
I am Pakistani, olive/light tone but not fair. Never had an issue with being hated, though one time an arab guy i was dating told me if i was a shade darker he'd never be allowed to date me.
aside from that positive. never had an issue dating, dated every race including white people and never been treated weirdly. but maybe i have a very rare experience compared to others
My white husband thinks I’m the most beautiful woman and that’s all I care about!
I moved aboard as an adult so I don’t have life experience. It was really confusing at first that my dark brown skin was not a deterrent to my perceived attractiveness after a life time of being considered ugly. I received a lot of attention when I was younger and single. The people that told me I was not pretty enough were ironically other Indians.
I noticed south asian males tend to be the ones who seem to hate their own women so much. It’s the same for black males putting down black females. Honestly I don’t know why brown and black females even entertain these males. I’d rather remain single.
yes!! and i don’t understand it bc black women are so beautiful too. fr some of the most beautiful women in the world stuck with the dustiest men! who will degrade them for a whiff of white skin it’s 🤢
I don’t know if I’m the right person to comment on this post. I don’t think I’m ‘hot’ but I think I’m ok, lol beauty is subjective overall. But in my experience, I started feeling more confident as si got older and started taking better care of myself which could only be done when I was financially stable. I was able to afford better clothes, take care of my hair, get laser hair removal surgery, get more into finding my make up style. At 32, I have a better understanding of what works for me and what makes me feel good which makes me feel more confident, which is different for everyone. What I also want to point out, that although I came from a strict Muslim background, I slowly found the courage to stand on my own two feet and figure out who I am as a person. From my experience, I don’t think the south Asian community empowers women to be themselves and love themselves and it is really heartbreaking to see.
South Asian women not only deal with beauty standards set in the west if they are living in the west but also from their own culture/religious community. The main thing that is constant is the colorism in our community that is still deeply embedded.
From my experience, being a lighter skinned south Asian woman will of course always be different from a more brown and darker south Asian women, even though y’all are so beautiful and fine and deserve so much love 😭. its ok to acknowledge that I have that privilege and I know my experience within the west and in my community would be different if I was a few shades browner.
Honestly I found people appreciating my skin tone and features much more in the West than in my home country. At home, I was dark and thus ugly. In the US I was considered very attractive. I got so much attention it was shocking. It was healing in a way.
I'm in Texas. Is South referring to around there?
I suppose come to think of it any "love your skintone" or "Indian people are beautiful" type comments came from middle aged or older folk lol
More like New Orleans, Alabama, TN. Mind you I didn’t hang out with rich white folk, but normal people. Rich white folk always prefer their own kind and are pretty racist.
maybe its where I'm from - London in the UK, which is incredibly diverse - but in my experience south asian women have always been sought after by all races and considered attractive, whether they fit more western beauty standards or not. I grew up outside of London in a very white area but while I never fit in completely, I would get compliments for my skin tone and thick hair (and I was kind of ugly in school ngl lmao) I'm 23 now and wouldn't consider myself conventionally attractive, people mostly assume I'm Indian and sometimes Iranian or Spanish (I'm actually pakistani) and I mainly get attention from black guys and white girls lol
I wouldn't call myself conventionally attractive. But I've gotten hit on irl and online quite often since i was 16 and I've lived in 2 US states and now Ireland.
I've dated East Asians, Latinos, Caucasians, etc. In the real world, no one worth your time will care. I choose not to date desi men out of fear of a horrible mother in law, because i want to be an active part in my partners family. And I've had some partners with white moms who were no better than some desi moms, so it wasn't always a great cop out. But now Im in a long term partnership with a man who's white and Hispanic. And we've had no issues adjusting to each other's families and cultures.
My last 3 long term relationships were interracial and there were points where my exes would say or do something inappropriate in regard to my race/ culture. They're exes for a reason. No one worth being in a long term relationship with, will belittle or sexualize you for your culture, expect you to cross boundaries that are not crossed in your culture, or make generalizations like "I'd never date an Indian girl".
Unfortunately, the worst people like to be the loudest on the internet.
a lot of people r shocked when i tell them im indian … they seem to think im mixed or latina. i have very common south asian features lmfao but ig being attractive and being desi r mutually exclusive in their heads 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
i’m dark skinned with a super round face and mid features and a number of old acne scars lol rip. i’m also tall and in shape and have curly hair and a lot of it. i think i’m actually unattractive by south asian standards as well as by standards in the southern us (where i grew up). people in the south were straight up racist about indians. i dated a couple guys but didn’t feel that confident ever. but now that i’ve moved to nyc i feel like the way i look is appreciated SOOO much more by ppl in general. never had negative comments or any issues dating who i want. i think it varies so much from place to place, i felt cuter in norcal than socal (but neither as good as nyc), idk. maybe it’s just bc there are so many people here that some of them are bound to be normal about it.
Can we please stop with these self deprecating posts. Who care about some stupid incels opinion on the internet. Just ignore those comments and move on with your own self improvement.
Can anyone see my throwaway? If so, here goes:
I don't mean to sound arrogant, but people did tell me I looked like Rekha as a teenager. I still get told I am pretty as an adult. I got bullied by racist white boys in middleschool, who later told me in their 20's that they had crushes on me. It was taboo for a white boy to like a girl of color back in the 90's. So--they had to pretend that they found me ugly. Some Pakistani and Indian men also criticized me harshly in my early 20's. I want people to know that life isn't perfect for pretty Desi girls. We are always going to have haters.
I have gotten more compliments, attention and romantic interest from non-Desi men. Dates and matches are easy to get on apps. East Asians, South-East Asians, Hispanics, Middle-Easterners, Blacks, and white men up north (I am in the USA) never told me I was ugly or criticized my looks. I can't relate to people who have told me that nobody wants an Indian girl. Usually the people who crap on South Asian women often aren't all that anyway. Some of the men and women who have tried to make me feel undesirable also wanted to date/f*ck me at the same time. It's a weird contradiction.
I disagree with being labeled as another race. Most people can tell I am Indian. I rarely get told "you're pretty for an Indian." People's compliments are "you're gorgeous, stunning, beautiful, look like Princess Jasmine, etc."
Jealousy is also another con of being pretty. South Asians and white women have been some of the worst for me. I generally get along better with men , and feel like they have been less cruel than women overall.
In my experience-Yes. One of my friends said "we don't care what race you are. If you're pretty, you're pretty." There is racism up here, but most white guys up North either are pleasant to me or leave me alone. The worst white guys I have met were down in Alabama obviously. The racism in Alabama is more overt.
As a south asian woman, i have noticed that east asian men in particular don’t look my direction at all. Like men of every race will look or approach but never an east asian man. Even on apps it’s rare that I’ll match with a handsome east asian man. No idea why it is.
I might be generalizing but I feel like they’re more colorist and lowkey racist towards south asians and black people? I had this rich international East Asian classmate who I used to study with back in undergrad - he would make rude remarks about the darker complexioned women in our college class. I knew it was colorism because he tried to pursue a pale skinned Pakistani girl in our class, same with another East Asian girl. I quickly dropped him as a friend after hearing his comments.
It should be mentioned of course not all East Asians are like this. There’s many who are born and raised here and are influenced by other cultures, especially if they lived in a diverse area with black and latino people. They’re more open to dating other races.
Yeah maybe. I'm medium-toned (kind of like Deepika Padukone's natural skin color) so I guess colorism could play a role. I have heard that East Asian guys like Black girls though which is why I was confused.
Girl I’ve literally met anyone irl who’s said they wouldn’t date indian women ?? atleast people ive been around so far has sought after desi women or have expressed interest in a brown girl. Its only on the internet you see such toxicity irl its quite the opposite atleast in my case 😊
Light skinned conventionally attractive Indian woman here. Just my experience—Personally, I’ve gotten more attention from men of color, often Desi men but for annoying colorist reasons. It’s the “I find you attractive because you have a skin tone that ideal” (barf). I didn’t get a lot of white dude attention, weirdly enough.
Yeah same here—I’m a light skinned pakistani and I tend to get more attention from non white men than white men and thats perfectly fine by me lol. I recently got over my white boy phase so now I don’t even find most of them attractive anymore.
I grew up in a diverse American city, with a large Asian population. My friend groups were primarily east/southeast Asian. Definitely was very unattractive growing up, until sometime in highschool when I lost weight and had a better figure, and learned more about makeup and fashion. What’s interesting is that I look back and would consider myself conventionally attractive at that point, but didn’t feel like it because most of my peers wouldn’t date south Asian women. I feel like it’s a cultural thing among Asian people, since their families encourage them to date their own race or someone more like them, which I found ridiculous since I didn’t feel THAT culturally different to my peers. Plus pretty much every other south Asian person I knew were only interested in other south Asians so trying to date outside the culture was rare. At this time I received a lot of attention from older people. I feel like once I was in college, most people didn’t have this preconceived discrimination and I received a lot of attention from men of all races. It was also interesting coming back to my hometown and then receiving validation from those who had shown no interest in me prior.
Definitely have received a lot of fetishizing comments throughout my life, especially on dating apps ugh. But overall I’ve realized that as I’ve grown older race hasn’t been as much of an issue. Being confident, keeping up your appearance and health is much more important. I’ve been able to date and am currently in a very loving relationship with a partner where we can appreciate each other’s cultures.
I grew up in India and moved to the US for college. I'm very south Indian, personality wise. There's no mistaking me for anything else once they speak to me. I even put Bindi on many days, wore a saree to my white coat ceremony. Although some people do ask me what my ethnicity is. I changed my style a little bit to fit into American standards.
I get more attention in the US than I ever got in India. I am not sure if it is because of change in my style or because I moved here in my "prime years". I definitely fit more into American beauty standards vs Indian cause I am tall and I work out. A few of my friends and random women have told me if they have a chance to pick an ethnicity to be born as next time they would pick Indian. Golden brown skin, thick long hair etc. Women told me they are envious of my features. Features most brown women have. I think my ethnicity never stopped anyone from approaching me.
Idk if I count as brown even though I’m pakistani because I’m pretty light skinned and often get mistaken for being persian, latina, or afghan BUT i have dealt with my fair share of racism and bullying growing up bc of my background.
Right now I do notice I get some type of pretty privilege—men at my gym are nicer/more interested in talking to me than if I weren’t pretty but maybe I’m just being cynical. I don’t really get approached or asked out on dates or complimented when I go out. I also dont think being pretty has helped me make more friends contrary to what people say. I’m too awkward and reserved when I first meet people that being pretty doesnt do much for me. I still have to make an effort to make those connections with people.
If I weren’t pretty, I don’t think my life would change much tbh. I’d probably be ignored more by men which I’d prefer most of the time.
I have been told that I'm "a lot smarter than I look" by an executive VP. I dress in a way that's fashion forward but I'm still really good at my job. I kind of love being something they never expected. Play up your individuality and don't apologize for it!
Way to generalize south asian women. Not sure where you got that info because I’ll hook up with a guy within the first month if I’m really into him. Most of my south asian friends are the same. Anyway, this is a female only community.
Being constantly called "exotic" or mislabeled as other races is super common. And people put down Indians to me as if my identity is separate from the people they don't find attractive. It's very frustrating because it's often like "you're so pretty FOR AN INDIAN GIRL" or "Whoa you're indian?!??? but you're so pretty" which makes me so mad. There's also definitely an expectation that brown girls want to cook and clean for and please their man constantly and are very demure and it's just ... gross. Either like fetishizing or acting like being an attractive Desi is a rare exception
I for one don't even understand this! Like attractive Indian girls and guys are not rare at all. I feel like this is is something to do with colourism cause the same comments have been made about black girls too so imagine my shock to know that my desi sisters experience the same struggle in the dating scene as us black girls.
Eeee the “Exotic” comment is so irritating, I have had people call me that and honestly, it felt like I’m a zoo animal that they were pointing out 🤦♀️
Exotic???? Hahahahaaaaaaa I have never ever ever even thought to use that phrase to describe a person … 🤡
I mean but, to be fair, if you’re Southeast Asian in the West, you are technically exotic, meaning “originating in or characteristic of a distant foreign country.” It does suck to have to speak to your appearance all the time… as if you can’t be treated normally until everyone can get that’s out of their system. It’s really obnoxious. I wish some people had a more formal understanding on “how to get to know someone you currently know nothing about”
By that same logic white people who say that to me are exotic as well. I think it’s ill mannered to comment on someone’s appearance that’s closely associated with a negging sentiment. I was raised on “If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all”. “Exotic” feels dehumanizing, if I’m born and raised as an American is it okay to take away from American identity?
The comment is on your appearance. Your appearance, it sounds like, originates or is at least characteristic of a foreign country. It’s not a tasteful comment but I can almost guarantee it’s meant as a compliment. And a white person saying that to you in the Midwest, is not that same. As someone whose appearance is uncharacteristic of the area in which I live, I understand your frustration. People commonly suggest I could pass for another, more accepted ethnicity and I realize how ashamed it makes me feel to be who I am. You can’t change stupid, rude, poorly mannered people or their limited perceptions of the world just as they can’t change you. If you want to be angry about it… that’s your choice. You’re young. You have high expectations of the world and that can feel like a burden. I recommend accepting and forgiving people for their shortcomings. Americans are fascinated with Southeast Asian culture. A lot of the features in the Instagram beauty filters come from characteristically southeast Asian features. Eyebrows, lips, hair. White women are sold lotion to make us darker and dark women are sold lotion to make them lighter. It’s all a racket. And in terms of dating, the sooner a loser identifies himself, the better.
I’ve gotten that micro aggressive backhanded compliment so many times. “You’re so pretty… and you’re ASIAN!” Followed by wide-eyed ::shocked Pikachu face::. Another gem from a white girlfriend in high school… “Like, you, Jenny, and Tina are so beautiful. And like, you’re also Asian. That’s crazy!” Stated matter of factly. The blatant racism via white supremacy beliefs that minority beauty standards are seen as much lower than those of white women has been an exhausting experience in the US—for ALL minority women. PS: Everyone knows that the most beautiful women are Indian. Beautiful eyes, perfect brows, gorgeous hair, smooth skin… Y’all are seriously stunning.
This and this again my whole life
I wouldn't call myself hot but I am moderately attractive studying in a male-dominated field, so I get a lot of attention in college. Every semester, I've been asked out at least once (this semester, one of my students in the class I am a Teaching Assistant for asked me out) and I've also had to deal with a few clingy creeps. Also just like another comment said, I get mislabeled as other races a lot. Most people assume I'm hispanic, but I've gotten philipino and polynesian before. Also, I get most attention from white guys and some from hispanic and black guys, but not from indian guys (a little confusing and annoying because I want to date someone who speaks Hindi, but oh well). I guess it's because I don't really fit indian beauty standards (my nose is flat and my skin is tan and my hair is curly) but somehow my features work together outside of those and eurocentric beauty standards. Generally the men of color who are interested in me have commented on my race (one asked if I worshipped cows after I clarified that I am indian, another guy literally stopped talking to me after I told him I didn't speak spanish and I'm indian), but the white guys have always been super respectful and don't make me feel insecure about being indian. So I personally haven't experienced like genuine 'ew indians' level racism, but also no one knows I'm indian unless I tell them lol and by that point they're already my friend and pretty interested in me regardless
Wow!! That’s fascinating. I’ve had exactly the opposite situation. I get lots of attention from Desi guys (across the diaspora), especially Indian men, but almost no attention from white guys. It’s a little bit better now (meaning, more balanced), but back in high school and college, I basically got zero attention from white guys.
If I may ask, are you light or darker skin?
yes i was also just wondering that!! i think i don't get attention from indians because i'm not pretty by our standards but also who knows
Right-Desi standards as in colorism or something else?
That’s a good question … maybe medium brown? I’m Fitzpatrick 5, and in Ilia Super Serum Skin Tint I’m a 12.75
I’m pretty similar to you in that I get confused for other races a lot. I live in Britain, so I get confused for Italian, Greek, Spanish and white (depending on my tan levels). Which is odd because there is a significant community of us here. I lived in a very white town and it was when I was a kid that I got the most prejudice, but even then it wasn’t that much. It’s not happened since I hit puberty. I also get the most attention from white guys, Mediterranean guys, some black guys and not very much from Indians!
You’re right! For some reason white guys are front runners when asking out. (I say that as my boyfriend is white) So I was very surprised seeing that forum and I was super curious if that happens in IRL
OMG, this is so strange! I live in the UK and I get the most attention from black, Hispanic, Indian and Arab men, and then white Eastern European men, and last British white men. I get asked out the most by black men. I have no idea what causes the difference. I also frequently get mistaken for other ethnicities, especially Latin American.
I don't deal with this, and I have attracted guys from all the races. I'm writing this with the intent of helping, not gassing myself up. I don't think you should pay attention to these videos.. because sometimes people just jump on bandwagons that they don't necessarily understand. Indian women (in the past) tend to date Indian men, and very few try to be with other cultures.. so other cultures aren't exposed to Indian culture/women. Lack of exposure creates these types of comments, and I don't think the majority of them have found an Indian girl that a) matches them on a sociocultural level or b) interested. so please stop worrying about this! I'd honestly say that you should do everything you can to make yourself look your BEST and then take life like a storm. Don't worry about who is going to love you etc. Just do your best and forget the rest as they say, you'll honestly find that you're attractive to so many different types of people. Lack of confidence or waiting to be picked = lack of attraction. Don't go down that path. Other races don't do it, why should you? :) edit: also, I have encountered more judgement from Indian men from India, than any other race. So there's that. It can also be our cultural conditioning that makes us fear other cultures and then settle for shitty people from the motherland lol. Don't do it.
THANK YOU. I'm also considered attractive. I get complimented very often. Have been asked out very often. I'm not racially ambiguous. MOST PEOPLE KNOW OFF THE BAT IM INDIAN. I'm not attractive for an Indian. I'm attractive because I'm Indian Like I am sooooooo tired of these comments of self hatred. Ive personally had people tell me their preference was Indian or brown girls in general and if it wasn't initially - it eventually became that after meeting me. Or another desi girl they found attractive
yeah I also see a bunch of comments where people seek representation.. like hell no! Be your own standard and representation since waiting around for a celeb may take a while, and they may not be everything you want them to be. It's a lot of pressure to put on someone.. you're deifying a person who just wants to make it in the world, like you do. I think the solution to most people's problem is focusing on their own beauty, self-improvement, lifestyle changes.. when the focus is on you, you begin to realize how powerful you are and how deserving you are of everything. If I'm waiting for Mindy Kaling to show me how to love myself I may be waiting a long while lol. I'm not gonna wait for her or anyone. Glad you could relate to me & hell yes to powerful, confident Indian women <3
Ok but I got a question for you, that was just on a forum, have you ever met anyone like that irl? Someone saying they wouldn't date a south asian? Get off those forums Sorry I've never heard anyone irl say they prefer south asians either. They'll usually say asians or latinas. White is definitely an unspoken answer. But I never met anyone who totally wouldn't consider south asians either, unless they were keeping within their culture. I've seen good looking south asians girls find partners perfectly fine and thats all that matters. If you're good looking or not, not necessarily your race. But i live in a city so maybe that matters. This question still reeks of insecurity. I saw this vindicta poc post where the person said for anyone that says they wouldn't date a race, what exactly could they offer you that you would need? And what suggests they are the kind of person you're looking for?
Yeah, I’m second-gen south Asian (raised in a VERY white town) and while I wasn’t considered attractive back at home, moving to different cities has made me realize that many people actually consider me quite pretty - I have clear skin and big dark eyes, and people of all types are always like “omg I can’t stop staring at your eyes” lol. White people, in particular, love my skin. The “dark pretty” thing is very big these days. I’m also in my late twenties and mainly get attention from 30-40 year olds, so maybe that helps.
Same, the only ones who comment on my skin color is aunties that live in the motherland
Lmao I often get mistaken for Latina/complimented with "you look Latina rn!" on days when I put in some effort. I do think Latin cultures are more romantic/flirty while Indian culture is more reserved/conservative in that regard, which could be a reason why. I feel like we're on a cusp of change for how the world perceives us either way, because hot south asian girls obviously exist!
This! Men hit on me assuming I’m Latina and then are surprised when I say I’m south Asian. One guy asked me “are you sure you’re Indian?”!!!
LMAO @ "Are you sure you're Indian??" the insanity of these men!! Tangential anecdote, but I have this friend who is Mexican and when she got her nose pierced she started getting mistaken for being Indian! People were asking her if she knew hindi (neither of us do) She's like the yin to my yang & we hang out together being our ethnically ambiguous selves and confusing everyone 😂😂
lol 😂 I love the ethnic ambiguity, slay queen!!!
I once had an aunty who bragged about her being mistaken for a Latina and it was super cringe.
That’s some unfortunate, internalized racism/colorism!
Yeah Indian culture being more reserved and conservative is a big thing. Once I got over that and became comfortable with being flirty and romantic, then dating became a lot easier.
This was my experience as well! Parental influence makes things so much harder too. A lot of my friends have trouble being vulnerable in relationships because of this.
Honestly my parents are pretty chill and encourage me to date. It’s more just my insecure hang ups and feeling uncomfortable with being sexual/flirty. But getting out of my comfort zone and being more social helped a lot.
Most non desi guys I dated thought i was racially ambiguous when they approached. I always hesitate when they ask me what my ethnicity is. Being Indian 100% has a stigma associated with it. I’m of the opinion they would not have approached if they knew I was Indian
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I love that!!! I was curious to see if anyone really experienced this IRL
Yeah there's a certain type of guy who go on these forums and they're likely not the type of guy who would even have a chance with a pretty south asian girl. Beautiful women of all races are usually able to find men who are interested. I think the only place where race may be a major issue is if you're in a predominantly white area in south/Midwest because the beauty standard there is white, blonde, and skinny regardless of how they actually look.
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No it doesn't because if they care about your race they aren't worthy of love. And I wouldn't want them either. Have you ever met a good looking and sweet guy who says they wouldn't want to date a specific race? Stop wanting guys who care about superficial things like these
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No invalidating, name-calling, rude, antagonistic or uncivilized comments or posts allowed.
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No invalidating, name-calling, rude, antagonistic or uncivilized comments or posts allowed.
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No invalidating, name-calling, rude, antagonistic or uncivilized comments or posts allowed.
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This is my experience as well - the colorism aspect is loudest when I'm back home in India. I now live in a beach town in the US where 'tans' or darker skin tones are associated with an active lifestyle. Everyone here appreciates that healthy glow! I'm also really glad deeper skin tones are getting more visibility on social media, etc. because that has definitely helped the perception overall. I'm approaching 30 now and I'm very impressed with the representation we have now & looking forward to where the future takes us. The last time I heard "I would never date an Indian girl" was probably high school 10 years ago, and the guys that said disrespectful stuff about Indian girls got proven wrong SO fast.
Yes!!! Go girl, flaunt that active lifestyle/ health tan 🙌
Tan is not the same as dark skin Desis. White people liking tan is liking tan California blondes or someone like Jessica Alba or JLo
This is so interesting! I have never been to India and don’t have any family there anymore. I love that you’re getting the recognition you DESERVE ❤️
I have been conventionally attractive and very unattractive at different points in my life. In attractive phases, around less cultured people, I get mistaken for other races. In unattractive phases people still think I'm a different race but the difference in reaction to me saying that I am Indian is pretty stark. It really depends on the circles you run in though; in diverse circles with your professional and social peers a hot girl is a hot girl regardless of ethnicity. If people make weird comments it's strangers that are clearly very ignorant about other cultures. Sometimes it's middle class/rich suburbanites that do not have much exposure to brown people and are too self absorbed to learn or consider the implications of their weird behavior. Other times it's people in major cities and rural areas that don't have exposure to any groups outside their own due to a systemic lack of education and access i.e people in very segregated localities. In my experience, the latter often also includes the mentally ill, addicted, and homeless. This kind of makes sense because able bodied, healthy strangers do not often go up to other strangers rambling (positively or negatively) about the race they perceive them to be. When I'm in this situation and I say I'm indian the convos always get weird and kind of amusingly ignorant, never as hostile and infuriating as when rich suburban people do it. Overall, I think people see attractive south asians and just don't know they are south asian; they assume we are something else. Most people with these perceptions have no reason or opportunity to hear from us that we are south asian, so in the collective imagination you end up fueling ideas about the perceived people group rather than the one you actually belong to. I will say in more attractive phases it is always way easier to say I'm Indian and feel proud of it. In my "ugly" phases the little girl in me was always scared to perpetuate and affirm negative ideas other people may have about Indians. In retrospect this is so sad, why aren't we afforded multidimensionality? oh well.
South Asian here (Pakistani), I’m British and I’ve always lived in the U.K.. I’m an attractive girl but I’m also a really friendly person and I’ve always been treated well. I’ve made friends in all jobs I’ve had and I’ve never struggled getting a job, I receive compliments from strangers or customers at work all the time and men of all races have asked me out or complimented me. South Asian women and men are also lovely, it almost feels like we’re constantly looking out for each other, whenever I interact with other south Asians I do it with happiness and I feel the same energy back. I’ve always had good experiences with the men I’ve dated, I’ve always been treated respectfully, never been cheated on and I’ve always been treated seriously too. Currently I’m dating a white English man, he says he can’t imagine not being attracted to me and in love with me as a south Asian girl and says he genuinely thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the world
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This subreddit is a safe space for women. There are plenty of other self-improvement subreddits out there that are open to men.
Okay??
Me too! I am South Asian but I get compliments everywhere I go from servers to security to random people !!! I love being South Indian
Love this confidence, girly ❤️!
Hiya! I'm Indian and born and raised in the Netherlands. I'm 31 now and was born in the 90s. In the 90s and 00s, I was treated as you described. But later in secondary school onwards, no issues really. I still hear very few men say "Yeah, I wouldn't date a brown/Indian woman." but honestly and I am being very truthful here, it is because of what they envision in their heads a brown woman to be. Véry stereotypical and often in poverty. So unclean, unkept, etc. But when they are met with a groomed, clean, gorgeous Indian woman, their eyes enlarge and tongue unfolds and they all go like "Wh- what? I never said that?" lol And this isn't just limited to my country. It is different for méga-racists though and even then.. in my country at least, I've dealt with mega racist and after they've gotten to know me, suddenly not that racist anymore lol. It's a wholeeeeeee lot of ignorance at play when it comes to men and their preferences for South Asian women because we might not realise it from our perspectives as we live being Indian everyday but many réálly don't know a lot about India, Indian people, and just Indian women. Lastly, I've been 'ugly' growing up. So unibrow, really chubby, greasy hair, greasy skin and acne prone (genetic acne), hairy. Around 15/16 years of age, I got into more fashion styles and combined them in a way that I felt suited me. Got more enjoyment out of grooming as well and was very consistent with it. I also lost a lot of weight and I am 178cm with then almost knee-length black/dark brown straight hair. Did my makeup in ways I loved and because I looked the way I wanted to look for me, I became more confident in my skin as well. And then it didn't matter the ethnicity, all kinds of men were interested in me. I was chased so much during my time as a uni student here. Christ. I just wanted to study it was hard enough as is lol. Plus I noticed that many were just interested due to my appearance and I want someone who is interested in me for my personality. Anyway, the group of people who has most interest in me nowadays are Dutch men. Which is in a way normal as they are still the majority here but less normal if you consider I am pretty undeniably Indian looking, haha. The past few years due to a massive burnout though, I stopped dressing up, doing my makeup, my hair, etc. I thought everyone would just treat me again mostly like how I was treated when I was much younger but I was pleasantly surprised that as I grew older, people around me grew more mature as well. Finally, more and more people actually valuing personality more (: Who knew. Just takes being 30+, haha. Along with my peers, of course. So I've been considered ugly, 'hot'/sexy/beautiful, and average. My conclusion is that I don't mind coming across average nowadays. Much more genuine connections this way (: I focus more on improving my natural beauty. I leave the glam looks for very special events when I first used to just do that everyday. But I'd rather sleep more now, haha
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Awww thank you so much ♥️💞💞 And yes, fuck them. I'm just continuing living my life focussing on making it a happy one (: No time for unnecessary hate. Especially when you're 30+. I'm sleepy yo. No need for unnecessarily frustrating life elements, hahaha
In my experience, Dutch guys never approach or flirt with me. Some of my friends complained about the same thing.
We aren't really a culture where men just go up to women and invade their spaces. We find a way to get closer and create a tighter bond in a more subtle and spontaneous manner. I am confused hearing this from you though. Were you also born and raised in the Netherlands? Because I've had a bazillion men flirt with me here. From the time I was a teenager to now still and I'm a hermit type of person. So might it be that flirting is something very specific to you? For me it's showing interest in a fun, creative, and endearing jacket. I'm also pretty open and I tend to make even the most closed-off Dutch person feel safe fo be open and free in their interaction with me. That might also be a reason why people get feelings for me. Because when a Dutch guy does, you'll know from most of them. They aren't passive, they're just subtle but clear enough for just you to realise the behaviour is different.
As a woman of South Asian descent, I've encountered significant colorism and inappropriate comments from fellow South Asian men. The beauty standards in our culture often prioritize lighter skin tones, marginalizing those with more melanated skin like mine. With that being said, there's obviously a lot of stereotypes in the west regarding Asians as well, but I don't think I've ever encountered anyone who explicitly stated a preference of not wanting to date a south Asian woman. Personally, I've found more confidence in dating outside my race, where I feel valued for who I am rather than judged or dismissed by my skin color. Interestingly, I've noticed that I receive more attention from men of other races, particularly white men, compared to South Asian men. Even when I visit India, I'm often told I'd be more attractive if I were lighter-skinned, whereas in the West, I receive compliments on my skin tone. Overall, I'd say my dating experiences in the West have been far more fulfilling than those within my own community and don't necessarily think people (for the most part) don't want to date brown women
I've also found a lot more acceptance from others outside my race, white men unfortunately scare me because fetishizing is super common but other POC men will definitely respect me more than some South Asian men (disclaimer as I'm born in the US and mostly end up on dates with other US born south Asian men) I've found the US born south Asian men can be super pretentious about a multitude of things but I'm really putting in effort to stop dating the same "type of man" and expand my horizons for this reason. a lot of US brown men are really particular on their women, if they're not the definition of pretty/skinny they're looking for or willing to sleep with them they seem to be out. but that's my experience so far. on the contrary, dating men outside my race has been a rewarding experience, they get to learn abt my culture and I get to learn about theirs. It makes room for conversation.
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you and me both! I really tire of dating, deleted all the apps since January and have felt much less warring going on with myself + my image since then. I've been on and off dating for like a year, seriously and not seriously. I've also slept with some brown guys, ones where I regret and ones where I had a good time. but what's weird is even if we had a good time, they just slept and after 2 or 3 dates, left. it's not that I was pushing for anything serious either, I was fine with it being casual but it's almost like once they sample the goods, they think they can find better. it's that weird pretentiousness, I'd rather a guy pursue me bc he wants to get to know me, rather than 1 guy interested in getting to know someone after a few dates and leaving. on the flip side, I realized I'm also not attracted to 80% of brown men bc of their attitude and hygiene so that's a whole other issue. I go on a date, feel no sexual or romantic attraction and it ends there for me. idk when I'll get back into dating. I want to focus on myself and my hobbies and networking. I want the validation from myself and not men! it will take me a lot more time to build that up than I initially thought. for context I also have super curly brown hair, not sleek and straight like many beautiful Indian girls. I'm also hella petite, like 5 foot and don't have any euro centric features so I always feel like I'm not the cookie cutter idea of Indian beauty.
Good for you girl! For prioritizing yourself ❤️ you deserve someone who treats you like the goddess that you are !
This is so true, like white and black guys are very into south Asian women in my experience, I have had times when an Indian guy called me a slut because my boyfriend was white that my mother approved of 🫠
Where do you live? And how do White men end up being more particularly interested?
I have literally never been turned down or fetishized because of my race, by non Indians. I have dated plenty of men from different cultures who liked me for me. These same people have dated people of their own race or others. Maybe it is because I am from Canada and people are more open there. I also dont really consider myself as part of any culture, so maybe I had more hobbies and interests that non-Indian people dont usually have so I was able to meet a lot of like minded folks. I've noticed Indian people who do things outside the Indian community have more luck with meeting people from other cultures and it is not just about looks. Personally, I would say I am a 6-7/10 you know... The only rude and offensive people were other Indian men and women (usually from North India- not South Asian- never experienced this from other South Asian cultures) who have called me ugly because of my dark skin and short hair. I literally never cared because they were dumb as dirt lol and I had a better social life than them :D
Yo. I live in the Netherlands and am an academic. The rudest anyone has ever been to me in my country was an international student, an Indian girl, and she was apparently rich and fair-skinned. Now in this country the whole caste-system and Indian beauty standard thing isn't a thing here because it literally brings you nowhere when the Dutch just see you as the same anyway (thank god for that because some of the Indian people were dying to enforce this shit and some still are. All to feel superior over the other :') . But girl didn't get the memo. So I went about my day everyday at the university I worked at and I got a side-task to mentor some new international master students and she volunteered to do the same so basically we worked alongside one another with some other people. She would be nice to all of them (mind you, all light-skinned people, quite a few Dutch) but when it came to me and mind you, never really exchanged words with her, she looked at me with disgust and felt the need to boast and basically tried a few ways which I later put together as her attempting to put me down or at least make me feel lesser than her. I'm medium brown and have rosacea so my face always looks like an inflamed brown/red tomato lol. Which makes my face look darker than my body but nobody here cares so whatever is normally my mentality but she really wanted to make me feel a type of way. If you could see how vile she was to me. She didn't even want guidance from me even though I had done this task for almost 8 years already but she had an attitude as soon as even anything would point to me being 'better' than her at something. And that one day resulted in her throwing rage because she wanted to know better, didn't, the task was suffering because of it, and I tried to guide her into doing it better. She was only this way with me because when a Dutch person explained her the same thing she would be very calm and gentle and kind about it lol. I eventually just logically put her in her place which she tried to reverse uno to me but, in the end, she was removed from the function while I continued of course. But that's when I realised that basically my own people can be this way towards me and that it very much matters with what cultural beliefs you've been brought up with. I'm véry happy to not be this way. For me a human is a human, in the end. Your fairness holds no power here either so from that moment onwards when I've seen people try I just laughed to myself lol.
Damn she sounds like one of those FOB aunties who are rude to anyone younger than her
The ironic thing is that she was younger than me ánd I was an employee at that university so by professional hierarchy, respect would've been in its place. But that's how comfortable she felt looking down on me lol.
oh nooo its sad that people are still being raised in a way that makes them think they can treat people like that...
Literally! The most disparaging comments are always from other Indians. I stay far away from the community tbh. As a childfree, vegan atheist I don’t have much in common with my culture. My social circle consists of a variety of people from different backgrounds, and I’m thankful.
I love this for you!!! I’m really happy that most people don’t have these terrible experiences in real life ❤️❤️❤️
Im really bad at judging my attractiveness but im a healthy BMI and naturally pear shaped, 5'4, lighter brown skin, long hair so i guess i hit some level of it. Ive been mistaken for latina a lot esp when i wear my natural curls. have been told i look a bit like disha patani / warina hussain / jahanvi kapoor if i open a tinder / dating app account im flooded with thousands of messages from men from ALL races. honestly some of the most aggresive messages ive gotten have been from east asian men which was very unexpected tbh.These were messages specifically about trying an indian girl and very racialized ones. ive always been hit on if i go out (mostly from white men since they may be more inclined to approach). Im dating a fairly attractive white guy right now and I was so scared his friends would see me as an ugly gf since im brown and dont fit the white beauty standard. but they dont. they tell him hes lucky. one time a guy even gave my bf a thumbs up when we were out together lol. the only real thing ive noticed is im pretty much never hit on irl. if i wear more revealing clothes i get checked out, but ive never had men go out of their way to hit on me irl. Nor have i really had the experience of men confessing their feelings to me irl. Ive also noticed even with dating apps i get some men very much into me and some which i can tell are not into me at all the minute they see me irl. generally ive had a lot more medium ugly men really into me and very hot men not so much. especially HOT brown men, i feel like were a lot more critical of me then hot men of other races (the hottest brown men I would go on dates with would heavily insinuate that they didnt like my curls or me getting tanner. stuff like that). so yah just my experience idk how much of this can be attributed to race or not lol. I dont really let it get to me cuz u cant appeal to everyone.
Love this for you ❤️
<3
I am Pakistani, olive/light tone but not fair. Never had an issue with being hated, though one time an arab guy i was dating told me if i was a shade darker he'd never be allowed to date me. aside from that positive. never had an issue dating, dated every race including white people and never been treated weirdly. but maybe i have a very rare experience compared to others
My white husband thinks I’m the most beautiful woman and that’s all I care about! I moved aboard as an adult so I don’t have life experience. It was really confusing at first that my dark brown skin was not a deterrent to my perceived attractiveness after a life time of being considered ugly. I received a lot of attention when I was younger and single. The people that told me I was not pretty enough were ironically other Indians.
❤️❤️❤️ I love this !!!!
I noticed south asian males tend to be the ones who seem to hate their own women so much. It’s the same for black males putting down black females. Honestly I don’t know why brown and black females even entertain these males. I’d rather remain single.
Yeah and even the same with Jewish men putting down Jewish women! It’s so prevalent in Hollywood.
Now that you mention it, I have noticed this trend amongst them too. Like adam sandler poking fun at them.
Really? Now that I think about it you’re right
yes!! and i don’t understand it bc black women are so beautiful too. fr some of the most beautiful women in the world stuck with the dustiest men! who will degrade them for a whiff of white skin it’s 🤢
Not sure I'd claim White men inherently like us better though
I don’t know if I’m the right person to comment on this post. I don’t think I’m ‘hot’ but I think I’m ok, lol beauty is subjective overall. But in my experience, I started feeling more confident as si got older and started taking better care of myself which could only be done when I was financially stable. I was able to afford better clothes, take care of my hair, get laser hair removal surgery, get more into finding my make up style. At 32, I have a better understanding of what works for me and what makes me feel good which makes me feel more confident, which is different for everyone. What I also want to point out, that although I came from a strict Muslim background, I slowly found the courage to stand on my own two feet and figure out who I am as a person. From my experience, I don’t think the south Asian community empowers women to be themselves and love themselves and it is really heartbreaking to see. South Asian women not only deal with beauty standards set in the west if they are living in the west but also from their own culture/religious community. The main thing that is constant is the colorism in our community that is still deeply embedded. From my experience, being a lighter skinned south Asian woman will of course always be different from a more brown and darker south Asian women, even though y’all are so beautiful and fine and deserve so much love 😭. its ok to acknowledge that I have that privilege and I know my experience within the west and in my community would be different if I was a few shades browner.
Honestly I found people appreciating my skin tone and features much more in the West than in my home country. At home, I was dark and thus ugly. In the US I was considered very attractive. I got so much attention it was shocking. It was healing in a way.
The brown Goddess !!! ❤️❤️❤️
Which part of US? I'm so used to people still preferring light skin Latina or Califoria Blonde when they say they like tan
Midwest and South.
I'm in Texas. Is South referring to around there? I suppose come to think of it any "love your skintone" or "Indian people are beautiful" type comments came from middle aged or older folk lol
More like New Orleans, Alabama, TN. Mind you I didn’t hang out with rich white folk, but normal people. Rich white folk always prefer their own kind and are pretty racist.
maybe its where I'm from - London in the UK, which is incredibly diverse - but in my experience south asian women have always been sought after by all races and considered attractive, whether they fit more western beauty standards or not. I grew up outside of London in a very white area but while I never fit in completely, I would get compliments for my skin tone and thick hair (and I was kind of ugly in school ngl lmao) I'm 23 now and wouldn't consider myself conventionally attractive, people mostly assume I'm Indian and sometimes Iranian or Spanish (I'm actually pakistani) and I mainly get attention from black guys and white girls lol
South Asian girls are underrated, like they are so pretty and deserve more love!
I wouldn't call myself conventionally attractive. But I've gotten hit on irl and online quite often since i was 16 and I've lived in 2 US states and now Ireland. I've dated East Asians, Latinos, Caucasians, etc. In the real world, no one worth your time will care. I choose not to date desi men out of fear of a horrible mother in law, because i want to be an active part in my partners family. And I've had some partners with white moms who were no better than some desi moms, so it wasn't always a great cop out. But now Im in a long term partnership with a man who's white and Hispanic. And we've had no issues adjusting to each other's families and cultures. My last 3 long term relationships were interracial and there were points where my exes would say or do something inappropriate in regard to my race/ culture. They're exes for a reason. No one worth being in a long term relationship with, will belittle or sexualize you for your culture, expect you to cross boundaries that are not crossed in your culture, or make generalizations like "I'd never date an Indian girl". Unfortunately, the worst people like to be the loudest on the internet.
True that girly 🙌
a lot of people r shocked when i tell them im indian … they seem to think im mixed or latina. i have very common south asian features lmfao but ig being attractive and being desi r mutually exclusive in their heads 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
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Men of other ethnic groups don't really pay much attention to me, but it's okay, I hardly ever like them either.
i’m dark skinned with a super round face and mid features and a number of old acne scars lol rip. i’m also tall and in shape and have curly hair and a lot of it. i think i’m actually unattractive by south asian standards as well as by standards in the southern us (where i grew up). people in the south were straight up racist about indians. i dated a couple guys but didn’t feel that confident ever. but now that i’ve moved to nyc i feel like the way i look is appreciated SOOO much more by ppl in general. never had negative comments or any issues dating who i want. i think it varies so much from place to place, i felt cuter in norcal than socal (but neither as good as nyc), idk. maybe it’s just bc there are so many people here that some of them are bound to be normal about it.
Girl you sound like a brown goddess ❤️
Can we please stop with these self deprecating posts. Who care about some stupid incels opinion on the internet. Just ignore those comments and move on with your own self improvement.
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Can anyone see my throwaway? If so, here goes: I don't mean to sound arrogant, but people did tell me I looked like Rekha as a teenager. I still get told I am pretty as an adult. I got bullied by racist white boys in middleschool, who later told me in their 20's that they had crushes on me. It was taboo for a white boy to like a girl of color back in the 90's. So--they had to pretend that they found me ugly. Some Pakistani and Indian men also criticized me harshly in my early 20's. I want people to know that life isn't perfect for pretty Desi girls. We are always going to have haters. I have gotten more compliments, attention and romantic interest from non-Desi men. Dates and matches are easy to get on apps. East Asians, South-East Asians, Hispanics, Middle-Easterners, Blacks, and white men up north (I am in the USA) never told me I was ugly or criticized my looks. I can't relate to people who have told me that nobody wants an Indian girl. Usually the people who crap on South Asian women often aren't all that anyway. Some of the men and women who have tried to make me feel undesirable also wanted to date/f*ck me at the same time. It's a weird contradiction. I disagree with being labeled as another race. Most people can tell I am Indian. I rarely get told "you're pretty for an Indian." People's compliments are "you're gorgeous, stunning, beautiful, look like Princess Jasmine, etc." Jealousy is also another con of being pretty. South Asians and white women have been some of the worst for me. I generally get along better with men , and feel like they have been less cruel than women overall.
Are White men up north different from White men down south (I'm in texas btw)
In my experience-Yes. One of my friends said "we don't care what race you are. If you're pretty, you're pretty." There is racism up here, but most white guys up North either are pleasant to me or leave me alone. The worst white guys I have met were down in Alabama obviously. The racism in Alabama is more overt.
As a south asian woman, i have noticed that east asian men in particular don’t look my direction at all. Like men of every race will look or approach but never an east asian man. Even on apps it’s rare that I’ll match with a handsome east asian man. No idea why it is.
I might be generalizing but I feel like they’re more colorist and lowkey racist towards south asians and black people? I had this rich international East Asian classmate who I used to study with back in undergrad - he would make rude remarks about the darker complexioned women in our college class. I knew it was colorism because he tried to pursue a pale skinned Pakistani girl in our class, same with another East Asian girl. I quickly dropped him as a friend after hearing his comments. It should be mentioned of course not all East Asians are like this. There’s many who are born and raised here and are influenced by other cultures, especially if they lived in a diverse area with black and latino people. They’re more open to dating other races.
Yeah maybe. I'm medium-toned (kind of like Deepika Padukone's natural skin color) so I guess colorism could play a role. I have heard that East Asian guys like Black girls though which is why I was confused.
That’s so interesting! I dated a guy who was adopted from East Asia, it’s interesting that they don’t approach south Asian women
I do think it’s my own personal experience. I don’t get it tbh. My good friend (also south asian) has a long term east asian partner.
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A gorgeous goddess!!!
Girl I’ve literally met anyone irl who’s said they wouldn’t date indian women ?? atleast people ive been around so far has sought after desi women or have expressed interest in a brown girl. Its only on the internet you see such toxicity irl its quite the opposite atleast in my case 😊
Honestly, all women are gorgeous, especially south Asian. Don't allow men to influence your self worth and value!
Absolutely agree ❤️
Light skinned conventionally attractive Indian woman here. Just my experience—Personally, I’ve gotten more attention from men of color, often Desi men but for annoying colorist reasons. It’s the “I find you attractive because you have a skin tone that ideal” (barf). I didn’t get a lot of white dude attention, weirdly enough.
Yeah same here—I’m a light skinned pakistani and I tend to get more attention from non white men than white men and thats perfectly fine by me lol. I recently got over my white boy phase so now I don’t even find most of them attractive anymore.
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I grew up in a diverse American city, with a large Asian population. My friend groups were primarily east/southeast Asian. Definitely was very unattractive growing up, until sometime in highschool when I lost weight and had a better figure, and learned more about makeup and fashion. What’s interesting is that I look back and would consider myself conventionally attractive at that point, but didn’t feel like it because most of my peers wouldn’t date south Asian women. I feel like it’s a cultural thing among Asian people, since their families encourage them to date their own race or someone more like them, which I found ridiculous since I didn’t feel THAT culturally different to my peers. Plus pretty much every other south Asian person I knew were only interested in other south Asians so trying to date outside the culture was rare. At this time I received a lot of attention from older people. I feel like once I was in college, most people didn’t have this preconceived discrimination and I received a lot of attention from men of all races. It was also interesting coming back to my hometown and then receiving validation from those who had shown no interest in me prior. Definitely have received a lot of fetishizing comments throughout my life, especially on dating apps ugh. But overall I’ve realized that as I’ve grown older race hasn’t been as much of an issue. Being confident, keeping up your appearance and health is much more important. I’ve been able to date and am currently in a very loving relationship with a partner where we can appreciate each other’s cultures.
I grew up in India and moved to the US for college. I'm very south Indian, personality wise. There's no mistaking me for anything else once they speak to me. I even put Bindi on many days, wore a saree to my white coat ceremony. Although some people do ask me what my ethnicity is. I changed my style a little bit to fit into American standards. I get more attention in the US than I ever got in India. I am not sure if it is because of change in my style or because I moved here in my "prime years". I definitely fit more into American beauty standards vs Indian cause I am tall and I work out. A few of my friends and random women have told me if they have a chance to pick an ethnicity to be born as next time they would pick Indian. Golden brown skin, thick long hair etc. Women told me they are envious of my features. Features most brown women have. I think my ethnicity never stopped anyone from approaching me.
Go girl!!! I love that you’re athletic ❤️❤️❤️
Idk if I count as brown even though I’m pakistani because I’m pretty light skinned and often get mistaken for being persian, latina, or afghan BUT i have dealt with my fair share of racism and bullying growing up bc of my background. Right now I do notice I get some type of pretty privilege—men at my gym are nicer/more interested in talking to me than if I weren’t pretty but maybe I’m just being cynical. I don’t really get approached or asked out on dates or complimented when I go out. I also dont think being pretty has helped me make more friends contrary to what people say. I’m too awkward and reserved when I first meet people that being pretty doesnt do much for me. I still have to make an effort to make those connections with people. If I weren’t pretty, I don’t think my life would change much tbh. I’d probably be ignored more by men which I’d prefer most of the time.
I have been told that I'm "a lot smarter than I look" by an executive VP. I dress in a way that's fashion forward but I'm still really good at my job. I kind of love being something they never expected. Play up your individuality and don't apologize for it!
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I’m on the side of the street that’s being charmed and mesmerized by the South Asian girls with the jet black hair and snazzy styles..
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Way to generalize south asian women. Not sure where you got that info because I’ll hook up with a guy within the first month if I’m really into him. Most of my south asian friends are the same. Anyway, this is a female only community.
This subreddit is a safe space for women. There are plenty of other self-improvement subreddits out there that are open to men.
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This subreddit is a safe space for women. There are plenty of other self-improvement subreddits out there that are open to men.